#i still feel it

[jey-draws]

You guys weren't kidding about puss in boots 2 it really is GOOD

#spoilers in the tags #so dont keep reading if you dont want spoilers #the animation was the best ive ever seen in a dreamworks movie #the villian? spectacular #the fairy tale references were hilarious AND NOSTALGIC #but the best part to me #was that one scene where perrito calms down puss #i was not expecting the feels #my heart #i STILL feel it #puss in boots #puss in boots the last wish

[ownedbyabassist]

That "I've missed you" sex straight up murdered my pussy 😩

#nsft shitpost #legs no workie #nsft #nsft txt #nsft post #i still feel it #txt.punkie

[mothytheghost]

*when you have a soulmate you have a deep connection to them*

Me Who Feels Like They are holding a metal like hand everyday for a strange reason and Simp on Sun and moon: WHAT THE FUCK!?

#i still feel it #what's going on?? #dca community #shitpost

[furiousgoldfish]

Sometimes, living with the abusive parents can make it risky to love the things you own, or owning things at all. I remember living with the abusive parents, any kind of object I held dear to my heart, had to stay hidden; if my parents knew I was finding this thing valuable and close to my heart, it would lead to it's destruction. And some things you can't hide, we all have our favourite items of clothing that we wear often, we read our favourite books, we collect some stuff that is too big to be hidden, we depend on our electronics, we want to showcase our favourite piece of fandom merch or whatever else makes us happy, in our rooms.

With abusive parents, these things are the first ones to be at risk as soon as there's an issue in controlling you. Abusive parents will destroy your favourite things to hurt and punish you for disobedience. Or, if they find it more effective, they will blackmail you with its destruction. They'll take it from you and keep it hostage, and the only way you can hope to get it back some day, is to not upset them, and hope that they will not destroy it. And then eventually to steal it back, when they forget about it.

The rules to who is allowed to own what in the abusive home generally get muddy as soon as the parent feels they don't have complete control over the child. You can be the only one who uses an object or a tool in the house, the only one who needs and uses your room, your bed, your clothing, your toys and books and furniture, and it's clear that this is intimately yours, belongs to you, is only touched by you. But to them, it doesn't matter. As soon as you need to be controlled, it's theirs, and they have every right to destroy it. Nothing is yours, not unless you obey. Defiance means loss of property.

It sets an anxiety-ridden viewpoint for the future. Having things that you hold dear, or even just owning things you need and plan to use, can be interrupted with the thoughts of 'but what if someone destroys it'. It happened in the past, and it's difficult to see that it won't happen in the future, especially if you've been threatened with destruction of your valuables too often, if you've experienced theft, bullying, and others destroying your things intentionally. It can make you paranoid about your property.

In the abusive home, the rules of who is allowed to use what or destroy what are inconsistent. You could be allowed to use something that is in the house, and you desperately need, until one day you get punished for it, and told you'll be obliterated if you ever touch it again. And then you keep using it in secret, stealing it when nobody is watching, putting it back anxiously, checking it looks all the same. Knowing that there's no other way to gain access to the things you need, frightened of being caught. The parents, meanwhile, can use and also damage anything, including the house, and nobody is allowed to question it or intervene. After all, it's all 'their stuff'. They're adults so if they make a mistake and damage/destroy something, that's okay. You, a child, need to be punished for any accidental damage though. And repent, and pay it back. They might expect you to pay it back in pain.

Forbidding a child, or a teenager, to own things and have right to necessities that are not at constant risk of destruction, is abuse. Things we own should be something we can always rely on, something that is respected and treasured like we are. To smaller children, the things they own feel like an extension of them, it's extremely painful to have them taken away, or destroyed. To a teenager, taking things away or destroying them can cause a world of anxiety and inconsistency, forcing them to live an unreliable life and look elsewhere for something they can depend on. It will cause rage because they can tell it's unfair, they can feel someone is abusing their power over them. Being a teenager and having your control over mere basics, just things they own, taken away is mortifying and infuriating. They're already struggling with the lack of control they have in their social circles, over their social reputation, their own emotions. It feels like destruction and hatred. No person can have their things destroyed and go on normally with their life, as if their human rights weren't violated. We all should get to own things without a worry.

