#im bored at 8 pm

[zeverz]

Everyone is a nerd for something and you can't prove me wrong!

#nerd shit #dumbshit #im bored at 8 pm #because lol

[cheeseandbretboy]

i think maybe some things i do for writing are a little bit strange, my writing overall is a little strange but wow what

i am a disappointment to my parents

also i finished reading the metamorphosis and i want to die

#rambles #:3 #im bored #8:54 #pm

[invidiia]

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ "you're obsessed.." 𖤐 various bsd yanderes // reader.

bsd yanderes ada, pm, doa, hd + the jealousy scale.

[ a/n; hi i was bored and gotta feed the people bc my next big post is takin a bit 🏃‍♂️]

[ warning; jealous yanderes lolol ]

atsushi is a 6 of 10. definitely hides any jealous thoughts, at least until you're both home, but is absolutely bitter about it after

dazai is a fair 7 of 10. i don't have a lot to say about him, but he most definitely gets jealous easily

kunikida is a 5 of 10. when he's with you and you get hit spoken to by someone else, he just takes control of the situation and leaves with you. obviously against your choices, but he doesn't trust you.

ranpo is a 6 of 10. doesn't get too worried about other guys because he knows you wouldn't go for anyone else other than the greatest detective ever, but when another guy flirts with you, he just feels the need to.. step in.

yosano is a 7 of 10. she doesn't mind when others speak to you, as long as they aren't flirting with you, and that's a loose term with her. asking for directions in a large mall could get someone's fingers chopped off if she was in a particularly annoyed mood.

fukuzawa is a 4 of 10. he doesn't care if people talk to you either, but flirting is off the table with him. even so, he'll just leave the area and take you with him, he can't just let some other guy talk to you, are you crazy?

akutagawa is a 8 of 10. if someone's making small talk or something he doesn't care, but even speaking to you or looking at you for too long is just like asking for him to beat them senselessly.

chuuya is a 8 of 10. like akutagawa, small talk doesn't matter to him. you're socializing, who cares? but he's absolutely jealous of your friends, especially your close ones. strangers, he can beat the shit out of those, but your friends? he can't do anything there, so he just sits in silence.

higuchi is an 9 of 10. she hates when anyone else talks to you, she just can't stand it. she'll openly tell you how much she hates it when other people beside her 'flirt' with you, and makes you promise not to hurt her like that again.

gin is a 3 of 10. she does get jealous of other people like your closer friends, but doesn't act on anything, just sits in silence. maybe she'll express to you she was jealous, but she won't hurt anyone unless they make advances on you

tachihara is a 6 of 10. he does get jealous of your friends, but doesn't hate them. he just wants to be in their place. who says you should spend all your time with them? leave some room for him, won't you?

sigma is a 7 of 10. he won't make direct moves if he's jealous, he'll only tell you he's jealous afterward, or work behind scenes to get rid of the certain person he thinks talks to you a little too much for his liking.

fyodor is a 9 of 10. he doesn't think you'll talk to anyone else, it's about others talking to you. he just can't have you talking to anyone but him. why would you need to anyway?

nikolai is a 8 of 10. i don't have a whole lot to say about him either, but he's not afraid to be... himself,, if someone talks to you a little too much.

jouno is a 9 of 10. he knows you won't actually speak to other guys.. but still. he isn't chill when other guys talk to you, and gets worse when they eye you the wrong way,

tecchou is a 4 of 10. this man sees no reason to be jealous of your friends, or anyone who says they don't want you. why would they lie to him anyway? look at him, he's strong as hell. would you lie to him? didn't think so

[ a/n; sobs im so tired can you telllll ?? i only wrote doa trio bc.. fukuchi is strange, bram is just.. bram, plus i kinda only see him as platonic yandere loll, didnt do teruko cuz idk her actual age.. sorry this is so rushed lol its 2am i gotta go to beddd, but next post is dazai fr!!!!! ]

#dazai x reader #atsushi x reader #kunikida x reader #ranpo x reader #yosano x reader #fukuzawa x reader #akutagawa x reader #chuuya x reader #tachihara x reader #gin x reader #higuchi x reader #yandere fyodor #yandere sigma #yandere nikolai #nikolai x reader #fyodor x reader #sigma x reader #jouno x reader #tecchou x reader #yandere dazai #yandere atsushi #yandere kunikida #yandere ranpo #yandere yosano #yandere fukuzawa #yandere akutagawa #yandere chuuya #yandere tachihara #yandere gin #yandere higuchi

[norrizzandpia]

Hurt Me Once (OP81)

Summary: In which they just miss the childhood best friends to lovers trope.

Warnings: ANGSTTTT im so sorry ong this one’s REALLY rough so have fun!!!!

Note: i have a feeling i already know the answer but lmk if you want a part 2 lol

UPDATE: i made part 2

I’m sure it was nothing, but you never used to bring somebody else along. Used to be our thing, going to a movie then we’d wander home.

“We still on for tonight?” Y/n asked Oscar, the boy sitting on the couch as he furiously tapped away at his phone.

He threw a quick glance her way, nodding in a disregarded manner, “Yeah,”

Her response was hesitant. She knew he wasn’t listening to her, he hadn’t been for a considerable amount of time.

“Oscar,” She smiled, her voice slightly pleading.

With another useless glance, he asked, “Yes?”

“Are you hearing me?” She tried, fake smile struggling to stay put.

He nodded, annoyed, “Yes, I did. We’re still on for tonight at 8 PM. We’ll meet at the movie theater down at the corner. Do you need me to be any more specific?” He snapped, phone being tossed aggressively down onto the coffee table in front of him as his fiery eyes finally met hers.

She physically took a step back, surprised by his shift in demeanor, “No, it’s fine. I’ll see you.”

He didn’t respond as she turned on her heels and made a quick move for the door, mumbling some excuse about needing to go the grocery store.

They both knew she had gone the day before.

—

She could see her breath leaving her mouth as she walked toward the neon signs. London winters were always her favorite. With beautiful, straight-white snow, she felt a certain type of comfort when she could gaze out any window from anywhere in the city and be met with a picturesque view.

However, for once this season, her view was quite the opposite. As her feet brought her closer to the entrance of the theater, her eyes were able to make out Oscar, the man she was supposed to be meeting and the man she loved, standing next to a random woman she had never seen before.

Her stomach dropped when she heard the way he said her name and the way he laughed at her jokes, something he hadn’t done with Y/n in a long time.

It was as if she was invisible by the way she stood awkwardly beside them, “Hey,” She had to say in order to gain either one of their attention.

The woman was pulled from her ogling state, but Oscar stayed, longingly staring at someone Y/n had never met.

Her brown eyes bore into Y/n’s as she gave a tight-lipped smile, “Are you Y/n?”

Nodding slowly, Y/n’s eyes darted to Oscar’s, wishing for him to acknowledge her, “Yeah. I’m sorry if this is rude, but who are you?”

“This is Lily, Y/n.” Oscar mumbled, finally gracing his best friend with some sort of recognition.

