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nurvuss · 3 years

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I Watched the First Episode of Every New Spring 2021 Anime Airing on Crunchyroll

Hey, are you like me, and feeling like you're not getting the most out of your Crunchyroll subscription? Sure, there's stuff on there that you know you like. But whenever I look at the big long list of simulcasting shows, my eyes glaze over and I don't even know where to begin.

I wanted to change my habits and see if there were any shining gems that I should be watching. So, as per the title, I watched the first episode of every new Spring 2021 anime on Crunchyroll. And guess what? There’s a lot of crap! But indeed, there’s some stuff that’s worth your time.

Some clarification: I've only watched shows that began their first season in April 2021.

Backflip!!

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The Lowdown

As Futaba Shotaro comes to the end of middle school, his interest in baseball has begun to wane. Soon he notices the Ao High Boys Gymnastic Club and becomes enthralled, especially after seeing them perform. Once he learns they're down two members, he chooses to sign up and pursue the art of gymnastics. The club is also joined by Misato Ryoya, a star solo gymnast looking to expand his technique through teamwork.

Our Thoughts

Pretty formulaic shoujo sports anime: you've got your himbo, your thug, your ladies' man, your stoic guy, with Shotaro rounding out the cast as the shy and awkward audience surrogate. It looks wholesome enough, and the choreographed routines employ CG in a way that's quite convincing without being hideous.

Who It's For

Fans of FREE, or Yuri!!! on Ice, or any similar shows about cute boys who succeed at athletic feats.

Borscht Rating

Burning Kabaddi

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The Lowdown

Legendary high school soccer star Yoigoshi Tatsuya has given up on sports! That is, until he's blackmailed to join the high school kabaddi team, under threat of his online persona being leaked to the entire school. Although Tatsuya initially writes kabaddi off as stupid, the unexpected happens as he begins to have fun.

Our Thoughts

Kabaddi is kinda like competitive tag, or dodgeball but with your body instead of a ball. Burning Kabaddi is basically the shounen alternative to Backflip!! above, replete with nosebleeds, pratfalls, and dudes punching each other. The main cast don't seem to like each other very much; that probably changes as the show goes on but at first blush it's a dynamic I always find annoying.

Who it's For

Fans of Haikyuu!!? Maybe?

Borscht Rating

CARDFIGHT!! VANGUARD overDress

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The Lowdown

The newest series based on Bushiroad's collectible card game, featuring character designs by the beloved collective CLAMP. Petit middle schooler Yu-Yu just doesn't know how to say no. As his older students dress him in drag to use as live makeup practice, he suffers a panic attack and flees into the streets. After being accosted by a pickup artist, he's befriended by Megumi, who invites him to witness a Cardfight match at the local abandoned amusement park. However, Yu-yu is too shy to tell Megumi he's actually a boy…

Our Thoughts

What an unexpectedly weird concept for a show about a card game. Our hero spends the whole episode in drag, whimpering and simpering at the sight of any conflict. Then they show off the latest series of cards, which all seem to be giant buff knights with names like "Bad Steve" and "Violent Bruce". Your guess is as good as mine.

Who it's For

Cardfight!! lovers, Japanese gender studies majors, or the most desperate fujoshi.

Borscht Rating

Cestvs: The Roman Fighter

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The Lowdown

The year is 54AD, and Nero has taken the throne as the youngest emperor of Rome. At the bottom of the population, Cestvs is a young slave training to be a colosseum boxer. Reluctant, his only choice is to fight or die.

Our Thoughts

Seeing Nero depicted as a gentle little twink is pretty funny. It's also pretty funny that the central character is named after a Roman boxing glove. The animation style transitions to some very uncanny CG when a major fight takes place, and I didn't like that one bit! This seems like a pretty average tournament anime but with a historical setting. It's currently unknown if any of these dudes are fucking each other. I'm gonna say probably.

Who It's For

The venn-diagram of Greco-Roman history buffs and lovers of tournament series?

Borscht Rating

Don’t Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro!

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The Lowdown:

Hachioji Naoto is a nerdy, introverted student who spends his time studying and avoiding socialising. When pages from the fantasy manga he's drawing fall out of his bookbag, they catch the attention of a younger student named Nagatoro Hayase. Nagatoro begins to tease Naoto for his otaku interests and awkward demeanour, peppered with some suggestive flirting.

Our Thoughts:

What would you do if a younger girl flirted with you? Would you cry? Piss your pants maybe? Maybe shit and cum? Don't Toy With Me… attempts to barely conceal its BDSM fantasy with its comedic elements, but it's incredibly apparent as Nagatoro always wipes away Naoto's tears as a sort of aftercare. It's like a lighter, comedic version of Aku no Hana, but lacking any of the ponderings or danger that made that work so special.

Who It's For:

People who search Pornhub for "bratty sister femdom".

Borscht Rating:

86 Eighty-Six

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The Lowdown

The Republic of San Magnolia and the Giad Empire, have been at war for nearly a decade. Using advanced military technology, the frontlines are fought by giant mecha drones called Juggernauts, controlled remotely by Handlers. Major Vladilena Mirizé is one of the military's most talented Handlers in the 1st District, and one who is constantly teased by her peers for the humanity and empathy she shows her squadron. The government line is that drone warfare has kept casualties to zero, but unbeknownst to the public these "drones'' are piloted by 86ers—the lowest class of citizens, forced to live in military internment camps in San Magnolia's 86th District.

Our Thoughts

This is incredibly my kind of thing. We've got a dual narrative being set up here: Vladilena as the kind, reluctant officer of a fascist regime, and the Bad Company-esque antics of her new ragtag squad, Spearhead. The first episode is split pretty evenly between the two, with each story converging at the end as Vladilena "meets" Spearhead for the first time through her comms station. It's an explosive and enticing first episode, and I can't wait to watch more of it.

Who It's For

Fans of Fullmetal Alchemist, Psycho-Pass, Gundam, or any number of anti-imperialist war stories.

Borscht Rating

Fairy Ranmaru

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The Lowdown

In a quiet corner of the city sits Bar F, a modest drinking establishment staffed entirely by five hot young men. Unbeknownst to the general population, these men are a crack team of fairies sent to the human world to gather the latent energy of "attachment". They do this by solving the problems of young women, taking their hearts in the process.

Our Thoughts

Hubba hubba, a little something for the ladies! It's Weiẞ Kreuz with a bar instead of a flower shop, fairies instead of assassins, and some pretty revealing outfits. There's definitely a little Persona 5 inspiration here too, from the punctuating phrase "Take your Heart!" to many of the visual cues. Make of that what you will.

Who It's For

Fans of Weiẞ Kreuz, slash fic authors.

Borscht Rating

Farewell, My Dear Cramer

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The Lowdown

Onda Nozomi was once the star player of her middle school football team. Completely unmatched, she no longer plays as there's no opponent she deems to be on her level. Meanwhile Suou Sumire far outpaces her teammates, causing her frustration. By a twist of fate, these two girls find themselves joining the scrappy Warabi Seinan High School FC as they begin to learn the value of teamwork and friendship.

Our Thoughts

I don't know sports. And I really don't know football. I had to look up what the title meant, and now I barely know who Dettmar Cramer is. I'm really not the best person to judge this, but it seems like a pretty good female-driven sports anime.

Who It's For

Fans of Ace o Nerae! or other sports manga/anime about those ever burning bonds between young teammates.

Borscht Rating

Gloomy, the Naughty Grizzly

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The Lowdown:

Pitty lives with his pet Gloomy, a massive pink bear. Can a boy and a bear truly get along?

Our Thoughts:

This is a series of minute-long gag episodes in which Gloomy mauls Pitty and blood squirts everywhere. It's definitely meant to be a morbid parody of Sanrio or San-X; it might be a Rilakkuma parody in particular? Gloomy is the kind of thing you might laugh at if it came on in between shows, but it's pretty slight to go through the trouble of putting on.

Who It's For:

Gag anime fans with one minute to spare.

Borscht Rating:

Higehiro: After Being Rejected, I Shaved and Took in a High School Runaway

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The Lowdown

After a night of drinking in Tokyo, slovenly salaryman Yoshida encounters a teenage runaway sitting under a lamppost. She offers to sleep with him in return for letting her spend the night in his apartment. Yoshida refuses her offer but allows her to stay. The next morning the girl, Sayu, reveals she's travelled all the way from Hokkaido, sleeping with random men in return for lodging and money. Feeling responsible for her safety, Yoshida agrees for Sayu to stay indefinitely in return for handling household chores.

Our Thoughts

This is kind of the inverse of Koikimo (see below), but without a scumbag character and from a male perspective. It's not nearly as nauseating as that show, but it's still a fantasy about living with a busty teenage girl.

Who It's For

Libertarians.

Borscht Rating

I've Been Killing Slimes For 300 Years And Maxed Out My Level

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The Lowdown:

Office lady Aizawa Azusa dies of overwork in her early 20s, and finds herself standing before a lecherous goddess. Allowed a wish as compensation for her untimely demise, Azusa wishes for an endless life of leisure. The goddess reincarnates her as a 17-year-old immortal witch in an RPG-coded fantasy world. Thrilled, Azusa lazes about, brewing potions for her neighbouring villagers, and kills a small amount of slimes each day to supplement her income. After doing this every day for 300 years, she inadvertently finds herself at Level 99. Her peaceful life is soon upended as adventurers and dragons come from miles around to challenge the legendary witch.

Our Thoughts:

I'm not really an isekai fan, and that goes double for series which aren't set in an RPG, yet use RPG mechanics. Levelling up, grinding stats, min-maxing, as if it's a part of the fabric of the setting. I don't get it. I like watching numbers go up as much as the next dork, but I don't need to watch numbers go up in absolutely every piece of media I consume. Just play a fucking video game, Jesus Christ almighty.

I thought this might be setting up a fun series in which a layabout is reluctantly called upon to undertake a dangerous quest, but I don't think that's what's going on at all. When the red dragon Laika wrecks Azusa's house, she transforms into a cute young girl and the two begin living together, teaching each other the pros and cons of hard work and slothfulness respectively. The trajectory of the series might be as laid back as its protagonist in the end, which, ultimately, would be fitting.

Who It's For:

Isekai fans, slice-of-life fans. The twain have met!

Borscht Rating:

Joran: The Princess of Snow and Blood

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The Lowdown

In alternative history Japan the Meiji Period continued well into the 1930s, and the ongoing Tokugawa Shogunate has brought technological prosperity to the nation through a magical energy source called the Dragon's Vein. Sawa Yukimura runs a bookshop where she lives with her little sister by day, but by night she's an assassin for Nue, the shogunate's secret police. As the terrorist group Kuchinawa deploys transforming beasts in an attempt to topple the shogunate, Nue springs into action with their own abilities.

Our Thoughts

There are a lot of concepts competing here, and a few too many flashy transformation sequences for my taste, but I'm really into it! Nue are made up of sex workers and street musicians, often overlooked and therefore easily able to blend in. There's a supernatural Standalone Complex vibe to how the team operates, and they're almost assuredly on the wrong side. Worth a shot!

Who It's For

Fans of alternate history science fiction, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex, Demon Slayer.

Borscht Rating

Koikimo: Koi to Yobu ni wa Kimochi Warui ("It's Disgusting to Call This Love")

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The Lowdown

Amakusa Ryo is a womanizing salaryman concerned with nothing but his own base desires. As he slips on the train station stairs one morning, he's saved by the swift action of Arima Ichika, a kind-hearted high schooler. When it turns out Ichika is friends with Ryo's younger sister Riou, he decides she's his soulmate, and begins to pursue her no matter how many times she refuses him. Comedy ensues!

Our Thoughts

Yeah, OK groomer.

Alright look, Korikimo is written by a woman and told from Ichika's perspective, so this is obviously meant to be a lighthearted "older man" shoujou romance. As an older man, all I saw were the adventures of a paedophile and the teenager he's stalking. Fuck off.

Who it's For

There's probably other stuff like this, right? If you like that, here you go.

Borscht Rating

Let's Make a Mug, Too

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The Lowdown

After the death of her mother, Himeno and her father relocate from bustling Tokyo to quiet Tajimi City in Gifu Prefecture. The former salaryman opens a quiet cafe using the remarkable mugs made by his late wife, while Himeno follows in her mother's footsteps and joins the school pottery club. Although her first project ends in disaster, Himeno makes fast friends with the eccentric pottery enthusiasts who make up the club.

Our Thoughts

It's no Eizouken, but I guess it's probably not meant to be. I'm not a big iyashikei genre fan, but if that's your thing, you might enjoy the wholesome non-adventures of three girls trying to make a mug. It's worth noting these episodes are only about 12 minutes long, with the remaining runtime segmented into live action episodes where the voice actresses tour Tajimi and unconvincingly pretend to be interested in Gifu's famous mino-yaki pottery. I think this must be a tie-in with a local tourist board.

Who It's For

People who enjoy stuff like Aria, actually.

Borscht Rating

OddTaxi

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The Lowdown

In a Tokyo populated by anthropomorphic animals, a solemn walrus named Odokawa spends his nights driving his cab around the bustling metropolis, spending his free time drinking with his pals. Odokawa soon finds his quiet life disrupted by a caper involving a missing girl, some crooked cops, and the animal yakuza.

Our Thoughts

A deft blend of working class slice-of-life with mystery, cute animals, and striking visual design. OddTaxi might be the sleeper hit of Spring 2021.

Who It's For

Fans of existentialist film noir with absurdist comedy, Polar Bear Cafe, walrus lovers.

Borscht Rating

Osamake: Romcom Where The Childhood Friend Won't Lose

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The Lowdown

Suehiro Maruo Sueharu Maru has his heart set on Shirokusa Kachi, the hottest girl in school. When she begins dating a young actor, Sueharu confides in his childhood friend Kuroha Shida, who's openly in love with him and he rejected in the past. Kuroha suggests the two get revenge on Shirokusa by pretending to be in love. Will Sueharu fall in love with Kuroha for real, making her dreams come true?

Our Thoughts

Give me a fucking break.

Who It's For

I don't know and I don't care.

Borscht Rating

SD Gundam World Heroes

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The Lowdown

The newest instalment of the SD Gundam media-mix franchise. In a world populated by super deform mecha, a burning meteor lands in the middle of Captain City. From it launches a terrible mechanized beast: Naughty Lion. When the police are powerless to stop it, a crack team led by Zhuge Liang Gundam and Liu Bei Gundam sorties to bring Naughty Lion to justice. When the beast stops rampaging, it transforms into Sun Wukong Gundam, a youthful amnesiac mecha horrified at the destruction he wrought. The Three Kingdoms Gundams welcome Sun Wukong into the fold to make sense of this mysterious event.

Our Thoughts

I'm an 80s kid, I know a 30-minute toy commercial when I see one.

No, seriously though, I'm aware of SD Gundam's merchandising—they're cute designs, and I even used to have a bunch of the gum rubber mini figurines. I've played the SD Great War Super Famicom games, they're fun! This is a vehicle to get kids hyped up about the latest toys, which are...based on a hodgepodge of Journey to the West and Romance of the Three Kingdoms this year? There's even a little SD Guan Yu Gundam with a big long beard!

I kinda wanted to like the idea of a bearded robot, but the mechas are super busy and overdesigned. I guess there's only so much you can do to make your next series of toys bigger and better, so these guys are all decked out in gold accents, capes, horns, and antlers, and half the time I couldn't parse what I was seeing.

I'm so glad I don't have to watch any more of this.

Who It's For

Very, *very* young mecha fans.

Borscht Rating

Seven Knights Revolution: Hero Successor

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The Lowdown

Long ago, the Dark God Nestra ruled the world through fear. Standing against him were the Seven Knights, seven brave warriors chosen by the Light Goddess Serrass. With their powers combined, Nestra was defeated and the lands returned to peace. Hundreds of years later the wicked Physis Cult seeks to revive Nestra, summoning undead beasts to ravage the countryside. With the Seven Knights long dead, the Granseed Academy has risen to train the next wave of heroes to combat this threat. Using special cards, the students of Granseed are able to call upon the power of the Seven Knights to guide them in battle.

Our Thoughts

As soon as the opening started with its transforming heroes and lovingly depicted weapon cards, I realised this must be based on a mobile game. Indeed, this is based on a free-to-play gacha from Korean developer Netmarble. Even before I was able to confirm this, Hero Successor failed to draw me in, eschewing details on the nature of its world in lieu of a glamourised marketing push for its source material. What's here is incredibly slight, and likely to be of little interest to anyone who isn't deep into this game.

Who It's For

Seven Knights whales, I guess.

Borscht Rating

Those Snow White Notes

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The Lowdown

Sawamura Setsu mourns the death of his grandfather Matsugorou, a talented shamisen player who refused to pass his secrets on. Not knowing what else to do, he leaves his remote village for Tokyo, taking nothing but his shamisen along with him. Soon he finds himself wrapped up in the complicated life of aspiring actress Yuna and her scuzzy rockstar boyfriend Taketo. When Setsu opens for Taketo's band, he stuns the audience with the raw emotion of his playing. However, his heart is still tumultuous.

Our Thoughts

An entertaining first episode of a speciality music series, which is the kind of thing I have a place in my heart for. I couldn't shake the feeling of some latent misogyny that suggested the role of a woman is to inspire a tortured artist, but I might be wrong. The final few minutes take a twist by introducing Setsu's weird, horny mother who seems to have her own personal SWAT team, and it looks like the series becomes a more conventional high school anime from episode 2 onwards. Don't know about that!

Who It's For

Fans of Kids on the Slope, Sound of the Sky.

Borscht Rating

Tokyo Revengers

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The Lowdown

Former delinquent Takemichi is unsatisfied with the way his life turned out, living alone in a paper-thin apartment and working a minimum wage job under a boss who doesn't respect him. When watching the news one evening, he learns that his highschool sweetheart Hinata was killed, alongside her little brother. On the way to work the next morning, Takemichi falls in front of an oncoming train and wakes up 12 years in the past. Armed with foreknowledge, he attempts to turn his life around and save his onetime lover.

Our Thoughts

This is drawing from a lot of sources; the whole train sequence is lifted straight from Gantz, while the story itself initially seems like a Life on Mars kind of deal. In fact, Tokyo Revengers sees Takemichi jump back and forth between the present and the past, seemingly making small changes until he achieves his desired outcome. It feels like a very video gamey depiction of time travel, and one that's not super interesting.

Who It's For

Steins;Gate fans, maybe? Delinquent manga (Shonan Junai Gumi, Crows, etc.) fans, maybe? It's pretty self-serious compared to any of those.

Borscht Rating

To Your Eternity

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The Lowdown

An immortal being in the form of an orb falls to earth and becomes a stone. Years pass, an ice age sets in, and a white wolf stumbles onto the tundra and dies. The orb, able to take the form of anything that leaves a strong impression on it, transforms into the wolf and slowly learns how to use its newfound ambulatory body. The creature treks back through the tundra where it meets a boy living alone, after the rest of his village left in search of a better life. The boy recognises the wolf as his beloved pet, Johann, and the two begin living together in the harsh, lonely wastes.

Our Thoughts

I'm being a little coy with the synopsis here, and there's a major shake-up at the end of this debut episode. This one's based on a manga by the critically acclaimed Yoshitoki Ooima (A Silent Voice), and it's a depressing, compelling, and exciting start to a series. Lots of potential here!

Who It's For

Fans of NieR, Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon, Last Exile, Kino's Journey.

Borscht Rating

So, there you have it. I'm hoping this will be of use to anyone who experiences a similar sense of dread when faced with so many choices. Maybe we’ll do this again during the Summer 2021 anime season.

Also, please don't get mad at me if I'm snarky about your new favourite show! It’s just TV and I'm a big idiot anyway.

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Cerebus #7 (1978)

Elrod's boots have toes.

