#i like puzzles because they're something i can learn and figure out. once i understand it's a matter of patterns

[mars-ipan]

overcoming anxiety (through practicing the things that scare you) is so interesting. i used to be horrified of taking up space or alerting other people of my presence. now i'm compelled to tell strangers i like their outfits or hair or earrings- on bad days i tell maybe a quarter of them. do i still overthink it? absolutely. but i call attention to myself to tell someone else my opinion. and with the way they tend to smile and tell me "thank you!" i'm pretty sure it's taken to heart.

i used to be horrified of making phone calls as well. this is one i'm still getting over- i just Don't Like Doing It. i used to have a phone call routine that i still joke about- realize i need to call someone, cry, avoid it for a few days, suck it up, write a script, memorize the script, cry again, final script read, make the call with the script in front of me. and i would be Exhausted by the end of it. i don't cry when i need to call people anymore. i'm even needing scripts less and less- i've found out that people actually won't kill me if i talk a little too fast or stumble on my words. i doubt i'll ever like making phone calls- i especially hate robots (i'm afraid they'll mishear me and direct me wrong or a person will suddenly show up and i won't be prepared)- but i can make them now.

i get overwhelmed really easy. just a thing that happens to me. my brain is really really good at taking one task and breaking it up into thousands of little tasks and it feels like i'm drowning. if i try to make it fewer larger tasks then it starts to feel insurmountable. i was completely lost on how to deal with this (other than avoid until you get that panic attack and can do work in the post-catharsis calm until 6:00 AM) until one night when my dad (who i often meet late at night due to overlapping mental illness symptoms) asked me how to eat an elephant. i looked at him, confused, and he said "one bite at a time." that was way more effective than any other analogy i've seen has been. "light at the end of a tunnel"- i don't feel like i'm moving forward, i feel like i'm scaling a wall. "steps on a trail"- i can see my destination, but it feels impossible to move forward. but eating an elephant? that sums it up perfectly. this huge task which seems impossible at a glance. but it must be done. so you eat the elephant, a bite at a time. every time i'm overwhelmed i repeat that phrase to myself. it hasn't made any major changes yet, but it keeps me calm enough to start before i hit the panic attack, which i'll take.

i was such a perfectionist growing up- i actually thought it was a good thing (school always taught me to strive for perfection). but it made me scared to try new things- if i wasn't immediately good at them, then it clearly wasn't for me. i'm still not great at starting new hobbies, but i try a lot of new things within the hobbies i already have. i test out different ways of making art, i try new puzzle games i don't understand, etc. and the feeling of steady improvement reminds me that i don't need to be good right away. some of the most satisfying moments don't come from immediately being good- they come from achieving that skill over time. i'd like to try to learn to sew soon.

idk it's interesting. i rewire my own brain's fear response by doing the Horrifying Thing enough times for me to understand that no i will not die. and while i'm doing it it feels like nothing is changing. i get so stressed every time- it can actually take a lot out of me (turns out fight-or-flight burns a lot of energy). but i look back at then vs. now and i realize how far i've come, and i can't help but think "huh. neat"

#marzi speaks #this post has no point. i am simply thinking out loud #i think understanding the root of where the anxiety comes from helps a lot too #like. my mom feels most secure when she's in control #she doesn't like situations in which she can't control how she responds or what happens when she does #it makes her feel helpless. and that's how her GAD affects her #it's also why her fear response is 'fight'- she stress-cleans and expresses authority because those are things she can control #it's a self-soothing technique #but for me it's different. i'm most at ease when i know where i am and what's going on #this could be for plenty of reasons. i'm bad at directions and time blind so i feel lost easily #i had to learn to do a lot of things by myself growing up because my brother needed a bit of extra attention #my parents used to sometimes forget to tell me about things- i wouldn't know we were going somewhere until they asked me if i was ready #or even just that i was always surrounded by so much information and i love learning with my whole heart #when i can't know what will happen next or why something's happening in the first place i get disoriented and frightened #i don't need to have a say in what will happen. i just need to know. then i can roll with the punches #this is why MY fear responses are flight and freeze #i self-isolate because i know environments like my room and my mind #other people are unpredictable. i know what i will do #i like puzzles because they're something i can learn and figure out. once i understand it's a matter of patterns #and they take my mind off of the unknown i'm worried about #my mom will engage in a lot of conflict behavior. i engage in a lot of avoidant behavior #yes this caused arguments growing up lmao. i'd be freaking out abt smth and she'd be confused as to why i wasn't just going and fixing it #or she'd be freaking out abt smth and i'd be confused as to why she didn't try to just get all the facts #but we're better communicators abt that now teehee #it's interesting though. we have the same illness (generalized anxiety disorder) and are similar in a lot of ways #but because our root fears are different our responses to them are different #this could also be learned #my mom grew up poor and didn't get to do a lot- she worked her ass off to have financial freedom #i grew up comfortable with every question i asked entertained by two very smart parents. when a question can't be answered i feel dissonant #it's probably a bit of both in some cyclical manner. still nifty to think about

[habshihalwa]

Surviving GCSES: The Ultimate Guide

~ HOW TO REVISE ~

NB; some 'specific subjects' may not be included

WHEN:

- revision should be 'little and often' - meaning you should be revising a few hours every week, whether it's recapping the material, quizzing yourself, or doing homework. By doing little and often revision, it's more likely to become embedded in your long term memory

- if you cram the day before an exam, do effective cramming. Use this time to go over anything you don't know or understand. Blurting is a good method to use- try reading a page or a topic and writing down as much as you can remember from it. Fill in the gaps and identify your weak spots

REVISION METHODS

ACTIVE RECALL should be the main way you revise. It's forcing your brain to actively remember what it can about what you've learned, bringing it to the front of your memory

- blurting: blurting is a great way for you to find out what you know and what you don't. Write down as much as you can remember, and fill in the bits you can't with a different colour. You can repeat the process until it's embedded in your memory and until you're confident that you know everything you need to know

- flashcards: when writing flashcards, do NOT just copy notes onto there. Write questions on one side, and answers on the other then use it to quiz yourself. ALTERNATIVELY for memorising quotes, you could also write half of it on one side and half on the other. You could also write notes on one side and questions on the other, so you have to look in the text to find the answers

- past papers: I cannot stress this enough. Once you've revised and learned everything you think you've learned, test yourself by doing past papers. Research has shown that the top students do more past papers and questions than anyone else. Mark these yourself using the mark scheme so you can identify where you went wrong and how to improve it. Pay extra attention to the mark scheme so in an exam you can quit the waffle and identify where your marks are at

- pretend to 'teach' the content to someone younger or dumber than you. Try and explain it the best you can in simple words - this shows you understand it enough

- there are LOADS of videos out there about how to revise- watch them and use them!

