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ackerfics · 2 years

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pahinga (lock pt. 2) — eren jaeger

— eren jaeger x female reader (modern au | lock au)

— content: both a mother's and father's day special <3 just family time with the lock family without the chaos

— summary: pahingá [noun] rest; repose; a safe haven where you can feel the most peaceful, for some it is a place but for most, it takes the form of the person you want to see at the end of the day — someone that can make you forget the exhausting world. comes from the root word, hingá, which means breathe. (used in a sentence: ikaw ang aking pahingá.)

— word count: 7.2k

— notes: for those who want lock pt. 2, here it is !!! though, it doesn't contain the chaotic side of this family, it still shows the dynamic between parents and kids. i, for one, feel better when my mom or dad is willing to listen to me (when i don't find their moods disheartening, that is). fun fact: all of these scenarios happened to me in real life except for one (it's obvious which one it is dhjddj). this was supposed to be posted on mother's day but with me being preoccupied because of uni, i never got to finish it. soooo, enjoy reading this and have an amazing day <33

lock can be read here !!

reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated !! masterlist

Everybody was already picked up by their parents but Ezra was still waiting by one of the canopied benches lining his elementary school.

Tumultuous raindrops fell on the roof of his little shelter as he was staring at a single point his entire wait. It has been an hour since his classes were postponed because of the unexpected storm. His classmates were gone so long ago and all little Ezra could do was sit by himself, praying that his dad or mom’s car rolled into the parking lot of the school. The top of his head became wet from running all the way to the front of the huge double door entrance because he left his raincoat by their living room’s low table. Ezra sniffed, his tears spilling on his cheeks like how the rain continuously pounded on the ground, and his fists wrapped around the straps of his Pochacco backpack while thinking of the worst things imaginable.

Did his mom forget about him? Was it because his younger brothers needed her more than him?

Ezra sobbed now. He knew that by entering elementary school, he would spend less time with his parents, the very people who he looked up to. He didn’t want to be far from you and Eren.

Aran was in his last year of pre-school and Caspian just started zooming through every corner of the house. Ezra was the only one among his brothers whose school was so far away from home. Was this going to be the day his parents left him behind? He continued crying, his fists covering his eyes and his sobs drowned out by the rain. It was getting cold and he wanted nothing more than to cuddle close to you, his mom.

He jumped at a sudden flash of light in the sky, covering his ears when the clap of thunder shook the earth.

“Ezra, sweetheart!”

Your voice was quiet in the thunder but Ezra heard it the moment you uttered the first syllable of his name.

The little boy looked up and saw you running towards him with a clear umbrella over your head. It looked like you came straight from work. Your appearance was frazzled — hair askew from the tidy bun you always sported every single day, locks of it tumbling over your shoulder unbound, and your suit jacket hastily put on your person. You looked so distraught at the sight of your baby sitting alone under a canopy with his wet clothes and teary face. Curse one of the higher-ups in your office for breathing over your neck every minute. You didn’t even manage to send a text to Eren because of your boss’ policy of no phones during work hours. With the storm slowly becoming destructive as the afternoon passed by, your boss had no choice but to relieve everyone from work. Which was why you hastily went out of your office, the first thing in your mind was Ezra. It was a stroke of luck that Aran didn’t have any class for the day. Thank his teacher for predicting the future.

Despite your frantic state, Ezra felt safe. “Mommy!” He cried while opening his arms and hopping off the bench.

You immediately kneeled under the canopy and let Ezra run in your arms. He cried on your shoulder, wrenching your heart in the worst way possible. You repeatedly kissed his temple, whispering, “Mommy’s here. I got you, sweetie.”

“I’m scared,” he kept saying.

You rubbed his back in rhythmic circles. “I know, I know. I’m so sorry for not coming sooner.” Ezra’s cries didn’t stop so you pulled away from the hug to meet his eyes. You cupped his chubby cheek with your palm and smiled. “Hey, baby, you don’t have to worry — I’m right here now. Follow my breathing, okay?” He nodded at your words. Then, you took a deep breath in, the little boy following your actions, and you exhaled alongside him. Even though it was a shaky sigh, he managed to calm down almost instantly. You repeated the actions until his breaths no longer trembled. “You’re doing so good, sweetie.” Your hands never stopped running over his arms, transferring heat from your palms to his icy skin. “Let’s go home, yeah?”

Ezra nodded with a small yet bright smile.

“Give me your bag and put this jacket on. Come here.” The boy wrapped his arms around your neck after you put on his backpack. With a steady hand over his bottom and head, you lifted him in your arms. “Up you go. Now, does hot chocolate sound awesome?”

“Yeah!”

“Hold tight on Mommy, okay?”

“Mhm.”

“Then, to home, we go!”

“Relax, honey,” Eren whispered to you, his large hand covering your shaking one. “If you’re going to cry, I’m crying, too. I don’t think these people will appreciate the two of us sobbing at our son’s graduation.” He stopped talking when he heard someone cry behind him. Guess it was okay to cry at this event, then.

“Look at him, Ren.” You wiped your teary eyes with your hand.

Eren followed your finger to Aran standing at the side of the stage clad in his elementary uniform thrown underneath his deep emerald graduation gown. The brunet grinned at the scene of his second eldest trying to straighten his graduation gown. Your husband knew that you were about to cry because this is the second time any of your children would have to go to a farther school. The more he stared at Aran talking to one of his classmates in the line for elementary diplomas, the more he understood your sentiments.

And it was all because of your hard work as the mother of his children that another one would be taking the stage as the valedictorian.

Very much like how you help Ezra with his homework and projects, you helped Aran with his schoolwork throughout elementary school despite having a full-time job at the local city hall. Not only did you teach them how to study, but you also reminded them that someday they'll have to do this alone — studying for their academics. You were never hard on them when they made a mistake in calculating their divisions or fractions nor were you too drilling about the theories necessary for a sixth-grader. Instead, Eren watched you by the counter island, a loving smile on his lips while you maintained patience like no other. (That was until Caspian banged one of the frying pans while waiting for dinner did Eren stop staring at you like a lovesick fool.)

“I’m so proud of him, Ren,” you gushed, hand on your chest. “I know we saw Ez up there a year ago but I think that fact made me even more emotional.”

Eren chuckled. “I know, Liebe.” He pressed a kiss on your temple. “Middle school may be a different world but that’s the thing. They’re growing up now.”

That alone made you pout. “They’re growing up, huh?”

“Yeah,” Eren agreed, rubbing his hand on your arm.

“I just wish I could prevent them from doing so.”

“Me, too, Liebe. Me, too.”

Aran met your gaze from the side of the stage. The boy brightened at you and enthusiastically raised his arm in the air to give you a wave. You returned the gesture with a warm smile. Satisfied with your response, he went back to talking to his classmate, the elated glint in his eyes reflecting his father’s.

Then, the graduation started.

Because J was a later letter, you could hear one of your kids whining even without them doing it yet.

“Mommy, how much longer?” Caspian complained beside you. He planted his head on your lap, which earned a squawk from Ezra, who’s beside him since his feet would dangle on his older brother’s carefully-ironed pants.

You laughed at his puffy cheeks, pinching them while answering, ��Just wait a little bit, okay?”

“Will we go to that fancy restaurant with the tall ice cream sundaes after this?”

“Of course, it’s a celebration after all.” You ran your fingers through Caspian’s hair, making him nuzzle more onto your lap. That fancy restaurant was where you and your family frequented whenever there was something worthy of a celebration. Usually, your and Eren’s friends also tagged along, especially since the owner was an ex-boyfriend of one of your best friends. Some might say it was going to be awkward but Sasha was passed that and was happily dating Mikasa, not to mention Niccolo was such a sweetheart since you were in college. Plus, he offered free sides and dishes — you could say it was a win.

“It’s already the letter H, little man,” Eren chimed, leaning over you to poke his youngest’s nose. “You can have your ice cream parfaits sooner than expected.”

“Jaeger, Aran.”

Cheers erupted in your row. Connie, Jean, and Sasha all stood up and whooped with their hands cupped at the sides of their mouths. Mikasa even joined in the cheers, preferring to sit rather than follow her girlfriend and friends’ example. You and Eren laughed at the standing ovation while Armin only shook his head, still clapping nonetheless. Ezra managed a chuckle, thankful that he wasn’t the one looking at the crowd with an embarrassed face this time around. Cassie, on the other hand, jumped at the loud cheers and glared at the three who disrupted his dozing moment. Eren cupped his hands over his son’s ears because it looked like the little boy was plotting on using his toy soldiers against them. People were looking at your group as if they ate something remotely sour. As Connie said, it sucked to be them.

Aran shakily smiled at all of you after transferring his string to the other side of his cap. You could see that his cheeks were flaming at the whoops emanating from his aunts and uncles.

As the names dwindled to the last person in Aran’s batch list, it was now time for the top students’ speeches. Eren perked up in his seat, with you putting a hand on his arm while preventing a laugh. Your husband took out his phone, ready to record every single word of your son’s well-crafted speech (it was made with the help of Ezra, who took perfection to the next level among your children). Everybody in your friend group was excited to hear the valedictory address.

“And now for this batch’s valedictorian — please, kindly take the stage, Aran Jaeger.”

Polite applause enveloped the venue. Aran felt his chest pound along with every step he took towards the stage and at every clap echoing around him. His hands were clammy and he was gulping faster in a minute. The butterflies in his stomach were anything but fluttering, nerves pooling in every crevice of his body. His mind opened and his speech flew out of his head with the ticking hands of his wristwatch. It worsened when he finally stood behind the podium, hundreds of faces staring up at him in anticipation. Aran could see Ezra raising his thumb next to his face, an encouraging smile on his big brother’s lips. That didn't help.

So, he turned to the one person he knew would quell the woes of public speaking from his system — you.

Your warm gaze, a color that was similar to his yet so different at the same time, was trained on him. Aran knew he only stood there for mere seconds but time seemed to slow down as you presented him with a gentle, tender smile. You took a deep breath in and a knowing spark tickled his chest. He followed the action as silently as possible. The nervousness that he felt minutes prior with an exhale — magic only you could conjure without lifting a hand or uttering any incantations.

The microphone picked up the small gasp he did while closing his eyes.

Aran parted his mouth and started speaking.

“Mommy,” Caspian murmured, tugging on the edge of your blouse.

“Yes, pumpkin?” You faced your youngest after talking to one of the mothers attending the soccer tournament.

He fiddled with his gloved hands. “I can’t do this.”

“Oh, pumpkin,” you placed a hand over his fidgeting ones and looked him in the eye. “Why do you think so?”

Caspian looked around the grassy field that was transformed for the soccer game thrown by his elementary school. There were so many third-grade kids mingling with each other, sharing stories about how they got the newest Nerf guns or the latest phones in their matching uniforms. They all looked confident enough for this game. He then tilted down his head to stare at his cleats, brows furrowed and pout visible on his lips. “What if I mess up? What if we lose because of me?”

You turned to Eren, who was beside you, only to find him preoccupied with Aran’s Rubix cube and Ezra leaning against him while reading an assigned book from his English class. As much as the sight endeared you, you needed his help because he was the one who played a lot of sports the entirety of his life (well, since the moment he entered elementary school, that is). Letting your husband and other kids are, you focused your attention on your gloomy son. You cup his cheek, your thumb stroking the skin underneath his eye.

