#in my feelings again over these two

[revelisms]

There's a child's clammy fingers squeezing the color out of his palm—five little points, soot in the skin; a gunsmith prodigy in a fleece-wrapped girl—and it makes Silco, strangely, think of love.

(Not of the way it devours—that starved hunger reserved for other years, other lifetimes, other men, that makes heat of the rains' chill and claims walls and clothes and teeth alike; builds vessels of longing from one's bones and strips mind-logic to single-syllable beggings, no—

But of the way it aches.)

This girl is like a knife-edge picking through sinew and rot. A jagged point that's found a cavernous maw still-bleeding—one another soul had scraped clean on their way out—and slotted itself in.

(Is he still bleeding?)

Five points: little fingers, little nails, clinging to his palm like a lifeline.

A tiny, monstrous thing. Much the same as he had been.

(Burden to his mother; bastard to his sire. A dredging cog in the tunnels' machine.

A father? Hardly.)

"I didn't—I didn't mean to do it," Jinx hiccups.

(The lab smoldering in ash? Or the knife in his chest?)

He draws in a breath.

Slowly, as though those small, steel-edged bones were made of glass, he loosens the snare of her fingers; squeezes the rough lines of his own around them, instead.

"I know, child," he mutters, smelted glass on his breath.

A three-week setback, dismissed as flippantly as that.

(Does one often make such dismissals, for a daughter?)

Her head nudges into his arm. So heavy, for a body so young. And for all his attempts at tenderness, at a memory he has too long forgotten, she finds a way to bend it towards violence: another little hand, little nails, desperate carvings, shackled to his wrist—as though this girl has only known affection through anger; only known the sting of care when muddled with pain.

A cruel irony.

He knows it as well as he knows the mines' heat.

He sees Vander: hand at his collar, rage on his breath, concern skinned to contempt and fanged teeth-glint growling—

(I've made us a deal—a deal for you—don't'ya understand?—)

He sees this girl's blood-knuckled sister: same fighting spirit, same piston of a fist, same mantle of protection, same spite—

(I never asked you to be my keeper—)

His claws pinch back: devil to devil-spawn. Same damned language of hurt.

The girl winces.

"It's alright," he says, a foreign reflex off his tongue. Not the apology he means; the one he ought to give. His touch eases. "It's alright," he hushes again.

She snuffles in a breath.

Slowly, he shifts: lays his palm against her nape. Bird-thin thing; her hair a nest in need of brushing, her pulse pattering as a rabbit's.

(Had he been this small, once?)

But these bones aren't made of glass. Not the frailty her stature lends her.

No—this child burns like a beacon: a rage that singes off her like a second skin: one he too knows, has already lived, still wields, as this girl wields weaponry like an extension of her soul; as she has reclaimed a title of her own choosing, own redemption; as she stands a wealth of potential none have dared to unleash.

A glimmering pinnacle in a city led to wallow in its own gluttony.

A promise.

(His wrath embodied; his resolution rebirthed.)

A legacy.

(A knife of hope between his ribs.)

A daughter.

His thumb soothes through the thistle of her hair.

"I'll fix this," he says quietly—(this, not you, because she is not an object in need of fixing, has not asked him to piece her back together, has not admitted she sees herself as a weakness rather than a strength, one she may one day learn to embrace)—and turns down to her.

He finds a cosmic implosion in her eyes. Fire and storms. Resilience and determination.

Jinx sniffles. Her fingers uncoil from his sleeve: cling tight again.

"Promise?" she whispers.

He brushes the matted fringe from her soot-grayed cheek. Tucks it lightly behind her ear.

"I promise," he answers her, simply as he can—and means it.

silco and jinx / promises

#in my feelings again over these two #silco #jinx #crime dad daughter duo #arcane #arcane ficlet #prose #writing

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[noxious-fennec]

Snapshots of simpler times..

