#is the fact that none of them experience or act w any sort of toxic masculinity

[liesoverthec]

the post hasn't surfaced yet so please use this ask to talk abt the objectification of the 911 men!!

Ahh May you’re too nice but also thank you, I’m gonna 😂💛

This got. CRAZY long bc I just had a million thoughts so I’m gonna stick it under a cut.

To be honest, I think the reason they do *any* sort of objectification at all is that middle aged and older viewers are used to being able to objectify actors to a certain extent. Lord knows it happens on literally every other single piece of media, and this is a mainstream broadcast show, not an indie series or the likes, so I think they have to cater to those people as well as us, and the WAY they do it is so interesting to me bc even when they’re doing it, they use it as a way to drive home other, deeper messages.

For starters, I feel like the show OG was trying to be in the pilot and the first few episodes would have objectified the men WAY more than we see now if there hadn’t been that shift in tone - the sex addict plot could have been SO much more extended and given us a lot more opportunities to see Buck shirtless and to objectify him and his body. So I find it SO interesting that around the same time as Bobby opening up about his family and his past, we also stop w/ Buck being blatantly shirtless all the time. Narratively, it signals to me the point where the writers moved away from the the typical tv show that will treat their actors like meat, and moved more into a “female gaze” show. And then what’s really interesting to me, is that for Buck, after that, when he has sex w Taylor Kelly in s2, both times we NEVER see him undressed. The second time they don’t get very far, but he’s wearing a buttonable shirt. He absolutely could have been wearing that shirt closed, and she could have opened it, and he could have been wearing nothing underneath it, and we would have seen his chest again in a sexy scenario - but they didn’t. In fact they made the DELIBERATE choice to give him an undershirt. And of course with the first time they cut away and just left us w the understanding that sex was happening, yet again taking away an opportunity to show O.S. at least partially undressed. Which is SO different from how s1 goes about it, where we actually see Buck w his shirt open and his underwear exposed MULTIPLE times. So it’s so incredibly interesting to me that while none of the (main/regular) women’s stories are ever about sex like Buck’s is, I also think it’s REALLY interesting that the objectification of the men was, and could have been, much worse and that they didn’t have to move away from that, but they did.

But then secondly! The very last time we get into a plot that revolves around the men’s bodies specifically is in 2x01, which is SUCH an interesting plot. Surface level - it’s just about the men competing about who’s more attractive, and we get lots of muscle flexing and hot manliness to go along with it. And it is, at a surface level, incredibly shallow. But simultaneously they use it to 1. Introduce the idea that Buck wasn’t a sex addict bc he was “dealing w the stress of the job” like s1 mostly implied. It was bc he’s desperate to feel useful and wanted by someone, and at that point he really wanted that acceptance within the firehouse, rather than from other people. (Bc lbr, Abby didn’t do shit for Buck. It was Bobby, opening up and accepting the family, and specifically Buck, that gave him the connection he’d been seeking through sex.) And then 2. They also use it as an opportunity to SPECIFICALLY, IN CANON, say that it’s what you do that makes you attractive, and that makes you a hero, not how you look. Which is just!!! A crazy message!!! Especially considering they follow through on it, particularly in the areas where the women are concerned!

And in regards to 2x01, it’s soooooo fucking interesting to me that the ONLY time we really truly see Eddie shirtless, he’s actually putting clothes ON. They literally do the opposite trope of 'giving the hot male an excuse to take his shirt off'. And sure, they make it a sexy moment, but there's absolutely interesting commentary there about him actively covering himself up at the moment he is most sexualized, and it being taken as a sexy thing. Something about how you don't have to be naked to be attractive, it's about your intent in your actions, rather than your physical body. (Probably me reading too far into it, but again, they COULD have had him striping off his regular shirt, a good few seconds of him shirtless digging through a bag, and THEN the sexy slow mo pulling shirt on. At the very least, when they objectify him there, they make it MUCH shorter than they could have, which is SO DAMN INTERESTING to me).

But then finally, we still do have shirtless scenes! But the fact that it’s Chim who’s shirtless is just SO FASCINATING. Bc THE WAY THEY DO IT - they're never dunking Chim in a lake, or having something spilled on him, like other shows would do, to get his shirt clinging to him and him to whip it off in a spray of water or whatever. It's in scenes where it makes sense for him to be shirtless, and its NEVER treated like a big deal. It's just Chim, in his body, comfortably living his life. So I think the way they do it gives him more respect than other shows give their male characters, let alone their female characters 💀

And it's SO interesting to me that they use Chim (I mean, besides the fact that K.C. clearly has muscles for days and wow of course you'd use Chim). But I just think - on any other show, it would absolutely be Buck who we see casually shirtless. And that WAS almost this show, which is why we saw him shirtless at all. But failing that, it should have been Eddie. And then of course, after Eddie, it should be Bobby. I mean, plenty of other shows go for the 'sexy middle-aged white man' (cough cough LS) so Bobby would be the next logical step in the "who are we gonna make our hot man?" ladder, also - P.K. has BICEPS THAT COULD CRUSH ME so I would not blame them for making him the hot one.

But - like I said in my tags on my original post - I'm always thinking about Chim's story in 2x01 with the calendar, and feeling like he never gets to be the hero (WHICH I COULD GO ON AND ON ABOUT HOW BEING THE HERO IS EQUATED THERE TO BEING THE HOT ONE, SO LIKE, CHIM BEING SHIRTLESS, SUBTLE REINFORCEMENT OF HIM BEING A HERO!) I love that for him, being the truly hot one on the team. And then you throw in his story from 2x04, and feeling like his life wasn't going anywhere and seeing him now, comfortable in his body and his life and being happy??

