#it's a pretty sad meta existence | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

12.7% of mobile users access Tumblr.

#it's a pretty sad meta existence

ghostabocky · 2 years

Text

had some hopes and thoughts abt “unreality” the other day that i’m still going a bit brrr over

Remembering that the Realm of Light was once a single mass of land that was split apart as a result of the spread of darkness/ the Keyblade War. How this means that, while each world exists and operates on its own time axis and unique “order,” the keyblade can be summoned in each world (and tbh, by extension, the existence of keyholes as a whole) because the keyblade is an intrinsic part of the Realm of Light. Also a really neat way of probably justifying why disney characters like Merlin, Fairy Godmother and Triton know about the keyblade and worlds at large in ways they typically shouldn’t.

But Unreality might not adhere to those same principles, and that makes me so 👀👀 Like! Was it also a single land mass that was split apart, or is it made of worlds that exist in natural separation from one another?

Mainly, does Kingdom Hearts as an entity even exist there? Without it, could a keyblade be summoned at all? It seems like that’s not the idea put forward in the KH4 trailer, but I can’t help but think about the way Sora summons the keyblade like it’s something he’s fighting to do. Like it isn’t meant to naturally occur, but can be done so now, because whatever laws or balance Quadratum had in place prior to the arrival of the MoM, Strelitzia, the Darkside, and now (presumably) Sigurd have been upset by their presence. This thought based mainly on the MoM’s comment to Darkness about how wherever light goes, darkness follows.

But also.... mmmm thinking yet again about Game Central Station being forcibly connected to the data Daybreak Town, and how we get Ralph as a summon after being thrown into Verum Rex in Toy Box. If that connection to GCS was set up from Unreality/Quadratum as a means of connecting a world with the keyblade to a universe where the keyblade isn’t “meant” to exist..... i am so grabby hands

#angel.txt #meta & theories #put this on a priv twitter but thinking i should start throwing some thoughts on here too sometimes sdfsdsfs #the idea about GCS/DBT and quadratum is the Main brainworm right now #i don't quite know if game central station would be considered a world intrinsic to the realm of light or unreality #like we visit it directly as player but only because it was forcibly connected to data dbt #so i don't know if that means it exists as a naturally occurring data world in unreality like the computers in RG/TT do in the real of light #or if it's a video game in unreality like verum rex is in toy box‚ which would make it something fictional in unreality #and therefore a world belonging to the realm of light #given that comment in one of the recent interviews about how fiction in one realm is the reality in the opposite #idk! idk! many thoughts!#i just think unreality has so much potential to play with new worldbuilding ideas and twist new game mechanics to fit into it #if it's all just like the RoL but with pretty graphics im gonna be So sad sfdsdfs

5 notes · View notes

noneorother · 2 days

Text

The art director & the Good Omens book cover tier list of doom, part 1

part 1 l part 2

This is going to have to be a multi-part series because there are *checks notes* 64 different covers that I've found so far.

I am your resident Art Director/Good Omens enthusiast, and welcome to my completely meta-free book cover tier list. Listen, making a book cover is HARD. I should know. But while we salute these artists for their hard work and time, I think we can all admit that once in a while, the vision is just not on. And on very rare occasions, publishers seemed to have managed to commission the cover art directly from hell... 1. The original UK cover

Ahh, the standard by which all shall be judged. We're starting off with a nice & easy cover, with adorable woodcuts of Aziraphale and Crowley flanking a custom Good Omens font! While I have to take a few points off for the terrible kerning of the word "GoOD", the blockprint vibes and general bitchiness of Aziraphale's teeny weeny wittle face, along with the sick colour palette puts the orignial in my good graces. Tier: Great

2. The duelling US covers

Progress! Hail to the designer who figured out trying to make "GoOD" and "OMeNs" fit the same width was a fool's errand, and even managed to IMPROVE on the original handmade title by adding a little halo and devil's tale to the design. Aziraphale and Crowley are facing each other, while also managing to serve absolute cunt. Aziraphale is wearing EIGHTIES SNEAKERS. Crowley's little snake boots have HEELS. They've managed to keep the woodcut vibes and colour simplicity, while balancing out the full title of the book. Both authors get to trade off on who's name comes first! Dare I say, this is a work of genius. I could dock some points for Crowley's sad bat wings growing out of his right clavicle, but who am I to question greatness.

Tier: Blessed by God Herself

3. The Halo Master Chief(?) cover

How the mighty have fallen... As a Canadian child, I was subjected to maybe the most horrifying ad in existence by the War Amps warning children about machine safety. This cover is the paper embodiment of that ad. I am confused by the purple haze. I am frightened by the seeming ethereal flatness of Adam and Dog. I am strangely aroused by Aziraphale's eyebrows, and intensely saddened by the terrible outline/drop shadow they had to inflict on the type to fit "Pratchett" in that god awful space. Tier: WTF

4. Germany, Ein Gutes Omen covers

This cover inexplicably exists in two colour ways: red and teal. I put the audiobook cover here so you could experience the full illustration, and also how fucked up it is that they cropped the book version to include three horse-people of the apocalypse, but cut off DEATH on the regular cover. Points must be given for drawing a pretty slick Bentley, but I think we have to take even more points away for turning Crowley into a Ray Charles/Mike Wazowski hybrid. The ducks are nice. Tier: Not so Good (Omens)

5. Germany, Ein Gutes Omen covers continued

I don't know if the German designer of this cover *knew* that they were using western yeehaw cowboy woodblock letters when they made this cover, but judging by how they spaced the rest of the text at the bottom, THEY DID NOT CARE. And that seems to be a running theme for this one. We get kind of a duality thing going on with the black and pink background, but it just seems like somebody whispered the general themes of Good Omens into a jar, and threw it down a well, and this poor chap came along and picked it up. The baffling choice to align every piece of text on the cover *except* Neil Gaiman's name which is right aligned and rotated 90 degrees (not even real vertical type) will haunt my dreams, I think.

Tier: Bad

6. US, UK The Traffic Jam cover

For the love of Good Omens, WHY. I can think of so many more interesting symbols to put on the cover of this book than the ODEGRA SIGIL TRAFFIC JAM. Props for keeping the good colours and type, but like, I think this cover was secretly designed by @amtrak-official, or someone who just really, really likes public works. Tier: Does the Job

7. France, De bons présages cover

Leave it to France to make sure people know that Aziraphale and Crowley fuck severely. While I can't condone leaving out half the title of the book (and thinking a red carpenter's square counts as decoration), I can begrudgingly acknowledge that Ron Pearlman and Benedict Cumberbatch's love child is excellent Crowley casting. I think I give this a solid dark academia/10. Tier: Good (Omens)

8. France, De bons présages covers continued

Just imagine with me, if you will, the absolutely hilarious reality that this cover posits: Good Omens is exactly the same in every respect, but Crowley drives a pink 1950s convertible. Why do all of the colours on this cover look like they've been pre-digested? Why are the font choices and placement so bafflingly bad. My face is the demon's face holding that car. I feel his pain.

Tier: WTF

9. France, De bons présages covers continued

Minus points for not managing to write the full title of the book once again. I don't know what it is with the French. They seem pretty set on Good Omens being demonic. While I do appreciate a good Bosch-style demon party, the dude in the middle confounds me. All-caps Museo Sans that isn't even *centred* in the frame is just so lazy. I am le tired. Tier: Bad

10. France, De bons présages covers continued

Uhh. The font. The font is okay.... I think? Yeah. The font and kerning are. Okay. OHHH GOD I LOOKED DOWN BELOW THE TEXT WHYYYY. Tier: WTF

END of round one. I need a nap.

#good omens 2 #good omens fandom #good omens #art director talks good omens #tier list #cover art #aziraphale and crowley #aziraphale x crowley #book cover #go s2 #gomens #good omens analysis

162 notes · View notes

icedragonlizard · 5 months

Text

Headcanon: Kirby hugs everyone

Kirby is a very huggy boi. He loves giving hugs.

Pretty much anyone that is Kirby's friend is going to get hugs from him.

Hugs is one of Kirby's ways to try to provide comfort for someone. He's not good with words of encouragement as he's kind of nonverbal a lot of the time anyways. He'll give you a hug to try to make you feel better, and he also does it just to make you appreciated and cared about, since he wants that for pretty much everyone more or less.

Generally, this works out very well. Even people such as Meta Knight, Magolor, and Daroach that generally aren't huggers on their own are glad to accept hugs from Kirby. It's the least they can do after how lovable and endearing he is, and after everything he's done as a hero.

Every dream friend has received hugs from Kirby. Even Dark Meta Knight, who is generally the most reluctant out of them to accept a hug, has relented to Kirby hugs. Nobody can deny Kirby his hugs.

A lot of Kirby's friends love to return the favor and give him hugs! The most prominent examples of this are King Dedede, Adeleine, Ribbon and the animal friends. Out of the animal friends, Rick, Nago and ChuChu are the most happy to have hugs with Kirby any time. Nago in particular is just a straight up cuddlebug, he's a big hugger too!

ChuChu, Kine and Gooey may not have great skin texture for hugs, but does Kirby care? No. He gives them hugs anyways! Even though Kine and Gooey aren't able to hug back, it's not like they care, they enjoy getting hug by Kirby regardless! They appreciate him so much.

Marx rarely gets hugs in his life. Generally, he doesn't really care for hugs. That being said, Kirby has given him hugs... and he appreciates it! There's a part of Marx that does think it's rather amusing that Kirby chooses to give him hugs considering what happened between the two before, but he figures that the least he can do is accept those hugs! Kirby caught him by surprise one time by hugging him while he was bouncing on his beach ball, which then caused him to fall.. Marx ended up laughing after that because Kirby sure got him there!

The mage sisters normally aren't suited for hugs considering their elements cover their bodies (i.e. Francisca feels icy to touch, Flamberge feels very fiery hot to touch) but I headcanon that they're capable of turning off the elements inside their bodies to where they're capable of giving hugs. And they do that for when Kirby asks to give them hugs. They love hugging with Kirby! They owe it to him after he saved them and Hyness, who likes to hug him as well!

Out of all of Kirby's friends, though, the two that are definitely most needing and deserving of hugs are Taranza and Susie, considering the things that have happened in their lives. After Kirby reconciled with them, he's sometimes been going out of his way to act as emotional support for them. He's made sure to give them both tons of hugs... their grief makes him sad and he wants to them to still feel cared about and appreciated despite losing the people they loved.

Taranza needs hugs for obvious reasons. Dude is just heartbroken from all the things that happened to him. He's so grateful to Kirby whenever he gives him hugs, it often makes him cry happily. Kirby is effective at acting like an emotional support dog for him sometimes.

Susie has gone a very long time without any hugs. When she got banished to Another Dimension, she didn't have anyone that she could've given hugs to, and when she finally returned to her mind-controlled father that forgot her existence, he refused to accept hugs from her... tragic. The first hug that she's gotten ever since the Another Dimension incident was from Kirby when they reconciled.

