#i want out of this fucking house. i want to leave in the dead of the night and never have to come back.

[ultra-raging-ghost]

I REACHED POST LIMIT SO HERES MY POST FROM 9:20 ONWARD

"Goodbye my three little ones, your father has to go"

"Im sorry chat, i guess ill just speak from the heart. the way i lost dapper and pomme i dont think i really.. had time to process, so losing him like this feels like losing all three of them at the same time"

Visiting bagis... poor zeno fucking died to a rooster LMAO i missed bagis place so fucking bad

searching for pepito.... where is my baby.... where is my little pepito, there pepito is

Bad doesnt really know what to do with himself, hes still sad but richas is like. Officially gone. Which is a crazy thing to process. I was having a hard time dealing with it but i think richas' final goodbye made me feel a lot better about it,it doesnt feel like theres a nail in the back of my brain now, im a little more content with this at least. Wont really be happy about it, but more content with it

We're gonna go leave a richas flower (blue orchid) at bagi's old base <3 just like how we left a cornflower at a place special to pomme.

hehehe agent 18/panks_ is in chat and theyre tormenting bad for fun

Offering pepito the opportunity to visit one last place, bad plans on coming back and visiting a couple final places sometime soon, not tonight but soon. Probably gonna end after pepito picks where to go

pepito cant think of anywhere, bads picking one more place to go

PEPITO TIME AT THE OFFICIAL DAPPER TIME SPOT??? LETS GOOOOO

Pepitos gonna be temporarily dapper while in the official dapper time spot <333

bads back, i got so comfortable in the old house that i forgot we have to leave. Just a wave of sadness washed over me, it feels like leaving home all over again, it feels like we should be able to walk into the old spawn from dappers train station and see pierre and pomme and etoiles again

pomme in chat... assuring bad she and dapper wont be leaving any time soon. Bad promises us he has some really fun stuff hes been working on he thinks we'll enjoy, this journey isnt over

while waiting for pepito we're reminiscing on when he had to triangulate the Dont have Your Gun thing that was playing that he couldnt find LMAO

currently visiting the old subway bad was building with dapper underground.... the new terrain generation generated a FULL end city RIGHT next to it!!!!

gonna visit bobby fields another day, thats another day issue, but dapper wanted to go see it with him lol

Bad found out Lullah and Richas were leaving yesterday, sounds like he didnt know chay was leaving till today

BOOOOOOOO BOOOOOO BOO IS HERE!!!! HELLO BOO!!!!!!

Pepitos playing around in the balloons Boo left <33

Bad: Yeah i remember when pomme and dapper came in one of these end cities and scared the muffins out of me Pomme: ?????? Pomme: bro you were dead Bad: I STILL REMEMBER.......

We're gonna go play Wordlos (or however you spell it) one last time before leaving the old spawn <3 gonna see if we can get it to work!!!

kinda works!!! Kinda!!! It mostly works!!!! gonna play!!!!!

"I am so proud of your spanish uncle bad!!! its a great advance to know how to explain something, its the most important thing"

We're looking at the paintings, this is it for the day. Richas logged off with bads statue painting so hes probably never gonna see that again LMAO "thats why we get screenshots"

Pepitos saying a little goodnight to the ghosties <33 pepitos gonna eat all of us up because we're so cute. "I see everything, too. EVERYTHIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG". Pepitos telling us to rest, eat, and drink water, and do our favorite things. We deserve it, to remember not to be sad it ended but be happy it happened at all <3

Bads planning on streaming tomorrow, hes not 100% sure what we'll be doing but he isnt gonna let this crank his steam

Pepitos planning on getting on tomorrow! or whenever! pepito doesnt know when pepito gets on LMAO

Thats all for todays stream, ending at 10:15, goodnight bad, richas, pomme, and dapper <3

#qsmp #liveblogging

[xoxovalrea]

Ifhy. Fugishiro m. + !fem reader

🎀Based on this audio🎀

༊*·˚ Warnings-  hatefuck-ish, rude words, alcohol use, mentions of weed, dom megumi, sub reader, smut

༊*·˚ A/n: pretend megumi is gojos bsf cus this isn’t like yuji😇☺️

༊*·˚ Sypno: You’re at a party you came for one sole reason, your crush. Just to find out he has a gf. Butt things work out in the end.

⋆·˚ ༘ * MINORS DNI🕊️ ⋆·˚ ༘ *

You liked gojo for a while. A while as in one whole college semester and two weeks during the summer. To back track you gave up on him after a party a specific party at that was of course hosted by the man himself Gojo and his dick of a best friend megumi. You three were friends you and megumi were even in the same classes but there was always this tension between you guys.

Anyways, your bestie nobara heard about a party gojo is hosting. Of course being the best friend ever she encourages you to go because “he might see how hot you are and tap that i would too honestly” you hit her and you both laughed in response. 

Fast forwarding to the night of the party, you took a nap because shit you were fucking tired from all the beach trips you did previously throughout the week. You woke up two hours prior which was NOT enough time to get ready but who the hell shows up for a party the time it starts? You hopped in the shower cleaning off all the crusties and musties you had. You of course shaved EVERYTHING just in case Nobara was right. But you had a feeling the night would not go as planned. 

There wasn’t really a theme but you knew it was a typical house party. So you threw on a black halter top and a beige mini skirt you didn’t really care about with some black shoes. You sprayed some type of sweet smelling perfume on and called nobara.

