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#i hate this so much how did this happen


#flick ticks, #listen.........i know i keep saying i'm done talking about him.........but this is an important discovery i made lmao........, #so towards the end of our relationship i was Actually Trying. i was Actually Trying Really Fucking Hard to get better. i can recall Two, #breakdowns that i brought myself down from- one i apologized for once i was calm and the other i had a hard time with bc i kept like., #realizing what was happening lmao (it was . one of the times he tried to break up with me lmao......) but i could get myself down for a, #little while at least!! and the very last big breakdown i had i just. i literally just needed him to sit with me for 3 mins and hold my hand, #and take some deep breaths with me and tell me it was ok. that's it. i just needed 5 minutes. but i guess at that point he was so fuckin, #done with me and my shit that he just wanted to leave (granted also i wanted to go with him but like. damn. nothing for me when he was goin), #(he was going camping for a week at that time) and like.........yeah i did need more. not from him necessarily but i did need More Help, #because god FUCK i was practically a pile of dust from being broken so much sgfnsvgksjfhs, #sighs. i just?? i really wanna know he feels abt everything. like i have No idea what it feels like to hate someone So, #Passionately- to be so scared of someone that even their name makes you sick. i have no idea what it's like in his shoes and god Fuck, #i just wanna fuckin. understand him and his position lmao.... i myself would've forgiven myself already but he's not me and he doesn't Ever, #have to forgive me. that's fine. i've moved on. (and yes i have moved on this is just smth i'm thinking abt and wanna get out lmao) i just, #wanna know like. what he's thinking and how he's feeling. i wanna be able to read his mind i guess shfksvgnbdbfdjs- i guess i wanna know how, #he's feeling so i can like? further analyze myself and like. work on myself more effectively i guess lmao. idk, #i'm not gonna call myself selfish for wanting to know what i did wrong lol. and i'm not gonna call myself selfish for having wanted to fix, #shit ❤️ because it's not ❤️ it's me feeling awful about the shit i did and not wanting to lose my friend(s) ❤️, #god. i am super curious as to like.... what all of them feel/think about me..... ah well. it's whatever lol, #anyways i drove around town w/ my sister-in-love yesterday & it was fun! she only screamed a little SNFKSBGNS, #i wasn't paying attention to the road for Two seconds & i almost hit a light pole SBFNSBFNDBFSMS, #i'm gonna try driving myself to therapy today :), #my brother's car sucks to drive in bc it's so fckin loose LMAO, #like. his gas and brakes are fuckin SLIPPY like- if i press Either of them *slightly* too hard the car fckin Jerks sbfbsjgbsjgbs, #anyways i'm having a lot of fun driving :D one day i'll be able to drive to the mall sbgsbgds, #i need to get better at multitasking w/ my eyes tho- i have a hard time focusing on the road and also peeping my mirrors to see if there are, #ppl next to me/behind me that i cant see lmao. i'll get there one day tho :) i have a game on my phone that tests my reaction time & i might, #use that to like. improve my ability to look around quickly idk sbfjsvgnsvfjss, #we'll see! i'll just have fun w/ it all :)
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Me and my roommates were having this long conversation about when they moved here and our old dorm building and my friend was talking about how she would get drunk every night and the day she “woke up” was when this girl was doing coke at a party and she passed out and they had to call an ambulance and ppl were laughing cause they thought she was joking or faking it or something and she was thinking how she would get out of there before the cops came cause she was an international I was like god we all had such different problems cause I was like the only hijabi in that building and I saw the looks ppl gave me so I stayed to myself and my other friend was just depressed djdjdjjfufd

