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anime-grimmy-art · 5 months

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It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel.

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

#art year in review #anime-grimmy #fanart #sketch #comic #animatic #undertale #trigun #legend of zelda #monster hunter #kingdom hearts #undead unluck #genshin impact

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darkestspring · 1 year

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hey, i'm a sucker for mythology tales and stories that are a bit dark, but think about this concept, After the conquest of Westeros, by Aegon and his sisters, Visenya institutes a tribute to the main houses (Stark, Tyrell, Tully, Baratheon, Arryn and Lannister), which must every year send maidens to be hunted in Kingswood, by suitors who must enlist for hunting, and claim them as a wife at the end of the tournament. Aemond never thought of taking a wife in this archaic way, but when he learns the Lady he's obsessed with is going to run, he can only enlist and hope he finds her before anyone else does.

im not gonna lie, i dropped everything and actually went "oh my fucking god." in the loudest tone possible after reading that only for my mom to knock on my door like 'the fucks wrong with you?' anon i am OBSESSED with this prompt. its no secret that i love writing dark stuff, its so interesting (which is my mental illness and trauma speaking) but yes, let's get into this.

in greek mythology, people used to actually sacrifice humans to the gods but this went against the rules of hospitality, which zeus resides over as the god of hospitality and justice (ironic since he's the original manwhore) but yes.

aemond is completely determined, he never gave a shit about any of this before but once he gets wind that the sweet lady that she's been keeping tabs on for the past year is enlisting, he just can't stay away.

aemond already has incredible speed and stamina from his training but he makes sure to build it up more to leave no room for error, he will not allow you to become someone else's wife, and if by chance someone else catches you, he'll simply kill that person and claim you for his own.

it would be a long chase, one that arouses him to no end, especially when the prize is you. in the end, all your struggling is futile as he catches you with ease and he still might have his way with you, to ensure that no matter what he will have you.

he'll take you pinned up against a tree or even on the ground.

no matter what, you would be his wife. he'll ensure that.

#yandere house of the dragon #aemond targaryen x reader

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bugsinthebayou · 1 month

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heya i am quite enamored by lyrebranch and would really love to learn more. would you be interested in elaborating on their personalities and history together? :3

EXPLODES I LOVE LYREBRANCH SO MUCH !!!! im so obsessed with them theyre so unhealthy

now im not gonna go super into detail because 1. im tired and 2. these two are actually characters ive got for a possible meowdy bit, so i dont wanna spoil Everything

Calypso Nudibranch - calypso nudibranch is a triton/fish person from the undersea. specifically, she's their beloved princess. shes a natural-born leader, flounders when she has to lie, and is generally calm and collected. she's an incredible warrior, known and loved by her people for her dedication to being their guardian and future leader. there's one thing that gets her so, so angry, and thats people like jasmine lyre

Jasmine Lyre - now jasmine lyre... well. do you remember what chip jrwi was like? in the first few riptide episodes? shes like that but like, wayyy worse. way worse. and also a bisexual woman. my first ever message/concept idea for her was literally this

i have a playlist for her and it only has two songs so far but theyre So Her its insane. shiny from moana and a mask of my own face by lemon demon. she cares about one thing, and one thing only; gold. gold, jewelry, fame, power. and i guess she cares about her crew mutinying a bit. she sucks so bad she broke up with her girlfriend the day she met calypso because she hated calypso more passionately than she loved her gf. most of everything about her is a lie. she even made up her last name, but she wont spill the beans on if her first name is fake too. and yes, "lyre" sounding like "liar" was very purposeful.

LyreBranch - THREE CHEERS FOR TOXIC YURI!!! they hate each other so much they want each other (dead. and sexually) so bad. they want nothing more than to kill each other and to be the ones To Kill the other (so no assassins or crewmates/guards doing it for them). i have some images that are very Them

theyre obsessedddd which each other. jasmine's crew is verymuch sick of her shit. calypso's guards are concerned, but not enough to intervene (they think that if anything happens calypso will just kill jasmine). they daydream and dream about killing each other (and in weaker moments, about more suggestive situations). i usually talk mostly about how much jasmine flirts with and mocks calypso and how obsessed she is, but dont get the wrong idea. calypso is just as obsessed as she is. she just doesnt flirt or externalize it as much as jaz does, which gives it the appearance that jasmine is the one pursuing calypso and fighting her when in reality theyre both fucked up and toxic about it

ive got so, so much more about these two (both as individuals and together) but its almost 3am and ive got a headache, so i'll let that be a topic for tomorrow o7 hope you enjoy them!!! o/

#answered #zazie!!#oc: calypso nudibranch #oc: jasmine lyre #lyrebranch #tldr theyre fish n chips if they were toxic yuri /silly

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spaceedd · 11 months

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not even gonna lie im crazy obsessed with the idea of beyond having like an overarching narrative of some degree. the whole series has always had the whole “theres some weird shit going on in this town” concept for its entire life and the things we’re experiencing has already been teased at in the snogre (accidental(?) chemical spills resulting in animals getting corrupted and wiping out everything in their path). not only did this also happen in beaster bunny and surf n turf wars, but one even referenced the other. the comment “a competition.. isnt this concept getting a little tired?” or something like that. could just be a simple joke but to me that line is the shows way of saying Hey these episodes’ events are connected in some way Pay attention!!! and one last thing that might be a reach

what are these why are there millions of them what is the thing that supposedly laid them why are they the main four’s colours.

#eddsworld #eddsworld beyond

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weaselishmcdiesel · 6 months

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In my defense, the accidental lie has been going on for 4 years and each time I run into HS content I send it to this guy... which probably has worsened the lie, so like at this point I might as well go out with a bang

Also please please do give me more info on other characters you feel comfortable with, cuz we weren't sure what we were gonna play so we are doing 3 one-shots (Im DMing all 3, pain) before setting on one, so it might be a bit extra suspicious if only 1 homestuck npc shows up and I don't know enough about Nepeta to confidently make her show up 3 times and make it seem like she's my fav and I know all about her

This shit is so funny hshfjfjgjgj I do hope you manage to sneak by undetected if only so you can say you did such a good job pretending that you fooled a real fan XD and hopefully your friends a good sport

And sure! Maybe I can help strengthen those characters you say you know? They’re the more popular ones so I sorta know more about them than others.

I WROTE THIS IN MY NOTES APP THIS IS SUPER LONG ACTUALLY AND IM SO SORRY TRY TO SKIM IT <- was asked to talk about homestuck and thought was be able to keep it brief. Wasn’t.