“Bitch pick up“ you looked at the ringing facetime call. She finally answered looking like she was driving. “Heyyy you look cutee girlie” she smiled at you. “Thank you pooka what the fuck should i do to my hair pony with a side part or down with a side part” she nodded and held up a 1. You quickly did your hair and headed out of your apartment complex and saw nobara’s white honda civic in front of the place. 

“Hi my fav girl” you said as you entered her car. She was putting on some sort of lipgloss. She basically had on the same thing as you but with tan pants total copy cat.  “Soo have you even been talking to satoru.” She questioned as she started heading to the party. “Yea a bit he is just so damn hard to talk to like just a few weeks ago he texted so much and now im unadded on everything” She looked at you with disappointment in her eyes knowing you’re gonna spend this whole party sulking over him. Funny thing is you definitely didn’t well for the record you didn’t cry at all but you got upset and other things but for the record you didn’t cry

See what you didn’t know is megumi liked you and hated the fact that you were wrapped all around Satoru’s finger. He hated the fact that you would stare off at him and just blank out everytime you, him, and satoru hung out. He purposely let gojo fall inlove with another girl and he would casually just let gojo ghost you. He went as far as to even setting gojo up on a date just so he couldn’t have you. He wanted you to forget about him in more than one way.

Anyways, nobara just nodded and said “maybe you should try his bestfriend he’s pretty cute” you looked at her like she was crazy “oh he HATES my fucking guts nobara. he wants me dead like the stares he gives me are the worst” you whine she shrugs her shoulders and adds  “well maybe megs wants to rearrange them you know its always the quiet ones” she giggles as you punch her shoulder and blush. You guys arrive to the party at around 9:30 ish As soon as you step into the house the thick sent of weed engulfs your lungs. Yea you smoked every 5 months but that smell could be the worst but the best at the same time.

You see nobara walk off leaving you all alone. “Well just say fuck me huh” you mutter to yourself trying to find the kitchen. You see megumi pouring himself a drink a simple one at that rum and coke. “excuse me” you say pushing past him to get a cup and some pink Whitney and a sprite . He looked you up and down rolling his eyes and scoffing “all dressed up huh“ he says taking a sip of his drink. You finish pouring your drink, “yea i guess“ you laugh “well you look like a slut” he chuckles trying to insult you “you must like sluts“ you reply as you walk off to find nobara. Feeling his eyes piercing through your skull. Yea megumi was cute but his attitude was fucking terrible. 

As you walk around you see gojo kissing a girl. You felt every bone in your body twitch with not with hate just sadness. Being honest you only liked his attention he was cute but his attention was amazing. The playful texts the calls everything it was amazing. You felt a tear run down your face and you walked upstairs towards the bathroom bumping into megumi who scowled at you.

You gained your composure after a solid 5 minutes of standing in the mirror with a burning throat feeling you couldn’t even cry. You sat on the stairs scowling and pouting at gojo and his new girlfriend. She was beautiful really really beautiful. You were snapped out of your thoughts when someone pushed you. It was megumi standing infront of you. 

“Enjoying the view?” Megumi questions as he laughs. “Go to hell” you say looking up at him pouting. “Already there” you roll your eyes as he sits down next to you. “the outfit didnt work huh?” He pouts at you as you shift over. “You know you could probably fuck anyone here but your too focused on gojos dick” you roll your eyes again trying not to curse megumi out “you wanna bet?” You say out of confidence. “Oh you’d lose in an instant”

You remember what nobara said and sigh. You grab megumi’s hoodie and straddle his lap seeing his face tint pink. “Are you fucking crazy” you roll your eyes as if he isnt getting rock hard under you right now. “Your not even pushing me off dont deny it now” you laugh looking into his low glossy eyes. “Well fuck kiss me.” He says you hesitate a little looking at gojo who obviously isnt paying any mind to yall. You kiss him gently holding his face. You feel him get harder by the second as you grind on his lap trying to get some friction.

Megumi snakes his hands around your waist. He sighs a bit as he deepens the kiss and carries you into gojos room.  He quickly opens and shuts the door pushing you against the wall kissing you harder. He hooked his hands under your bra cupping your breasts.

“You’re such a slut you know that right?” You gasp in response as he pinches your nipples. You think about how wrong this is especially fucking Gojos best friend in his room. You snap out of your thoughts from the feeling of being picked up megumi still dominating your mouth as he sits you on the bed. “Come on baby open that pretty mouth let me fuck it” he unzips his pants pulling them down along with his underwear. Revealing his pale colored dick suprizingly he was pretty big. He shoved his length in your mouth making you gag violently. He groaned loudly as he slowly thrusted in your mouth picking up pace by the second.

“So fucking wet and warm” he growled as he fucked your throat at this point he should be in your lungs because you can barely breathe with his length. “Look at me pretty girl” he said as he held your face you looked at him with cock drunk eyes and spit running down your chin. He rolled his eyes and took his cock out of your mouth. “lay down and spread your legs” he ripped your skirt off examined the wet spot on your panties and whispered a low fuck. Yes you hated megumi but fuck it felt so good to see a man look at your body like a starved animal. He kissed up and down your thighs leaving small marks, finally he slid your panties off revealing your arousal and pocketed them. He kissed the soft fleash of your pussy then licked a long stripe from your hole to your clit. You shivered at the sensation after a long minute of licking he finally sucked your clit making your hand jolt to his hair.

