#im so fucking behind in everything (grading research the whole lot) and i feel like im drowning but its because of my own incompetence.

[morphogenetic]

my life has just turned into an endless grading cycle. i spent 6 hours grading one hw set today (and may not even be done with it lol). i ALSO have two more hws and a midterm (+ 1 more midterm once it hits wednesday) to grade. just kill me now lol

#why am i such a fucking failure that i cant even grade basic shit from A CLASS I ALREADY TOOK FROM THE EXACT PROFESSOR #why am i such a fucking failure that it takes 6 hours to grade 14 people. lmao #nobody cares aj #i havent been able to do any research at all in WEEKS and its destroying me because its proving even more that i should just quit while im #ahead no matter how much i fucking LIKE DOING RESEARCH. LOL. ANYWAY #im so fucking behind in everything (grading research the whole lot) and i feel like im drowning but its because of my own incompetence. #just fucking k*ll me now lmfao. god. christ. what am i even doing #(all of these are rhetorical questions. i dont want an actual answer or reply to any of those lol) #(that said. liking this post if you read through all these godforsaken tags would be nice.) #(not required in the slightest but you know. would be nice to be acknowledged. anyway

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Don’t Praise the Almighty (Part 2)

Also on AO3!

TW: Child Abuse (all kinds implied, explicit verbal and physical abuse), implied CSA

TL;DR:

Things you must sacrifice to make a hero: Humanity, Empathy.

Things you must sacrifice to be a hero: Everything.

But with the end of a symbol come the end of the hurt. 

Starting with I-Island Expo

mellissa calls them over like canon, shouto basically demands he gets endeavours spot. aizawa and yamada go too, mostly because yamada was going there for his show and they heard whispers of all might, and were worried about a possible izuku attending so aizawa went as a plus one

the other kids are there for the same reason, but other than scissors paper rock for the tickets it was a tournament brawl because ochako demanded combat.

she won, of course

anyway, they meet up w david and melissa, and izuku and her go explore the expo when melissa tells izuku shes quirkless he just give her the strangest look, and she's a little confused

i-island was a very chill attitude towards quirks. if you have one, cool, but they aren't useful to the inventors so its nbd if you don’t. and she says ab how she's a researcher and all the and he just looks at her like shes speaking gibberish

"they,,, they let you?"

and melissa looks dumbfounded "obviously? i mean, my grades are good enough?"

and izuku just start to cry. melissa is panicking bc she's already adopted this little hero as her little cousin because he's basically uncle might's kid. she like, hides him away in a corner and tries to understand what's wrong

and all she can get out of this crying kid is

"i used to be quirkless" and "don't tell all might"

she gives him a big hug and he talks ab how he was treated in middle school, and about how he hasn't told anyone in ua. she asks why he said don't tell all might and he murmurs that allmight doesn't think is very befitting of a hero to cry

deep down that doesn't sound right to her. but she only nods, hands him a tissue and they giggle about it behind a fancy model car

back in the office david and all might are talking

all might tells david that he knows his quirk is fading but it's ok, because he's training a successor and izuku is going to be perfect. that sounds ok to david. he's warmed by the total faith all might seems to have in his student, and the close relationship they must have to call him by his first name

all might confesses he’s looking forward to retiring and nurturing his student and david calls off the whole heist (well. he tries to. not that they listen.)

so Yamada and Aizawa are walking around the showroom floor and they see a "i was just crying but im trying to hide it and going an ok job" izuku with some random fucking blonde girl and they s w o o p in bc these are some worried dads

basically Yamada keeps her busy while aizawa says "oh i have to talk to you ab something" izuku goes over to aizawa and hes freaking the fuck out quietly. aizawa just leans down to look him in the eye

"you ok, kid?"

and izuku is confused

"what do you mean?"

"you looked a little upset back there, do you know that girl? is she,,, doing anything? to you?"

and izuku feels all warm and fuzzy inside and smiles at his teacher bc aizawa cares!! ab him!!

"no sensei, shes all mights kind-of-niece, she was just showing me around the expo"

and aizawa winces a little at the all might comment but what can he do

"well, don't forget you can talk to me, ok? i know i gave you my number on an emergency basis but i also want you to know your definition of an emergency is terrible. just call whenever you want"

melissa, bc she understands social cues unlike izuku, and also bc shes fucking 18 looks at yamada and says "what's wrong?" and yamada feels all the force of an 18-year-old girls glare of "ive adopted this kid and ill kick you for him"

"just worried about the little listener is all, he looked a little down"

melissa just sighs and nods

"yeah."

yamada expects her to continue but she doesn't. they both just kinda fiddle around with some random buttons until aizawa brings izuku back, who looks significantly cheerier now. melissa declares lunch is on her and that the teachers are coming too

aizawa and yamada try to wiggle their way out of it, until izuku also tries to so they all double down on going to lunch and izuku gets dragged along

when they get there he's fretting ab what won't ruin his diet plan, and aizawa and yamada feel bad. melissa just tells him to get what he wants

"but i dont want to upset-. i should be sticking to my diet plan though."

aizawa loudly declares hes getting a chocolate sundae and pork cutlet sandwiches. melissa, equally loudly, decides on carbonara. yamada fumbles for a bit looking for something unhealthy because hes a mess, finally finds a chicken karrage bowl and points at it like hes very proud of himself

melissa loses her shit laughing, izuku just giggles softly and aizawa fuckn snorts at the crestfallen look on yamada

izuku quietly asks if getting katsudon would be ok and melissa just looks into his eyes

"izuku i would kill a man for you of course pork katudon is ok"

anyway, the other students turn up, and momo shouts them all food, ochako proudly declares herself the winner of a fighting tournament and aizawa just slumps in his chair

"if i didnt hear that, you dont get detention for using your quirks without supervision"

and ochako just smiles with a scary amount of teeth

"who said we used quirks, sensei?"

and ochako proudly shows off the bruise on her upper arm where jirou punched her and jirou is whining bc she has a foot shaped imprint in her stomach s t i l l from the last round

everyone is talking n shooting the shit. it strikes the kids (and the teachers) a little weird that izuku is in his hero costume (the only other person there in costume is yamada, who is representing his agency. aizawa is in free dress but also his scarf bc he wanted to ask how the fuck it was made) but they just kinda, don't mention it

anyway, the bit w the quirk display

they hound aizawa into doing it, and he makes time pretty similar to bakugo and everyone is cheering for him and he's trying very hard to maintain his "im a professional hero not a dad getting cheered on by his stupid kids"

yamada wants to do it, but aizawa won't let him bc people need their ears

all the hero kids give it a go, including ochako, jirou, momo, etc. izuku (who at this point is like at 10%ish full cowl) makes time tied w Todoroki and izuku is talking ab how amazing todoroki is, and tenya chimes in with "you are quite amazing as well!" and midoriya blushes so hard he looks like a strawberry. he is very very flustered and keeps trying to deny it

eventually, everyone piles on the compliments (even katsuki bc this is the most fun hes had in ages) until izuku gets so flustered he hides behind aizawa like "you won't do this to me right?"

aizawa fuckn ruffles his hair and says "you're a good kid"

izuku just cries but he's smiling so wide everyone knows he's happy

so its the night of the party

izuku is dressed to the nines and he's sad ab it bc he wanted to wear something cheery and bright but instead he was dressed in a charcoal black suit, vest and a dark red tie. black shoes too

the one bit of cheer he shoved in were some red laces bc all might didn't mind them bc he was so "good" ab the suit fitting and the poking and prodding so he wears the bright red laces and he's very happy ab them

all might is in his hero costume, and he's very proud of the fact he and izuku match like a pair with the same shade of red bc that's his successor! his boy! all might tells izuku he can wait outside for the rest of the kids to show up and izuku is so happy! so he thanks allmight a lot more than he needs to and waits outside the door (all might was early to the event bc he needed to schmooze)

aizawa and yamada come later to a surprisingly well dressed izuku waiting patiently off to the side

they ask him why he's out there and he happily chirps that he's waiting for the other students that attended, they smile at him and walk in . all might sends them a glare from across the floor that aizawa returns just as spitefully

anyway, iida texts that he's stuck out the front bc the door won't open so he scrambles over to let iida and, apparently ochako as well, in (for the purposes of this au, todoroki, iida, ochako, izuku and melissa are the only ones of the kids at the beginning, todoroki's melodramatic entrance is stolen by jirou and momo. no mineta or kami bc they just,,, arent there lmao)

so the doors slam shut and melissa is like "wtf wtf" and the announcement sounds. they pile up the stair to look down to the dining room, teachers and other heroes tied up

the kids know a bit of sign from various hero class training bits by aizawa and "fun facts" by mic

so they brokenly sign to allmight and aizawa (the only teachers that can see them) that they are going to fix this

all might nods

aizawa looks panicked. these are kids. his kids. they shouldn't have to fight people with fucking guns

izuku says "ill keep them safe" and aizawa wants to cry because he believes him, but who'll keep izuku safe

so iida starts on his whole "we cant use quirks" speech before melissa can even remind them ab i islands quirk laws, izuku just murmurs

"all might gave me permission to fight. it'll be ok."