Karkat - I was obsessed with him then and I’m obsessed with him now he’s a loud whining piece of shit with a pretty bad attitude. Mainly a character based on him would yell as their normal speaking volume, swear a LOT and also creatively, but is also hiding an insecurity. The thing about him is he has a mutant blood color that would get him killed on his planet- so he can’t let anyone find out, he can’t accidentally bleed or cry (tears are their blood color) in front of anyone. So maybe your character is also hiding something super important? He gets along best with people who don’t really take his bitching to heart since his bitching is his way of showing real concern- he does actually care about his friends no matter how many times he calls them idiots. Also is really interested in romance as a concept and likes romcoms. He uses dual sickles as a weapon- I figure you may want this information since they’re dnd characters.

Dave - Cool kid, sunglasses he never takes off, he raps and makes beats on his turntables. He’s obsessed with irony and sorta doesn’t know how to enjoy anything without being ironic about it? Enjoys frustrating people WITH his irony. I struggle with characterizing him bc I’ve consumed a lot of fanon, but maybe that will make your presentation of him more authentic XD? A safe bet is to make your character kinda deadpan in tone but still be able to crack jokes and act pretty silly. If given the opportunity to be the hero he will not take it, he rejects the idea that he should be anyone important. He fights with swords and has a tendency to break them- but still uses them anyway. He gets the power to time travel later on, and can stop a person in time too, dunno how you’d implement that tho.

Vriska - … very very tough for me to summarize her… but I can say that a character based off her has killed one friend, paralyzed one friend, and blinded one friend, but then feel little to no remorse about any of it because they believe they’re the main character and nothing bad will happen to them since it’s all part of their story (though, she blinded that one person because that person blew up her left arm and left eye BECAUSE vriska killed that one friend). Ahem. Got carried away. Your character just did some pretty bad shit that makes them seem untrustworthy. She’s very lucky tho- it’s part of her powers- so your character should be too. She has a spider motif but it only really manifests in her adoration for spiders and her way of typing, so you may not have to worry about that. She’s popularly called the “huge 8itch” if that helps. She fights by rolling die? And depending on how they land they’ll do more or less damage. I don’t really know the specifics? But her luck powers enable her to roll exactly what she wants every time

Rose - rose is also tough for me… she’s a writer and can use a lot of big words and constructs sorta needlessly complicated sentences but she’s got a lot of wit and loves being sarcastic. She’s.. gothy? Has an interest in the occult and occult myths and she’s also pretty fascinated by wizards but I think tries to be lowkey about it? She’s a very smart and clever person too- so much so that in fanon people tend to forget she’s also kinda silly. Sorry that’s all I can say ^^; she fights using a pair of knitting needles- eventually they can also conduct magic and do damage that way. The power she gets later on is- sorta like knowing the future? She can only know the GOOD outcome but she knows specifics so that she can tell her team how they can end up getting the good outcome- she’s the strategist of the group

John - the leader of the kids! suuuper cheery and has the ability to pretty much make friends with anyone. He ends up being naive tho and may not realize when someone is trying to take control of him. He’s very interested in pranks and overall being a silly goofster ✨ if it ever comes up under no circumstances will he eat baked confections. No cakes especially. He loooves Nicolas cage and ghostbusters and some other older movies I can’t remember- other characters just tend to say he likes bad movies but he adamantly believes they’re very good. So maybe your character can also defend something that may objectively be kinda bad? His iconic weapon class is hammers 💪💪 but he also gets wind powers later- he can summon tornados or even fade into air to travel in the wind and appear somewhere else

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It may be helpful to point out for nepeta- she has a best friend who’s very concerned about her well-being, equius. He even so much as controls what she can and can’t do (kinda only about certain things that are super dangerous). I don’t really like him as a character, but your npc might be hesitant to do something before asking their best friend for permission. He’s a stickler and very no-nonsense and will likely deny anything too dangerous? But also he’s incredibly terrifyingly physically strong- so your pcs wouldn’t win a fair fight with him. He also sucks up to any royalty. If any pc is royalty he’ll do anything they say. A trademark of his is that he gets very sweaty very easily and also very much likes horses. Also he likes milk. Idk. Nepeta’s weapons are these retractable claw glove things- and equius WOULD use a bow and arrow but breaks every single bow he picks up because he can’t control his strength. Instead, he fights with his fists 👍

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Very quick rundown of the main characters I haven’t mentioned yet-

TROLLS

(they’re all kinda friends but I point out their most important relationships, ones your pcs may ask about, they’re also ordered from lowest to highest class) kept these summaries vague so you can insert your npcs in their place?

Aradia - she’s dead don’t worry about her, if asked she was into roleplay, archaeology, and adventuring. friends with Terezi, dated sollux, killed by vriska if you need to know

Tavros - he’s the one who’s paralyzed from the waist down, he has no confidence whatsoever, likes the troll equivalent of Pokémon, has a bull motif, has lots of conflicting feelings about vriska (is constantly manipulated by her), and is friends with Gamzee. Attacks with a jousting spear

Sollux - likes coding and computers, has a red and blue and duality motif, speaks with a lisp, also likes bees a lot. Will not eat honey if asked tho, friends with karkat and hates Eridan. Dates Aradia and feferi. Attacks with his very strong telepathic powers, could kill him if he’s over exerted

Karkat - friends with sollux, kanaya, Jade, has a crush on Terezi but is normal about being friends with her, and is sorta chill with Gamzee and Eridan. Dates Dave but really really hated him to begin with so be careful, may say he hates Dave if asked- they date late into homestuck… would say he hates everyone if asked. Except kanaya

Nepeta - BEST friends with equius, kinda friends with Terezi? Roleplayed with her sometimes but terezi’s a little mean about it cant tell

Kanaya - she’s a very reliable friend, but fears she’s too meddlesome. interested in fashion and is also a vampire 👍 very good friends friends with karkat and dates rose (do not separate) Hates Gamzee and Eridan if asked. Attacks with a chainsaw that can also transform into lipstick

Terezi - LAWFUL whatever your character is theyre lawful. Loves dragons and she’s blind but she can smell/taste colors to the point where she can kinda see? She has something very complicated going on with vriska (she’s the one vriska blinded, but still sorta loves her as a friend). Attacks with a blade concealed in her walking stick

Vriska - she lost her left arm and eye but she gets a robot arm. Has something complicated with Tavros (kinda crushes on him kinda hates him) and Terezi, turned down a confession from Eridan (but he asks out everyone so it’s not that big a deal) but they were friends in the past

Equius - ehhhh I don’t like him idk he has a crush on Aradia and it’s weird, big thing about him is he makes robots idk. Brutally protective of nepeta- they’re best friends

Gamzee - stoner who’s (and I mean this literally) religiously devoted to clowns- wears face paint all the time and has clown horns everywhere for him to honk. Friends with tavros and karkat but everyone (but tavros) sorta treats him like a useless stoner when he’s just trying to be friendly (ahem. Until some crazy story stuff goes down but i won’t spoil it in case you read) should not be without his substance for too long or people will die not exaggerating. Attacks with clubs.