I wish no one had to be objectified and shirtless but I know this is broadcast tv, and honestly, the choice for it to be Chim, with his story and his background, in itself is I think a choice that makes me happy.

Of course, the show is nowhere near perfect, and I’d argue that it’s one of the areas they fall shortest in. Buck sleeping w his therapist would never have happened for a woman on this show, and it CERTAINLY wouldn’t have been brushed off again as a joke like it was in s3. And it really bothered me in 4x07 when the lady slapped Eddie’s ass, esp since he was clearly uncomfortable with it. I’d actually really enjoy seeing them write a plot for one of the men that addresses them feeling oversexualized as firefighters, and how people seem to think they have permission since the men are all public employees, bc I think the show could do it really well, and I think it’s an area that hasn’t been addressed on other shows recently (plus lbr I know I’m biased but I think OG would do it better if it has been done…)

So idk. I don’t know if I have a solid conclusion here. The show does SUCH a good job with the women, and a solidly less good job with the men - but I also see some really interesting choices at work that I really respect.

Thanks for the opportunity May, sorry if there was no coherent thread to this. 😂🤷‍♀️

#911 fox #asked and answered #evan buckley #eddie diaz #chimney han #the one area re:the men I think they do super super well in #is the fact that none of them experience or act w any sort of toxic masculinity #we’ve seen all of them cry MULTIPLE times #and they’re comfortable being vulnerable w both men and women #and none of their personalities are built are ‘hello I am a MAN’ #which I really really like and enjoy

[unkownknowledge]

This post is a sort of collaboration with @golden-wingseos who is kindly letting me use their toxic traits post as a base for writing some Fluff! Check 'em out! Hope you enjoy.

Warnings: Albedo might be a OOC. This is my first attempt at more serious writing. And of course you should always remember that problems in a relationship might need more than a short talk.

Edit: request are open, if anyone reading this likes it feel free to request. Rules are pinned.

Now onto my post:

_____________________

Albedo: your heart is real

_____________________________

-you knew Albedo's secret, you knew his feelings, you knew enough to know he didn't want to love you.

-yet he did.

-you also believed he shouldn't be chained to someone else's wishes, especially when it wouldn't bring him happiness.

You were sitting in Albedo's lap, your head on his shoulder as you gently played with his hair.

"I'm going to destroy monstadt you know," he said, like he always does in an attempt to push you away, "that includes the people"

"Then I'll just stop you." You reply calmly.

"Then I'll have to kill you."

"So then you won't destroy monstadt."

Albedo was confused, you usually told him you would stop him but you've never said he wouldn't do it to begin with.

Albedo grabbed your shoulders and made you look at him, "what does that mean? Why wouldn't I destroy monstadt?"

"Because you would have to kill me." You said smiling.

'That damn smile' he thought, "why would I not destroy monstadt, not fulfill my master's wish, just because you would need to die?"

"Because you love me."

Albedo pushed you off and got on top of you, holding a knife to your throat, "would someone who loved you so this?"

"Yes" you never stopped smiling at him.

"Exa-wait what?" Albedo was dumbfounded, not comprehending what you meant.

"You're trying to push me away," you grabbed his shaking hands and pushed them down, causing him to release the knife, "because you don't want to feel any remorse, because you don't want to hurt me."

"Who says-"

"And I know you don't want to destroy monstadt," you grabbed his head and brought him closer, "because you love it there."

"I'm not real, I'm just a tool my master made to carry out their dreams. Stop treating me like a person."

"But you are a person, and as a person you can choose what you want."

"Well I want monstadt destroyed!"

"Even if that meant killing me?"

Albedo was shocked, he never felt conflicted before. Not in following his master's wishes, but now? At your words? He doubted every desire he's had.

You placed his hand on his heart, "feel that?"

"That's my heart..."

"So your heart is real. Now tell me, what does a tool need with a heart?"

Albedo didn't answer.

"Your master might want to destroy monstadt, but who says they want you to? Why give a weapon a heart?"

You didn't give Albedo time to respond before you kissed him.

"Your heart is real. Just like your love for me."

Albedo sat up and pulled you back into his lap, "you're an anomaly you know that? No one else can make me feel this way." He looked into your eyes and put his hands on your cheeks, "I guess I can hold off on destroying monstadt, atleast until I conclude my research on you."

"Well, let's start experimenting."

_____________________________

Hope that didn't suck.

_____________________________

Diluc: you'll get hurt if you love me

_____________________________

-Diluc has been avoiding you for a month now, he hasn't even gone out to do his darkknight hero duties.

-he's just locked himself away in his manor, ordering his servants to not let you in.

-Diluc, however, forgets that you met because you tried stealing from his house.

You were fed up with Diluc, he kept pushing you away and now he has CROSSED THE LINE! You're going to break into his room and make him explain why he's been avoiding you, it's been a year since you and him went on a date and now this? Something is seriously wrong.

You climbed up to the window sill and lock picked your way in, you walked over to Diluc's bed and sat down, waiting for him to return.

Diluc entered the door and, without looking, fell on his bed right next to you.

"You look tired, almost like you took the long way home just to avoid the route I take."

Diluc shot up and looked at you in shock.

You crossed you arms over your chest, "I want an explanation."