This cover proves that with Issue #7, Cerebus had outgrown its "sword & sorcery parody" roots. I would now define it as "madcap sword & sorcery parody." Elrod deciding he needed a little guy in a bunny outfit after hanging out with Cerebus for a short afternoon only makes me love Elrod even more. This issue is also proof that Dave Sim didn't earn his "first man to write and draw 300 issues of a monthly comic book all by himself" award because he didn't do this cover; Frank Thorne did. I don't mind that Gerhard did all the backgrounds for most of the series because without Gerhard, the comic could have been the same just with crappy backgrounds. But Dave Sim not doing the cover art for an issue?! That seems, well, actually, it seems on par with Gerhard doing all the backgrounds. Never mind. Elrod was last seen in Cerebus #4 which might make this the fastest return of any guest character in any comic book ever. I'm not a comic book historian but I'd stake my mother's life on that previous assumption. Hopefully the previous sentence will not start a rumor that my mother is a vampire which I don't think she actually is. I'm not a vampire historian so I wouldn't stake my mother's life on my mother being a vampire. That's a clever line, isn't it? This month's "Note from the Publisher" (which I guess I've incorrectly been calling "A Note from the Publisher") has been renamed "A Brief Note." Unless this "Note from the Publisher" is named "A Brief Note." And it's always possible that it's just called "Brief Note" since I've made that error with the article previously. Getting to the bottom of what this column is called is more interesting than the content of the note which is why I'm done writing about it this month. Dave Sim explains how this issue was the issue that freed him from writing a Barry Smith barbarian parody comic book as he began to take chances with the art and develop more of his own unique style. See? Just like I said about the madcap sword & sorcery designation earlier! He also points out that this is the second issue in seven issues that hints at aardvarks being important and Cerebus being some sort of Messianic figure. He wouldn't revisit that for some time because it wasn't important yet and also he probably didn't really know what to do with it. But it was a good idea because how can you not get a ton of great stories out of a character who is some kind of paradigm changing religious MacGuffin! Plus Elrod! Elrod was sure to make the readers laugh uproariously so that their parents would look over annoyed and ask, "What's so funny?" To which the comic book reader could respond, "Sheesh! Mind your own business! You wouldn't get it anyway!"

Is it more or less manly to admit that I would fuck Cerebus' horse?

Last issue, we learned that Cerebus gets super horny when he's had apricot brandy mixed with Rohypnol. We also learned that once he has sobered up, he forgets about the woman he thinks he loves but really only sort of likes the idea of her loving him. But he doesn't forget about the location of the treasure he learned about! You might be thinking, "That's because he learned about the treasure before E'lass slipped him the date rape drugs." But then I'd say haughtily and super condescendingly, "Yes, but he also learned more information from Jaka while totally stoned out of his mind which was essential to realizing just where the treasure was!" Then you'd secretly begin to hate me and start ignoring my texts and start the slow and silent process of breaking up with a friend. What I was trying to express was that Cerebus is hunting for the Black Sun Temple's treasure! By the end of this issue, he maybe he'll be super rich but still totally alone. I can't stop thinking about that horse. I just remembered, upon the appearance of Elrod at the beginning of this comic book, that the guy in the bunny suit isn't with Elrod. At least, not at first. He's just some flim-flam man trying to become the next aardvark Messiah, I think. But that's okay because I'd use anything as an excuse to say that I love Elrod even more. I'm guessing a lot of Cerebus readers told Dave the same thing which is why Elrod is back so soon.

How have I been a fan of Cerebus for thirty years and never made a Black Sun cocktail?

Elrod has come to the Temple of the Black Dog's Hole Sun for all of the wrong reasons unless getting shitfaced is a right reason and then I stand corrected. I'm pretty sure I'm standing corrected right now. Cerebus doesn't really want him tagging along but he also doesn't want Elrod wandering around to be discovered by the priests which might put their security on high alert. So he drags Elrod into the temple with him to find the treasure. Once inside, Elrod eventually wanders off to find some treasure of his own after Cerebus points out that a quiet living albino and a quiet dead albino are practically the same thing.

I'm sure all the riches are consolidated in the head priest's chambers for safe keeping.

Meanwhile some short priest named Mit is busy sewing a bunny suit. It looks just like Cerebus but is meant to represent one of the Black Sun's oldest and most revered nameless gods! Mit had studied all of the past prophecy and scripture of the Black Sun's theology so that he could represent himself as the coming Messiah and be worshiped as a god. So basically he's doing what Jesus did. Or Ardra! That's a Star Trek: The Next Generation reference which is better than making a reference to the comic book I wrote and drew in my late teens called Arrogance because nobody would get that reference. But, like Ardra and Jesus and Mit, I had a character who represented himself as the prophesied Messiah. Seriously though, who can trust a Messiah that was spoken about in prophecy?! Prophecy isn't a predictor of future events; it's a blueprint for some con man to come through town pretending to be a God and/or selling pool tables. I should scan in my comic books some time! I think it went five issues (at, like, five pages per issue!) and the later issues are really inspired by Jaka's Story: lots of text next to one or two large static images per page.

Ha ha! He's an ablino so he's easily mistaken for a statue!

Realizing the guards are onto them, Elrod rushes off to find Cerebus and drag him away. But instead he finds Mit in his costume and hauls him off. Cerebus finds his treasure and realizes Elrod has wandered off which can only mean that everything is going to become chaos at any second. Cerebus, Elrod, and Mit engage in a slapstick pursuit reminiscent of any old television program that would make you think of a slapstick pursuit. Maybe Scooby Doo or one of the Abbott and Costello movies. It eventually ends with everybody running for their lives and Cerebus discovering the pit of the Black Sun Temple's god. Spoiler: the god is a giant spider. That wasn't really a spoiler because this issue begins with this image:

The old comic standby of starting the story in the middle for one page and then preceding immediately to the beginning and telling the story linearly. I don't think Dave ever did this again because remember how this issue freed him from copying styles and tropes?!

Hey, remember that horse? Let's look at it some more. Oh yeah. Hey girl. I've got a carrot for you. Cerebus is finally defeated by a combatant this issue. Sure, it's a giant spider whose web Cerebus fell into while also losing his sword. As a reader, I'll allow Cerebus to lose a fight when the conditions are stacked so high against him. The only reason Cerebus survives is because Cerebus has no soul which causes the sacrificial Black Sun ceremony to disintegrate into chaos. The spider, finding no nourishment in the sacrifice, falls deeper into the pit as the temple crumbles and explodes around Cerebus. He's flung far out into the desert, mostly unharmed from the violence. But his treasure and his sword are lost. I hope that sword wasn't important to his becoming the Messiah! I suppose it's okay because he still has his three medallion necklace! With Mit's people and religion destroyed, he decides to become Elrod's sidekick for awhile. I don't remember if he ever turns up again; I'm guessing this was his only appearance. In this month's Aardvark Comment, a writer grades the art of Cerebus as an "A" and the writing as an "A+" so I'm just using that as my rating. Why should I waste my time doing redundant work?! At the end of the original issue, there was an ad for a hand-sewn Cerebus plush toy. That means that a non-zero number of Cerebus plush toys have been fucked in this reality. Eddie Campbell wrote a one page comic for this issue called "Great Wasters from History Not Counting Dave Sim." This was about a guy named Jack Mytton who lived from 1796 to 1834. I could look up who he was but that would defeat the purpose of Eddie Campbell telling me who he was in Eddie's comic! If you're interested in learning about Mr. Mytton yourself, I highly recommend researching him. He was a rich drunkard who did a bunch of crazy shit and then eventually died in pauper's prison. He sounded like a fun guy to be the friend of a friend of! Cerebus #7 Rating: A and A+, remember?!

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

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writing-prompts-for-friends · 4 years

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Notes from Robert McKee’s “Story” 09: Genre and Expectations

The majority of this section defines genres and sub-genres of story. I’ll provide a summary of them at the end of the post. I think that we all as writers know what genre our works tend to lean toward, so I instead want to focus on what McKee has to say about what is expected of writers as dictated by genre and by the audience.

Mastery of Genre

As life-long consumers of media, we have ingrained expectations of a story once we hear the genre. A rom-com? Well then, we’re in for a light-hearted comedy with a happy ending for the love interests. High fantasy? There’s gonna be lore and magic and elves and dwarfs, and a massive conflict that will probably span multiple novels or films.

“The genre sophistication of filmgoers presents the writer with this critical challenge: He must not only fulfill audience anticipations, or risk their confusion and disappointment, but he must lead their expectations to fresh, unexpected moments, or risk boring them. This two-handed trick is impossible without a knowledge of genre that surpasses the audience’s.”

As writers, it is our job to identify our genre and research it thoroughly. In the previous section about setting, McKee explains how the setting of the story gives the writer both limitations and inspiration.

Genre is, in a certain way, the frame in which the setting and story sit. Depending on the genre, the frame can be pliable or it can be rather fixed. Here you need to study your own genre deeply to find out exactly how flexible it is. For example, the genre of “Comedy” is much more pliable than that of the “Crime” genre. There are sub-genres, of course. But under the vast umbrella of “Comedy” almost anything goes as long as we can get a laugh out of it. “Crime” on the other hand, generally involves a struggle between a criminal and a justice-seeker (with the justice-seeker most commonly being the protagonist) and culminates in one triumphing over the other.

How to Master Your Genre

“Never assume that because you’ve seen films in your genre you know it. This is like assuming you could compose a symphony because you have heard all nine of Beethoven’s.”

McKee states that genre study is best done in the following way:

List all the works that feel similar to yours, both successes and failures. Studying works that are similar to yours but were failures can lead to great insights.

Study each of these works from page to page, breaking each one down into elements of setting, role, event, and value.

Stack these analyses on top of each other and look down through them all and ask yourself, “What do the stories in my genre always do? What are its conventions of time, place, character, and action?

Until you find these answers, the audience will always be one step ahead of you.

Personally, that sounds like a lot of work lol. But doing case studies like he describes would certainly help me to better understand my genre. Idk when I’ll have time for it, but...well. I’ll work on it.

Creative Limitations

This section really echoes what McKee had to say about setting, in that both setting and genre create boundaries for you to work within, but having boundaries pushes you to be more creative.

Until now, I’ve always started writing a story on a whim, based on a single scene in my head that grows into some 300 page monstrosity. I resisted plotting and just wrote what I wanted to write that day. I enjoyed the freedom that came with having no specific plans and not thinking much about my genre.

However, McKee uses a brilliant example to illustrate the beneficial aspects of understanding and working within the bounds of your genre:

“Robert Frost said that writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down, for it’s the self-imposed, indeed artificial demands of poetic conventions that stir the imagination. Let’s say a poet arbitrarily imposes this limit: He decides to write in six-line stanzas, rhyming every other line. After rhyming the fourth line with the second line he reaches the end of a stanza. Backed into this corner, his struggle to rhyme the sixth line with the fourth and second may inspire him to imagine a word that has no relationship to his poem whatsoever--it just happens to rhyme--but this random word then springs loose a phrase that in turn brings an imagine to mind, an image that in turn resonates back through the first five lines, triggering a whole new sense of feeling, twisting and driving the poem to a richer meaning and emotion.

Thanks to the poet’s Creative Limitation of this rhyme scheme, the poem achieves an intensity it would have lacked had the poet allowed himself the freedom to choose any word he wished.

The principle of Creative Limitation calls for freedom within a circle of obstacles. Talent is like a muscle: without something to push against, it atrophies.”

So one of our first steps as writers is to identify our genre or combination of genres, and then learn the genre conventions.

Genre conventions are the expected aspects of a certain genre. In a “Boy Meets Girl” romance genre, an obvious convention is that a boy and a girl must meet. It isn’t a cliche--it’s a necessary part of the equation. These conventions force us to use our imagination to reinvent the paradigms our genres and audiences demand, and if we can do it right, we fulfill their expectations while giving them something they had never dreamed of before.

Mixing and Reinventing Genres

What better way to sum up this section than Run DMC’s “Walk This Way,” which was the first hip hop hybrid video every played in heavy rotation on MTV?

Generally, a work tends to be a mix of two or more genres. For example, there is a Love Story subplot in just about EVERYTHING nowadays, for better or for worse. By mixing genres we as writers have a chance to give the world something that has never been seen before.

Something that McKee stresses is that genres are not static. He says:

“Genres are simply windows on reality, various ways for the writer to look at life. When the reality outside the window undergoes change, the genres alter with it.”

Social attitudes change. This means that what may have been a compelling story 50 years ago may not be as compelling when looked at once again today. The example McKee uses is the 1950′s film FALLING IN LOVE, which was about a man and woman who fell in love with each other but were already married and in unhappy relationships. Nowadays, in mainstream America, divorce isn’t a big deal. If an audience in 2020 watched this film, they’d just say, “You’re married to people you hate--just get a divorce already!”

“The audience wants to know how it feels to be alive on the knife edge of the now. What does it mean to be a human being today?

Innovative writers are not only contemporary, they are visionary. They have their ear to the wall of history, and as things change, they can sense the way society is leaning toward the future. They then produce works that break convention and take the genres into the next generation.

The finest writers are not only visionary, they create classics.”

McKee’s List of Genres

McKee states that there are many different ways to break genres down, and his is neither the best nor the most complete. Also, keep in mind that this book is actually focused around storytelling through film, so the references he uses are not books, but films.

LOVE STORY. It’s sub-genre, Buddy Salvation, substitutes friendship for romantic love.

HORROR FILM. This genre devices into three sub-genres: the Uncanny, in which the source of horror is astounding but subject to “rational” explanation, such as beings from outer space, science-made monsters, or a maniac; the Supernatural, in which the source of horror is an “irrational” phenomenon from the spirit realm; and the Super-Uncanny, in which the audience is kept guessing between the other two possibilities.

MODERN EPIC (the individual versus the state).

WESTERN.

WAR GENRE. Although war is often the setting for another genre, such as the Love Story, the WAR GENRE is specifically about combat. Pro-war versus Antiwar are its primary sub-genres.

MATURATION PLOT or the coming of age story

REDEMPTION PLOT. Here the film arcs on a moral change within the protagonist from bad to good.

PUNITIVE PLOT. In these, the good guy turns bad and is punished.

TESTING PLOT. Stories of willpower versus temptation to surrender.

EDUCATION PLOT. This genre arcs on a deep change within the protagonist’s view of life, people, or self from the negative (naive, distrustful, fatalistic, self-hating) to the positive (wise, trusting, optimistic, self-possessed)

DISILLUSIONMENT PLOT. A deep change of worldview from the positive to the negative.

COMEDY. Subgenres range from Parody to Satire to Sitcom to Romantic to Screwball to Farce to Black Comedy, all differing by the focus of comic attack (bureaucratic folly, upper-class manners, teenage courtship. etc.) and the degree of ridicule (casual, caustic, lethal).

CRIME. Subgenres vary chiefly by the answer to this question: From whose point of view do we regard the crime? Murder Mystery (master detective’s POV); Caper (master criminal’s POV), Detective (cop’s POV), Gangster (crook’s POV), Thriller or Revenge Tale (victim’s POV); Courtroom (lawyer’s POV); Newspaper (reporter’s POV); Espionage (spy’s POV), Prison Drama (inmate’s POV); Film Noir (POV of a protagnoist who may be part criminal, part detective, part victime of a femme fatale).

SOCIAL DRAMA. This genre identifies problems in society--poverty, the education system, communicable diseases, the disadvantaged, antisocial rebellion, and the like--then constructs a story demonstrating a cure. It has a number of sharply focused sub-genres: Domestic Drama (problems within the family), the Women’s Film (dilemmas such as career versus family, lover versus children), Political Drama (corruption in politics), Eco-Drama (battles to save the environment), Medical Drama (struggles with physical illness), and Psycho-Drama (struggles with mental illness).

ACTION/ADVENTURE. This often borrows aspects from other genres such as War or Political Drama to use as motivation for explosive action and derring-do. If ACTION/ADVENTURE incorporates ideas such as destiny, hubris, or the spirtual, it becomes the sub-genre High Adventure. If Mother Nature is the source of the antagonism, it’s a Disaster/Survival work.

HISTORICAL DRAMA. The treasure chest of history is sealed with this warning: What is past must be present. He must find an audience today. Therefore, the best use of history, and the only legitimate excuse to set a film in the past and thereby add untold millions to a budget, is anachronism--to use the past as a clear glass through which you show us the present.

BIOGRAPHY. This cousin to Historical Drama focuses on a person rather than an era. BIOGRAPHY, however, must never become a simple chronicle. That someone lived, died, and did interesting things in between is of scholarly interest and no more. The biographer must interpret facts as if they were fiction, find the meaning of the subject’s life, and then cast him as the protagonist of his life’s genre. These caveats also apply to the sub-genre Autobiography.

DOCU-DRAMA. A second cousin to Historical Drama, DOCU-DRAMA centers on recent rather than past events.

MOCKUMENTARY. This genre pretends to be rooted in actuality or memory, behaves like documentary or autobiography, but is utter fiction. It subverts fact-based filmmaking to satirize hypocritical institutions.

MUSICAL. I would love to see a musical novel lol.

SCIENCE FICTION. In hypothetical futures that are typically technological dystopias of tyranny and chaos, the SCIENCE FICTION writer often marries the man-against-state Modern Epic with Action/Adventure. But, like history, the future is a setting in which any genre may play.

SPORTS GENRE. Sport is a crucible for character change. This genre is a natural home for the Maturation Plot, the Redemption Plot, the Education Plot, the Punitive Plot, the Testing Plot, the Disillusionment Plot, Buddy Salvation, and Social Drama.

FANTASY. Here the writer plays with time, space, and the physical, bending and mixing the laws of nature and the supernatural. The extra-realties of FANTASY attract the Action genres but also welcome others such as the Love Story, Political Drama/Allegory, Social Drama, and/or Maturation Plot.

ANIMATION. I guess you could equate this to graphic novels, comics, and manga.

Source: McKee, Robert. Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting. York: Methuen, 1998. Print

#creative writing #writing inspiration #writeblr #creative writing methodology #creative writing theory #genre #story genre #writing resources #writing reference #robert mckee #writing novels #writing fiction #writing fantasy #writing prompts for friends notes on story #long post

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culturalgutter · 6 years

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Jet ‘s Chang Mo-Kei’s kung fu has been struck by the Jinx Palm, blocking his chi, destroying his ability to perform kung fu and causing him to need constant infusions of chi from Taoist priest Chang San-Fung (Sammo Hung). But Chang can only be cured by a massive infusion of yang energy, which he receives after falling off a cliff and meets a hermit chained to a bolder who teaches him the Great Solar Stance to get back at the hermit’s own enemies. Afterwards, Chang is super-skilled and learns kung fu with the ease of Jet Li. Then things get crazy with everybody flying and chi all over the place, a Mongol princess, the King of Green Bat, all the martial arts schools fighting each other, hundreds of people running around with flags, the not-evil Evil Cult, Hermit Chained to a Boulder Fist. And then, as it gets to the big end fight, it just stops, teasing a sequel that was never made. And I was filled with wonder.

Wong Jing’s Kung Fu Cult Master (1993) is the first time I know that I watched something adapted from a Louis Cha story. It is based on the third novel in Cha’s Condor Trilogy, Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre. I probably saw it at the old Golden Classics Cinema in Toronto. It was when I was watching all the Jet Li movies. This one was memorable and, having no familiarity with the source material, I found it difficult to follow. That didn’t stop me from pretending later I had been struck by a Jinx Palm. (What do you expect me to do when you give me charcoal powder toothpaste, people?). I was filled with wonder.

Since then I have made sense of what I saw through translated comics adaptations, in particular Ma Wing-Shing’s Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre (Comic One, 2002), the novel Kung Fu Cult Master adapts. It seems fitting that I would first read Louis Cha via the comics of Ma Shing-Wing and Tony Wong’s The Legendary Couple (ComicOne, 2002), an adaptation of Cha’s Return of the Condor Heroes. It parallels how I first encountered him in a way that I remember in Kung Fu Cult Master, rather than Chor Yuen’s elegant Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre (1978) or Wong Kar-Wai’s deconstruction and sorta prequel, Ashes of Time (Redux or not) (1993; 2008).