- sleep: sleep is also a revision technique after you've learnt something, as sleeping gives your brain time to process the information and store it in your memory. but only sleep AFTER you've revised a bit

TEACHERS

- teachers are your best tool. Use them

- teachers know what they're doing, and are specialised in their subject for a REASON

- request revision materials,

- if you don't understand anything, simply ask. That's what they're there for. At the end of the day, your grades are gonna matter more than the time you bothered them

- listen in lessons!!! This is so important and many people don't realise. Pay attention in lessons like you're listening to the latest gossip or hot celeb talk or whatever you're into. Give it 110% and actively participate. It won't be embarrassing when you get those good grades.

WEBSITES

Here are some websites I like to use that are FREE and I use constantly to aid me with revision

• Quizlet

• anki

• StudySmarter

• seneca

• tassomai

• gcsepod

• hegarty maths

• Corbett maths

• maths genie

• YouTube and tiktok (they have some good shi on there ngl)

• Duolingo

SPECIFIC SUBJECT REVISION

MATHS

practice papers and questions. Memorise formulas and how to use them. Just keep doing practice questions. If you like puzzles and games, you like maths- think of it as another piece to solve, and like a game. At the end of the day, maths it's just problem solving. There's only one right answer.

ENGLISH LIT:

blurting, mind-maps, flashcards to learn quotes. Look at the AOs to figure out where your marks are, and try and do as much work as you can because at the end of the day, over the year or two years your classwork is gonna be what you've done the most. Plan essays and write them. Talk to your teachers about where to improve and where you've gone wrong. Read more to help with developing your language and writing style. Try writing something unrelated to school- maybe a story, a poem, a speech. Repeat it to help develop what you're doing. English lit is just memorising quotes and explains them- don't overthink it. Make sure you know your text back to front and know how to answer questions. Write practice essays and get your teachers to mark them, and later ask them to explain what you can do to get more marks. Especially in gcse, these examiners are marking abt 50-100 essays. What makes YOURS stand out. Why do YOU deserve that grade amongst everyone? YouTubers I like to use include Mr Bruff, Mr Salles, Mr Everything English

RS:

it depends on how you like revising. I like copying out my notes and making my mind-maps, and then using flashcards to help memorise quotes. Answer practice questions regularly and ask your teacher about the mark scheme and HOW to answer questions if you're struggling. Think of it as learning about yourself and your religion, and many others - help it bring you closer to God if you're religious

SCIENCE

science is mostly fact based and about how well you apply these facts to questions and practical examples. I very strongly recommend using flashcards and paying attention in lessons. Watch YouTube videos and actively and constantly recall your notes. Answer LOTS of past papers and practice questions - every year they use 3-4 of the exact same questions in the exam. There's only so many questions they can ask. Also, print off the specification (this can be found on the exam board's website) and use this to make sure you haven't missed any content out. Use this specification to make flashcards - also, use the questions at the end of each lesson in cgp textbooks as practice questions for flashcards!!! Science is quite flexible to revise from, you can watch videos and make notes, or make mind-maps, or do blurting. Just make sure it's active and that you're reviewing the content regularly!! I also recommend using Seneca to sort of make sure you know everything the day before an exam. Science is an explanation for everything, think of it as something interest as it can make quite a lot of interesting conversation topics.

LANGUAGES:

think of languages as something essential to your identity and helping you live in today's everchanging world. Language is a way to communicate with people - honestly just think about that for a sec. Use duolingo, Quizlet and other language apps!! Be consistent and the night before ur exam, do the biggest and fattest Quizlet you can revise. Test yourself on flashcards when memorising chunks for speaking exams. Also think of everything in ur designated language like when ur drinking water translate that. Or when ur speaking at home or to someone speak with what u know in that language.

HISTORY:

there's a lot of dates and factual knowledge in this, so your best option is to constantly review and actively recall everything. Try doing some practice questions and planning essays. Blurting is SUPER useful for this subject especially too!!! History is super interesting - we learn from the past to improve the future. History builds us and moulds us into where we are today!

HOW TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF

- find out what you want to do in life: medicine? law? art? finding a passion and knowing what you want to do after school can really help motivate you

- if you're unsure of you're career, start by listing what you like and what you're good at. Ask people what career they think you'd be suited to and why. Research these careers and about life beyond school

- a reminder that school is SO much more than just listening to teachers about useless stuff. When you think about, it's teaching you everything about the world you are living in RIGHT NOW

- knowledge is power

- make your parents and your family proud. If they can spend thousands of pounds on you and spend 15+ years raising you up, im pretty sure you can do this

- think about everyone who's ever told you you can't do it or thought you're useless. Imagine the look on their face when you make it. Prove them wrong.

- watch academia and studytok videos. As dumb as it sounds, they're quite motivating

- think of the consequences if you don't revise. while everyone will be smiling and happy with their results, you'll be sitting there knowing you could've done better if only you'd taken the opportunity. That opportunity is now

- a reminder that social media is always going to be there. There's always posts to like and videos to watch but the real world isn't here forever. Focus on your studies before your phone

- think about what you're ultimately working towards: WHY do you want these grades- money? A successful career? Revenge? Validation?

EXTRACURRICULAR BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

- don't make school your life- having a hobby or doing something you enjoy is SO important. It also makes you a more interesting person :)

- we all need downtime. find what that thing is for you

- you need to develop your brain outside of school too. Whether it's sport, music, art, writing- invest a little bit of time into that everyday

- READ. Reading is important and gives you more knowledge and develops your brain. JK Rowling once said if you hate reading, it's only because you haven't found the right book. FIND IT.

SELF CARE

- don't forget to take care of yourself. At the end of the day, a test is just a paper, a grade is just a number. As much as you want to get good grades, remember there's so much more to life

- remember this world is temporary - don't become so caught up in school you burn out. One day we're all going to die so it's important you stick to your religious faith/beliefs because everything is from god/happens for a reason. Ultimately, you may put so much effort into something but if God isn't pleased with you or decides not to make it happen, it isn't going to happen/if it's not meant to happen a certain way, it won't. Failure is inevitable and don't let it put you down. The afterlife/death is forever and when you're standing in front of God on judgement/ rotting in your grave this test is not going to matter. At all.

- hang out with friends often, and make sure they're not toxic and they're people who make you feel happy. Do things with them because you're only a teenager once so live your life and make memories with them. Just a reminder that there's a difference between fun, and stupidity+danger. Don't wreck up your future in the process

- take days off, and love yourself. Have a relaxing bath or a facial, or dress up for no reason. Remember that YOU are the most important person. Never hate yourself for putting you first

- don't overdo it so much that you burn out. Don't sit at your desk for ten hours straight trying to memorise something

- remember to get fresh air and go on regular walks and exercise. Exercise gets your blood flow pumping and can help clear your mind and help with exhaustion and mood.

I love you, and good luck to everyone doing their GCSEs :) you got this! ❤️

#gcses #studyblr #gcse studyblr #academia #motivation #how to revise #maths gcse #english lit gcse #history gcse #exams #exam season #have fun #blow this up and make me proud :') #revision #studyspo #how to study

[heartofspells]

Hello, it's AMA with heartofspells! Tell me about a universe where Sirius survives OOTP. How do the rest of the books unfold with Sirius alive? (And beyond, if you want!)

