#im so tired of losing people

[lonelydncers]

.

#sometimes im not sure why i keep letting people in #all they ever do is leave and hurt me #and it makes me feel as bad as i used to back in highschool #like whats even the point anymore #im so tired of losing people

[bumblydumbly]

maybe im an actual fucking freak but guess who’s been ugly crying for and hour bc of the dw s10 finale 🎉🎉🎉

#im set on it #12 is the best doctor #i dont make the rules okay listen to every line hes delivered #without witness without reward #always try to nice but never fail to be kind #bill potts gave her life so people she barely knew could live. nobody imitates bill potts. nobody mocks bill potts. #im so tired of losing people #when the doctor was me. when the doctor was me. #why not at the end just be kind? #thats the trouble with hope. its hard to resist #who i am is where i stand. where i stand is where i fall. what would you die for? #where theres tears theres hope #fuck evey other doctor actually #bc he wasnt refusing to regen childishly. he was being selfish but not childish! #asking if he deserves peace and rest???? everyone else is angry or sad #hes just tired and so so so alone. time is a colesseum #and hes the last pillar standing and he doesnt know when he put the universe on him own shoulders #but dammit if he doesnt want to be done #rant #dw #doctor who #bumblysdumbly

[waste-0f-spacee]

my boyfriend’s cat is being put down tomorrow.

#i’m so fucking sad #i love her so much #she’s literally 21 years old #she’s lived such a long life #but i’m not ready to say goodbye #i have to go see her tonight to say goodbye #well i don’t have to #but i don’t think i’ll be able to forgive myself if i don’t #im so tired of losing people

[another-punk-trans-woman]

I feel like not enough people talk about the overwhelming grief that comes with being transfem. The grief that punches through your ribcage and hammers on your heart and won't ever stop because in feeling like yourself, you're also doomed to be so alone.

The world demands a perfect performance of trans women, but no one can be perfect forever. And so you lose everything and everyone, over and over again because youre in that group of societies favorite outcasts and it Hurts. But you tell yourself that it could be worse. You could still be who you were before you realized.

But that doesn't stop the grief of all that loss from swallowing you whole. And it doesn't stop you from needing connection (for long, at least) but there's no connection to find. And so you sit there and you grieve, and you hurt and sob, until it gets to be to much and now those trusted few are grieving you, too.

And fuck, we all need less grief in our lives so please, please, PLEASE hug your trans friends for me today. Send that wierd, off-putting girl a hug emoji, tell her you think of her. Ask your old friend that you don't talk to anymore to hang out again sometime.

Love EVERY trans woman you meet before it's too late.

#love every trans woman you meet before it's too late #can you tell i think too often and too hard about grief #god damn it. #can you tell im so fucking tired of losing people #can you tell how fucking angry i am #how fucking sick of it all i am #r writes a thing #transfem #trans woman

[shakingparadigm]

this is random but one of my favorite ALNST joke OCs is a girl who had a massive crush on Ivan and was able to date him for a little while because he felt bored enough to accept her. what follows is the most excruciating insanity inducing half-relationship in existence (they lasted 3 weeks before she gave up trying to understand him)

#her name is saya!! saya ng #she had the biggest crush on ivan and when she asked him out he said yes in the most casual way ever that she thought he was joking #the whole time they're “together” she's nervously looking away and blushing while ivan's eyes are trained on that gray haired boyfail there #whenever she'd ask to do couple things with him like hold hands or eat together he'd comply for a little while #but then he'd say something important came up and that he had to leave #she understood because of course! he's a top student surely hes busy no worries #he always seemed to have a wall up. smile never faltering but never fully genuine either #he always looked at her like he was seeing past her and not like he was looking at her person #he was a good and charming conversationalist but even though she got to spend more time with him #it never really felt like a “relationship”. more like two people roleplaying the actions of a relationship #because ivan was so closed off #she started noticing till more all because ivan kept noticing him #and she noticed how he seemed to change when he noticed till. like tills presence was enough to rewire his brain #she quickly realized she was nobody next to him and broke it off #anyways she got sent home because she wasn't good enough to graduate (she wasn't particularly good at anything) #she watched all her friends (dotori/acorn #round 3 and 4 kids) #die on screen #and when she's sent to a different singing competition she loses and dies #her name saya ng combines to make the word sayang #which in my language means: a waste #okay. this was supposed to be funny but now that im saying it #it low-key sounds kind of diabolical #by the way this idea is inspired by the Patreon info about ivan #(he CANONICALLY would accept anyones confession if he was bored enough. V and Q said that theyd tire of ivan being so closed and mysterious) #imagine being in the “recovering from dating ivan” club #alnst #random