Eridan - classist royalty, fish guy pirate, interested in war and strategy, makes fish puns I think. Has a crush on Feferi but they’re supposed to be best friends. Used to be friends with vriska but confessed to her. Hates Sollux bc when Feferi stopped being best friends with Eridan, she went on to date Sollux. He’s rizzless. Completely rizzless. Attacks with a cool harpoon gun. Doesn’t believe in magic if asked.

Feferi - THE empress like she’s as royal as you can get, but she’s in waiting for when the current empress passes. she’s also a fish but she’s not classist- she cares a lot for people and animals and would abolish the ableist classist regime of the planet they live on if she had the power, until then she tends to aquatic animals n stuff (not afraid to kill people if necessary tho, she knows how to survive). Friends with Eridan but only to keep him from killing people, stops being friends him when there are no more people TO kill around. Dates Sollux later. Also makes fish puns. Attacks with a two pronged trident.

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Wow this is getting so long I’m so sorry

THE KIDS

I won’t go into the alpha kids or the other set of 12 trolls bc I’m very rough with them and also they’re not as important?

Dave - raised by his older brother who taught him sword fighting but was also super neglectful as a gaurdian and traumatized him with puppets and constant sword training and pranks. All the kids are very good friends with each other so nothing of note there but he goes on to date karkat- if asked tho he canonically was kinda struggling with finding out he was gay, though if your PCs don’t want to deal with that then do what fanon does and ignore that (I also ignore it). He’s also technically siblings with rose but doesn’t share the mom TECHNICALLY. If asked he doesn’t have a mom unless you want me to go into the alpha kids OTL

John - has just a dad who cares about him very much. And if asked regards his late grandmother very fondly. He doesn’t go on to date anyone but he does kinda hate Terezi? Troll romance is complicated I shouldn’t explain it. He’s technically siblings..? With Jade? But they don’t share the grandparents or the dad.

Rose - dates kanaya I’m serious do not separate them. She has a mom who’s an alcoholic but has a pretty humorous oneupmanship going on between them. She’s technically siblings with Dave but doesn’t share the brother

Jade - ok. So. She was raised by an omnipotent dog. Her grandpa died when she was very young and her dog (bec) took care of her. She’s very cheery - even cheerier and sweeter than John but she will not take any shit she’s not naive like him. She’s interested in science and robots and botany she’s very good at growing plants but she lived all alone on an island for most of her life. She always had visions of the future growing up but was never creeped out by them, always staying optimistic. Her main weapon is a rifle- not sure how that translates in dnd? She later gets the power to manipulate space itself- make things massive or very tiny, she gets telepathy and can move objects around at near the speed of light, and can teleport. She also becomes part dog later. I’d say she’s lawful good? Probably easy bet. She’s friends with karkat, kinda friends with Feferi, in one universe she dated an alternate version of Dave- not the Dave your PCs would meet, so if asked I dont think she exactly had a crush on him- I believe they both said their feelings are complicated. Technically siblings with John but like I said don’t share the parents

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Forever apologizing for the wall of text. I’m hoping that, having been a dm once myself, you were expecting a lot of info..? No matter what tho I didn’t write as much reading all of homestuck is worth XD

#weasel speaks #asks!#hs #I’m like embarassed at how long this is abdnfnfk #I lov hamsteak 💕

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coldflasher · 9 months

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Can you explain frat boy Len please

honestly anon im not sure anyone can explain frat boy len

i may not be the best person to ask as i did not observe this strange phenomenon in the wild myself, this is something i recall from a conversation i had many months ago with @leonard-cold about how wildly len's characterization varies outside of snart stan tumblr

she was telling me about this one legends fic she read in which the author had done an absolutely spot-on job with the characterization of absolutely everyone but len, who, in her words, 'acted as if he'd recently had a lobotomy' and spent the whole fic hanging out by the pool (????) hitting on random women. so in all fairness i don't think he was an actual, literal frat boy but he had the frat boy personality archetype, you know?

not gonna lie im lowkey obsessed with this concept if only because the visual of len hanging out by the pool on a sun lounger with a parka on is absolutely hysterical but yeah. this is why i do not venture outside of snart stan tumblr

#answered #my friend who i've been watching the flash with has started writing fic #not about len but he will be there as a side character #im both excited and terrified to see where she goes with this

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f0xgl0v3 · 6 months

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New Rome, maybe? Working on a map, Sobbing in the back rooms-

Summary; I lie about talking about anything of substance, and am thinking about starting a companion in character blog, I’m caving on my plushie obsession, I lie about what I’m gonna post about because it’s gonna be Dakota or the Dionysus twins

I’m tired and slightly unhinged while writing this, but so far I’ve made a total of 5 maps roughly, of various designs of Camp Jupiter. I still have to actually uh, make a proper map; but then I’d have to decide what actually everything was looking like, buildings, how training actually works in CJ and where that takes place; etc, etc. anyway I’m not here to sob over that (yet- especially after I’m doing the whole ‘but what if it was more alike to the og legion??’ Shtick)

But for now I’m gonna talk a little about my concepts for and what we know about New Rome, layout, buildings, and other things based on a mix of various canon maps, actual historical records of Roman city structure, general assumption, and descriptions of New Rome (mostly that would be from SoN and MoA i think- I’ll have to go re-read the New Rome parts respectively before I begin layout work-)

HOWEVER,

I’m going to start a notebook specifically for the documentation and my thought process of the whole New Rome/Camp Jupiter/PJO-verse?? Re-imagining. And I’ll probably begin reporting back on my findings and post on the actual jumbled ideas for this because instead of working on that fun little thing where I re-imagine how the seven plot works (because that means I’d inject a extra book in there and I’d actually sob if I’d have to re-read HoO because I only finished it in August of this year and the rate at which I got through books was disproportionate, please I finished SoN in one day then it took me 2 months to finish MoA-)

But yes, New Rome New Rome- there are very certain things I’d want to settle out. Or for right now at least, before I through my self back into designing a city-

Both the Chariot racing, and Gladiator battles for war games take place in New Rome, as the respective areas for each are hosted in New Rome. I’d imagine that New Rome have their celebrity athletes inside of the modern Rome society of people that play classical Roman sports/games. I have been working with the assumption that both Camp and New Rome have some form of a ‘Forum’ area- in the most basic idea of a Forum area for Camp; I’m looking into making a good balance of how I want Camp to be made so I might change any of that- we’d just have to see.