Hmm, is that what this is? Yeah, okay. AMA with Holli, everyone! Come one, come all! Except I'm not that interesting.

BUT then here's Imp, starting things off with a bang and making me use my brain. That's a bit evil and I love it.

Let's just pick up after the DoM battle, shall we? Sirius survives (duh, no other universe exists), he's cleared of all charges after a bit of struggle, but he was there fighting against those he was suspected of aiding, so there's not much denial at play. No Order of Merlin, though, because the Ministry are salty bastards and he's still alive. They don't care.

Skip ahead to right before the summer. Free and clear, Sirius leaves Grimmauld Place (good riddance, too many bad memories now, as though there weren't before) and he returns to Remus' little cottage surrounded by woods, fresh air, loads of room to roam and run. They set up a room for Harry, and then Sirius begins his battle with Dumbledore, the one he never got to truly have all those years ago. Harry is his, belongs with Sirius, a right bestowed onto him by his best friends. Legally, there's nothing Dumbledore can do. The only power he has at play is the blood protection, but Sirius only scoffs at that. Harry's coming home.

He spends one day, only one, with the Dursleys, Padfoot present the entire time. And of course Sirius doesn't have to be the dog, but it's more fun that way, though he does take his chance when Vernon becomes particularly enraged over something to shift back to himself, very intimidating, causing the man to choke on his own tongue.

Now, clever as Sirius is, as well as Remus, they connect a few dots based on what they've learned about Harry being linked with Voldemort. Dumbledore is keeping secrets, he always has, so as the summer progresses, Sirius and Remus work around him, do their own research about what could link a two people together, wand reactions, really looking into that night in Godric's Hallow and what happened to destroy Voldemort as he once was. And Sirius, with access to centuries of Black family tomes filled with the darkest of things, figures it out, consults a few others, somewhat experts, before setting to work.

While Harry is at school, constantly in contact with his two loving and attentive parents, attending to studies and finally, hopefully, feeling like the teenager he's meant to be, Sirius and Remus begin hunting down the Horcruxes themselves. They use their own contacts for the research they need, track down those that had interacted with Riddle and survived, learn whatever secrets he hadn't managed to bury. They find them all, every last one, gaining the ring before Dumbledore can, no curse there to set Draco's path into motion, squashing it before it starts. No reason for Dumbledore to act out of panic and begin showing Harry the memories relating to the Horcruxes. They take them back to their home, ward a clearing in the woods until it's safe, destroy them with Fiendfyre, Sirius understanding just how volatile it can be, how carefully it must be cast, how clear a person's head should be before doing so. And he does it all for Harry. For Harry and for Lily and for James.

It takes a long time, just the two of them working at it, fear clawing at them if the wrong person finds out, relays it back to Dumbledore. But they're not finished yet, the worst still to come. It's nearly the end of Harry's seventh year, NEWTs fast approaching, Harry exactly where he belongs, not traipsing all over the country, living rough, but warm in his bed every night. They've still been looking into that night when everything finally fell apart beneath their feet, sorting out the pieces, puzzling them together until they finally form the answer.

Harry is a Horcrux.

Now look, I could go into a lot of detail here and try to fix all the issues that are RIFE in canon, but I will not. Harry's a Horcrux, but they can't kill him, Sirius would never, wouldn't even risk it. So they corner Voldemort, blast him with the Killing Curse, trap his maimed soul, bury him in a cement block at the bottom of the North Sea (near where Sirius had spent SO MANY wasted years) and live happily ever after.

Harry lives his life, does as he pleases, roams a bit without a master, free to do as he wishes with his best godfather in full support of his choices. Remus gets to live a comfortable life with Sirius, working as he pleases, surrounding himself with books and whatever else he likes, and Sirius goes into training to be a Healer. He and Remus have an entire litter of babies with their big brother Harry always around to spoil them senseless until he's got his own kids to be rightfully spoiled by their grandfathers Moony and Padfoot (Moony always has chocolate in his pocket, but shhhh don't tell Harry)(he knows). They all grow old and lazy and Sirius finds that he really enjoys comfortable slippers with rabbit ears very much.

THE END

#jesus imp #you really just went for it #ask #answer #sirius black #harry potter #wolfstar #sirius raises harry #good godfather sirius black #master of horcruxes #and burying evil megalomaniacs at sea #he's writing a book! #it'll be a best seller #imp tag

[missingn000]

I love chapter 42 so much!✨️✨️✨️

It's so nice to see Suguru and Yuuji bonding even though the reason for it is so tragic... like, I am glad Suguru finally sees Yuuji as a person and that Yuuji can feel safe around someone, but I wish the reason wasn't Sukuna ruining everyone's lives because he's a drama queen.

Nobara getting ready to attack Sugur in Higurama's name is so sweet of her. Like, you really captured the essence of her character in that one scene!💖

Well, they're finally putting together the pieces of the puzzle and it doesn't look nice at all... At least now they're all kind of on the same page about Mahito, Hajime and Kenjaku.

Toji is right about blaming Sukuna. Like, I understand why Yuuji feels guilty (he is a precious bean and also 10), but I hope his family can convince him that getting possessed by an asshole doesn't mean you're guilty for his actions.

The conversation between Nanami and Sukuna was so interesting! I love how Sukuna overshares and monologues, I am certain spending however many years he spent all by himself did not help his social skills. Like, he is dropping so many hints about his tragic backstory: the psychological torture comments, the whole "sucks to be the strongest", the no longer having a soul, there is nothing good in this world anymore, the Yuu-Ji thing as well. Once I finish my final exam I will try to put together a theory because all I can do right now is rotate everything in my mind.

Sukuna's opinion on humanity is very interesting. I like how you gave him complex thoughts on human nature and a philosophy of his own. It's really great how you gave both him and Kenjaku ideologies that tie into the themes of the story instead of the classic "I am evil, always have been, always will be". Like, even though Kenjaku is irredeemable at least he is motivated by something. And if Sukuna is going to get forcefully added to the found family he needs some toxic beliefs to let go of.

Yuuji and Megumi make me so sad, but at least the bullying Sukuna club is there to make it better.

✨️Sukuna got called a weird individual!✨️

✨️Sukuna learned how to pronounce Yuuji's name!✨️

"There's nothing good left in the world!" This is Uraume slander. Like, I can't believe Sukuna is saying this while his bestie is still out there... smh. Uraume was there by his side during his entire flop era and this is how he repays them? I get that he needs to drop hints about his tragic backstory in the most dramatic fashion, but he could be more considerate.😔

Satoru and Suguru will finally talk!✨️✨️✨️Took them long enough.

Yuuji called Nanami his papa, told Shoko she is his mother!✨️ (I am so glad he disowned Kenjaku✨️✨️✨️)

Nanashoko is the only couple that has rights smh... I am glad they got together and proved that talking to each other like normal people has benefits. Good for them!🎉💖🎉

Nanami's second conversation with Sukuna was also interesting... Sukuna really says a lot of concerning stuff out of nowhere that makes zero sense without context and he seems less than willing to provide context. The one policy that he's no longer interested in is such and interesting thing and I am glad Nanami doesn't let him avoid the subject. Like, he managed to back the King of Curses into a corner! Good for him!

