#i'm awful under pressure this would 100% be me

[bellaschinchilla]

the flight attendant - conspiracy theories (1x04)

#i'm awful under pressure this would 100% be me #the flight attendant #hbo flight attendant #miranda croft #the flight attendant gif #miranda croft gif #cassie bowden #cassie bowden gif #kaley cuoco #michelle gomez #gif #gifs #my gifs

[bowieandqueen11]

Tobey!Peter Parker Dating A Plus Size Reader Would Include...

Request: Hello! I know I sent requests for "random request go!" so feel free to ignore me. I was just wondering - I was reading again your Spider-Man stuff (cause it is FANTASTIC <3 ) and I saw that in your note to "Andrew!Peter x Plus Size!Reader" you said that if anybody would ever want to, you'd be willing to write Tobey!Peter x Plus Size!Reader too. I was wondering if that's still the case. Cause if yes, I'd love to see it one day! No pressure of course, you can skip it if you want! Have a great day!

Oh my gosh lovely of course I will thank you so much, I didn't think anyone actually read those notes aha but I'm so happy you did!! Between Across the Spiderverse (which I still haven't seen yet I'm so slow!) and the Insomniac Spiderman trailer I am being well fed :)

Warning: mentions of blood/injury!

(I do not own Spider-Man or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @fmribeiro01.)

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°

I'm not joking even THINKING about this as a concept is making me squeal because like?? Tobey Peter?? Omg. Absolutely adores you. 24/7, non stop heart eyes motherfcker. Be ready for him to give you looks of such gut wrenching love and vulnerability that you'll just want to squish his cheeks together and kiss his forehead like the puppy he is.

You were 100% Peter's childhood crush, no question asked. You were always invited around to Peter's birthday parties, where the two of you would be thick as thieves for the whole night. Even poor exasperated Harry would find it oddly adorable when it was time to give Petey his cake, and he would bashfully pull out the chair beside him at the table for you to scoot onto. He thought he was so slick, bless his heart, when he reached over to fix your wonky party hat with his tiny shaking fingers, or shyly looked over at the rim of uneven frosting towards you when Aunt May carried out the homemade cake and told him to make a wish. You were always the last one to be picked up, despite living right next door: Ben, the sly old fox, could see how enamoured Peter was. How he had the firmest grip he had ever seen his nephew squeeze out around your arm, and how Peter stood holding the present you had given him in his other hand, not even noticing it because he was too busy fervently nodding and being strung along by every word you would say.

Ben would stall your parents at the door, blocking the way in by pretending to lean on his elbow, and spouting off about whether he was going to paint the living room a periwinkle or an egg shell blue. When your parents finally started to get impatient, you kissed Peter on the side of his cheek and left with a big wave, not really noticing the way he was standing stock-still, his fingers tentatively touching the side of his face and his mouth agape, blubbering like a blow fish. May has never seen him run so fast up the staircase, but Peter's so desperate to curl up alone under his duvet and thank whatever he can think of for making his wish come true, touching the wet imprint of your lips with a revered awe. Eventually, his giggling gets so loud during the night, that Ben has to come out and close over his door so he and May can get at least a little sleep.

A lot of your teenage years is spent with you jumping over your chain link fence in the middle of the night to meet a very anxious looking Peter, whose face quickly grows into a bright smile when he pulls the latest edition of the comic series you've been share-reading out from behind his back. Sitting on the cold tile by his garage, the night would slowly weave diamond dust through the sky, and sparkling joy through the irises of Peter's eye as the two of you stuck your heads together and poured over the pages. Every so often he would have to blink away, pretending he was fixing his glasses because you would catch the side-eye look he was giving you.

By the end of the night, you've fallen asleep, slobbering onto Peter's shoulder. He hasn't moved an inch: as still as marble, and doing his best to hold his breath so he doesn't rustle you, and so he can memorise the way your gratifying weight feels against the side of his shoulder. So he can imprint into his mind how tender your skin feels against his burning neck. It's only when Aunt May comes out to shake the two of you awake from the school bus that he runs into the kitchen all flustered. He grabs his backpack, and says goodbye, but refuses to change his jumper because he can still feel your imprint against the coarse wool.

From time to time that day, you'll peer round the door of your locker to catch him leaning into his, so giddy he's almost vibrating on the spot, which is probably why he's so distracted he bangs his head on the metal top of his own locker door oops.

Lunch that afternoon is even worse! Sitting diagonal across from Peter, you slide into the table next to an already frustrated looking Harry, whose kicking Pete's feet under the table and making incredibly unsubtle raised eyebrow points your way. He's so sick of the way his best friend will spend every minute of his time with you just staring: peering over his fruit pot, blabbering incoherently to himself with ruddy cheeks when he passes you the salt and your pinkie fingers brush, looking at your reflection in his spoon, pretending to stretch his arms and yawn just so he can 'look around the room', which also just so happens to be only the part that you're sitting in. He just wants his friend to be happy, and honestly, he's kind of dumbstruck that the two of you aren't together already, considering his eyes light up like gold-struck dawn every time he sees you.

It's only when Flash Thompson passes by and knocks Peter's elbow out from under him that he finally stops staring over at you. Mainly because his eyes are too busy slamming into his lunch tray, and breaking the bridge of his glasses down hard against his nose. The spell you wisp around his heart is finally broken when the blood starts gushing down his nose, and you have to half-carry him to the medical office. He spends 50% of the time walking there apologising to you, and the other 50% of the time is spent trying to stop his fingers from clenching into your arm. You've tucked him into your side, holding half his torso against you so he can spend most of his effort on pinching his nose, but he doesn't even care that he's swallowing blood anymore, he's so focused on how close he's pressed up against you. The feeling only grows more fervent, more needy, until he's twitching his thighs against the nurse's table to try and get himself to calm down, when you stay with him for the rest of the period to try and wipe some of the blood away. The way you're so close to his lips, the way that your gentle fingers are dabbing so close to his mouth that he can feel his rushing breath brush against your hairs is making him go cross-eyed with how much he's trying to focus on you.

'You know...', you start after a minute, biting your bottom lip nervously as you continued to dab at peter's nostril. 'I have eyes, Petey.'

'I-I know that, silly', he says, his breath coming out in a confused gasp. 'Me too!'

'I- I know you've been looking at me. Because I've been looking at you, too.'

His heart seems to be slamming into the caged cavity of his ribs, and yet everything seems to simultaneously be standing still: caught in a hazy, gliding, wavering dream as you slowly... ever so slowly drop the cloth into the sink, and break through the few inches between the two of you to press your lips against his top one.

For a moment, Peter is so shocked all he can do is widen his eyes, not even processing that the thing he's spent every moment of his waking and sleeping life wishing for ever since he was a child was happening right now. He tries really hard to stop his whole body from shaking, as his silky lashes finally falter shut against the top of your cheeks and he tries to focus his whole attention on the way your plush lip seems to press so perfectly against his own. After a few seconds though, when he hears the clattering of trays fall to the floor and the darkness he was letting himself fall willingly down into seems a little harder to blink out of, he realises the sound was him.

You're worried you've upset him, or stepped too far, or misconstrued his intentions when Peter falls backwards off you, but that's quickly replaced by frantic concern when he starts sliding to the floor. Thankfully, your reflexes are almost as good as his, and you're quick to wrap your arm around his back and cradle his head against your breastbone before he can slam his head against the floor again. He has to spend the rest of the day lying in the office's bed waiting until Uncle Ben can pick him up, but it was completely worth it. As he gazes up at the inane, plastered ceiling, suddenly everything else in life seemed so silly and pointless. All he cared about was rubbing his pointer finger over the wet patch of your saliva still dotted against his bottom lip, his eyes filled with a million bursting stars as he saw beyond the ceiling and into the skies, thanking it for making his birthday wish come true.

The two of you move into his crumby apartment after high school, and honestly? It's the happiest time in Peter's life. Sure, it may be small, and the walls may be flaky and they may shake every time a train rolls past the tracks outside, but every time he comes home to them he's greeted by the memories of the two of you laying against them like when you were kids, falling asleep against each other's heads as you read into the night. Sure, Ditkovich may hound the two of you constantly for rent, and the afternoons may be drowned out by the sound of his friends playing poker a couple of doors over, but they were so easy to forget in the evenings when you turned on your slightly dented radio and made a flustered Peter dance with you across the room, not stopping until you had him held tightly in your arms and he was so embarrassed with his two left feet that he was hiding his head in the curve of your luscious neck.

And sure, you may have picked up pretty quickly that Peter was Spiderman, considering he keeps hopping out the balcony at random hours and leaves his suit sometimes crumpled at the bottom of the closet, but you love him. And he adores you more than anything any universe could throw at him. So life, for the most part, is good.

Honestly, it's so cosy living with him?? Peter literally has spider strength, so he adores it when you lie on top of him in your bed. After a while of just nattering peacefully to each other about your days, winding down by playing with each other's fingers and sneaking kisses through the brackets of your arms, he feels so at peace to feel your weight familiarly resting on top of him. This need increases tenfold after he loses Ben, I think there's something so comforting to him, to know and feel that you're still so close to him, that he can synch the anxious patter of his heart against your own. He's so sweet bless him. he gets so sleepy that his head keeps falling down on top of your own, but he's so quick to lift it up again. He blinks languidly, that honey-sweet, silvery smile shadowed only by the tempered glow of the warm moonlight drifting through the balcony as he tries desperately to keep himself awake, giving his full attention to you.

There's just something about drifting off to the sound of your voice, knowing that for once, he's safe. That he's wrapped up, looked after, comforted by the love of his life. It just feels really nice to be the one coddled from time to time.

Sometimes, you'll jolt awake in the dead of night by the sound of some strange, wistful whispering echoing from somewhere in the near empty room. It takes your brain a little whirring time to realise it's coming from the hand that's spooning your waist, and the nose that's pressed tightly against the back of your thigh. Turns out Peter spends a lot of his sleepless nights tracing over your stretch marks, nestling down your back and reverently dancing his fingers up and down the tiger stipes on your waist. Every so often, he would rub his nose against their aureate lines in a fond kiss, gingerly resting his cheek against your bare skin again as he tried not to wake you up. What really made your heart melt, though, was the way an awe-struck 'wow' would slip from his lips in such a reverential tone, that Peter became so overwhelmed and could do nothing else but leave a small kiss against the side of your leg, dotted by slick tears.

