#i had them in my phone for way too long

[gohavefun]

have these old phil stream notifications before my phone spontaniously combusts and deletes everything

#i had them in my phone for way too long #dadza can be funny #or hes funny to me at least #they are old ones from like 2022ish #philza #phil #hardcores4 #philza hardcore #dadza #stream notification

[yardsards]

living in america is literally just like. yeah i could probably benefit from inpatient mental health services but honestly the resulting medical bills would just make me want to kill myself even more

#eliot posts #i'm not in active danger of hurting myself don't worry #just experiencing some Ideations #but i have a long mental list of reasons not to act on those ideations so i'm safe don't worry #ironically one of those reasons is ''i couldn't afford the medical bills for a failed attempt'' #suicide mention #suicide tw #tw suicide #american healthcare my beloathed #dogshit private insurance my beloathed #also ironically one of the (multiple) contributing factors towards this fresh wave of ideations is a medical bill i got yesterday #it's nothing too ruinous but it is A LOT like would utterly wipe out my savings level #my parents said they can help me with it (as much as i hate accepting things from them) #and as soon as i mentioned it my very sweet cousin just. sent me the money it would take to cover it #with a ''yeah i trust you'll pay me back once you get a good job like looking at your major you'll be making a lot eventually'' #and i've already requested an itemized bill as well as the paperwork for the hospital's financial assistance program #(tho idk how much assistance i'll actually be eligible for bc i'm still legally a dependent) #so hopefully i'll be able to get that bill cut way down #it's just eugh it's so stressful and i had a full on panic attack on the phone with my insurance company yesterday #and my brain's fav response to crushing stress is just ''well we wouldn't have to handle any of this if we Just Fucking Died! :)''

[notanotherinfjblog]

Texting habits per judging function

No one asked, but here are some observations I've made in my personal life.

*Note that this probably differs by age, gender, and culture (for instance, I have been told by several Americans that I use an insane amount of emojis, whereas it's not considered weird at all here in Germany).

FJ:

Generally very good at texting, will respond to absolutely every point you make. If you send them a long voice message, they can be found taking notes while listening so that they will not forget to answer any point you made.

Have a very hard time leaving someone on read and if they do, either something happened and they forgot, or they simply don't like you very much. If they open the message, they answer. If they don't have time to answer you right now, they simply will not open the message yet.

If the text conversation is done (i.e. you wrote something like "bye, see you tomorrow!" that does not require another response), they will still at the very least send you an emoji back for no reason other than letting you know that "Yes! I read your message! I'm not ignoring you! I love you!" (Literally every FJ I have ever known does this. Every single one, including myself.)

They will adapt to your style of texting. If you are the kind of person that likes to send a bunch of heart emojis to friends and the FJ friend is not, they will still pepper in a heart here and there. If you generally don't use emojis, they will use them only occasionally. If you reply in wallpaper long messages, so will they. If you break up your messages into several texts one after the other, so will they.

FPs:

Also generally quite good at texting and can actually appear a lot warmer in writing than in person (there have been several instances where I received really lovely messages from FPs who I used to think hated my guts whenever we met in person).

Prepare for emojis. Seriously.

You can have infinitely long text conversations with them. If you are willing to commit, the conversation between the two of you will never end. With NFPs, the conversations usually end up spiralling into nonsense scenarios, while SFPs keep telling you about their day and keep answering you about your day every day.

TPs:

(my texting experience with TPs is unfortunately very limited, so feel free to fill in my blanks)

Fe is very noticeable in the extroverts, i.e. they tend to go the FJ route described above, but in a more nonchalant and more relaxed way. Like with FJs, the focus of the conversation is on you and their dynamic with you.

The introverts (i.e. my dad, i.e. my only point of reference) are bad at texting and prefer to call, so almost all text conversations go something like this: TP: "Hi, I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up. I hope everything is alright with you?" You: "Yes, sorry. Everything's good here, how about you, everything okay?" --- end of conversation ---

TJs:

Generally bad at texting. Also don't really like it and see no point in it, so they usually prefer calling or talking in person.

Will appear colder in writing than in person, especially the STJs. Their answers will be straight to the point. No beating around the bush and no needless extension of a conversation in form of jokes/questions/anecdotes for a bonding experience. If they want to tell you something, they will tell you in person.

Have absolutely zero problem leaving people on read and usually don't mean anything by it.

STJs rarely use emojis, NTJs do but not excessively

If their answer requires them to type anything more than two sentences, they will send you a voice message instead. (Literally every single TJ I know does this, except my INTJ brother who is a complete maniac and calls instead.)

