#it at least calms my body down | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

daz4i · 4 months

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suicide and general negativity ig

i hate that english doesn't have a good word for מיואש (filled with despair. hopeless? ig) bc this is how i'm feeling fr

there is just. nothing good. and there is so much bad - both BAD bad bc of the war but also mundane bad bc yknow, Life - that i'm getting so overwhelmed i can't handle anything

my whole month is filled with medical shit and there's probably gonna be even more bc i need more tests and they're all just. such a pain to do (it sounds whiny but genuinely i can't handle them. just thinking abt them makes me so anxious bc they all require lots of painful preparation, sometimes for a few days, and they're so gross and require being poked with needles which my medical trauma certainly isn't helping with. and even tho i did so many already they can't find shit and i'm so tired i'm so done with this body

and like. it'd be one thing if i wanted to live. if i wanted to make my life better or thought it was possible. but by now i know it's not and i know i won't so it just becomes infinitely harder. like if i compare life to being in prison, it feels like the warden decided to torture me just for fun to make it even worse

but there is nothing good there is nothing to look forward to bc everything is shit and nothing's worth it and i hate when ppl tell me to enjoy the little things bc there is nothing to enjoy about them either. i can't have most of them anyway. i wish i could. but this shitty ass body and fucked up brain won't let me

there is no future for me i know i'm never gonna amount to anything when i can't even do the most basic shit about being human, literally how am i gonna be able to fulfill my """"potential"""" when i can't even do stuff like eat or sleep normally. when i can't go outside. when i can't handle being around people. when my body crashes and burns after standing for a few minutes or walking for more than a couple hundred meters. what even IS there for me to achieve in such a state. the only win i can have is getting out of bed and it doesn't feel like a win because i don't. want. to live. i have fucking professionals, people getting paid to help me do at least some of these things, and i can't bring myself to even take the first step bc just thinking about it makes me clam up so bad i can't move or talk and everything starts hurting so much more

there's not even. mundane fun. or joy. bc no one i know has time or energy for that. bc that's just what being an adult is ig. not that there's much to do in order to have fun anyway. like i said nothing to look forward to everything is so shit and nothing actually brings me joy anyway and it's not like i can handle being around people enough to help with that

i was not meant to be alive i am not designed to exist and like at this point I'd assume my who knows how many near death experiences may have been the universe trying to correct the mistake that is my existence and for some reason not managing to pull through the final stretch

i'm so tired i'm so done with this i wish i could be killed in some certain quick way bc i can't. i can't handle any of this. this is too much

#vent #a very long one. because. i am doing very bad rn 👍#i am in the trenches as they say.#suicide //#what if i take a bunch of pills. ik i'm just more likely to throw up then get hospitalized but man :/#my body is so fragile yet so resilient at the same time. it can't handle anything but it survives through everything #man i'd ask for help rn but idk what even could help me rn. other than being killed i mean #already took a clonex and i can feel it fighting for its life to calm me down but unfortunately. my shitty brain's shittiness is stronger #anyway sorry for all the negative bullshit it's been a bad week and it's gonna be a bad month #january usually is honestly.#i mean last year i met [redacted] and they did make me want to live but! that lasted a month. so. no more will to live for me 👍#sorry for the even more negativity #trying to keep it contained to one post at least to spare your dashboard more bullshit later tonight #...i want to know ppl don't want me gone tho. maybe. idk if that'll help. but. ugh idk how to ask for things sorry