#child abuse #abusive parents #human rights violation #destruction of property #owning things #destroying children's stuff #blackmail #psychological abuse #disrespect of property #allowing children no property #never letting children feel safe or like they can rely on anything #creating a horrible anxious world #where owning things is dangerous and risky #fuck that shit #i still feel it #i still freak that someone is going to destroy things i own #if i stand up to them #i hate it so much

[house-of-mirrors]

I haven't properly seen the sun or stars since before Christmas and I'm going insane

My mental health can be mapped by the function 1/2^x in which x represents the amount of days passed since I saw the sky

#I made almost this exact post yesterday but #I still feel it #aaaaaaaaa

[claratyler]

okay my phannie guilt ridden teenage self

#THE GUILT #i still feel it #they are normal people who deserve us to be normal #<-repeats it rocking back and forth #why is it so difficult to be normal about them though #phan #dnp #this was posted in 2017

[dyingclown]

"Bruno, what happened to your good sense?

I broke down, that man's good

I bet he works for the government"

#pov watching shiloh get pulled out of class by the principal and never seeing him again #and then him thinking it was our other friend that reported him #lol no! it was me! #thats what happens when you bring knives to school ig #it was haunting though #watching you turn around and follow them to the office #i could see it in your expression that you knew #everything moved slowly #i remember the fear that coursed through my veins #i still feel it #whenever im reminded of you it comes back #ill be sitting and brushing my teeth and as i spit the toothpaste out ill remember how i have to talk to the principal about you today #and ill feel the fear shoot from my brain down into my gut #and then it stays there like cancer until something can distract me #but even once im distracted it will only be a matter of time until im pulled right back into the circle of hell youve trapped me in #anyways #bruno is orange #lyric quotes #lyric posting

[incorrectinfinity]

Does advil work for pain that my brain made up

#i still feel it #/gen #also my stomach hurts now and I can't tell if it's real help #🎀.txt

[qrowpilled]

hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month

#shush jesse #this post abt astarion #hes just so painfully on brand for me #i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane #but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers #so like.....secondhand blorbo right now

[batri-jopa]

world_of_engineering_75 on Instagram

#Instagram #tiger #tiger art #animator #automaton #(not exactly but with similar level of awesomeness) #puppetry #puppet #cool #awesome #I love this #it feels so real #and ppl reaction. knowing it's not the real one. they still lose their shit!😆 #cool video #animatronic #cgi can choke

[skrunksthatwunk]

see 0 note flop posts aren't that bad when they're personal but 0 note fandom posts feel literally so bad. like if you don't wanna play toys with me anymore just say that. i'll pack up my super cool awesome things and go and i'll sit on the other side of the playground by myself and i won't even look at you. fuck

#yes i AM thinking about a particular post. no it wasn't that good but still. a moment of heartache for sure #like it feels so bad but im too prou dto delete it and also too lazy

[captainsaltypear]

IS ANYONE ELSE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS OR

#hazbin hotel #huskerdust #hazbin husker #hazbin angel dust #hazbin angeldust #angeldust #husker #hazbin husk #look man im all for overlord husk but EXCUSE ME???????? #WHERE DID THIS COME FROM #I LITERALLY YELLED W H A T AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN WHEN HE SAID THIS #I KNEW HUSK WAS STRONGER THAN HE LET ON BUT AN OVERLORD??????? #GURL?????????? #DAMN SON #THIS new piece of information caught me so offguard that i was still reeling from it even after the emotional bomb that was loser baby #anyways huskerdust truthers how are we feeling #HOW DOES VICTORY FEEL #NO LONGER CRACKSHIP BROTHERS #WE'RE REAL #AND IM FEELING SO GOOD ABOUT IT #anwyways im doing very emotionally good how are you guys #im...gonna put a hiatus my own personal webcomic to cry over this for the next 6 months #girls help #keith david...........im so sorry i ever doubted you he ATE THAT UPPPP #hazbin hotel spoilers #pear post #scheeze art

[hamletthedane]

I was meeting a client at a famous museum’s lounge for lunch (fancy, I know) and had an hour to kill afterwards so I joined the first random docent tour I could find. The woman who took us around was a great-grandmother from the Bronx “back when that was nothing to brag about” and she was doing a talk on alternative mediums within art.

What I thought that meant: telling us about unique sculpture materials and paint mixtures.

What that actually meant: an 84yo woman gingerly holding a beautifully beaded and embroidered dress (apparently from Ukraine and at least 200 years old) and, with tears in her eyes, showing how each individual thread was spun by hand and weaved into place on a cottage floor loom, with bright blue silk embroidery thread and hand-blown beads intricately piercing the work of other labor for days upon days, as the labor of a dozen talented people came together to make something so beautiful for a village girl’s wedding day.