"(Y/n) what do you m-"

"You know full well! And don't call me (y/n)! You always call me 'dearest' or 'honey's, in fact you do a lot of things you seem to have forgotten about, like dinners, and tea times, and DATES!"

"Please I-"

"No! No running away, no excuses!" You grabbed his shoulders and turned him to you, "why the hell are you avoiding me!?"

Diluc looked up and saw you were crying. This isn't what he wanted, this is the opposite of what he wanted!

Diluc looked away, unable to face you, "Because I want you to hate me."

Your eyes widened, "w-what?"

"I want you to leave me, in a way that won't make you sad to leave me."

"Why!?"

"BECAUSE YOU'LL GET HURT IF YOU LOVE ME!"

You jumped at him and held him close, and yourself closer, "idiot."

"What?"

"I said," you managed between sobs, "your an idiot, Diluc. I knew full well what I was doing when I fell in love with you, and I did it anyway. What-what gi-gives you the right t-to abandon me now?"

Diluc was shocked to say the least, he didn't know what to say.

"I know how dangerous being near you is, how many enemies you have, how likely I am to die, but Diluc," you look up at him with tear stained eyes, "I won't be able to live another day, not without you in it."

Diluc pulled you onto his lap and held you, enveloping as much as he could.

"(Y/n)- honey, I'm sorry," he cried in your hair, "I'm so sorry, so very very sorry. I just wanted to protect you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you got hurt because of me."

"But you did hurt me, you hurt my heart."

"I know.. but please," he tilted you head so your eyes would meet his, "let me heal it."

_____________________________

Kaeya: no more secrets

_____________________________

I wrote this perfectly but the draft didn't save. If it's bad blame my rage.

_____________________________

Another day without you.

Another day spent drinking.

Kaeya remembered that day clearly, more clearly than he wanted.

Kaeya was happily walking home to you.

He was always happy on the way home, but he was happiest when he saw your smile. Lately though you've been acting strangely, he was going to talk to you about it today.

"Honey I'm home-" he stopped, it was quiet.

You were never quiet.

He decided you were just out, so he waited.

And waited.

And wait-

"Where are you?"

Kaeya reached for his drink, but he couldn't find it.

"Eh Dilc, wers meh ferkin dernk!?"

Diluc sighed, "sober up."

Kaeya slammed his hands on the bar and grabbed Diluc by the collar, "WAH SHELD AH BEH SURBER!? WAHTS DA FEKEN PEINT IB TAY AIN ERE WID MEH!?"

Kaeya fell backwards and cried, "wad tay lev meh Dilc?"

Diluc sighed and walked around the bar to his brother, "sober up," he picked Kaeya up, "and I'll tell you."

Diluc carried Kaeya to the winery.

Next day

Kaeya woke up with a scream, "(Y/N) WAIT!"

He looked around and saw he was in an unfamiliar bedroom.

Diluc walked in with water and breakfast, "are you sober?"

Kaeya held his head, "I wish I wasn't."

"Well you'll want to be," Diluc set his brother's breakfast down on the nightstand, "I'm going to tell you how to get (y/n) back."

Kaeya jumped at his brother, knocking them both to the ground as he held the red head's throat, "WHERE ARE THEY?!"

Diluc calmly pushed Kaeya off, who was weak as hell right now, "calm down, you need you to understand why they left or they'll just leave you again."

Kaeya just laid there.

"Good. Now listen because this is something it took me a long time to realize too: communication is key to a relationship."

"What?"

"Did you ever tell (y/n) anything about your work? About your dealings in the dark? About your 'off the clock projects'?"

Kaeay didn't speak.

"I thought so. Kaeya you need to talk to them about your life, if you don't you'll just drive them away."

"BUT I ALREADY DID!" Kaeya shouted as he slammed his fist on the ground.

"True, but I can bring you to them. But you have to swear you'll tell them EVERYTHING."

Kaeya nodded.

Diluc and Kaeya took a trip to Liyue, to a remote village you were living in.

"They're in here. Remember Kaeya, no secrets."

You opened the door at Kaeya's knocking, before immediate closing it.

"Go away Kaeya."

"(Y/n) please, I want to make amends."

"How? Batting your eyelashes? A kiss on the cheek? Sex? Well? What have you come up with as a substitute to trust this time?"

"No. No substitute, no lies, none of that. I'm here to tell you the truth (y/n)."

You opened the door, "no more secrets?"

"No, darling, no more secrets."

_____________________________

Childe: you give me strength

_____________________________

Childe met you when you first joined the fatui, and from the first day he was smitten. You always strived to get better, never once did your lack if vision keep you from being powerful nor keep you from getting more powerful. You were his ideal person for him.

But you didn't feel like it.

You always worried, 'what if I lost? What if I can't get stronger? What if I'm weak?' Were constant thoughts going through your head. You knew Childe was greedy for power, how he wanted nothing but power, how he would do anything for it, and as far as you were aware he cut off anything that held him back.

Even you.

You pushed yourself to far everytime you trained, to the point you were getting weaker by how little time you took to recuperate. But you never realized nor did you let anyone know out fear for what Childe would do if he saw you being so insecure in yourself.

You realized you were getting weaker and weaker, and that scared you, scared you to the point you decided to take drastic measures.

You decided you would prove how strong you are.

