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#i want to write and actually finish my stories because i like writing them
mychoombatheroomba · 3 days
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For the Fallen
Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 41
You and Leon spend the holiday together and come to an agreement.
(Cross-posted from Ao3)
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When the plans to study had been thrown out the window by your own hand, part of you had resigned yourself to a solemn remembrance. Fitting for the day, after all. One meant to commemorate the fallen. You weren’t sure what to do to honor them - the names in that report stashed under your mattress. The ones stamped above empty boxes in a graveyard you couldn’t bring yourself to visit. One of those names, still worn around your neck. A name that you wouldn’t be avenging any time soon, thanks to the broken bones in your side.
Just one of the dozens of names you were failing in your inaction.
You’d clutched that third dog tag in your hand as you sat alone in the infirmary, turning your music on loud and just letting yourself think, however foolish it was. You weren’t sure how else to honor the men and women whose stories you carried. So, even if it would just get you lost in a tempest, you’d begun to wade into the stormy waters. 
You hadn’t gotten very far before there was a knock on your door.
Then your plans were, once again, completely changed.
“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this,” Leon had said with a little smile when you opened that door to find him there. 
Even after he’d explained Valeria’s plan, you’d been antsy. Maybe because you doubted her ability to stall the two CIA agents all day, maybe because you didn’t like the idea of owing Valeria anything else. Either way, Leon made it clear that, if you wanted his company, he’d be there.
You almost refused him. 
There was a part of you that wanted to remember alone; to get lost in that storm. 
“You don’t have to,” you told him. “You should be writing back to your family.” 
Something crossed Leon’s eyes that you couldn’t identify, but the sincerity that followed was something you knew all too well from him. “That doesn’t mean that you have to be alone. If you don’t want to be.” 
He was giving you an out. Offering you the option of taking that time for yourself . . . but you didn’t know when you’d have another opportunity like this. You couldn’t be sure that you and Leon would be able to be together at all until the end of his training, if even then. 
The only problem was that it was today. 
It was today and even if you’d been allowed to go off base and mourn, to attend a service or even see their empty graves, you didn’t know that you would. Last year on Memorial Day, you’d been determined to remember them through service. You’d been training, then. Pushing yourself to never fail anyone like you’d failed them. What greater way of honoring them was there? This year, though, your own body had caged you from that option. You didn’t know how to honor your fallen.
“Not sure I’ll be good company today,” you warned Leon. 
He just shrugged, his expression becoming more knowing. Understanding. “Not sure I will be, either.” Because you weren’t the only one with fallen to remember. You felt insensitive for thinking only of yourself, then. Especially when Leon seemed to be thinking only of you. “But my company’s yours if you want it.” 
You hesitated a moment, your lips pressed tight together. 
“Did you finish writing your letters?” you asked, because you had seen the look on Leon’s face that morning. You’d seen how desperately he’d wanted to respond to the letters he’d received. 
Just as you could see now that writing those return letters was proving to be difficult. 
“No. Not yet. Not sure what to write, honestly.” 
You nodded, your mouth twisting as you made your decision. “Well . . . write them in here, then.” 
So, there the two of you sat, you on the bed, Leon in the chair and hunched over the nearby table, staring at a half-written letter. You had to promise him several times that it was alright for him to write it in your company before he actually got to finishing it. Or trying to, at least. You could see his mind rushing, trying to come up with the right words, his borrowed pen drumming against the table just as your fingers found their own beat against the metal of the tags around your neck. 
 “Sorry,” he eventually apologized. “I didn’t think this would take so long.” 
You could sympathize. You weren’t sure what you’d put in your letter home, if you were writing one. Though, it occurred to you, you didn't know if that’s where Leon was writing to. You assumed, with the slightly messy handwriting of the letters he’d brought with him, that he was writing to a kid. That only made the process more difficult, as far as you could tell. So, you shook your head, flipping to another radio station. “Don’t worry about it,” you told him. Then, after a moment spent looking down at Leon’s letters . . . “Little sister?” you asked, taking a guess. 
Leon’s smile came with a little laugh. “Sure, something like that.” 
Something like that?
“You don’t have a secret kid you haven’t told me about, do you?” 
A little hesitation and a strange look from Leon, and at once a look of horror crossed your face. One that made him laugh. 