Okay, okay, but the important things!

I might make a different blog in rp for my character Mercury (or I posted her as Calliope, but I guess she’ll never escape being named after Gods- though Mercedes or Sicily are still name options and I’m getting off topic-) just for the actual official; formatted ideas for New Rome and Camp Jupiter. I’d probably present it as ‘oh this blog is for New Legionnaires/ young citizens in New Rome waiting to join the Legion’ and would present my thoughts more coherently.

Basically here is where the goopy thinking parts of making the ideas would be; whereas over there would be where you would get the actual information (I might also finish the notion page I was working on but that one genuinely hurt my soul to repeatedly work in and on)

But I dunno; I got the idea from a separate blog that I just followed (I’ll link it after I post it so I get this right, @new-rome-historians-association the actual inspiration for the companion blog )and it seems like a fun idea, but I don’t know if people would be interested as it is purely fannon.

Anyway; I’ll get either that CJ fatal flaw PT. 2 post up finally, a Luke Castellan thing, maybe the Gods, or Octavian

ALSO IM GETTING THE WOLF PUP BUILD-A-BEAR, I CAVED; HIS NAME IS AUGUSTUS BUT WE CALL HIM GUS- ILL SHOW PICS WHEN HE ARRIVES!!

Okay, byeee :3

#camp jupiter #fanon #ideas #concept #project concepts #idk how to tag this #I listen to warrior cats videos whenever I need to post something #making maps sucks #taking suggestions

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jellieclogs · 5 months

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explaining my kpop lore

inspired by a tweet I made, we’re talking about seventeen, bts, got7, nct, and more!

so first of all, i consistently lied about how long I was into kpop because when I had a huge active Twitter account, you were seen as cooler if you were into it in your older days. so let’s just make that clear…oomfs I’m sorry </3 it’s been around 8 years or so (2015) is when I actually got into it. but I always used to say 2013.

anyway, I got into kpop right around when seventeen released their shining diamond EP. I stumbled upon them on YouTube and someone reacting to their shining diamond MV. I watched so many of their old predebut videos and very quickly they were the very first group I absolutely adored, and I only got into kpop social media after I started making edits of them on vine. before that I was exclusively following them through YouTube videos. i have always been a jun/scoups/VERNON lover but as of lately i don’t keep up with them actively.

my favorite songs by seventeen are simple, pretty u, HABIT (untouchable FLAWLESS track), Q&A, and change up!!

so after getting introduced to kpop by seventeen, I was then introduced to bts, got7, exo. I went through a serious and intense bts phase, like it was bad. had those black debut jerseys in my Amazon cart and everything like 😭

now, I was 13 years old here, so of course I was a bit obsessed with these men. i probably have thousands of pictures of jimin and jungkook saved in my google photos. yes it’s embarrassing but honestly, i was so happy i think it’s okay that i was a cringe 13 year old. as for my favorite members, i went through a phase with yoongi, hoseok, jimin, and jungkook 😭 i feel that because i loved this group so much my favorite really changed a lot, i liked them all equally. like during my discovery of bts, i immediately liked jimin, but during the i need u/run (hyyh) era I liked jungkook a lot, then during wings i was very attached to hoseok and yoongi </3 for a while now though, jungkook has been my favorite :)

my list of favorite bts songs is a huge list, but here it is; (using the Spotify titles because I forgot the hangul/romanization for them) tomorrow (top 5 for sure), just one day, butterfly, silver spoon, embarrassed, young forever, lie, reflection (also top 5), spring day, stigma, cypher 4, best of me, truth untold, singularity, black swan, boy with luv, fake love, SEESAW (top 3. argue with the wall.), you never walk alone, my time, and lots more. im not gonna say their discography is flawless, because every group has their stinkers, BUT bts is one of those groups I can just shuffle and most songs I won’t skip because I like them that much.

personally, I could make an entire post about wings and how insanely good that entire era was. I’m sure some kpop group has done the concept of every member having their own track before, but since I wasn’t into kpop before 2015, this is the first time it was presented to me. and it was done SO god damn well. i was obsessed with any and all fan theories, counting down to the next teaser, and lost my mf MARBLES when I finally watched blood sweat and tears for the first time. that era and album, the concept, the visuals, the MUSIC, FLAWLESSLY done. like do you hear that dissonance on lie? are you kidding me??? the strings?? tae’s voice on stigma????!!??!??!? I am so not normal about reflection, it’s very bad for meee!! it’s insane the production tha went into those tracks, they are ALL so good..the only songs I’m skipping on that album is just am i wrong and 2,3! THATS IT. YEAH, WE BUMPING INTERLUDE:WINGS TOO!

im still holding onto the hope that I can see them perform live someday. they are a group really special to me despite whatever infuriating fan wars were happening on Twitter in 2016/17. also just REALLY wanna hear the black swan into fake love transition like i just know that will change my life forever….

moving onto exo! I think I found them before BTS, but it wasn’t that much before. just like slightly, like I discovered EXO right before I discovered BTS. I was really sad because, by the time I discovered EXO, kris had already left the group. he was the one who caught my eye the most, which was in the mama exo-m music video. but i moved on from that and jongin was always my bias, it never changed. i did have a brief stint liking xiumin but I don’t think my bias ever rlly changed. i didn’t listen to as much of their music but i feel that their discography is a little timeless honestly, disregarding some interesting tracks…(looking at you wolf..)

my favorite exo songs are; what is love!! insanely good. moonlight, mama, playboy, el dorado (top 5 for sure😭), black pearl, shes dreaming, artificial love, MONSTER!!!!!!!, lucky one, obsession, the eve, SWEET LIES !!!! sad what their company’s management has done to exo as a whole but I still really enjoy their music. I recently watched their episode of killing voice and while I didn’t know many of the songs they sung, it’s always so nice to hear their voices. it’s always really great vocals from kyungsoo and suho. another group I really liked was monsta x, favorite members were always shownu and wonho <3 I did get to see them live on July 16, 2017! hyungwon was sick so he wasn’t there :( but it was an amazing night. i discovered so many new songs by MX and after that concert they were solidified as one of my favorite boy groups ever. some of my fave MX songs: perfect girl, from zero, fighter!!! (so INSANE live) dramarama, now or never, tropical night, shine forever, miss you, beautiful, STUCK!!!!, and beautiful! the clan was also an era I really really liked, the cinematic videos they had were amazing!!!