With Childe

Childe sighed as he wrote yet another debt collection warrant, he was tired from the month long mission he just got back from and now he had to do this. He decided he would indulge himself and pamper you when he got home, after all nothing pleased him more than seeing your constantly stern face blush and smile as he showered you in gifts and affection. And while he wasn't exactly good at reading people in an emotional sense, even he could tell you were insecure about something so he wanted to talk to you about it, maybe even introduce you to his family.

He wad actually getting lost in happy thoughts when a collector ran in, "HARBINGER! I HAVE URGENT NEWS!"

Childe glared at him, "what is it, I was thinking about my snow flower!"

"IT'S ABOUT THEM SIR!"

Childe snapped the pen between his fingers and stoop, "what happened."

"Sir they-"

"WHAT HAPPENED!"

"SIR! (Y/N) HAS GONE OFF TO TRY AND SLAY A GEO REGISVINE!"

Childe immediately bolted over his desk and sped through the bank, out of the harbor, and across the country of Liyue at speeds lost would think belonged to Baal themself.

He got to the regisvine just in time to block an attack that would have killed you.

It took him mere seconds to completely demolish it.

Childe approached your crumpled form, you could barely move and your bones were probably all broken.

"Ch-chi-lde..." you got out before blacking out from pain.

Next day

You woke up, everything below your chin was in a caste and you felt about as bad as you looked.

"Let me through!" You heard the one voice you didn't want to hear right now.

"Sir please they have to r-"

"DID I FUCKING STUTTER!"

A doctor was flung through the door and Childe charges right at you.

'This is it,' you thought, closing your eyes, 'he's going to cast me away, like I always knew-'

Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of lips against your own, and a wet feeling against your cheeks.

You opened your eyes in time to see Childe pull away from you, "what were you thinking you idiot?"

You looked at Childe, dumbfounded.

"WHY DID YOU DO SOMETHING THAT STUPID!?"

"W-what?"

"Why did you try and kill a regisvine on your own?!"

You looked away.

"WHY (Y/N)!? WHY!?"

"Because I don't want you to leave me..."

Childe recoiled at that, what did you mean you didn't want him to leave you?

"Why in the world would I want to leave you? Your my snow flower."

"Yes but..." you didn't want to say it.

"Come on, snow flower," Childe put his fingers under your chin and gently made you meet his gaze, "you can tell me anything."

"You...you only care for power...and I could tell I was only getting weaker no matter how much I tried, I was....I was afraid....afraid you would leave me...."

"(Y/n)," Childe said lovingly, yet with obvious sadness, "please, I dont want power just for power's sake.... I'm so sorry that I seemed that way to you."

"But you always seem so...dedicated to getting power..."

"Yes, but power is simply a means to an end," Childe chuckles, "I have a family, with a lot of siblings, and I care about all of them. I do so much for them, and every bit of power: be it with more, status, or pure power they are what drives me to get it. I'll admit though that it has developed into a bit of a....addiction, I guess you could call it, to battle and by extension to getting stronger. I-I didn't realize how much I let that take over-"

"No!" You shout, "no! Don't apologize for that. That's why I love you: your drive for power, your willingness to never settle, everything you do you do for power. I don't care if it's because you like battle or you like your family, because I love it. I love you. And I don't want to hold you back, and because of that I didn't want to be so weak that you had to....dispose of me..."

Childe kneeled besides you, "(y/n). You never have to worry about holding me back. Remember what you said? Even if I do, granted in a much smaller part than I originally stated, want power to protect my family, it is also very true that I want power for nothing more than to have it. But you could never hold me back from that, in fact you give me strength, (y/n)."

You chuckled, "that's so cheesey Childe."

"Well it's true, and the only thing more true is this:" Childe leans towards you, "I. Love. You."

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin kaeya x reader #diluc x reader #albedo x reader #childe x reader #sorry it took this long #and sorry if it's bad #fanfiction #genshin imagines

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ talk to me.

date: september 2020.

location: ash’s shared studio w/ his npc Producer Crew^TM / ash’s apartment studio.

word count: 1,816 words.

summary: -

triggers no triggers for this one! let’s celebrate that!

notes: creative claims verification. appearance by npc Producer Crew^TM friend erin. mentions of san at the end.

ash isn’t planning on starting work on a new song when inspiration sparks. he’s working on the opener for his album, in fact, talking to kyung and kiha and erin about their experiences with break-ups to better grasp the negative, angry emotions he needs for that when a conversation with erin pries inspiration out of him.

their conversation has been as pleasant as ever, but not all that helpful in his mission to write a song about anger and resentment when she pipes up with a suggestion. “if you need other people to explain to you the feelings to write about for the song you’ve been working on, why not try something from a perspective you know better? what are your break-ups usually like?”

“what do you mean? they’re, uh, well, usually they’re sad.”

erin’s lip twitches and ash knows she’s holding back a laugh out of respect for his emotions. she doesn’t have to. ash is well-aware his answer had failed to give much by way of the kind of answer she’s looking for, but there’s a reason he works alone more often than he works with others on his lyrics. it’s a hell of a lot easier to put words down when he’s talking to himself than when he’s explaining himself to someone else. there’s more pressure there to make sense because even if the lyrics can be revised either way, like this, someone else still has to hear the mumble of keywords and half-thoughts that he gets the opportunity to hide away when he’s by himself.