Because Susie went so long without hugs, it's made her not used to physical affection for the most part. When Kirby hugged her the first few times, it made her flabbergasted, and it even made her cry when she tried figuring out how to respond to it. But eventually as she got more used to it, she really likes Kirby's hugs! Even if she's still not really one for physical affection otherwise, she's glad to have hugs with Kirby any time... she's grateful for it, as it's indeed helpful for her.

That's basically all I have for this post! As this post highly establishes, I headcanon that Kirby loves giving hugs, and will give a lot of hugs to those that need it. It doesn't really get more huggable than Kirby.

Kirby is such a softie. He has so much love and care in his heart. He cares so, so much. Whenever he befriends someone, he's going to act like a real friend to them. He might not talk very often, but it usually doesn't even matter because of how endearing he is. He wants his friends to feel cared about and appreciated, and giving them hugs is probably his best method of making them feel cared about.

Thanks for reading! More Kirby headcanon posts will come later!

173 notes · View notes

theerurishipper · 8 months

Note

Personally I think there isn’t enough meta about Adricat being a girl coded character and you should make one too

Okay, so when I say "female coded," I mean that Adrien's character fulfils the role that female characters usually have done in media. He's the love interest, he's the emotional support. He's sensitive and he's emotional. He's the heart of the team. Marinette on the other hand is a "male coded" character. She's a leader, she comes up with strategies and plans, and she is the brains of the operation. I used to think that was really cool, the way they subverted gender roles and allowed the characters to shine as characters instead of putting them in a box. Marinette was a strong and determined person, but she also had moments of weakness and vulnerability. Adrien seemed like the usual trope of the damsel in distress, but he was also literally Chat Noir, who often escaped his own situation and whose arc was about him breaking of his father himself.

But then they leaned too far into it, and it just became a gender swapped version of the same tired tropes that we've all seen. Marinette became The Leader™ who can do no wrong and doesn't need to do that emotional support shit for her partner when he needs it. Adrien lost any and all agency in his own story, and effectively just became the damsel in distress who had to sit there and look pretty as he waited for Marinette the knight to come and save him. I mean, you can't get more on the nose than this.

(And yeah, this is supposed to be the class' fanfiction and not representative of what the show was building up to, but this is literally what ended up happening.)

His choices became more and more irrelevant, and his feelings became more and more unimportant, until the entire Ladynoir dynamic became Marinette being The Leader™ who doesn't need to tell Chat Noir anything and doesn't owe him anything, and Chat Noir became the emotional support who is always attentive and considerate of Ladybug's needs to the point of invalidating his own. His feelings of sadness at being left out of the loop and being pushed away by Ladybug ultimately did not matter.

And then Season 5 spent its time setting up a rivalry between Marinette and Gabriel over what's best for Adrien. The fight wasn't Ladybug and Chat Noir against Monarch, but Marinette vs. Gabriel, and whoever won got to take Adrien home as a prize. Adrien's agency was diminished throughout Season 5 and annihilated entirely in the Season 5 finale, where he spends the confrontation with his father locked away in a white room while Marinette has to take the fight to Gabriel and confront him on Adrien's behalf. And he is sound asleep far away from the conflict while Marinette and Gabriel fight over what's best for Adrien instead of him, you know, deciding that himself.

I mean, the finale could not have been clearer about it.

At least he's there in the dream lmao

And the end of Recreation reveals that Marinette is lying to Adrien about his father so as to protect him. Because apparently Adrien won't be able to control his emotions and needs someone else to make his decisions for him. Because clearly, he would be too emotional and wouldn't be able to make his own informed choices. And it's quite common for women to be told that they are too emotional and so the big strong man should make the decisions for them. So the female coded character is treated like his emotions are a weakness and a burden and like he requires other people to make his choices for him.

And so, Marinette the knight defeats the evil Gabriel, saves the helpless Adrien from his evil father, and they kiss in the sunset, and all is well. Except Adrien isn't being allowed to make informed choices about his own life and everyone around him is denying his autonomy, but he only exists to be the trophy for whoever won in the Marinette-Gabriel rivalry (which Marinette only won because Gabriel forfeited anyway), so he doesn't get to make choices and have any of those inconvenient emotions like anger or sadness, and all really is well.

Thomas Astruc even mentioned on Twitter that Chat Blanc was the reason why Adrien could not participate in the finale. And the implication is that he couldn't be there because he would be too emotional and would destroy the world. So Marinette had to do it for him, and Adrien had to be removed from his own story and put away in London with nightmares so that he wouldn't get in the way with his emotions. So yeah. The female coded character was reduced into being a damsel in distress and was told his emotions rendered him incapable of making his own choices because he wouldn't be able to control them.

Anyway, that's my take on it. Here are some other posts that discuss this.

Thank you for your ask!

#MLB #ML Salt #ML Writing Salt #ML Writers Salt #Meta #My meta #Asks #Marinette Salt #Not really but just in case #Sexism in ML

172 notes · View notes

ca-suffit · 2 months

Text

This antiblack campaign the fandom just tried to kick up again (to avoid talking about the real issue with Nalyra) reveals how powerless they're starting to truly feel now.

They don't have many users left to vilify so they're putting people on blocklists who are brand new (I was here 3 days lol) or not even really in the fandom. That looks goofy and desperate but then it keeps going. DMing strangers to say "the truth" isn't about racism and "talk to me if you really want to know about anything." Everyone's reblogging those blocklist posts now and adding large commentary suddenly, when before they often fully sat it out. They're doing this in a group to look like they have larger numbers and are "revealing" there's a "big secret bullying problem"....except nobody believes them. Because there's plenty of accounts who are out here saying this shit straight to their faces and they pretend we all don't exist. All of this group has to manufacture drama solely because they just don't want to talk about harmful shit they actually do.

Neil has to make an antiblack statement she made suddenly be about antisemitism towards her, Nalyra's antiblackness is "actually" fans upset about shipping and "what's REALLY coming" in S2, showmey0urfangs is always happy to show up with her dumb screencaps and villain monologue nobody asked for so she can make her everlasting outrage about popular black fics and "feminized" Louis sound deeper than it is, Virginia suddenly cries about IRL issues and wants to leave the fandom because she wants to distract from the Nalyra receipts, Keybearer accused another black fan of trolling people and getting accounts suspended on twitter in 2023 when a Marius fan eventually confessed to it and his eternal shame for that means now every black fan except him is a bully (despite nobody talking about this ever anymore except him), chicalepidopterare mocks a black fan for blocking her "because I thought we were supposed to talk about racism" and then poorly tries to frame any retaliation against her to look like bullying ("see, they're misogynistic, they're bullying my art, they're mean for disliking these ships!").

To quote Claudia here, "You must think me an idiot." And the big cherry on top is also how none of these losers can stand to hear any mention of race....in the fandom of the show that nonstop talks about race. They're using very basic (and meant in a gentle, loving way) teasing of Jacob as proof that black fans are racist against Jacob too, black fans hate Jacob's white wife. People hate Lestat for being white too (what?). They can write crap meta all day about Lestat letting Louis "rape" him and only white victims (Lestat) being real victims to the evil black and brown "true" manipulators (Claudia, Louis, Armand) but gentle teasing from black fans about Jacob's haircut is the real racism. Okay lol. Care to tell us again why you think Delainey's Claudia looks "less innocent" now then? This 3D chess you think you're playing isn't playing how you think for anyone else.

I also notice that afaik there's not a single black American in this group. Idek if there's many Americans of any kind in the group. It's been a lot of shaming to black Americans specifically though, again from the show that's focused on black Americans....by people who aren't black Americans.

"There's people pretending to be black so it's okay to keep hating this whole group." It's not enough you already nonstop shit on black fans as it is, now you have to try to angle it as if none of this could be authentic in the first place. Vile behavior. For what? Tumblr isn't even a platform that pays you for whatever clout you have, so really what is the point here. In a small ass fandom on top of it. Some of you have pretty grown kids too, this is extra sad. It makes all the jumping through hoops to coddle Lestat's behavior make sense though, if you're the same kind of person yourself. Anyway, maybe you don't actually know everything because race exists in the real world beyond how Anne Rice wrote about it in her useless books! You make books written by a racist white woman your whole personality and guess what your outlook on life is going to be.

It's been really pathetic to especially watch any fans of color move more to this extreme bullying side as time has gone on. It will never pay off to promote white fandom ideals. These accounts you're trying to cuddle up to aren't even that big. The fandom outside of the tags actually has much more popular posts, supporters, and fics...although that's also half of what this all is actually about, fic numbers. Again, these are grown adults obsessing over this. We could have a whole different fandom if this group didn't exist and keep wanting to gatekeep everything and be the only people who get praise about anything.

It's no surprise that people who worship Anne Rice have major ego problems themselves. It's been fucked up to deal with but the good thing now is that big egos have big collapses eventually and that's what we're starting to see happening now. People are sick of you and able to see through your basic ass manipulation techniques. People just want to have a fandom, they're not here to worship fans who want to be dictators. Nobody is here for your fragility, losers.

#fandom racism #iwtv fandom #amc iwtv #iwtv #interview with the vampire

72 notes · View notes

tvlandofficiall · 2 months

Note

I'm glad you and a few other people posted and reblogged some good darkner meta that last few days. I just recently watched some newer smaller theory youtube vids out of content drought thirst and walked away with a vague annoyed feeling on account several of them just assumed the FFTA style "seal away the fake fantasy darkworlds" type ending as like, a known fact. I feel like taking the darkners seriously as People is a super niche thing stuck in this circle of like a few hundred tumblr fans.

thanks! i'm glad to hear that my posts have been spreading around – the subject of the darkners is a pretty important one both in the game and to me, so it's well worth talking about! it saddens me that a lot of people seem to work off the base assumption that they don't matter or that their personhood won't be discussed – and there are many reasons i contemplate when it comes to why that is (do players have a difficult time believing in and caring for a world that isn't like the one they live in? do players assume deltarune will end sadly because sad endings are seen as more serious? why are these strange assumptions taken as fact by so many players, seemingly for no reason?) ultimately, i think the answer is that many players simply work off of what they know about these types of characters and plots from other games and stories, unaware of the ethos behind undertale and deltarune that twists and subverts these archetypes.

i've discussed it before, but in video games and other forms of media alike, the idea of a disposable character will arise. the legend of zelda, for instance, usually doesn't prompt you to consider the societies and lives of the octorocks you slay. in games where characters can raise the undead to do your bidding, they don't have to ask the skeletons permission – the undead are just mindless drones to command. robots in sci-fi settings will sometimes act as simple assistants to the human characters. monster movies star protagonists that mow down evil hordes of mindless werewolves or zombies. and in many fantasy stories, there lies the assumption that everyone will return to the "real world" at the end – at the end of the wizard of oz, dorothy doesn't contemplate the existence of the scarecrow or the tin man beyond their resemblance to the people in her real life. at the end of alice in wonderland, alice doesn't consider the personhood of the mad hatter or the white rabbit for long either. they simply fade away, leaving dorothy and alice with only the lessons they've learned and none of their strange new friends.

