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absolutebl · 4 months

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TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

This is just me with my analysis hat on.

1. 2023 = the year EVERYONE went outside their lanes

Everything went topsy-turvy this year in BL.

For example, Korea gave us agonized yearning and outright queerness (The 8th Sense, The New Employee) while Japan served up soft office workers and tender family (Our Dining Table).

The BL world went askew for a while, especially in the spring of 2023.

Not that we still didn’t still get Korea’s soft angsty bubbles or Japan’s “what are you doing and why does it hurt?” kink-fests. But there were quite a few BLs that made us chronic watchers sit up in confusion and wonder if Korea was dabbling in Taiwan’s territory or Japan in Thailand’s. Then they fudged the kisses and we were like... okay, back in familiar territory.

In contrast, Thailand stayed course-correcting for the damage they’ve done in the past with tropes (2022) and self referential meta criticism (2021), but also almost aggressively returned to their BL roots after last year’s series of shockers. Certainly, they are reexamining those roots, transplanting some, aerating others. But they really went back to classic Thai university and high school BL and pulps in a big way in 2023.

Taiwan is always difficult to gage because they produce so few but they seem to have stuck with what they do best with no deviation while producing more this year than they have in ages. I’m happy for that, why change a good thing? But there is a tiny part of me that really wants them to hit it out of the part with a quality piece soon. For me, We Best Love still reigns supreme, but I would really like the HIStory franchise to give us that level but longer - like a happy version of Your Name Engraved Herein. I think Taiwan has the chops to give us something as good as The 8th Sense or Old Fashion Cupcake but in their style, and I would like to see them exercise their talent for good rather than just profit.

I know, what a very odd thing for me to say. But if any BL is going to break into the mainstream American market, I genuinely think it’s most likely come from Taiwan.

Vietnam and the Philippines are falling behind, in general. They just didn’t bring out very many shows in 2023, and what the brought out tended to fub the endings. This is forgivable in Japan (because of their style and quality) but not what watchers want in the lower production value propositions. In other words, if you do a pulp, you can’t mess up the ending (by romance standards). that doesn’t look to be changing anytime soon.

2. The Office Romance Dominated

After years of Thailand serving us an endless (and slightly bland) buffet of university (and a few high school) BLs, this year Korea was basically like...

Ofiice. We like the Office. It’s cheap to film we can use grown up actors, acting (mostly) their actual age.

And yeah... it totally worked.

To be fair, Japan has always given us office live action yaoi from the beginning (they had the source material) but this year everyone else, including Thailand, seriously started playing in this setting.

3. Boys Danced with Boys

The darling @heretherebedork was a big fan of this one, and I rather like it myself. Prior to this boys dancing together was very very rare in BL, but this year we got way more than our fair share. It was lovely.

Never Let me Go

My School President

Bed Friend

The Day I Loved You

Step by Step

Be Mine Superstar

Tie the Not

Dangerous Romance

I think there were a few more. These are the ones I remembered to write down.

4. Getting (even more) Meta With Tropes

BL has been getting more and more meta over the past few years but this year they really focused in on tropes specifically. Calling out their own biggest and most favorite tropes in a massive way, especially Thailand and especially GMMTV.

Like they tunneled in on damaging tropes with Bad Buddy and the like over the past 2 years, and now they are just having fun with us.

I mean they just started the dancing trope and already they are calling it out? That’s like rapid-fire regurgitated meta there, GMMTV.

5. Cameos are the norm now

Taiwan has always loved cameos but in the past the other countries have been show and steady with only one or two a year. (Unless Japan does a parody.)

This year Korea got in on the game.

Korea rarely starts trends but they do adopt smaller and lesser known existing ones and make them super popular.

This year they did that with cameo couple appearances, even borrowing a few of Thailand’s pairs (TutorYim and MaxNat traveled north). They did it so much I stopped tracking. Love Class 2, Why R U?, and Jun & Jun were the heaviest hitters.

Taiwan, of course, came back swinging. Kiseki was the gum-ball machine of pair cameos. (In Taiwan mafia = gay.)

6. We are entering the cross pollination age

The number of remakes picked up or started this year was startling, not just countries revisiting their own content (Thailand, Japan) but countries revisiting OTHER countries stuff.

Lemme explain...

Korea has started remaking Thai content (Why R U?) alongside cameo'ing Thai pairs.

Thailand is doing Korean IP (My Dear Gagster Oppa) and has 2 Chinese ones slated for next year.

GMMTV acquired a lot of Japanese IP (Cherry Magic, Ossen, and My Love Mix Up) - and then had problems distributing it.

This is probably the most surprising trend for me. Especially the Japanese stuff. I would have thought these properties well outside of Thailand's price range (even GMMTV's) not to mention Japan’s legendary IP issues (I swear I typed this pout before the pulled TayNew’s excellent Cherry Magic).

Also why not option some of the older popular manga instead? Bet that's much cheeper. (I did see a NEW Thai translation of Finder into Thai, which is 90s yaoi, so I have my fingers crossed on that front.)

I shouldn't be too surprised.

Thailand is running out of y-novel content. Their publication industry is just not robust enough (I was just talking to a friend about this at length recently). But I didn't think they had the funds to option, especially from Japan.

Perhaps the option deals are for peanuts?

7. Korea got cheeky

I’m not sure quite how else to put this.

After finally figuring out boys can kiss, Korea started to do not just higher heat but playful higher heat, with more aggressive word play and linguistic innuendo, like they are entering their racy rom-com teenage years (Why R U? Love Class 2 and Jun & Jun in particular.)

I guess: Welcome to your BL teens, Korea?

It’s cute of them. I am very much enjoying it.

And now that comedy is warming them up, we get to see them play with actual queer burgeoning physicality in shows like The 8th Sense.

It’s nice. I like seeing Korea stretch its wings. They still stick to their bubble, but that bubble seems to be expanding.

8. The Amnesia Trope is back

And I, for one, would prefer to forget about it.

9. BL got trendy

I’m not quite sure how to articulate this category but basically we started seeing a lot of “modern” romance trends out of the west (like a/b/o) show up in our BL. Not a ton and sometimes quite small, but there has a been a steady rise of things like: no seme/uke, femme gay, out gay, condom use, messy gay.

We also got an increasing range of sub genre frameworks (like mafia, office setting) that’s moved BL pretty firmly (even in Thailand) out of school and into the workplace, whether actual working is involved or not.

It’s not to the point where it feels like we get more non-school BL than school BL (if I include all countries in this assessment).

Japan, in classic Japanese fashion, quietly started moving in the opposite direction. It’s what they do.

10. The Vampires are coming

This is an announcement trend, which I don’t usually report on but it’s so CLEAR.

So last year we had a spate of announcements of possible Omegaverse (2 from China, 1 from Japan, 1 from Thailand - the only one that’s happened).

This year we got 5 Vampire (or vampire-esk) Thai BLs announced including one from GMMTV.

Whether all 5 will actually get made is unlikely, but having had (basically) none prior to this (Kissable Lips), I’m pretty confident that we will get at least 2 of them. And I wouldn’t be surprised if at least one other country made one as well. (Side eyes Taiwan with interest.)

Final thoughts

It feels like we are also seeing a decline in BL (both by quantity and quality) from Vietnam and the Philippines. As you all know, I don’t track or really watch either of these two very closely. But it feels like, now, no one else is either.

I think we have likely seen the BL heyday already in both places and their industries are now on the decline.

We might be witnessing a thinning in the players in the BL field.

