#i want to stop feeling emotions <3<3

[scattered-winter]

hoo boy today was a Bad Day huh :]

#im so fucking tired #apparently i cant fucking be a good sibling to my brother like. at all #because apparently he thinks i HATE him?!?!?!? im just. really really upset about that rn #because my siblings are the only people on this planet who i KNOW i would jump in front of a bullet for #i fucking. i cant even form words on how much i love them #and the thought that one of them thinks i hate him genuinely distresses me so much ive been crying for the past half hour #hhh and now i feel like im just being Dramatic #i want to stop feeling emotions <3<3 #i need to talk to my brother and work this out but like. #talking about emotions is something my family Doesn't Do. we never have and never will #there's a reason why i relate to the batfam btw. like. a legitimate reason. #but yeah i need to figure out how to Not lock everything im feeling down and have a chat w my brother #and somehow put into words that he (and my other siblings) are the only people i love more than anything else #like. i love my friends and mutuals ofc #but for my siblings it's...Different #i love them with everything in my fucking soul #and i cant SAY that because i dont know HOW when nobody in my family has ever talked abt emotions to each other #my dad told me he was proud of me today and i legit almost started crying #thats the first time i can remember where he's said that #my family is just like the batfam fr [derogatory] #anywayyyyyyyy #gonna cry myself to sleep and then completely shut down everything emotion-based in the morning like always ✨✨✨ #winter speaks

[wrenhavenriver]

I'll be your mirror. What do you want to know?

#baldur's gate #baldursgateedit #bg3edit #gamingedit #astarion #kgifs #kgifs: bg #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #scenes that make you feel secret emotions #when tav stops and leans in to really look at his face and he's sort of gently rattled by having the full force of their attention #or the other dialogue option - the simplicity of the 'i see you.' and his nervously earnest 'and what do you see?' #want to gif the rest of it but i got homework due at 11:59 #this work and school shit is really getting in the way of my bg3 time >|

[mauvearts]

Caranthir

<< 4 >>

#Caranthir #my love #silmarillion #silm #the silmarillion #tolkien #and finally the quest of completing all 7 of them goes on [epic music in the background] #i had a hard time constructing a card for caranthir and i quit all my previous ideas and just drew something that felt right #resulting in a piece that isnt really what i wanted but i had soo much fun drawing him <3 #not much symbolism going on here but #i choose columbine on his mantle - as a symbol for grief and also self hatred as columbine stands for weakling #columbine is a loaded flower in christian symbolism - and as a parallel i feel like caranthir is quite religious #like staying true to customs and traditions and seeking help in prayers to Eru as a way to control his wild emotions #i have to stop here - this is a rabbithole 8'D

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

successful bug hunting day!!! in my mind there was a butterfly migration for him to enjoy

#also i just wanted to draw him in a skirt i saw #julie's carrying his bag full of bug jars <3 #i just feel like a butterfly migration or somethin would be the one day he Cant Stop Smiling #scribble salad #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #frank frankly #IM LOVE HIM <3 #frank: *is always grumpy and frowning* #me: what if he Smiled So So Much- #i just like drawing characters happy. i like drawing smiles its therapeutic #on the flip side i also enjoy drawing characters crying like fuck yeah Emotional Pain Babey

[wrylu]

idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny

aka my average day as of now

#1. impulsive silly thoughts #2. STOP FORGETTING TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!1 please :3 (note for myself me myself and i) #3. i get sad 🥱 #4. tired #(tumblr deleted half of my tags. isnt that nice though you wont have to listen to my essay of vents nobody wanted to hear that) #vent art #wrylu #lu's canvas #negative thoughts below :) have some flowers 💐 #sometimes i feel like i should get up more and spend time with my family i miss how it used to be #but you know what i suck and im practically glued to my chair and im lazy like if i was one of the 7 deadly sins i would be sloth #im surprised im not dead yet #this is purely for myself to speak my poor mind #no i actually hate this #i wanna die #i wish i was dead #not really #but still #i wish time just stopped so i can re evaluate my life #and whoa damn dysphoria makes an appearance ever #i wish i had a schlong (funny) #this is awful #sometimes i feel manipulative like i switch my emotions and personalities so hard #am i manipulating you guys?? #i feel like im being sad for attention #ugh i hate that the internet is my comfort #thats bad isnt it #i feel like an attention seeker #why am i even writing this 🥱🥱 #i cant wait to fall asleep forever