#the TJ way of texting will never stop confusing me #i usually don't look at other people's phones but i once witnessed an istj's text conversation and it's been haunting me ever since #she had just visited her husband's family with their kids and her mother-in-law sent her a really long lovely message #saying how much she enjoyed their visit and how much she loved each and every one of them and sent her a bunch of pictures #and this istj replied with 'thanks me too' and THAT WAS IT! if i had been her mother-in-law i would have assumed she doesn't like me at all #but no! this istj spent the next half hour looking at the pictures smiling softly zooming in on everyone's faces and then smiling some more #similarly one of my closest friends is an estj and she will tell you in person how much she loves you but her messages? not that warm #or my entj friend. he is a real chatterbox in person but texting? yeah no forget it #this is unimaginable for me as an FJ i would only do this as a deliberate choice to make it known that i don't want anything to do with the #so texting with a TJ always feels like recalibrating your brain to calm down and go: #'no i know they don't hate me yes i know they text like they do but i know that they don't it's okay they are like this with everyone' #and really sorry for the limited TP section. the only TPs i ever texted are my dad and some occasional acquaintances #so seriously. chime in with your observations! especially to get a broader picture from other cultures than my own as well #typing post #judging functions #cognitive functions

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[hostilecityshowdown]

i know i'm The Guy who never shuts up about people, especially modern-day professional wrestling fans with little to no awareness of pre-1980's wrestling, needing to read death of the territories. However. bodyslams in buffalo by dan murphy opens with the best overview of the entire history of professional wrestling i've found yet and, overall, it's a much shorter book that doesn't read like a textbook

this is a greatly accessible alternative for anyone who felt overwhelmed by death of the territories' scope, constant stream of factual information with little reprieve, and serious/academic overtone. bodyslams in buffalo has humour, dramatised retellings of events, and exclusive/rarely seen photos from the collections of both pro wrestling illustrated and the families of wrestlers. also: transcribed promotional posters, news articles, and advertisements! highly recommend

and don't forget to continue engaging in active boycotts, demonstrations, letter/email writing, awareness raising, and direct action in support of palestinian freedom and in opposition to the genocide of palestinians.

#[ colour commentary ] #being in WNY means i had the opportunity to check out way too many pro wrestling books recently #my therapist told me to start doing things i enjoy until i actually enjoy them instead of feeling so much guilt and despair i just. stop. #and prowl al jazeera and palestinians' social media. so. i checked out way way too many books because i'd just knit and cry all day when #mango was at work because representatives don't even accept phone calls directly and many answering machines are full now. my emails are met #with the same automated messages. i'm too disabled and poor to travel to demonstrations or engage in highly illegal™ shit because i would #only endager other protestors by being a weak link in need of protection. so even though i'm a molotov thrower at heart i'm a liability and #Literally can't run from pigs. anyway. engage in direct action use your privilege do not enable the same settler colonialism that wiped out #the majority of my families and many many palestinian bloodlines. do not be complicit. and read bodyslams in buffalo. because unfortunately #life goes on admist unfathomable atrocities. keep elevating people like adeel alam and mansoor within the pro wrestling community. et cetera #long post

[sakizm]

me 10 yrs ago grocery shopping: oh no i HAVE to wear my CIs! can’t leave the house without them! i have to hear what the cashier says even if they don’t say anything!

me now grocery shopping: *doesn’t wear CIs* lol what’s up guys i’m deaf so i can’t hear *buys stuff and leaves*

#i’ve come a long ways. i used to think i HAVE to wear my CIs leaving the house #even for a quick trip to the grocery store #i grew up mainstreamed so there’s YEARS of stuff to unlearn #and tell myself it’s OK to not want to wear CIs to public spaces! #i love ordering my coffe from starbucks cause i’ll show them my order via my phone notepad #and the cashier will do a thumbs up to let me know they got the order. love it when they sign ‘thank you’ back when i do lol #but obviously the hearing world is not always so accommodating to deaf people #and we have to fight for those basic accommodations #i’m just proud of myself for feeling more comfortable going to public space with no CIs on #cause i always thought i had to be the one to accommodate hearing ppl when it should be the other way around!! #whew glad i’m unlearning that. i’m 30 and it’s never too late to do so #don’t mind sakizm #deaf #actually deaf

