#its probably because ive spent so long on it and im still not happy with it BUT ive worked on it for so long that i think its worth sharing

[kokoasci]

finally drew the main doa together :>

#i love using symbolism in my art :D #first full bsd background wowee how did i use to to do this like every week #ok so im going to be like extremely real right now. i hate the colors and this piece in general #its probably because ive spent so long on it and im still not happy with it BUT ive worked on it for so long that i think its worth sharing #also doesnt help that i did this background with like no references. dont do that please #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd nikolai gogol #sigma #fyodor dostoevsky #bsd art #bsd fanart #bsd fyodor #sigma bsd #kokoart

[frecklystars]

i think im a lesbian and thats been making me cry in the middle of the night every night for the last umm i dont know. week. couple of weeks maybe. i dont want to be a lesbian bc ive been bi for so long and i dont want another sexuality crisis. but at the same time the idea of being with a man makes me feel so fucking repulsed and i dont know if thats bc ive just had multiple experiences of a male friend making inappropriate comments toward me when i used to trust him OR if its bc i am genuinely realizing i have never. never. never. never. never had strong feelings for a man the way i do with a woman. like i saw a cute customer today who was a guy but i wouldnt date him. i thought he was cute but i wouldnt do anything about it, like if he asked me out i'd feel uncomfortable. but then i saw a blonde woman walk in and i thought to myself, god she's gorgeous and if she asked me out right now i'd say yes when and where!!

i only feel "i'd kiss him i'd date him i'd hold his hand" with fictional male characters and male celebrities. not real/obtainable people. would i still feel that way if they were physically in front of me? i think i would, i think if ken were in front of me calling me sweet girl i'd never feel repulsed. i think if a guy who looked and acted exactly like ryan gosling was in front of me asking me out i'd consider it maybe? but i know i feel genuine love for my F/Os. my feelings for them are 100% real and pure. i hear that could possibly be an aromantic thing, to be genuinely attracted to your F/Os but not real people. but i feel genuinely attracted to real women!! sometimes!! half the time!!! not ALL the time and i don't know if i'd be willing to be in a relationship bc i'm so detached to the idea of a relationship but like... the attraction is absolutely there to some degree and it seems to be that way strongly for women

and then i thought, ok well, bisexual means being attracted to two or more genders, right? and i'm attracted to (probably) anyone who isn't a man, though my strongest feelings are for women. but then someone else told me that the lesbian label would still include people who aren't strictly women, so?? like?? i'm just confused i was hoping lesbian meant "just women" so then i can tell myself "oh i cant be a lesbian then because i've felt attraction to nonbinary/genderfluid ppl as well who don't identify as women at all" but if the lesbian label includes that, then uh, maybe i'm? a lesbian?

but god i have felt so uncomfortable around a man who's been making me feel unsafe lately, and it's just making me wake up and realize i've never been genuinely wholeheartedly attracted to men, period. not once. i've had small fleeting little crushes but if that crush asked me out i'd say No Get The Fuck Away From Me. there was actually an instance where i had a small "crush"(?) on a male coworker when i was 18 years old for a few weeks, but then he asked me out, and i felt so disgusted and uncomfortable that i went to my car and cried. and then i had a crush on a nonbinary person years later and that felt. so. fucking good. that felt so whole and so real to me. and then i had a crush on a woman years after that and i would lie awake at night with the most pure beautiful feeling in my chest. and when they asked me out i didn't feel grossed out at all, i felt wonderful, i felt amazing, i was shaking because i was so happy

but i have never ever ever once felt that way with a man. and it makes me sad bc i spent so long calling myself bisexual but i dont think that fits me anymore and i dont think some of my family members would really love me anymore if i came out as a lesbian and i just. dont want to think about it too hard but its all i can think about. i dont want to label myself right now but i dont feel good if i dont have a label. like, i can stick with bisexual just for the sake of a label making me feel comfortable but i dont feel bisexual if that HAS to include men. does bisexual HAVE to include men, if youre a cis woman identifying as bi??? can me being bisexual be attraction ANYONE EXCEPT a man??? with just a very very very very strong preference for women????

i just wish my F/Os were real, i would just be with them and forget labels entirely and just get tf outta here. i know if my male fictional others were to come to life, it wouldnt repulse me. i've asked other lesbians "if YOUR male F/O was real and in front of you with a bouquet of flowers asking you out, would you date him" they have all said "no not at all, bc he isn't a woman. i am only attracted to him fictionally but if he were real i'd feel nothing". so like. i dunno. because if ken or plankton were real i'd feel everything.