FYI we had approximately

136 BLs in 2023

Previous Years

2022: 117

2021: 95

2020: 62

2019: 40

2018: 30

2017: 44 (China’s last gasp)

2016: 27

2015: 17 (50% micro)

2014: 17 (50% micro)

And that’s it! Let me know in the comments if you’ve spotted any additional trends you want to call out.

Last year, 2022′s trend report

2021′s Trend report

Last Year’s Stats & Predictions

(source)

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nights-at-crystarium · 8 months

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You know what, I assume that people always read my pinned, or notice the pointer "new reader? start here" in every new Fragments' episode. I might be deluding myself. So hi hello lemme TALK ABOUT MY COMIC.

Before I get too rambly (and I mean RAMBLY), here's a quick intro. Fragments is a comic focused on feels and slice of life, made by a queer guy, aiming to ~character study~ the main cast (Vivi, Raha, Alisaie, Feo Ul) and fill in the gaps in canon (or linger in canon moments that needed more air imo), the tone ranging from angst to fluff to meme. Good punches require a good windup, so please don't expect angst anytime soon :3c

The story's segmented (fragmented, heh) into episodes. Episodes 1-11 take place in ARR, you can enjoy them with no worry about spoilers. Episode 12 onward is ShB, with all the spoilers and lorebending.

My storytelling style assumes you haven't only played through ShB, but know it like the back of your hand, i.e. it's for nerds and thinkers. Of course there's plenty of silly moments that don't require any deep knowledge, but the overarching story does. Often I skip canon events, only hinting that they took place, simply because I don't wanna retell the msq 1:1, I've got plenty of original scenes waiting to be drawn. You're in for a treat if you like obsessing over emotional and moral implications of things. And, yes, this's a story about a morally grey mc. Don't expect to be spoon-fed "and this's why that thing's bad, kids".

Currently I've outlined all the main story beats up until post EW, so it's like, not being winged as I go. Yes I refine things here and there, but I know where I'm going. I'm going ham!!!! With the lorebending post ShB. Initially I didn't plan to, but the more I learned about Vivi and personally grew as a writer, the more courage I got to "divorce" from canon. The general xiv story may still be good wherever it's headed, but it's not suited for an established wolgraha, so I'm making food for myself.

Everyone imagines the lil scenes from their wol's life, I'm taking that a tiiiiiny step further. Fragments tells a cohesive story that's looking to be the longest project at least in our corner. I can and will hyperfixate on this for years.

I started out just like many others, being hit with ShB like a truck, I wanted to put a catboy under a microscope and rotate him forever. Although I'd already been drawing for decades, I didn't have the comic-making skills yet, or eloquence to write the dialogue, so I spent the first half of 2022 self-studying, just because I needed a mouth to be able to scream about my ship.

Vivi didn't exist prior to my obsession with Exarch. He was made for this, he started out as a reagent (or a foil, now that I know fancy writing terms) for a rich and fun chemistry, and keep myself entertained for years, first and foremost.

Me, a fool: okay let's make a guy that falls in love with Exarch in this particular moment, what kinda life must he have led to- Me: ....oh no

The chemistry quickly bubbled up and exploded in my face, involving not only Exarch, but other characters (first as a means to subtly tell about Vivi, then they also demanded their own screentime), and here I am, sitting with a massive script on my hands, drawing my blorbos every day. Thanks for enabling that btw.

I care about characters a lot. I ask a lot of whys and hows. I'm critical-minded and burned on many bad stories that did their characters dirty, and I wanna be an opposing example. What I'm doing is extremely ambitious and risky, yes, but I can only invite you to tag along and see if I stick to my word.

The internet's a cruel and unforgiving place nowadays, and here I am, pitting my passion against what feels like decaying humanity. I'm making this comic to keep myself happy above all else, being sincere and cringe because life's too short to be anything else.

Thanks for reading this, and if you haven't yet, read Fragments here!

#ffxiv #vivien rell #crystal exarch #g'raha tia #wol x g'raha tia #wolgraha #own: next lvl #fragments talk

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lurkingshan · 3 months

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After reading this post from @waitmyturtles about her read on Fire and Dynamite, I was thinking a bit more about the way the show has handled their story and what I love about it. And I think it comes down to a crucial point: Cooking Crush, unlike most Thai bl, is NOT in the bubble, and the presence of homophobia, both internal and external, cannot be separated from their story. This is a queer narrative to the core.

Both Fire and Dynamite are shaped by their sexuality and their experiences or fear of rejection because of it. Dynamite is out and proud and unapologetic about what he wants, and as we learn when his backstory is revealed to us, this is a direct response to the familial rejection he experienced when he came out. Dy is defiant and in your face with his desires because he has already experienced the worst kind of rejection and is always bracing for more. So he dares people to do it right out of the gate. He likes to know where he stands with people, so he’d rather be his brashest self and suffer the loss early before getting attached. He deals with fear by daring people to prove him right.

Fire takes his fear in the opposite direction, denying who he is and rejecting anything that makes him think too hard about the aspects of himself he does not want to deal with. Even without Dynamite in the picture, it was clear that he was trying to talk himself into liking Jane in a way he simply did not. Once we got to know his mother, the source of his fear became crystal clear, and it was easy to see why he worked so hard to suppress himself. Fire was unhappy living that way, and Dynamite was a constant reminder of what he was trying to keep down, so it’s no wonder he reacted so viscerally to him.

But that’s exactly why their story works. Fire needed someone who he couldn’t ignore to draw out his true self, and because Dynamite is so unwilling to put up with mixed messages and half-hearted declarations, Fire had to work himself all the way out before Dy would accept him. One of the genius things this show did in their arc was have Dy pull away as soon as Fire began sending mixed signals. Dynamite was fine in the face of Fire’s firm rejection—it as what he always expected to get from him along with everyone else. But he wouldn’t allow Fire to run hot and cold on him and play with his emotions, because that was where he knew he could get really hurt. And this boundary that Dy set forced Fire to figure out what he actually wanted and communicate it clearly.

Which is why we saw Fire change so much as soon as they were together, because in the process of deciding what he wanted from Dynamite, Fire had to make some decisions about who he wanted to be and how he wanted to live. And he chose to embrace his queerness and live a more authentic life. He is a new man in this relationship because he is being himself for the first time ever, and he’s finally breaking free from the weight of his own internalized homophobia. It’s a positive change and one that is clearly making him happy, and part of him must feel grateful to Dy for pushing him into figuring out what he wanted.

But crucially, that is where Dy’s pushing ends. He is utterly unwilling to make any further demands of Fire regarding coming out, to the point that Dy puts his own friendships at risk to hide their relationship and protect Fire until he’s ready. He understands the fear of rejection Fire is still dealing with because he lived it. And he has already proven that he’s up to the task of handling Fire’s mother whenever Fire is ready to face her. These two are still early in their relationship but they have already fallen into a very natural and easy pattern of providing each other emotional support and stability, and we can see them shoring each other up. They make a great pair and theirs is a story that can only exist between queer characters.

I just love that in this show that feels so light on the surface they have made room for such depth in the storytelling. Watching Cooking Crush feels like a warm hug because even though it’s gentle and funny and often silly, there are real emotional struggles to ground us, and the story takes them seriously. We’ve seen this consistently in the main storyline with Ten and Prem, and Fire and Dynamite are no exception.