Behold this wonder! Gold Lion and Green Bat in Kung Fu Cult Master

Slightly more elegant Green Bat in Chor Yuen’s 1978 Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre

The comics and the 1983 television adaptations allowed me to become familiar with Cha and these stories. They allowed me start to understand stories that assumed familiarity with the story, whether Kung Fu Cult Master, Ashes of Time, or Jeffrey Lau’s Lunar New Year parody of The Legend of Condor Heroes, The Eagle Shooting Heroes (1993), shot with the same cast and at the same time as Ashes of Time. Please note Tony Leung Chiu-Wai in each film.

As the Blind Swordsmani in Ashes of Time

Suffering from a painful allergic reaction as Duan Zhixing in Eagle Shooting Heroes

In the early 1990s, Louis Cha was what Ip Man movies are now.

I watched some of the 2000s and 2010s tv adaptations in non-subtitled form, but by then I could understand who and what I was seeing. In fact, I was pleased when I could actually get the joke that the landlord and landlady in Stephen Chow’s Kung Fu Hustle (2006) were the ill-fated lovers of Return of the Condor Heroes, Yang Guo and Xiaolongnü played by Andy Lau and Idy Chan in the 1983 tv adaptation I borrowed from a good friend and have since gotten for myself.

Andy Lau as Yang Guo and Idy Chan as Xiaolongnu in 1983

Carman Lee as Xiaolongnu, Lois Koo as Yang Guo and giant condor friend in 1995.

Yuen Qiu as Xiaolongnu and Yuen Wah as Yang Guo in Kung Fu Hustle. Ha, I get the joke now! I can laugh!

And it helped a lot watching those shows when I read Tony Wong’s Legendary Couple, because the translations of the names were so different, but I recognized a disreputable Taoist when I saw him.* Sometimes the Wudang Clan is something to mess with.

Cha’s most adapted–and possibly referenced–books are the Condor Trilogy: Legend of Condor Heroes; Return of the Condor Heroes; and, Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre. They are sequels, but follow family and kung fu school lines more than the adventures of any one protagonist through three novels. And luckily for us, McLehose Press is planning on translated the whole trilogy into English. The first volume, Legends of the Condor Heroes: A Hero Born, translanted by Anna Holmwood, is now available. No English speakers will ever need to struggle like I did again. The kung fu fantasy works of Louis Cha will be available to us all–or at least some of them.

Dr. Louis Cha Leung-yung was born in 1924 in Haining, Jiaxing, China and lives in Hong Kong. That’s right, Cha is still going at 94. He has worked as an editor editor and journalist, but it was his wuxia novels, written between 1955 and 1972 under the pseudonym “Jin Yong,” (Kam Yung in Cantonese) that brought him a tremendous success. According to Holmwood, “sales of his books worldwide stand at 300 million, and if bootleg copies are taken into consideration, that figure rises to a staggering one billion.”

Cha got his start as a copy editor in 1947 at Shanghai’s Ta Kung Po newspaper. He became deputy editor of Hong Kong’s Hsin Wan Po. He left journalism briefly to work as as screenwriter for Great Wall Movie Enterprises, Ltd. In 1959, Cha co-founded Hong Kong’s Ming Pao newspaper. And it was primarily Ming Pao that serialized his fifteen wuxia stories. His first was The Romance Of The Book And The Sword (1955). His last was Sword of the Yue Maiden. He retired from writing fiction in 1972 and he’s been updating and revising the work ever since. There was a time in the 1970s when his books were simultaneously banned in both the Mainland–because it was seen as satirizing and criticizing the Chinese government–and in Taiwan–because it was seen as somehow pro-Communist, anti-Kuomintang and critical of Taiwan’s one-party rule.In 1995, he retired from his position as editor-in-chief of Ming Pao. Cha has been active in Hong Kong politics, helping draft the Hong Kong Basic Law and then working on the Preparatory Committee in advance of the handover of Hong Kong from the United Kingdom to China in 1997. And he’s spent much of the new millennium pursuing higher education. He studied at St. John’s College in Cambridge, receiving a doctorate in Chinese history in 2010. And the South China Morning Post reports that Cha (might have) received another doctorate, this one in Chinese literature from Peking University in 2013. Of course, this doesn’t even begin to cover his probable knowledge of martial arts like the Nine Yin Manual and 18 Dragon Palm. One assumes Dr. Cha is cultured in all things.

Dr. Louis Cha via the South China Morning Post

Whenever I think of Louis Cha, I think of Tony Leung Chiu-wai in Wong Kar-Wai’s In The Mood For Love (2000). Sure, there is lovely music and melancholy love with the sartorially unstoppable Maggie Cheung, but it is easy to overlook that not only is Tony Leung a writer, he is a writer of wuxia novels. I’m not saying that Wong made a movie about Louis Cha’s love life, which I hope is less depressing, but I think Cha and writers like Gu Long and Wang Dulu were in the background. Especially after Ashes Of Time. And Ashes of Time is a lot easier to follow if you realize it is a deconstruction of the Condor Trilogy. It relies on the same kind of familiarity that Peter Greenaway relies on people having with The Tempest in watching Prospero’s Books (1991). I love that the touchstones for both extremely artsy-fartsy directors are different. I love that Wong works with a serialized wuxia writer. It would be like Greenaway deconstructing Tolkien or Robert E. Howard**—but all wrapped up together. The high and low brow have a common enemy. God save us from the middle brow.

And Cha is being compared to Tolkien and George R. R. Martin in many of the reviews of A Hero Born. In fact, right on the cover a blurb from the Irish Times reads, “A Chinese Lord of the Rings.” And I get it. It’s short hand. People need some kind of reference before they’ll pick up the book. That’s fine. There will be plenty of time for pedantry later. Once people have read the book and become Cha fans, they can start arguing on the internet, “Hey, Louis Cha is a much more prolific author than Tolkien ever was with a more profound influence on Chinese language literature and readers.”

I would probably make those comparisons myself if my first encounter with Cha’s characters and stories hadn’t been Kung Fu Cult Master. Then again, Kung Fu Cult Master is the first half of a projected two-art adaptation but, like Ralph Bakshi’s animated Lord of the Rings, there was never a part two. So. Yeah. It’s just that I don’t know what other comparison to make.

In an interview with South China Morning Post, Anna Holmwood describes Legends of the Condor Heroes: A Hero Born as “China’s Walter Scott mixed with The Lord of the Rings fantasy things. That’s exactly what it is.” For their part, the SCMP copy editor chose a title comparing the trilogy with George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice And Fire. A Hero Born is wuxia at its best. It’s 1205 CE and the Jin are encroaching on the Song Empire. The emperor is unworthy and the people are oppressed. Itinerant heroes try to make things right. Two of them, Skyfury Guo and Ironheart Yang encounter a grumpy Taoist priest Chu Qiuji*** who, while heroic, is a jerk. He avidly demonstrates why the Wu Tang Clan is nothing to mess with. Guo and Yang become involved in a fight with soldiers and must flee. Their children, Guo Jing and Yang Kang grow up on different sides of the conflict. Plus, there’s Genghis Khan! And a secret beggar sect! And one of my favorite characters keeps his wife’s body in a frozen cave! I wish I could do better, but I’ll just suggest you read the book, read the comics, watch the tv shows and movies.

Oh, yeah, and there’s plenty of fantastic kung fu move and school names and action. Comics, while also working in a static medium, don’t face the same kinds of challenges a novel does in depicting action. Comics creator Ma Wing-Shing in particular captures the force of the martial arts masters moves. I am particularly fond of his chi lines. But Holmwood has some interesting thoughts on translating the names of the various stances, fists and swords as well as conveying the choreography of a fight sans images.

“The name [of these moves] is very evocative and it’s part of the creating of the world, but what really matters to readers is can they follow who is doing what, what the actions are, who is hitting whom, and how they are hitting them,” she said. “When you are translating, you have to read on such a careful and deep level. You are constantly asking yourself: is the hand going there? Is it going up or down? How is this move working? That’s the most challenging part – is to be able to express what the actions are in a way that is going to be vivid on the page and people can clearly understand and follow what’s happening.”

“You can shorten sentences to make the action move, and use some short punchy verbs that make the actions very fast,” she said. “When you want to draw attention to the moment for dramatic effect, you add more details, slow it down, and make the sentence a big longer.”

And I have to say it works. Right from the start of A Hero Born, I easily imagine Chu Qiuji’s unnecessarily brutal fights with the heroes he mistakes for scoundrels. Does it help that I’ve read Ma Wing-Shing, Tony Wong and seen film and television adaptations of Cha’s stories? Maybe. But Holmwood does a good job of taking readers into the martial world. I can’t wait for the next translated volume of Legend of Condor Heroes finally presented if not in its original serial format, something close. McLehose is planning three more volumes of Legend of Condor Heroes before starting on Return of the Condor Heroes–making this a burly “trilogy.”

Ma Wing-Shing demonstrates how to draw punching.

I wrote more about Ma Wing-Shing and his adaptation of Hero here.

*This Taoist is no Chang San-Fung / Zhang Sanfang.