[superbellsubways]

#lowkey sick of seeing and experiencing biphobia all the time NGL

#cant fucking escape online nor irl should i end it #im tired. so tired #people be normal about bisexuals PLEASE its not hard . im on my knees begging #being bi doesn't make you any less queer i hate that so many people will ignore a character's canon bisexuality I promise its ok #everytime people call alphys or marceline lesbians an angel loses its wings

[embarasseddragon234]

U can't stop me: Texting Edition

Part: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

#i keep getting these on Pinterest #so today's is texts #incorrect monkie kid #incorrect quotes #nezha is tired uncle/brother/older friend #listen the point is hes tired #pigsy calls people kid no matter how old they are #i have no proof of this i just feel it in my heart #im running out of names for these #i NEED those #its how i tell if ive got the right link when copy/pasting #also the group w Pigsy Macaque Wukong and Nezha is called ''Dumba$$ Immortals(and Nezha)'' #the dollar signs are important! #(Tang and him have a bet going on who can avoid swears the longest. it started when MK showed up and he is NOT losing) #(They don't even remember what the winner gets it's the principle of the thing)

[oh-gh0st]

it would be super funny if this gets taken down

#ghost's doodles #osomatsu san #atsutodo #i spent 3 hours on this. the dots took an hour and a half alone #imagine love losing for them <3 #like i said on twt ill post it like day of/right when splatfest starts... i don't wanna get sniped #i was gonna do more (tbh i might) but im so tired. back and hand hurt #nvm ill be fine. i just saw salmonid kiss in the plaza. i think nintendo wouldnt mind 2 subtly gay people

[goldiipond]

the word terrorist has lost pretty much all meaning to me because 90% of the time a white person says that word its used as a shorthand for 'nonwhite people resisting oppression'

#skye's ramblings #im soo fucking tired of seeing zionists spout their genocidal bullshit on literally any post abt palestine. im soo fucking angry #ive been trying not to have a meltdown on here but every day this continues i get more and more pissed. how many more people have to die. #we protest and scream in the streets and give anything we can spare and fucking nothing changes bc western democracy is a fucking scam #daily reports of brown children slaughtered and people will smirk behind the safety of their screens and smugly tell you they deserved it. #my native aunts and cousins who are still suffering from the effects of colonialism watch as the descendants of people who took everything #-use their tax money to send more bombs to an illegitimate state that is doing the exact same fucking thing in real time. i want to scream #god dammit im so fucking tired. i will never lose hope but god damn. i am so tired of white people feeling entitled to fucking everything

[xenomorphicdna]

Flames,, blanket boy, my beloved

I gotta draw more art like this of him, he's such an odd creature I love him so much

There's so much to his character that I never talk about aaa I'll make a lore post eventually

#i have thoughts about this guy #he's so hungry for affection and that social and physical contact he see's all the people in his city get #he's takes up so much after them in so many ways #maintenance on this guy... mechanics working on checking all the wires and circuits and touching all the sensitive nerves and neuron flies #its nice that his entire structure is well taken care of but he also wouldnt be able to focus on anything else #he's so used to working in perfect undisturbed conitions..must be so distracting when something changes #he'd have his overseers watching as they plug things in and test stuff and poke around in his guts #and maybe he'll enjoy it a too much and he'll beep when a cable is pushed in.. its not like the sounds are unusual #the structure is alway whirling and buzzing.. whats a few extra clicks and hums when a particularly sensitive component is touched #its not like they would know unless they were really paying attention to the sounds and looking for a reaction #trying to please their beloved supercomputer #he longs for the same love they're capable of but it does quite work out. They can't hug him in a way that feels the same #does affection mean anything to him when its so little. They cant love him in a way that properly means something #i guess flames eventually getting into a relationship fills that affection hole #someone who speaks the same language. someone who he can relate to and understand #someone capable of touching all his systems in just the right way #ajfjsj went off i the tags here uh im so tired im kinda losing consciousness as i was typing oops #rain world #iterator #rain world oc #iterator oc #oc four blue flames #drawins #suggestive

[ganondoodle]

just after i crawled my way out of that 'art-low' and i got myself excited to work on the rough draft for chapter2- i suddendly just crash and burn again bc i cant get the thought out of my head that im not a good writer either actually and my ideas are comically boring

do i really have to fight my own brain over and over again for the rest of my life (ㆆ_ㆆ)