[pzos-amiserableidiot]

was watching tiktok and a video had the song michael in the bathroom playing and I was vicerally reminded of being in middle and high school and mom always mentioning how much I looked like my dad (his name is michael) and how I slowly was able to start noticing it too and whenever I sang the song it reminded me of him and I felt like we were overlapping too often felt like id never be anyone but a shadow or his mirror and then i began learning i was trans and now the song makes me think of him even more (he’s not a bad dad he tells me he’s proud of me and stuff there’s just two really big moments he unknowingly failed and one long continuous one but he loves me and he’s proud and he supports me and he didn’t mean it and ive learned to make that enough) and the weird flashback I got when I heard that song and overlapping with his face and how if I transitioned I almost fear I’d be his clone and yeah Anywyas banger song

#the moments were that time he told me how he used to want something to be wrong with him and he’d cut himself to try and prove something was #and he showed me his incredibly faint scars and this was after I told them I was depressed and his solution was to tell me he faked it???? #and didn’t even see anything wrong or worrying that he’d cut himself or was self destructive or wished something was wrong so he’d have #something to blame for being the way he was and like DAD THATS DEPRESSION but I was too numb and shocked and felt so so so betrayed becuase #it felt mocking at the time like his way of comforting me. his child. was to fucking show me his scars and be like I faked it so I know #it’s real and sorry I don’t understand WTF DAD #Other time was when he gave me his phone to play Pokémon go and I betrayed his trust (he didn’t like anyone going through his phone) and #went looking through and found Grindr and saw some shirtless photos and people messaging before I left #dad had a shirtlesss photo on there. and I had to pretend everything was fine and erase the evidence and give the phone back and help look #for furniture for our new house and never tell mom cause she’s been through so much already (I really shouldn’t have known I wasn’t her #therapist but this is about daddy issues right now not the mommy ones) so anyways I never told him and years later he told me his friends #signed him up for Grindr as a prank and to make friends and that’s why he thinks someone from his work I pranking him by signing him up #for a gay furry dating site and yet I saw him on his bed sometimes messaging people and yeah #oh and the long continous one was not divorcing mom and defending her saying she loves us when she rejected me and my sister for being trans #and being gone for most of my childhood working and never understanding the fucked up dynamic of home that took place and resenting him for #ruining the perfect routine (sharp words scary feelings always wanting to cry) #anyways michael in the bathroom always gives me weird feelings #cause I hate and love my dad and I looked up to him so much and loooking like him would’ve been a dream but sometiems the wrongs he did #come back haunt my thoughts and I want to scratch and tear apart every feature that makes me look like him. I look nothing like my mom so #there’s nothing physical to tear apart (I just act like her sometimes and have to force myself not the throw up and attack myself from the #disgust)

[lepertamar]

something something, feels always apologetic (for what ???) and embarrassing of me when i go thru dozens of posts of someone’s very real and harrowing trauma tag and still come out going ‘……unfortunately trauma is still mostly bullshit as a lens and set of information’ (bullshit = the info trauma tells you about its position as the center or framework of the universe, is bullshit. not bullshit as in ‘didn’t happen’ or ‘not actually that impactful on you’. to be clear lol.)

#thinking about. how the actual omelas story is the frame story of the narrator irritably putting a tortured child in the story cuz #the listeners wouldn’t believe the internal story or care about figuring it out and just wanted to relax into a thought-termination of #’ah tortured child got it. no notes. vindication.’ #and how everyone irl also. takes the internal story at face value and forgets the actual story is about the frame story. unironically. #90% sure leguin forgot too tbh seems like the kind of bullshit intellectual dishonesty she lived by #she triggers me as a person a bit too hard for me to look it up though don’t take my word for it #anyway my parents had this sort of….salivating waiting for the other shoe to drop and triumphantly prove that there was A Catch #which was…..really awful! most deeply/invisibly awful though i only recently realized was like……you know how when you #take a video on ur phone and if you want to edit it to be shorter the selected clip shows as a long rectangle #with the desired amount of discarded beginning/end outside the rectangle? #like……imagine them taking every sequence where the ‘catch’ came in the middle or even near the beginning #and shortening a clip that way so that it ends immediately after the catch #does that….make sense………. #coal sings

[myname-isnia]

My mom and my grandma can't even talk for 15 minutes without arguing over something, so to indulge in the mommy issues mood of the evening, some thoughts about Midori's relationship with Ming-Hua, because why not??

The thing is, Ming-Hua loves Midori just as much as she loves Suiren. Midori is her daughter, her little seedling, she would kill and die for her if she had to. Midori is a part of her, always was and always will be... but she isn't a waterbender.