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sapsolais · 7 months

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#oh google. how do i fight the Melancholic Aches #y'know i'd nearly forgotten it was fall #until i got sick. n it was actually cold for about two or three days in a row sdkfjghfdg #n i dunno #something something your body remembers things before you do #n it feels. like if emotions were waves and i were standing at the shore. the waves were calm up till now n #now it feels like i was pulled in out of nowhere and my lungs are full of saltwater and it's sloshing around my heart and weighing it down #it's always this time of year #is that like a universal thing? or is it just coincidence #it's like this every year. (i mourn the previous) and just generally get caught up missing things #and then you couple that with all the other given circumstances and how *lonely* it's been lately. i mean how Really. lonely it's been #because like. the years up til now (i thought) were manageable. like 2020-2022 #(even though shit kind of hit the fan anyways. dfkjhfdgh. it's at least a little easier with people you love around. and it's at least a li #easier when you think they'll stay)#n now i'm just a lil lost and scared. and tired and i ache. and i am just a little sad #...#i try to make the best of things nowadays but it's just a bit much today n that's okay. there's always tomorrow #m'gonna go make some tea #sap says #i've been thinking of making a separate blog for poems and thoughts but quite frankly i can't be bothered rn. skdjfhgf #maybe sometime though

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penofdamocles · 8 months

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Good news: the mark's gone forever and I have a new semi-temporary tattoo. Also my soul actually took the change instead of immediately turning back to its 'save state'.

Bad news: I'm not sure what I expected from being digitized but my vague assumptions didn't originally involve that much screaming.

#Precursor to the tag rant: I'm mostly fine now and I'm not alone so don't worry too much.#It's different. From. Going to the astral plane.#My body disappears. I can see it disappear. I can feel it disappear.#And then it doesn't. Exist #My soul didnt exist #I didnt exist #just numbers in a box #I couldn't feel it. My soul. Any part of it. Any spark or nerve at all #couldnt breathe couldnt even try #i forgot where i was for a minute.#felt like somewhere else #apparently i wasn't supposed to be awake in there #..the AI helped but. It was. Hard to focus.#With my thoughts. Drifting. Like that.#Thankfully the alteration was. Really simple. Once I calmed down enough I got it done quickly.#And got. My soul back. Started to exist again.#I probably should've. Prepped better for this. Emotionally.#Or at least gone with someone.#Oof.#Still deeply grateful for the technology but of course I'm going to have the worst possible time with every otherwise cool thing.#And now I'm coping with cuddling in a nest. So it's mostly fine.#It's fine.#No Strings (ic)

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reflectionsofgalaxies · 1 year

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#so while my dad was living away from me i didn’t bother to keep him updated on my health #bc he lived four hours away and wouldn’t be able to do anything so why worry him right?#anyway since he’s living with me again he’s seen more of what i deal with and i’ve been more open with him #and i didn’t realize just how much it was freaking him out until he exploded on me today #i’ve been dealing with serious liver complications since friday BUT i’ve been closely monitoring them #and been very clear that if things get worse i will go to the ER (he wanted me to go right away on friday)#(but it wasn’t bad enough and i had work the next morning at 5am that i couldn’t get covered)#today i woke up dealing with extreme faintness and difficult controlling my movement bc of shakiness #which is something i deal with semi-regularly when my body isn’t processing food properly or i haven’t been eating enough #but my dad has never seen it first hand #he had asked me to go grocery shopping that morning and i said we could go around 2 if i was feeling better #at 1:30 he burst into my room and said if i wasn’t better by 2pm that he was taking me to the hospital #i said i wouldn’t go. going to the ER at 2pm would easily mean waiting at least 4 hours to even be seen by a doctor.#he said he would make me. i said no. he threatened to call the ambulance if i wouldn’t go with him.#i was distraught he was yelling and i was crying #it wasn’t his intention but he was punishing me for being honest with him about my health #i ended up screaming at him that it wasn’t his fucking problem #it’s mine and i’ve been dealing with it on my own for years #ended up having a panic attack from being unable to control my breathing and he finally calmed down bc i guess he saw that the way he was #acting was doing the complete opposite of helping #i told him i needed to be left alone and eventually he did and later came back and apologized and said he acted the way he did out of fear #i told him i understood that but if he wants me to continue being honest with him about my health he can’t use it to threaten me #things have gotten bad enough that i needed to be hospitalized in the past and guess what? i got myself to the hospital. i know my body.#i’ve been living with this for years. i have a medical appointment for next Monday. i am not going to die before then.#he needs to manage his emotions and not take them out on me or i will not be able to trust him #we had a decent convo and we had both calmed down but #it’s been a really bad day honestly #personal #health