nct was a group i was lucky enough to watch debut which I feel their debut was INSANE. i can’t believe how early on mark lee established himself as an actually GOOD rapper. there’s a lot of boys in nct so i had a lot of ‘em that I really liked, but mainly taeyong, jaehyun, and doyoung. i really liked the concept of their sub units, the dreamies were so young when they debuted and it was a treat to watch them grow as artists. i know exactly where I was when I listened to the 7th sense, fire truck, and chewing gum for the first time. i unfortunately do not know too many of their newer stuff besides title tracks but i really like a lot of the stuff that they put out.

my fave nct songs: wake up (SO underrated), the 7th sense, boss, baby don’t stop, black on black, cherry bomb, SUN&MOON (had like a 30 second clip of this song as my pinned tweet for months. it genuinely changed my life hearing this for the first time), 0 mile, baby don’t like it, limitless, kick it, Pandora’s box, nonstop, punch, life is still going on 💛, we go up, chewing gum, ridin, and regular!!

i also really liked day6, my favorite member was jae and my favorite song of all time will always be i smile!! I saw them live and heard shoot me for the first time it was CRAZY. other songs I really liked were; I would, i wait, letting go, blood, sing me, and somehow.

honorable mentions of really good boy group or soloist songs I was obsessed with vixx - shangri-la vixx - fantasy wanna one - energetic shinee - odd eye (PEAK) shinee - 1 of 1 shinee - don’t stop shinee - replay agust d - tony montana agust d - agust d block b - her hotshot - jelly

alright time for my big one!! i actively followed got7 since 2015 when I discovered them. by this time they had JUST released just right, and what an insanely good video to introduce someone new to them 😭 so perfectly cute and catchy, like how could you not fall in love? And with the sea of content i had with all the real got7 episodes it’s like it was destined for them to be my favorite group of all time. And it’s crazy the absolute whiplash I got that same year when they got all dark and released if you do!!!! both such amazing AMAZING songs to be released in one year.

I’m gonna go ahead and skip my Twitter career as an ahgase, including the exposé thread on mark’s friends which blew up my account (looking back it’s weird for me as a 14 year old to police whom he was friends with, and the mf I exposed mark is still friends with him sooo…anyway) it’s long and a little embarrassing but just know I was ride or fucking die for got7 on Twitter. i was on there everyday, counting down the days to their next comeback, live tweeting during vlive streams, sending out thousands of tweets a day to vote for them on award shows, crying and screaming and terrorizing the timeline anytime mark so much as breathed in a cute way.

speaking of which, got7 is another group that my love for them was so big, it migrated around to almost every member. i of course always loved mark and made that very known, but there were times when i was tweeting just a bit more about yugyeom, or jackson, or bambam, or (surprisingly) jaebeom.

my experience definitely changed after I saw them live for the first time in the pit in Miami. it was pretty life changing and i know I say that a lot, but it was first concert EVER and i was so excited and happy. i cried immediately when they came out singing let me. got to do photo op for them (my amazing mommy allowed me to experience this) the picture has me sitting with jaebeom posing cutely above me. i was wearing like a weird thrasher shirt with a navy blue striped shirt under it and had very old and raggedy braids…I was going through a rough time financially. i got to see them again in Newark in 2019!! I didn’t get to do a photo op that time, but I was a lot cuter in my outfit.

for this music section, you can view my favorite got7 song from every album (excluding jpn releases). I’m that in love with their music, YUP!

and there we have it. comprehensive post of my kpop “lore” with lots of stuff left out. I made so many amazing friends through kpop and despite the reputation kpop groups and fans have, I really loved being in an active community of people especially ahgases. lots of love to all my friends, nutdonalds my first gc of friends who made stan Twitter something worth coming back to every single day, cunt7 my best friends that I wouldn’t trade for the fucking world, leo who was my first best friend i met irl and showed me so much kindness always. and all the friends that stayed in contact with me after I kind of fell out of the kpop Twitter life, you all know who you are. 🩷

#got7 #kpop #bts

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strawbnetwork · 2 years

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rereading house of hades and percy seriously wouldve been so #girl if hed just learnt to utilise his newfound powers of controlling things like poison shit wouldve been over SO fast

#also it wouldve been cool #also i once wrote this mini series where the seven procephy heroes became evil or whatever because i was #obsessed with the concept #im not gonna lie most of the pjo fics i wrote when i was younger were dark i actually dont know what was wrong with me like #piper died to an empousa in a subway station once like Girl What.#this is like stuff you put on a list of things to never share in public i had a series of oneshots in camp half blood and annabeth once #explained what periods were because percy was being hashtag annoying or something #actually these these arent even anything the blue of the tags just makes it seem worse i definirely undersold the pipers death fic #its still posted on ff.net sighs<3 #strawb.txt

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elysianslove · 3 years

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Those dick analysis are so good!!!! Idk why i just keep reading them Abufbsudjwjdj my i please ask for the setter ones? If its not trouble, of course!

honestly they’re so much more fun than i thought they’d be??? i wanted to do it cause,,, horny thoughts, but then it ended up actually being enjoyable hbsjdd but im so so happy you like them!!! and yes yes of course <3

just to clarify as i always do, this is hella unrealistic and just for fun!!

other versions: haikyuu captains dick analysis, haikyuu aces dick analysis, haikyuu middle blockers dick analysis, jjk dick analysis.

setters done in the captains version: oikawa tōru

HAIKYUU SETTERS DICK ANALYSIS

kageyama tobio

listen, i know he has a skinny penis. something about him just screams skinny penis, but it’s so so so pretty. also it’s not like unsatisfying skinny cause it still has a little girth to it but it’s not painful girth you know? he’s like 6.8 inches? idk that seems right i guess? pale shaft that has a little flush of color to it, and a pink pink pink tip, but it’s like such a pretty, pretty tip, kind of mouthwatering tbh. curves to the right absolutely it does. also he is so sensitive, like everywhere. literally just hover your fingers lightly along his dick and you’ll have him twitching and all. he’s not clean shaven because he never really understood the purpose, like the hair’s there for a reason for sure?? it must be?? but if you ask him he’ll be like “ok.”