#cooking crush #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

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mikeslawyer · 1 month

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i don't think byler is gonna be endgame

not because i hate it or anything but i don't think a mainstream media will willingly put a gay couple in their show esp when it started straight

itll feel forced, like they're just pleasing one certain demographic now and not making a good show

this isn't heartstopper

i disagree. i’ve answered this exact question a million times before but to keep it short: not giving us a byler endgame would be not making a good show. not only would it very much just picture the queer (main!) character aka will literally going through hell just to not get his happy ending, but it’d also leave a lot of plots unfinished. mike’s behaviour throughout the seasons literally makes no sense if he’s not written as queer. the push and pull with will? the arguments that feel like breakups? the the best thing i’ve ever done speech? his inability to say i love you to his actual girlfriend unless he’s literally looking at will and has his hand on his shoulder? the entire van scene?

they’re gonna tie up the loose ends, this isn’t supernatural.

also, frankly, it’s a really weird point. ‘this isn’t heartstopper’ as if queerness only exists in this little happy bubble and can’t be shown as a complex and heartbreaking trope. i recommend watching young royals. and expanding your film targets, heartstopper isn’t the only queer show to have ever been made.

#be so serious #byler

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bettyshoweduptotheparty · 6 months

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what was it like as a gaylor before 2016?

What an appropriate question on the 10 year anniversary of the kaylor public launch at the VSFS 2013 :) As it's quite a subjective question, prepare for my gaylor/kaylor origin story 😉

I've been a more committed Taylor fan since Red came out in 2012, but because I'm in the UK a lot of the public media buzz about her has passed me by (except for the headlines about her and Harry, that was definitely a big story over here). In spring 2013 the article about her and Dianna exploded on the internet and, despite it obviously being retracted, it perked my ears up because 1. I was also a big glee fan at the time, and 2. it seemed to offer an explanation to why I found her music so relatable having just had my heart broken by a girl and all her genderless breakup songs fit that situation so well. So, I did a bit of research and quickly realised that, if she was in fact with Dianna, it would have been at the same time that she was supposedly dating Harry, as well as that Kennedy guy. No public acknowledgement of any queerness (like ever) so it was very clear to me from the start that, if she is dating women, she is doing it very much in secret. Not a great inspiration for fairly newly out me (23 at the time), so I filed that information and moved on with just her music. Didn't really think about it again until over a year later when a guy in a club decided to bully me and my then gf with the sentence 'Are you a real couple or just bffs like Taylor Swift and that model chick?' Yep, my kaylor origin story is a straight man harassing me in a nightclub. What are the odds, right? 🤭

So, because that remark somehow stuck with me (and I had no idea who that ' model chick' even was) I googled it, expecting to find something similar to the Dianna situation and my jaw hit the floor when I got pages and pages of photos of Taylor and Karlie walking the streets of NYC holding hands, smiling at each other with the biggest heart eyes. It genuinely changed my life. It may sound totally stupid and out of proportion, given that they didn't acknowledge it as a relationship (which I'm aware was doing no favours to lesbian visibility), but it did something to me to see the girl whose music I'd danced to in my bedroom when I was 16 so happily in love with another girl. I'd never seen that sort of love between two women, either in fiction or in real life, and it felt like she'd reached across the miles dividing us to tell me that it's possible, and that if she could find it (even in hiding), I could, too. And somehow it didn't matter to me what they were calling it, I could see what it was and it was everything to me. But I only had a few months to enjoy it before kissgate ruined it and of course the tabloids printed words like 'affair' and ‘scandal' and by March the next year we had Calvin Harris, then Hiddleswift, and then Joe. But at the same time, we got 1989 and rep with some of the gayest music ever written. And I found a great community of fellow queer people on here in those years that seemed to enjoy watching them and seeing their lives in the lyrics as much as I did. I’ve dipped in and out of the online space for years, lurking when there were more kind people around and disappearing when the hate got worse. It was fun to watch it all unfold in real time with people, I’m impressed that people still become new kaylors these days when there is no real time interaction and the hate from the general fanbase towards Karlie is still high since 2018. I don’t think I would be a gaylor today if I hadn’t witnessed their love in front of everybody’s eyes in that year, that really made me resilient to setbacks because I’m just so irretrievably in love with their love story. I’ve seen how Taylor lashes out when she’s cornered and scared (like she did after kiss gate) and sometimes we’re the collateral damage of that. And as much as that sucks it just shows that she’s incredibly protective of her little bubble of happiness and the more you poke the bear the more savage she’ll be in her retaliation. Do I wish she didn’t throw her most loyal supporters off a cliff every time she needs a straight excuse? Of course! But have I also hurt people I care about to protect my loved ones? Yes. So I can’t really judge. I can just take a walk when it gets too much, and wait for the soft shit to pull me back in.

So, to summarise, being a gaylor has always (and will always) have highs and lows, the public narrative is never for us, only the music is. But that's ok with me, I've learned to tune the noise out and enjoy the music, reminding myself that those songs were inspired by one of the greatest love stories I've ever accidently stumbled upon.

#gaylor #kaylor #my kaylor origin story #anon ask

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jaerie · 10 months

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I need to write some of this while it’s fresh. Tonight was... something I will never forget which doesn’t even describe it. Carrying on @rainbowmegamix after such success in Council Bluffs, I talked myself up to have the courage and confidence to take the rainbow flags into a concert I was attending alone and do it dressed as a walking rainbow to stand out so people could find me for flags. I spent hours yesterday putting the sticks in them only to have the venue not allow them. So I had to de-stick them all and then smuggle them all into avoid suspicion, but I was determined. And then I just... started being the outgoing person I definitely am NOT and just started handing them out. And for a while I thought it had been a fail and that at least a few were out there... and then it just... took off. People were coming up to me and catching my eye from across the arena and forming lines to get them and I gave out 750 of my 800 flags before The Snuts were even on. And then I found @queenbeeharry who started giving them out like Oprah. Then I stood in my VERY visible seat and just went hard for queer representation in my own little bubble. And knowing I was so visible and that I was memorable to everyone I handed the flags out to was so out of my comfort zone. I pushed through and I’m so glad I did. I had the best concert of my life just vibing and living my own pride.

I left the concert in tears and I feel its really important to stress why this all felt so big for me. In 2003 when I was 17, I was a baby gay freshly out to only a close few and finally dating my best friend of years. I was beyond happy with the freedom of opening that love and I will admit the puppy love was on max. But this was 2003 and it was a different time. Gay marriage wasn’t even legal yet in a majority of places in the US. In the back corner of a nearly empty movie theater, I kissed my girlfriend. It was not obscene or raunchy, it was the kind of giddy pecks that come alone with that new rush. In the midst of that high, a man approached us and asked if we were both girls. He proceded to chew us out for doing that in front of his kid and had the manager call the police to have us removed from the theater. To go from that fearful way of living to being the most visible walking rainbow to a whole arena where I didn’t even have one shred of fear was so empowering and intoxicating. I was vibing so hard and I didn’t feel perceived by Louis, I felt truly seen. Louis is like therapy and I felt a part of me that was that 17 year old heal tonight. I wish I knew how to thank him for fostering such a safe space 20 years later.

#sorry for this ramble #im emotional

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thebeautysurrounds · 1 month

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I’ve been thinking a lot about how people’s reactions to certain queer shows and something I think we need to examine how we treat more ‘dark’ and ‘emotional’ shows versus more ‘happy’ shows in this case I’m gonna be talking about the “debate” between Young Royals and Heartstopper.

Firstly these shows exist in two different lanes, and draw in two different audiences and potential age ranges, in my opinion, Young Royals is for older teenagers (think juniors or seniors or someone who is about to graduate high school and is going into college) while Heartstopper is geared towards those who are just starting high school or in the middle of it and is in that transitional period of their lives. Obviously, if you are not in these age ranges you can still consume and enjoy these shows, But I want to discuss how people act like they both can’t exist and you can’t like both or both shows existing for a reason. I’ve never really been a fan of punching down or belittling queer media (unless it’s harmful) Queer media in all forms is still lacking (especially those mediums centering WLW relationships). That being said the debate of which show is better is honestly so tired.