Of course, it's something way out of Midori's control, your bending isn't something you can choose. Ming-Hua would never love her child any less just because they didn't inherit her bending, especially when instead they inherited the bending of the man she loves. When Midori finally discovered her earthbending, Ming-Hua was just as proud of her as she was of Suiren's waterbending. She held her close and kissed her cheeks, whispering words of endearment and encouragement. But that happened when Midori was four, there were many years before that.

When you spent so much of your life fighting tooth and nail for the right to learn waterbending, persevering against everything and everyone, running on sheer spite, and suddenly you get the opportunity to freely pass on that knowledge to someone else, are you not going to take it? Are you not going to give it your all? Are you not going to make sure your daughter never lacks a teacher?

Ming-Hua was a good mother to her kids, but no parent is perfect, even if they are better than most. She got so engrossed in teaching Suiren waterbending that she sometimes unintentionally neglected Midori and didn't give her enough attention. It wasn't like Midori was left completely alone, she had her dad and her auntie and uncle who made sure she never felt ignored, but when you have a mother who loves you, is there really anything that can replace that?

If Midori asked for it, she would never be turned away, but overall she couldn't help but feel as if Suiren was the favourite, as if she herself was only second best. How many full moons had Midori spent wanting her Mama to sing her to sleep when she was busy waterbending with Suiren? How many times had Mama's reaction to Suiren mastering a move been more full of happiness and pride than to something Midori had done? It's really no wonder that Midori ended up much more drawn to her auntie instead, that she ended up missing the warm touch of a hand much more than the cool embrace of water?

If the Red Lotus were never imprisoned, these feelings would have never festered. Midori would've started getting a hang of her bending and wouldn't feel inferior, maybe she'd even voice her troubles and Ming-Hua would make the conscious effort to do better. But that wasn't what happened. Midori was left alone with no one but Suiren to care for her, with less than mediocre bending skills and no way to get better. And though Suiren was young too, she is a prodigy, so there was really no way to prevent those seeds of resentment from taking root.

Over the years, as Suiren's bending got better, Midori's inferiority complex got worse. Suiren grew up to be gorgeous, talented, capable of handling herself, while Midori grew up to be awkward, painfully anxious and timid, and nowhere near skilled enough. She can barely handle hiding the disdain she holds any longer.

And then, they get their parents back after 16 long years. Finally, Midori thinks, finally she can receive that love and appreciation she desperately craved for almost her entire life... But that doesn't happen. No, everyone is still focused on Suiren and her self-imposed angsting. And if dad and auntie at least try to give Midori the attention she needs, then mom barely talks to her if not to ask something about Suiren

But Midori isn't a meek little kid anymore who silently takes everything thrown her way. She spent too long under Haya's iron fist to endure it any longer when things are supposedly meant to be better. So one day, she'll snap. She'll tell her mom everything she thinks of her favouritism of Suiren, if she loves Renny more she can just say so, but please, please stop viewing Midori as a key to Suiren's puzzle, Suiren's extension, Suiren's shadow, instead of her own separate person. And Ming-Hua listens. She listens and realises how wrong she had unintentionally been. And she promises to try and rectify it

It adds to Ming-Hua's self blaming and guilt. Not only had she left her beloved girls with a woman who would abuse them for their entire childhoods, but turns out, things weren't as great for Midori even before that. But she does stick to her promise and tries to do better. It helps that Suiren is also at the point where she stars recovering, but even if she wasn't, Ming-Hua would still make sure to set time aside every day to talk to Midori, to really listen to her, to watch her learn and improve in her bending. Because she never wants her little seedling to feel inferior or less loved ever again

#i need to write or read or draw them interacting so badly 😭😭 #like suiren and ming-hua's relationship makes me insane already... this one is even worse #i would absolutely be drawing them right now if i had my tablet #and i would write so much more if typing on my phone wasn't an absolute nightmare. ive already spent way too long doing it #anyways. these two <3 #seeds of the red lotus #ming-hua #sotrl midori #original character #long post #character analysis #sort of

[noxtivagus]