This man picks you up on his scooter after your shift at work, mainly because 1) you are a much better driver than him, and it actually gets home in one piece rather than being tangled under a car wheel somewhere, and 2) when he's super stressed he finds it so comforting to wrap his arms around your side and press his forehead tightly into your back, letting the whole world melt away until nothing but whirling air and the scent of you is left. He always arrives outside your office building ten minutes early, making your secretary laugh when she spots him straightening his best flowery tie in the reflection of the waste bin by the bench outside. He has his best suit on, freshly pressed, and is nervously stepping from foot to foot with a crumpled bouquet of roses in his hand, like a teenager waiting to ask his crush to prom.

Every. Single. Day. You honestly just wait for the secretary to buzz you so you can grab your coat and run outside; you know far too well that Peter either dumps his Spidey suit through the window, or just wears his proper suit underneath so he isn't late. Doesn't matter if he has to catch five buses from the Daily Bugle, or has to 'borrow' his moped from 'Joe's Pizza' to get there on time, he's always there. And he always wants to look his best for you, even though he's still so surprised that someone as ethereal as you would even bother to look his way that he has to shuffle a handkerchief out of his trouser pocket and dab at the sweat beading on his forehead.

It's either that, or Peter scaring the bejesus out of you by picking you up with his webs. You'll just be minding your own business, walking down the sidewalk on your way back from your lunch break, only to be hoisted, screaming into the air and past an equally petrified looking pigeon. Peter does feel bad the first time he did this, since you were screaming the whole time he swung you, but you've settled into a better routine now. You've found it easier to watch the scattered tiles of churches and the blurred crests of building whiz by while you're holding on tightly to his waist, and your feet are firmly pressed on top of his own so he can keep you steady against him. I mean, you might still bury your head into his shoulder blade in absolute terror, but he makes it up to you by landing you down gracefully on top of your office a couple of minutes before you go back in.

The adrenaline from swinging about New York makes the kisses far more heated, and it's always helpful to have a little privacy when you pull the edge of his latex mask harshly up past the bridge of his nose and nearly knock him flying over the cornerstones with how fervidly you smash your lips against him. His arms instinctively come to wrap around you, and even he's grown a little more emboldened by the knowledge that you actually do love him and this isn't some cruel villain trick or high school prank, to open his mouth and press his tongue lovingly against yours. He never wants to let you go, so before he lets you go back to your job he gives you a tight hug, and presses a million warm little kisses in a treasure trail down the pulse point in your neck.

This man literally has like... two outfits, so he's constantly wearing your clothes! Surprise! You come home to find him sitting criss-cross on the bed, face bruised and tired worn from his latest clash with Doc Ock, but your sweatshirt tucked over him and lifted up against his cheeks like a little hidden koala bear. Surprise! You plan a surprise birthday party for him with Aunt May, only for him to turn up after work wearing one of your jumpers! It's just so snug, and homey, and it reminds Peter of when he was ten years old; when you came round to sleepover, and the two of you would crash on his mat after spending so long pouring through and excitedly talking about the new quantum theories in the science magazines he used to buy with his pocket money, Peter would shuffle up beside you. With a sharp breath, he would tentatively turn on his side and pray he wouldn't wake you up, curling into the foetal position. With a smile like dawn breaking through the soft tufts of a cloud, he would press his nose into your shoulder and just breathe you in, hoping he would never forget it as long as he lived.

This man loves to take you out dancing, mainly so he can grin wildly and show you off to every other customer in the restaurant. Every time he passes the waiter, or the Maitre d', he points wildly at your back and mouths ecstatically 'that's my Y/n!'. He legitimately pools all the money he's made from the photography, and from the pizza delivery together so he can take you to a fancy restaurant uptown. He feels so nervous when he gets up with that breathless smile and offers you his hand, but all his troubles just immediately melt away once he feels your hand brush over the strands of hair at the nape of his neck. He falls against you, easily caught just like he was all those years ago. Your fingers feel so soft, so perfect as they slot between his own, although his left hand never stops rubbing over the supple skin of your waist as he sways the two of you back and forth in time to the dream-like lullaby of the string quartet.

#spiderman #spiderman imagine #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker headcanons #peter parker x plus size reader #tobey!peter #tobey!spidey #tobey!peter parker #spiderman x reader #spiderman headcanons #plus size reader #spiderman x plus size reader #tobey!peter parker imagine #tobey!spiderman #tobey!spidey imagine #tobey!spiderman imagine

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

Was Vita suddenly more interested in Seele than the others because she witnessed Seele saving her when they first met?

I don't know for sure! It could be that, or it could be because she read her mind and found her interesting. Remember, she's the narrator when they meet, so even if she was still physically very weak, she had omniscience to work with. She planted herself on their path to start following them around (engineered meet-cute??)

She does emphasize how cool Seele was, claiming she must have looked like an idiot but couldn't stop staring in awe, so it could be part regular physical attraction, doesn't have to be 100% deep psychological stuff.

THAT SAID...

My personal interpretation, especially based on their conversation in chapter 38, is that she likes Seele so much because Seele is set up as a paragon, someone who's unfailingly kind and determined to stay that way. Even in a battle to the death against someone who just annihilated an entire world, with her friends in it, she refuses to use her most destructive powers and gives Vita multiple chances to back down. That takes some balls ya know?

Further character analysis under the cut:

In that same ch38 conversation, Vita backhandedly tries to claim Seele must be sheltered to behave this way, that Seele must be secretly scared now that she's in REAL trouble, but she's firmly denied because Seele's determination is born of experience overcoming hardship. This unsettles Vita. Seele's faith that they can save this "hometown" after Vita has lost it over and over, unsettles Vita.

(We now know that she's actually lost her genuine "hometown", Phosphorus, EIGHT times to Sa's maniacal behavior. I'd even say Phosphorus and Salt Snow are quite similar in the innocence of their citizens, the peaceful atmosphere, the worship of a central religious figure, being threatened by Sa destroying it... and to make matters worse, it seems Hua's arc happens concurrently, so maybe Phosphorus is already in danger while Vita's in Salt Snow..! Man she's going through it.)

Vita lowered her eyes, not knowing whether to be nostalgic or uneasy. (...)

...No, in any case, she was not another "Vita". Her name is "Seele"…just like "Vita", not one syllable more, not one syllable less.

The uneasiness that was wrapped up in fate had nothing to do with the other person.

This bit makes me wonder whether Vita sees someone she once wanted to be in Seele. Failed to be. Would have liked to be. After all, she's not once succeeded in saving anyone, and unlike Seele, she's got quite the rotten personality after all— she admits it herself.

Hua: Why didn't you tell me about this before? Vita: Because I'm a bad, selfish woman. Hua: ? Vita: Hmm… Do you really want me to be more specific? I am… Vita: …I'm always trying to maximize my own interests, so I'm completely helpless when it comes to nice people like you and Seele.

Vita's claims that she's not nice, that she's a selfish villain and owns it, but she doesn't like it, and she's not completely sincere when she claims to be, either. At the end of chapter 39 she tells Seele she's irredeemable and won't even feel guilt because no one died this time, but that implies she does feel remorse for all the terrible hurt she's been in the middle of, yeah?

So, sure, she spends her time faking her personality and manipulating people, but she's not happy about it. One of the secret scenes in chapter 40 has her being extremely bothered by Marah telling her she's similar to Sa:

I hate repetitive work. Yes, the emphasis is on “repetitive”, not “work”.

Due to the nature of my work, the second I open my eyes, I have to be an outgoing, friendly girl who’s equally shrewd and oblivious.

As for why I need to act like that, who knows? Everyone just can’t resist that type of woman… Or, perhaps that kind of woman is disarming?

Being amiable means that we can get along well without any pressure, and the hint of shrewdness gives me a nice veil of mystery. As for being oblivious… Being oblivious makes a flawless person more adorable. Do you understand?

Undeniably, I’m really in my element at work with such a personality. But Marah said that I’m like “them”… The one from before. Haha… do we resemble each other though? Are those traits part of my nurture? Or, are they actually part of “our” nature? Among countless conversations, I tried to search for the answer to this question.

I listened to their complaints patiently, answered their questions sincerely, gave them hugs when they needed consolation, offered them gifts when they finally grew, and in the end, became their friend.

And that is what I hate the most!

I think she's seriously concerned about what she might do if left on her own. In chapter 41 she has this conversation with Hua:

Vita: What does tens of thousands of years of life feel like to you now? (...) Vita: Then… what if you are a hopeless villain? Vita: Think about it, since your meaning is irrelevant… if you plan to do something bad, no one can stop you? Hua: At one time it did seem possible. But not now. Vita: ..Because you have a "different" friend? Life is as long as you, and ability is as powerful as you? Hua: Heh… don't you know everything. Vita: …Yeah, I can imagine. Vita: (It's just… that doesn't suit me at all …… )

She's not asking for hypotheticals about how Sa could have gone better, she's talking about herself. Of course she doesn't say why it doesn't suit her, but I believe her self-perception as a bad person is pretty telling. How could someone like her find a suitable friend to hold her back?

(It's unclear when in the Salt Snow timeline this conversation happens besides that she already knows Seele and watched Senti fight at least once, but it's probably still before the final fight, her mood would change noticeably if she was finally freed and she's very withdrawn and bitter when Sa descends.

Also, earlier she notes that saying Sa's name too many times or doing things Sa doesn't like too much could alert her, so the telepathic link is probably still intact.

Just my guesses though.)

Vita obviously doesn't know many people with a lifespan comparable to hers, and while her power likely still varies with whatever Sa lets her have at this point, her manipulative side is a threat in its own right. Pretty difficult to find a friend who could overcome that and voluntarily stick around to boot!

Seele, though, with her unfailingly kind personality and sharp enough eye to see through Vita's lies? Especially once she's become a Herrscher? (Interestingly Vita calls Seele our Herrscher heh)

Seele is exactly this kind of impossibly good person she needs around to balance out her darkness.

