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melodygatesauthor · 9 months

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Okay guys, I can't believe it's been a full year since I published the first chapter of my first fanfiction story and I'm still going strong today. - (Side note...it was actually yesterday but I wanted to get all my fics posted to AO3 so I could get an accurate word count and tell you all what I've done so...it took me an extra day)

This is going to be a really long post, and I thank everyone in advance for reading all the way through if you make it. I'm taking a moment to allow myself to talk about my accomplishments over the last year, my goals for this next year, and gas myself up just a bit. As an artist, it's really hard to talk about myself in a positive light without being critical, but I'm going to do it anyway. No one asked, but this is one of the ways I wanna celebrate my ficversary so...I'm gonna do it lol.

My First Fanfic Ever

I'd like to start by sharing my beginnings with writing. If I really think back to the very first fanfiction I wrote, I thought it was a Gorillaz fic (which I still have a handwritten copy of in my closet lol), but it wasn't. I think the very first fanfic I wrote technically was a Pirates of the Caribbean fic when I was 11. I didn't even realize that's what it was, I just knew that I was SO into POTC that I wanted to write about it. It had just come out by the way, so I'm really dating myself. This was...2003.

We had this thing we had to do for school, it was like a writing assignment or something, one of those big ones that they gave you, a standardized whatever. I managed to find a way to spin it into a POTC related thing and I went OFF writing this story. It had its own twists and turns unrelated to POTC, but it was a fanfic through and through.

The Beginning of My Fan Art

When I was 12 I started listening to Good Charlotte, to a point that it was my entire personality. Everyone who knew me, knew I loved them. Every fucking art project I had in middle school (7th and 8th grade) was revolved around this band, particularly Joel Madden.

My love for them has come and gone, but I still remember how I felt at the time (not unlike how I feel toward Oscar Isaac now lol). I mean my art teacher literally had to be like "I want you to branch out, you can't make everything about them." And as an adult, I'm wondering -why the fuck not but- ...I digress.

The First Fanfic I Ever "Published"

When I was 12 (or maybe closer to 13), I became OBSESSED with the Gorillaz. When I say obsessed I mean...I listened to the album Demon Days on repeat until it fucking broke. I changed my G's when I would write by hand to match the G in their logo. I made tons of fan art and it was a damn vibe. This was the first time I really discovered fanfiction and learned what it was.

I remember reading one fanfic from some girl on this website (I'm really dating myself here, some of you will know what site this is...) Quizilla. Quizilla was THE site at the time (other than LiveJournal I think, but I never used LiveJournal and didn't know it existed at the time) for fanfiction and what you would now call "buzzfeed quizzes". This girl's writing inspired me to write my own fanfic, which I handwrote and kept in a green folder which, as I said, I still have to this day sitting in my closet.

My very first fic, and yes at 13, included some romance, some non-con (don't fucking ask me why idk even how I knew about that at 13. I was never exposed to this type of thing as a child fortunately) and other nonsense. I published it on this site, and it made me really happy. I don't remember if anyone ever read it or not tbh, but it will forever hold a place in my heart <3

My Best Friend/Emo Era

I met my best friend in high school when I was about 14. She and I are still close to this day. Not as close, but I can still tell her my most unhinged thoughts and she loves me regardless. We met because we both wrote fanfiction and lost our minds over the fact that we did. Thus started my emo era.

She was into My Chemical Romance, and I was into The Used. 2005 was a time lol. The two of us had either a binder or a composition notebook where we'd handwrite our fics and pass them back and forth between classes. I still have the ones I wrote tucked away in my house. When we'd read them she and I would leave little notes in the margins like we all leave comments today.

Most of these fics never got published, they were just for us to enjoy. I did, however, publish a fic when I was about 15, that I wrote to completion. Quizilla ended up going down, and most of us moved to Mibba.com instead, which is still a website.

Edit: I looked at Mibba, and it looks like the website is still there, but you can't search for anything, so Mibba is gone too. Not gonna lie, broke my nostalgic heart just a bit to see...Some fics I wrote on there will be gone forever. Maybe for the best, but it's still kinda sad.

The Avenged Sevenfold Era

When I tell you that Avenged Sevenfold has been my favorite band since I was 15, I'm dead ass. Are they the best band ever? Not by a long shot, but damn the way I still lose my shit over them is unhinged. Anyone who was around during this time fucking knows...they were fucking HOT. Matt Shadows really had the bulky but not shredded body type going on, they all kinda did, and I'm so here for it.

Why I'll never post any of the fics I wrote during this time, even if I get my hands on them...

I wrote them when I was 15, and I was writing about things 15 year olds shouldn't write about.

You don't know cringe until you've read those fics.

It's about real people and I'm not a fan of rpf anymore. I'm all for writing whatever you want and fiction being fiction but there's something that gives me the ick about real people fiction. No offense to anyone who writes it, that's just my feelings.

The way these guys had a hold on me for the next 5 years was ridiculous. I wrote about them a lot, by hand, on my laptop, however I could. I had so many unhinged ideas and stories it's insane. I loved every minute of it, and I always look back on this as my true start into fanfiction.

The End of an Era

All good things come to an end. After graduation, my best friend and I stayed in touch, but grew apart. I went to college and continued writing fanfic. I was pursuing a major in graphic design with a minor in creative writing. I was convinced that even though I was writing fanfiction, I was going to write a book too and it would be a bestseller.

As time went on, probably when I was about 20 or 21, I kinda stopped writing fanfiction all together. My friend wasn't really writing it anymore, and the community around Avenged Sevenfold was slowing down. I was also in the middle of a breakup and it was a whole thing, so I kinda stopped writing around this time.

I'd also, unfortunately, felt like fanfiction was for kids/teens, so didn't feel the need to continue writing anymore. I didn't want to seem like a loser writing fanfiction in my twenties...so I didn't.

For the record, you're not a loser for writing fanfiction. It's a very valid artform and it's fun. We only live for so long, so enjoy it doing what makes you happy, period. I'll probably be writing in my 50s I fucking hope lol.

Anyway, at that time, that's how I felt. I now know it's bullshit to think that way. So fanfiction fizzled out for me, and I kinda moved on to other things.

My Not-fanfiction Era

What was I doing instead of writing? Going through an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, working on trying to build what I thought was the 'dream' (marriage, kids, a house, e.t.c.), working and playing video games.

Fortunately that relationship ended. After years of therapy (which he told me I needed because he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy lol), I grew the balls to finally tell him to fuck off and leave. It was the best decision I ever made, especially considering this was JUST before COVID hit. I shudder to this day thinking about the fact that I was almost stuck in a house with that freak during lockdown.

When that relationship ended I moved back to Maine to be with my family. I missed them and had spent basically my entire 20s in another state with some loser.

Back to Fanfiction - Kylo Ren Era

So how did I get back here? How did I get back into writing and creating fan art? The truth is, a switch literally flipped in my brain over this guy right here...

I mean...

The funny thing is, I wasn't SUPER into Star Wars before this. I liked it, I'd seen the sequel trilogy in theaters, but to me it was just a movie series. I was literally watching a Sam Collins video on YouTube where he made fun of a Kylo Ren cosplayer's thirst trap on TikTok and was like...oh that's actually kinda hot.

Thought nothing of it though, just moved on with my day...until I dreamt about him too. And then I felt this spark inside me that I couldn't shake. I literally was like...👀 something is happening here.

So I remembered this feeling from when I was a teen and recognized the impending obsession immediately. I actually googled "is fanfiction still relevant" and "is it ok to write fanfiction as an adult?"

The short answers are - yes - and - of course it is -. This was how I discovered the VERY popular Kylo Ren fic Fix Your Attitude by Kassanovella. I read it in a matter of a week, and in that time I started writing my own fic. I also rewatched ALL the Star Wars movies, and then continued rewatching the sequel trilogy on repeat just so I could get Kylo Ren's character down. I wanted to make sure I captured his voice and personality perfectly. - When I say I watched the sequel trilogy 20 times, it's not an exaggeration, I had it on constantly.-

The fic I wrote was called, Yes, Master

The first chapter of that fic was published on 09/05/2022 (one year ago today), and the last chapter was published on 10/14/2022 with a word count of 100,701. Not only is it the longest fic I've written of all the fics I've done, but it's the one I wrote the fastest. I was posting a chapter a day every day until it was finished. I mean...I literally went OFF on this story. I was so proud of it that I went to lulu.com and made myself a physical copy of it that I intend to read as part of this celebration I'm doing lol.

Wondering if anyone would be interested in me revamping this story (rewriting and updating it) and posting here? I would definitely do it if there was enough interest.

I then wrote a sequel called By Your Side which taught me SO MUCH. Here's what I learned when creating this sequel...

Not everything needs a sequel.

Writing a chapter a day isn't realistic.

I should've planned a full outline before diving into this fic.

I'm not into pregnancy fics/domestic fics all that much as far as longfics go.

It's okay to genuinely dislike something you've written and you should try to learn from that.

By Your Side is still to this day one of my least favorite fics (if not my LEAST favorite). I am still proud of myself for finishing it, (it sits at a hefty 85,599 words). I don't have to love it though. I'm just grateful for what I learned in the process of writing it and proud of myself for finishing it despite being sick of it by chapter 8 and still writing 20 chapters after that.

I also wrote my very first Yandere fic, Just You. It's a bit darker, in my opinion, than The Fractured Moon. This fic was a blast to write, and it felt very freeing to write something so disturbing. It was fun to just let myself get into a dark headspace without holding back and not feeling bad about it. It was more

The Rainbow Six Siege Era

During my time writing for Kylo, I went back to a video game I used to play a lot, Rainbow Six Siege. My Oscar Era bleeds into the Kylo and R6S era a little but I'll talk about that soon.

The Siege fandom was an interesting one...one that I'll probably not go back to much, though I may still write a little fic for it here and there as I feel inspired to. I won't dive too much into this as I know most of you are Oscar fans, but I'll mention my accomplishments here and the things I learned.

I wrote another novel-length fic for this fandom called The Recruit and the Hunter which has another 83,888 words. I actually LOVE this story, and still look back on it fondly. It was a fun one to write, and I really challenged myself to write less smut for it, and I succeeded. It focused heavily on the relationship that built between the main pairing and in my opinion it's one of my better slow-burns I've done.

Why did I leave this fandom?

Well, I'm not going to throw shade, I don't like doing that unless I have to, so I'll keep it brief. The long and the short of it is this...

The readers were getting EXTREMELY demanding. I have comments on RATH of people saying things like "I'm going to be upset if you don't give us a happy ending" and "there better be smut or I swear...". It can get really discouraging as a writer when people seem to say "I love your fic but I'll only continue to love it if you do xyz." It puts us in a dilemma, and makes it hard for us to find a balance between providing fan service, and doing what's fun for us to write. It definitely changed the outcome of RATH and I'm not happy that I gave in like that.

The requests I got were confusing and downright weird. I didn't do some of the really weird ones, and I'm not meaning to kink shame, but it was just very niche things that I couldn't get myself into. I think part of why I felt obligated to provide fan service like I mentioned in the point above, and why I caved and wrote some fanfics for these more unique requests, is because this fandom is very small, and I felt an obligation to provide.

Some of the other writers in the fandom are fucking rude. I'm not going to mention names, like I said, but I had very poor experiences with several writers in the fandom, and since I was also integrating into the Oscar fandom at the time, I could see a stark difference in the way I was being accepted in one, versus the way I was being pushed away in the other. There aren't a lot of x reader writers in the R6S fandom, and I was one of them, and there seems to be some animosity between the people who ship characters, versus the people who write x reader and that's where this mistreatment came from. I don't know, I tried making friends over there, and felt like I was getting pushed out.