T__T final fantasy

#🌙.rambles #bruh i remember why i'm so romantic now #i hate final fantasy................ #BUT GOD THE LYRICS OF. SUTEKI DA NE. EYES ON ME. MELODIES OF LIFE. KISS ME GOOD-BYE. SOBBBBBBB #i want to throw my phone or my laptop across my room! bury my head in a pillow n scream! #the the. EMOTION IN THEM. hurts just the way i like it lol #STAR-CROSSED ? OH MY GOD I HATE FINAL FANTASY FOR MAKING THAT ONE OF MY FAV TROPES WTF #THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING REALIZING HOW ROMANTIC I AM BCS OF INFLUENCES LIKE FINAL FANTASY #'darling so share with me / your love if you have enough / your tears if you're holding back / or pain if that's what it is' #'just reach me out then you will know that you're not dreaming' i will Cry #this is so cringe n i've always been a bit 'weird' but #sob hermes ffxiv kin bcs i still fit in thanks to my kindness n my intelligence . but it feels lonely #frankly as long as i stop caring about that n just really focus on just being myself as i always have. i'll definitely be happier . #be closer to that inner peace. n while i definitely keep on improving in that regard. i got the mindset n all #it's hard still bcs i can tell there's smth that's holding me back significantly. am i afraid that i'll be left out? alone? #i don't want to be what i'm not. but i'm afraid that. everything i've already found could just go away. disappear and leave #n i'll never really find a place that stays that i belong in. i'm too young to say for sure but i think #the world was cruel then. I ALREADY HAD TRUST ISSUES THEN THANKS TO OLD FRIENDS N THEN LMFAOOO I GOT HURT MORE #this is why i love helping others ! i try to make sure that people are being listened to in convos. i try to really read n understand *you* #fuck my anxiety though n i guess that child in me's still afraid to let my guard down. #there's sm i WANT to do for others n then. added with my own self. it's so overwhelming n it often feels like i failed everyone #we all owe ourselves the same kindness we give to others. it really gets hard though. bcs god i beat myself up for not being enough #especially for others :') like god i always want to help but it gets so hard to reach out n then i get hurt even more by my incompetence #cries i got distracted but back to ff..... i hate being romantic this way bcs i cld find some witty way to. #god no wait i'm not gna bring that up

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

I lowkey wanna buy a polaroid izone camera off ebay or something

Cuz it was my first camera that wasnt a disposable camera and I have literally all my other cameras....well technically I also had a tiny camcorder that I also lost but all my other cameras meant for taking photos specifically. I unfortunately also dont have any of the pictures I took with my izone anymore cuz I got that thing for my 5th birthday and considering I was a child for a good chunk of the last 19 years I had a tendency of losing things.

I do however remember at least 3 of the pictures I took with it tho. I can see them in my mind in very clear detail and its extremely frustrating that I no longer have them.

Pretty sure one was actually the first one I ever took which was a picture of mercedes in my grandparents living room.

One was a picture of this stuffed cat I had....possibly still have but im not sure where it is.....that purred when it was moved, sitting on my grammys recliner.

And the 3rd is a super over saturated picture of my preschool best friends face but you could only see her eyes and teeth in it. And also the outline of her hair.

#up until that birthday for as long as i can remember i liked to carry around disposable cameras long after id used up the film #and pretend to take pictures of things #i think i also enjoyed stimming with the wheel used to wind the film #and pushing the button was cool too but less so when it ran out of film cuz it didnt make the satisfying clicking sound anymore #camera flash sounds on phones could never compete #theyre always just a little too high pitched #old film cameras are a little more satisfying tho #i really wish i had a dark room so i could use my film camera more #idk if ive ever posted a picture of it here but its literally my dream camera from highschool #and my grandparents just happened to find it for $25 at a garage sale AND it came with a bunch of different lenses #and i havent gotten a chance to play around with any of them cuz my photography class in college didnt offer many chances to #and i havent tried since cuz...films expensive....and i have no way to get it developed or make prints..... #so that makes it kinda hard to test out #like...cool. took a picture....i have no way of knowing how it looks. #i even have a shit ton of photo paper i never got to use cuz i ended up dropping out that semester #and i cant even play around and make prints of any of the film i DO have developed cuz i dont have a fuckin dark room #or the proper chemicals #ugh #some day #some day i will have a dark room.

[rogersstevie]

cowboy carter is absolutely my fave beyonce album since lemonade like it doesn't seem like a lot that i've already listened twice in two days but for me who so often is like okay i'll listen to a new release and then come back to it in a week or so bc i'm listening to so much other stuff it does show how much i'm into this one

