#i hate him and that pain he caused me

[pursuitofhappiiiiness]

i fucking loved you. more than i knew possible.

#lol #me #oldie #he broke my heart but blames me #personal #lmfao #i hate him and that pain he caused me #i hate you joe

[heartsgettingwiser62]

So when are we as a fandom going to stop pretending that jonathan byers isn't one of the best written and most interesting characters in st

#no cause it PAINS me to see how underrated he is #the amount of angst this guy has?? all the complicated feelings inside him??? his relationships with other people??? #the way he loves and hates and manages to survive??? i could write for hours all the internal dialogue going through his head #he's such a complex character and we just brush him off???? i genuinely dont get how hes not more popular #'but steve is hotter 🥺🥺' i am going to rip my skin off. #anyways thats it that was the rant #im rewatching s1 and istg i want to EAT his character #i need more content abt him i need discussion i need a statue of jonathan byers in every corner of every city #is that going a bit too far? #naahh #anyways it wont happen but s5 jonathan protagonist plsplspls im begging you #jonathan byers #stranger things #stranger things 5 #st5 #st #jancy #byler #<<<target audience

[thelastharbinger]

TENOCH GET AWAY FROM ME. GET AWAYYYY

#why tf is he so cute? #god put him on this earth to punish me specifically! i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here #¡salté de mi vista! but not actually cause i like looking at you. #i love pain #tenoch huerta mejia #tenoch huerta #black panther #wakanda forever #bpwf #namor the sub mariner #namor #marvel #mcu #bp2 #black panther 2 #orgullo prieto #simp behavior clearly #GO READ HIS BOOK LOSERS! #k'uk'ulkan

[hjemne]

I could go on for years and years about Knives in Trimax, but THIS makes me physically unwell. Knives was the one who was constantly worrying that humans weren't going to accept him or Vash, and he was the one who first raised the question of becoming friends with humans, not Vash. When he asks Conrad (the second human he's ever met) what he thinks of him and Vash, there is a genuine fear of being rejected and is so relieved by Conrad's answer he cries. Knives is the sensitive, emotional child who needs the support of Vash, Rem and other humans to feel like he has a place in the world.

Conrad says if they can love someone with their whole heart, they'll be able to work and live together, but then what happens immediately after?

Knives and Vash discover Tesla. She is the only other Independent like them, and humans treated her like a science specimen and experimented on her body fell apart and she died horribly. Knives is 1 year old, and he's having to process THIS, knowing he can no longer trust any adult around him. Knives - again, remember he's the sensitive one - faints and Vash says he wishes he had also been able to cut himself off from the agony of the realisation too.

I absolutely adore that bottom panel of Knives' hope that they can coexist being stripped away. The boy he was just is not compatible with the world he finds himself in and this is the foundation of his adult self we see throughout the rest of Trimax.

With Knives unconscious, the focus then shifts to Vash who has the chance to confront Rem. It's incredibly significant that Knives is not part of that conversation and never lets himself be emotionally vulnerable around Rem again to have a similar talk with her where he might have been able to process his feelings like Vash did.

Vash actually tries to stab himself with a knife (and there's metaphors in that for someone else to unpack) and Rem prevents him, injuring herself in the process. Vash then turns against Rem and tries to kill her, severely wounding her and saying he won't shed a single tear for her before suddenly becoming overwhelmed by remorse and rushing to save her. Vash, who had been refusing food, then finally starts to eat as Rem tells him he's got a blank ticket to the future and not to throw his life away because there are good people out there. Only after Rem and Vash have come to this truce / understanding does Knives wake up.

He has realised that Rem not only knew about Tesla, not only kept her a secret, but was also involved in her abuse. He goes from having a heart absolutely bursting with love and hope, to learning that even the person he loved was capable of unspeakable violence against his kind. His childhood, his dreams, his support is all taken from him, and when Vash seems to forgive and forget, he's also cut off from the one person who could fully understand him. He either genuinely forgets or (what I think is more likely) pretends to have no memory of the discovery. This is where Knives is separated from both Vash and humans, and this is the point where he starts on his path of no return.