So anyway, it's not for me anymore, but I still think back to certain parts of it fondly, and I may write a little more here and there as I see fit.

The Oscar Isaac Era

This really is THE era, isn't it?

As I was working on the last 10 or so chapters of Yes, Master, and after my 12th time rewatching the sequel trilogy movies, I started to fall for Poe Dameron, naturally. How could I not? I mean look at him...

So I decided that I would give Poe a prequel to my Yes, Master story called One Hell of a Pilot. This fic was so fun to write, and it's how I became involved with the Oscar Isaac community in the first place. Immediately I started following Dee, and through her I found Mona, and it was just snowballing from there. Whitney and Romana were some of the first to follow me and my shenanigans.

In December, which is when I started writing One Hell of a Pilot, another novel-length fic that ended with 80,517 words, is when I started reading Dee's fics, along with Mona's and many others. I saw their interactions and felt excited by the prospect of making new friends who were just as into some of this stuff as I was. A place that I could be myself and lose my shit over this idiot and not be judged.

I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into.

It all started with a fic that Dee had written, I can't remember which one, probably a dbf!Santi fic, and I asked the innocent question of...

What movie is this from?

Oh shit...I didn't realize what the fuck I was getting myself into. After she told me it was Triple Frontier and I should watch it, my brother and I watched it right away. I told him a friend of mine suggested it. The way we spent the entire 1.5 hours laughing at how bad it was is still a memory I hold dear to my heart. I still didn't know at the time that this loser (Oscar my beloved) would hold a place in my heart from that day on.

My first Santi fic was a headcanon about Santi w/ a plussize reader that I called Preciously Plump. A headcanon that later got a full fic, appropriately named Preciously Plump the One-shot.

So then I read something about Moon Knight, and between Dee and Mona shoving me into it (peer pressure ftw) I caved and watched the show.

Phew...

That gave way to the first Moon Knight fic I ever wrote, How Unexpected which came out on January 3rd, 2023 of this year. I was sure that between Steven's adorable nerdy behavior, and Marc's tough exterior, I'd be head over heels for those two. I was nervous to even TOUCH Jake, because I didn't know shit about his character, and the last thing I wanted to do was write a character without it sounding like them.

I was also afraid at the time of writing the Moon Boys with DID because I didn't know anything about it, and I didn't want to misrepresent something like that. After some time went by, I got my bearings, and started working on A Bit Dodgy.

ABD is definitely one of the fics I'm most proud of. I had learned a lot from my past fics I'd written, Yes, Master, e.t.c., and figured out what it was that works best when I'm writing to not only keep myself interested, but to create a good balance between smut for smut's sake, and pushing the story forward.

When I first started writing ABD, I was sure it was going to be a 30-40 chapter fic, but as I started writing it more, I realized quickly that a lot of the chapters were just porn. Is there anything wrong with that? No...but as someone who's written nearly a million words in this past year, I don't feel the need to draw my chaptered fics out with smut just to say I wrote something x chapters or x words wrong.

That's why ABD ended up getting cut down SO MUCH from my original plan. I just made some decisions that I felt maximized the story more and used the smut as a major plot device, rather than the fic revolving around smut as the plot...if that makes any sense lol. I'm happy to say, that as of today, A Bit Dodgy has concluded, though it's the only fic I've ever finished with such a heavy heart.

I was an Oscar stan HARD after that, diving into Sucker Punch and other silly little movies filled with that silly little man whom I love so so much.

Statistics

Numbers aren't important when it comes to kudos (AO3) and likes (Tumblr) so I'm not focusing on those. What I am going to focus on...is my personal accomplishments. Like I said, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I fucking wrote A LOT this year, and I'm going to take a minute to pat myself on the back.

So NOT including my random blurbs (since I'm not bothering to cross-post those)...

My total word count from 09/05/2022-09/05/2023 is (drumroll please):

791,829 words

GEE

I had thought I would've hit a million by now but I am NOT going to complain. By the grace of the horny demon that runs the smut factory in my brain, I've written more than I ever even thought possible.

In the Moon Knight fandom alone, I've written:

238,950 words

I think the only fandom I've written more for is Star Wars, but I'd have to add it all up and I'm not doing that rn haha.

Just kidding it's:

368,566 words

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I wrote 6 novel-length fics, a total of 147 works, MK holds the record for most fics I've written at a whopping 82 fics!

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It's shocking to look back and see what I've accomplished, and to look forward to seeing what else I can do. I know that this next year I won't have the same word count, probably not even close.

I'm focusing a lot on drawing now as well as writing, plus I'm working on my first novel that I'd like to publish so things will definitely be slowing down. I'm going to continue writing, but the speed at which I churn out fics will be slower in the future.

In Conclusion

Thank you all for the support throughout this year. There's no way in HELL I would've had the drive and desire to continue writing if not for the amazing community (most the Oscar Isaac community lol) behind me. It's not just the kudos and the reblogs, it's the people who I've grown to know since joining the world of fandom.

I never had a ton of IRL friends, and I live alone (happily btw) with my dog. Being able to make some friends here that I genuinely call friends, not just people I know online, has meant the world to me. I would list everyone out, but I have a fear of accidentally forgetting to tag someone despite how much they mean to me so I'll leave it at...those people know who they are.

And to my readers (I hesitate to use the word "fans", that makes it sound so conceited), thank you to the moon and back. Without out, I wouldn't have had the drive to keep going. Kudos, Likes and Reblogs aren't everything, I can't stress that enough, but they do help keep the drive alive. (Particularly the comments). Without the little boost of excitement I get when I see that other people are just excited about what I'm doing as I am, I probably would've given up ages ago.

You all are the reason that this was even possible.

With all that being said, I have a small celebration planned that I'll announce later tonight. In the mean time, stay amazing. You keep supporting me, and I'll keep providing the fics that you all love so much

Love, Melly

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yutasbimil · 10 months

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Irony

vyn x fem!oc | tears of themis ff. (psychology major!lead) ✦ (1/~) [series fic] REPOSTING!!! also posted on my ao3 acc! { here } tags: fluff, comfort cw: love at first sight, slight prejudice, psychology major student x professor? hmmm . . . meet-cute, eventual smut, eventual romance, heavy psychological anguish later on orz (sorry) ; idk what to put kek note: possible series or there might be more continuation onto this context! for now this settles it for me ;) + supposedly expected to be finished last sept. on vyn's bday, but I only got around it now; majority of this set-up is inspired by vyn's ssr card 'a star in the night' + supposedly this is a 'x reader' fic but got too heavy eventually, I apologize truly ;; word count: 2.5k

part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part x

do not repost © yutasbimil (2021)

“I wouldn't like a person with a prestigious background.” The lady is irked by the arrogance of rich; higher-class people. Vyn opposes love at first sight.

Ironically, Yule and Vyn came to realize they're both the type of people they came to ‘despise’; likewise.

They promised to stray away from those qualities, but this very essence is what drove them closer.

In a rush, Rosa approaches Yule at the sight of her. Yule is actually expecting more of a warm greeting from the senior, being an alumna of the campus and all. Yet she’s greeted with a pile of paper shoved by her chest.

“I’m really sorry, Yule!” Rosa almost tumbles as she bows. “I have to make a run to the firm.” By holding the older one with her phone, Yule got the gist that it was urgent.

She didn’t even get the chance to glance at the papers, not till she looked over that what Rosa hands out are survey questionnaires.

Rosa did not even tell her what to do though to get this; what it is for, and is it already up for evaluations? All she does know; it’s still not half done to be enough for input. Seeing one-third of it blank… Yule wants to cry internally.

Rosa didn't even explain to her what to do at all.

Yule signs and she's even just here as an alumnus to get her documents.

She’s currently on her Masteral, and she's also planning to enroll here. As Rosa recommended.

And Marius. sighs

They are at most friends, having the same interest in art. Though, she still gets annoyed as he can be quite a tease and unpredictable when they interact.

Geez, the thought of that guy infuriates me.

Yule diverts her attention back elsewhere, scanning over the papers she has at hand, aware of its content since she had psychological assessment courses.

Too drifted off and immersed in reading details, she grows hesitant.

Rosa is just about done with the evaluations— but, I am not in the place to hand these out as in the first place, I am not even assigned to conduct this…

Yule worries over her lips, upon reading a certain name, she pauses.

‘Dr. Richter? That sounds like the prof. I'll have it in my class.’

She runs her finger on the print. “Vyn…”

She bumps into a man with a lab coat. Startled, she steps back. “Oh, sorry!” She’s almost a jittery mess, bowing and keeping the folder by her chest.

The sight of the lady also took Vyn by surprise.

Though, by her reaction, she doesn't recognize him at all. Or as that is what he presumed.

Yule first noticed his golden eyes, brighter through his glasses. She doesn’t know but some warmth spreads in her chest, urging her that he’s the kind of person to approach for aid. More so as his eyes glint back at her.

“Sorry to bother you more, but do you know Dr. Richter around here?”

The taller male says nothing for a moment, pursing his lips as he sees the glimpse of the familiar papers.

Yule noticed his stares.

“Oh, no worries. I’m planning to give it back.” A bit guilty, she bites her lips as she did check the content. Though she doesn’t want to let go of it yet, she is already intrigued by the study. What am I saying?

Rosa, you better make it up for me.

“That is me, but may I ask where you got those from?” the white-haired man inquired. She lifts the papers by her chest.

“Oh, my friend is in a rush. She just handed these out to me. I really thought she planned to make me answer all of these…” Yule laughs, a bit forced, awkward. But all the more perpetually made things indeed more awkward.

At least for her end.

“Are you Miss Saints?”

Somehow hearing him saying her name in his low voice made her heart tumble.

No Yule! You’re just nervous. No way that your heart skipped a beat at that!

Yule takes a deep breath regaining composure as she stands up straight. She firmly holds the folders and offers her hand.

“I am, and can I take that as you are Dr. Richter?” As if automatically she switched and adjusted her speech to formal talking to this nobleman. Or at least that's what her brain registered her to do.

“Indeed.” He nods, humbly smiling back at her ever so solemnly. “Please… No need to be so formal, any friend of Rosa is to my liking.”

Vyn takes her hand, she felt soft by her hand upwards. He speaks. “I suppose you know about those evaluation papers?”

Just when she thought she had the upper hand in keeping the atmosphere in place. Alas.

She sighed in defeat and was a bit ashamed. At this point, she’s screaming Rosa’s name at the back of her mind for being in this situation.

“Apologies, Rosa was in such a rush to ask me a favor.” she almost bites back a sob. “Though I do know the protocols yet I still rummaged through it.”

“Oh, no worries. It’s fine. It is up to you if you want to take part as the respondent, or do you wish to continue to be of assistance?”

She did not even register the question in her head.

The curiosity has been looming over her mind for the past minutes, enough for it to ask to slip off. She didn’t have a moment to fight back her urge. “How did you know my name?”

“Rosa had mentioned you to me on numerous occasions,” he replies, his lips shifting upwards in a noticeable manner. “She’s actually enthralled for me to meet you soon, since you’re her ‘psychologist friend’, as she worded it.”

Did she just witness him smiling at that fact? Yule grows more on embarrassed than delighted at that.

Though, how come she didn’t even mention Dr. Richter to her at all to be aware of him? …if he knows her already this much? How odd of you Rosa…

“Not yet.” She puts emphasis on that, further explaining to him her future plans for her degree.

He gestures to her to move aside to sit by the waiting benches by the hallway. As more students crowd the room. As they found a bit of comfort by their feet, she continued, playing by the hem of her sleeves as she placed the folder between them. The distance now feels safe. “I am not even fully sure since you handed these out to be conducted. You assigned Rosa.”

