#i just felt compelled to write this because i feel like people so often miss the forest for the trees in this conversation

[dresshistorynerd]

The Real Cost of the Fashion Industry

Atacama Desert, in Alto Hospicio, Iquique, Chile. (source)

The textile industry is destroying the world. The industry is wasting massive amounts of energy and materials, and polluting the air, the ground and the water supplies. It overwhelmingly exploits it's labour and extracts wealth from colonized countries, especially in Asia. I assume we all broadly understand this, but I think it's useful to have it all laid out in front of you to see the big picture, the core issues causing this destruction and find ways how to effectively move forward.

The concerning trend behind this ever-increasing devastation are shortening of trend cycles, lowering clothing prices and massive amount of wasted products. Still in year 2000 it was common for fashion brands to have two collections per year, while now e.g. Zara produces 24 collections and H&M produces 12-16 collections per year. Clothing prices have fallen (at leas in EU) 30% from 1996 to 2018 when adjusted to inflation, which has contributed to the 40% increase in clothing consumption per person between 1996 and 2012 (in EU). (source) As the revenue made by the clothing industry keep rising - from 2017 to 2021 they doubled (source) - falling prices can only be achieved with increasing worker exploitation and decreasing quality. I think the 36% degrees times clothing are used in average during the last 15 years (source) is a clear indication on the continuing drop in quality of clothing. Clothing production doubled between 2000 and 2015, while 30% of the clothes produced per year are never sold and are often burned instead (source), presumably to prevent the returns from falling due to oversupply.

These all factors are driving people to overconsume. While people in EU keep buying more clothes, they haven't used up to 50% of the clothes in their wardrobe for over a year (source). This overconsumption is only made much worse by the new type of hyper fast fashion companies like SHEIN and Temu, which are using addictive psychological tactics developed by social media companies (source 1, source 2). They are cranking up all those concerning trends I mentioned above.

Under the cut I will go through the statistics of the most significant effects of the industry on environment and people. I will warn you it will be bleak. This is not just a fast fashion problem, basically the whole industry is engaging in destructive practices leading to this damage. Clothing is one of those things that would be actually relatively easy to make without massive environmental and human cost, so while that makes the current state of the industry even more heinous, it also means there's hope and it's possible to fix things. In the end, I will be giving some suggestions for actions we could be doing right now to unfuck this mess.

Carbon emissions

The textile industry is responsible for roughly 10% of the global CO2 emissions, more than aviation and shipping industry combined. This is due to the massive supply chains and energy intensive production methods of fabrics. Most of it can be contributed to the fashion sector since around 60% of all the textile production is clothing. Polyester, a synthetic fiber made from oil which accounts for more than half of the fibers used in the textile industry, produces double the amount of carbon emissions than cotton, accounting for very large proportions of all the emissions by the industry. (source 1, source 2)

Worker exploitation

Majority of the textiles are produced in Asia. Some of the worst working conditions are in Bangladesh, one of the most important garment producers, and Pakistan. Here's an excerpt from EU Parliament's briefing document from 2014 after the catastrophic Rana Plaza disaster:

The customers of garment producers are most often global brands looking for low prices and tight production timeframes. They also make changes to product design, product volume, and production timeframes, and place last-minute orders without accepting increased costs or adjustments to delivery dates. The stresses of such policies usually fall on factory workers.

The wage exploitation is bleak. According to the 2015 documentary The True Cost less than 2% of all garment factory workers earned a living wage (source). Hourly wages are so low and the daily quotas so high, garment workers are often forced through conditions or threats and demand to work extra hours, which regularly leads to 10-12 hour work days (source) and at worst 16 hour workdays (source), often without days off. Sometimes factories won't compensate for extra hours, breaching regulations (source).

Long working hours, repetitive work, lack of breaks and high pressure leads to increased risks of injuries and accidents. Small and even major injuries are extremely common in the industry. A study in three factories in India found that 70% of the workers suffered from musculosceletal symptoms (source). Another qualitative study of female garment workers and factory doctors in Dhaka found that long hours led to eye strain, headaches, fatigue and weight loss in addition to muscular and back pains. According to the doctors interviewed, weight loss was common because the workers work such long hours without breaks, they didn't have enough time to eat properly. (source) Another study in 8 factories in India found that minor injuries were extremely common and caused by unergonomic work stations, poor organization in the work place and lack of safety gear, guidelines and training (source). Safety precautions too are often overlooked to cut corners, which periodically leads to factory accidents, like in 2023 lack of fire exists and fire extinguishers, and goods stacked beyond capacity led to a factory fire in Pakistan which injured dozens of workers (source) or like in 2022 dangerous factory site led to one dead worker and 9 injured workers (source).

Rana Plaza collapse in 2013 is the worst industrial accident in recent history. The factory building did not have proper permits and the factory owner blatantly ignored signs of danger (other businesses abandoned the building a day before the collapse), which led to deaths of 1 134 workers and injuries to 2 500 workers. The factory had or were at the time working for orders of at least Prada, Versace, Primark, Walmart, Zara, H&M, C&A, Mango, Benetton, the Children's Place, El Corte Inglés, Joe Fresh, Carrefour, Auchan, KiK, Loblaw, Bonmarche and Matalan. None of the brands were held legally accountable for the unsafe working conditions which they profited off of. Only 9 of the brands attended a meeting to agree on compensation for the victim's families. Walmart, Carrefour, Auchan, Mango and KiK refused to sight the agreement, it was only signed by Primark, Loblaw, Bonmarche and El Corte Ingles. The compension these companies provided was laughable though. Primemark demanded DNA evidence that they are relatives of one of the victims from these struggling families who had lost their often sole breadwinner for a meager sum of 200 USD (which doesn't even count for two months of living wage in Bangladesh (source)). This obviously proved to be extremely difficult for most families even though US government agreed to donate DNA kits. This is often said to be a turning point in working conditions in the industry, at least in Bangladesh, but while there's more oversight now, as we have seen, there's clearly still massive issues. (source 1, source 2)

One last major concern of working conditions in the industry I will mention is the Xinjiang raw cotton production, which is likely produced mainly with forced labour from Uighur concentration camps, aka slave labour of a suspected genocide. 90% of China's raw cotton production comes from Xinjiang (source). China is the second largest cotton producer in the world, after India, accounting 20% of the yearly global cotton production (source).

Pollution

Synthetic dyes, which synthetic fibers require, are the main cause of water pollution caused by the textile industry, which is estimated to account for 20% of global clean water pollution (source). This water pollution by the textile industry is suspected of causing a lot of health issues like digestive issues in the short term, and allergies, dermatitis, skin inflammation, tumors and human mutations in the long term. Toxins also effect fish and aquatic bacteria. Azo dyes, one of the major pollutants, can cause detrimental effects to aquatic ecosystems by decreasing photosynthetic activity of algae. Synthetic dyes and heavy metals also cause large amounts of soil pollution. Large amounts of heavy metals in soil, which occurs around factories that don't take proper environmental procautions, can cause anaemia, kidney failure, and cortical edoem in humans. That also causes changes in soil texture, decrease in soil microbial diversity and plant health, and changes in genetic structure of organisms growing in the soil. Textile factory waste water has been used for irrigation in Turkey, where other sources of water have been lacking, causing significant damage to the soil. (source)

Rayon produced through viscose process causes significant carbon disulphide and hydrogen sulphide pollution to the environment. CS2 causes cardiovascular, psychiatric, neuropsychological, endocrinal and reproductive disorders. Abortion rates among workers and their partners exposed to CS2 are reported to be significantly higher than in control groups. Many times higher amounts of sick days are reported for workers in spinning rooms of viscose fiber factories. China and India are largest producers of CS2 pollution, accounting respectively 65.74% and 11,11% of the global pollution, since they are also the major viscose producers. Emission of CS2 has increased significantly in India from 26.8 Gg in 2001 to 78.32 Gg in 2020. (source)

Waste

The textile industry is estimated to produce around 92 million tons of textile waste per year. As said before around 30% of the production is never sold and with shortening lifespans used the amount of used clothing that goes to waster is only increasing. This waste is large burned or thrown into landfills in poor countries. (source) H&M was accused in 2017 by investigative journalists of burning up to 12 tonnes of clothes per year themselves, including usable clothing, which they denied claiming they donated clothing they couldn't sell to charity instead (source). Most of the clothing donated to charity though is burned or dumbed to landfills (source).

Most of the waste clothing from rich countries like European countries, US, Australia and Canada are shipped to Chile (source) or African countries, mostly Ghana, but also Burkina Faso and Côte d'Ivoire (source). There's major second-hand fashion industries in these places, but most of the charity clothing is dumbed to landfills, because they are in such bad condition or the quality is too poor. Burning and filling landfills with synthetic fabrics with synthetic dyes causes major air, water and soil pollution. The second-hand clothing industry also suppresses any local clothing production as donated clothing is inherently more competitive than anything else, making these places economically reliant on dumbed clothing, which is destroying their environment and health, and prevents them from creating a more sustainable economy that would befit them more locally. This is not an accident, but required part of the clothing industry. Overproduction let's these companies tap on every new trend quickly, while not letting clothing the prices in rich countries drop so low it would hurt their profits. Production is cheaper than missing a trend.

Micro- and nanoplastics

There is massive amounts of micro- and nanoplastics in all of our environment. It's in our food, drinking water, even sea salt (source). Washing synthetic textiles accounts for roughly 35% of all microplastics released to the environment. It's estimated that it has caused 14 million tonnes of microplastics to accumulate into the bottom of the ocean. (source)

Microplastics build up into the intestines of animals (including humans), and have shown to probably cause cause DNA damage and altered organism behavior in aquatic fauna. Microplastics also contain a lot of the usual pollutants from textile industry like synthetic dyes and heavy metals, which absorb in higher quantities to tissues of animals through microplastics in the intestines. Studies have shown that the adverse effect are higher the longer the microplastics stay in the organism. The effects cause major risks to aquatic biodiversity. (source) The health effects of microplastics to humans are not well known, but studies have shown that they could have adverse effects on digestive, respiratory, endocrine, reproductive and immune systems. (source)

Microplastics degrade in the environment even further to nanoplastics. Nanoplastic being even smaller are found to enter blood circulation, get inside cells and cross the blood-brain barrier. In fishes they have been found to cause neurological damage. Nanoplastics are also in the air, and humans frequently breath them in. Study in office buildings found higher concentration of nanoplastics in indoor air than outdoor air. Inside the nanoplastics are likely caused mostly by synthetic household textiles, and outdoors mostly by car tires. (source) An association between nanoplastics and mitochondrial damage in human respiratory cells was found in a recent study. (source)

Micro and nano plastics are also extremely hard to remove from the environment, making it even more important that we reduce the amount of microplastics we produce as fast as possible.

What can we do?