At the end of chapter 39, Vita humbly calls Seele "my friend, if you'll allow me to call you that"— I think this conversation above, about Hua's friend who she can trust to keep her in line, is meant to echo that moment.

Additionally, I'm fairly certain the reason she stuck around to explain everything to Seele was the conversation she had with Red in one the secret scenes. Vita's initial reaction is to bear with people's hatred and keep living for herself, but Red tells her she still wants to talk to the little boy who started to hate her because it takes effort to become friends when you're strangers. Vita made an effort to make things right with Seele and be her friend, and even vowed to always support her no matter what. Vita is invested in Seele, enough to go against her first impulses to make things right.

But then she leaves to enjoy her freedom at the end of chapter 39— she wishes her a safe trip home. So is she not scared of being a bad person anymore? Nah, I don't think that's it. I think she just likes Seele too much to involve her in something terrible like say... herself.

See, it really is not suitable for her to have a friend to balance her out...

...she doesn't want to be a burden.

Plus she hardly accepts the little Vitas' affection to begin with, acting either coldly or insincerely with them, and the Vitas only have her. Seele has other friends, obligations and a home to return to already.

Bonus: The devs also had this to say about Vita's self perception:

Designer: Also a villain, but Vita doesn't feel so hateful.

Fanchuan: She is a pure dark color. You think she is evil, she doesn't think so. She is quite innocent at it.

An interesting thing to say about a self-admitted villain right? Her not being hateful is very noticeable, but saying Vita's evil is "innocent" and that she doesn't think she's evil seems to completely contradict what she's says about herself— like that she's a "bad and selfish woman".

There's a difference between thinking you're evil and thinking you're a bad person though.

Of course this talk isn't canon, just a Word of God, but think about it. She's a ruthless manipulator and she knows it, alright. Her acts and methods are quite problematic, she even looks down on people's struggles for their lives as boring and taunts them. Makes sense that people like Veliona see her as evil.

However, her intentions are innocent. Wanting to save Salt Snow or Phosphorus, wanting to spend time with friends, wanting to escape Sa's control, wanting to be free and happy, these are innocent desires.

In conclusion, Vita's a good girl at her core; she wants simple and good things, and she's concerned about doing bad things unimpeded. However, because of how she's lived her life, this girl is packaged with a rotten personality, and has no peer she's comfortable relying on.

Seele, however, is exactly the kind of person that could balance her out, and she's attracted to that goodness and determination, admiring how smart she is to see through Vita's lies and how kind she is to spare even Vita at her worst.

Also yeah, seems to think Seele's hot with a scythe.

The arc title being "Dance of Life and Death" suits Vita's struggles pretty well, doesn't it?

#honkai impact #hi3 #vita #vitaseele #character analysis #honkai spoilers #asks

[sillyrabbit81]

The Fallen Wolves Brotherhood - Part Eight

Series Summary: Lori "Babycakes" Tate swore she would never date a biker but when her life is in danger, she is put under the protection of a small club known as The Fallen Wolves Brotherhood. She suddenly finds herself attracted to not one, but five bikers.

A reverse harem, biker AU.

Part Eight Summary: Things between Sy and Lori heat up.

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC, Walter Marshall x OFC, Mike x OFC, Geralt x OFC, August Walker x OFC

Word Count: Approx. 3.8k

Warnings:

Series Warnings: Reverse harem, age gap (OFC 23, ages range from 23 to mid 40s), oral sex (male and female receiving), unprotected p in v sex, anal sex, group sex, masturbation, praise kink, mentions of body fluids, drug use, recreational drinking, sex work, criminal activities, mention of death, violence, use of weapons, mentions of war, mentions of abuse, angst, fluff, probably a lot more that I will add as they come up.

Part Eight Warnings: Smut, fingering, (female receiving), oral sex (m and f receiving), unprotected p in v sex, dirty talk, praise kink, some possessive thoughts, some fluff, some angst. (I think thats it.)

Authors Note: Thanks as always to my lovely BBFs (Best Beta's forever) @henryobsessed and @nashibirne Thanks also to @radiantheartbeat for giving parts of this chapter an edit. I really struggled getting this right and I'm still not 100% sure about it. I like it mostly, there are parts I love, but I think some parts are a bit clunky. Although it's beta'd and edited in some parts, I ultimately edited it, so all mistakes are my fault and I've looked at this so often now that I'm probably overlooking a lot of stuff so I apologise for that. I really hope you enjoy it and I also wanted to apologise for the wait.

Divider made by me. Edited by me, there will be errors.

Masterlist

Parts Masterlist

Part Seven Part Nine

Syverson

Lori moaned, her voice an unsteady quiver as I stroked her and spread her apart. Her head fell to the mattress with a low sigh and her thighs opened wider. I coated my fingers in her glossy slick and smeared it over her until her pussy glistened. I swallowed hard; the sight of her ready, quivering, and wet was making my mouth water, not to mention her faint feminine scent that tickled my nose and throat. I kissed her inner thigh, right on the crease, letting my teeth scrape over her trembling tendon. 

“That’s it,” I whispered hoarsely, “So fuckin’ pretty. Lookin’ so pretty for me.”

My cock strained against my jeans. Fuck! It throbbed so bad I needed to reach down and quickly rearrange myself before focusing my attention back on her. 

“Sy…” Lori whimpered again and I grinned.

“Easy, baby. I’ve got you. I–” My finger slipped inside her and… “Fuck.” 

Sweet Jesus, she was everything I hoped for; warm, tight, and so wet that she let me in effortlessly. I swear my cock tried to punch through my jeans, as if trying to get where my finger was. 

Her thighs closed around my hand as her hips rolled so I slid my free hand between her knees, exerting gentle pressure. 

“C’mon, baby,” I coaxed.

She relaxed around my finger and her knees fell to the bed as her hips rolled. I pulled my finger out slowly, watching with awe at how it shone, covered in her wetness. I added a second finger, just as easily as the first, and her thighs quivered, threatening to close, but she held them open.

“That's good, baby. You're bein’ so good for me,” I told her, as she clamped down hard on me and her back arched. 

For all her tough talk and her sass, she seemed to want to be obedient. She wanted to do what I told her, and fuck me if that wasnt the hottest thing. 

I curved my fingers as I pumped them slowly inside of her, watching and committing to memory every hitch of her breath, every gnaw of her lip, every twitch of her brows.

“Oh God, Sy,” she cried suddenly and lifted herself to her elbows. Her mouth was agape and breath was coming in in short, sharp pants. 

“That’s it. That’s where ya want me,” I said, my voice was thick and gravelly even to my ears.

“Yeah, right there.”

I kept watching her as I covered her clit with my thumb. I wanted my mouth there, but it wouldn’t hurt to tease her some more and watch her taut belly shake. She moaned softly, mumbling my name like a prayer as I rolled over her hard little nub, finding a rhythm she seemed to like.

Jesus, I was a mess, a pathetic, simpering mess for this girl, and I didn’t even give a shit. My skin felt two sizes too small for me, like I was about ready to burst. I had wanted to draw this out, make it last for her, but the sight of her, pink, swollen and glazed with her arousal, made my mouth water and I needed a taste. Maybe next time I’d make it good and slow and… next time. Shit, what next time? Tomorrow I’d be gone and who knew would happen.

“Sy?”

The sound of her soft question stopped me from going further with my thoughts. Later. I’d think about that later. Right now, I needed— her.

I withdrew my thumb and fingers and placed a soft kiss on her, my nose catching her intoxicating scent again. I dipped my tongue between her smooth lips and when her taste hit me I groaned, and buried myself deeper. She was perfect, her flavor reminding me of warm summers by the beach with a cherry gin cocktail. Don’t ask me how the fuck that came to me, but that was her, that was Lori. 

And all I wanted was more.

I kept tasting her with long sweeps along her slit, my nose brushing past the soft, short curls on her mound. I wanted to feel every part of her tender skin against my tongue and the more I tongued her, the sweeter and wetter she became.

“God damn it,” I growled, lifting my head and licking my lips, “Baby, you’re drenched. Makin’ such a mess for me.”

“Oh my God, Sy!” Every part of her shook, from her feet to her voice as she tried to mumble, “Don’t stop, don’t stop.”

As if I could; as if I would with her so close. I wanted to see it, wanted to feel it, wanted to give her that moment of pure ecstasy. Next time - there had to be a next time -  I’d tease her, get her to the edge then slow down, drawing the whole thing out just so I could keep my mouth on her longer. But not today, I didn’t have the control or finesse for that now; from the moment I tasted her, I was driven into a savage, primal need.

“God, please, Sy, I need… put your fingers in me.”

I didn’t hesitate and gave her what she wanted, curving two fingers deep inside, pumping them against that spot I’d found earlier. She shuddered against my mouth, pulsing, contracting, squeezing my fingers so hard I had to use force to keep them where she needed them. 

She reached out her hand and found mine splayed over the inside of her thigh keeping her quivering legs open. She wrapped her slim fingers around my thick thumb, all of them fitting around me as she gripped me. I covered her hand with my fingers, her tiny fist in mine and I squeezed gently.

“Oh God, Sy! Oh fuck! I’m…”

Her whole body became rigid, everything tightened and a deep scarlet bloomed over her neck and the top of her chest. Then she started grinding against me, her hips rocking wildly and her pussy pulsed around my fingers and against my mouth.

Oh fuck me, she was coming.

And it was fan-fucking-tastic. 

My self control was at its limit— watching her body shiver with aftershocks, tits pointing high to the ceiling, belly quivering—my cock was pressing so hard against the fly of my jeans I thought it would pop the damn button on its own.

I was sitting back on my knees before I knew it, my hands clawing at my belt. My eyes raked her glowing, lush body, and my mouth was so full of her taste I couldn’t think straight. I tore my eyes away from her to the enclosures around my waist, taking a deep breath while willing myself to calm down and I finally unclasped my belt.

But then her hands covered mine, warm and soft, they took over, pulling my jeans apart, the buttons popping open, the sound a slow tease. I looked at her. She was sitting up now, legs still on either side of me, her eyes wide as she stared up at me, her mouth parted as she continued to catch her breath.

She was so fucking pretty.

