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maideninorange · 11 months

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this might be a tough one, but... what about 5 birds you really like? doesn't have to be top 5! just SOME birds you like

Ooh! Birdies!

(You all know by now this is less a ranking and more me rambling lol. Also, I talk about animal deaths (in more of a scientific way to be fair) because birds of prey and other fun nature stuff. )

1. American Robins. Which are not actually robins but are a type of thrush we call robins because bird names in North America are a mess lol. I get flocks of these guys coming in and out, throughout all four seasons. They're also very cute little song birds, and can be such funny little guys too lol (My winterberry bush died this year, but one autumn I saw this pair of robins break from the flock gathering and start fighting each other up in the sky before resuming eating berries like nothing ever happened. Absolutely hilarious lol.)

2. Shrikes. Better known as butcher birds, these guys are wicked cool. You see they're carnivorous songbirds, with the exact build of one (sans a sharp beak for obvious reasons). Feet included. So how do they eat their prey, you ask? By impaling them on thorns and other sharp objects! They're cute songbirds, just to make that clear. Have fun! (They're more common outside of the Americas though, so that's a bummer. We got Loggerheads and Great Greys though, but I haven't seen any lol.)

3. Cowbirds. Or really, any sort of brood parasite. Cowbirds are here because their my resident brood parasite. I find it utterly fascinating on just a scientific, evolutionary level just how these guys evolved (as well as how their targets evolve in turn), like how do their young learn all this from a nest that isn't theirs? (Actually I do know some answers for cowbirds, but if I were to ramble we'd be here all day.) What makes cowbirds unique compared to others like common cuckoos and whydahs is that they are actually generalists when it comes to targets. Most brood parasites are specialists, only targeting one species (with common cuckoos being a really interesting case in this, but again, we'd be here all day). Cowbirds (with one exception) target pretty much anything that builds a cup-sized nest. It's really really fascinating, in that kind of cruel, bizarre way nature tends to be (and I haven't even got to touch on the mafia with my resident brown-heads).

4. Swans. They're dicks. Graceful dicks, but still dicks. And yet, it is in that dickery I find fascinating. Like, did you know swan wings are strong enough to break bones? Well they can! But there are such things as Trumpeter Swans, which well, sound like trumpets. It's cute and weirdly endearing in its own way, at least to me (although to be fair Trumpeters are calmer than Mutes so there's that. Also unlike Mutes, they are native to North America, so I hope I might see one one day). Also cygnets are utterly adorable, even with the knowledge they grow up to be nasty swans lol.

4. Wood ducks. Haven't seen these guys either, but they absolutely fascinate me. They nest in tree cavities, so what tends to happen once the eggs hatch is that the mother duck has to coax her ducklings out into this leap of faith (that actually isn't usually much of ones because small ducklings and laws of physics bullshit I can't remember)! It's incredible! They're also gorgeous birds, and the males sound like kazoos! (Playing clips of females making a typical (if not like a Mallard's at all) duck quack, and following it with the male's kazoo squack to friends and relatives is a fun one. Try it if you know what I'm talking about lol.)

And those are my five birds to talk about at the moment. It was a bit tough, but I think that's more because I didn't get to gush over too many various birds of prey (like owls). Feel free to send in any bird asks if you got any fyi! It's fun!

#about maiden #maiden is a bird nerd #birds #american robin #shrike #brown headed cowbird #swans #wood duck #in case you haven't noticed #I quite like the more horrific side of nature lol #I think it comes from a ''Nature is beautiful even in its cruelty'' mindset #or maybe I'm secretly a horror nerd lol #(though that's probably the case going by my fics)#(oh well)#(though seriously brood parasites are utterly fascinating (#(please look them up if you aren't squeamish)#(because it does get nasty)#(though I totally get it)#(animal abuse is actually a huge trigger of mine)#(as well as animal death when it isn't in nature aka caused by another animal or through other natural means)#(my brain is weird lol)#(but it is my brain)#(and the cruelties of brood parasites are definitely a part of natural)#(sorry this last little ramble turned into a tangent lol)

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tastyflowers · 8 months

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I am seeing Erykah fucking Badu live tomorrow

#ouuugggh #i don't talk about music much on here. which is funny because it's actually the main thing i'm a huge nerd about #but Erykah has been a huge artist for me forever. she changed the game!#never get bored of her stuff. her music has been a constant companion for many many years.#anyway I kinda always assumed I'd never see her live because she rarely performs now #BUT she is coming to THE CITY IN WHICH I CURRENTLY LIVE!! tomorrow!!!#fucking wild. and just a couple of weeks before i move away too. feeling blessed.#excited doesn't begin to cover it!!