This is a question that deserves it's own essays and articles written about it, but I will leave you with some action points. Reading about these very bleak realities can easily lead to overwhelming apathy, but we need to channel these horrors into actions. Whatever you do, do not fall into apathy. We don't have the luxury for that, we need to act. These are industry wide problems, that simply cannot be fixed by consumerism. Do not trust any clothing companies, even those who market themselves as ethical and responsible, always assume they are lying. Most of them are, even the so called "good ones". We need legislation. We cannot allow the industry to regulate itself, they will always take the easy way out and lie to their graves. I will for sure write more in dept about what we can do, but for now here's some actions to take, both political and individual ones.

Political actions

Let's start with political actions, since they will be the much more important ones. While we are trying to dismantle capitalism and neocolonialism (the roots of these issues), here's some things that we could do right now. These will be policies that we should be doing everywhere in the world, but especially rich countries, where most of the clothing consumption is taking place. Vote, speak to others, write to your representative, write opinion pieces to your local papers, engage with democracy.

Higher requirements of transparency. Right now product transparency in clothing is laughably low. In EU only the material make up and the origin country of the final product are required to be disclosed. Everything else is up to the company. Mandatory transparency is the only way we can force any positive changes in the production. The minimum of transparency should be: origin countries of the fibers and textiles in the product itself; mandatory reports of the lifecycle emissions; mandatory reports of whole chain of production. Right now the clothing companies make their chain of production intentionally complex, so they have plausible deniability when inevitably they are caught violating environmental or worker protection laws (source). They intentionally don't want to be able to track down their production chain. Forcing them to do so anyway would make it very expensive for them to keep up this unnecessarily complex production chain. These laws are most effective when put in place in large economies like EU or US.

Restrictions on the use of synthetic fibers. Honestly I think they should be banned entirely, since the amount of microplastics in our environment is already extremely distressing and the other environmental effects of synthetic fibers are also massive, but I know there are functions for which they are not easily replaced (though I think they can be replaces in those too, but that's a subject of another post), so we should start with restrictions. I'm not sure how they should be specifically made, I'm not a law expert, but they shouldn't be used in everyday textiles, where there are very easy and obvious other options.

Banning viscose. There are much better options for viscose method that don't cause massive health issues and environmental destruction where ever it's made, like Lyocell. There is absolutely no reason why viscose should be allowed to be sold anywhere.

Governmental support for local production by local businesses. Most of the issues could be much more easily solved and monitored if most clothing were not produced by massive global conglomerations, but rather by local businesses that produce locally. All clothing are made by hand, so centralizing production doesn't even give it advantage in effectiveness (only more profits for the few). Producing locally would make it much more easier to enforce regulations and it would reduce production chains, making production more effective, leaving more profits into the hands of the workers and reducing emissions from transportation. When the production is done by local businesses, the profits would stay in the producing country and they could be taxed and utilized to help the local communities. This would be helpful to do in both exploited and exploiter countries. When done in rich countries who exploit poorer ones, it would reduce the demand for exploitation. In poor countries this is not as easily done, since poor means they don't have money to give around, but maybe this could be a good cause to put some reparations from colonizers and global corporations, which they should pay.

Preventing strategic accounting between subsidiaries and parent companies. Corporate law is obviously not my area of expertise, but I know that allowing corporations to move around the accounting of profits and losses between subsidiaries and parent companies in roughly 1980s, was a major factor in creating this modern global capitalist system, where corporations can very easily manipulate their accounting to utilize tax heavens and avoid taxes where they actually operate, which is how they are upholding this terrible system and extracting the profits from the production countries. How specifically this would be done I can't tell because again I know shit about corporate law, so experts of that field should plan the specifics. Overall this would help deal with a lot of other problems than just the fashion industry. Again for it to be effective a large economic area like EU or US should do this.

Holding companies accountable for their whole chain of production. These companies should be dragged to court and made to answer for the crimes they are profiting of off. We should put fear back into them. This is possible. Victims of child slavery are already doing this for chocolate companies. If it's already not how law works everywhere, the laws should be changed so that the companies are responsible even if they didn't know, because it's their responsibility to find out and make sure they know. They should have been held accountable for the Rana Plaza disaster. Maybe they still could be. Sue the mother fuckers. They should be afraid of us.

Individual actions

I will stress that the previous section is much more important and that there's no need to feel guilty for individual actions. This is not the fault of the average consumer. Still we do need to change our relationship to fashion and consumption. While it's not our fault, one of the ways this system is perpetuated, is by the consumerist propaganda by fashion industry. And it is easier to change our own habits than to change the industry, even if our own habits have little impact. So these are quite easy things we all could do as we are trying to do bigger change to gain some sense of control and keep us from falling to apathy.

Consume less. Better consumption will not save us, since consumption itself is the problem. We consume too much clothing. Don't make impulse purchases. Consider carefully weather you actually need something or if you really really want it. Even only buying second-hand still fuels the industry, so while it's better than buying new, it's still better to not buy.

Take proper care of your clothing. Learn how to properly wash your clothing. There's a lot of internet resources for that. Never wash your wool textiles in washing machine, even if the textile's official instructions allow it. Instead air them regularly, rinse them in cool water if they still smell after airing and wash stains with water or small amount of (wool) detergent. Never use fabric softener! It damages the fabrics, prevents them from properly getting clean and is environmentally damaging. Instead use laundry vinegar for making textiles softer or removing bad smells. (You can easily make laundry vinegar yourself too from white vinegar and water (and essential oils, if you want to add a scent to it) which is much cheaper.) Learn how to take care of your leather products. Most leather can be kept in very good condition for a very long time by occasional waxing with beeswax.

Use the services of dressmakers and shoemakers. Take your broken clothing or clothing which doesn't fit anymore to your local dressmaker and ask them if they can do something about it. Take your broken and worn leather products to your local shoemaker too. Usually it doesn't cost much to get something fixed or refitted and these expert usually have ways to fix things you couldn't even think of. So even if the situation with your clothing or accessory seems desperate, still show it to the dressmaker or shoemaker.

If it's extremely cheap, don't buy it. Remember that every clothing is handmade. Only a small fraction of the cost of the clothing will be paying the wages of the person who made it with their hands. If a shirt costs 5 euros (c. 5,39 USD), it's sewer was only payed mere cents for sewing it. I'm not a quick sewer and it takes me roughly 1-2 hours to cut, prepare and sew a simple shirt, so I'm guessing it would take around half an hour to do all that for a factory worker on a crunch, at the very least 15 minutes. So the hourly pay would still be ridiculously low. However, as I said before, the fact that the workers in clothing factories get criminally low pay is not the fault of the consumer, so if you need a clothing item, and you don't have money to buy anything else than something very cheep, don't feel guilty. And anyway expensive clothing in no way necessarily means reasonable pay or ethical working conditions, cheep clothing just guarantee them.

Learn to recognize higher quality. In addition to exploitation, low price also means low quality, but again high price doesn't guarantee high quality. High quality allows you to buy less, so even if it's not as cheep as low quality, if you can afford it, when you need it, it will be cheaper in long run, and allows you to consume less. Check the materials. Natural fibers are your friends. Do not buy plastic, if it's possible to avoid. Avoid household textiles from synthetic fibers. Avoid textiles with small amounts of spandex to give it stretch, it will shorten the lifespan of the clothing significantly as the spandex quickly wears down and the clothing looses it's shape. Also avoid clothing with rubber bands. They also loose their elasticity very quickly. In some types of clothing (sport wear, underwear) these are basically impossible to avoid, but in many other cases it's entirely possible.

Buy from artisans and local producers, if you can. As said better consumption won't fix this, but supporting artisans and your local producers could help keep them afloat, which in small ways helps create an alternative to the exploitative global corporations. With artisans especially you know the money goes to the one who did the labour and buying locally means less middlemen to take their cut. More generally buy rather from businesses that are located to the same country where the production is, even if it's not local to you. A local business doesn't necessarily produce locally.

Develop your own taste. If you care about fashion and style, it's easy to fall victim to the fashion industry's marketing and trend cycles. That's why I think it's important to develop your personal sense of style and preferences. Pay attention at what type of clothes are comfortable to you. Go through your wardrobe and track for a while which clothing you use most and which least. Understanding your own preferences helps you avoid impulse buying.

Consider learning basics of sewing. Not everyone has the time or interest for this, but if you in anyway might have a bit of both, I suggest learning some very simple and basic mending and reattaching a button.

Further reading on this blog: How to see through the greenwashing propaganda of the fashion industry - Case study 1: Shein

Bibliography

Academic sources

An overview of the contribution of the textiles sector to climate change, 2022, L. F. Walter et al., Frontiers in Environmental Science

How common are aches and pains among garment factory workers? A work-related musculoskeletal disorder assessment study in three factories of south 24 Parganas district, West Bengal, 2021, Arkaprovo Pal et al., J Family Med Prim Care

Sewing shirts with injured fingers and tears: exploring the experience of female garment workers health problems in Bangladesh, 2019, Akhter, S., Rutherford, S. & Chu, C., BMC Int Health Hum Rights

Occupation Related Accidents in Selected Garment Industries in Bangalore City, 2006, Calvin, Sam & Joseph, Bobby, Indian Journal of Community Medicine

A Review on Textile and Clothing Industry Impacts on The Environment, 2022, Nur Farzanah Binti Norarmi et al., International Journal of Academic Research in Business and Social Sciences

Carbon disulphide and hydrogen sulphide emissions from viscose fibre manufacturing industry: A case study in India, 2022, Deepanjan Majumdar et al., Atmospheric Environment: X

Microplastics Pollution: A Brief Review of Its Source and Abundance in Different Aquatic Ecosystems, 2023, Asifa Ashrafy et al., Journal of Hazardous Materials Advances

Health Effects of Microplastic Exposures: Current Issues and Perspectives in South Korea, 2023, Yongjin Lee et al., Yonsei Medical Journal

Nanoplastics and Human Health: Hazard Identification and Biointerface, 2022, Hanpeng Lai, Xing Liu, and Man Qu, Nanomaterials

Other sources

The impact of textile production and waste on the environment (infographics), 2020, EU

Chile’s desert dumping ground for fast fashion leftovers, 2021, AlJazeera

Fashion - Worldwide, 2022 (updated 2024), Statista

Fashion Industry Waste Statistics & Facts 2023, James Evans, Sustainable Ninja (magazine)

Everything You Need to Know About Waste in the Fashion Industry, 2024, Solene Rauturier, Good on You (magazine)

Textiles and the environment, 2022, Nikolina Šajn, European Parliamentary Research Service

Help! I'm addicted to secondhand shopping apps, 2023, Alice Crossley, Cosmopolitan

Addictive, absurdly cheap and controversial: the rise of China’s Temu app, 2023, Helen Davidson, Guardian

Workers' conditions in the textile and clothing sector: just an Asian affair? - Issues at stake after the Rana Plaza tragedy, 2014, Enrico D'Ambrogio, European Parliamentary Research Service