“Do you trust Mommy?” you asked him.

Caspian adorably nodded his head.

With your smile widening at his response, you continued, “I know you’re going to be so amazing out there. You practiced a lot with Daddy, right?” He nodded again. “Didn’t he tell you so many compliments because you caught every single ball he kicked? We’ve seen you play in so many practices, pumpkin, and there’s never a moment that we thought you were going to mess it up.” At your every word, Caspian’s face brightened until he was beaming in front of you. “Now, how does our little ace feel?”

Caspian giggled when you tickled his sides. “Better!”

Your son’s coach was doing the role call. There was no trace of nervousness on Caspian’s face when he faced you again, his puppy dog eyes staring at you with anticipation instead. You took a deep breath in and he followed the action. Both of you exhaled at the same time and you couldn’t have felt so proud in your life. “Are you ready, pumpkin?”

He looked so alive after the little gesture you two shared. “Yeah!”

You chuckled and showered his cheeks with so many kisses. “That’s my boy.”

Eren popped his head over your shoulder. “Hey, little man, are you feeling alright?”

Caspian’s hair bounced as he nodded. “Mommy helped me calm down, Dad.”

“How about this? After this game, we’re going to eat your favorite ice cream sundae.”

“Really?!”

“As many orders as you want, Cassie.”

“You’re the best, Dad!” Caspian exclaimed before kissing your cheek and Eren’s. “I love you, Mommy!” He then ran towards his coach.

You slowly turned to Eren, who was wearing a smile while looking at his mini-me. “I can’t believe he called you the best just because you offered to buy him all the ice cream sundaes for the afternoon.” Despite your words, your face looked amused.

Eren chuckled, leaning in to plant a kiss on your temple. “Nah, your encouragement for our little Cassie is definitely the best. I just used the most obvious tactic to make him even happier.” He sighed, a smile present on his lips. Eren placed his chin on your shoulder, humming a made-up tune while watching the first few minutes of the game. You both could hear Aran shout ‘go, Cassie’, Ezra joining him even though he was holding the camera. Eren grinned at his two other sons. “Look, our baby boy never takes his eyes off the ball. That’s our Cassie!” He lifted his head from your shoulder to yell the cheer.

And when you happily watched your son play the goalkeeper. He might not save every ball this time but you knew that he gave it his best. Your heart swelled with summer butterflies when Caspian’s brilliant viridian eyes met yours, pure happiness radiating around him.

There was no distinct chorus of ‘I’m home’ coming from the front door when Ezra and Aran came home from school.

As the door closed, pounding footsteps ran up the stairs. You were about to check what was wrong when Aran slowly walked under the opened arch of the kitchen with a troubled look on his face. You wiped your hands on your apron. “What’s wrong, sunshine?”

Aran gulped, not meeting your eyes as he stared down at the smooth wooden panels of the floor. His bag was still on his shoulders and his sock-covered feet shuffled as if he was buying time. “Uh.” He accidentally caught Caspian looking in his direction from one of the counter stools of the kitchen island, the younger boy expressing his curiosity with thick furrowed eyebrows and a frown. Aran only pursed his lips to answer the boy’s silent question. “You see, Mom, uhm.”

“Did something happen at school?” You carefully asked, giving Aran your full attention.

Your second eldest rubbed the back of his neck. “I think it has something to do with their honors list. Their class just got theirs.”

Your mouth formed an ‘oh’ in understanding. You quickly turned back to the kitchen cupboards, opening up shelves and taking out the necessary ingredients to make a certain snack. “Thank you for telling me, sunshine,” you told him over your shoulder. “You can use the TV to play games today, just make sure you’re wearing your glasses!” You shouted when you heard his footsteps receding and heading towards the family room. Aran yelled a ‘yes, Mom’, a reply that you found satisfactory before you busy yourself with making macaroni and cheese.

Usually, you weren’t around the house when the kids got home from school but when you were, you refrained from cooking anything at that hour because you would be at the grocery store in preparation for dinner and breakfast the next morning. Today was one of those rare days where you had an early off-time and Eren volunteered to do the grocery shopping. You also had more time on your hands since your higher-ups in the city hall didn’t assign that much paperwork for the rest of the weekend. While you waited for the macaroni and cheese to finish baking, you felt a homely embrace wrap around your waist, the smell of cinnamon and sandalwood making you smile as you cut some garlic bread. Eren’s chuckle tickled your right ear, with him burying his face in the crook of your neck. His smile on your skin ignited a swarm of monarchs inside your ribcage even after years of being married to him. He swayed you to the humming of a love song he just heard on the radio on the way home.

“I’m home, Liebling,” Eren tenderly murmured to your ear, his lips brushing over your earlobe.

“Welcome home, darling,” you replied with a huge smile.

Eren’s grin lit up his eyes. He dipped his head down and met your lips with his as if they were puzzle pieces that were made to fit with each other. His hold on you tightened, pulling you closer to his chest until you could feel his heartbeat on your back. The both of you separated for air, centimeters as the distance between your lips. The warmth on your face spread as Eren leaned again to slant his lips with yours. He playfully bit your bottom lip before speaking close to you so that you could feel his breath, “God, I love you so fucking much, Liebling.”

“I love you just as much, darling,” you hummed.

Eren giggled, flowers erupting inside him at those words. He watched you cut the garlic bread, his chin resting on your shoulder as if it belonged there. “What are you making? It’s too early to start cooking dinner.”

“This is for Ezra,” you answered, putting the cut bread pieces on a small platter.

Eren turned to her with a worried scrunch on his face. “What happened?”

“Their honors list came out.”

“Usually, he’d tell us if it did.”

You paused with your hands resting on the counter idly. “Well, this time, he went straight up to his room.”

Understanding dawned on Eren. Without you telling him outright about the results of the honors list, he could tell from your concerned expression that they didn’t align with Ezra’s expectations at all. He sighed, slumping on you more now that he knew the reason why you were cooking a container of baked macaroni and cheese. The smell was mouthwatering and it was still in the oven, for God’s sake. “Do you want me to talk to him?”

The look on your face was enough to make Eren swoon. Your eyes widened in a way that reminded him of an adorable cat — pupils blown and entire facial features set in a soft, cuddly state that had him clutching his chest in his mind. “Really? You would do that?”

“Well, you already cooked him his favorite food, I might as well let you rest.”

“Thank you, Ren.”

“Anything for our little family, Liebe.”

With that, Eren went up the stairs with a tray of macaroni and cheese, garlic bread, and a tall glass of iced tea (with a slice of lemon pinching the rim) half an hour later. He wasn’t one to talk to his boys when they were upset. It was mainly you. Which meant that they gained a much closer relationship with you rather than him. It broke his heart a little but it was downright heartwarming seeing Ezra, Aran, and Caspian cuddle up to you for random moments of comfort. He vividly remembered jokingly asking them which parent they would choose while preparing to drive to Disneyland in two cars. The three of them chose you. It was safe to say that Eren stood in front of the family’s second car with a pained smile on his face. In the end, you told him you five were riding in the same car anyway so he shouldn’t beat himself up over it even though he dug his grave.

However, that didn’t mean he never knew how to talk to his boys.

He stopped in front of Ezra’s door and tried to grasp the tray with one arm. With a full minute of him making sure that your hard work didn’t topple from the tray, Eren knocked on his eldest son’s door. The wait wasn’t that long because he heard a faint, “It’s unlocked,” from inside the room.

The sight that welcomed Eren upon entering Ezra’s room pinched the former’s heart.

Ezra rarely cried. It was something Eren observed on him ever since he outgrew the phase where the little boy mostly spent his nights between you and him in the master bedroom, especially on thundering, stormy ones. On days that he felt the need to let out a tear or two, the boy would simply look into space until he couldn’t feel the burning behind his eyes and throat. Most of the time, Eren would rub his back and in the rest of those times, your arm was wrapped around your eldest in a comforting manner. Eren never understood the concept of bottling up emotions and older siblings since he was the youngest in his family. One thing he did see though was Zeke and Mikasa doing the exact thing as Ezra — never showing emotions even when they knew it was perfectly okay to spill them, knowing that their home would be more than willing to catch them. Now, Eren respected his older siblings but he didn’t want their mannerisms plastered on his son. It hurt him just thinking about it.

However, the moment Eren closed the door with a push of his back, Ezra hastily sniffed and wiped his eyes. The teenage boy turned so that his back was facing his father.

Without saying a word, Eren walked toward his son’s bed. He let him be while placing the tray of food on Ezra’s nightstand. A small sigh came out of the brunet. This would be a tough afternoon. The bed’s mattress dipped at Eren’s weight. Ezra’s silent sobs colored the entire room blue and Eren knew it was better if he let him cry it out until he had no energy to. He simply raked his fingers through his soft hair — a thing he did for his boys when they were younger and dozed off on his chest in the family room. The entire time, his body was angled so that he was giving Ezra apt attention. If the man had to brag about something, it would be his patience because raising three boys with you would ultimately require it.

“You okay, buddy?” Eren asked Ezra once the boy sat against the headboard.

Ezra sniffed, staring at his lap with his fingers fidgeting. “Are you disappointed in me?”

The man sat up straight, his face blatantly showing how perplexed he was.

“I know I disappointed my teachers.” Ezra glanced at Eren from the corner of his eye. “They told me they couldn’t believe it.” Fresh tears start building up in Ezra’s eyes. “I mean … I couldn’t believe it either.” There was a pause and the boy’s voice wavered, “I studied so hard this semester.” I don’t know where I went wrong. I worked so hard, and knowing that it wasn’t enough in the end … It hurts so much, Dad. I’m so angry at the teachers, and my classmates who earned their spot on the honors list, but above all, I’m so angry at myself for not pushing myself harder to be there with them. All I want is to make you and Mom proud.”

Eren placed a hand on the back of Ezra’s head. “Buddy, buddy.” The boy was hyperventilating while spewing out words that made Eren’s chest clench. His son’s distinct irises met with his. Eren whispered, “Breathe, buddy.”

The two of them inhaled and exhaled at the same time.

“One more time, bud,” Eren told him.

Ezra followed his father’s rhythm of breathing until he felt freer than earlier.

“Better?” The man asked. Ezra nodded and that was enough for him to pull his son in a side hug. The boy leaned his head on his shoulders. “Can I tell you something?” A hum was what Eren received as a reply. “You always make me and your mom proud. Every single day since you were born — you are our pride and joy. Nothing can change that, especially a list of students from your school.”

Eren rubbed the teenager’s shoulder with a firm squeeze.

“We know that academic achievement is the main focus, seeing as you’re in school and all, and it’s true that you’re required to do well so that you can have a secure educational background in the future. But, Ez,” Eren locked eyes with a teary Ezra, “you are so much more than some measly remarks from your teachers or your grades. They don’t define who you are as a person. I, for one, think you’re the most hardworking kid out there and your teachers don’t see that — to hell with them. The fact that you stay up all night trying to learn a mathematical equation or memorize the entire periodic table, the fact that you do well and do not get distracted, and the fact that you also help your little brothers in their classes — I could not possibly be prouder.

“Now, are we cool? Are you feeling any better?”

Ezra’s lips wobbled but he still managed a smile. “You’re so awesome, Dad.”