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kashilascorner · 2 years

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my conclusion after finishing the witcher season 2 is that they had a very clear storyline which is overall ok but the writing (especially on an episode basis) is weak at best

#props to the actors for working with what they had (esp yennefer fringila and triss)#yennefe's arc was..... i mean i know plenty of ppl don't like her s1 arc because of the whole motherhood thing #but i actually liked how it was focused and that it wasn't so much about motherhood itself but more about body autonomy #and the desperatr need of having someone to unconditionally love you and depend on you (at least that's how i saw it)#and her arc here had sooooo much potential but ultimately it was botchy in it's development #also jaskier. a beloved character. much needed comic relief but did nothing after geralt saved him #don't get me started on how fringila was far too naive at first and the moment she snaps out of it it's shown during a murderous spree #only to have her character dragged down AGAIN for being too naive. similar butchering to what happened to cahir's character in the end #only it's far far worse with fringila and hmmm cannot shake the feeling it's uh. racist writing actually!#idk. the dialogues weren't too good. ciri went through some good character development but she was very much the only one to do so #i mean geralt kinda did too but he's so stiff....... also tons of witchers around and they were all pretty useless for writing's sake #vesemir and geralt's relationship was good but felt underdeveloped. ciri and yen was good but rushed... ah #speciaf effects costumes sets & scenery lighting (the lighting!!!) were all very good #i think in the more technical department everything was pretty solid. can't judge the sound really because in dub it's a bit different #anyways at least i got to see 8 hours of very pretty ppl on my screen #laura watches stuff #also! you know those joke posts going around abt how shows actually need more s*x? yeah? well this is one of them lol #spicing it up a bit was not difficult wouldn't necessarily get in the way of the story and would actually help disipate the #storytelling tension given there is barely any comic relief at all for the most part (or any relief at all lmao all the calming acenes are #repetitive pseudo deep conversations between two characters lmao)

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gaycousinlarry · 1 year

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#a lil personal update at a time when no one is online lol #got sick tuesday #drowsy cold sweats general body pain itchy throat and issues focusing #started feeling better thursday but still super tired and mushy brain #felt fine friday #but then the brain started working ~just fine~ so anxiety took over :))#couldn’t sleep two nights in a row #woke up saturday w like full body anxiety #last night i was scared of going to bed bc i thought i wouldn’t be able to sleep #(thank the GODS i did get a good nights sleep)#but i’m working today and i’m so happy i was able to get to work #am currently at the office waiting for my ride to today’s work place #and i’m cryyyying hahaha #i thought i had FINALLY landed a job that was secure and calm and a but more long term #but friday last week we had a meeting where the boss basically said there’s no money to keep ANY employees unless We Bring In The Cash #(no pressure :ppp)#and i guess… after this year of my previous work place shutting down (a youth center so the loss and grief was HUGE)#i’m basically just a wet spot on the floor #and i’m so tired #and on top of that so grateful to at least currently work for a wonderful organisation that does wonderful things #they’re just not fucking #equipped to be good employers #and i’m just so sad and tired

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estoysugoi · 1 day

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Since this account is “dead” im vomiting some spicy brain stuff here (deleting later):