“musically. if you had to describe the feeling musically, what would it be like? here.” erin pushes the keyboard that’s sitting in front of her over into ash’s direction and gives him an expectant look. use the music, not your words, she’s saying, and ash bows his head in a silent exchange of thankfulness that she’s found the solution before he’d had the chance to think of it.

ash’s fingers idle over the keyboard as he sorts his thoughts into categories in his head. he’s unaware of the time ticking by, whether it’s milliseconds or a handful of seconds at a time, but given the chance to process his own recollections, he eventually presses down a chord on the keyboard and then a second. it’s only the beginning of a bare bones chord structure, but in a short time, he’s created something, which is more than he could say he’d gotten from the talk he’d already had with kyung searching for answers.

he’s not even bothered that he’s been sent off track from the song he’d come here to write because his head is now swimming with fragments of his past instead of attempts at constructions of events he himself hasn’t experienced. this comes so much more naturally, writing from what he knows instead of what he has to teach himself. some might say that makes him a stagnating songwriter because he finds so much contentment in his own comfort zone, but he’s not much bothered by it as his eyebrows smash together and erin gives him an encouraging hum from where she sits a few feet away from him.

“this is right after a break-up,” ash claims, now having little trouble explaining what’s on his mind as long as he preludes it with notes and rhythms. he stops for a moment, then shakes his head. “no, this is right after a fight. you’re not sure whether it’s a final break-up or not or if you’ll be able to make up in the morning like nothing happened. it’s that night when you go home with only the freezer burn from a cold shoulder to hold onto and you stare up at the ceiling, unable to think about anything but the person you’re afraid of losing.”

when he looks up from the keyboard to erin’s round eyes this time, he’s not met with her telling him he doesn’t need to waste time explaining or an offer of her own opinions and thoughts like he expects. instead she remains silent, a supportive nod and softly smiling eyes her only response to his fragmented ramblings.

ash takes it as his cue to continue and his two chords grow into four interwoven series of notes pressed into the keyboard that grow more spaced out the more times he plays them to let them marinate in his mind. the emptiness in between is the distance between two lovers after a spat and he weighs out the beats in between for the best match to the feeling of being too far to touch but too close to ignore.

never in ash’s experience has fighting been a critical necessity of a relationship. kyung had mentioned to him, in his gruff and distanced voice in the few words ash had been able to get out of him before being told to go elsewhere, that two people aren’t meant to be together if they don’t have the passion to fight and ash had held his tongue from countering back that that sounded like an awfully toxic mindset to have.

ash has certainly had relationships that had burned out on the wick of fight after disagreement after argument, but there have been relationships that had ended due to unignited differences and ones that had ended due to unexplained silence and others that had ended in a simple agreement that everything wasn’t working.

his last relationship had ended with a quiet fizzling flame that ash had had the job of extinguishing. they’d never had a major fight in the two years of their relationship, and yet, they hadn’t been meant to last forever, so were fights a good sign or a bad one? kyung might not have been wrong after all. is the threat of losing something what someone needs to realize that’s what they want? it could be. almost certainly, that isn’t the case for every love story out there. none of the love stories he’d thought he’d been a part of, but ash ruminates silently on the thought for a long time, his fingers testing out progressions and melodies in the quiet of the room that it seems erin is happy to facilitate.

at some point, erin sets to work silently on a notebook, the two existing silently in their own worlds until they briefly cross again when ash asks if she can pass him over a guitar that had been propped up to the side of the studio.

when erin begins to pack her things up, ash’s attention is pulled away from the computer he’s now stationed himself at to turn his experiment into a song.

“are you leaving?”

“mhmm, it’s getting late. you should head home soon, too. get some sleep. or pretend to, for the sake of my concern for your sleeping habits.” the signature soft smile negates any forcefulness ash might have read into her words if she was anyone else.

“yeah, i’ll try. thanks, erin. i’ve got a new idea thanks to you.” he’d still have to find kiha and talk to him for the more pressing song at hand, but ash isn’t so bothered by the detour from the road he’s traveled down. “you’re a real one.”

a small extension of her smile is the response gets and she lowers her head in place of a verbal goodbye before breezing out of the studio door.

_____________________________________________________________

ash has other songs he needs to work on, but the one he’d started in the studio with one prompt from erin remains on his mind and he makes his way through the process of crafting it faster than almost any other song on his docket.

the track is complete when he only has a few of the lyrics ironed out, but once he sits down and sets his mind to it, those come to him without much trouble, too. the words that come to him lean into pleading, but gentle. desperation all built up through the act of loving and not wanting to lose.

it becomes a foil to that troubling song he’d started off the journey intending to write, not in happiness in contrast to anger or acceptance in contrast to resentment, but in honesty in place of denial and offer of understanding in place of refusal to admit wrongdoing. it’s almost seductive, he notices to himself one night. the way he’s chosen to put it together and the instruments he’s used aren’t too different from what he’s done with songs about intimacy in the past, but this song is more about the absence of intimacy than the wonders of it.

even as it grows more hopeless as the song goes on, ash tells himself the story isn’t written with an ending. it will remain up to the listener to decide if he’s asking for something he can never have or if persistence is a core virtue in love. the sensuous vocals and the despairing lyrics. much like in mending a broken relationship, the two come together in a sour-sweet contrast meeting somewhere in the middle for the truth.

it’s only late in the process that ash considers the idea of putting another voice on the song. he hadn’t wanted any features on his albums when he’d started. the idea is supposed to be to make this an album that’s completely his, touched by others’ whims and stylings only in ways he truly can’t avoid, but the second verse keeps nagging him as if it wants to be something he’s not letting it become. it has potential for more than he’s given it.

he restructures the song with the idea of another voice before he contacts anybody, but the more he finetunes the section where he can hear another voice, the more he begins to hear one specific other voice.

ash hasn’t written for san since they’d worked together for the creation of the other man’s album earlier in the year, but something about working with him had stuck with ash so that san’s voice is the only one he can hear taking the place of his own. their styles aren’t so far off, especially when they each lean more into their respective r&b-tinged natures, so he trusts san can handle the vocal delivery as he wants it.

the only thing in his way is his own pride. he wants an album to call entirely his own, but nothing makes it worth following his own artistic ego over remaining true to what his artistic mind tells him is meant to be, so he pulls up san’s number in his phone and sends him a text without any foreword.

hey, i have a song i’m working on for my next album and i think your voice might be just what it needs. take a listen and let me know what you think. it’s the second verse that i was feeling your voice for.