#tbf to the others in between like #self titled and lemonade were released when i followed people who would reblog the zip files #(god i have albums i wouldn't have otherwise bothered to download bc of that there used to be so much music sharing on here i miss it #now i never hear the leaks of stuff or ANYTHING either bc there aren't people posting them where i can see #or in the case of swifties they're fucking babies about leaks) #so i listened to those two A TON on my phone it was probably around the time of lemonade that i started using spotify somewhat regularly #so like i have listened to her other work since then and all but not to the same extent #honestly i have grown to like country more and more primarily women of course lol #but like back in middle/high school i would listen to taylor and carrie underwood and maybe a couple other women #the only man i can think of is hunter hayes #which tbf is still kinda true it really is WOMEEEN in country for me #but yeah like recent years with people like kacey musgraves where i'm just like oh i'm OBSESSED with this #in a way that wasn't happening with any country artist except for taylor for a long time it was just like casual fan of some people #ANYWAY i'm glad to have a new album i'm excited about bc the kacey one was good but unfortunately just don't love it like her others #and obvs i have my low expectations for ttpd atm bc like obvs folkmore are my shit #and i listened to fearless tv and red tv a good bit initially but midnights and speak now tv and 1989 tv way way less #1989 tv i barely listen to at all tbh i was just so bored with the vault tracks all the others had much better ones imo #but new dua lipa is coming too and i'm like listen she's made two absolute banger albums it feels too much to hope #for a third that's as good as self titled and future nostalgia #so anyway: highly recommend cowboy carter

[slimeylee]

why have these last years fucking sucked ass

#slimey-vents #trigger warning below hi did you drink water today and eat something i hope u did ur so cool and amazing pls get some rest gives u a cookie #please scroll past if uninterested i also dont want u to feel obligated like u have to read n listen to me vent and ramble on abt dumb shit #like 2020 - 2024 . have just been ass . #we're not even halfway into 2024 and it already is just #garbage . like its fucking horrible #i dont see how this year could get . any worse ?? but i wouldnt want to get my hopes up on that itll get better ? #like god what has been happening . #covid came up technoblade got cancer and passed away israel's continuing their mass genocide #and a lot of things have happened in my personal life . such as my mother passing away . #and . its just been so fucking hard ?? #i wish i had lasting hope in humanity . but tbh i dont think its ever gonna get any better and that really fucks w me #ive been having suicidal thoughts and ive just been in a very shitty mental state recently #like social media #is honestly the only thing i have to live on #i have honestly boring friends n all my friends dont go to my school . my gf doesnt even go to my school #ive had to switch schools after having a fun time and doing a lot better . the only thing that im holding on by a thread to is social media #all my friends . my fandoms . etc . i talk to through my phone and through here #im so glad to have met everybody that i have on here #im sorry this is getting really long ive started going on a ramble but i just want everyone to know that i love yall /p #i appreciate everybody so much . all my moots and my close friends that ive made not only here but irl as well #and everybody that ive talked to throughout the time we've known each other . i really just want to think that everything will get better #everybody that ive met through my years of social media and school have really changed my life . and idk what i wouldve done #having never met any of them . especially my moots on here that ive grown close to #its just been stressful . but ive strived to get through it all . despite how hard it is #and how desperately i just want to let go from everything #but ending one thing doesnt end any pain it just gives it on to someone else #and i know that im way too pussy to end anything anyways . #but on another note . #please remember that you are amazing . talented . strong . and i appreciate and ily so much . /p

[timeisacephalopod]

Ended up calling CAS (Canadian CPS Americans) and I did not expect to have complicated feelings on such a thing because it's not as if the call wasn't needed years ago if I'm honest, but I typically do not like involving myself in such things especially when so many people make frivolous calls to cops and agencies like this. Seriously, child abuse is the crime that receives the most false accusations and of course I'm not talking out my ass, but I also don't want to disrupt a bunch of kids lives over their mothers bullshit.

On the flip side me messing around with their lives at this point is probably the best option for them and that's not something I say lightly, I told the guy twice I was making that call with a heavy heart but what little I know is deeply disturbing to me. And specified that I believe my oldest niece is the primary victim in part because she's a vocal kid, good for her. But that's done, I can at least know I tried for those kids and did what I could to make myself sound credible and give what info I know even if I made it clear that I don't know probably anything really. But I'm tired of waiting for change from someone who isn't capable of it. Those kids need better, it's not like I didn't wait 13 years for her to do better by those kids. It's not like I said anything untrue to anyone involved either, so complicated feelings or not know I didn't just run around making nasty frivolous phone calls. I'm genuinely concerned my oldest niece will end up dead and that the only thing done about it on shitheads end will be protecting my nieces murderer and if I did nothing about that I'd never be able to live with it.