I feel fucking boarderline fucking devastated i havent seen my friends in WEEKS, im afraid to reach out bc i feel like i did smth wrong or im not being a good friend but if i ask if that’s the case i risk making things awkward and/or upsetting them somehow and i dont want that and my brain is being spicy with bad thoughts and im constantly digging my finger into myself for not meeting my expectations as an artist AND a full grown ass adult there’s so many things i need but i feel overwhelmed about what to do and asking people i know for help feels like im burdening them and taking valuable time out of their busy schedules and they may not even be able to help me in the first place, which is one of the reasons why i barely ask my dad for help since he’s always busy and the rest of my immediate family either have their plates full or can’t actually help me for whatever reasonable reason so i need to learn how to do things myself i just dont know where to start or what resources to refer to. We live in an age where information is act ur fingertips and I STILL cant push myself to look for a simple tutorial i dont know whats wrong with me my brain is fucked up and im worried that i have some kind of executive dysfunction i dont know how to go about it outside of just setting good habits, like how we develop hygienic rituals everyday, i just need to put in the effort to build some kind of well planned schedule or something maybe then i can get a fucking grip at improving my life let alone my skills as an artist i keep taking so fucking long to do what feels like mediocre work and i want to improve so bad but for some reason i do all this thinking and imagining and planning ideas out but my body can never move something’s wrong with me and i dont know what to do i sometimes get scared if im not bottleing up anger towards myself as i just sit there and vegetate im just so tired of being tired and not doing anything worthwhile with my life i just want to be better i want to feel better and i just need to do better i dont know i just dont know how else to go about it aside from vomiting words like this there needs to be some kind of outlet for all this noise its almost like gossip through old walls with peeling wallpaper and i hate it i hate that i keep imagining the worst situations like im trying to prepare to feel ready and making plans for what i could do in hypothetical stressful situations. I think that’s just a by-product mechanism i developed after losing my mom suddenly, i kept thinking that she would be ok and come back from the hospital but things just got worse and more machines and tubes and wires filled her hospital bed until she couldnt take it anymore one day. There have been days where i could even feel what she experienced while being trapped like that its terrifying and im scared to think about it even if it comes from a habit of trying to understand others by placing myself in their feet and dont get me started what i imagined what my dad went through and my brother and my mom’s sisters and brothers and her mother i dont know how things didnt get worse than they did. Ok maybe things still turned sour but i guess thinking it could’ve been worse is just me excusing the circumstances that a part of me feel did me wrong like some kind of injustice i didnt deserve to go through all that and neither did my family. But i think whats worse was the divide that formed im part to blame for that but i dont know how to connect with people that are like 40 years older than me i dont know their past that well and they dont want to burden me with their pasts so im just left to pick up hints and pieces. But how can i find the help i need when im still overcome with an old desire im trying to let die finding a romantic happily ever after was never in the cards for me to begin with im not conventionally attractive enough for my type to be attracted to me nor am i in a good place to be dating or risking my heart to get broken again i just dont think i can bear that pain of loss in another form i fear it woul break me so now im-

#-trying to learn to be ok with dying without ever finding romantic companionship #i dont know who he is or who he could be but i always imagined he’d be really nice #always making me laugh reassuring me and giving me so much love #from this I realized i needed a sense of love and i shouldnt limit it to romance #i think im just scared of doing anything that would risk losing things i cared about #maybe that’s why i always pick the Healer in RPGs #it feels nice to be needed AND helpful AND useful #at least youre thought of often when ur in pain #its easier to heal an arm or leg than a broken heart #im still trying to mend mine #i had hoped that my potential bf would be the one to heal me better but now i know i have to do this myself #maybe for the rest of my life #i hope it gets easier #i really hope it does #i hope i live long maybe even be immortal #maybe that’ll give me enough time to heal #thinking about the truth of death scares me to the point of a panic attack #i try not to think about it #i hope this gets easier #i want this to get easier to manage i dont want to burden other with these thoughts #i can feel that those around me can help with finding a solution #i can only find temporary self-soothing things to calm me down #im sorry to anyone i made worry over me i cant promise it wont happen again #i cant bring myself to being a burden i feel like i need to do this myself #its my body my mind my emotions so my responsibility

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barkingangelbaby · 1 month

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nothing like waking up having a panic attack ✌🏻😔✌🏻

#what the fuck is wrong with me !!!!!!!!!!!!#at least N is holding me and the dog is curled up near my tummy #auuuughhhhhhhhh #time 2 sleep again i think my body calmed down enough #but phewwwwwweee dude what the hell that was so uncomfortable #rAMbles

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sukunasweetheart · 4 months

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oh, to fit him like a glove...