im so sick of being here im so sick of men making inappropriate comments about my body when theyre supposed to be ppl that i trust and im so sick of wanting a girlfriend but not wanting a relationship, yearning for women but not wanting anything to do with actually dating somebody. exhausting. all of this is exhausting. am i aro am i a lesbian can i be bisexual i dont feel bisexual anymore i'm dragging that label's dead weight on my shoulders and i want to replace it i WANT a label but i dont know what my label is and im tired. i dont think my family members would accept me being a lesbian and that hurts. i tried telling my dad yesterday and he was like "no you don't know what you are, you don't have enough experience to know if you like men or not. i think you'll marry a man one day" no the idea of marriage repulses me too actually. im indifferent to sex, i dont want to get married, i dont want a relationship. but god i want a woman in my life who i can kiss and come home to and hold and ask her about her day and slow dance with in the living room. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. can barbie be real i just want to date barbie. she's human isn't she. c'mon barbie where are you girl you gotta come and rollerblade to my place so we can forget everything and be aromantic lesbians together

#vent #delete later #SORRY it is 8am i need to sleep but i cant sleep and i am spiraling a little bit ;-; #nobody has to feel obligated to read/respond i just needed to dump this somewhere!

[dreamerwitches]

We're long overdue a merch showcase yaaayy! I've had a lot of great finds recently!

This is all my Madoka merch in my little shrine (plus some dolls and stuff that dont fit elsewhere :P my room is stuffed... ) I'm so happy to have everything I have, especially any witch stuff. Looking at it, you'd think homura was my favourite character but no XD its mami lol I've just happened along a lot of her stuff and I wanted to collect all her plaits figures. I have all the plaits homura kyun-chara now!!! :D

My recent additions are the nagisa nendoroid and school uniform homura cupoche and figma. The nagisa was £60 from ebay. Yes, its a lot and the most ive spent on anything but my god, she goes for over 100 usually, it was a steal (box and all). The homuras were £20 each from vinted which is even more of a steal, i am ecstatic about them because they also go for extortionate prices. (the only bad thing is that figma homu doesnt have a smiling face :( )

My favourite item is probably either my Lotte or Elly since they're both rare and I got them for good prices but also all of my Nagisa merch because damn she has nowhere near enough figure merch... Also the witch stage sets cause they're SO cute

The handmade stuff is (left to right): Elly figure, a human Elly doll made by my bestie for a doll trade, Charlotte figure, a Sasa doll from Oriko Magica, plush Candeloro at the top, Charlotte doll, Valentines charlotte figure, papercraft Oktavia (very top), back down is a Manuke figure, maid Lotte figure with custom Mami and Homura dolls above, swimsuit Homulilly figure and a Walpurgisnacht doll~!

Nagisa is certainly one I don't regret spending money on but I kinda do with the plaits homura dangler just right of Sasa. I got her because she was a good price (though still from america so the shipping was a lot). She's rarer so I thought she'd never show up again for a good price but then after I bought her I saw another listing??? So she's not that rare?! Like, come on... T-T I love her but I remember when she came, I didn't get that excitement spark from her. Maybe because she was smaller than I expected. I can't help but look at her and think 'eh, was she worth it..?' I guess I'm glad to have another plaits homura piece of merch...

On my wishlist is of course any witch merch and plaits homura as well as nagisa and cute mamis. Ones I'd really like are the school uniform mami nendoroid and maybe the maiko one (less so but she comes with charlotte :P ). Definitely the movic witch sets, though im less fussed about the familiars. My big wants are oktavia, walpurgis, patricia and elsa maria. Also the homulilly from the rebellion set but im sure she is way rarer... Nagisa's kyun-chara. I missed a good listing on ebay for that once and i regret it T-T The Mami and Charlotte stage set. It's the last one I want from the set..!

#madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm #witch #madoka magica witch #merchandise

[phoenixfangs]

tagged by @rizaposting HOLDING UR HAND AND PRESSING MY FOREHEAD AGAINST UR SHOULDER i never get tagged in these so this is fun huehue

are you named after anyone? not technically, ive asked my parents multiple times about How they came up with me and my siblings names, but they just. didnt think very hard about it. fjkdlsjfdlas. but in a way im named after my mom, because me and saturns given names start with the same letter as our moms; my younger siblings names start with the same letter as our dads. i guess me and saturn could also be named for one of my dads uncles?? our names mixed make that uncles name. but idk im not willing to believe my dad cares that much about Anyone in his family to honor their memory through our names lawl

when was the last time you cried? i think the other day watching atla, when zuko and iroh reunite before the final battle. zuko trying to stumble through an apology and thinking iroh must hate him, but iroh just without even saying anything grabbing zuko and pulling him into a tight and tearful hug... man ;_;

do you have kids? HELL NO!!!!! im barely halfway through my 20s i should be at the club. dont want kids, never wanted kids, will never want kids. i will tolerate being my nieces and nephews cool auncle when my siblings start having kids of their own, and No More, thanks

do you use sarcasm a lot? i guess so?? its hard to gauge. i feel like most of the time i speak sincerely, but i will also throw in the occasional sarcastic quip. shrugs

what sports do you play? i dont play any sports anymore, but up until high school i played softball. i was pretty good i think! pitcher and second base. also in middle/high school i was a baton twirler for band and i guess dance competitions (i have Never thought of it as 'dance' but i guess technically i was dancing... blegh), and im gonna count that as a sport. any activity with the possibility and probability of being hit on the head by a metal rod counts as a sport to me

what’s the first thing you notice about people? probably their height. most people are taller than me but i will make an immediate note of people who are Shorter than me

what’s your eye color? grrrreen gray? i spent a few minutes staring at my eyes trying to figure out the color but all i did was strain my eyes jfldks

scary movies or happy endings? hmmmmmm i love both. i like blood and gore and guts and evil, but i also like heartwarming fluff where everything works out. i cant decide!! it just depends on my mood hehe

any special talents? i hesitate to claim i have perfect pitch because it sounds self congratulatory, but im pretty sure i have perfect pitch lmao. i cant Identify notes by name but i can recreate pretty much any note i hear, as long as its in my range. im not a good singer though lawl i dont have the technique. in the same vein, i can recreate other noises i hear pretty well, like i taught myself how to do the perry the platypus clicking sound Thing he does just by listening to it

where were you born? texas born and raised! everyone i knew growing up was a redneck or a 'cowboy church' christian

what are your hobbies? drawing, writing fanfic oneshots or rps with friends, bideo games, rewatching the same handful of tv shows and letsplays and video essays over and over again

do you have any pets? my son, my sweet bubby, apollo :> my stupid little man, hes gonna be 3 this year i think! flame point siamese kitty, dumb as rocks, currently i think hes burrowed in the sheets on my bed taking a nappy

how tall are you? 5'2", but add a couple inches because i almost exclusively wear shoes that add height, like my Big Dyke Boots i wear every day hehe

favorite subject in school? any of my electives probably, like art and music/band. in college my favorite classes i ever took were film appreciation, screenwriting, and theatre directing (which i signed up for thinking it was film directing, but it was still so fun and interesting)

dream job? honestly?? i think anything on the set of a movie or tv show would be awesome. maybe creative consultant, so that i can interject my own ideas into other peoples projects. i tend to feel my most creative when im working Around other peoples ideas tbh. all that, or lead writer/director on my own tv show/movie/video game, if i ever feel like i can handle that pressure

GET TAGGED @applescabs @lizardyeast @cottagegay and anyone else that sees and wants to participate :>

#mine #this is such a classic type of post. u never see people do tag memes anymore i feel like #i hardly ever see them anyway!

[keibea]

Get to Know Me - Sims Style

i was tagged by @amuhav because she loves me and knows i love doing these things

what's your favourite sims death?

ngl i dont actually have one, im terrified of any of my babies dying so they never do...but i guess old age maybe? because that means theyve lived a long life and ive played with them for a long time?

alpha cc or mm?

alpha HANDS DOWN...i dont hate mm by any means dont get me wrong, but ill always be an alpha girl at heart. its the alpha hairs, they always get me.

do you cheat your sims weight?

only if it fits their character i guess? not usually in gameplay.

do you move objects

i move objects every single day.

fave mod?

ooofff i mean out of necessity? nraas. but just the one i love? hands down pose player. mostly because i was so excited when i finally got it to work (i was like 13 or something and before then i could not figure out how to get mods to work) so a lot of happy memories from finally getting my sims to pose.