Yule only expected him to take it as it is, as it is the facts. So, she didn’t expect the slight gleam of his eyes, though it wouldn’t be discernible if one isn’t paying much attention to a person.

She rationalized it as she’s someone taking up psychology, of course, she had to be perceptive at most.

A smile is now formed on his lips, distinct more now than it is for her.

“Take it as a ‘makeup’ for bumping into me.”

That is a big thing for him, what an inconvenience you are, Yule. She kept the surging blood rushing through her face to herself, feeling all the more embarrassed.

Vyn is quick to retract it.

“I am only kidding, though, mind if I do observe you?” he suggests once again. “I won’t be much of a bother. I believe if I accompany you, the students might answer those around me differently.”

As much as she knows that might change behavior, for the genuinity of the study, she's more affected by being watched.

“Only if you do mind, Miss Yule?”

That made her get out of her zone. “No! I actually want to finish it seeing its content,” she admitted, the words just escaped smoothly.

By the gleaming eyes greeting her back.

She knows well that she'll definitely enjoy having classes here.

Yule is now itching more to move to her feet and get this over with, besides the outcome, the resounding steps of the two of them echoing in the now deserted hallway is growing all the more engaging. The idea of this atmosphere is going to be familiar to her…

I need to finish finalizing my documents.

It is the least of her expectations.

Yule is yet to know what is going right at her.

How could she slip up on their first conversation? The look on Vyn across her, is anything but “amused” with his lips pointing upwards.

It felt cold and artificial, remaining unnoticed by the girl while she carried on with her sentiments.

“They can be quite obnoxious.” she huffs, the push in her voice signals depth.

“Just because they think they owe you and can bribe you with money.”

Vyn sips from his cup before speaking. “Don’t you think you are discrediting them for their hard work and efforts on what you have said prior on that basis?”

“Also…” Adding a chuckle, he looks at her. “Do you not like Marius that much?”

“N-no! I actually like him, he's one of the few I get along with and of that background.” She almost pokes herself reaching the straw with her mouth. That took her off guard, it is anything but hatred. Although she had to admit, she got carried away with her mouth. That is not at all what she meant, but is it really coming across that way on how Vyn interpreted it?

Yule is part of the middle class, more on the working side, and trying to strive to meet her needs, but delving into the topic and personal encounters, she had a handful of unpleasant experiences working with rich people.

Though, she did not even consider him, Vyn Richter, as that… even when she got to know he's rich af.

She grows somber in her seat. It really flew out of her mind that Vyn had told her about this recently. Remaining her lips wrapped around her straw, Yule made a mental note to hold back her tongue this time around.

“Yule, how come you've developed a stereotype, then such judgment on this matter?” His voice is too clear to bypass.

Yule took the moment to look at him intently.

At some odd feeling, she felt that his intention on the question is beyond his inquiries on psychology. This is a matter of intuition now.

She doesn't want to back down or stray away from their topic.

Now a bit composed, she tells him in prompt detail what’s on her mind. “Okay, sorry. I held such a judgment, though it is personal based on what I have encountered… Especially in prestigious places that I had a chance to get a job in. Some can be condescending not because they have power, when the actual case is that what they are lacking is simple respect to others.”

“I see.” Vyn runs his fingers by his chin and then gestured to her, she felt her breath release. “You said that in meticulous detail.”

Yule hums, now a bit relieved in her place though nervous if she lessened the mess she placed on the atmosphere.

“I do hope I don't come across that way. May I ask if I have offended you in some way, in our previous meetings perhaps?”

“Not at all.” She shakes her head firmly, assuring him in the best manner. She had to take another good look at him, straight in contact. “What do you mean though, Dr. Richter?”

She can’t quite put a finger on it…

“Nothing.”

She won’t think much of it then.

By the clock ticking, and as the condensation of the cup drips by her finger, Vyn drops his question.

“Ah, right. Rosa relayed the message to me moments ago… Since she's got an extra ticket, how about you be the one to join me at this event? Her friend Kiki isn't able to accompany her.”

Yule filched as he handed the invitation, more so as his slender fingers brushed hers for a moment. But looking at the table now, she can't quite comprehend seeing the intricate details on the paper, let alone the scent of it.

Or is it him?

She flushed red as she realized his close proximity.

Yule backs away, also because she might have to turn him down. “Oh no, I don’t know if I may…” The shining letters on the paper gawk at her by her line of vision.

She doesn't have any clothes appropriate.

Like of course, on average, she didn't have anything packed for this certain instance. She will stick out like a sore thumb!

“Is there any problem, Miss Yule?” Vyn had to ask as she had been silent for a while.

Prompting her feet properly to her seat, her sheepish behavior came off a bit less. “Honestly… I don’t have a dress for a ball.”

Does she look pathetic?

“Oh, no need… Marius suggested a design for you.” Seeing the already prepared reference on the older male’s phone, she had to widen her eyes at the sight of her favorite hues that complements her skin so well.

That made her flush more.

She lets out a nervous laugh, mixed with vexation. “I swear he wants me in debt.”

“I asked him directly though, no worries. Besides, knowing you're in the midst of moving here in Stellis, I suppose you didn't bring any attire for these kinds of events.”

“Exactly.” She felt herself relax and look at him with intent. So, he didn't see the fact that I may not have any of the luxury, and did not prioritize it since she’s handling something at the moment. She beams at him, feeling the effects of the caffeine saturate her body. “You’ve done so much already, Vyn, thank you.”

Hearing that she had already complied in calling him by the name, she claps his hands together, nodding in appreciation. “That settles it then.”

“Mind if I pick you up at noon?” he asks.

“Not quite a morning person?”

He had to perk a smile, as she even managed to notice that detail.

Vyn chuckles, letting a meek smile paint over his lips. “I suppose you too?”

Nodding, she had to mirror back a shy grin, disappearing in a matter of seconds as it’s been replaced by an astonished reaction.

“Let's grab a coffee on the way.”

She had to flush back. He noticed that detail too, huh…

Settling on the same agreement feels safe as they get more captivated into their little bubble. Despite being both’s epitome of ‘irony’ at the first meeting, they have settled it. With Vyn breaking down her beliefs into something more bearable; showing more of the radical explanation of phenomena, and to Yule alluring the appealing nature of the primacy effect in love for Vyn. Possibly expanding the concept and enticing dynamics to him hereafter.

To the one who acts on her vulnerabilities, the other rational on their approach. One can learn from the other; equal and reciprocal. Opposites do attract.

Having to see in person the name, the one he keeps hearing, now has a form and meaning for him to further analyze. He wishes to comprehend more of her complexities past her captivating appearance. Vyn can now structure better connections based on further impressions he may probe into.

Letting the scent of the café waft their senses, he's stirred awake.

He’s the type who prefers tea, but with him being in her presence, it feels natural. She gives the same palpitation and warmth as he glances at her coffee-brown eyes.

※ my masterlist | #enjeiwrites ※

#vyn richter #mo yi #tears of themis #tot #vyn x reader #vyn: paradox series #enjeiwrites

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kittick-art · 1 year

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Wahoo, time for another Animatic Deep Dive!

I did this on twitter after my jeanmarco animatic came out last year, and I wanted to do something similar for the Royai animatic! This post will include HD stills from the animatic, as well as some nerdy insight into some shot choices and such, bc I need an outlet to geek out about it. Everything is under the ‘keep reading’ break! :]

Ok to start off, I wanted to show some behind-the-scenes stuff, including my first thumbnails I drew in my sketchbook, as well as part of the shot sheet that kept me organized (and sane) throughout the animatic.

Also, fun fact is that I'm primarily a 3D animator, so I used that knowledge to sculpt a rough version of Mustang's office for the final shot :]

Ok so now for actual stills...starting with one of my FAVORITE sequences to draw, which I have dubbed 'the scrolling bit.'

And a fun little composition tidbit about this sequence is that I tried to show the passage of time through Roy & Riza's placement in the shots. So in order, they progressively go from the right of the screen to the left. It was actually a really last-minute decision, bc originally I had two different shots (see below) which got scrapped in order to do that silly compositional thing. I think it was a worthy sacrifice because that drawing of Black Hayate on Mustang's head was just so fun to draw.

OKAY, now I want to move onto my favorite part of any animatic, which is the pretentious stuff about 'character placement' and "the deeper meaning." Blah blah, all that art-school kind of stuff that you'd hear in some film analysis class.

It's not intentional whatsoever, but I realized after the animatic was finished that Hawkeye is almost always on Mustang's righthand side, other than a select few times when he's the one supporting her. Feel free to look into that if you'd like, but just know it was not intentional and isn't consistent 100% of the time.

What was intentional, however, were these 4 shots, and specifically the placement of Mustang & Hawkeye within them:

These 2 sequences are meant to be direct parallels to each other, in everything including how Mustang turns to Hawkeye, and Hawkeye is already facing him. They were also my favorite shots to animate, especially with Riza coming out of her salute. Seeing them in the final animatic almost made me tear up, ngl. They're just so dang in love!

Finally, the last part that holds some artsy deeper meaning is a sequence I actually shared a long long time ago. I've dubbed it the 'spotlight section' bc idk how else to describe it.

Back when I teased this sequence, I alluded to some "deeper meaning" behind the use of red in the tags. And while the use of red is a pivotal thing throughout the entire animatic, it's most important here. It starts on Hawkeye's back, then transfers to Mustang's glove, and finally goes back to Hawkeye as her blood. Basically what I was trying to get at was something about consequences, and where flame alchemy has led them. In some way or another, Riza's decision to show Roy her tattoo ended up leading to her own (near) demise. So the red was supposed to show that transfer of consequence, if that makes sense.

ANYWAYS. Enough of me rambling. Thank you for reading if you somehow made it this far. All the love on this animatic - even since I first started teasing it back in November - has been insane to me. I still feel like I can't wrap my head around it. I'll leave you all with one last sketch from when I first started making the animatic. Have a good night, everyone!

#WOO THIS IS A LONG POST #basically just me rambling about my own work #and some exclusive behind the scenes stuff ;)#props to you if you make it all the way through #royai #animatic deep dive

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adr-n-sketchy · 11 months

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I caught you burning photographs Like that could save you from your past History is like gravity It holds you down away from me

I saw @muzarry’s Huntlow Wedding Waltz art challenge and I wanted a piece of the action. I hope this wasn’t too far off from the initial prompt of a ballroom waltz but I imagined them having and outdoor cottagecore-esc celebration.

Some of my reference materials are below the cut along with me rambling way too much about what I’m nitpicking about the piece now that it's posted and all my mistakes are glaringly obvious (ah the power of publishing your art).

Thanks again for the fun prompt!! I already have ideas of how I’d like to redo this bc they’re just so fun to draw

Materials/references - Willow’s dress was a combination of many many Pinterest searches of embroidered flowers and about three dress ideas smushed together

First things first how obvious is it that I hate drawing shoes? Lol if I’d planned this better, I probably would’ve just cropped the pose around their calves but then I was too far in to fix it.

This piece was really fun!! I’ve been on the procreate tutorial side of tiktok while I’m still figuring it out and I actually got to try out some lighting tips on this. Idk if I did them right but it was fun to try. I fish I'd gotten the colors a little warmer like the initial prompt image. Also still figuring out different shading techniques and styles I like. I'd like to title this piece's strategy "slap on a shading layer and then smudge the shit out of it until you get something passable."

I definitely did not draw enough flowers as a child and was running out of ways to draw leaves and petals lol. Phew that dress was a slog, but also so so fun. I have a little headcanon that it was embroidered by Darius and Camila. I've never illustrated any sheer fabrics, so this was me BSing myself throughout the entire thing, but I can't say I'm mad at the response. Clothing folds are still a headache for me, but somehow this is, better?