WARNINGS; ooc sukuna, virgin!reader (well... not for long), size kink, BREEDING, vaginal fingering, sukuna only has one dick here cuz i wanted to make it less complicated, COCKWARMING, stomach bulge, degradation, praise, sukuna is a four armed king, overstimulation, mouth-hands, EXCESSIVE CUM

based on this anon's ask! dividers credit; @/cafekitsune

word count; 3k

imagine being sukuna's precious princess of a wife-- whom he spoils and dotes on because its in his interests to do so. like any other woman, youre tiny compared to him, so having you take his cock eventually will be very tedious work, and sukuna will need a lot of patience.

and we all know, sukuna is the most patient man in the world... at least when it means that it'll be worth it for him at the end. and to him, you are worth everything.

he's proud and pleased to be your first... sukuna can't help but feel keen about the idea that he will be the only one ever to have had the pleasure of being so intimate with you.

he watches you intently, as you struggle to take even two of his thick fingers in your tight hole, tearing up and whimpering as he tampers with those delicate spots inside you.

"nngh.. sukuna... that feels so good..." you whimper his name delightfully, it almost makes his enduring patience snap.

outwardly, his face looks calm as he looks down at you with soft lust that takes the form of an almost blank expression.

"does it?" he asks, with a certain playfulness in his voice.

his fingers move a little faster, scissoring you inside and pressing in an upwards manner, where it makes you gasp the most. you're producing so much slick, but your hole is still so tight and unrelenting, clenching around his thick digits even more. sukuna thinks about good it'd feel if his dick was inside instead, and he feels himself aching with desire, twitching and leaking precum from his hidden erection.

...not yet.

he dutifully touches you to your orgasm, and watches with a hitched breath as you tremble on his fingers, walls fluttering against them. your sighs and soft moans reach his ears like nothing else.

his extra hands grope at your breasts, finding solace in them.

"do you think i'm ready yet?" you ask tenderly, after your breath returns to normal.

"... hardly, my love. that was only two of my fingers," sukuna tells you languidly, as he feeds your slick on his digits to the mouth on his stomach.

"only two? oh dear..." you sigh with sorrow, "will i ever be able to take you whole one day?"

he smirks at the question, and leans down into your chest while holding ahold of your hand.

"well of course. i'll make it happen no matter what. i promise."

the way he says it sends a shiver down your spine.

when it does happen, you best be ready for him to breed you full every night.

however, on some days, the urge gets unbearable, even for himself. he's been saving himself up a little, so he could pour everything inside you when the time comes, but the lust gets overwhelming, clouding his sight and judgement.

one night, you gesture towards the bulge in his pants, with a shaking hand.

"what about you? isn't it painful to always withhold yourself like that?" you ask, wanting for him to feel good as well, instead of just yourself.

sukuna grows silent, sweating bullets as his dick throbs upon your mention of it.

the next minute, he's taking it out and slotting it between your thighs, rubbing up against your slit and seeing how the size compares to your stomach.

the temptation is too great.

not. yet.

this was the whole reason he was avoiding using his cock with your body in the first place - because he was afraid he'd cave in and attempt to deflower you when you weren't ready yet, still too tight for him to squeeze in, causing you pain only.

if it were anyone else, he wouldn't bother... but you're one that he cherishes too much... he wants to work to make the end result even tastier. the moment where he'll finally claim you entirely.

the bed creaks as he thrusts in and out between your thighs, rubbing his twitching dick against your hole oozing with slick, also brushing up onto your clit that's swollen from arousal.