She tugged my jeans and boxers down, carefully pulling them away as I reached down to help her. For once I was speechless— no, I had plenty of things I wanted to say, wanted to beg— but I stayed quiet, biting on my lip and hoping like hell she was going to do what I thought she was.

She kept her eyes on mine as she kissed my hip, her warm breath heating my skin and her soft kiss-swollen lips made my cock swell, as it ached for the same attention. Then she blindly reached for me, taking me in her hand and my breath burst from my lungs like I’d been gut-punched, rumbling out my throat in a groan. I felt myself jerk in her hand, desperate for more, clinging by a finger to the edge of sanity as her kisses swept slowly towards her hand.

I lifted my hand to her cheek, her skin was flushed, subtly humid and soft. 

“Baby.”

The corners of her mouth raised in an uncertain smile and her free hand slid up my thigh. Her smile grew more confident, no doubt she could feel how badly I twitched beneath her touch. 

I felt her breath on me, and her hand moved gently, slowly, softly.

“Sweet— fuckin’— God damn,” I muttered senselessly as her lips brushed the base of my cock and her velvety tongue slipped out, hot and wet, making my hips kick. “Makin’ me crazy.”

As her eyes met mine, the corners of her open mouth lifted into a smirk and I was reminded of the lyrics to an old AC/DC song.

She was taking her time, I was losing my mind…

She had the face of an angel, Smiling with sin

Then her mouth opened and she brought me inside. My body shook as an explosive heat rocketed up my cock and for a second I thought I was going to blow then and there. 

Did she have any idea what she was doing to me? 

One look at her eyes said she absolutely knew and she was loving it. God damn, that was hot.

“Fuck me, just look at you,” I growled through gritted teeth.

Her hand moved over my shaft, while her hot warm mouth covered the tip, her tongue lapping and swirling. Her already fevered cheeks blushed deeper and she took me further into her mouth. My head lulled and my legs tensed as she brought me closer to the edge. I put my hand on her neck and felt her jaw move as she sucked gently.

She went too far and gagged, my head lifted to see her pull away, and I watched stunned as a thin strand of drool stretched from her mouth to the head of my cock.

Jesus fucking Christ.

She went straight back to it, her mouth enclosing over me hungrily and although it was hot as hell, I took her cheeks in my hands and lifted her head.

“I want to,” she said.

“I know,” I smirked and she scowled and turned her eyes away from me. “But I dont wanna cum yet.”

Her eyes came back to mine, and she bit her lip. 

“Yeah,” I said, covering her still soaked slit with my hand. I slid two fingers inside again, “I’m gonna be right in here when I cum,” I lowered myself over her, pushing her back onto the bed, my fingers still deep in her slick heat, “I’m gonna feel you cum round cock.”

Her lips met mine and she was not gentle. I growled, curving my fingers roughly against that spot I’d found earlier. She lifted her mouth from mine, throwing her head back as her body arched beneath me, pressing the soft swell of her tits against my chest. I hovered my mouth over hers, trying to breathe in every strangled cry. She gripped my arm in her hand, her fingers dug into my muscle.

“Fuck,” she murmered, “your arms are like stone.”

“You like it?” I asked lowly.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know exactly how attractive you are,” she said breathlessly.

“Don’t know how attractive I am to you,” I said.

She bit her lip trying to cover up a shy grin. “Very,” she whispered, breathlessly.

My heart skipped a beat, literally skipped. I felt like quicksilver pumped through my veins, burning me from inside, threatening to explode at any moment.

“You want me?” I asked.

“You know I do.”

“Yeah, I do,” I drawled slowly. I stroked her deep inside, she was still so wet, I could feel it as it welled within her. “I can feel it here. You want me inside you. You want me to fill ya up.”

“Yes,” she said.

I should have shut up, I should have been satisfied, but I had to know. Before the inevitable happened, I needed to know she wanted me.

I meant what I said to Marshall; it eased me to know she’d have him and my Brothers. I didn’t begrudge the obvious attraction she felt for them or they felt for her. I believed they cared for her as she did them.

But I was a selfish prick, and right now, for this moment at least, she was all mine.

“Say it, say the words,” I practically snarled, my teeth sinking into the soft flesh of her earlobe. “Tell me you want me.”

“Oh God, Sy!”

I moved down her neck, teeth and tongue digging into her fragile skin, marking her up, staking my claim. 

“Tell me,” I growled.

“I want you, Sy.”

I was on my knees holding her thighs open and my cock was plunging into her before I even realised I had moved. Hot and soft, snug and slick, she wrapped around me like a silk glove, hugging me firmly, but still she yielded. Every part of me trembled as I eased into her; the sight of her core blooming around me was almost too much. We both cried out as our bodies met, my low grunt was met with her high gasp.

“Lori,” I mumbled, my eyes finding hers. Her eyes were wide, glassy, almost unfocussed, looking all fucked out when I’d barely begun. I laid over her, letting my weight sink softly onto her and she sighed. “Shit, baby, look at me.”

She blinked and her eyes moved slowly to mine.

“You good?” I asked in a whisper. I kissed the edge of her mouth with a soft brush of my lips, barely more than that, but I knew she felt it because she squeezed me with her thighs.

“So good.” 

Her arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer, her lips meeting mine. I kissed her back hard, I couldn’t hold back as I circled my hips, pulling out slowly before plunging deep into her plush heat. But the harder I kissed her, the harder she kissed back until our mouths were an uncontrolled, wet tangle of lips, tongue and teeth.

With one hand fisted in her hair, the other gripping her hip and lifted my head. She was beautiful like this, eyes heavy lidded, plump reddened lips parted, her cheeks glowing with lust. I pulled on her hair, making her neck elongate, seeing the marks I’d left on her and the tremor in her throat with each panting gasp.

Sweat broke over my skin as the last thread of civility within me snapped. I gave in to my raw and wild primality and nonsensical guttural groans fell from my lips. I rose to my knees again as I clawed at her hips and lifted them with me, her shoulders still on the bed.

Nothing was gentle now. Everything was rough, frenzied, and desperate. I lifted her leg onto my shoulder and sunk my teeth into her calf while she left scratches on my arm as she clutched at me, trying to hold on.

My fingers dug deep into the subtle flesh of her hips, keeping her right where I wanted her as I set a brutal, grinding pace. My brain was in overload, she overwhelmed me; there was so much of her to hear, see and feel. I could hear the sounds of her throaty moans, the wet slaps of our bodies colliding and the headboard crashing into the wall. I could see her tits bouncing and her core swallowing me as I pounded into her. But it wasn’t enough, I wanted more. And I knew when I got it, all I’d want is more and more, and still more of her.

She drew her thighs together suddenly, and I felt her squeeze me as she cried out. She reached for my neck and pulled me down for a kiss, moaning into my mouth as I started increasing my pace.

“You feel so fucking good,” she breathed into my mouth.

“Baby, you feel fuckin’ phenomenal.”

She let me go and pressed her hand flat on my chest and seemed to push me away while her other hand gripped my thigh, nails digging in as she pulled me closer, tightening and releasing in time with the rocking motion of my hips.

The heel in my shoulder dug deeper, as every muscle in her body grew tight and her eyes closed while her chin lifted and her jaw clenched. She stopped breathing a moment before taking another deep ragged breath, the air from her lungs sawing through her throat as each heady moan became higher and higher. 

“Oh God baby, you’re gonna come ain’t ya?” I said, the words barely recognisable to my ears as they fell out on top of each other. “You gonna come for me? Gonna come ‘round my cock? Gonna let me feel it?”

She didn’t reply and her neck and chest started blossoming into those deep hues of pink and red. Then she nodded as she lifted her head, her eyes popping open to give me an intense and molten steel blue gaze. Her brows furrowed while her plump scarlet lips curled into almost a snarl.

She was gone, completely and totally gone. And I fucking loved it.

“Then c’mon, baby,” I rumbled. 

My hips moved faster, pistoning wildly, my chaotic thoughts became urgently singular; I would see her to her end. 

She gasped and her hips undulated wildy beneath me before my name fell from her lips in a long hoarse moan. She seemed to come forever and I fucked her through it despite her cunt gripping me so tight that it took more than a little effort to keep up my rhythm. But I did it, I gave it to her, gave her every fucking bit I had because I never wanted to stop making her feel as good, never wanted to stop watching her get lost in complete euphoric oblivion.

“Oh shit, oh fuckin’ hell,” I snarled. I could feel her everywhere, feel every delicious contraction of her walls as they pulsed around me. “Oh fuck me, I’m gonna come.” 

“Fuck yes, yes,” she cried, though her body was starting to become lax, “Do it.”

“Gonna cum,” I said breathlessly, the words falling from my mouth in an unconscious stream, “so good… tight little… fuckin’ hot pussy.”

Sweat started rolling down my face, stinging my eyes. But I wasn’t gonna stop. I couldn't. Every inch of me tingled as my orgasm threatened at the base of my cock. Lori smiled, a completely blissed out, fucked out, stretch of the lips. She reached up, ran her hand over my brow, wiping away the salty liquid.

“Come inside me, Sy,” she whispered, dropping her hand to my neck, “I want you inside me.”

“Oh fuck, Lori,” I leaned down, her leg still on my shoulder and she curled beneath me. I needed her lips on mine, needed to taste her pretty mouth, needed more of me inside her. “I fuckin’ love fuckin’ you. You’re so fuckin’ good…” 

I pounded harder, deeper, wrapping my arms around her, holding her close as if she were going to disappear if I didn’t. The tingling grew out of control, everything grew tight before it exploded in a rush and I lifted my mouth from hers, my jaw clenching, air whistling through my teeth before I felt the warm rush of my release rocket up my cock, spilling deep inside her.

When it was over and I could think again, my head was in the crook of Lori’s neck, and her arms and legs were wrapped around me. I groaned then inhaled deeply and enveloped her into my arms. She ran the tips of her fingers down my spine, making my already liquid body shiver and my softening cock kicked within her. She giggle and I chuckled, nipping gently at her ear before I lifted my head.

“Don’t move,” she whispered.

“I’m too heavy,” I said, but I lowered my head again.

“No, you’re perfect. Please?”