For people who say Young Royals is so much better (don’t get me wrong it is an amazing show and by all means like whatever you want) but liking it more because it’s “darker and more realistic” compared to Heartstopper which is "much happier" and "unrealistic," To me is so disingenuous because firstly so what? campy shows that feature queer characters deserve to be unrealistic, What's wrong with being unrealistic? Queer media has been subject to the Burry Your Gays narrative for decades or extremely unhealthy tropes and storylines so what's so wrong with having storylines and shows that are unrealistic or extremely happy? (even though the themes in Heartstopper are realistic).

Have you thought about how that may be an intentional choice? Now bare with me here this may be my over-analytic brain at work but Heartstopper has more or less some of the same themes as Young Royals just shot in a very vibrant and colorful manner to showcase how happy and colorful young love is BUT if you actually have watched the show or read the graphic novels you would know the show and graphic novels cover some heavy themes.

SPOILERS AFTER THIS POINT……

I want you to keep the song Pumped up Kicks by Foster the People in mind throughout this...I have a point I promise. Heartstopper is shot in a very poppy colorful way and in my opinion, symbolizes how when you’re young and in love everything feels warm, colorful, and vibrant. While Young Royals doesn't utilize this cinematic style they do use some form of vibrancy to convey tone and emotion. In Young Royals many of the scenes featuring Simon and Willhem's 'good moments' feature the sun especially shining on Simon when Willie is looking at him or whenever they are just in each other's company, this is especially prominent in the last scenes of the last two episodes of season 3.

So while people's criticisms of Heartstopper can be warranted (not saying you can't dislike the show) the comments that it's just so bubbly and bright just aren't true. The last season of Heartstopper saw multiple characters go through traumatic situations and it has been building up that way from the very first scenes in the first season of the show (but for the sake of time I'm only going to discuss both main characters in the two shows) Charlie not only is still struggling with being outed but is also battling with an eating disorder, this is foreshadowed throughout the first two seasons leading up to its inevitable blatant reveal when he is at dinner with Nick and his family where Nick starts to piece together why he is never hungry, passed out on the Paris trip and never finishes his food, which leads his to eventually research the signs of an ED. Nick is also still figuring himself out when it comes to his Bisexuality, while also dealing with the feelings of, feeling abandoned by his father, and having to reckon with the fact his brother is not supportive and dismissive of his sexuality and relationship.

Now before I said keep Pumped Up Kicks in mind that's because while this song has an upbeat, catchy tempo the song actually has a really dark undertone and meaning. So while Heartstopper is shot in a very vibrant colorway most of its characters and content of the show deal with dark themes and it's not all just a happy love story, and if the script for the next season follows the graphic novel closely, then we will see the characters go through even more challenges which also falls inline with the "darker" more emotionally message of the show. So to end this so it doesn't become a dissertation, both shows more or less have the same themes they just exist in two different lanes, I don't know why exactly people are fighting for one to be more valid than the other. When both can exist and be impactful to both or each audience, more queer shows need to exist where the characters are just happy and in love and I need y'all to unpack why you view more doom and gloom (for a lack of a better word) queer shows or movies are more valid than ones where the characters are just happy and have relatively in some aspects great experience when it comes to young love and figuring out one's identity. Sepreatlty why do you want these characters to suffer to find love? Why do characters have to go through something traumatic for their identity to be more valid and for you to relate and want to root for it more versus the latter?

Anyway, this was longer than I intended it to be but I just had to get my thoughts out there. TL;DR: Heartstopper and Young Royals are two great shows and if you think one is better than the other cause it has darker themes you are missing the point or probably objectively missed the dark undertones of the show, and one isn't more valuable than the other.

#young royals #heartstopper #queer shows #lgbtqia #queer media #rant #anaylsis #netflix #nick nelson #charlie spring #nick and charlie #simon eriksson #willhem #prince wilhelm #simon and wilhelm

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agrosehamada · 7 months

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I'm taking a moment to appreciate how healing AG-blr has been for me :) Growing up I was absolutely obsessed with AG, but I didn't really have any friends who were into AG, and my siblings didn't want to play with dolls, so I was kind of left in my own little hyperfixation bubble all alone. I mean my mom liked AG but that wasn't the same as having someone to play with. Yes I hosted multiple AG themed birthday parties and even put on a backyard productions of both the Molly and Felicity plays but no one... Really got it?

I remember the last AG birthday I had, having my brother tell me that my friends were all talking about how they were "too old" for AG when I was out of the room, and I think that was the beginning of the end for me because not too long after that I put my AG dolls in a cedar chest with all their things and closed it up.

I was still kind of interested in AG in highschool. I remember visiting the AG Store when the one in my state opened. And I remember desperately wanting a special doll I could make a wardrobe for and take everywhere with me. I had a little success with a few handmade dolls but nothing that really stuck, and my sewing skills were not up to par with what I wanted to make so I kind of gave up on that too.

Then the end of highschool happened, and I kind of went into survival mode. My mom's health got really bad. I had to start working and taking evening college classes on top of regular highschool and helping out more at home. Which kind of put my mental health in a crisis mode which kind of broke in my first year of college. Which finallygot me the help that I needed. But then I got kicked out for being queer and I was REALLY in survival mode, although I was lucky enough to have first a friend's family and then one of my siblings take me in through the end of college.

I remember getting mildly interested in AG again once I was working my first full time job and living with my first non-family roommates. I was (and still am) really into Big Hero 6 at the time, and when Luciana came out with her little robotics lab I ended up ordering her. Then I bought a secondhand Nellie, one of my grail dolls from childhood I never got to have. So that opened the door.

But then I remember being on Tumblr and finding some AG blogs and being like, "Hey! There's other adults who like AG and create their own characters?" And I really wanted to be a part of that. But I wasn't sure what kind of character I'd want to make. And then I remembered an old BH6 fanbaby I'd made in college and was like, "There's no way AG has a pink hair option." (I didn't really know about doll customizing back then so I didn't know wig swaps were a thing.) And then I checked the CYO generator and guess what was an option? XD

I was not in the best financial state, so it took a few months for me to be able to afford Rose, and then another anxious month of waiting for Rose to get here, in the meantime trying to plan out her wardrobe in the style of the og historical girls. And I made a placeholder blog for once she finally got here.

I finally came home to her delivery sometime in the early am after an event--if you go waaay back to the very beginning of this blog you can find a video of me very emotionally opening Rose's box for the first time XD Love at first sight for sure, I was happy to have my little girl home, and I had no clue how she'd change my life.

From there snowballed my deep dive into doll clothes making--I planned to buy Rose's clothes originally, but I couldn't find a school uniform I liked, and there was a very specific anime winter coat I wanted to make. I'd been making cosplays for a few years but then, so my sewing skills were finally up to the task. And then I just kept getting more cute outfit ideas and so... I just kept making them XD

And then I started posting pictures of the outfits on this blog. And adding new dolls to the family and posting about them too. And I am so honored you guys were so excited about my posts and brought me into the community! I saw your posts and got the inspiration to start taking Rose out places to get pictures, and she quickly became my emotional support doll, going everywhere with me and helping me through some of my worst mental health times. And I've been fortunate enough to actually get to meet some of you in person, and talk with so many of you online! And I even managed to rope my best friend into AG with your support XD It's really been such an amazing community, and I finally have friends who get my love of AG, and I finally have that special doll I take everywhere with me :)

So--thank you, AG-blr ^^ You're all amazing, and I look forward to many more adventures with you :)

#american girl doll #agblr #dashi gets personal #long post

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zmickmilk · 1 month

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THIS IS A PINKEY PROMISE KISS

'Once more to see you' is the early gallavich song.

