Ok, it’s 9.00 @electronicgentlemencrusade you know what time it is
I’m going to put this under a read more just because it’s going to get really long.
Ok, I’m actually pre-cringing, so I just need to get this over with.
Ok, I mean I’m not ready but it’s now or never, sooooo....
I was scrolling through Tumblr, just before I got into bed and I saw this picture of San right? Well the thing is, I looked at him and just kinda short -circuited at how pretty he is, istg that man is actually just so beautiful! Like how?! I was just trying to scroll through Tumblr and live my best life, and 5 months later here I am.
So, after my dumb monkey brain was done gawking over how this man could actually exist, it’s next course of action was: ‘WhAT’S HiS nAMe?’ and his name and the group was very helpfully in the tags. That information very helpfully gets tucked away into my brain (istg I cannot remember a single formula but THIS I remembered after reading it ONCE?!)
But by now its lateish, and I put Tumblr away and kinda push the beautiful man who now has a name to the corner of my mind.
However, three days later, I’m on Tumblr again, and San kinda pops into my mind, and I’m like I wonder what he looks like (the picture I’d seen was only his side profile). So I search him up on Tumblr, and I immediately feel bad, and close Tumblr
Because... (this is where it gets embarassing btw, my sister will never let me live this down, and tbh my logic is so flawed here, and ik that so please don’t hate me 🥺❤)
My absolutely brilliant train of thought goes, ‘Wait, am I allowed to do this?’, ‘I kinda feel bad, I don’t know anything about the guy apart from his name and group’ and then it’s just some general freaking out, because my morals decide to chime in and go: No, that’s just kinda weird, you know nothing about the guy, and here you are searching him up just because he’s pretty! And not even the entire group!! Just the one member! (idk if any of that made sense tbh because my train of thought is jumbled at the best of times 🙃)
So, obviously to right this wrong I decide that the only way to go about it is to listen to their music, for a little while (just listening - I banned myself from watching MVs because I’d decided that I’d lost that right). I don’t really know my exact logic behind it but it was something along the lines of at least put a voice to the group and face.
I just shuffled their discography on YT music and listened to it, I actually skipped Pirate King the first time round but Wave absolutely captured my heart, and I think I listened to their music for a solid hour or something. And then I watched Seokjinnie’s guide to ateez on YT (very good btw!! 10/10 would recommend! 😍❤) learnt their names, and welp here I am now 😅
Please, I promise I can be semi-normal it’s not all weird moral codes, and guiltily listening to music.
This isn't the exact picture that I'd seen, but it's the closest one that I could find 🙃
@electronicgentlemencrusade I hope the utter embarassment of myself was a worthy prize 😅😂🙃 I may just implode from how embarassed I am though 🙃😂
(if anybody read the whole thing, ily because you managed to get through sm of my awful writing)
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what’s up with the MiA fics:
me just like
how the hell did anyone actually read that smut?? how? i have to rewrite the whole damn thing because it’s just... i don’t get as much honesty as i need about purple prose :( i don’t even think it’s hot, it’s mostly just... a lot of words.
oh dear god.
this is the last time i say i need to work on something, work on it, and totally fail at implementing what i’ve learned. that is me CUTTING down my prose. holy hell.
i really don’t wanna work on anything until i can fix this absolute shitshow. i know the advice i’ve been given of drop it let the fic go and move on is right, but for me, i want to try to fix it somehow. i’m not comfortable writing smut again until i do and i know it’s legit fun/sexy to read.
however herein lies the major issue.
i am in fact telling a story throughout the oneshots. ch3 kicks it off really hard about relics, what bonedad did to himself, why his characterization is what it is, that the UH functions are somewhat different because of what he did, massive etc, there’s a lot going on... and it’s in the final chapter of a smutfic.
it’s bad storytelling plain and simple. my problem? i can’t work on big linear fics with my health being so crappy. i know it is a disappointment to some people if i deleted all my fics to rewrite or just stopped writing entirely (until people can, you know, READ the words i’ve put out and not “um bon literally just has his name and nothing else...”).
but i can’t lie. i am feeling like an idiot over it. i dunno that there’s a way to reconcile what i’ve already published with ch3 of primeval and the rest of the overarching storyline. i don’t think it can be done the way i’m doing it, and that’s... really not helping the muse.
the muses who have both died ffs. i can’t write random smut or fluff or funny content when there’s always a plot and a reason the characters are who they are and do what they do.
i oof’d myself straight out of the universe on this one folks. jfc.
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