#hellooo been a while.. again #i was overwhelmed by finals but now I've been over two weeks off of school so you get a treat!! #i was feeling nostalgic and wanted to draw uniforms and this came to be #it's supposed to look like candid photos if it doesn't that's the fault of your lacking imagination /s #anyway i tried to improve on different things with each one so they're not really consistent but i tried my best #ignore how inconsistent my artstyle is you just gotta get used to it #the picture with sleepy tubbo is titled whittle boy in my heart <3 #the first two are kinda related. tommy shot up the mess hall and had the month's cleaning duty cus of it #anyway i ramble too much here. it's good to be back tho! maybe I'll draw something else before the end of the year lmao #my art #dsmp fanart #cwilbur #ctommy #ctubbo #cniki #cfundy #lmanberg #fennec.art

[starry-bi-sky]

I'm in A Mood™ (stressed) so im going back to my roots of melting two character together into one person. So bruce wayne!danny fenton. Danny Fenton who, for eight years, grew up in a beautiful gothic manor with his mom and dad under the name "Bruce Wayne". Playing piano with his mother, running around the manor with his father.

Then when he's eight it's ripped away from him. There's blood on his hands and pearls pooling at his feet, and both his parents are dead in front of him.

And he gets shipped off to distant relatives "the Fentons" shortly after, Alfred close on his heels because someone needs to take care of him, someone that knows him. Bruce goes to the Fentons for the safety of anonymity. Gotham's press wants to sink its teeth into him.

Danny misses his city even if it took everything from him. There are shadows in his eyes and he's pale as a sheet even beside his distant cousins, and they change his name to "Danny Fenton' because nobody should know that their newest child was illustrious orphan Bruce Wayne.

They call him Bruce behind closed doors. Danny prefers it that way, he clings onto the name -- the one his parents gave him -- like a lifeline. He makes friends with Sam and Tucker. Tucker takes one look at the willowy, morbid little boy standing in the corner like a shade, ghosts in his eyes, and drags him out into the sunlight, and takes him over to Sam.

When Danny is twelve, he's still not over it -- and he's a little obsessed with the Fentons' research, with the morbid. He has books upon books on death, murder, detective work. Anything he can get his hands on. And stars. He loves stars.

Alfred owns the apartment next to them and comes over regularly. Danny clings to him.

When Danny is twelve, he's still quiet, meek, a shy little thing prone to being bullied. Freaky little Fenton with the night in his eyes and too-cold skin even before he put one foot in the grave. in a sleepover in his room with Sam and Tucker, he tells them the truth. They're his friends, he trusts them.

"My name is Bruce." he murmurs, voice quiet as the breeze, always quiet. he's staring at his star-covered sheets.

"Like Bruce Wayne?" Tucker asks, a joking tone in his voice.

Danny smiles a little, lamb-like with insecurity. "I am Bruce Wayne." And he takes them down to the lab, disrupting Maddie and Jack, to prove it. Sam tells them of her own wealth then shortly after. They start calling Danny "Bruce" in private too -- its trust. Thats what it is. It's trust.

Sam goes to media functions and comes back with aching feet and complaints on her tongue -- and Danny soaks it up all like a sponge, splayed across a beanbag chair with Tucker in her room. He's not envious of her, he used to go to events with his parents and they kept him safe from the ugly of Gotham's Elite. For the most part. He's had comments made at him, he doesn't miss them.

Alfred returns to the manor semi-regularly, Danny goes with him. he wanders the hallways and helps Alfred clean, the last thing either of them want is for their home to fall into disrepair. He brings Jazz with him next time, then Tucker, then Sam. They all help him clean, and he shows them his room. The one across from his parents', it feels strange.

When Danny dies when he's fourteen, the first adult he tells is Alfred. He and Jazz go over to his house more often than they stay in the Fentonworks building. At least at Alfred's, the food doesn't come to life. Alfred sits at the kitchen table and weeps when Danny tells him, Jazz is upstairs, and its just the two of them.