You arched and moaned as megumi ate you out. Really his tounge was skilled the muscle knew every spot inside and out of your body. “More” you uttered out in pleasure and he added two fingers in. You gripped his hair tightly from the sudden stretch he growled as you tightened around him. His fingers hit every spot you couldn’t its like you hated him for making you feel this good but at the same time you loved every second of it. You didn’t realize how this whole time he was watching expressions until he spoke “no come on baby look at me look at me and cum all over my face” you opened your eyes as your orgasm suddenly began building up you were seconds from coming eyes tearing up body shaking you came all over his fingers he lapped up your sweet liquids and came up to kiss your neck.

“Surprisingly you taste really fucking good” you scoffed at him he chuckled and slapped your ass harshly “Say thank you” you rolled your eyes “for what? Gojo’s probably better” you knew what you were doing you’re making him jealous it really fucked him up seriously. He looked at you like you were fucking stupid “Take it back” you laughed repeating what you said “really okay” he kissed you roughly biting your lip making it bleed breaking the kiss then flipping you into doggy style pushing your head into gojos pillows slapping your ass harshly multiple times then slapping his dick on your pussy. He slid it in quickly thrusting in giving you no time to adjust. Your eyes were rolling back head foggy not even 10 minutes in thats how good his dick was. You tried not to moan loud but megumi didn’t like it he grabbed your neck and yanked your head back to look at him. “Come on moan like the slut you are” you had no choice really you moaned his name loud enough for the whole house to hear luckily the music was up extremely loud. “Megumi fuck too big I can’t-“ he shoved your head back into the pillows he hated the word ‘can’t’ it just wasn’t in his vocabulary.

“Fuck megumi please im sorry” you dont know how many orgasms or how many positions megumi put you in but you know he wasnt even close to cumming and you guys ended up on the floor. “No no you want gojo right dont even think about moaning my name slut.” He smacked your ass harshly as he twitched inside of you as you came again. “Sorry ‘m so so sorry” you say slurred he laughs as he watches your make up run down your hot cheeks biting your shoulders again “awhh you want my cum baby? Or you want gojo to fill you up?” You shake your head no violently he doesn’t take this as an answer and slaps your ass four times making you scream. “Please you i want only you please cum in me please” you moan as he rubs your clit violently groaning and picking up his speed as be finally climaxes inside of you. “Fuckk baby you feel so fucking good” he shutters as he pulls out putting his cum back in with his fingers. Fingering you slowly to your last climax. You arch your back and cry his name as you squirt all over his fingers with a slight shake as you slowly fall asleep.

He picks you up off the floor and places you on the bed seeing you fall asleep. He laughs and puts on his clothes and dresses you carrying your sleeping body over his shoulders down the stairs letting gojo and nobara you guys are leaving. You woke up in the morning groggy and sore from last nights events, you felt a hand pull you in closer as you tried to get away. “Stop fucking moving” you rolled your eyes but obliged when the not so mysterious man behind you kissed your neck. “Megumi stop” you rolled over and kissed his lips softly as he looked at you with sleepy eyes arms still wrapped around your waist. He buried himself in your breasts and fell back asleep you did the did same resting your chin in his hair.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

      THE END💗

 This may be the last jjk fanfic I write as of rn😭 i gotta move on. Bye lovessss💗💗💗

#jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk megumi #megumi x reader #megumi smut #jujutsu kaisen megumi #jujutsu megumi #loverzzlane

[toxicstarboy]

Crazy Killer 💋

Killer/yandere! Idol! Bangchan x Male! Reader

Summary: a crazy killer is going around South Korea. They kill anyone who has had any interaction with a certain lover to a famous idol. Unknowingly, the killer being the closest person to his boyfriend, Bangchan himself. The only question you can ask yourself is, ‘do you forgive him?’ Unexpectedly, you do more than forgive him.

Warnings: murder, kidnapping, yandere tendencies, violence, manipulation, and MANIC READER. Let me know if I missed anything.

The younger of the two eats the fruits off his plate. M/n chews slowly. His eyes staying on his plate. He tried not to look too flustered at the stares of Bangchan who sat across from him. His eyes stared intensely on M/n with a look of love and affection.

M/n finds himself looking up and him and smiling. “What? Do I have something on my face?” M/n questions as he playfully wipes his face. He knew there was nothing on his face, but he couldn’t help teasing Bangchan. Bangchan chuckles deeply and shakes his head.

“No, you don’t actually. You’re just..really beautiful darling.” Bangchan admits confidently. His lips in a form of a smirk. M/n scoffs playfully and rolls his eyes, “yeah, yeah. I’m pretty. I know that already.” M/n jokes,“Tell me something I don’t know.” His hands reaching over and holding Bangchan’s.

Bangchan laughs and kisses the back of M/n’s hands. “Fine. You’re absolutely drop dead wrong about everything.” Bangchan teases him. Bangchan knew about M/n’s huge annoyance being called wrong. He was too stubborn for that.

M/n stares at him in shock before he starts to laugh, “you are so mean.” He looks into Bangchan’s eyes before he leans forward and kisses him. “But..I love you, so I have to deal with your bullshit.” The (brunette, black, red, etc.) haired boy speaks against Bangchan’s lips.