undertale zeroes in on this first example and twists it – what if the octorocks in zelda were more than just free EXP? what if the "monsters" in those classic rpg games were all just as much people as link and his friends?

undertale asks you to consider this question throughout. is this frog-like monster more than an enemy? what about this vegetable-shaped guy? is it okay to kill a monster if you're not sure how to get past them – or are they person enough to you to be worth finding a way to spare? what if you meet a relentless killer like the head of the royal guard or the king of the monsters himself? what about a killer robot? what about the reanimated corpses of long-dead monsters? what about a soulless talking flower that, just like you, sees the world as a game to be played?

time and time again, the answer is yes. all of these characters are people – and the more you get to know them, the more you learn that they're not just their archetype. monster doesn't automatically mean disposable.

deltarune, then, takes undertale's ethos and twists it again. now it knows that you likely have been primed to extend personhood towards the undertale characters. but what about the darkners – new characters playing on that same idea? deltarune takes the simple premise of undertale and digs even deeper into it – these darkners are objects. you can kill them without much consequence. and the very fate of the world itself says that they're only there to assist the lightners – to happily serve their purposes and be discarded. some of them even appear content with this role – ralsei sure seems to be (after all, what becomes of darkners that struggle for anything else?)

can you still extend personhood to these people? or will you accept the fate that many other characters like the darkners face – the fate of a world erased, a fountain closed, a world returned to "normal" with the people you're already happy to consider people?

many archetypical stories play this fate to its end – which is why i think a lot of players do, too. but if you look at the characters' stories – at our protagonist's distress at ralsei's role to be their comforting servant and at spamton's inability to break free from his as a spam email; at spamton's conflict with his own fate; at spades kings' anger towards the system; at lancer's worry over what he is to his friends; at ralsei's role as servant and guide and his keen awareness of his own inescapable fate; at anything that happens in the snowgrave route – you'll see anything but the archetypes. the darkness may be growing, and many may be scared of the dark – but many found monsters scary, too.

(also, if you're feeling like you're craving deltarune stuff, i'd suggest checking out the newsletters or replaying the game! i tend to do the latter a lot just because i feel i should refresh my memory on characterization quite often, and it's interesting to discover a little something new to think about each time.)

#ooc #deltarune #i deconstruct a lot of this stuff in a lot of my work too which. you've probably seen. there's a lot you can say about the way these storie #usually go #i have a few “aus” ive written that deconstruct some popular theories but a lot of those are pretty personal :'D

69 notes · View notes

tvckerwash · 5 months

Text

I'm forever upset over the fandom completely fucking up wash and epsilon's dynamic (and also giving wash ai related trauma that he does not have).

like....wash isn't mad at epsilon, he's able to recognize that their whole situation wasn't something either of them could've predicted or circumvented, and despite it negatively impacting him, wash does not hold anything against epsilon for. ya know. trying to kill himself in his head.

and you wanna know why wash doesn't hold anything against epsilon for it? because he knows that wasn't epsilon's fault—it was the director's fault that epsilon was pushed to that point, and he is very aware of the fact that he was just the guy who was unlucky enough to get caught in the crossfire of epsilon's very traumatic existence.

all things considered, wash is pretty neutral when it comes to epsilon. beyond seeing him as a victim, epsilon is mostly a means to an end for him. wash would've never learned the truth about the director and would've never had the information nessacry to take pfl down without epsilon, and for that, he's honestly very grateful for their brief time together in a way. epsilon was literally his key to everything, and because of that, wash simply can't be angry at him for what happened.

epsilon on the other hand is quite angry with wash, and he spends a good chunk of present day s10 trying to other him from the bgc along with carolina, with his emotions peaking when the bgc turns their backs on him and carolina. epsilon feels as though wash betrayed and abandoned him when he had to be removed because he was impacting his mental state, and he is blinded by those negative feelings to the point that he is unable to look at their situation objectively in the same way wash is able to.

unfortunately, their situation never got resolved because s10 is literally the last time they interact in the series, and even more unfortunately, their situation is unlikely to ever be resolved at this point. it's honestly really sad because it would've been so nice to see wash and epsilon talk about what happened so that epsilon could get some closure regarding his unresolved feelings, and there was so much potential between the two of them regarding epsilon failing/going into rampancy.

like imagine epsilon telling wash that he's afraid he's going to get carolina hurt, imagine him telling wash that he's afraid carolina is going down the same path as the meta and that he's afraid that he's going to become like sigma. imagine him telling wash that he's afraid of losing himself again, but this time he won't be able to come back.

imagine wash telling epsilon that he needs to tell those things to carolina, imagine him telling him that she'll understand, and that she won't be angry or upset with him. like this would add so much more to that scene epsilon has with carolina in s13 where they talk about what happened.

imagine wash telling epsilon that he's not angry or upset with him, and that he knows it wasn't his fault and that he forgives him. imagine epsilon apologizing for being himselfTM, and then they have a jokey moment about the whole thing because church?? having emotions that isn't anger???? absolutely impossible.

#rvb #red vs blue #agent washington #leonard l church #epsilon ai #just some normal 10pm wash and epsilon thoughts as one has #mine #I've said it b4 and I'll say it again: big brother and/or mom friend wash is the way to go when he's not being a petty asshole lol

112 notes · View notes

super-paper · 6 months

Text

Truly Yours: A Defense of "Iron Might"

"My dear, In the midst of hate, I found within me an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found within me an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found within me an invincible calm. I realized, through it all, that… In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better – pushing right back "

Disclaimer: The above quote is famously misattributed to Camus-- who seemingly only wrote the midst of winter/invincible summer portion of the original piece-- and the author of the expanded quote remains unknown. Nevertheless, it fits Toshi's character perfectly.

Iron Might remains a polarizing love-or-hate-it topic within the fandom, with many fans expressing their concerns that it ruins Toshinori's character/arc. It's no secret that I fall pretty firmly on the "love" side of camp-- and as is the case with all things I love, I can't love quietly or in moderation. So here's another really really really long post on all the reasons why I love it, and why I don't feel that this was character assassination in the slightest.

Breaking the key points down, I aim to discuss:

A) How Iron Might acts as a sort of resolution to Toshi's complex relationship with his body and injuries, and reconciles the divide between Toshinori's body and soul.

B) How Iron Might embodies MHA's definition of "love" and acts as a love letter to everything Toshinori wants to protect and everything he's ever wanted to protect. Iron Might is not meant to be read as a suicide mission, but as Toshinori weaponizing the joy of living as "Yagi Toshinori" and pitting the weight of his entire existence against AFO.

C) How Iron Might further cements MHA as "meta-fiction" through discussion of what being "quirkless" means on a narrative level + the dismantling of popular but overdone tropes that people have come to expect in comics. Toshi is also fighting for his right to exist in a battle manga against a toxic comic nerd who thinks that Toshi's role ended in Kamino and that he contributes more to the story by dying.

D) How Iron Might functions as a narrative device (i.e. It gets Toshinori to Izuku and Tomura). This is the battlefield where Toshi's character was always destined to end up because this is where all his unfinished business is at. Simple as!

"The body and mind are two halves of a whole" Iron Might as Toshinori coming to terms with his injuries and his body:

Kicking things off with this point bc I feel like... understanding how Toshi's relationship and struggles with his own body have been a major part of his character arc is something that's, like, absolutely essential when it comes to getting an accurate read on what Iron Might means to Toshi's character. Iron Might ultimately functions as a reconciliation between Toshinori's wounded body and heroic soul, so it's a bit sad to see people repeatedly dismissing it as "ruining Toshinori's character arc" without ever taking Toshi's relationship with his own body into consideration. Like, this is not some "insignificant" part of his arc that's being prioritized over everything else:

A collection of very relevant panels! Side note: Tsukauchi fumbling the toshibowl so hard that Toshi's car seems like the better romantic choice in comparison will never stop being funny. Aiba ur the only person in that control room i respect btw.

For the longest time Toshinori has viewed his emaciated, ill body as something pathetic and shameful. His body was something he felt that he *had* to hide from the world, in order to maintain the illusion of being a hero who could never possibly succumb to evil. His injuries and the state of his body cleaved his identity/self-perception in two-- he begins the series treating his actual body as the "secret identity" instead of his authentic self. The story doesn't spoonfeed this to the readers because it expects its readers to have enough empathy to put two-and-two together on their own-- That Toshi doesn't simply struggle with the loss of OFA & "All Might/heroism" in the aftermath of Kamino, but also the loss of what he felt was his "true" body.

Toshinori is very easily read as someone who suffers from intense body dysmorphia-- and him forcibly changing himself back into his muscular form over and over again can also quite easily be read as Toshi attempting to cling to whatever time he has left with the body that doesn't make him feel like a stranger in his own skin. It's him holding onto the self he views as "actually him" for as long as he can.

Toshi's arc is something that resonates with a lot of people who have disabilities or suffer from dysphoria-- So it's frustrating when some fans decide to take the least gracious interpretation of his character and issues and run with it, instead attempting to frame Toshi as some washed up attention seeker who ~simply can't let go of his glory days~. Toshi's character has been hit with a lot of ableism both in-universe and out of it, with the fandom only really acknowledging that he's a disabled man when it conveniences them and otherwise disregarding how this aspect of him plays a major role in his arc.

Iron Might is built to specifically resemble Toshi's "ideal" body-- to the bitter cynics, this supports their idea that Toshi is unable to let go of "All Might" and hasn't learned to value himself or his life as Yagi Toshinori. To those who understand what Toshi's been going through and understand that his arc was never *just* about "living," though, it's a different story altogether. So much of Iron Might symbolizes Toshinori coming to terms with the fact that he is a disabled man, accepting that there was never anything shameful about this, accepting that it never needed to be "hidden away" for him to be a hero-- and ultimately, accepting that his body is 100% him and an undeniable aspect of what makes him a hero, no matter how injured.

"Who's that skinny guy?" KID, LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.

There is a noticeable shift in Toshi's relationship with his body during Act 3-- We go from practically begging that Toshi's true form not be exposed to the public during Kamino, to Toshi encouraging that this fight be broadcast to the world. In the aftermath of Kamino and after losing the last embers of OFA, we still see Toshi forcibly shifting into his muscle form multiple times whenever he wants to "reassure" others, even though this process obviously hurts him:

The implications behind this are obvious: Toshi is not coping with the loss of his body as well as he lets on, and all those implications finally come to a painful head during the dark hero arc.

During his meeting with Stain, Stain outright refuses to recognize Toshi's "Muscle form" as "All Might" and instead makes it clear that it was Toshi's heroic soul that earned him the right to call himself a "true hero"--and that this "soul" still exists in everyone Toshi has ever saved. It never went away. The embers of OFA might have vanished, but the flames of Toshi's own heroism remain all around him-- they keep him warm and allow him to keep shining.

Toshi begins to accept his own body for the first time after his meeting with Stain-- we see him starting to reassure his friends as his authentic self instead of scrambling to shift back into his muscle form. During his last stand against AFO, he boldly shows the world his injured back, and wordlessly asks that they still express their faith in it and feel protected by it. His injuries are a part of him and his lived reality, and they're part of what makes him a human.