I hummed in response and brushed my lips softly over the bites I had left earlier. I turned my face towards her and she turned hers towards me. For a moment I let myself drown in her eyes while I committed this moment to memory.

I hated that I was leaving her.

I hated that she wouldn’t be mine when I came home.

No, that wasn’t quite right. I wasn’t mad about that. 

I thought about Marshall outside and the others in their rooms and I felt a bit guilty. I wonder how much they had heard, I hadn’t even thought about trying to be quiet. It wasn’t fair, I hadn’t been fair. I saw something I wanted and I took it with no real thought about my Brothers. Well, except for one.

Walker… he couldn’t love any woman. He wouldn’t see a moment like this with Lori as a gift, he was all about power. He would use her, take and take from her until she had nothing left to give. His cold brutality served us as a club, I’ll begrudgingly admit, but in a relationship, he would destroy her. He’d chew her up and spit her out and I wouldn’t let that happen.

I was right to have that talk with Marshall, to let him know how it was. I hoped he’d see it was more than just to keep her away from Walker, it was to make what I did right. I hope he understood that.

Eventually I had to move and with a groan, I moved off her and laid next to her on my back. Something didn’t feel right so I grabbed Lori and I rolled her over me, so she was laying on my other side.

She giggled, “Why would you do that?”

Why did I do that? My eyes darted to the door and I realised I had instinctively wanted to put myself between her and the door. She was mine to protect. If someone got past the man outside the door, they sure as fuck won’t get past me.

I reached down to the floor and grabbed her panties and my t-shirt and handed them to her. 

“Put these on before you go to sleep.” She furrowed her brows and tilted her head in a silent question. “Incase something happens during the night and one of my Brothers has to come in.”

“Oh.” She looked down at the shirt, then she leaned over and gave me a long, soft kiss. “Thank you.”

“It’s just a t-shirt,” I said, feeling a rush of blood going straight between my legs. Jesus, apparently I was not done for the night.

“No, not for that.”

“For what then?”

“For a while, I actually forgot why I’m here. I wasn’t thinking about anything except you. Thank you for that.”

I nodded slowly, trying to suppress my growing grin. Lori’s eyes grew wide and she laughed as I sprang up on all fours and trapped her beneath me.

“Wanna forget some more?” I asked.

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #captain syverson #syverson fanfiction #captain syverson fanfic #captain syverson fanfiction #captain syverson x ofc #syverson #syverson x ofc #cpt syverson #captain sy #august walker fanfiction #august walker #august walker fic #august walker x ofc #walter marshall #walter marshall fanfiction #walter marshall x ofc #walter marshall fic #geralt x ofc #geralt of rivia #geralt fanfic #geralt of rivia x ofc #geralt of rivia fanfiction #mike (hellraiser) #mike hellraiser #hellraiser mike #mike hellraiser fic #mike (hellraiser) fic

[picnokinesis]

could you tell me (without major plot spoilers -- details about characters and character dynamics are fine) what you loved most about 13's era? <3 I've started my first major who rewatch since I fell off the bandwagon (somewhere along season 11), and I'd love to know what I can look forward to!!

Oh my days hello!! Welcome to my blog! :D Be careful scrolling around because there are a LOT of spoilers (one character in particular is a walking spoiler rip) but oh man hMMM this is such a good question okay because I'll be 100% honest with you, I wasn't actually the biggest fan of s11? Like, don't get me wrong, there are certain episodes that I absolutely love (The Woman Who Fell to Earth is a prime example) and I know there are a lot of people who love it a lot, but on the whole I was pretty 'meh' about that season. It's a great set up, though, for what comes next - because you know how in s11 the Doctor is very much, on the surface, all happy go lucky and everything about the universe is wonderful? Well, that's one hell of a façade, and I really love s12 and 13 because we gradually get to see that mask start to crack under pressure, and it's SO good to see how the Doctor just...steadily losing her ability to keep it up. And she's so SO terrible with vulnerability - I said it in an ask yesterday, but I'm certain that a LOT of that comes from Grace dying so fast after she met her, newly regenerated, as well as losing Bill at the end of s10, and it means that she keeps everyone else at arm's length and won't let anyone see her vulnerable, because she has to keep everyone safe and she can't let anyone else die she can't lose anyone she can't do that again. And in s12 and 13, you get to see some of the consequences of her not actually being upfront about everything with her companions.

On a similar note, I really REALLY love the key thematic threads in the last two series! There's a lot about memory, identity, trauma and grief in s12 particularly, but also in s13 too, and I absolutely LOVE stories that delve into those. For me, it's been such a treat to have storylines that really dig into these ideas and explore them. There's also a general anti-imperialist theme, especially in s12 and 13, which I really enjoyed. There is some pretty divisive additions to Gallifreyan/Doctor Who lore in s12 and 13, but I personally really REALLY love it - I think it really adds to the story and expands the sandbox, so to speak, whilst also doing this INCREDIBLE job of 1) adding new layers of angst to old episodes of Doctor Who reaching waaaaaay back into Classic, whilst preserving the episodes as they were before so you can read them either way, as well as 2) taking odd bits of canon that didn't make sense and weaving them into a coherent storyline. It's genuinely really cool, to me at least. So I would say go into that with an open mind.

There's also some WONDERFUL characters in s12 and 13 - I won't say who or what or where, but there's a lot of fun stuff. I don't know how you found my blog, so you might not know that I write a lot of fanfic, and I've had a whale of time exploring some of the side/recurring characters in s12 and 13, and they're such a joy to write :) But of course the MAIN characters are so SO fantastic - I absolutely ADORE thirteen, she's awful and a massive hypocrite but also just doing her best and trying to keep herself together (and failing), and she's so great to write. I've written over half a million words (literally) about her now, so I think that should tell you how much inspiration Thirteen and this entire era has given me. And the companions are just fabulous. ALSO!! There's a LOT of telepathy and other tropes in this era that I've reaaaaally really loved.

Also - and this is just a little thing, but whilst I love Moffat's era, he did have a tendency to overuse the TARDIS cloister bell - which, I mean, that's fine because I love it HAHA but in Chibnall's era, I think we only hear it......once? I think? I may be wrong, but I remember the one main time we hear it is pretty far into his era and I was like YOOOOOOOOO because we hadn't heard it in so long, right? And so to suddenly hear it again.......it was like 'oh frick, this is REALLY BAD then', and it just gave me chills, yknow? So I liked that a lot!

There are probably a bunch of other things too, but I reckon that gives you a sense of it. I think one thing to really remember with Chibnall's era is that the more you dig into the stories and engage with them, the more you discover and the more it rewards you. A lot of storylines that can seem really simple or sparse on the surface can end up being SO rich once you sit with them for a few minutes. I think I've particularly discovered this as I've written fanfic, but also just thinking about stuff and how it all connects - within itself as an era, but also back into previous eras too! It's such a celebration of the entire show - especially the last episode - and it's very VERY obviously been made by a team of people who had an absolute blast making it, and were all very supportive of each other. I've also really appreciated that there's been a genuine strive towards diversity, both in front of and behind the camera, and whilst there have definitely been some pretty blatant missteps, from what I've seen and heard (for example, during Gally One panels) these efforts were done with good intentions behind them, and all the time actively striving towards something better? And I personally think that a flawed end result is much better than one that plays it safe with no diversity at all. It's a step in the right direction, at least - and, post Doctor Who, Chibnall pretty much immediately went to set up a project that trained up new producers because he said that 'too many showrunners are people like me' - so I think that suggests (to me, at least) that his money is where his mouth is.

ANYWAY that ended up being long....hope this helps, though!! And I really hope that you enjoy watching this era as much as I did!! :D I've loved Doctor Who since 2005, but s12 and s13 just catapulted me into being absolutely obsessed with it again, and it's been so wonderful to get so much joy out of something that I've loved since I was a kid

VERY QUICKLY THOUGH - list of some of my favourite Thirteen episodes, in no particular order:

War of the Sontarans

Spyfall (parts 1 and 2)

Village of the Angels

The Woman Who Fell to Earth

Survivors of the Flux

Ascension of the Cybermen

Fugitive of the Judoon

Eve of the Daleks

The Power of the Doctor

#taka replies #anon #long post #doctor who #chibnall era #thirteenth doctor #thirteen #the doctor #uhhhhhhhhh idk what to tag this #but man!!! #i didn't go into my personal feelings about the doctor #and how she was the first time i really felt SEEN in another character #because that's something that's pretty open to interpretation anyhow #but yeah she means a huge amount to me augh #and this whole era is just....very close to my heart

[elvenbeard]

Long rambly post about Phantom Liberty incoming cause HHHHH

Gonna put it under a read more just in case, also cause it got long, and bc I know people will still wanna avoid spoilers!

So.

Mr. Hands, amirite??

Holy shit, he is so cool XD Different than what I imagined, but so much better. Pure visuals-wise he's giving the biggest Sheogorath vibes, and a little bit of an older Dragon Age Dorian. I'm so here for it. Also the fucking phonecall he was on with his kid I assume when you first enter his office omfg XD The dad-est dad to ever dad, then a political schemer and so fashionable XD Also, he deserves his nickname 100%, his cyberhands are so cool. Also, the first fixer that offered Vince a drink and Vince actually didn't have to decline cause it was tea (and I bet it was really good, high-end shit, and that's how you get Vince xD). Also his gigs are all so good like... so varied, and always with difficult choices or just super interesting and entertaining storylines. "Waiting for Dodger" has gotta be my favourite one so far, and I'm excited for what's to come still!

Sure as hell this is gonna be a profitable business relationship (and I'm also super duper intrigued about his political interests and what he's planning/ where he's seeing Dogtown's future like... he doesn't like Hansen in power, he's affiliated with the VDBs AND Netwatch, and I'm just so.... I'm smelling political change, and I'm a bit sad that V didn't get some more inquisitive dialogue options about it all (but maybe that would've been too much at that point... ooor maybe with a few more gigs done the picture will get clearer).