kozume kenma

i can’t decide if kenma would have a little dick or not, so i’m gonna settle for he’s a 5.6 inches. thing is kenma knows!!! how!!! to use it!!! like in a way that he’s kind of winging it, but he’s very perceptive so he just goes with what he sees you like the most. also teases so so much before, so that when he fucks you it feels really good!! shaft is a light tan with a golden tip, and very veiny too?? also kenma’s actually clean shaven— he probably waxes pls, just cause it’s so much more convenient and shaving always itches :( idk i feel like he might forget to take care of himself so he does it just so he doesn’t have to worry about it yk

akaashi keiji

god. god. god. such a pretty dick, like you could just stare at it all day. dick pics need to be framed in gold. he’s probably 6.8 inches like kags, with the prettiest pink tip like it’s so flushed but it’s not red and it’s not a pale pink either like just a deep deep pink, and a pale shaft, really prominent veins when he’s hard. his balls are pretty too pls :( and he’s clean shaven, for sureee. akaashi would do the most to make sure you’re satisfied and happy. when it’s hard it curves against his stomach like inward but only a little, maybe at the head yk? is really into foreplay and prepping you for him so by the time he fucks you his dick is drooling for you, and it’s the most gorgeous sight ever seeing it twitch and leak ugh <3

miya atsumu

big dick and KNOWS it. flaunts it. is the type to wave it in your face while in the shower with you just cause. a golden tan to the shaft, darker tip with a slight pink/red flush to it, hella veins, hella girth, hella length. he’s a good 7.1 inches i’m not gonna lie. (osamu’s bigger by .3 inches and rubs it in atsumu’s face all the fucking time btw). he. he is not clean shaven. will make you trim it for him if you really want it clean. (but only to piss you off, he will do it anyways <3). also his dick print is. gorgeous. in sweats? immaculate. gym shorts? beautiful. those red plaid pajama pants that give everyone a fat ass? dick print is stunning. IN TIGHT ASS BRIEFS AND ITS LEAKING A LITTLE? im crying.

sugawara kōshi

omg it’s !!!! he’s so good with it. so good. loves to tap it against all your sensitive spots like your clit after being abused by his mouth and fingers? or your hole after he stretches you? 6.5 inches, sort of proportionate in terms of length and girth, but idk. suga seems like he has a fat dick for some reason? like it’s not shocking girth, but it’s definitely a stretch. idk i can just picture his bulge in jeans or tight pants to be very prominent i guess? or like. idk i can just tell he’s hiding a fat dick in his shorts does that make sense. also a very pretty tip, a pale-ish pink with a shaft that kind of starts off very pink and then pales towards the base. clean shaven!!!!!! obviously.

semi eita

such a nice dick you’d wanna just cockwarm it. but with your mouth. yk. or anything else really. it just feels so satisfying inside of you!! i can’t decide on a length (these are all hella unrealistic anyways) but maybe 6.9 inches. he just seems like he has a long dick!!! more length than girth you know? you know. purple-ish head and pale shaft, sticks up straight with no curves, and not a lotta veins!! there is one or two that are obvious, but it’s delicate yk. also i have the feeling semi likes it messy so he’s obsessed with deepthroating you and pulling out and having his dick covered in a mess of cum and bubbling spit. i will not be taking criticisms thank you <3

koganegawa kanji

oh my god he so has a big dick and literally has zero clue. no concept of size whatsoever. first time you see it and you gasp and he’s like uh oh what’s wrong like he’s not fucking packing as shit??? 6.9 inches with so much fucking girth. not so much that you have to spend forever prepping yourself, but like, it’s definitely a long time. first time you had sex he put it in too soon and you were like pls i beg you and your stupid big dick— fat, fat tan head, a lighter shaft with a golden tint to it. head flushes pink when he’s hard and leaking!!! he’s so messy with the hair down there cause he thought it was cooler but when he learned it wasn’t he was so quick to shave it all off yk :)

ukai keishin

couldn’t skip him!!! big dick big dick big dick. he has a big dick. look at him and tell me he doesn’t. it has a tan shaft, very similar to his overall skin tone, and a pinker tip, which darkens considerably when he’s hard. curves to the right and is so veiny!!! so fat, shaft is fat, head is fat, just so fat. he’s a good 7.4 inches, because why not you know, and always hits it from the back to have his balls slap against you. i— he’s not clean shaven what are you expecting. he’s not gonna shave. will actually make you choke on his dick and bury your face in his lap unashamed. (no but to be honest he would trim it for you, at the very least, not to worry <3)

i tried not to miss out on any setters too!! i looked through the schools and if i did miss any, it just means i don’t know them well enough to write for them, i’m sorry!!! but i hope you guys enjoyed !!! im sorry if it’s a messy or something im writing this with an oncoming migraine </3

luv u all mwah <3

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sonknuxadow · 2 years

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not gonna lie im kind of obsessed with early concept designs for sonic characters. i would like to take a look into the alternate timeline where shadow actually kind of looks like sonic and is named terios and knuckles is a dinosaur and cream is a red panda and silver is a mink named venice and werehog sonic looks like this

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theseventhveil1945 · 3 years

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obsessed with the concept of cajun spike im not gonna lie

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marshmallowfin · 3 years

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Drag Race season 13 first impressions and vibes:

I do this every year and I know no one cares but here are my unwanted opinions.

Kandy Muse: Her reputation proceeds her...in a bad way. I've seen how hateful she can be online and I just can't look past it; I can just tell she's gonna annoy me until she goes home. The look however was cute and the lipsync was fun, I can tell she's talented. I wanna try and view her without bias but it's gonna be tough.

Joey Jay: I was excited for her during the promo but couldn't get past the entrance look. Really? The panty was cut too low cut, the feathers were cheep and falling apart, the hair was supposed to look wet but it just looked a mess, like she didn't have time to dry her hair before coming. Just came across so unpolished and because I only got to to see her for like a collective 15 minutes I was just unimpressed. Lipsync was unimpressive, Kandy really let her have it, the only thing I remember was her punching her tiddie and the feathers falling off all over the stage.

Denali: The look was so right, head to toe, but that contour was so rough it was distracting. She seemed fun, I can see her succeeding. Again, only getting a couple of minutes with her just really left me wanting more, it felt lacking. For someone who was on literal ice skates she was pulling some impressive stunts I honestly thought she might have the lipsync but I'm not mad at the Lala win. I'm honestly just really neutral on her. I did like when she flashed us, it's really the only thing I remember from the lipsync. (Also the repeat song? Hello? Iconic Coco Montrese lipsync from season 5? I clocked it.)