Her mouth fell open in faux realization, “Oh, nice to meet you.”

The girl, Lily as she now knew, nodded before Oscar was ushering the two women in and pulling out their tickets.

“Were you going to tell me someone else was joining us?” Y/n asked a little later when Lily had gone to secure their seats in the old theater and the two best friends had agreed to gather snacks.

As he pulled out his wallet in preparation, almost as if he couldn’t wait to not be alone with her, Oscar shook his head in disbelief, “Didn’t know I needed to. Was this just supposed to be us?”

“It always has been.” She shot back, a little too pointededly to go unnoticed by Oscar.

His eyes whipped around to meet hers, “So? We never made a pact or anything that it always had to be. I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, but apparently it is.” His annoyance only grew seemingly, making Y/n feel like she was never really wanted in the first place.

Nodding slowly, she pushed the disappointment down, “No, it’s okay. It’s fine. I get it.”

The words practically died in her throat as she didn’t want to know the answer, but she forced them out anyway, “Do you like her?”

“Why do you think I brought her?”

And just like that, Y/n’s spirit was killed.

—

All these little landmines, all these little things that one can read two ways. Like when you take every call outside, seems that I’ve forgotten how to read your face, but I know you too well to get it wrong. If you have to hurt me, hurt me once. If you have to end it, get it done. You have all these choices, I have none. You’re all that I have to lose. Couldn’t hurt you if I wanted to. I’ve decided on you.

“I thought that maybe we could do something soon. Just you and me, you know? I feel like we haven’t gotten to hangout just us lately.” She tried, finally getting up the nerve to bring it all to his attention.

“What do you mean?” He asked, mouth full with the leftovers from last night. A celebratory dinner she had made for him in order to commemorate his sprint race win, but had been squashed as she set the dish out when he called and told her he was going out with Lily instead.

She shrugged, “I just mean that I feel like we haven’t hung out without Lily lately and, as much as I love her,” She forced out, “I- I mean, Osc, I miss yo-”

“Hold on one second. I have to take this.” He rushed out, bringing a hand up as to stop Y/n in the middle of her heartfelt sentence.

“Lily!” He exclaimed as he left the room and went out onto the patio, a certain kind of excitement she hadn’t heard in a long time.

She watched, observed if you will, as his smile widened and his gestures got incredibly theatric. While, a year ago, Y/n would’ve been certain that those traits meant he was overjoyed by the moment taking place, but, now, it was almost as if she didn’t know him. Sure, she could be pretty confident that he was happy with talking to Lily, but there was a specific, deep feeling of uncertainty. A large hole in the middle of her stomach as she looked at the man she had grown to love years ago and felt conflicted. There was adoration and longing, but there was also an overwhelming sense of disappointment and loneliness. Disappointment because she didn’t know who this was, the Oscar who was her best friend and the Oscar she was so scarily in love with just wasn’t fully there anymore. Loneliness because, throughout it all, he had been there for her, but, as she sat on a stool with the empty one staring back at her, Y/n’s mind came to the understanding that this was how it would end.

All those times she would worry about Oscar and her growing apart were in vain as she realized that the way they would lose each other was because he lost interest in her.

The worst part, the most painful piece of the puzzle, was that there was nothing she could do. The day when he woke up and realized he had so many better people in his company than some random girl from his math class in boarding school was approaching.

The bowl of pasta sitting beside her, a symbol of the unrequited love, she hoped the day would come soon.

As hurtful as it was, she couldn’t sit by and watch as her best friend gradually found a replacement, a person who could better give him all the things she couldn’t.

—

If you keep it going then one by one the memories will start to blur. You’ll ruin the good ones, but I guess my photo album’s none of your concern. Don’t humor me with kindness. There’s nothing kind about a hundred small betrayals. If you love me at all, you’ll kill it now.

Y/n and Oscar had always been in love with each other. Everybody knew it. It was that cliche kind of story. Their moms were best friends, so, in turn, they were. Countless amounts of scrapbooks and photo albums of the two together with their mothers’ handwriting at the bottom saying how they’ll show this photo at their wedding. It was destined from the start, or so everyone thought.

“Your what?” His mother asked the night he had introduced Lily as his girlfriend.

Oscar smiled, slightly confused by the taken aback faces of his parents and siblings, “My girlfriend, mom.”

“Oh,” She resigned, her form falling back in her chair.

His father, Chris, slowly nodded, “Nice to meet you, Lily.”

The two shook hands, an awkward moment as his mother stayed frozen in her chair with the only girl on her mind being the one she had adored from the start, Y/n.

Silence mulled over for a moment before Nicole was getting out of seat and pulling herself together, hugging Lily and giving her son the traditional knowing look, although, this time, it was completely fake.

She didn’t understand what the boy was doing. She didn’t know anything at this point. She was confused and already heartbroken for the y/e/c eyed girl whom she knew was struggling.

“Wasn’t Y/n supposed to come tonight?” It hit her that her son’s best friend was planned to be with them, a seat for her at the table with serving sizes accommodated to fit the number of people coming for their dinner, her included.

Oscar’s face broke out into panic, “Oh my god, Y/n!”

Nicole’s eyes darkened as she watched it dawn on the couple they had forgotten to pick up the poor girl.

“Oscar,” She said sternly, giving him a knowing look and, this time, making sure everybody knew it was real.

Her arms went to her hips as she looked at her son in disappointment, “Do not tell me that you forgot to pick her up.”

His eyes searched for forgiveness, “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Really. I-”

She put her hand up, silencing his rambles as she grabbed her keys and made her way to the door, “I’ve got it.”

—

Pulling up to her house, the woman clocked the way all the lights were out. No porch light or window light on as the house seemed to be eerily empty. Her feet took her up the stairs by 2’s as she hurried to assess the state of the girl, already knowing it couldn’t be good.

Knocking on the door, she heard nothing, so she knocked again. She continued this cycle until the foyer light finally came on and the door was opening, “Oscar, it’s okay. I underst- Mrs. Piastri?”

The woman, finally being faced with the fact that she didn’t quite know what to say, looked at Y/n as if the whole world had shattered around them.

“I’m sorry about him.” She started, thinking they could ease into the topic, but that proved to be the wrong decision as Y/n’s tears started.

Trying desperately to hold them back, keep them at bay somehow, she responded, “It’s okay.”

It was small and quiet, completely defeated, something Nicole felt unraged by knowing this was all at the hands of her own child.

The girl’s head hung low, the tissue in her hand coming up to her face to dab at the tears beginning to fall.

“Oh, honey,” Nicole whispered, rushing to the girl’s aid as she wrapped her up in a hug that brought Y/n back to her childhood when she would get hurt playing with Oscar and Nicole would be there to patch her up everytime.

While this is a bigger wound, Y/n knew Nicole would still stay. She always had and she always would. That was how they worked. Y/n would call her “Mrs. Piastri” like she had just met her and Nicole would be in her back corner, ready to pick her back up again when she failed to do it herself.