#fmdverification #&& when you're screaming but they only hear you whisper | self para #not to be in love with an npc i created but erin is my gf i plan on proposing to her soon #she does almost nothing here but i still love her . she is a woman and that is enough

[messrsmemoirs]

So, I’m sorry this’ll be long, but I’m v interested in your perspective on this: how do u think this series of events: the werewolf prank, coupled w Sirius leaving home the very summer after that prank - played out from Remus’s perspective? Bc the prank might’ve confirmed to Remus all fears that Sirius dehumanised him & was way more like his family than they all thought, & maybe he was partly right on both counts. [1]

But I’ve never been able to disconnect Sirius’s leaving home from this incident (we know it happened the summer after the Prank bc that’s the only summer he could’ve been @ GP when he was 16, which is when he tells Harry that he left). & I have to wonder if Sirius so definitively siding against his upbringing (which ofc meant siding against a lot of toxic ideas, but their idea of werewolves being subhuman - given how Bellatrix talks about Remus & Tonks - is included in that) [2]

played a role in Remus forgiving Sirius to whatever extent for that prank. Bc it showed that if he was more like them than he could admit, he at least did NOT want to be, he wanted to be with James, Remus and Peter instead. It’s a different mindset from having an idea about werewolves and constant conviction that your idea is right; so given that, I’m wondering how Remus would’ve responded to it.[3]

I know it’s canon Remus forgave him, but tbh I’ve always had trouble working out the exact logistics of WHY - at least w/out bringing Wolfstar into it. [4]

Right, so firstly let me apologize to you and all the askers still waiting for me and my serious lack of response. It’s not personal, and it has everything to do with me and how I’m a complete mess of a human being. I take hours writing and formulating responses to asks and because it takes so long I end up setting aside a few hours just to answer one ask, and that feels like a big stress (and what if I can’t focus blah blah) so I end up getting stressed, and then avoid it for what feels like a month and surprise, it’s been six. .. Or more. So. Uh. … Sorry. 

So anyway, digging in to the core of the post:

I think we have to begin by examining firstly Sirius’ callousness and how it relates to his background with Remus. I do think that Remus was aware that Sirius could be downright abusive if he was left alone, and I would cite the way that JKR says Sirius’ features become like a dog with a scent at the sight of Snape: Sirius is an excitable person in that it was easy for him to lose track of what he was doing. When he zeroes in on something, there is a massive capacity for escalation. If ever there was a heat-of-the-moment excuse, Sirius’ face would be pictured with it. And while I think Remus and the others were aware of this (and of course it was something that Remus dealt with as a Prefect) I think it was something that they begrudgingly accepted as a part of Sirius that they, as a group, could try and help to subvert. Of course, with James “Arrogant Toe-Rag” Potter at his side, it wasn’t always easy to do the right thing. This is why someone like Peter helped to balance the group: a second voice of reason (though one not well-respected and one which was often overlooked, to be fair, but nonetheless). That isn’t to say that Sirius is a violent sociopath or that he’s unstable, but he was clearly a reckless, head-first, and very proud sort of teenager who would certainly shoot first and ask questions later. 

It’s easy to surmise that based on Sirius’ overall character and where he comes from, he didn’t grow up to be someone with a lot of emotional maturity. I think to a teenage Sirius especially, other people’s experiences weren’t as valid as his own. Other people mattered to him, clearly, but I think it was more that only the people he loved mattered above all else. And even with those he did care about, there was somewhat of a hierarchy: James, to Sirius, was like a brother. Like blood. James was family, and if anyone ever hurt James Sirius would destroy them. I think Remus was very important to Sirius, and Peter, too. But I think outside of James there was this sort of dispensability: to Sirius, he was always waiting to be abandoned by the people he loved. He loves Remus and Peter just as he loves James, but there’s something he can’t let go of and for whatever reason he doesn’t let them as near to him as James. And as far as other people? I think Sirius was wary. Un-trusting at best, and a bit of a “get them before they get me” kind of man, which on top of his emotional immaturity allowed him to be able to hurt people like Snape and not think much of it. It didn’t matter because the people Sirius cared about were having fun, and so was he. Snape (etc) didn’t matter, not in the long run. It’s also important to remember that Sirius was raised from birth to be someone for whom other (read: lesser) people dealt with the consequences of his actions. I think this would have been tempered somewhat by living among his friends at Hogwarts for so long, but it brings us back to the thing with Snape and such and how Sirius seemed not to have a line drawn in the sand–that is, no line that was too far to cross, no act that was too reprehensible. A detention served for bullying Snape was to Sirius an annoyance to be escaped from, not a punishment. His rejection by people like Lily was their problem to deal with, not his. I would argue that there is a sense of nobility in there as well, and that Sirius didn’t come down on those he didn’t feel deserved it. But that means that regardless of his intentions Sirius could justify whatever it was he was doing, because it was for him, or more importantly, for those he loved. 