Then also a bit more lore and hhhhh... I don't think I'll incorporate this bit into Vince's canon as is, but again, with everything Corpo-background-lore stuff in PL so far, I love the overall super dark and grim picture being painted like, gimme the angst!! Imagine being so dependent on your job/ so brainwashed/ under your bosses' control they can manipulate you into killing a guy just a few years older than you at that point with the promise "that's the last one... for a while, at least. Here's your raise". This also again lines up really well though with what I actually do have in Vince's background during his time at Arasaka, looking at the vibes and pressure and everything in general (even though the first guy he killed was someone else 👀 but similarly, it also gave him a raise, his supervisors' trust, and so so so many mental health problems).

BUT THEN FINALLY PARTY TIME!!

Maaan... the whole setup of sneaking into the Black Sapphire was so amazing to begin with. The diving portion gave me the worst claustrophobia and flashbacks to all the cave diving accident videos I've ever watched xD The portion with the sniper nest was also so cool but I failed epically at it repeatedly xD Did pull it off like a pro on my third attempt though xD I wish you could do it without having to kill anyone and I figure maybe it is possible. Definitely gonna play around some more on my second playthrough that is surely to come!

Then V's disguise I actually dig so hard XD Purple and black and gold super fancy suit, hell yes! And a nicely tailored one, too. Although Reed's outfit was also 👀👀👀 The main game was really missing a "infiltrate this party" like quest, and damn, did PL deliver with this one.

Then of course I had to have a look around and all the special guests made me so fucking happy xD I was crying at Hideshi Hino and Johnny pointing him out, he was one I would not have expected to meet XD Then also all the newsanchors!! Month ago I was like "ah, it makes sense that Gillean Jordan and Ziggy Q and whatnot have character models, but still so sad that they don't actually have a physical appearance in game". Phantom Liberty is the gift that gives on giving in that regard with fulfilling my little silly wishes like that XD And of course they're all horrible and awful, and I love it XD Goooood-Morning-Night-City Stanley raging about disowning his daughter cause she's into exotic implants, Holt conspiring with Arasaka, again, of course... And Lizzy Wizzy not really happy to see Vince cause I didn't help her get rid of Liam xDD

Also fucking damn... Songbird. First of all, her chrome is insane o.o I'm so torn about what to think of the whole situation like... I can definitely see what Reed says, that she's playing both sides, using Kurt to get her (and V's) cure, the other way around playing him by not actually wanting the president dead... But idk. I feel like something doesn't quite add up just yet. And that is: why even bring V in the equation? If this all is *really* just about curing herself and freeing herself from Myers' clutches, as Kurt says later on, why bring in a random merc with a ticking timebomb in his head and not the best track record when it comes to breaking into high security locations to steal things? (sorry Vince). Idk. I'm not buying it just yet, neither is Vince. He doesn't trust Songbird still, neither the president, both are still a means to his ends - although he also doesn't wish anything bad on So Mi as such, like, she is fighting just as hard for her cure as he is for his, so he can definitely relate to her struggles and whatnot. Being degraded to a tool for people to use as they see fit.

Reed gained a little trust and sympathy with coming clean about how the FIA got rid of him, that Songbird had to pull the trigger on him, metaphorically speaking and like... Vince is not sure if Reed wants revenge on Songbird or actually help her, or if maybe he wants revenge on the president and the whole "I'm just serving my country" thing is not just a very good act. He wouldn't be surprised at least if in the end this all does turn into a personal vendetta. Also, on a meta level I really loved Reed being like, despite everything they did to him, he still feels loyal to the FIA and wants to work for them, in a "I know my place" vibe - similarly how a Corpo!V can be like "I know where I come from" towards Hanako at Embers, that the FIA, in the end, is not too different from a Corp that still has Reed captured how Arasaka has Vince captured and he also couldn't guarantee to not go back to them if they offered him a deal good enough. So, on that basis, I feel like they can really understand each other.

Then these two omfg. Cackling at some details in their profiles still XD The whole roulette scene stressed me out so much, but it was also so fun and unique, really something new! Although internally dying when Aurore got all touchy feely all of a sudden and just picturing Vince utterly losing it internally and just wanting out of there, and then surpressing a sigh of relief when she's like "it's not like I wanna hop into bed with him" to her brother after being scolded xD Like hhhhhh playing this game with a gay OC is so fucking uncomfortable sometimes xD If I had one wish for a future Cyberpunk game it would be more male characters shamelessly flirting with the MC like this oooor at least giving everyone, regardless of gender etc etc the option to turn sth like that down to begin with, like... "oh, sorry, think you misunderstood, I wasn't actually flirting with you".

Would've preferred to flirt with him though:

aksdfhljkasjfhöasdjfhadsflas He's so. SO.

A little more than how I imagined him than most of the others I met so far, but he is also pretty out there. He sure as hell is a lot more layered than what you would think at first glance and I really really love that. I played Vince a little snappy and straightforward during this convo with him, cause I wanted to see how he would react, if he'd keep his calm or if he'd be aggressive or whatnot and in hindsight I wish I'd been a bit more friendly XD Also something for my second plathrough when I really make my canon choices, this first run is for testing the waters and getting to know everyone. THEN I can think properly about "how would my character even react here, truly" xD

Overall this was such a fucking good mission like, holy fuck. So much to see, so much to do, so many people to speak to, I feel like I've forgotten half of the intel I learned already - another reason why I'm looking forward to a second run xD

I still cannot even remotely guess how the DLC is gonna end too like, I feel like after every main mission everything I knew is off the table and there's a whole new array of options I hadn't even considered before. I do hope we get a lot lot lot more stuff on Kurt, cause he is being pinned as... not quite the bad guy in all of this, but not someone you should wanna side with. But I just know there is a lot more to all of this. I could kinda see that it does end up being something like "Songbird has to stay with the FIA and as Myers' pet, Kurt gets defeated, but we get our cure" versus "Songbird gets freed with Kurt's help but all hell breaks loose in the NUSA and Reed won't be happy about it". I feel like, whatever happens though, there's gonna be a war in a few years time at the latest, be it another corporate war, something with the NUSA and Myers schemings (that I'm 0% surprised about btw, do not trust her one bit still and that won't change anymore XD) but yeah.

YEAH. Next up: identity theft! I'm really fucking scared of that cause I remember one of the first trailers where V is getting that mask-like thing put on their face - I'm guessing exactly what Alex has, and I'm guessing it's cyberware... That would be such a big NOPE for Vince, holy shit XD I prefer my flesh-face, thank you! If this is not something that's reversible I pass.

We shall see... but yes. Damn. What a fucking good story so far, even with my long breaks inbetween playing, I'm still hooked anew every time I get to continue!

And again: if I'm way off with any of this (which is likely) or even if I'm guessing some stuff correctly that will transpire later on (which would also be awesome, cause then they're doing their foreshadowing right), please don't tell me or give me hints about it XD I would love to know how your Vs felt about the party cause damn... fanciest party Vince was ever at and will probably ever go to, but he wishes he could've stayed and just actually forgot about everything and partied properly XD Been too long since he did that at that point!

#cyberpunk 2077 #phantom liberty #phantom liberty spoilers #elven plays cyberpunk 2077 #vincent ezaki #the fucking.... 'I'm V. Just V.' had me cackling too XD love it

[caspersickfanfics]

Late Arrival chapter 3 was incredible ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

With the way it went, I was expecting Cyno to be the one to have the anxiety attack at the prospect of going to the bimarstan, but then I was like "oh no, wait, Tighnari is the one getting the symptoms here!" Which I honestly love, because JUST IMAGINE THE STRESS HE'S UNDER! I truly thought Cyno was out of the woods after chapter 2, of course Tighnari also thought so, so Cyno suddenly getting sick again would of course freak him out. It's so much pressure on his shoulders, because essentially if things go south, Cyno's life is in his hands. And as he stresses in the chapter, he's not a doctor, he doesn't 100% trust his own judgement, but taking Cyno in would cause so much stress and- argh! The whole situation was just BAD, I completely understand why Tighnari crumbled under that pressure. He deserves some good, GOOD rest after all this, the poor boy 😭

I also just. I love the start. Cyno waking Tighnari up, and his little "I need to throw up." I loved that so much ahh!

Now I gotta sit down at some point and reread all three chapters as one!

HELLO I'm so glad you enjoyed it ahhh!!! I also just realized that I forgot to post your ask from chapter 2 which I feel awful about I am so sorry 😭 I'll release it from my drafts as soon as I'm done rereading this message 300 times ahaha

I'm so intrigued by this because some of the readers predicted Tighnari getting sick, but as the writer it honestly caught me off guard too 😂 but yes!! Exactly, he was just under so much pressure and he felt a bit trapped, knowing how resistant Cyno is to seeing an actual doctor. And he was so tired, not to mention the headache... poor Tighnari. I wish I knew how to write fluff because I feel like this story deserves a wholesome little epilogue where they both get some good rest in. I just. Have no idea what to do with a fic when the angst is gone lmao but I imagine they get lots of cuddles and perhaps have a friendly guest or two *cough cough* Kaveh and maybe Alhaitham *cough cough* come by to check in and make them both food. I like the idea of someone demanding Tighnari rest and he does but he gets really bossy. Like "You told me not to do anything so now you have to do all of it for me" >:)

I also really like the start of this chapter, so it makes me really happy that you liked it as well!!! <3

If you reread the whole thing, I just really hope it feels somewhat cohesive. That's the thing that makes me nervous about multi-chapter fics. It's tough, making sure they feel connected while also trying not to be too repetitive?? Idk, it's a new skill I'll have to acquire I guess!!

Thank you so much for all of your kind words, this really made my day!!! <333

#kind words <3 #dutifullyshamelessearthquake #<333

[most-annoying-sponsorship]

Any submitted propaganda under the cut

Raycon - 10

God awful earbuds with 3 times the price of similar quality with the same script every god damn time at least allow creators to do something with it. Not an active scam product but they try so hard to market themselves like one and I don't understand.

1. It's been a while but at it's height, you couldn't get through a video without seeing someone shilling these subpar earbuds. 2. They're literally earbuds bought off of alieexpress with a fancy brand slapped over the top 3. They're garbage earbuds. DankPods did an excellent breakdown of why they're awful 4. Now everyone I know thinks Raycons are great despite them being as expensive or more so than actual established brands that work hard and take pride in their sound quality

I used them for a while actually but they just didn't work out for me so at this point I'm not going to start buying them again and I don't need to hear about it anymore

they’re everywhere. everyone i watch (which is a fairly diverse list) has a sponsorship. i also know zero people in my life who own them.