#ganondoodles talks #random #i dont want to keep sounding so self pitying #sometimes i can fight these feeling #but sometiems it just feels like you just realized the truth about yourself #so fighting that is just lying to yourself #and i feel like im being so ungrateful everytime i feel like shit #bc i know there are people that like what i do #and just bc there are people that are better at everything that im doing or aspiring to do doesnt mean im useless #BUT IT ALSO FEELS LIKE IM WASTING MY TIME #even thoguh funnnily enough i wouldnt even know what WOULDNT be a waste of time bc ...... #i dont ... have anything else #if you take away art and writing theres nothing left of me #kinda not surprising then that i keep accidentally tying my feeling of worth to the receiption of what i post #................ and losing followers in the hundreds on twitter espeically doesnt exactly help #though that is mostly bc im rting a ton of info about palestine and tbh idk if i would want people following me that are zionists or simila #still feels bad #AND I KNOW WHAT MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME IS WRONG OR IT SHOULDNT MATTER #but it still feels real #im so tired of fighting myself

[agoodpairofsocks]

"lol im technically still a virgin😝" tell me please what counts as sex. when is the ritual really complete? when you recite the ancient text and drink from the blessed goblet? When you release the gods from their iron prisons just to kill them again like the men before you? When you walk across the burning tars of hell and roll their heavy hearts back up to the mortal plain? when you come back different, wisened by the unbearable weight of a world that no longer sees you as pure? Did they tell you you would never be the same? Would they see the tar on the bottom of your shoe and recognize it as the same that their mothers and fathers before them painted them with? Would they taste the shame in the air that they had bathed you in? Would they tell you you had killed something holy?

#idk why i wrote this im just tired of people telling me theyre “technically a virgin” #like bro its not even a real thing #why are you so scared of losing when theres nothing to be lost?

[ratskool]

I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing? #Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know? #The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[soonhoonsol]

you guys ever get tired of friends who only talk about themselves? how do you respectfully tell them off?

#personal #like i love them but also im sick and tired of hearing them talk about themselves #every conversation feels like im interviewing them bc i leep asking them questions and they just answer #but there's no turning the convo back to me #it's like 'hey how r u?' and they're like 'oh im not doing so well like life sucks' #and I'll be sympathetic and ask them why and then they start ranting about 70 different things #AND IT'S ALWAYS A VAGUE RESPONSE SO I HAVE TO KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS #and they act like they dont want the attention but it's obvious they want it #and even once they're done with their storytelling they dont even bother to ask me how i am or anything #and it's pissing me off these days bc i feel like i dont even matter to them; im just some person they can talk to about themselves #it's like they don't give a shit about me at all #if i ask them what their fav colour is theyre gonna tell me it's purple and then move on from that topic #at least ask me what my fav colour is!! instead of not even caring...am i even ur friend or what #im so sorry for the rant guys but... if anyone knows to politely tell these kind of people off please lmk #i need to tell them respectfully before i lose my mind and start yelling at them

[puthyflapps]

Swifties prove everyday that they’re the dumbest people on the internet and that’s really saying something cuz I’ve dealt directly with blarkes

#1) swifites always being racist toward Beyoncé #2) swifities doxxing a Palestinian girl and sending her info to the IDF cuz she said that there were better options for Time’s PotY #3) swifites beefing with North West – a literal child – cuz they thot she “shaded” Taylor #4) swifites commenting snake emojis on Kim K’s insta posts thinking they’re doing something other than driving up her engagement and lining #her pockets #t swift #also these are all just annoying things I’ve seen happen TODAY #I cannot wait until we are released from whatever govt psyop we’ve been under for the past few years cuz I’m over this endless string of #swift propaganda 🔫🔫🔫 it’s literally insane and no matter how many times I block people or hit not interested in posts I am still forced to #see shit about her like it is never ending and it’s so fucking exhausting like the way white women in particular make being a swifite their #whole personality is so embarrassing!!! THIS EOMAN CANNOT SING YALL!! AND IM TIRED OF BEING NICE AND SAYING SHE HAS DEVENT SONG WRITING #SKILLS CUZ SHE DOESNT!! EVERYTHING ABOUT HER IS MEDIOCRE AT BEST!!! SHE CANNOY SING AND HER LYRICS ARE THE MUSICAL EQUIVALENT OF WATTPAD FF! #I am so tired of this bullshit and I used to be able to find reprieve in football but no more!! cuz her and her annoying cult have #infiltrated that too like this shit is annoying and I feel like I’m going crazy cuz she’s everywhere and not in an organic way. In a very #strategic marketing capitalistic way and I love The Wilds but I hate how the fandom has like woven TS into everything there too like #I think I’m gonna commit a crime. I think imma toss someone through a brick wall cuz I’m losing it