Also, congratulations on graduating!✨️

✨️💖✨️

i'm glad you enjoyed chapter 42!! yeah getou and yuuji bonding was sooo sweet, even if the origin of their cute dynamic was getou beating the shit out of the demon in yuuji's body, which was technically still yuuji himself. ouch. well at least getou made some serious progress seeing him as a person rather than, well, yknow

WAHH NOBARA AND HIGURUMA...they're making progress too, even if they're less open about it.

yeah, you could really see the puzzle pieces fitting together in that first scene huh? the poor fam realizing with mounting horror that this has all been planned for years...at least they figured out it isn't really getou's fault, and now they, for the most part, know who they're up against. though they definitely do not see who "yuuji's mother" is coming. toji's so right, sukuna's at fault here too

BRO THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN NANAMI AND SUKUNA WAS SO FUN TO WRITE. plus it was really fun to explore sukuna's potential thoughts on humanity in a compelling way since we know so little about his canon psyche. he deserves a philosophy of his own and weird, offputting takes on human nature!! plus i personally think evil because it's fun isnt quite as intriguing as evil because it's satisfying

regarding uraume...stay tuned, because THAT is gonna be crazy. i promise he didn't forget about them. he couldn't even if he tried. i'll leave it at that for now

PLEASE nanashoko rights!! stsg get your shit together, these two are outdoing you at communication and theyve been together for a few hours. nanami rlly managed to back sukuna into a corner RIGHT after that. this dude gets it.

tysm for reading <333

#tpg

[skeleton-in-a-hoodie]

The team all take turns staying with Splinter whilst he's benched.

under a readmore cause this got longer than i was expecting

Donnie tends to stay with Splinter the most - he's got the medical know-how in case Splinter suddenly gets worse, and Don can work in his lab the rest of the time. It ends up being a bit like those weeks between Splinter dying and them finding out about it, in that Splinter will sit with him and watch him work. Admitedly Splinter's ghost form would take up most of the space in the lab, so he sit by the door instead. Don finds that he still likes the company. Sometimes he'll look up and Splinter will be gone, but Donnie knows his father will be back in a few minutes with something for Donnie to eat. At semi-regular intervals Splinter will encourage him to take a break, and if Donnie refuses he'll find an one impossibly long arm stretching into the lab and all pulling him towards the door.

Mikey and Raph are roughly tied for spending the next most amount with Splinter.

Mikey will play a video game whilst Splinter watches. He tries to pick puzzle games, especially whilst co-op games are out (controller + metling hands is not a good combo). Mikey handles the combat elements and Splinter figures out the puzzles. Sometimes Mikey will put cartoons on instead and Splinter gets treated to an indepth commentary on them. Turns out Mikey knows a lot about animation.

When it's Raph's turn, he'll grab his knitting or embroidery supplies and sit next to his dad whilst he works.

(Chompy is there too and he is fascination by Splinter. Keeps biting Splinter's tail and trying to climb up him.)

At first Splinter will either nap or watch Raph - his hands aren't in a state where he can work on his own projects and he doesn't want to stain all their textiles black. Once his form is more stable and solid, he has to semi relearn how to use his hands and doing embroidery with Raph ends up being a decent way to get practice. Raph knits Splinter a giant blanket.

April and Casey are next in the order. April is busy checking in on everyone else and making sure they're okay, plus school and getting ready for university. She's consantly busy, so isn't in the rotar as much as the others. When it's her turn, she more or less just lays down and tries to relax. Sometimes they talk a lot, other times they don't and just sit in a companionable silence. When he's feeling better, they start training her powers again.

Casey gets given less turns due to school and the fact that whilst Splinter's living form ended up being exempt from his fear of rats, his ghost form isn't. It takes Casey a while to warm up to Splinter again, mostly because his brain has a knee jerk panic reaction. A Golden Girls marathon ends up kicking his fear in the teeth though. When it's his next turn, they marathon telanovellas. Casey also learns that Splinter is a nightmare to play card games against. At some point Casey convinces Raph and Splinter to play poker with him and it goes about as well for Raph and Casey as you'd expect.

Karai drops by when she can (head of a ninja clan + gang war), which isn't as often as she'd like but they make the most of it. These visits end up evolving into their training sessions.

Leo spents the most time away from the Lair out of everyone. By this point he's closer to the acceptance part of mourning, and his anger at Splinter is starting to give way to understanding, but he still finds it difficult to be around Splinter. It's a combination of Leo feeling like he failed to protect his father, still being upset with Splinter, and discomfort at the realisaion that he understands why Splinter did what he did because Leo inherited Splinter's sense of self-preservation.

That's not even getting into the gang war and how Leo is currently the active head of the clan, because Splinter is in no fit state for that role right now, so Leo can't really afford to not be on patrol. In a way they're already pushing it by having someone stay at the Lair with Splinter, like they're technically down two clan members that way, but Leo is also legitimately afraid he'll go back home one morning to find Splinter destabilised whilst they were gone and all that's left is an inky stain on the floor.

But the trust between them is starting to be rebuilt. It helps that Splinter is beginning to open up to them more, so Leo doesn't have to wonder what else Splinter isn't telling them.

Splinter is honestly surprised one night when Leo tells Raph he's in charge of patrol that night and to fill him in when they all get back. Leo also isn't really sure what to do whilst everyone else is gone and there's several awkward minutes where neither he or Splinter say anything, before Splinter suggets finding something interesting to watch. Eventually, they start talking. It's not the most relaxing conversation in the world, but it's a lot calmer than their previous ones and at the end of it Leo leans against Splinter's skull.

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt au #ghost splinter 2 electric boogalo

[jessepinwheel]

hey jesse, absolutely loved dielectric breakdown & async. i've never really been into mystery before this, but now i'm on a kick. i was wondering if you had any mystery or noir type recs with a similar vibe, where the mystery is less "isolated murder case" and more... unravelling a complex political event or personal history or something, if that makes sense.

I think by the serialized nature of a lot of hardboiled fiction (a lot of the contemporary stories were published in magazines like Black Mask or Dime Detective), you don't get a lot of stuff that really goes into personal history or really wide scope. most stories tend to be pretty self-contained, and mysteries generally don't involve the detective's personal history because that makes it hard to write follow-up stories.

Red Harvest by Dashiell Hammett does involve the history of Personville, the story's main setting, though that's not really a mystery so much as the Continental Op deciding to get rid of organized crime by systematically fucking up the entire city. obviously not going much into the protagonist's personal history considering you never even learn the guy's name.