melissa freezes bc,,, she knows adults shouldn't be letting these kids fight, even if that's exactly what she's going to help them do. she mentions the quirk law anyway

now todoroki is pissed at all might but the bitch was gonna fight anyway. ochako is 100% roaring for a showdown

now they are,, a little more cautious. bc they are a smaller group here but izuku is like double the power so its not realllllyy an issue. the middle fight happens, they gain the wlw and mlm solidarity pairs (Jirou + Momo, Kirishima + Bakugo)

then pretty quickly lose bakugo and momo for a hot minute as they stay to finish up the fight while sending the others on

oh izuku totally has the punchy punchy thing from melissa i just forgot to mention it

so, bc melissa's dad didnt actually,, want in on it this time he's fighting back. he's stalling, pleading, backchatting; everything he can do to give someone a chance to fix his fuck up before it kills someone

so melissa and izuku make it to the top of the tower

izuku has been at shot more times than he's really happy about, just he has nothing more than a few grazes. melissa has a nasty bruise on her face and a cut on her arm from where she redirected a blow that would have stabbed izuku

the villain is talking ab how this was David's idea, and he's trying to explain to the kids that he's sorry, this was a mistake. he tried to call it off but they wouldn't stop. at this point he is totally away these people are real criminals and has been since the heist began

he's trying to convince them to run because as proud as all might is of izuku, and as proud of melissa he is, they are to young. they don't deserve this

izuku takes out the goons but the villain has already escaped with david and the quirk enhancer

izuku promises melissa he'll keep her dad safe and shes left in the control room crying alone because who'll protect the kid that's been nothing but kind and gentle yet has the weight of the world on his shoulders

also just an fyi bc you needed to know- melissa is down her heels and she lost her hairpin when she stabbed someone with it, she threw her heels at a villain too bc she was running out of ideas. melissa literally tied her hair in a big knot so she could fucking see

izuku is down a jacket - threw it over someone's head then punched them and his waistcoat is unbuttoned bc he need to punch. his hair is going fucking hog wild, even in the tighter clip yagi likes it kept in

anyway, when the alarms go off, all might fucking rockets to the roof and aizawa is fuming bc those are his fucking kids too

he and yamada have to take the goddamn elevator to the roof. its certainly not a slow elevator but aizawa is so fucking tense. yamada isn't much better

all might won't let them fight. he hands david and melissa off to them and tells them he and izuku will handle wolfram and aizawa is so pissed bc izuku is on his last fucking legs here

aizawas quirk doesn't work w the enhancer so he admits there isn't much he can do, but yamada is perfect here. but all might won't move out of the way long enough for mic to let his quirk go. honestly, hed be tempted to do it anyway if not for izuku also being there

anyway, all might and izuku do their lil double detroit smash and its all very sweet

kind of

bc,,, aizawa can see how izuku is shaken up, and close to passing out. visibly in a lot of pain but he's swallowing it all down and acting as if everything is fine and aizawa sees izuku with small might again and wonders why, why do they know each other?

yamada and aizawa feel vaguely ill when izuku and all might return to their shared hotel room after all might grabs a few bandages and alcohol wipes from a first aid kit. bc,,, aizawa can see how izuku is shaken up, and close to passing out. visibly in a lot of pain but he's swallowing it all down and acting as if everything is fine

aizawa and yamada stay with the kids, trying to cheer them up and bandaging wounds that don't need urgent medical care. melissa is just blankly watching out the door izuku left through

"why didn't they stay?"

aizawa just aggressively tightens the bandage around his sliced up arm. todoroki looks pissed. iida just kind of looks down

"im not sure, melissa. im... im not sure"

the next morning, as aizawa and yamada stumble downstairs to eat shitty hotel breakfast food, yamada glances out the window and looks like he's about to cry bc izuku, still battered and bruised, is stepping out of the gym over the road. its only 7am

they basically pounce on the kid and drag him to breakfast, where they find out he has been training since 5 and hasn't eaten yet and he's fucking, sheepish about it

"i got up a little late, so i just to my light routine for the morning, ill have to make up the time a little later"

aizawa just shoves pastries at his kid. izuku tries to stammer out that they arent part of his diet but,,, they look really nice and he's really hungry and stressed,,, and he caves pretty quick

so aizawa yamada and izuku are sitting around a table, both of his teachers arent totally human until they've had a coffee so izuku is happily babbling about some new hero teach he saw as aizawa grunts in affirmation

allmight shows up and izuku blanches. aizawa and yamada are a little too tired to realise until yagi is already over by the table. izuku quietly puts down the pastry and just cringes into himself

"im,,, im really sorry. i - i just"

"i got it for him" aizawa says totally deadpan as he slams back a whole ass cup of coffee

deep down inside he did it to flex on mister "i have no stomach so im not allowed caffeine"

all might sighs and gently chides izuku for not sticking to his diet plan. izuku nods miserably and excuses himself back to the room to 'get changed out of his sweaty clothes'

yagi sits and eats breakfast with aizawa and yamada as they try to understand what,,, what exactly happened there. it hurts both of them because they aren't sure what all mights doing

mic has seen one instance of something nasty going on, but other than that its just been a collection of terrible vibes

Training Camp Time Baby.

after that total clusterfuck of an event training camps still on

all might wants to go but nezu no sells him bc "you literally attract villains, all might" and like bitch is smart, he knows something is up. he's not sure what yet, but he's working on it

all might gives aizawa a personalised training schedule for izuku that he takes one look at and throws it out the fucking window

basically all might goes as "all might's secretary" to monoma

"very worried about my boy, and i think aizawa is training him too hard, could you please give me a run down on what happens each day?"

monoma, starry-eyed: of course all might

and there is this little,,, list of things he doesn't want izuku doing and he phrases them in ways that make it seem like he's being perfectly reasonable. like allergies or bad habits izuku is trying to break or whatever. izuku has to tell all might what happens at the end of every day anyway

all might,,, wants hourly updates,,,, but he realises that's not going to happen w aizawa's deep hatred of students on cellphones lmao

he hears izuku mentioning to todoroki that "yagi" wants to know what's happening at the camp and that he's excited to talk to his mentor about all the training they do. and aizawa is caught between wanting to find some bullshit reason to take izukus phone, or just pretending he didn't hear that bc who knows how much trouble not answering yagi could get him in

he makes an announcement that cellphones are to be on mute for the duration of the camp anyway.

yagi wanted to go on the camp, aizawa wouldn't let him, monoma is yagis mole etc we have covered this

in this au the league never latched on to bakugo, it's izuku that shigiraki wants, but to backtrack

getting off the bus its funny in a sad way bc izuku was so prepared to get hit by one of the teachers "training" them at any time he dodges the landslide

they all just kinda sit there for a second, stunned. izuku sighs quietly and jumps after his classmates

anyway so, they get to the camp a lil faster bc izuku is More Powerful, izuku (bc hes faster than iida on uneven ground) runs shinsou to the campground, they mind control pixiebob to stop the earthbeasts then run back to show the rest of 1A the way out

they get there in 2 hours

aizawa is very proud of his boy for thinking of that! and he ruffles izukus hair and its cute

in this au izuku isn't confident enough to say hi to kouta, but he waves. kouta just glares at him and he hides behind iida

they do a little extra training because 1A finished the earth beast thing so fast, half of the training is all of 1A trying to stop Izuku from going overboard. they get a little,,, disturbed when they realise just how long izuku can train without visibly breaking a sweat

they go to chill in the baths and iida sees izuku walking out of the changing rooms and freezes

because he's c o v e r e d in hand-shaped bruises

he tries not to react bc he doesn't want izuku to be uncomfortable and change his mind ab hanging in the bath w all of them

kaminari goes to say something and kirishima just fucking pulls him under the water before he can say anything, mineta is socially aware enough to not open his fucking mouth

they chat n izuku can kinda,,, tell,,, something is wrong but most of the bruises are places he can't see/doesn't look, like his shoulders, hips, back, back of his legs

and the ones on his wrist he just kinda brushes off bc he's still convinced this is normal. the thing w mineta happens, izuku helps kouta, iida comes with him to give him to the wild wild pussycats

and pixiebob looks like she wants to say something bc who is hurting this kid? and iida just catches her eyes and he looks so worried. she keeps her mouth shut, but makes sure to mention it to aizawa. she feels terrible when aizawa just curses and pulls his hair in frustration

anyway, 1B shows up and its hilarious bc 1A is going hog fucking wild other than izuku, aizawa is forcing izuku to learn to cook

so bakugo is screaming and blowing shit up, todoroki is in a fucking barrel, iida is running like afo is chasing him and aizawa is patiently showing izuku how to scramble eegs

monoma is losing his fucking mind

but yeah aizawa and izuku are sitting in front of a little stove w their legs crossed, izuku is trying to cut tomatoes and aizawa is supervising. they are making breakfast for 1A. slowly. all of 1A is being very careful to not disturb them, so there is this little bubble of calm around the egg station

"why,,, why arent i training?"

and aizawa fucking pauses

"this is training, keep up problem child."

and izuku looks so fucking lost but the eggs smell good and he gets to cook the bacon next. each part of the fucking breakfast is cold by the time 1A gets to eat it bc izuku was cooking it 1 by 1, little portions at a time

everyone just tells him its fucking wonderful

he joins in training after breakfast, ragdoll is placed on "izuku watching duty" which izuku has 0 clue about. if he gets hurt/sore/too tired someone gets sent over to get him to do something else

when she looks at him the first time she wants to cry bc,,, he's not tired, he's more rested than he's been in ages. but the places that hurt, before hes even been training, are sending blaring alarm bells in her brain

anyway, its amusing bc everyone is 'going beyond' and they are just trying to get izuku back so they can know what is 'going beyond' and what is 'going so far beyond how are you still moving'

everyone is fucking wiped and izuku is like 'this is the easiest training ive had in months what' and aizawas want to yell bc while hes being soft on izuku, they arent taking his training lightly, and this is easy?

he gives the curry to kouta like the show, they all go to sleep

izuku has a nightmare and shouto - the only person not asleep - tries not to hear the things he's saying. he can't hear much, but he wishes he hadn't heard anything. anyway at least they all wake up well-rested

unfortunately in this au the villains actually have a half-decent plan, and fucking, communicators -which isn't great for the kids

so muscular sees izuku and is like "oi compress move your arse over here" while he tries to kill kouta. so we get the joy of izuku saving kouta, getting him to aizawa and just as he hands over the kid, compress takes izuku and kouta just starts to cry

"izuku is kidnapped" time is a ride

the only thing they give him is a set of quirk suppressors and dont give him a key to get out of the bar. they are about as nice to him as they are to each other, a little softer on him bc he's young and they pretty much know what's happening to him

like, he gets out of compresses marble and he's panicking and crying, dabi just crouches down next to him and rubs his back, asks him if he's gonna be ok

shigiraki is trying to convince izuku to join then and his face just kinda falls when he sees izuku looking resistant

"you,,, you don't know that what he’s doing to you is wrong, do you."

and izuku looks like a deer in the headlights

"what do you mean? no ones- nothings- nothings wrong."

dabi just sits on a chair bc he knows where this is going and he doesn't like it. shigiraki looks at izuku

"if its not wrong, then tell me about it"

and izuku clams right up

ok but afo wants to talk to izuku. in this au he has literally 0 beef with the kid

he has only so much beef with the ofa users in general and he's typically pretty soft on them for being part of his brothers legacy, as soft as he can make killing them if they won't stop getting in his way, but still

but he hates allmight so fucking much and he's never been totally sure why

anyway, he asks to talk w izuku and this kid is shaking like a leaf and afo tells him

"you are a child. i have no intention of hurting you, i just want to know what all might has done to you."