“Not like that!” he reassured you, shaking his head, waving his hands in front of him. It was a moment before he collected his thoughts, and when he did, there was a sense of somberness to him. One you recognized all too well. It was a look that overtook him whenever he talked about that night, if fear didn’t get to him first. So, you weren’t surprised when he explained where he met the little girl in the letters. “She was in Raccoon City. Her parents . . . her parents died there. So when we made it out, I took care of her for a while.” 
That was . . . not that surprising, actually. Not when it came to Leon. He would offer to house some kid who had nowhere else to go, even after he’d been through so much.
“So . . . a secret kid that you never told me about.” You grinned a little as you spoke, letting him know you were teasing. You were sure that helped Leon’s own smile as he looked back at you. 
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 
“Why haven’t you mentioned her before?” you couldn’t help but ask, because clearly this girl meant a lot to Leon. 
 But then, you of all people knew what it was to keep your heart guarded, didn’t you? 
“I don’t know,” Leon admitted, his voice quieter. “I guess I just . . . didn’t know how. Not something that ever really came up in conversation.” 
Another nod as you looked down at the floor, then back up at the mystery that was your lover. You’d given each other so many pieces of yourselves, but still had so much else locked away. 
“What’s her name?” you asked.
Leon smiled as he answered. “Sherry.”
Sherry. Another name from his past. Another piece of who he was. 
Another name that had an unexpected weight for you, too. 
“She was Birkin’s daughter.” 
Your eyes widened, because that name brought on nothing but anger in you. “The scientist?” The man who had helped take everything from you, even indirectly. The bastard responsible for the destruction of Raccoon City. You remembered his correspondence with the CIA, demanding protection for him, yes, but his family too. 
Sherry. 
Leon nodded, solemn. “He almost killed his own kid.” 
You were full of anger and retribution - that had been all you’d known for so long before Leon. But even you didn’t have it in you to be angry at a child for the sins of her father. 
“Then it’s good she had you,” you told Leon, because you could see that Sherry, even if she wasn’t his own flesh and blood, meant a lot to him. That was all but confirmed in the grateful smile he gave you in return. One that turned more sad. 
“I wish I could have done more for her.”
Of course he did. Whatever good Leon did, you had the feeling it would never be enough for him. 
“Is that who they were asking about?” you couldn’t help but ask, and it was Leon’s turn for brief confusion. “Hellman. Back in the prison,” you said, and you felt bad that the color drained a little from his face at the mention of it. Still, you’d been curious since that day. “They asked about someone’s name. A girl. Was it her? Or Ada?” 
Leon’s lips tightened, and he shook his head. “No.” Neither. Interesting. “No, that was . . .” he hesitated, and you half expected him to say pass. It had been a while since you’d needed to use that system, but you’d imagined it may make a reappearance. 
Instead, you got a full answer. 
“They were asking about Claire,” Leon explained, his voice low like he was afraid someone might overhear. “I met her that night, too. On the way into Raccoon City. She’s the one who saved Sherry, but she was looking for her brother after everything, so I agreed to take Sherry while Claire went looking.” 
You nodded as you listened, this being the first you’d heard of this woman - another shadow Leon carried from that night, it seemed. 
“What’s she like? Sherry?” 
Leon looked surprised at the change in topic, but eventually smiled. “Smart. Maybe a little too smart for her own good, sometimes.” There was a fondness to his voice that melted your heart. “Persistent as hell, too. She really wanted me to get a dog for her. Almost convinced me, too.” He chuckled to himself at a memory you weren’t privy to, but his gaze slid down to the floor, the levity in his eyes fading a touch. “She’s tough, too. A lot tougher than me.” 
You nodded, because for a child to have lived through the hell of Raccoon City . . .
“She shouldn’t have had to live through that,” Leon said, after a moment. You could hear the utter regret in his voice, and you knew he was wishing he could have shielded her from it all better. Of course, you understood. You wouldn’t wish what you’d seen on anyone, especially not a child. Sherry shouldn’t have had to see what she’d seen, but-
“Neither should you.” 
Leon grimaced at your words, shaking his head. “None of us should have. None of this should have happened.” 
“But it did.” 
He nodded, looking down. “But it did,” he nodded, his eyes shifting from your face down - down to the clenched fist held just inches away from your heart, where you held your dog tags. It looked like he was gathering the courage to say something - and finding that courage didn’t take him as long as it once did. “Can I ask you something?” Even now, he was still too polite for his own good. 
“Sure.” You had a feeling you knew what that question was going to be before it even left Leon’s lips. 
You were proven right a second later. 
