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#i found this in my notes app
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At a crime scene
Nines: *tries to sample some blood*
Gavin: Nines, dont put it in your mouth
Connor: First time Nines hears that from you I’m sure
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judemption · 2 months
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me: sorry bear with me here
you: don’t you mean bare with me?
me: [sends you a selfie with a grizzly bear]
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lemonemenom · 8 months
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My soul is coffee and black cat energy.
Yours is trashy reality tv and sunshine.
You don’t drink coffee, and I like the dark.
And yet our souls are made of the same stardust
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raaiinu · 2 years
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Nancy: your hair looks pretty today
Robin: It looks pretty everyday
Nancy:
Nancy: you make flirting with you very hard, you know that
Robin: You make me very hard
Robin: *wink*
Robin: Now THAT is you you flirt BOOM IM A GENIUS
Nancy: Robin that doesn’t even-
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lady-of-the-spirit · 2 years
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War: Now, who are amazing guardians?
Famine, tired: We are.
War: Both of you. Come on.
Famine and Pollution, slightly louder: We are.
War: And don't you forget it! *shuts the car door*
Famine: *tries to open the door but it's locked*
Pollution: ... did we just lock our lord and master in the car?
War: Did you put the keys in the bag?!
Famine: I-
War: OH MY GOD RAVEN, I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUT THE KEYS IN THE BAG!!
Pollution: Don't freak out, come on!
War: Adam, it's okay!
Pollution: A, B, C, D, E, F, G-
Famine: Are you singing to him?! People get arrested for this, Chalky!
Pollution: Stop freaking out! H, I, J, K, L M N O P-
Famine: *runs around checking all the doors* Do all the doors lock?!
War, picking up a trashcan: I'M BREAKING THE WINDOW!
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crberulean · 8 months
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good omens where everything is the exact same but the bentley is ms frizzle’s magic school bus
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gnarledgnashing · 1 year
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and skinned knees
sometimes the spark between us is spiked like your jacket, your whole self electric barbs
and sometimes they pierce me and someone says, wait 
and sometimes they snare me and someone says, more
and neither of us are eloquent enough to do anything about it.
.
and someday you are going to forge your barbs into muzzle and tie to keep me restrained
because without leash or lead or bridle i would follow my feelings and feet and thoughts and fingers through the fields 
and back to you, knocking you over
and over again
and we would tumble down all limbs and laughter 
(and other L words)
and it would be a long time before we would get back up
.
and i cant let that happen
i know you hate grass stains.
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I don’t mourn the person I could’ve been
he was probably a whore or something.
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charliecuntcicle · 2 years
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everything is exactly the same but steph has been given access to doja cat songs
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an intoxicated sonnet:
“My skin is sharp like blazes razor like humility grippy tipppu mcsippy d
watch me milly on tha willy
dinarrrdrr race berry like sneers of startfuldii
jaa a cksssss
ritalin
dress my skin like stars of judgement in your eyes
my skin is red with your gaze my cheeks heat like suns and haven
i smile like sea filled with manatees”
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ever-so-sleepy · 3 months
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I don't love you anymore
I love how you felt
How you'd melt when my skin touched
Your hand
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teklarain · 4 months
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i hope death will feel like being snuggled up in bed under warm blankets. i hope the mattress and pillows are soft. i hope i rest softly.
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bloody-gh0st-thing · 6 months
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matching shirts that say “i’m with stupid ->” and “i saw the face of god and it was weeping”
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raaiinu · 2 years
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Nancy: -why does this keep happening
Robin: okay listen. This doesn’t mean I want to date you or anything, but this is the forth time our friends have caught us in a compromising position..and I think we should do something about it.
Nancy: ..Robin we are dating.
Robin: oh fuck fr??
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hollybell51 · 1 year
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My true toxic trait is saying “my toxic trait is [x small and insignificant thing that’s only mildly annoying sometimes]” when in reality I am a throng, a drove, a mass, a legion, even, of every toxic trait known to man walking around in a giant trench coat.
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anxioustothetea · 2 years
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How go bees, HUH?
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