GONNA TELL YOU WHY !!!

First of all, all songs can be interpreted differently, but to me, this song is about a secret relationship where the narrator craves more.

The first line represents knowing deep down that ur relationship is going to end. "The setting sun on ur neck" is like the sun setting on the relationship, the relationship being referenced by the sun setting on mitski's partner. But mitski doesn't want to believe this. This is why the information isn't in front of her. it's behind her only shown on a mirror. I think it could also be looking back on light filled, happy memories with a partner.

This both fit gallavich really well. Mickey, from the start, feels that his relationship is unsustainable. Ian does, too, but they always go back to each other. They look back on the good and risk it for that feeling over and over even if they "know" it's never gonna work.

"The taste of you bubble up inside me" is the desire in the relationship. The taste or craving for the other person is bubbling and inevitable to boil over.

This growing want for the other person is immediately followed by reasoning why that can't be the case. There are people watching, and they have reputations to uphold. Straight away, I connect these lines to mickey. That is his thought process. He knows he's starting to have feelings for Ian, but he has Terry watching over him. "Our every move" highlights just how paranoid mickey is (for good reason). He has to uphold this strong, thug persona. Mickeys reputation is very close to him, he clings to, he has dreams of becoming the king of the southside. People can't see all this intense queer love he's having cause that would crush the persona.

So they keep the relationship secret.

"Won't let them have it." The them in this is referring to Terry or really any homophobic person. Mickey has grown up with his whole life controlled and ruined by his dad. For once, this good feeling is his. He doesn't want to let that go.

The song then talks about being alone together. "Come inside" is Ian pulling mickey into the safe little bubble they have crafted together. Mitski has a short repetition of the word 'alone' this amplifies the secretive nature of their relationship. As much as this is a metaphorical place, it could also be physical. "You like the high school bleachers, this is our spot, man," or the abandoned buildings Ian trains in, and mickey runs to for comfort after Terry catches them.

Now for my favourite line cause I link it to my favourite kiss.

This line is perfectly them. In this case, I see Ian as the narrator. A pinky promise kiss is a kiss given in a place of a pinky promise. I am definitely one of those people who consider pinky promises at the most pure and meaningful kind of trust, so that makes the line all the more significant to me. For gallavich, the promise is that things will get get better, there is hope for their relationship, and the love that they feel is okay its good. This is why I think the s3 wedding kiss is so fitting. When Ian kisses back, he is making he promise that they can work, and mickey is promising that he wants more with Ian.

"If you would let me." Mickey, during the first 3 seasons, refused to kiss ian. Ian craves emotional intimacy. He wants to share that mickey. To give mickey Pinky promises kisses is to use emotional intimacy to promise that everything will be okay. Ian has tried convincing all these different things, like when he says, "we have nothing to be ashamed of," but it never works. Mickey doesn't respond well to words, but he reacts to physicality. whether if it's abuse or sex mickey is most used to touch, so that's what he is responsive to. Ian knows this and wants nothing more to convince mickey of the good through intimacy, not words.

"Then i wouldn't have to scream ur name atop of every roof in the city of my heart." This line can be seen as a few things. First, it could be about professing love to nothing. When u shout out rooftops, people aren't going to hear u. You can day whatever you want without worrying about other people. Mickey and Ian have no one to tell, so they scream into nothing. To scream in "City of My Heart" is to scream internally. U can't show the emotion outward, so ur trapped in the city of ur heart. It could also be an emotional close place, tho. Similar to the "Come inside" line, the city of their heart could be a place that holds love and memories for them. For gallavich, I think it would be the abandoned buildings or dugouts yk something like that. No one understands love better than the places it was made.

I see this line also interpreted as the opposite sometimes, tho. Screaming of rooftops for them the desire to tell everyone all the time about this relationship. But if the secret was out, that would go away. Like the secret is eating them alive.

If Ian was able to convince mickey with pinky promise kisses, he could start telling actual people. They wouldn't have to hide their feelings .

Okay, finally, the last 4 lines of the song.

"If I could see you." Not only does it mean physically seeing each other but also understanding each other.

"Once more." I think this is talking about going back. If you just see them one more time, then maybe you will understand. If you see them one more time, maybe u will be okay with the relationship only going this far.

This relates to gallavich because of ians dedication to helping, understanding, and being with mickey. Ian will always take mickey back he will always push mickey to better. He gives pinky promise kisses and just more, and their relationship will work.

When Ian goes to see mickey at the wedding in s3, he gives it a try just once more. And I think it works. After that pinky promise kiss, ian does see mickey. Maybe not fully, but he has a better understanding of him.

Mitski often ends her songs with repeating lyrics. For thus song I think it means even tho they say its just one time more, they will go back again. They always find themselves saying "once more". I also like the idea that 1 set is Ian saying it and the other mickey. Like they feel the same things.

The first and last line compliment each other really well. At the start of the song, u can infere the ending of the relationship, but at the end, we see them trying again. The song has this very unfulfilled but desperate to keep the scrap of love they are given feel to it. And that is early gallavich.

I think this song fits most around s3, but it works with s1/2 just, imo not as well. The feelings are there, but they haven't reached the intensity that mitskis song has.

Anyway make this the mitski song people relate to gallavich NOT ME AND MY HUSBAND

#i hope this makes sense #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #shameless us #gallavich #once more to see you #mitski #mitski lyrics #s3 gallavich

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rthko · 1 year

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God now I'm thinking about how evangelical protestantism wanted us to just be vaguely buzzed all the time. When my town was hit with a high profile tragedy, the parishioners raised their arms extra emphatically when a song said "you [god] give and take away," almost feeling something, and then went right back to sappily bouncing up and down singing "blessed be the name of the lord" while some blond 22 year old named Josh strummed an acoustic guitar onstage. It's wrong to say this because Catholics famously have their own trauma, but I was almost jealous of them. People in a dimly lit vaulted ceiling church listening to choirs sing baroque melodies in Latin didn't have to wear goopy smiles and go around shaking hands talking about how awesome Jesus is. If Catholics feel guilty about being happy, evangelicals paradoxically feel guilty about not feeling happy. That means guilt was always bubbling just below the surface, and that if you processed pain or doubt or uncertainty it's just proof you don't love Jesus hard enough. And if you turned out to be queer, a woman with sexual agency, didn't lean sufficiently right in your politics, or transgressed them with your existence in any other way, they would drop the act and show you exactly who they are underneath the pretenses.

#feel something! read about the world outside the cinderblock walls of your megachurch! go home and masturbate!

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absolutebl · 1 year

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BL Best of 2022 - quick picks

Best KBL: Semantic Error

Best Thai BL: Bad Buddy (remember for me this falls into 2022)

Best JBL: this was the hardest pick for me because Japan came back SWINGING this year. So... I cheated.

Best traditional live action yaoi? Minato’s Laundromat

Best modern BL? Takara & Amagi

Best for me, personally? Old Fashion Cupcake

Best Taiwan BL: My Tooth Your Love although I really adored DNA Says Love You and About Youth, the one fudged the beginning and the other the end (both are still v HEA) so My Tooth was the most consistent.

Best director: Kato Ayaka (Old Fashion Cupcake) she did a fucking phenomenal job, and yes she had two killer actors to work with, but I am such a sucker for those long shots plus the sensual foods close ups? GIIRLLLLLLLL. Gah!

