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mysticbewitched · 11 months

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How to manifest my physical changes without putting much effort please, im sick of slow subliminal results

I just want subliminal results, like others, but I still don't see the case, every time I listen to a week or 21 days as explained in the description in each youtube video, I don't see changes in my results, I tries to be patient/remove my obsession, i've used many resources to supposedly get subliminal results, I've read the solar subs guide, visualized, making own subs (1 or 2 subs) thinking to be positive, act like already get results, using boosters,flushes blockage removers, using loa techniques and researching more about subconscious and it has no effect on me, its like I am immune to subliminal audios for physical changes, or I don't have enough self-concept to be able to manifest what I want, tell me what I can do?,

Also they say that law of Asuncion neville Goddard and his gurus are very good(Like Sammy Ingram) , but who knows if it works every moment because when I use old subliminals for 3 months, I haven't noticed a change in my face body or even D₹ck", I currently use male beauty audios like fk subs viper kottie moza morph cherry subs curio Daniel m.f but who knows if they works, because I have honestly lost a lot of faith in my progress, And I don't want to do an ancestral religious ritual to have those simple changes, I hope someone else can answer me, because i'm fucking tired of repeating the same sh&t, I don't want to be slow results and believe in the subliminals and period

Oh man, there's a whole hell of a lot to unpack here.

You're doing way too much, my friend, and I'm not surprised to hear that you're very frustrated. You're stressing yourself out and looking for the next "shiny object" in order to obtain a certain desire of yours.

You are approaching all of this the wrong way, and you are facing away from your manifestation by doing all of this stressful physical effort. This is not supposed to be a chore. This is supposed to be a fun and beautiful, freeing journey of self-realization and self-empowerment. You are not supposed to work yourself to the bone here.

I have a whole lot of advice for you to help you out in your situation. I advise you to listen to my advice if you want to exit this vicious cycle of frustration.

1. Stop listening to subliminals from other creators on Youtube. It's not a safe idea, first of all, above all things because you have no idea what affirmations are actually being sent to your subconscious mind, and creating your own subliminals are so much more effective. I speak this from experience because I was in your same shoes ages ago. That all changed when I started to create my own subliminals.

2. Change your mindset about manifestation and your abilities to manifest by simply creating your own subliminal and sticking to it for a good while. Be loyal and consistent with listening to it every day. You should see awesome results from solely relying on listening to your own subliminals for results. It takes some serious patience and dedication to take the time to change your mindset through the use of subliminals. { Check out my guide on creating your own subliminals in my masterlist. }

3. For the love of God, please *do not listen* to Sammy Ingram. I respect and admire her confident mindset when it comes to her manifesting abilities, but she does not truly understand the law of consciousness and how manifestation actually works on autopilot. She experiences results in her reality because of her mindset, not the mindless affirming of affirmations. She believes that affirming like a damn parrot for 8 hours straight is the way to go, and it's not. That's just ridiculous. Manifesting should never feel like a chore. Feel free to affirm whenever you want to just as a reminder. Not because you feel "you have to."

4. I assure you that the law of consciousness is working perfectly for you because you are currently aware of seriously struggling with subliminal results, and that's what keeps manifesting for you in your reality on an endless loop. You are the creator of your own reality, and you are the power of all creation. You have the power to change this all for you. Again, follow my advice and change your mindset with creating your own subliminals. It is the answer to your prayers.

5. Check out these sources to help deepen your understanding about manifestation and your true self as the operant power: Neville Goddard, Edward Art, Awaken the Godself With Candace Thoth, and Niclas - Upgrade to Life.

6. As for the physical changes you desire, again, create your own subliminal with affirmations for the physical changes you want. Be consistent with it and listen to the subliminal daily.

Best wishes to you and seriously, take my advice. It will be a game-changer for you.

#loassumption #law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #law of manifestation

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homoerotic · 8 days

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im just feeling very demoralized. exceedingly so. i want to be a radiographer so badly. i wish i had known sooner but i want this so so so bad. and i cant help but think the reason i didnt get in this time is due to two things:

1. i had one (1) C on my transcript. in ECON. a class that has no bearing on my major but dampened my gpa exponentially

2. i had a panic attack during the venipuncture lab in one of my rad classes because i didnt adequately prepare myself for it. and i distinctly remembering my professor telling me "if you cant do this you arent cut out for this major" so i bet she brought that up during deliberation.

its not fair man. i dont live at home w my parents, i dont have a free schedule to study constantly. i have so many bills, so many doctors appointments and health issues to handle. i have to take care of my family.

i have such a bad needle phobia that i am actively working on. its bullshit! you dont NEED to do venipuncture as a radiographer! if i was specializing in CT/nucmed then YES 100% i understand that due to administering contrast. but every single nurse and radiographer ive spoken to has told me that learning that is a waste of time for me.

so how do i prove that im capable of handling the sight of needles now? drawing blood =/= seeing patients get their blood drawn/have IVs. they are not the same. i even wrote a whole essay about my phobia for that professor to help her see my side of it all. isnt it enough that im willing to expose myself to this daily because of how bad i want this?

i was fine, REALLY, i was fine not getting in this time. i really was because i was told left and right that getting in your first time is as likely as the lottery. so why does the girl that i see every single week for the past two semesters get in her first time? the same girl that ive constantly had to help through math and chemistry. who isnt confident in any of her homework answers. who needs me to hold her hand all the time through the complicated concepts.

and i know thats not fair of me to be angry at her. i know she works hard. she has good grades. shes in the honors program. but we both have medical experience. im 5+ years older than her. what did her personal statement have that mine didnt? why wasnt i good enough.

i know i am being over dramatic and acting very entitled but i cannot help but be angry and upset over this because i want this SO BADLY. i want this more than anything else and now i have to wait another year for it. a whole year of my life for the next slim chance of being picked. and what if im denied again? i'll be 27.

i want to start my career. i want to help my partner pay for our bills again. i want to stop struggling to survive. but now i have to wait and wait and wait. and i have to bend over backwards this next application period. get more certifications, dedicate more of my limited free time to volunteering. retake classes for a better gpa. spend more money. kill myself faster. struggle struggle struggle.

im so tired. im so fucking tired. im sick of being a student. im sick of college. im sick of feeling this age gap with my peers. im sick of being lonely. im sick of not being good enough. im sick of it all.

#shiba noises

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tainsan · 7 months

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YES I DEF THINK THAT TOO!! im just rlly bad at spelling and meant jongho might just use ur name/a shortened ver 😞 yeosang would DEF use ur name but like in the nerdiest way im sorry. hes just a little dorky if that makes sense! i 🫶🏻 nerds tho

on the contrary wooyoung would use the cringiest nicknames ever whether ur there or not. 'my little sugarplum cupcake' 'my honey booboo bear' hed start saying into recipes atp like 'my 1/4 cup of sugar with five large marshmallows!!' thanks man. how sweet!

IM SOO EXCITED!! i need fluff rn these past few chapters have hit me like a train and i am SICK and TIRED of their shenanigans. just kiss it out! i will not sue promise maybe just scream a little 🤗 this fic has everything i love AND an amazing incredible spectacular funny kind author

yeah its not terrible until you have to do it ☹️ its a workout esp when ppl keep messing up 👿👿👿 i think im the side kick here tbh! us against the world though 🤞🏻(and misfit atz. ik yk what theyre gonna do and how theyll improve but IIII dont so until then.. they better sleep with one eye open)

hopefully ur mental health is good or i will uh. fight ur brain! 🤺 and i hope ur inside and safe now 🫶🏻🫶🏻

ok thats my super duper long message for now 😎 thank u for listening and sorry for the wall of text. i WILL be back🐺

-🦝

ME TOO I’m terrible at spelling bc I’m dyslexic😭 auto correct and grammarly are my saviours omg

OKAY I feel like Jongho would be too shy to call you a nickname at the start of the relationship but when he gets fully comfortable he will use babe and baby. Yeosang is such a nerd I love him. I have a thing for nerdy boys (seonghwa and Yeosang have me in a chokehold) (everytime I see seonghwa geek over Star Wars and Lego I will go feral)

NO BC YOU HAVE A POINT😭😭 wooyoung would 100% be using all the cringey weird petnames UNIRONICALLY. Bro woukd come up to you and be like “what’s up my pookie bear” dead serious and won’t understand why you are laughing at the name💀 LDKAOAOA 1/4 CUP OF SUGAR HAD ME ON THE FLOOR. But cupcake and muffin are defo gonna stick bc he thinks you’re the sweetest person alive!!!!