“You wear three tags,” he said, looking back up to your eyes. The observation cut deep and pinned you in place. “The third one . . . is it your Captain’s?” 
You knew you could refuse him an answer, just as you had for months whenever he asked about your past or the people in it. If you wanted, you could say one word and Leon would drop the subject, no questions asked. 
But you’d wanted him to know everything, hadn’t you? You’d promised him, back before Fort Benning and all the mess that followed, that you would tell him about the man whose name and fate you had literally tied around your own neck. The man you’d considered a father in a time when you’d needed one, and a man you’d failed. 
Leon deserved to know. So, you nodded. “It was.” 
“And what was his name?” His question mirrored your own in a way that made your heart squeeze. 
You answered with a tight voice because you hadn’t spoken his name out loud since you gave the report hidden only feet away from you. “Simon Reynolds.”  
A moment of silence passed between the two of you, one where you could see Leon debating something. Eventually, when he spoke up again, his voice was soft. “What was he like?”
What was Reynolds like? The question hit you like a bullet, because for over a year you had thought more of his death than the man himself. Grief and vengeance had blurred the image of him in your mind, making him into a catalyst instead of a person. It wasn’t what he deserved, so as Leon asked the question, you let yourself go back to another time. One where you were a shitty kid who thought the world was out to get you. And maybe it had been, in the end, but for a while, Captain Simon Reynolds had been there to guide that anger at the world into something else. Something that could do good instead of harm. 
“He was . . . firm. But never unfair. Kind of guy to tell you when you fucked up, but he wouldn’t hold it against you if you learned. Never made you feel bad about asking for help when you needed it.” You couldn’t help but smile at the memory of him, like you were seeing him, really seeing him, for the first time in ages. “Used to say ‘if you can’t run, you crawl, and if you can’t do that, then you find someone to carry you’.” 
Leon smiled at that, nodding like the words were taking root. You’d figured they would. “I think I would have liked him.” 
“You would have. He’d have loved you.” They would have been insufferable, you imagined, if there was a world where they could have met. If he could have met all of your second family. “They all would have.”
“Your old unit?” Leon asked, and you didn’t miss the hesitancy in his voice. He didn’t want to overstep, but he wanted to know. 
“Yeah.” 
“You’ve never talked about them much.” 
You took a breath, then, because that fact had been weighing on you and now was as good a time as any. So, with a little exhale as movement made pain flare in your ribs, you got up from the bed and reached under the mattress for the manila folder you’d hidden in the lining. Leon watched you with parted lips, right up until you found what you were looking for and handed him a collection of papers. “Good day to change that,” you told him, and his eyes widened as he read your name off the paper. 
“This is-” 
“Everything that happened that night. My report on it. Their stories.” The ones that had been barred from the rest of the world. “All of it.” 
The two of you looked at each other, then, Leon’s eyes widening as it sunk in just what you were telling him. You were ready. You wanted him to know, after months and months of hiding these deeper scars. 
“Krauser also gave me this,” you went on, handing him a second stack of papers. One with his own name printed in black. Leon’s eyes flashed in momentary fear, but you assuaged it quickly. “I didn’t read it.” 
The news made him tilt his head to the side a bit, and he looked between you and the report. “Why?” he asked, because you could have known everything. You could have seen into the wounds he’d been hiding, and that just made his confusion all the more ironic to you. Did he really think you’d do that to him? 
“Because you hadn’t told me yet,” you said simply. That was all it came down to. He hadn’t been ready to share those details, and you wouldn’t take that choice from him. Leon would tell you when he was ready. “I wanted to hear it from you.”
As he realized that, he smiled up at you, soft and sweet. It meant a great deal to him, you could see it in his eyes. Even as they took on a more knowing glint and he handed the reports back to you. 
“What makes you think I want anything different, then?” he asked, and your traitorous heart squeezed at the words. “If you want to tell me, if you’re ready, I want to hear it from you too.”
You took the papers, huffing and giving him a look. “Not gonna let me take the easy way out?” 
Leon just smiled back at you. “Nope. Unless you’d really rather I-” 
“No,” you shook your head, resolute as you braced yourself for what was to come. Because your comrades, your friends, your brothers and sisters, they deserved to have their stories told properly. Even if it was to someone they’d never met. “I want to. I want you to know. Just . . . it’s . . .” 
“Take it as slow as you need,” Leon told you, reaching for your hand. “God knows I’ll probably have to, too.” 