Just as M/n was about to go back to kissing Bangchan’s plump lips. A bang sounds through their house. “Hmm? What was that?” He looks around. Bangchan clenched his jaw as he watched M/n look around. “I don’t know. But it’s most likely nothing darling.” Bangchan squeezes his hands comfortingly.

M/n nods, “you’re right. I’m gonna use the bathroom before we watch our movies yeah?” He says as he stands up and walks away to the bathroom. Bangchan watches him silently until he was out of sight. Bangchan rushes down to the basement and pulls open the secret chamber.

“What the fuck did I say about making noise when my husband is home?” Bangchan snaps. He knew M/n wasn’t his husband, yet, but it doesn’t mean he won’t say it. Bangchan stares at the woman on the ground who was sobbing with the rag in her mouth. “You bitch. First, you insult and degrade my husband, which is MY job. Second, you can’t stay still or quiet. What else do I need to do to teach you a lesson.”

Bangchan watches as she stares at him pleasingly. He already cut off her hand, but if he needs to go further. He will. He never cared for anyone but his boyfriend, husband, his everything. He walks over before he kicks her across the face. Her sobs immediately stopping as she passes out. Bangchan scoffs before he turns and leaves. He locks the chamber door quickly before he races upstairs.

He sighs in relief when he doesn’t see M/n. He didn’t ever want M/n to find out about his secret. Bangchan wanted him and he didn’t know how his lover would react. He hurries and cleans up their plates and mess. He grabs snacks and a bag of chocolate covered popcorn.

He walks into the living room sitting on the couch. Bangchan grabs the remote and clicks the first movie, stopping it before it can start. He waits patiently for M/n. He looks down and sees a slight mark of blood on his shoe. ‘Fuck. I need to take these off and wash them. ‘

Bangchan didn’t even know why he kept his shoes on. M/n and him never kept their shoes on. He quickly takes them off and walks to the kitchen. He grabs a rag, soaking it with warm water before he expertly washes the blood off. He sets his shoes down by the front door.

He sits back down and smiles widely at his boyfriend when he walks in. “Hey, you spent a while in there..” Bangchan whispers. His smile showing concern, but his eyes showing a fake look. ‘Why the hell was he gone for so long? He doesn’t need to be away from me so long. I should tell him.’

Bangchan clears his throat as his leg begins to bounce up and down. “You don’t need to be gone that long, and if you are going to, you could warn me.” His words dark. M/n stares at him confused and chuckles nervously, “I’m sorry, I just got stuck watching videos on my phone. You know how I am..” he said.

Bangchan nods, “It’s fine. I’ll just go with you next time.” He whispers. He sighs and lays back into the couch. He looks at M/n again with a new look on his face. A warm look, comforting even. He sets the snacks down and opens his arms.

M/n smiles and immediately sits with him. His body automatically leaning close to his lover. He kisses him softly before he turns to the TV. Bangchan, who caught on, quickly starts the movie.

M/n open his eyes after closing them for a couple minutes. He looks up and sees Bangchan sleeping. He smiles and kisses his cheek. He slowly gets off his chest and body. When he finishes standing up he places the blanket back over his boyfriend. He grabs all of the trash. He goes to the trash can, trying to throw them away as soon as possible.

He wanted to go back to Bangchan and sleep in his arms. He stood in place when the sound of the same bang from earlier went through the house again. He looks around before he looks at the basement. He stares at the door cautiously and suspiciously. He was always scared of their basement, that’s why Bangchan said for him to stay away from it.

M/n gulps the saliva in his mouth before he walks to the basement door. He opens it before he walks down the stairs. He looks around the room, his eyes not missing one spot. He sighs in relief when he finds nothing suspicious.

But his relief is cut short when another bang comes from within the house. But it was immediately evident it was somewhere in the basement, maybe even near it. He whimpers softly as he looks around again. He doesn’t see anything before his eyes linger on the moved bookshelf.

A door? Since when have they had that? M/n’s breathing picks up as he walks closer to the door. Once he touches the handle a voice behind him stops his movements, “What are you doing?” M/n having to hold himself from flinching at the sound of Bangchan’s voice.

“B..baby?” M/n turns to him and smiles in comfort, “sorry, I heard another bang, like the one from earlier. It scared me, so I came down here. Since when did we have another door in here?” M/n questions as he turns to the door behind him.

Bangchan watches him with a look of numbness and anger. “I thought we both agreed you wouldn’t come near the basement, let alone in it.” His stare growing darker and harder. M/n turns to him and shrugs, “I..don’t know. Aren’t you curious what the noise is?” M/n asks.

Bangchan hums. It seemed he was in deep thought to M/n. And the truth is he was. ‘Should I just let him go in? I mean what’s it gonna do to let him see what I do in my spare time? I’ll just slowly make him fall in love with me again. Maybe even force him to stay, oh who am I kidding. I already plan on it.’

Bangchan smiles at M/n, “Fine. Let’s go inside.” M/n smiles back nervously, “can you maybe open the door? I..I’m kind of scared.” M/n mumbles. Bangchan steps forward and kisses M/n quickly before he moves him aside. He looks at M/n before he opens the door. The sound of the door sliding making the sound of shuffling quiet down.

Bangchan stares at M/n uncertain but half sane. He knew that M/n was staying whether he said no or not. He lets M/n step in before he steps in after him and shuts the door behind them. He watches as M/n stares at the woman on the floor. Her eyes puffy and red from crying.