Danny's ghost form wears pearls around his wrist and the gloves look stained with some kind of black substance. He looks like a child who died in a lab accident, but he also looks like a child who has shadows dripping off his shoulders, curling at his feet, hanging from his eyes.

because amorphous blob batman has my heart always and danny/bruce will not escape it even in death even if that IS the only reason im giving him Mild BatBlob Vibes...so far

when they go to the manor, alfred helps danny make a pile of stones between Martha and Thomas' graves, nobody but the two of them (and sam and tucker) will know what it means. (not even bruce's children later down the line, not for a long, long time)

danny dives into ghost fighting on shaky feet and not half as witty as he once was in one world. he's skittish, skittering between blasts from shadow to shadow and clumsily making his way through each battle. but helping people lights a fire in him. he still has shadows dripping off his feet but there's a purpose in his eyes.

and god help him, he's going to help people.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dpxdc prompt #this is just me torturing danny for a little bit because im stressed and i cried for an hour while i was driving so im taking it out on B #thanks for being my little stress ball danny #aha my old middle school habit of frankensteining two characters together is resurfacing again :) yall should've seen my wattpad drafts #in middle school. i had 50 of them and most of them were me combining two characters together to make one person and putting them in one au #my most memorable being skydoesminecraft and harry potter. THAT was a fun worldbuilding experience #do i think that growing up with the fentons would fix bruce/danny completely?? hurm. no. dont kid yallselves jazz is not a licensed #therapist not even at like. nine when she meets danny. she's not helping him through his trauma in the slightest. she's nagging. #she's his sister or sister-like figure before she's his therapist. would he be #*entirely* like canon bruce tho?? no. dannybruce is a mix of the both of them. but this is still the first post of the au and is more so #just me doing the equivalent of popping a stress ball so nothing is smoothed over. mostly im just trying to keep bruce's trauma prominent i #danny's character because he IS Bruce. i dont want him to just be 'danny with bruce's backstory but without any of the ugly bits'. #danny and bruce is used interchangeably because they're the same person but sorry if his personality feels imbalanced i came up with this o #the spot. was going to type more but the stress has left me. for now. watch ur back danny 👀

[the-holy-ghosted]

congrats 2 henry peglar for being the only bitch confirmed as to be Fucking That Old Man

#the heron giveth #the terror #alright here come the funny tags #bridglar #briglar #people spell it both ways i think. ill do both hujst to be safe #henry peglar #john bridgens #uh um um. uh #peglar x bridgens #THIS FEELS WEIRD. TO TYPE #bridgens x peglar #alright im done good GRIEF #this isnt even that extreme compared to the shit people are putting on ao3 about these two. god. #anyways hi ive watched this show maybe 7 or 8 times? only just recently have i gotten hooked on them #the scripts make me go nuts too. ''they were lovers in their pasts'' shut the fuck up dont say that to me ill start crying #this is the most risque thing i have ever posted on here #getting out of the fandom game for a while rewired my brain i have to get weird again. and boy do they make me feel weird ! #i have a number of terror mutuals who r gonna go nuts over this. fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me style #this looks blurry posting it hopefully tumblr doesnt crunch the shit out of the quality anyways im done typing goodbye

[kabukiaku]

Omega is scared of losing Terzo :(

also damn what a dramatic mood shift from my last post amiright?!

#my art #terzomega #terzo x omega #papa emeritus iii #omega ghoul #i have backlog of art again lol #this one is a week or two old #anyways oh youch ouchhh omigod omega having to deal with the loss of terzo ummmm noooo #maybe this is before....yknow....*slicing motion over neck* #and omega just feels a sense of dread that day

[the-vegetarian-artist]

Besties in every universe, that's all I could ask for 😭

*edit: the link below is for the final piece, keep noticing the sketch is the only one getting notes 😅🙃

>> Full Colored Version Here <<

#mutant mayhem #veggie tells #my art #veggie arts #tmnt mutant mayhem #tmnt mikey #tmnt mondo gecko #literally their first interaction was EVERYTHING TO ME #if anyone has gifs of it please please PLEASE i NEEEEEED them! #cause after my second watch ive got feelings and i just need to rewatch that scene over and over again i LOVE THEM #literally my two favs #mondo gecko #mikey hamato #tmnt michelangelo #fav turtle #fave mutanimal #mighty mutanimals