I think if you're looking for mysteries involving a wide scope and the protagonist's personal history, you can give the Knight & Rogue series by Hilari Bell a shot, which is a sort of low-key fantasy setting involving a knight who's taken on this thief guy as a squire and they end up having to figure out who's ruining everything this time, up to and including conspiracies to overthrow the government, and over the course of the series you learn more about the two protagonists, their background, and their families. it's six books, starting with The Last Knight. I've had difficulties finding a digital copy of the first three books, but your local library can probably find a physical copy.

in a similar vein, the Beka Cooper books by Tamora Pierce (I don't actually remember the name of the individual books at the moment. it's like... Terrier, then Bloodhound, then Mastiff?) are also mysteries in a light fantasy setting--the protagonist has the ability to hear ghosts sometimes. those are also pretty large scope mysteries, though the personal history doesn't have much to do with it. it's a solid series, though the third one is a bit weaker, I think.

if you like games, The Red Strings Club is an information gathering sort-of visual novel game involving a cyberpunk mind control conspiracy. it's a fairly short game and I enjoyed it a lot. do be warned that a character gets deadnamed in it once though I believe that's more of a lack of understanding on the developer's part than any kind of malicious intent.

there's also the Ace Attorney series, which is full of colorful characters and some silly stuff, and also features my son, Phoenix Wright. it's a visual novel mystery series that's focused not just on finding out what actually happened but figuring out how to prove it and send the culprits to hell (or, y'know, prison and possible execution by hanging, since this is Japan). the story kind of starts small in scope but escalates as the series goes on, and a lot of the later games focus more on the main character's backgrounds. some of the puzzles are kind of obtuse, admittedly, but they're still really good games. the Miles Edgeworth Investigations spin-offs are also very solid.

if you just like mysteries, Return of the Obra Dinn is amazing. you use a magic watch to see the last moment of the people on a ship to figure out how everyone died (or not), and also who is who. it's presented in 1-bit black and white and it's also hands-down the best investigative game ever made because it actually makes you do the investigating and clue searching and stuff without guiding you through it. you have to be the detective, where other games just have you play as one.

lastly, if you're still hanging around on this blog for the next however long, there's also the novel I'm working on (shameless plug), The Crow's Last Call, which is a hardboiled mystery about a detective in alternate history 1940 Chicago who comes back to life when she dies, investigating a resurrection that turns into learning about why she comes back to life when she dies and also the demon mafia who killed her the first time seven years ago. it's meant to be light urban fantasy written in the style of contemporary hardboiled fiction. though probably by the time I get this one cooked up you'll be out of the mystery mood.

this is what comes to mind--unfortunately I haven't read as much original fiction as I'd like in recent years, so my recommendations are always a little old. if all else fails, you can ask for recs at your local library--that's how I find a lot of stories.

#ask jesse #jesse recs

[crossroadsimagine]

1/4. ♑♍♊♏ Hello, lovely~!! If it's alright, may I request a FMA matchup for the event? My apologies in advance for the length. I'm a demiromantic asexual, no preference in gender - I'm also AFAB nonbinary, and still in the closet. I crush on anyone who's nice to me for more than five seconds and I tend to be doting with my loved ones. I'm also generally pretty supportive of my partner as long as they're honest and aren't hurting anyone, but I've been a bit skittish ever since my fiancé left me.

♥ Let me just say you are adorable! You have such a cute personality!

👻 Matched with Ling

Immediately seems curious and intrigued by you even to the extent of being a little annoying, because he can be kind of child like in asking a lot of questions at once and wanting to spend time with you and be around you a lot. This can give him a bit of a clingy vibe before the two of you even start dating or before he even seems interested in you romantically, which it won’t take too long for him to start showing a romantic interest in you. 

Even though he can seem clingy at this time he is really very kind and caring with you, he’ll really be gentle and considerate towards you and doesn’t want to seem annoying to you. How long it takes for him to become romantically interested in you depends on how much time the two of you spend together, like if you spend a day together he can fall for you within a day but if you’re only open to spending time with him for a couple hours a day it can take longer. 

This is because he needs to see your personality shine and learn more about you to know that he likes you as more than just a friend, this means it can take a day to a week or two for him to realize he’s developing feelings for you and once he does he really doesn’t waste time in talking to you and asking you out. Things can be a little complicated because he is trying to secure a seat to the throne in his country, but he’s flexible in figuring out how to do things but he will need you to be open to the idea of moving to his country and traveling. 

When he does decide to confess his feelings and/or ask you out he’ll try to go with what is comfortable for you, because honestly he doesn’t mind to ask you out in front of everyone or in a public place, but if he feels like that could impact your response he won’t. If he feels like you would be more open or receptive in a private or secluded place that’s what he’ll go with, going for a walk with you or waiting until night for he can get you outside alone to star gaze with him and ask you out that way. 

Once the two of you do start dating he is very loving, caring and affectionate with you right from the start, he really doesn’t seem bothered by PDA one bit and will hug you, hold your hand or even kiss you in public, he’s not one to get embarrassed by affectionate acts and can seem a little confused if you seem embarrassed or shy about it. Though he is far more affectionate with you when the two of you are alone, he can lean against you, hug you, cuddle you, kiss you and more, or whatever he feels you are most comfortable with like if you especially love to be hugged or like to have your hair played with. 

You do tend to crush on anyone who is nice to you for more than 5 seconds, which he really is very kind towards you and attentive with you too, he can really be a good listener when he wants to be but other times he can seem very oblivious and it can be quite clear that he’s not paying attention though this is really only when there are other distractions around. You do tend to be doting with your loved ones and you’re really pretty supportive of your partner as long as they are kind and honest and not hurting anyone. 

Ling will really love any attention you show him or anything you do for him and he is very supportive towards you as well, and he really is rather harmless and kind to most, that doesn’t mean he won’t be mean and hurt people but this is really only when he has to and when it’s kind of well deserved, like stopping someone from hurting others. 

He is protective of you and others as well he won’t like seeing people getting hurt and will do what he can to help and prevent people from being harmed, because of this he can seem kind of selfless at times and isn’t afraid to be on the front lines in order to help or protect others or even just to buy time for others can escape or get to safety. He is very understanding and patient where it counts, because he can really seem impatient and can pester you for answers for certain things, but on more serious or personal matters he’ll be patient and won’t force you to spill your heart to him immediately. 

If it takes you time to trust him, he understands especially if you have trust issues or problems because of past relationships, you will not feel like you have to explain yourself or justify things to him because he’s so understanding. He shows a very keen interest in your hobbies and things you love and he can ask a lot of questions about things you like, though he does have a few of the same interests as you. He will love spending as much time with you as possible but does know when and how to give you space and time to yourself, but really doesn’t like leaving you alone for long especially if he feels like something is wrong or something is bothering you, like if he feels like you are down, sad or depressed. 

Even if you try to hide you negative emotions from him he can learn to see through you pretty quickly and will not let you isolate yourself or be alone, because he won’t want you to feel like you are alone or have to deal with things all on your own because he’ll be there for you to help you. He likes spending time with you in rather simple ways eating meals together, stargazing, going for walks, traveling or sightseeing or simple things like board games or puzzles. 