Also, Willow’s flower crown is made up of the red grass and flowers that Willow first greets when they get back to the demon realm — y’know, the adorable gesture that squeezes the first smile out of Hunter post Flapjack. Also, Flapjack-red tie for Hunter because obvi.

I'm afraid I made Hunter's outfit a little too close to Caleb's, but from the references of outfits and background, we ended here. So maybe his ability to wear things this close is proof of therapy and progress? y'know, if you squint past my blatant art and fashion block. I also just realized I think I was supposed to color the buttons on Hunter's vest but now I'm pretending that was purposeful

Another thing I'm weirdly nitpicky about it Hunter's hair noodle. Idk there's been something that's bothered me about it throughout the entire process but could never quite put my finger on it/fix it.

I had the idea that Willow and Hunter's rings would look like elongated versions of each other's palismen. Kind of like those little dragon rings that look like they're clinging to your finger, but I couldn't get the shape right, and Willow's ring isn't visible anyway. So maybe next time.

That may be it. Might add more as I find more and more things that annoy me. If you made it to the end of my perfectionist rambling, congratulations!! Your service and sacrifice is noted lol.

Don't forget to hydrate yourselves and have a lovely day!!

#huntlow #winter toh #willow x hunter #willow park #toh willow #hunter park #toh hunter #hunter deamonne #the owl house #toh #muzarry1kdtiys #art challenge #my art #come to me #the goo goo dolls

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v-v-void · 3 months

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Realized today that my "special Interest" is also the thing I started researching daily because it was the only thing I could do that didn't completely piss my abusive ex of. The only thing I could do on my phone that wouldn't start shit. I couldn't talk to anyone without it being an issue. Playing games on my phone felt like... idk it made the days drag on. It made living life feel more like running on a hamster wheel and that didnt help my situation but it was a way to pass the time without setting him off. Mind you everything i set it him off abruptly. I had lost any interest in books. I couldn't write. I got a really nice paint set, pastels, water colors and an easel because art class was the only class I'd go to and passed. I didn't even get a chance to use it because I brought it to his house so I had something to do while he played his x box. But anytime I talked about wanting to try it, he would either make fun of me or tell me I wasn't any good anyways so why would my mom even get it for me. Still to this day. I'm obsessed with the way oil pastels feel in my hand. How smooth it goes on a canvas. The way you can blend them together and everything looks soft. The way you can change your strokes and the texture changes. Even the way it looks when you drag a paper towel across it. Ugh. I suck at art but I love it. Painting too. But pastels will forever hold a spot in my heart. And I haven't touched any since before I got the art supplies back then. It's the only thing I wish I went back for or asked someone to grab for me. But it wasn't worth it.

With that being said. It didn't matter what I did. His moods were so.. unpredictable..

Any who. Astrology. That was my thing

Never felt much like a Leo. Still don't most of the time. But at least now I know why. Now I see more than just the basic sun sign and I can never get enough. Still to this day.

I'll just sit here and save post after post and compare it to stuff I've already learnt. And yet I go blank when anyone asks about it because I'm afraid to sound stupid. The odd time someone asks and pushed for me to share a little.. I will go off on a tangent, get embarrassed, feel like I don't make sense and then I'll wish I kept my mouth shut and pretended I didn't know anything. At least then I wouldn't sound stupid because now I don't male any sense.

Fucking hell this guy messed me up. I'm afraid people will think I'm stupid for believing in it. I'm afraid I'll sound stupid or people pretend to care. Or they ask about it and I say I know alot and yet.. when asked.. I shut down. So how tf will someone believe me.

Same goes for when people ask about what happened and what he did to me behind closed doors.. I got told I had ptsd and I felt like that was absurd because he hadn't hit me.. the damage is so clearly there. And yet I still feel like people don't believe me. It's awful to say but I wish he hit me. Bruises heal... not this though. This dude lives in my head rent free and makes sure I'm terrified and second guessing everything and everyone. It's rare for me to feel calm. To feel comfortable. Or confident. I'm afraid to try because I don't feel good enough. I don't know myself because he turned me into a husk of a person. He fed on the power he had over me and I've tried to deny it but he still does. And I hate myself for that. I feel weak. And scared.. and just.. so fucking angry. How tf did I let someone who treated me the way he did, cause me to fuck up my education. And now I'm lost and stuck and I feel unsafe with everyone and don't know how to let anyone be here.. but I'm so tired and I just want to feel safe with someone again. Tf is wring with ne

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royal-they · 6 months

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hi so i kinda happened to fall in love with your art.....and i wanted to ask a few things!!! (if its ok!)

uhmm first of all how long did it take you to get that art style and perfection it etc etc?

also do you have any tips for anatomy? not big complex full body anatomy, just like...idrk honestly, some tips related to anatomy or hands or just the body that helped/help you?

and uh yeah if you just have any general tips on whatever to improve my art/art style i'll take litterally anything 😭

again, i love your art, i love what you make! keep doing what you do, you're awesome!!!! sending love and support <3

ah!! tysm <333!! thats so cool to hear!!!!!!!!!/gen

ive been drawing forever honestly. i've always been really into it. im fifteen so thatd be like 12 years. and obviously i wasnt always studying it super seriously or anything. idk. my art isnt perfect by any means. i just dont really post the shitty pieces lmao. i struggle with sm stuff and will be continuing to study probably till the day i cant hold a pencil anymore lol. (i draw too much, my hand hurts ;w;) its a never ending process and honestly thats why i love it sm.

as for anatomy i think the main thing to keep in mind is that anatomy and just drawing people in general is really hard. i heard this in this old video about how pixar used to do 3d animation is that the reason they didnt do animations of humans for so long is because we ourselves have very specefic ideas of what a human looks like. i think this also applies to art. which is a really long way of saying, trust the process.

i use photos personally! you can find a lot on pinterest but there are a couple things id keep in mind when it comes to photos people edit their bodies sometimes so their proportions so be careful, it will defeat the purpose of the study if the bodies inaccurate.

idk here are some that might be good for starting off. dancers and people like that are super helpful. remember to not to focus too much on the lines but more copying down the shapes,

for hands i would just look at your own hands and try to capture them quickly. i say quickly mainly bc i shake a lot lmao, maybe youre different. or you could just be smart and take a picture of your hand but im very lazy and dont like getting up to grab my phone.

for art style id just save stuff that inspire you. could be animations, comics, album covers, cool photos, just stuff that gives you like vibes. literally ANYTHING.

like, omg this is making me think of a cool idea rn!! save it! even if you cant execute it now you can always execute it in the future when your skills are more developed :)

style studies are also helpful! try copying art you like, seeing different peoples techniques however some things to keep in mind with this are

you might accidently copy down an artists mistakes or bad habits without realizing it so try to have some variety in your artists

dont post the art. some people are okay with tracing but the vast majority of artists dont like it and it makes them uncomfortable. so id just like keep it in your sketchbook or whatever :) better safe than sorry.

anyway ah this is so longgggg! sry im so bad at being concise lol. theres probably a lot of youtube videos that could help you with this stuff if you want more explanation. the channel ive been watching a lot in since this summer is sketches of shay. she makes a variety of stuff but her art studies and resources are also very helpful :)

Sketches of Shay - YouTube

#asks #hope this was helpful!! im not an expert so i wouldnt take my advice as gospel but yeah there it is

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problematicfanfics · 11 months

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Kinktober ‘21 Oct 19. Hate Sex (WIP)

RAMSCAM, dubcon, l’manberg, dsmp au

slight NSFW (for now)

i think this’ll be my last one… idk. maybe i’ll post more. ignore all errors.

* ⋆★

Trees.

There used to be so many trees.

But with the combination of sapnap’s fires and gentrification of the land nothing was left but a small patch some ways off.

It was his sanctuary. Sometimes he’d read, drink, stargaze. But sometimes he’d do even more intimate things, like writing or singing, even art.

Today was a good day. There was no war, only collecting wood and laughing with friends. So he had decided to settle down for the night and paint a little.

Upon arriving he was very well pissed off to see a drunk man laying in the middle of his safe place. Schlatt. What a fucking disappointment.

When the man first showed his face around the server, Tommy remembers feeling so honored. Just having Schlatt around in his general area in his stupid suit and tie made him feel so cool.

But now he sees how naive and stupid he was. Maybe it was all the time Schlatt had spent away, maybe it was the rumors that shot out of people’s tongues like arrows in war, or maybe it was just seeing these rumors play out live in front of him. Whatever it was, war made him realize he can’t blindly follow someone he knows nothing about.

“Hey. Hey dickface, get out of here.” He shoved Schlatt.

“Fuck off, man. Can’t a guy sleep?”

“You have a bed. Go. This is my spot.” Tommy placed his art things on the ground, quietly to not draw attention to it. “It’s the only fucking patch of trees around and I want to relax tonight. Beat it kid.”

“A fucking drunk like you doesn’t have any right to relax. You do nothing BUT relax!” The kid threw his hands up in the air. “I have been through wars. Through death and pain. I have the right to relax. NOT you.”

Schlatt stood, moonlight highlighting just how big he was. “I don’t deserve to relax?”

“You fucking heard me.”

“Learn to keep your mouth shut, kid. You’re gonna run into trouble.” The older one turned to leave with an eye roll, muttering under his breath “I’m fucking lazy? I do shit.”

“If you do shit,” Tommy turned to face Schlatt defiantly. “Then what is it? Because I only see you get drunk.”

He stopped walking, taking only a few strides to get to where Tommy was. “I’m a fucking business man, that’s what I am. And I’m pretty damn successful. I got money, a life, and liquor. I’m fucking set. All I see you have is trauma for no reason.”

Tommy scoffed. “No reason? It was life or death!”

“It was for the independence of a stupid nation, who gives a shit. Just fucking get under their rule and take them down from there.”

“That’s the fucking stupidest plan I’ve ever heard of.”

“Ok Mister ‘“do I shoot him or aim for the sky?”,” He gets close to the boy’s face. His eyes sting from the alcohol on his breath. “Pathetic that you really think you ever meant anything to this nation.”

Tommy’s fists ball up. “I paid with my life.”

“So what? I still see you standing here. You wouldn’t even die for the thing you’re oh so passionate about. It’s sad, truly, that you think you deserve special treatment. This is public property.”

The blond points to a sigh on a tree, and Schlatt goes over to read it.

“BIG MAN TOMMY’S LAND! DON’T TOUCH >:(”

Schlatt walked back over to Tommy. “Doesn’t mean jack shit if you don’t have a building on here. So as far as I can tell,” He leans up against the beginning of the mountain behind him. “This is fair game.”

This fucking bastard! What fucking right does he think he has? Tommy’s the entitled one here? No way! No, all he wanted was to sit and paint. Just one night of relaxation. But he can’t even fucking have that.

Quickly he pulled out his sword. “Square up, bitch.”

Schlatt stood up straight. “Woah, hold up kid. I don’t have a sword. Let me make one real quick.”

Tommy threw an extra stone sword in front of him. “You and me. Let’s go. Right here right now.”

Schlatt slowly picked up the sword, getting into his fighting stance.

The two stared at each other intensely. Neither wanted to make the first move and ruin their chances.

Finally Tommy swung his sword, lodging it in a tree instead of Schlatt’s side. The older jumped out of the way before holding his head in his hands. That’s right, he’s still drunk. Tommy almost forgot.

He unlodged his sword before running towards Schlatt again. The two nicked each other a couple of times, coming dangerously close to killing the other once or twice. But something always stopped them.

Schlatt pulled out his shield, instantly knocking Tommy off his feet. The boy fell on his back with the wind knocked out of him.

He took this as an opportunity to kick the sword out of Tommy’s hand and pick the boy up by his shirt. The boy was thrown against the stone wall like a ragdoll, neck pinned by Schlatt’s forearm. It was quiet except for their breathing.