The past few chapters have been HEAVY and I’m so happy to be finally releasing some chapters which I know everyone has been waiting for😭. YOURE FLATTERING ME STOP ILY I’m happy you like the story and also me 🥹

I can’t understand :(( when I was in high school we did Matilda the musical and I was one of the kids in the back 😭😭 my teachers loved the fact that I have a history in gymnastics so they made me flip around and do tricks off a mini trampoline. And OMG THE LEAD FOR MATILDA WAS SO BAD IT WASNT EVEN FUNNY idk who casted but she couldn’t sing or dance or act😭 we did so so so many retakes and every retake I had to be flipping around and I was so done by the end of it

We can both me main characters 🤭 us against the world bae🫶 yeah yeah I have no idea what they are going to do we are both in the blind….🤫

I’d love for you to fight my brain it’s a mess but I’m improving slowly. the last few months have been super super tough for me so I hope that I will get out of this period. But I’ll be fine !!!

NEVER APOLOGISE FOR RANTINGGG

You better be back 🐺AWOOOO

#🦝 anon

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n0ct0urn1quet · 2 years

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cramps have gotten so bad to the point where now hthey are in my lower back and im so fucgking dizzy and nauseous i might just fck around and throw up

#so fffffffffucking fdzizzy holy shit #n just . loopy #yes from stress n evertything but also just pms #hitting me real fuckgign hard this time so . great . lovely #i have been feeling Like That for thehe past couple days but it hasnt gotten this painflul til now so that means one of 2 things #1. im dying or 2. im about to start my period #and honestly i cannot tell which one !#i just feel fucking sick to my stomach and im rocking back and forth to acalm myself but its making me feel nauseous so im closing my eyes #but i keep falling asleep for like 2 seconds n then just waking up #ouuuugh the mental illness is strong tonight #and ouuuuuuuugh the phsyical pain is strong tonight as well #or ig. today. this morning. its 7am #i told myself 'oh hey maybe my gf and i can go to seep in the vc together at like 1-2am n i can get used to goign 2 sep ealier'#but here i am . gf went t o bed like an hour n a half ago. and its almost 7am and i just . H #im so ufkcing tired but going to bed will make things worse going to bed Never Mkaes Things Better #because what happens is soemthing happens. i feel like shit. it gets late. i try to go to bed and i have nightmares or intrusive thoughts #so then im like oh ill jus stay up and distract myself and it works n then im distracted right #but then i go and lay down and try to sleep and my brain's like 'hey remembr that ba d thing that made u breakdown earlier'#n the cycle continues #so i will just sit here until either my gf wakes up or until i kick the bucket and decide to juts sleep #i do not think she'll be gettingmg up soon though she went to bed at like 7:30-ish in the morning n its currently like 9am now for her #so she proly wont be up for a few hours cause seppy #but i just hhbhbhjbhhgglgblbbblblblb

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goth-girlfriend · 4 years

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Good evening😬or morning or whateva :D I'm going to spoil you with a Endeavor request: Endeavor having sex with his affair and she gets pregnant but is too scared to tell him because of his past and when Endeavor finds out on accident he promises to be a good father and it turns out right :) like he plays with the baby all the time and cuddles it, super fluffy 😌

Good!.....night? It’s like 1:34 in the morning.... sooooo Good! morning! (8-24-2020) To you, you lovely person, spoiling me with such a great Endeavor Request 😌

I hope your day goes well as soon as I post this! Stay hydrated! 💦💙

💙💙❤️🖤❤️💙💙❤️🖤❤️💙💙

I couldn’t fight the tears as they started to sting along my water lines, I forced my eyes closed and tried to kick my lips, they tasted like poison and rubbed. I reached out for the countertop in-front of me. Finger shaking, just slightly as I grabbed the plastic in my hand. Three of four, say positive, the fourth didn’t give me an answer. How did this happen?!

“I know how this happen, in a very pleasurable way.....because I was being an idiot four months ago!” I scolded myself after asking my self the questions.

I swallowed and looked at my phone, it was new, Enji, bought it for me when I’d lost my old one off the roof of his car. I shuffled on my seat that were the steps to my tub. I took a deep breath, “I can’t tell him, I’ll have to leave him. I don’t want my child to go through the same things his children did.”

I stood up and started pacing the bathroom, “good plan good plan.” I lied to myself.

“Maybe I should tell him? I won’t be able to do it alone....” I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror, “No! What if.”

I felt the hot streaks running down the curves of my cheeks and jaw, but it didn’t register. I clenched my jaw and forced my eyes shut, I felt queasy, and the puking began. I stood up after kneeling for like ten minutes and rushed over to my legs mirror. I rose my hoodie, and it all made sense why I’d gained weight, if you looked hard enough, you could the bulge slowly not really, but just becoming visible, I looked bloated... maybe that’s why he never realized it.... also since it’s winter I’ve been using sweaters and hoodies much to Enji’s distaste. I laughed to myself before pouting, and placing both my hands on either side of my stomach, “I’m scared....” I swallowed the taste of fear, maybe puke, “I’ve never done this... I can’t call my parents... there not in Japan....” I fidgeted and pulled my shirt down, I heard the door bell and perked up, “Oh! My Noodles are here!”

I rushed to the door wallet in hand and ready to get my dood only to come face with Enji.

“Heeeeyyyyyy,” I poked my head out the door and looked around then poured and looked up at him, “You’re not the delivery guy.”

He gave me a look that clearly stated “Are you SERIOUS?”

“Right! You should come in before my pesky neighbor sees!” I pulled him in and looked around once more, my closest neighbor was actually about a quarter mile away, but that doesn’t matter.

“Soooooo,” I turned around and licked the door, “I didn’t expect you at all.” I smiled and fidgeted with my hands feeling sick.

“I’ve come to discuss this relationship.” His words were straight, I felt a fill run through my blood and bones, if he leaves.... what am I gonna do?

“Oh,” I nodded looked down, my voice was a whisper, “I guess say what you need.”

“I can’t keep having an affair, there are rumors rising already. My image can’t be ruined like this.”

I felt my heart pick up, my breathing felt struggled.

“I see,” I didn’t look up as I made myself take a breath feeling my heartbeat in my throat, “well, if this is it, I guess I should give back the jewelry, and other expensive gifts huh?”

“No, keep them, that’s not what I’m here for.” He shook his head eyes closed.

“Alright, is there anything else you need to say? Before you go?”

“I’m getting a divorce,” the words were like a punch to the stomach, I wasn’t the one being divorced but it definitely hit, I felt it rushing up. I rushed or my bathroom and stuffed the pregnancy tests into my hoodie pocket so Enji wouldn’t see them, I clung to the toilet shoving up the seat puked letting it all out. I was met with a tug at my hair, Enji was holding it back and fumbling with a black scrunches I’d left on my sink. He sighed as he rubbed my back, he kneeled beside me rubbing my back and handing me toilet tissue to wipe my mouth a bit that burned its wya through my nose. I took it and wiped my mouth away, I dry heaved a bit, and felt myself shaking, cold, so cold. Enji kept flushing the toilet until it was all gone, he helped me to sit on the toilet, “You’re sick.”

He sighed and closed his eyes, “Don’t move from here until I get back.”

I nodded and looked down, I let out a sigh and groaned, a divorce? He’s leaving Rei? Officially? I mean, it’s good cause this won’t be so scandalous anymore, but... it’s sudden.

I tried to stand by my thighs were shaky and weak. I paced my hands into hem and felt tears, I closed my eyes and let them fall, a new heat on my cheeks wiped them away, I looked to see Enji there, hands on my face, he could definitely crush my skull, his eyes looked sad, but his face was not showing that.