LaLa Ri: The look: pedestrian, didn't fit her in any way and was just so basic it was almost sad. Wish it were a full pant and the jacket was tailored to her. Also not everyone is able to wear those flat little wigs, wish she had teased it up. Her vibes? Her smile? Stunning. She seems so warm and friendly and kind. I want her to succeed but the ONE TIME I got to see her she looked... unimpressive. I don't remember a single think she did in the lipsync not gonna lie...

Symone: fully obsessed during the promo, so beautiful in and out of drag and her sense of style is so interesting to me. Entrence look was a little on the simple side but effective. She's also from the same area is me so I know people who know her and are fully obsessed. One of my tops for sure. The lipsync was good but I really thought Tamish let her have it. Not mad she won but I would have made it a double win. (Maybe after a night of just okay lipsyncs I'm grasping at the only one that made me excited.) Also, nothing to do with her but she's Gigi Goode's sister and Gigi is for sure talented and I really liked her for the majority of her season but she's made some choices in the have been confusing at best; I worry Symone might share some of those opinions. Here's hoping that just my paranoia.

Tamisha Iman: she came across as cookie cutter pageant girl (not that there's anything wrong with that) in her promo so I wasn't really excited for her. Very pleasantly surprised. She walked in in that red power suit and long black hair TIDDIES OUT: I was shaken. She also seems to just radiate good energy, I'm really liking her. She and Symone had the most entertaining lipsync of the night, it felt close (I do think Miss Tamish turned the party a little hard but not enough to call it rigged.) I am a little heartbroken they made her tell her cancer story episode one, immediately after getting there, she killed a lipsync, then was sent on her way, she was amicably calm tho. I really like her.

Gottmik: Another I was SUPER excited for during promos and she's really giving it too me. The look was so interesting and flattering and the face was to die for topped off by that perfect black hair. Dead and in the ground. Lipsync...left much to be desired. The song was a bop and my jaw dropped when it started but neither of them gave me what Rumors deserved. I loved both the queens so much though I almost didn't care...almost. Also FIRST FTM QUEEN EVER ON THE SHOW I'M SO JWBDJDIBEBSKDE AND IM SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIM. King shit never been more insane and proud to be cisn't.

Utica Queen: I CAN TELL THIS BITCH IS NEURODIVERGENT AND SO AM I!!! SAME HAT!!! I love a bitch who has a distinct aesthetic and lives on a completely different planet. Her promo look was my favorite, she's so striking and the crazy mad hatter look was EVERYTHING. Entrance look was equally crazy and somehow all worked (maybe not the strawberry but I still loved the strawberry). I thought she was so fun during the lipsync and I couldn't take my eyes off of her (again, that might be because I find her so striking) I honestly thought she would win but again the lipsync as a whole was a little underwhelming. Her sad face at the end of the episode broke my heart, this premier was a little cruel to the losers.

Rosé: not gonna lie, I was disappointed in Rosé. Her look was so crazy and cool for the promo and she came into the competition wearing a pink cropped biker jacket and panty? (The look was cute enough and I like the designer but it was so meh) The hair was lovely and I thought the missing tooth was funny, it was a shame she wiped it off before anyone could see it. I totally understand being bitter about hyping yourself up as a LIPSYNC QUEEN and a major nyc girl and so established especially compared to someone like Olivia who has only be doing drag for a year and a half..then you lose...and you assume you're going home first...I TOTALLY GET IT but the edit worked on me and I was like wow what a bitch. The only person who has claimed to be nyc royalty I actually vibed with was Peppermint, I think it's like an instant turn off for someone to say they're the best whatever of nyc. (Not that I dislike nyc girls, just the ones that claim to be hot shit.)

Olivia Lux: Sweet summer child. Precious baby angel. I found her so cute and charming and silly in her promo and she came in in that VELVET (?) HALF PINK HALF YELLOW GOWN WITH THE ROUGING and that BEAUTIFUL blonde hair that looked so good again her sink and the long as ponytail and the fucking waves like a designer Barbie fresh out the box, I'm living. Another one of my favorites, the energy is just so right and so there. Had my 2nd favorite lipsync of the night and I was so proud of her for besting Rosé, someone she clearly looks up too so much. I would LOVE for this bitch to win but I can tell she's gonna be a Miss Congeniality.

Tina Burner: I can tell this one is gonna annoy me. Again a nyc royalty claim which is an instant minus, the look was not it (I love the designer but the look was so wrong), the hair hat was fun in concept but that red hair just didn't look right on her, she was definitely giving me sexy hotdog ketchup and mustard fantasy, and I don't know why but her face is just kinda scary to me?? It like makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I didn't really like her in the promos either, she just comes across as really full of herself. I'm like instantly getting the worst vibes. I have seen people online saying she's really funny and turns the fucking party but I found the lipsync boring and hard to pay attention too. I've seen so many people saying she's IT so I want her to prove me wrong, make me eat my hat.

Kahmora Hall: So insanely beautiful, a WOMAN, how DARE SHE. She's our current reignings sister so she has huge shoes to fill and I'm ready for her to fill them. I actually kinda liked her lipsync, she was doing the damn thing in a gown which is impressive. Wish I had gotten a little more of her. I'm sorta neutral on this one too, nothing from her promo or literal 15 minutes if screen time really impressed me nor turned me off of her.

Elliott with 2 Ts: The second she said she was a "housewife with a secret" I was sold. Something about that instantly endeared her to me and have not been able to stop saying it since. I thought the red two piece was nice and the cropped jacket was fun but the hair was not right. I find her so pretty in like an alien way. I honestly thought her lipsync was the best and I found myself drawn to her but it's so hard to tell with more then 2 people. Promo look was very like cool mom and I vibe.

As a whole...a very underwhelming premier, especially after the last seasons. Seemed really rushed and unnecessarily cruel to the losing girls. Especially telling them they're all going home then saying they're not but they need to choose one queen from them to go home...I'm so worried they're all gonna take one look at Utica and be like 'get this weirdo out of here', if a single person picks her to "go home" I'll scream and cry and piss on the floor.