State of The Industry: Lowest Wages to Living Wages, The Lowest Wage Challenge (Industry affiliated campaign)

Fast Fashion Getting Faster: A Look at the Unethical Labor Practices Sustaining a Growing Industry, 2021, Emma Ross, International Law and Policy Brief (George Washington University Law School)

Dozens injured in Pakistan garment factory collapse and fire, 2023, Hannah Abdulla, Just Style (news media)

India: Multiple factory accidents raise concerns over health & safety in the garment industry, campaigners call for freedom of association in factories to ‘stave off’ accidents, 2022, Jasmin Malik Chua, Business & Human Rights Resource Center

Minimum Wage Level for Garment Workers in the World, 2020, Sheng Lu, FASH455 Global Apparel & Textile Trade and Sourcing (University of Delaware)

Rana Plaza collapse, Wikipedia

Buyers’ compensation for Rana Plaza victims far from reality, 2013, Ibrahim Hossain Ovi, Dhaka Tribune (news media)

World cotton production statistics, updated 2024, The World Counts

Dead white man’s clothes, 2021, Linton Besser, ABC News

#fashion #fashion industry #sustainability #sustainable fashion #sustainable clothing #environment #climate change #i will be continuing the series of how to see through fashion industry propaganda at some point #i just felt compelled to write this because i feel like people so often miss the forest for the trees in this conversation

[moments-on-film]

Moments on Film: Carmen Berzatto and Connell Waldron - Character Analysis

For the past few weeks, I’ve been a lot quieter on this site, and my analysis of The Bear, and that’s because I have been deeply engrossed in finally watching Normal People. I realize the show came out in 2020, but for whatever reason, I missed it when it was first released. Knowing that Paul Mescal has multiple films on the current/upcoming film festival circuit, All of Us Strangers, and Foe, the first of which, already garnering stellar reviews, and the latter, based on a sci-fi book of the same name, which I read and enjoyed, I decided to watch this piece of work from his oeuvre so I can better assess his range.

To put it simply, I found Normal People very compelling, moving, and heartbreaking. The acting from the two main characters is stellar. One of the other things I noticed, are the seemingly endless connections to the main characters in The Bear—in particular, Connell Waldron and Carmen Berzatto. Although these characters are different and a world apart, one in Chicago, Illinois and one in Sligo, Ireland, watching this show was like viewing many of the same problems through another character’s eyes.

On the surface, there are so many obvious similarities, (like the fact that they both religiously wear a chain necklace, Connell’s silver, and Carmy’s gold), but underneath there are multiple traits, insecurities, weaknesses, strengths, and patterns of behavior that stood out so clearly to me that I felt compelled to start writing this piece. In my opinion, both The Bear and Normal People are coming of age stories, because both feature multiple protagonists who are on a journey to discover who they really are and what actually brings them purpose, peace, fulfilment and joy. In a prior piece, I analyzed why I believe Carmy Doesn’t Know Who He Is Yet, and while the reasons may be different, the same is true for Connell Waldron. Below are several examples I noticed of the shared similarities between Carmy and Connell.

Please note: If you watch The Bear, but not Normal People, or vice versa, and you want/plan to, heart this post and come back to it after viewing to avoid major spoilers. If this doesn’t bother you, please, read on, and thank you, but I wanted to give fair warning. 🧡

Communication

Both Carmy and Connell struggle with this desperately. In The Bear, Carmy has trouble putting words to feelings, but he has them, he feels very deeply. In Normal People, Connell struggles to identify what he is feeling. These issues cause both of them, and the people in their lives, so much pain and suffering. Carmy’s life of abuse and trauma has forced him to stifle how he feels about situations he’s in, placate and appease others, and silence himself. In 1x6, Carmy tells his sister Natalie, “most of the time, I feel sort of trapped, because I can’t describe how I’m feeling.” Connell, on the other hand, is so worried about what others will think of him and his choices that he denies his true feelings, to the point where he often can’t even identify them himself. In 1x2 Connell tells Marianne that he struggles to know what he feels, “I might look back on something and think how I felt at the time, but, when it’s happening I never have any idea.” There are so many moments in both stories where one or two sentences would save them and their loved ones a world of hurt, but neither one is capable in several key moments that really count.

Crippling Indecision

Both characters suffer from this. In S2 of The Bear, Carmy is trying to straddle building his dream restaurant, and being in a relationship that is pulling him from everything he needs to be doing to open it. In 2x8, Sydney tells Carmy, “I just think you need to decide...” I have read much into this line because, due to his past, there are so many questions in Carmy’s life that he’s never been allowed to/allowed himself to explore enough to answer. In Normal People, Connell starts out not even knowing what he wants to study in college. He only comes to a decision when Marianne tells him very clearly what makes the most sense, based on her observations, and she’s right. Both of them look to the women in their lives go help them make key decisions.

Talent for Their Craft—with Barriers

Carmen is a talented and award winning chef. Before he’s left The Beef in his brother’s will, he conquered the world of fine dining. He’s risen to the top of his profession. He was even awarded the James Beard Rising Star Chef award from his time as a chef at Fairest Creatures, in Malibu and retained 3 Michelin Stars as CDC of Eleven Madison Park in New York. However, in S2, he struggles with crafting the menu for the new iteration of The Beef, The Bear. He’s torn between incorporating nostalgic dishes from his past, and new forward moving dishes created in partnership with Sydney. Connell is a talented student and sports player when we first meet him, and he goes on to be a “star” student at Trinity College, in Dublin, recipient of a prestigious scholarship, and editor of the publication of the literary society. However, in his work, (at times), as in his life, both suffer from his lack of communication. He receives a letter in response to a short story he submits that says his work “lacked a clear voice and confidence.” This problem affects all areas of his life, not just his professional one. Both Carmy and Connell’s work suffers because of their personal issues which they have yet to work out.

Soulmates

The relationships between Carmen and Sydney and Connell and Marianne have many parallels. Both couples (yes, couples) trust and confide in each other exclusively. They are each other’s confidant, and safe place. This gets tested for each couple when they are not truly honest with themselves about what the other means to them and when they let outside forces mess with their cosmic connection. Carmy ends up going out with Claire, partly due to the outside pressure from his family. Connell has a beautiful budding relationship with Marianne in the beginning of the show, but capitulates to outside pressure from his group of friends to do what is expected of him and be with the popular, but mean, Rachel. When he does this, it illicited the exact same response from me as when Carmy ditched Sydney to help Claire run an errand. Both moments had me yelling at my TV, “what are you DOING?! How could you do this to her?!” The thing is, both sets of characters have such a magnetic pull on each other, that outside forces can only penetrate for so long. Their paths are deeply intertwined. Carmy essentially asks Sydney to join him in opening a restaurant, and Sydney says yes. Marianne effectively asks Connell to join her at Trinity College, and he says yes. Both decisions will advance their relationships, personally and professionally. I must note that I don’t believe either ask is selfish. Carmy sees Sydney has talents and skills that compliment if not exceed his, and he wants her to shine. Marianne sees Connell’s talent and passion for English and knows Trinity is the best school. Another beautiful parallel is the fact that they are so deeply connected they they can literally read each other’s minds. Carmy and Sydney regularly start and finish each other’s sentences. They think alike, they dress alike. Carmy selects a chef coat for Sydney that could have been designed by her. In Normal People, Connell actually tells Marianne, “you know sometimes I felt like I could read your mind…..but I don’t know…maybe that’s normal.” Marianne stares at him deeply and pauses before saying “it’s not.” And it isn’t. These two sets of characters have a connection that is unique, special, and written in the stars.

Wasting Time with the Wrong People

Both Carmy and Connell go through trying to force relationships with other people that are just not right for them. Marianne does this too. We have not seen this yet from Sydney, but we may, as the show (hopefully) goes on. Carmy, for a variety of reasons, tries to be in a relationship with Claire. Early on, Connell succumbs to pressure to be linked with Rachel, who he doesn’t even like. Later in the show, he is in a placid and passionless relationship with Helen Brophy. Both Claire and Helen are or will be Doctors. Claire is in her last few months of residency, and Helen is at Trinity studying medicine. Neither woman is right for Carmy or Connell, which pulls them from their respective soulmates.

People Pleasing and Trouble Saying No

Carmy’s abusive upbringing has made him a people pleaser to some extent. He has had the completely arduous task of literally being in charge of managing his mother’s emotions and mood swings, as well as his brother’s. He doesn’t want to rock the boat or make people upset. This makes him say yes to people and situations he may not actually agree with and is another reason why he has trouble expressing his feelings and what he wants. This is a reason why he drops his work and Sydney to please Claire when she asks for a favor. Connell, from what we know, has a loving mother, but he is an only child and has no father, and seeks outside validation from friends. He’s very aware that his relationships are conditional and he very much goes along to get along, much to his detriment. An early example of this is when Rob asks to copy his French homework and he hands over all of his hard work without question. In the background of this scene, you can hear another character ask someone else for theirs and they give an unshakeable, “no.” Carmen and Connell struggle with boundaries that would protect them because they don’t want to risk making people upset.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

Both suffer from this. Actually both shows do an excellent job at uplifting the struggles of mental health, particularly for young men. Among other things, Carmen has undiagnosed PTSD from his trauma that manifests in sleep walking nightmares and severe panic attacks. When panic overtakes him, he literally is gripped in its clutches, and can barely breathe or move. The first time we witness him having a panic attack, it’s because he gets a phone call from someone asking for his brother who doesn’t know he has died by suicide. He gets so shaken, it impacts him physically and he has to physically remove himself from the restaurant. Connell has his first panic attack the moment he experiences just how conditional his friendships truly are. In 1x3, after he finally defends Marianne, his secret girlfriend who he loves, but is unpopular, to his friends, helps take care of her and takes her home, he shows up at school the next day and is relentlessly teased. Experiencing the way his friends will just turn on him on a dime causes him so much anxiety, he has to run to the bathroom and has a panic attack in the stalls. Connell also struggles with depression after his friend, later in the show, dies by suicide. He has a panic attack, so bad, he can’t even leave the house. Unlike Carmy (so far), Connell eventually gets treatment, and we see him start to even out emotionally. It must be said that during the final panic attack we witness Carmy endure, it is the thought of Sydney that pulls him through. Connell has treatment, but he also has the support of Marianne during his most major time of need. Both turn to these women in their lives for their strength in moments of great distress.