He will love learning new things like learning how to play a new card game or board game and is really quite open to trying or learning new things, he’ll never seem bothered by a new idea you have for something you’d like to do or try with him. You do love to make others happy but at the same time you can be defensive and even closed off because of things in your past, and that’s okay he’s understanding, he doesn’t expect you to act a certain way and just wants you to feel comfortable with him and be yourself he won’t want you to feel like you have to pretend or act a certain way to make him happy because he loves you for you. 

He never sees you as weak or less than and will see you as a partner and as an equal and treats you as such especially if you can fight or defend yourself to some degree, otherwise he can be more protective over you. 

As far as Halloween goes it’s really something, he knows nothing about because he is from a country where that’s not really a thing, but if it’s something you’re into he’ll participate 100% and will like learning about it through you. He’ll go along with you anywhere for Halloween if you want to go to parties or hang out with friends anything, he’s pretty eager or at least curious to learn about new things. Because he doesn’t know much about Halloween, he really only knows what you or others tell him, but can be pretty enthusiastic about any and all of it. 

Over all he is very caring and supportive of you and will do anything he can to keep you happy and safe, he does see you as a partner and treats you as an equal so he will help you and pick you up when you fall or have rough times and expects you to have his back as well if things get rough and he’s the one to get knocked down. He’ll always be there for you no matter what happens.

👻 Headcanons between you two

🎃 He can be interested in costumes and even matching costumes and can be a little pushing about dressing up though doesn’t really have anything in particular in mind it’s just something he’ll want to do with you once he hears about costumes being a thing and he can be pretty open to dressing up as anything.

🎃 Can be kind of cutesy and even romantic with you at times even coming up with a variety of nicknames for you, especially when he wants your attention or feels like you need cheering up. He can go out of his way to plan something romantic for you or just to do something more spontaneous but cute for you.

🎃 Really won’t seem to understand certain things about Halloween or some other holidays and can seem confused by some things like why pumpkins are being carved, or why there are scary decorations, but other things like bowls of candy he can be happy with and won’t care about the reason for why there is candy.

🎃 He does love to cuddle with you and even more so when it gets cold outside because he can seem rather uncomfortable in cold weather and will instigate cuddles much more frequently. Kind of clinging to you and complaining or acting a bit childish if you even think about getting up from a cuddle.

#FMA #Fullmetal alchemist #Ling #Ling Yao #Match up #Match ups #Halloween Match up #Happy Halloween

[naferty]

MM&M. How overboard did Tony go on the triplets' first Christmas? I can imagine them all sitting in they're little onesies and Bumbo seats surrounded by literally mountains of presents. Tony has an honest to God, handheld video camera and gushing over the babies while Rhodey is in the background like "they can't even open them and they think watching Happy jingle car keys is the height of entertainment. How did you manage to even find this much stuff for them?"

Tony goes so overboard it’s a miracle he doesn’t just buy every toy store on the planet. Rhodey helps reel in him and keep him level-headed, but it’s really Pepper and Jarvis that prevent him from making outlandish and spontaneous purchases. Pepper monitors Tony’s cards via Jarvis and Jarvis is always quick to let her know when Sir is considering purchasing a real sports car “For the future, Jarvis! They’ll grow up and love racing if I have anything to say about it.”

Pepper calls Tony in an instant to talk him out of whatever he’s thinking of.

“Tony, they’re babies. They can’t walk yet, let alone drive.”

“But they’ll get big and they’ll be reciting the measurement of power in an engine from memory before I know it.”

“Then you’ll sign them up from driving classes and when they get their licenses then you’ll consider getting them a reasonable car and not a speeding death trap.”

“…you are absolutely right, Pep. They need to learn to drive a sedan before they get their hands on anything that goes over sixty miles per hour.”

“Not what I meant, but close enough. How are they doing?”

“Eating me out of house and home.”

“Good thing you’re a billionaire then.”

“That and these buddies of mine on my chest can feed these bottomless pits no problem so far.”

“I didn’t need to know that, Tony.”

So no cars for the baby trio, but Tony improvises. What’s better than fast and loud sports cars? The child-safe, tiny, non-sharp versions that’s what. At a highly recommended toy store, Tony buys three of those wide wagon looking things and might or might give them an upgrade in his spare time (if he finds any), but no one needs to know that. Then he makes the mistake to turn to that one aisle that seemed to have absolutely everything he thinks his kids would enjoy and he loses all control. Not even Jarvis is able to stop him.

He buys dolls and action figures. Male, female, unspecified, doesn’t matter he gets them all. He gets doll cats and dogs and robotic ones that meow and bark to touch. He gets little dinosaur figures and toy houses and toy kitchens and adds in a purple toy scooter and a red toy motorbike because why not? Pulleys, basketball sets, mini toy golf courses, and a tiny trampoline. Puzzles and blocks and almost the entire nerf collection, including the nerf bow and arrow.

Somehow he ends up in the isle of stuffed animals and the drama queen that he is he walks into the aisle with opened arms and embraces the fluff and fur of manufactured animals.

Tony has to get a delivery truck in order to bring all the toys back to his villa. Somehow he manages to juggle three infants in his arms while ordering where to place the wrapped toys, organizing by size and color to bring out the beautiful green, red, blue and gold in the room.

“You see those?” He says to the trio, who are staring curiously at all the bright colors everywhere. “They’re all for you.”

Not really understanding but seeing something entertaining somewhere Harley and Peter begin to wiggle their arms excitedly while Riri’s eyes start to droop and soon enough she’s fast asleep in her mama’s arms.

“Yeah, it’s been a day. I think you’re onto something. Time to sleep?”

Harley and Peter blink before they begin to baby talk to each other. Tony huffs. “Already keeping me out? I thought I had until your teenage years for your rebellion to start.”

Putting those two to sleep is always a battle, but Tony doesn’t mind it one bit. Not when he got to watch them snuggle in their blankets and coo when they made small snuffling noises. He took this opportunity to nap on the small couch in the room and get as much sleep as he could before the little rugrats woke up for food.

On the big day, Tony wakes up bright and early. Not because he wants to get the place going and the holiday spirits up, but because Peter woke up hungry and decided Tony’s slept enough and needed feeding already. Naturally, what one sibling did the others were close behind. Harley and Riri stirred awake by their brother’s cries and together they made sure to let Tony know he’s not going to bed anytime soon.

Once their bellies are full and they’ve calmed down Tony starts getting everything together. He puts on holiday music, gets Jarvis to stream all the classic holiday movies as background noise, puts the baby trio in ugly holiday onesies and can’t resist wearing an ugly sweater himself. They’re all wearing santa hats and the smell of cinnamon fills the room. The firepit is bright and alive with the opening safely closed. A soft orange illuminates the whole place.

This is the sight Rhodey walks into. The baby trio cooing on their seats and Tony dancing around them as he sings Mariah Carey’s ‘All I want.’ The trio is swinging back and forth with his horrible rhythm, smiling through their pacifiers. Without Tony’s notice, Rhodey snaps a picture and secretly signs to Jarvis to record it all.