***Or finally making my long hoped for film, Peter Greenaway’s Batman and Robin.

*There is one disreputable Taoist and then there is Chu Qiuji, who is extremely reputable, but incredibly judgmental and harsh. I am afraid to think of what Chu Qiuji might be without Taoism.

~~~

Cured of the Jinx Palm, Carol Borden has retired to Peach Blossom Island to study Nine Yin White Bone Claw.

The Many Forms of Louis Cha’s Condor Heroes Jet 's Chang Mo-Kei's kung fu has been struck by the Jinx Palm, blocking his chi, destroying his ability to perform kung fu and causing him to need constant infusions of chi from Taoist priest…

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orbemnews · 3 years

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How two brothers went from nearly jobless to multi-millionaires with a bizarre crypto bet Tommy, 38, and James, 42, who have asked CNN not to publish their last names to protect their anonymity, had put a few hundred bucks into an odd digital asset called shiba inu coin — a spinoff of dogecoin, so basically a parody of a parody. One coin was worth a fraction of a cent, but a friend, who happened to be a crypto expert, told them he believed it could be a big moneymaker. “I kind of thought about bitcoin — that was once a fraction of a penny and now it’s tens of thousands of dollars, and this happens to people, it’s possible,” Tommy said. “I trusted my friend and I figured if it went to zero, that’s OK. I thought of it as a lotto ticket that wouldn’t expire.” Less than two months after their initial investment in late February, their lives changed. It was their dad’s birthday, and instead of giving him a card, they made him a millionaire. Valuations on cryptocurrencies have exploded in 2021. After years of being either ignored or sneered at by Wall Street, cryptos — including established players like bitcoin and lesser-known “altcoins”— are enjoying unprecedented investor interest. Bitcoin is up nearly 70% since January, and dogecoin, which was started as a joke and is still worth less than a dollar, is up more than 11,000%, according to Coindesk. But cryptocurrencies are also extremely risky, unregulated investments. Prices are known to swing wildly. And digital currencies bring other unique kinds of risk, such as the potential for a hacked server, a deleted file or a lost password that could leave investors locked out of their funds forever. James and Tommy rolled the dice, each initially investing $200. They also presented the idea to their mom, dad, sister and a few other family members. “My mother and sister were skeptical but they each put in $100, too,” Tommy said. “After a few weeks when it was up about 300% they put another $100 in each, and then it kept going up.” In total, the group put in nearly $8,000. ‘Oh my God’ Prior to the pandemic, the brothers’ primary income came from filming weddings, but the Covid-19 outbreak nearly shuttered their business. Rather than booking 30-40 weddings that year, James said, they did no more than eight. “We kind of fell through the cracks,” Tommy said. “The government stimulus checks weren’t enough to sustain us. I’m a positive person but it was really tough, and not knowing the future was kind of scary.” As their shiba coin investment took off, it was hard to believe the change in their fortune. While filming a wedding in mid-April, they kept half an eye on their investment, which had quickly shot up to $100,000. And it kept climbing. “We woke up the next morning and it doubled. We were like, ‘Oh my god,'” Tommy said. “Then it went up to $700,000 and I told my brother it’s going to hit a million. I kept refreshing my phone.” The next day, it happened. “The day it hit a million — my mom and sister, they didn’t think it was real.” The family’s initial stake of $7,900? It’s now worth nearly $9 million as of Thursday. CNN Business confirmed the value via their coin wallet and transaction history. What is shiba coin? Shiba inu was created less than a year ago — an obvious spinoff of dogecoin, which features a Shiba Inu dog as its mascot. It may have been a joke of a joke, but not many people are laughing now. Shiba coin, which goes by the ticker symbol SHIB, is up more than 11,000% in the past 30 days, according to the site CoinGecko. Earlier this week, Ethereum co-founder Vitalik Buterin made headlines by donating $1 billion worth of shiba coin to a Covid-19 relief fund in India. The crypto, known informally as a memecoin or altcoin, has also won a handful of celebrity backers from former boy band stars to NFL pros. Backstreet Boys star Nick Carter, who is seen frequently tweeting the hashtag #Shiba and #ShibArmy. “As an enthusiast and investor in cryptocurrency, seeing the announcement about SHIB and Ethereum creator Vitalik Buterin’s donation to India was very exciting,” Carter told CNN Business in a statement. “I believe there is an incredible future for Crypto – especially knowing how it can be used for good and more importantly, to save lives.” NFL star Antonio Brown tweeted Wednesday to his over 1 million followers that he too has invested in this cryptocurrency. “The shiba business is booming and crypto is the way to go,” Brown told CNN Business on Thursday. “It’s a new way of investing.” There are thousands of cryptocurrencies, and bitcoin and ethereum account for nearly two-thirds of the entire $2.3 trillion global crypto market. And while they can be quite profitable, as James and Tommy have learned, they are also extremely volatile. For example, bitcoin, by far the most established crypto in use today, plunged a staggering 12% this week after Elon Musk reversed Tesla’s plans to accept bitcoin as payment, citing environmental concerns. And dogecoin, one that Musk has regularly hyped on Twitter, plummeted nearly 20% after Musk’s appearance on “Saturday Night Live” last weekend. Advice from Tommy and James As for how Tommy and James plan to use their money, they aren’t entirely sure. They have yet to completely cash out their investment, and are holding out for something called ShibaSwap, a decentralized exchange platform. “This has happened so quickly it’s hard to even comprehend the things you can do with this money,” Tommy said. But the first order of business is to help mom and dad. “My parents’ house needs a new roof, so I’ll take care of that.” For anyone thinking of trying to replicate the brothers’ wild success, James offers a word of warning: “Don’t put in any money that you aren’t willing to lose,” he said. “The meme tokens are very high-risk and you really don’t know what is going to happen with them. We know this is not what typically happens, although shiba has changed our lives. When you see it fluctuate so much, it does keep you up at night.” — CNN Business’ Paul R. La Monica contributed to this article. Source link Orbem News #bet #bizarre #brothers #crypto #Howtwobrotherswentfromnearlyjoblesstomulti-millionaireswithabizarrecryptobet-CNN #investing #Jobless #multimillionaires

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the-stray-liger · 6 years

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Oh god what the fuck was his name (DA:I OC)

Welp, I’ve spent 10 minutes worrying about what the fuck his name was only to realize that I still have the game, and I can just load it up like the dingbat that I am.

But I’ve gotta admit, I think the title might make you laugh so I’m keeping it.

Meet, Darian Travelyan. Ignorant but Well Meaning Noble Human by day, Fish Out Of Water Inquisitor by Conclave Explosion. After doing some fleshing out, I realized that him remaining a Travelyan would actually help his personality and choices some more.

Dragon Age: Inquisition is my very first Dragon Age game. So it kind of fits having an Ignorant but Well Meaning Noble be the first character I made, which is lucky because I only picked Human because I liked the +1 Skill Point.

Before having become the Inquisitor, Darian was… not exactly heir material. It’s like his Teenage Phase never exactly phased out. Always more concerned with whether or not he kept up his training than whether or not he kept up his lessons.

After becoming the Inquisitor, he might’ve wished he did keep up with some of those lessons because 95% of his job of being the Inquisitor is him going "What the fuck is going on here?!“ (I tried to come up with a witty ‘What’s this?’ parody, but failed).

As such mine and his views were just about the same.

When it came to Save the Mages or Save the Templars, he didn’t need much time to think. "Hmm, save the people who have been treated like shit historically, or save the people that abused them just so I can be able to enact martial law?” It didn’t take much time.

When people tried to bring up that the Templars were merely being corrupted, Darian would probably say something along the lines of. “aaand that’s supposed to make me think that I should keep the Templars around? One of these two is the victim of a broken and corrupted system, the other is the broken and corrupted system. If they can do better than this, then they should go for a full reconstruction rather than just slapping a new paint job on it and calling it good.”

That said, he would definitely prefer if the Templars didn't fall under Corypheus’ control just because he wanted to help the Mages.

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Other things that are notable about him is the fact that he’s a major Martial Arts critic. He probably had to retrain the entire Inquisition himself because “GODDAMMIT THAT’S NOT HOW YOU USE A GREATSWORD!” or “Why the fuck am I holding a slab of metal on a stick?” as well as retraining the craftsmen because “You don’t put the weapon holsters on the back, you do it like this…” or because of “You call this armor? Do you want our forces to be impaled on the field?”

This is 100% because I myself am a fan of Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) and while some of the game has functional weaponry, the other parts do not.

As a result, I’m pretty that 90% of the reason why Iron Bull likes Darian is because Darian has so far been the only human to straight up beat him in a fight. How? By using an actually practical fighting style and knowing how to grapple a 300-350 pound person.

Darian admits that if the Qunari used more conventional armor, he wouldn’t have been able to use those moves on Iron Bull.

Darian both is thankful for and laments the fact that the Qunari don’t use more conventional armor as well as the fact that Iron Bull doesn’t use spiked tower shields. Because if they did, then nobody would really be able to withstand a Qunari charge.

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Building upon what was just stated, Darian is incredibly bull-headed when it comes to the matter of what he can and can’t fight.

A Dragon that nearly mauled him and his party when they were just starting out? Can’t fight. A simple monstrously big spider demon of fear?

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME TO RETREAT?! I’LL CHOP OFF ITS LEGS AND MAKE SPIDER SOUP OUT OF IT! I SLAY DRAGONS AS THOUGH THEY WERE MERE GIANTS! I’M NOT LEAVING ONE OF MY ALLIES TO FIGHT THIS THING ALONE!”

Yeah… that decision severely pissed me off.

Also something that he did was go into the Emprise Du Lion region early because he really (didn’t want to advance the plot) didn’t want to go to the Orlesian Party. As a result he found himself in a high level area that he forced his party members to fight with him in as he took down creatures that were quite higher level than him.

He took down everything in Emprise Du Lion, the Fort, the Mines, and Restored a Bridge so he can fight the things on the other side before going “Nope! That’s a bit too high level for us, that thing dropped me to half health in one hit.”

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When it came to the matter of the Dalish, Darian didn’t have any of that historical bias because 'Heyo, someone never really paid attention to his Andrastian (propaganda) lessons.’

Resulting in a lot of “Wait, so they were dicks once upon a time and that gives us the rights to be dicks once upon a now?”

However… my time with them in the Exalted Plains was the first time Darian and I didn’t act in the same way. I found the Dalish gravesite before I found the Dalish Camp and thus the quest From The Beyond. So my gamer instincts went “Oh? A graveyard filled with angry spirits, Loot!” Completely and utterly forgetting that IRL Grave Robbing is a horrible thing to do.

Darian however isn't a gamer and actually lives in this place, and thus would see a graveyard and go “There’s demons here, clear them out, don’t touch the graves.”

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and… that’s all that I really think could be interesting about him. I didn’t really romance anyone, although my sister romanced Dorian and had a BLAST with his comments at the Orlesian Party.

Also, my first opinion of Vivienne was fairly neutral. I could see her good sides, but at the same time her Orlesian tendencies were just so… open for jokes. So I ended up crafting a staff for her named

The Stick Up Vivienne’s Ass With the grip being called The Firm Grasp and I sadly enough can’t remember what else I named the components.

This is literally the best thing I have read in all day and it boosted my mood by like 500%

#submission

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the-master-cylinder · 4 years

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SUMMARY In 1893, a young woman wears a magical bracelet and the dark shadow of an evil jinni (genie) looms over a bloody scene, foreshadowing the violence to come.

In modern day, three criminals burglarize a house owned by the now elderly woman with the magical bracelet. The criminals kill her with an axe to her face and find the lamp. A genie is released from inside and possesses the old lady’s corpse to kill one of the burglars by head butting him with the double-headed axe still lodged in the corpse’s skull. The genie finds and murders the other two intruders.

After surveying the crime scene, an officer sends the evidence, including the lamp and bracelet, for display at a natural science museum. From inside the lamp, the genie observes the museum’s curator, Dr. Bressling, cataloguing the newly arrived artifacts. Dr. Wallace’s teenage daughter, Alex, is also present and she tries on the magical bracelet. In a fit of adolescent angst, she says to her father, “Sometimes I wish you were dead!” She’s unable to take off the bracelet.

Alex’s class goes on a field trip to the museum where her dad works. The genie possesses Alex’s body and convinces her friends to go on an “outing” later to spend the night at the museum. The genie levitates Dr. Bressling’s body and decapitates him with a ceiling fan. The genie embodies more people and museum artifacts to commit acts of violence. Many bloody murders ensue. In the form of a resurrected snakeskin, he murders an opera-singing security guard. Alex’s friend, Babs, takes a bath at the museum and is killed by the demonized snakes during her bath. The genie’s true form is finally revealed as he chases Alex and her friends down the halls of the museum. Help arrives and together, they try to “destroy the lamp to destroy the jinn by throwing the lamp into the fire inside the incinerator.

At the end of the credits, the opera-singing security guard returns to take a bow.

DEVELOPMENT The fantasy-horror movie The Lamp, produced by H.I.T. Films of Houston, Texas. Shot for a little more than $2 million in a little less than six weeks, the film will already have opened in most of the rest of the world by the time Skouras Pictures releases it here late this summer or early fall. According to Warren Chaney, The Lamp’s writer and producer-and Deborah Winters’ husband-that strategy enabled the film to make its money back even before a U.S. distribution deal was struck.

“This picture developed out of an old McGuffey Reader that had the ‘Aladdin and His Lamp’ story in it,” explains Chaney. “My mom used to read it to me when I was four or five years old. There was a picture of a genie in there-half-animal, half-man that wasn’t your friendly genie, and he scared me.”

Chaney went on to make his own 8mm films as a child. He later joined the Army, where he did TV shows, training films and videos and picked up a PhD in behavioral sciences. After leaving the military, he worked as a professional magician and then became involved in TV writing and production for The Fall Guy, among other programs. And even when he moved into feature production, serving as executive producer for the comedy Hunauna Bay (directed by Halloween III’s Tommy Lee Wallace), that childhood image was still working in his head. Finally, it worked its way out through his fingers and onto paper, and The Lamp was born. “My wife had been after me for some time to do a horror movie, because she loves horror films, but I didn’t want to do a regular dice-’em slice-’em thing. So I thought, ‘What would happen if Aladdin’s lamp really existed, and what if it did grant you wishes … but instead of the fantasy that has developed around the lamp, that of the nice sweet genie that grants your wish, it’s more like the actual mythology?’”

He began researching the idea, aided by some friends in the Middle East. “The legend of Aladdin really springs up in two quarters, with two existing legends. One is Chinese, one is Middle Eastern, and they both overlap somewhat,” Chaney elaborates. “Well, I didn’t know anyone in China, so I leaned toward the Middle Eastern version, which is essentially that the genie is a spirit that can take on the form of a man or animal, and it takes on more than that. It takes on the master. According to tradition, the master literally becomes enslaved by the lamp.”

The film’s actual budget was $1.6 million but by the time the production house and studios add on to it, it was around $3 to $3.7 million-about a third of the average film budget then. But, I spent only $1.6 on the film. The film had a 6 week prep time followed by a 5 week film shoot on location.

“I was originally going to shoot the movie in Hollywood. We were going to use Marina Del Rey and dress it up as Galveston,” admits Chaney. “but Fred Kuehnert, a friend of mine I’ve known for 14 or 15 years, said, ‘Why don’t you film this story in Texas? We’d like to get involved with you.’ We ended up shooting in Houston, in Galveston and in Los Angeles. We were able to get most of our locations in Houston, but had to return to LA to shoot some scenes.”

Kuehnert, the president and cofounder of H.I.T. Films in Houston, is no novice. He was executive producer of both The Buddy Holly Story and Aurora Encounter, and before that he served a long stint in TV production. He also knew how to get films funded. The Lamp ended up getting much of its production budget from investors in Kuwait, who were, as Chaney points out, interested in the legend.

Tom Daley, the film’s director, was there from the beginning as well. A former film student at the University of Texas, where he did some palling around with Tobe Hooper, Daley has directed commercials and music videos, including Julie Brown’s “Homecoming Queen’s Got A Gun.” (“I’m infamous for that one,” he laughs.) He and Chaney met at the Milan Film Festival in Italy a few years ago, and nearly collaborated on a movie to be called Breakdancers From Mars. Says Chaney, “It was a sciencefiction parody. It was also one of those cases where I’d get one part of the funding and I couldn’t get the other, then I’d get the other and the first would fall out, so circumstances were such that we began The Lamp instead.” In fact, Chaney, who has taught at the university level, is a bona fide film buff. He’s written articles on movies for several publications, and met his wife at a Western film convention in Memphis, where he was visiting his mother, Penny Edwards, a well-known B-Western star of the ’40 and ’50s. In conversation about The Lamp, he mentions such venerable films as Tod Browning’s Dracula, King Kong, and Howard Hawks’ The Thing. “With a name like Chaney, you have an obvious throwback to the classic horror films,” he chuckles. “I pulled a scene, slightly, from Man in the Iron Mask, there’s a shipboard scene like in Nosferatu, things like that just off and on throughout the picture. There’s a little touch of Lionel Atwill’s Mystery of the Wax Museum. And, obviously, I couldn’t leave out Phantom of the Opera, Hunchback of Notre Dame or The Unholy Three.”

Director Daley agrees that The Lamp harkens back to some of the classic horror films in many ways, although he cites Poltergeist as well as John Carpenter’s The Thing as an influence on his approach. He also credits cinematographer Herbert Raditschmig for the film’s look, which he says is “very rich.”

Whether or not The Lamp will establish itself as the best of the independent horror crop remains to be seen. But it already can claim one distinction. “The concept is the thing that’s really different,” claims Chaney. “There has never been an evil genie movie.”

One of the preliminary design for “The Genie” by Barbara Anne Bock

I did a few versions of the Lamp and Genie. The director just picked one. I always liked to draw mythical beasts. The Lamp is kind of based on sex. The two dragon things are having a good time! I know Chris Biggs sculpted the Lamp alone. The Lamp stayed pretty much the same during sculpture. Brian Wade, Chris Swift and Gabe Bartalos sculpted the Genie. It changed (for the better!) from the original sketch. They made it look great. It was about 10 feet tall and massive. – Barbara Anne Bock (“Genie” and “Lamp” Designer-Reel EFX)

“The Lamp” by Barbara Anne Bock

SPECIAL EFFECTS With Chaney producing, Daley attached as director, and Winters handling the casting and functioning as associate producer, The Lamp swung into preproduction. “It was a very ambitious project and we didn’t have much time to shoot it,” says first-time director Daley, “but the crew put up with working 15, 16 and 17 hours a day. It sometimes took until 4:00 or 5:00 a.m. to finesse the mechanical FX to the point where they were successful. But overall, everything went very smoothly. We spent so much time prepping it-from January until March of last year, working on the special FX, storyboarding the picture out, and doing the casting-that it went much smoother than most.”

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CGI didn’t really exist at that time as we have them today. The effects” that were added in post were mostly “animation such as the glow around the genie, the lamp clicker, smoke enhancement, etc. I knew and liked David Hewitt (Technomagic Film Effects/Hollywood Optical Systems], very much. He worked with us in post-production and some of the animation effects that were added, were his. David was a few years older than me, but being young at the time, we struck it off pretty good. He had also been involved with “stopmotion” animation and I was very tempted to go that way with the genie. Eventually, budget limitations and time overtook us, so I continued with what we had.

A five-man crew from Reel EFX (makeup FX and creature construction supervised by Gabe Bartalos and Jim Gill), in addition to the makeup and mechanical FX, also built the glass shields to keep the snakes away from the actors.

Some of Gabe Bartalos’ fondest memories of the shoot was the construction of the amazing genie and operating it on set. The sculpture, giant fiberglass molds and even foam fabrication was accomplished in Los Angeles at Reel EFX. We then trucked everything down to Huston, Texas, and set up a temporary work space. The genie was revealed in pieces, so we assembled him in sync with production. The first week just the arm was needed to burst through a wall, so Jim built an articulated aluminum armature that was inside the creature’s arm. I then painted the skin using a combination of rubber cement paint that was airbrushed on and complimented by hand painting details in PAX paint. By the time the full genie was needed, we were ready, and it was pretty impressive. The entire genie was mounted on a riser arm attached to a heavy weight dolly. Mounted on the sides of the dolly were the long controllers for the arms, torso rotation and head movement. Under the genie where his waist ended, we attached a cheesecloth pouch that had huge amounts of smoke pumped through it so it looked like the genie was floating on a column of smoke. When we pushed him through the museum at “high speed” with all of us on the dolly manipulating the creature, it was a real thrill—this was making a monster movie!

The genie was latex with foam rubber backing, sculpted from a ton and a half of clay. Its bottom part was mostly a liquid nitrogen tank; operation of the top was, according to Reel EFX’s Martin Becker, “partially pneumatic, partially hydraulic, and partially cable pull. And part of it was radio-controlled.” Becker is “fairly happy” with the work he and his crew did, although he feels that a bit more time would have served the FX better. The hardest part consisted of getting the 20-foot tall monster to move with some degree of freedom. With its elongated, fully-articulated arms stretched straight out, the three-fingered humanoid creature was 23-feet wide. The genie stands only eight feet tall. Its misty bottom was added by means of a liquid nitrogen tank connected below the waist. “The liquid nitrogen gave a nice effect, was non-toxic and didn’t smell everybody out of the room like a lot of fog generators do,” said Bartalos. “Basically, it’s 70 percent of what air is-only much colder. You only have to worry about getting frostbite.”

“The reanimated mummy” was an effect that I tackled” says Bartalos. I began by getting a store bought medical grade skeleton. I then molded its face and created a cement “positive” which allowed me to sculpt on new features. I gave the illusion that the eyes had dried into their sockets, that the skin collapsed around the bones’ high points, and that the overall texture was dried and decomposing. I then molded my facial sculptures and ran them in foam rubber. These pieces I now was able to apply to the skeleton’s face, custom made prosthetics for a skull! I added stringy white and grey hair and painted the whole skeleton with parched colors (a lot of grey and umber tones). At the same time Jim was we waist of the skeleton. He installed a cool pneumatic rig that allowed the skeleton to sit up on its own when activated. He also added a mechanism inside the jaw, so it could chomp down on one of the students’ fingers. For this effect I made a fake hand that had a blood tube concealed inside of it. In closeup you see the “Mummy” bite down on the fake hand and pierce the finger. In the wide shot it was the real actor (Scott Bankston] with his finger bent back with a prosthetic stump attached and plenty of flowing blood.