“I win.” Schlatt whispered. Tommy could’ve sworn the hairs on his back stood up. Something about the way the man said it…

“Well? What do you say?” The grip tightened.

Desperately Tommy clawed at the arm pinning him down. “Fuck you.”

“Tsk. That’s no way to speak to me.” Schlatt’s voice sounded condescending. “Cmon, baby boy. Tell me I win.”

“Baby boy? What’s this, a fucking porn?”

“It’s about to be if you don’t fucking own up to the fact I beat your ass.”

“Never.” Tommy snapped back.

“Fine. You fucking asked for it.” Schlatt reached into his back pocket. “You’re lucky I even have. I had plans to fucking jack off before you showed up, guess I can’t just do anything in peace around here.”

His grip changed from forearm to hand, pressing hard against the boy’s neck.

Finally he pulled out a small bottle of disposable lube. He grinded his hips against the boy’s front, hot breath escaping the younger. “Fuck, if we’re gonna do it let’s just do it.” Tommy rolled his eyes and pushed Schlatt’s hand away, more of a suggestion they should just mutually get this over with.

Schlatt let go and immediately Tommy pulled him in for a kiss. A mess of taking off clothes, barely taking breath in between making out, they made their way to the back of the mini forest out of everyone’s eyeline.

Tommy pushed himself up against Schlatt. He hated this man, but there was an undeniable attraction he had with him.

#poppytwt #problematicmcyt #problematictwt #problematic #problematicfanfics #poppyblr #ver’s wip poll

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the-fat-raccoon · 2 years

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How have your theories Evolved my good honorary Gorpster

Ok I kept holding off on this one but it's time.

The Refined Understanding Of The Gorp Arg (I Understand Less Now)

Let me start off by saying apparently there's dubious cannon in the fuckimg. gorp arg. so I have no clue how much of anything is actual cannon. Or if any of this is even right

Alright let's go back to Nelson because this motherfucker haunts me in tags on the daily.

His full name is Nelson Stanley Berg which made me think this was like. A weird tsp au where he was Stanley stand in. And thread was 432s stand in and Sam the Narrator etc etc. But this all went immediately out the window once I saw 432 send thread an ask and referred to the other characters separately. This caused great pain as I thought I finally figured it out. Anyways.

He is dating Sam Akon who is. checks notes old and gay and 6 feet tall. And he dyes his hair but not with Kool aid that part was a joke. I think his thing is 💖 or one of the pink hearts but idk for sure. That is all I know about Sam Akon.

Nelson's is 💙 or 💙🤍 yeah? or is 💙🤍 referring to him plus someone else

IS. IS THAT WHAT THE FUCKING NAILPOLISH IS ABOJT. DID SOMETHING HAPPEN THERE. WAIT FUCK HOLD ON. HOLD ON I JUST MADE THAT CONNECTION WHILE TYPING. IS THAT. WHAT. WHAT HAPPENED??

Nelson is YOUR FATHER!?!!? YOUR DAD YOUR FATHER THIS MAN IS A FATHER????!?!? MY HONORARY FATHER MY STEP DAD ?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AND APPARENTLY THIS IS LIKE. A MAJORLY IMPKRTANT PLOT POINT I ONLY RECENTLY FOUND OHT ABOUT. HES YOUR DAD !?!?!?!?

Moving on. Let's talk about thread

per my last insane rambling, I've gotten confirmation that those posts I'd see people on my dash revloggibg of someone yelling about beasts is in fact part of the gorp arg

This one's interesting because it's the most reliable source I have into the gorp arg and I do not understand it at all

So threads birthday is on the release date of the half life mod that was the original version of the stanley parable. Which made me think again, au with different charactersfilling in these roles after somethinghappened to the original cast, but this was before disproven.

Thread is conflicted between being just the settings mf and having. yknow. Feelings And Shit. Also there's a hatred for Nelson I think? maybe. Idk the impression bit and the Sam akon info gathering made it hard to tell what emotion was brought forth from Nelsom but I think it's hatred. Idk I thought the impression bit was like. Really funny. Made me smile.

BEAST1

its is 💜 right? or 💜🖤?

Anyways. Favorite character. Probably because it's the only one I've seen do or say anything but. I didn't have to make that thread art for my warm up that shit jumped out from some part of me that apparently really wanted to design the "Setting page in an anxiety trenchcoat" as it has been so lovingly reffered to as in my notes several times.

Diane and the overseer??? They exist???? I can't find much on either tbh. idek if they have lil hearts.

I tried to figure out tbe series of events that led to whatever the hell is going on here but realized I do not have enough sources to actually. Figure that out. So.

Anyways. This really brought me back to my internet historian days of finding some really niche online interactive shit and figuring out every possible detail about it and the fandom just so I could possibly talk about it to someone in the future. And now I have the discord link waiting I'm my inbox. So I've leaned a little too far into the well and whatever at the bottom really wants me to fall.

#Mr Honorary Gorpster #whoo boy thats a lot huh #readmore this time as to not hex my mutuals with Wall Of Text #anyways. yeah. i understand less than when i started i think #i think im further than when i started tbh #gorp arg #intentionally avoided the new shit i learned because. yeah. no clue wtf to make of that. and its app dubipusly cannon anyways

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elstreem · 2 years

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Taking a Look at Bedivere's Outfits

Why not, I want to do something silly and fun :b

Long post so I'll put it all under the cut.

Gotta start with his default outfit, of course! 100/10, I do so love his overall look. The silver and green color scheme is just so pleasant to look at, and it really fits his personality, somehow.

One little detail I appreciate now after watching the Camelot movie adaptations is that Bedi's sword is actually positioned so that his left hand draws it - makes sense, his left hand is his actual flesh and bone arm! It's a shame that in the game he holds his sword in his right hand regardless, but in the movies they show Bedivere often holds his sword in his left hand.

Butler outfit! He looks so sharp and dapper in this one, 100/10 would keep him as my butler forever. I also appreciate that in this outfit, Bedi's default expression is to smile. He deserves to look happy! Also the character art details his eyelashes and that's a neat detail, not a lot of other illustrations give Bedivere eyelashes the same color as his hair. The teapot he's holding is different from what's actually used in the battle sprite though, he uses a silver one.

I do enjoy drawing this outfit since it's a bit simpler than his armor to draw, heh. Also it's good practice to think about how to draw suits.

The "I'm forever salty if they don't ever release this outfit" summer hoodie. I know since Bedi got his butler costume he probably won't get another one...but I can dream. Or just give us a summer version! Let Bedi have his fun, Gareth apparently has a summer version, why not Bedi... Ahem. Anyway, ranting over, I really do love this outfit! I know the summer KotR is shameless fanservice lol but at least Bedivere's is a really cool look. I wish I had this hoodie in real life, the colors are so cute. I won't be able to pull it off shirtless though lol.

Specific neat details - the sectioning of the colors on his hoodie and the x-shaped threads on the shorts are reminiscent of his armor. For a mischievous AI that's a bit out of wack, BB has pretty good taste when she gave this outfit to Bedi.

And idk why, but I find it cute that Bedi wears sandals. And let's not forget, we have shades Bedivere because of this, too.

This dork (lovingly).

Also I remember joking with friends that Bedivere Alter uses guns and then the Summer Fest rerun happened and I remembered Bedivere does practice on the shooting range with you...so Gun-ivere is actually a possibility lol.

Now for some CEs! This is Festive Outfit Bedivere for one of the anniversaries. 100/10, so cute!!! This is one of my favorites actually, and I'm biased as blue is my favorite color, but the blues and oranges are so cute and pop in a good way. Also that cap is just adorable. Everything about this outfit is so cute. Love it to bits!

One of the Camelot movie release celebrations CEs! Back to being dapper again. He looks rather scholarly, with these glasses.

90/10, it's a good look and a bit different with the hat and glasses! But man Bedi sure loves his suits and coats doesn't he, haha. Altria's outfit is also really good in this one, it might be my actual favorite outfit of hers.

I think this one is the 5th Anniversary celebration, the one that's titled like Under the Same Sky? Look, any CE with Bedivere smiling and enjoying his life gets a 100/10 from me. His smile here is especially precious!

The outfit itself looks so cozy. Same as the festive outfit one, his outfit here has little touches of orange, which I really like.

Apron Bedi from one of the summer mangas. Simple, but super freaking cute. Please help him, he's probably the only responsible one in this household. He definitely cooks and cleans. 100/10, prime husband material.

Oh hey....I just realized that in this one, Bedi doesn't have a metal arm. Did Ritsuka and co. do that to separate their manga Bedi from Chaldea Bedi?

The formal craft wear! I wasn't playing F/GO when this released so I'll never have it in game :'''''). But I spotted it in the 5th anniversary video! I posted about it before, but I just find it funny that in this video they made Bedi's hair super long, it reaches past his hip when normally his hair falls to around the middle of his back.

This one is pretty fancy, and looks a bit busy with the cape and tassels. It's a good look, don't get me wrong, but I don't like this as much as his other fancy outfits. Idk, it doesn't feel as cohesive to me, I guess? Lancelot wears a similar outfit but I think his looks more suited to him. Though I do like that the sleeve is cut out on Airgetlam's side, I think it's more practical to not have any cover on it.

This one is from one of the promotional images for the Solomon movie! I do like this one a lot, I just really like the colors of it (enough for me to draw it as a chibi). Seems even Bedi got tired of wearing a coat though lol, he's just holding it here.

Here's from one of the Chaldea Boys' Collection CEs! Though we don't really see much of his outfit here, so it's a bit hard to comment on. The cap looks a bit silly though, it's just awkwardly sitting on his head.

This one is from the earlier Chaldea Boys' Collection, which I also didn't get since I wasn't playing the game at the time. I am tempted to get it on the Rare Prisms exchange though...

I do actually like the colors of this one, and it's a bit similar to the butler costume he ended up getting, though this one is in white.

While I do want to get it since Bedi is in the CE and all, is it just me or something is a bit off with Bedi's faces in both of these Chaldea Boys's Collection CEs? Idk why, but the way Bedi's face looks in these comes off a bit...creepy. I hate to say it that way since it makes me sound like I'm picking on the illustrators - I'm not, these are beautifully detailed, the way Bedivere looks is just not up to my preference.

There's a bunch more I didn't get to, a couple of CEs and some more promotional and product images released during the Camelot movie (like the Wendy's one, that still floors me to think about, knowing art exists of the Camelot cast in Wendy's uniforms lol). A lot of it involves him in suits though, so I'm gonna be repeating a lot of points if I collect more of them.

My top favorites aside from his default look are the festive outfit one, the Solomon promo image and the summer outfit (I'm still begging the devs to release a playable version). Special shout out to a super cute acrylic I saw though, the Cafe and Diner one which was also released as Camelot movie merch? That is also super cute.