“I brought you water and some medicine to help with nausea. I don’t know what this is, but let’s get you to bed, you look tired, your cheeks and eyes are red and you look weak.” He didn’t let me answer as he gave me the medicine and stood up making his way to my room outside the bathroom and I could hear him moving the blankets.

Getting it my bed Enji told my to put my hand up, I did, he pulled my hoodie off leaving me in the tank top I wore underneath. Something fell but I don’t pay attention to what, but mostly because Enji was helping me sit, even if I didn’t want to. “You’ve already order food, I’ll wait here with you until gets here.”

He took my hand squeezed and I just nodded, the tears in my eyes, I didn’t even feel them, “So sweet.”

For a minute I forgot I was pregnant, until my phone gave a buzz, I looked ya it on the nightstand. I know the chime, it was for my period tracker, I’d neglected completely four times now. Enji didn’t read my phone simply handing it to me. I thanked him and swiped away the notification, “sleep.” He said and brought his free hand to brush my hair back, I craved his warm hand in this cold moment, “If you leave wake me up.” He nodded, and I sighed and started to shuffle in the blanket.

***

“(Y/n),” I was shook awake, I blinked a few times feeling hot in the blanket I sat and pushed it back, I stood up and just as I was about to answer, back in the bathroom.

“We should take you to a doctor.” I hugged and nodded, “yeeaaahhhh.”

“Do you have one?” He asked and looked at his phone.

“No sir.” I was honest.

I heard him sigh, “Take off that shirt,” I hear him walk away followed by some clattering. I pulled off my shirt and he brought back my hoodie, “Wear this, I’m taking you to a doctor.”

He left again and started to talk on the phone, I pouted and pulled on my hoodie after taking off my shirt, “bully, I didn’t even get my lunch.”

I walked spurns my house in the socks I just pulled on looking for my shoes, “where?” I dropped to my knees looking under the sofa, “are you?” I reached aliens and felt something.

“Shoes?” I asked and pulled out some old low sneakers that I used to wear.... once, when I tried to work out.

“It’ll work.” I shrugged and started to pull them on.

“Ready?” I answered back with “YES DADDY SIR IM READY!” I heard a heavy sigh and smiled pushing myself off the floor as he walked into the room, he held up a bag, my food.

“Get in the car.” He tossed me my keys, “No driving.” I nodded and rushed to my car and got in the passenger side and turned it on. I pulled on my seat belt and sat waiting, I huffed after literally two minutes passed.

I honked then smiled seeing Enji come into the garage, I got happy, I like car rides with Enji...kinda like a dog I guess.... he handed me the plastic bag and placed a lime soda in the cup holder, “Do NOT, open it until were on the road.” I nodded and waited, until we pulled out and took the turn.

I opened my bag and found the stir fry noddles is been craving all day, “Don’t way to much, if you puke again well have to stop and clean the car.” “Okay, got it.”

I started of eat and look out the window and indulge in the noodles. I stopped a quarter way in when I felt a shuffle in my abdomen. My food was hitting on an empty stomach, and it’s showing. I covered the food up and placed it back in the bag and tried to didn’t some soda. I finished the drink by the time we pulled up to a clinc.... a women’s clinic. I cringed at the sight. “Why here?” I asked.

“I thought you’d be more comfortable with a woman for your doctor.

“Okaaaayyyy.” I prepped myself to get out, I watched Enji get out with no hesitation, I still hesitated, until he came and opened my door offering a hand. I took it and was pulled back by my seatbelt. I laughed sheepishly and I clicked it before getting help again. We walked in and surprisingly empty, I guess the parking lot gave that away though. We walked in, Enji made me sit, he went and got the paper work from the secretary, and brought it back and I started to fill it out. I smiled as I gave back to him, and he got up and took it back. He told the nurse something and she nodded with a big smile. He nodded and came back to sit by my side. I felt nervous, and didn’t fight the bouncing of my leg, I shimmied closer to his side and leaned my head on his shoulder. A few minutes passed until they called. They took blood for vitamin checks, and muscle and bone stuff, urine for some tests, something about protein and I didn’t catch the rest. They told me to sit on the bed my doctor would be here soon. Then asked if I’d like Enji in the room or not, I nodded and said yes let him stay, I kNOW WHAT THIS IS.... maybe it won’t be so bad with someone else. A few more minutes and here she came, a short plump woman with bright eyes.

“I’m here, so tell me whats happening.” She said and didn’t even look at me, just read some papers.

“Well, I’ve been queasy, and I’ve been puking most of the day-“ I was wished by a hand on my back, “This will help you.” I watched Enji reach into his pocket and pull out a ziplock I cringed at the sight, the four tests I’d stuffed in my jacket.

The doctor took it and looked at them and laughed, “Well,” she smiled and clipped them to her board, “I’ll tell them to run the urine for a test.”

“Thank you.” Enji answered and she nodded then left.

“.......sooooooo, hows the weather up there?” I said not looking up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He didn’t look at me, just ahead at the wall. I looked around, “I was scared, that maybe, you wouldn’t want it or you know....your past... that you might... you know.....” The sigh he let out was depressing, I tried to look at him. I was hurt, out of every fight I’ve ever seen him in, I felt like maybe, just maybe, this would be the lowest I’d ever see him. “I-“ “No, don’t say your sorry,” his stare still on the floor, “I don’t blame you.... for thinking those things, if you want to leave with this child then you can do so. I just want you to know these few things before you make a choice.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, it’s weird because I’m not the one who just got emotionally wounded.

“I don’t deserve to be a father again, I know it, I understand the things I’ve done are not right. It can’t easily be forgiven. The things I’ve done can last over a life time, I’m working to fix all these things, I don’t want to hurt the one I love anymore, but I can’t stand the thought of hurting innocent people. I wanted to spend what’s left of my life with you, this is sudden, and you have the decision and freedom to decide what you think is best, but I promise you, this time, I will be the best man I can for you, and for this child. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to be the best I can and prove that I know what it’s like to be real father, to show I know what love really is. I won’t force you to make any decisions, and I won’t force my way into its life, I only want to do this, if you do this with me.”

I nodded and swallowed, great now IM crying. I tired to reach for his hand, “Enji.” His hand squeezed mine once I held his, “I’d love to share my life and first child with you,” I sniffled, “I don’t want my first child to not know it’s dad, so please, do everything you can to be there for us.”

***

“ILL,” I grunted and squeezed the hand burning my flesh, “I promise,” I let out a deep breath, “I’ll show you pain when this is over.” I took a few labored breaths, squeezing his hand, I pulled my hand out of his and took of my new wedding ring, “hold this it’s about to hurt us both once this head starts coming out.” I hissed feeling a sharp pain and then I felt it, it felt like a poop you can’t hold it, it dropped lower and “Alright Mrs.Todoroki, it’s crowning, so just give us a nice push-“

I flexed my lower abdomen and stopped when he said, I took breath, and clenched to Enji’s hand making sure to not squeezed my lower muscles in pain to avoid excessive bruising, “1...2...3... and push.”

I pushed again feeling pressure leaving my inside and pouring out of me, “Breathe,” the Doctor said and she looked up at me, “Someone has definitely been doing their workouts, this is going very quick and smooth.” She disappeared behind my legs and said “Last one,” a paused that felt like an hour, “Push-“ crying filled the room, “It’s a boy! Congratulations! Would you like to cut the umbilical cord Mr.Todoroki?” I let go of his hand but he hesitated, I nodded at him with a smile, the blood drained from him when he saw what everything looked like down there, he took the scissors and quickly cut before coming back to my side, “Placenta is coming.” She sis do felt another wave of pressure leaving me stomach, and I heard a wet plop, and a metallic sound. I shivered but quickly recovered when my necked son was placed on my now bear chest, I held him close and cried, he was a bit bloody still but I was so happy. The tears started falling as I hugged his gently and kissed his head of already bright red hair. “Precious, boy.” I said and gen’s got tried to rub some stuff off his face, he quickly attached to my breast and started to suckle,t tears didn’t stop as I looked up at Enji, he was wiping his own eyes.