Going back to Remus, I don’t think Sirius ever did consider Remus subhuman or anything like that. I do think there was a time around their initial discovery where Sirius had to confront the ideas he’d been taught about werewolves and that he decided (likely alongside and with the help of James and Peter) that Remus was none of those things and was a normal human, and their friend. I think it was more that Sirius just didn’t think of the consequences, or what it would mean for Remus that the Prank happened at all, because Sirius wasn’t the type of person for whom consequences truly mattered and that he just never got far enough in his train of thought to really consider Remus in all of it. Remus is someone Sirius is used to seeing constantly coping–whether it’s coping with his Furry Little Problem, or coping with the things that Sirius and James do for “fun”. Sirius may have just assumed that Remus would simply cope with this, too. He’s got enough practice with people being angry at him that he’s not scared of whatever Remus will say.

In the aftermath, I don’t think Sirius actually felt bad about what he had done. I think he knew full well that he had done something wrong, but that it was easier for him to understand and deal with the fact that Remus was in a great deal of pain rather than for him to understand the why’s about wrongness. For all his emotional immaturity I think Sirius understands pain, and I think it was really the scale of that pain which drove him to be apologetic and explain his intentions–which, I would bet, sent Remus up the wall, because Sirius didn’t actually have bad intentions towards him and yet through sheer carelessness had done something horrific. 

Rather than resulting in any great insight into why Sirius is the way he is, I have a feeling it was more that what saved their relationship was that brotherly bond that they both held for one another. I do think there was this shock initially about the whole thing, where Remus would have been distraught enough to think that maybe Sirius was just like his whole family, etc. etc. But, I think Remus would have eventually come down enough to really think about who Sirius is and what he represents by rebelling against his family in the past (as he had by accepting Remus as a friend and confidant, for example). I think Remus would have (with James’ help) really reflected on Sirius as a whole person, because the significance of the incident really merited a sit-down tbh. I think Remus decided that Sirius was his friend, his brother, and that while what he had done was horrific that he could take precautions not to let it happen again and that what mattered was that Sirius’ intentions were never to hurt him. Sirius realizing that he had caused Remus a significant amount of pain (again with James’ help to deal with it) would have more than likely seen him try to restore his good graces with Remus, though attempts to justify what he had done would have made it worse. I think for SIrius, saying “I fucked up and I admit that I fucked up” were enough for Remus at a certain point, because he knew that it was the closest Sirius could come to “I did something wrong and I apologize.”Remus, ever the self-sacrificing and deeply loving soul, probably forgave Sirius out of compassion. He saw that Sirius was not deliberately trying to ruin him, but that he was also a complete idiot. I think he made the decision to forgive knowing that the hurt would never truly go away, and knowing down the road that he needed to go about things differently after what happened. I think James was also a big buffer between their animosity as well, and that he really helped them move on. 

(However. I think it’s worth mentioning that rather than after his escape from Grimmauld place, I think this might be something that Sirius reflected on in Azkaban, actually. I think this is part of why he’s a little less guns blazing in the rest of the series–that, and certainly his need to protect Harry, whom he loved like a son.)

ASK COMPLETE! … Sorry it took so long, but I hope I did well enough!

#remus lupin #sirius black #the prank #text #holy shit i answered an ask jfc look

[witchbitchpolemic-blog]

First Magic - heal theyself

Peoplegenerally want to do witchcraft  to change what is around them. ‘Make him love me’, ‘make me rich’, ‘save my friend from dying’. These are things outside your transmission range when you start. If you commit enough of your consciousness to the path, your range may extend to these things. But before that is possible you need to bring your own being into your power. A leaky bucket cannot carry water to fill a well.

The leaky bucket

I’m porous. Specifically, I kinaesthetically receive the feelings in both the environment and the feelings of people I am connected to. Crowds make me feel jittery and unstable. I literally can’t breath around passive-aggressive people because while the talk is pleasant talk it feels like I am breathing in a heavy dark fog. Effectively, I am an extreme empath.

I have spent many years thinking this was a ‘gift’, something of great value, if only I could harness it. That was an egotistical delusion.

What is the leaky bucket?

It is not a gift, it is the product of deliberate psychic wounding by others. And it makes me a leaky bucket.  Only when I can choose what energy I receive is it a gift.

To understand, think about babies. They scream when parents are tense or angry, even when the parent is ‘putting away’ their feelings to ‘comfort’ the child. In fact, the more the parent ‘comforts’ the screaming child, the more they scream. This is because the child has a soft energy barrier. The child has become a radio receiving and is broadcasting the parent’s transmission - their silent screams. Normally, as babies grow their energy body seals and hardens. They stop screaming. 

Toddlers and very young children will still cry spontaneously when anyone else cries (I still have small child memories of the intense waves of grief that arrived from nowhere when another kid started to cry), but their boundaries become progressively firm.

The feeling wave

Think of feelings as a form of wave, like a radio wave. It has an effective range and a frequency you have to tune to. People whose energy boundaries have firmed generally don’t pick up these waves so intensely as the disrupt their lives. But for those of us whose boundary has been breached, these feelings can be so central that they disrupt our capacity to act - we have become the radio trying to be human.

How do boundaries get breached?