"hes not done anything bad, i swear!"

"then why don't you tell me about it?"

izuku sits there quietly and afo feels just generally disgusted with humanity tbh

"how did you two meet?" izuku slowly opens up about the day they first met, and afo feels a stab of empathy for izuku, because being quirkless now is pretty comparable to being quirked before, afo doesnt interject beyond nods and encouraging him to keep going

but eventually, izuku totally clams up, starts crying and can't say anything else. afo wishes he didnt look as scary as he did because he wants to give the kid a hug. he calls tomura to take him back to the bar and get him something to eat

it gets to the point that all of the villains are super fucking soft for izuku. he's very nice, treats them well, and has seen some horrific shit

so when all might shows up to "rescue" him, they close ranks. they don't even pressure him to become a villain, because each of them has felt society push them into boxes they didn't want, and they don't want to do that to izuku

anyway, they get to kamino bc the usual fuckery, and izuku is just stranded behind villains crying and looking ill

the rescue squad : bakugo, todoroki, ochako, kirishima, iida, and one stubborn shinso that befriended the hero departments resident nervous wreck

they look across the field and they feel ill because izuku looks sick. but they feel a little better when twice gives him a bit of a hug.

confilcted, but better

they see afo talking to him gently but quickly, gesturing both to the villains and to the section of wall the rescue squad is hidden behind. izuku tearfully points to the wall, afo nods, ruffles his hair, and goes to send him off when all might rockets in

basically afo has looked at izuku and thought "wow he's me but a good person" and thinks he's what his little brother would want a hero to be, so, while he's very much going to continue his villainous thing, he's going to go out of his way to avoid hurting izuku bc this kid is what his little brother wanted OFA to be

and allmight is exactly what he would have hated

so, all might takes a step forward to drag izuku, the villains push him behind them

dabi is basically saying something along the lines of

"so does being in the top ten require you to be a total dick, or is it just a running theme?"

"give him back"

"why all might, izuku is his own person."

"izuku, get over here, now."

izuku lets out a sob and vaults over the villains, hiding behind allmight and all might looks horrifically smug. izuku whispers something to all might, but all might shakes his head (he was asking if he could run away)

the fight begins

a few reasons he won't let him leave:

its punishment for being 'weak' enough to get kidnapped

its backup if afo gets the better of his because hes made sure izuku is more than a force to be reckoned with

he wants to know what dabi ment and hes very read to ask izuku ab it

izuku is honestly shaking like a leaf, quirk going bonkers and he can't turn it off. the rescue squad does its thing, and their hearts break when they see izuku look at them tearfully and shake his head

they all hide in the crowd and cry as they watch the fight go on, izuku shakily pulling people from the rubble in the background. when hes gotten all of the people free he can, izuku kind of runs out of reasons he isnt actively helping allmight. he grits his teeth and dives into the fight with the other villains

hes trying to keep them away from all might and they all look heartbroken ab having to fight him dabi is saying something along the lines of "we know he hurt you, but how? why?" and izuku is just crying

all might can hear this too

izuku actually misses a few kicks and punches bc his eyes are too filled with tears, but the villains are careful not to hurt him too much. they just want to get him down and out of the fight, but as uninjured as possible

but that's a little fucking difficult when compress and kurogiri are down for the count and everyone else has nasty death quirks

eventually, it gets to the point that trying not to hurt the other villains is only hindering afo, and all might is pulling exactly 0 punches with izuku present, so afo teleports the villains away, they feel bad ab leaving izuku behind but there is no way this little hero would go with them. they know that now

afo goes to deal the final blow to all might, izuku just moves

cant stop himself from planting himself between them and trying desperately to catch the punch. hes hurt, badly. but he's not as dead as all might would have been

there is a vicious edge to all might’s smile as izuku is blown across the battlefield, and lays there w/o moving

afo feels sick, all might just looks pleased

"ive done pretty well wouldn't you say?"

afo just stares at him

"ive created the perfect hero. selfless down to the last breath, filled with overwhelming power and determination."

"he's flawless. isn't he."

afo wants to gag

"so, in creating your 'perfect hero', you find it acceptable to sacrifice your own humanity?"

"absolutely"

(all mights been small might for this conversation i just forgot to mention it l m a o )

they exchange their final blows

izuku shakily gets up from where he lays crumpled on the ground and staggers over to all might, where he stands victorious over afo

iida, todoroki, shinsou, Bakugo, the people who have seen what yagi has done to izuku and how he has treated him are now slapped with the realisation that the number one hero and the person hurting their best friend are one and the same

shinsou punches a wall, bakugo looks like he's about to be sick. iida and todoroki look shell shocked. ochako is just lost and confused

all might wraps izuku is a hug, where izuku hides his sobbing face. all might whispers something in izukus ear, not that the cameras can pick it up

"come on now, heroes don't cry."

izuku takes a breath, wipes away his tears and steps back. All might rests a hand on his shoulder and looks into his eyes, and loud enough for the cameras to pick up and announces

"you're next."

izuku nods solemnly

in the back of a conference room, vlad watches as aizawa goes deathly pale in realisation. at ua, nezu watches on with a degree on concern. at the hospital, the clueless members of 1A cheer. those who know more feel nervous, those who know the most feel sick.

the internet goes fucking bonkers. all might transformed, defeated a crazy villain, and literally declared his successor live on television

izuku and all might end up in the same hospital room, and all might,,, allmight.. ye.

anyway, the kids from the rescue attempt call aizawa over and over and over. every teacher, student, pro

any hero of ua staff they have anyway of contacting, begging to find out where izuku is right now. aizawa would tell them if he wasn't going exactly the same thing himself

eventually recovery girl calls him and he hightails his way over. fyi inko isn't there bc shes passed out drunk at home uwu

he bursts into the hospital room with as much dignity as he could possibly have and it's not really very much. doctors are hovering around, stitching wounds, taking blood, and watching an ecg pretty closely (they felt the room for a minute and izukus started going crazy, so they thought something may have happened to his heart)

the amount izuku perks up when he sees aizawa is heartbreaking he rushes over and immediately starts looking him over, apologising and telling him he's brave and that he's sorry he couldn't be there to help and izuku tears up. all might is glaring a hole in his back but aizawa doesnt give a shit right now, his kid basically go taken by the boogeyman and his unstable son, then has a target painted on his back on live tv. aizawa gives 0 shits ab all might right now

izuku just looks stunned, and then he lets out a watery giggle

"you shaved, sensei."

and aizawa is caught between crying and laughing. gently asks izuku if he can give him a hug, and izuku looks so shocked he was asked aizawa heart breaks again. izuku nods shyly and gets a Good Dad Hug

aizawa stays until izuku falls asleep, then he rounds on all might

“I don’t know what you’ve done to him, but he looked more afraid to be stood next to you than a man who has killed countless. Whatever you did, you won’t be doing it again.”

All might goes to say something, anything, but aizawa grabs him by the front of his hero costume

Aizawa tells him in no uncertain terms that he’ll never be alone in a room with izuku again for as long as he lives.

And with that, he storms out, leaving all might to stew.

#bnha au #bnha #dont praise the all mighty #aizawa shouta #midoriya izuku #all might #eraserhead #izuku #shinso hitoshi #bakugou katsuki #AFO #David Shield #melissa shield #todoroki shouto #uraraka ochako #Iida Tenya #midoriya #villain all might #tw child abuse

[prorevenge]

After months of putting up with my roommate from hell, I got the revenge of lifetime and screwed her over out of a fuckton of money and got her to pay rent and life has never been sweeter! (This is a long one)

This is a long one but very much worth the ride, so buckle up. (also, English isn't my native lang, sorry if there are any mistakes)

This story takes place a couple of years back. During college, I lived with several roommates, all of them were nice and we got along well, except for this one bitch, let's call her Karen. if Satan and Hitler had a child and that child had a child with Stalin and Cruella de Vil, that would be Karen for you, she is a loud-mouthed stupid, egocentric bitch who has the face that scare the shit out of a toilet. She would never clean up after herself, she would always leave her plates and things at the spot where she last used them. I have lost counts of how many times, I caught her stealing my clothes without asking and if you so much as touch her clothes she loses her shit on you, or her drinking our lactose-intolerant roommates almond milk and any time we confronted her for drinking it, she would shrug and say "I only had a sip, stop being so stingy." She plays her music loud at night, invites stranger without giving any heads up, a time or two she didnt pay rent even though her parents are FILTHY RICH and she is wearing gucci and prada shit, Karen also fucking lies about everything, even things that are not worth lying about. like if she woke up 7, and you ask her, she'll lie through her fucking teeth and say she rose with the sun rise because she is a natural. (ps, this is something i actually heard her say to her parents while she was skypeing them....so cringy, who the fuck says that? but i digress)

Months we have fucking put up with her, of course we tried to get other roommates but unfortunately when we all moved in everything, all documents and contracts were done in her name so kicking her out would require a lot of effort and most of us were busy with school and work and life happens. So we ignore it as much as we can and try to move on.

We are now all seniors and in our final semesters, meaning graduation was coming, AND Karen is planning a backpack trip across Europe with her friends as a graduation gift to herself, this is important so remember this.

One of our roommates and my closest friend, Sasha, has had a crush on a guy that lives down the hall. Any time the two of them are together, Sasha and the Guy keep giving each other googly eyes and blushing faces; it was sooo cute. Sasha is a verbal autistic person and has never dated anyone because she has a hard time with socializing and understanding social ques and subtlety, which lets face it, that is the core of dating, especially flirting but with a lot of encouragement from me and the final roommate, Lola we got her to ask him out. He said yes. She was so happy, you guys, she flew back into the apartment and did an hour of happy dance with her arms flailing about and a shit eatin grin on her face; needless to say we were all so happy. Karen caught wind of this and it just so happens at that time she was having relationship problems, I guess her bf finally realized he's dating human garbage. Not one to be outshined, Karen behind all of our backs went to the guy's place and spun lies about Sasha, saying she is a serial cheater and even made a fake account for Sasha's so called bf. the guy never called Sasha, and eventually weeks passed by he told us why but by then Sasha felt like the damage was done and lost interest in him.