“Have you thought of any names? Or should we wait a while?” The doctors said replacing her gloves and smock. “Well,” I looked up at Enji, “Things worked out, so? How about it?”

The doctor looked between us and Enji took the pen and notepad a nurse was holding, he wrote down the name and they nodded and took it, “Well then, I’ll leave you two with him a while longer until your pain has subsided and then we’ll take him to be weighed, and a few other things.”

We nodded and she smiled, “Congratulations, to the both of you.” Once more, after he stopped suckling I handed him to Enji and pulled my gown up, Enji seemed so scared, the baby WASNT small, he had rolls already, and they’re beautiful, but in Enji’s hands, he’s so small. “Hello,” he whispered and tried to cradle it ashore his chest on his forearm, it’s head resting against his bicep and pec. He brought his free hand to cover its torso and side, “I’m your father, I won’t ever leave you, I won’t ever hurt you, I never want to lose you, I’ll be with you always.” Call the hormone imbalance and recent loss of my child, but I was crying, I covered my face with my hands wiping the tears away, so cute.

***

“Enji?” I peeked into my room, nothing, “Enji?” Nothing was in the babies room, “Enji-“ there he was ok his back, on the floor, baby held up in the air, in his hands. The baby was laughing and flailing his arms and kicking. It was cute, I’d bought him an endeavor themed baby onesie, and Enji was wearing his hero costume without the armor. I stayed quiet watching as he stood up, and held the baby up to his shoulder, the baby placing a fist and his cheek on his shoulder, his eyes closed as Enji held him close. “I promise, I’ll never leave you.”

***

“where is he?!” I panicked and looked for my son, who just disappeared. I ran around the house and panic rose through the round when I heard gurgling don’t DROWN PELASE DONT DROWN BABY! Bursting into the master room fight or flight on high I felt stupid seeing Enji sleeping on his back arm circled around and pulling into his side the bundle of fire and Todoroki I was panicking for. The baby cooed moving closer to Enji, I sighed, my adrenaline wearing down, it was cute, especially when Enji turned to his side to hug our son to his chest, and mumbled out, “I’ll become someone you’ll be proud of, someone you can count on always.”

🤍🤍💙❤️💙🤍🖤🤍💙❤️💙🤍🤍

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bbarican · 2 years

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march 14, 2022; 12:20 am

i dont like the fact na gising pa ako at this time of the night pero i also dont want to sleep without typing down my thoughts and feelings kasi this whole day has been so overwhelming and i just really want to get this all out there before going to sleep and starting a new day tomorrow

family:

im starting with this one kasi ito yung nagtake ng pinaka malaking toll on me today

to cut to the chase, my lolo is really really really sick to the point na hindi na siya makagalaw and hes stuck in bed and seeing him and where he was staying kanina (he;s been stuck in bed for 3 days) just made me feel all sorts of emotions

some might say na dapat hindi ko naman problem to, which is true at some point, pero ofcourse i really care about my lolo too and at the same time, majority of my emotions are based on how my mom is feeling now din kasi

siya kasi pinaka stressed eh sakanilang tatlong magkakapatid; imagine, kung sino pa yung only girl, siya pa yung more than willing to go from paranaque all the way to batangas late at night just to try and convince my lolo to go to the hospital to finally get checked

tapos since nga ginabi na kami pauwi, itong dad ko, he spent majority of the ride home feeling so exhausted and sleepy which is super understandable naman pero ang nakakainis kasi is whenever we ask him to stop and either take a nap muna or maghilamos man lang muna, ayaw niya; gusto niya yung tinitiis niya yung antok kesa magpahinga muna siya ano ba naman yan

our car is really shitty in so many ways - panget ng suspension, masyadong madilim yung tint, tapos napaka dilim pa ng ilaw; sinong hindi mahihirapan mag drive pag ganun ka daming problema meron yung car?

work/board exam review:

di keri ipagsabay ang work and review you guys, as hard as i try, hindi talaga kaya

kasi schedule ng review classes ko is 10 am to 1 pm, tapos in a perfect world, 1 pm to 2 pm lunch time ko, 2 pm to 6 pm work, and then the rest of the night should be dedicated to reviewing again

pero hindi talaga kaya eh, kasi i always end up being too tired to do anything at night kasi nga all i can think about after review classes is work

to the point na last week, hindi ko pa nababalikan yung mga nadiscuss na namin

tapos at some point, kailangan ko pa ulit pumunta ng qc and ng pampanga for some approvals on site and to just check on everything pero jusko naman i do not want to miss any more classes

kahit na sabihin kong may recording naman yung classes, iba parin if im actually part of the class and i can be proactive when it comes to listening to the little details that our profs would be giving

long story short, i just want to focus on my review classes nalang talaga kasi if i dont, im going to end up jeopardizing one out of the two things that im trying to juggle

im going to have to ask my bosses if i can have my full time leave come april

only problem by then (if they do allow me; im sure they will naman) would be the fact na i wont be paid

personal:

i need to start selling some stuff; extra clothes, things i dont use anymore, etc just so i can have extra money

i need to get back on track again with my diet and my work out routine; nasira siya kasi last week my cravings had me in a chokehold and i couldnt resist

my period should arrive soon or else im throwing a fit

i want and need to wake up early to make sure na i have a meaningful and productive day

im also constantly reminding myself to just focus on things one day at a time, hindi yung im looking into what my entire week would look like when in fact i have no idea what the next few minutes would look like at all so taking life day by day is the way to go for sure para hindi ako mapagod palagi kakaisip on whats about to happen next

i really want and need to start driving already; its not just cause of my personal wants like wanting to drive to the places i actually want to go to by myself or seeing my friends but also lending a hand to my parents when they need a driver especially since our family driver plans on retiring already

im gonna watch drag race before going to bed kasi do not want to wait for myself to have extra time only to end up being spoiled on who won the snatch game; i just simply will not allow it

if youve made it to the end of my post, thank you for reading everything; i hope we all get to have a really lovely day tomorrow that is filled with clarity and abundance and peace

good night tumblr

#bbarican #prsnl #personal #thoughts #writings #life #updates #recently #day in the life

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cascains · 5 years

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#so ive been sick for two days #ive been sneezing n i got flu hhh #also on top of that im having my period n cramps n now my hips are hurting for sumn reason so fuck #ne gays i'll rb the ask game n watch swamp thing tme #tmr**#its 1:50 am it comes out in 10 mins but im tired dnndnsnsjsj #night night 👁👄👁✌#vill.txt

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caffeineaddicted-noonie · 2 years

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Henlo!!💜💜..... can you please do a matchup with Creepy Pasta & Attack on Titan please 🥺🥺🥺🍪🍪?? I am 19 years old,she/her, straight, virgo, height 159 cm(quite short hehe😅) my personality is ISTJ type. I am quite shy and won't be able to start a conversation if you don't start. I am a bit motherly and affectionate. I love to draw and dance . I like animals and cuddles 🤗😉😉 I really like cold weather (not a fan of heat..hehe😅😅) thats why I prefer vacation in mountain regions rather than sea beaches (lol I can't even swim😂😂)....my love languages are physical touch, quality time and act of service 💜💜💜 and I wish to become a doctor in near future ☺️☺️.....and my appearance is in the photo...... thankyou so much 🥺🍪🍪🍪.....you don't have to write it... please don't take stress....🥺🥺and take care🤗🤗...lots of love 💜💜💜💜

Hello @bbrriisshhttii !! Apparently, I do not do Attack On Titan match-ups. Im sorryy 😔 But overall this was fun to do! Sorry it took so long.