You looked down at him, searching his face. “That mean you’re ready too?” To tell you everything, all the details you’d only guessed at for months. To share the burden with you. 
“Yeah,” he nodded, looking a little sad. “Like you said, it’s a good day for it.” 
A day to remember the fallen - something you both had your fair share of. A day to mourn, and to try and move forward. So, with another deep breath, you nodded and decided to take a risk. You tugged on his hand, and without needing to be told, he rose and followed you the few steps to your bed. There, sitting on the edge, surrounded by letters and reports and soft music, the two of you looked at each other. It was a different kind of intimacy than what you’d already shared, different than the excitement of you kissing him in the darkness, of you sharing in stolen moments of pleasure. What you were about to share was deeper than that, and you both knew it. This was everything. This was who you had been and who you'd been reforged into. This was the scar you didn't dare to show to anyone, the bones that remained broken even as you tried to heal. One night that had destroyed you, one night that had destroyed him. Nights that, in some terrible way, had led you both right here, to each other.
So, you looked at each other, silently making sure you were both ready before, after a moment, Leon gave you a half smile. One of sadness and solidarity both. “So . . . who goes first?” 
As the two of you shared your stories, as you spoke of the nights that your lives forever changed, his hand never left yours. 
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A/N: Just a lil chapter, because hoooooo boy the next one is gonna be a beast. There will absolutely be heavy topics described and discussed, because it's Finland and Raccoon City time at long last baby!
Yes, Reynolds' quote (and name honestly) is a reference to Firefly, and anyone who hasn't seen that show should absolutely go watch it, it's really really good 🥲
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some Thoughts on chapter 13 now that i've finished:
I LOVE HOEDERER.... i already did but like. Really enjoyable to get his POV in this event and see more of his inner thoughts and motivations. I'm fond of characters who are so tired and worn down and jaded, but manage to hold onto some scrap of hope regardless, even against their own better judgment. A lot like Mlynar in that way, tbh.
regrettably this chapter sold me on hoederines a little. i'm CONFLICTED because i love wines so much, dammit. (and manhoe, but there's not as much of a conflict with my headcanons there.) But their relationship is so good regardless of whether you read it as romantic or platonic.
speaking of, Ines was a delight in this chapter. Love her role as the resident non-Sarkaz Sarkaz who is completely unaffected by whatever arcane bullshit is getting to Hoederer and W in any given moment, so she can yell at them to snap out of it and save all of their lives lmao. I love her deep loyalty and care for them that she expresses in everything but words. ugh ugh i love her
the little subplot with Vendela and the Sarkaz commander who tried to keep her safe was sweet and sad, I wish he'd gotten a unique sprite at least. I kind of want to see her meet Flamebringer now and her reaction to the friendship between him and Perfumer... I feel like there's some parallels there.
We're starting to see some payoff to the buildup with Siege in this arc, and I'm so glad! I've never really understood the hate her arc gets - I know it's partly that I'm biased, she was my first 6* so I'm rather fond of her, and I just really like the whole concept of the Glasgow Gang. And I think it doesn't help that ch12 was (imo) the weakest part of act 2 so far. But also, it was always really clear to me that we've been just... laying the groundwork with her up til now, I didn't really expect her to have big moments or turning points yet? Idk. i kind of want to write a whole post about her arc and my thoughts on it at some point. BUT, I really liked her in ch13, seeing her start to really come into her own and how all the events of act 2 up until now have shaped her decisions.
I'M REALLY SAD ABOUT GUARD ACTUALLY??? :( Tbh I have not really cared much about New!Reunion until this chapter, except for Talulah, but I'm finally getting invested. And Talulah's confrontation with Eblana was AMAZING. I've always seen her as a foil to Talulah - while Talulah started down her path with good intentions and ideals, Dublinn seems to have been like late-stage Reunion from the very start, because Eblana has always cared more about seeking power than about the oppression of the people around her. SO FUCKING SATISFYING to see Talulah, of all people, calling her out on that, and protecting Reunion from her. I really hope we get more of these two in future, and also more Reed in main story please please pleeeaseee.