#fate grand order #fgo #bedivere #fgo bedivere

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understandingbimbos · 1 year

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i always forget that bimbofication is a fetish that looks deranged to most people. despite their being several cultural precedents for it, or maybe its because there's so many cultural precedents for it? idk. it makes sense to everybody thats into it, even when we don't know why ourselves but its appalling to everyone else. and its hard to explain to anyone else in a way that doesn't sound appalling. there's very little way to make "normal woman nonconsensually transforming into a dumber, sexier, hornier version of herself based off a sexist stereotype" sound sane. literal object tf sounds more sane than that. and if you're just into the heavy cosmetic surgery look, that's a battle uphill too because that's appalling and unethical to people too.

i feel like if you told someone you were into vore or if you were like "I get turned on by the idea of a woman turning me into a pair of panties and wearing me", and this is not to shit on those people, but i feel like people would be more excepting of that because its less within the realm of possibility. a lot of other fetishes are considered harmless but bimbofication comes with A LOT of baggage. and it makes things very difficult. i guess that's part of why i do my work here, why i want to write a book, but i don't hold hope it'll convince people when it so closely tied to misogyny. they're intrinsically linked. i don't care to be seen as good at this point. though i don't want bimbofication to be seen as good or okay, because what's good? what's okay? i just want to communicate. but we have so much communication now its like communication has become limited. is nuance considered weak?

because i was thinking of the nonconsensual aspect of the transformation in the art and erotica i consume, and how its sort of ironic. i won't lie, i prefer the nonconsensual transformations, it actually takes something away from me when it isnt non consensual. but i don't prefer it when its a guy doing it to a girl so he can sleep with her, i don't enjoy that at all. i love it when the transformation happens accidentally or through natural causes. through a cursed object could work too i guess but a man intentionally changing a woman against her will is usually a turn off. and even bigger turn off, that i luckily havent encountered often, is when the woman doesn't enjoy the transformation. if she's not happier post-bimbofication, what's the point? and that's where my point comes in. the sort of irony here is that i realized, and this is something i got from Pan -- who doesn't write bimbofication stories, that one of the main if not the biggest appeal for me and several others is the arousal of the bimbofied woman. the turn-on is how turned on she is. the frank and extreme expression of female desire is so hot. all my favorite stories and such focus on how turned on the woman is and how much she loves it. if the focus is anywhere else, i don't like it. at that point that's not bimbofication to me. the thing is though, that still sounds incredibly rape-y. and thats the trouble. you can't accentuate the positive or try to explain, this will always be creepy freak shit.

#understandingbimbos #bimbotxt

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cyanidefilledcandy · 2 years

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Soooo....I've decided to repick up a project I started a couple years ago...or at the very least I have the desire to.

It's a parody comic and my goal is to have the first chapter done by October 31, which I doubt will happen since it's just over a month away, and as I mentioned, I haven't touched it in just about two years (or hell....may be over two years now...)

But I will admit, I have been procrastinating all afternoon in even starting to work on it because frankly, I am absolutely terrified to...

This isn't anything new because I always get terrified to draw anything unless it's digital and that's only because I know if I make a mistake, it can be permanently removed whereas with traditional drawing, my mistakes can be seen clearly, even if I try to erase them.

Another thing is that when I decided I might try a crack at it again a few months ago, I opened my sketchbook to find the pages completely ruined... Part of it is my fault because I stupidly chose to do the pages front and back in an effort to be cost effective and I work with graphite....

So needless to say, a lot of the pages got smeared. But the real issue is that some weird stains got on the pages which I truly don't understand as it's been in storage in a bag for basically a year and a half...

I found a hack for redrawing art, but it won't work because of my idiot decision to make them front and back... And also the idea of trying to redraw them TRULY terrifies me because I've never been able to redraw any of my drawings properly....even if I'd just did them, even back when I was drawing regularly. I can't imagine how bad it will be now that I haven't drawn in over a year and a half and my skill has been steadily getting worse over the years regardless. :/ (I once read someone here on Tumblr that said if you think your art is suddenly getting worse, it's not. It's just that you've tuned your eye and are just now noticing flaws that you didn't realize before because you've learned more. I thought that might've been the case, but no....my drawing has just gotten worse...)

It really pisses me off, though. I hate my fear and perfectionism because it holds me back from doing so much I want to do... Like even in school, I'd rather not take a test and receive a flat 0 than to try and fail...

And yes, I know that realistically, I can't get better if I don't try, if I don't use it, I'll lose it, and perfection doesn't exist....especially in art. (In fact, I LOVE that fact about art. I know a lot of artists I follow say they prefer digital because they can make the work look cleaner....and frankly, I love a messy, sketchy piece of art.)

But, it's so unbelievably hard to break this mindset. I can tell myself until my mind is blue in the face that it doesn't matter if it's not perfect and to just try and practice to get better. But, I can't get over that mental block of trying and failing. Of not being able to get what I see in my head on the page...

And it's even more frustrating because looking back...I am actually shocked and impressed with what I have...

I have seven pages drafted...Messy, and not nearly done, but still, SEVEN pages! And they don't look half bad. And I know I can refine them make them at least passable...

But it's just the idea of completely starting from scratch...when I'm so out of practice...

I have nothing really to say with this post. Just venting my frustrations with myself to myself. (And whoever chooses to read this...)

IDK...

I'm thinking of getting a new drawing pad and maybe some tracing paper to trace the pages and restart them that way.... But we'll see. (I'm getting a new book regardless. I had completely forgot the pages were kerfuckled until just now...)

#cyanidefilleddiary #random things no one cares about #yes....I know I need to get over myself... :/#art woes #perfectionism

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mypoisonedvine · 3 years

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𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙮 𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐𝘐) || sub!bucky barnes x dominatrix!reader

(𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐)

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || your newest client asks you to give him a real challenge, and you’re happy to oblige.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 6.3k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut but no actual sex (lots of handjob stuff though and some brief oral m receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, more cnc (because of the overstimulation), bondage, edging, impact play (riding crop), brief cock torture (she just hits him with the crop a couple times), implied “kink as trauma response” (this is gonna be a theme throughout the whole fic), forced to break a rule/doomed to fail/impossible challenge (idk how to warn for this but yeah), forced voyeurism?, thigh riding (reader rides bucky’s thigh), some degradation/dumbification, brief/implied dacryphilia, a bit of angst/feelings

new parts posted on thursdays! join the taglist here

“Can’t,” he sighed, “can’t come again.”

He looked so painfully adorable when he begged like that, his brow glistening with sweat as he jerked under your touch. “Aw, poor baby,” you pouted, twisting your hand when it stroked over the head of his cock, “yes you can. I know you can. Just gimme one more.”

“F-fuck,” he whimpered, “Mistress, please— just stop, please, I can’t… can’t take any more…”

“I know you can, sweetheart— I know you can be my good boy and keep coming for me. Tell me your color.”

“Yellow,” he whispered.

“Think you’re almost done?” you pressed, smiling when he nodded breathlessly. “Yeah, there’s my good boy— gonna come again for your Mistress?”

“Yes,” he breathed, baring his teeth as his hips bucked wildly to try to avoid further sensation, “y-yes, one more, just one more, I’m gonna— fuck, gonna come, just don’t stop… fuck, it hurts.”

“I know, but you’re being so good for me,” you purred. “You like it when I milk your pretty cock, don’t you? Even though it hurts?”

He winced but nodded. “C-coming, Mistress, fuck, I’m coming…!”

Since it was his fifth of the evening, he could only give you one thick drop of come that gathered at his slit before running down over your hand which finally slowed to a stop.

You both sighed with relief as you pulled your hand away and leaned back, admiring how beautiful he looked as he caught his breath, covered in come and sweat.

"Good job," you praised with a chuckle, "I hope I didn't go too hard on you."

"N-no, that was… that was really good," he sighed, slumping back onto the bed. "Can I use your shower before I go?"

"Yeah, totally," you nodded.

After a long pause, you gave him a confused look.

"I thought you were gonna shower?" you reminded him.

"Oh… I guess I have to get up for that," he sighed, making you laugh.

"Rest a bit longer. You've had a… challenging afternoon."

He nodded a little and you got up from the bed to go wash your hands and freshen up a little, smiling at your own appearance in the mirror— sometimes you forgot how you looked when you did this, but there was an undeniable aura of power around you… especially after a session like that.

This was only your third week with James, and already the dynamic felt so natural between you— and yet, so fresh compared to your other clients. Normally it took longer for a newbie to get comfortable with you, yet most of them had had multiple doms before and here was James, totally inexperienced and taking it all like a champ. There was an air of innocence about him, you figured, in contrast to this undeniable strength and intensity that you caught glimpses of from time to time.

Sometimes, it felt like he was chasing an innocence he lost a long time ago. Whatever it was that drew him to this, you were happy to help him along the way.

It was probably a little dangerous to enjoy sessions with a client so much; even though you often pretended that everything was about your pleasure and not theirs, obviously since they were the paying customer it was the complete opposite in reality. But there was an equity to the dynamic with you and Bucky, he served you with a real dedication rather than for his own gain. And you, meanwhile, had rediscovered the fun in this career that had originally drawn you to it in the first place. It was less like a science now, more like an art— you let yourself go with your instincts and do whatever felt right in the moment, and both of you benefitted for it.

“Come on, get up and clean yourself off,” you encouraged— gently, of course— as you left the bathroom and returned to find James laying sprawled out on the bed.

“I know you said falling asleep here was a one-time courtesy,” he remembered with a smile, “but I could use it now a lot more than I needed it then.”

Honestly, you didn’t see him smile that often. It was pleasant; you hoped to see it again. He did get up, though, and take the washcloth you handed him to wipe off the come that had gotten all over him. “What are you thinking for next week?” you asked as you leaned against the wall. “Any special requests?”

“We can discuss all that over the phone,” he decided. You still didn’t understand fully why he didn’t like to discuss future scenes in person; it was like he wanted the in-person interactions to be as ‘in character’ (if you will) as possible.

“Alright, just keep me updated,” you requested with a shrug.

You got changed while he took his shower, and when he emerged to the living room he seemed surprised to see you sitting on your own couch. After a moment, you realized it was the fact that you were in normal clothes that threw him off. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in jeans before… or pants of any kind.”

You looked down at your outfit with a smile, glad it was at least still professional and not sweats and a t-shirt or something. “Yeah, I guess you haven’t. First time for everything, right?”

“Yeah, had a lot of first times with you,” he chuckled. “Most significantly less mundane than this.”

A brief silence filled the room but it wasn’t exactly awkward, at least not for you.

“Well, I’ll see you next week,” he decided as he grabbed his jacket from your chair and slipped it on. You’d been spending most of this session trying to forget how good he looked in the leather motorcycle cut, so that was out the window now as you tried to keep from visibly biting your lip while he walked towards the door.

Damn, he was fine. But there were more pressing matters at hand. Like preparing yourself and your apartment for your next appointment. This guy wanted to get slapped around until he cried… shouldn't be too difficult, but your arms would probably be sore tomorrow.

Opposite of last week, I really want you to edge me tonight, as long as possible.

Don't go easy on me, make me hold it in. I need a challenge this week.

-J

It was odd how emails from James made your week.

He seemed to prefer to communicate his desire with you this way; maybe it was easier for him, and you couldn’t really blame him for that. The nice part was that you didn’t have to temper your reactions, if you had any, since you were always alone when you got his messages. You might be old hat at it now, but you could remember a time that you had to hide a grimace when a client told you to your face what he wanted. Not that you would shame them for it or anything (unless, you know, they paid you to), but you didn’t enjoy everything you did with these men.

Did you enjoy everything you did with James? Yes, but you were pretending not to— for your own sake.

You dressed a bit differently for today’s session, more conservatively… not that it was especially conservative by any other person’s standards. But it left your legs and chest covered, somewhat in the spirit of ‘mean corporate businesswoman’ aesthetically. For some reason you felt like using a riding crop required wearing pants.

James certainly didn’t seem to mind, with the way he nervously cleared his throat after you opened the door.

“Good to see you again,” you greeted formally, “please, come in.”

He stepped past you, still looking at you and not at what was in front of him, meaning he ended up slamming himself gut-first into your kitchen island.

“Oh! Are you alright?” you smiled when you noticed.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he nodded, rubbing his stomach for a second but recovering quickly. “I told you I can take a lot of pain,” he joked.

“Well, we’re going to put that to the test today,” you promised cryptically. “You must’ve seen the crop on the table.”

He nodded again. “Yeah....”

“Are you looking forward to it?”