I. WAS. FUCKING. FURIOUS.

This, this level of dickery and bloody pettiness is the straw that finally broke the camel's back and I vowed I wouldn't fucking leave until I served my slice of justice. Here's another character that you must know about, Prof C. His wife two years ago was in a horrible car accident and as a result is in a wheelchair, this is especially problematic because she was a stay home mom that took care of their two special needs kids and they have a toddler at home. Home life is a mess for him, he is running ragged between working and single-handedly is taking care of his family, the uni took pity and also feared the workload would see one of their best and most beloved teachers leave the school struck a deal with him to help him out. In all of his classes there will be quizzes and midterms, this doesnt change, but assignments you submit and he corrects at the end of the year, this is important cuz our uni has zero tolerance on proffs that dont constantly update the students course works so that students have the chance to improve their grades.

Karen, the lazy and stupid bitch she is, is somehow skating through his assignments, even though they require a shit tone of research and writing. I accidentally learned that one of her older friends told her that she only needs submit the paper on its due date and to only write the first 3 pages and use a paraphrase tool for the rest of the paper so the plagiarism software wont detect it and would think its original material and when the end of the year comes, submit a hard copy but with the first pages being her actual work and the rest being completely plagiarized, professional work. Prof C won't know cuz the likelihood a man as busy as him thoroughly checking the work of 120+ students is pretty low. I grinned. A plan was beginning to formulate in my head. Oh, sweet mother of Jesus, she is going down! All semester long I let her do this for all of the 7 papers, one of them which is a term paper that has 20% on it alone, all the while I spied and gathered all of her pass codes, social media, her student ID, everything.

The end of the year came and I compiled all of her assignments, both the original one with the paraphrasing tools she used to circumvent plagiarism and the one she finally handed them in, and I even made photos were there are side-to-side comparison of the assignments. This is a good start but not enough. So, One day chillin at the living room I open a conversation about relationships, Karen is two timing her new boyfriend and is sleeping with some other Person. so, I ask her questions like "don't you feel guilty for cheating?" and "You do realize this is wrong?" and I even paraphrase my words in a way that is vague but also clear, for example I would say "It's not fair, so many people work so hard everyday to be successful and you are here cheating and lying your way to success." Karen, narcissistic as fuck, would respond with snippets of I dont care and how she isnt cheating, she is only having fun and that everyone does it so why not her too. This is too good to be true, even her answers are vague, its like god put his hand on my shoulder, looked me right in the eyes and said, "burry this bitch". and Id be damned if I didnt. As you probably have guessed it by now, I was recording EVERYTHING. The recording plus the photos, and her assignments were more than enough evidence, I sent an anonymous email to the Professor, and i tell the girls so that they can prep for the shit storm thats coming. Three weeks later, results are out. she failed and LOST HER SHIT. She was screamin, crying, wailing, what a sight to see! you best believe, the girls and I were laughing. She tried to talk to the prof, but he was not having it. she cried and begged for a second chance but he said a hard no. So now she has two options: she goes ahead and doesn't graduate with us, and takes on a whole 'nother semester for one measly course or take summer course and cancel her trip to Europe, which mind you she spent a fuckton on, something like 13, 000$ and I know it could have been much cheaper but Princess Karen only wanted the best so yh. The next couple of weeks she spent sleepless nights because she was calling and cancelling all the reservations she made, tryin to get her money back BUT (again, GOD really was out for blood that day) because the cancellation was so close to some her trip most places refused to refund, or some charged her cancellation fees. She only managed to scrap 5.5 K back together, lossin 7.5 K. OUCH!

Its not over, having damning evidence I, with earned gusto, told her she was going to pay all of the bills till we move out, which was in two months, payback for all the times she was late on payment or defaulted and she would from now do her part of the house chores or else Im gonna send it all to the admin and faculty dean and she will fo sho be kicked out and all those uni years will have been for nothing. She hated it, she fucking threw tantrums and cussed me out but my god if she didnt do whats told. she cleaned her stuff, apologized to Sasha for what she did, I forced her to come clean to her BF (dont know the guy but the few times i met him he was super sweet to us and i felt bad for the guy), I watched her actually do the dishes for the first time in like years. IT was fucking amazing and I don't regret it one bit. In fact, anytime I feel sad now as an adult, i kick back my feet and reminiscine and a slow shit eatin grin draws itself upon my face.

tl;dr roommate was super mean, i found out she was cheating on her assignments and so i snitched on her and as a result she had to stay the summer and retake the class again or else she wouldn't graduate.

(source) story by (/u/let-the-write-one-in)

#prorevenge #by /u/let-the-write-one-in #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

[the-little-red-noodle]

10/23/18 10:18pm

note to self from therapist..

when people don’t test back right away, and your heart hurts.. that feeling is the fear that you will lose the attachment. 

i’m upset that he isn’t responding to text messages because i’m scared that if he doesn’t respond, it means he’s ignoring me which means im annoying him which means he doesn’t want to be with me anymore which means i’ll be rejected and lose the attachment. texting and communication is all about reminding me that i am still loved and still wanted, and yeah i might need a little more reassurance than other people, but maybe that’s okay.

in other news, i have officially cut romantic ties with ryan, and i feel lighter. it doesn’t serve either of us to imagine a future together or to bank on getting back together down the road. so we talked on the phone and i said it. its over. i don’t want to get back together. things changed when we broke up, and i still want to be his friend when he’s ready, but i’m glad that i’m actually moving on and putting the romantic aspect of our relationship behind us.

it has been one of the most stressful weeks last week. i came home crying every day, having panic attacks because my grades are slipping, i’m scared of disappointing my dad, my friend situation feels shakey sometimes and i feel like i’m stepping on toes, and spencer has been adding stress with his shitty text communication..

in regards to the last thing, i have diplomatically decided to put that issue on the back burner. i have voiced my needs to him, and i know he has a busy midterm week this week and he’s gunna be too busy to do much of anything, and since i’m not a fuckin quitter, i’ve decided to table this issue while i deal with my other shit, and when we both have more time we will put in heavier work to the relationship and i’ll decide if we should stay together or breakup. we are still in a relationship, but i cant afford to throw more emotional energy at this problem when it really doesn’t matter. so we’ll both just have a quiet week mostly apart and i’ll reassess at a later time. plus, it’s almost halloween and i want to bring his adorable face to parties with me and kiss him and be proud to show each other off in our costumes.. and then i keep hearing that its cuffing season and i know ill want to be there for him this winter break since its probably going to be hard for him.. i adore him. i love him to bits. i want to protect him and offer emotional support. and i know when i get stressed about one thing, everything starts to stress me out, and the relationship has been suffering because my school work is suffering, so i gotta fix that. so at least for right now, i am tabling my grievances and just going to take a step back and support him while he has a tough week. and adding breakup hurt to my pile of hurt isnt what i need right now. i need a good cuddle and to look into his beautiful brown eyes and tell him i love him. thats what i need. end of discussion for now.

as for my school, i am seriously considering taking another semester at oxy. there is so much on my plate and 5 classes still to go and a research position that i really want to take.. theres a lot to consider.. i’m terrified of upsetting my dad and disappointing him.. i want to do so much and i dont have any time because im trying to cram everything into these 2 semesters that im gunna drown and get terrible grades.. i cant do all of this.. its going to kill me.. i dont know what i want but i am starting to really consider it in a serious way. having one more semester here would mean that i most likely cant walk with the current seniors but i could next year.. idk.. we’ll see

also trying to put the frat drama behind me. i dont want to hurt anyone, i just need to take care of myself. and to me, the best option is making things smoother with people in the house so i can feel safe there and feel excited about the frat as a whole, so for now, thats my decision. just be nice and supportive to everyone. i might not agree with the house members on the issue, but i still love them as people and i need to make amends because i fucked up too. 

i just want to spread love and good vibes and support people. this fighting is exhausting me, so im just gunna not.. i think thats the right call for me right now.

last week sucked, but i swear to god i will force myself into an upswing if it kills me. 

take your xanex. eat healthy foods. get your work done. love people. spread positivity. spread love. support people you care about. and i know its going to be painful, but you need to have a talk with your dad. do all of this, and you will be happy. 

ps. start doing your makeup again because putting effort into your appearance makes you feel better. 

okay, gotta go do work, but i’m feeling better after writing and having therapy today. talking helps, and i need to keep talking and keep getting to the bottom of my stupid feelings. you are not going to fail. you can do this. keep trying. it’s not over till its over, so get back up and keep trying. <3

#samiswriting

[satyr-syd]

Sero isn’t bothered when Kayama-sensei assigns Bakugou as his partner for a project. Actually, he’s kind of glad. Bakugou is one of his friends, and it doesn’t hurt that in terms of academics, Bakugou is third in their class - definitely the kind of person he wants on his team.

Bakugou doesn’t seem the feel the same. In fact, Sero’s pretty sure he hates group projects. The way he furiously muttered, “I hate group projects,” when Kayama-sensei announced the project kind of gave it away.

They had met at the library after school to talk about the project. Sero already had ideas for topics - the project was a five minute presentation on the societal changes between the second and third quirk generations - but Bakugou shut him down before he could offer a suggestion.

“I’ll have this done by the deadline,” Bakugou says. “So you can leave now.”

Sero pauses from pulling his notebook out of his backpack. “Wait. What?”

Bakugou rolls his eyes. “What the fuck do you think? I’m going to do it myself, obviously.”

Sero is suddenly having second thoughts about having Bakugou as a partner. He knows Bakugou doesn't work well with others, but this seems excessive. “Dude. Hero work is all about collaboration.”

“This isn’t fucking hero work, is it? I can do this better all myself,” Bakugou says. “I’ll put together the presentation. And present it. You can stand there and...change the slides or something.”