[pup-pee]

so i have a problem & its called rereading this fic i just quickly doodled these 2 thingss but ill prolly make an actual piece bc i think about this a lot

sunshine. falling.

u can decide which part of the convo theyre on kfjsdh

gift 4 @radioactive-earthshine

HERES THE FIC AGAIN BC I REALIZE THE LINK MIGHT NOT LINK? ignore mefjksdh\

((idk y the quality is so badfjsdgf BUT THE DIALOUGE WAS CUTE OK ik part of it was from superboy & the ravers (#7) but just ok just))

this is like a couple weeks old @ this point idk y i never posted it

#like i cant discribe how emotioons this makes me feel #that was not a sentence #this fic makes me spin like i am in the dryer just psinning!!! #i do have a google doc separate from my other comment doc bc of how long this is turning out 2 b #like ohnofkjdshfks MOST OF IT IS ME SCREAMING I FEEL BAD BUT LIKE FDJKASHK #LISTEN LISTEN THIS FIC IS JUST IF U OSMEHOW R READING THIS & HJAVENT READ IT PLS READ IT PLS #ik this is only art 4 the 1st 2 chapters but i AM planning more #specifically w/the kids & 1 w/preston + thad bc omg i didnt think i would find them as cute as i do rn #spoilers im totally drawing them sk8ing & u CANT STOP ME #u dont even want 2 know i mean im ogin 2 say it anyways but im totally planning on drawing when kon & bart go through the files #y???? uhmmmmmm bc BC I CAN man idk im still so caught on capt 13 & the emotions from it just #anywaysfjkdshfk #srry 4 the tag :'3 #kon el #bart allen #konbart #kart #dc #puppee art

[fishnchip3011]

everytime i actually open up sdv to play i get flashbanged with sebastian's white ass sprites because i always forget not everyone sees him as wasian💔 my current hc for him is half chinese (liable to change... but ik for sure he's half asian) but he is Not bilingual he can't rly speak or write the other language he can only understand it when listening but even then he's not very fluent LOL this is just turning into a sebastian hc post might as well go full out. to me sebastian Does have relationship experience but has been thru shitty ones in the past which is part of the reason why he's so pessimistic & brooding </3 and he'd hook up with ppl in zuzu city for a night for a while but it just made him feel shittier so he's stopped since ☝️ also people make him out to be way cooler than he actually is like yea sure he's kinda cool but he's also a Massive Loser especially when he tells you how he hates "seasonal fads" like pumpkin spice and that one line about the potluck soup where he's like "Why ruin the potluck? Hmm... I guess some people feel liberated when the rigid structures of society break down a little. Maybe I'm weird.” WHO ASKED😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 his ass also can NOT cook he can make spaghetti but it's mid. he probably has low ass stamina and yeah he's tall and lanky (rn i see him as around 5'9-5'10) but you could snap him in half over your knee. when he's in an actually healthy relationship he gets really flustered over certain romantic gestures cuz he's not used to feeling valued or being considered someone's #1. he picks up on little things and does acts of service but i also think he can be really callous and insensitive at times because while he can be pretty perceptive he is also Very Emotionally Stunted. he unlearns lots of unhealthy behaviors & mindsets with the help of his partner & family & friends ^__^

#i almost popped a vein trying not to mention rowan in all of this so this post is more. consumable i guess #but rowan to me is soooooo perfect for him to me because rowan's whole thing is empathy and warmth #where it's a strength but also a weakness for him because he's also a chronic people pleaser and a doormat #out of the need he feels to make people feel valued which is a good thing but not when its to the point of self negligence #rowan gives rly good advice but overburdens himself cuz he feels responsible for ppl&doesnt give himself the same treatment he gives others #when he's with sebastian he helps him feel valued and sebastian learns to trust people more and not to immediately assume the worst of ppl #and seb is sooooooo perfect for rowan bc seb is vocal about what he dislikes and when hes not happy w something/one #and is good at setting boundaries whereas rowan is Not. he helps rowan learn how to say no to ppl and be more assertive #& think abt his own feelings more! they both help e/o vocalize their feelings #for rowan its vocalizing his opinions more and valuing himself more & for seb its vocalizing more for the sake of better communication #w other ppl so he can establish better trust & relations w ppl. and stop being so closed off/unapproachable LOL #their differences match up well but it also leads to arguments/tension cuz seb doesnt communicate and resorts to avoidance #and rowan is too pliant sometimes to the point where it hurts not just himself but the ppl around him including seb #also fun fact rowan is the type to cry when he gets really angry/upset & when seb resorts to avoidance instead of reassurance #(which is what rowan wants) rowan sometimes ends up catastrophizing & also bottles up his emotions similarly to seb #they always reconcile in the end tho even if it takes a while </3 they r both learning ok!!!!!!!! #not perfect to the point where they dont argue bc thats Impossible but they suit each other well. they r good for each other qwq #eon babbles #stardew valley #farmer rowan #<- i talk about him in tags. hehehe