This chapter was wonderfully cohesive with the themes of tradition and bloodlines vs forging a new path. Siege, Delphine and Horn, all beginning to break away from their inherited roles in Victoria's hegemony and fight on their own terms instead. The Kazdel flashbacks, the spacetime feranmut, and Hoederer's POV - a character who wants to see a better future for Kazdel, while still remembering and learning from its past. Nine, Guard and Talulah dealing with what Reunion means as a symbol, and figuring out what it should become. Shining and Nightingale, confronting the Confessarii and their own past. Even Vendela, having to let go of the life and traditions she'd grown up in, the townspeople clinging to familiarity and the hope that things would go back to normal to the point that it was literally going to kill them. The confrontation with the Sanguinarch was such a great culmination of all of this, with his fixation on blood purity and the glorious lost past of the Teekaz. And he's defeated by several people who all soundly reject his vision of what the Sarkaz "should" be - Amiya, the outblood King; Logos, who does have a "pure" bloodline by the Sanguinarch's standards but refuses to be defined by the role he inherited; Hoederer and W, two of the mixed-race "commoner" Sarkaz he's so contemptuous of (and Hoederer specifically rejecting the idea that the Sarkaz's destiny must always be soaked in blood); Ines, who isn't a Sarkaz at all, except she is, because her family is Sarkaz, and she's always going to be one of them. It was! So fucking good!
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atiyasnake · 8 months
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Broskies, my homies, my guys, fellas, pals, besties, brother in christ, my ride and die, strangers, peeps, my lovelies, ya'll. . . I write fanfic for the fun of it.
For the lil bit that my brain gets hooked on and what's to check out, twist around, make into something a lil different and new. For the source material that just Ahhh I want to enjoy more in dif ways. For the story ideas and tropes and scene ideas that pop up in my head at times where I'm in a rush to write it down or type it out. For the love I have of fanfic written by others.
I'm not a professional, I'm not a genius with words, grammar, rules on how to write stories, and characters, but I try.
I'm just a regular human being who decided to write for fun and share it with other people for the small chance that 'hey maybe someone would enjoy this'
I've got my own problems in life. My own faults and insecurities. I'm not perfect.
So like maybe. . . just be kind.
If you enjoy what I've written, I am super duper to the max ecstatic that you did. Like smiling like a fool and in awe that another person likes something I've made. And if you didn't, then I hope you can find something you do enjoy.
Like I said, I'm not perfect. I have different tastes and a different way of thinking about how I want to handle something in a story or event that happened in the show, etc. I might have made something full of what would be considered mistakes. (You'll probably find a few in this very post)
You might not like it. You might not even understand why I wrote it. You might think it's the stupidest thing someone could have written and that I need to fix it or even just delete it.
You have a right to your opinion.
I know there's fics and prompts and stuff I don't like. But I just keep on looking for something I will like, because I know that a human being made it. Another person out there wanted to write it, and they did and then decided 'hey maybe someone might want to see it' and other people do. Might not have been me, but it was for someone else, so I'll let them enjoy it.
But I didn't go out of my way to tell them I didn't like it. To tell them all the things I thought were wrong or didn't understand. I didn't tell them how I thought they should 'fix it'. I didn't go out of my way to make another person feel bad about something they created for fun and freely shared with others.
I didn't do that because that is not kind and is not the type of person I want to be. Because again, I am a human being.
So look for things you enjoy and make you happy. Be kind to the people who are sharing these things with you. Don't discourage and insult them. Only give criticism if they explicitly asked you to.
You don't know these people. You don't know what going on in their lives. Your words can have huge effects on a person. So make sure that it's a positive one.
Yes, some writing is bad. Yes, some may seem cringy, stupid, nonsensical. But there is no law in the universe that says everything must be perfect. It's OKAY if things are bad, cringy, stupid, nonsensical. Some people are just beginning in writing, some are very young, some may struggle with writing, some may just want to write a dumb fun crazy story. LET THEM.
Let them grow and enjoy what they are doing.
Let them be human!
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thatonegayship · 6 months
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I loved the cowboy comic so much that I wrote a oneshot for it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934235 🥺 your art is BEYOND amazing, ty for the food
INCREDIBLE!!!!!