The brunet’s heart swelled and a large smile became the result of it. He leaned down and kissed Ezra on the forehead. “And you’re so amazing, our little bean. Oh, and before I forget, your mom made some mac and cheese.”

Ezra had stars in his eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah!” Eren handed him the bowl of mac and cheese. “She whipped it up the moment you got home.”

The boy stuffed his face with a spoonful of his comfort food. “She makes the best mac and cheese ever.”

“I know, right?”

“You wanna have a bite, Dad?”

“Nah, it’s your bowl — you deserve to have it all to yourself.”

Ezra was having none of that so he rolled his eyes. “Here you go, Dad.”

Eren laughed at a spoon filled with mac and cheese hovering in front of his mouth. He was about to decline but the teenager narrowed his eyes at him. “Okay, okay.” Your cooking never fails to feel like home. “Mmm. Still delicious the first time I tried it in her college dormitory.”

From beyond the door, you smiled, forehead pressed on the doorframe and hand feeling the mellow song being played in your heart. Tears were shed, feelings were bared, but you knew that they would be alright in the end. The person who held your heart was someone who loved too much and he would do anything for those who he showered them to, that included your children — most especially your children with him. All was well and it was because of Eren Jaeger.

“Mister Jaeger, this is the school doctor. I just wanted to let you know that Caspian sprained his left foot and wrist earlier during lunch. You’re his emergency contact in the student records and he requested to have you pick him up. Thank you.”

He was borderline going over the speed limit. The frantic, tumultuous beating inside his chest never calmed even as he overtook a truck in front of him. Maybe that contributed to how fast his heartbeat was. The polaroid of his family and air freshener was swaying like a pendulum at his speed. There was no way he was going to slow down when he received a call from the school about Caspian. Eren thanked the deities above that there was no traffic even though it was lunchtime. He definitely didn’t want the rush hour to make him late when his son was hurting inside his school’s clinic.

Eren already contacted you about the situation. He had to lower the volume in the car because you shouted so loud in worry, threatening one of your officemates to let you off work just to pick Caspian up. Your husband had to calm you down in a steady voice, telling you that he got it covered. He felt the same way as you but Eren was more on the frustrated side. Of course, his top priority was his son’s safety but the impulsivity from when he was young told him to bring this matter to the principal’s office. Caspian was the most careful child there was. Being the baby in the family, he was more on the sheltered side. With a doting mother, protective dad, and attentive older brothers, it was safe to say that Caspian was the most loved kid in the city. It was even a miracle that he joined the sports team in his school. The number of times you fuss over his injuries because he tried blocking a soccer ball using his face.

So, while walking towards the clinic in his dress shirt, his tie discarded before getting out of the car, he was plotting to hunt down the kid who hurt his little boy.

“Oh, no,” Eren breathed out.

On one of the many blinding white clinic beds was a little boy of ten. Tears kept making tracks on his chubby face, his hiccups coming every so often as he cried for his parents to be there faster. Caspian’s wrist and foot were encased in compression wrap, with his arm snug in a sling. It was seen that every little movement hurt him because he let out tiny yelps while trying to make himself comfortable on the clinic bed. His butt was starting to hurt waiting for his dad to come barging into the clinic. Right when he was about to sob, Caspian heard the door open with a bang, pants coming from the clinic’s entrance rang out the large room.

Caspian looked up from the daisy sticker on his compression wrap. “Papa,” he cried, which caught the attention of the school doctor.

“Mister Jaeger, you’re finally here,” the doctor greeted him.

“Yeah,” the said man numbly nodded, his eyes never straying from Caspian’s. He sighed while making a beeline to his son. “Oh, little man.” He sat on his hunches in front of Caspian, looking up at him with downturned eyebrows. “What happened?” Eren wiped the tears flowing on his son’s fluffy cheeks.

“It hurts, Papa,” Caspian cried. It has been a while since Cassie called him that. The boy claimed he was too old for it. As much as the term tickled his heart, reaching his lips in a smile; he knew that it was at the expense of his son’s safety. “I want this to stop.”

Eren nodded, his hand rubbing the back of Caspian’s head. “I know, I know, little man.”

He saw that Caspian was starting to lose air from crying too much so he cupped both of the boy’s cheeks with his large palms. The warmth from his hands made Caspian stare into the same viridian eyes you love seeing on Eren every day when you wake up to strawberry skies. Eren breathed in, holding it in for a few seconds before exhaling it through his mouth. It would be unconventional to have Caspian follow through with breathing with the nose since the boy has been crying since before he came to his aid. The breathing exercises managed to stop Caspian’s hyperventilation, the drops of starlight dripping from the boy’s eyes turned into drying tracks as he shared a mirrored smile with his father.

The brunet man affectionately pinched Caspian’s chin. “Does it still hurt so badly?”

Caspian sniffled. “A little bit,” he murmured under his breath in a pout.

Eren lowly laughed. “Can you handle it?”

The boy nodded, the pout still present on his lips. “Now that you’re here, Papa, I can handle it.”

“That’s my boy,” Eren softly told him. “Can you wait a few minutes so that I can talk to the doctor?” Caspian once again nodded and Eren stood up straight from his hunches. He ruffled his son’s hair as tenderly as possible, pinching his ear just like when he pinched his chin. Eren sat down on the chair angled in front of the doctor’s desk. “What exactly happened?” He asked the man in the blinding white laboratory coat.

“He was pushed on the stairs, Mister Jaeger,” the doctor informed. “That’s what the witnesses gathered. Caspian’s class was going to the gym for P.E. and you know how rowdy elementary school kids are. One thing led to another, Caspian was pushed by one of his classmates while transferring to the gymnasium. It was a nasty fall, Mister Jaeger. He could’ve broken his foot if he didn’t prevent his fall with his hand.”

Eren’s eyes became hooded. “Who was the kid who pushed my son?”

“Don’t worry, Mister Jaeger, he is currently facing the principal for this matter. Most likely, he would be suspended from school for a month maximum. If it weren’t an accident, it would be a direct expulsion.”

“Hmm.” Eren crossed his arms over his chest, his arms straining inside his dress shirt.

“The child will be facing punishment, Mister Jaeger. As for Caspian, you can make an ice bath for his feet and constantly apply a cold compress on his wrist. Don’t let him do strenuous activities to prevent the injury from getting worse. The healing process should be within two weeks to a month.”

“Got it, Doc.”

“Caspian is excused for the entire day. You can bring him home now.”

Eren nodded before standing up, his hands patting his slacks from invisible dust. “Thank you for patching him up, Doc.”

“You’re welcome, Mister Jaeger. It’s just my job.”

The brunet smiled at the doctor. He then made his way towards Caspian and went back to sitting on his hunches to meet his boy’s eyes. “You ready to go home, little man? Is it alright if I carry you? Okay, up we go.”

Eren was a tall man with the right muscles sculpting his body. Carrying a ten-year-old kid who wasn’t that bigger than him when he was that age proved to be an easy feat in itself. With Caspian’s bag slung on one of his shoulders, Eren made sure he wouldn’t jostle Caspian’s injury. Even as he placed him in the passenger seat and securely put the seatbelt on him, Eren was still gentle. The entire time, he could see that his mini-me had been warily glancing at him, most likely expecting him to explode and scold him for being reckless again. Eren wanted none of that. Yes, Caspian needed someone to tell him to be more careful but he was hurt this time. Real bad. And Eren was supposed to be the cool dad who never got angry unless his kids really did something horrendous like blow up a school building. Thank God that would never happen. (Except that one time Aran caused a fire in his year’s science laboratory. That was a different story. It was you who went to the school, not Eren.) His little boy needed comfort and probably more pampering from you.

The brunet regarded Caspian with a small smile. “How about we’ll order some takeout from the restaurant you love? We’ll get it with their ice sundae. How does that sound, little man?”

“With extra bananas and cherries?”

Eren grinned, pinching his son’s chin lightly. “With extra bananas and cherries.”

The first days of school were the worst.

Aran was jittering with nerves as he stared at the looming building at the end of the tree-lined pathway. It was imposing in the best and worst way possible. There was no other way to phrase it but it made Aran shake with anxiety. Middle school was a pretty big jump from elementary school. It felt so surreal to think that he was standing at the gates of one of the most prestigious institutions in their city. Aran couldn’t even fathom how he could pass such a difficult series of tests and applications (this school boasted two entrance examinations and two interviews — it was a wild yet horrific experience that had Aran crying inside the car by the time he finished the grueling second interview). These admissions were justified simply because it was the most sought educational institution in their state. It was more than just a science-based school, it was also an extension of the University of Paradis.

This school was pretty big time.

Not to mention that Ezra’s part of the student body and a member of the brightest batch of students to ever grace the school.

Technically, it wasn’t the first day of school but it was the first time he would step inside the gates without worrying about exams and interviews. The worry was more directed at keeping a brave face because Aran is freaking terrified of new beginnings. The school wasn’t even that far from their house (roughly a fifteen-minute drive) but it felt so far away from home at the same time … if that made any sense.

“Ezra, over here!”

Aran was jolted from his trance by a shout of his brother’s name.

Ezra waved a hand to his classmate. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going there!”

“Hurry up because the science club is gathering their members for the orientation! They’re looking for you — it seems like you’re the only one missing.”

The older boy huffed, hopping so that his bag was snugger on his shoulder. He looked up to Eren with a sheepish smile, “Dad, I’ll be going in first.”

“Go ahead, bean. Don’t run!” Eren shouted when Ezra started dashing towards the building, his backpack bouncing at every step.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Dad,” was Ezra’s loud reply.

The man pouted. “But you’re still my little kid.” Speaking of his kids, his secondborn was awfully quiet since they left the house for the new academic year’s orientation. One look from Aran and Eren could tell he was overwhelmed with nerves — Aran looked constipated as hell. Eren smiled a little while placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder. He pulled him in a side hug, “You okay there, nugget?”

“I’m nervous, Dad.”

“First days of school always got me, too, nugget.”

“Really?” Aran stared at the wistful air surrounding his father. There was a reminiscent facade creeping on Eren’s face as if he was viewing something that nobody could see — a highlight reel that only he could see. One thing that rang true to Aran was those reels might’ve included you and your years with him.

“Yeah,” Eren replied, pulling Aran into a walk underneath the canopy of trees creating tendrils of daylight between its leaves. “Your grandma had to calm me down every time. Apparently, I looked constipated while looking at the intimidating school I’m going to enroll in. Middle school was the worst, too. But your mom made it better. We went to the same school together, you see, along with your Aunt Mikasa and Uncle Armin. They made everything so easy. And when I thought I couldn’t last a day in my school, I think of them going through the same things, and instantly, my day would be better. Maybe you will find people in this school the exact way I found my lifelong friends — [Name], Mikasa, and Armin.”

“But it’s just so scary, Dad.”

“Change is always scary, nugget. But I like to think it’s only in the beginning. Once you adjust to this new school, you’re going to feel like you belong here. It might take you a long while or maybe a few days but trust me, when you do believe that everything is not as scary as it seems, it would feel so awesome.

“Now,” Eren beamed so wide that other people started seeing the sun up close as they glanced in the father-son duo’s way, “let’s take in the clean air in this part of the city and inhale,” he inhaled a large portion of air that the trees rustled with him and Aran, “and exhale it back so that the plants can make their food.” As Eren exhaled, Aran also expelled a large gust of air from his mouth before sharing the former’s large smile. “You feel like going inside there now?” He nodded at the building, which is just a step away.