“Yes,” he answered, a bit too quickly.

“Then let’s get you tied up, James.”

Straddling his lap, you realized the rope was a bit too tight when you saw it digging into his skin; maybe he wouldn’t mind that, but you did, so you pushed the rope back through itself to loosen it slightly.

“How long did it take you to learn all these knots?” he asked casually, watching your fingers nimbly work the ropes around his wrists.

“Not too long,” you shrugged, “I’ve only been doing this a few years… but I knew them before that.”

“Boating school? Boy Scouts?” he suggested jokingly.

“Just a hobby,” you decided, dodging the covert question about your past. “Were you a Boy Scout?”

“Do I look like a Boy Scout?” he countered with a scoff.

“Not anymore,” you shrugged, “but I bet you did once. You’re sorta innocent, you know.”

He swallowed dryly, and you raised an eyebrow as you glanced from the knot you were tightening to his face, which looked a bit flustered. “R-really?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed, leaning back on your heels to look at him straight-on. “Are you surprised to hear that?”

He nodded quickly, and you laughed.

“Aw, you thought you were so kinky, huh? So dirty,” you purred, running your hand up his leg until he tugged slightly on the newly-tied ropes— a subtle way to get him to test them for you. “But you’re really not. You’re just my sweet, innocent boy.”

He whined— really, properly whined— and you dug your nails into his skin until he hissed instead.

“I don’t think you believe me,” you noticed, leaning back to reach for the crop behind you. “You think you’re so filthy and perverted, right? Are you a pervert, James?”

“Yes,” he breathed, shivering as you let the crop slide gently over his skin— his abs, his hips, his legs which were already quivering so adorably. “Yes, Mistress.”

“And how’s that?”

“I think about… getting hurt,” he admitted weakly, “when I touch myself. And I touch myself all the fucking time.”

“Yeah? How many times a day do you stroke that pretty cock, James?”

“Twice every morning,” he blurted out, “after that it depends.”

You didn’t let yourself show your surprise at that number. “Depends on what?”

When he hesitated, you hit him sharply on the thigh and he winced. “Depends on what I… what I end up thinking about. Sometimes… sometimes something reminds me, and I have to get off.”

Something told you not to press on what it was that he needed to be reminded of, and why it made him want to jerk off so bad. Something told you he wasn’t ready to tell that story yet. “Did you touch yourself today already?” you asked instead.

“No, no ma’am,” he shook his head, voice wavering as you brushed the crop over his chest, “it’s… it’s different with you.”

“Yeah, I bet it is,” you smirked, hitting him on the stomach quickly. “I bet you’re finally satisfied, right? Nothing’s ever worked for you before.”

“Yes,” he moaned, crying out slightly when you hit him on the arm (flesh— you were too afraid what sound the metal one would make) much harder than before. “The nights I see you, I… I can sleep.”

“You sleep better?”

“No, I just… sleep.”

You tried not to react to that, moving to a new question instead. “Do you want me to hit you again? Or do you want me to stroke your cock for you?”

An obvious choice to some, surely, but he seemed to really struggle with it.

“Which one do you think you deserve?” you asked instead.

“Hit me more,” he decided.

Instantly, you struck him once on the face and again on the shoulder, then moved down to his legs for three in a row in spite of the way his body jerked away instinctively.

“Fuck,” he sobbed, “don’t stop— I need more…”

You focused on his legs, on the inside of his thigh where he seemed the most sensitive. His twisted joy turned to true fear, though, when you brushed the end of the crop over his balls. “Do you want me to hit you here?” you challenged.

“I… I don’t know,” he stammered.

“Let’s make a deal, James,” you offered, “wherever I hit you, I’m gonna kiss it to make it better.”

“Then hit me wherever you want,” he nodded, almost smiling at you. He cried through his teeth when you whipped his shaft with the crop— not especially hard, in fact quite delicately, though the second was harder. And the third, though not much more aggressive, was right on the sensitive tip; his eyes shot open and his hips jerked away.

“So good, such a good boy,” you whispered proudly, putting the crop aside to lean in and kiss his cheek where you’d hit him before, his shoulder, his arm.

You worked your way down carefully as he breathed heavily beneath you, whimpering slightly when you kissed his thighs and notably ignored his flexing, leaking cock. “Please,” he whimpered.

“Shh, be patient,” you soothed, “be my good boy.”

“Your good boy,” he repeated, trying to restrain himself but already bucking up into the air again, “fuck, wanna be your good boy, Mistress.”

“Are you already close, pet, just from getting hurt?” you asked in a faux pout. “You’re not gonna come if I give your pretty cock some kisses, right?”

“I— I won’t come,” he promised. “Not until I get permission.”

“Baby, it’s gonna be a long fuckin’ time before you get permission,” you promised with a toothy grin. “Look down at me, honey, I want you to see this.”

He hesitated for a second but obeyed, looking down at you with an expression that was full of awe as you gripped his cock and gave gentle, teasing kisses up his shaft. It bobbed in your hands with each one, and he let out the most beautiful sigh when you kissed the tip carefully.

A wide lick made him jerk beneath you. “F-Fuck,” he stammered.

“You said you wouldn’t come,” you reminded him. “Can I keep going? Are you gonna be a good boy?”

“Don’t stop, please,” he breathed, “I’ll be good.”

Taking the head between your lips, you suckled gently as he shivered and moaned. You weren’t sure you’d ever been with anybody— on or off the clock— who was so sensitive. And you loved it, honestly; who could resist those precious noises he made?

As much as part of you wanted to go nuts and really push him to the edge, you tried to be gentle and careful so as not to make it impossible for him to hold back. But even then, when you gently grasped his balls in one of your hands and squeezed them, he apparently couldn’t take anymore.

"S-stop," he hissed, and you pulled back, sitting up.

"You were close?" you asked, and he nodded a little. "Oh, what a good boy."

He whimpered briefly. "Yes, your good boy, Mistress…"

Your fingers trailed delicately up the underside of his cock, making him shiver violently. "I know you want to come, but you want to be good even more. You're such a sweet little pet."

It seemed like the praises did more to keep him on the edge than the touches, so you kept both going; wrapping your fingers around the ridge of his head, you gave the most gentle and subtle strokes, and leaned in to whisper against his ear.

“Is this why you wanted me to edge you today, James? So you could show me how good you can be?”

“I-I don’t know,” he blurted out, rocking his hips as best he could while restrained, “I just wanted to… I just wanted you to make me wait.”

“Well, you don’t need to worry about that,” you laughed slightly, “I can make you wait all day. Is that what you want?”

“No, that’s— not that long, I can’t wait that long,” he shuddered.

“Mm, that sounds like your problem, not mine,” you smirked. “Not sure why I asked what you want, honestly… cause I don’t fucking care.”

His choked-out whine was too perfect to ignore.

“Oh, what a pathetic little moan that was, poor baby,” you cooed mockingly, “are you regretting it now? You’re probably wondering what you got yourself into, ‘cause you’re worried Mistress is never gonna let you come.”

“No, I don’t regret it,” he denied weakly, “whatever you want— do whatever you want to me, just… give me what I deserve, please.”

You stopped touching him completely and he straight-up sobbed. “You don’t deserve anything from me, James. You don’t deserve me at all.”

He told you before that he liked when you rapidly cycled between soft and mean. Kept him on his toes, apparently. Honestly, you felt a little guilty talking to him that way sometimes, but his cock leaking enough pre-cum to soak the bedsheets beneath him was a sign you were doing something right. “I know!” he cried. “I know, fuck, I’m sorry, but I need you. I fucking need you, Mistress, please— you know I’ll do anything.”

“I’m feeling generous today,” you shrugged, “so I won’t ask you for much. Just beg me a little more.”

“Please, pleasepleaseplease,” he rushed, “touch me. Anywhere, whatever you want, I just need to feel you. I know I… fuck, I know I don’t deserve it, but let me try to— to earn it. Please.”

You knew if he had it his way, he wouldn’t do much talking at all. But you couldn’t just let him have it his way, now could you? It was better to make him just the right amount of nervous, just the slightest hair uncomfortable, by making him talk to you. And, of course, you liked the way his deep and rough voice got all whiny and needy like this.

One finger under his chin guided him to look up at you, those pretty blue eyes watery and sparkling and wide with misplaced innocence.

“Tell me who you belong to, James,” you instructed darkly.

“You, Mistress,” he whispered, “I’m yours, I— oh fuck…”

Unshockingly, he was reduced to only moans again when you started stroking his cock, the slick precum making every movement smoother. “All mine, huh? My little toy?” you confirmed, but he could only nod and swallow thickly.

You sped up quickly, getting faster and faster until you were really, properly jerking him off and he was biting hard on his lip. Just when he seemed to really fall into it, get almost comfortable, you had to stop.

"Oh, fuck—" he gasped, bucking his hips up to try to chase your hand when you pulled away, but it was no use with him tied up. You watched his cock bob in the air and smiled.

“Did you think it was going to be that easy?” you smirked.

Shaking his head, you tilted yours to look at him, reaching up to trace your fingers over his chest.

“Don’t lie, baby, you thought I was gonna let you come, didn’t you? You’re so sweet, James, and so, so stupid.”

He gasped, and for a second you thought you might’ve gone too far, but it shifted to a moan quickly and you realized he was having the time of his life.

“Just my dumb, brainless little toy,” you continued with a snarl, watching him tug at the ropes as his eyes fluttered shut. “It’s okay, James, it’s okay… you don’t need to think, I don’t want your mind. It’s useless. I want this pretty cock, that’s all I want from you.”

“It’s all yours, Mistress,” he promised, cheeks burning bright red and eyes forced shut. “All of it, I swear.”

“I know,” you cooed, holding his face gently to soothe him a bit. But then your other hand wrapped around his cock and he was anything but soothed. “Shh, shh, don’t make any sounds, you’re just a toy and toys need to stay quiet.”

You missed his noises, actually, but he looked so cute biting his lip and struggling to suppress them. His cock was so swollen in your hand that you honestly wondered if it was somehow getting bigger. Was that even possible? Your mouth was watering regardless.

“I’m gonna give you a little break,” you promised gently, “but I’ll be honest, pretty boy… I don’t think you’re gonna like it one bit.”

The look he gave you beautifully balanced fear with anticipation, and you stopped stroking him to reach over towards the bedside drawer and pull out a vibrator.

“Your Mistress is feeling a little.... self-indulgent today,” you winked. “And since I, unlike you, don’t need to hold myself back from coming, I think I might as well get myself off if I want to.”

His throat bobbed as he swallowed dryly, watching you closely as you stood up off the bed and started to carefully undress yourself. It was a lot more fun to get naked when you were wearing something that didn’t actually show much skin— the button-up seemed to really get him going, his tongue mindlessly darting out to lick his lips as you opened one button at a time.

Once it was off your shoulders and on the floor, and he could see the almost-transparent bra you had on, you moved to opening your trousers as well. Just to be mean, you faced the other way as you pushed them down over your ass; you heard his breath catch and you smirked to yourself, spinning to face him again in just the matching, dark red bra and panty set.

“What do you think, do you like this better than the black ones?” you asked coyly.

“I like you naked better than both,” he answered, and you grinned.

“I’m gonna let that backtalk slide just once because it’s not worth my time to go over there and slap you for it,” you decided. “But don’t test me, James.”

“Yes, Mistress,” he answered dutifully, sounding a bit out of breath as he watched you climb back onto the bed, positioning yourself carefully.

You faced him straight-on and laid your legs over his, meaning your lace-covered pussy was in full view and only inches from his leaking cock— the damn thing looked sore by now, purple at the tip and just as desperate for attention as the rest of him.

When you pulled the fabric aside to show him your cunt, he hissed and looked away.