Al-Anon / Counseling Share Session

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

Season 1 of The Bear culminates for Carmy emotionally when he reaches a breaking point, and in an effort to get help, makes a decision to not only attend an Al-Anon meeting, but get up and share many details about his background and his brother and it becomes crystal clear how deeply his absence has and continues to impact his life. Jeremy Allen White acts this 7 minute uncut scene with his whole heart, making us feel for him in every moment. He is spilling his guts, while restraining his deep, deep trauma, sadness and pain. His eyes brim with tears the whole time, tears he has still yet to shed. In one of the final episodes of Normal People, at the recommendation of his roommate, Connell goes to a free counseling session, sits in a chair, and starts for the first time ever to truly speak his mind, including how the suicide of his friend has impacted him, what Marianne means to him, and how he hates his current station in life but feels like there’s nothing for him to go back to in his hometown. Paul Mescal, like Jeremy Allen White completely carries this scene with the power of his acting in an extreme closeup. Unlike Carmy, Connell breaks down, and his emotions gush out in free flowing sobs. Both actors make the correct decision to barely make eye contact. Sharing this much is new for them and makes them uncomfortable, so for the most part, they keep their eye-line down, but despite this, the vulnerability is palpable we can really and truly see, hear and feel all of their pain.

Coming to Terms With What They Want

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

I think the ultimate goal of both characters, Carmen and Connell, is to decide what they want, free themselves from the expectations, opinions, thoughts, or suggestions from others, and go get it. As I said, both Normal People and The Bear are coming of age stories. Both stories highlight the transformative power of love and the confidence to make choices for yourself with that knowledge that there will be someone there to love you no matter what. For Connell, it has been such a journey for him to come to terms with the fact that writing is his true calling. In the end of the show, he has the incredible opportunity to go to New York and take his place in a prestigious MFA program. At first, he is so scared to leave. Marianne is his rock and he loves her. He’s scared to leave and be alone in a strange city without support, without her. He asks her to come with him, but she knows this is a journey he needs to go on alone and she wants to stay in Ireland and live the life she’s living. She encourages him to go, and reassures him they will be ok. In The Bear, Carmy is not at this place yet. As I mentioned earlier, I have written about how at the present, Carmy doesn’t really know who is is or what he wants. However, we as an audience can see that his gentle spirit is attracted to art, drawing, and creativity. This has been beaten out of him, but I believe art is his true calling, he’s just never been allowed to pursue it. If we get more seasons of The Bear, I hope we will see Carmy have a similar breakthrough in reigniting and going after his dreams and letting go of what no longer serves him or brings him joy. I truly believe that he and Sydney will be a part of each other’s lives no matter what. In the kitchen or outside of it, in Ireland, or away, Carmen and Sydney and Connell and Marianne are connected in ways that time and space can’t break.

There are many, many other parallels to be made in both stories (which I may continue to write about). Connell and Marianne’s stories have come to an end, as Normal People was one season, and based on a book. We know where his journey takes him, but we can only speculate where else he may go, and if he and Marianne find their way back to each other. Carmy, on the other hand, is a character on a show that hopefully will have several more seasons, so his future is unclear. I just hope he can get the help he needs to heal and the strength and support to discover who he is and what brings him joy. I hope he, like Connell, mends and maintains his relationship with Sydney no matter where life takes him, especially if it leads him out of the kitchen.

Both The Bear and Normal People are at times, beautiful, tender, heartbreaking, poignant, and hopeful. They shine a brave light on what it means to be open, vulnerable, complex, flawed, trying, failing, succeeding, and most of all, human. Both series also show so beautifully how we need community and each other to raise us up, lift us out of our darker places and reach and keep reaching for light in our lives to be our truest and best selves. As Marianne tells Connell in the final episode as both she and Connell cry, “we have done so much good for one another.” I see this in Carmen, in Sydney, in Connell, in Marianne, and in so many other characters on both shows. And in this life, at the end of the day, isn’t that the most important gift? And we each have it—the ability to change someone’s life for the better.

©️moments-on-film 2023

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #carmy x sydney #syd x carmy #sydcarmy #normal people #connell waldron #marianne sheridan #connell x marianne #marianne x connell #jeremy allen white #ayo edebiri #paul mescal #daisy edgar jones #moments on film #my thoughts

[ooapple-greaseoo]

Thundering Drums

I don't know how to feel right now. I haven't ever been a big KISS fan because I was born in 2006 and never felt a strong connection with the band. I didn't know any songs besides "I was made for loving you" and I didn't even know any of the band members names. However, now as of March 2024 I learned more about KISS not because of the band but because of a person who was in the band. The first band members name i ever learned was Eric Carr's name. I guess much like other people they felt a connection with him. I felt that when i started watching videos of him goofing off (I wasn't even listening to any of the music he made/helped make. I was purely just watching for who he was as a person). I don't feel that type of connection with any other band members like you won't be seeing me actively reading a Gene Simmons biography because I want too. Eric Carr just seemed so human. He was such a good guy and I may not have met him but hearing stories about him...I kinda miss the guy you know? How could I miss someone I never had the chance to meet? Even as I'm sitting here crying while writing this every so often glancing at the picture of Eric Carr on the face of my own copy of "The Eric Carr Story" I feel like I need to make this post. I wrote this type of post before I read the book but it sadly got deleted. However, after reading the book in basically one day I feel compelled to rewrite it to get my own emotions and feelings out. One thing I wrote in the previous post that stood out was that I said I felt empty. I get like that sometimes when I get so vested into a person its like I lose a part of myself. So I was feeling very hollow before I read the book. But now after reading the book I feel like I gave that part of myself to Eric Carr and he sorta handed me back this piece of hope and confidence to keep going with my life to strive for better things. I think for me at least Eric Carr is the best drummer in the world not just for his skill but also for who he was as a person. He is definitely one of my role models now to strive to be remembered as someone who did something. I don't cry a lot it's not who I am but when i read the book and write this post I'm crying. It really shows how in such little of a time that I've learned of Eric Carr how much he grew on me and influenced me. I'm very glad I had the chance to learn about him through the people who loved him like his family, Carrie Stevens, and the many people who befriended him. I hope no one forgets who he was and what he's done for everyone.

Keep Rock n Rollin, Izzy

Shout out to @spacefoxy and many other fans for posting so much amazing Eric Carr content. I think it helps a lot of people in many different ways.

P.S I won't speak on my own feelings of KISS the band and who they are now and what they did while Eric Carr was sick and dying. But I hope their happy because I think at the end of the day Eric would have wanted them to be happy too.

"But this too is true: stories can save us."- Tim O'brien (The Things They Carried)

#eric carr #paul stanley #gene simmons #ace frehley #vinnie vincent #bruce kulick #carrie stevens #tommy thayer #eric singer #peter criss #kiss band #kissblr

[h-worksrambles]

It kind of saddens me how much Asgore’s character just gets boiled down to ‘funny divorce man who pines over Toriel’. There’s so much more to his character as far as I’m concerned.

Asgore is quite possibly one of the most tragic characters in the entire game. He’s such a genuinely sweet and compassionate person. He’s a great dad. He loves his people and will do anything to keep them safe and happy. And those positive traits are exactly what lead him to commit himself to do something awful. And it’s painful to see how trapped Asgore feels by his past mistakes, so that showing him there’s another way and that he isn’t as beyond redemption as he thinks he is feels really cathartic. Toby Fox managed to give him so much nuance in such few scenes. And yet, Asgore gets scraps of fan content compared to the other major characters. And when it does, he’s often reduced to a clingy ex.

This is especially irksome when you go back to the game and remember that he’s not…actually very clingy at all. Yes, Asgore still loves Toriel, of course he does. But let’s go back to that scene where they meet again in the Pacifist ending. Asgore is delighted to finally see her again at first. But the second he sees that Toriel is (understandably) still furious with him, he backs off. He takes full responsibility for what happened between them and understands that, even if he misses her, he has no right to demand the relationship that he basically threw away. I feel like people who write Asgore as desperately wanting Toriel to forgive him kind of forget that Asgore can’t even forgive himself for what he’s done. He’s actually painfully self aware of his own flaws to the point of self loathing. He was fully prepared to lose the fight against Frisk and die because he felt he deserved it after all he’d done. And do I need to mention what he potentially does if you spare him on repeat playthroughs?

And I don’t even necessarily say this to tear down the ‘Asgoriel’ ship. Truth be told, I actually like this ship quite a lot. As I’ve already somewhat touched on in my Post Pacifist Headcanons, I actually think there’s a lot of compelling story potential in seeing two people who were deeply in love and happy, wrenched apart by tragedy and poor decisions, unpacking their complicated history and figuring out how to be around each other again. Especially if they both become parental figures to Frisk. With or without the shipping aspect, and regardless of if they actually get back together, that’s a great dramatic hook that can be really interesting if written well. And I have seen it written well. But execution is everything. It’s all too easy to flanderise the two by making Asgore too clingy, Toriel too mean-spirited or just generally downplaying how messy their past is to speed up what should be a long, difficult process. Again, I like this pairing, but not when it’s mishandled in a way that ignores why I liked these characters to begin with. And that’s to say nothing of when Asgore’s supposed clinginess is used to make him the bad guy to ship Toriel with someone else, which…(sigh).

And if this was all purely in fan content, I wouldn’t really care that much. It’s not like I have to read it if I don’t want to. But this is actually my one fear about Deltarune so far. Don’t misunderstand me, Deltarune has been fantastic so far. But the way it’s used Asgore has left a really bad taste in my mouth. So far, he’s been little more than a punching bag who’s situation is comically pathetic. And the way he still chases after Toriel irks me. Now he is doing the clingy ‘Tori take me back!’ routine and I really don’t like it. This doesn’t feel like a character who’s self aware of his mistakes, and takes too much of a burden on himself. This is someone treating his mistakes like they’re fixable, pushing the responsibility for that onto Toriel in a way I don’t believe Asgore would do. It feels like fandom misinterpretation leaking back into canon. I’m still interested in hearing what the history of the Dreemurr family is this time, and how it links back to Dess. I trust Toby Fox’s writing enough to believe this is being done with the intention of building a character arc. But I can’t deny that so far, it feels like an overly mean-spirited and out of character take (though a lot of that is born out of my personal attachment to him).

I’m not even sure what my point was with this. I guess I just wanted to respond to a fandom trend that leaves me with sour taste in my mouth. I don’t really wanna tell people making memes about Asgore being ‘the most divorced man ever’ to stop having fun. Nor do I care to get into shipping debates. I just wish the discussion of this character was a little more nuanced, because I think he’s well written enough to deserve it.

#asgore dreemurr #characterisation #character analysis #undertale #deltarune #undertale spoilers #cw death mention #cw sui mention

[thefutureiswhat]

My (brutally honest) thoughts on Fargo 5.10

I was gonna wait awhile to write up my thoughts, but my mind is racing and I've had too much caffeine, so here goes nothing...

Gonna be real here, my reaction on first watch was major disappointment. Going into the finale, this season was neck and neck with 3 as my overall favorite, and I felt like this episode ruined that.

Basically as soon as Witt died I checked out. I don't usually say this about fictional characters because I feel like it often misses the point, but he deserved better. And that death was so ridiculously preventable. Roy refuses to drop the knife, is basically telling Witt he's gonna kill him, Witt has a gun... JUST SHOOT HIM!