What it also meant: in 1948, a young girl lived in a cramped tenement-like third floor apartment in Manhattan, with a father who had just joined them after not having been allowed to escape through Poland with his pregnant wife nine years earlier. She sits in her father’s lap and watches with wide, quiet eyes as her mother’s deft hands fly across fabric with bright blue silk thread (echoing hands from over a century years earlier). Thread that her mother had salvaged from white embroidery scraps at the tailor’s shop where she worked and spent the last few days carefully dying in the kitchen sink and drying on the roof.

The dress is in the traditional Hungarian fashion and is folded across her mother’s lap: her mother doesn’t had a pattern, but she doesn’t need one to make her daughter’s dress for the fifth grade dance. The dress would end up differing significantly from the pure white, petticoated first communion dresses worn by her daughter’s majority-Catholic classmates, but the young girl would love it all the more for its uniqueness and bright blue thread.

And now, that same young girl (and maybe also the villager from 19th century Ukraine) stands in front of us, trying not to clutch the old fabric too hard as her voice shakes with the emotion of all the love and humanity that is poured into the labor of art. The village girl and the girl in the Bronx were very different people: different centuries, different religions, different ages, and different continents. But the love in the stitches and beads on their dresses was the same. And she tells us that when we look at the labor of art, we don’t just see the work to create that piece - we see the labor of our own creations and the creations of others for us, and the value in something so seemingly frivolous.

But, maybe more importantly, she says that we only admire this piece in a museum because it happened to survive the love of the wearer and those who owned it afterwards, but there have been quite literally billions of small, quiet works of art in billions of small, quiet homes all over the world, for millennia. That your grandmother’s quilt is used as a picnic blanket just as Van Gogh’s works hung in his poor friends’ hallways. That your father’s hand-painted model plane sets are displayed in your parents’ livingroom as Grecian vases are displayed in museums. That your older sister’s engineering drawings in a steady, fine-lined hand are akin to Da Vinci’s scribbles of flying machines.

I don’t think there’s any dramatic conclusions to be drawn from these thoughts - they’ve been echoed by thousands of other people across the centuries. However, if you ever feel bad for spending all of your time sewing, knitting, drawing, building lego sets, or whatever else - especially if you feel like you have to somehow monetize or show off your work online to justify your labor - please know that there’s an 84yo museum docent in the Bronx who would cry simply at the thought of you spending so much effort to quietly create something that’s beautiful to you.

#shut up e #long post #Saturday thoughts #this has been in my drafts for a week haha #also this is the heart of why AI art feels so wrong #forget the discussion of copyright and theft etc - even if models were only trained on public domain they would still feel very wrong #because they’re not art. art is the labor of creation #even commercial art and art commissioned by the popes and kings of history: there is humanity in the labor of it #unrelated: I did not know living in the Bronx was now something to brag about. How the fuck do y’all New Yorkers afford this city???

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[astearisms]

catalysts, protectors

#man those episodes #so many things put into perspective #like Simon’s role as a protector and his kindness and empathy and compassion and existence being the catalyst for the rest of ooo to #flourish #and Betty is a protector of Simon #I wonder if the last two episodes will explore more of her character? there’s so much to be explored about her giving so much of herself #to Simon but not thinking about what she wants for herself #do we get to explore her feelings or see her at all? will she have changed or learned to let go #I think there will be some sort of closure for the both of them #but at what cost #I am still crying over that scene with Simon’s memory of Betty and their song #my art #fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #simon petrikov #betty grof #petrigrof #golbetty

[petscoboba]

I want Toby Fox three years after the last chapter to make a game where it's just the Fun Gang going on a road trip to the east coast to go fishing. They raid a gas station on the way to grabs snacks for the road (and the lobsters they catch). Happy April Fool's.

#deltarune #susie deltarune #noelle deltarune #noelle holiday #kris dreemurr #fishing momence #I have one more page I wanted to draw for this little idea #but i'll have to get to it at a later date when i've got more energy #in reality this idea started as a way for me to draw kris happy after highschool #i relate to kris' lethargy a lot-- so i wanted to see them still trying to make the most of it despite their depressive nature #(perhaps if kris can find a way out maybe i can too?) #it's hard. it's really hard when you feel like you've got really nothing to look towards to #but i hope they can find meaning anyways. i hope they smile one day and i hope it's a real one #pssstt! chronologically this post takes place after another comic i have planned in the midst. it'll take 10 years to complete but one day. #that comic. will not be a happy one #heeeheehoohoo