I did most of the on set gore effects. There is a scene where a lovely young lady [Damon Merrill] gets attacked by snakes while she takes a bath. I was tasked with applying nine different prosthetics to her entire body that simulated the snake bites. Right before cameras rolled, I added fresh blood dripping from the puncture holes and spritzed it with water. The added water over the blood made for a very real “bloody wet look.” One of my favorite effects was the “Night Watch-Man” character that is established as a junk food over-eater. I created a “wrap-around” prosthetic that gave the illusion that mysterious forces have slammed copious amounts of food down his throat. Once I applied this burst neck prosthetic, I placed various hard candies in the open wound: Smarties, Mints, Twizzlers, etc. Good fun.

The Lamp features a reanimated mummy, an animated skeleton and some gore FX as well, all done by Los Angeles’ Reel EFX The major effect is a 26-foot-tall genie-and, unlike the genies usually encountered in popular fiction, this one is anything but benevolent.

Hewitt’s most spectacular effect involved an animated scene in which the vaporous genie flies out of the lamp into a swimming pool, reaches up out of the water, and jerks an actor down by the legs. His favorite FX scene in the picture, however, is one that is mostly mechanical. “It’s the mummy scene in the museum, when the mummy bites the boy’s fingers off and then sits up and bites him in the throat,” he says. “The only thing we did there was right at the beginning of the scene, when the boy and the girl are running through the museum.

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We added the possession part, where the green vapor flies into the room real quick and just for a split second you see the skull of the mummy glow. All we did was enhance the stuff the guys at Reel EFX did. Physical and optical effects work really well together, and when you can put the two together it really sells the effect much better.”

Like the rest of the cast and crew, Hewitt worked under time constraints, finishing the opticals in five weeks. And, though he laughs about “rotoscoping on an airplane” in order to make his deadline, he found working on The Lamp a pleasant experience. “You couldn’t ask for a nicer guy to work with than Warren Chaney,” he states. “He was real open to suggestions. He really knows the pictures back to the silent days, all the effects pictures, so we had a great deal of fun together.”

For Deborah Winters, star of such mainstream films as Kotch and Class of ’44 as well as the recent TV miniseries Winds of War, working with makeup FX was a new experience-and a not altogether pleasant one. The interesting thing is that if she could’ve found an Arab woman in Houston, she probably would have been spared.

“I had all the agents looking, and they would send me an Italian woman, and a Mexican woman, and it just didn’t work out,” recalls Winters, whose previous horror movie experience includes 1976’s Blue Sunshine. “So Warren said one day, ‘Well, I don’t know what we’re going to do. I guess we’re just going to have to have Martin Becker’s people handle this as another special effect.’ And I said, “OK, that’s fine,’ because I was fed up with the whole thing of trying to find somebody,” she laughs. “Then Warren said, ‘You can do it.’ I said, ‘I can do it?’ He said, ‘Sure. You can change your voice and no one will even recognize you; it’ll save us a lot of money and you can forget about it.’” That was how Winters found herself encased in five hours worth of makeup for four shooting days, after flying to Los Angeles and getting a head and torso cast.

“Doing makeup FX in a movie is tough,” she affirms. “I really had no idea. Between the contact lenses and the makeup, and having to sit around and wait until you can’t move and you can’t eat. . . At one point, there was smoke involved in a scene, and the FX guys blew smoke in my face and I couldn’t breathe. It was an experience. But the worst of it was the two hours it took to remove the makeup. Believe me, it was very painful. I had my Early Times with me. After doing this thing, I don’t think we could’ve found anybody that would’ve wanted to go through it.

“It was worth it, of course,” she adds. “But one day Warren told me, ‘Maybe we can do a sequel with the old lady,’ and I said, ‘Listen, brother-if you do a sequel, you can play the old lady.'”

Winters also portrays the old lady as a young girl in the prologue, and has a major role as the museum curator’s paramour. The curator is played by James Huston, and his daughter is Andra St. Ivanyi, a student at the University of Houston who gets high marks from both Chaney and Fred Kuehnert for her performance. Chaney also speaks very highly of Hollywood Optical Systems, the LA outfit that created the optical FX for The Lamp. Fans of low-budget horror and science fiction will recall Optical’s boss, David Hewitt, as the director behind the threadbare ’60s epics Journey to the Center of Time, Dr. Terror’s Gallery of Horrors and The Mighty Gorga. For The Lamp, he and coworkers Bill Humphrey and Larry Arpin added more than 50 optical FX in post-production and, admits Chaney with a laugh, “saved my rear in a couple of places.”

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RELEASE/DISTRIBUTION/DELETED SCENES According to Warren Chaney, The Lamp was the title of the film as sent to distribution. H.I.T. Films separated U.S. domestic from overseas and so “two films” were born: “The Lamp” and “The Outing.” Skouras Pictures took the pic as The Lamp and released it in theaters in the overseas markets; TMS (The Movie Store) was the domestic distributor and wanted to cut 18 minutes out of the film in order that it could run “one more time” in the theaters. The original film ran 102 minutes but after their cut, it was reduced to 86 minutes. Now, their method for editing left a lot to be desired: they merely took a pair of scissors and cut 18 minutes off the front end; they tacked on some “cheap” credits and ripped off some of John’s music (John Carpenter] and they had a pic that would run 4 or 5 times per day instead of 3. Reviews for the original were pretty good; reviews for The Outing were much less so-and I agreed with the critics.

There were some longer shots of the genie that were cut out of the original scenes but later reinserted by the studio. My belief has always been that the “less you show” the greater the fear since people worry about what they can’t see. I wanted to film much less of the physical genie; Tom wanted to film more of the creature and so shot a great deal more footage in production. When I did the final edit however, I cut much of it out but as fate would have it, both distributors (Skouras Pictures and TMS) agreed with Tom and edited much of it back into the picture. I have always believed that when you are filming creatures “less is more,” but given the success both distributors had with the film, it’s hard for me to argue against them.

Five scenes were cut from the opening of the film. The opening scenes set the picture up to be a “tall tale”—there was considerably more detail about the ship, its cargo, and what happened on the way over (however, there were no hints as to the cause … you heard the screams and the helmsman lashing himself to the wheel). In a later scene (cut from the movie), one of the hoods (played by Hank Amigo, Brian Floores and Michelle Watkins] while delivering groceries, hears the old lady talking to the lamp. It occurred prior to the scenes where she was killed. That scene set up the “killers,” her, and her mystical aspects which is misunderstood by the thugs as her having a lot of money. When the scenes were cut, the picture opened in what was probably the poorest directed segment of the film: the scenes with the hoods in the van, on the way to the old woman’s house (if I had known this, I would have destroyed that part of the print). As a consequence, there was no “logic” to the film’s story from that point forward.

The end of the movie was trimmed (some 3 minutes). The museum director’s daughter [Andra St. Ivanyi) was being taken to a local hospital (explained by Detective Charles). Given the circumstances of the killings in the museum, the police are keeping her under guard. The teacher [Deborah Winters] remains to answer questions. There is a scene of a delivery truck delivering cases of soda. When the driver handles the cases, the bottles jingle, producing the sounds of the “evil-bracelet.” What was cut earlier was a quick scene early in the film when the driver is doing the same thing as the kids enter the museum. Andra St. Ivanyi looks at the truck and then at her bracelet. At the close of the film, the same thing happens, only now it’s a deathly reminder the girl of what happened. What was cut in the final scene was the close up of the bottles clinking together and making the bracelet sound.

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CAST/CREW Directed by Tom Daley Produced by Warren Chaney Written by Warren Chaney

Deborah Winters as Eve Ferrell / Young Arab Woman / Old Arab Woman James Huston as Dr. Wallace Andra St. Ivanyi as Alex Wallace Scott Bankston as Ted Pinson Red Mitchell as Mike Daley (as Mark Mitchell) André Chimène as Tony Greco Charity Merrill as Babs

Makeup Department John Blake … special makeup effects artist Ron Clark … hair stylist / makeup artist Thomas Floutz … special makeup effects artist William Forsche … special makeup effects artist (as Bill Forsche) Rick Jones … hair stylist / makeup artist Brian Wade … special makeup effects artist Gabriel Bartalos … special effects makeup Barbara Anne Bock … special effects makeup Nichael Boggio … special effects makeup Jack Bridwell … special effects contact lenses Lesley Chaney … special effects assistant Paul Clemens … special effects makeup William Forsche … special effects makeup (as Bill Forsche) Jim Gill … special effects makeup Tom Hartigan … special effects assistant Frankie Inez … special effects supervisor / special effects: California Bettie Kauffman … special effects coordinator Richard Mayone … special effects makeup James McLoughlin … special effects makeup Bart Mixon … special effects makeup Frank ‘Paco’ Munoz … special effects mechanical supervisor John Naulin … special effects makeup: California Steven Summerfield … special effects makeup Christopher Swift … special effects makeup coordinator (as Chris Swift) Brian Wade … special effects makeup

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Fangoria#67 Cinefantastique v17n01 It Came from the 80s! Francesco Borseti

The Outing (1987) Retrospective SUMMARY In 1893, a young woman wears a magical bracelet and the dark shadow of an evil jinni (genie) looms over a bloody scene, foreshadowing the violence to come.

#80sFilms #80sHORROR

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kaelajaluagposts-blog · 5 years

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Zachary Lamberte and Mikaela Jaluag MM26 Film Language

FINALS

Introduction to Panti Sisters

The Panti Sisters is a comedy genre movie, that revolves around the story of three gay brothers (one is illegitimate) named Gabriel, Daniel and Samuel (illegitimate son). Their strict father Don Emilio requires them to give him a grandchild to continue the Panti legacy, in exchange for a huge amount of inheritance of 300 million (100 million each). Due to the blindness of fortune, they engaged themselves in finding partners to bear their children, these series of events leads them to losing themselves in the process, instead of being proud of who they are and are satisfied with what they have.

Synopsis of Panti Sisters

Panti sisters tells us the story of 3 gay brothers who were forced to man up by their ever strict father. One day their father gets cancer and Is willing to give 300 Million pesos to the only one who can give him a grandchild and 100 million pesos if more than one was given, as inheritance. And so the brothers battle it out and against their alternate flamboyant selves to see who could be the first to give Don Emilio a grandchild.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes:

4th wall breaking

This was one of the most unexpected aspects of the movie, When I was about to watch this movie, I thought it would just be a typical formula of the movie where there is a limitation of the 4th wall, little did I know, in the first few minutes, okay, there’s a narration usually characters narrate themselves, then boom, suddenly Gabbi started to talk to the audience, I was in shock that something like that happened and it made the movie a lot more interesting, it got me hooked. Another unexpected thing is that the other characters will have this ability too, not just Gabbi. Even Samuel and Daniel did the same thing too, Samuel’s was more comical and interactive, like we are there with him/her, Gabbi was more like we are like Bowing down to her. Daniel was a “story-time” type of 4th wall, he was the 2nd most interactive in terms of relatability and the way he talks to the audience.

Creative art make-up and fashion

Actually, when you look at the aesthetics of their hair and make-up, for Gabbi you can almost tell the art of drag make-up, it contains certain colors and contours that blends well in his outfit. Daniel, however, leaned towards a more simple, cute and korean pop culture look, which gave him the innocent vibe to his features, while Samuel's aesthetic leans towards a more girly street, make-up which made him look attractive as well. Personally, I like Gabbi's make-up the most, since it is the most creative out of the three. I am also amazed to know that the actor who played Gabbi, Paolo Ballesteros is also a professional make-up artist himself, which made me assume that it was him who applied his own make-up for this particular movie

Story

What I appreciate most in the film, is the story. At first I cannot tell whether it is like the typical gay film that is only full of comedic phrases and events and not so much on telling a story, but more on making people laugh. I was actually surprised when I found out that it not only focuses on a more comedic surface of the film, but it also covers certain issues regarding LGBTQ, family and personal issues. I may not be part of the LGBTQ family, but to a certain extent, I respect their opinions and decisions. I found it heartbreaking in first few parts of the film, that their dad requires them to give him grandchildren to give their share in the 300 million peso inheritance he is going to give, rather than fully accepting who they are as a person. Blinded by money, they had to force themselves out of their comfort zones and try to change who they are, not realizing that it is better to accept yourself, than pretending to be someone your not. I guess, one more reason why I like the story line is because I can relate to them, not about being gay, but for sometimes pretending to someone else in order for other people to accept you, for them to acknowledge your presence and make you feel proud of who you are and what you are doing. I also love their resolve when they realized that they did not need the money just to feel rich, you can also be fortunate by just feeling like yourself and accepting who you are. It is also nice to see how the father realized that what he was doing to protect his sons is wrong and apologized to them, that instead of making them feel accepted and loved, what he made them feel was resentment towards the family, due to the message he did not meant to give, unloved and unaccepted.

Character development is even across all main characters

The other characters were introduced spontaneously (like in a single scene) and at first I thought it was a bit too fast, now the reason they did this was for the development of the 3 to be even and equal, the first scenes with Gabbi gave her a bit of development already, but that’s for, like, the initial punch of development, the other characters (samuel and daniel) Were also given the same treatment, it was development done at a break-neck pace, but that is to establish their personalities in general, the steady development goes to their bonding and their love lives in general.

Hilarious

Every joke hits hard and timing is just something that rarely comedies ever hit, these jokes hit when you least expect it. One thing you’re waiting for a joke, you decided to not wait for the joke and then it just hits you like that. Their whole last name is an innuendo in and of itself, and most of the movie revolves around that innuendo especially on family meetings. But apart from that running gag, there are chuckles that i got here and there, there might be some forgettable one but I remember keenly laughing at them. Some Jokes do drag out, but it’s the short and quick ones that hit the hardest. There are chuckle moments there are moments where I laughed but, unfortunately, nothing where it makes me hurt, but since there is consistency in the comedy throughout the film, having a lot of moments of laughter is good enough for me.

Engaging

With 4th wall breaking chiming in from time to time, and equal development with one another really makes this film engaging as it makes us feel for each and every one of the 3 sisters. The side characters also do a great job reinforcing these characters and their backstories of who they were before they decide to not be shy about being the flamboyant Sisters that we know in the present. The illustration of greed and Homophobia also plays a part here as it does tackle the issue head on while making it hilarious too, striking a balance between being woke and insensitivity. It will not trigger people of the issue but it will shine a light to those who do it that “no matter what, fabulous is fabulous” Times are changing and it’s time to be accepting of everyone.

Unpredictable

Most movies can have predictable storylines and get the flak for being too cliche, this may have some cliches as well BUT it is the execution of these cliches that made this movie a standout among comedy movies. Every expectation that I made about this movie like “oh this is what will happen next” was always debunked, it was something that makes sense but not a lot of the audience would’ve thought about what would happen.

Dislikes

A Death to Resolve problem

Some of my dislikes in the story is not much, but it was the fact that someone has to die, in order for someone to realize that what they were doing was wrong. This concern is related to the relationship of the father to his sons. When Daniel died, due to being attacked and shot to death by the same gang they have beaten up, I was seriously heartbroken to think that one of the most unexpected major characters who was likely to die in the film was him. It annoys me a little bit on how ABS-CBN uses major character deaths in order for a resolve to take place.

Some Jokes drag

It’s like saying ”get it?’ after the joke, some just last too long that kind of ruins the pacing, for a small part that is. It’s rather a nitpick than an actual Con really, just because I enjoyed it in fact it’s one of the Few Filipino films that I actually enjoyed, the others are Kita kita, Heneral Luna, and Kakabakaba Ka ba?

Deep Dive

the Panti Sisters drops on the territory of Mike de Leon's Kakabakaba ka ba? In terms of it's vibe and core tone, Kakabakaba ka ba, it has a comedy coating atop of the serious undertone of China vs Japan, the drug trade. And Panti Sisters tackles Greed and Homophobia. Although Panti sisters is more forward about this issue unlike Kakabakaba ka ba? That does things more in a subtle manner, considering it was made in the 1980s almost if not, during the period of Martial Law, which puts it in the same timeline as Lino Brocka’s Maynila sa mga kuko ng Liwanag, and Mike’s other work, Batch ‘81. Panti Sisters is a farce in a way that it is a bit exaggerated (the sailor moon scene just proves it), but it is possible to have these people of this calibre to be within the real world. Apart from that, the way this film communicates with you, it gives it as if It was like one of the panties is controlling the film. Take the volleyball scene, it may be a dragged-out joke, but this was made to convey the message of “I know you ain't laughing anymore, but too bad, because you will have to enjoy it”

Technicals

Visuals are clean and not janky, camera work is smooth, when a scene happens it takes its time enough for the viewer to actually know what’s going on. The film at certain segments parodies Scott Pilgrim in a way. It does satire on some genres in it own way

Auteur Theory on Panti sisters

As Auteur theory suggests that the director is the creative force behind this. In the case of Panti Sisters, I see this as a team effort. Well, all movies are. But there are some times that you can see in the movie that the whole concept, execution, and everything in between was of the director’s work, even with okay actors as long as the movie tells a hooking story or a trippy concept, that’s how one can tell it’s the director’s work of art. In the case of panti sisters. This is where the good concept is made but if it wasn’t for the incredible acting of these actors within the film, then the movie would flop. These actors carried out the movie’s concept and gave it the execution that fits it perfectly, it also feels natural and organic, they don’t feel as if they were directed to do this and that, it feels like the director went “this is what you’ll do” and the actors put their own spin to it. Some directors may of course have some intended undertones to the films. It sure is felt here as well tackling greed and Homophobia, in the standard mindset, tackling these issues would require a serious movie. Not in director Jun Lana’s case, he may have thought that instead of a gloomy take on these issues, He decided to make it a comedy that takes it on, head on.

Introduction to Pandanggo sa Hukay

Pandanggo sa hukay is a film by Sheryl Rose Andes, which cover the genre of crime and thriller. It is about this woman named Elena S. Fernandez who is a single mother to his only son EJ, and works as a midwife - someone who takes care of childbirth in a clinic at Cavite. The night before, she plans on going to an interview, for her to work abroad in Saudi Arabia, her co-worker called and told her that she left her Identification Card in Photocopy machine in the clinic. So she went there to claim it and while doing so, the clinic was victimized by a known drug gang called "Etibak" Gang, and there she was kidnapped and was required to conduct a childbirth with one of the lovers of the said gang, and from there starts her night of terror.

Synopsis of Pandanggo sa Hukay

The story starts with Elena S. Fernandez, who is a 30-year old single mother to his only so EJ, who lives with her mom. She works in a clinic in Cavite as a midwife, as someone who delivers childbirth to public citizens in the area. Her and her co-workers had an upcoming Christmas party and was required to put up a performance in order for them to win a P10,000 cash prize, since the opposing team decided a more hip-hop type of dance, her group decided a more classical approach, which is Pandanggo sa ilaw. With that aside, due to her experience of being a midwife for 4 consecutive years, she decided to apply for a job abroad in Saudi Arabia as a nurse, to be able to cover expenses for her son's well-being. Cavite was being threatened by a drug gang called the "Etibak" gang, who were recently stealing medical supplies in pharmacy stores in town. The night before her interview, her friend and co-worker called and told her that she left her identification card inside of a photocopy machine of the clinic, due to the need of bringing one of the most crucial requirements for her interview that and urgency of the matter, she decided to go back to the clinic immediately. After she got her identification card, she was asked to help in a delivery during those moments, and not a moment too soon, the feared gang barged inside the delivery room held them hostage then kidnapped Elena.

Her being a hostage of the "Etibak" gang she was threatened to deliver the child of one of the gang members, Jumanji's lover. After delivering the child she was forced to accompany another member named, Rod, who was one of the 2 members who kidnapped her back at the clinic, with Tisay watching them from the background. Rod forced her to dance anything since he feels attracted to her all through put their encounter. Because of being threatened by gun, she decided to just dance the only thing she knows, which was pandanggo sa ilaw, due to her uneasiness she attempted to attack Rod and escape but was held back by Tisay and was knocked out. Because of her attempt, she was handcuffed to the refrigerator door and attempted once more to escape since it was broken and unhinged, but was also caught and was fired with multiple gunshots (though not one of them hit her, since they were trying to scare her). As Jumanji was about to kill her, Rod stopped him and said that he was going to take care of her. As punishment, though not surprising, she was raped by Rod and was also filmed during this occurrence for their own personal pleasure later on.

As Rod was instructed by Jumanji and his lover to dispose of Elena, he passed the order to Tisay, since he claims of being tired due to raping Elena. Tisay lead her to a forest out back to kill and bury her there. Due to fear of her life, Elena convinced her that since the other 3 members are going to kill her, why not just kill them, since she was trusted by them. She also informed Tisay of a P200,000 worth each gang member, and since she has a clean slate, she can come off as someone who was innocent rather than being part of the "Etibak" gang. Because of Tisay needing the money for her sick older sister, she helped Elena escape, killed the remaining 3 members of the gang, and took the newborn baby. Eventually, feeling the guilt in her, Elena told Tisay the truth, that there is no such reward for killing the 3 members, which led her to feeling betrayed. As Tisay pointed her gun to Elena's head to kill her, her conscience cannot take it and simply just ran away with the baby never turning back.

Elena, being relieved of being alive, walked back until she eventually rode a tricycle back to town, passing by the clinic with her co-workers along with 2 policemen to discuss about her disappearance. Instead of testifying for herself and report the events that took place in the middle of nowhere, she just went home, acted like nothing happened and prepared for her interview that would be held on the day itself.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes

Build-up of climax

To be honest, though the main climax only took place in one area. The build up from introduction characters, to Elena's everyday life, up to the kidnapping was quite planned out well. I like how it did not jump into the climax too fast not did it happen to slow.

Acting