first expansion/game pack/stuff pack?

my first ever was sims 2 glamour life stuff pack when i was a kid. if we're talking sims 3, i believe the first pack i got was generations, which is still my favourite sims pack ever.

do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

i pronounce it LIVE, always have as far as i know.

who's your favourite sim that you've made?

well, its gotta be elodie honestly. she and eli are the longest sims i have ever had and i love them both dearly. in the sims 4, its gotta be my girl pippa. before tumblr? i had this family called the moretti's, i miss them and i think about them way too often. i loved them all.

have you made a simself?

oh yeah. loads of times. i think ive shared my sims 3 and sims 4 variations on tumblr (but they look really weird tbh). i love making myself, cause then i can wear all these clothes i cant afford in real life.

favourite ea hair

im with aimee on this one.

im mostly joking, but usually sims 3 hairs are a no go for me, except for some store ones and the hairs that are pulled back into buns always look really nice. for sims 4, only the newer ones. the older ones are not for me.

favourite life stage?

young adult. i feel like you can always do more with young adult sims and you have so much more time (except in sims 1 i believe?and sims 2 only if u went to uni?? idk). 90% of my sims are forever young adults because i love that life stage so much.

are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

mate ive been trying to build for donkeys years to no avail. so im almost always in it for the gameplay.

are you a cc creator?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BAHAHAHA HA once upon a time bro maybe. your girl tries to be, but uni is a pain in my bottom, and sims 3 loves making my life difficult.

do you have any simblr friends or a sim squad?

somehow i do?? more friends then irl anyway. the girl gang is @thesimperiuscurse , @lazysunjade & @amuhav these 3 have put up with me despite my crazy personality for an incredibly amount of time and i love them all dearly. but i have so many friends on here its crazy (more than 3 people its incredible!). obviously they havent seen my real personality yet. besties include: @catharsim , @plumbobem , @johziii , @rollo-rolls , @moonsonnet , oh gosh im forgetting people I AM SO SORRY I LOVE U ALL SO MUCH

do you have any sims merch?

bro i wish, but no money. spent it all on anno 1800. no regrets.

do you have a youtube for sims?

i believe formally i do, but i dont post anything. i do have some ideas if i ever wanted to, but my adhd brain couldnt cope being consistent so i probably never will.

how has your "sims style" changed throughout your years of playing?

as in sims or gameplay? idk ill talk about both. gameplay wise, not much, except im weirdly a lot more controlling then i was over my sims WHOOPS. but i still cant get passed gen 2 so that hasn't changed. but i still prefer family gameplay, probably always will. and challenges, always challenges. sims wise? a lot.

this is one of the earliest sims i have photo evidence of. this was in 2018 i believe?

whose your favourite cc creator?

the people that are the cause of most of my cc obsession are @kerriganhouse , @rollo-rolls , @johziii , @joojconverts & @martassimsbookcc and probably a few more but mind blank

how long have u had simblr?

since 2020. one of the longest things ive ever committed to.

how do you edit your pictures?

with my blood, sweat and tears. im not joking, a lot of sweat and tears goes on when im editing.

what expansion/gamepack is your faveourite?

of all time? generations, no doubt in my mind. i never had any sims 1 or sims 2 expansions, so i never got to experience those unfortunately. generations was perfection though. i mean, boarding school? lifesaver. also led to the best sims series of all time: lifesimmer's generations. for sims 4 though? probably get together, purely because of the world.

#nonsims #saviourhide #aboutkeibea #jessietalksaboutherselfagain #HELLO #GOODBYE

[underratedandoverit]

they dont see you but i do (and i love you)

~5k words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

whaddup have a secret relationship fic. this got unnecessarily long but who cares its good lol. slight shades of angst and some hurt/comfort, especially closer to the end, but its basically your usual pondering over difficult relationships stuff that you should be used from me by now if you come here often lol. oh also kris is here as ive fallen in love with writing her and i dont even know if im doing her that good LOL kip says fuck too many times. as per usual. other than that theres not really anything to warrant a high rating for it tbh

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

---------------------------

Laying on the bed, Kip eyed the ceiling opening above him, listening to the quiet sounds around him. It was just another week of this, being stuck in the hotel room, waiting for the next day to roll around so he could get to work. Take care of business there as per usual, get back to the hotel for the night, fly home the next day, and wait anxiously to repeat the whole thing next week.