[stuckinapril]

loving the therapy vibes u have planned and i have 1 single piece of advice for u: the things you truly, sincerely, DONT want to say out loud, are the most important to say ❤️

got it, thank u so much my divine angel <3 i do have an issue w obscuring the ugliest things out of fear of judgment or being misunderstood, but if she's as good as my friend says she is she'll hopefully see through that and help me navigate it. i'm rly excited :)

#it'll also always hold true that the ppl i met thru tumblr will alwaysss be my first therapists omg #i remember being 19/20 & CONFUSED & coming here to talk ab emotional things and the ppl on here had so many helpful takes and perspectives #i always say this. and it's true. that tumblr houses many gargoyles who j want to make people feel bad #but i've also met some of the most incredible people ever on here and i am so grateful #def going to therapy a much more mature me than i would've if i didn't have this silly blog to dump my feelings on #also so many people in my life r on borrowed time rn <3 i'm trying to gain the clarity to see whos's worth keeping around #the first time i seriously considered therapy was when a few anons sent me their experiences w it #which helped destigmatize it a lot in my head and that's why i even took the plunge #am i too attached to my anons? yes. is it unhealthy? also yes. will i ever stop? unlikely. #we'll see IDK i'm saying sm but i'm very emotional and insane and can never shut the fuck up #🫂🤗🥰💕🫶

[needylittlegirl]

being a little lover girl is awful because why do i remember every single thing about people. you can say something so small teeny tiny offhand and i’ll remember it. but i dont think anybody does the same for me?? i dont think people are ever as devoted to me as i am to them

#sometimes i wish i could stop loving people so hard #im not even talking romantically #i just mean in any sense #theres nothing nothing worse than knowing everything about someone and wanting to be such close friends with them #but they just think of you as like. an acquaintance i guess? #nothing happened its just like period emotions or something #well actually thats a lie talking to someone lately has been killing me cause i know they dont care as much as i do #so its a little internal battle lately of do i cut them off so it doesnt eat me alive or do i keep being their friend cause really #theres no good reason to cut them off its just that i feel too much and dont know how to be normal about it !! #whatever #tbd #yeah whatever its just hormones ill get over it #but for now i have to cry my lil eyes out <3 #im just tired of having More feelings all the time #im such a giver why do i only attract takers!!

[doggerell]

being sober actually kinda fucking rules

#I know this is the drugs and alcohol website esp in filmgirlie circles but its so nice. its really so nice to have that Need for it go away #it will come in waves like god I really want a drink. but it kinda passes by faster than it did before #I have a pretty strong sense of self control I think so its nice this hasnt been a tooth and nail fight #but knowing how many times Ive Tried to stop or cut back before and failed.. it feels good to be here now #I keep thinking abt anthonys post and getting emotional #yeah. I owe it all to being sober. #its like wow.. my life is getting better And Im not drinking anymore. that seemed like an impossibility these past 3-4 years #speaking

[brown-little-robin]

.

#military surplus store trip 2 days ago #I got a very pink cowboy hat despite questioning everything about how I present myself. it was Calling to me #multiple people loved it and when I got home and put it on my 3 yo sister stopped in her tracks and said 'wow... you're soo pretty' #that has never happened before #so I Guess the pink cowboy hat will be a Special Fashion Thing #despite the little existential crisis it gives me every time I think about being a pink cowboy hat girl #which is a bit ridiculous but there you go. #I was so secretly dedicated to looking either vaguely emo (<333) or cuttingly defensively professional for a long time #that the idea of being COWBOY-aligned (CONSERVATIVE IDOLS UGH) and not only that but PINK (feminine??? >:O) really did not appeal #but it looks GOOD on me and... sigh. I don't have to make people know my personality by my clothes. I can just wear what I WANT to #and I really do LIKE the pink cowboy hat!! it's silly and awesome and goes clink and it's a COWBOY HAT man!!! #I get to be BOTH pink cowboy AND every other thing I am. I can still be CoolTM. I can still be completely myself. #those who love me will understand me. those who don't... don't have to understand me. #goodness gracious that was a lot of soul-searching over a HAT #I also got very very tough Army jungle combat boots #I am expecting them last well >:D and they make me feel SO POWERFUL #Robin processes emotions on main #I Guess XD #I only meant to tell y'all about my cool new items I swear