KNIVES was the one who loved humans, who was deeply deeply upset at the thought of not being accepted by them. When he finds Tesla, he realises he and Vash can never be fully accepted or fully safe, and his actions are driven from this (justified) fear of what people will do to him if they find him. But he knows he is stronger and smarter than humans, he knows that he has the power and ability to protect himself, Vash and future Independents from suffering Tesla's fate. Knives was and is right about humans posing an existential threat to Plants, both dependent and independent, and his decision to crash the ships was not done out of malice but terror. Knives NEVER took the first shot. If Tesla hadn't been murdered, I really, really doubt he would have turned out the way he did.

#Also I think it's worth pointing out that after their final battle #Knives takes on the blame for everything that happened #(especially for separating himself and Vash) and asks Vash to kill him because there's nothing left for him and no way to undo his actions #he was deeply deeply traumatised and still at the end is able to realise that that still doesnt justify the pain hes caused (esp Vash) #trimax knives makes me lose my goddamn mind and i hate what they did to him in tristamp if im honest #millions knives #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun knives #vash the stampede #trigun maximum spoilers #trimax spoilers #this is the last chapter of vol 6 and the first few of vol 7 if you're interested!

[skitskatdacat63]

2009 Malaysian Grand Prix - Jenson Button(ft. Nick Heidfeld & Timo Glock)

#gifing jenson podiums is just me frantically saying to myself over and over: #'WHY IS HE SO PRETTYYYYYYY' #his wet messed up hair in all of these....i am unwell... #i have a love hate relationship with wet races #i like them as a race bcs they add an extra element of unpredicatableness #BUT THEY MAKE THE LIGHTING OF THE PODIUMS ABSOLUTE SHIT(at least in this era) #this and the next race(china 2009) are plagued with the worst lighting known to man #and it pains me so much cause theyre both great podiums but the lighting makes everyone look so bad LMAO #like yes ty for letting me see my drivers sopping wet but my god why do you make them look like smeagol(sry thats so out of pocket) #but its impossible to completely ruin jenson's handsomeness so no worries #there were so many cute shots of him peeking out of the car I LOVE HIMMMMM SOB SOB #i really gotta stop making gifsets right before i need to sleep it makes me keep pushing my sleepy time later #hahaha me quickly posting these mere hours before the first event of miami #PLS! ITS NOT THE RACE WKND JUST YET I SWEAR I SWEAR #jenson button #jb22 #timo glock #nick heidfeld #brawn #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #we do a little bit of f1 #2009 malaysian grand prix #2009 malaysian gp #(2009: 2/17 races watched)

[fromtheseventhhell]

Need more female characters to brutally kill their abusers and then laugh about it cause otherwise we get people using them as self-inserts, romanticizing their abuse, and shipping them with their abusers

#female character: I hate this man he caused me so much pain + hurt the people I care about and I feel nothing but disgust towards him #fandom: Omg she's so in love with him??? girl stop it I can't stop blushing and giggling >.< this man is sooooo hot #her canon love interesting is so boring and bland tbh they're more like siblings and her and [villain] have sooo much chemistry so it fits #and don't even get me started on how they'll demonize the female character for not accepting the villains advances 😒 #it's always the ones who say that they love her the most that do this and then claim to be the only ones to understand her #can't even tag this cause it applies to so many stories and fandoms #begging people to just enjoy a ship without feeling the need to justify it cause it just makes you look like a clown 😭 #cause they're the first ones to get mad when lines/scenes from the story are brought up and disprove it lol

[skunkes]

#i dont like travel much but can someone take me to italy to see michelangelos david i need to see him before i die #he's been the associative object (object. object) for my current brain spiral. the one i wrote that whole essay on the other day #the imitation of a human body the representation of a human body #i think i want to go somewhere i can see more sculptures representative of human beings in general #to cause myself more symbolic or metaphorical pain #the fenced off representation of a human body. you cannot touch it. #you cannot touch the statue. but also. you ARE the fenced off untouched statue. #desire and the desired and being an object and having and being a body and being and not being human #i want to be frozen in marble on the pedestal i want to be the pedestal i want to topple off the pedestal #the human body the human body the human body #⬅️ saying this all deliriously as if dying in your arms from blood loss #talkys #im not sure how to feel about the thoughts that have been swarming my brain lately but i feel like it could be made into art #if i were smarter #its like silkworms in their cocoon #in the way i would have never been the person to discover how to get silk from them i hate that i cant spin any of this into #something tangible and meaningful and poetic and real #i want to make art i want to be art i need someones hands to pull the fibers from my untouched brain #he's like a doll to me. i am a doll to me. #🌺

[needylittlegirl]

im having so much fun !