Aran never noticed that they were getting nearer and nearer until his father pointed it out. His dad really had a way of making time flow faster than it already was. Aran intently stared at the pillars holding up the building, the name, Paradis Middle and High School of Science, gleaming against the just-right sunlight. He breathed deeply once again, his eyes closed, imagining you were here (you were at Caspian’s orientation). Feeling relieved, Aran looked up at Eren. “Yeah, Dad.”

“Then, let’s go!”

“Yeah!”

“You know, nugget, I’m looking forward to lunch. Do you think this orientation thing lasts for the entire morning or not?”

“Dad, we’re still walking towards the auditorium and you want this to end already?”

“Well…”

A lighthearted sigh came out of Aran. His dad is definitely the coolest out there.

It's safe to say that your three kids find solace in you and Eren. And it will stay timeless, very much like the love the three of them have for you two — a love that's reciprocated unconditionally and infinitely as the pinpricks of light in the endless midnight canvas of universes.

#rorywrites #lock/encanto universe ✨#aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan imagines #eren x reader #eren x fem!reader #eren x y/n #eren x you #eren jaeger x reader #eren yaeger x reader #eren fluff #dilf eren #eren jaeger x y/n #eren yaeger imagine

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yeontan-my-love · 1 year

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I posted 1,148 times in 2022

34 posts created (3%)

1,114 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sunshinerainbowsbts

@honsool

@hearteyesforhobi

@hannahbee12719

@btsisinart

I tagged 1,057 of my posts in 2022

Only 8% of my posts had no tags

#taehyung - 200 posts

#jimin - 196 posts

#hoseok - 178 posts

#yoongi - 172 posts

#ouch my heart - 151 posts

#seokjin - 99 posts

#jungkook - 91 posts

#namjoon - 66 posts

#the great jimin gif attack - 49 posts

#ot7 - 41 posts

Longest Tag: 65 characters

#can you think that someone gets to be that close to him every day

My Top Posts in 2022:

I dreamed that my best friend who introduced me to BTS and I met BTS on the airport remote parking shuttle coming home from a trip, and became friends with them. They invited us over to hang out with them any time we wanted at their dorm. (It was a dream place, unrelated to any actual footage of their actual historical dorms.) So we went there the next morning, and J-Hope and Jin welcomed us in and were really glad we came over.

Because we had rushed right over, I desperately needed coffee. So I offered to make coffee for everyone if they wanted. I had to dig through their cupboards to find coffee, and apparently they drink ground drip coffee unlike the fancy machine in In the Soop. Their cupboards were also filled with blue tins of Danish Butter cookies they had been given as gifts but never eaten, as well as plastic grocery bags. I insisted we were also going to eat some of butter cookies to use them up.

Their coffee maker was not in the kitchen, as one might expect, but in the living room. We had to tiptoe around the living room because RM was taking a nap on the sofa. The living room had wraparound picture windows with low bookcase window-seats with a beautiful view of the nondescript vaguely old European surrounding dream city. (The building where the dorm was located was on the side/top of a hill.)

I woke up before the coffee was done, or I could accomplish my second dream goal, which was to kiss Jimin.

3 notes - Posted January 25, 2022

Wait, that was my evil-twin Skippy! She must have stolen my computer when I went to get a drink of water. Don't forget to use Windows-L, people!

Here is a nice wholesome photo of Suga for you, @sunshinerainbowsbts , that is much more in line with my decorum:

3 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

Happy Birthday @sunshinerainbowsbts !

I am posting this in honor of the time I got totally called out by Google Image Search for trying to figure out whose belly button I was looking at. Google Image Search recommended those search terms- all I did was upload the photo with no words. I swear!

Sadly, the original Tumblr and Twitter posts are gone, but luckily ARMY receipts everything.

See the full post

6 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

Reblogging this gif because I can’t stop looking at it today or thinking about it.

Peak boyfriend Jimin.

25 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Knowing Holi sleeps with Suga and Holi is reunited with his owner is 100% pure fluff that we need today

93 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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sproutmole-supremacy · 1 year

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I posted 205 times in 2022

That's 205 more posts than 2021!

25 posts created (12%)

180 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@some-mari-thoughts

@ksenya-and-the-artistic-cucumber

@oyasumicloseyoureyes

@winters-sketches

@mozzaremi

I tagged 161 of my posts in 2022

Only 21% of my posts had no tags

#omori - 15 posts

#sprout draws - 15 posts

#omori kel - 15 posts

#omori basil - 12 posts

#sprout talks - 12 posts

#cactiflower - 10 posts

#oh my god - 6 posts

#sprout thinks (for once) - 6 posts

#kel x basil - 5 posts

#omori mari - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 126 characters

#i find the idea of calling it eclipse (which sounds kinda dark and gloomy in a way???) just because sunnys not there kinda sad

My Top Posts in 2022:

Quick and dirty Cactiflower for (late) Halloween!!!! I am now obsessed with the idea of Witchy Omori andjdjwisjsiw i just want to draw cute people in witch outfits

48 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

Here is the BIRTHDAY BOY!!!!!

I’m so sorry for my favourite boy’s day whdisnsksjajsj but yea!!!!

63 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

Collection of Cactiflower doodles I’ve been working on!!! I think they’re so adorable together

67 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

See the full post

68 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I might be stating the blindingly obvious here but:

If this entry was in September, then Mari must have died in October, probably a little later than that. You know whose birthday would have come directly after?

Kel, who was born on 11th November.

Kel, whose older brother was so severely depressed that he probably didn’t have the energy to wish him a happy birthday, forget attending a birthday party

Kel, whose two best friends were so overwhelmed by guilt that they locked themselves away

Kel, whose other friend cut herself off from the group because she already thought they weren’t mourning Mari hard enough

Which means that Kel probably spent his 12th birthday all by himself.

See the full post

1,007 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Oh my God it’s so funny that my most popular post is the most depressing one, I’m wheezing

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #sprout talks

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syms-things-5 · 1 year

Text

I posted 576 times in 2022

79 posts created (14%)

497 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@liberalsarecool

@afeelgoodblog

@buckysteveloki-me

@jennmurawski13-writes

I tagged 165 of my posts in 2022

#chris evans - 100 posts

#fanfiction - 25 posts

#fanfic - 25 posts

#chris evans x original female character - 22 posts

#chris evans fic - 21 posts

#evans fic - 21 posts

#touch & go - 19 posts

#case histories - 19 posts

#andy barber - 16 posts

#fractured - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 86 characters

#so he couldn't let me enjoy the sma pics for one week without doing something dumb huh

My Top Posts in 2022:

Case Histories - Chapter Nine

An AU Andy Barber fic (based on BBC’s ‘The Split’)

Previous Chapter Here / Masterlist Here

Series Synopsis: A talented small-town family lawyer, Grace Atherton, gets the opportunity of a lifetime when she is offered a job at prestigious Boston law firm, Rothman and Hale. She decides to give up the relative comfort and ease of her current working situation in favour of following a dream she’s had since she was a young law grad, to the detriment of her family life and marriage. She soon comes into contact with old mentor and one-time flame, Andy Barber. As gifted as he is handsome, it becomes clear he’s been keeping an eye on her burgeoning career from afar. Just how much will this decision cost her?

Chapter Warnings: 18+ NSFW, strong language, angst, emotional stress

CHAPTER NINE

No matter how resilient she was, or at least pretended to be on the outside, Grace had a habit of letting some clients get to her. It didn’t matter that she had a success rate that would make a lawyer twice her age jealous, or even that she was a member of Rothmans to begin with, an agency renowned for its integrity, but passive aggressive comments from people like Nathaniel fucking Parker still got to her.

“He’s always been a dick.” Evie muttered under her breath as she sided up to Grace in the kitchen. “Literally from birth. I think that’s why he got sent to that private school? I remember him making Lydia cry last year over a single coffee, if you can believe that. He’s just rude and patronising and a jerk.”

Evie took great delight in letting off that steam, almost like she had been holding it in for all of this time and only now had the option - and relative safety of speaking to Grace - to fully release the force of her opinions of the man in question. Honestly, she could have kept going. She had no time for people who spoke down to her or any of the other staff she worked with. She especially had no time for the people who did while seeming to forget whose help they were after when they found themselves in the Rothman building in the first place.

“What was he doing here last year?” Grace asked, keeping one eye on Mr Parker through the glass window of the boardroom so as to possibly aim her pen at his head if he happened to walk by.

“It was something to do with his inheritance, I think. He doesn’t speak to any of his siblings anymore except through lawyers so it got really rough at one point. I had to take the minutes but I switched off after a while. Rich kids can be so basic.”

“Huh, you’re not wrong.” Grace rolled her eyes in agreement.

Nathaniel Parker was the stereotypical, arrogant trust-fund child. His father had been the heir to a steel company in Ontario but later sold his shares to buy into a successful modelling agency in New York, as one does. It was there he met Sandra, a promising model, who was just twenty-one years old to his fifty-eight. He quickly divorced his first wife, mother of his first two children, and promptly had four more kids with Sandra within that same decade. Parker Senior had been nearly 70 years of age by the time the final one came along.

Nathaniel was the oldest of the four and had inherited 45% of said agency three years ago at the tender age of just 23. Unfortunately for him, it didn’t mean he owned 45% of the models and so, three lawsuits later, he found himself nearly $20million lighter. There was also a fraudulent crypto-currency deal lingering somewhere in the background but the Feds were already looking into that one.

Jack had wanted nothing to do with him but Charles Rothman had been an old Tennis pal of Parker’s uncle and he had asked Jack personally to try and minimise the public fallout from Nathaniel’s “behaviour”.

Jack hated people like Nathaniel Parker. To him, Nathaniel was someone coasting on his name and other people’s hard work, then believing they had a God-given right to whatever it was they wanted. He didn’t much want to be involved with Nathaniel the first time he breezed through their front doors, before they even knew of his reputation, and he certainly didn’t want to be involved with him now that he knew exactly what kind of man he was; “man” proving to be a rather generous term.

As frustrating as it had been for him to do so, Jack reluctantly removed female involvement from the subsequent cases. He just didn’t want to make any one of his team feel uncomfortable in Parker’s presence and, truthfully, the team had been glad of that decision. The sooner Parker vacated the building, the sooner they could all move on with their lives.

Grace was staggered by just how much his reputation apparently preceded him, and she would be glad if she never saw his name written in the diary ever again.

“You OK?”

Grace looked up to find Andy leaning against the door frame, concern etched across his face as his fingers absent-mindedly clicked at the pen in his hand.

“Yeh, I’m fine.” She smiles, shrugging it off.

He knew what it was that had got her back up but he didn’t say so straight away. He would have said something to Nathaniel Parker himself but he couldn’t walk down the corridor in front of the boardroom where he was sat without spitting fire through his nostrils. Piece of shit.

He pushed himself off the door and made his way towards her, where she was standing in anticipation of the coffee machine to finish frothing up the milk for her cappuccino. The chocolate sprinkles were poised and ready to go, most likely straight into her mouth if Andy hadn’t been standing right there as a potential witness to her slightly odd food habits. She always seemed to crave sweet things when she was feeling stressed out.