[astranauticus]

todays orv mood: standing at the water dispenser under my dorm building waiting for my instant noodles to cook just pacing in circles and swearing

#orv liveblog #should i tag spoilers for like. ramble in tags?? #ok i'll do it just to be safe #orv spoilers #idk in case my webtoon only irl friend suddenly decides to log back into her tumblr after 3 years #context chapter 311/46th scenario #ok theres a lot going on here #first off 1863th round yjh is a character made to haunt me specifically so when the name hell of eternity came up wow i was feeling like #500 emotions at once and none of them were good #second i saw someone on lofter say today that most of the talking kdj and yjh do in this book is through fights and just #LIKE I JUST. cannot get over how our perspective of their relationship is just always being filtered through these two people #who are just fuckin INCAPABLE of TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS like NORMAL PEOPLE #like it drives me so insane that this book is so show dont tell by necessity bc kdj is a fucking moron so we just get these #insanity inducing details like yjh paying to extend his midday rendezvous with kdj for 3 years and just using it as a personal journal #and then you get past all the fuckin. the two of them beating the shit out of each other by way of communicating and its like #'i want to lock you up so you'll stop dying because im scared im not strong enough to be able to stop you and we cant lose you again' LIKE? #SIR WHAT??????? HELLO?????????????? #also the line that made me start pacing in circles around the water cooler while swearing in mandarin was specifically #'i couldn't be the protagonist. i couldn't save someone else' #says the DEMON KING OF SALVATION. like damn its 'sacrifice's will is a stigma that didn't really suit me' all over again #like i love that kdj has the nerve to be like 'of course i dont want to die' and yjh just absolutely does not buy it for a second #god. i want to hit him on the head with a brick.

[sysig]

Someone’s looking out for you ♥ (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Crackship #Wally West this time! :D #Their flirting is the cutest <3 <3 #But first! ZEX's uniform!!!!! JKFLdhsafjdf <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 #I've always liked his uniform - he looks beautiful in it it's quite fun to draw it's pretty it's flowy - very good piece of clothing do like #How something as simple as missing it for a week makes such a huge impact <3 Hhghh gods the way he describes getting it back ♥♪♫ #I've never appreciated the Feeling of his uniform on his body before now and hhh what a difference it makes! #Genuinely like a tactile understanding to complement the emotional <3 Feeling and feelings! It's so lovely! Ahh <3 #It goes back to being a question mark over everything once he starts to really think through the implications but for A Moment #And he gets to snuggle a human the same night :D Everything going so well! #Wally's so funny lol he's got ZEX making The most obvious come ons he possibly can flirting his little alien heart out #And he's just like ''But do you actually want to? Do you /really/ want to??'' Haha ♪ #It's very sweet honestly! Very attentive and careful <3 I'm always appreciative of anyone who treats ZEX well ♥ #But no he definitely Does Not mean pretty much anything platonically lol #What was it how did I describe him in my notes and haven't been able to stop laughing about lol - #Ah yes - Wally doesn't need to worry because ZEX is a ''hedonistic pleasurebeast'' lol #I also like how Wally is the first(? if I remember correctly) of ZEX's Type starting to develop haha ♪ #Sure he likes all humans but if he happens to lean one way more than another hehehe ♫ #I'm doubly fascinated by his self-awareness (and lack thereof) around submissiveness - he's very sensitive as a human! #He's still quite aggressive but also easily overwhelmed ♪ It's a very interesting combo to me :3c #And any further insight into his proclivities delights me hehe <3 #Heart eyes ZEX >>>>>> ♥♪♫ #And a few silly little doodles as well :D The first one's just a random chibi lol he's cute! ♪ #The second is of him trying a Starburst hehe he's so cute <3 I was so curious as to how he'd react to candy/sugar so lovely to see! #And thus far he hasn't had any alcohol - good Max has had enough - but I got my favourite Catawba so tipsy doodle it is lol #All the cutests <3 <3