🌘🖤heloo there~🖤🌒

I MATCH YOU UP WITH…

BEN DROWNED 🎮

let’s see… log 1 - friends 🌹

+ So, Ben. As he is, he never, I mean, never interacted with you. A T A L L . PERIOD. EVEN THOUGH YOUR ROOMS ARE JUST BESIDE EACH OTHER. + How did you guys become friends? Well, he games, you game. Get the pic yet? If not, I'm thinking, that you two met through gaming. + Basically, you two were gaming one night in your rooms. And despite NOT being IRL friends, you guys are online friends (without you guys knowing ofc). Maybe you guys played Valorant or something else (that requires team play)together. You guys won a round. So you cheered. "YESSS" "LETS GOOO" .... "Was it me or did the room beside me just cheered, 'Lets go...' like you did.." "And the room beside me cheered ,'Yes...'" *realization* "Oh.." See what i mean? + But when you two realize that you have been friends this whole time? Ouh, babe, no gaming after that lmao (jk jk) He was well, unsure if you would want to talk to him. He has a bit of a hard time socializing with people he's not used to socializing with. + He might look like a care-free 'normal' teen with Jeff, Toby and the others. But well, because he's used being around them. + But he wants to give it a shot since you are technically friends. + THREE WORDS. SOMEONE HELP HIM. The start of the convo was a bit awkward because you were both shy. But it went smoothly after. + He then got used to you, you guys would do stuff together when there's a chance. Mostly, play games until one of you guys are burnt out (FOR THE DAY, YES, JUST FOR THE DAY. NOT FOR A WEEK :D)Quality hang out + Ey, quality time? CHECK THAT! CRUSH ON HIM, ITS CUTE. + He will lightly tease you. For example, if you can’t reach something cause you’re short, he will say things like ”Can’t reach? Oh well I can~” or he would ask for ’payback’, ”Hm, if I get it for you shortie, what would I get?” he would say that with a SMIRK. Low-key cute to see that happening 😮‍💨🤌

a love story indeed! log 2 - lovelies ❤

+ what led to him liking- loving you? Your personality. You're so comforting and calm. You are both motherly and affectionate! DAMN, PACKAGE FOR BEN. + you're 159? (me too! sksksk) Don't worry he's 165! So, there's not much of a difference, I know. But! You fit in his arms so well,he loves it <3 + he's good at cuddling. He is a bit soft inside. VERY SOFT FOR YOU. Wanna cuddle? OK. So, in the cold seasons, you have a portable and loyal heater. + Physical Touch? Check! + When it comes to quality time, he will spend some for you. Why do I see you two Swing Dancing?? + drawing? need reference? he will be one for you! But, if he gets bored easily soo heh. He will make up for it and do it another time or he will go get some baby ducks from somewhere and show them to you! The animals he'll find for you would mostly be baby animals. + YOUR LOOKS MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE HE'S IN A HEAVENLY DREAM. + if you are sick or tired, he is there to help. He will get anything for you. Make a comfy pillow fort even. He won't play any games until you feel better. You deserve nothing but love and good things. + The fact that you can't swim, he likes that. Because he can't touch water (he's electronic in a way) and also due to trauma, he's afraid of water. Since you can’t swim, he knows you will stay away from any pools of water.(rivers especially) So, he knows you’re safe. + If he's in a bad mood, he will go to you first. He might say nothing at first and just go to you like *snap* suddenly he wants to be in your arms and be the small spoon. Please, take care of this elf. + Oh and call him a cute elf. But, it depends on his mood. Sometimes, he might find it insulting because of his height. BUT say it in a loving tone? BEN = MELTS, FLUSTERED, STOPS WORKING. YEP.

Yeahh! In conclusion, you too would be a sweet couple!(ADORABLE) Hope you like it! Oh and, while i wrote this i was listening to Christmas Dreams by CG5 (It's a good song) Again, sorry it took so long O^O" Have a great day and Take care sweets! 🍪

#creepypasta #creepypasta matchups #creepypasta headcanon #cp matchups #cp #ben drowned #ben drowned creepypasta #cp ben drowned #ben drowned x reader #ben drowned headcanon #creepypasta ben drowned #ben drowned creepypasta headcanons #ben drowned creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta ben drowned headcanons

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herrashmoo · 3 years

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secondly, im not a tumblr teen. ive been on this website for god knows how long and ive been well versed in queer history. me calling them a pedophile, after a conversation with them resulted in them refusing to admit sexual imagery is not for children, them calling me a bootlicker and several other names, before getting wildly upset and blocking me, had nothing to do with their sexuality and everything to do with the fact that they couldnt tell me sexual imagery is not a thing for minors to consume period end of story. this is AFTER the fact i had been a bit more educated about pride and had ALREADY agreed where i went wrong. now about the sanitization of pride- thats wrong as well. dont get me wrong. but you cant seriously look me in the face and tell me that sexual imagery is not for minors. like- just that statement alone, right? so how is this such a controversy?

ugh okay I guess I’m gonna write A Thing. I’ll get into a proper response to your final questions but first, let’s do some context work.

first thing to make clear is that I know Jux irl, and I also want to make it pretty clear that they and I have pretty similar opinions here, I’m just slightly more likely to put my anger aside to reply to stuff. Do not get it twisted, rhetoric like the kind you were/are using is like, a big red flag for me, it’s the kind of shit reactionaries have been using for eons and like, were I in a less chill mood, I would’ve also likely written you off as a bootlicker troll. Their response was pretty aggressive but not completely misplaced, so I just want to make it clear that like, as another queer dude who is tired of seeing this shit every fucking May for the better part of a decade, I’m also exhausted and pissed off.

As for my claim of teenagerdom, I apologize if that offended, but you have to understand that, generally speaking, the loudest groups having this conversation on the regular are (1) right-wing reactionaries, TERFs, and their ilk trying to stir shit up (see: Operation Pridefall) and (2) young people who don’t have any context for Pride, often haven’t been, and only really have queer politic and history from tumblr and twitter threads featuring reactionary revisionism from the first group. When I see people engage in this conversation, I generally assume they’re in the latter group, as it helps me try to frame my responses in the best faith I can given how tired I am of this shit.

But that aside, sure. Kink isn’t for children. But provided there’s a parent accompanying this hypothetical child at Pride, their job is to explain and provide context for the things they can, and give a solid “you’ll learn more when you’re older” for the things they can’t. The Village People are all each in different kink gear, and as a kid I was told “they like to dress up, and there’s some costumes specifically for adults,” and I was good. I saw bare titties at festivals, smelled weed at concerts, saw bulge at the beach — these are normal human things that happen in the world, and having a responsible adult nearby to explain or provide context for them made them non-issues for me. I don’t think a kid seeing a pup hood is thinking anything more than “oh cool, that dude is dressed up as a dog.” Kids understand fantasy and make-believe. And especially as they age into their teenage years, withholding or sheltering them from knowledge about sex and sexuality can do real damage — hell, we’ve been having that conversation for over a century at least.

(Spring’s Awakening was first published in 1891 and was deeply censored in productions for the better part of a century, due to the content of the work, which is about how sheltering young teens (both straight and queer) from sexual content (and also mental health resources) leads them to try to figure shit out on their own and make catastrophic decisions that they don’t understand the consequences of until it’s too late. Great play, pretty great musical adaptation, wild that we keep rehashing its points like clockwork over a century after publication.)

But I am also of the opinion that Pride isn’t for children, as, while two decades of assimilationist politic would desperately try to argue otherwise, I am queer because I am sexually attracted to, and have sex with, other men. Pride is a response to the criminalization of queer sex acts, and so it is, in turn, a celebration of queer sex acts. So if someone wants to walk around in chaps and a jock, great! If someone wants to wear their pup gear or a harness or a rope tie or a vest, fuck yeah! It’s a space specially carved out for celebrating the queer experience — the original Pride flag (before it was simplified to make it easier to mass produce for profit, which, again, love seeing our culture made into product) had a pink stripe at the very top, specifically representing sexuality. It is, ostensibly, the thing that defines our community (at least the L G and B parts of it) as an outgroup against the mainstream society.