“Nothing quite says ‘I’m fine’ like four cups of the strongest coffee we have. What is this, Columbian?” He holds up the jar and squints a little at the label. “Jack usually hides this stuff from us mere mortals.”

“You need to get your eyes tested. And it’s not been four, it’s only been…” She mentally calculates the number of espresso shots she’s inhaled so far today. “Yeh, OK, you’re probably right.”

Andy grabs a cup from the shelf behind the machine and places it next to hers, expectantly. She looks at the cup and then at him before laughing out loud.

“I’m not sharing my milk with you.”

“I don’t want your milk.” He pretends to be affronted but doesn’t get very far before she starts laughing again and he thinks – hopes - he’s made a small difference to her day. “I like it black at this time of the day. I actually fancy something stronger to tell you the truth.”

“Christ, what’s happened to your day?” she asks.

“There’s only so many percentages I can take in the space of a couple of hours, Gracie.” He says, matter-of-factly. “I sometimes wonder if I would have been better off studying maths.”

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37 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

Touch & Go - Chapter Eleven

Previous Chapter Here

Series Summary: Ten months after leaving Boston, Sarah’s starting over again in Nashua. A new apartment, a new hospital, and closer to her parents, she’s finally finding some peace following her ill-advised affair with her best friend’s brother. But Sarah should have known it would only be a matter of time before the past catches up with her.

Warnings: 18+ language, sexually suggestive language

Tags (please let me know if I have missed you): @bookwormchick91 @redhairedfeistynerd @memoriesat30 @ppal3 @patzammit @before-we-get-started

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Sarah was starting to understand the power in telling someone you love them. Chris had certainly made sure she knew that. If he wasn’t curling himself around her at night in the comfort of her bed, he was sneaking behind her in the shower and risking her hitherto unbroken record for punctuality. One second, he was being cute and asking her about her day, the next he was making her lose her breath with a new, unfamiliar pleasure.

“Sarah?”

“Huh?”

“The canular?”

“Oh right, yes, of course.”

She unclips the water solution and replaces it with a new bag. Carefully reconnecting it to the canular they had just spend ten minutes trying to insert into the elderly gentleman’s hand, she waits for a second until the first drips start appearing in the tube before hanging it back onto the mobile.

“You OK?” Rosie asks as they both depart the man’s private room.

“Yeh, I’m fine. Sorry about that back there. Just…a bit tired today is all.” Sarah stifles a convenient yawn in the process.

“Hmm yeh I can tell.” Maria elbows her playfully and Sarah chuckles. “If you wanna get a coffee after work, gimme a shout.”

Sarah smiles and nods as Maria walks off in the opposite direction leaving her and Rosie to head back to the equipment room. Sarah didn’t know Rosie all that well, in fact she thought she might not have liked her all that much when she first joined the hospital. Then, after Noah’s death, Rosie was, surprisingly, the first member of the department to reach out to her. From then on, they’d become quite good friends. “Good” in the sense that they were both a part of this unfortunate club.

“Have you spoken to your mom today?” Rosie asks, reaching for the stock pad that had been placed rather unhelpfully on the stop shelf. Sarah was 5ft 9 and even she struggled when reaching her arms up.

“Yeh, we caught up this morning on my way in.” Sarah replies. “Thanks for that recommendation by the way. Never thought I’d see the day she got into organised exercise.”

“You’re welcome. It was a huge help for my mom after…you know…” Rosie shrugged it off.

“Well, I do really appreciate it. I’m not the best at suggesting these kinds of things. I’m just glad she’s getting out of the house more and meeting people.”

“She has you, still. You’re not too far away.”

“I know. It’s just…” Sarah trails off for a moment before shaking her head from a particular thought. “She and my Dad were together practically all their lives and now it’s like she’s all on her own again. It’s really sad.”

Rosie stops what she’s doing and offers Sarah a sympathetic smile.

“Don’t. Please.” Sarah chuckles. “I’m gonna start crying again if you keep looking at me like that.”

“Well, bawl away. I still have my moments and it’s been seven years since my pop died.”

Sarah pondered that admission for a second. The very thing she worries about each night is obviously true and no matter how much she tries to avoid it, it’s not going to be any different for her. She suddenly felt older and no longer protected by the safe notion of still being someone’s child. It sucked.

Chris has been perched on the same stone step for the last hour or so.

“Ten minutes, my ass.” He mutters under his breath.

He had messaged Shanna earlier in the day to ask if she was likely to be around at some point that afternoon and whether she would be open to a visit from her charming and wonderful older brother. His words.

See the full post

39 notes - Posted January 10, 2022

Touch & Go - Chapter Fourteen (Finale)

Previous Chapter Here / Masterlist Here

Warnings: Strong and suggestive language

Tags: @ppal3 @bookwormchick91 @redhairedfeistynerd @memoriesat30 @patzammit @before-we-get-started

And so, here it is, the final chapter of this series. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Thank you for all of your support; it kept me going when I nearly gave up a couple of times. I really, truly appreciate every single like, reblog, DM’d message and comment that you have given me over the past year or so, and I’m so happy you stuck with it and with me xxx

Chapter Fourteen

“You think we’re crazy, don’t you?”

Scott looks to the ceiling as he works his mind through a serious of responses that might give Chris the encouragement and support that he seemed to be looking for. It was nearly seven in the evening, the sun was low in the sky, and neither of them had the energy to get up and make some food.

“No, I think you’re in love although there isn’t much of a difference to be fair.” he muses. “So, how is this gonna play out exactly? What timeframe are you guys looking at?”

“Um…”

Chris didn’t have those answers. Neither he nor Sarah had thought much beyond the ‘oh wow how amazing is this going to be!?’ phase that comes along with deciding you’re going to move in with someone. There were nerves of course but that all seemed to ebb away as soon as they started thinking about what the future could hold for them both. The thought of picking out china patterns really did something to him apparently. In a good way.

It had been a few weeks since they had decided to take the plunge. Surprisingly, they had both found a quiet eagerness to tell most people despite them both initially agreeing to keep things quiet, at least just until they knew for sure that it was definitely happening. For Chris, though, “people” didn’t always include Scott so he ended up knowing almost straight away, and Sarah had found Audrey was just scarily prescient at guessing things, so she knew pretty soon afterwards as well. Chris was almost certain she and Scott were now talking to each other on a daily basis. His suspicions were confirmed when he spied Scott buying baby toys online.

They were met with a lot of different reactions, the majority of them positive, thankfully, or at least that was how Sarah had chosen to take them at the time. There were definite variations of surprise and shock and Seriously? You??

That had been Chris’ fault. He had always been vocal about wanting to remain in Massachusetts, so steadfast was he to maintaining some semblance of normality in the face of what he had chosen to pursue as a career. Also, he wasn’t exactly known for his commitment so he had to answer some tough questions about that as well. He really didn’t enjoy having this pointed out to him multiple times in the same 24-hour period either.

“But you hate everywhere else.” Was one such helpful comment curtesy of Brian, an old pal from high school who had just moved back to the area after a decade of living in Canada. “And there’s, like, other people there. People who you don’t know.”

“Is there a Dunkin’ nearby? ‘Cos you’re gonna be fuckin’ unbearable if there isn’t one.” Came Mark’s contribution.

It was so nice that his friends were thinking of the bigger picture, Chris thought to himself as he lay on his sofa, beer in hand, this Thursday evening. Scott had ventured over to borrow something but that had been forgotten about and it was now three hours later and they could both feel hangovers slowly coming on.

“They’re just guys, you know?” Scott offered. “It’s how they deal with stuff, like, joking around about it. They’ll probably miss you once you’re gone.”

“Probably?!”

“Obviously they will miss you, we all will, but it’s not like you’re moving to another country, or Alaska or some shit.”

“I know you’re right, it’s just…” He waved his hand above him to try and conjure up the right words but nothing came to mind. “I know they’re happy for me and everything, I just didn’t realise I was so predictable and mundane. Mom said I’m not spontaneous so she was surprised but I think I’m spontaneous, right? Scott? I’ve done impulsive shit before.”

“I don’t think buying a different brand of beer counts as impulsive. Buying a house in a different State? Yeh, I’d say you’ve definitely proven them wrong this time.”

“And,” Chris leans up, swinging his legs off the side of the sofa so he’s sitting upright. “I’m gonna do lots of spontaneous shit from now on. I’m gonna really surprise folks, make that my new thing. That’s gonna be my new opera.”

“Modus operandi?”

“Yes! That’s the shit. Definitely.” He pointed defiantly at Scott. “In fact, I’m gonna call Sarah right now and tell her.”

“Won’t that defeat the object?”

“Nah, I’m just gonna tell her so she can prepare herself.”

“Prepare herself for spontaneity? OK, cool, makes sense.”

Chris dismisses his brother with a wave of his hand and staggers off to the kitchen to grab his phone. He holds it tightly like he might drop it and squints at the numbers until they make sense so he can safely locate the profile for ‘Bernette’. Carefully, he presses the call button and sways unsteadily on his feet until, after a few rings, she answers.

See the full post

42 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

TO THE WIRE

A Chris Evans / Call of Duty AU Fic

My Masterlist can be found HERE, where this will be added.

Part One: It’s All In The Detail

Part Two: Where There’s smoke...

Note: Not sure where I’m going with this but I’ve been a fan of his C.O.D. look since I first saw it. Hopefully, this looks promising but rather than an ongoing series, I see it more as a series of one- or two-shots. Part One is below and Part Two will follow next Sunday following my final spot of editing.

Theme: Enemies to friends to (eventual) lovers. Chris has an ego and believes his own hype, and Martha needs to get a life for herself.

Warnings: Strong language

Word Count: 5.1k

Part One: It’s All In The Detail

“You’ve gotta be kidding me…” came Martha’s exasperated response, hands gripped tightly onto her hips as she did her very best to attempt a more aggressive stance than she was altogether comfortable with. “Months of hard work and now it’s done, just like that?”

She wasn’t sure why she was even questioning it. She could believe it – and expect it – as it had been the case for her on more than one occasion over the last 12 months and she was getting tired of it. She was getting tired of being side-lined.

“I’m sorry. The decision has been made and it’s for your own safety.”

“But what could have possibly changed in the last twenty-four hours?”

It was a valid question and for a brief moment she felt a surge of confidence in her frustration.

Tanner, the shortish, greying intellectual currently sat behind the broad desk that separated them like a protective barrier, appeared resolute in his decision. Even if he had doubts, he wouldn’t let them show. His posture remained relaxed as he leaned back in his leather recliner having barely flinched or moved in the time since she had barged into his office, disappointment etched across her fine features, staring him down like he had just insulted her grandmother. Instead, he regarded her respectfully and with some semblance of understanding of her disappointment at being frozen out yet again from a mission she had worked very hard on. It made her feel a little guilty at her verbal outburst although he had probably heard much, much worse in his forty-plus years with the CIA. He himself had told her as much.

She wasn’t sure if this apparent show of empathy was a good or a bad thing. It certainly didn’t serve to make her feel any better. Deep down, she knew Tanner knew what he was doing. He always gave considered thought to the decisions he made; he wouldn’t be where he was now if he hadn’t. Even deeper down, she knew she wasn’t going to succeed in changing his mind.