The acting of the main casts were admirable. This applies not only to the main character who played Elena S. Fernandez, Iza Calcado, but also to the actor portraying the “Etibak” Gang members, most especially the guy who played as Rod in the film, he did well in pretending to be a criminal under the influence of Shabu.

Story/ Plot

What I like about the plot and story of the film is that it engages as certain relationship to the audience. Why? It is because of how it can be applied to one of the most strongest social issues in our country, and that is, drugs. It is imposed, on how our current President Rodrigo Duterte implemented the War on Drugs, how instead of decreasing drug related crime it only increased by rating. Somehow it could be related to how he allowed the Chinese people to just freely roam around the country, sometimes related to prostitution, selling and producing drugs here in the Philippines, how he allowed to let them own a property which was against the law before, and many more. It is quite admirable how subtle she made the story to be an Anti-Duterte film.

Impact

Though the story was somehow dark and depressing, it impacted me greatly, mentally and emotionally. Not only was the feelings of the main character was transferred to the audience mentality which can affect their feelings it also made me feel a certain connection to Elena. As women are often being victims of kidnap and rape throughout the country, it made me feel terrified on what could happen any time of any day. This movie could also be a project of awareness for women as well, to be cautious with strangers and surrounding, always find a way to protect yourself.

Deep Dive

As we review previous films, like Mike De Leon’s Batch 81’ and Lino Brocka’s Maynila: Sa Kuko ng Liwanag and Insiang, it subtly tackles the issues of Martial Law and are also known by some people to be an Anti-Marcos film. For people who does not further analyze the film, and is only focused on the actors and the plot of the film, what they only grip from the movie is merely the surface level of it entirety.

If you pay attention to certain details and deeper meanings of the film, you will be able to grasp that the movie, Pandanggo sa Hukay by Sheryl Rose Andes, is a subtle Anti-Duterte film. Why? There was this certain scene wherein Elena was watching the news about Duterte’s War on Drugs, but that is not the only thing that got me thinking on why it is an Anti-Duterte film, that fact that it tackles the story of people of today under the rule of President Rodrigo Duterte, and under the reign of our president’s war on drugs decree. It is about our social issue regarding drug control within our country. For sure there are only a few people who will be able to grasp the idea of it being an Anti-Duterte film, and some may even deny the fact that it is. But in my utmost opinion, as someone who does not agree with the way our own President Rodrigo Duterte runs our country and how he behaves to our own people, how he behaves towards the press and citizens of other countries, this film is something I deeply appreciate, since it something people are meant to be aware of.

With regards to the entirety of the film, the sequence is interesting since it is not like your typical kidnapping that lasts 3 days or a few months until the main character is found. Pandanggo sa Hukay, however, is the story of a kidnapped victim in one consecutive night, and realistically it is a possible event and time frame for a victim to be alive.

And based from the film theory, even though it is about real life situations, that does not mean that it is under Realism, rather it is under Formalism, since it is wildly edited, has camera angles (High or low), perspectives and gives us excitement and anxiety.

As for the message that the film was trying to convey to its audience, may vary to the opinion of its viewers. For me I think it was about motherhood, Elena is single mother to his son EJ, and all throughout the film she keeps on thinking about his own son, in her most dire and most threatened positions, besides it could also be a coincidence that her dancing Pandanggo sa Ilaw is a symbolism of her motherhood, since it is widely known that our own mothers are so what we call “ilaw ng tahanan”. If you watched the film, you may feel kind of disappointed due to the open-ended ending, it just feeling like something is missing, it is also possible that the scene wherein Elena goes home, acted like nothing happened, and prepared for her interview, means that even though a lot of bad things happen to you life goes on. Another thing that the film wants to convey is to make the audience feel like Elena, the night Elena was harassed physically, verbally, emotionally and sexually in one occurence, made her feel as if she already lost something that she cannot get back, she is somehow already missing something she cannot get back, and in the moment the screen turns black signifying the end of the film, could be an intentional action to make the audience feel something missing as dark as it sounds, it impacted the viewers mind and emotions, which is a good fundamental for a film.

Technicals

Camera angles are spot on, even though there were not much visual and special effects that was used in the film other than gunshots. Technicals regarding the visuals are very clean and clear. Since most of the film’s climax was happening during night time, I know that is not easy to find the perfect lighting for the vibe of the film and at the same time make it recognizable and seen by the audience, it is admirable how clear the lighting was and how it was used correctly to make it easier for the audience to see the events that were taking place in certain scenes.

Auteur Theory on Pandanggo sa Hukay

The Auteur Theory suggests that the director is the writer, the author of the whole film. He or She represents the quality of the film itself. But I say differently, for a whole film like we had said about the Panti Sisters, is a team effort. It is not like the director is the one holding the camera, acting, making props, makeup, arrange the lighting, music, etc. He only directs, instructs them on to make the film look better. In the film Pandanggo sa Hukay, the art concept of fulfilling the crime and suspense genre was successful, not only because of the camera angles, lighting, but the actors are really important as well. They executed their roles very well, to make the audience feel the thrill of being a victim to one of those drug gangs and sympathy to what the character was experiencing. It is in this sense I believe that the film's quality does not stand for how the director directs his film, but it is separately creative with regards to the team's effort and preference of the audience.

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terrordave1 · 5 years

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The Follow highlights were“transcrammed” from the 2019 Flashback Weekend panel celebrating 40 years of Rich Koz’s Svengoolie. The event began with a video presentation narrated by the original Svengoolie – the late Jerry G. Bishop. The panel was moderated by WGN Radio’s Nick Digilio and proved an entertaining 90 minutes – with a few surprises!

Nick Digilio: You started working with Jerry G. Bishop when you were just a kid.

Svengoolie: (laughs) It was that long ago, wasn’t it? I’d just graduated from high school and was about to go to college. Jerry was a live announcer back when they used to have live staff announcers on all the TV stations. He happened to be on Friday nights when they were running these horror movies and started to do the voice (Transylvanian accent) and more schtick before later expanding it out with old sound effects…many that are now my sound effects. I was a fan of his radio and television work and he used to run jokes that people would send in. So I started sending some and he used a lot of them. I told him I was a broadcasting major and he volunteered to come on my show at the college station. Then he said, ‘Would you mind writing song parodies, parodies of commercials, and such?” Eventually, I started working with him and when his show was canceled he was nice enough to bring me with him to WMAQ Radio. Back then you weren’t a sidekick, you were a producer, so I was doing that while also playing 80% of the people who called him on the phone. (Sven discusses some of the skits they did) Later when the opportunity came along for him to reprise the role of Svengoolie he wasn’t interested but suggested I take over as the Son of Svengoolie with his blessing. I shopped the idea around to various stations and one program director laughed and hung up on me. Eventually, I called WFLD-TV (Channel 32) which was the station Jerry’s Svengoolie had originally run on and they said, “That sounds really interesting…let’s have a bake-off!” and open it up to anyone to compete for the role. Here I’d created full scripts, had all these ideas, and everything else but had to audition with other people doing different things. Eventually, I did get the job. So in 1979, forty years ago, I hit the air as Son of Svengoolie.

The original Svengoolie – Jerry G. Bishop

Nick: And what was the first movie you presented?

Svengoolie: In the Year 2889 (1967) and boy was it terrible.

Nick: Let’s talk about the makeup changes over the years. You look a lot different than when you first started.

Svengoolie: Actually, I did more shading back then, more subtle and not with the straight lines you see here. I used a real crepe mustache…crepe was real hair…and for the little beard. I used this stuff called spirit gum as an adhesive. Spirit gum is absolutely awful stuff and I remember going to my dentist and he said, “Wow, your gums are in really bad shape” and we couldn’t figure out why. Finally, we realized that it was the spirit gum because I was constantly touching the area to adjust it and getting some in my mouth. That was when I decided it was better to just paint on the mustache. I figured if Groucho Marx could paint his on, that was good enough for me.

Nick: You mentioned the sound effects that you shared with Jerry G. Bishop. My favorite is “Ow Ow OWWW!”

Svengoolie: A lot of people ask where they came from and, with most of them, we aren’t sure. They were taken from old comedy records, commercials, and stuff Jerry had recorded with his colleagues. We’ve also added to our collection and now have over a 1,000 different ones. They’re all numbered and we try and keep track of them. All of the ones you hear I’ve scripted but in-between filming Chas (Ailing) will often play a few and it’s a lot of fun.

Speaking of Chas, he was filming this panel

Nick: I’ve been at the station many times and one thing I’ve noticed is how much work you put in. I’ve seen your scripts and it’s hours and hours and hours of work for each show.

Svengoolie: Well we have a very small staff. People think TV shows have huge staffs of people and in many cases they do. With ours, it’s just me, my producer (Jim Roche), my director/editor (Chris Faulkner), and our video guy (Chas Ailing) and then whomever they assign to be floor supervisor while we’re taping.

SEE this photo in glorious black & white in the upcoming Scary Monsters Magazine #114!

Nick: How different is your current set compared to the one at WFLD?

Svengoolie: Well it’s a whole different feel to it. For the WFLD stuff, they put up a few walls with a door. And then they found some flats that had been stored upstairs which were used back in the ‘50s for “Shock Theater” featuring the horror host, Terry Bennett a.k.a. Marvin. After I started up again at WCIU in 1995, I’d been told they gave them over to Columbia College but when I called them they said, “Oh, we repainted those and took them apart a long time ago.” So we had to start over with just some black curtains and then we finally got some walls. Eventually, we got a brand new set built for us by Acme Design of Elgin. They built the coffin first and then all the great sci-fi features like what one of our fans calls the “Clux Capacitor.” There is a new door and gargoyles that are designed after Boris Karloff and Vincent Price. It’s great stuff and has such a great look to it. Now, with all the additional lighting, it really stands out.

Nick: I watch you every week and love your parody commercials. One of my favorites is the one for “Die Pillow” (parody of “My Pillow). Let’s play that for the audience.

Svengoolie: Okay, and after you see it, I’ll tell you the story of why I don’t like him. (audience laughs)

Nick: Well I’m sure we each have a story as to why we don’t like him. Anyway, let’s roll the commercial…

youtube

Svengoolie: Are you familiar with the local radio station that comes from MeTV, MeTV FM? They play various eras of music and it’s a lot of fun. Like most radio stations they do commercials and “line reads.” So they were going to do line reads for “My Pillow” and the boss came to me and said, “Well, you’re our main live person on MeTV, so do you want to do these commercials?” and I said, “Sure, that will be fun.” Suddenly Mr. ‘hug the pillow’ over there says, “Oh, no! He hosts horror movies and that’s terrible! I don’t want him doing my commercials!” (While Sven is quoting him, he’s using a hilarious voice impersonation that Nick sites as Dr. Smith from “Lost in Space”).

Nick: So what are your favorite skits from the earlier years?

Svengoolie: We did one at WFLD called “Mr. Robbers Neighborhood” that was done before Eddie Murphy did his “Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood” on “Saturday Night Live.” It was a Mister Rogers parody about him going into people’s homes and stealing things. He changes his shoes to sneakers so people won’t hear him and when he has trouble opening things he had his friend “Mr. Crowbar” to help him out. I always liked that one. We also did one that would not have been politically correct today called “Gandhi and Dagwood” based on the Blondie and Dagwood movies.

Nick: How do you come up with the ideas for your parodies?

Svengoolie: Basically, you have to keep your mind open all the time. You’ll notice something and that’s when things happen…and I’m not sure how quite honestly. I’ve learned to pay attention to everything, even if you aren’t really focusing on it.

Nick: We have to talk about this…Revenge of the Creature (1955) in 3D. It was 1984 and people are still upset about it.

Svengoolie: Well, at that time somebody held the rights to Revenge of the Creature in 3D and it was played around the country at various local stations with 3D glasses being sold at select stores. We shot promos for it all over the place like Lincoln Park Zoo, the Chicago lakefront, and Shedd Aquarium. I even played an announcer during the show who would say “Put your glasses on” and “Take your glasses off.” I guess they were afraid the Empire Carpet man (commercial personality on ‘70s/’80s Chicago TV) was going to pop out at them during breaks (audience laughs).

Here’s the thing…first of all, there weren’t a whole lot of big things that popped out at you during the film. You had the electrifying thing, the creature falling forward, and always fish in the foreground. Meanwhile, the station was worried because they had a lot of big sponsors who paid a lot of money for their spots and didn’t want any mistakes. So they dubbed everything…the movie and my bits…all onto one tape. If you know anything about videotape, when you make a dub the quality won’t be as good as the original. Secondly, I’ve heard rumors that the transmitter for the station was not at full power. I don’t know if that would affect it or not but here’s the main thing; remember those old TV’s, the adjustments for a lot of their features were in the back. So you’d have to be behind the set to adjust them for the 3D. The way they did it was show a screen with two different sides to it and then adjust one of the controls until you saw (with your glasses on) both sides looking the same. So you couldn’t see anything but had to yell to your friends, “How bout’ now? Nope? Okay, how about now?” – And you only had a minute to get things set up. So some people had problems with that and were unable to get the 3D effect. 7-11 (local convenience store that was one of the two locations selling the glasses) had to give out coupons as restitution and someone even did a Class Action Suit. From then on I’d get people yelling at me at appearances, “Hey, I want my 89 cents back!” So some people won’t let me forget while others ask if I’ll ever do it again. That would be rather difficult on a national level and, to be honest, I’d be happy NOT to do it. (audience laughs)

What I would not give to still have my 3D glasses from that night!

Nick: So how are movies chosen?

Svengoolie: Getting movies is a lot harder now than it was back on WFLD because you have so many streaming services and cable channels that get all the rights. Before, you’d have distributors knocking at your door trying to sell packages to you. It just doesn’t work that way anymore. We have to seek them out and there’s a lot of competition. My boss, Neal Sabin, managed to get the Universal movies which have been the cornerstone of our show. And now we’ve managed to get some from other distributors including Warner Bros and Sony/Columbia which help to widen things out but the Universal films are our main stock and trade. People love them though occasionally I’ll get people saying, “Oh no, another Frankenstein movie…” And I’m thinking, “It’s Frankenstein, c’mon!”

Svengoolie keeps the original Frankenstein monster alive on MeTV!

Nick: And people complain you show the Abbott & Costello movies all the time but Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948) is your most requested movie.

Svengoolie: Yes, and they’ll request Munster, Go Home! (1966) and The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (1966). We ran The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953) recently and it had over a million viewers.

Nick: On that note, I have a surprise guest here. Ladies and Gentlemen, Virginia Madsen…(Cheers)

Svengoolie: This is so cool! Nick and I were just talking on the radio and I said, “Boy, I’d love to meet Virginia Madsen” and now here you are!

Virginia Madsen: Yes, where’s your rubber chicken? See, now you know I did watch you.

Photo courtesy of Jim Roche

Svengoolie: Was that back in the Son of Svengoolie days? (NOTE: Madsen grew up in Evanston, Illinois)

Virginia: I just know it was a long time ago

Svengoolie: I read an article that said you and your son would watch horror movies, is that true?

Virginia: Well, he was little and I was showing him the classic originals, even silent ones like The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923 ), and he just loved all those Creature Features. But then I traumatized him. I was very tired one day and thought he’d be fine watching The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945 ). He was like five or six and there’s this moment when the portrait of Dorian Gray is revealed and there’s this burst of color in an otherwise black and white movie. So he’s getting nice and sleepy then that scene comes and he about levitates off the floor. Needless to say, we watched a lot of cartoons after that. He’s 25 now and still a big horror fan.

Nick (to Virginia): Are you a fan of horror movies yourself? I mean, you’re in Candyman (1992) obviously.

Virginia: Oh my god, ever since I was little. I would stay up late and watch you (points to Sven) and “Creature Features” on a little black and white TV.

Nick (to Virginia): So did you enjoy filming Candyman?

Virginia: Oh, it was great. We really genuinely had an excellent time. The Director (Bernard Rose) wanted me more “real,” as he said. So he was bringing me pizzas every day because he wanted me to fill out a little bit. And I loved that because this was a time in Hollywood where they always wanted you to be skeletal which was just not my frame. So every day I had pizza.

Nick: At least it was Chicago pizza.

Virginia: Well actually it was in LA. We only shot four days in Chicago. The rest was shot in the same studio they filmed Whatever Happened to Baby Jane (1962). The only time it became disturbing was close to Christmas and it seemed like every day had to do with blood. There was the dog head scene, me screaming and bloody, it was someone getting disemboweled, the doctor getting disemboweled.

Svengoolie: That sounds like every day here in Chicago (laughter)

Svengoolie: You know I heard a story of when you were shooting Sideways (2004) that there was someone with a crossbow watching you?

Virginia (at first looks confused as I shift in my seat having been the one who told him this story): Oh…yes…that’s true. They had rented his house to film scenes at night and at first, he was really amiable but when all the filming trucks showed up he went up in the hills and was very upset about it. He went riding off on one of those gator tractors with a crossbow and we’d hear him screaming up in the woods. But nothing happened, he was just aggravated.

Nick: That so weird because I watch that movie monthly, it’s one of my favorite movies of all time and your monologue in it destroys me. Now I’m going to be thinking about a crossbow every time I watch it.

Virginia: He might be somewhere out there in the darkness but that was the only…I mean that valley was so beautiful and everybody knew him and was like, “Don’t worry about it, he likes to go off with his crossbow.”

Nick: Where did you hear that story, Rich?

Svengoolie: Somebody that I know here (which would be me) told me she has a great story about a guy with a crossbow. Was I not supposed to share that?

Virginia: Well I just don’t want to make anyone feel bad.

Svengoolie: Especially someone with a crossbow.

Nick: Well, it was so nice having you, Ms. Madsen!

Virginia leaves the stage and, for the record, the “man in the woods” story came from Paul Giamatti’s commentary on the Sideways Special Edition Blu-ray. The “crossbow” part I heard from Madsen, herself, earlier that day.

Nick: Your appearance itself has altered over the years. I remember you telling me this story where you made this fantastic decision to start wearing a turtle-neck.

Svengoolie (with turtleneck) posing with my kids 15 years ago

Svengoolie: When I was at WFLD I wore the official red, Son of Svengoolie T-shirt with the green, disco scarf – which was so slippery it kept getting untied. The whole costume was awkward. I had a chain I’d wear that was actually part of a wall clock I owned that was supposed to look like a pocket watch. When I went to WCIU I thought, “Let’s do something different. I know! I’ll wear a red turtle-neck.” A red turtle-neck under hot television lights. This was not the smartest decision I ever made. After a while, I decided to go with the red tuxedo shirt which was more comfortable

Nick: Let’s talk about you going national. That’s gotta be really amazing, right?

Svengoolie: It is and I’m stunned to be hearing from people all over the country. It’s nice because many have grown up with a local horror host and I always equate your favorite horror host like Dr. WHO…you always prefer the one you grew up with. I’ve been very fortunate that these people like what I do and tell me how happy they are that I’m keeping horror hosting alive.

Nick: How about the fan letters which is one of my favorite segments. What kind of stuff do you get?

Svengoolie: We get so much stuff. A lot of framed artwork people send…we should open a branch at The Art Institute and put them all up. We have a bust of me someone carved out of a tree trunk that must weigh 200 pounds. People take so much time and effort on these things and from all over the country.

Nick: Holy smokes, Ted Raimi’s in the house!

Ted Raimi: The great Svengoolie! How nice to see you! (looks out at the audience) And look at all you civilized horror people sitting out there. These things legitimize shit you wouldn’t show your own mother!. I mean, I love horror so much – and I know all of you do, too, and can’t get enough of it…but it’s hilarious to think they have conventions for it. I mean, have you ever stopped to think about that? Yes, it’s a legitimate thing, we all need to be scared but it’s a little like porno conventions. To what end are you having a convention…what do you talk about? Watching heads fly?

Nick (reeling him in): So, uh, did you have a local horror host growing up?

Ted: We did have a local horror host…Sir Graves Ghastly. He’s one of the reasons I love horror so much. (Raimi then proceeds to do a dramatic impersonation of him) . “Close the shades…turn out the lights…you’re about to be TERRIFIED!”

Nick: Do you have a favorite horror movie?

Ted: Yes, depending on what day of the week it is. There are ones I watch over and over. At the top of that list is David Cronenberg’s The Fly (1986). First of all, it’s a Canadian film so it looks rather Canadian with its own unique style. So that gives it a weird look anyway. Then you have Cronenberg who’s a weirdo and a movie that’s a love story at its heart. It’s the classic story of “boy meets girl, then boy turns into a fly and tries to eat girl” which we’ve seen a thousand times (audience laughs). But it’s a very powerful film because like any romantic story it has to end with someone breaking off the relationship which, in this case, is done so dramatically. Jeff Goldblum’s character begs Gina Davis’ to kill him which is so powerful. It’s so emotional and yet so grisly. It has all of the elements that make a really lasting picture.

Ted Raimi leaves and Nick continues his interview with Svengoolie. He mentions his favorite parody commercials and they play one of his modern classics – “Boa Brace” which mocks the infamous Health Hotline commercial with terrible animation.

youtube

As it happens, my friends Ron and Angela Urban (“Don and Bunny”) were guest stars in this commercial and sitting in the first row. Svengoolie has them stand for applause.

Nick: Hey, I don’t see him wearing his “Boa Brace” out there.

Svengoolie: Well, that’s because he’s all better now. See, it works!

Nick: Let’s talk about Doug.

Svengoolie: I’d be happy too. Doug Scharf, who plays “Doug Graves,” has been a friend since high school. We played in high school band together, hung out, and used to make 8mm films for fun. I think he’s been a part of every TV show I ever did. He’s an incredible musician who taught himself to play the piano after he’d broken his leg. He’s a trumpet player who can play so many other instruments. He does the complete music tracks for the songs we do every week. So I’ll say, “Here’s the song we’re going to do” and then he produces the whole track while I write the words. Then he’ll show up at the studio and we’ll film the segment. I love his deadpan humor.

Nick: He’s hilarious and the vibe between the two of you is just great. All the songs are so funny and, for me, it’s a highlight of the show (audience applauds in agreement).