[doydoune]

wonder what they're talking about

#dounart #miles “no thoughts bf pretty” edgeworth my beloved #miles “currently saddled with unnecessary feelings” edgeworth #i should stop drawing the same two characters over and over again #but i don't want to #ace attorney #ace attorney fanart #wrightworth #narumitsu #phoenix wright #phoenix wright fanart #miles edgeworth #miles edgeworth fanart #art #fanart #drawing #sketch #doodle #psss psss psss fellow french ace attorney fans please talk to me i crave interaction

[fisheito]

collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS

#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo. #says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking #my immediate thought was #i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him #bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent #but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally #it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched.... #so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti. #configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying #the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias #then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought #i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him #AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND #originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went #WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN #BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing. #plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS #but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it #i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding #so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown #i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said #kuya #yakumo #yakuya

[fuumiku]

Chilcille huh... ngl I was a little suspicious. like why would you do that, huh... hope youre not mischaracterizing anyone in your weird and wacky ship. a little weird. but then you said they both had flat asses and you know what? I salute you and your perfect characterization

The fact you seem to think you managed to not make this ask insulting is baffling. What the hell. Fuck off.

If you actually care to be open minded about the ship, I talk about marchil on my sideblog 24/7. Funnily enough I’m currently 4k words deep into an analysis of their character arc together in canon, but that’ll take some more days to get done. Some notable posts:

Of course without counting the analyses of Chilchuck on his own I’ve made, like my masterpost on his family situation. Or better yet you could also read my fics for them, see how weird and wacky they are here.

Wanna talk about mischaracterisation? They’re literally a comedic duo who interacts 24/7. Marchil is crazy bc ppl are like "did those shipper read with their eyes CLOSED?? They have no chemistry!" Meanwhile canon is like: "She’s obsessed with knowing everything she can about him and she reads him like a book." In her eyes he’s like that extra rare and hard and shiny unlockable dating sim character, that brooding mysterious character trope that’s thrilling to crack open and typically is at the center of the plot. The wife roleplay???? "Hey, did you know his type is blondes. Hey did you know he likes his women pretty and blonde. Hey did you know he likes her hair. Hey did you know that he teases her 24/7 and it’s one of the few things that consistently gets him grinning because he finds her reactions cute." Like a schoolyard bully pulling on the pigtails of the girl he likes.

It’s not like they have any thematic narratives or relevance. It’s not like she’ll live to 1000 and has existential dread about it while he’s logically gonna be her next friend to die at 50 and wether it’s romantic or platonic it’ll terrify her to lose him. It’s not like it’s fear of death x fear of rejection so they’re both obsessed with the thought of loss looming, past and ongoing. It’s not like it’s half-elf x half-foot and there’s an inherent journey that was and still is to dispel prejudices and truly come to see each other. It’s not like he’s painfully real and raw and flawed but still a good man, that he’s not the figure of prince charming that she’s always dreamed of while still being virtuous and worth fighting for. Or you know, her hair being golden and it being the epitome of beauty to him, and his hair turning silver and it being Marcille’s worst nightmare.

Just a weird wacky ship who means nothing but shallow things to people who have weirdo reasons for liking it. Like can you not. If you’re not imaginative enough to think of reasons why this ship may have an appealing dynamic that’s not my issue. But yes, yes, they’re both flat asses to me, thanks.