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astrxealis · 2 years

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all the greek references in ffxiv are going to be the death of me (affectionate)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i am a HUGE nerd about stuff i love or am vv interested in ... like xiv & greek stuff >_<#i mean hello my favorite alias is literally apollo T___T and other names i'm glad to go by are greek too!!#and it's even the name of my yeah fkhfiehfks this is main so i can't say but it's the name of my ^^ <3 #speaking of which. on a related note more like actually;; i shld get to properly fixing that blog i plan to use for xiv stuff ><#also might properly finish writing fics for my oc WHRIFUEIFHEO maybe even post on ao3 but i'm really really shy so uhm. OFUEUEHSJD #anyways i hope i can finally finish 6.1 @ lune if you see this. please. you PROMISEDDDDDD T___T #cw death mention #tw death mention

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cas-writes-stuff-ig · 2 months

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Cheering Her Up

f!/nb! reader x regina george (you love to make Regina feel better)

She calls you "duck" (ITS FUNNY/CUTE I PROMISE)

closeted bi Regina, and openly enby/lesbian reader

reader binds their chest with transtape/kt tape

secret relationship

cheering her up

Regina is taller than you

CONTENT: SO SO SO SORRY I KNOW IM WEIRD

Word Count: 1853

(Originally supposed to be a one shot)

kind of alludes to sex but not explicitly

Regina lets you write your own diss in her Burn Book, so Gretchen and Karen don't get suspicious as to why you're not in it. (a bit of transphobia and homophobia, t-slur/d-slur)

Past bullying and some self-deprication

Reader is a weirdo but Regina likes it

Reader likes classic rock and old hits, Regina pretends to despise it

She lashes out at you but its all good in the end :)

Reader likes to sing

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up (A Party)

a/n: this is a huge self-insert for me, I was really vibing to Bob Seger earlier (btw this is the second thing ive written in like 5 years spare me)

ALSO feel free to message or comment any feedback is appreciated 🙏

——————————————————————————————

Before the sophomore year, you were sure Regina totally despised you. She openly criticized any gay person she came across. Sophomore year, you were seated next to her in math and history, and you felt like you were going to be destroyed.

But when you came over to her house for a project, she asked "You have your first kiss yet?"

It caught you off guard. "Uh, no. Why?" your voice squeaked, although you knew she was a bitch. You were attracted to her.

She got close to your face and smirked, you could feel her breath on yours. "No reason," She grabbed the back of your head and kissed you. You didn't kiss back out of shock and Regina pulled away and went red, she opened her mouth to say something to excuse her actions, but you leaned in and kissed her again. That moment opened a whole new door for both of you.

After that, you and Regina got really close. Outside of the school halls, and in the comfort of Regina's mansion, you were secretly her best friend but also her friend with benefits. She isn't out yet either, she still has too much pride to be seen with a loser, but you don't mind waiting for her.

She was slightly nicer to you than others at school. She was actually pretty kind to you behind closed doors. She cared about you even if she never said it out loud. So about a month after you started hooking up, you were at her house and she handed you her Burn Book which was open to a blank page with only your picture on it. "I don't want Karen and Gretchen to get suspicious as to why you're not in it."

You could deal with the insults and the taunts, it never bothered you that much, so you wrote something that used to bother you 'Y/N L/N is a tranny dyke'.

The thing that did get to you was in 8th grade when you confessed to a girl, and she told everyone in your PE class that you watched girls change in the locker room. Everyone shunned you after that, but you grew thick skin. In freshman year you found your place amongst the loners and the nerds. You were content with it.

"Are you sure you want that in there?" Regina asked, what you wrote about yourself was harsh.