“You started the party without me,” he says when Tony finishes the last note.

“Honey bear!” Tony hugs him hello. “You’re here.” A little shocking since Rhodey has Carol and the rest of the team to celebrate the morning of the day with. Tony honestly didn’t expect him to show up so early. Maybe a quick visit later in the day, but not right then and there.

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

“What about Carol and the others? They’re probably getting breakfast together right now. You didn’t join them?”

“And miss breakfast with you and the rugrats? Never.” Rhodey gives him another hug as if to prove a point (and soothe insecurity). “How are my rugrats anyway?” The baby trio blink at him with their Avengers binkies on full display. Rhodey quirks an eye when he sees their ugly onesies. “I feel overdressed now.” His polo and jeans clashing horribly.

“Don’t you worry. I have one especially for you. We’re going to match and we’re going to take all the pictures, eat every cookie we see until we can’t move and watch cheesy Christmas movies.”

“Ah yes. The true holiday spirit. Can’t wait.”

Tony lifted his arms up in excitement. “Then presents!”

“There we are. Was waiting for that one.”

Tony practically drags Rhodey forward, getting him to help set the table and bake the treats and get the eggnog ready because you can never go wrong with a little eggnog. He eventually squeezes Rhodey into the ugly sweater he personally picked out for him. One that had Iron Man and War Machine with Santa hats, red noses and bags full of presents, flying through the air.

“How did you even manage to find one?” Rhodey says as he stretches the bottom out to see the figures. He’s very impressed with it.

“I have my ways.” Tony refuses to tell him he called it in as a special order months ago in advanced. He doesn’t need to know that part.

“The only thing you have is horrible taste in colors, but I’ll let this go for now. Come on. I hear my favorite movie playing and I am not going to miss another moment of Keira Knightley.” Rhodey snags Riri in his arms and makes his way to the large living room where his steps trail off when he sees the sight of a large tree struggling to keep presents under it and the glaring reflections of the wrappings surrounding almost every corner of the room.

“How… where did you even find all this stuff?” He says as he eyes the giant stuffed cat that’s about half the height of the ceiling.  

Tony tilts his head back to avoid Harley smacking the side of his face in curiosity. He can feel Peter kicking around without coordination, finding the action entertaining. “I ordered some online, but most I got from the store. You’d be surprised what you find when you dig in through stuff.”

“Why did you buy so much? They don’t even know what half of this is, or even know how to use it.”

Tony shrugs, not really finding an answer, and getting a little insecure about it. “I just… did. I thought they’d love it”

“They will,” Rhodey says with assurance, “when they get a little older. They will love it all, but right now, how about we settle with them playing with blocks and watching movies together?”

Tony gives a soft smile. “I can settle with that.”

#ask post #mal gets an ask #text post #long text post #naferty writes #mine mine and mine au #t'stuckony #triplets peter harley and riri #rhodey #a/b/o dynamics #past mpreg #happy holidays everyone! #a little early but i'm not going to be able to post much

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

All weird asks!! They're so good!

Sorry this is a bit late, babe! I wanted to wait til I had the opportunity to answer all these uninterrupted!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs! tbh I drink tea out of coffee mugs because who actually uses teacups? I mean my grandma has tons and I would use them, but the handles are so tiny and I am v clumsy so it scares me.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars!!! I’m too impatient for lollipops and plus they always get coated in saliva which just...drips down my chin since my mouth is already full.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum! I love cotton candy but I can only handle a bit at a time tbh. Also I haven’t had bubblegum in almost two years bc of braces and I miss it so much I can’t wait to have it again.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Okay, so even though I’ve always been homeschooled, when I was in elementary school we did this program with a ton of other homeschoolers where you could take actual classes and stuff. My teachers always said I was quiet and focused and studious, and you could always count on me to be lecturing everyone else on the instructions if they hadn’t been paying attention. (does any of that surprise anyone?)

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? GLASS SODA BOTTLES. nothing beats soda that’s been bottled in glass rather than plastic. You ever had orange cream soda from a glass bottle????? SLAPS ASS MY DUDE.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel/boho/preppy/goth, my dude. I have so many sides to my fashion and aesthetic.

7. earbuds or headphones?

EARBUDS BC HEADPHONES NEVER FIT OVER MY EARS RIGHT. BUT EARBUDS WITH SOFT TIPS BECAUSE MY EARS ARE TOO SMALL FOR THE PLASTIC ONES.

8. movies or tv shows?

Tv shows tbh because even though I can binge 4 eps of 45 minutes each per night, they’ll hold my attention a lot more than a movie. It’s weird.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Thunderstorms/petrichor, also natural bogs. PEAT BOG SMELL FUCKING SLAPS.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None. I liked trampoline time back when we took gymnastics, if that counts. I also liked jump roping and Irish step dancing.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Nothing lmao. I sleep til like noon and then I microwave something for lunch.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

My catchall playlist, Things I Love, my summer playlist, Summer Songs, my Gryffindor playlist, My Queen And Country playlist for writing, and my playlist for The Raven Cycle. (after I post this I’ll edit it and link them)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Keyring, a lanyard would like constantly detract from my outfit if that makes sense???

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Sour Patch Kids or Swedish Fish.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Between The Grapes Of Wrath, The Great Gatsby, The Handmaid’s Tale, and To Kill A Mockingbird!

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Just fucking sprawled every which way.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My grey converse if it’s comfortable out, my silver flip flops if it’s hot, and my fur-lined black combat boots if it’s cold.

18. ideal weather?

65-70 degrees, partly sunny, breezy, not humid.

19. sleeping position?

I need to sprawl to fall asleep, but once I’m asleep I curl up into a little ball.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop and notebook ONLY IF I’m sure of myself, which isn’t often. But I do write dense, scribbled paragraphs on sermon note pages if something comes to me during church lmao.

21. obsession from childhood?

The American Revolution, weather, astronomy, and mysteries/ghost stories.

22. role model?

Idk tbh? Lately I’m just trying to define and live up to my own standards?

23. strange habits?

Pulling the collar of my shirt up to my mouth and sucking on it. Also being a perfectionist in my writing. I don’t do messy drafts. It’s all perfect by the time I write it, and I edit/spellcheck as I go.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst (my birthstone), bismuth, opal, and blue goldstone.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Other than nursery rhymes/kid’s songs, it was Light Up The Sky by The Afters, or California Dreamin’ by The Mamas And The Papas.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Find shade/a cool spot and read with a cold drink.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

ALSO READ. And snuggle with thick socks and a cup of tea and play DS games all day.

28. five songs to describe you?

My five faves atm -

I Am Here // Pink

The Pines // Roses and Revolutions

Soldier, Poet, King // The Oh Hellos

Traveler’s Song // Aviators

Hymn // Kesha

29. best way to bond with you?

Share my interests about politics, history, books, true crime, paranormal, tv shows, and also be kind and understanding when I don’t text for long periods bc I don’t feel up to talking.

30. places that you find sacred?