#I honestly hate those conversations so much lol I hateee talking about life pre covid, #like sjdjjd she was talking about how she would be hungover most of the time but my other friend was uncomfortable w alchohol and the other, #was a minor and I was Muslim so she just never mentioned it I was like djjddj look where we are now, #like the first months of the school year last year I would binge watch a season a day of greys sometimes while sitting at the dining hall, #like it was so much depression after I moved out for a while lol, #I was like we honestly had such different problems at the time cause back then I was like fuck I moved out I went to uni, #I did everything right and I can’t move on from someone I met over the internet or like my old friends drifting apart from me and I was, #anxious about where I would go after my 8 month lease was over cause I couldn’t afford to keep living there I was like I need to make, #friends I need roommates like I still have these sad voice notes in my WhatsApp where I would vent to myself djdjjd, #from last year! like I moved out but now what am I gonna do with my life now sjfj, #and the ugly argument we had after New Years between us like then I signed a lease weeks later like nothing happened, #like any sane person would be like okay if were having problems now maybe we shouldn’t live together but for me it was like at least I know, #where I’m gonna live and I’m familiar with who I’m living with and they’re brown but like god, #I don’t realize how I lived with so much anxiety until they have these kind of conversations, #I was like girl, #you remind me how much I don’t miss how things were last year lol, #I’m happy things worked out and that we’re close now but I’m just like it must be Allah having my back, #I just felt so powerless then. like I was sad anxious insecure just a mess, #I let my friends treat me like shit I let my ex treat me like shit it already felt like the lowest point in my life? it really felt like, #I left an abusive house but what came after it wasn’t any better lol, #god it took so long for me to finally be okay, #and start feeling like the way a normal person should, #I’m so glad that part of my life is over like to some extend covid helped, #like the whole world was taking a break and I finally could too, #I think that’s the first time things started getting better for my mental health lol, #1120
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If people want me to believe that grimm that isn’t even the same species as her is somehow Summer Rose, they’re going to have to give a pretty convincing argument for why she would attack her own daughter and particularly why the writers would create such a dramatic moment and not do anything with it, not even a moment of hesitation or recognition from the grimm to pay off with the reveal later.

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mostly because okay,  let me break this down.  she gives birth,  then decides that giving birth to her infant was just so tiresome that she’s just done with life.  literally,  an immortal fucking being is done after one kid and abandons her brand new baby boy. in what universe?  so then Feanor grows up all bitter because mommy’s gone and daddy remarried,  right?  so then Finwe dies and Feanor leaves because well fuck this shit,  but then Miriel,  after Finwe dies,  gets permission to come back to ‘life’?  like.  now you want to come back now that your husband is dead and your only son is off causing chaos with his seven sons because you were too weak to raise him?  like I’m sorry,  but that’s how I feel,  and it’s honestly the only Tolkien story that I do not like,  but I’m going to try and role with it anyway because by golly,  he gave me this mess,  so I’m gonna do what I can with it.  besides,  mommy issues are always fun,  it just irks me that it’s like,  she got out of doing anything hard.  didn’t live life really,  didn’t raise her son at all,  and after everyone is gone,  she just starts making tapestries of all the crazy shit they’re doing.  gotta make you wonder what everyone else around thought about her taking a long ass nap and then just being like,  “welp,  I’m back.”

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I was dreaming about my dad again last night… Just saying over and over again that I want my dad back, essentially. I think I was crying in my sleep. Oy. And I just remembered this.

Losing a parent sucks. In some ways, it feels like I’m doing better and accepted it… and other times, not at all? But I feel that’s natural.

I know after I first lost my dad, my mom and I ran into one of my parents’ friends in the store and he’d of course lost a parent(s) too, and was saying how things would never be the same. And that’s probably true.

And I know I read some articles after it happened, about how people say “It gets better”, but the writer was still waiting for “better” to come.

It’s probably something you never get over, and you’ll always feel half-dead and like half of you is missing: because it is.

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Anyways literally if you are a teacher and assign classwork with a specific due date and after that point no matter WHAT refuse to unlock it i hope you get punched like legit.

#txt, #i may not hate you and thats Just bc i like the teacher i have who does this bullshit, #honestly i think its kind of funny how every single time i do this (ie fuck up and miss assignments), #i come here and am like ‘yea im gonna break down if it happens again’, #and yet here we are again. the cycle repeats. the closest ive gotten to actually breaking down was like. crying a lil, #anyways i would literally kill if it meant i could talk to someone who didnt give a shit about my grades about my mental health and capacit, #y for doing schoolwork so much, #like it was one thing when i was failing classes because i was just fucking stupid and was physically and mentally incapable of studying, #but now its eveb worse because im failing because i DONT FUCKINF KNOW ABOUT ATUFF BECAUSE IM STUCK, #USING 70 DIFFERENT WEBSITES. CAN YALL JUST AGREE ON ONE? HOW HARD CAN IT POSSIBLY BE?, #anyways i hope the collegeboard headquarters or wherever they keep their servers burns to the fucking ground, #im sick and tired of their stupid site. they need some like complete goddamn overhaul for it, #i cant check the site because i hqve to log in every fuckin time bc the ‘remember me’ button doesnt work, #and it takes like 10 minutes of openinf shit bc the site changes every 6 hours ot seems, #like i cant handle having to double chexk wvery site every day, #if i did that i would literally have no time to do ANYTHING. a n y t h i n g, #im just tired yall. i want go to sleep and just not wake up and also never have to think abt school again
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uks s4 thread pt 13

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