#Dungeon meshi #Ask #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #Marcille donato #chilchuck tims #Marchil #You me the parking lot after i finish and post my arc analysis #Sobbing……… we’re 20 over here in the rarepair pit come on. Like do u not see how obsessed i am. Do u think they like. Mean nothing to me #Do u think it’s all incidental and i slipped and the 10 thousands of words I write for them had no thought or feelings behind them or #Their arc is so beautifuuuuul they come to see each other and her standards become more real while he allows hope and openness #Into his heart again 😭😭 not the way two of their scenes lowkey read as a proposal… #Anyways I hope this makes it clear I’ll fight to my dying breath for them. #I don’t want trouble and i imagine you don’t either so just don’t come shitting on my doorstep #In positive news my fic Grind Me Down Sweetly recently reached 100 likes and 1k hits <3 it can also be read as just platonic so if you like #Them as a duo even as friends give it a shot #Every time I see someone shitting on marchil I start making marchil content faster btw #Not art

[hairtusk]

vibe for the coming spring 🧿

#going to spend this easter holiday eating lots of fruit and veg and drinking lots of water #spending all the time i can walking in nature over the moors and forests. may even swim in the river on a good day. #and spending all of the rest of my time i. the garden making art or journalling or reading #wearing natural fibres and eating healthy but hearty meals #doing a two week HARD RESET to make myself feel human again

[lolpsxd]

he's soooo so so normal about happy tree friends soooo normal soo

#blame my htf hyperfixation #spooky month #dexter spooky month #spooky month dexter #dexter erotoph #dexter the exterminator #happy tree friends #htf nutty #didnt really draw sm lately sorry my brain decided to rot about the other thing #and new episode is tomorrow. and my brain is going to explode. #i won't be able to handle obsessing over two pieces of media at once help #feeling extra shitty fucking again but im ashamed not to post anything after promising i will

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with- #-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!! #im sorry :((

[prince-liest]

I have officially hit a "too stressed to write" state of affairs that I suspect will last until this Sunday. Kinda hoping folks aren't too disappointed in the sudden change in regular update schedule - sorry. :(

#personal #if anyone ever asks me to be in a wedding party again I'm just going to tell them to get the fuck out of my house at gunpoint #normally I wouldn't feel bad about taking a writing break but I don't like leaving chapters hanging orz #but we're at “creative juices dead and also having stress nightmares” which funnily enough are my two major flags #for “hey bellamy! you are stressed!” for when I gaslight myself into forgetting that I am indeed capable of being stressed #at least my stress is on a schedule sigh #at least this particular aspect of it which is tipping things over into “too much” #dear diary #you know what i DO have spoons for however?? #binge watching the handmaid's tale #boy does THAT put some perspective on how nice my life is lmaooooo

[quickhacked]

Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.

by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays

#cp2077 #edit:mikhail #edit:vitali #nuclearocs #nuclearedits #happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing #whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier #you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly #but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined #they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again #and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you #and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain #sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!! #they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day #and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest #night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big #and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like #how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole #anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out

[kyouka-supremacy]

That fic from Akutagawa's pov that remarked how although Dazai had left a bomb under Chuuya's car, at least that showed he had thought about him before going, while he never cared enough to spare a thought for Akutagawa.

#I think about it a lot... Something something the opposite of love isn't hatred but indifference #I can imagine Akutagawa and Chuuya fighting over Dazai when he left #“AT LEAST HE THOUGHT ABOUT YOU!” “HIS THINKING ABOUT ME WAS A FUCKING ATTEMPT TO MURDER ME AKUTAGAWA!” #... #It was supposed to be funny it shouldn't hurt me as much as it does......... #Trust me chuu/aku angst actually hits the hardest and you will never see it coming. #Because it’s not the kind of angst of “oh no my boyfriend has been beheaded by this magic sword that cuts through space and time ://”. #Chuu/aku angst hits right close to home when you least expect it and it’s so real in its inherent humanity it leaves you defenseless #ryūnosuke akutagawa #osamu dazai #chūya nakahara #bsd #bungou stray dogs #mine #q. #23/11/22 #I'm sorry I don't remember the fic of course I'll add the link if I find it again #It's just that sometimes you will read something in a fic and go “oh my God” and it feels like you've been run over by a bus #And other times you read a fic and it seems like nothing happened– #and then two years after you realize you're still thinking about that tidbit of lore and you'll be like “oh... oh.” #Like fics that rewrite your entire belief system without you even noticing for real