“You know as well as I do that intel can change with no notice.” He explained calmly in his soft, Texan drawl. “It’s never ideal to change the format of a mission at any stage of the play but we do what we have to do with what we are given. The team has reason to believe that Haltzar is shifting gear and making a move to exit this Friday night. If we don’t get him then, our chances at ever bringing in Haltzar disappear in the dark, and his little black book goes with him.”

She could appreciate the nuances that went into a plan like this. In just eighteen months, Martha had gone from being a well-liked but rather inconsequential (her words) doctor at Newman & Grey Hospital, working all the shifts she could manage to avoid being home alone with only her thoughts for company, to a valued member of a CIA ‘Special Ops’ Unit that specialised in dealing with situations far beyond the capabilities of ordinary law enforcement. Or so she thought she was.

She listened to Tanner letting her down gently like she was being told she couldn’t have the bike she wanted for Christmas. She also couldn’t shake the feeling this was yet another attempt by Chris Evans to phase her out. She realised she appeared like she was throwing a tantrum because she couldn’t get her own way. It was embarrassing and it made her feel like shit. It wasn’t what she was aiming for when she woke up earlier that morning.

“Listen, Martha, this is in no way a reflection of your work but some people have expressed concern that your being there would draw unwanted attention-”

“-Some people? You mean Chris-”

“-Especially if a member of Haltzar’s crew recognises you from their own intel.” Tanner finished his argument, choosing to ignore hers. “We can’t forget they have been here a long time. They will have scoped the place out for themselves, several times, and if they see you at the hospital, the whole game is up and we’ll have lost nearly eighteen months of work for nothing. I’d like to see you try to explain that to Homeland Security.”

Martha paused in her tracks and tried to avoid Tanner’s careful, sympathetic gaze. Shaking her head in defeat, she loosened her hands from her hips and let them fall limply to her side as she took on board Tanner’s reasoning. Just as she was about to express an apology for her blatant lapse of professionalism in the face of a man who could probably buy and sell what was left of her own family, a lowly whistle came from somewhere close behind her.

Stood still in the corner of Tanner’s office, one boot resting on the panelled wall as though he gave not one care for the probable cost of having his dusty Size 12s scratch the paint off, Chris murmured his disapproval of Martha. She couldn’t quite bring herself to acknowledge his presence, though, preferring to leave him brooding quietly as she attempted to make her way out of the office unscathed.

Even now, after he had sullenly made himself known, she preferred not having to deal with the sight of his smug face at this time of the morning. She could sense him, though. You could always sense when Evans was nearby so it was a complete and utter joke that Tanner was now claiming that she might be the one who would draw attention.

“Well, I would probably call into question the reasons why some people might see me being there as a problem.” She stated matter-of-factly, the words coming out of her mouth before she had the time to edit them. Or stop them altogether as she was quickly wishing she could.

“I’m right here, McLachlan.” Came his bristly tone in response, clearly having had enough of her obstinance.

“Yes, I know, Chris. It’s very hard to miss you.” She snapped, finally conceding to him. All she got in return was a dismissive glare. It only served to wind her up even more.

“Then ask me directly.”

See the full post

52 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Black lives still matter.

332 notes - Posted September 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 1 year

Text

I posted 2,648 times in 2022

That's 1,048 more posts than 2021!

1,267 posts created (48%)

1,381 posts reblogged (52%)

I tagged 2,150 of my posts in 2022

Only 19% of my posts had no tags

#degrassi - 261 posts

#the magicians - 211 posts

#dracula daily - 178 posts

#succession - 176 posts

#laff rule - 57 posts

#askbox - 49 posts

#vibes - 45 posts

#writing tag - 42 posts

#you can be me when i'm gone - 38 posts

#criminal minds - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#me personally…. if that was my relationship with someone who was maybe kinda fragile… i feel like maybe i’d be voting for a neutral party

My Top Posts in 2022:

can't put into words how much it boggles and offends me that this kind of thing has become, like, a meme of sorts? personally i love to not spend a cumulative five years or so of my life pregnant, but congratulations on not being jewish i guess, you unbelievable dumbass

3,781 notes - Posted June 12, 2022

ok the part where jonathan refers to himself as a solicitor's clerk and then he's like, "no! mina would be mad at me for acting like i didn't just pass the bar exam so now i am a real grown-up solicitor all by myself!".... very cute. also adds a lot to the whole Vibe that this is like, his first real job. he's like a dude who just started working at a start-up and is hyped about the free food but doesn't want to ask anyone how to connect to the printer on his floor because he doesn't want to look like an idiot so he keeps walking down three flights of stairs to print documents and thinking i guess this is normal here.

5,633 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

crazy to think that bram stoker, of all people, could envision a jonathan harker who is both a tragic gothic heroine pining in distress in dracula's castle and having panic attacks in the street after he leaves the hospital he thinks he was in for a nervous breakdown and a badass action hero with a big honking knife whose wife thinks he's super hot, but 125 years later modern society like, cannot get on his level.

6,398 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

actually i think it’s very funny and correct that the new york times wrote about dracula daily, a substack turned accidental tumblr book club, and tumblr’s reaction to the article is “fuck this pro-count propaganda, where is our friend jonathan?” because to be honest i think if a genuinely mainstream news organization ever managed to accurately convey what the fuck goes on here, that would be the sign of the end times, possibly of human civilization but almost certainly of this being the only social media platform worth using anymore. like, forget it, cops are here, party’s over, go home. in retrospect “new york times reports on tumblr’s favorite novel of 2022 (one of the most famous books in the world, which came out in 1897), tumblr gets mad at them for incorrectly identifying the book’s #1 blorbo” truly feels like the only way this was ever gonna go, and i for one am grateful, because i don’t come to this website for content that is able to be parsed by normal people. that’s not what i’m here to do and it’s certainly not what i’m here to see.

11,335 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

is goncharov (1973) really that much less real than whatever show the destiel bloggers have been watching with their extrasensory perception for 15 years

71,148 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#wow what a year of me being alarmingly unhinged on the internet #the way that my number one tag is degrassi but idt any of my degrassi posts broke like. 50 notes #that’s what this whole endeavor is about #i honestly would have thought i posted about dracula more #but i guess when i fell off during the summer/early fall i wasn’t posting about it

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wenellyb · 3 years

Text

My journey in the MCU fandom on Tumblr: Sharing my thoughts on the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, racism in the MCU fandom and the best and the worse of the fandom

I wasn’t going to write this much but here I am… I don’t even know where I’m going with this but since The Falcon and the Winter Soldier just recently came out, I wanted to share some thoughts.

I joined Tumble because of a show I loved but most of you don’t know it “ Hit the Floor”

I stayed on Tumblr for two reasons only, Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan.

Before the Captain America:Civil War premiere, a friend sent me the link to the Sebastian and Anthony ET interview, and I was hooked. In just one interview. I discovered Anthony Mackie. The guy was hilarious!!! I just couldn’t get enough and I knew I had to know more about him. How could he improvise so many funny lines on the spot? He was just amazing.

I had pretty much watched all the avengers movie but that was it. I was not involved in the fandom. So I knew Sam Wilson’s face, but I couldn’t even remember his name if my life depended on it. That’s how much the MCU treated him as a side character.

I was like how the f*ck don’t I know this guy?

His talent reminded me of Eddie Murphy, Jim Carrey or Robin Williams, like yes they can make some emotional or serious movies, but when they want to make you laugh, you will laugh. Whether you want it or not. I kept wondering how this guy wasn’t more famous.

And the banter with Sebastian Stan? Wow, you could tell their friendship was strong, the way Sebastian lighted up when Anthony was talking, and keep bouncing off his jokes. It was art. the way Sebastian said “ I love you” at the end of the interview. Pure gold.

I then started to watch some of the interviews and boy was that a mistake!!! I literally couldn’t get enough. So I watched all and I say all their interviews, it was the best. We got some gems:

“Why aren’t you looking at me as much”

“Which way is the beach Seabass”

*Them saying nonsense in Spanish and then Sebastian Saying Papi Chulo*

¨And so many more, ....

I watched other solo Anthony interviews and he was still HILARIOUS, but you could also tell he felt a little bit more at ease with Sebastian around. I won’t pretend I know him or his personality, but Sebastian seems like a little bit more of an introvert and looks like he doesn’t enjoy the interview experience unless Anthony id around him. Just my thoughts

I watched the interviews before I went to see the movie, I even cosplayed as the Winter Soldier to the movie premiere and I was IN!!! When I saw Captain America Civil War, I became a SamBucky shipper, these two were hilarious and I really so the potential for a great realtionship I love enemy to lovers stories.

I also shipped Stucky because, to me, the trope of the movie was Superhero gives up everything to protect his long term friend” Hollywood movies have some codes and if Bucky were a female character, there is no doubt in my mind that the movie would have been marketed as romance.

Stucky really was an easy ship! But then the MCU fandom of Tumblr fandom messed up everything for me. You see I really liked the CACW and I I liked Stucky, I liked Sambucky, and I loved the introduction of t’Challa’s character, but one of things that affected me the most in the movie was that it was the first blockbuster I watched with 3 black main characters, Rhodey, Sam and T’Challa. That, and the fact that they were planning to realease a Black Panther movie in two years, I was super excited, and that’s the main reason I got involved in the MCU fandom so much, when before, I was just a casual watcher.

If this seem weird to you, then you have no idea how we were only getting crumbs before. For me it was soo huge, I even told all my friends, and they were laughing at me. But usually blockbusters, especially superhero movies get one black character and that’s it, usually the best friend or something and never the leads. So, for me it really was a big deal. How sad is that by the way…

I became more involved in the fandom and, at first, I wasn’t focusing on anything special, Sambucky, Stucky, Stackie, the Black Panther, and even Zemo, whose character I really liked.

But soon I noticed that the CACW tags were always flooded, and I mean flooded with the same two white characters: Steve and Bucky. I told myself, ok that’s fine Steve is the lead after all, but it would be good to see the other characters too.

And then I noticed another interesting trend: Evanstan…. Wait what?

Chris Evans, and Sebastian Stan… did I miss something? Listen, obviously I’m sure they must be friends or something, but you’re going to tell me you watch all MCU the actors and you’re going to focus on Steve and Sebastian? I’m sorry what?

Sebastian and Anthony are right there… Or Chris and Anthony, they even have a secret handshake, only the 2 of them do… what more do you want?

Tell me one iconic Evanstan moment… go ahead tell me… See??? There isn’t.

Because of this and because of how badly some Stuckies were treating Sam and Anthony. I became less and less of a stucky shipper . I mainly focused on SamBucky, Stackie and the Black Panther,

And then the Sebastian Stan stans saw how popular Stackie, Sambucky, were becoming and I started to see some problematic stuff in our fandom too.

I don’t want to generalize, but when you go into the Stackie tag, and you see cropped pictures of Sebastian without Anthony, it’s easy to assume that a Sebastian fan did that. And we know damn well you cropped out Anthony because we watched all Stackie interviews and know exactly which interview your picture was taken from. We know that Anthony was sitting right next to Seb.

You post a picture of Sebastian laughing but you crop out the person who was making him laugh??

“but it has nothing to do with race” How do you know that?

“Sebastian had more screen time” More screen time than Anthony in CATWS or CACW? I don’t think so.