Boundaries are breached by others. Psychic attacks by the living send an unseen knife, or blade, pins or blunt object directly at our energy barrier. Sent hard enough, or for long enough and the barrier weakens and is broken. If the onslaught is continuous, part of a persons soul may flee, leaving a space for other things (undead and spirit entities) to occupy. Parents are a huge source of boundary damage. From hysteria, to repressed feelings to imposing their own identity on the child. Sometimes it is deliberate. We generally attribute this to mental illness, but it may also be that the parent (themselves damaged) has been infected by another entity.

What happens when boundaries are damaged?

This can manifest in mental imbalance (exhaustion, depression, confusion, indecision, voices) – this is where we expect to see it. 

But it can also be seen in physical manifestations. Just because we are no longer in contact with a toxic person doesn’t mean we aren’t still picking up their frequency.

I had a friend who went through an ugly divorce. His partner had torn the relationship apart for reasons he couldn’t fathom. He blamed drugs connected to an illness she had been experienced, but really he had no idea. Emotionally he hadn’t resolved the breakdown, and while they never saw each other, he remained intensely connected. He developed a bad case of psoriasis. Psoriasis if you don’t know is a condition where, among other things, the skin breaks randomly, leaving sores. Once you have psoriasis it is normally a life sentence.  About a year later he went on a holiday to the other side of the world.  During the 1st week of his holiday the psoriasis miraculously disappeared. It wasn’t a miracle at all. He had moved himself out of his ex’s psychic transmission range.

Range

The range is very similar to a radio range. Within 200 meters you may well experience someone’s emotions intensely – even as if they were your own. Within 5 kilometers it will be clear. Within 20 kilometers it will be reliable. Within 60 kilometers it will fade in and out, like the annoying radio reception on a long country drive. Just as you are getting the groove it fades out and then cackles and fades in and then something else over-rides it.

Frequency

Frequency tuning involves connection with others. That can be anyone from your sister to the work colleague to the lover to the barman that you had a chat with last night as he was cleaning glasses (you are very likely to loose your tuning to his frequency very quickly).  So for people with damaged barriers, now multiply the irritating country drive reception by the X number of people they have any connection with.

How do we fix porousness?

It is surprisingly simple.

Magical tools

The basic and essential tools of ‘magic’ are all made in the mind. Yes, there are advanced tools (dolls etc.) but they are  useless without the skills. So for now all you need is the magic equivalent of hand tools. The mind contains the entire hand-tool set – and makes up new tools whenever it needs to.

Getting to the magical workshop

To start doing magic you need to enter into a space of spirit (an in-between space). This requires being fully focused.

My spirit workshop (my in-between space) is the place between waking and sleeping – the place where I can think consciously, see in spirit, see tools when I decide what I need to use, and critically, remember later.

But be aware, I didn’t look for this path. At some point I was given it, but even then it took a long time to understand what I had been given. Everyone is different. 

If this road is not open to you, don’t waste time practicing to try using this route – there are others and none is more or less valuable than an other. If you are meant to have it,  you will be given it when you are ready.

Meditation as a path

Meditation is the other way to reach a place where you can enter your spirit environment. Lay down, ensure you are relaxed and your clothes are loose, make sure it is quiet and there will be no interruptions. Look towards your third eye. Allow thoughts to wash across your mind rather than grabbing for them as they float past. When your mind feels still, look towards yourself. When you can see your body, think about what needs to be done.  

Finding the concentration you need, can take a lot of practice. You can also use rhythmic drumming tapes if this helps. If it doesn’t work hang in there. At some stage it will just click into place. Until then, the true relaxation of your mind that comes with the mediation will in itself will make the rest of your life easier.  So win/win and no time wasted.

How to heal your boundaries (this is actually really simple)

One morning I found myself in-between, and I looked down and saw deep slashes all over my body. I knew immediately that they were injuries to my energy body that allowed psychic attack and invasion. I immediately thought - ‘sew them up.’ I’m a practical sort of witch. It was an obvious solution.

So I took a needle and thread and I stitched the wounds together.  As I was stitching another image superimposed. A lady in white rose from a laying position underneath the image, to sit upright on a horse (a medieval princess, but you may be someone else).  She faded and I continued stitching until I could see that all the wounds had been closed – and then I immediately woke up.

How did I feel when I woke up? More balanced. Not perfect but better than I had been.

How did I feel the next day? Life threw a lot at me and I wasn’t able to completely deflect the sharp energy shards that were sent my way. Hey. That is life.

Did that work ‘magically’ fix my damaged energy body? No. Magic doesn’t equal immediate. Deep injuries need to be tended. I needed to go back there and stitch the wounds again, many times.

So what will you see when you go to that place?

Do you see wounds at all? If you do, are they infected? What  sort of instrument do they look like they were made by?

Look for the appropriate removal/cleaning fixing tools. Tools are always available in spirit, you just have to imagine them and they are in your hands. So for an infection, look around for disinfectant.

You might see something entirely different.

Do you see people? If you want them to move away from you, do so in spirit.  Damage them in the material world and you have damaged your Karma. But if you push them away in spirit, the material world will gently follow you - they just won’t matter so much.

Do you see some lost place that needs to be reclaimed? Is it a place or is an eternal place? An eternal place is home. A physical place may be a metaphor. Sometimes the two collide.

Whatever you see, if it is good let it be.

If you want to do magic that changes the material world, firstly heal theyself.

Blessings.

#magic #magick #pagan #wiccan #witchcraft #witch #healing #spell #spell casting #sharmanism #sharman