Sero isn’t one to get in the way. When the top students like Bakugou or Todoroki or Midoriya went head on in a fight, Sero was more than happy to let them take the lead. He couldn't do anything when villains attacked during the school trip. He hadn't done anything to help Bakugou when he was captured. Even at the sports festival, Sero had let Bakugou make all their decisions, only chipping in when he was needed to pull Bakugou back onto their shoulders.

But in the end, everything had worked itself out, without Sero's active participation. He wasn't needed.

Hero work was one thing - unpredictable, dangerous, and best left to the strongest players. But this was classwork. And Sero felt guilty putting this whole project on Bakugou.

“I can’t just do nothing, man, I want to contribute something,” he says.

Bakugou slams his hands on the table. “I told you, I’ll do it.”

Sero doesn’t even flinch. He’s not intimidated by Bakugou’s aggressive tendencies. “I feel kind of useless, though,” he complains.

“I don’t give a shit,” Bakugou says. “I will do this and I will get us a perfect score, can’t you be satisfied with that?”

Sero bets this was how group projects were for Bakugou in middle school. He would be the super bossy one who took control of the project, and the everyone else would just be happy they could slack off. And hey, Sero was man enough to admit he was sometimes that guy. But that was before - now he’s at U.A. He has to get serious and earn his own grades. “Not if I don’t deserve it,” Sero tells him.

Bakugou groans, reaching into his backpack. “If I give you something to do, will you shut up?”

Sero smirks. “For 8000 dollars, I will stop.”

“The shit does that mean?”

“Just...give me something to do.”

He waits patiently while Bakugou pulls a paper out and shoves it at him. It’s the list of sample topics Kayama gave them. “Pick one.”

Sero glances at the list. Most of the topics seemed pretty boring, and Sero doesn’t even know what most of them are. But he notices that some of them are circled - maybe the ones Bakugou was considering? He picks the most interesting one of those. “How about Quirk Marriages?”

“Fine.” Bakugou snatches the paper back, and starts packing it into his bag. “There. You contributed.”

Just like that, his satisfaction disappears. Poof. Like Thirteen sucked it up and it disappeared into nothing. “Wait - that’s it?”

“Duh, that’s it,” Bakugou says, throwing on his backpack. “I can handle the rest, Soy Sauce Face.”

Sero rolls his eyes at the nickname. “Look, I know you think I’m stupid - and hey, I might be, in comparison to you - but that doesn’t mean I can’t be useful.” Even as the words leave Sero's mouth, he doesn't quite believe them. Was he useful during the end of term exam? Was he useful during the USJ attack?

“How many times do I have to say it to get it through your thick fucking skull?” Bakugou says at a near shout. “I. Don’t. Need. Your. Help!”

By the time the librarian comes to quiet them down with her voice silencing quirk, Bakugou’s long gone, leaving Sero alone, no closer to being useful than before.

To group: bakugou’s harem

snape (snail tape) do u guys ever feel useless

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Yes Wait bro are you feeling useless Because even though youre entitled to your feelings And I get how easy it is to feel like that

its always wednesday did someone call you useless????

reeeeeed riot. *yum* But i think youre really valuable!!!

its always wednesday tell me who ill fite them

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Ashido why must we resort to violence

lightnin mcmeme bro ur lyin if u thikn u wouldnt fight an army for seros honor

reeeeeed riot. *yum* … True

snape (snail tape) i have...the graetest frends

lightnin mcmeme we kno

its always wednesday obvi

reeeeeed riot. *yum* But hey bro are you doing okay?

snape (snail tape) yeah its just u guys have done so much cool shit this year and i have not and i kinda feel like guilty about it? but also like...whatever bc u all can do anything w/o me  

lightnin mcmeme mkay 1st thing: u couldve sent that as 1 text

snape (snail tape) why? does this annoy you?

lightnin mcmeme bruh

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Sero Hanta listen to me right now you are a very valuable human and a great asset to this class. Just because you havent had the chance shown your strengths like everyone else doesnt mean you dont have them or arent useful

its always wednesday what he said! u did amaaaaaazing in the sports festival!

lightnin mcmeme and u passed the hero license exam which even splodey didnt pass

its always wednesday and ur definitely the best at mobility we wouldnt have stood a chance in the cavalry battle w/o u!

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Youre like the tape that holds us together

lightnin mcmeme ur *literaly* the tape that holds us together

its always wednesday plus u came up w all our screen names !! which are cool af!!!!

snape (snail tape) thenks guys that means a lot im feeling a lot better now

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Yay!

its always wednesday yay!!!!!!

lightnin mcmeme glad ur feelin better dude!! but also y did u write thanks like that

snape (snail tape) why did u just double text like that

lightnin mcmeme ....touche

Sero is used to taking the sidelines, but this time will be different. Energized by the support from his friends, Sero vows to prove to Bakugou - and himself - that he’s useful.

He tries to do a bit of research for the project on his own. There’s an article on some online magazine that gives a general history of quirk marriages, from the first quirk marriage to the protests against them. Proud of his find, and much more informed than before, Sero pulls out his phone.

snape (snail tape) hey. found a cool article bout qrk marriage [link]

The Boy Who Cussed I read that shit already

Shit. Of course he had. It was practically the first thing that popped up when he searched  “quirk marriage.”

Sero tries to think of something to say back that won’t make him seem stupid when he sees that Bakugou’s typing something else.

The Boy Who Cussed But if you actually want to be useful Find out the causes leading up to the first quirk marriage protest

Never before has Sero been so excited to do school work. (He probably never would be again.) But getting Bakugou to trust part of their workload to him feels like a victory.

snape (snail tape) yeah np!

When Sero explains to their friends how their project is coming, Ashido claps him on the back. “You like, out-stubborned Bakuboy, which is basically unheard of,” she says. “You’re a force to be reckoned with, Cellophane!”

Sero preens at her praise. He didn’t think of himself as a stubborn guy, but he was persistent when he needed to be.

That wasn’t entirely true, though. Ever since he told his friends how he was feeling on the group chat, he’d been thinking about his place at U.A. Mostly, how he wasn’t persistent about pursuing a spot in the spotlight next to U.A.’s strongest. He had shrugged off his loss at the sports festival. He was the only one who failed the end of term test whose team had beat their hero opponent. He was content to sit back while his friends stormed on ahead of him, blaming his poor results on his less-powerful quirk rather than his relaxed attitude.

That wasn’t any different than sitting back and letting Bakugou do all this work on their project. Ashido called him stubborn, but a truly stubborn person wouldn’t be content with second place. Sure, he felt useless, but he wasn’t doing anything about it. If he really wanted to do better for himself, he’d have to make a bigger effort. Ashido called him stubborn, but a truly stubborn person wouldn’t be content with second place.

snape (snail tape) dude u should come to my dorm we can work on the project together

From The Boy Who Cussed no

snape (snail tape) come on man itll be fun

The Boy Who Cussed This isn’t supposed to be fun, assfuck

snape (snail tape) we can MAKE it fun

The Boy Who Cussed NO

snape (snail tape) what do you have against fun bakugou do u even know what fun is

The Boy Who Cussed OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT FUN IS FUCKTRUCK STOP TEXTING ME IM WORKING

snape (snail tape) r u allergic to fun ill stop if u come over

Bakugou doesn’t reply. Sero hears stomping. Suddenly his door slams open.

Bakugou is absolutely fuming. Smoke is literally coming from his palms. Sero silently counts this as another victory.

He storms into Sero’s room, slamming the door behind him and dropping his stuff on the ground. “I hope you’re fucking happy,” he growls.

“I’m positively joyous.”

Sero looks over the back of his chair, watching Bakugou work.

“So. How’s it coming?” Sero asks. “Were the sources I found useful?”

Without looking up, Bakugou lists off his evaluation. “The first source wasn’t credible. You can’t just cite some rando’s blog.” Sero’s heart plummets. “The second one would have been good - but it was the wrong time period. The third was beyond biased.” He pauses before continuing on. “The last one was...suitable.”

Sero gulps. Next to his past few victories, this is definitely a loss. He’s only proven Bakugou right by giving him these shitty sources.

This is why he usually let the others take the spotlight - they knew what they were doing. They were smart, they were reliable. Maybe Bakugou was right. Maybe he could do this better alone. Maybe Sero really was useless.

“Why the fuck do you want to help so bad anyway?” Bakugou speaks so quietly, Sero almost doesn’t hear him. He’s not even sure if he was supposed to hear him.

Sero decides to answer his question anyway.

“I don’t want to mooch off your work. I want to earn my own grade - it’s not fair to either of us if I don’t do any work,” he explains. “It’s like when you’re fighting, and someone doesn’t even try to fight against you. Even if you win, it doesn’t feel like a win, you know?”

Bakugou looks back at him with a near unreadable expression on his face. Sero isn’t sure whether he’s hit a nerve or struck a chord in him. Maybe both.

Suddenly Bakugou gets up and shoves his papers into his bag. Sero leans back in his chair and holds back a sigh. Fuck. I went to far. Now he’d be back at square one.

“I’m going to send you a list of sources.”

Sero looks up. Bakugou’s still standing by the open door.

“Take notes on them, then give them to me,” he demands.

Sero lights up. “Yeah, sure!”

Bakugou leaves, but Sero’s feeling more confident than before. He just needs to be stubborn like Bakugou. He’ll kept trying until he gets this right.

They meet in the library next week.

Bakugou is, to put it lightly, frustrated.

Sero thought the project was going well. Bakugou actually read over his notes and constructed a summary from it. They had the slides planned out and everything - but Bakugou still wasn’t satisfied.

“This isn’t good enough!” Bakugou says, throwing down his notes. “This is just generic, dumb facts. If we want to beat everyone else we need to do more.”

“I don’t think this is about beating the others.” Sero didn’t miss how he said “we” this time, instead of “I.” Another victory.

Bakugou ignores him. “We need to make a claim. Show how quirk marriage had a lasting effect.”

“It’s not like quirk marriage is dead,” Sero comments. Bakugou looks at him weird, so he tries to explain himself. “You say it like it’s a thing of the past, but people still do it, even if it’s not super common. My neighbor is the result of a quirk marriage. And she’s not even like, thirty.”