Hell, it looked like she never stopped. “So? Is that what you wanted to see?” Bangchan asks. M/n keeps his gaze forward. He didn’t know what to do. ‘Why..why would Bangchan do this? I..don’t know how to feel. Should I feel mad? Sad? Scared? I kind of feel..turned on. He went insane because of me. Am I really that special?’

M/n turns to bangchan, but his eyes remain on the floor. “Di..Did you do this for me?” He licks his lips. Bangchan laughs, “of course I did. She was such a bitch to you. You don’t deserve that darling. Please, just see it from my point of view. Would you just let someone fuck with me? No. Just like how I will never let that happen to you while I’m around and alive.”

M/n opens his mouth to respond but he didn’t get the chance to as the woman behind them starts to squirm and sob again. He turns to her as she stares at him begging with her eyes and muffled words. Bangchan smirks as he grabs a knife near them. “You should prove yourself to me. That you love me as much as I love you, darling.”

The younger boy swallows nothing as he sees how Bangchan steps closer to him with the large knife. He..He couldn’t. He would never..no. “I..I don’t-” he gets cut off by Bangchan clenching his jaw with his larger hands. “Do you not love me? I mean, I did everything for you. I killed, I paid, I cooked, and I fucked the loving shit out of you. This is what I get?”

M/n whimpers at Bangchan’s intense words. Especially the idea of how much Bangchan has done for him, how he killed for him, paid for everything, cooked for him. And the fact Bangchan brought up their intense sex life, made him even hornier than before. M/n shakily lets out a breath before he grabs the knife. He wanted to prove himself. He needed to.

He hears Bangchan chuckles deeply, “good boy.” M/n looks at the woman before he gets on his knees near her. He watches as she stares terrified at him. But from the way she looked between the two made it seem like she was terrified FOR him. He raises his arm hesitantly and starts to stab her. A smile slowly making its way onto his face. He never felt so excited, yet dangerous before.

Bangchan laughs slightly at the sight, “that’s enough darling.” When he sees how intense M/n was getting. He didn’t need him getting any messier, not when he was planning to make the most mess out of him. He was gonna reward M/n good.

(Another bloody Bangchan pic)

Part 2 w/ smut or nah? I think I might just make a whole thing with Strya kids as killers while I write the other chapters of Kiss My Wounds. Would yall like that? If so can yall give request if the next one, thanks!

#Spotify #stray kids #bottom male reader #stray kids x male reader #fanfic #bang chan #yandere

[essektheylyss]

I'm going to finish writing the most existentially stressful grocery run TODAY. It's GOING TO HAPPEN.

#megs is writing #honestly I could probably snatch some of the earlier iterations of this scene but #am I going to do that? probably not. I will at least reference it for help but anyway #on a related note god it's apparent that I started writing this book in november of 2020 huh. #feat. such anxieties as 'will a grocery run kill me' 'under no circumstances can I leave this house' and 'does the government want me dead? #will I be mentioning this when I query it? absolutely the fuck not. I'll let them figure it out if they can. #I do actually think that this draft is the one that's gonna come together. and thank FUCK

[yoylechess]

play online with your friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#this was made because of tf2 #i wanna play but unfortunately i think people will want me FUCKING DEAD KILLED AND MURDERED irl if im bad at the game ive never played befo #ofc not gonna happen but what if a person on the internet thinks that for half a second then forgets??? ill be ruined!! tarnished forever!! #apparently #according 2 my brain #fun fact i found out abt tf2 via sfm and looked it up #(i was tiny itty bitty btw this is important information) #and i heard stuff about it being shut down FOREVER!!!!!!! and unplayable and stuff.. & just believed it and went OK!!! tf2 doesnt exist #& then i prompty forgot #until recently but it looks soooo fun #but also i have an anxiety disorder that kept me from leaving my house and home 99% of the time for 2 yrs #and now im TEARING EVRYTHING UP #LET ME IIIINNNNN LET ME IN TF2 #also applies to lethal league but to a lesser extent #sorry for rambling #funny how i use ta spend 100% of my time on animal jam (an online game) and now if i even THINK about an online game im like #“yeah but imagine if the entire userbase wanted you dead lol” like OKAY BRAAINNN #nothing happened on aj to make me feel this way btw i look back on aj very fondly #i do still think that da stamp from user thisdastampdoesnotexist still applies #that one where its like #animal jam logo on a black background with white text reading “i will ruin your life and everything in it” #i love that thang sm #<3 animal jam sucked lowkey but i still love it to death #and im talking about CLASSIC not fucking PLAY WILD which i will never not call play wild because its play wild #you will never be animal jam classic animal jam play wild #my relationship with animal jam is like that screenshot of a set of text messages that read as follows: #Imy 😢😢😢 #i miss you too 🥺 #i was so drunk i dont miss you bitch #<- me and animal jam

[confinesofmy]

me and my cousin i'm barely on speaking terms with (but in a relatively casual way) repotted her deceased grandmother's pothos today. this was our first time actually properly repotting it bc last summer it was in such a fragile state and we were so scared to hurt it that we just lifted it out of its pot and placed it in a bigger one but this go round we basically dismantled it entirely. we got eight discrete plants and placed it into four different pots!! in nine months it went from the edge of death to that many plants and like ninety leaves altogether. so if you're bad with plants but still wanna fool with them, i guess you should get a pothos.