You nodded "Regina, I'm out of the closet already. It's a secret everybody already knows" You closed the book and handed it back to Regina and she tucked it away. "If I walk like a duck, swim like a duck, and quack like a duck, I'm probably a duck" She laughed at your joke, and you corrected yourself smiling "I mean dyke"

"You're so stupid" Regina replied, but it wasn't mean or full of scorn, she just shoved your shoulder. She changed your name to "Duck" in her contacts.

A week later you found out what your contact name was, you laughed at her a little and she got defensive "I'll change it then" and you quickly stopped laughing and took her phone.

"No no, keep it, please Regina it's cute" You yanked her phone out of her hand and tried to keep it away from her. You laughed again and ran around her room holding her phone, but she cornered you, pushing your chest, then your back hit the wall. You were breathless from running and grinned, though her face was stern. "I'm sorry, Gina. Please keep it, it's fine really"

The look on her face made you lose your confidence and you backed down, and handed her phone back, "Thanks loser" She tucked it back in her pocket, and she had a smug smile. "You're lucky I'm in a forgiving mood today" and tilted your chin up and kissed your lips.

After that day, it became one of your inside jokes, and "Duck" became one of your nicknames.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

That summer she invited you over to swim at her pool for the first time. "Hey loser, hurry up" she opened the door and led you to her pool.

You brought your only swim trunks and taped your breasts back to go swimming. She was in a tight bikini and she slipped in the pool, you took your shirt off, and she was staring at your body.

You weren't sporty, but you went to the gym, it's not like you had rock-hard abs, but you were toned and Regina hadn't seen you like that in the sunlight before, you beamed as you basked in the warm sun.

"Hey Duck, get in here" she beckoned you, you seized an opportunity to make a joke.

You bent your knees and flapped your arms a little walking back and forth at the edge of the pool "Quack quack" You giggled out. Regina cracked out a smile that evolved into laughter, her laugh warmed you more than the sunlight.

When you slipped into the pool, she was still laughing at you. "You're such a dumbass"

She splashed water at you when you tried to come and hug her in the pool. "Hey!" you yelped as the water got in your face and you splashed back.

After you just relaxed in the pool, you floated on your back, eyes closed, and sun-kissed skin. You didn't notice how Regina looked at you, but you heard water swish as she walked toward your floating body. You cracked an eye open, the sun was behind her making her look ethereal. Regina's blonde hair glowed, she looked like an angel, not the bitchy Queen Bee at school.

"Hey," you tried opening your eyes but just squinted.

She leaned down and said "Hey" back in her sweet voice and kissed you gently.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The summer pushed you closer together, of course, she had her fair share of parties she went to with the Plastics. You were there at parties too, but you both only shot each other glances. The days she hung out with the Plastics, you missed her company.

You got your license over the summer and when you got the message that she was back home, you hopped in your Mini Cooper and drove to her house and picked her up. Though she usually drove you around in her Jeep.

"Where we heading today?" you asked as she hopped in the car

She ignored your question and her attention was on your music "Earth, Wind & Fire's 'September'? Really?" she criticized your music taste.

She buckled in and you said, "What's wrong with my music taste Regina?"

"God you really are a loser" she insulted, you could tell she was in a mood today. You were a little hurt but tried not to take it personally. "7-11 can you grab me a Diet Coke?" you nodded and started driving.

You skipped to the next song and what played was Bee Gee's "More Than A Woman" You smiled and sang along to it. Hoping Regina would get the hint you were singing it to her.

"Suddenly you're in my life, A part of everything I do. You got me workin' day and night. Just tryin' to keep a hold on you..." Your fingers tapped against the steering wheel and you moved your shoulders to the beat of the song.

She just groaned and pressed her temples, you thought she really hated it but from the corner of your eye, you saw a corner of her lip lift slightly. After seeing that you sang your heart out a little more at a red light you turned to her momentarily "More than a woman. More than a woman to me" and grinned wide.

"Hey! Keep your eyes on the road!" she pushed your head to look back at the road.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

At school when Junior year started, Regina and you acted like you two were nothing, you both devised a facade as to why you interacted at all. It was a half-truth, everyone at school thought Regina paid y/n to do their math homework. But you only did that sometimes, and usually just helped her.