#this is a lie everythings going bad suddenly #my sister wants to move cause everything being going downhill since our landlord changed #and i Hate moving i moved a lot as a kid so it just makes me feel awful now even though its for the best #and at work my bosses boss just got replaced and theyre talking about moving us around #like i’ll have to work at a different pharmacy #and my cats acting weird again and im still waiting for his vet appointment #and im nervous that whatever it is i wont be able to afford #and i dont want him to be in pain and i know hes uncomfortable right now #thats just too many things out of my control i feel like a stupid helpless kid i just want it all to be fine #tbd

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji// #like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry. #his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too.... #idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀 #maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

[ayrennaranaaldmeri]

wonderful to see that the "pweease stop [clown shoes SQUEAKING] being so mweaan to mwystwaaa [CLOWN SHOES SQUEAKING INTENSIFIES] its so misogynistic!!!"[CLOWN SHOES SQUE-] movement is in full swing for some fucking reason??

#tbd #this caused me pain to write #but that's what these people sound like #and yes i sincerely meant that some assclowns think disliking mystra's predatory ass is the mis*ogyny #so unless you have literally said 'mystra hate is x' this doesn't apply to you. #i remember in early access when it was literally just me chignon and like 6 other people on the gale train #and here i am yearning for the days when the stupidest thing i'd see is 'gale wants your tadpoles for his special gourmet tadpole soup' #she is so petty and cruel and base. she goes out of her way to be cruel to gale #she goes out of her way to try to get her predatory fingers on him again in act 2 if he cleanses the shadow weave #she is so monumentally disgusting ok? she is. #it should tell you something that literally everyone in the party thinks she's monumentally gross. #even minthara thinks she's rancid lmfao. #fandom wank #abuse tw

[sonego]

gonna get personal in the tags sorryyyyy

shit i ran out of tags to use GKBKGKDKKDBJDMBMN ok rest under a read more 😭

so okay basically my doctor said sure i'll write you the prescription and also wait should i add it to your regularly taken meds page (so i can request it with a click when i run out)? and i was like yeah that'd be nice and i tried to explain that i thought i would only need for a short period of time but i still need it after many months so... but like he didn't care about the why lol

and anyway now that this has happened i'm like. gonna try to Stop doing what i was doing. there is no good reason to be in pain all the time and make my life harder when taking that dose of my med was working okay and making things considerably better. i don't need to punish myself. this is like so so so hard for me to internalize. being disabled is not a fault. even if it might be my "fault", even if i lowkey feel like i might have contributed to the condition i am in with like, bad choices or whatever, it's still not right to punish myself for it. i'm already unwell, i'm already suffering, what's making it worse gonna do to help? why do i need to feel worse just so i can think i got what i deserve for being in pain in the first place?

so yeah. going back to the higher dose. i hope that makes me feel less pain. i hope i can work without hating every second of it again. i do still hope one day i can get better and not need this med anymore, it's not like i've given up on that bc tbh a lot's still unclear and i will try and see if i can find answers. but in the meantime, no more punishing myself. i need to be okay. i want to be okay.