Svengoolie: And this brings us to another song. You’ve heard me mention Freddy “Boom Boom” Cannon, a famous icon of the ‘60s. Just out of nowhere one day he sent me an email saying he loves my show and wrote a song for me. And I’m thinking, “He wrote a song for me? The guy who sang ‘Palisades Park?” And he sends it to us and we were blown away by it, it was such a great song. And we ended up meeting him and he was just the nicest guy. He told us so many great stories about hanging out with Elvis and various celebrities. The fact that he wrote this without my even knowing about it was just so cool and it was produced on a 45 record and is available on iTunes. And I think it might even be available right here…

youtube

Nick: What were some of the worst movies you’ve shown?

Svengoolie: Oh, man…well, when we were on WFLD, we presented a movie called Track of the Vampire (a.k.a. Blood Bath 1966). Part of it was made in Yugoslavia and part of it was made in Los Angeles and neither side knew what the other was doing. It was truly awful and there was this one scene with this girl named Dorean (Lori Saunders) who dances. Her big number is like 4-5 minutes long and they use this kaleidoscope lens so you see multiples of her as if you were a fly. It was so awful. The late film editor I used to work with had a great sense of humor and did a couple things with it that made it really funny. There’s this one scene with no dialogue where the vampire is chasing this girl into the ocean. So we added dialogue to make it sound like it was her swim coach and she didn’t want to get in the water. And there was this bald lifeguard whom we dubbed as Curly Howard. Then there was another part where we patched a whole bunch of film clips from different movies along with clips of dialogue from celebrities like Liberace and Dean Martin. This went on for like three minutes. I’m sure if management had seen it, we would have both been fired but, fortunately, I don’t think management ever watched my show. It was such an awful movie that made no sense.

Nick: You have to watch every single one of these movies because you have to do all your bits and time everything out…

Svengoolie: Yes, I have to watch them and as I’m doing this I’m breaking them down for the different segments – if it needs to be edited for time or content. I take copious notes so when I get down to writing the bits I can go back and read them.

Sven’s handwritten script for “The Leech Woman”

Nick: I love Sven-Surround. Like you just did recently with Village of the Giants (1965).

Svengoolie: I think that one needed some help.

Nick: I think it’s hilarious and when did that start happening?

Svengoolie: Actually it goes back to when Jerry was doing his Svengoolie show. He was the announcer on duty back then and he’d get bored. So he and the engineers would take his sound effect parts and add them into the movies. Sometimes it was so funny because it would be so incongruous. So you might see some guy walking through the jungle and then all of a sudden hear a phone ringing. When I first started at WCIU, we would do one segment of every movie in “Sven-Surround” which we can’t really do now with the Universal classics. We do it sometimes as a separate part so we don’t interfere with the movie. Coming up this fall we’ll be re-running a show that had a Commando Cody (old movie serial) episode in it, so we redubbed all of that. People seem to enjoy those.

Nick: Let’s talk about Kerwyn. When did Kerwyn come into existence?

Svengoolie: At first when we started at WCIU, Doug would read the mail with me. Since he couldn’t always stay around we had various characters do it. There was “Ed the Bat” who had an electronically raised voice that my boss, Neil Saban, hated so much he said, “You gotta get rid of that character!” So we actually shot a bit where he fires Ed and hits him with a club. And then we used a Godzilla (Tri-Star 1998) figure and the Wacky Dactyl DJ (made with a Hasbro Jurassic Park III pterodactyl toy) and then finally as a surprise to me, my Director (Chris Faulkner) and Jessica Carlton who worked at the station for a kids’ show, created the prehistoric rubber chicken, Kerwyn. We were trying to come up with a voice for him and we looked at those eyes and goofy teeth and thought Jerry Lewis would be the best inspiration. He’s become very popular and it’s quite possible a special limited-edition T-shirt featuring him will be coming out in the future.

Nick: So what’s going on for your future. It’s your 40th year…how long are you going to do this?

Svengoolie: I’m now old enough to retire but we’ve just become so popular all over the country that I can’t see giving that all up right now, especially when I’m having such a good time with it. The fact that people like it and have made it so popular – I’ll keep doing it for a while. (audience applauds).

Nick: I saw a guy around the convention with a Svengoolie tattoo.

Svengoolie: Yes, we saw him yesterday (and so did YOU in my last Flashback post)

Nick: It’s gotta be weird seeing your face on somebody.

Svengoolie: It is. My own family would never put a tattoo of me on them. I’d have to say I’ve seen about thirty different ones out there and the artwork is often really incredible.

Nick: You guys tape just about every week, right?

Svengoolie: We tape about four days every month. After my heart attack, we decided not to shoot two days in a row but to break them up. It’s hard to say how long it takes to put a show together because pre-production with some movies often overlaps with the post-production of others.

Nick: And you’re still doing public appearances, obviously, because you’re here. Your busy season is coming up, right?

Svengoolie: They used to only be in October but now my appearances go all year long. The demand is high and we want to do as many as we can but, again, I have to stay healthy and don’t want to overdo it. Now we’re getting a lot of requests to do appearances outside of Illinois at various conventions. We’re talking about doing that and recently went to Phoenix, Arizona for a private Dish TV event and that was fun.

Svengoolie greeting a fan at one of his numerous public appearances

As the interview winds down, a young girl dressed as Svengoolie is brought on stage to say ‘hello.’

The show wraps with a montage of celebrities visiting the Svengoolie set.

Svengoolie: When I started, I never imagined I’d be doing it for forty years – back then I was just grateful I had a job on TV. It’s only possible with the support of everybody out there and it means a lot to me.

Coming up…Svengoolie greets his fans!

Dave

“An Evening with Rich Koz – 40 Years of Svengoolie” at Flashback Weekend! The Follow highlights were“transcrammed” from the 2019 Flashback Weekend panel celebrating 40 years of Rich Koz’s Svengoolie.

#Flashback Weekend #Jerry G. Bishop #Nick Digilio #Rich Koz #Svengoolie (Rich Koz)

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Cerebus #3

Time for some good chafing gags!

I love Cerebus. Once I began buying the monthly issues, I stuck with it until Issue #300, no matter how bored I had become with Cerebus's explication of Genesis. I stuck with it because it had entertained me so much and because I loved the idea of a comic book series with a character who grows and changes and eventually dies as an old, decrepit, huge delusional mess. Or was he delusional? Yeah, I think he was. By the end, I think we're supposed to realize Rick was the protagonist? Whoops! I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm still in the issues where I don't have to think too hard about anything and can just sit back and laugh at jokes about chain mail bikinis and a woman who will only fuck somebody who overpowers her physically! What I meant to say before I interrupted myself like usual, I kept with the series because I loved so much of it. Not all of it, of course. Who could love all of it?! Dave Sim was writing things that kept himself interested and wasn't too worried about, say, keeping the audience that loved Church & State while writing Melmoth, or expecting people who loved Guys to be enthusiastic about Coming Home. I appreciated this comic book so much that it's the only reason that I kept purchasing monthly comic books as I entered my thirties. I had gotten to the point where my brain was having too much trouble remembering all the different comic book story lines with a full month long gaps between each twenty-four page bit of story. So at some point just past the year 2000, I decided I'd stop reading monthly comics altogether after March 2004, the final issue of Cerebus. After that, I kept up with Fables and Walking Dead via collected editions. But I was done reading monthlies (until The New 52 somehow dragged me back in to do that blog project!). So yeah. I was (and still am!) a huge Cerebus fan. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be critical of the series and the writer. Dave Sim makes a lot of mistakes and I'm going to have a lot of fun pointing them out! You might not think they're mistakes but I ask that you hold your comments until the end (you know, my review of Issue #300!) because why would I want to argue on the Internet with other huge comic book nerds? We're the worst! One person I'll never criticize because I don't think they ever do anything wrong: Gerhard! That fucking work horse nails it throughout the entire series! Nothing much to say about Deni's "A Note from the Publisher" since all she says is how she has nothing to say. I was hoping she'd admit to rubbing one out over one of Dave's finished Red Sophia pages but my horrible male nerd projections about how women act once more didn't come to fruition. How is it everything I learned about women from female comic book characters turned out to be so wrong?! I refuse to believe it's because most of them were written by men. Men are so rational and logical! They wouldn't have steered me wrong!

I should probably do a little research on Frank Thorne.

Frank Thorne was best known for his work on Marvel's Red Sonja. Yes, I lifted that directly from Wikipedia. But I typed it myself! Another thing I learned from Wikipedia (I'd do more research than just Wikipedia but I don't want to wind up on YouTube where I'll not only learn about Frank Thorne's artistic history but also that the American Democratic party runs a pedophile sex traffic ring and also something about cannibals? I mean, it sounds like something I'd like to believe!) is that Thorne wrote a book called How to Draw Sexy Women. So, you know, he's probably one of my heroes? Frank Thorne is currently 90 years old and he might have the most adorable picture of anybody on Wikipedia.

I want to be best friends with him right now. Six year old me would have been over the moon in love with him (I had a Grandfather Fixation when I was really young that probably had nothing to do with my father leaving when I was two).

This issue not only introduces Red Sophia but also the wizard Henrot. That's an anagram of "Thorne"! Red Sophia is an anagram for "Hi! Do Rapes." I don't agree with that at all. I'm just the anagram messenger. I'm also not suggesting that Dave Sim knew what he was doing anagrammatically! I mean with the Red Sophia anagram. He definitely meant the Henrot/Thorne one! Cerebus has returned to civilization but now needs some quick cash because one thing Cerebus always needs is quick cash. He's only wealthy a few times and those times don't usually last long. He goes to see Henrot (who allegedly gets his power from two of the five Spheres of the Gods! So now we kind of know more about those things even if it is just a rumor) to question him about any paying mercenary gigs.

You might think the missing word in Henrot's dialogue was a mistake by Dave Sim but later we'll probably learn in, I don't know, Issue #143 that Henrot's first language is Borelean to account for this seeming error.

Cerebus doesn't usually take assassination or torture jobs because he finds them distasteful but he needs the money. Sure, he'll take any job that has him killing people in battle or invading private wizard's towers to murder the owner and steal the owner's stuff. But assassination and torture? So wrong! Once Cerebus takes the job, he learns that he was to take Henrot's daughter, Red Sophia, along with him. The target besmirched her honor so she needs to watch him die slowly and painfully. Is this where the MeToo hashtag goes?

Red Sophia drawing tutorial: Draw some big tits, some big lips, and a big mass of hair. Connect them with some kind of woman shaped lines. Ta-da!

Red Sophia chatters incessantly and dances around while Cerebus carries all of the gear. It's funny because female characters get to represent all women instead of being a unique character! Ha ha! Women really do talk a lot, right? And they're always all, "Carry my purse for me!" And guys are all like, "Stifle your emotions like a normal person! Carry your own purse! Stop dancing around whimsically and try to act tough and cool like regular people do! Play some sports already! Take care of me like you were my replacement mother!" In the "A Note from the Publisher," Deni wrote that since the first issue (remember the first issue? So many issues ago!), Dave had wanted to write a story where Cerebus interacts with a female. She doesn't say Dave wanted to write a female character. He just wanted Cerebus to interact with a female. So I guess that's what this is! Cerebus interacts with a female stereotype who is also a sex fantasy. Not because she's hot but because she constantly tries to fuck Cerebus throughout their adventure! What sword and sorcery reading nerd didn't dream of that three or four times a day in a dark room? I'm being harsh on Sim because it's more fun than lavishing praise on him. You can tell Sim realizes the inherent problems with Red Sonja because that's the bulk of his parody. The problem isn't Dave's take on the character; the real problem is simply the character Red Sonja! In 1978, Sim was already commenting on the ridiculous armor artists draw on women (there will be chafing jokes!)! And in this story, Dave Sim expresses how ridiculous it was to create a female character who was raped and then given great fighting skills by some Goddess with the catch that she can never fuck a man unless he beats her in fair combat. Just looking at it from a guy's point of view, I'd probably be all, "You know what? I don't want those powers. Could you maybe just strike down the asshole who raped me and let me not have to attempt to beat up every woman I'm attracted to?" Is that enough hot takes on Red Sophia? Cause I want to get to the part of this review where I can admit that I fucking love her so much. Later Cerebus meets Elrod who is really just Foghorn Leghorn. I'm pretty sure Red Sophia was less Red Sonja than Pepé Le Pew. I know, I know! There are probably some sensitive reasons why I'm not supposed to like Pepé too! But he was my mother's favorite Looney Tunes character! Anyway, I can't blame Dave Sim for making his first female character about 75% stereotypes of women. He's still a young writer! You've got to give him about another 183 issues to really clarify his stance on the interactions between genders! I'm sure it'll be more layered, nuanced, and rational.

Cerebus might be an Earth Pig but he's not a chauvinist pig. He doesn't take sexual advantage of Red Sophia here; he just makes her carry all the gear. It's a good joke that I'm ruining by explaining it instead of scanning in the punchline!

Just for comparison, let's take a look at a modern interpretation of Red Sonja by Ed Benes. I bet just that artist's name alone gives male comic book nerds a chubby. Not a full on hard on though. Those are probably reserved for hearing the name "Frank Cho."

What do they teach in art school? Women can turn 180 degrees at the waist? Not that I'm complaining! Dark room, here I come!

Oh shit. I forgot I was reading this comic book! Okay, um, so Red Sophia attacks Cerebus for besmirching her honor. Or Cerebus attacks Red Sophia for knocking him into a bush with her ass. Maybe it's a little bit of both. Anyway, Cerebus defeats her so Red Sophia begins throwing her ample bosom at Cerebus every chance she gets. Cerebus is not interested for some reason. Maybe it's because he stuck a sword in his vagina when he was younger? That happened, right? Or was that a flashback about him having his period? Now that I'm thinking about it...what the fuck is this comic book? I think maybe I hallucinated some of it! Cerebus isn't a fucking slut, man! He doesn't just fuck any hot woman whom he defeats in battle! He needs to fall in love and/or get completely wrecked on Peach Schnapps. So he has no interest in Red Sophia. I suppose a woman trying to kill you is a bit of a turn off. And then later, when she gets you into a fight with Thugg the Unseemly, it's less of an aphrodisiac than you might think.

I think Borelean might be Red Sophia's first language as well. I mean, she is Henrot's daughter.

The Letterer part of Dave Sim has already fucked up twice this issue. I bet he was too busy having his sword and sorcery fantasies in a dark room to pay close attention to the script. This is probably why Dave Sim eventually gave up masturbation. Later, Red Sophia feeds Cerebus granola and it totally cracks Dave Sim up. He said so in the Swords of Cerebus essay! Didn't you read it? I, for one, prefer the joke on the following page about Cerebus being a cannibal. Or an aardvark who eats human meat, anyway. I think that's close enough to cannibalism. We learn later that aardvarks can have offspring with humans so I feel like the aardvarks in this book are less sentient funny talking animals and more severely deformed human beings.

Red Sophia's tent. If this we were well into Mothers & Daughters when this tent made an appearance, I'd think Dave purposefully drew it this way. Since we're only on Issue #3, I think he was just feeling horny when he drew it.

If at any time during this review I've referred to Red Sophia as Red Sonja, just remember that English is my second language. I'm Borelean. I apologize to Dave Sim for earlier suggesting that Red Sophia was simply a bunch of female stereotypes mashed together into a character. As I said, I love her. I figured I probably started loving her after she makes several more appearances but I'm pretty sure this is the page where I knew needed more Red Sophia in my life.

How can you not be completely charmed by the "I'm pretty good at hand-holding" line?

This is a good reminder that I shouldn't be judging early Dave Sim by Issue #186 Dave Sim and beyond. He should always get the benefit of the doubt and, even after #186, he should retain it. I need to be reading the material both with fresh eyes as if reading it for the first time and with the knowledge of the whole in an attempt to understand it better. This scene is just so fucking charming that I hate that it might be ruined for many people based on their "knowledge" of Dave Sim. I put knowledge in quotes because, really, how many people who think of Dave as a misogynist have actually read Cerebus or Tangent? How many have just heard they're supposed to despise him because he's been called a misogynist? I mean, sure, you just have to read a bunch of his Biblical explications to understand you're dealing with something other than neurotypical! But it'd be nice if more people came to their Dave Sim conclusions themselves instead of just jumping on the bandwagon. I'm not saying people who think he's a misogynist aren't automatically wrong! Dave thinks they are but come on. He eventually gives out a lot of slack with which to make quite a few nooses to hang himself with. Um, okay, back to not judging Cerebus based on future Dave's rants about the Marxist/feminist/homosexual axis! Cerebus and Sophia finally reach the target where Cerebus discovers that the target, Tanes Feras, loves Sophia. And just like that, he figures out how to get rid of Sophia while also torturing Feras (possibly to death? Time will tell!). He commands Sophia to marry Feras because she must do whatever he asks. Sure, she thought it would involved his super long tongue and her metal-chafed butthole. But that's the great thing about love! It doesn't care what you want. Henrot seems to accept this conclusion for now. He'll definitely be back later. And so will Red Sophia. I can't wait!

The map of Cerebus's world by Deni's brother, Clovis. He ran out of ideas when he got to "Ocean Sea."

I'll have to remember to keep referring back to this map throughout the series. Although I'll probably only need it for the first twenty-five issues. And then maybe after Mothers & Daughters. Nothing noteworthy in Aardvark Comment this month. Just some Canadians saying things like, "Glad to see a Canadian comic book from Canada about Canada!" Which is confusing because I didn't realize how much of Cerebus was representative of Canada. I've really got to rethink my Canadian stereotypes. Now I'll be sure to picture Canadians as 50% Cerebus and 50% Joey Jeremiah. Cerebus #3 Rating: B+. Sim's art remains a bit more on the amateurish side than the professional side. But that's to be expected. Already you can see improvements in the consistency of Cerebus's look and I think maybe his snout is already getting shorter and girthier. This was the first issue where he drew a woman so I can't fault him for drawing a blow-up doll in a chain mail bikini. Why would I? I'd never fault anybody for drawing a blow-up doll in a chain mail bikini! I also just thought up a new category to search on eBay. This issue begins to show where Sim really excels: his characters. The first two issues basically highlight Cerebus dealing with a few generic characters. But Red Sophia (and Henrot to a lesser extent) captures the spotlight this issue. Ignoring some of the shallow aspects of her character creation (if you even believe those exists. Don't take my super-professional critical opinion on it!), she's really rather charming and a competent foil for the Earth Pig. Just knowing that she's the tip of the iceberg in the gallery of recurring characters excites me more than those fantasies I keep having in my dark room.

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

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the-connection · 5 years

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The Hairspray and Serial Mom director talks about exhibiting his racy artwork and why he enjoys taunting the skill world

In 1992, the Baltimore film director John Waters started stimulating his own artwork. Not art movies, but" tiny drawings" that sat humbly in his studio, just waiting to be discovered.

" I really did all this artwork and I didn't tell anyone, I simply did it for myself ," recollects Waters over the phone from his house in Baltimore.

It wasn't until his love, New York gallerist Colin de Land, asked to see his never-seen-before artwork that he moored his first solo exhibition." Would I have had the gut to ask him ?" queries Waters." I don't know ."

Now , the" Pope of Trash" is looking back on 25 years of impelling visual artwork for a retrospective at the Baltimore Museum of Art called Indecent Exposure. The show peculiarity 160 artworks, where the director of Hairspray and Serial Mom indicates everything but his cinemas- there are figures of Michael Jackson as a newborn, Tina Turner as a doll and Justin Bieber with way too much Botox.

" I am ever saying,' "Someones got" like it other than your father ,' and in my lawsuit, someone has to like my skill outside of Baltimore ," says Waters." I am thrilled to come back here now since I've been doing it since 1992."

Waters as a canvas-and-paint artist rather than a film director might strangely seem like a more natural is suitable for the 72 -year-old provocateur, at the least in his mind." I never wanted to be a' religion film-maker' because in Hollywood, that conveys three smart parties liked it and it lost all the money it cost to make it ," says Waters." Establishing art is just a new mode for me to tell fibs; it's all about writing, editing and seeing instant little details that I don't think other people look at ."

There is a health dose of art world-wide parody which impels this exhibit as entertaining as one of his standup humor registers." We all know contemporary art is also possible jocular, but can it be quirky ?" he requests." I actually think it can ."

John Waters- Beverly Hills John. Photo: Kindnes of the artist

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There's one piece in the prove emblazoned with the quotation Contemporary Art Hates You which, Waters says," it kind of does if you have defiance before investigation ". In another, a spoof of the National Enquirer called the National Brainiac boasts paparazzi portraits of artistry critic Hilton Kramer and columnist Joan Didion." I try to have fun with it as far as is I can ," he said." I do really wish there was a National Enquirer for intellectuals, but the audience cornerstone would be really small ."

The self-portraits in the exhibit boast Waters with a Photoshopped facelift in Beverly Hills John, while another piece registers stills from his appearances on late-night talkshows. Seas likewise obtains store images of himself and cuts out his face for strange Dada-like collages , not to mention another strange description "ve called the" Town Crier, where he is gussied up in old fashioned garb.

But Waters convulses at the "ve thought about" being a" fame craftsman "." I typically never talking here my skill in film-making publications because I know how much luminary artistry is hated. I hate it too ," he says." I scorn that as much as I certainly can ."

The real celebrity compass is placed abroad, like when Waters recorded the dins of a box office the working day a Harry Potter film was exhausted, which is shown here as a work of sound prowes." It's the sound of coin ," he says." To me, that's what showbiz is about ."

He likewise molts light on his film-making process, saving all the cardboard backs of his writing pads for a series called Killing Script , em> while in another fragment he depicts a collecting of 300 index placards of daily to-do registers." I recollect I'm giving help ," says Waters." They're all up now so it's a content of' Get hectic! Perform a schedule! Check it twice !'"

Also on view is his In My House photo series, where Waters photographs all the crannies and openings of his house, from inside his fridge to his VHS closet and the lint sneaking under his bottom." I make I am demo my life, in a manner that is ," he said." What I find amusing, the obscure ."

John Waters- Limitation. Image: Kindnes of the master

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But for Waters, who is influenced by 1990 s conceptualists Mike Kelley and Fischli& Weiss, there is often a dark tinge. The statue Controlshows Ike Turner as a puppeteer pulling the fibres on Tina Turner." I was a puppeteer as small children, I enjoyed Ike and Tina Turner very much ," he said." I get why she detested him, but I still envisage she was best available when she was with him, singing-wise. It was a look at the melodrama of that ."