There are so much better earbuds that are also cheaper. Plus I don't wanna hear YouTubers awkwardly explain and show them being used, it's just dumb.

they wouldn't even stay in my ears plus the look like they go right up against your eardrums. red flags all around plus i hate wireless shit the battery lasts like two shakes at best

Cerebral - 1

Ok sorry this is gonna be an essay with some snark. So for some important background, at last report Cerebral is under investigation by both the DEA and DOJ for essentially being an online pill mill. This tech bro startup took advantage of a temporary measure meant to help patients keep their EXISTING prescriptions during the pandemic -- the usual rule is that controlled substances can only be prescribed after an in-person appointment, to avoid the exact kind of situation I'll describe, but of course when lockdowns made in-person appointments much harder then people who have been taking stimulants or w/e for years shouldn't be left hanging. But then, in comes the Cerebral tech bros who decide to build their new business off prescribing stimulants to NEW patients... to "95%" of new patients, to be exact, because one of them actually admitted "100% would be a pill mill". (Oh yes, 95% is much better, not just a malicious loophole at all /s) Basically, a patient would have a single 30-minute video appointment, take one quiz that's meant to be a SCREENING tool (not a diagnostic tool! if you get a high score that's an indication you need MORE testing to confirm a possible diagnosis!) and then immediately get prescribed stimulants with no physical exam (no EKG, heart rate, or blood pressure, just for starters that any RESPONSIBLE doctor would do) and no further questions asked.—

—That would have been bad enough, but the advertising and shilling. Oh god, the advertising and shilling. Cerebral put out ads deliberately overstretching "signs you may have ADHD" in such a way that would put Tiktok influencers to shame (and we'll fucking get to that.) Like one ad implying that overeating sweets, something that literally everyone does at one point or another, is a sign you should make an appointment with Cerebral to get that sweet sweet Addy! And as for the real treat, the actual sponsorships. They had a fucking AFFILIATE CODE PROGRAM. Tiktokers would be like "use my code to get $30 off your first month!" for PSYCHIATRY. Not only that, but for psychiatry prescribing stimulants which are addictive and can kill you if you're not being carefully monitored for heart problems. Tiktokers and ads would also describe this service as a "life hack" and emphasize how easy it is to get stimulants through this one neat trick! Medical ethics is dead and we killed it. It got to the point that major pharmacies like CVS and Walgreens started refusing to fill prescriptions originating from Cerebral, because if/when a pill mill gets busted, pharmacies that filled the prescriptions can also be held liable. Think of the opioid epidemic for examples of the situation they were trying to avoid. They noticed how suspicious it was that ALL THE SUDDEN there was a huge flood of prescriptions for addictive drugs, ALL originating from the same few healthcare providers (mostly Nurse Practitioners rather than Medical Doctors, because MDs were more likely to call out the ethical/legal violations, but even many of the NPs who worked for Cerebral described feeling pressured by the corporate higher-ups to increase prescriptions and discourage waiting or further testing) Once this all came to a head Cerebral tried damage control by no longer prescribing stimulants to new patients. I haven't heard any updates on the regulatory investigations since then. But you know what I haven't seen that's even more telling? Not one, not a SINGLE one of the content creators who shilled for this company EVER apologized. For all they know they could have contributed to getting someone killed, not to mention life-ruining addictions, all for that sweet corporate sponsorship cash. Even if you argue they might not have known better at the time (to which I say bullshit, it's your responsibility to at least google the company to see if there's any red flags, Cerebral had more than a communist parade) even AFTER all this started making national news, it was just dead silence and moving on to the next corporate sponsor. But hey, if you're struggling with Adderall addiction, I know just the thing to help! Sign up for BetterHelp using code "SHILL" to get $10 off- *dies*

#polls #sponsorship smackdown #round 1

[pulpandgristle]

Don't worry, I didn't die

Apologies for the prolonged absence. There's an explanation with some venting below, if you care to look. The long and short of it is that I'm basically restructuring my entire life and also discovered that my brain is broken in a cool new way, but I'm resettling a little now and I hope to be back in the next week or two. Thanks for being patient everyone, I can't wait to write some more.

Also I got a wonderful new avatar courtesy of @rookshocksshack, go give them some love and/or money!

I've been very busy. And tired. And . . . devastated.

Saying that feels inadequate; I've been trying to think of a better way to explain my disappearance besides "I feel awful and empty" for weeks now, but I don't know of any other way to communicate it. I wish I could give a more "justifiable" reason than that, but I know that's just a mean impulse from the particularly nasty corners of my brain. Hopefully writing this will be therapeutic in some way.

The truth is that I've been under immense pressure for a really long time and I am only recently starting to reduce some of that. In the past two months I've:

Lost my authorization for my ADHD meds, gotten them refilled wrong, lost them again, then gotten them back only to discover that my insurance now charges $100 a month for them with coverage,

Ended a friendship that lasted about nine years with someone I previously trusted like family but no longer do at all,

Discovered that I have severe unmedicated OCD,

Lost $1,300 a month of income because one of my roommates vacated our apartment before the lease was up, and

Helped one of my best friends through her losing her therapist, starting to overcome an addiction and undergoing multiple simultaneous medication changes

In my infinite wisdom I figured that would be the best time to dramatically increase my own workload and formalize my online presence on a platform I'd never used before.

I've been thinking a lot about how to continue with my art, and I want to make sure I create what I want in a way that's sustainable while I go about addressing real-life problems. My workflow has always been erratic and uncooperative. It drives me utterly insane.

I am a slave to what I call the "nested parentheses" problem: I have an internal queue of projects in my brain, each at varying stages of completion, that I intend to finish in a specific order. But whenever I lose momentum I jump to another project and extend the queue another step, producing an infinitely descending spiral of abandoned projects that must now be completed in reverse order to avoid . . . something bad. Probably nothing at all, but good luck convincing me otherwise. I could literally write any of them at any time.

Did you know I only got diagnosed with ADHD and OCD at 26? Wild stuff.

I should point out that I'm doing fine, all things considered. I have a support network and all that. It's just very frustrating to realize that I have been overworked and crushed so thoroughly, and it's been quite difficult to accept that things I previously accepted as normal were, in fact, bad for me. I think I need a period to acclimate to not running on fumes for, like, two consecutive years. Ugh.

Anyway, I'm hoping to be back soon, either with more flash fiction or more offsite work. I have multiple commissions in the pipeline for SCP stuff, independent projects and more, and I am very excited to share them with you.

From the river to the sea, solidarity forever, goodnight.

#connective tissue #I promise I didn't fall in a big hole

[suicidal-bitch-countdown]

Fucking bitch is still alive. Unfortunately.

And the fallout from the failed suicide has really been awful and made me deeply wish I didn't fuck it up.

More people making fun of and bullying me, accusations of staging my suicide (really?), my property vandalised, I now experience gag reflex in response to any pill that I see because I've taken about 100 according to doctors, which later made me throw up for hours, and most likely losing my job on attendance grounds (subject to appeal).

I haven't had the strength to do anything to myself because I'm too weak physically. And it's so easy to fuck it all up turns out.

Petrol burns your skin and nether regions in ways that I didn't expect, and instead of setting myself on fire I ran around frantically and tore off my dress in panic.

Tying up rope takes a while and you've really got to account for the height, because first tie was far too low (so my feet would touch the ground), and the second was too high, meaning I had to faff about with pulling a big tree root to be able to prop myself up, but everything turned out to be so time consuming, a pair of dog walkers ran into me and I then knew everything was over.

Seeing your Mum cry is horrible. Even when She's hurt you in the past, it was still sad. Although having to live with Her now, I've remembered why we're not compatible and get on each other's nerves. Nothing has changed and She's too stuck in Her ways. I know I won't be able to function for too long having been lured to live under the same roof again.

Reading this blog again though, ensured I realise that there's no way out of this. You must keep your word and promise. No ifs or buts, bitch. Even if my Love has let me down in some ways, I've let Her down more. I've now learned some crucial things that I didn't know before, of course when it's too late. And they make me feel so fucking guilty. My friend who gets annoyed whenever I defend Her needs to stop his jealousy-fuelled moaning. You're another person who tried to turn me against Her. You're the one who tried to convince me She wanted me dead (!), and this is one of the things that really hurt Her when I said it in anger. He insists what a bully She is, but have you ever considered the second side of the story? Lol no cause you're biased as heck, so just give it a rest.

Apparently if I was really suicidal I'd have neglected my job, so now I have and I'm sacked. Appeal was sort of on autopilot and peer pressure, but really that should be the final straw as to why I go and die. Why are you so fucking weak? What are you waiting for? When your money runs out?

Ironically I'm going on a booked non-refundable holiday on an island in days. Hopefully I find a lighthouse accessible to public or another good hazard to throw myself off from. I haven't tried jumping from heights as a method of harm before. Since tablets and hanging failed, maybe this won't…… Just need to make sure it doesn't close early like it was the case that turbulent Sunday…… And when I disappeared people thought I went home! Haha, now it goes to show nobody knows a damn thing about me. Absolutely nothing.

Remember what I've said before, if I fail, I will try it again. Better fucking do it right though to spare everyone more suffering, including me, and so I don't ultimately get locked up in an asylum, as that'd be fate worse than death. So the race against time is on. Remember it bitch. Remember of the relief you leaving will bring. Monster abusers like you deserve to burn in hell, and I'll make sure of it. The correct punishment for hurting my Love is death. So you ought to pay.

[consultingmadhatter]

I hate that my perfectionism makes me so sensitive to negative feedback. I honestly thought I was getting a handle on it because I've been able to ease some of the pressure off myself when doing some assignments and preparing for exams. Telling myself its ok if I do badly (although admittedly I still consider a as doing badly). But then I keep doing well anyways. So I haven't really had to face that blow to myself worth of getting a lower grade than expected. (In fact, so far this semester I have been doing incredibly well in my classes, getting top scores on exams, etc).

Then I find out I've done really badly an assignment (that is one of many and won't really affect my grade in the long run) and I felt like crying.