#called my doctor the other day #bc i needed the prescription for the muscle relaxant i take for my back pain #and i've been needing it for like a while but i kept putting off calling him to get it #there's a few reasons for that one of which is that i hate phone calls in general but especially w doctors #just makes me v v anxious #which is related to another reason which is that i was so scared he'd tell me no bc this was was supposed to be a temporary “fix” #like a little help while i actually got better #which clearly hasn't happened so i still need it but like. i am so used to doctors trying to like decide what i need #not based on my symptoms and needs and what i tell them but just what they think i SHOULD need #bc i SHOULDN'T feel pain i SHOULDN'T need to take that i should just idk excercise and lose weight and try not to be s*icidal and try to #control my moods and oh i shouldn't have headaches almost daily cause they found no medical reason for it #also have i tried sleeping more? have i tried not having insomnia? have i tried smaller doses of x med? #etc etc it's never what i AM experiencing it's what i SHOULD be experiencing. and let me tell you that sucks so bad #my previous gp ruined me so bad and i'm only now realizing it #like every time i need to tell or ask my current gp something i get so anxious bc i'm convinced he'll put up a fight and say no without #listening or he'll write me the wrong prescription or he won't even answer my calls ........... #instead this gp is the opposite #maybe even like. too easily says yes lmao 😭 like i try to talk things thru w him a bit to explain why i need x and he'll just be like #yeah sure here it is and sometimes i feel he's not even listening 🧍🏻 #but anyway like. i was kinda punishing myself i think? #i keep trying to lower my dose of muscle relaxant bc i think i shouldn't need it #and i don't want to need it i actually HATE that i need it. it makes me so mad w myself #so i keep trying even if every time i take less i am in so much pain #and these past couple of weeks? or something i did that even more bc i tried to lower it EVEN MORE #even if the 5th attempt to lower it a bit was unsuccessful and i was doing so badly #bc i was running out and i was killing two birds with one stone by trying to lower it so i would be a Better Stronger Nico #and was delaying having to call my doctor #end result: i wanna cry every time i stop (workiny #working* or studying or giffing or doing Whatever) #bc i'm forced to think of the fact i am in pain

[pursuitofhappiiiiness]

it’s nice to finally lose to emotional attachment to him. i don’t know him anymore. just a stranger with memories. but i’m FREE. I LOST AN EMOTIONAL ABUSER, i didn’t loose. i won myself.

#personal #me #i hate him and that pain he caused me #i hate you joe #surviving narcissism #lol #literally

[aerticent]

my love for Maven has evolved into something and no matter how hard i try i cannot put it into words and it’s driving me crazy

#i have a post talking about how his body is decaying from the inside out due to his soul rejecting his mother and that’s the closest i’ve #gotten so far at explaining my feelings for him rn #i’ve also stopped seeing him as this sad pitiful creature and am more so leaning towards he was a rage and resentment fillled creature and #his main ways of showing love went hand in hand with him putting Cal and Mare through the worst pains/horrors imaginable #he also is absolutely batshit like #bro is on the brink of madness the whole time it’s a wonder he never fully falls through #bet u money if he had been successful in killing Mare or Cal he would’ve fully lost it #cause like now what #this whole war and the two ppl he hates/loves the most r dead and it’s his fault #idk what i’m talking about #he got me feeling like #[CAR CRASH] [GLASS SHATTERING] GOOD LORD! [GENERAL COMMOTION] [BABY CRYING] WAAAAH WAAAAH [YELLING] [POLICE SIRENS] WEEWOO WEEWOO #he still is sad and pitiful but he’s also a rage filled monster who was given too much power without enough guidance #just running on hatred and whatever fucked up version of love he knows of #the closest he got to truly not gaf about literally anyone or anything was his reaction to Elara’s death #did all that running on nothing but anger and hatred almost killed Cal he was so enraged #does this make any sense? #he’s still baby girl sunshine loml 🔛🔝 tuck him into bed and read him bed time stories little angel

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

the toxic relationship that is pinned on bojack that the show ignored/ brushed off as a nothing burger on anas end when she basically used this guy for sex in order to get an oscar the more i dwell on it the angrier i get cause there is never any mention of her assault zero zilch none .. nothing.. i mean im sure bj shitty esteem/ mommy issues thinks he deserves it/ but the show saying nothing against it bugs me

. they couldn't let diane know i guess but man it be amazing if she did her best friend getting assaulted she'd be so pissed off

#bojack horseman #ana #her last name is annoying to spell #ana spanakopita #my boy was assaulted and does the show care? n o #the more i view thses scenes the angrier i get #cause imagine if bj did this man he never heard the of it from fandom #as he should in fact id prob hate him for it #i find the idea he goes along with the painful sex sad some people enjoy it but he didnt really give off those vibes for me #woman having power over men is a thing that was annoyingly ignored in this show #cause yes it can happen it does happen it prob happens more than we know #we give men power to abuse others bro your an abuser too its horribly fucked what happened to penny but ya aint no better #even with the penny situation i believe diane would hate ana for asssaulting her bes friend too cause shes against that shit