Closing the door behind them, Nicole winced at the sight of Y/n’s purse and jean jacket sitting on the bench beside the door, like she had been waiting for Oscar when he was never even going to come.

“I’m happy for him.” Y/n said, tears contradicting the statement in the worst way.

“You don’t have to be.” Nicole whispered, her hands cradling the girl’s head to her chest.

Pulling back, Y/n tried, “But, I am. I’m happy he found somebody. Am I happy that person isn’t me? Of course not!” She laughed dryily, “But, when did we ever really think he would love me back?”

Nicole scoffed, “Your whole lives! Your mom and I knew ever since you two were toddlers and Oscar forced me to buy flowers on Valentine’s Day, so he could properly ask you to be his valentine that he was always going to love you, whether you did or not.”

Y/n left her embrace, arms flailing about as she walked further into the house, “Well, that’s not true though! He doesn’t. Maybe he did before, but, now? No way. I mean, for God’s sake! He literally forgot about me!”

Nicole followed her, “I know, but, Y/n, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”

Y/n turned around, a bewildered look on her face, “Are you crazy?! Of course it does! He’s dating someone. He’s happy with someone. Happy without me. I don’t do it for him anymore, so he’s forgotten about it all. I don’t mean the same things to him as I used to.”

Nicole sighed, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, “Y/n, I don’t know what he’s doing, but I do know that he loves you. Always has. The way he feels about you isn’t forgettable. It won’t ever be.”

“Don’t do that.” She said as she plopped down onto the kitchen stool, the look of defeat returning.

Nicole shook her head, “Do what?”

“Indulge it. It’s already hard knowing he loves somebody else. I can’t take the idea that I once had him, that he once loved me, and I was too stupid to see it.” She said quietly.

The mother nodded, “So, is that it for you then? Are you done trying with him?”

Y/n lifted her head, meeting the gaze of her second mother, “Do I really have a choice? He’s already made up his mind.”

—

Slipping back into the house, Nicole felt disgusted as she heard the sounds of laughter from around the table. As Y/n broke down from being abandoned by the one steady person in her life, her son joked and enjoyed his life as if he wasn’t destroying someone else in expense.

Her movements were heard as the chatter died down and Chris’s voice boomed from the other room, “Honey? Is that you? Y/n with you?”

Her lone presence answered the second question when she waltzed in and no one trailed behind her.

“Was she not there?” Oscar inquired, Lily cozied up beside him.

Nicole couldn’t even look at her son as she quietly said, “No, she was.”

An uncomfortable silence accompanied the table at the insinuation, something that went straight over Lily’s head because of her lack of knowledge when it came to the situation.

“Oh, she just didn’t want to come anymore?” Oscar jabbed, unknowingly testing his mother.

Her gaze darted to her husband, “No, Oscar, she didn’t want to come.”

The use of his first name in such a hostile tone shut him up, giving Lily a confused look as he sat back.

Clearing his throat, Chris tried to mask the uneasiness, “So, what were you saying about that Silverstone?”

—

His steps took him into the kitchen after he had come home from dropping Lily back off at her house after dinner. He knew his mom was in there, the sound of dishes aggressively clanking around clued him in. She seemed in her own head, so he came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder, “Are you okay?”

She turned around and met him with such a disheartened look that Oscar’s heart dropped, “What are you doing?” She asked, completely distraught.

“I don’t understand,” He gave, his arms folding in front of his chest as he leaned back against the counter.

“You told me 2 months ago you were so in love with Y/n, so why are you with Lily?” Her hands resided on her hips as she tried to put together her son’s sequence of errors.

He groaned, “Mom, I told you not to bring that conversation up. When we talked about that, I was drunk. You know this. None of what I said was true. I wasn’t in the right mind after you had poured me too much wine at that family dinner.”

“None of what you said was true or none of what you said you wanted to be true?” She challenged, disregarding his other arguments.

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t want people thinking I love Y/n.”

“Why?!” She exclaimed, fed up with the way he was toying with her innocence.

He tilted his head, “Why?! Because if it got to her that I loved her, it would ruin the friendship we have. How can you not understand that?”

She let out a breath, “I do understand that, Osc, but you’re pushing her away just the same right now.”

Confusion flicked in his eyes as he mulled over her words for a split second, “No.”

She nodded, “Why do you think she didn’t want to come to dinner? Why do you think she stopped making an effort? Why do you think she’s stopped talking to this family? God, Oscar, why do you think she’s stopped trying to hangout with you and only you, without Lily?”

Her words struck a cord in his chest, an opening that caught him up with all his stupid mistakes, as she continued, “Forgetting to pick her up was the last straw, Osc. I sat with her for almost an hour as she cried about losing her best friend. She can’t do this with you anymore. You’ve torn her apart.”

He sat there, mouth agape, as the reality set in. He had been the worst person to her for too long and she had just taken it without a word. He had thrown her away because someone else had come along and distracted him from the pain of not being loved back only to find out that the distraction had set in motion his worst fear.

Finally, his body returned to the moment and he reached for his keys, muttering an apology to his mother as he ran out the door.

Getting in his car and speeding off, he hoped he hadn’t killed them yet.

—

If you have to hurt me, hurt me once. If you have to end it, get it done. You have all these choices, I have none. You’re all that I have to lose, couldn’t hurt you if I wanted to. I’ve decided on you. I’ve decided on you. And if I’m disappointed it’s cause you’re not the person I knew. If I had it my way I’d be kinder than you.

For the second time that night, pounding was heard on her front door. Groaning, Y/n looked in the mirror, wiping away at her tears and trying to make herself look presentable before reaching for the door handle.

“Mrs. Piastri, I think I just need to be alon-” She started, but drew blank when Oscar’s face stared back at her.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” His eyes pleaded with her to let him in, not literally, but figuratively.

Yet, she wasn’t ready for that as she began to shut the door, however her attempts failed when his foot wedged in the doorway.

“Just hear me out?” He begged, looking into her red eyes.

Sighing quietly, she let him in.

The two traveled to her couch, sitting on opposite sides so formally it could pass as a business agreement.

Transactional, emotionless.

He took a deep breath, buying time to try and figure out a way to explain away his mistakes, “I’ve neglected you and I’ve neglected our friendship. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done, how I’ve treated you. I’ve completely forgotten about you and how much you mean to me. I’m so sorry, Y/n. I don’t know how to make this up to you.”

Her dead stare made him fearful there was no coming back as she said, “Is that all you have to say?”

He nodded, “Yes,”

“Okay,” She got up and walked back to the door, “Then, there’s nothing more to say.”

He cocked his head, “What? No way, Y/n. That can’t just be it.”

“But, it is, Oscar. I can’t keep doing this with you. I won’t keep doing this with you.” She said, hand gripping the door knob as if it would ground her.

He shook his head, “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

She groaned as tears began to spill from her eyes and the fighting in her head went on, “I can’t keep loving you and having it backfire in my face.”

His world went quiet at her confession. Years of missed opportunities and mixed signals slapping him in the face as he watched her break down, something that told him this had been waying on her for the longest time.