Best kiss: honestly we had so many good kisses this year I have multiple blog posts going on the subject. But I am handing it over to the one that stuck in my head the most, Billy & Seng’s up against that chain gate with the damn blue towel sticking out of his back pocket in Secret Crush On You.

The desperation was just insane. But I might have given it to OFC if they hadn’t already won the director category. And I flipping LOVE the Kissable Lips boys BTS smiley kiss from 304: 100% should have been on screen for us.

Best erotic moment: The shower neck make out kiss from side couple RainPayu in Oh! My Sunshine night.

Runner up: VegasPete and the “ass to waist ratio” kiss in their kinky chain scene.

Best O scene: Oh the whole LITA special, they knew what they were doing. Doesn’t stop me being annoyed by the whole thing, tho.

Best cuddles: I mean it should got to 12% because, well, ENDLESSLY spectacular cuddles from SantaEarth but for me it was Star in My Mind’s cuddle+glare. I love me a vicious little “mine” moment.

Best eye contact/soulmating/eyefucking: FirstKhao in The Eclipse although Japan did great work with THIRST this year (bit more one sided, that one).

Best cinematography: Cherry Blossoms After Winter, I know, I know, but you know how I feel about yaoi, nostalgia and cinematic storytelling.

Best boohoo snot bubble I’m dazed and crying: Eternal Yesterday, every fucking episode, Choco Milk Shake (I hate you Strongberry, I love you Strongberry), To My Star 2 (I just hate you and you are not forgiven).

Most beloved character: Shin MY PRECIOUS BEAN SPROUT

Best Pair: The Parks although I am also crazy about the To My Star and Kissable Lips boys. I really want more from all of them. Madness that it’s all Korea.

Best Ensemble: The Eclipse had a killer cast but I expect that from GMMTV. So for all it was a mess of a story Cutie Pie wins best casting from me. All 3 couples had such good chemistry. I don’t think any other multi-couple shows out of Thailand were that on point, not even KP.

Best siblings//family: My Ride, gotta hand it to the gay uncles and all the queer friends and the adopted son. Although DNA Says Love You was pretty darn great too.

Best Food: There were so many food ones this year (Ocean Likes Me, Old Fashion Cupcake, La Cuisine, but none were as good food-wise as Bite Me last year) so the one where I actually wanted to eat stuff the most? What Zabb Man. What can I say? I love sweets and ramen, but Thai food is my last best hope in life.

Best song: Eternal Yesterday’s OST Sunshower by Ayumu Imazu. I can’t believe Japan beat out Korea but I am sorry I just really fucking adore that song. I’m sucker for that raw slightly rough voice combined with Japan’s brusque style (and PINK hair).

youtube

But Leo’s I still from Happy Ending Romance is a close fucking follow up, that boy is dripping slightly-evil honey even in falsetto, he’s a perennially ignored goddamn gift to Kpop.

I do A LOT of best of lists, this is just the beginning. Also if you have a request of a top 10 of 2022 or any best of... name the tope lists, let me know in an RP or a comment.

(source)

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carlyraejepsans · 10 months

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Hi ! This is the anon who had a full on gender crisis in your asks like, a month ago I think ?

First I wanted to apologize, now that I'm doing better I realize that venting to a random trans person online was maybe kind of uhh... rude ^^'

And secondly I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, because your answer was just, so, so nice that I teared up a little bit (a lot). And sometimes over the course of one month, I came back to the post and felt really emotional still. You took the time to explain things in a touching way and with utmost kindness, so yeah. Thank you. Now, I took the time to reflect on my identity, regardless of what other folks thought of me. And I decided to educate myself more on like queer history and people's experiences with labels and stuff ? And a lot of it resonated with me, I just chose to ignore it so I could stay in my own little bubble of self loathing... And I actually came out as nonbinary to one of my closest friend, so that's cool heh. So, yknow, I can't make judgements about someone I don't know, but I think you might be a really good person :) because your words really helped someone out...

Oh and also, I absolutely love your art so much it converted me into a Soriel shipper, and your opinions are very true, keep going and may the haters be blocked 👍👍👍

have a nice day !

me 2 you i am so happy for you buddy, welcome to the cool club

#MWAHHHHH #answered asks

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victoriacbooks · 1 year

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I’m sure things to this effect have been said much more eloquently already by others but I just. A Long Long Time, man. It hit me so hard in so many ways.

And what I’ve really been thinking about since I watched it is, yeah, it’s true that Bill was surviving, not really living, before he met Frank. But I think it’s more than that. Bill cared about life. He cared about good quality food, and wine, and looking after himself. What I think the difference is, is after he met Frank, he cared about a legacy.

Think about it. Frank’s art. His insistence upon making friends, hosting them, fixing up the town even if no one but him and Bill and Joel and Tess ever saw it. Maybe no one would care, but he wanted to make things beautiful. He cared about art, about leaving something behind.

When I was watching, I was struck with the realisation that there is no way that story could’ve been the same if it were a hetero couple. Other people have already pointed out how much more powerfully the line “older means we’re still here” hits when you realise the context of Bill and Frank being older gay men who lived through the AIDS crisis. There’s also an absolutely stunning post that compared Frank’s last art work to that of Keith Haring, and I’m probably reiterating some of the writer of that post’s thoughts here, but hear me out.

Like so many have pointed out, Frank and Bill never saw gay marriage legalised; the fungus pandemic hit long before that could have occurred. They were finally able to live as their full selves after a fungus wiped out so many people. They could’ve lived quietly, made no waves, changed nothing, and died happy and together. They died happy and together, yes, but they also made a mark.

That’s what’s been affecting me so much since I watched it. Yes, the TLOU world is fictional, but there are so many parallels that can be drawn to the real world, to a world that wants queer people to be small, quiet, unassuming, fade out without a trace. In my mind, Frank is a hero for refusing to do that. He wanted to love things. He wanted to leave a mark. He saw beauty even in the apocalypse, and he wanted to make things beautiful with the flowers, the paintings, the strawberries. He left a mark. Even after he and Bill are gone, his paintings are there. Joel knew they must be gone because the flowers were wilted, but even though the flowers died, the mark Bill and Frank left on the town wasn’t erased.

I don’t know. I just think there’s a lesson there. Or maybe not a lesson, but something to live up to. A reminder not to be afraid to take up space, to leave our marks, even when the world is on fire and it seems like no one will ever notice, it matters. The beauty you see in the world, what you create, it matters. The entire story of Bill and Frank, I think, boils down to choosing to create the world you want, no matter how small of a bubble it is. There may always be horrible, scary things pressing in on you, but you can find beauty. You can create beauty. You can leave a mark, a legacy, on the things and the people you love.

And, really, what more can any of us ask for than to love and be loved and someday leave behind a message that says I was here. I was here, and I was loved, and there is nothing anyone can do to take away the fact that I matter.

#frank and bill #the last of us #tlou #the last of us episode 3 #random musings I guess #back to your regularly scheduled shitposting #Victoria tries to be philosophical

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bettyshoweduptotheparty · 24 days

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I think we (kaylors) slept on Timeless a bit, because it got so overshadowed by the horny gay masterpiece that is ICSY. But I love this beautiful heartfelt song so much, and I think, if any Taylor Swift song could be a wedding song, it would be this one. And that made me think…

We know this song is not from speak now era originally, it was listed on an earlier reputation track list and then removed, so it’s essentially a rep vault track. Had it been on reputation, the parallels and references would have been obvious:

The narrator and lover's first meeting: “time stood still/in a crowded room a few short years ago” = Delicate and Dress (dive bar, touching hands in dark rooms, secret moment in a crowded room)

Romeo & Juliet reference: “story of a romance torn apart by fate” -> Love Story (Karlie’s favourite song and caption of their first ever public photo together)

In addition to the above: "I'd die for you in the same way" is reminiscent of peace (I'd die for you in secret), but also generally really meaningful when you think about queer couples throughout history and how some of them would have payed for their love with their lives. She's willing to risk it all for this love.