Bakugou’s eyes go wide, and his lips twitch. “That’s perfect,” Bakugou says, nearly jumping out of his seat. “Get an interview with her. We can put a video on the slides.”

Sero grins. “I can ask, sure!”

Bakugou leans back in his chair, kicking his legs up on the desk. “Top that, Ponytail girl.”

snape (snail tape) is this u? [link]

The Boy Who Cussed THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOESD TO MEAN FUCKFACE??!!!

A few days later, they sit in front of Bakugou’s laptop, looking at the draft of their final presentation.

At the moment, the slides have a black backdrop with bright orange text in some hardcore font that’s incredibly hard to read. Sero notes that the colors match his costume. Each slide looks the same - blocks of information in bullet points, too hard to read.  

“Hey, Bakugou do you take constructive criticism?” Sero asks.

"No."

"It fucking sucks."

Bakugou swivels around in his seat, snarling. “The fuck do mean? It looks fucking cool.”

Considering Bakugou’s parents worked in the fashion industry, Sero would have thought Bakugou would have an eye for design. These slides proved that assumption wrong. “Yeah, maybe, but like...could we make it readable?”

Bakugou narrows his eyes. “You don’t think it’s readable?” he asks accusingly.

Sero throws up his arms. “I’m just calling it as I see it, dude.” Knowing that this is an area where Bakugou falls short, Sero makes this an opportunity for himself. He’s not an artist by any means, but he’s sure he can do better than this. “How about you can write the presentation, and I’ll design the slides.”

Bakugou glares at him for a moment, no doubt questioning whether he can trust Sero with this task.

“Relax. It’ll be fine,” Sero reassures him. “I promise I’ll put a lot of effort into it - and you can look over it when I’m done, so you can make sure it’s up to your standards.”

“Fucking fine,” Bakugou relents.

Sero is more than satisfied with the end result. One - because it was a bombass presentation, two - because Bakugou couldn’t have done this without Sero’s help, and three - because they got full marks from Kayama-sensei. She even complimented them on the sleek design of their presentation.

“Put it here, Bakugou!” Sero holds up his hand.

With a grin closer to a smirk, Bakugou slams his palm against Sero’s. His high five is just as explosive as his...well, explosions. That’s going to leave a mark.

Shaking out his wrist, Sero says, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Bakugou rolls his eyes. But Sero's silently proud of Bakugou for giving up some of his agency. He knows Bakugou likes to do things himself, and he bets Bakugou had just as hard a time sharing group work as Sero had trying to feel useful.

“You should have shown what you’re capable of earlier, Soy Sauce Face,” Bakugou says. “What the fuck have you been holding back for?”

Sero can hear Kirishima’s voice in his head saying So manly!

Bakugou’s words hit Sero like a punch. In middle school, Sero was described as plain. Plain face, plain clothes, plain personality. He thought going to U.A. would change all of that, and it did, at first. But Sero saw himself quickly falling behind ever since the sports festival. Against Bakugou and Kaminari’s flashy quirks or Ashido’s magnetic personality or Kirishima’s sheer resilience, Sero was once again the plain person in the pack. The useless one.

Sero is beginning to realize that this is his own fault. He can see how hard his classmates work - he just needs to up his game.

Bakugou’s right - what is he holding back for? He’s capable of so much more if he doesn’t play follower to the leaders of the pack. Sero can keep up with them - this project proved it.

“I’m not holding back,” Sero tells him. “I’m just warming up!”

Bakugou smirks. “Better catch up quick.”

“Trust me, I’m just getting started.”

ao3 | based on this hc | more like this

pst there’s a tiny deleted scene on ao3 in the notes if youre interested

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha fic #mha fanfiction #bakugou katsuki #sero hanta #adventures with bakugou #my writing

[hazelnuisance-blog]

bleh 02/09/17

a poorly organized rundown of shit that’s been bouncing around in my head 

i'm embarrassed that i really like math shit. its just that i know ppl who do that shit as a job and i'm here like ~ciphers are fun~ or m8 i sure like the ideas behind future cybersec or damn i love me shapes but i don’t have the aprop mathematical background to understand the fucking seminars at school. And i’m honestly afraid to ask them since they’re :

 1) not aware i am interested in anything bc whenever ppl see me i’m probs making food which is obvs the only thing i do and not just my fucking hobby unlike a lot of their gfs. idk how to feel about that either because i can;t interact with the amorphous gf blob of white chicks who like to date engineers for that near future 6figs. i understand that their choices are not mine but i’d like for my own choices to be seen as a waste i guess,,,

2) kinda asses. they’re max’s friends from long ago and for the most part but i get shat on so hard for being a soft science and idt any of them understand the imaging bullshit i have to go through so if the imaging science guy can get pissy because people think hes a photo major (art and feminine), then i can get mad when my 6 hour run at the confocal and 20 hours of analysis is seen as me playing with a bunch of fish (i mean i do play with the urchins but still). like they can go and complain non stop about projects and what not but bc max never talks about school (grades will do that to u) i’m not expected to either i think? idk how this whole blood debit inheritance is going down because i’ve inherited a lot of friendships off of him with odd expectations. 

i guess there is one exception but i’m a tsundere shit around him because i don’t want to impede on his existing (and much closer than the other dudes) relationship with max. hes nice to me and patient and i can probably get him to teach me things if only the times we hang out don’t devolve into me watching him play videogames while i sit in the corner of the room that used to be max’s and then the occasional tears on my end because im trying so hard to use the friendship safety net that i’ve created but i literally have no idea as to do with the feelings i have other than vomit them up on a single person at a time. 

still tho i never have time to explain what i do bc no one shows any interest in my research and it fucking kills me because i love talking about my gene reg and morphology. i got to talk to the guest speaker this week about the symmetry of my old project and he was more than nice about it and i’m trying my best to pretend he probably wasn't just being nice to me because he felt sorry.

i'm always a little annoyed with pop sci and edutainment. Like its cool and nice to see what science is up to (chem and mostly physics/engineering lbr, no one gives a shit about bio unless its animals or cancer drugssss) but i get disappointed when v few ppl get into the actual core of the thing. tbh i think its a flaw of the thing where you may find your interest is piqued but there’s no trail saying go this way for more of that thing. as much as i say that i’m surrounded by tons of self assured white guys who probably will never understand this issue (is it a thing about role models?representation? who knowwws)  i feel like im at the edutainment level of math and it fucking kills me bc i have no way to get deeper plus it doesn’t seem beneficial to go deeper even though i know it probably is. 

then there’s the other thing of me absolutely hating everything about myself because i cant separate what part of interest were here this whole time or what parts are parasites from being with brian, I literally got triggered at a seminar on the 4d modeling and geometry because i can’t be a normal human for like 10 minutes.  

#monotalks #an intersection of being afraid to be good at shit and internalizing girls can't do math to hell and back #with a sprinkling of asian math genes and my annoyance of edutainment as the sole form of stem education #idk i've had a weird week #what is the english language im sorry these are runons #i s2g im a competent writer most of the time

[scadaz]

Harry Potter for the changes post

ONLY 5??? okay nah i got this

okay i dont actually got this this is too long so im putting it under a cut

1) first and foremost make the inexplicit explicit. make dumbledore explicitly gay. make hermione explicitly black. at the very least the things that she has confirmed or alluded to in the aftermath of releasing the books and at the most like…everything. maybe explore the way that race plays into the worldbuilding of the wizarding world rather than just make an allegory for it. explore how harry being biracial places him in the world and how the different sides of his life (dursleys vs the wizards) view him and his heritage. put more young queer romances in there. maybe the reason ron is so jealous isn’t just because he likes hermione but ALSO because he ALSO likes krum and is really confused about his feelings?? replace the whole lavender romance with a dude and let lavender and parvati run off together like they were always meant to. let trans kids exist in hogwarts!!! you know what would have made ginny’s whole “arc” a lot more bearable?? if she’d been a trans girl learning to overcome her shyness and gain confidence in herself as she puts herself out there into the hogwarts-sphere. just generally opening up the worldbuilding and characters to more accurately reflect the world in comparison to well...what it was......also maybe like don’t rely on real world stereotypes l i k e..........

2) make the characters who are supposed to be likable actually likable. like....i know the marauders have a huge fanbase and everyone loves them but there isn’t really much to love in the canon??? imho. they’re super huge dicks when they were younger and we hardly get to see any transition from them learning how to be better people or having regret in the way that they acted before. we’re only supposed to believe it because they’re good to each other (ie learning how to be animagi to support their bud lupin) and we’re just told they’re good when they’re older and that’s the end of that. so how i would change it is including more scenes of james, sirius, and lupin growing older and acting like better people. since its from harry’s perspective this can be done through sirius and lupin sharing stories or again having some more regretful reflection on their younger years. also give wormtail more nuance?? is he at all regretful for turning on his friends, does he have second thoughts, maybe he tries to make things right in the end?? i know the “he was only in gryffindor because he valued bravery and everything gryffindor was despite not being it himself” but like it would be cool if there was something more....idk wormtail couldve been a more nuanced character......