"--Because a hero's back exists to reassure others!"

Toshinori's body itself is ultimately included among his blessings that he weaponizes against AFO: his bonds, his origin, and his body-- no matter how badly injured it may be-- are all what defines him as a hero. Even if his back is no longer "broad," it will always be something that reminds others that "he is here."

During this fight, Toshinori reconciles his fractured identity by finally embracing all the aspects of himself that he'd previously grown distant from. Reflecting on the life he's led as Yagi Toshinori-- the life he led before he ever became "All Might" and the life he led after receiving his injuries and losing OFA-- is what gives him the strength to laugh in AFO's face, and it's what causes the light to finally return to his eyes. In the midst of a battle between life and death, we witness Toshinori being reborn.

He fully embraces his humanity during this fight, and then weaponizes that humanity against AFO (and considering AFO's character/how AFO is constantly attempting to escape his own humanity... it's pr delightful to see him getting his shit wrecked by another "god" who fell to earth and was forced to live his as a mortal, but ultimately realized that he loved it).

The battle ends with "All Might's" iconic shading now being used for Toshi's true form-- symbolizing the reconciliation between Toshi's heroic soul and his wounded but nevertheless heroic body.

As an aside: I also feel the context surrounding Iron Might/Toshi's body touches on MHA's theme of "consent versus nonconsent" as something that separates true heroes from true villains (starting from AFO forcing a quirk on Yoichi, cumulating with Toshi offering Izuku OFA and later making it clear that the quirk requires Izuku's explicit consent to be passed on-- OFA being born from an act of utter violation and then turned into something that explicitly requires consent always been one of my favorite aspects of MHA's lore, but I digress). During Kamino, AFO forcibly exposed Toshi's body to the world in an effort to completely humiliate him and destroy the public's image of him. Now, Toshi taking his power back and exposing his true form to the world entirely on his own terms.

"All that I've been blessed with will bear its weight against you!"-- or, Iron Might as a love letter.

I've talked on this point a lot bc it's what enamored me immediately with this fight (which is really about the depth of Toshinori's love and the love others have for him and his willingness to BE loved by others -versus- a man who takes advantage of the love others have for him and is utterly unable to leave his fragile heart at the mercy of others out of fear of ppl perceiving him), so I'll try to keep it brief:

Iron Might embodies the essence of how MHA defines love (love is admiration, love is imitation, love is seeing/watching, etc) while also acting as Toshinori's love letter to everything he wants to protect (himself and his life as "Yagi Toshinori" included). It also embodies the essence of how MHA defines true heroism (those who have been blessed should use their blessings for those who have not been blessed, those who can still act must act, etc etc etc ).

Toshi would not have been able to pull off Class 1A's moves or found the best way to integrate them into a cohesive fighting style without love as imitation/watching/admiration. (again, versus AFO, who at this point just randomly fires off powerful quirks without any actual respect for how the quirks work or how they can support each other, & who doesn't admire his own student beyond his capacity for rage).

This battle is a celebration of the bonds Toshi has allowed himself to form. It's him using everything he's ever been given and everything he's ever been blessed with to fight against a man who only knows how to take things away. Toshi has learned that OFA was never what made him a hero, that he can live without OFA-- and he's pitting the weight of that life against a man who is convinced that OFA is everything, who can't move on from it, and who has built his entire existence around getting it back. AFO wins the physical battle, sure, but Toshi remains the clear winner in the war of existences.

"This story is still being written, Toshinori."

Another aside: Names are everything in MHA, and that's especially true in the final act. MHA treats names like incantations, and “Do your best, Toshinori!” is the magic spell Toshi is using to motivate himself. Hori frequently uses how a person chooses to refer to themselves during key scenes as a way of emphasizing a person's mental state. From this, we can deduce that Toshi doesn't view this fight as All Might vs. AFO-- he views this fight as Toshinori vs. AFO.

Toshinori has weaponized his blessings and bonds and is now hitting back at AFO with the full weight of his complete existence. In this fight, he carves the joy of living-- of being Yagi Toshinori-- into AFO's barren, empty soul. Every scene he flashes back to is a scene of the life he has lived as Toshinori, not as All Might. This fight, just like the rest of the war, is all about "love" in all its various forms. AFO's abuse of love (both of his own deeply hidden love and of the love others have for him) is why he cannot win in a war where love is the essential element-- love is what keeps motivating everyone in this war to keep getting up, to keep struggling, to keep reaching out, etc etc etc.

Moving on.

"I'm quirkless. Born without a role." or, Iron Might as an act of defiance against both the narrative and the expectations of the 'battle manga' genre.

MHA being an example of stealth meta-fiction is something I've talked about before, particularly so with these two posts (plus... basically any post about our favorite cringefail LARPer, AFO).

Horikoshi takes full advantage of the medium/the fact that MHA is a manga and uses every tool that's available to both tell and enhance the story, and these chapters have cemented him as someone who has mastered his craft-- The decision to draw Toshi's true self with thick/bold lines after his armor breaks, the dark shadows finally leaving his eyes, Toshi consistently referring to himself by his own name instead of his hero name, the chapter titles, the backgrounds, etc etc etc all of it. Absolutely everything has meaning.

Through Iron Might, we once again delve into how the series chooses to define "quirklessness"-- the idea that quirklessness is meant to be a disability allegory gets more or less debunked (thankfully, since MHA already has a fairly good track record with depicting ACTUAL mental and physical illnesses/disabilities), with the narrative instead framing the possession of a quirk as something that determines what "role" a person gets in life. The implication being that not having a quirk means you don't get a role, period. You don't get to shine brightly on stage, you don't even get to be an "extra." This fits into the previously established idea that society's biases against "villainous quirks" basically railroad a lot of people onto the path of villainy (plus, the treatment of heroes/villains as fictional characters by the masses instead of viewing them as actual people). But, quirks are just quirks-- they're neither good or evil, and they aren't what determine whether a person is a hero or a villain. And as such, having or not having a quirk isn't what determines whether or not someone is truly a hero.

Toshinori is now defying the narrative that states that not having a quirk means you don't get a role. At the same time, he stands up against AFO-- our resident toxic comic book fanboy who sincerely believes Toshi should have picked Kamino as the best time to "bow out" (read: die) as a character-- who spews all sorts of vile things about the state of Toshi's body and how this is the primary reason why Toshi has no place in the story. The satire practically writes itself.

Like so many other characters, Toshinori uses the "role" of All Might as a coping mechanism for much of the series. As already stated, there is a disconnect between Toshinori's body and his soul--Toshi begins to use All Might as a mask to hide his feelings, his fears, and his humanity from the rest of the world. The series draws attention to the fact that the people forgot about the heart and soul--that is, the person-- behind All Might and started treating him like a character instead of a real person, and it's made clear that Toshinori forgot, too.

AFO is still trying to hide his true self in the role of the demon king, but Toshinori is no longer trying to hide himself behind All Might. AFO thinks Toshinori should have died in Kamino because that's where his "role" as a "character" ended, but Toshinori refuses that end. Both men find their origins in fiction (AFO from captain hero, Toshinori from Anpanman) but only Toshi has managed to reconcile his identity, break free of the story, and meet AFO head on as a human instead of a character. AFO is still hiding and refusing to engage with this story as a real person.

Toshi's overshadowed eyes are also heavily implied to be a side effect of him completely losing himself in the role of "All Might," rather than merely being the result of the injury he got from AFO-- we see that his eyes were already overshadowed long before he ever received his fateful injury, and the emphasis on shadowed eyes is also a design quirk that ties him to AFO (whose eyes were constantly hidden by shadows bc he was constantly LARPing as a demon lord instead of being authentic-- To drive this bit of visual story telling home, Hori emphasizes AFO's eyes whenever the "demon king" mask starts to slip and we start seeing peeks of what an utter sad sap of a person AFO is beneath the mask). It's a clever bit of show-don't-tell and another testament to Hori's art direction. Eyes are forever the window to the heart and soul in MHA, and Toshi reconnecting with his heart and soul-- with what defines him as a person-- is what finally causes the light to return to his eyes. The mask is fully off.

"Midoriya Izuku and Yagi Toshinori ~ Midoriya Izuku and Shigaraki Tomura ~ Shigaraki Tomura and....?"-- Or, Iron Might as a Narrative Tool.

(reminds u that the pivotal/trajectory changing chapters known as 304 and 305 were titled "Midoriya Izuku and Yagi Toshinori" and "Midoriya Izuku and Tomura Shigaraki". These three are the key!)

Changing gears for a sec and speaking purely from a writer's perspective: Iron Might simply couldn't have been included at Gunga and Toshi simply couldn't have remained locked up in a surveillance room for the entirety of the final battle-- because Toshinori's final destination as a character was always supposed to be the Izuku and Tomura fight. That's where his role as a character was always supposed to reach fruition and find his resolution:

"--I want to save that little boy!"

Aura!Might shedding tears when he realizes that Izuku wants to save Tomura and that Izuku has redefined OFA as something that exists to save is one of those underrated character moments that deserves more attention, because it's like. Everything. One of the most important scenes in the series by a large margin.

Izuku's declaration tells us everything we need to know about the trajectory of the series. Aura!Might crying in response to that declaration gives us everything we need to anticipate where his character is heading and to understand why Toshi's arc isn't over until he finally reconciles his business/regrets with Tomura & OFA/Nana.

it's heavily implied that real!Toshi was crying, too, after he felt what vestige!Izuku said. His eyes are hidden, but we see him briefly wiping his tears away. (and this is one of the many things I love about MHA-- there are so many lovely little details that add so much to the story. You just gotta be willing to look for them.)

Anyway! This point really speaks for itself, so I won't get into it too much: Tomura/Izuku's battlefield is where Toshi was always supposed to end up-- it's where he obviously needs to be to wrap up the loose strings in his arc, hear Izuku's "I am here" moment, and "change fate" by Izuku's side (not necessarily just his own fate, but also Tomura's). Iron Might is just a way that gets Toshi from point A to Point B while allowing Toshinori's character to shine as brightly as possible.

TL;DR The stage is finally set, the main characters have finally assembled, and now we get to see how the grand finale plays out.

-- -- -- -- --

In summation: Iron Might is sappy, sentimental, and fueled entirely by heart rather than logic-- and it's everything I love about this series.

#my hero academia #yagi toshinori #mha.txt #long post

140 notes · View notes

user-needs-new-hyperfixation · 11 months

Text

Trying to start a giant-ass meta on why I ship Mycroft/Albert and what there is to see of it and right off the bat I'm like...I want people to look at every single panel of their interactions.

No, it's not Sherliam levels. And BIG OLD DISCLAIMER: very little of what I'm going to present here is like "We were clearly intended to read it this way." I'll always argue that Sherliam is meant to be romantic: it hits so many well-established notes and tropes it's almost impossible to think otherwise. MycAl is a bit different. I do think it's definitely like...we're welcome and even invited to see it. But a LOT of my shipping it comes from the way I personally read and interpret things. So this is about explaining what I'm seeing that makes me ship it, rather than trying to be like "This is canon and you should agree with me." Anyway, for reference, I'll be using the official translation as far as it goes and then swapping to teawaffles' wonderful translation for the rest!