[chemicalbrew]

achievement get (for the billionth time): take one look at an assignment and get severely overwhelmed AND discouraged for the rest of the day and do nothing

#it's so much and it's dishonest work!! literally dishonest because all i can think of is how bullshit a lot of it sounds. instead of #you know? #actually learning anything? #but this thorough lack of motivation is just gonna get me in trouble isnt it. how do i swallow my emotions and figure things out #its getting harder every year and the feeling that the few people i have close by do not ever truly understand - like at all - is horrifyin #yes sorry this is all i could think of for the past six hours. im having a great day (no im not. i also hate myself for feeling this way) #zero.txt #im sure it hurts the few people who care and who thought i'd actually go on to do things to see me constantly wallowing for reasons #that they refuse to comprehend or have compassion for. #just stop being sad! just get to work piece by piece! have some resilience #meanwhile all ive done is cry. maybe a part of me just likes feeling like this i DONT KNOW #and ofc so often im like. the only reason im still around is im quiet and they havent invented thought police #yet. #how can i have hope when the moment i decide to pluck a silver of it out of my core i read something that in a better world would not even- #-be a nightmare #like. you say things like that with your mouth and expect us to mindlessly repeat if we want anything in life... #fuck my stupid baka life <3 #ugh im just going in yet another circle now when i know trying to put my feelings in words is not helpful. what IS helpful #negative #again sorry. at least you dont have to open this wall of tags #delete later #maybe

[frecklystars]

I miss Starscream. I miss when TF wasn't a goddamn trigger

#looking at RID references for someone's commission #and crying my eyes out :') i want my starlight back #i want my fucking joy back #fuck my abuser how can you give someone ptsd and feel absolutely no remorse #how do you abuse someone relentlessly when you know they're at their worst and not give a shit #how do ppl like that exist. i can only hope karma hits u like a bus ❤ #3 years!!! of loving stsc!!! and i FLINCH at him??? i CRY when i see him?? he used to feel so safe and loving #i never felt safer with anyone else!!! and now it's like that safe feeling is so foreign. i just want to get better so bad #im so fucking empty without my special interest i dont know how to function day to day #looking at my loved ones and genuinely wholeheartedly believing they'd betray me and hurt me for my abuser #is the fucking worst feeling in the world and i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from meeting my abuser #i wish i listened to my gut i had such a bad gut feeling abt her CONSTANTLY #and yet i stayed bc she kept insisting she was gonna off herself if i didnt cater to her every emotion #over and over and over and over #i wish i could go back in time and change everything #its so hard!!!! you dont know!!! you dont know how hard this feels im struggling every day!!!! #TF was all i had and now it's gone and self shipping is supposed to be my escape #i just want my life back #i dont care what bad things happen to me if i just had stsc i know i'd get thru it but i cant anymore #everything hurts so bad all the time and im so scared im never gonna feel okay again #vent #delete later

[musical-chick-13]

It's also just so incredibly frustrating because people will take any example of a (usually male) character being horrible as some sort of "proof" that they're mentally ill (which, hmm, interesting that your automatic explanation for "why do they choose to treat other people horribly" is "they have a mental illness that just Makes Them Act Like That"), but there is no kind of nuanced or critical discussion of media that ACTUALLY (for ill or for good) tries to depict mental illness, and you try to recommend media that handles it well (that might even be good for other, completely unrelated reasons!!) and people just ignore you.

#I'm going to work myself into a Full Rant™ a la the infamous '[this topic] in fiction' essay from two & a half years ago if I'm not careful #so I'm going to stop now. but I just. I want to fucking scream lmao. #honestly...once mental health awareness month hits in may I might just genuinely try my hand at making gifs #just to give stuff some fucking visibility lmao #maybe I'll try to get that 'emotional support dw lady shares my Disorder™ and here's why' fic finished (or the one about lizzie) #maybe every day is me explaining why a different character has a given mental illness according to me #maybe I'll write 3 million essays. idk. I just feel like I'm yelling into the void. I HAVE been yelling into the void for 20 years. #it gets exhausting. and tbh. also very sad. #like at this point I'm seriously considering organizing an event of some kind #but Idk if anyone would even be INTERESTED in that #because they're certainly not interested in anything regarding this topic in general! #In the Vents