#neither of us are corny enough to say it or interested in tearjerker moments but i think we both felt the presence of her grandmother HEAVY #this was the only potted plant of hers still living since she died back in 16 & it was. god. it was no longer variegated from lack of light #it actually had more leaves than i remembered. it had like 20. but for every leaf there were 4 places there should've been and wasn't. #water that touched the soil came back yellow which i've never researched to see what the cause is #but i associate it with like. bogs. and stagnation #like if it was still in that dark corner of my other cousin's living room it fr might be dead now #but in nine months thanks to my other cousin asking for help and thanks to us repotting it and taking our turns with it #it has more than quadrupled in size and is variegated af #i don't know what we'll do in like six months when it wants to do it again... #i'm keeping mine somewhat contained tbh i don't even like pothos i just love it bc it's a piece of my aunt #and it is like objectively so fucking sweet that we've rehabbed it like that #adam yaps #like two weeks ago i asked my other cousin if she'd want a pot of it when we repotted and she once again emphasised #that she didn't want it or any cuttings off it leaving the family or being handed out willy nilly #and i once again tried to explain that it's a pothos. it wants to be split up and thrown all over. #that's a pothos' favourite thing #plus her mom probably gave an ungodly amount of people cuttings off it like come on now #but anyway maybe she'll understand now when she sees and fully comprehends that in 9mos we turned half a plant into 4 #at this rate we'll either be giving bits away or throwing bits away. those are the options we will eventually face. #because you can't just repot infinitely. eventually your whole house will be one massive pothos in a hundred pots.

[pepprs]

like it’s VERY very important to not text and drive. and i understand how dangerous it is to do that and to be distracted at all in any way for any amount of time on the road. i know it’s important to learn about these stories and bear witness to them. but i just think. like idk. watching multiple of them every day for 10 days (with a two day break halfway through for the weekend) is realy… like idk. i think after seeing a couple you can get the point. i don’t want to sound dismissive or lackadaisacal and im scared im sounding like that but i just am so freaked out by all of this and witb every new horror they’re showing us it’s scaring me worse.

#purrs #delete later #car accidents tw #death tw #child death tw #ask to tag #drivers ed tag #like this sucks so bad. we go from watching a video about how to drive in the city… to a 10 minute vid of a man talking abt how he hit and #killed 3 kids and it shows a PICTURE OF THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT WITH BLOOD AND EVERYTHING… and then after the video we immediately start #talking about like. fucking street cleaners and how you have to watch out for them. HOW is the video about the kids being hit and killed #part of the flow of the learning. what purpose does it serve. and it’s like these are REAL PEOPLE who died. real kids who existed. and it #just feels kind of fucked up. maybe it’s more fucked up thst im not following the flow and accepting the weight of it but it’s hard to when #im scared as fuck and just want to not be shown gore videos anymore. and then once we pick up the content again like abt street cleaners and #shit i can’t focus on any content bc i have to wind down from seeing the dead bodies and hearing the letter the parents wrote. like how is t #this helping. maybe it’s landing / more necessary for the 16 year olds but im 24. i am a whole adult. i do not take being alive for granted #i am terrified of death and dying and painfully aware of how fragile human beings are and how easy it is to be in danger. this is not #helping me or sending me a message it’s just making me so scared and terrified to even leave the house and unable to stop thinking about #death or injury lol!!! and i can’t tell them to stop and i can’t quit bc i need my fucking license so i have to just put my head down and #do this but it sucks indescribably. and we also saw one of those trick videos again too that makes you feel stupid bc it tells you to count #the number of lkke. things you see and it turns out i missed a few AND they were like did you notice what was going on in the background snd #i didn’t bc i was too busy counting the fucking things they told us to. i want to SCREAM. this makes me feel so stupid and helpless lolllll #<- as i was typing that we were learning about the chance of survival if you are hit by a car at different speeds! bc that’s relevant 😍😍😍😍😍😍 #anyways. my therapist was telling me stuff abt how i need to remember this isn’t targeted for me and i need to regulate my nervous system an #and how to calm down when it triggers me but i forgot everything she said literally 5 hours ago and now im here freaking the fuck out so. 🥰

[teruthecreator]

trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard

#in neg city #they were rlly like ‘we can’t force you’ but then just kept fucking talking about it #even as i’m crying and saying no no i don’t want to go i’m not going i really don’t want to #and like. idk. when ur sister gets sent to the psych ward at a pivotal point in ur childhood #and that subsequent action adds onto the trauma u were already experiencing at that point like idk man! maybe going to the psych ward would #in fact be very very bad!!! #like any time i think abt the psych ward i think abt my sister one day just disappearing from the house. i think about when the doctors #withheld my letters and i thought my sister either hated me or was fucking dead. i think about having to hide all this agony behind polite #smiles while i was also being bullied mercilessly at school and my CHOIR TEACHER WAS DYING OF CANCER #i think abt the car ride when my aunt told me and my brother that she had to go back in #i think of empty houses and missing places at the dinner table and arguments and so many fucking arguments #i cant go into the psych ward i won’t. and it just felt like that’s all they wanted me to do #and then it became well michelle how do u want us to help u? LEAVE ME ALONE #THATS HOW U HELP. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME FIGURE IT OUT #i get rlly overwhelmed and stressed when too many people are trying to butt their heads in #and i know they mean well but it just feels like they’re both gonna become mom and i’m not talking to mom for THIS EXACT REASON #idk i just don’t think they can help. i get that they’re rlly worried but i can’t let them help i don’t know what they could do #and they wanna talk about this again tomorrow so now i don’t wanna sleep bc i don’t want tomorrow to happen #but i don’t have anything to do bc i’m in such a terrible mood #i rlly wish i wasn’t alive sometimes #clearly i’m putting too much stress on my siblings and mom is probably worried sick but i’ll never kno bc we aren’t talking #i’m just ruining everyone’s life i rlly shouldn’t be on this planet anymore