So...like right off the bat throughout the entirety of their Chapter 4 interactions their body language and expressions and ways of talking are so flirty? (Also, I still find it funny that in the manga Mycroft is introduced before Sherlock and thus Mycal is introduced before Sherliam. Older bros first lol.)

Maybe it's just that 2 decades on the internet have skewed me towards reading suggestiveness into everything, but the way Mycroft addresses Albert feels so flirtatious even if he's literally just being normal. "And what would an Indian Army official such as yourself want from an intelligence official such as myself this late in the evening?" Like...am I crazy? Does that not kinda sound like a porn intro? 😂 (This could also be Sherliam Side-effects. The way they call each other Professor and Detective in That One Scene is like...almost undeniably foreplay. Now every time anyone calls each other by title/profession/rank is this series I assume they're hitting on each other.)

But also Albert is just so...handsy throughout that scene. He's touching Mycroft's knickknacks, and just sort of limp-wristing all over the place. And I mean, I think that's just one of Albert's public-facing personas (customer service peeps, you know what's up) but it definitely lends itself to the existence of Vibes.

Anyway, there's this parallel of "You have my attention. What do you want?" that I think is kinda neat. (But look how comparatively sad Mycroft looks in the second version!!!)

Chapter 4:

Chapter 23:

Btw, in Scandal in the British Empire...why does Mycroft introduce himself to the Queen? Never mind, not why we're here. Again, my weird innuendo sensors perk up in Chapter 17 at "I did not drag you out of bed this early for nothing." Maybe it's because my perception of Victorian niceties, whether it's factual or not, is that there was this sense of avoiding talk of physical realities. We don't speak of pregnancy, we speak of "her condition" and "confinement." We don't "go to bed," we "retire." And so on. So conversely, it feels almost suggestive to even acknowledge that someone was in bed. In whatever state of undress the might imply. *Kellen Goff Sasaki voice:* OOOH how sCanDaLOus. (Mind you I DON'T believe there is anything of authorial intent in this, again, just trying to explain the factors that make me read things a certain way.)

The little mind games: Albert immediately recognizing that he's being tested, and Mycroft well aware that something is off, that he and Albert are using each other to their own ends. All juicy ship ingredients.

Then there's this...I can't articulate why it's important. But it is. Something about mouths and thoughts. If I wasn't terribly lazy, I'd go digging for examples in various manga series and I have a pretty firm suspicion that I could prove that, often, Mouth-Focus Thinking Panel + Name = Ship.

Jumping forward to the start of The Riot in New Scotland Yard (Chapter 29), Mycroft's demeanour has really changed. During the meeting at the British Museum he's radiating "I'm not angry I'm just disappointed" energy. He's tense, he's not sure if the Moriartys are enemies and when he understands their plan he seems understandably sad about it even as he accepts it. But now, he's radiating an almost Sherlock-like excitement. He's just gotten to see a miniature version of The Plan in action during the Jack the Ripper case, and it worked. He says he's just visiting Albert as an acquaintance (read: friend in Mycroftian), and that's what it feels like. They're chummy. It's cute. Also Albert teasing Mycroft over his squabbles with Sherlock when he leaves? When did Albert find out about that, hmm? (I mean, could be spying of course. But I like to think it just suggests they've talked more than we've seen.)

Annnnnd....cutting this part off here because I'm bored of it for now and it's long. I'll do the rest when the mood strikes. 😂

#yuukoku no moriarty #moriarty the patriot #mycal #alcroft #meta or something #been a while since i've done one of these 'not meta so much as just a disorganized stream of consciousness' long-posts lol

171 notes · View notes

writingonleaves · 2 days

Text

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? (did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?) - jeremy swayman

pairing: jeremy swayman x original female character

warnings: swearing, pretty angsty. hopeful ish ending because i can't do sad endings, very personal but i think many can relate in their own way, cliche ish, barely proofread

inspired by + title: "the smallest man who ever lived" by taylor swift

word count: 5.6k

author's note: i'd argue almost every piece any author writes is personal, because it has their life interspersed through the words. but this one really is, because a majority of this is the exact same words i wrote years ago after a break-up. heard the bridge to this song and immediately knew i had to write something inspired by it. also trying a new format of sorts (maybe a bit meta??), so i hope you enjoy and lmk what you think!!

~*~*~

When Noelle Betsko walked away from Jeremy Swayman, holding back tears until the call dropped, she knew it was going to be a tough time for the foreseeable future.

It didn’t matter that the pandemic had forced them apart. She knew she would still feel him for months to come.

She did the only thing she knows how to do when trying to deal with things. The one thing she always resorts to as an aspiring novelist. Sometimes on her laptop when the words were spilling out too quickly for her brain to catch up, tears littering the keyboard. Usually in her old beat-up journal, scribbling in the cursive that Jeremy claimed he always loved (“It makes your handwriting unique”) with the pens he had gifted her just a few months prior.

At the age of 21, Noelle got her heart broken for the first time. At the age of 26, she’s about to publish her first poetry collection of sorts, all of the poems modeled after journal entries written throughout her life. So not really poetry, though her mother would say otherwise.

She swallows as she thumbs through the middle part of the first known and binded copy of “miscellaneous.” There are only eight entries in the whole collection that are taken verbatim from her past writing. These are the eight.

May 13, 2020 (three days post-breakup, crying in my childhood bedroom)

I don’t even recognize who I was and who you were in those writings before these pages filled with love and hope and happiness. I can’t even summon up those feelings anymore that I knew existed at one point. Those feelings of complete bliss and love for someone so deep you can’t explain it.

I’m mad at myself for not being able to conjure those feelings, because at one point, I did love you. How could something that was part of my daily life for over two years just disappear so quickly?

But now, I’m not mad at myself. I’m mad, but I don’t know where to direct that anger to. I feel a bit empty sometimes, but then frustrated the next. Sometimes I get sad, but not so much compared to the other feelings. I spent enough time being sad during our relationship.

When we broke up, on an annoyingly beautiful Tuesday in May — over the damn phone, mind you, which whatever, it’s COVID. Fine — You told me you felt like you had been putting more effort into us.

At the time, I didn’t react, but I’ve been thinking about how angry that statement made me. Makes me, actually. I was always very open with how much I gave to that relationship. How much it meant to me. How much it affected me. But I understand that with some people, sharing everything too much equates to things not meaning anything anymore. But you out of all people should’ve known that I mean everything I say.

I felt like I gave so much. I know I gave so much. When I told you I loved you, I always meant it. Every single time. When I told you I missed you, I always meant it. I wished you were right next to me at that moment. I mentally gave so much, because to me, I wanted to. You were always on my mind, always high up on my list of priorities. I never took us for granted.

I’ve been questioning if that was the same for you. Did you start becoming complacent?

The second thing you said that day that hasn’t left my head is that you knew me pretty well. And initially, I remember not thinking much of it. So I don’t doubt that; you always knew right when I was about to cry, even over the phone. You often knew when I was mad or upset, but when I look back now, you never pushed. Which is a good thing, to an extent. But it was a bad thing sometimes too. I knew you often wanted to give me space, but sometimes I didn’t want space. I wanted you to push. To try to understand. Maybe that’s unfair of me; it probably is. I should just say I want to talk about it more, right?

But if you genuinely knew me, you would’ve known.

After two years, seven months and 12 days, I still feel like I didn’t know you. Did I ever know you at all?

When people talked shit about you, I always defended you. And I still would defend you now. But lately, I've questioned what I’m even defending. All those good qualities that I thought you had, were they even real? Of course, I know some of them were, to a certain extent. But as I look back on us, there’s a lot of doubt about whether I even knew the person I called my boyfriend for so long. I know there was a point where you cared about me, but I can’t remember when.

I often felt like I was letting you know so much about my life, but you didn’t do the same. I get that sometimes a person just wants to forget about the bad and focus on the good with a person you like for awhile. I get that. But once that was happening every damn time? That should’ve been a red flag.

June 7, 2020 (twenty eight days post break-up, outside my childhood room on the deck)

I don’t understand how you can give so much to something or someone and have it not be recognized or appreciated or enough. If I wasn’t enough for you, how will I be enough for anyone?

I hope one day you’ll truly understand how much this hurt. Not just the breakup, but feeling like I was always being pulled in a direction I didn’t always want to be pulled in. Feeling I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and never ever being able to win. I hate that I settled so much in the last year. Because I should’ve demanded more, even though deep down I knew you were never going to be able to give it to me.

I think back to our past daily texts, and I just don’t get it. At one point, we both meant the things we said to each other.

Yet we still hurt each other.

This fucking hurts.

You’ve hurt me so much, but most of it wasn’t intentional, which I think is somewhat even worse. Because I’m not totally mad at you for causing the pain. You never did anything outright to cause me pain, but I still feel like you did.

Unintentional pain almost stings more than intentional.

When I asked you out that night after we were both on an emotional high, I took a chance. For once in my life, I took the leap, knowing that I could get humiliated or hurt or just straight up shot down.

Where did it all go wrong? Or, more realistically, how did we think that we could go through the wrong when it was there at the start?

I’m trying not to blame myself too much. Trying not to tell myself that I should’ve known better.

All those times, especially at the start, when I would ask you if you genuinely liked me, you always thought I was just trying to be annoying. But you never understood that I genuinely thought that way. My self confidence from the start was lacking, and you didn’t try to understand that, because I come across to everyone as confident and self-assured.

It hurt, when you would brush things off like that. I felt like you didn’t care.

And then, it got to the point where I stopped asking that question. Part of that is because I did become more confident and you did show that you cared, and part of that was because I knew it would piss you off.

The amount of things I was scared to talk about with you because I knew it would piss you off? I don’t wish that feeling on anybody.

I shouldn’t have been scared. I shouldn’t have been uncomfortable. But I was. And if you did notice like sometimes you claimed to, why didn’t you make it more comfortable for me? Was that too much to ask for?

So larger than life that at the end, you faded into just the smallest man who ever lived. Fuck you.

Was it too much to ask for when I just wanted to know why you were upset? You didn’t have to ever tell me the full story (lord knows there were times I didn’t), but was it too much to ask for something? You told me once that I’m the person you’ve told the most to. How? You barely told me anything. And when I wanted to talk to you, whether it was about growing up in Alaska or why you were in a bad mood last night, you always brushed it off. Always.

So I don’t feel so bad about feeling like I gave more effort. I gave so much of myself to you. If you really cared about me like you claimed you did, why couldn’t you show even just 1% of that care back? Or just meet me in the middle?

I could’ve tried harder to meet you in the middle, I’ll admit that. But you didn’t even give me a map or a clue how to.

I felt so fucking left in the dark. I felt left in the dark about my own fucking relationship, something that I should be completely sure about. If you really love someone and care about them, how can you leave them in the dark? How could you not even see that I was struggling to find a flashlight?

You did care about me. I know that. To some extent and at some point in time, you did care about me. But caring about someone and their well-being isn’t always enough.