" 'm sorry... i wish... there was more i could do..." you whimper sweetly, squeezing one of his large hands.

"there's no need for that. whatever i can't put inside you now... i'll pump in twice as much, once you're ready for me," sukuna whispers gently, holding your hand back, a groan resounding in the back of his throat.

rewards become so much sweeter after restraint. like how you wouldn't pick and eat an unripe fruit from a tree.

"you're doing plenty enough for me... for now," he tells you breathlessly. he adores the glossy look in your eyes.

his cock continues to glide back and forth, and he feels so hot between your thighs.

"i... i want your tip inside when you cum, please," you say, eyeing his dick with a certain neediness.

"are you sure, love?" he asks, hoping you'll say yes. you nod fervently.

sukuna feels lightheaded at the thought of it, all the while his dick gets more and more sensitive against your thighs... his balls feel so heavy and full, all those times he held himself back coming to catch up on him.

you squeeze your legs around him harder, making him groan, cock pulsing for all it's worth. he thinks about how tightly your walls would clamp around him. the heat from your insides, and your slick covering his shaft. he's close.

he suddenly spreads your legs.

at this stage, he's only barely able to get his tip past your entrance. it's possible when he does it slowly enough. you whine beneath him, doing your best to not go against his arms that are pinning your legs down.

a drop of sweat rolls down the side of his face. sukuna uses an extra hand to stroke the rest of his dick as his tip remains snug inside your puckering hole. when it comes, he gives a choked-off gasp from how good his first-in-a-while release feels.

he has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from burying himself any further.

the ropes of cum seep and trickle into your womb in thick, heavy spurts, and the hotness of it gets you breathing unevenly, being so aroused by this sensation. there's a copious amount. he continues jerking himself off to get every last droplet out, and his own hand can feel the intense twitches of the veins on his erection.

it's not nearly enough to satisfy him, but it's enough to keep him patient.

once his tip pops out from your wet hole again, his spend come out of it in large globs, and sukuna can't help but admire the sight, his dick twitching weakly in his hand.

he abstains from cumming all over again for another few weeks- another few weeks of stretching you out with his fingers, and prepping you to perfection.

when the day finally creeps up, where he believes you're ready to take him whole, sukuna hears and feels his heartbeat in his own ears.

ever so slowly. he's sitting down on the edge of the bed, and he has you lower yourself on his throbbing cock as he's face to face with you, ever so slowly. your body trembles lightly and he feels it on his hands and fingers as they're placed against your hips. sukuna senses your anxiousness that flows from you in large waves.

your hole is so tight, trying to push the intrusion out, but the wetness from your slick helps his cock slip inside easier, and sukuna's breath is kept within the back of his throat as you swallow him up deeper and deeper.

he's sweating. you're sweating. but soon enough, you're sat on his lap completely, having gotten all of him inside you at last. you can barely breathe with how tightly you enclose around him. how his cock is nudged up snugly against your cervix, pushing the literal air out of your lungs. and the way you feel it twitching inside.

sukuna has never been more patient, more self disciplined, more repressed than in this moment. one wrong movement and he feels like he could snap and start thrusting in without concern for you in any moment. no. he shouldn't do that. it would ruin all everything he's done to build you up for this moment.. but your walls keep tauntingly squeezing around him...

"i- i can finally fit all of you inside..." you say with glee, tears on your lashes, but looking very proud of yourself. it snaps him back to sanity, a little bit.

"of course... you were made for me, after all. so perfectly mine, fitting me like a glove," sukuna mumbles, as his bigger tongue licks against your clit, arousing you more so that you could loosen up for him. his praise gets to your head and makes you feel sheepish, wanting to do more to please him. but you don't think you can do that, just yet.

"can we stay like this for a bit, please?"

"that would be...for the best. can't have my wife splitting in half, can i?" sukuna jests rather sinisterly.