I think that, if you are uncomfortable with kink displays, or you’re uncomfortable with children seeing kink displays, then Pride is not for you or your children! Don’t go! There’s kid-friendly and sanitized versions of Pride in most major cities, do some research into your local/state Stonewall organizations and you can find more about them. But I’m already sick of having actual cops at Pride, I don’t need people who are uncomfortable with displays of sexuality also policing myself or any other queer person in a space they have spent decades carving out for themselves.

A final note — if you don’t understand why a queer person would blow up and completely write off your bullshit after calling them a pedophile, I urge you to do more reading, more listening. I know that in this brave new world of same-sex marriage equality and PrEP access that it’s hard to remember the collective trauma that the community has experienced, but this shit is inflammatory, you’re straight up spewing fightin’ words. The dude wearing a leather harness at Pride isn’t trying to corrupt any youth or fuck any kids, they’re just trying to live their shit, and I’m sorry that you and so many others have somehow decided that that’s an attack on a demographic of people who aren’t the audience for a celebration of sexuality. We’re not fucking pedophiles, and this “think about the kids” nonsense is some Reagan-era bullshit.

#the discourse

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lucidpantone · 3 years

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This is going to sound super weird and I'm not including names in case you publish this but I would prefer if you won't do it. anygays...I was (before Wtfockdown) on a chat with Skam fans and was so much fun until some people started to be shitty with some other people, so many times they were super annoying and honestly rude to other people, they shitty talked much and I kinda stop participating on the chat, one of those times (this is more recent btw) your name handle was brought as in you were talking with this specific blog and this person told you to stop with your spoilers because was disrespectful and you react badly to this (or that's what I understand) apparently this person liked you before, you both even talked as mutuals but sudendly they thought the contrary and told us all you were disrespectful and rude, I honestly didn't put more attention to it since at this point I just entered the chat to check if there was something new as in info or details of the upcoming skam remake seasons since I'm not good at checking all socials or catch things or read all tags so the chat was kinda my summary but I didn't really check the whole conversations specially if it wasn't over Skam, then when I discovered the chat wasn't that helpful either anymore I forget about this chat and I got off, later when Wtfock last season was on their like second or third episode and Skam France was starting again I encountered your blog again because of your reblogs and I started reading you and honestly I really really enjoyed it as in a fun clown time, that's when I double notice this people was just shitty people, I keept contact with some members of that chat and apparently more and more people started to complain about them but apparently no one could say or do anything because it seems like anyone that didn't share their opinion were a problem to them and either were ignored or just bullied (since I wasn't in this chat anymore I don't know if this all was true or how happened or on what extend)...

What is funny to me is that one of this person's is a big wtFOCK owner blog, this person also raved about how cool was to be an extra and how they talked with interns and crew (on s4, don't know if this person was an extra before that or after that) and how respectful they were about it but criticizing everyone else, Im gonna be honest this blog was really helpful specially on the translations for me, so for that I'm really thankful but the whole thing was super ironic and apparently this people (btw is not just one were more than 1 but there's only one with a big blog) were eliminated of that chat because people were tired of them plus they discovered they had another chat where they shitty talked about people!! Hahaha omg this is so teenager stuff...the point of all that is that I'm grateful for people like you that doesn't hide behind a "perfect good face" it seems honest and is actually respectful to the crew and cast or even the show when they don't actually deserve it haha even if you received hate so I really hope that now that Skam is getting a big break you don't quit on it because I love your blog.

Hey there, so am gonna print this because am contextualizing and finally responding to the gossip. I won't respond to it again but am sick and tired of "the rumors" circulating about me and that as yet I hadn't even defended myself against because I didn't want to make it a whole s/he said situation but am really sick of it now. Anyways receipts after the cut.

I am aware that they were chats ongoing discussing me. I was told and sent some screenshots when they occurred.Honestly to me its strange to be like "I dont care about so and so" but then to constantly talk about someone you don't care about. It also allows the person discussing me to create their own narrative about me and who I am as a person because I am not part of the chat to defend myself (or anyone this happens too) so whoever it was that engaged in those private chats your doing nothing but spreading gossip because you aren't even allowing the person your talking about to have a voice and respond to the criticism. You're just piling on for sport under the cloak of these private chats or group centric chats that anon testifies to cultivating a toxic atmosphere of silence. Anyways I find it funny that my response to my told mutual (who at one time I considered a friend) was interpreted as disrespectful or that I reacted poorly too because to be honest their message came out of nowhere to me. I hadnt spoken to them for sometime and so out of nowhere I got the message I have included below and my response. You tell me who comes off abrasive? and lacking empathy in this situation? and be honest if you think I was a dick to them I want to know but I actually really felt i tired my best to be understanding and respectful but its clear to me my actual response was framed in a way to fit their narrative of me and present me in which ever way they wanted too to others. Also am absolutely not quitting my blog or my fic writing so no worries anon and thanks for your kind words.

Their message to me(after a period of not talking):

My response to them:

#also please stop using group chats to talk shit about people behind their back #Like what even is that if you have any issue with someone tell them not a virtual room of people they arent even part of

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hopalop · 3 years

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hi ignore this im writing myself a writing to do list n trying to use the fact that its public to force myself to do it

finish at least one oneshot for ur bnha atla au. u can do it. u have all their backgrounds down n more of the plot points u just need to find the words. also pls make a list of all of the oneshots u have planned so far n order them <333

get a chapter up of ur todosibs running away au bc u have been writing abt it for over a year n still dont have a full chapter done n im tired of it

finish ur FUCKING billy hargove character exploration. again bitch this is taking too goddamn long u have like 10000 words n yet there is not a single finished scene

pls finish the first chapter of ur atla foster care au????? u were on a roll n did so well n then u just dropped it :(((

finish the one w the family photos. literally all u have written so far is the scene where rei wants to murder sho. that is IT. get it together pls

finish i hope you die (i hope we both die) it is literally a short oneshot n u already have 1000 words. get it done

also while were speaking of oneshots im gonna need to have a word w u abt ur cherry laner one. u have been working on that since like y11 i swear????? n u have less than 2000 words to show for it???

pls get at least a chapter written of ur remus story i miss writing abt hope lupin :((((( (ALSO do some more research abt welsh culture esp. in the 70s bc ur lacking on that front. also maybe write abt the yorkshire ripper at some point bc u have been thinking abt that so much n it was vvvv real for english women at the time so muggle girls would defo b talking abt it. its a chance to info dump take it)

OH MY GOD FINISH UR FUCKING TODOBAKU FAE AU I AM SICK OF IT SITTING IN MY DOCS

finish at least one chapter of anything in the ima loser baby series. at least one. thats another thing im sick of being in the docs n not progressing at all (also. do more research on like ghosts n mediums n stuff bc if u write this badly i will kill u)

write ur FUCKING polycule 1a fic. u have so many ideas. u figured out so many of the dynamics. why r u struggling w it sm dude???,,

write ur platonic maiko fic pls???? all u have is bullet points n i know ur dying to write abt feminism n the power dynamics of men n women in the atla universe n different classes

ur doing really well w ur random ideas that mean everything to u n nothing to everyone else doc!!!! that being said, try to focus on one au for a bit??? im giving u permission to put odette!todo but like a cat, the todobaku were not soulmates but i choose to love u anyway au, the character study of todoroki n asking for things, the pirate au, the everyone is in love w todo bc hes my son n i want him to b loved n bc i said so n bc hes pretty, the sokka, im not mad u like men im mad u like zuko!!!!!, the maiko punk florist n cottagecore tattoo artist au, the foster kid harry potter au, the herbalist!zuko au, the uraraka n todoroki confronting izu bc they think all might is a pedophile fic, the zuko and eyes fic n the 5+1 touch centric atla fic to the side for a bit until u have more ideas. also i ban u from starting any more bc. too many

however pls work on (from the random ideas that mean everything to u n nothing to anyone else doc) katara n her relationship w periods n her womanhood, the blind todo hogwarts au, the character study of todo n his weird assortment of skills, the reddie best friends brother one n the fuck!!!!! my blood!!!!! one (bc u havent even figured out what fandom to put it in but i wanna write abt cool “realistic” vampires)

#this is the problem with writing when u have adhd :))))