There is also a work calledShoulda, which references the 1949 exploitation film She Shoulda Said No! where he revises the shoot to include Princess Diana, Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse." All these starrings should have said no to some things in their lives, dopes, preeminence ," said Waters." You get a title and you render it a totally different propose by how you show it in a storyboard ."

He also presents a entitlement recognition that says Starring Melissa Rivers, daughter of Joan Rivers." Melissa Rivers, as far as I know, has never had top billing in a movie ," said Waters." I'm trying to suspect a thought that never happened. It was a ended approval that never was ."

Probably the most disclosing artwork in the show is his Study Art series, which boasts: Study Art: For Earning or Hobby. Waters examined the ambiguity in it, so took it to the next elevation, changing the send to read" for prestige or spite" and" for pride or strength ".

" That was a real ratify at an art clas in Baltimore ," said Waters." None of these words are artistically compensate, but I wanted to imagine occasions in the artistry world which are definitely not correct to say ."

As for his own political incorrectness? Seas proclaims "hes having" good taste, despite his reputation for having the opposite( in one of his cinemas, he notably peculiarity draw queen Divine ingesting pup feces )." I think you have to have good taste to make fun of bad smell, to celebrate it ," he says." I actually reflect I'm politically correct, extremely, that are actually makes them so laugh ."

John Waters: Inappropriate Show is depicting at the Baltimore Museum of Art until 6 January

Read more: http :// www.theguardian.com/ us

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afoolsingenuity · 6 years

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My Lady’s Choosing // Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Romance Is Weird and Wonderful

My Lady’s Choosing – Kitty Curran & Larissa Zageris

Published: 3rd April 2018 Source: Netgalley Genre: Romance, Choose-your-own-adventure My Rating:

The romance novel that lets you pick your path, follow your heart, and find happily ever after

You are the plucky but penniless heroine in the center of eighteenth-century society, courtship season has begun, and your future is at hand. Will you flip forward fetchingly to find love with the bantering baronet Sir Benedict Granville? Or turn the page to true love with the hardworking, horse-loving highlander Captain Angus McTaggart? Or perhaps race through the chapters chasing a good (and arousing) man gone mad, bad, and scandalous to know, Lord Garraway Craven? Or read on recklessly and take to the Continent as the “traveling companion” of the spirited and adventuresome Lady Evangeline? Or yet some other intriguing fate? Make choices, turn pages, and discover all the daring delights of the multiple (and intertwining!) storylines. And in every path you pick, beguiling illustrations bring all the lust and love to life.

I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This in no way affected my opinion of the book, or the content of my review.

Choose-your-own-adventure kind of brings to mind Goosebumps. I distinctly remember those books as a kid. I think my brother got one from the library and we ended up both reading it because how could we not, really? I think they’re the only ones I’d heard of really and then I stumbled across My Lady’s Choosing on Netgalley on Monday and the rest, as they say, was history.

This was a ridiculous book in the best kind of way. You get to star in your very own romance and you get to decide what kind of romantic adventure you’ll be going on. There's the traditional historical romance with you as the poor unassuming woman with hidden charms (everyone seems to be totally into you… I mean everyone) and you can catch the eye of the most eligible bachelor in society. Or you can travel off to the wilds of Scotland to solve a mystery and charm a brooding Scotsman. Or maybe an adventure as a ladies companion in Egypt is more your style? And let’s not forget the epic Jane Eyre style gothic romance with the dark brooding misunderstand gent living in wild Yorkshire. You really get it all and that is brilliant.

I think you can tell that both Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris love romance. Sure, the book is a bit of a parody of romance books themselves, but it’s also a love letter to them. In a number of short stories they capture the tropes and the ridiculous story elements we all see repeatedly and roll our eyes at but also include all the thing we love. We love seeing the poor girl who is an underdog and would in reality be left with few options to choose from for her future become the master of her destiny and go off on an adventure (or several, as the case maybe).

I admit, I tried to read through as many of the adventures as I could, although I am certain I missed a few, and I found there were some I enjoyed more than others. There were some, like the gothic adventure with Lord Craven, which seemed to end far too abruptly for my liking. it felt rushed through and underdeveloped, and there were others which felt so well developed and and really showed that a well written can appear in a book which is just 300 odd pages long, you know? I think maybe that was partially me and my own romance preferences shining through, though. Sure, some of the endings were not my jam (look, that gothic story just didn’t work for me, and although there was another ending I liked I didn’t like the character I ended up with).

This is a book with an ending for (almost) anybody. like the witty banter in romance? Then Benedict Granville is for you. Like the scary misunderstood rich man? Lord Craven might be for you. Want a sexy highland romp with a Scotsman with secrets? Definitely follow Angus MacTaggart. There is even a few unexpected romances too. I quite enjoyed my adventure to Egypt with Lady Evangaline which had a couple of unexpected romances. Really, it’s a laugh and this light and fun book is a great read. Definitely the kind of book you can gift a friend who loves romance you can laugh over as you each find different endings. I am so glad I got a chance to read as I might never have found this otherwise.

Have you read any choose-your-own-adventure books? And have you read this or are you interested in reading? Tell me all!

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#a fool's ingenuity #books

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flirting-with-psychology · 7 years

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Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith? No

The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save? Mom, dad, best friend, SO if I had one, myself. I wonder if any of them would resent me though for getting 4 people I care about while they only get me

Is happiness a delusion? Is happiness only real when shared? Why or why not? No, it’s as delusional/real as any other emotion caused by chemicals in the brain

What would the cover of your biography (presumably written by somebody else who never knew you, postmortem) look like? Probably a picture of me. Or maybe of me with like 50 guys I like

Write about a really good or creative Tumblr URL that you see frequently on your dashboard. I-run-with-scissors-to-feel-dangerous. I’ve just always thought it was funny

If swear words were not things like “shit” and “fuck” what would they be otherwise? Whatever else society thinks is taboo

Write a very vivid description of what is/would have been your most perfect way to lose your virginity. What is your exact definition of ‘losing your virginity’? Also: will you/would you have liked to save your virginity for marriage? Why or why not? It would have been more perfect I guess to lose it with someone who was also a virgin, and we both cared about each other. My definition is the first time you have penetrative sex (unless you are a lesbian in which case I don’t really know because I don’t know enough about lesbian sex). I would not want to save it for marriage because sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship that I would not want to leave up to chance

Write a six-word fortune cookie. You will buy another fortune cookie

Why do you think eyebrows exist? Aren’t they supposed to help prevent stuff from getting down into our eyes? Just like eyelashes, even though majority of the time if I have something in my eye it’s an eyelash… but yeah. Also, eyebrows are way of like communicating or expression. Like when you raise your eyebrows out of concern or surprise, or when you scrunch them out of confusion or anger. < What that person said

If you could only have one contact on your phone, who would it be? Crap idk

Your bucket list is limited to three items. Marry someone amazing, sing a duet, win an oscar

Do you wake up first or do you open your eyes first? Uhh wake up probably?

Write a love/thank you/appreciation letter to someone you take for granted. Thank you mom and dad for everything you do which I definitely don’t reciprocate

What makes you feel infinitely sexy? Good eye makeup

Make a video and talk about something for two minutes. Anything. And don’t edit out any parts of it. Lol nah.

Write a poem you’d stick on a refrigerator. Nah. You can look at my poetry tag

Are you afraid of aging? Why? Yes because I feel like I’m not taking full advantage of my youth and it’ll only be harder as I get older. And I’m afraid of getting too old to explore things romantically and just be expected to know what I’m doing

Describe one time you basically thought you were the shit, when your self-confidence was soaring through the roof. This is meant to be a positive thing. It was pretty high the summer before junior year when I was working out more. And it was also high sometimes in grade school when I always got top grades

If there was one person you could get drunk with and kiss and then later blame it on alcohol, who would it be? My friend who I work with on film projects. I don’t like him romantically enough to risk ruining how well we work together, so I’ve never pursued anything. But this scenario would actually be kind of great

Does perfection exist? If the word perfection did not exist, what word would be in its place? What would perfection mean instead? I don’t think perfection exists. Mathematically it could but in actual physics there is always error. And other types of “perfection” are matters of opinion which are not the same for everyone. I don’t know what word would replace it

The next book you see that has over 300 pages, open up to page 136. Find a sentence you like, copy it down, and then write about it. Na I’m sitting

Who makes you laugh the most? Captain

What is one thing that you are proud of, that you think lacks praise/lacks appreciation from the people around you? It could be a simple thing; it could be a secret thing. Most things I’m proud of get adequately praised

If you could accuse somebody of being fake/a bitch and not suffer any repercussions, who would you accuse, and how would you do it? I’d tell one of my friends that their SO is awful and that the relationship is toxic

What is the funniest one-liner Tumblr text post you’ve ever read? Idk bruh

Rewrite a verse of lyrics from your favorite song. They have to sound good when you sing it out loud along to tune of the song. I wrote an entire Let It Go parody about essay writing. I’m not gonna copy it all here though, you can find it at tagged/frozen parody

If the SATs/grades did not exist, in what way should colleges/teachers evaluate applicants? maybe through actual work? <<<<

Do you feel at home in your home? Is home a place for you? A book? A thing? A person? What would you want your home to be? Not yet. I just moved in a couple weeks ago so it doesn’t feel like home yet. My room is getting there other than when there are spiders and I get all anxious, but the common areas still feel like their space since they’ve all lived there for a year. Home is generally a place. I also have a stuffed dog that makes things feel more like a home

Write your own eulogy. She was cool

What is something you felt like you deserved or should have belonged to you, but you never got? A relationship. It’s 2017. It’s time.

Do you feel ‘connected to nature’? Do you frequent outside? Do you believe that a connection with the earth we live on is necessary in the first place? Nope. Nope. I think that we should respect it but don’t need to feel connected

Your opinion on oral sex? It’s ok. There has only been one guy who really made me enjoy receiving, and giving is ok but I kind of avoid it when I can because I kind of gag on it and if they last too long which they usually do it kills the mood for me

If one TV show could be real, which one would you want it to be? Which one would screw our world over? Not sure. I’d want Harry Potter to be real but that’s not really a show. Something like The Walking Dead would screw us over

How many kinds of love are there? “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Which word needs to exist (or be used again)? If it doesn’t exist how would I know about it?

What is the absolute hardest thing about staying alive? You need food, and for food you need money, and for money you need a job

What is a book that has been recognized as ‘great literature’ that you dislike? Why? Most of the books we read in school because a lot of them are slow and boring and anything interesting about them gets ruined by having to write stupid analysis papers

What is one change that you would make/have made to your life that will make/has made it better? Exercising more

Is everything you do for yourself? Can you truly be selfless? I’m not good at being selfless

Are you the same person you were two and a half years ago? No, but similar

Can you possibly conquer the labyrinth? If that’s that shit with the dude with the eyes on his hands then nope

As a hyper intelligent pan-dimensional being, what is the answer to the ultimate question, the life, the universe and everything? What is the ultimate question? The pretension in this question just knocked like a week off my lifespan

#survey

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Cerebus #4 (1978)

Elrod! So soon? Be still my quivering loins!

I may not have understood a lot of Dave Sim's historical references when I read began reading this series in my early twenties but I sure as hell got all of his Looney Tunes references! I read the Elric books the summer after my first year of college. I was eighteen. I would have begun reading Cerebus a year or two later. I was definitely reading it by 1992 when I was volunteering with the Santa Clara Junior Theater helping backstage because I passed the first Cerebus phone book around to anybody I could convince to read it by telling them about the characters stowing away on a ship and hiding in some barrels where one of the characters says, "Nobody here but us mice!" and Elrod pipes up with, "Squeak, I say, squeak!" Goddammit that still makes me chuckle. That was my long-winded and autobiographical way of saying that I understood the Elrod/Elric parody! I sometimes think of the first 25 issues of Cerebus as being less than the rest of the series. I suppose because they're a lot of individual stories coming just before the huge 25 issue High Society story arc, they can seem trifling and inconsequential. But we're only on Issue #4 and we've already been introduced to Red Sophia and Elrod of Melvinbone, two of the series most iconic characters. And examples of what Dave Sim does so well: characterization, parody, and mimicry. Sure, Red Sophia is basically just an exaggerated mash-up of Red Sonja and Pepé Le Pew. Of course, Elrod is just a blend of Elric and Foghorn Leghorn (mostly Foghorn Leghorn with an outer glaze of Elric). But he does their voices so well and makes them completely his own, fitting their foibles and eccentricities into Cerebus's world. And Dave Sim is funny. He can be absolutely hilarious. And is it next issue already that we'll get The Roach (it is not. Next issue is Bran Mac Muffin!)? I mean, can you name a comic book that got off the starting block faster without any actual planning?! Deni Loubert announces that she and Dave have moved in "A Note from the Publisher" and not much else. Well, she does exclaim how she forgot to write her editorial. I'm getting the feeling she doesn't really give a shit about these notes and just wants to get on with the real work of getting the stupid comic distributed. In his Swords of Cerebus essay, Dave Sim admits to having never read an Elric story so I guess I probably never had to bother with it either! Although knowing the author's name, Michael Moorcock, helped score some pretty good points in Scattergories on occasion. Speaking of Scattergories and not Cerebus, I once played the game with Sam Adams (ex-Portland Mayor and also my Uncle-in-Law. He also played the assistant to Kyle MacLachlan's Portland Mayor in Portlandia). The category was "type of dance" and the letter rolled was an "L". So my answer was "Lap". Sam sneered and said, "Classy." At least it scored me points and I didn't have to cheat the way Sam and his mom did! That was the Brush with Greatness story I would have told on David Letterman if time and experiences and space were different.

I realize a lot of you are living your worst online life because you view everything on a phone so, really, don't bother trying to read this. Although maybe it's actually easier to increase the size of on a phone! Stupid laptop. I hate you now!

In this essay, Dave Sim mentions how someday he's going to write an issue with Elrod, Lord Julius, and Cerebus locked in a closet. I'm pretty sure that eventual story is the one I mentioned earlier about the mice. I believe the story takes place between High Society and Church & State, maybe Issue #50/51 or something weird like that? When they're fleeing Iest after Cerebus's run as Prime Minister ends? Anyway, it was a great idea and a well executed and hilarious sketch. The issue begins with some guy dying mysteriously to some cursed gem he stole. But never mind his story. It's over and it probably wasn't very interesting anyway. The gem, however, continues on until it winds up in Cerebus's clutches. Cerebus has arrived in Serrea to spend the last of his gold (remember, he never keeps his riches for long) gambling and drinking apricot brandy. I called it Peach Schnapps in a previous review because, have I mentioned, my memory is utter shite? This is also the first appearance of Cerebus's vest. Dave Sim says so in that essay I scanned. But I'm sure I would have commented on it without the prompt because he's so fucking adorable. Plus his snout is nearly to its regular shape and size. That means he's maturing into an adult Earth Pig. After picking up the gem, some strange shit begins to go down.

Cerebus could have been meeting the stripper love of his life but instead he's battling weird magic figments of his imagination.

Remember that thing about my terrible memory? I can't remember if Death was an imaginary character brought on by the aardvark's strangeness mixed with the gem's magic. But I do remember Elrod was some kind of illusion created by this confluence of events. One of the saddest moments in this entire series for me was when Elrod blinks out of existence. I can't say how long I was in denial about that but, month after month, I kept hoping that he'd come back in another of Dave's retcons to make sense of past stories that didn't fit his vision of Cerebus's current world and story. I kept hoping that a bedraggled Elrod would wander into Cerebus's bar in Guys having once again somehow eluded death or capture or nonexistence through his strange blundering overconfidence. Maybe my hope in the reappearance of Elrod was what really kept me reading until Issue #300! Death's plan is to have the Crawler (that's the squiddy, octopus, vagina-stand-in thing) drive Cerebus into Death's clutches. But Cerebus has a knack for winning battles by knowing when to retreat and when not to retreat. Previously, he would have died in the wizard's tower while hunting the flame jewel if he had attacked the skeleton; this time he realizes that if he keeps retreating, he will lose the battle so he presses the attack. Four issues in and I now have total confidence in Cerebus's strategic mind. He can't be defeated even by what amounted to a Great Old One! At least according to Death's description of the beast. I'm not sure Death is the most trustworthy of narrators though. Also, is he really Death? Seems like a crazy character to introduce four issues in. How many issues was Gaiman's The Sandman on before readers were introduced to their next huge comic book crush, Death? Death realizes he can't manipulate Cerebus to force Cerebus to bring him the gem. So he searches for somebody he can manipulate.

Or does he create one? I suppose that spark is the moment Elrod comes into existence.

The first half of this issue was lacking in, as Dave says, "Ha-ha." And true to form, it wasn't that great. Standard sword and sorcery fare with Cerebus battling a monster and magical forces intervene in the barbarian's life. Death isn't much of a character and the monster wasn't much more than any of the listings on a typical wandering monster chart. But then Cerebus wanders into the market to meet one of the top three characters in the series! No wait. Maybe top four because I just remembered another character I love. Whoops! Make that top six. No, no, top seven maybe? Top ten? Christ I forgot about all the characters in Guys who read that Wankerman comic book which puts Elrod in, what? Top twenty, maybe? And do we count all of The Roach's incarnations as one character or several?! Anyway, he's a pretty good character.

Is this the most iconic entrance for a character ever? You know what? Don't answer that. I already said that I hate debating other comic book nerds.

Oh man. I'd completely forgotten about how Elrod refers to Cerebus as the kid in the bunny suit. Which provides for some great imagery later when we see their first encounter through Elrod's eyes. It must have been tough living in barbarian times and also this fictional world because, once again, Cerebus finds himself drawn into a sword fight for practically no reason. I mean, there were probably more reasons for every other fight he got into, like the one against the shadow beast and the one against the skeleton and the one against the wizard and the one against the Boreleans and the one against Klog and the one against the army hypnotized by the succubus and the one against the succubus and the one against Red Sophia and the one against Thugg the Unseemly and the one against Feras and the one against the Crawler. This fight happens because he just tries to ignore Elrod and Elrod is all, "Look at my hat! It's tall and pointy!" Remember that joke from Dave's essay where he said it made him laugh a lot? Yeah, it was pretty good.

Elric's sword was black but it was not called "Seersucker." It was called, um, Black Razor? No wait! Stormbringer!

Speaking of Black Razor, does anybody remember the names of the other two magic weapons that could be found in S2 White Plume Mountain? If so, I'd like to steal your lunch money and give you a swirly. A minor bit of explication happens on the next page which describes Death's motivations for seeking the gem currently in Cerebus's possession. It's the Chaos Gem and would be the 13th magic gem in Death's collection. That would enable him to kill even more people than he presumably already kills. I figure he's eventually going to kill everybody anyway so what's the hurry? Elrod's sword shatters when Cerebus blocks his first blow and Elrod decides maybe they should team up instead. Cerebus has yet to say a word as Elrod talks enough for the two of them. Also, it's a Foghorn Leghorn parody and Foghorn's foils usually have little to say. Half the character is in the bluster and overblown confidence. Elrod gets them both in trouble with the guards and hauled off to prison.

Maybe I loved Elrod because he reminded me so much of my gaming group's role playing encounters.

Cerebus breaks his chains in prison and escapes while Elrod continues to shoot his mouth off. He's useless for anything but talk, evidence, I suppose, that he's nothing but an illusion. I'd like to believe Dave Sim retconned Elrod into being some kind of magical, illusory creation because I don't like to believe that any writer plans that kind of stuff. Why even consider if he's a real being or not this early? But Dave Sim has that bit in the Swords of Cerebus essay where he says, "He always pops up, seemingly from nowhere, with no explanation of how he got out of the fix we left him in (Aha! You hadn't noticed, had you) and an entirely new vision of the best direction for his life to take." It's almost like he's winking at us and nudging us with his elbow, daring us to guess that there's something not right with the character. Maybe Dave Sim only came up with the "Elrod is an actual cartoon character" after a few more Elrod appearances. Cerebus throws the gem in a well, figuring it must be bad luck, and Death walks off dejected that his plan failed. Who's he going to manipulate into climbing down a well?! I mean, The Roach would probably do it. But it seems like Death's heart wasn't really into killing everybody quicker anyway. He probably realized it was just too much extra work. And that's it for the story! Not much in Aardvark Comment except for this list of creatures Cerebus has fought which I did not know existed before I wrote out my list earlier or else I would have simply used it and missed out on some of them.

Also, Frank Thorne wrote another letter.

Cerebus #4 Rating: B+. Dave Sim was correct in his essay about not much really happening in this issue. It's a lot of Death hoping for some gem for some reason which he never gets and nobody ever notices he's even trying, and Elrod going on and on and on about himself. It's a good first appearance by Elrod but he's definitely better utilized when he has actual dialogue with other characters. I loved this issue so don't take it the wrong way when I say my favorite part of this issue was probably when Dave mentioned of Wendy Pini. Elfquest was my favorite thing from 6th to 9th grade. Wendy Pini and Dave Sim have this thing in common: they're two of three comic book creators whom I went out of my way to get to sign my books. The other one was Terry Moore. And I guess you could include Richard Pini but I just think of him as a subset of Wendy.

#Dave Sim #Cerebus

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