3) speaking of possible redemption arcs tho how about some actual redemption arcs?? first we have draco, who despite having multiple hints of having a sweeping redemption arc the whole thing just sort of....falls flat. idk i dont really pay much attention to dracos character and there are people who could speak to this way better than i could go look at their meta.but then snape. SNAPE!!!! undoubtedly the worst character in the series and the bane of my existence. the worst part is he really COULD have been the ‘villain-but-not-really-he-was-good-all-along’ character jkr wanted to be if we just changed some pretty fucking major things his character in his character. first like....don’t....make him a child abuser??? its really that simple!!! don’t abuse children!!!!! like he could have just been a stern and surly teacher who yeah is maybe too strict and is maybe an asshole but also doesn’t like. fucking abuse children because of his own vendettas. IT’S NOT HARD like children/teens always think teachers are out to get them when their teachers are just kind of dicks it could have easily been just that without snape doing a ton of the awful shit he did. like remember when they saw snape muttering when harry’s broom was going nuts so they just assumed he was evil and doing it himself when really he was just trying to be a good guy??? more of that. like the whole thing.second like make his love for lily a legit and motivating thing rather than the creepy stalkerish thing it became. maybe instead of snape being the one to tell voldemort the prophecy so that he can kill james and harry (wtf????????!!!!!!!!!) he overhears someone else tell voldemort the prophecy and begs voldemort to spare them (yeah ALL of them!!!! because even tho hes a salty salamander he still wouldn’t wish death upon those who makes lily happy because that’s!!!! what love is!!!!!) . and when he doesn’t that’s when he realized he fucked up and joined the wrong side. and then actually looks out for harry growing up. like maybe he can’t bring himself to be a full fatherly figure because he’s still an asshole but he doesn’t actively go out of his way to be a huge dick to harry just because he’s bitter that lily had a child with someone else. and in the end when he gives his memories it shows all the moments where harry thought snape was being a dick but actually behind the scenes he was doing all he could to protect and push harry along on his journey because he loved lily and hates himself for the way he treated her and he also loves harry and you know stuff that could play into the whole love thing without being a creepy vindictive abusive stalker!!!!i hate canon snape not just because he’s the worst but because he could’ve been written to be the actually good character he’s framed to be.

4) a better approach to houses!!!! like i get its told from harrys perspective so of course Gryffindor Is The Best but like. it is soooo easy to make the houses more nuanced and balanced look at every piece of fanfic and rp ever (okay thats obviously hyperbole but still. point is it aint hard). maybe add more characters to each house!! i get its easier to just have the golden trio all be gryffindor but how interesting would it have been to have them scattered across the houses but still manage to become friends. and yeah maybe some slytherins can be jerks but also maybe thats just how harry sees it because the first slytherin he met was a piece of shit!!! but there are tons of good slytherins and maybe some join dumbledore’s army or hell at least come back for the battle of hogwarts!!!! and then there can be plenty of death eaters who come from all across the house spectrum. hufflepuffs who are undyingly loyal to voldemort. ravenclaws who love learning about the dark arts. gryffindors who would absolutely sacrifice themselves for their dark cause. like. its so easy. its soooooo easy. and then there would be equal merch of all the houses across the spectrum and people would be able to be proud of their houses without having to justify “yeah well not all slytherins are evil!!! hufflepuffs can be cool look at cedric!!!!! ravenclaws care about more than just getting good grades!!!!!”it’s so easy. im so mad.

5) STOP!!!!!! just. stop the fucking series. of course rewrite the epilogue to show not everyone being Straight Married With Children but how the war affected them. maybe it be a couple months or a couple years after everything and yeah maybe you can make some couples canon if you really want but thats not what i would do personally. show that they’re struggling but they’re surviving. they’re there for each other. use it to drive home a few of the main themes.and then just STOP!!!!!!!! NO MORE!!!!!!! like yeah maybe pottermore could be used to post some cute little quips that expand background characters and fill in plot holes that couldn’t be explained in the books. we learn more about professor’s histories, maybe some cool worldbuilding about stuff that was sort of mentioned but just!!!! no cursed child!!!!! no fantastic beasts!!!!! no making up shit for countries and cultures that you barely know about and don’t feel like researching or being actually respectful towards!!!!!!!!! let the fans do all of that for you stop putting your foot in your mouth and milking the cash cow!!!!!! just!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway that was a horrible ramble that isn’t actually all that well thought out nor did i reread it but take it anyway my lovely followers

[johnsfirememoir-blog]