Why couldn’t you have worked with me? When I was extending my hand out, why didn’t you reach for it? How can someone just be so blind? I mean, I’m practically always spelling it out for you.

Maybe I am being selfish. But fuck, I just wanted to be happy. At some point, you made me happy. When did I start making you feel like I wasn’t enough? Why wasn’t I enough for you?

It’s useless, in a way, to keep going about this. Because I know I deserve better. And we’ll both find people who are better for us. We just couldn’t be that person to each other.

I fucking loved you.

I wish it ended differently.

July 8, 2020 (fifty nine days post-breakup, in front of the lake)

I really really fucking miss you.

I do.

I miss being able to text you that i love you and not necessarily expecting a response until the next morning. I miss knowing that as soon as you wake up, you’ll text me back and assure me that yeah, you love me too.

I’m left feeling bittersweet as I look back on memories that are just splashes and not definite strokes on the canvas that used to be us.

I miss having you as a friend.

I’ve been having more urges lately to want to text you. And it isn’t even anything important. Just moments I experience throughout the day.

Do you get the urge to do the same?

July 19, 2020 (seventy days post-breakup, still in the same damn house)

It’s hard. It really is. And it kinda just hits you at random parts of the day. Sometimes I wake up from a dream that you were in and have to remind myself that it didn’t happen.

Sometimes it physically aches when I realize that you won’t ever help me put on my jacket again, or complain that my hair is in your face when we’re lying on the couch watching Brooklyn Nine Nine, or groan when I drag you up to dance with me (which you never improved on, no matter how many times I tried to teach you basic rhythm). I can’t view our song the same way anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.

The other day, I read some simple thing on Twitter. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do remember that for a split second, I could see your smile in my mind. But it wasn’t just any smile. It was the smile you gave me when you took me ice skating that first time. I remember asking you what you were smiling at, and you said that you just were taking in this moment. I don’t know if you took a mental picture that day, but I know I did. That day seems so long ago now.

In almost anything I do, you somehow pop into my mind or into the conversation. And it’s not even in a harmful way either. It’s because you were part of my life for so long. I see a dog on the street, and it reminds me of how you always stopped to pet every single one we’s see I write something in my messy handwriting, and I remember how you always used to complain that you couldn’t read the notes I’d occasionally leave around your place when you went away. I went to the doctor’s the other day, and they said I was 5 feet and 3 inches, which is just definitely not true, and I almost reached for my phone to text you, because you would’ve cackled and insisted that no, I’m 5 feet 2 inches and it wouldn’t even matter because I’ll always be shorter than you. It’s simple and minute things that make me miss you that much more.

I still can’t listen to some songs the same way anymore, but I can at least listen to them now, which is a feat in itself. I was unpacking from college and found the teddy bear you sent me the first extended time we had to be apart and had to immediately put that out of my sight. From those boxes also came photos that I had decorated my dorm room with, and to be honest, I’m glad now that I let you keep our best one. I deal with all my emotions, besides writing, by making Spotify playlists, and I made a new one earlier this week. I think it’s helping. It’s a slow process, this whole moving on thing, but it’s one that I’m trying to be grateful for, because like most things in life, you just don’t truly know until you go through it.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering how you are and how you’re healing. But, even though we’ve both changed since the day we met, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re incredibly strong and stubborn. I hope that you’re finding some growth in this process too.

October 17, 2020 (one hundred fifty seven days post-break up, apartment in orono)

It’s been almost 5 months, and you still cross my mind everyday.

Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why didn’t you fucking tell me what you were thinking? Why was I the one who had to approach you just because I was just so done with the silent treatment?

But I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. The mad phase passed ages ago.

Closure is a fake word. Even a breakup as mutual and smooth as ours was still left me with so many questions that will probably never be answered.

Any breakup fucks you up to some extent. I knew it was going to mess me up even back when we were together. But not like this. Never like this.

But like anything in life, I guess you can never really prepare for what you think you might feel, because most of the time, you discover a whole new side of you that you never thought existed.

I don’t miss you. I don’t. I don’t feel that love in any way anymore.

But I did once.

You did too, right?

November 15, 2020 (one hundred eighty six days post break-up, fogler library)

I hate Halloween.

Though, it did bring me to you three years ago. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you right then and there.

Three years later, you texted me on Halloween, five months after our breakup. The universe really, really wanted to fuck with me.

It was a tough night for you. I knew that. Because I know how you are after losing a game you should’ve won. But that didn’t mean that I owed you anything and had to respond.

We agreed on no contact if we ever wanted to stay friends. Clearly, friends is out of the picture now, but come on. A vulnerable text after a bad night because you know I would feel bad for you?

Fuck, you know how much I would hate that. You had to have known.

Just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean that everything about you just disappears. I still know your tendencies. I still know exactly how my head burrows into your chest during a hug. I still know the actions I used to do that would be followed by you attacking me with a hug. I still could point you out in a crowd.

I looked for you in every crowd for years.

That stuff doesn’t just go away, no matter how much I want it to. But fuck. Fuck. Why did you text me?

I don’t regret how I handled it. I probably would’ve responded months ago. But just like you, I’ve grown these last couple of months.

It was comforting, for a split second, to know that maybe, just maybe, these past couple of months have been hard for you too. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel like I’m not crazy.

I’m glad you texted me. You gave me another level of closure I hadn’t known that I needed until then.

But fuck, dude. You know me better than that. You should know me better than that.

I hate Halloween.

November 26, 2020 (one hundred ninety seven days, at the coffee shop i brought you to when you came home with me two years ago)

I don’t regret loving you, but I hate you for what you did to me.

Or maybe not.

I hate knowing that even though we haven’t been in a relationship in a bit, it feels like sometimes, you’re on my mind the exact same amount when we were dating. I hate knowing that I gave so much of myself and my love to you, and it always felt unrecognized.

Fuck, will it ever stop hurting? Will I ever be able to have to stop myself from thinking about you? Will it ever stop?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Happy birthday. I hope you enjoy it.

June 12, 2021 (three hundred ninety five days post-break up, in boston, visiting a friend)

Tonight, when a friend asked me about you and how I felt about how we ended, I was able to articulate my thoughts clearly. I’m really proud of myself for getting to a point where I can take the lessons I learned the few months after we broke up and acknowledge them in a succinct way without breaking down into tears. Just watery eyes and the occasional voice crack

I’m also proud that I can say that when we were dating, I lost a bit of myself. For months, it was really hard to admit out loud.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Sometimes, I wish I could call or text you about it, because I think you’d be proud too. And I know I’d be proud of you. I am, to be honest. I do break resolve once in awhile and check on you through various avenues.

I still haven’t seen you in person since the last time COVID made us say goodbye. Maybe I never will again. But day by day, I’m starting to accept that and be okay with it. I’m accepting that memories that used to be so painted in my mind are blurry or almost completely erased now. But that’s okay. Honestly, it’s probably for the best.

I wonder, when you think about it, if you think about different moments that I do. That’s the thing when something ends. You have to be okay with letting go of those moments and realizing that just because you forget them, doesn’t mean they weren’t important.

I don’t think I miss you. I hesitate in saying that. Because I’ve moved on and handled the aftermath of it better than I think both of us ever thought I could. When you hung up the phone for the last time, I proved to myself again that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I think we all are. But we don’t realize it until we’re thrown into a situation that we think we’ll never be able to overcome.

But we do. Whether it’s because we’re forced to because there’s no other option, it doesn’t matter. Because we get through. We move on.

I hope you're moving on.

And then it goes into other topics, graduating during a pandemic specifically and losing what’s supposed to be your last year of no responsibilities before adulthood. There are other poems in here that reference a past relationship, but not as much as these eight.

If there’s one thing that Noelle did change, it was taking out the details. Jeremy may have hurt her, but he doesn’t deserve someone possibly making a connection between these poems and their shared background. She’s not a famous author by any means, but she wanted to be careful.

Not that she makes that part of her life publicly known. People don’t need to know that her brother was Jeremy’s captain for two years at Maine and that’s how they met.

Noelle grew up going to rinks. She hasn’t gone to one since they broke up.

But also, what the fuck? It’s been five years since she’s dated the guy. She really is over it by now, even if his rise to stardom in the Bruins flittering on her social media feeds still sometimes has her swallowing a bit before she can continue with her day.

Brooklyn is far enough from Boston. But sometimes it feels like it’s right outside her door.

She’s proud of her first published work. She really is. People believed in her and after numerous notes swapped back and forth with her editor, she did it. She always knew she wanted to work in publishing. She never knew she herself would publish anything.

And here she is now, two weeks after the book release, in Boston, about to do a q&a and a signing. Apparently, “miscellaneous” has been on top of numerous lists and it’s flying off the shelves. Noelle can’t really believe it and tries not to think about it too much, trusting her agent with all of that.

She’s happy to talk about her work and process though. That she can handle. And she’s grateful for all the love.

After a signing at a local bookstore, she decides to walk the 20 minutes home in the Boston fall. It’s a bit brisk, but she doesn’t mind and she just wanders, belly filled with delicious sushi she inhaled for dinner with an old friend.

Of course it happens the one time during her walk when she doesn’t avoid eye contact with someone. The song playing in her earbuds fade out of her focus and she almost stumbles.

Jeremy’s eyes were always Noelle’s favorite thing about him. She thought she would’ve forgotten what they looked like by now. But clearly she hasn’t.

Her eyes quickly cast to the person next to him. It’s definitely a girl. They’re a bit too far away for Noelle to pick out details. But it’s enough. He’s walking on the side closest to the street. It’s a Friday Night in a bustling part of the city.

It hurts. She wishes it didn’t.

Even from far away, she sees his eyes blink in recognition. Noelle puts her head back down and walks faster.

(She cries in the shower when she gets back to the hotel. She had debated feeling super sorry for herself and going to the hotel bar but refrained)

She has a few free days in Boston before flying back to New York. When she wakes up the next morning, she debates on going home early. But no, she won’t let a three second glance at someone ruin her time here. She used to occasionally come here during her college days. She loves this city.

The city may be Jeremy’s, but she can make space for herself here too.

She takes her time at a cafe, people watching and eating some breakfast. As she takes her coffee to-go, she looks out the window at the bookstore she was in the night before for the signing. She almost drops her coffee.

Jeremy walks into the book store.

Now, Noelle is debating her options. What she should do is continue with her day and walk in the opposite direction. But she’s always been too nosy for her own good. And maybe a bit self destructive. She decides to leave the cafe and cross the street immediately, so impatient to where she’s almost tapping her foot as the pedestrian signal stays red.

As a writer, she’s no stranger to movie moments. The scenes written in books or movies where the timing is too accurate to be real. The situation too good to be true. But after a car speeds through an orange and she can finally walk, she stops in her tracks instead, feet glued down to the sidewalk.

Because Jeremy is right in front of her on the other side of the street. Her book in his hand. And he’s looking right at her.

The first feeling she can recognize in herself is anger. Anger at the way their relationship panned out. Anger at the way they ended. Anger at the radio silence the years following. Anger at him for everything. Angry at herself for everything.