[beast-feast]

What if I deactivated

#feeling sick because it feels like I did something wrong again and I don't know what it is so I'm grasping at straws #don't know if talking or leaving people alone is the better option here I wanna leave this house I don't feel safe #I don't feel safe saying anything here or anywhere else I don't feel safe in my HOUSE #have to worry about people looking through my windows and having shots fired into my room and someone breaking in because I have two doors #I want out i want to sleep I wish I could say something or disappear and reappear where nobody knows me #be pronounced dead but someone who looks like me shows up in Chattanooga. I want to be nobody I want to be a stranger PLEASE #I don't ever fucking know if leaving people be or not is the right choice BECAUSE I DON'T HELP I NEVER FUCKING. #I never help I am never useful or good enough for people don't you fucking understand why I want to do what I'm doing #trying to hurt myself and poison myself so FINALLY people don't have to deal with me because I'll be too sick to speak #being forced to do things and feeling like I HAVE to exist when all I feel is fear and have delusions and hallucinations #and fucking psychotic symptoms. I can't even go back to the ward because they didn't DO anything #I can never say JACK FUCKING SHIT. EVER. #if I say nothing then suddenly one day you hear about the time I relapsed or when I purposefully eat expired things to get myself sick #but if I DO say something then suddenly it feels like everyone feels obligated to say something and it makes me feel horrible and terrible #and like a bad person I can't I can't I can't I can't #...I guess at least. I have therapy tomorrow. I'm sorry if I'm hospitalized again. I'm so sorry. #not art #vent #tw selfharm #// selfharm #tw ???

[bulletsfrank]

getting bad enough i want a drink. ......heh

#it’s been two months since my last drink! rhat usually means nothing with me #pov yoire a good for nothing asshole who will die just like their father 👍 #and i know my stomach problems are from my yesrs of binge drinking just to make the pain go away #what am i supposed to feel? when everyone tells me it’s my fault? when everyonr says i was the one who drank first? #physically i took my first drink when i was 15. mentally my body wanted to swallow anything that would make this go away #it didn’t matter what it was #i wake up everyday with sickness so profound i cant leave tbe house #and i have to let the guilt steep. to know that i did this because i’m too fucking stupid #to never have tried. i was warned my whole life. my parents were alcoholics. half my family is dead from it. i watched it swallow my brother #and it swallowed me too. for years. it ruined everything. and now even when i’m finallt clean #i’m finally sober like i begged and fuxking begged for years. for something to #knock me out of it. and i stopped. and now everytime i’m sick #every single fucking day of my life i think about how i did it to myself #i want to die #and now i feel worthless because i don’t drink #i don’t have any fucking social skills all my friends are from when i would drink and be able to actually talk #i bore everyonr away i say the wrong things always. i just #whatver. i’m too sick to leave to even get a drink. it doesn’t even matter

[zarovich]

I cant stand this, cant deal with this constant exhaustion. im so damn tired yet no matter how much I sleep its never enough and i pass out through the day regardless. the worst!!

#makes me so miserable that id rather be dead. cuz i aint living #i havent ever been living. its been like this for as longas i remember i have to sleep for at least 10 hours or im unable to function #and thats at least. i usually sleep longer. literallt have slept for 24 hours before. and was still tired after. as so fucking tired #i cant stand this combineed with my chronic migraines?? i rathe rkill myself than live like this much longer. who wouldnt? #tired lf the passing out too. im afraid to leave the house often bc i get so sleepy i feel faint. makes my agoraphobia worse #idkwhats wrong. i need to get a sleep study but i have no way to do so. its not up to me. plus i dont trust doctors no more #ive kinda just. given up at this point. id rather just sleep it away. my dreams are so vivid and happy why wouldnt i want to stay #i need to sleep now anyways. imso tired im shaking and hurting all over. sorry i nwed to vent i feel alone and paranoid. void talking #if i get embarrassed by this i might deleted it. if i even remember that is #vent #personal

[penisliker-moved]

im like *Gets mad at my parents*

#im like constantly baseline mad at them but i cant be Mad at them all th time bc i run out of fuckign energy yk #i just wish theyd stop trying to give me financial advice like 1. Stop fucking looking at my bank statements leave me the fuck alone #my dad literally said it up so hed stop seeing my bank statements why the Fuck is my mom seeing them. shes not even connected to th acct #2. you think im going to take financial advice from ppl who had kids at age 20 one hs a shopping addiction the other buys new gaming #consoles when his kids r starving. You think im gonna take financial advice from th couple who hve been on th brink of divorce for 15 years #and then decided to BUY A FUCKING HOUSE as soon as one of them got a job that paid like 25 dollars an hour. full offense. if i want #financial advice im not fucking going to you two chucklefucks. #if my childhood has taught me fucking ANYTHING its 1 #what not to look for in a marriage 2. what not to do with my money 3. how not to raise kids 4. Dont ever be like my parents #like. gddd #and she ws like #bitching at me abt having a savings acct. which i have #and i have a decent amt of money stockpiled and she knows that bc she snoops on my shit #and ALSO shes literally never had a savings acct in her fucking life afaik #ik its mot their fault explicitely that we live in poverty ik both of their families r like. well theyre both pretty poor #but yk like. theyre bith so fucking irresponsible with their money qnd i hate that theyre trying t act like paragons #when again. th only thing theyve ever taught me is What Not To Do. i never wanna be like them id genuinely rather be dead. #ik im just like a dramatic teen but. the thought of ending up like either of them is my biggest fucking fear. whatevr #and ik ppl say moving out rly helps yr relationship with yr parents but gd i. Ik theyll keep asking me for money and keep rpetending that #either of them r like. even Slightly worthy of being called a parent #GD. WHATEVER