“I need this to be over. I don’t want to look at you, be with you, anymore. I can’t wait my whole life for you to just wake up one day and say that you love me like I love you. It hurts too much, it’s unnecessary pain that I’m putting myself through for someone who doesn’t even care anymore! I don’t even know why you’re here right now! You’ve forgotten about me, leave it that way. Please, just leave me alone. I’ve put myself out there for so long, put myself in a vulnerable position at such a young age. I never even got a chance to know a life that didn’t revolve around you. I have no one else except for you, my family, your family, and your friends. I was stripped of a typical childhood because I was so obsessed with making you love me and look at where we are! I’ve got no one!”

“I’m not leaving you! That’s the opposite of what I’m trying to do!” He got up from the couch, stalking toward her.

She fired back, “That’s the problem! I need you to leave! I need to be able to exist without you! This has been years in the making, Oscar. I need to be independent. I need to be fine with being alone. With you in my life, I can’t do that. If you’re still a factor, I’ll never be able to move on. I have to fall out of love with you, Osc. And if you love me in the way you always have said you do, you’ll understand and you’ll let me go. I thought that you would get caught up in Lily enough to do it without thinking, but you’re here and you’re fighting, and it’s not wanted.”

As he stood in front of her, their tears synced, finding the same rhythm of leaving the eyes and falling down each cheek onto the floor. Oscar couldn’t believe what was unfolding in front of him. He knew this was his fault. If he had told her earlier how he felt she wouldn’t have gotten this idea and they wouldn’t be here, loosening the tight grip they had on the other.

His hand reached up to her arm, “But, I love you.”

His words seemed like they physically hurt her as she closed her eyes and shrugged his hand off, “You have a girlfriend, Oscar.”

“But, I love you.” He repeated more assertively.

Her eyes opened and they peered into his soul, “That doesn’t matter anymore. It’s too late for that.”

Her small hands pushed him toward the door she had somehow opened during their argument. He tried to fight them, push against them, but his body wouldn’t budge as he stumbled outside. Her arm braced on the door as she said, “Don’t say anything else. It’ll make things worse. Just go back to Lily and forget about us.”

With that, she slammed the door on his face, the sound of the lock turning haunted him. A cold reminder that there was no persuading her.

She was going to fall out of love with him whilst he laid awake in bed at night continuously, traitorously falling in love with the idea of her and what they could’ve been.

I decided on you.

#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 x reader #oscar piastri #oscar piastri fanfiction #oscar piastri fanfic #oscar piastri smut #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri imagines #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri imagine #mclaren #mclaren formula 1 #nicole piastri #oscar piasstri #oscar pastry #f1 scenario #f1 grid x reader #f1 #f1 x female reader #f1 2023 #Spotify

[the-record]

WHEN YOU KNOW

SYNOPSIS: inspired by ‘margaret’ by lana 🫶

PAIRING: ellie williams x fem!reader

WARNINGS: none

A/N: this is so stupid i LOVE it , love at first sight trope 🧎

ellie didnt mind parties. the people weren’t always great, but it was good to sell and it made her friends happy.

she liked to sit on the couch with a blunt and people watch, dina chatting away in her ear or singing at jessie. abby trying to find her pic of the night with some help from ellie.

but tonight was boring. dina had run away to dance, pulling jessie with her. abby had an away game, states away. she sat on the couch alone, bored now.

and then she saw you. she thanked a god she didnt know existed that abby wasn’t there that night.

ellie watched for a moment as you grabbed a drink, waiting to see if you found a friend. but when five minutes passed and you still stood there, eyes floating around as you slowly sipped, she made her way over.

“hey,” you jumped a little as she spoke and she smiled softly. “shit, sorry. didn’t mean to scare you.” but you shook your head and laughed. “i’m ellie.”

“angel.” she hummed in response, a questioning tone to it. “what?”

ellie clicked her tongue. “angel? that you’re real name?”

“is ellie yours?” she nodded. “huh. well, maybe if you’re nice enough you can learn the real one.” you smiled teasingly at her.

“you ever gonna tell me your name?” ellie’s arms rested on the window frame of your car door. “i thought i was nice.”

you laughed softly and kissed her cheek. “goodnight ellie.”

she sighed and pulled back, a blush rising to her face, and she watched as you drove away from the party. watching even after your car disappeared and you with it.

an arm slung around her and ellie stumbled as she caught dina’s weight. “good god, how much did you drink?”

dina giggled as jesse caught up to the both of them, her coat and his keys in hand. “just hold her while i bring the car around?” ellie nodded and watched jesse jog off.

“who was that girl?” dina wondered.

ellie smiled softly. “no idea.”

yourusername followed you.

elliewilliams followed you.

angel: hey :)))

ellie: hello

e: three smiles??? way to make a girl feel special

a: mmm i try my best

e: nice name.

a: why thank you

a: whats ur weekend look like?

e: possibly busy, possibly absolutely nothing. why, someone wanna know??

a: no…

e: busy sunday night, but free otherwise

a: good.

e: and whys that?

a: ur taking me out friday night? obv.

e: damn ur right

e: mb thats on me

a: yes. so 8 pm ill send u my addy

e: addy??

a: i speak drug dealer

e: goodbye 😭

e: u ever smoked?

a: i hit a vape

e: …

a: once.

e: once again

e: goodbye 😭

a: nvm dont come on friday

e: waijikitjrjrjrjjrjrjr no

e: ill be there

e: 8pm sharp

e: forgive me :(

a: okay!

ellie: oh me oh MYYYYYYYYY

dina: oh lord

jesse: no 🫶

ellie: pls!!!

ellie: GUYS PLEASE

dina: what.

ellie: ur honor i love her

jesse: yall havent been out yet??????

dina: lord.

ellie: STOP?

dina: no 🫶

jesse: mcscuse me thats my line

dina: ull make it

jesse: 😥

ellie: BACK TO ME PLS

ellie: 8pm on friday

dina: NO.

jesse: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

ellie: guys ily PLEASE.

dina: NO??

jesse: sigh.

ellie: HELL YEAAAAAA

dina: JESSE?????

jesse: 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

dina: ihy all

dina: why are u bailing on ussddsss

dina: u must really like her

ellie: a LOT.

ellie: idk i just

ellie: ive got a feeling

jesse: when you know, you know

dina: blegh

jesse: UR MY GIRLFRIEND????????

snow was falling outside as you and ellie stood just outside your door. “so.” you whispered.

“so.” she whispered back. “snow. on our first date. seems like a sign.”

“oh yea?” she hummed back. “and how’s it a sign?”

she pretended to think for a moment. “i love snow. only brings good things.”

“oh, so im only good now.” ellie blushed as you teased her

“i didnt say that. you’re more than good. great.”

you nodded. “amazing? perfect?”

“no, not yet.” ellie fiddled with your hands as she leaned against your door.

“oh so whats gonna make it perfect?”