"oh, you..." you pout at him. the larger tongue rubs against you more persistently to distract you, and he smirks as it does the trick. you whimper, and your walls pulse gently around him making him groan. your eyes get half lidded, already feeling somewhat exhausted, and you lean your face against the large man's chest.

veins are bulging out of his arms, and one on his forehead. you seem so relaxed, unbeknownst to the fact that he's currently doing everything to keep himself together. you're like a tiny mouse trapped in the claws of a tiger.

sukuna starts to bite and kiss down your neck and shoulder to satiate himself.

few minutes after you've calmed yourself a little, your eyes start wandering down, taking notice of the bump on your stomach, from having him inside you.

"it goes without saying, but you're so big..." you press against it without thinking, and you feel him throb inside you intensely. sukuna grabs your wrist with a growl.

"are you trying to test my patience right now?"

you look at him with wide eyes, from how unusually on edge he is... something about him being all restless makes you feel aroused. you're doing that to him. a man who rarely ever feels. but you've gotten him all sensitive.

" 'm sorry. kiss me?" you ask sweetly, lips curling up in a foxy way.

his gaze softens.

"when you ask me so sweetly... i can't deny you, can i?"

and he leans down to press his lips onto yours, despite seeing the mischief in your eyes. your arms go around his neck, and as he's kissing you, his hands go for your breasts.

you tighten up on his leaking dick, making him moan into your mouth. his grip on your hips squeeze harder, but he doesn't stop kissing you.

you want to make him cum. you want him to lose control from being inside you.

sukuna breaks the kiss with a little choked off heave, when you begin to roll your hips around him slightly.

"you're getting awfully ahead of yourself-"

you cut him off by latching your mouth to the side of his neck, suckling and running your tongue against his skin while your hips keep moving.

he'd call you cute, but it's working. sukuna grits his teeth and his eyes get heavy lidded, dick getting impossibly harder. his heavy breathing adds to your excitement.

"i never knew my wife was such a whore. i'll be sure to return this favour later," sukuna tells you with a low voice, his hands now guiding your hips against him.

you're wordless, as you continue running your lips and tongue up his skin, moving onto his jawline, only giving a whine in response, feeling his tip press into the entrance of your womb.

such lousy movement usually wouldn't be near enough for him, but...

his head lulls back, exposing the way his adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows thickly, getting close... your little kitten thrusts and the way you're tonguing the sensitive area under his jaw...

sukuna's hips jolt into you for the last time.

" 'm cumming-"

his mouth hangs open as he releases - dumping weeks' worth of seed into your cunt. his body jerks against you and you bite into his shoulder.

his cock throbs erotically in your clamping walls, and you milk him effortlessly, and you moan on his neck, while still suckling and tonguing the same area, feeling the hotness of his cum as it thickly pours into you, making your belly swell a bit from it.

sukuna groans as he seeds your womb properly for the first time, two hands on your hips, one against the back of your neck, and the remaining arm wrapped around your waist to keep you still as his dick pulses inside you.

your head is whirring from the tense situation, being creampied so lewdly for the first time, to think that he's released inside, and the feeling of his every breath as he orgasms, is enough to make you feel so exhilarated.

suddenly, he stills.

it makes you a little nervous, so you detach your upper body from him and aim to look at his expression. but before you can make any further movement, you're suddenly thrown onto your back against the soft mattress of the bed in the speed of light. he keeps himself buried in you, making sure to plug you up nicely.

when you meet his eyes after a shocked gasp, you see his darkened expression, his eyebrows furrowed, but his mouth curved up in a toothy, sinister grin.

"you really tested me back there, didn't you?" he rasps, grabbing your face and forcing you to keep your gaze on him.

"i hope you're aware that i'm not letting you get a wink of sleep tonight."

not a word gets out of your mouth, before sukuna pulls his dick back, and slams his hips into you, his thick cock dragging against your tight walls.

your voicebox makes a noise that you never thought was possible, a noise that's mixed with both a moan and a scream.