fire memoir

John M. Ortiz Professor English 1301 15 June 2017 Ortiz_John_3 I was about 20 years old and already I had worked at least 10 jobs. At this point in life I thought I needed to become financially stable before making my next big move in life. However a big change came when my girlfriend of 3 years left and I was let go from yet another company. I began to see the world as a ravenous place with little stability and a cold heart. My uncle then told me he was a fireman for 10 years. That it was a good stable job that might not make me rich but I would not have to worry about being let go because “production was down” or whatever other reason. Thus began my venture into that world. I started by seeing what it took to apply to be a fire fighter. It would take either being a certified fire fighter for the state of texas via going to college and going through a academy and earning college credit along the way or applying for a big city and having a lot of competition. College seemed the favorable option. Being young and not knowledgeable I thought I was going to have to pay for everything out of my own pocket. I was not one who made the best grades in high school and I assumed most scholarships were for kids who applied themselves a little more than I had. So  I went to the schools and they said classes would cost in the thousands. In my research I found a program. A place that would help someone like me. It was the “Texas Work Force Commission.”   They paid for classes books and even gave me a gas allowance. “Wow! I thought. Maybe this is meant to be” So I went and I spoke with a consultant who and after some paper work and some conversation I had what I needed to begin. Life was making a turn for the better. I felt I had a purpose and found new motivation. The schooling would be 1 semester of EMT and 2 semesters of fire academy. Speaking with counselors it seemed the best option would be to go to EMT first as that was the more academic side and the fire was more physical. I was 20 years old and had played sports through high school and in middle school. I was a varsity starter for a 5a school in Pasadena for 3 years. And after my separation from my ex I found solace by running at parks across Houston. It was settled do the hard then on to the fun. I would start in January 2010 Class starts at Houston community college on the southeast side on town. There I am nervous and not knowing what to expect. This is medical stuff I thought. I was pretty smart in school but I always fell behind. There isn't a teacher who is going to help me because she wants to see me play at the big game Friday night. Im going to be on my own. The instructor begins and starts to tell us how she is happy to see the career choice we have made and that it was honorable and that all that aside not everyone would pass. But she is here to help. There is a group of guys who had just graduated from the fire academy and are doing their EMT part 2nd. They seemed like cool guys but seemed “clickish” so I made friends with a older guy named mark and a young woman Megan. Orientation was over and the hard part began. The book for this class was huge I thought and the words at first daunting. It was just a different subject than what I was used to. I was raised by a family of boys and I was close to my grandfather who was the figure head. He was a mechanic and all 6 of his sons either worked on cars or raced them at some point. I found I was in a different world. I began to read 4 hours a day. Reading was tiresome and I would think about the guys in class talking about going to this bar or that place where they would watch whatever sport. Mark was old in comparison to the early 20 something year old’s in class. He had a wife and 2 daughters. He was about 35 at that time. When those other guys would talk abut going out. Mark would just look at me and say “look at those boys, they ain't even done anything and their already talking like they got this. They better get their heads straight.” I just nodded and agreed. I was pretty shy but I did want to go out and be one of the guys. Megan seemed indifferent. I couldn't tell if she just had a boy friend or was just that focused. Mark and I would talk and I had trade stories through the academy mostly about what motivated us. He was like me looking for work and not finding stability but also he longed ever so much to be a fire fighter for “The city of Houston!” As he put it. He wanted to work where he grew up and have his kids see him as a good man. Me on the other hand. My motivation was different. Along with looking for stable work. I told Mark that the year before  school started my girlfriend whom I proposed to left. A proposal that was I think immature and thoughtless I did love and have feelings for her but nothing substantial I always knew I my heart she didn't love me the way I cared for her. Mark would just say “boy you dodged a bullet.” I just nodded and agreed. Then came the fact I spent about a year roaming around between friend’s and relatives house’s. I didn't even have my own car. My father had multiple cars when I was growing up. He was a bit of a car hoarder. At least that's what I call him and he was not the easiest man to get along with. It was quite often we would fight. Well around this time he was quite stressed about his divorce and was afraid of losing his house. This created tension between us as I think. He never really spoke from the heart or showed emotion other than when he was mad. I am sure he wanted to provide but could not deal with life’s stress. Long story short we fought and he took back his car. I had to leave home. So I had no car to my name. No place that was a home. No special woman to stand beside me and I held jobs sporadically. Well it was sometime in October 2009 when I told my uncle Carlos what was going on that he told me I was going to live with him. The rule was I had to go to school and help out around the house. At this point I had bounced around that nothing seemed sure. However in time Carlos proved true and I had a stable place to stay. The next big help came from my grandfather. He was a mechanic and gave me a car. Not the nicest one but it ran and got me from point A to B. 2010 and I had a cassette player. Man I thought well at least girls won’t be a distraction with a car like this. It was a Suzuki side kick. Quite often I had to put water in the radiator and the paint job was well worn. Now my grandfather was a tough man. He had beliefs and he would stick to them. He came to America from Mexico and would always tell me stories how he was abandoned as a boy and he made it here on his own with no help and being betrayed by people here. He would always say “you if you do good I go with you but you if you do bad you on you own.” In his Spanglish. This is something I had seem him prove when he denied help to some uncles in the past for their own endeavors. He was a hard and stubborn man and I took his help with no expectations of a lasting aide. So it seemed mark and I had a lot to work for. We had study groups and in time even began to run together to get ready for the next phase. The fire academy. Megan came out to study but running was more of a Mark and I kind of thing. Sometimes we would go watch sports at a bar but that was rare and about as rare as me going out. Which I could probably count on 1 hand. I will never forget what it felt like to sit on the bed at home and just read and read and just think to myself if Carlos can have a stable pay check and feed himself then that's all I need. Just something solid until I can move on to the next phase of life. I did well for myself and was a B student. Something I was both really happy about and kind of disappointed. Happy because I passed and was making progress but kind of bummed because I put a lot of time in and thought I deserved more but a piece of paper saying you have your cert is the same for a A student or C student. So I continued with mark and Megan in our groups. Time passed and we all passed together. For the first time in my life I felt I accomplished something. Carlos being the motivational guy he was just shrugged it off and said wait for that fire academy. Though his face showed pride. I learned to read his face not his words. He always wanted better for me. As for my grandpa he just said good job and told me more stories of him struggling as a boy. He seemed to go on tangents a lot. He was retired and I guess he began to reflect on life more. Mark and I continued to run the time came and all we had to do was be ready for whatever physical punishment the fire academy would bring. I remembered Carlos coming home with red marks and bruises on his back when he entered the fire academy for the city of Houston. I did not know what to expect but I knew it would not be easy. Then came the surprising news. Mark my run partner and study buddy who had the same goals as me told me he had asthma. A shocking and concerning thing to hear. But then how have you been running? I asked. Not knowing how asthma would affect him and also so what does that mean if you’re a Fireman. Then came more news. Mark was not going to the fire academy with me. He found a job and decided he needed to work now and take care of his family. I was crushed for him. All that talk about being a fire fighter for Houston and now he had to change his plans. So I told him he was doing what any good man would do for his family. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me “don’t fuck this up” haha I laughed. He always talked like he was a father figure. In his mind he was but to me he was a good friend just older. The time came it was the first day of Houston Community Fire academy. I felt like a kid starting school for the first time again. Once again we had a orientation. The instructors introduced themselves and the whole feel of class was already different. In the last course the instructor was a larger set woman whom spoke of not everyone passing because the course was hard academically. This time I had lean male instructors who broke down their expectations and that physical repercussions would be a thing. Our head instructor captain Mayes his name was. He had a big black thick mustache that seemed to grow out then down and wrapped around the side of his lips down to his chin. I will never forget him standing straight up always stroking it when he went into deep thought. Next was captain Hernandez whom stated our mothers were not here to baby us and that he would be all the love we needed. A thicker guy but still toned but he didn't seem to be a runner but that was alright because lastly there was captain Del La Rosa he was a marathon runner and made it clear we would be running so many miles a day. Also if we did not comply with their demands we would run a tower. Which is a building that is 6 stories tall with access to a roof for a 7th floor. The guys in class were also young kids mostly leaner than me. I felt I had not prepared enough but I came to realize how tough I was mentally in the next few months. We also had 2 females. I found that interesting but cool. Day one and we began by standing up and introducing ourselves and our motivation to be a fire fighter. Some for money others for their family but really it is always about money. Only 2 guys said it was a family tradition. I thought it was cool that of the guys with dad’s and grandparents who were fire fighters that I was the only one who had a aunt fire fighter. She actually paved the way for my uncle and I really believe. Carlos had no ambition for the job like I until she gave him the steady job speech which I started to think he ripped off of her and gave to me. Geez Carlos be original bro. I thought. So my turn came and I said thoughtlessly that I wanted to be like my family and do something good for the community. I honestly had no idea what it took to do the job. In my mind Carlos was a soft handed man who preferred paper work to physical labor. And even with family in the Houston fire department I had little exposure to the world. That was day one. Day 2 and we were already in high gear everyone showed up with their uniforms pressed and starched. I also had my clothes ironed but not because im the type of person to be so prepared or type A. Simply my grandmother said it was a good idea in her way which means she will hound me into doing what she thinks is best. We were all in class early books out and ready to sit and learn like what you would imagine a college class is. That however was not the case. Del la Cruz showed up and said on time to run. We had 10 minutes to run from the classroom to the dressing room change and go do what I considered semi marathon training experiences. First hour of class and I was already soaked in sweat. We ran in cadence to what Del La Cruz called his running play list. Ill never forget them. Motor motor got a lot of motivation. Then we would repeat then dedi dedi got a lot of dedication. Then whatever variance he wanted followed. Push ups, sit ups, and a variety of other workouts would follow along with getting acquainted with the tower. A tall slender building 6 stories tall with access to the roof for a 7th floor was used also and that would become a dreaded place. Running up flights of stairs was exhausting. All the training I did before the academy and I felt like I was not ready for running up those stairs. Most of the other guys did well and we seemed like a solid class as in most guys were prepared. We had 2 girls in class one was married to one of the guys. She didn’t seem so well prepared meaning she looked about 50 lbs over weight and could not do any push ups. Now we had a guy named George who was also heavy set almost as wide as he was tall. But watching him run was like watching a grizzly taking stride. When I finished the runs before him I would like to watch that stride come in. Like a bad version of bay watch but its what I had at the time. After the morning work. It was back to class. That was only for that day. We started having our workouts after class the second week. Compared to the EMT program studying for the fire side was easy. It was interesting and I always just felt like I was reading brochures compared to the large foreign textbook I grew accustomed to using as a pillow. So the weeks went on and the guys got to know each other. Most people fell into clicks which is something I never liked because I never felt I fit in anywhere. At lunch the guys with military experience had one table and the black guys at another and so on. Racism was not a issue I think it is just people finding cultural similarities and their own comfort zones and so that’s how it was a for a little. Of course we all intermingled. But I didn’t find that group of guys I thought I was going to find that would be my drinking going out and having fun buddies. At least not in the beginning of the academy. By the end of the first month things became a little routine class at at certain time and then the end of the day workout. Always exhausting but I handled it. Besides I had the grizzly and the other girl to keep the attention off me. They would always be in the back of the pack. Although George was not as far behind like she was. I have forgotten her name. She only lasted a little over a month before she quit. My grandmother the woman who raised me as her own and is and always will be my mother always made me lunch. The mornings felt like elementary with the food being set aside for me as I went off to school. Well after 2 months I will never forget this day. I forgot my food. It was not a big deal that I didn’t take my lunch. I had money to buy lunch and a little Suzuki sidekick to get me to the nearby subway. But for whatever reason she had spoken to my grandfather that day and they were separated but still would speak from time to time. Well at some point in the morning around11 I see this familiar black truck drive up to the parking lot behind the tower. I thought nothing of it until one of the instructors called me and said someone was looking for me. It was my grandparents with lunch! Now my grandmother is mom but my grandfather was dad just as much although my father is in my life I was always close to grandpa. This brought a tear to my eye. He didn’t have to come but that wasn’t what hit me. I knew he wanted to come and see me in my fire academy uniform. He was a tough man and also routine. My uncle Ramiro once said that dad “has not left the 6 block perimeter of his house” just enough to pay his bills and buy food. We never asked dad to leave because we all knew he didn’t like to leave his house and so on special occasions like birthdays and anything really we had to go to him. Yet here he was at the academy. I felt motivation like I had never felt to do this and have him at my graduation. The first semester ended and I think I lost 15lbs. There is a picture of me and I had fallen asleep at lunch with my head in my chest and arms crossed. I never liked the picture it showed me that I was heavier than I wanted to be with big chubby cheeks and arms thick and you could tell did not have definition. That was clearly changing. The fire academy was a really really expensive workout program and it was working! Before the 1st semester ended we had a physical ability test as well as some academic tests. We started losing people. Both of the girls couldn’t do the physical and we lost one of the guys who although physical did not take the testing serious and came just short of the requirements. David was his name he and I remained friends for a little after that but he had to find other thing in life to do. At times the academy did not feel like school but like guys just hanging out and working out and shooting the shit together. Then when people were weeded out. It was like reality hit and we remembered why we were here. To get our certifications and find work. I sometimes forgot the gravity of what I was doing but always took class serious. We had lost 3 or 4 people the first semester. Semester 2 by comparison was a walk in the park. The tests became easier and we spend more time outside running drills than anything really. It does not take much brain power to advance fire hose. It really brought to life the phrase “getting paid from the neck down” we would pull hose here and there. Load it and deploy it. Semester 2 was all about being outside and sweating. Running around and doing the workouts then playing with fire fighter tools. I recall one day the guys in class were starting to relax and take things easy but the instructors decided to remind us that this is was and made us do 100 push ups. Then someone spoke up out of line. This was a paramilitary organization after all. I mean we did have to be clean shaved. So another 50 was added then another guy spoke up for whatever reason then another 50. All in all the class did about 400 push ups through the day not at once. I don’t think I could ever have done that. But I know this guy named belt a hard working carpenter pushed the envelope and hit 550 that day. I took the burden with him and another guy that messed up so the whole class wouldn’t have to suffer. I hit 600 push ups that day. Far from the 50 I could barely do in a row with the class first started. Towards the end of the semester all we had to worry about was passing the burns. These were training drills where we had to gear up and go into a training building with pallets on fire and we would have to perform whatever task they gave us. Burn 1 was easy. Just gear up and feel the heat inside a Konex box. It is pretty much one of those big metal shipping containers you see on commercial boats transporting goods. Burn 2 a little tougher gear up go inside and advance the hose to the fire then go out. Burn 3 is where things become real but no significant task for any of the guys whom like myself also found themselves in better shape. Conditioning was key here. We would gear up advance hose and pull out the dummy. The last burn burn 4 was a true test of physical conditioning and mental toughness. When you put on the gear. Your skin does not breathe. You sweat and it has nowhere to go and no air to wick it off and cool you. Therefore you stay hot. The gear itself is a heat barrier but works by absorbing the heat and keeping it off your body with its 3 layers. The outside absorbing and the inner 2 for moisture barrier and the inner most the inner lining. Burn 4 we went as a 4 man crew. We geared up in set time then went up to a door prop and used skills to open it. We went and advanced line to the door. Then came climbing up a ladder to the 2nd floor roof with tools in hand. Next we had to cut a hole on the roof using a saw then we went back in and pulled a dummy out and that was it. I think I drank near a gallon of water after we finished that. I sat there and watched other guys go and then fall to their knees and drink up water and their eyes fill with pride because they just did one of the hardest things they had ever done in their life and it is something that is a accomplishment. I think every boy wants to go on a adventure and be that hero. This was like that but set up and no real life to be saved but after it you felt like you could do something heroic should you be called upon. We only had a few weeks left in the academy after that I so I began to seek work as a EMT. I quickly found a job part time while in school that became full time after. I would take people in nursing homes to dialysis or the hospital if it was emergent. That was my time in the academy. I went from a overweight guy to one who had decent tone and had a father show up even though he never left his 6 block radius. Had felt like I had done something to be better and stand on my own 2 feet and support myself and did it mostly on my own. I didn’t need a woman to support me. I felt renewed. Graduation came and my whole family showed up. Carlos showed up in his decorated fire uniform and along with my mother pinned my badge. It was more than enough that my dad showed up. He didn’t have to get on stage.

After thought: these events happened in 2010 and it had been a long time since I had reflected and thought about these events that are significant in not only the path I ended up taking for a career. But as a stepping stone to other aspects of my life. I gained confidence in myself to do things I thought I could not do. I made friends whom I still speak to and even have worked with and fought fires along side. This reminds me of the young boy I was and shows me some of the man I became. Also my grandfather has since passed in may of 2016. Seeing him at the academy that day will forever be with me as one of my most cherished memories. This memoir should make people think that if they just go after something even if things seem against them they should just do it.