“I have been a fan of Sebastian for longer”, that’s fine but don’t go out cropping Anthony, just post gifs of Seb in his usual, sad, and Anthony-less interviews, not the ones where he’s smiling because his best friend is next to him.

Some of you really are the worst. And just so you know, your fave Sebastian is Anthony’s biggest fan, if he saw pictures where you cropped out Anthony, he would block you on the spot.

When I realized that Anthony Mackie would be the next Captain America I was screaming, no actually, I was crying, Sam Wilson will be Captain America, and Anthony would finally get the recognition he deserves.

You would think that the MCU fandom would focus on Captain America or at least one the two leads, instead of just Sebastian? Right? Right? WRONG.

Anthony is handsome, he’s funny, he’s a great actor, he went to freaking Julliard, he’s at the top, I don’t see what else the man can do??? He should already be a superstar, but no, you will side-line him even to he is the lead of the show.

Even when they are the actual leads, you guys would do anything to bring up the White characters even if it means ignoring the Black characters.

I remember I was having a conversation about Black Panther with my friends and I asked one of my white friends who was his favorite character in BP was and he told me Martin Freeman (don’t even remember his name in the movie) Martin Freaking Freeman, there are half a dozen of great characters and your fave is the only white man??? Ok, ok, that’s great.

Don’t give out automatic reply like “It has nothing to do with race, if you haven’t thought about it first”, because there’s a high probability that it is indeed about race. Stop saying it isn’t, sit down and ask yourself, “Am I biased?” “Why am I reblogging only stuff related to the white characters”.

One of these days you guys are going to make me hate Sebastian with the sh*t you are pulling.

I looove the Stackie friendship and the Sambucky dynamic but after seeing the way some of you treat Anthony and Sam’s character, it make me want to focus on Sam’s character and forget about the rest.

I remember they were some posts about how Anthony was problematic, and I just lost it. Apparently, there was an old article that resurfaced were Anthony was making a joke about women making sandwiches or something.

If you were offended by the sandwich joke, that is totally ok, and I can understand that.

But if you were offended by the sandwich joke, and saying Anthony is problematic BUT you still stan Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, ScarJo or even Sebastian Stan, just know that there is a high probability you’re racist.

They have all said or done problematic stuff, and people only seem to remember stuff related to Anthony, which was probably just a joke by the way.

Chris Evans and Jeremy called Black widow a wh*re, ScarJo took roles that she maybe shouldn’t have and I didn’t forget Sebastian shady Instagram post, when Kaepernick was kneeling. There are so many more things to be said about Jeremy Renner but google is your friend.

Anthony also got hate for hating on Tom Holland? Like what? Do you guys even hear yourselves? Don’t you have any friends you like to tease? If you hate someone, do you go around talking about him every chance you get? It was obviously friendly banter but some people wanted to turn it into something it was not. Sigh.

I really cannot with this fandom

The stackie fandom was small at the beginning and the Sambucky fandom even smaller, but we were there and it was amazing. Sebastian and Anthony received the same amount of love from the fandom and I wish we could go back to those days.

Stop pretending the fandom isn’t racist. Stop saying “it isn’t about race” when you haven’t even thought about.

Saying “it has nothing to do with race” only shows that you haven’t thought about anything but don’t want to be called a racist.

There is racism in this fandom and it will always be there, but if you guys want to do anything about it, you have to acknowledge it first.

You can’t be pulling off stuff like “I don’t see colors”, “ it has nothing to do with race”. Stop, sit down, think about it and then we can have a conversation.

If you’ve made it till the end, I apologize for the typos and grammar mistakes, I wasn’t planning on writing this much.

#tfatws #anthony mackie #Sebastian Stan #stackie #sambucky #Chris Evans #captain america #CACW #fandom racism #I didn't mean to write this much #my posts

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ran196242 · 2 years

Text

I posted 199 times in 2021

136 posts created (68%)

63 posts reblogged (32%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.5 posts.

I added 434 tags in 2021

#callus ran - 86 posts

#good omens - 86 posts

#aziraphale - 65 posts

#crowley - 64 posts

#ineffable husbands - 50 posts

#ineffable spouses - 30 posts

#artists on tumblr - 19 posts

#moth and lamp au - 12 posts

#false gods au - 11 posts

#crowlamp - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 88 characters

#i actually had the sketch of the latest version hidden below all the layers back in 2019

My Top Posts in 2021

This is a belated birthday gift for @madebysamael , whose special day was also in May! Initially, Sam only requested a chibi Golgotha!Crowley, but i got carried away. No regrets tho because i think they deserve the best!

688 notes • Posted 2021-05-20 18:09:01 GMT

See the full post

700 notes • Posted 2021-07-19 17:40:48 GMT

They can be spectators of art, and being works of art themselves.

Edit: I added the video version.

731 notes • Posted 2021-10-05 14:20:09 GMT

Although it's a bit late on my side, i wish all women, trans women imcluded, a happy International Women's Day!

Here are the wives dancing their way to the stars.

870 notes • Posted 2021-03-08 16:30:36 GMT

FALSE GODS AU - EPILOGUE

COMIC MASTERLIST

FIRST | PREVIOUS

CW: Blood, violence, dismemberment, gore, discorporation, mythical settings, false beliefs, religious abuse. Please proceed with caution.

This is the final update for this comic, and our journey ends here with them. Thank you for reading and staying till the end to support me and this comic. It was such a long ride and new ones willl come along soon enough.

And i hope this is an ending you thought it would be

I'll still be creating content for this AU of course, and Sweet Tier people up on my Patreon will have the latest news about the physical book and preorders before everyone else.

Be sure to leave me your thoughts, I know Tumblr isnt primed for comments and feedback, but knowing what you think or tag the comics can literally make my day.

Also, last but NOT least, thank you @D20OWLBEAR for being in this project with me and providing me with a companion written work alongside the comic! It is now available on AO3 as BOUND TO THESE BONES, UNTIL DUST ARISES. If you like the comic, don’t forget to give ens kudos for being responsible for half is written in it!

See the full post

1307 notes • Posted 2021-02-25 15:49:23 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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bluewinnerangel · 3 years

Note

Hullo! Sorry to just drop an ask among the, ahem, tendon thingy? Anyway, I'm like, absolutely new around here, and I'm so sorry to bother you, but can you point me towards some really good Larry blogs? I'm not exactly new to Larry, but I can use all the info I can get, and it's sort of completely obvious that Tumblr is on a whole other level. Most of my info comes initially from Twitter, which. Woah, stuff around there are absolutely child's play. Now I see what they say about the real stuff happening here. So yeah, I could really use some help, thank you!

(Btw, your blog is so chaotically amazing. All the useful info aside, I mean, look at all these asks on Louis' arms coming out of nowhere, and you actually going by it! Awesome! Also, yes, Louis' arms forever)

The ehm... tendon thingy... yeah it's chaos in here I'm truly sorry all of you are here for like one reason and then there's like 15 chaotic good-to-evil things happening you didn't sign up for lel. Also yeah I've been wanting to make a louis arm post all night and hmm hasn't happened instead we're making inverted pictures and i really don't know what I'm about half of the time no.

as for larry blogs I got a tag, #blog rec, here (I still dont know how to tag for mobile I'm sorry thats only gonna work on browser), so everything in there. And this one but a lot are already outdated rip. I'm not sure what you're looking for, like, theories, masterposts, cute stuff, good stuff, heartbreaking stuff, opinions, discourse, no discourse, analyses, there's a lot going on hah. Either way there's loads of blogs already in the links too but some people on the top of my head whose insights I value loads are @laurelier @swimmingleo @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @ladychlo @daisiesonafield-blog @saintqueer @witchcraftrry @skepticalarrie and I'm probably forgetting loads woop also dear tagged people no need to reblog this lol this is one helluva chaos post yet again talking about tendons and whatnot just let it happen just move on and you're all amazing adfsadasdsd.

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a-dragons-journal · 3 years

Note

Hi! I was scrolling through the otherkin tag (as one does) and saw on an ask you answered that you hated DNIs and didn’t want to go into it on that ask. So I’m curious now- why do you hate DNIs? I don’t have a DNI, and I’m not out to try and change your mind. I’ve just never seen anyone say outright that they didn’t like DNIs, so I’d really like to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

I ended up indeed going into it later, because people kept sending in asks about it, so this tag exists now, but in summary:

- I don't necessarily hate the existence of DNIs, because they can be a useful tool in certain circumstances, but I hate that they're starting to become an expectation/requirement and that it's now considered "creepy/suspicious" in a growing number of communities to not have one. It should not be an obligation to basically list your political stances, discourse opinions, and triggers - you know, things you can be attacked for/people can use to hurt you - in any circumstance, least of all on the Internet where anyone can see it.

- For that matter, putting a list of things that can hurt you in public where anyone can see it and know exactly how to target you if they want to hurt/harass you is a bad idea, whether it's a social requirement or not. Full stop. Unless you are in a relatively small group where you know the intentions of the people there (and often not even then!), it is not a good idea to tell people how to effectively hurt you on the Internet.

- I hate it when people put "[x bigoted group] DNI" at the bottom of actual discussion-type content posts (as opposed to, like, aesthetics and stuff), such as people putting "TERFs DNI" at the bottom of posts about feminism, because a) if you're worried about your post appealing to that group, maybe you should reexamine your post's content, b) I've seen firsthand more than once that those groups, TERFs especially, will purposely put "[x] DNI" at the bottom of their crypto-rhetoric posts in order to turn people's critical thinking skills off and make them more likely to accept the crypto rhetoric (foot-in-the-door tactic), and c) even if it's not intentionally malicious like the last point, it still makes it so the OP's post is suddenly immune to criticism, because "hey this comes off a little transphobic" can be met with "how dare you call me a transphobe?? I said 'TERFs DNI' right there!!1!", which, again, has to do with the whole "turning people's critical thinking skills off" problem.

- On a similar note, I hate this recent trend toward performative activism and "racists/transphobes/homophobes/etc. DNI!1!" feels like another permutation of that; I don’t like people demanding/expecting me to announce all my political opinions right out the gate. It should be my decision whether or not I want to share sensitive information about myself (and if you’re scoffing at the idea of a political opinion being “sensitive information” - if it can get you, again, harassed and attacked by a complete stranger, it’s sensitive information).

- People seem to forget that people can, will, and do lie on their DNIs and bios. Predators will lie about being "under 18” in order to make minors they’re interacting with feel safe and let their guard down. TERFs will lie about “transphobes DNI!” to ensure their crypto rhetoric spreads and gets a foot in the door of trans-supporting people’s thought processes. All “it’s to let the people affected by [bigotry] know I’m safe,” which is something I hear sometimes, really means is that the bigot in question only has to put up a DNI to make the people they’re planning to target lower their guard. There is nothing guaranteeing that someone actually believes what their DNI implies they believe. It’s an illusion of safety that just doesn’t - and, really, can’t - exist on the internet, by the internet’s nature. And people thinking they’re safer than they really are is what gets people hurt because they stopped being careful. I’m not saying people need to (or should) live in fear, but relying on DNIs is not a sustainable solution, imho.