#billdip#I honestly loved this story start to finish with the ambience and quick pace#hadn't considered the possibility of Bill and Dipper actually working *together* but it's always a good time when they do ❤️#sorry it took so long to reblog 🥲#I read it like- Right when you posted. But I had to catch a plane and then drive an extra hour home and immediately get on zoom for class#and today i was just all around exhausted so i slept roughly 70% of the entire day dndsjdndnd#all that to say that I had your fic in the back of my mind and I very much wanted to set some time aside and re-read it when I got the chan#honestly with how well you set things up I would've loved to see your own rendition of their first kiss#You established their relationship really well at the start and brought them together by the end after outsmsrtong those bandits#it feels like you have a better understanding of who they are to each other than even i do 😌 very much a fan#i love when stories incorporate those sort of 'habits' that the love interests fall into#that confuses character A while character B is so clearly using it as an excuse to get close and spend more time with them#i squealed like a maniac when Bill was like oooph lemme walk you home 😏🤠#sir i am going to wrangle you up if you don't compose yourself#and Dipper's just wary of him because people as handsome as bill used to pick on him 😢#little does he know he's grown into a 10/10 cutie patootie that any cowboy would be stupid NOT to smooch#I'm a simple man. I read oblivious low-confidence cowboy being pursued by a hottie on a horse. I lose my shit#Awesome wonderful writing!!! so happy to have caught your eye and i hope to continue pumping out content for this wonderfully weird ship
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My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.
#what happened was that i was feeling really down these past few days#like mental health dead in mariana trench#and i went to visit her because she lives like 10 minutes away and has a cat i can play with#but yesterday morning a friend of mine made a fanart (i guess i can call it that) of a fanfic i am writing for the five of them#she sent it to me and said she's also working on an actual painting on a camvas of her fave scene from my original story#and i was so surprised and exicted#that's actually a too mild description#and when i was visitting my cousin i showed her the pic of the drawing on my phone and explained it to her and she just said ....ehh..#and started texting someone#i was sitting there feeling stupid and thinking wow you could have at least praised my friend's art sytle or something#and when i was getting ready to leave she asked me if i was aware my writing has no artistic merit and fantasy is trivial literature#so i should just stop wasting time on that and focus on developing my art style more for her future poetry collections#i do the art for her book covers#and added how we already have an established writer in the family so i should focus on my role - becoming a good pharmacist#and she knows how much i hate that i'm studying pharmacy like it's the no.1 cause of me hating the direction in which my life is going#finished it off by saying she feels like what she's doing in going to be really great and important on a large scale one day#and how she wants me to continue being her shadow that follows and supports her#i left went home and started at a wall for hours#i just feel so dumb for getting excited over a silly drawing of something not more than 5 people will ever read#i genuinely hate the idea of people reading anything i write so most likely writing will just remain a hobby for me#and now i feel like the most stupid person on earth and am this close to deleting all my word documents from both my laptops
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end-orfino · 10 days
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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it
#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something#but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized.#and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this-#-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace-#-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller#which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this#and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely#oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it-#-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart#so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it.#fun./sar#i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to#because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get-#-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of#its probably the resilience though#im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically#this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it#just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear#it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over.#i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts#this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement.#its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every-#-time achievement#what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past.#even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again#if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa
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shywhumpauthor · 4 months
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Hi, Coal! This is anonymous from the Whumpuary question
There's no need to respond to this, lol-
I really just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to respond to my previous question :))
(I enjoyed reading the dragged out version of your response, lol- better for my brain to process and take in for sum reason)
I'm good with whatever decision you make. I was honestly just curious because I do enjoy your stories and writing style, so there's that-
(#love Noah)
And, I get where you're coming from with writing series and all, so like- yeah
Regardless of your decision, as long as you don't stress yourself out about it, I'll be fine with whatever
So, uh, yeah- thanks for responding and– take care :)
I am so bad with responses but I wanted to say something just to lyk that I appreciate that you read the long response and then also took the time to reply. That sounds so stiff and insincere written out like this, but I promise it’s not lmao
You as well! Happy new year!