#winters ramblings #i feel bad for calling i DO even if as far as im concerned that piece of shit deserves to be vivisected for what shes done #its the KIDS i feel for. i just dont want their lives fucked up because of ME but like. their lives are fucked already #thats why i called like i said id call a month ago but decided that was too extreme and WAY too soon #but the way things are going im afraid shell speedrun her usual abusive relationships and my NIECE will get killed #maybe that scum fuck wont care if her kid isurdered since she doesmt care if that same kid is BEATEN #but ID sure shit care and i wouldnt be able toive with myself if something happened and i DIDNT SAY SHIT before it could be prevented #i simply could not do that to CHILDREN. the guy said they may call me back for more info and i was like yeah thats fine #anything i can do to help those kids which he seemed to appreciate. but really i sat around FAR too long #complicated feelings or not i didnt make that call to be frivolous OR as any kind of revenge for her bullshit #i did it because if shes willing to go THAT FAR with me over nothing im afraid she'll let that SCUM actually KILL my niece and do nothing #or WORSE out and out PROTECT him from any consequences for KILLING her. and god help me if that happened #and i did NOTHING id need therapy for the guilt i could NOT live with that. so i made a call i never wanted to make #beyond being pissed off in a moment but i sat on it for a couple days and when i woke up today #i knew what i had to do and whether i like it or not. i did NOT make that call lightly #the fact that i called anyone when i LOATHE phone calls is already a massive hurdle on my end jumped #but like really am i going to sit around wondering if my niece will be DEAD soon without trying to DO something? #no. i just couldnt live with that and if nothing happens well. i did what i could #whatever DOES happen i hope those kids are ok and i hope theyll either be close enough to visit #or that my mom would be nice enough to drive my ass to visit with them somewhat often since if they get placed in other homes #or just one other home then id like to at least try to provide some type of familial stability by maintaining contact #i know the kids use kids messenger too so if anything happens ill try to get that info so o can contact them #and they can reach out if they want to. especially my oldest niece im so worried for her that kid WILL press all the buttons she can #which is good for her on one hand but has me worried she'll get HURT on the other and i dont want THAT of course #regardless hopefully whatever might come of this those kids get the environment they deserve and thrive

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

you’ve been katsuki’s for as long as you can remember.

sure, he had never outwardly called you his girlfriend, but when you were both seven years old, he came up to you. chest heaving slightly from running up and down the hill where he had gotten you a freshly plucked out bouquet of flowers. the roots were still clinging to them and he got dirt all over your hands from forcibly grabbing them and shoving the bouquet in them before you could even form a sentence.

“since you accepted the flowers, you’re mine now.” he mumbled, his little hands tightened into fists at his sides and chubby cheeks a cute shade of pink, staring at you as confidently as he could.

a grin grows on his face when you respond with a simple “okay !” and a bright smile. the grin on his face never disappears even as his mom scolds him for getting you both all dirty.

you were katsuki’s in middle school too, when the boys in class decided to play kiss, marry, kill and he had somehow gotten dragged into it. the girls in your class tried their best to seem uninterested, claiming the boys were being childish, but you noticed how hard some of them were straining their ears trying to hear what the guys were talking about in their own little corner of the room. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little curious as well.

katsuki was as ruthless as you’d known him to be, choosing to kill any girl that wasn’t to his liking, which ended up being all of them. much to the other boys’ chagrin, claiming he had no taste.

then your name was brought up.

at that, his eyes widened and he turned in his seat to see if you were watching. you had never turned your head away so fast in your life and you were pretty sure you heard something go “crack”.

he clicked his tongue. mumbling something about how stupid the game was before muttering out a “kiss yn, marry yn and kill that other bitch.” before getting up and stomping away, claiming he had to go to the bathroom followed closely by the whoops and hollers of his two friends behind him.

you both made eye contact when he walked out and you think you’ll never forget how red his cheeks were.

you were katsuki’s when he was the one to walk you to and from school everyday, claiming you would somehow get lost without him. you were katsuki’s when he had begrudgingly shoved homemade valentines day chocolates into your arms, mumbling something about how you had been upset nobody had gotten you anything last year, conveniently leaving out the fact he had scared off all the other guys trying to offer you anything.

you were katsuki’s when he grabbed your hand during the winter because he said you’d “end up dying of hypothermia with the way you’re chittering over there.” and you were his when you were the only person he laughed around. loud, genuine laughter that you and only you could squeeze out of him. you were katsuki’s when he randomly kissed you goodnight at your door one night and he’s been doing it ever since, and gets all pouty when you turn away from his kisses to tease him.

“are we dating ?” you had asked him. you’re both in high school now and you’re in his dorm room. your legs are on his lap and he’s got a comfortable grip on your leg, which tightens after he registers your questions “hah?” he looks utterly confused and a little insulted as he looks back at you, his entire face scrunched up in confusion. you pinch his nose and he swats at your hand.