- I hate people using DNIs/BYFs as an alternative to blocklists because it often becomes essentially them forcing other people to curate their internet experience for them, and then getting mad (or hurt) when that doesn't work out for reasons that should be obvious. Especially when you take it to the extreme of trying to regulate anyone who reblogs your posts, which I have seen sometimes - you can't seriously expect people to check the OP of every single person whose post they reblog to make sure they agree with your opinions on fandom discourse; that's untenable and it can only lead to people getting hurt. You are the only person who is - and the only person who can be - responsible for your internet experience. Curate your own space.

- as a minor point, "standard DNI criteria" is becoming a popular phrase and it's frankly a useless phrase because there's no such thing. Beyond "racists/homophobes/transphobes" there's literally no telling what a given person includes in what's "standard" - pro- or anti-ship? SFW agereg/petreg blogs? DDLG? Steven Universe fans? inclusionists or exclusionists? There is no "standard." (But then, I feel like how common that phrase is becoming says something about exactly how performative and empty the trend of DNIs is as a whole at this point in time.)

- also as a minor point, I am frankly just not a fan of how often DNIs put things like "Steven Universe fan" and "neonazi" right next to each other like they're the same level of bad. I recognize consciously that this is not the intention, but it sure does come off that way sometimes. It reminds me a bit too much of those callout posts that have six pages about the person's bad opinions on anime or whatever and only then go "oh yeah and also they sexually abused, threatened, and sent their friends to harass a minor and we have screenshot evidence of all of that. anyway here's three more pages about why their art is bad because they drew a 16-year-old in a crop top one time".

And, let me be very clear here: I do not hate people who have DNIs, nor do I want to act like they're never useful. They are, sometimes! But I do feel they're being misused and they're starting to become an expectation and that's a huge problem, for the same reason that people trying to force everyone to put their age/basic personal information in their bios is a problem - it's a safety concern. I am honestly convinced that at this point, in most circumstances, DNIs are doing more harm than good.

If you want to use a DNI, that's up to you, and it's not like I'm gonna harass people about it ('s why I started that "dni critical" tag, so people could who don't want to read this stuff could avoid it) - but I want people to at least understand the risks they're taking depending on how they go about it. If it's useful to you, then good, I'm genuinely glad! It just concerns me how it's being treated by the larger Internet right now.

(And, of course, that's all just my personal subjective opinion - take what you like, leave what you don't. You're more than welcome to disagree with me; this is not a make-or-break argument for me, just one I have strong feelings about xD)

#dni critical #rani talks #asked and answered #dragons-singing-softly #that was probably more of a soapbox than you bargained for sorry fbdklgjsf #do not @ me about my fandom examples i just grabbed random controversial ones off the top of my head #if that's what you prioritize out of this whole post you have entirely missed the point

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karanoid · 3 years

Text

about top joe discord

LET ME ADDRESS A FEW POINTS:

There has been many fear and anxiety regardless the top!joe discord I made. I understand how it gives my discord a bad reputation. Somebody has kindly reached out to me to ask me addressing several points, which I’m now gonna clarify:

1. I am racist, I asked why, and they said mostly because of my dismissive behavior to people who called me out for drawing yusuf adorned in gold jewelry which made their friends feel unsafe. So, I am a muslim and was raised in a muslim household and community. I am fucking brown.

I didn’t say it because you don’t need to know that about me. What bothers me is how some people feel the need to come to my inbox informing me “maam yusuf is a religious muslim who prays 5 times a day and do all the supplementary prayers all while he drinks alcohol and fuck nicky in the dailies, he wouldnt be wearing gold maam no maam.” as if I didn’t know any better. so please, now don’t do that. If you care so much about the littlest details like wearing gold then you’ll also call out yusuf because he draws living beings and drinks champagne. yes it’s true muslim men are forbidden from wearing gold AND silk but let’s not forget, nothing in the comic and movies imply yusuf has ever been religious. It’s easier to see nicolo as religious because he was a fucking priest. Yusuf was a fucking merchant, it’s easy to see that he’d be less faithful because he would have been travelling and seen many kind of people to broaden his horizons and not contained to a little bubble of hyper religious community. However, let me remind you: whether yusuf AND nicolo are religious or not is entirely UP TO THE AUTHOR/ARTIST. It’s totally fine to make him religious and if you can respect it THATS GREAT, I ALSO LIKE HIM THAT WAY, but please remember it’s not even canon and hey sometimes I just draw things because I like the aesthetics. Also please, do not harass writers for getting a thing or two incorrect, even white people cannot get christianity correct, even between two muslims could be a disagreement whether this fic’s yusuf is problematic or not. I wouldn’t even expect anything more and THAT’S OKAY. Just don’t be an ass to muslims of color in real life and don’t fall into the believe that it’s a religion of violence. you can say that greg made him that way bc he knew nothing better but hey, I have no problem with that. again, it’s fine to make him religious, I’d be delighted but it’s ALSO fine to make him not religious.

2. I think that people only write Top!Nicky out of political correctness. OKAY. I apologize for this. I thought like this because I have accounts telling me that they were pressured into writing top!nicky or they wanted more readerships so I make a BIG assumption. I realized this is only a small part of switch and top!nicky fics and the big bulk of this must be out of genuine care. So yeah, I apologize for thinking that people only write top!nicky out of political correctness. I think writers should be allowed to write whatever they want. Yes this includes top!Nicky. And in whatever kinks they want it. However, this still doesn’t change that the discourses do scare people away from writing top!joe. Write top!nicky however you want, but stop vague-blogging about top!joe. racism isn’t inherent to top!joe and you can always remind people to be mindful with their writings but discouraging people from writing top!joe is not the solution.

3. Top!joe is racist and people in the discord are racist. Okay, I am gonna touch several aspects why top!joe discord is considered racist: (1) because I don’t like to switch them, therefore I am racist. Sorry that’s not how it works. I have a clear preference and that’s just how I roll. Besides, a lot of people in the discord (including me) think either they switch (because they are 900 yo) or joe just doesn’t like bottoming. I’m not the kind of people who refers to reality for fiction I consume but people who prefer to top or to bottom exist (2) i want to be away from accountability and responsibility. Nope. The reason I made it is because I wanted to gather people with same interest as mine.

4. I paint Yusuf as aggressive and the whole discord like him being an aggressive top. I think this is the only reason why the discord is seen in a negative light. Because wow what a coincidence that someone vagueblogged my discord at the day I celebrated about Nicky suggesting 20 years and wrote a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry. And beside someone made the WRONG assumption that we are focusing on Joe’s anger and violence (what). Okay, I don’t know how to break this down. But I will try. First, yes I was overjoyed at the news. Because I’m one of the people that do not like feral!nicky headcanon. I liked it at first bc it was funny but then it was twisted into Nicky being cold. So I don’t like it (lol), I still like it though but like I don’t seriously think that way. However, I never liked the idea that Nicky suggested higher than Joe. Because then his character just doesn’t click with me, there was a cognitive dissonance for me because joe clearly says nicky’s heart overflows kindness, you can see nicky as a medic in the credit montage. Also, from their body language and from the way the movie set em up, I think Joe is the one who suggested higher and I am glad to be proven right. Second, I did write a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry at Booker. People agreed with me, so I was not alone. But the reason I wrote that post is not because I wanted to paint yusuf as aggressive, but because I’m tired at people who think Joe shouldn’t display any negative emotions. I think it’s out of character. I do NOT think Joe is aggressive. That is NOT his wholeass personality. If you looked at my tog art tag, never once I portrayed Joe as anything aggressive. If I do, please show me. Third, people are conflating this with my post where I reblogged with a comment that implies aggressive Joe isn’t racism. Okay in this, the context is IN BED. It’s Joe being aggressive in BED. It’s literally BED ROLES AND FANTASY. I don’t even have a particular scenario in my head when I reblogged that, the original post clearly refers to bed roles with manhandling and kinks etc. like, why would you spank someone in public? Lastly, about the discord, NOPE, most people in the discord agree that Joe is either a GENTLE DOM or SERVICE TOP. But in my opinion, if someone likes Joe as an aggressive top (again, bed roles baby) I really don’t think it’s racism. It’s just... projection?

anyway, back to joe’s emotions, these are posts from a moroccan man (paragraph #7) and a brown woman whose posts I agree with. Let’s be real, people of color are expected to shut up in favor of white people’s fragile feelings.

Now, about racism in fandom. I understand the concern because muslim men are painted as violent and aggressive. You know what I will never forgive those radicals for taking away innocents lives and to leave a lasting damage in how muslims are perceived in the west. However, you have to keep in mind, Joe in the movie is far from being stereotyped. I mean, Gina and Marwan practically greenlit him? Now, you might have concerns that writers are gonna turn him into a walking stereotype which is... okay, I understand that concern. But the solution is to communicate this ‘hey I think you make him too stereotypical in this etc etc’ not “write more top!nicky AND shame top!joe” because again, top!joe is not inherently racist.

also some people mentioned that they hope I recognize racial bias in the ship. dude, that goes without saying, all aspects of your life will be influenced by racial biases. however, this kind of thing is not specific to fandom/shipping. Like I said I’m fucking brown, friends and families with facial features that cater to white expectation are treated better. I did say at the bottom of this post, yeah I did notice why it’s always a brown character who’s always openly mad. And that’s in itself a form of racial bias. Racial biases affect everyone, white or POC, it doesn’t matter. But I got an issue with how people think this is racism. like how convenient, if by falling to racial biases mean you are a racist then what about those white people who created this racial biases in the first place? and I noticed the persons who got the audacity to cry about everything in this fandom is white?? I mean okay, they don’t know what I am, but not everyone is comfortable with sharing their private information like ethnic group, faith, etc. what if they really don’t want to share it? Because like you said, racial bias, whether good or bad will affect me. Now, I don’t know what white people are feeling, I’m not white. However, based on my interactions with them. We’re all just people sharing same interest, it could be they fall into racial biases, but all we shared about are just regular HCs. Even people making a conscious effort to combat racial bias still in essence fall for racial bias. You just cannot escape it.

According to this post, fandom assumes that the bottom is the proxy of writers, I don’t think this is applicable to everyone but let’s just say it’s true and people tend to write about their projection better so I’m gonna assume the racism part comes from the fact that..yeah I do think the bottom usually gets more fleshed out as a result of them being the writers proxy, so somebody posted this in the discord which I agree because yes I do think there’s a lack about yusuf’s background especially when it comes to crusade era:

but since I know most writers aren’t muslims, to me it’s not so much about racism but they simply know nothing about it, and not always out of ignorance either but in this climate, if you get a thing or two wrong you’d get harassed. so *shrugs* I understand the reluctancy. But here’s the thing, this is not about top/bottom issue but because most of the fandom are white so they have more freedom in writing the white character. Anyway, plenty of people have projected themselves into yusuf already, the whole “top/bottom” thing in this fandom is not even a thing. Yes, some writers project on the bottom so if you prefer bottom!joe that’s fine, somebody in the discord is doing a research and it turned out top!joe wasn’t even a CLEAR majority in JULY. So clearly they got their share already?

so please, let’s stop with the vitriol. if people are preferring top!joe it’s clearly because of different preferences. it’s not that deep. it’s the same way with how some people are preferring top!nicky. But we’re being driven out based on a hypothetical scenarios? like what do you want? for us to cease existing??? don’t be ridiculous.

I know people won’t listen to me. So this is my suggestion: LETS JUST IGNORE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE. LET’S ALL JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE.

#discourse #the old guard #joe x nicky #kaysanova #immortal husbands

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