The moment with Gator and Dot just didn't feel earned to me. This guy breaks into your house, threatens your family, refuses to help you when you're being held hostage, says he hopes you die... and you're gonna bring him cookies in jail?

Nothing after the scene with Dot in the back of the car is real life, and I'm shocked that more people don't realize this.

The FBI drives Dot to her burned-down house that doesn't even look that damaged despite firefighters still "extinguishing the embers" the next morning, instead of... I don't know... a hospital? Lorraine's house? That woman needs an IV!

After the time jump... it's the height of the pandemic (the era Hawley said he wanted to avoid) but no one's wearing masks or distancing; Scotty is wearing pink; lactose-intolerant Wayne is eating sour cream, cheddar, and buttermilk; Dot is wearing clothes (yellow cardigan, plaid coat) that shouldn't have survived the fire.

Also the title is "Bisquik" (not "Bisquick") for a reason.

That entire cemetery scene was the cringiest thing I've ever seen. It was like something out of a Lifetime movie. It was the most un-Fargo scene in the entire series.

Dot doesn't seem to know even the most basic details about Witt despite it being a year since he died and her being so distraught over his death? Did she not go to the funeral? Read his obituary? Talk to Indira in the past year?

Indira is taking care of Witt's cat? They barely knew each other, and he has six sisters! Wouldn't one of them get the cat?

Munch coming back for his "pound of flesh" in real life after his last encounter with Dot just... doesn't make any sense? Does he want to kill her? Why didn't he do it when he had the chance? Why isn't he doing it now? What is he waiting for?

That whole scene with Munch was just... too long.

Okay, I'll stop being quite so negative...

I'm still on the fence about the execution, but after looking at the episode according to @tdciago's "Gaear is the author" theory, there's A LOT to unpack here. I need to watch the finale (and the entire season) again to really solidify it.

Basically, I think 5x09 was about wrapping up the "justice for Jean Lundegaard" aspect of the story (which I absolutely loved -- that last scene with Dot and Munch was one of my favorites of the entire series), and 5x10 was about wrapping up the "forgiveness for Gaear" aspect.

What I love about this show is that it always strikes such a wonderful balance between compelling storytelling/character work and deeper thematic/symbolic meaning. I think this episode lacked the former and had a heck of a lot of the latter (deceptively so). So I'm pretty much split down the middle on it... like a car cut in half with a chainsaw. Kind of perfect, actually.

More thoughts/analysis surely to come.

#fargo spoilers #season 5 #my posts

[misc-obeyme]

:o I never knew people actually liked hearing about others’ MCs/OCs haha— I’ve always felt like no one would care or find it interesting lmao

(Feel free to not respond to this lmao, just smthn random)

You would be surprised how interested people can be!

I know I was!

I never once thought anybody would want to know about my MC. I wasn't even going to share anything about them at all, but people were sending me asks about them. So I was like oh! I guess people are interested after all?

It's funny because while I love my MC, I talk more about my OC, I think. Maybe that's why I've gotten more questions about my MC... because I don't talk about them as much lol. Or maybe I talk less about my OC than I think I do? Who knows!

Anyway, the way I see it is this. I personally have this blog for all things Obey Me and for me that includes my MC and OCs. It makes me happy to write about them. It makes me happy to share them. So I'm going to do that on my blog whether other people are interested or not.

But I think there are more people who are interested in them than I ever thought there would be.

And as for myself, I'm always interested in other people's MCs and OCs. I like to hear about their stories and ideas. It's usually more compelling the actual canon story anyway lol. I wish I had more time to explore other's blogs and posts about them, but I love when people send me asks about it. And sometimes people are like you and think that nobody cares, so they've never posted about them anyway. And if that's the case, anyone is always welcome to leave such thoughts in my ask box.

I try to answer my asks somewhat timely (though they've been piling up a little bit lately) and I often miss posts because I'm not on a lot during the day (my ADHD will suck me right in and then my job performance will suffer and I don't want my boss to be like wtf are you doing over there). But if people want to share, I usually respond in a couple days!

As a blog with a surprising (to me) amount of followers (but probably less than most people think? I dunno), the majority of them either don't care or just don't interact. But the few people who actually send me asks about my MC or OCs are more than enough for me to keep posting about them.

#anyway #all of that rambling is to say #we should all share our MCs and OCs #because if you don't share them #nobody CAN care #if that makes sense lol #obey me #hakurei-k #misc answers

[catgirl-catboy]

Hey! I watched the new total drama season you send I enjoyed the new season I must say

Did you enjoyed it? What is your opinions?

I really did enjoy it, but I also think it had the same flaws as the rest of the total drama series, as expected. (the danganronpa ask is sitting half completed because I got a case of the TD brainworms!)

Namely, that except for gen 2, every generation has a character whose personality is 80% fart jokes. Now, I love me a fart joke as much as any self-respecting 12 y/o boy, so its not that I don't find them funny. But I also think that a character shouldn't just be gross-out humor, and should have some other qualities to them. How does Ripper's bullying affect the goal of the game. Why is he on total drama if his main ambition in life is something else? He clearly feels insecure, but so does his designated victim. Explore that!

One take I saw floating around is that Emma and Chase's relationship is repetitive and annoying. That was the point! You aren't meant to ship them, and Bowie's thoughts on them are meant to mirror the audiences! That being said, I hope they change up the dynamic in season 2 because doing it for another season would get stale.

This is more of a personal preference than a complaint with the writing, but I found Raj's arc in this boring. "realizing you are gay because of a crush and then kissing him" is really overdone, and it felt like the main players in the Rajbow ship were Bowie and WAYNE. This isn't a bad thing, but I hope he becomes a more distinct character in season 2. Maybe Bowie can teach him game strategy and he betrays Wayne to stay in the game longer tee hee hee.

I also don't really agree with the take that Bowie is bad rep because he's a very stereotypical gay man. A lot of total drama characters are based off stereotypes, like Lindsey being the Dumb Blonde and Heather being the Mean Girl. They evolve beyond those tropes throughout the reason of the show, and we actually see that with Bowie in just the one season he was in so far! After Raj got eliminated, he did a whole bunch of plot relevant shit that didn't involve him and was a compelling character outside of his romance plot. I call that a sign of good writing, but this is total drama so who knows if it will last.

And I don't think that TD is saying all gay man are stereotypical, because we have Raj, who is very much not that. He's a dumb jock that happens to be gay, and falls into the jock stereotype more than any gay one. I really respect that writing choice.

Pryia is one of my favorite TD characters, but season 1 Court still takes the number one spot. (even if she is hanging on Hall Monitor coattails!) I adore her! She totally deserved the win.

They made Axel too much like Eva and it felt like a really missed opportunity. We already have Eva and Jo, can we have a more GNC gal character that isn't totally aggressive? I'd like that. Hopefully, she becomes more of a player in the second series?

I also wish they gave Julia a different strategy than Heather. If a character needs constant immunity to stay in the game, then maybe they deserve to leave the game at that stage. Its overdone. I also feel like Julia showed skills in turning people against each other, which could have easily been her M.O. That being said, my favorite Villain Elimination by a longshot.

I really liked the energy brought to the jokes about Zee's leg. It doesn't come up often since my hearing aid isn't too visible, but if I have the opportunity to joke about my disability, I will take it! He's probably one of my favorite disabled rep besides Toph, and I'm glad that he wasn't looked down upon by his team during challenges. He didn't struggle with any challenges, and his leg actually helped at one point!

(one time, a teacher asked in frustration if anyone was deaf in here. Saying "Yes :)" was my crowning achievement and one of the best jokes I ever made. Its not relevant, but c'mon.)

I wish he had more of a character outside of comic relief, but still!!!

#ask tag #total drama #total drama spoilers #total drama island 2023 #total drama reboot #td zee #td raj #td bowie #td priya #td julia #crowtalks #I dub thee with a tag

[wildwoodsgames]

The Hierophant or The Magician! These are lovely and I can't just pick one!

The Magician — What design skills are you best at? OR What skill have you been working on lately?

I've spent the last few months in rules-text hell with Grand Guignol 2E and Harvest, and it has often felt like Conan pushing the wheel around at the start of the 1982 film.

I feel like the single biggest leap between small-scale releases (anything from a 1-page microgame up to a large zine) and a game that will be a Book (likely in print) is in the amount of teaching and scaffolding the text has to do.

And it's not a skill I'm used to doing in writing! I taught children to play games for a decade but that's Different (or so it feels). Text is harder, the more so the more goals you have.

A clear technical explanation of procedures is one goal. A transference of the skills of good play and good facilitation is another. An invocation of the mood, the tone, and the setting (these are both historical and genre works) a third again. Doing all three of the above, at the same time, in a way that's a pleasure to read?

Nightmarish.

Then you have to factor in that both games are strongly and distinct voiced (in the narratorial sense) which is also new to me, and it's been like pulling teeth.

But I'm doing it! I can feel this new skill settling into place, and given the shift in my design practice from smaller games to larger-scale pieces, it's a toolset I'm going to need going forward.

The Hierophant — Who is a fellow game designer you’ve learned a lot from? OR What is a piece of popular wisdom about games you think is nonsense?

The further I wander into the woodland of my particular design practice, the more sceptical I become of what is generally meant by "balance".

There's this fixation in the D&D-descended wargame-y tactical space with the idea that like things must be comparable, and some broad mechanical equivalence has to exist between them or else it will give rise to bad play experiences, allow "game-breaking" combinations, etc etc.

And I feel like that is kind of...missing the point?

Because we're designing, ultimately, for player experience. And I don't mean by that "options just have to feel equally powerful/cool/effective, not necessarily be equally powerful/etc/etc", I more mean-

Each unit (a playbook, a spell, a move, an option) should offer a particular kind of experience, and it should do so in a way that is compelling and engaging, and it should clearly communicate what that experience is.

And those experiences don't need to be fungible, which seems to be the core assertion that is made by the way balance gets deployed!

So long as players have a clear idea of what they're opting into when they commit to an option and it delivers on that promise in a way they're psyched about, I really don't think it matters if one spell is highly mechanically effective and the other is whimsical and charming, if one playbook has flippant actionable ways to get tokens and one has ways that demand you to explore their emotional landscape in play, or whatever.

And maybe I'm wrong - maybe balance is helpful for the people designing crunchy strategic games. But I think there's a lot of unexplored room in all design traditions in the idea of leaning into asymmetry and incomparability and an emphasis on distinct and particular experience.

#tarot asks #ttrpg design #indie ttrpgs

[wanderingblindly]

PLEASE give me the directors cut of Til The End Of The Line bc that fix haunts me in an ethereal manner and I have simply not moved on 🫶🏻

oh my god where do I even start with 'Till the End of the Line, it was such an odd one to write. I started in back in August and literally forgot it existed until November when I was just flipping through my files.

I stopped writing it because it just felt like pretentious, surface level, uninteresting emo drivel. But when I picked it back up, I felt myself really connecting to the emotions I channeled at the time.