(#love hurting noah)
#that should be Noah’s new tag#no more ‘tag for Noah’ bs#love hurting noah#I want so much more in Noah’s series and I know how to get it there but#there’s things that I want to write but I can’t because I would need to write something else first#like there’s a few new characters that have been in my head for a while but y’all don’t know them#so I can’t just throw them into the drabbles that I want them to be in#and I don’t want to write the piece where they’re introduced bc I haven’t fully decided how whumpy of a context it will be#urghhhh I can talk about Noah and his story for hours#so please if you read this (not just you anon- anyone) and you have anything you want to ask or request or anything regarding surveillance#PLEASE#I would love any interaction about him#ideas for scenes or characters or anything#I know what I want to do with the series (prolly never going to finish it lmao) but I want to see what others think#if you’ve read this much so far then thank you. I’m gonna spoil some shit now bc I want to talk about it lmao#if you’ve read this far I’m gonna assume you don’t mind hearing about it#we’re going to get to see a demonstration soon#like actually see in all it’s brutality#not just Noah thinking back on one#and my boy haha he’s going to get *traumatized*#more than he already is#yk someone needs to clean up all of that blood and gore afterwards#someone needs to bring the spectators drinks and those fancy little snacks they serve during cocktail hour#someone needs to be shown off by declan as a trophy of his power like “look haha i broke this spy and now he works for me”#someone needs to wear a shock collar ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#lmao not all of Noah’s Christmas presents are gonna be good#I mean he has to be kept in line somehow when he’s with other people#dw though he’s not the only one
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pekoeboo · 8 months
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hhh i've had like. no drive to work on any art or writing projects. ;n; my heart is still so invested in the stories and characters I've created, but the motivation to take those feelings and put it into some form of content is next to nil. i don't know why it's been like that but it's kinda sad :c
don't get me wrong - i'm happy with most of the things i've created lately, but it's also been this strange game of doubt and comparison going on in my head when it comes to actually sharing what I make. there are a lot of pieces of art and writing that i just haven't posted because i feel like it's not in a place where it's good enough for anyone other than myself. the idea of editing and actually finishing some projects so that i can make sense of them online is overwhelming even tho i would love to just... get some of those ideas out for anyone who might be interested in hearing about them, you know?
anyway. probably just need to let myself take some kind of break?? idk what that would really entail at this point tho. it's just been a weird mental state that I need to work out i guess.
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roger-paladino · 1 year
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making that WF video was like. reminding me how much and how deeply Mo cared for Lee it hurts soo so so bad
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kingdomoftyto · 2 months
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"Carlos, if you could just pause your experiment for a second--if you could only hear me out, hear my hypothesis! I think once you understand the science of the situation, you--" Carlos opened the door. He was crying. She had never seen him cry. He was overwhelmed and unsure of how to express his emotions, since he usually only did so in carefully worded sentences, not with water from his body. "The science of the situation?" he snarled. "That Otherworld. I was trapped there, Nilanjana. I couldn't see Cecil for ten lonely years. I was kept away from the people I love, in that desolate place where you never get hungry and you never have to drink water and so you never live. It is a place that devours. It is a place that is empty. That is the science of the situation, and I study it so I can fix it. Only I can do that. Only these experiments can do that. I'm sorry, Nilanjana; I'm not going to stop so you can tell me what science is."
🫠
#Tyto listens to WtNV#spoiler warning I guess for a book that came out a few years ago now#anyway yeah hi I finished the book#the resolutions to the plot and to Nils' character arc were pretty good. nothing to write home about but fun and serviceable#I personally get annoyed whenever a story pulls a ''you thought this romance would end with these two TOGETHER? lol NOPE''#like we get it it's more realistic for whirlwind romances to end in a breakup and sometimes it's better for people to just stay friends#but firstly this isn't real life; it's fiction. with narrative devices and such.#and secondly WtNV of all media does NOT get to preach about realistic relationship trajectories when its lead fell in love at first sight#lmao I'm just saying. I'm not MAD about it or anything it just made me roll my eyes.#ANYWAY. that aside: it was good. and I do genuinely like the friendship Nilanjana builds up with Darrell at the end#but obviously the real star of the show was Carlos and the completely unprecedented character depth that they smothered him in.#not ONLY recontextualizing over a year's worth of the podcast but ALSO saddling him with LAYERS of guilt over the events in this book#he *KILLED* the *GODDAMN* *CENTIPEDE*#after his beautiful little speech about not killing things just because we don't understand them!#he was just SO traumatized by his time in the Otherworld and SO afraid for his family after Janice nearly got Got that he KILLED IT!!!#and THEN!!!! not only do they find out that the centipede wasn't responsible for the destruction!!#but it turns out it was HIS OWN MACHINE THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#his attempts to keep everyone safe were what actually caused the danger!!!! AUGH HE WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP#HE'S JUST SCARED AND HE WANTS EVERYONE TO BE SAFE AND NOT EXPERIENCE THE SAME HORRORS HE DID AUGHDUSHGHDH#...anyway yeah back to my regularly scheduled episode listening tomorrow
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alexis-royce · 9 months
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crystalkitty1220 · 6 months
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Welcome back to tumblr! Hope you enjoyed your break
It was very stressful. Ended up failing the marking period for English, but not by as much as I was failing before. Could still pull up the overall grade by the end of the semester.