It was the same thing week in and week out.

But at the same time, he didn’t really mind it in the end, Kip thought as he watched the bathroom door being pushed open, the blond walking out and approaching the bed. Cassidy plopped sitting down to the bed next to him, running a lazy hand through Kip’s brightly colored hair, the Brit sending him a tired smile.

“Long flight?” Cassidy asked, as if he hadn’t just spent like ten minutes making himself presentable after coming in from his own flight. Kip just chuckled at him quietly, scooting a bit closer as he snuggled against Cassidy’s side. He didn’t need to reply to the question, the answer was pretty obvious to both of them.

“Just happy you’re here finally,” he muttered into Cassidy’s side, the blond nodding despite knowing Kip couldn’t see the response from him. He continued to run a hand through his hair, spinning coils of it around his finger as Cassidy stared off into the distance across the room, briefly wondering why Kip hadn’t turned the television on while he had been waiting. They had arrived separately despite sharing a hotel room, like usually, not only because it would have taken one of them a good hour or two or maybe more of waiting for the other’s plane to land.

But also because the newly blossoming relationship was still a secret they were both in mutual agreement trying to kind of hold under the wraps to their coworkers and people around them, in hopes of being able to break the news when the response would have been at least a little bit less turbulent than what it would have been with them coming off from as heated of an on-screen feud as they had had the past couple of months.

Honestly at least to Cassidy it wouldn’t have been a huge surprise if some people had already started to put the pieces together, even if they had been openly sworn enemies up to just a few weeks ago. While they didn’t spend time together publicly, it was probably very obvious they were both hiding something from their own friend groups. Cassidy sure as hell knew Chuck and Trent had been asking him questions why he always disappeared so fast after the shows and never flew in early anymore for fun outings the nights before and so forth, and he always had to come up with some excuses like just wanting to spend some more time at home or the convenience of late hour flights. Kip had very similar stories to tell, and while they didn’t really have many mutual friends, surely someone at this point had started to think things. Like Cassidy had seen the way both Kris and Danhausen looked at him when he was talking about all of this.

“Clementine? Are you listening?”

Cassidy snapped out of his thoughts, looking down at the questioning look from Kip as the other man gently poked him on the thigh to gather his attention again. Cassidy shook his head a little, letting out a sigh. “Sorry. What’s up?”

“I was just thinking,” Kip started, pushing himself up into a sitting position next to him, leaning his back against the backboard of the bed. “Since I’m going to visit home next week. Why don’t you come with me? We can have a little getaway away from work together.”

Cassidy’s brows furrowed a bit as he processed the rather out of character proposal from Kip. He had been talking about going back to the UK to visit for a while now, but this was the first time he had directly made a comment about them possibly taking on this trip together, and something about him so randomly bringing this up now just felt very odd to Cassidy.

“I don’t know if I can get a whole week off.”

Kip pouted at him a little, knowing full well that wasn’t the only reason he was hesitant to immediately agree to his little proposal. “You’ve been working almost every single week for almost a year now. You can have a little time off, I’m sure. It would just be really nice to have some company.”

“Isn’t there anyone else you could ask?” Kip rolled his eyes, already knowing that Cassidy was going to try to pull as many excuses as possible to avoid being dragged along to this. “It would raise a lot of questions if we both flew to the UK at the same time when there’s nothing going on over there that we need to promote or appear in. Sharing a flight, sharing the time, sharing--”

“Yeah, okay, I get it, you don’t wanna go.” Kip turned away from him, clearly irritated by this turn of events as he leaned away, fetching the remote from the nightstand on his side of the bed, turning the television on. “You don’t have to be so rude about it.”

“It would just be suspicious if--”

“And what does that matter?” Kip asked with a sigh, Cassidy already regretting ever answering anything when this topic was brought up. “We’ve been dancing around this topic for weeks now. Is that ever going to fucking stop, or are we going to just keep this as a secret forever? It’s been like, what, two months at least now and nothing has changed except we just need to keep being more and more careful as time goes on. Do you understand how exhausting that is?”

It wasn’t really a surprise to Cassidy that Kip was bringing all of this up, and honestly he was right about it too. It had been a few weeks now, and it was wearing both of them down steadily, but surely. Constantly having to arrange things around one another but still keep being together a secret, never answering their friends questions about their free time anymore, not being able to spend time together while they were at work… It was all very exhausting, yes, but at the same time maybe that was at this point in time still better than potentially facing the backlash of bringing this whole relationship into light.