“a kiss.”

ellie: IM PROPOSING

dina: ELLIE STFU

jesse: noo shh let the woman speak

ellie: thanks jesse.

dina: shh jesse.

dina: so that good then?

ellie: SIGH 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

jesse: oh lord.

ellie: shes so pretty

dina: mhm.

ellie: and so kind

jesse: mhm.

ellie: and a great kisser 🫠

dina: lovely

jesse: when u know

dina: u know.

ellie: i know.

#ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams fic #ellie willams the last of us #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #ellie williams x y/n

[esmedelacroix]

Coffee Shop Love Pt.2

pairing: miguel o'hara x f!reader

summary: He's as stern and cold as the snow falling from the sky blanketing the bustling streets of Nueva York, Miguel O'Hara stumbles upon a hidden gem of a coffee shop just around the corner from Alchemax. Only problem is the annoying-as-shit smiley-ass barista.

contents: slow burn, no use of y/n, super fluffy, a teeny bit of Spanish, just pet names tbh, implied age gap

author's note: Hi lovies, this is the second part of this series. I'm really excited to continue this series. I hope you are enjoying it as much as I enjoy writing it. Please comment if there is something you particularly liked, or if you have any constructive criticism for me. Enjoy...

word count: 1.3k

Pt.1, Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt. 5, Pt.6, Pt.7, Sequel: Sweet Tooth

It was another busy morning at the shop and you and your two employees were rushing around making coffees and serving guests that sat down for breakfast. Despite the Mug & Muffin being such a small shop, the morning rush was brutal. It wasn't your fault you were such a social butterfly and everyone in the neighborhood knew you. "Hey Baby, could I get an iced peppermint mocha-" Mr. Smith started before trailing off.

"With extra whipped cream to go?" you finished smiling as you already had his drink ready. You snuck a little sugar cookie and his bag and sent him off. Mr. Smith was your sweet old landlord. He had Alzheimer’s so you often helped him remember his coffee order, on top of when your rent was due.

Just after Mr. Smith had left you were writing inventory down when your thoughts were interrupted by a deep, rich voice. Smooth like honey he said, "Good Morning Baby, could I get a hot black coffee to-go?"

Your head shot up at the tall man towering over you. His broad shoulders almost completely shading you from the light outside.

"Miguel, good morning," you replied practically gawking at him.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" he asked starting to rub his mouth.

"No no, sorry I just—wasn't expecting you to call me that," you said as you began to take his order down.

"Well, that's what you asked me to call you, no?" he asked passively.

God this man is so sassy, where does he get the audacity? You thought to yourself as you quickly whipped up his brew.

You handed him his drink with a smile. To which he replied, "Thank you, Chula, Have a good day,"

Just like that, he left the shop to go to Alchemax, which was probably about five steps away for him; since his legs are miles long. While he left your legs feeling like jelly, you didn't know what that word meant but it was still hot when he said it.

So as you sat in the shop late at night bored out of your mind, asking yourself the question you asked yourself every day. Why am I still open? Who buys coffee at 8 pm? Your answer had walked right through the door. This time not getting caught in the mistletoe. "You really have to take that down. Do you know how tiring it is to duck into this store?" he joked as walked up to the counter after putting his work bag down.

"Take down the mistletoe? Never, it's a holiday decor necessity," you explained while already starting to make his order.

"What's the purpose of it anyway?" he asked trying to make his point.

"You seriously don't know what mistletoe is? Miguel, if a man and a woman stand under a mistletoe together, they have to kiss, it is the sweetest most romantic thing ever," you explained passionately.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," he replied as he took his mug of black coffee and paid.

"How do you have such a shortage of Christmas spirit?" you asked him.

"Well, I've never really celebrated Christmas since I was like twelve years old, and I have no recollection of my life past 20," he explained.

"Ugh, you old fart, your no fun," you teased.

"I'm not that old," he rebutted.

"Really? Because you seem like you’re 35," you guessed.

"Well, I'm 37 but that's besides the point, Im pretty young," he said.

"No, young is me, I'm 30," you replied.

"Smartass," he mumbled just loud enough for you to hear as buried himself in his work like the night before. You continued cleaning up and packing up the extra baked goods for the day. There was one piece of coffee cake left, and you weren't going to eat it. "Miguel, would you like some coffee cake with your drink?" you asked hopefully.

"I thought I already told you, I don't like sweets," he said eyes still glued to his screen.

"Yeah, but you never know until you try, maybe you just haven't had the right one," you nagged. He sighed while taking off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Will you stop talking if I take it?" he teased while looking up at you trying not to smile. You rolled your eyes and brought a plate to him with a fork.

"Yes, this ones on the house," you said.

"Oh, I was never going to pay to have my tastebuds assaulted, don't worry," he joked.

"Just zip it and eat," you said trying not to give him the satisfaction of your laughter but then failing miserably.

You put on a Frank Sinatra vinyl on your record player to get into the holiday mood as you cleaned up the shop. Mopping the sticky matted black and white tiled floors. It was inevitable that something spilled during the morning and lunch rush.

You looked back at Miguel, and to your surprise, the plate of coffee cake was cleared. No crumbs were detected on the plate. His mug of coffee was always finished in record time, yet his head was resting on top of his laptop. He was completely knocked out sleeping like a baby. While his nose was continuously hitting the spacebar.

You took his plate and mug as quietly as you could. You also gently took his glasses off. You finished off everything you needed to and gave the extra boxes of baked goods to a volunteer who would take them to the homeless shelter for you. You even walked up to your apartment to shower and change into your Christmas pajamas.

You slipped on your reindeer slippers and walked down the stairs to the shop. Miguel was still slumped over his table. It was beyond the closing time you shook his shoulder trying to wake him up. His eyes slowly fluttered open. "Miguel, you gotta get up, it's way too late," you whispered softly. He brought his head up still taking in his surroundings and fully waking up. You helped him pack his stuff as he was registering where he was.

He had keyboard marks on the side of his cheek, making you chuckle to yourself as he was completely oblivious to the fact.

He didn't hide that he was so embarrassed that he had fallen asleep well. You found it kind of cute, he even blushed a bit. He thanked you and you handed him a hot chocolate with marshmallows to-go. "Before you say you don't like sweet things, just try it, you drink way too much caffeine, and it's very cold tonight," you said.

"Thank you, Baby, oh great, I can feel the sugar rushing through my bloodstream," he joked. You rolled your eyes at him and hit his arm playfully.

"Now I think I understand why people call you Baby, I mean look at this outfit," he teased motioning at your slippers.

"Get out of my shop," you exclaimed while giggling and pushing him out. You finally got Miguel out and watched him walk to his car. He suddenly turned around and said "Stay warm Baby, goodnight,"

"Goodnight Miguel," you called out to him waving before closing the shop door and locking up.

Just as you were about to walk up the stairs to your apartment, you noticed something strange on the counter. Yet another sticky note from Miguel, but this one had his phone number on it. You smiled down at the paper while doing a little happy dance and then collecting yourself. You little weirdo. You thought to yourself.