The second feeling is, weirdly, shame, which she’s embarrassed by. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But she feels it anyways.

The third, and perhaps the most prominent, is emptiness. Five fucking years later, and she’s brought back to the emptiness she felt immediately after they broke up. The emptiness that the person you loved isn’t yours anymore — who maybe wasn’t ever yours to begin with.

Before she can run, he’s already crossed the street to her. He looks naturally different as someone who you haven’t seen in five years would. But he also heartbreakingly looks the same.

“We should get out of people’s way,” Noelle manages to chokes out.

Jeremy laughs a bit. Her heart lurches. “Yeah.” He starts walking and she follows him wordlessly. This is his city after all.

He leads them to a bench under a tree with beautiful fall foliage. She puts at least a foot between them as they both sit down, staring out at the people passing. She can’t take the silence.

“I see you bought my book.”

“I did,” he replies evenly. “Congratulations. I always knew you would do it.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. Maybe if she squeezes hard enough she’ll forget when she originally pitched Jeremy the bare bones idea of the exact same book that’s currently in his hand. “Thank you. Congratulations to you too. On everything.”

“You’ve been watching?”

She shakes her head. “No. But, you know Seth and…yeah. It comes up during family calls sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you say hi last night?”

She looks pointedly at a couple walking their dog. “You seemed busy.”

“She wasn’t-that-it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh. Because that makes me feel so much better,” she spits out, before taking a deep breath. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. We broke up ages ago.”

“I’m sorry,” she gives him a look and is slightly proud of how he seems to shrink into himself a bit. “I-I know it’s five years too late. I know I didn’t handle it as well as I should’ve. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

The thing is, Noelle always thought that maybe hearing an apology someday would make her feel better. But now that’s heard it, she’s not sure she does.

She swallows. “I appreciate that.”

“I’ve already read it, you know.”

“Read what?”

Jeremy runs a hand through his hair. “Your book. One of my teammate’s girlfriend recommended it and I asked to borrow it. It’s fantastic,” He looks down at the book in his hand. It’s like the cover is taunting her. “I wanted my own copy.”

“Oh.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me off the hook with the poems I know were about me,” he scoffs, shaking his head at himself. “You could’ve written way worse.”

She can’t help but let out a chuckle. “I thought I was pretty mean.”

“Your definition of ‘pretty mean’ is tame compared to a lot of people,” he says, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the book. “You were always the kindest person, even when you shouldn’t have been..”

He puts his hand out in her direction, the hand with the book in it. She furrows her eyebrows. “What-”

“Could I get a signed copy?”

“Jeremy. What do you want from me?”

He sighs, taking his hand back. “A chance to apologize?”

“You’ve already done that.”

“Not in the way I want to and what you deserve.”

She lets out a sigh, turning to face him fully. “I don’t know if that would be worth my time or yours. I know the book just came out, but that was five years ago. I’m over it. Forgive and forget, right?”

“But do you?” Jeremy counters back. “Clearly, you don’t forget, which I deserve. But forgive?”

“We’re just going in circles now.”

“No we’re not,” he says firmly. “You’re just shutting me down because you don’t want to talk about it. I’ve had five years to prepare what I would say to you if I saw you again. You’re telling me you haven’t?”

“Of course I have,” Noelle tips her head back. “But also, what’s the point?”

“The point, is that I still love you.”

“Fuck you,” she says in a strained voice. “You can’t just-you can’t just throw that shit out there. Fuck you.”

He bites his lip, and to her annoyance, he laughs. But she listens more carefully, and it sounds very self deprecating. “I deserved that.”

“Yeah,” Noelle looks down at her feet. “So…what? You still love me?”

“I do.”

“And what are you going to do about that?”

“What are you going to let me do?”

“I live in Brooklyn.”

“I know,” she whips her head up. Jeremy looks sheepish, which she didn’t even think was something he knew how to do. “Seth mentioned it when we caught up a bit ago. I also still follow you on Instagram.”

She tries again. “It’s been five years.”

“And I’m here sitting with you and still feel the exact same way I did back then. Even more, to be honest.” He eyes her pointedly. “Any more excuses?”

Her voice softens. “You really hurt me.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry, Noelle.”

“I hurt you too.”

He shrugs. “We were young and stupid.”

“And we’re still not?” Noelle says with a snort before swallowing. “I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”

“I’m sure I’m not either. But I don’t know if there’s a world where I don’t love every version of you.”

“Even after reading the book?”

“Especially after reading the book,” he sighs. “Noelle, I know this is unfair of me. All of this. And I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to reach out. But I always intended to. And then you’re here? And I see you twice in two days? I’d be an idiot to not try. More of an idiot than I am, anyways.”

“Try for what?”

“A second chance? To be friends? Whatever you want.” He suddenly deflates. “Even if you don’t want anything to do with me. At least I’ll know.”

“Why did you never text me?”

“I thought about it a lot,” he admits. “I tried once, actually, after the high of a really good win. But it didn’t go through. I got the message.”

“The message?”

“You blocked me, right?”

Oh. “Yeah,” she lies. “I did.” She reaches into her bag for a pen and gestures for the book, which he gives to her, a curious gleam in his eyes. “I’m in Boston for two more days, including today.”

He takes the hint immediately. Eagerly. “I have a game tonight, but I’m free tomorrow.”

“Who are you guys playing?”

“Toronto. And I’m starting. Should be a good one.”

She hums non-committedly, scribbling on the inside of the front cover. She hands it back to him with a small, close-lipped smile. She nods at him to read the message.

to my first fan,

i still love you too.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

yours,

noelle

He looks up, eyes shining but a bit confused.

“I never blocked you. I just changed my number.”

“Oh.”

“And even if I still love you, I’m still mad at you.”

“I know. I’d be more surprised if you weren’t.”

She stands up, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and putting her sunglasses on. “Text me?”

His mouth splits wide into a grin. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

She backs away with one last attempt at a smile before turning down the street.

#k writes #hockey fanfiction #nhl #nhl fanfiction #nhl fanfic #nhl writing #hockey blurb #hockey writing #boston bruins #jeremy swayman #jeremy swayman blurb #jeremy swayman writing #jeremy swayman fic #jeremy swayman fanfiction #jeremy swayman x ofc #jeremy swayman x oc #jeremy swayman x reader

39 notes · View notes

starlight-strider · 8 months

Text

This is the best cut content I’ve ever heard of.

I’m really sad this minigame was cut. Having a kind of rhythm game (I guess?) would have been really neat, and been… y’know, more than just three games, even though Checkerboard Chase is pretty fun.

I don’t care that this was cut from the final game, I’m considering it canon. Imagining these four in a little band trying to play is hysterical, especially because of the instruments they all have.

I’m gonna ramble about that now so if you don’t wanna read all that, here’s the cutoff for just my initial thoughts. If you wanna read more, here’s my insanity over this one image.

The instruments they have is just great. Dedede on drums is very fitting, and did end up returning later. Dedede’s Drum Dash exists after all, so obviously he loves his drums. Waddle Dee just having a tambourine and not something like a bass guitar is so funny. They look like a rock band or something because of the other three, but he just brought tambourines and they ran with it. Kirby, being the main character, of course has that leading instrument, the electric guitar. And Adeleine can play the keyboard so she isn’t just skilled in the traditional art, like drawing and painting, because apparently she can play piano too.

How is Kirby playing the guitar. He doesn’t have fingers. He doesn’t even really have arms, he just has nubs. What kind of guitar is that? How is he doing that?

Waddle Dee looks so happy to be there, like he’s glad that his friends aren’t mad that he forgot the bass and now they have to make do with tambourines.

Dedede looks mad for some reason? Like “I hate these drums I can’t jump on them what’s the point”.

That is a very large keyboard because Adeleine is standing on her tiptoes to reach it. And she’s one of the tallest characters in the whole series. She’s also more to the side where Kirby, Waddle Dee, and Dedede are all closer together. Are keyboard players usually off to the side? Does Adeleine just need space when she’s preforming? Does she feel like an outcast because she’s human?

The logo on Dedede’s drums looks like “K4” and I mean… the Kirby 4? Because there’s four of them? Or maybe 4 because 64?

Adeleine looks more like her design in Dream Land 3 in this. Her hair looks like it’s more in her face, but in Crystal Shards (and in all her later appearances) her entire forehead is bare, except a small strand of hair in her updated Star Allies design.

Kirby is so happy. He’s just smiling. Granted, he’s almost always smiling in Crystal Shards, since he smiles the whole way through all the levels when you’re just walking. But he looks especially happy here.

I wonder what songs they’d be playing? Maybe just some simple music, or music from the game or other Kirby games? A semi-rock remix of the Pop Star theme would be pretty awesome. Kirby just does an insane riff in the middle of it while his friends are still playing the theme normally. He would do that, and then look at them, and they’d all be stunned and he’d be smiling like that’s just how the song goes. Or they’d do Dedede’s normal theme and he’d be going all in on those drums the whole time while everyone else tries to play louder to balance it out.

Since I feel like this is still canon despite being cut, sometimes they’ll all get out their instruments (Adeleine just painting a keyboard) and play stuff for everyone. All the other Dream Friends are around in the castle making requests, and maybe Bandee remembers to grab a bass this time.

They play some songs suggested by everyone else, and then randomly throw in something to catch them off guard and either freak them out or delight them. Marx getting too annoying? Just start playing Kirby’s Triumphant Return! Meta Knight looking unimpressed? Time to play Sword of the Surviving Guardian! Want to remind Taranza that his girlfriend is dead? Moonstruck Blossom time!

Yeah I really like this cut minigame.

#Renu Says Stuff #kirby #kirby 64 #kirby 64 the crystal shards #kirby headcanons #waddle dee #adeleine #kirby adeleine #king dedede

104 notes · View notes

tulipe-rose · 1 month

Text

Nakahara Chūya, and Miyazawa Kenji... Quite the unique bunch, aren't they?

The allegedly 'inhumane', gravity manipulating beast, and the temperamental, often starved sunshine child.

They're explored separately throughout the Manga, and are given their moments to express their characters through words and actions. At first sight, they'd be rendered polar opposites. However that may be true to an unknowing outsider, their current knowledge would never allow them to understand, to comprehend what lies within.

One loyal dog, another morally grey sweetheart.

They do meet once during the main plot; multiple times during the spin offs and once during the anthologies. They're portrayed to be an admiring boy with his idol. It's truly an adorable sight to behold.

The feared Mafia executive, and the loved, yet feared agency part timer.

It's a pity that they'll most probably never get the right opportunity to connect with one another. Their past experiences and sorrows are the key factors that would assist them to truly understand each other's emotions, as they both know what it's like to grieve over loved ones. They both know all too well what it's like to be the strongest; to be the pillar of support that everyone depends on in certain situations; their trump card. They both harbor abilities that are mighty, double edged swords, unstoppable when provoked, even harmful to oneself when pushed to their wits end. The weight of responsibility could weigh on them akin to dead weight, but they persevere through it, and they manage to make it through victorious. It's truly fascinating however, that the difference in environment could impact the path taken, and ideals followed by each. The way by which they choose to handle predicaments they're to be put in reflects the duality of humans that are infinitely similar and different concurrently.