Today when you met at her house she was upset about something. "Regina, what's wrong?" you asked worriedly.

"Nothing, stay out of it" she snapped at you and she stomped up the stairs to her room.

You followed her "Regina come on," she turned on her heel and looked at you angrily and lashed out.

"Why are you even here? You're not dating me, stop acting like it" She yelled at you.

You paused and your heart faltered "Regina..." you said quietly. She turned back around and she slammed her bedroom door. Regina crawled in the sheets and just went to sleep. You didn't follow her in. But you walked downstairs to her kitchen and opened her fridge.

When Regina woke up she smelled some kind of pastry downstairs and light music. She opened her door and crept down the stairs, as she approached the kitchen, she heard your humming.

The next song started to play, your back was turned and you were using her mom's apron and mittens, pulling out a batch of brownies from the oven. When you sang alone, you were cheesier and poured your heart into each song, then you placed the brownies onto a cooling rack on the island counter and pretended to hold a mic.

"Still like that old-time rock and roll. That kind of music just soothes the soul" You closed your eyes and turned around still pretending to hold a microphone "I reminisce about the days of old, with that old-time rock and roll" Regina just smiled stifling laughter.

But when you started playing air guitar, at the part with no lyrics. You heard her giggle and your eyes shot open, face reddening "Regina! You're up!" she just laughed at your incredible dorkiness and walked up to you, this was the highlight of her day.

You brushed off your embarrassment from getting caught when you saw how happy it made her. And you walked closer to her and continued to mouth the song and dance around her. Still wearing her mom's frilly apron. You took her hand and spun her around and she still laughed at your silliness.

You stopped and walked back to the counter where she followed, "Brownies?" you smiled.

"Yeah, sure" She sat down at the table and you cut two pieces out.

When you handed her a plate, she looked up at you and spoke softly "Sorry about earlier..."

You smiled softly and took her hand as you sat next to her "Its okay, don't worry about it" You let go of her hand and then asked, "You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, thanks duck" She leaned towards you and kissed your lips. "You're so fucking corny" Regina pulled away.

You smirked "You secretly love it"

"I do" She responded, you almost choked on your own spit at her admission. She reveled in your panic and took a bite of the brownie you made her.

Only you could make her smile like this, and laugh like this, you knew that, and you had your silent victory.

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up (A Party)

#regina george x reader #fluff #renee rapp #regina george #mean girls #renee rapp x reader

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mindofadoll · 6 months

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Imagine just being a good little student. That is until this jock chick starts bullying me. She takes my stuff, trips me in the hall and mocks me for getting a question right. Finally I had enough and corner her in the hall. I tell her to fuck off and that it's not my fault she's a future gas station attendant. I then attempt to walk away but she grabs me and drags me into the locker room. "You know what I heard little bitch the wimpiest of nerds are actually the biggest sluts on the inside. Your a little researcher, right ? How about we test this theory. "

Before I know it I'm shoved face first against the lockers. I feel her pull my panties up from the back until its straining against my cunt. I begin to moan a little as she whispers in my ear "You like that baby? You like when your panties rub against that clit how fucking pathetic! " she continues to pull on my panties until they ripped from my body.

I hear her laugh before flipping me over so that I'm facing her while she takes off my pants. With tears hot from anger I spit in her face. Which cause her to slap me hard which causes me to moan out. "You like that? Hmm" continues to slap me across the face over and over as I moan. In between slaps she sneaks a hand to my cunt. " Oh my so wet, what would mommy and daddy say if they saw their little academic scholar become a complete mess over a couple slaps." I turn away from her as she mocks me. "Hey I fucking asked you a question, what would they say? " despite my embarrassment I tell her to piss off.

In response she tears the rest of my clothes of my body before taking her pants off to reveal a huge cock that makes my eyes go wide. I begin to scream and thrash as she lines the head with my wet pussy. "Oh I like that reaction, let's see if your wet enough. " she say dipping her fingers inside of me and then a other and another until I'm full of her fingers. " Good girl! " as she takes her fingers out and lines up again I sobbing beg her not too, in response she smiles before pushing in.