I'll throw the rest of this under the cut because its just me going over the specific details but I still need to get it off my chest.

So how badly did I do? 37.5% (6 out of 16 pts). It was a German assignment to get us to practice our pronunciation, particularly rolling our R's, so we had to record ourselves saying some phrases. Recording myself makes me anxious to begin with but my house can sometimes be chaotic and loud which then makes me even more anxious that something will happen while I'm trying to record. Specifically, I have cats that will meow and walk all over my desk if they are allowed in my room and will scratch at the door and meow if I close them out of my room. On top of that (and even more annoyingly if I'm being honest), my mom talks SO loudly and will yell across the house to communicate. She'll also play music/audiobooks loudly. I can tell her (and the rest of my family) that I'm going to record and she'll make sure to be quiet but I feel extra self-conscious if I know that people know I'm recording/speaking aloud. I also get self-conscious about audio quality especially because I was using a pair of headphones that are dying.

So with all that I was feeling pretty anxious and had already been feeling a little anxious before seeing that assignment. I just wanted to get it done so that it wasn't looming over me the rest of the weekend and I felt like I had to get it done as quickly as possible to limit the risk of a disruption occurring (I could see that there was a cat outside my door and she was one who would start scratching if I didn't let her in promptly). So admittedly I was rushing and hadn't practiced as much as I should have before recording. I also was suffering from allergies so that made it difficult to speak clearly.

And if I'm being honest, I thought the assignment would mainly be graded for completion and I didn't realize it was going to be highly scrutinized.

So I recorded the assignment in an anxious rush while also not putting in as much effort as I should have. But I didn't even realize I hadn't put in enough effort until the following class period when people were talking about how stressful it was. I'm used to putting in too much effort by comparison to my peers so I assumed that others wouldn't have really taken it that seriously.

Anyways, I finally get the grade back on the assignment today, a few weeks after the submitting the assignment, and I was devastated. What made it even worse was that the grader left feedback in the form of an audio recording (it didn't sound like my normal professor but I'm not 100% it was someone else). Really low grade on top of getting grader feedback on top of having to actually listen to that feedback being spoken (and not just reading a comment) just made me feel terrible.

(If a different instructor did grade it and leave the feedback as I suspect it also makes it worse because my professor considers me as one of the best students in the class. Therefore my professor would have the context that I am a really good student even if I struggled on this one assignment.)

So I feel awful but at that point it was time for family dinner. I know my mom noticed that I was in a bad mood, but I'm too embarrassed about WHY I feel terrible to talk about. Especially since it would most likely lead to a well meaning conversation about how she feels bad that I go through this type of stress and both my parents saying this is why it's so important for me to address my perfectionism and get it under control. So I tried my best to hide the cause of my distress.

And I know it really won't matter in the long run because its a handful of points out of many in the homework category.

#cas posts #personal #update: one of the other top students in the class got a similar score as me because they also can't roll their r's #so it wasn't just me who struggled with the assignment #not that that matters on the whole ordeal of perfectionism and basing my self worth on academic performance

[whalehouse1]

More proof Jason Todd's favorite pony is Rarity via quotes he would 100% say:

"Well what do you think? Am I the toast of the trench or what?"

"Why me? Why? Why? Why? Of all possible things, this, is, the, worst, possible, thing!"

-What are you wearing?- "MY EMOTIONS! STRESS COUTURE!"

"I was being judgemental, darling."

"I'm not whining. I'm complaining. This is whining...But I thooouuught you wanted me to whiiiiine?"

"So she tweeks a few here and there, maybe they des-," sees a picture of himself in a tabloid, "I WILL DESTROY HER!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE! I WANT TO BE ALONE! LET ME WALLOW IN...whatever I'm supposed to wallow in!"

"Exile. Well, technically I guess I'd have to move away to be in exile. Where would I go? What would I pack?"

"When you're as fabulous awesome as I am. It's practically a crime."

"But all we are is some dirt and a crumbly dry mess...I know what I must do!"

"Oh my, seems I had another engagement tonight and must be off." -Can't spend the entire night with -insert Bat name--

"You're going to ruin it. You do it like this."

"What's that smell? Oh mystery solved. It's your breath."

-Tim draws him a picture before going on a YJ missions- "Oh Tim! My one and only brother! All the time I spent complaining and trying to get rid of you! No! I'll get him back!" (This is done in front of Dick and Damian, not Duke. He doesn't want to hurt his feelings)

-Pulls out his swords in front of the Bats who look on in awe- "MUWAHAHA!"

"Don't worry Bruce. I'm sure they won't get worn out from too much attention."

"Afraid to get dirty?" -chucks food-

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to discuss it. It's far too painful."

"I thrive under pressure. One does not become a diamond without pressure. IT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE!"

-Are you doing alright?- "Well since you asked. NOOOO!"

"He's the most innocent, sweetest," -finds his journal in Tim's or Damian's possession, "THE MOST EVIL!"

"Power posing works wonders for me."

#jason todd #red hood #rarity #mlp rarity #this isn't even including the levels of drama queen #or she acts how fanon thinks Dick acts

[kabillieu]

More talk about breastfeeding under the cut.

I am finally at a pretty good place with breastfeeding baby R. Because he's small for his age, I still pump after feeding him in the morning and at night, and he still gets a bottle with an ounce and a half after I feed him for the last time at night before we all go to bed, but I haven't had to supplement him with formula in a long time, and my days of triple feeding are long behind me. When I was in New York I was able to feed him all over the city in front of lots of people. I was also able to use my wearable pump in front of people too. That went...okay, but I didn't react to it like I do my normal pump, which meant that I didn't have a lot of milk to leave with my mom when I was gone, so she had to use formula, which is fine. This means that I'll need to use my regular pump when I go back to work. And unfortunately I might need to buy another pump to leave at work, as well, since it will be hard for me to schlepp all my things and a pump all over campus three times a week.

Unlike my big kid, who nursed multiple times a night for practically a year, Baby R has continued to almost always only nurse once in the middle of the night, which I really appreciate. I never got the hang of the side-lying position with my eldest, but for some reason it clicked with this baby, and it's so comfortable to nurse him like this that I sometimes fall asleep.

I've reached the point where, suddenly, nursing is more convenient and rewarding than bottle feeding. It's like I remember with my eldest: something that is entirely unique and wonderful and sweet. It's also magic sometimes. Like if he's fussy in public I can just nurse him. On my flights last week and on the train to Boston, I nursed him to sleep. We went to a board game cafe as a family today, and I could tell he was tired, but also he wanted so badly to watch my husband and big kid. I tried helping him fall asleep a couple times, which he resisted, and then finally I just nursed him to sleep even though he didn't really need to eat again. And it worked like a charm!

Breastfeeding is really hard, at least at first, and it's hard even for people who have no obvious challenges, but for me--both times--I've had extreme challenges that I've surmounted anyway. I had hoped this time would be easier, but instead it was even more challenging if that's even possible. I'm older, which can correlate with lower supply. A drop in blood pressure can also affect supply, and I lost a lot of blood when I gave birth. I was given tons of fluid in the hospital, which lead to inflammation, which affected my milk supply coming in to begin with. My left side never made more than a half an ounce of milk at a time. Baby R couldn't eat at all for a week, so I had to establish my supply with a pump, and then he wasn't able to regularly breastfeed from me until he was two weeks old. After that, it took him at least two months to learn how to eat from me without falling asleep prematurely. If I hadn't known from breastfeeding before how valuable I find it, I would have 100% given up weeks ago.

Breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and I'm so grateful formula exists. Before, infants just...died? But I'm also grateful I've been able to breastfeed both my (living) babies. Obviously it's meaningful and important to me, and I'm so glad I've been able to get to a point where it's rewarding instead of laborious and tedious and awful.

[macabrecabra]

So, uh, you mentioned you broke ties with an old fandom you were in because the creator wasn't the best. I thiiiiiiink I know what fandom is it, so-- Could you explain what went on in it? (If you'd rather not make this public lemme know, all I can say is that I also ran tf away from that shithole lol)

Oh anon...I could write a BOOK on all the awful shit that went down and how creepy "There is no war in Ba Sing Se" it was whenever you started to get a vibe something was off. Not going into detail as the inner circles of it LOVE to shit talk just about anyone (Probably already has legends of how awful I was for not following the bullshit :I) but will give a small summary of big points: (read more for posterity reasons of not taking up the dash!)

- The exploitation of LGBTQA+ for incel pleasure - Being told non-binary people need to use "proper" pronouns -Having personal OCs rewritten constantly and any protest was seen as a personal insult - Being passively aggressively "punished" for any perceived slight and then told to just forgive the person because of their mental issues -Feeling like a cult where it is built up that if you are "good" you get art and praised, but if you are "bad" you will be punished until you do something to regain favor. Like... there were people who would share they were being put through hell....and just said "just deal with it...he doesn't really mean it. He's a friend!" -Just everything you do is somehow a "slight" when it was 100% harmless.... it made it so stressful to say or do anything. -SUPER PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. SUPER MANIPULATIVE. Once mentioned taking new meds. Suddenly my meds are the reason I'm just 'not the same" as I was and the meds are making me depressed, clearly NOT the shitty treatment 83 Just...seriously, the more I pulled away, the more fucked up it clearly was. I was barely drawing or making things. I was crying a lot more. I was depressed and anxious, feeling pressured into things. Talking about it only made it worse as I was told to just "get over it" ... since leaving that shit hole, I've been 100% more mentally happy and positive in my life. I'm doing more. I'm active in my life more. I feel more present. And 100% it was because I left that toxic community. I no longer have to police what I say. I no longer have to wonder if what I do will please and maintain a friendship that was always one-sided. I do not have to be there to someone's constant support and be shat on in response...

All I can hope is that it is a community that eventually withers and dies under its own toxicity and doesn't get a chance to hurt others...

#Maca speaks #It was bad scoob #and I was brain rotted in it #right up until the passive aggression got to be too much and I couldn't just be nice about it #....especially after he told me my character should die #that really woke me up #sad thing is everyone I talk to who also left #has the same experiences #same horror stories #...it honestly makes me upset I didn't see it #but that's what the dependency/brainrot does... #and why I call it a cult