[caterpillarinacave]

sorry, I was busy thinking about how fucking peppy Roman would have been if he'd had a normal childhood

#I mean peppy with a vaguely threatning aura. he would have been the epitome of :):):) #most of my blorbos could have been different if they had better parents. Roman could have been really fucking delightful #in a “make authority figures hate you” sort of way #he's so #“this is a failure of your system. this is the fault of the system. you built this enemy. you built this enemy while he begged you not to” #or whatever #you know #could have been such an interesting character contrast if someone didn't KILL HIM #the foil potential. the “the system you love is flawed” potential. the “nothing is black and white” potential. #RT fumbled such potential so badly it causes is me physical pain

[vipier]

sorry , i've got … i've got a lot of work to do .

WHERE MOMENTS BEFORE HE WAS ALL FIRE, IT TAKES ONLY THOSE FEW WORDS TO TURN TRISTAN TO STONE. somehow, he manages to avoid flinching in the face of cassian’s practiced apathy. nothing creeps beneath his skin worse than being treated like just anyone by the one person who knows him best of all — especially because it means @k4ssa knows there’s no better way to make him feel small. tris casts his gaze around the disorganized workshop, the captain’s haven in the bowels of yavin iv, and for a moment, he sees the hours upon hours he’s spent here with him flash before his eyes. nothing and nobody else ever would have brought him to this planet. he’d never developed a taste for any of this, for the martyrdom, for the fight against one tyrant that he’s sure will immediately create another. he stays for one reason, for one person, because he needs cassian … and cass needs at least someone who places his wellbeing over some intangible ideal.

a thankless goddamned job, clearly. exhibit a: this fucking conversation.

“ you always do these days, don’t you, ” tristan answers in little more than a hiss, a sneer. standing, he kicks the chair he had been sitting in back against the table with a loud clang. there has always been so much love between them, enough to nearly suffocate him, but that love has many dimensions, comes with baggage that has built and built over the years until tris swears he can feel his back physically strain with the weight of it all. “ fine. you want me gone, I’m gone. just do me a favor, cass, and don’t fucking apologize to me when you’re not actually sorry. I can read it all over your face, even with this bullshit ice queen act of yours. ”

it’s a dance they’re used to doing by now. cassian pushes him aside for his rebellion again and again, utterly obtuse and willfully ignorant to tristan’s motivations, even though there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be able to read them, brilliant as he is. tristan lashes out, grasping him violently close with one hand while pushing him away with the other, seeking to wound, seeking to punish at times, to force cassian to feel some fraction of his own agony, his own sense of worthlessness. it is as if to remind him, you may hold more power over me than I do over you, but don’t forget I can still hurt you back. he can’t successfully pretend at this point in his miserable life that he simply doesn’t care about his lover, that he could walk away permanently without tearing away a vital part of himself — but he certainly has a storied history of being willing to harm himself deeply for lesser reasons and he’s more than willing to allow that silent threat to linger, to make cass wonder if he might actually follow through one day, despite the damage it would do to him, too. it’s his only defense.

“ don’t call, ” he snaps as he strides toward the exit. please call, echoes in the back of his mind, almost in a whimper, all the more pathetic and humiliating, all the more reason to push himself out the door before he can embarrass himself further. “ I know when I’m not wanted. trust me. plenty of experience. I’m sure all your rebels will throw a goddamned party when they realize I’m gone. a win for everyone, it seems. enjoy your work, captain. ” he braces himself as he pushes through the far door, jaw set and brow furrowed, all coiled and furious energy, each step more determined than the last, despite the way each one tears at his chest.

if only he weren’t already silently willing cassian to call him back.

#k4ssa #contract accepted. ( responses ) #star wars au tbt. #I hate him I HATE HIM I hate them I love them so much #they cause me PHYSICAL PAIN but I love them #PEAK PETTY TRISTAN as if he won’t call if cass doesn’t make a move … embarrassing #this is such a grade a overreaction