I feel the alien feeling of being stretched out on her cock only for a second before she's slamming into me with earnest , as my head bangs against the locker I can't help but realise how good it feels. I begin to moan telling her I hate her and her stupid fucking cock! In response she chuckles as she says " Says the bitch pulling me back in. "

I feel as we both begin to get close. "Fuck this pussy to good! " as she continues to pound into me I feel as we both come over the edge. Sending her cum spilling into me. I figure it's over as we both catch our breath. But she just effortlessly picks me up and sets me on her cock as she lays on the bench. She then grips my hips before slamming me down on her cock at the same time she fucks up into me. I begin to scream It feels so fucking good.

"You like that huh? Like when I rearrange your pretty guts." as she continues her pace we both don't last long. I feel as she cums deep inside me just pushing the old cum deeper inside me. She then pulls me off only to shove her cock into my mouth, grunting as she fucks my mouth "Future gas station attendent huh well whose the one choking on my cock so prettily. " she continues grind into my mouth as I cry and choke.

"Taking me so well, 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐮𝐭. " she says punctuating even word with a thrust. Suddenly she pulls out of my my mouth and pushes me face first into the floor before plunging back into my cum filled pussy. At this point I'm to dizzy and cock drunk to do anything but moan and rock against her.

"God I guess that theory is true, right? " I feel her spank me hard across the ass "I asked you a fucking question, is it true ? " I sob out a pathetic yes as I drool on to the ground. "Then cum for me dumb slut, cum for me." She said her own voice dripping with closeness. I don't even mean to I just feel my whole body spasm as I fall over the edge milking more of her cum inside me. When we both calm down she pulls out and puts her pants on taking one look at my cum filled pussy dripping on to the floor. "Man, I hope your on the pill. Umm later" but before she can leave I grab the end of her Lettermans jacket and say 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚.

#wlw nsft #wlw ns/fw #sapphic ns/fw #lesbian ns/fw #lesbian smut #sapphic nsft #lesbian nsft #queer cnc #cnc wlw

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consistantscreaming · 1 year

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I'm relistening to The Magnus Archives, and I made a list of Actual Canonical Details we as a fandom forget about

- sasha gets coffee from a specific coffee shop every morning

- Jon has an excellent sense of direction

- canonically in artifact storage there is: a wardrobe light cannot penetrate, a carved rock eye that interferes with the video cameras and therefore is kept in a black velvet bag, and a scalpel ride with disease no matter what they use to sterilize it, kept in a hermetically sealed plastic box

- during halloween week, they have to call in the archives as backup due to the influx of statements. jon canonically gets a good nights sleep after disproving these statements.

- Jon sincerely believes he is far too unlucky for statements to just be a hallucination

- Not-sasha asked not to be recorded multiple times

- when told he benifited from gertrude's death, jons only response was "...I didn't?"

- [daisy became police in ~2002, almost 15 years before the story starts...meaning she is canonically late thirties/early 40s

- even when compared with the paranormal, daisy considers car accidents worse

- mary keay made an eye pun "i know the institute and i haven't always seen eye to eye, as it were"

- jon noticed when ghost hunt uk stopped updating

- sasha is taller than not-sasha

- annabelle dresses like a vintage clothing store exploded on her, has bleach blonde hair and dark skin

- annabelle looked "like the type of person that talked to cleaners as if they were actual people"

- annabelle looms over the cleaner by almost a full foot, meaning she Tall

- "the moment i die will feel just the same as this one" is not just a georgie thing, it's an End thing in general, as proved in ep 70

- not-sasha tends to stay late

- martin worked at the institute in 2009

- micheal has curly sandy blonde hair

-micheal is tall

- melanie and jon are on the same wavelength, and when working together they both came to the same conclusions with the same evidence

- elias does not think daisy is smart

- georgie is observant, and pays attention to peoples behavior

- melanie thought jon killing someone with a pipe was "wildly out of character" for him

- georgie and jon have a mutual friend named Jess who thinks Hungarian food is "too Soviet"

- jon borrowed georgie's coat when he went to meet jude perry

- jon tells jude to kill him as an ultimatum every five minutes

- elias tells tim that when presented with horrors, he finds comfort in beaurocrocy