Next... Pt.3

taglist:

@br0-please @jewelz-teehe @iite-cool

#miguel o hara #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel x you #miguel o'hara x you #astv miguel #across the spiderverse #spiderman 2099 x reader #spider man atsv #spiderman into the spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse #astv x reader #miguel fanfic #miguel o #miguel o'hara fluff #miguel o hara fluff #miguel spiderverse #miguel spiderman #atsv miguel #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel imagine #spiderman 2099

[ysljoon]

Love Maze-Chapter 2

pairing: single dad!simon 'ghost' riley x live-in nanny!reader wc: 1.3k warnings: none for this chapter a/n: this chapter was a little slow BUT we made some progress eeee im so excited to go from here yall 🫣 MINORS DNI (have your age in your bio or you're getting blocked) <prev chpt. >next chpt.

You stare at your apartment triumphantly once you see everything packed away. You lugged your suitcase out the door and now you’re on your way back to the Riley household. You were curious about Ella’s father. He was a very hard man to read and didn’t seem like a man for much conversation. Hopefully, you could bring down the walls he’s set up and get closer to him because to live with someone who appears unapproachable seems awkward to say the least. Yes, you’re there for the child first and foremost, but it would be nice to get to know him outside of being your employer.

Also the mask? What is that about? That should’ve raised more red flags in your mind, but the opportunity seemed too great to be able to look over that. He seems to be hiding a lot, but maybe he just needs time to warm up.

You showed up at 8 a.m. on the dot and knocked on the door. You distracted yourself with the pleasant dewy weather of the morning while you waited for Simon to answer the door. The door swung open faster than you expected and you had to dodge it at the last second to avoid it hitting you square in the face. Simon gave you a gruff ‘good morning’ and moved out of the way to let you inside. He still had on the black surgical mask, but his attire was a jarring difference in comparison to the first encounter. He had on blue cargo pants with harnesses hugging his thighs and a zipped-up blue windbreaker. Ella was held against his hip with one hand and the other hand had a black vest in the other. You were well aware that he was military personnel, but you didn’t think you would be acquainted with that side of him so soon. 

You rolled your suitcase in behind you and awkwardly stood in his kitchen while waiting for him to give you further instructions. He placed Ella down in her bouncer and leaned against the counter across from you. His eyes looked bored when looking at you and there wasn’t really an emotion you could use to describe it, but it didn’t feel good to see the least. “I just fed Ella her morning bottle. The formula is in the cabinet over there.” He pointed above your head behind you. “And all bottles are in the dishwasher. Feed her about every 3 hours or whenever she’s feeling fussy.” 

He tilts his head to the side to indicate to follow him and you do. He takes you to her nursery and it is very bare bones of a nursery. It has all the essentials with a crib, a dresser equipped with a changing table and baby monitor on top, a black suede rocking chair, and a trash bin. “In the dresser is where all the diapers and wipes are stored. The top drawer has all of her binkies,” He crouches down to the lowest drawer. “Here’s an extra baby monitor. I already have one in my room so keep it on your bedside table.” You nodded, taking mental notes of all the information he was giving you. He wordlessly walks out of the room and takes you across the hall. “This is the spare room, make yourself at home. The closet should have enough space, but if you need more just let me know and the bathroom is attached.” You gave him a grateful smile. 

“Thank you so much for your hospitality, Simon.” He gave you only a grunt in acknowledgment of your words. “I’m heading to work now, since we’re in a lull right now I should be home around 6 pm. Text me if you need anything. If you don’t hear from me within the hour contact my captain. His name is John Price.” He handed you a small square of card stock with John’s name and number scribbled on it. You reached for your phone immediately out of your pocket to input the number. Simon gave you one last look over before heading out the door and you bid him one last farewell. You made your way to the living room and looked at Ella with a fond expression. “Well, Ella it’s just me and you now.”

The day moved along swiftly. It was easy to turn on your caregiver mode, but you did do some quick online shopping when Ella was having her afternoon nap as it came to your attention quite quickly that there was a scarcity of baby toys for her to play with. Ella was an easy baby though she was rarely very fussy and during diaper changes, you were able to keep her distracted enough to have her giggling. The sounds of her laughs had you wrapped around her finger. She was an adorable little girl. 

Once 4 pm rolled around you decided to scour Simon’s cupboards to see what you could cook for dinner when he comes home from work. His pantry was scarce and you made a mental note to visit the grocery store tomorrow. You were able to scrape together a garlic chicken pasta for dinner and once that was done you let it sit on the burner on a low heat to keep it warm as it was only a few minutes until Simon was home. You made your way back to Ella to scoop her out of her bouncer that you kept her in while you were cooking, bounced her on your hip and sang lullabies to her. Her wide little eyes stared at you and observing her face made you realize how her eyes were identical to Simon’s. You weren’t sure how the rest of her facial features compared to Simon’s as he kept it concealed. 

The door knob jiggled and the jangling of keys alerted both you and Ella to the arrival of Simon coming back home. Suddenly Ella started getting squirmy in your arms and wanted to be held by her dad. He quickly shuffled at the front door putting down his belongings and kicking off his boots. He made his way over to you and scooped Ella out of your arms and cradled her in his strong, muscular ones. “How was she today?” “She was great, barely fussy at all! Oh, I made dinner by the way so whenever you’re ready to eat I can dish it out for us.” Simon did smell the aroma of food in the air, but he thought you only cooked enough for yourself he didn’t expect you to cook for him. He also noted how you said us instead of just him. He wasn’t used to someone being this nice to him since he joined the 141 and the task force tried their best to welcome Simon. This was definitely something to get used to. 

“I’ll take a shower first and then we can eat. If you’re hungry now though you can eat without me. You waved him off and told him you’d be fine waiting for him. He doesn’t strike you as someone who has an extensive shower routine. You sat on the couch with Ella accompanying you by your feet just crawling around and found a cartoon for her to enjoy on the TV.

Simon came out of the bathroom in 10 minutes flat with his blonde hair damp and-oh. Simon was standing in front of you without the mask and wow. You couldn’t understand why he covered up his face. He is handsome, to say the least. You averted your gaze and cleared your throat making your way to the kitchen. You silently plated servings for the both of you and Simon silently was by your side getting the utensils. Dinner was uneventful as Simon didn’t have much to say and you could see it in his face that he was tired so you didn’t want to bother him too much. Simon said he’ll wash the dishes since you cooked and you nodded. He wished you a goodnight and you made your way into your room to get ready for bed. The first day of the job is done and you would think it went pretty successfully. You couldn’t help thinking about Simon’s face until your eyes became heavy with sleep. 

#simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #call of duty x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley #ghost call of duty #ghost cod #simon ghost riley x you #simon riley x you #call of duty fanfiction #call of duty modern warfare #ghost x you #cod mw2 #cod mw2 fanfic

[villaim]

texting: floyd leech

genre — fluff/crack

notes — g/n reader, romantic/platonic, reader is ramshackle prefect (yuu), floyd has a bloody mouth

a/n — I LOVE OCTAVINELLE SO MUCH HELP THEYRE SUCKING ME IN ALSO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IN AWHILE

parasite — 2:43 am

shrinkmmmmoptyyyyyyyyy

yuu — 2:45 am

floyd. it is Three A m.

parasite — 2:45 am

so??? what’s that gotta do with the convo.

i’m so bored omg you should like totes come over

we can sneak into mostro longue and make cookies then i can sqeeeze you while we eat the cookies

yuu — 2:45 am

we have exams tomorrow floyd!!!! i will not be coming over!!!!!!!

maybe friday.

parasite — 2:45 am

UGGGGGHHHHHH SHRIMPY PLEASEEEEE FRIDAY IS FOREVER AWAY

exams shitxams…….. idc im coming over 😘😘

yuu — 2:46 am

FLOYD DO NOT COME OVER ISTG

FLOYD ANSWER

HELP HELP HELP HELP

parasite — 2:47 am

open up or else ramshackle will be even more ramshackled.

parasite — 2:59 pm

shrimpster ur close with crabby right??/??/ tell him i’m not coming to basketball i’m not feeling it ykyk

yuu — 2:59 pm

ace saw the text and is now baffling about how tardy you always are

parasite — 3:00 pm

tardy?/? tell him that I Am Coming and that he should be the one that’s tardy today.

yuu — 3:00 pm

i feel bad for jamil for having to deal with you two 😭

parasite — 3:10 pm

mostro lounge. you. me. table 4. NEOW.

yuu — 3:10 pm

IM OUT WIYH ACE BRO I CANT

parasite — 3:10 pm

FUCK CRABBAY GETVOVER HERE BEFORE I SCOUT YOU OUT MYSELF

don’t make me do it shrimpy…. growls….

parasite — 3:16 pm

nvm don’t come over i’m not feling it

yuu — 3:16 pm

i’m being so fr rn when i say that i didn’t move a step towards mostro lounge

parasite — 3:19 pm

WHAT TABLE ARE YOU SITTING AT BITCH

yuu — 3:20 pm

LET ME AND ACE EAT HOTPOT IN PEACE OH MY GOD

yuu — 7:58 pm

have you ever bit the side of your cheek

parasite — 8:00 pm

idk… i should try rn wait 🥰

yuu — 8:00 pm

FLOYD STOP NO NO NO

parasite — 8:00 pm

OH MY GOD I BIT MY TOUNGUE TOO AND IM GUSHING BRO

MY MOUTH CUMBUSTED 😭😭😭

I CAN BARELY TALK HELP ME

yuu — 8:01 pm

you’re on your own bye…..

parasite — 8:01 pm

IT BURNS WHEN I DRINK ORANGE JUICE 🙁

ARE YOU FUCKING GHOSTING ME

parasite — 8:03 pm

OPEN UP IM OUTSIDE

yuu — 8:03 pm

GET YOU AND YOUR RED WATERFALL AWAY FROM ME

WERENT YOU AT MOSTRO LOUNGE 2 MINS AGO???

taglist:

@pastelmages @trappolaces @astiesgoldenberry @ventisaircurrent @spadecentral

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #floyd leech x reader #floyd twisted wonderland #twst floyd #floyd leech #floyd twst #twst smau #epelys

[girlblocker]

mutual 1: group jerking off facedown on the floor starts in 5 minutes

mutual 2: don’t even look at my blog if you don’t believe that mcr is releasing another album im so serious

mutual 3: guys you have got to stop posting things like ‘it’s bioessentialist for women to talk about misogyny”

mutual 4: they should have euthanized me when supernatural ended

mutual 5: who keeps putting hentai on my dash at 1 in the afternoon

mutual 6:

should I fuck [mutual 2]’s gay ass

mutual 7: i hate when people say that other people HAVE to believe in a new mcr album it’s kind of boundary-violating tbh

mutual 2: unemployed people let’s get hyped for 3 pm breakfast!!! ibuprofen and a bowl of hummus let’s fucking goooo

mutual 8: here’s a picture of my cats their names are tbone and bruiser they are the violence sisters

mutual 9: if I have to go to this stupid job one more time im committing an act of domestic terrorism so foul they’re going to shut down the louisiana leg of interstate I-61 for a week

mutual 10: omg got hit by a car today 😤 at the emergency room right now this is sooo boring. don’t worry though only one of my limbs got crushed ill be back to blogging in no time 👍 I can still type I can still post 💻

mutual 11: anyone think it’s kind of sensual when a 3d printer extrudes filament

anonymous asked: it’s kind of mean to make fun of people who don’t know how to scramble eggs some of us are vegan

mutual 12: okay??? if you can’t scramble eggs than maybe my post wasn’t about you. god. these people have no reading comprehension 😐

mutual 1: calling myself the door from titanic the way I jack off

#if I have an actual mutual named Lila I’m sorry I forgot #I was trying to use a name that isn’t any go my mutuals 😭

[thatbitcheryextras]

I would love to hear what your daily routine is: hobbies, skincare, interest, workout routines, what a day typically looks like for you, etc

typically my days are dictated by whatever "major" activity I have happening, say, classes, physical work, event, gathering, etc since usually they they have very different times, requirements, etc so general planning wouldn't work. If we take morning and evening routines they look a lot like

Wake up

Bible study (usually podcast as I drink my water, make my bed, open windows etc )

Pray, journal, check & update my to do list.

Take a walk / stretch / workout / [has to be outside my appt & as much as possible under the sun]

Shower & dress

Whatever activity waits [if no official activity then I'll probably watch a movie or read a book or meal prep or study or lazy around or whatever fits my fancy aka adhd. I'm pretty disorganized on days not centered around a major activity & I'm not capable of rest hehe)

I take my first calories / meal after 1 pm.

Night routine looks a lot like [roughly]

(Have my last calories before 9pm, usually. Ideally 8 but 9-10 works)

Listen to *usually Christian or neuroscience or psychology* podcast as I clean around (bc despite choosing my next day outfits I will leave my closet in a mess, one way or the other)

Finish up any leftover work from the day (usually work or study or project)

Update next day's to do list.

If it's past 2am, sleep. If not, pass time(books *fictional only* movies usually series etc) till its around 2am because I'm a raging insomniac that can't sleep for more than 4 hours :)

Hobbies:

Im indoorsy as they come. Reading. I'm a novel × Manga girl. Actual Manga nerd. Anime. Rarely movie / series. Usually on my free time I'm on kindle hooked on some thriller / mindf*ck book. Thats if it's raining or I'm in uni or work. If I can be outside I'll be bowling or swimming. My friends and communities take up most of my free time so probably at church or stuffed in one of our apartments doing whatever. On weekends I have dance classes , sign language and German. Now that I think of it I never have free time haha. Unless in a car or my place.

Skincare? Cleanser , toner , moisturizer (+SPF50, during day). That's it. Make up? Tattooed my eyeliner so I just rock with the lip gloss. I have great features idk what to say. Hair? Always in braids. Always. Always. Me and my ponytail against the world. I've been wearing the same bracelet, earrings and rings for probably a year now, only take them off for cleaning. And for events. Minimalism + I'm not really a fashion girlie. :). I get my nails done every month, it's ALWAYS black henna. & yes natural nails bc I'm God's favorite with the body + features he gave me.