Bottling up their issues and emotions isn't foreign to either. One due to his upbringing, and the other solely because of the fact that he has no time to deal with them. Life is moving, and the mafioso cannot afford to be held up by pitiful emotions. He is capable of destressing using quality wine in the safe confines of a bar table. The young blonde on the other hand is a stranger to pitiful anger, sadness and irritation. He has been brought up to never feel the need to be anything but happy. Yes, it might have effectively impacted him, making his perspective and views brighter, much more optimistic and inviting than most. However, a certain perspective would claim that variety in emotions is what makes us human; I'd leave it up to debate, yet I personally believe that with enough care and attention, the young Miyazawa could open up, even if a little to peak of anything that bothers him. That'd be the peak of character development. Another colossal issue that is faced by this superhuman fourteen year old happens to be how he chooses to handle his hunger. He could be half starved to death, yet not a single complaint would leave his lips. He's far too accustomed to it. He doesn't acknowledge it anymore, and that is not healthy.

A lost soul, and another wandering one.

I dare say Nakahara sees a fragment of his youth in the blonde countryboy. Nakahara would go to unimaginable lengths just to keep the boy's smile genuine; to keep it cheerful and glad to be in existence as ever. He'd try to reserve the boy's happiness, because he was too familiar with it being stripped away.

They might just be the shoulder that both of them needs to lean on, cry on in case the infamous ginger winds up lost to the alcohol.

If only the mangaka gave it a serious chance.

(TDLR; I firmly believe in and support the Chuenji sibling dynamic.

Petition to allow the Miyazawa family to adopt Chūya, aye in the comments if you agree.

Hope you liked this pointless piece of meta that literally no one asked for. I'm pretty sure most of my points have been repeated over and over by other people, but never hurts really.)

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #bsd analysis #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chūya #bsd kenji #bsd chuuya #kenji miyazawa #writers on tumblr #saff-ron tag #siblings #let them hug

35 notes · View notes

bthump · 7 months

Note

I’m not coming from a place of hate at all, I enjoy your takes on Berserk homoeroticism and appreciate your refreshing ability to make well informed, intellectual analysis so accessible for other fans. It is an important resource to have when dudebros try to make their homophobic bias sound like good arguments. However, when it comes to your analysis of Casca, I find myself disagreeing with almost everything you say. I’m usually only reading your blog quietly because I enjoy the discourse, but I feel like I need to add my two cents. I agree that Cascas writing falls flat to a degree, but I can’t help but think that you’re downplaying her character and arc because you don’t enjoy the parts of Berserk that aren’t about homoerotic tension between Guts and Griffith. Their homoerotic tension is also what is most interesting to me, but it’s not what Berserk is inherently about. We could dismiss Casca by saying ˋMiura can’t write women´, but then again characters like Farnese exist who have an entire complex thematic arc tied to religious extremism, authoritarian character and freeing herself from dogmatism and Berserk as a story is not punishing her or asking for redemption and is instead inherently ridding itself from moralizing judgements of characters. She’s allowed to evolve by herself. As a queer person, I see myself in her. Theres so much queerness and comphet in her story, I’m sad that there’s not many meta posts about her on here. Does Berserk have ideological streaks of conservatism and misunderstands women because Miura has a misogynistic bias? Yeah, unfortunately. But the story and many of the main characters are too complex and ambiguous for me to write them all off based on how some of their arcs are not feminist enough and could need improving. Imagine writing such a complicated and long story with so many characters as just one simple Japanese dude who never leaves his house and who was born in the 70s or whatever. Like, I get separating the story from the author and impact versus intent, but dismissing Casca because of her flaws in writing is dismissing all of Berserk because of some thematic flaws. It sounds like you’re expecting the perfect story for her to be a valid female character and that’s just not possible. I for once made peace with her flaws and am not rejecting her. I think Cascas story works for what it is and I empathize with her as someone who has experienced misogyny and SA. Farny and Schierke working through her trauma magically was a nice metaphor for solidarity between women and it’s rare to see that coming from a male author, I don’t think it’s less valid just because Miura has some gender bias. Casca still experiencing PTSD afterwards is also realistic and shows that Miura is willing to give Casca enough agency to work through that by herself without magic some time in the future of the story. Her story is uncomfortable and her character arc is long and flawed, but that’s what makes it impossible for me to dismiss her. I’m a bit disappointed that so many fans on the tumblr side are willing to basically rid Griffith from all his wrongdoings but then empathize the flaws in Casca and don’t understand that maybe they also have some internalized misogyny that doesn’t make them understand that bias. Especially with the argument that I often see with She Should Have Died. Why? Because she’s uncomfortable? Maybe explore that within yourself. Other than that I am happy to have this queer part of the fandom where we don’t judge each other for liking Griffith and enjoying GriffGuts as a ship. And I hope that you don’t think too harshly of my criticism, for it is only to improve our fandom discourse culture and not to throw stones. Thank you for existing!

Okay look, while I do appreciate the appreciation for my non-casca blog content, I can't look past this coming hand in hand with a lot of pretty insulting, and frankly baseless assumptions about my motives. I'm glad you're not coming from a place of hate, but from the sounds of it you're coming from a place of presumptive judgement, and I want to address that.

I've always been very direct and clear about how I don't think someone's tastes or opinions about a story reflect on them personally. I don't judge someone's character by their fictional interests, I judge it by their words and actions.

If you're going to be interacting with my blog, I'd appreciate being extended the same benefit of the doubt.

You seem to see someone who doesn't enjoy Casca's storyline and make assumptions about why, rather than taking the reasons I provide at face value. I have explained why, very thoroughly, quite often, and quite recently, while constantly referring back to the text and to Miura's comments to justify my conclusions. I literally don't know how I can possibly be more direct about how I am discussing the narrative of a story on its own terms without going full dry academic language lol, come on.

I like to think I'm also very clear about when I'm expressing my subjective opinion (eg i dislike het romance; I'm super into romantic betrayal as a trope, etc) vs when I'm analysing the story based on direct textual evidence (eg casca has no active involvement in the narrative post-eclipse; casca's sexual abuse is eroticized; etc). I certainly try to be. And frankly it is genuinely pretty insulting that you think I'm incapable of judging Casca's story on its own merits or lackthereof, and must be over-emphasizing the flaws of her narrative because I only care about griffguts.

The truth is I genuinely believe that Griffith and Guts' relationship is the thematic core of Berserk, based on the text of the story, and I also genuinely believe Casca's storyline sucks ass in most ways. And it's okay to disagree with one or both of those takes, but yeah I'm gonna take a little bit of offense at the insinuation that I'm too biased by shipping or misogyny or both to analyse the story.

If you love Casca's story despite its flaws, good for you. I'm happy for you. I have no desire to argue with you to make you change your mind. And I don't think it makes you misogynist or ableist or racist, even though I think Casca's storyline contains all of the above to some degree - but if I was going to respond to you in the same vein that you've responded to me, that would be fair game as an assumption. It would also be fair game to assume that you only like Casca and are dismissive of or blind to many of the story's faults because you're projecting or you ship gtsca or you think good feminism is all about stanning certain designated fictional characters regardless of their actual depiction. And I think that is something wrong with fandom culture. I think those are all shitty assumptions to make about someone based on which fictional characters they enjoy reading about most. So like, straight up, you're the only one throwing stones here.

So I want to ask you: why is it that someone discussing offensive fictional tropes makes you assume they are the real misogynist? Why are you equating criticism of writing with criticism of real women, as though media trends and narrative framing don't exist? Why do you think it even matters if I "reject" a fictional character because I don't like how she's written lol?

This strikes me as the same line of thinking that leads to shutting down all criticism of misogyny in media - how dare you say this outfit is unrealistic for a martial artist, some women like to wear high heels! How dare you criticize the average husband/model-esque wife trope, some beautiful women love their average husbands! How dare you criticize comics for fridging the girlfriends of superheroes, women sometimes suffer horrible fates in real life! How dare you criticize the born sexy yesterday trope, some women are naive! etc etc etc.

And this is why it's important to have at least some understanding of narrative framing and greater media trends when discussing media on any level beyond headcanon and projection. Casca isn't real, and as a construct she is not a sensitive or realistic depiction of a traumatized woman, regardless of whether someone identifies with her. She's not a sensitive or realistic depiction of a disabled women either. There are literally "funny" cartoonish background gags involving her shoving random things into her mouth. She gets sexy fanservice while regressed to the mentality of a toddler. She is sexually assaulted by and then shipteased with the protagonist. I could go on all day lol, lbr here. I should not be obligated to brush all that aside and pretend it doesn't irritate me and sometimes offend me in order to valorize a woman who doesn't like, yk, exist.

You and anyone else are free to project on her and relate to her and sympathize with her and love her, and I think that's great and what fandom is all about, but that still doesn't make her writing strong. And I think it's worth discussing how and why her writing fails, the same way it's worth discussing any other flaw of Berserk, like Guts' character flattening with the Eclipse, or Farnese's sudden personality 180, or the awkward pacing, or the prominent scary black man trope, etc, all of which I've also discussed plenty. If you feel like I've disproportionately focused on Casca criticism, then there are 2 reasons for that: 1. I respond to asks 99% of the time, so it's what the people are asking about. 2. Casca's storyline is the most prominent bad and offensive writing in the story, like it's the number one thing that's likely to drive new potential fans away, so of course people are going to want to talk about it.

Also I've written like, a lot of meta and speculation and headcanons etc about Casca beyond criticism of her narrative lol, so if you're sad about the lack of discussion and meta about her it's ironic that you're coming to me with that complaint. Be the change you want to see in the world, start your own Casca centric blog if you want more meta about her to exist, or read more of what already exists. I'd say I'm doing my part as far as I'm concerned lol, but I don't like the way that phrasing implies that anyone has an obligation to focus their interest on any particular fictional character.

I'm glad you enjoy other aspects of my blog, and if you stick around after this admittedly irritable response I hope you continue enjoying them. But if you feel the need to engage with me to defend a fictional character from my criticism again in the future, I'd appreciate it if you engaged with that criticism directly and analytically, rather than speculating about my character and motives.

#and with that i'm closing the book on this casca drama lol i think this says everything that needs to be said as far as i'm concerned #(i mean okay technically i have one more baity ask i want to briefly respond to soon but that's not technically casca related)#(sorry to anyone who prefers these asks to be ignored. i ignore and block most of them tbf but sometimes like i got shit i wanna say)#and i only block really trolly responses not what i think are earnest if misguided and mb unintentionally insulting attempts to engage #ask #anonymous #a #b #theme: fandom #theme: opinion

55 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

y-a-z

Oi Oi

bangtangalaxies-blog

💕 Bangtan Are My Galaxy 💕

islandstyla

iSlaNd StylA

gaydryad

#I can excuse cannibalism but draw the line at aphobia

skullsntickles

just an embarrassed switch