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eloarei · 4 years

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tl;dr and TW: I had a miscarriage (and an ER visit)

So, I haven’t been on tumblr for a while. Let’s see how long. ...Three and a half months. Basically, I haven’t been on since a little before I found out I was pregnant. See, my birthday was January 28th. My last period had started on New Year’s Day, so I was slated to start again on my birthday, and I just kept thinking, “gosh, I would really like to not be on my period on my birthday!” Well, I got my wish. A few days came and went, and I thought, “okay, I’m pregnant.” This wasn’t an overreaction; I’d never been more than 3 days late in the past few years, and I just... felt it. I took the test, and lo and behold, it was positive. A ‘dye-stealer’, even. (A strong positive, where the positive line ‘steals’ all the dye from the control line.) (I’ve spent a lot of time on pregnancy forums; I’m familiar with a whole new world now.) I was happy. Mostly excited, mostly not scared. My husband was the same. We’d been married for 12 years with no kids, no prior pregnancies, and I’d thought for a few years that I probably did want kids-- it just... never happened. We were too careful, until we decided not to be. (Even then, we weren’t trying. We just let things do as they would.) The next 6 weeks were interesting. It was... neat? Neat to feel all the minute changes. Every day I was so aware of my body and what was happening to it. Even though I was almost not showing at all (I could see a slight difference; nobody else would have), I felt so big, and I was exhausted, but it was kind of fun. It was fun thinking about having an October baby; maybe its birthday would end up on my husband’s, or my old bff’s. Maybe it’d be 10-15-20. I thought that would be cool. And I thought about names, about how we’d arrange the house, how we’d afford everything when we have such a habit of just squeaking by. I felt we were up for the challenge. But I read a lot of information. SO MUCH information. So I knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work out. After all, roughly 1 out of every 4 known pregnancies ends badly. And there was no reason why I should miscarry, when I was healthy, and my family didn’t have a history of common miscarriages. But I wasn’t stupid, and I’ve never been the kind of person to say, “it won’t happen to me”. I guess I was lucky that I read so much, that I knew things could go wrong, because they did. Even so, I wasn’t entirely prepared. I started bleeding around week 9, so I read an absolute ton about miscarriages. They all said it happened pretty quick-- maybe a few days of light bleeding before the ‘big event’, and that the event itself was painful-- AT LEAST like heavy period cramps. When I continued bleeding for over a week I thought “...maybe it’s not a miscarriage?” I read some more and determined it could have been a subchorionic hemorrhage-- bleeding in the uterus that is usually not fatal to the baby, often characterized by period-like bleeding: long, slow, not very painful. The whole time I was trying to find a place to get an ultrasound. I don’t/didn’t have a doctor of my own, a primary care physician or an obstetrician. I’ve never really done doctors. Figured I’d wait until about the second trimester to find one, since my readings told me a lot of doctors waited til week 10+ for the first appointment anyway. Unfortunately, all the clinics I talked to wouldn’t deal with me when I mentioned I had some bleeding-- even though it was just a little bit! Less than a period. “Go to the ER”, they said, to which I responded that I absolutely was not going to go to the ER for a non-emergency when hospitals were stuffed with coronavirus patients. Therefore, I just waited while I kept looking, hoping it would sort itself out. In a way, it eventually did. Monday morning, as I was about to go to sleep (I work nights), I had some slightly heavier bleeding. Thought it might have been another small clot. Sat on the toilet for an hour before I felt woozy and decided to lay in the tub before I passed out. Thank god for my husband, because I don’t know if I would have survived the next several hours without him. HERE’s the TMI >>>>>>> I continued bleeding for the next three hours, my husband pouring warm water on me to wash all the little clots away. After a while, I passed a huge clot, size of an egg. Ever done that science experiment where you use vinegar or something to dissolve an egg shell and you’re left with just the innards in a flexible membrane? Well it was like that, but blood. I passed out a little while after that. ....That’s when I knew things were getting weird. It was my second time passing out ever, and I hated it. I think it’s literally my least favorite thing in the world. 5 seconds that feels like an eternity and it feels like you’re going to die but you can’t explain why. Terrible. I still thought maybe we could get through this. It didn’t hurt, it was just... well, losing blood. It was within the realm of what I’d read about subchornionic hemorrhage, so I thought maybe that clot was the worst of it. HMM, I was wrong. I passed another one just like it. Then I passed out twice in quick succession, upchucked all over myself (the smell haunts me, ugh), and apparently turned rather blue. So I told him, “hey, it’s time for the ER”. Boy, that was....... a thing. He called his mom because I said I didn’t want him driving and for me to pass out again when he couldn’t help. I swaddled myself in towels and garbage bags so I wouldn’t bleed all over the damn place, all the while feeling like I might just die at any moment. When we got to the ER, they put me in a wheelchair, asked me some questions I could barely answer, and then took me back. The next 24 hours consisted of being stabbed, suctioned, and pumped with 5 liters of saline solution which left me smelling weird. I was barely conscious for the first half of it, but talking and joking whenever I could-- because apparently that’s how I deal with stress. Anyone surprised? Anyway, they quickly confirmed what I knew as soon as I passed more than one ungodly egg-clot: it was a miscarriage. They removed what was left; I didn’t look at it, but my husband said there... wasn’t really much. Nobody did any analyses, so I’m left to surmise that it wouldn’t have been more than 6 weeks (or possibly anembryonic), meaning it was just in there for 5+ weeks by then, doing nothing but accumulating blood. Insult to injury much? The biggest strangeness of the whole ordeal, the reason why I didn’t expect it was a miscarriage in the first place, was that none of it hurt. Every story I read said it hurt, but this just felt... awkward. I mean, passing out wasn’t fun. Sure as hell didn’t feel comfortable, but I never experienced any pain (except the blood draws; lord did those bruise. Ugh). The whole thing left me feeling exhausted. It took days before I could do more than toddle around the house. It’s been 2 weeks now, but I still feel a little sick when I think about those fucking clots, or the strangeness of the ER, or passing out 4+ times. I’m hoping I don’t have brain damage, geez. I certainly feel mentally slower than usual, like maybe the pregnancy-brain never went back to normal. As for what I feel emotionally... it’s... hard to say. I’m sad. Disappointed, annoyed. But mostly I was scared. And that makes me hesitant. I still want a kid. I wanted that kid. But I’ve always been very careful. We always knew the risks and wanted to wait until the right time. The problem is, now... Now I’m more intimately familiar with some of the risks, and I’m a bit afraid it’s going to make me too careful. Will I ever get another chance? Will I ever give myself another chance? I don’t know. I really just don’t. Mostly though, I am glad to be alive. And while I was more than accepting of the ugly bloated and tired feeling of pregnancy, I’m happy to take the good with the bad now. I hate what I lost, but my body is starting to feel normal again, and... well, that’s nice, I guess. Anyway... That’s partly why I haven’t been online, and what I’ve been up to since. God I hope you guys have all had nicer, less-eventful years so far. (If you wanna catch up, feel free to message me. The IM feature seems busted on my end, so maybe try sending an ask or something instead.)

#elo talks #long post #super long post #tw: miscarriage #tw: pregnancy #tw: emergency room #tw: blood loss #this is a personal post but I don't mind who interacts with it. I hope maybe it'll help someone somehow #sorry to make you read all this crap

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burnedbyshoto · 5 years

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if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme, @kittenlordofdarkness, @soafers for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey, @flayvus, & @ultimate-shit-poster thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

#ask lyssa anything #lyssa doesnt shut up #anonymous

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pizzabookbuying · 4 years

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10 comfort movies & wildcard

I got tagged by @natsugia and honestly feel so attacked rn because apparently I’m incapable of summoning any works of fiction to mind that aren’t episodes of Gilmore girls here’s my very very labored attempt I guess (these probably aren’t in any specific order except in which they came to mind) I should probably say spoilers because I don’t know when to stop talking

1. Twilight? The first one? Maybe?

I was very late to the twilight hype and only started reading/watching the series a few years ago. HOWEVER dear lord the movies are so bad they’re good. The amount of times I’ll be talking to someone and have to fight the urge to not quote these movies are rediculous. I meAn come oN “hold on tight spider monkey” ?!! “SAY IT” “...a vAmpire” iconic. Truly iconic. I’ve definitely seen the first one the most and I like the tone the best, it’s got weird vibes and I like it. But also the shot spinning around Bella while she’s being emo because Edward left? Yes please. (Breaking Dawn part 2 is also hilarious, Dakota fanning yeeting a baby into the fire? Aro and his horrid laugh? “You nicknamed my baby after the Loch Ness monster?!!!”)