#rupaul's drag race #rpdr #rpdr s13 #marsh #kandy muse #joey jay #denali #lala ri #symone #tamisha iman #gottmik #utica queen #rosé #olivia lux #tina burner #kahmora hall #elliot with 2 ts #this season premier just didnt do it for me... 😔#long post

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accordionlover · 3 years

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girlies.... im spiraling abt this date tmrw

ok ladies heres the run down. In my friend group at school theres a girl who the majority of the group doesn’t like for the main reasons someone wouldn’t like a leo. She asked me out a couple days ago and I said yes because im SICK and TIRED of not loving anyone and she just looks at me so much. she looks at me like i’m a deeply beloved necklace that’s she’s not frustrated about detangling. She looks at me like i’m a sobbing woman and she’s trying to find out what’s wrong through my tears. she looks at me like im the ocean but i don’t know if she’s scared of water. and i am dreading this date i’m not going to lie to you. historically i am pretty shit at dates and I can’t convince myself that this movie’s gonna be any good even though people keep raving about it i think im subtly pissed that i’ve been asking for someone to be obsessed with and she’s been plonked in my lap. i think i feel entirely guilty for not being grateful and i feel more ungrateful for the knowledge that there are maybe 3 other girls that I would choose over her in a heartbeat and I am so upset that i can’t fall in love whenever I want and I so do not want to make her upset!! i don’t think i’m leading her on at least. I made it clear that I’m not looking for something serious right now (which isn’t strictly true but it is in her case) i KNOW im overthinking this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its just a movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if ur reading this u better not b thinking im silly ok -_- this is free gossip im giving u rn u best count ur blessings. also if ur reading this and ur not edie the chances are you won’t interact with this post which i kinda love. kinda love that i can rant abt a girl and someone will see it and have maybe some maybe no thoughts and move on. u know what me too girl. I’ll move on too.

“I am giving you a chance. I am hoping you can take some of the vast love I have for concepts and apply it to yourself. I am sorry to burden you with this task. I’ve never wanted someone to stop loving me.”

#ANYHOOT.#it's not that deep but also like it is.#like a puddle isnt that deep but maybe im a ant rn ok.#georgia talks #oh to be a teen

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freebooter4ever · 3 years

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Ref anon: I hope you can get help for that pain. Maybe a nerve is pinched? I'm really not sure about my future. I have a lot of hobbies but just work a shit customer service job. Getting motivation to do drawing at all is difficult let alone animate. Which is a great mental state to be in when my only plan for my whole life since childhood was animation. 🤷‍♀️

its tendonitis and im pretty sure the only way to get rid of it is to take a break from working which is obviously not possible so just gonna ignore it till i die i guess \o/

so yeah you struck a cord with me, this got long...

i cant help with motivation, i have too much of it. i lived with my grandparents for a year while grandpa was sick, and it was the first time they'd ever really seen me /work/ and even they were shocked. it really is constant - if i have twenty minutes and im not using it to draw its wasted time, you know? my first roommate here in LA was concerned too - she kept trying to get me to stop working and go out and back then my excuse was i didnt have a job and no money for going out, but really im just like that all the time. i try to balance it with seeing friends and social media and everyday shit like eating food, but its hard, my favorite people are the ones who will just sit and work with me lol! (or going out and working in places im not alone and quiet). i guess what im saying is...if its really your passion, is it not there all the time? i only ask because it took me a long time to realize that although i loved to analyze animation and watch it - the way i process art doesnt quite have what it takes to do that. we all love the end product, but just because the animation part is the most front facing part...doesn't mean that's necessarily where your actual passion might lie...if that makes sense? there's SO MUCH to do in the animation industry, its crazy. for me, i finally realized that all my obsessive energy revolved around character and especially faces, and i just started focusing on that. i would much rather be concepting a wide variety of characters than spending a whole year animating about one minute of a two hour movie.

that said there's also the sad reality that some people have had doors open more easily than others. i feel you about being stuck in a retail job you feel wasted in :( im sorry you are in that position. i hope you are able to make a change, but i understand just how fucking /trapped/ that can be. watching life slip by into nothingness while the tiny snatches of meaning only happen during off hours and scraped together seconds of free time. one of the biggest ironies though is that this is how a lot of original animators felt about dsn*y. i mentioned that on my road trip i stayed with the son of an animator who worked on snow wh*te - he wasnt one of the 9 old men but he was their contemporary and friend, and the animator took the job just to make money off his art. animation just wasnt his full passion and he eventually quit, moved up north, and started experimenting with helicopters and boe*ng lol.

and in reverse of that, as i grew up with a father and a grandfather who worked for boe*ng and the US space program, ALL my open doors were flight and space related - my cousin currently works for N A S A and my other cousin for boe*ng - they took the doors but i didnt want anything to do with it. it took years for my grandpa to finally come to terms with the fact that my passion for art was as strong as his passion for airplanes. he grew up a farm boy daydreaming about flying, and had to take a circuitous route to finally get there - army, college, mechanical engineering, finally rockets. he gave my dad and me all the chances grandpa would have wanted as a kid - my dad took them - i didnt want any of it. i would much rather have had those chances that the animator got.

and then of course there are the institutionalized gates - barriers against entry for women, minorities, LGBQT, people without money...its a LOT to fight against. which is of course why we celebrate the exceptional people who DO break through those barriers and succeed despite it all. but it can be demoralizing to be on the other side of those barriers. demoralizing is too soft a word. i dont think there is a word for how much it can hurt.

some wisdom that might help: randy pa*usch's last lecture - he is a white male who definitely does not understand the race/sex 'walls', but he makes good points, and also he came at the animation industry sideways for very similar reasons - through education and research rather than the traditional job promotion route. and then someone closer to my own age/time: justin scar*ed - i dont mean his road trip videos, i mean the old vlogs from 3-6 years ago when he was 31 divorced and depressed and realizing he had to release himself from his own pressure of his music career. his quest for positivity is an interesting concept, and i sympathized with that feeling of your life taking a direction you didnt chase after but somehow ends up being the thing you were actually looking for the entire time. if you want a success story there’s always my favorite: steve aok*. he went against everything that was set up for him in life and still made it work ^_^ (of course of these three, guess who also grew up the rich kid lol). or norman re*dus who quite literally accidentally became a model and successful actor. im paraphrasing this horribly, but my impression was that as a teenager he was selling shitty cat paintings on the streets of paris - which sounds romantic but miserable at the same time - and then followed a girl to california, got a crappy job in a motorcycle shop, went to a party and yelled at some people from a balcony, landed his first stage role...and eventually created the character of daryl and finally got the chance to have his genius really shine. (sometimes i wonder though, if it was frustrating to end up being famous for acting rather than art which was arguably his true passion?)

i hope any of this helps, i am pretty exhausted lately so apologies if my sentences are incomprehensible in some parts. and you know, my DMs on here are open if you want to talk more specifically off anon <3

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