The woods on the hill behind my house. Dense, deeply green, secluded woods. Hedge mazes. Old and crumbling castles. Anywhere beneath a clear sky and a full moon. Your heart when you’ve come to terms with your fears and made peace with yourself. Anyplace with historical significance. Bookstores on an autumn/winter day. Libraries.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A kickass plaid, bruh. Also my leather jacket - once I lose enough shoulder weight to fit in it again.

32. top five favorite vines?

Fre shavoc ado, the one where the dog eats the butterfly, the Lin-Manuel Miranda one where he’s brainstorming, “what the FUCK kind of weather is this, and the dad and son with the saxophone and the oven door.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“oh mood”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

“WOW! It’s NatureStone!”

35. average time you fall asleep?

Right now it’s 4-5 am because I suck.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

I Can Haz Cheezburger, My mom used to look at the website with me when I was like 10.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

They both have pros and cons. :/ Duffel bags are easier to carry but suitcases keep stuff from getting broken better.

38. lemonade or tea?

TEAAAAAAAAAAAA

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon meringue pie!!! my stepdad made a really good one the other week.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Nothing, since I was homeschooled. Same weird shit that always happens at home. Our safe word for when I got overwhelmed in math was “quokka” and we’d stop and look at cute quokka pictures.

41. last person you texted?

My gf :)

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets because things are not only hard to fit in girls’ pants pockets, but if you put a chapstick/lipstick in there it starts to melt :(

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

BETWEEN HOODIE AND CARDIGAN. SO VERSATILE. SO COMFY.

44. favorite scent for soap?

Irish Spring soap or the blue Dial bars smells better and cleaner than anything to me.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy. It can take me a bit to get into it, but once I do, I love it. I only do sci-fi if it has rebellion and isn’t heavy on the sci. And superhero movies are great but a lot of the tropes are meh. Fantasy has a lot more versatility if you ask me.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Sweatpants/leggings and a soft, well worn tee.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Parmesan, white cheddar, or Muenster.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Raspberry!

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“do no harm but take no shit.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

A really poorly edited political ad on tv a couple years ago. There was weird jazz playing, flames in the background of an image of the Capitol Building, and then the top of the dome opened and this guy’s face was inside. It is the single funniest ad I have ever seen and I laughed for 10 minutes so hard I was like an inch away from passing out.

51. current stresses?

Passing my driving test next month, getting a job, figuring out if my math skills are okay enough to take the SAT or an equivalent test.

52. favorite font?

Baskerville or Georgia!

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My fingernails are short bc I picked them while reading earlier, my cuticles suck bc I pick at those two, and my pinky is obliterated and scabbed because of when I accidentally sliced through the nail with a razor while shaving the other day. So, not great, but I’m living.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That kids can be really annoying but also really cute and hilarious if you can get them to calm down. And also that baby fingernails are surprisingly sharp.

55. favorite fairy tale?

The OG Princess and the Frog where it’s implied the prince and “faithful Henry,’ his carriage driver, fall in love and ride off together at the end. JACOB AND WILHELM GRIMM SAID GAY RIGHTS.

56. favorite tradition?

Every December, my mom and I drive around after dark at night and I play Pokemon and we rate everyone’s Christmas decorations based on tackiness.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

So isolated I was as a preteen/early teenager, my self harm, and the internalized anger over my abusive relationship and PTSD.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, puzzle solving, singing, and calligraphy.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Benvoli-no.” (I recently remembered I used to say that a lot and I need to bring it back)

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Dark, fairy tale anime with a lot of secrets to uncover and some dark woods.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

TV show - “I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” - Doctor Who

Movie - “It’s not about deserve. It’s about what you believe. And I believe in love.” - Wonder Woman

Book - “If you never saw the stars, candles were enough.” - The Dream Thieves, by Maggie Stiefvater

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dean Winchester - Supernatural

Sam Winchester - Supernatural

Jack Kline Winchester - Supernatural

Charlie Bradbury - Supernatural

Gansey - The Raven Cycle

Blue Sargent - The Raven Cycle

Hermione Granger - Harry Potter

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Final Song // MO

Call Home // Heathers

I Am Here // Pink

Babylon // 5 Seconds of Summer

Shake It Off // Taylor Swift

64. favorite website from your childhood?

WEBKINZ AND THE OLD AMERICAN GIRL WEBSITE

65. any permanent scars?

Yes, I have several that remain from self harm, scars all over my left knee from being a clumsy child, and most of all a major scar down the center of my chest from heart surgery when I was a baby.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Rose, lavender, lilac, and dahlia.

67. good luck charms?

Not really???

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Olives, mushrooms, radishes, cottage cheese, and ranch dressing are all foul.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Martin Luther didn’t actually nail his 95 theses to the church door, he just kind of passed them around, which is a lot less dramatic tbh. Also light-up signs were first used in New York City in 1884.

70. left or right handed?

I’m left-handed!

71. least favorite pattern?

I think zebra stripes, leopard print, and houndstooth are super ugly.

72. worst subject?

Math for sure. Even science would be easier if it didn’t involve so much math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Wendy’s fries and chocolate frosty!!!

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I think a 7, usually. My pain tolerance is pretty high because of a) years of self harm, and b) due to my PTSD my muscles are constantly tense and in pain anyway.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I was 4, and it had been loose but it fell out when I was trying to blow up an inflatable ball.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Fries or roasted potatoes that are charred and crunchy on the bottom. Chips are a close third.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Idk, my grandma’s the one with the green thumb mania lmao. But She keeps a lot of violets and arrowhead plants in the windowsills!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

NEITHER I HATE BOTH COFFEE AND SUSHI IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Never had a school ID, but my temporary license photo is actually pretty good right now!

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

I really like earth tones for myself.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

THEY ARE THE SAME MF THING. Also I call them both, it just depends on what comes out of my mouth haha.

82. pc or console?

PC, I guess, though I don’t really game. I just watch my stepdad game.

83. writing or drawing?

WRITING. I cannot draw to save my life.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts, talk radio is so annoying.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, although I loved both.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology I guess??? Although again, I love both.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

COOKIESSSSS

87. your greatest fear?

Rejection, losing people I love, people secretly hating me. Also drowning, spiders, clowns, and guns.

88. your greatest wish?

To be a semi-successful author and work in a library/museum.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom and my gf.

90. luckiest mistake?

Almost dropping a knife blade first on my foot but it landed between my toes.

91. boxes or bags?

um boxes I guess? I’m really good at fitting things in tetris style.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

FAIRY LIGHTS AND DIM YELLOW LAMPS.

93. nicknames?

Ell, Alexander, Ellie, Little Lion, and Nerd.

94. favorite season?

FALL FALL FALL FALL

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr or Spotify. Two apps I couldn’t live without.

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

About a half dozen. Mine, my mom’s, my stepdad’s, my grandparents’ home number, my grandpa’s, and my grandma’s.

98. favorite historical era?

Both the American Revolutionary period and the Victorian Era (esp in Britain)

THANK YOU LOVE THIS WAS SUPER FUN

#a series of essays anonymously published