“Look at me, James, keep your eyes open,” you demanded, seeing how totally wrecked he looked when he turned his head back to you and stared down at your body with half-lidded eyes. “Look at how fucking soaked my pussy is. You remember how it feels to be inside it, don’t you?”

He swallowed, sighed, and finally (just barely) nodded.

“You remember how hot and wet and tight it is, don’t you?”

“Y-yes,” he choked.

“Well, that memory’s all you’ve got to work with, sweet boy, because I don’t think I’m ever gonna let you fuck this pussy again.”

He really, properly sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks, and those arms flexed against the ropes defiantly. “N-no, please—”

“I’m gonna make myself come with this,” you promised, interrupting him as you grabbed the vibe, “and I want you to remember how it feels when I come around you, okay?

Turning it on, you wasted no time pressing it to your clit, moving the end of the toy in slow circles and keeping a close eye on him as he watched you. Your intention had always been to give him a show, but the embarrassing thing was how little of it was an act. Ironically, even though you’d been edging him this whole time, having to touch him that way without any pleasure for yourself was almost as torturous. You’d soaked through your panties by the time you had him tied up, to be totally honest. So, giving into it and letting yourself feel good was a breeze.

“Think about when I was riding you, James,” you instructed, your own voice clearly affected by your pleasure now. “Think about how good it would feel if I let you come inside me.”

“Oh, god,” he cried, leaning his head back.

“Think about my pussy milking every fucking drop of come out of you. You know I wouldn’t let you stop until I was completely full of your come, I bet you’d like that. I bet you’d like to eat your come out of me, you sick little pervert.”

“Fuck!” he yelped, tugging at the ropes harder now— for a second you thought he might really break them and jump you. And for a second, you knew you’d let him. It made your walls clench as you imagined facing the consequences of driving a man to the brink of insanity until he couldn’t help but fuck you like an animal. It was a good thing he didn’t see you bite your lip as you imagined that.

“You know what I’m thinking about?” you taunted.

“God, don’t tell me,” he sighed through his teeth, but obviously you ignored him.

“I’m thinking about what a good boy you are for me,” you cooed, your hips starting to rock up against where you held the end of the vibrator; you pressed it down harder onto your clit and moaned instantly. “Yeah, I’m thinking about how pretty you look when you’re all desperate and needy and fucking pathetic—”

“Oh—” he choked.

“My dumb litlte whore, that’s all you are, James,” you groaned. “I know you wish you could touch me, it’s all you can think about, right? That pretty head of yours would be completely empty if it weren’t for thoughts of me and how badly you want me. Right?”

“Yes,” he whispered huskily.

A shiver ran up your spine when the vibrator bumped into a more sensitive part of you, and you did it again and again until you thought you might lose it a bit faster than you meant to. “This toy feels really good,” you informed him in a purr, gasping when you slipped the vibrating body of it into your pussy, “but it doesn’t feel as good inside me as you do.”

His eyes fell shut but he still winced a bit every time you made a sound; he couldn’t run from this, no matter how hard he tried.

“Oh James,” you moaned loudly, fucking yourself with the vibe for a moment before you pulled it back out to focus even harder on your clit, “I’m gonna come. I’m so, so close… I can feel it getting stronger, I think I might make a mess on these sheets. And the only way I’m ever gonna let you come is if you watch me do it. So open your fucking eyes.”

He blinked quickly as he opened them, gaze scanning your whole body before settling on your cunt; you were sure he could see it pulsing as you got closer and closer, you knew he was imagining how it would feel. You only spared a brief glimpse at his cock, bobbing between his legs, and wished you could just slip it in you now and come while it stretched you out.

But that wasn’t what he was here for, sadly, and you were sure you were the only being truly denied of your desires, despite how it probably seemed from the outside.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, numbness starting to tingle in your legs as your orgasm built up quicker than even you expected. “I’m coming— James, I’m coming, oh, fuck… right there— yes!”

A gush of heat warmed your cunt at the same time that shocks ran up your spine and down your limbs; you could feel your legs shaking, and you knew he could, too.

It got so intense for a second that you had to pull the vibrator away, though you didn’t stop coming until a few moments later, eyes falling shut without you meaning for them to.

You actually laughed a bit, breathlessly, as you turned the vibe off and set it aside, although you weren’t sure exactly what was supposed to be funny about this per se. When you opened your eyes, you saw James looking down and looking positively defeated. But he looked tense, too, and you sat up on your wobbly legs to get closer to his face.

“Relax, James,” you told him firmly as you examined him.

“I— I can’t,” he whispered.

“Why not?”

“I’ll come.”

Nothing could fight your wide grin anymore, not when you heard that. “Oh, baby… are you about to come without even being touched? Is that how much you liked watching Mistress come?”

He nodded, ever so slightly, and you laughed. Not quite a mocking laugh, moreso impressed. Prideful, even. You leaned in to give a wet kiss to his neck, licking over his pulse as he shivered violently.

“That’s my good boy,” you whispered against his skin. He whined and you cooed soothingly right away, “oh I know, I know. It’s so unfair, isn’t it? Mistress gets to come and you don’t…”

“Please,” he stammered, “I’m so close, let me come, please.”

“But I don’t wanna see you come, baby— I wanna see you cry.”

You started to slide your hand down his chest and he jumped up to attention as he tried to squirm away. “No, please, don’t— don’t touch my cock, not if I can’t come.”

“You can hold it in, can’t you?” you pouted.

“No, I can’t, I can’t,” he sobbed, watching fearfully as your hand moved down to his stomach and over his hips.

“But I thought you were my good boy,” you frowned, suddenly wrapping your hand tight around his cock as he choked on a gasp.

“Mistress!” he sobbed. “Please, don’t— don’t move your hand, I’ll come.”

"Never fucking tell me what to do," you instructed firmly, just barely stroking as he cried weakly. "I'm gonna touch you however I want and you're not gonna come because you're my good boy, right?"

"No, Mistress, I can't stop it, I'm gonna come— stop, please…"

"You'd better not fucking come," you hissed through your teeth, speeding up your movements and watching his eyes shoot wide open, "you'd better hold it in until I'm done with you."

"I'm trying— please slow down, can't take it—"

You shook your head, tutting disapprovingly. "No, baby, I tell you what you can take."

"Oh— oh god, Mistress, please, please stop, please, I c-can't— fuck!"

You pulled your hand away the second his cock started to flex but it was too late: come was shooting from his swollen tip and painting his chest and stomach. You didn't even wait until he was done to backhand him across the face.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't help it…"

You softened slightly when you heard his broken voice, saw the desperation and fear on his face— it was real, more real than the fake ‘no’s and the encouraging pleas for mercy. "Baby, it's okay, you tried so hard," you soothed instantly.

Hope filled his eyes just as much as tears as he looked up at you. "Am I still your good boy?"

"Always," you smiled, caressing his face where it was already turning red from your slap.

You reached down and caressed his cock with the back of your fingers, watching it flex weakly.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, alright?”

His lip twitched, almost like a wince. “Do we… do we have to stop?”

You quickly glanced at the clock. “Um, no,” you mumbled, “we still have time. Just tell me what you want.”

“I wanna watch you come again…” he admitted softly. “Is… is that okay?”

Although you weren’t sure what you’d been expecting, you were still surprised. “Yeah, sure.”

“But… but closer this time,” he added, “not so far away.”

You were literally laying on top of him, how did that count as far away?

“I wanna see your face,” he clarified.

“Okay,” you nodded, deciding to indulge him. It was sort of like aftercare, except that this wasn’t exactly the ‘after’ part yet.

On your knees beside where he was leaning back against the headboard, you slipped your hand down into the lace panties again, finding your clit still swollen but not too sensitive. A little gasp fell from your lips when you touched it, rubbing it carefully with two fingers while he looked up at your face.

You felt slightly exposed when he watched you this close, and you didn’t know where to look to avoid direct eye contact. Looking at his lips was just a little too tempting, so that wouldn’t work.

“My hands are a little tired,” you explained, “they might cramp up. Maybe I could use your thigh…”

“O-okay,” he nodded, and you removed your fingers from your panties to sit down on the thick muscle of his leg. You felt him tense up under you slightly, and you carefully began to rock your hips until your clit rubbed just right against the inside of your underwear. Surely he could feel how wet you were— actually, you both could hear it, almost a wet clicking-like noise as the soaked lace slid against your skin.

The dynamic shifted slightly, not that you minded it, as he watched you ride him carefully. Just as he couldn’t hide much from you when he was naked and tied up and baring his soul to you in the kinkiest way possible, you couldn’t hide your pleasure from him when he was looking at your face so up-close. You let your hands carefully roam his body, narrowly avoiding the trails of cooling come he’d left on his stomach and chest, until you found his strong shoulders and held onto them for balance.

“Fuck,” you mumbled to yourself, biting your lip as your sore clit throbbed against his hard, muscular thigh.

“Will you… could you kiss me?” he requested quietly, and your heart broke a little bit. You shook your head, and he nodded in understanding.

“I’ll kiss you here,” you offered instead, whispering against his skin before you pressed your lips to his forehead, then his cheek, then his jaw. “Is that better, James?”

“It helps,” he agreed in a sigh.

“I’m close,” you warned quietly, pressing your cheek to his and weaving one hand into his hair. “I’m gonna come again, on your thigh.”

“Let me touch you,” he begged, “just a little, please…”

You nodded, about to reach forward to untie one of his hands, but he snapped the ropes and you had totally forgotten he could do that. He quickly ran his touch all over your body, calloused hands and bound wrists in stark contrast to your soft skin. The metal one was a little cold but it didn’t bother you; the other was almost too hot, and it was like being warmed and cooled all at once.

He ran his fingers down your spine, he gripped one of your shoulders, he rubbed your legs: he did everything he must have been wishing he could do this whole time, even gasping as he ran one hand up your chest and over a cup of your bra. Just as you sensed that he was about to ask if he could touch you there, you nodded and felt his metal hand tug down the red lace and grab your breast— thankfully not very hard, though he did give your nipple a quick pinch which made you gasp.

Burying his face in the crook of your neck, he finally settled his hands on holding your hips, just tight enough to slightly guide your movements as you rocked faster and more desperately. “Please come,” he begged weakly, “Mistress, please… use me.”

It sort of hit you all at once then, like a punch to the gut. Except, you know, a lot more fun than getting punched in the gut.

“James,” you gasped, legs quivering where they straddled his as a new patch of slick soaked the lace (and presumably his thigh as well). He held you tight, kept you moving through it while your fingers tangled in his hair and your mouth fell slack for another, louder moan.

The way his lips moved over your skin, laving your collarbones and pulse point and the innermost corner of your jaw, was positively worshipful; reverent. “Mistress,” he whispered, almost sounding like praise but tinted with awe. Your movements slowed down to a stop and the two of you breathed a sigh together, unintentionally. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“What for?” you asked, blinking quickly and looking down at him, coming back to reality (though you weren’t quite sure where else it was that you had just been).

“I dunno, everything,” he decided.

“Don’t thank me,” you smiled. “Keep paying me, though.”

He laughed a little, glancing away. “Yeah, and I’ll pay you back for these ropes… sorry."

"No, hey, don't be sorry," you dismissed, getting up off of his leg and standing up to go grab a towel for him. "I'm just sorry we still haven't found anything strong enough to hold you."

"It's fine, they're strong enough to make me stop myself when I want to do something I shouldn't, that's all that really matters."

You nodded to yourself as you dampened the towel and came back to wipe him off.

"I can do that for myself," he reminded you, sounding a bit embarrassed, but you thought it was sweet.

“You just focus on getting those ropes off of yourself,” you decided with a little smile.

#sub!bucky barnes x domme!reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut

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