“Run away and left it all behind” = CIWYW (“would you run away with me” “yes”)

“Sometimes there’s no proof you just know” = No proof, not much, but you saw enough (YAIL)

“We’ll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we’ve made” - Karlie is a well known collector of polaroid photos and allegedly keeps them in a safe deposit box.

“You’ll say ‘Oh my, we really were timeless” Now this reminds me of Mary’s song because of the ‘oh my’. Mary’s song is a similar friends to lovers story of two people growing up, falling in love and then getting married and having children in that very same place. In this last verse Taylor is describing growing old with her lover and looking back on their lives together. Big ‘don’t read the last page, but I stay’ vibes. Also just cute that she mirrors her little childhood fantasy of marrying a childhood friend with her own friends to endgame lovers story 🥰

And lastly, the whole ‘what if’ concept of the song seems like something you’d do if you’re...say... a closeted celebrity. Wondering if you'd have an easier life if you were 'normal people'. I can imagine post-2016 election Taylor and Karlie in their little love blackout bubble doing this mental exercise, because when things suck, it must be temping to imagine how much easier it would be 'if only'... Would we even have met if we were normal people? Of course we would have, because we were destined to find each other in every universe and against all hardship, including this one. Song concept born :) The 'you're worth all the hardship' sentiment is also very Slut!-coded, aka 'if they slut-shame me, it might as well be worth it for once'. The way the chorus changes to list all the potential difficulties ("headed off to fight in the war/ forced to marry another man") also makes it clear that it really doesn't matter what challenge comes at them, they'll be together regardless. Come hell or high water (or in their case, contractual obligations or beards with dodgy political ties) we will end up together. So, bottom line, it's a really beautiful kaylor song and probably one that gets forgotten because it was on Speak Now tv.

Happy fortnight until TPD, guys! 😉

#Spotify #kaylor songs #timeless #speak now tv

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blushweddinggowns · 1 year

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It had started out as such a good day.

He had woken up with Eddie peppering his face in kisses, always a total sap in the morning. And it never failed to make Steve feel light as a feather. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that he had gotten here, after all the shit they had been through. But his life in their little apartment with Wayne and Eddie, was better than anything else he’d ever had.

They had met Robin for breakfast, then Steve hung around while Eddie did a few deals, always the passenger princess. They gave the kids a ride home from school before heading back to the apartment. Then they decided to just be lazy sacks of shit for the rest of the night, happy to cuddle on the couch while they watched bad tv. He felt so good, just sitting there, tucked to Eddie’s side. Like nothing could ever bother him in their happy little bubble.

But then the phone rang.

It was Wayne who picked it up, just on his way out to start his own night. There were a few clipped words before he looked over at Steve, brow furrowed, “It’s for you.”

It took a second for him to extract himself from Eddie’s tight grip and he was a giggling mess by the time he was actually able to stand.

“Who is it?” Steve asked as he made his way over. His smile dropped when he saw worried Wayne’s expression. His mind automatically went to the worst-case scenarios. Did something happen to Robin? Or Dustin? Or Max or Lucas-

Wayne interrupted his anxiety ridden spiral, though the news still wasn’t good, “It…sounds like your dad.”

Oh god, no.

Steve could feel his stomach drop as he shakily took the phone from him, internally praying that he was wrong, “Hello?”

“Jesus Christ,” He could hear his father yelling over to someone else, “He’s there. He’s fucking shacking up with the queer, it’s all true.”

Steve could feel his heart stop in his chest. How did they know he was here? How did they know about Eddie? What were they doing back in town? What the fuck did they want from him?

His Dad finished his side rant, finally addressing Steve in that same cold authoritative tone, “Steven, you have fifteen minutes to get to this house or I’m going to find you. And the other fag will stay there if he knows what’s good for him. You have a lot of explaining to do.”

And then he hung up the phone, not even bothering to wait for an answer. Steve didn’t waste any time in getting his shoes on, trying and failing to reassure Eddie that everything was fine all the while,“It happens sometimes, when they get back. It’s like a checklist item to see me. I’ll be fine. It will be one awkward dinner and then I’ll be back before you know it.”

He could tell he wasn’t buying it. Of course he wasn’t buying it. There was no one on the planet who knew him better than he did, no matter how hard he tried to hide the fact that he was scared shitless.

He was trailing behind him as he got ready, still trying to reason with him, “If it’s not gonna take that long then I can just wait in the car baby, it’s not that big a deal-”

“Eddie, no,” Steve said, voice impressively firm despite how he felt, “I’ll be fine, trust me okay?”

He hated lying to him, but the thought of his Eddie being in the same room as them made him feel fucking ill. He’d die before he let his dad touch a single hair on his love’s head. There was no way in hell he was going anywhere near that place.

He shrugged on Eddie’s jacket, despite the fact that it probably wasn’t a good call to wear your boyfriend’s clothes to what could only be a disownment meeting with his parents, but Steve needed something to calm his nerves a little. And having something that smelled like his boyfriend would have to do.

“Nine at the latest, I swear,” Steve lied, leaning in to kiss his cheek before rushing out the door.

He could feel Eddie watching him as he went, but Steve didn’t look back. He just got into his car and left, that stupid time limit still ringing in his ears. It was a Daniel Harrington classic threat, one that Steve hadn’t heard since he was back in highschool. Senior year was around the time he lost near all interest in him. He didn’t even care enough to knock him around near the end, opting to just remind him that he was a failure and a waste of space over the phone.

He didn’t even know why he still called them. He’d only talked to his mom a handful of times when he tried, but usually it was just a bertating session from his dad.

‘That you deserved.’

The treacherous intrusive thought was in his head before he could stop it. But it wasn’t alone. It was never alone.

‘Maybe if you had done better in school he wouldn’t have had to hit you.’

‘Maybe if you had a job that was worthwhile your mom would actually talk to you.’

‘Maybe if you weren’t such a fuckup then the people who gave you everything would actually love you.’

It was so…frustrating how easily he could get back here. Even after nearly two years of being around people who loved him, who actually cared about him, it only took one damn phone call to have him spiraling out again. He thought this phase of his life was over. He thought that his parents were done with him, that they had finally given up on the dream of Steve being somebody.

Hell, he even thought that he might never even see them again. He hadn’t seen either of them for two damn years. They had been on vacation in New Jersey when the Vecna shit hit critical mass, and then they never came back. Why couldn’t that have been the end of it? What right did they have to come waltzing back into his life, just to shit all over it? Why did they have to involve Eddie? How did they even know about him?

His shaking had only gotten worse by the time he pulled into his old driveway. He hated how scared he was. He had fought against literal fucking demons, but the though of having to face his father was enough to have him shaking in his boots. It was so stupid, but that didn’t stop the sight of his shiny BMW from making him want to puke.

This was going to be bad. Really, really fucking bad. He didn’t want to do this shit. He wanted to tell them both to go to hell and leave him the fuck alone. But…he couldn’t risk anything happening to Eddie. He wouldn’t. So if he had to take a beating before they officially disowned him so Eddie could be left alone, so be it.

His mom met him at the door, disturbingly pleasant when she gestured for him to come inside.