2. Zombieland

It’s a family favorite, what can I say. If I’m watching TV and it comes on I am legally obligated to finish the movie.

3. Princess Bride

Another movie I grew up watching and have yet to get tired of. It also doesnt help that sophomore year of high school I read the book and it just pulled me deeper into its thralls. It’s the perfect movie to put on when you’re sick so you can pretend you’re the kid whose brother was in boy meets world. (Also, it’s very very quotable)

4. The Hunger Games Series, particularly Catching Fire

This series is one of the very few exceptions to rule of “I don’t tend to watch things when they first come out because reasons” It was all aboard the hype train for me. And I loved every second. The second movie really feels like the pinnacle of the series to me, though. The first film’s costuming and art design feels a little tacky at times (looking at you weird training garb) but the second film mmm so good. The mockingjays had some weird tonal shifts and were missing the great costuming of the first two (it works from a story standpoint but still) Plus, it means the ensemble cast is at its best, the introduction of some truly spectacular characters and most of the main cast doesn’t die this time! Plus plus I just really really love the party scene at snow’s house. Ooh and the training part with peeta’s painting and Katniss’s doll lol.

5. Scooby Doo Spooky Island & Scooby Doo Monsters Unleashed

Listen. It’s a weird pick. I know it is. BUT I cannot emphasize how much I loved Scooby Doo growing up. I had the box sets for the original series and what’s new scooby doo. I loved it. So watching the movies just gives me the warm gooeys inside. They’re just so delightfully rediculous.

6. Pretty in Pink

Duckie. My boy deserved better.

7. Pride and Prejudice

I’m basic and love hands.

8. Pretty much any period drama tbh

Anna Karenina? Yep. Although, the feels may be too strong.

The duchess? Not as good but acceptable.

Marie Antoinette? Slightly questionable in historic accuracy but damn if those aesthetics don’t do it for you. It’s a very pretty movie.

9. Made of Honor

Is it an objectively good movie? No. It’s rather questionable at times and doesn’t have a great theme. But, it’s a mom movie. I sit down, I snuggle in, and it’s like im watching it for the first time as a middle schooler wedges between my mom and a bowl of popcorn. It’s something I can watch and feel annoyingly comforted by. (Plus it’s Derek! And Owen! Even though I hate Owen, he’s very nice here!)

10. To All the Boys I’ve loved before. I guess.

The movie has similar yet very different vibes to Gilmore girls. It has that sense of safeness and comfort that shots of the town gazebo have. It’s also based off a great book series. Although my view of the movies has been seriously damaged by the second movie (my ship was ruined! Ruined I say!) I’ve still watched the first about a thousand times. (And when I say the second movie was bad let me just explain two things, my favorite character got all of 10 minutes of screen time, was used as a plot device, and the director seemed to find it necessary to include a scene of the main character gliding down the hallway lip sincing to a very emo song while also making direct eye contact with the camera. I was horrified.)

So Wildcard. I don’t really know how wild I’m allowed to get here, mostly because I scroll through about #2 on other peoples lists and get bored and yeet out. But, idk maybe atonement? That perhaps doesn’t seem wild but it’s one of my favorite movies and yet I haven’t seen the entirety of it. I’ve seen clips, read the wiki, and cried because NO. It also includes James McAvoy and I’m just now realizing I didnt even mention the X-men movies, which I love. Whatever. This whole list has been a wildcard.

Time to Tag!! Except I have this paralysing fear of rejection so instead I’m just gonna say if you’ve somehow made it through that horrid list YAY you just got tagged! Unless, of course, you don’t want to, in which case, I’m not tagging you and you don’t have to feel weird about not continuing the chain. If you do end up doing this because I somehow inspired your list making feel free to mention me so I can scroll down to your #2 and get bored. I’ll still heart it though, I promise!

#lord #this took way too long #is now a good time to mention ive hd a low fever the past few days #im kinda out of it #if you couldnt tell #its kinda weird because a lot of my other favorite movies are not comforting in the least bit #like testiment to youth? hurts so bad #oh shit i forgot man from uncle #oh well #too late now

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nazreejamaldin · 4 years

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The Day I Hope Will Never Came

The day I lost myself in this dark life was the day i lost my best friend. Me and Mustaqim are quite close with each other before as we were roommates. I always with him. But he passed away abruptly. I feel like i lost my chance to apologize to him for talking behind his back. Up until now, i never really forgive myself as why i didn’t apologize sooner. When he was in comma, i did apologized but i didn’t even know if he was in conscious state, but i saw his tears. Then, a week later, he passed away. I lose my sanity. I didn’t eat. I started to cry alone. I shouted randomly. I can’t listen to this “teman pengganti” song up to this day as i get caught in trauma to keep it in that it was his favorite song. Soon after that, my anxiety got worst. I can’t breathe properly. I still have my breathing problem now. My heart raced, i suffocated at 3 am. I still remember my second semester, that was the worst. I didn’t go to class. I’m scared to meet people. I didn’t even go to the test. I keep silenced. Like a thin air. People asked me to hang out, but i rejected. When it was Asar time, i started to cry alone until it was dark. When i saw my family were resting, i cried again. I think i was running out of tears, period. Then my family noticed about it. About me. They brought me to “syifa”. Islam way of medication. Nada. Not that effective. They brought me to shaman. Still, nada. Then one day, i dreamt something. I met him, my late friend. He told me that, he wanted me to die with him for talking bad behind his back. Sort of. Since that, i was too scared to think about dying. I was scared to feel sick. Even i have the tiniest cough, i became a crybaby. My mind drifted to the dying part. I was too scared to pray. I can’t take the appearance during we prayed. Before i sleep, i can’t look up while putting my hands on my stomach. Because it looked like it. I even too scared to fall asleep. All of this been happening for 4-5months. I started to hallucinate. I cried, cried and cried again. I started to have a conversation with my imagination. Each day, the thought of dying get the best of me for the whole 6th semester. When i reached my degree, that was when i rebuilt myself. Even all of those were still hunting me, i can stand on 2 feet already. I still can feel it inside, but i hid it. I haven’t really share about all of this to anyone until my degree, but it was already too late. I’m at my worst state now. The result of my appointment with Dr showed that my depression and anxiety is critical. They had to examine you with question and marks when you go to psychiatrist. So, all my results are insanely pass from what it should be. I felt like wanted to give up my life before. Relationship, workload and much more. I’m too tired to sandbag all of this. At that time, I prayed to God to just please take my miserable life. I drove alone at night just to let my tears fall. I went to Bukit Bendera and i let my inner painful voice out loud. I felt happy alone. Like i didn’t even need human conversation. Plus, i didn’t really wanna let them know. I’m scared that people will judge me and say it’s all an act. But lately, some of my friends help me a lot. Improved me for the better. After i knew that i was sick, i really think that i cannot be alone. For all the time that i was sick, i wanna thank kenny and apal for being there for me. Stay with me. I dont think im gonna make it if its not because of both of you. I been having all those feeling back the moment i started my job. I feel like an extreme torture. I go to an outstation for like 9 months all by myself. Alone. Its so seldom for me to have friends to finish the line together. Then i stay for 1 weeks and im back at it again. Do you guys know how i feel? Do you guys feel me? Im devastated. Im giving my smile a lot even when they said that im pretending to have a condition. “Stop your acting” “its all an act” i still smile. Yes i admit it. Maybe im insane. But the last time i check, i havent done anything harm to anyone. Im trying my best to show my most human expression to anyone.

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