Plus, I had been writing a lot of comedy at the time (see: Landoscar) and wanted to flex a different creative muscle. So really, the entire thing was incredibly self serving. But anyways, let's get into some content!

The Origins

I actually received a comment on Ao3 a very long time ago with someone talking about crying on a train while reading a fic, and that idea always sort of stuck with me.

The next thing was, as it always goes, a random line popping into my head one day while going about my Tasks:

But so much life can grow in a place where no one stays

This sort of ended up being the thesis for the entire narrative: the beauty in a passing moment between two people that, maybe, won't ever see each other again despite the mark they've left on each other's lives.

The Writing Process

So I bounced around a lot with how I wanted this to read. Initially I wrote it as a traditional narrative (I have about half of the fic written in an entirely different style), but then I realized that didn't fit the vibe. I wanted it to have more of a liminal, 'what parts of this are real' energy to it, which is why I decided to not use traditional quotation marks.

The italics, something people often use for thoughts, made it feel more like the entire thing could have been made up in Charles's head. I hope that came across haha.

Here's two snippets of parts from the other style that got cut:

And so Charles gets like this sometimes, cause and timing unknown. It hits him suddenly, the overwhelming and inescapable need to just cry. One small inkling, a fragment of an idea, buries itself into every corner of his mind; spreading like a wildfire until every other thought, any distraction, just reminds him of the ache. Deep in his bones. An unsettling mix of nostalgia, loneliness, and something unnamed. Something heavy. It hangs around his neck like a lead weight.

And:

Charles looks up at the stranger, eyes following him down as he sits beside him.  “Rough day?” He tries again, voice just as soft and accent just as distinct.  “I don’t know.” Charles says numbly as he takes the tissue, blotting his eyes uselessly as the tears continue to flow down with reckless abandon. He hums contemplatively in response, adjusting the hood of his sweatshirt around his neck and leaning back against the vibrating walls of the train.

Idk if the difference is entirely apparent, but I wanted Charles's narrative to feel very... sensory. What he's seeing, what he's feeling, not so much the traditional way of writing where you're guiding the reader through a true plot.

The Setting

At first, I put serious time into deciding what country they were in, what train they were on, what neighborhood it started and ended in, etc.. However, the more I poked around and considered different ideas (Berlin, New York, London), the more I realized that the story would be hindered by having it in a specific place.

The overall impact of this fic wasn't meant to the plot. It wasn't meant to be a character arc that compelled you, it wasn't meant to even really be about something as fickle as attraction. At it's core, I wanted this to be a story about the very human feeling of wanting to be somewhere else, about missing something that you can't get back and struggling with to accept that time will continue to move on even if you don't want it to.

Tying that to a place almost removed the universality of it, I think. That's why I never alluded to a specific starting station, ending station, route duration, or season. I wanted it to sort of... transcend those things, I guess.

Trains as a Metaphor

I've always really been fond of trains and modes of transport as a metaphor for things like death, purgatory, change, sleep, etc..

In this, I really wanted the train to represented that sort of liminal, purgatory-esque space. I wanted Charles to feel like he was stuck in between something, that he wasn't entirely here or there. In my head, Sebastian was almost a guiding light out of it, directing him away from the place so removed from real life and into somewhere in the present.

I don't want to beat a dead horse, the heavy handed religious imagery did that for me, but I just love the idea of the train being something transformative. Somewhere you go that isn't quite real life, where you can emerge with something you wouldn't have found elsewhere.

What Didn't Fit In

Ok originally, when I still didn't know what I actually wanted this story to BE beside Charles being distraught on a train, I made up entire backstories for him and Sebastian.

Sebastian was meant to be a youngish teacher coming home from a late night at Lewis's house -- they throw grading parties together during finals season, just to make it suck a little bit less :)

Charles owns the bookstore where he saw the little boy. He moved to the city he's in fairly recently, and hasn't really made his own community yet -- he drank alone at the bar that night because he didn't have anyone to call.

Music

FINALLY, in common me fashion, I listened to music on repeat while writing this. Brand New is a band that captures the sort of... empty, aimless feeling that Charles is going through in this story, and I think that the soundtrack really adds a lot!

#is any of that even new info? who knows! #But anways thank you so much for asking #I dont expect anyone to read this one!! it really was a personal project hahahahahah #till the end of the line #sebchal #ask me :) #directors commentary

[wanderingaldecaldo]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

Thank you so much @kohnnor!! 🥰

I posted about Val as the creation I like the most for the first ask I got, but by god I'm gonna answer every one of these because I'm really proud of all the stuff I've made in the last few years!

My longfic No One's Gonna Love You is right behind Val as far as creations I love. As I mentioned in that post and in others, I hadn't felt compelled to write in a long time. I have a couple of WIPs from DA:I and ME2 that I would pull out to work on whenever I had inspiration, but that wasn't often. I wouldn't say that I missed writing so much as the idea of being a writer.

When I started Cyberpunk, I had no preconceptions about the NPCs or romances, and I certainly didn't expect to fall for a minor NPC with not much screen time. (This is the first time it's happened to me, actually.) Initially I was captivated by Goro like so many others, but I fell in love with Mitch when V woke up in Pan's truck during The Star ending, and he was waiting for V to wake up. Any thoughts of writing a Pride & Prejudice inspired fic between Goro and V flew out the window because of those beautiful blue eyes.

For months Val and Mitch consumed my brain. I stayed up late every night to write, pouring more and more of myself into the story, learning more about both Val and Mitch as I went. At the time, I felt it was some of my best prose, like the intervening years that I hadn't been writing but was still consuming other media didn't matter. As if I was able to translate the years of experience I'd accumulated into words that could evoke feelings. What was meant to be a fun, smutty romp turned into a study of grief and loss.

And I found a new freedom to play like I hadn't experienced before. I experimented with the narrative; used repetition in different ways; played with flashbacks and dialogue; left room for characters to breathe and tell the story their own way. I had more fun writing that story than just about anything else I'd written to that point in my life.

More than that, I also learned how to create for myself. It didn't matter that I ended up in rare pair hell with few people there to cheer me on, because I was the target audience for the fic. It's the most self-indulgent thing I've written, because I wrote it for me.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Words aren't as exciting or captivating as pictures, but words are my life, and these words in particular are some of the best words I've ever put together.

Chapters: 7/7 Fandom: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Mitch Anderson/V (Cyberpunk 2077), Female V/Mitch Anderson, Referenced Mitch Anderson/Scorpion, Mitch Anderson (Cyberpunk 2077)/Original Character(s) Characters: V (Cyberpunk 2077), Mitch Anderson (Cyberpunk 2077), Streetkid V - Character, Panam Palmer, Carol Emeka, Cassidy Righter Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Spoilers, The Star Ending (Cyberpunk 2077), Angst, Angst and Feels, Porn with Feelings, Porn With Plot, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Gratuitous Smut, Shameless Smut, like a ridiculous amount of it, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Character, Stand Alone Series: Part 2 of Into My Arms Summary:

V studies his face, half shadow, half moonlit. He is handsome, now that she’s looking for it—once broken Roman nose, full, expressive lips, slate blue eyes now full of concern, the scar exaggerated by the shadows. How could she have missed this, missed him? So much time wasted.

#cyberpunk 2077 #mail time! #kohnnor #thank you so much for the ask! <3 #i love this piece sm #always excited to talk about it #cyberpunk fanfic #wash's writing #mitch x v #mitch x fem v #mitch x val

[citrus-cactus]

I gotta ask now that you've beaten moral. Opinions on the professor?

Gotta say I just love his whole arc something about it resonates w me

Something about it never being too late to start healing

Ooh yeah, I’m a real fan of that takeaway!

(More beneath the cut)

I’ll be honest, the Professor as a plot device in the first half of the game (when he’s actually present in the party and not assumed dead) frustrated me occasionally. I’m a big fan of writers portraying characters as fleshed-out people, so I was actually fairly irked that he went unnamed for so long and that it seemed like his role (at first) was to be a rather one-dimensional adult/symbol of authority who dropped plot-relevant exposition on occasion. I understand now why his name was withheld (and why he had difficulty remembering past events in his life), but I think both of these things could have been handled differently—for example, the game referring to him as Professor Minase would have made way more sense (to me) than handing us Miyuki’s family name right from the start via the profile screen!

It kind of makes me wish Takuma’s POV wasn’t our primary insight into his character, because as a player, I really wanted to understand more about what he was going through during the game in his own words, and during those times when he requested to be left alone with his thoughts (the other human characters drop enough hints at what’s going on in their private lives, and it’s almost better that some of their specific issues are left a little open to interpretation). The fact that the Professor wasn’t willing (or wasn’t able?) to properly introduce himself to the kids until Part 8 seemed like a wild choice from a writing perspective, and for a time in Parts 5 and 6, he seemed extremely shady to me… but as it turns out, I was suspicious of the wrong Haru :3

THIS MOMENT TOOK WAY TOO LONG TO GET TO and didn’t feel like a satisfying reveal by the time it finally happened. Of course the other characters would be surprised at this revelation, but c’mon game, give your players (and Takuma!) some more credit that they might have figured it out before now :)

But ultimately, the fact that Akiharu wasn’t an ancillary character after all, but a “main” character in his own right, with a character arc, fated partner, and a role in battle was a really nice surprise, because it is so rare we get an adult/older human partnered with a digimon (02 and Savers/Data Squad being the only examples of this I can think of right now), much less one who needs to confront their own personal demons and reconcile with their digimon partner! And I really liked Gabumon/Garurumon as a character as well, because he also represents something we don’t see often in digimon partners: a digimon who feels utterly betrayed by his human at being separated/left behind.

They get an evo screen and everything! Yeah!!

I may have missed why Akiharu was so forgetful in the first place (was it the fall during the prologue? The fog? The OTHER fall? The guilt/trauma from his first time in the Digital World? How much of his life was spent researching the kemonogami, without fully knowing WHY he felt compelled to conduct it??)… but once the game was past him being a slow-drip reveal engine, I really enjoyed seeing him be able to address some of that trauma, reconcile with Gabumon, and succeed at finally rescuing Miyuki. And as much as the treatment of Akiharu pre-reveal frustrates me, there is a neat parallel between the Minase siblings in the first half of the game: they are both only half-there, half-complete, and something-something they are only able to become truly whole again when they are able to fully see their digimon partners, and their partners’ pain.