“Let me take your coat for you sweetheart,” she said, voice sickly sweet as she led Steve into the house. He let her take it, despite how bizarre the behavior was. His mom wasn’t as bad as his dad, she never had been, but affection wasn’t really her style. Not without Steve having to do something in return. She more…just watched when things got bad. Maybe helped patch him up during the worst times, but she was never very active when it came to his “discipline”.

The whole thing was already weird as hell. His dad should have been screaming at him by now, but the house was eerily quiet. She led him to the dining room, and there Daniel Harrington was, seething at the table with a beer in hand, a few empty bottles already pushed off to the side. But he didn’t start yelling at the sight of him. Which was new.

Steve didn’t like it.

His mom gestured for him to sit down before taking her own place between them. He felt like he was at a fucking tribunal, and the faux attempt at civility was just making his hair stand on end. Steve stared at them, waiting for someone to say something.

Surprisingly it was his mom who went first. She took a deep breath before saying, “Steve, we know that the last few years have probably been hard for you. Everything that’s happened in this town….it couldn’t have been easy to see. And we understand that experience is clouding your decision making process. And…we want to help.”

His dad went next, voice deceptively even, “Your mother’s right. You have a mental disorder that can be treated. And luckily for you, we’re willing to pay for the help you need.”

This was wrong. This whole thing was wrong. Steve just wanted someone to yell at him already. He shook his head, confused, “I don’t understand. What are you talking about?”

“You know damn well what we’re talking about,” Daniel scoffed, “Whatever is happening between you and that piece of trailer trash ends today.”

“He’s not trash,” Steve shot back, momentarily forgetting that he should be trying to lie here. He could handle them saying shit about him, but Eddie hadn’t done a damn thing to either of them, “And nothing is going on between us-”

“Don’t you dare lie to me,” Daniel hissed out, his calm facade finally cracking. Steve could see his grip on the beer bottle tighten, dangerously close to shattering the glass, “We’ve been back for a week Steven, and you haven’t spent a single night here. Tell me, do friends share a room in shitty apartments? Do friends kiss each other at the movie theater? Please feel free to enlighten me.”

Steve swallowed, throat dry. So much for lying his way through this, “Who told you?”

“Tommy called us,” His mom interjected, “And thank god for that. It’s not too late to change things around baby.”

Steve couldn’t help but physically cringe at the nickname. It wasn’t for her to say. But the news from Tommy was even worse. He knew he hated him now, and that was whatever. Who cared? But Tommy was also the only person he’d ever told about his dad. He was the only one he trusted when he was a kid not to say anything, and to know that he told them, knowing full well what would happen…hurt a lot more than he expected.

“You’re lucky that boy cares about you still,” Daniel added, “So don’t waste our time. Just admit it. Have you or have you not been having an affair with a man?”

No point in denying it now, “I have.”

They both tensed at the admission, like they had still been holding out for some magical explanation to explain away the whole thing. But Steve was tired of lying. He didn’t even want to. If he had it his way the whole world would know about them being together. He’d shout it from the fucking roof tops if he could.

“Okay. Thank you for admitting it,” His mom sighed, “Steve, this doesn’t have to be complicated. All you have to do is pack your bags and leave with us. There’s this lovely little place in Delaware that can get you all fixed up -”

“I love him,” Steve interrupted. There was no point in keeping this charade going any longer. Steve wasn’t going fucking anywhere. He can see the way his father's arms twitch at that, the thread of patience he had managed to hold onto on the edge of snapping. He didn't have much time left.

"You think you love him," His mom corrected, “You’re confused-”

“I’m not confused. I love him, mom. And he loves me. I’m not going to give that up for anything.”

“It doesn’t matter how you feel,” Daniel dismissed, voice rising, “What matters is getting your life back on track. You are going to get your shit from that dump and leave with us tonight or else-”

“Or else what?” Steve asked, “You’ll disown me? Cut me out of the will? I don’t give a fuck.”

He’s never talked to either of them like this before, but he didn’t care. He didn’t need them. He never needed them. He had a family, a real family, and that never included the people at this table, “I’m not going anywhere with you. I’m not going to leave him. I’m not doing any of it.”

He should have seen the bottle coming, but that didn’t stop the pained gasp that came out when it hit him square in the arm. Even in his forties Daniel Harrington was still strong, strong enough for some of the glass to embed itself in his skin. Steve almost wanted to laugh, now it made sense why his mom had insisted on taking off the jacket.

Daniel stood, his chair clattering to the floor before he threw another one that hit him square in the forearm. He was finally yelling thank god, Steve just wanted this whole shit show to be over with, “You’re choosing him over us? After everything we’ve done for you?”

"Yes,” The word is barely out of his mouth before he’s stalking over to him, completely ignoring his mom’s weak protests for him to calm down. He was in front of him now, all that barely contained rage finally spilling over.

He grabbed him by the collar, physically pulling him up from his seat before shaking him a little, “My only son is not going to be with a god-damned faggot. And if I have to beat it out of you I will. But you are never going near that piece of shit again. Do you understand me?”

A tiny part of Steve was begging for him to apologize. To just do what they said and stop trying to fight. But that part of himself is wrong. There wasn’t a damn thing wrong with loving Eddie. It was the best thing he’d ever done in his whole fucking life. Nothing could change his mind, not even fear.

Steve isn’t sure what possessed him to say what he did next. Revenge, pettiness, bitter honesty, he wasn’t sure, but the words were coming out, “Y’know he kissed me for the first time under this same roof? He fucked me here too. In basically every room. And I loved every second of it. How does that feel? Knowing that your only son isn’t just in love with a fag, but gets fucked by one too?”

This time he saw the punch coming, but it didn’t stop it from hurting like a bitch. He hit him square in the face before throwing him to the ground, opting to start kicking the shit out of him next. He was always quicker than Steve gave him credit for.

He could vaguely hear his mom screaming in the background, begging him to stop, but Daniel kept going. Even his head wasn’t off limits, and it only took one swift kick for Steve to snap out of his stupor. Why was he taking this? Why wasn’t he trying to leave? Why had he never fought back before?

His mom was physically trying to stop him now, and it was just enough time for Steve to finally fucking do something. He moves without thinking, taking the opportunity to kick him back from his place on the ground, squarely in the crotch. It’s a low blow, but fuck it. He’d never seen him so angry before, and if he didn’t get away there was a solid chance he might kill him by accident.

It worked even better than he thought it would. His dad crumpled immediately, probably just as shocked from the fact that Steve hit him as much as he was from the pain. It’s the first time he’s ever hit him, despite the years and years of random beatings. Steve was almost as surprised as he was that he managed to do it, but he didn’t have time to dwell. He stood on shaky legs, booking it to the front door.

He stops to get the jacket, stupidly taking the time to put it back on. But if he ever needed the comfort of Eddie’s smell, it was definitely right now.

Right before he’s about to step over the threshold, Daniel calls out to him, voice booming with fury, “If you walk out that door you’ll never see either of us again.”

It's enough to have Steve whipping back around, glaring at them both. His mom was helping his dad back up like she was actually worried he’d been hurt, when it was Steve who had blood dripping down his face. Daniel was staring right at him, daring him to leave, delusional enough to think that there was anything about them worth staying for.

“Good riddance,” Steve hissed out before turning back away. He walked straight out the front door, ignoring every scream and yell for him to come back.

He got into his car, and he drove away.

Excerpt from this fic. And technically a rewrite from this fic

Part two!

#the perfect loving nightmare #steddie ficlet #steddie fic #chapter seven is up!#steddie #tw homophobia #tw violence #eddie munson #steve harrington #maybe post part 2 later if interest #but its also like just in the fic so not a big deal either way #living the unknown dream

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