- jared hopworth is handsome with cheekbones and a jawline to die for

- georgie was canonically willing to cover for jon to the police with no context after an unpleasant breakup and after no contact for almost 5 years

- georgie grew up poor in liverpool, and had a scouse accent until she went to oxford

- basira is a huge nerd and will talk about what she's reading to anyone who will listen

- nikola makes an allusion to not having a face

- martin and melanie got along fantastically

- georgie told jon that he needs anchors

- "if something happened to you, or-or god forbid, The Admiral, I-"

- "Don't be a Stranger." georgie thinks she's funny

- michael had a childhood friend who was taken by something like michael (schizophrenic) and that's what drove him to the magnus institut-he never you over what he saw or didn't see

- Hannah is a black woman who works in the library, had a "Thing With The Milk In The Breakroom" in april 2016. Went on maternal leave to have a baby in June of 2017.

- elias enjoys scheduling

- martin zones out when he has to read a statement, and often takes little notice of his surroundings when doing so/about to do so

- martin was looking for a book called "marvelous spiritualism and the circus in tge 19th century" and a guy named tom said tim had it checked out

- danny and tim didn't talk much, but were still close

- Abigail Ellison-who tim calls abby- is a mutual friend of tim and danny's from "back home"

- tim shipped danny and abby

- out of the two of them, danny was more assertive and tim "had never been able to stand in the way of his confidence"

- tim has a big armchair, a printer, and a couch

- melanie has made everyone in the archives cry

- [basira loved wtg until it "took a weird turn in season 3" when they introduced something she thought was odd

- melanie, basira, and martin used to go out for drinks, and martin and basira were gossip buddies

- Melanie's dad had dementia relatively young, but he always remembered her. He called her "Little Moth", and her mothers life insurance helped pay for him to be put into Ivy Meadows Care Home-where he was killed by the Corruption at the hands of John Amherst before Julia and Trevor burnt it down.

- julia is in her early thirties and wears nondescript hard wearing denim

- jon thought that reading statements could be a classical addiction, but decided that even if it was he had no time to, as he put it, "experiment"

- Peter was surprised that elias killed people kimself-implying elias has people to do murders for him. what other murders did he commission

- martin and basira both noticed something wrong with melanie after the Elias Incidint when her work started to deteriorate-martin said she'd always been "quite conscientious"

- right after being told by basira that standing by with a cup of tea wasnt enough, when melanie entered the room Martin immediately offered her a cup of tea.

- Martin knocked over a stack of papers and defended himself by saying that they shouldn't have been there. the absolute madlad

- after micheal stabbed jon, jon told martin he stabbed himself with a bread knife; and martin then proceeded to A) believe him and B) not trust him with anything sharp after that

- Gerry didn't care abt what happened in the unknowing bc he's a book. jon asked if he was serious. Gerry responded that he was, in fact, dead serious.

- gerry teases jon by saying he doesn't know anything before rescinding that statement avd giving the vaguest hint possible. he's such a dickhead i love him

- gerard didn't trust gertrude-he wanted to, but she reminded him of his mother

- gerard called trevor and julia "the van helsings"

- gerry was jealous of lietner bc his mom paid so much attention to them

- mary haunted gerard for 5 years before gertrude destroyed her, and gerry cried with relief when gertrude gave him back the destroyed book

- before the unknowing, daisy was running around killing mannequins and other Strangers

- tim didn't think they would be able to stope the unknowing

- jon would rather have tim where he could see him-which is why he let tim come (guilt guilt guilt guilt GUILT GUILT GUIL GU

- basiras dad couldn't stand people who passively whined about their problems. he always said "If you don't like something, you accept it and you adapt, or you fight, and you change it. Whining doesn't help."

- Melanie was depressed before the unknowing

- jon rambles about his latest insights and melanie wants to punch him.