Once they were their “true” selves, I really enjoyed seeing Akiharu and Miyuki’s interactions. And their conversation that served as an epilogue to the moral route was so sweet! I am ALSO not over Miyuki having to adjust to life in the Real World 50 years later, and finally reuniting with her 50-years-older younger brother. And don’t even get me STARTED on Haru/Renamon. That reveal was done really well. 🥺

Including this picture because AAAAUGH <3

So yeah, when push comes to shove, I’m very normal about both the Minase siblings and their partner digimon (this is a lie, I am not normal about them at all afsgsffsfs) 👍

#digimon survive #digimon survive spoilers #the cactus plays digimon survive #the professor #asks #the-baron-of-burgle

[cinderfeather]

20 Questions For Writers

Yay, thank's for the tag @sinvulkt! I've seen this going round and been hoping to participate.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

21

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

81,221 words! That's basically a novel, although split out across many shorter works.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Almost all my works are Star Wars (Luke & Vader or occasionally prequals Anakin), then DC (Superman). I only have one fic about Superman posted, but I do have quite a few drafts about him.

I also try to write origional works, but I find it a lot harder to create something I feel is as compelling without having 'the iceberg of canon' beneath it. (Granted I've made a lot of progress on trying to write origional works since I started writing fanfic.)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Operation CHEER LUKE UP AFTER BESPIN (Star Wars OT)

282 kudos

This was the first fic I ever posted. I do want to finish this one, but I'm currently facing a challenging plothole, so I keep waiting till I've finished up whatever other WIP I'm working on, and then after finishing a WIP I want a break before coming back to writing a fic again, except that after a break I come up with another WIP idea…

2. Whose Propaganda is it Anyway? (Star Wars OT)

134 kudos

I'm surprised this beat Mistaken Son-dentity, given that it gets quite serious toward the end. But rereading it again I forgot how fun the first part was, and the way the first line eches the last.

3. Mistaken Son-dentity (Star Wars OT)

120 kudos

I love the crack in this one, I often think back on it if I need a way to cheer myself up but don't have access to my Ao3 bookmarks (given that I wrote it it's much easier to play in my head).

4. Skeptics of the Force (Star Wars OT)

119 kudos

I'm very proud of this one. It's the longest thing I've ever finished, and it grew from what I thought would be 7,000 words to 36,000 words. I edit very slowly so that was a Marathon! The plot and foreshadowing was very complex, so by the end it I was playing whack-a-mole with all the inconsistencies.

5. Hide (Star Wars OT)

111 kudos

I'm surprised this one was so well loved, it's very short and I was hesitant to post it because it felt a bit unfinished and like just the start of something. So I'm glad I did!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, occasionally I miss some but in general I try to keep up with them. If someone gives me unsolicited constructive critisim I generally don't reply, but I'm reluctant to delete their comment.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. So there are several top contenders:

Initially I thought The Haunting of Order-66 might be it, but then I realised that while that was one of the angster ones, it actually had quite a hopeful ending.

Alone is sad, but I don't quite feel it has the gut punch to be the top contender.

Ghost is also pretty up there, but I'd say the ending leans more into horror than 'angst'.

The above two lean into 'not getting there in time', but I think the betrayal in 'Can't Go Home' elevates the angst to another level. (I double-checked The Right Hand of Justice because it Very Much explores betrayal, but the acceptance and teeny tiny thread of hope laced into the end knocks it from first place.)

So Can't Go Home is the winner!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm. I think Rivers of Lava, Rivers of Life has a beautiful ending.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

There's a lot of imaginary hate in my head when I'm working through those last few edits before I post something 😅. Occasionally people have said they didn't like some of the ways my characters behaved, but I think it's mostly just being annoyed at them, not at the fic.

9. Do you write smut?

I don't have any posted, but there is some in my drafts. If I edited some I'm not sure if I'd post it under this account or make another I keep separate.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Sort of. I stumbled across the song 'I Know Those Eyes/This Man is Dead' (from The Count of Monte Cristo musical) and instantly went 'This has EPIC Vader/Padme reunion vibes. I promptly went and wrote a fic based on those vibes alone, and then after I finished I watched a film adaptation and read the book so I finally knew what was going on (because I knew if I looked up what was happening before I wrote the fic my perfectionism would get in the way and I'd never end up writing it).

Now, after reading the giant tome that was The Count of Monte Cristo I have an idea for a more accurate crossover called 'The Sith of Monte Cristo,' but (as I predicted) I feel too overwhelmed to write that one.

In addition, when I read Hamlet last year for the first time in my life, I was entranced and sketched out a Luke!Hamlet AU, but I also feel like that might be quite a bit of work so I haven't been motivated enough to write that either.

Finally, The Right Hand of Justice technically falls into the crossover category on Ao3, but it doesn't feel like a myth retelling makes sense to label a 'Crossover'.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If Ao3 ever been scraped as a dataset into a Large-Language-Model.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet, I can only speak one language. Feel free to offer if you'd like to translate one of mine, though!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not yet!

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

Um, does 'Superman/anyone' count? I love Clois, but sometimes I wish there were more AUs so it wasn't just Superman/Reporter all the time. I also love a good Clex, the enimies-to-lovers angst is delicious. I am super down for Superbat - it has the double the Identity Shennagins from Clois with a light dose of the Enimies-To-Lovers angst from Clex.

However, this might be weird, but I'm really, really down for Superman/Female Origional Character, just someone fun and quirky and quite fleshed out but a bit different to Lois's personality (because I have read mountains and mountins of Clois and while it's amazing I sometimes get a little bored of the narrowness of reporter life and the 'in love with Superman, in friends with Clark' tropes). I have a few drafts of this, but then I worry that a female OC in fandom won't be very popular so I don't clean them up 😅

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Um. Um. I mean I want to finish 'Cheer Luke Up' and I will, okay, I will. It just could possibly take up to quite a number of years before I get back into it. I'm getting faster at editing, so one day it might not take that much work to finish up. I think it's just past the half-way point at the moment.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I'm really proud of a lot of the cosmic horror I've done! I think it has a great sense of a slow buildup of dread, and then some really unique and otherworldly horrors, tinged with just the right amount of wonder and awe.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Perfectionism. The initial draft isn't too hard, but it usually takes at a minimum a full week of being mostly focused on it to months for anything above 5k words. It tends to exhaust and frustrate me so much.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Haven't done it yet (unless you count me makeing up stuff that sounds like Latin or outright using Latin in one or two sentences). As long as it fits well, but I think excessive use of it could frustrate the reader.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars Origional Trilogy

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Aaaaaahh. I think Stride of Terror is an awesome 'Vader captures Luke' fic, 'Cheer Luke Up' is the silliest, wildest, unhinged crack, Skeptics of the Force gazes into the abyss, and The Sith in Yellow is a really impressive piece of cosmic horror.

I'm going to say Skeptics of the Force, because out of all my fics when I think about how to bind one into a book it's that one that I want the most.

Tag time (if you wish to): @andyboops, @insertmeaningfulusername, @smolavidreader, @overallobsessiveness, @softlysuited, @softieskywalker

#ask game #tag game #tagging game #20 questions #20 Questions For Writers #star wars writer #fanfic writer #ao3 writer

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: Friends Don't Fall in Love by Erin Hahn

4.25/5. Releases 10/17/2023.

Vibes: country music, BIG PINING, heroes who really really love to go down, and... its always the quiet ones

Craig Boseman (or "Huck", as he's known to one person in particular) writes hits for his friend, country star Drake Colter, with little to no credit. He let it go--until Lorelai Jones, Drake's fiancee, is canceled for singing a protest song and is promptly dumped by Drake. After sharing one night together, Craig and Lorelai go their separate ways... until they reconnect years later. Now Lorelai wants to take another shot at country stardom. And she needs Craig's help.

Friends to lovers is a challenge to make exciting, but I was drawn in by how quickly this book establishes the emotional stakes. I understood why Craig didn't make a move immediately; it made sense to me. Plus, he and Lorelai were such charming characters with strong, believable chemistry--I just wanted to see what they did next. The result is a hot, sweet, sometimes cathartic romcom. And you don't have to be a country fan to enjoy it.

Quick Takes:

--The thing about Craig and Lorelai's relationship is that while they are "friends" when the book begins, the sexual and romantic tension is there immediately. It's there that first night, when they drunkenly hook up after Lorelai's career and relationship implodes. It's there when they exist as regular old platonic friends--and mind you, they're practically roommates as Lorelai rents one half of a duplex from Craig. It never feels like these people miss one another's appeal. They don't suddenly wake up and see each other "in a different way". The connection and attraction was always there. But Craig understandably didn't feel he could make a move when Lorelai was with Drake (a classic setup if there ever was one) and Lorelai... wasn't ready, in my opinion.

--Honestly, despite being a nice girl with her heart in the right place (Lorelai's cancellation is linked to protesting the second amendment--a big no no for country singers) Lorelai is refreshingly flawed and human. While she isn't immature, she is perhaps a bit emotionally stunted, not prepared to accept Craig's feelings until he is so certain that she couldn't possibly want him the way he wants her. Their conflict is less about either one majorly fucking up than it is about two people who've put off giving a relationship a chance for so long that when the tension finally snaps, they really don't trust it. I found this super compelling, and as a sidebar, I really loved that they were in their thirties. They didn't have their shit together 100%, but there was a marked difference to the way they handled their emotions that first night and the way they confronted their feelings with years of experience later.

I will say that towards the end I could've used a little more conflict, but that's because I'm a conflict queen. By no means is this book angst-free or without drama.

--One thing I really enjoyed about this book was the sense of friendship? Often, I feel that friends are just there to be there in a lot of recently published romances. Here, the girl talk especially really seemed authentic. There's one scene wherein Lorelai is essentially recapping a recent hookup with Craig, and it's so fucking messy. Because she is BEING messy. And it's both genuinely hilarious and emotional. It felt like a conversation I would have with my friends, and I so appreciated it.

--For the record, his name is Craig, but Lorelai nicknamed him "Huck" (more a reference to the line in Tombstone than the book, a SOLID choice). This helps the Craig part. But also, he somehow pulled it off, because he is quite hot.

--How hard does the country music aspect of this book work? It's present enough for it to feel like Hahn knows her shit and put thought into it, but it's not overly heavy. These are not twang-y fake rednecks, which I find a lot in contemporary romances written by people who think the south is So Charming (I say as a southerner). Craig and Lorelai love country music, and Craig does refer to himself (in a derogatory manner) as a "country boy" at some point. But these are clearly both savvy Nashville music scene people. They know what they're about, they're not corny or silly.

And the musicians referenced are a good mix of classic country and new country, which I appreciated. So often, books like these reference people who were famous like 20 years ago but didn't really stand the full test of time. Here, it felt like the author got country music as an industry--and it's a huge one--and while she clearly loves the music, she's not shy about the issues inherent to it.

None of that is like, ROMANTIC but it's an important part of writing a good book. It elevates the story.

The Sex:

Yes--there are good sex scenes in this book. Sex scenes that are extremely focused on cunnilingus--Craig is very into giving, and I was not mad at it. Nor was Lorelai! There's one scene in particular where this man just like... hits the floor. And it is incredibly good. The climactic (in more ways than one) sex scene? So good.