"oh, fuck..." sukuna mumbles gutturally, beginning to thrust in and out of you the way he's always wanted to. your hands fist the sheets behind your head, and his hands keep your legs spread apart for him, while the other two pinch at your breasts roughly, groping at your flesh so brazenly.

his heavy balls slap against your ass as his hips rut into you, making sure to drive himself in to the hilt, before pulling out to the tip and doing that all over again.

you squeal and mewl under him, eyes watering from pleasure and already getting overstimulated as he fucks you senseless. to think that only a few weeks ago, you were only able to fit two of his fingers. it all feels like a fever dream.

sukuna breathes heavily, his muscles glistening from his own sweat as he indulges in his reward, his reward of you, and your cunt that is finally nice and loose for him, sheathing him so nicely, coating his dick with your slick like the harlot you are. his laboured breaths stutter when your walls pulse around him as you reach your orgasm-- your head tilting back into the mattress.

cock leaking more precum into you, sukuna's eyes become half lidded again as he gets close to his second release.

"you're gonna drive me crazy," he grunts, as his tip reaches your cervix again and again and again.

his thrusts become erratic, and then halts as he busts another thick load into you, making you cry out pitifully.

"fuuck, fuck, fuck...." sukuna shudders, leaning down on his forearms, getting so close that you feel his breath ghosting against your skin, while his other two hands grip onto the sides of your hips. his pecs rub up into your tits and the tongue from his stomach messily laps away at your clit as he empties his balls into you, your pussy seemingly trying to squeeze him dry.

all of his eyes close up as he then kisses you like he's trying to swallow up your tongue. you whimper against his lips, doing your best to reciprocate, struggling to keep up with the pace of this kiss.

he breaks away from your lips.

"c'mon, not good enough. put your tongue into it more," he instructs breathlessly, with somewhat of a disappointed expression. your mind is too hazy from the intense lust but you give a short nod with teary eyes, which makes him smirk before pushing his lips onto you again.

you kiss him back the most you can, and he hums in pleasure, your tongue finally intertwining with his. it distracts you from how full you feel right now, even with only two of his loads in you.

his thrusts slowly start back up again.

"s-sukuna-!" you gasp, breaking the kiss.

"i warned you... it's gonna be a long night," sukuna tells you. he seems to have become more sound of mind after that second orgasm.

"give me more..." he mutters, leaning against the crook of your neck, and licking a stripe up against it, "my precious wife."

your arms wrap around his neck, holding him tight. he grins, and you feel it on your skin.

... eventually when his third load fills you up, he's running his tongue against the shell of your ear, two mouths sucking at each of your nipples, from the way he clasped his palms over your breasts at the last second.

you're trembling beneath him, tears now running down the side of your face, babbling nonsensical words at him.

sukuna leans back to run his third hand through his disheveled hair to slick it up again, and he grins at your state of overstimulation. he feels so good inside you. it was worth waiting and preparing you for so long.

once your orgasm subsides a bit, he finally detaches his mouth-hands away from your tits, making a line of saliva stretch between in the process. then, the mouths disappear. your body relaxes. but sukuna's cock is still inside you.

"you alright, my love?" he asks smugly, looking down at your state of fatigue caused by intense pleasure.

you mumble out something of a 'yes', and he chuckles. his eyes trail down to your now slightly pudgy stomach.

"you're so full with me, my dear wife. haha, it's quite the lovely sight," sukuna tells you softly, pressing his hand down softly against the swell of your tummy. you jolt a little, whining.

"sukuna... too full..."

he leans down closer to your face and wipes the sweat off your forehead, before bringing his lips to the same area gently.

"we can stay like this for a few minutes. rest up. but we're not done yet."

he hasn't even had the chance to sink his teeth into you yet. just a little more. you can do that for him, can't you?

Masterlist

#sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x you #ryomen sukuna #sukuna #soft sukuna

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