Workout, I move, a lot. I don't have a workout routine between taking the stairs, walking to work and school & everywhere dance classes and ADHD level fidgeting I manage to stay fit.

Im a pretty boring person it seems :(.

Simplicity + minimalism + introvercy.

[raincamp]

11 03 2023

discovering that i experience pathological demand avoidance / pervasive drive for autonomy (PDA) as a symptom of my autism has been fucking life changing.

i spent all these fucking years feeling so helpless, my parents telling me that im lazy, feeling like a failure because i couldnt even graduate highschool. i didnt understand how everyone else could just sit back and waste their entire lives at the demand of someone else. how they could work 40+ hours a week and not come home so exhausted that they can't even find time to take care of themselves.

i couldn't find a justifiable reason why i was physically unable to do what everyone else has been able to "just suck it up" and suffer through. working full time, being at school full time, it was all enough to make me lose sight of why i was even alive. enough to make me have mental crises. enough that i ended up in the hospital several times.

but idk, im fine when i have control over my schedule. i was thriving during COVID when school was no longer a thing i was forced to do, but something i got to choose to do. nobody was making me sit in a building for 6 hours bored out of my mind. i got autonomy over my schedule, over my life, and i genuinely haven't been able to recreate the feeling of freedom it gave me since.

and when i was forced to go to school again, despite how easy it was, despite the fact that i barely had to do anything, the mere idea of having to sit in a classroom against my will made me burn with such rage that i made it so that i had autonomy over it. i would only come to classes i wanted to go to, which meant going to school three hours late and walking out when the class was over.

now obviously thats not how highschool works so i had to drop out. after a lovely (/s) visit to the psych ward my parents stopped giving a fuck. but then it was my choice to get a diploma/GED which i had zero problem doing, i was happy to do it even. why didnt i just sit through the last 6 months of school instead? idk, to me it felt like fucking torture.

i still feel that way, working full time. working part time even. i hate it because i want nothing more than to enjoy having a career like everyone else can. to be able to have a life outside of work, a fulfilling one even. ive never been able to do that. and it saddens me. why is it that everyone around me can find happiness in working their entire lives away but not me? why do i come home everyday wanting to die? why am i the only one who sees it as an injustice that my entire life is going to be spent at the whims of someone else's demands?

i burn with helplessness and anger and pain at the mere thought. but still i suffer through as many months as i can handle at jobs until i have enough money to last me a couple months of freedom. even though i have to sacrifice my mental stability for it. even though it means hospital visits and alcohol dependency and suicide attempts.

a perfect life for me doesn't include not working though, not working feels unfulfilling, i want to make a living for myself. i want to be financially independent. i dont even mind working 8 hours a day if i got to choose my schedule. if i could wake up one day and say "nah ill wait till 2 pm to start work today" or could start work at 7 am when i wanted, take as many days off as i wanted, which honestly wouldn't be a whole lot because i find value in productivity.

its the fact that i have to follow the demands of someone else that sucks the life out of me.

and now that i have this knowledge i can learn how to use it to accommodate my struggles instead of feeling like a fuck up

- andrew

#pda #tumblr diary #im not mentally stable #mental health awareness #capitalism #pathological demand avoidance #pervasive drive for autonomy #highschool dropout #autism #actually autistic

[bbarican]

november 22, 2023; 8:46 pm - outside

hi tumblr, kamusta naman evening niyo so far?

i am currently in concordia cafe kasi sooooooobrang na-bore ako sa bahay today and i wouldnt have liked it if pati ngyong gabi nakahiga lang ako or nanunuod ng movie tapos wala pang halfway through ititigil ko din kasi mabobore nga ako and id just end up scrolling mindlessly through tiktok; honestly nakakapagod and i hate it

some factors im considering on why im feeling this way to begin with:

1. wala ako masyadong ginagawa; work isnt too busy pero productive parin naman mornings ko ganun pero sobrang hindi siya enough these past few days for some reason

2. pati brother ko same kami ng aura so parang nakakabigat lalo knowing na even he is bored

3. i miss my parents; kulang yung ingay sa bahay

4. my mind is in agony, constantly wishing na sana nagiimpake na ko for taiwan tapos aalis na ko kinabukasan, pero next week pa yun

so yun, kaya i just really wanted to go out kahit for tonight para naman may iba akong naririnig and nakikita and thankfully i invited chevy and she said yes and she’s on her way and im so excited

1 more week; 1 week nalang halos before taiwan

we got this, self!

#bbarican #prsnl #thoughts #personal #life #writings #update #updates #dump

[not-sobasicbisexual]

I watched night at the museum kahmunrah rises again, and uh, here's my thoughts on it

1. most boring, longest hour and 17 minutes of my life, I even had to skip through some of it

2. teddy is weird. He's so full of himself and for what? he's slowly turning into the real Roosevelt, who thought he was the bee's knees

3. Joan of Arc was only there for the plot to make sense and she's annoying

4. sacagawea said "we don't have all night" or something at 11 pm like bro you got 6 more hours until sunrise wym

5. why does Jedediah sound like an old man is impersonating him? and Octavius's ugly ahh seems to dislike Jed and find him annoying. these arent the precious babies I know and love

6. why is it that time is irrelevant? Nicky was on call with Larry while he was in Japan, AT NIGHT, so it would be daytime for Larry right? apparently not

7. WHERE is Ahkmenrah?? like, I get it with the ending of natm 3, but if that's the case, then why is he not with his tablet?

8. although this movie wasn't the most enjoyable, Seth was oddly relatable. I looked it up and the god of chaos's name is actually Seth. I'm not kidding

9. Where is Kamunrah's classic lisp?

10. I have a strong urge to make it better

11. I personally thought this was a new series like how Disney Channel advertised it to be, but I'm glad it's a movie, because it's just over with now, and it doesn't have to continue

12. I don't get it, does this movie take place before or after three?! Nicky is still in high school?? I'm so confused

13. in the first movie, the caveman dissapeared all at once, but in this movie, the characters start to dissapear slowly?? also, why did the hairless cat start to dissapear? it wasn't even outside of the exhibit its from

14. Why did Nicky's personality change

15. Why Attila look like that? I mean, at least in the originals he was wearing something accurate to what he wore in real life

16. like I said, the cat isn't from the museum of natural history, so why does it turn into a statue while in the museum?? would it turn to dust?

17. "Laa discovered fire when he was 11" wym? Laa was made because McPhee wanted to have a caveman that looks like Larry. He was not real.

my honest reaction:

overall: 3/10 stars for effort, ig? not really good and wouldn't recommend it, but at least it's the most recent film so I can ignore it's existence

edit: im fixing my grammatical mistakes I'm sorry to the people who saw this and didn't understand things bc of my stupidity

#jedediah #jedediah natm #natm fandom #night at the museum #night guard #natm #natm 4 spoilers #sacagawea #natm octavius