Also, Craig writes erotic poetry. Mostly about eating pussy. And posts it anonymously on Instagram. This level of "aw shucks I'm a normal guy" slutitude was just too much for me in the best possible way. This girl is just scrolling through her friend's pussy poetry Insta, knowing it's him from the jump, SWEATING.

This was a really fun, emotional book that didn't skimp on the relationships or the sex. Again, I usually don't like friends to lovers--so the fact that I enjoyed this one so much is a testament to how engaging it is. I definitely plan on reading more from Erin Hahn.

Thanks to St. Martin's Griffin and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #book recs #book reviews #books

[asherlockstudy]

I really appreciate your blog.

With any new interest of mine, if i get to follow any one fan account, it is the one that has something interesting to say, (that they’re gracious enough to write down and share) because they’ve been DEEP in the stock and the gravy is just pouring out on its own. I don’t agree with everything you write, cause i have my own experiences and the interpretations they influence yadayada, but it is nice to read someone else who got forced by their brain decided to think extensively about a relationship-business situation that a couple of 40 yos have got due to the nature of their job as main talent, founders, and CEOs of a new media corporation.

I don’t think this is the healthiest thing for anyone to be obsessed with, and id love to be obsessed with a book or a video game, but analysis of interpersonal relationships between youtubers, for me, really is the only thing that sticks.

So, yeah.. I really appreciate your blog, the way you write, and how seriously you take certain aspects of it. Makes me feel seen, and therefore, less insane. Heart emoji

Thank you for enjoying the blog and empathising!

I am going to be 100% honest though; I’m sure this was not intentional but in your quick assumption that our mindsets coincide mutually, some of your mail ended up sounding a little backhanded.

My experience is in fact different and I approach it with an entirely different mindset that does not involve beating myself up. I do not internalize my interest in Rhett and Link’s dynamic and I do not feel insane at all actually, not even humorously. I have observed that my perception of them often differs from their statements, as a result I feel curious to explore this and figure out whether I am missing something or they are fabricating it.

I like Rhett and Link a lot but I don’t exactly consider myself obsessed with them but I am rather curious with what my mind processes. Which is why I found it interesting that you scratched the “forced by brain” thing and kept the “decided to think extensively about the relationship of 40 year olds”. You shouldn’t scratch the first one because it is openly my biggest motivation - I feel compelled by my suspiciously different perception of them to analyse what’s going on. Is that healthy? No, it’s not, but it is unhealthy in a different way than the way you thought. It’s a quirk or flaw of mine: I don’t like to be painted as the crazy one when all evidence leads to a certain explanation. The unhealthy part is that it involves their privacy and therefore I should lay off more easily even when painted as crazy. But that’s where my flaw comes in, what happens between them is between them only, however I am still painted as crazy or as seeing things that don’t exist. So I really want to see where I am making the mistake, what makes me fall for the nonexistent thing, otherwise I will have to rub my vindication on people’s faces.

I have accepted this about myself - with its pros and cons - so I am very open about being urged by my brain. On the contrary I am not as comfortable with claiming “I decided to devote part of my free time to Rhett and Link’s relationship”, because it resonates with me less. Make no mistake, I enjoy enough of their content (and I am quite critical towards the rest of it) and I am definitely inspired by their long-lasting unconventional friendship as is. What I am saying though is that if there wasn’t also the motive of the hope/expectation to eventually be proven wrong or right for good, I would be here way less and I would watch them less and I would think about them less. Still they would be part of my interests, but definitely less.

On the contrary. I am usually passionate over fictional content and not at all over celebrities and YouTubers. Like, at all. Unless it’s Keith Richards I guess. I made this blog years ago for Sherlock actually. And yet it was again because I felt compelled to talk about things the screenwriters eventually denied until the end.

See a pattern there? It is my quirk or flaw. I do acknowledge that most people obsess over real people or fiction for different reasons but this for me has been secondary. Not non-existent, to claim that would be hypocritical, in the sense that I do enjoy the idea of Rhink too, I am not saying I am above it, but it’s 100% truly secondary for me personally. In other words, if I eventually get persuaded they are 100% platonic with happy marriages, I will be annoyed at what happened to me and I got it THAT wrong but I will be super happy for them for succeeding both in romance and friendship without any such trouble at all.

Okay I hope this won’t make you grow distant from what you enjoyed in my blog, this is in no way my intention. I just felt I was getting a little misunderstood and wanted to be clear. Also, I didn’t like being led, even indirectly through your empathy, into a path of self-judgment; thinking about unhealthy obsession, that I am crazy due to how much I analyse this etc etc If it’s proven that I and all the rest of us have been indeed lied to, then why would I blame my disbelief and inquiry? To be clear, Rhett and Link have all the rights in the world to lie to us about their personal lives. But I also unashamedly retain the right to not believe in lies.

Unless I am proven wrong for good. Then this will be an unpleasant but certainly useful experience.

Thanks again for the good words, please don’t take this the wrong way, I am just explaining my perspective.

#rhink theory #anon #mail #personal

[foxsimthings]

I’m gonna give yall a little bit of Fox advice, and now some of yall know I’m an elderly woman with 80 grandchildren and arthritis in my knees so take what I have to say with a grain of salt.

If you’re upset about something, and you feel like it’s other people’s fault, maybe write your post about it and then sit on it for a night, two nights, a week. Write it all down, and when you come back to it, see if you still feel the same, or if you might change some things. 

We can be especially emotional creatures, especially when we feel like we’ve been slighted or like one of our basic needs is in jeopardy because of someone else. I get it.

And sometimes, we have been wronged by someone else. Sometimes people who do all the right things still get hurt in the crossfire. It isn’t your job to roll over and accept anything, let it not be taken that that’s my stance, but I maintain that sitting on your thoughts for a minute is a good thing, no matter what side you stand on in an argument, situation, disagreement, etc.

When things are happening in real time on the internet, sometimes we feel like we have to react immediately. It’s happening now, therefore I need to respond now. If we don’t respond now, people will think we don’t care, or we don’t have an opinion, or any number of things. But I would argue that really letting those thoughts settle shows that you do care.

Sometimes I get heated about things here on Tumblr too. I feel like I have something to say, so I’ll write a huge post about XYZ, I’ll come at it from different angles, I’ll put my heart and soul into a novel about what I think and why. And then, I save it as a draft.  99% of those drafts don’t get published.

I’m sure you can guess why; it’s because getting all of those thoughts down really shows me how I felt in that moment. In that moment, it was very real, very intense, very reactionary. And after a few days, even if I do feel the same, I probably don’t want to say it the same way, or I don’t feel as strongly as I did, or perhaps my angle has changed completely or I’ve seen someone else say the same thing in a way more compelling way. Tumblr is actively shifting all the time and if you follow enough people, you’ll see every side of an issue, every perspective. It’s healthy to see other sides. It’s healthy to listen to people you don’t agree with because only then do you really understand their perspective. If we only listen to people we do agree with, we often miss some of the more critical nuances in a person’s issue or argument.

I think this new EA policy has pitfalls and drawbacks. Creators we love who have consistently offered early access content within the previous parameters accepted may lose their livelihood. They may have to find a different job or method of making money to make ends meet, they may find less and less time to create, and we may lose those creators off our platform in part or entirely because of it - even if they never say as much, even if they don’t make an angry rant about it, even if we think they did everything right. It had become a business, it had allowed some people to devote their time and energy to creating, just as so many Twitch streamers and Youtubers have stopped working to provide content that they made money off of, and alternately, just as so many streamers and Youtubers have stopped providing content because the demands of working a different or another job overtook their time to create. 

Does this make those creators selfish, or greedy? Are they preying on the community? Do we hate them?

Do we hate them?

Give yourself time to get some perspective on your own thoughts and opinions. It’s okay to consider if what you have to say is truly something you believe, or something someone you really like believes. It’s okay to disagree with people you really like. Calm, open discourse is vital in a community if we expect it to be understanding and tolerant, which we do. Are we having a dialogue about ways to be a better community and better people to one another, or are we fighting without listening?

TL;DR: - it’s okay not to reply to a situation/argument/etc right away - write down your feelings and save them as a draft, and if you feel the same way in a few days, post that shit - take in other perspectives, and evaluate your own based on what you believe is true - while fighting and arguing often feels more exciting, discourse and conversation is actually conducive to a healthier community and allowing people to make mistakes that they learn from instead of getting ostracized and learning nothing

And as always, just the thoughts and opinions of an elderly lady with rollers in her hair and squirrel coasters. Take what’s of value to you and leave the rest!

[katierosefun]

For the fic writer ask, I'll say 1 and 10 and whichever two questions you'd really want someone to ask. <3

thank yooou for the ask!! | from these asks

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

hmm, maybe oddly for a more convenient truth? which i know is odd because there's only like two or three people who still care enough about i am the night (2019) to write for it, but i feel like it's because of that quietness that compelled me to write something that felt most true to myself? in that this fic is very quiet and really more of this reflection on the kinds of ways that a person touches your life, and you're not ever going to be the same, and maybe you don't really know what to call that relationship, but you know that you miss them anyways--and i kind of hope that sort of emphasis on relationships/stuff that's unspoken kinda is a pattern in a lot of my other stories!

10. How do you decide what to write?

if i have a lot of ideas at once, it really might be as simple as like. spinning a wheel and seeing what lands. other times, it's really just. me listening to music (because i listen to music an ungodly amount, idk) and seeing what matches my mood + vibe.

but in terms of deciding what to write re: generating ideas, i think a lot about what's been eating at my brain lately/what last inspired me the most. just last night, i finished reading normal people by sally rooney, and so i've been thinking a lot about more stories that are very much so driven by just a single pair of characters/stories that are focused on a single relationship (which, see above: i was already incredibly fascinated by, but i want to see more of that stuff in books, rather than movies and shows, which is usually where i find them). i've also been doing a lot of contemplating in general about what it means to come back to your hometown/the strange feeling of belonging everywhere and nowhere at the same time, and i feel like that might make me think up a story at some point, whether it be a fic or something original!

24. Are there any easter eggs in [insert fic], and if so, what are they?

as part of the other two questions that i'd want to answer . . . okay, so i really want to start utilizing easter eggs/cameos more often in my fics/original works, just because i'm a girl who likes a good cameo every once in a while . . . so for example, in light years, which is a my mister fic, the protagonist meets a character from beyond evil . . . and in my beyond evil fic read all the books beside your bed, there's a character from school 2013 . . . because i just can't resist lol

35. What aspects of your writing are completely unlike your real life?

besides the obvious (i've never been to outer space, nor have i ever worked in a police station or a butcher's shop), i also. don't know how to drive. i also don't really know much about cars in general, and i also have pretty awful depth perception, so i feel like i'm always over or understimating car dimensions. so that's why i always feel a little annoyed whenever i get to a scene that involves talking while driving or something because even though it's not like i need to know how to drive in order to just write about a character driving, i still think, man, for someone who doesn't know how to drive, i sure do write a lot of scenes where someone's talking in a car while driving huh

#answered