- martin: "it felt good, weaving my own little web." "Also, i get to burn some stuff, so that's cool"

- basira was the one to suggest that they not tell Melanie they were doing surgery

-Daisy made jon listen to the Archers. "I hate it. but it feels... good, to hate something that can't hurt me"

#the magnus archives #magnuspod #tma #jon sims tma #martin blackwood tma #basira hussain #alice daisy tonner #melanie king #georgie barker #sasha james #not sasha #tim stoker

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blondephenobarbitol · 3 months

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I actually fucking hate Mr. Jägerman here's why

Mr. Jägerman is a character in the Hatchetfield universe who is never onstage and only mentioned in 1 (one) line. This was enough to ignite my rage.

It's because in this one line, so much is revealed about Max's character. So let's dissect that.

Max is mean. We know this. The very first thing established about him is how threatening he is. But I think his character often gets lost in the 'bully' identity, because just like every other Hatchetfield character, he is layered and complex.

We also find out two other things about him pretty much immediately: He has a crush on Grace (we'll come back to that) and he needs to feel in control.

There's a lot of evidence to support this. He repeatedly refers to himself as the 'god' of Hatchetfield High. He creates arbitrary rules around who his friends can date. He creates arbitrary rules around where the nerds are 'allowed' to go. And the moment someone implies he is not as powerful as he thinks he is, he retaliates violently.

This isn't just Max being a jerk. These are all signs of someone who is almost certainly deprived of control in their home life, which forces them to find it elsewhere. Max likely has little to no say in what happens to him at home. He's clinging to a sense of control wherever he can find it. And that line basically confirms that his home isn't a safe place for him.

Back to the crush on Grace, when you look objectively at the actions Max takes in the show, you'll find that he's not really a bad person, he's a mean person. He's a little shit that processes his need for control in the entirely wrong way, but people are shaped by their surroundings. The actions that come from him are different.

His crush on Grace only supports this. Every other bully in every piece of media sees the girl they like and whistle and say "yo lemme hit that." And if the girl rejects them, they resort to "tease bitch." Not Max. The first thing he does is start a conversation with her, laughs at (what he thinks is) a joke, then offers to carry her books. Like, I wish my highschool bullies were that nice to their own girlfriends.

When she rejects him, it's true that he continues to pursue her and calls her "dirty girl," but that once again comes back to his need to feel in control. But he doesn't get aggressive, he doesn't do anything that screams 'bully.'

We don't get a lot of scenes with pre-ghost Max. But when we do, they're interesting to analyze. Like, have you ever noticed that when he finds Steph in the Waylon Place, his very first instinct is to tell her, "Get behind me, I'll protect you" from, as far as he knows, actual ghosts? He feels like his life is in danger, but he's still putting Steph's safety first, despite having no interest in her romantically. That's huge.

There's even some evidence to support that Max terrorizing the nerds is, from his perspective, not so one-sided. When he finds out they were the ones who pulled the pranks, he says "I thought you guys hated me."

And he's open to change. He's not stubborn, he's not brutal. He doesn't continue hating the nerds just because it is what it is. Moments before his death, he is showing signs of opening up to them, and actually seems like he's coming around.

And none of this is meant as trying to defend Max's actions. I know he's the antagonist. I know he treats people unfairly. But all of this has to come from somewhere. I'm trying to say that there was clearly a foundation of a good person underneath all that cruelty. So what toughened his shell?

Mr. Jägerman. Max reveals in that one line that if he were to go back home from the 'party', his dad would call him a 'little cuck.' "can't even fight off one lousy skele'uhn." In this, he reveals his dad is demeaning to him. He's the kind of man who would hear that his son was in a life-or-death situation, and instead of comforting him, he would have made fun of him.

What must that do to a person? As someone who grew up in a home where Dad wasn't always a safe person to be around, I know that when I was younger, a lot of my bad bad behaviours were something I learned from him.

The prank meant to scare Max was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for him.

I think a lot of what happens in NPMD is indirectly Mr. Jägerman's fault. "Knowledge is knowing Frankenstein is the doctor, wisdom is knowing Frankenstein is the monster" type of shit. It is directly because of his actions and the way he treated his own child that any of this happened.

or maybe I'm reading too much into this. But I fucking hate Max's dad so much.

#sincerely #nerdy prudes spoilers #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #max jagerman #max jägerman #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #tgwdlm #black friday starkid #pete spankoffski #ruth fleming #richie lipschitz #grace chasity #steph lauter #character analysis

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