#started writing a fic a few days ago. been a while since ive done that.#so far felix is very out of character but he's only gonna be the focus for the first chapter. plus i might go back and rewrite him.#maybe i should wait until the new chapter comes out tho so it's relevant to updated canon#anyway echos started brainrotting about chris in a /pos way so yeah a lot of my break has been rethinking old analysis#started to notice that he's a lot more fun if i get in the mindset that he's not poorly written he's just literally isaac's antagonist#also my siblings have been hyperfixating on DC so i watched a batman series. i think they're very disappointed in me for choosing batwheels.#snowy best vehicle#. what else#oh ive been doodling a nightmare design#been liking the idea of him and dream not being skeletons but dont wanna draw/write them as their canon human designs#because (if i'm correct) they get those designs at some point later in the story. and i don't want to confuse the timeline like that.#so ive been working on concept sketches for a less human design for them. ive also noticed that them being humans in canon actually#makes a lot of sense because the other guardians don't really have any connection between their species and it can be assumed that#whatever they are exists in the universes/multiverse they're from. so it makes sense for the twins to be humans because the utmv has humans.#. but i also like how they couldn't be given the human forms at first because of the lack of holes.#so the design im working on has gill/stripe-looking vents for the energy to come out of.#also gonna try to add little fire wisps into the design because i love their true forms so much#anyway i dont think there's been more that ive done. other than schoolwork. and watching qsmp.#oh i started working on an animatic. but i do that all the time. it'll be a bigger occasion if i finish one lol.#think im gonna still keep interaction on tumblr to a smaller scale because i wanna keep getting stuff done
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scary-senpai · 1 year
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In which Garou calls Spirits and Such and tricks Reigen & co. into faking a seance. It's all sound effects, because Garou's listening in over the phone. (Garou is trying to locate his lost Christmas decorations, which Saitama stole from him. Garou and Reigen crossed paths when the neighbors contracted a psychic to exorcise Garou's snow men monsters, which the neighbors believed to be cursed). Anyway, Mob and Serizawa lack Reigen's talent for theatrics, so their faux seance is fairly haphazard. At least Garou is amused.
“Can you hear that?” Reigen lied, tugging at his collar. “I am definitely getting a call from the spirit world. They are, without a doubt, paging me—“
A shrill, tinny melody rang out through the office. Reigen frantically muffled the speaker with his fingers. “Not on a beeper, Mob!” he hissed. “Where did you even get that?”
Mob, panicked, threw the beeper in a plant.
Reigen snapped his fingers again and pointed to the light-switch. Serizawa rushed across the room and awaited further instruction.
“The lights are flickering on and off!” Reigen declared. “Can you hear it?”
“You’re asking me if I can hear visual effects?”
“Trick question! You don’t hear anything. Because this is true paranormal activity, and definitely not my assistant flipping a switch.”
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keeps-ache · 10 months
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honestly.
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I can finally finish writing what I actually enjoy writing about (the made-up people who have been living in my head for 9 years)
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hecksupremechips · 15 days
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My biggest fear is that I’ll spend so much time beating myself up for not being good at writing that by the time I get the words down, all my passion will have run out and my ideas will have been long expired and I’ll have disappointed everyone by failing yet again to keep my promises
#the klock keeps ticking#i cant ever think about anything else but the stories i wanna write its the only thing i got on my mind its all i want#but i get so stuck in my head that i cant put any words down and when i do i beat them up so much i cant move on#so it takes me a really long time to create nowadays. if i even try#and idk im really tired of this like it isnt just art and writing its how i do everything#i talk about it so much but i never make anything a reality and i stay in one horrible spot forever#and then i complain about how miserable i am that i havent done anything with myself when im too scared to actually do the work of making#things real#like hnnnghh idk i finally forced myself to stop making excuses and just fucking start officially writing the first chapter of my big shinji#project that i keep gushing about in my head but ive only been able to write a few paragraphs#i cant get much further without getting hard on myself because i feel like every single word i choose is wrong#and i also have been sleeping waaaaay worse than usual the past month from extreme stress so im fatigued much easier#and im just scared im gonna spend so much time on this that like by the time ive finished the first chapter i wont even care anymore#which will really suck cuz ive wanted this for so long and for once i just want something of mine to go good i want to make something#that i want possible just to prove im capable of something so basic#its just all this damn pressure AAAAAAAAAAA i hate everything
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