[grimmthorne]

like this is so wildly stupidly unfair I guess that the more I talk about stuff with my therapist the more that everything happening gets to me now. i couldn't even be in the front of the house when my stepdad was about to walk in. I saw him and had to hide in my bedroom and im still hiding because im just sick of being so anxious and having to constantly be aware of where every item in my room is because it is always at risk of being taken or moved or stolen and then i get fussed at after. it's becoming paranoia. it's making my life miserable. it's making it impossible to leave the house without thinking all day about how I might have left a box or a book out or something. nothing is safe or private when your stepdad has a habit of snooping in your room and you don't have the ability to move out yet. and my mom is so fucking useless about it all and refuses to stand up to him ever. it's so stupid. I deserve better than this and I always have but I have just convinced myself that this is how it is and that's just ehat I have to put up with if I don't want to be basically homeless and have no money for school.

#im fucking sick of it. im so tired. nothing changes. #i want out of this fucking house. i want to leave in the dead of the night and never have to come back. #rent a uhaul pack my shit and leave. #im gonna try downsizing on stuff again in a few weeks when the semester ends. hopefully will be able to seperate me #meaningful things versus the things i can toss or store. and hopefully over the next couple of years if i do that enough #l will have an amount of things that can beoved into a camper with bf #and i wont have to live every single day paranoid about getting my room snooped through. and i will be able to wake up to comfort #i want to wake up and not be afraid. i want to go to bed comfortable and happy. i want to spend my days being fulfilled. #i want a life. i want to live. but i dont want to live in this anymore and sometimes that feels like wanting to not wake up anymore. #sui mention #in tags but. yeah. #delete later. i dont want to look at this shit on my blog sorry if it stays up too long. #vent

[abluehappyface]

There are times where I think my mum just doesn't care about my safety the way she should, but it's not like I can do shit about it

#if I told my grandmother the things i tell my mum she would care #she would do something #meanwhile my mum makes light of the situation #or BLAMES the situation on me #she says she's take care of it #but never does #it's always been like this #'we need to go out driving so you can learn' #*never does* #'i need to teach you how to make dinner' #*barely does* #'ill talk to V about it when I see her' #you said yourself that V barely leaves the house #how are you doing to talk to her when you see her WHEN YOU'LL NEVER FUCKING SEE HER #DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS!? #IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE!!! #IF I END UP TRAUMATIZED OR DEAD I'M BLAMING YOU #i want to learn self defense #i want to have knifes #mace just SOMETHING #but no #she'll say i don't need those things #so I remain defenseless for now #abluehappyface

[lilgynt]

i want to die my mom shit on the toilet seat then called me annoying when i pointed it out to her

#personal #nooo leaving shit stainss or being allergic to flushing her piss isn’t enough she gotta shit on the toilet seat now #i legitimately feel fucking sick how does that even happen #my house is so fucking disgusting it’s not funny #like just recently found out! not normal to find maggots all the time! #in food or other objects!!!!!!!!! #thought that was a more common problem and needed a check in if i was okay to throw this thing out or if i should pluck the dead maggotsout #answer was toss out thank you audrey #it’s just so fucking gross #and she never washes her hands and gets annoyed when i tell her to #she’s like i was NO. you weren’t #and thanksgiving she got annoyed with my brother and i thinking #she was putting dishes on the trash to dry. #we were like. hey. i think you need to wash those again. #and she was like ofc i’m gonna wash them i hate how dirty you guys think i am blah blah #which double funny my brother got dental surgery and when she offered to cook for him #screamed in a drugged up voice I DONT WANT UR DIRTY ASS PANS #and somehow she has 3 rooms for her stuff but it’s still dominating the whole house to the point we can barely walk #and the other day when she asking me #to get a second job couple hours later was explaining oh hey im gonna buy you this random thing #and do you know how often i have to run to the post to return these random ass things when she’s broke or it doesn’t work???? #but i can’t be like hey since we’re like FUCKED. can you stop spending a lot on random shit. #sorry it’s just disgusting at my house outside of my room

[lich-of-dreams]

.

#I talk abt it a lot with friends and loved ones but I'm like. really tired man. #I don't just mean physically(even though that's a thing) #I'm just really tired of hearing about new ways that people want folk that share traits with me dead #and constantly pulling up “Well we're not like xyz country!” yeah you fucking are #you're white and never had to fucking deal with it #I'm tired of feeling like there's nowhere in the world safe for me #and that I'm constantly at fucking risk whenever I leave the house or out any part of myself online #that yk some fucking lunatic might just think they have to put me down #I wish my ancestors really were as savage as they made us out to be #maybe then things would have been different.