“are we dating ? like—am i your girlfriend.” you say again and katsuki’s face scrunches up even harder. he huffs and looks back at his phone, landing a little smack on your leg still placed in his lap. “ ‘course yer my fuckin’ girlfriend.” he spits out, obviously irritated. then he looks back at you “I haven’t made it obvious ?” he says sarcastically. one of his eyebrows lifted as he pokes at your leg still very much in his lap.

you simply shrug “s’not that. it’s just because you’ve never actually asked me out before, so i was a little confused on where we stood.” you mumble. he stares at you while you speak and he stares a little longer before sighing. then he leans towards you and flicks your forehead.

“ow !”

“dumbass.” he murmurs. there’s a slight pout on his face and his cheeks are light shade of pink when he looks you in the eyes again. he grabs both your cheeks with one hand and smushes them together to push your lips out and presses multiple wet kisses onto them that have you squealing and squirming. his wet lips are pulled into a smirk when he pulls back and you try your best to at least look a little angry, you really do. but it’s useless when he looks at you like that.

“of course you’re my girlfriend” he reiterates. his smirk’s been replaced for something softer, something more sincere as he gazes at you with so much unadulterated affection it makes your head spin a little. “you’ve always been mine.” he says it in a teasing tone and his hand is still smushing your cheeks out and it hurts a little but his eyes are still the same. they’re warm and soft and so, so enamored with you and only you.

when he finally let’s go of your face and pulls you fully into his lap, you realize katsuki’s been yours for as long as you’ve been his.

you smile brightly at him but turn your nose up when he leans in to kiss you again. “i still haven’t heard what i wanna hear though, mr. bakugou.”

he rolls his eyes and pinches at your thigh as he mumbles out a “don’t call me that.” sighing, he looks at you intensely and you suddenly feel very shy.

“will you be my girlfriend, ya shitty girl ?” and he says it as a joke, you both know it is cus his lips are already forming into a smirk the second he finishes his sentence. and you’re pulling at his nose the moment you register it, but you’re both smiling hard. he laughs and you’re sure you’ll never get tired of the sound. “what’s your answer, pretty ?” he asks playfully and you pretend to really think it over just to mess with him, and giggling out a “yes!” when he suddenly pounces on you. flipping you both over and tickling you mercilessly, calling it revenge for you “taking too damn long to answer.”

you’d been katsuki’s for as long as you can remember, and you hope you can be forever.

#just a silly little thing i wrote in record time in the bus #i love him sm yall dont get him like i do #just silly boyfriend katsuki tingz #him n my oc r childhood friends in my canon so thats why i made this #i love my boyfriend #I didn’t know how to end this one either #bakugou katuski x reader #katsuki bakugo fluff #bakugo fluff #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou drabble #bakugou fluff #bakugo x reader #bakugo x you #bakugo x y/n #bakugo x female reader #bakugo x oc

[judicent]

What the ever-loving fuck am I ever saying to anyone?

Because whatever the hell it is, I sure as shit don't mean it.

#here we are with vinny's feelings vaguely disguising my own #several sucky things have happened in succession that've made me feel AWFUL and it's all cause I'm.. bad. at talking #I got blocked and did not understand what had happened til after I spent an hour meticulously apologizing then couldn't send it #I!!!! feel terrible!!!!!! I'd conducted myself SO POORLY this person thought I'd just go complain about them and forget it??? #like no damn sorry I feel horrendous about this and probably will forever. I'm extremely sorry and I couldn't even tell you #I literally could not think about anything else for days. #I deleted our chat since I didn't want to obsess over every word I had ever said to them like I knew I would #cause there isn't really any recourse here that doesn't hurt them. I just hurt them and they'll never know how immensely sorry I am #I just. couldn't get over how they thought I never cared. that's been said to me in so many ways over the years and FUCK it hurts #I think it stung especially hard bc something similar but much more hurtful happened years ago #I dunno. then a couple other more mild instances of me being foolish occurred. it's been making me want to implode #how can I continue to do such awful things and not even realize what I've said before it's way too late #sigh sorry I did not want to go on like this it's going to stick with me for a while and probably not feel better for a long time if at all #guh. I looked at this sketch on the phone and you cannot see anything if you're on a low brightness as I am all the time. gotta fix that #also realized in the caption 'ever' is in there like 3 times and idk if that repetition sucks or kinda has a rhythm #how should I know! as we just established I am the WORST with words! #I FORGOT ALL MY TAGS #do I even want em here after this novel of wough #idk maybe when/if I come back to this n make it presentable it'll get proper tags