Cassidy just really had no idea how to tell all that to Kip in a way he would understand it better, especially when he knew just as well as the Brit himself did that Kip was already very well aware of all of these facts too.

“I just wish we could act like… I don’t know, fucking normal I guess, around other people too. I just want to be able to do stuff with you without it being all like this.”

Kip didn’t need to specify what “this” meant in this context, Cassidy already knew it. This was far from the first time they had talked about this, far from the first time either of them had tried to push out some ideas to maybe bring this all into the light. Cassidy less so, but nonetheless, to both of them this was an issue they needed to solve. Eventually more so for Cassidy, if he was being honest. Sure being so secretive was stressful and taxing, but at the same time he felt like this was all working out really well for the two of them, and having to bring it all out to the public when he didn’t know what kind of a general reaction they would get, was probably actually making him feel more anxious than trying to continue to hide it all for as long as possible until the world was ready to hear about the two of them in his mind.

“Whatever. Forget I even asked. I’ll just go alone, it’s fine.”

Before Cassidy could even muster an apology out of him, let alone a reply of any sort, Kip pushed himself up from the bed, picking up his bag on the way as he headed for the bathroom. A heavy sigh escaped from Cassidy as he heard the shower being turned on soon after, knowing that while the conversation was now definitely over for the night, on the long term the struggle had just started. While they hadn’t maybe been together for that long yet, he already had a very clear vision of what kind of a person Kip was especially in a relationship, and Cassidy knew full well when he set his mind onto something like this, Kip wasn’t going to let it go before he got what he wanted. Or something went terribly wrong while he was trying to get his desired results.

Cassidy just wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to give it to him yet. Eventually, obviously, if things between them went on well enough for long enough, they would make it official publicly as well to at least their friends and coworkers. But right now he still wasn’t entirely sure about it. While it didn’t feel very fast, it wasn’t like they had just gotten together yesterday, it had been a couple of weeks at this point, something about it was still off putting to him.

Maybe it was the fact that it had been a while and they were still hiding it. Obviously Kip didn’t really like that anymore, and Cassidy wasn’t even sure why they had carried it out this long. Out of habit probably, but it still felt more comfortable to him than putting it out there. Something about keeping it a secret felt safe, even if it was definitely the more taxing option, and he just wanted to cling onto that feeling maybe.

He shook his head, hand reaching for the remote as he turned the television off before proceeding to prepare himself for bed. It was obvious no more conversations were going to be had tonight, and it was late already, they really did need to sleep in order to be able to get to work tomorrow. Turning the lights off Cassidy listened to the sound of the running water coming from the bathroom as he returned to the bed, settling himself comfortably under the blanket. Kip was taking his sweet time, probably trying to distance himself from the previous conversation, giving them both time to breath. Or at least that’s what Cassidy was hoping for.

Trying to calm his own mind with a couple of deep inhales, Cassidy settled on his spot in the bed, snuggling his head against the pillow and closed his eyes. He was already tired from all the traveling and the mental toll all of this was taking on him, so it didn’t take Cassidy long to fall asleep despite the situation around him.

---------------------------

Navigating his way through backstage, Cassidy was basically looking for any possible glimpse of Kip he could. He hadn’t seen Kip since last night, by the time morning rolled around and Cassidy woke up, Kip was already gone from the hotel room. It wasn’t anything unusual for them to leave at different times to avoid suspicion, but usually they at least had breakfast together before leaving. And this morning Kip was just gone, before he even woke up, which was unusual for him, especially since usually Cassidy was the one that left first as Kip liked to sleep in and took longer in general to get ready for the day.

Cassidy didn’t blame him after what transpired the night before, but truth to be told, he was a little hurt by it all, there was no denying that. At least if something positive came out of this, Cassidy knew now fully where Kip stood with this topic, and it made it easier for him to make up his mind about it too.

Well. At least somewhat easier. Pulling the trigger on something like this especially when you had to afterwards explain to all of your friends why you had been hiding it from them for weeks wasn’t going to be easy. Cassidy already knew that at least Chuck was going to freak out at him no matter what. But at least if that happened, they would easily use his reaction as one of the key example reasons why they had decided to keep it under wraps up until this point.

Finally stopping the fruitless search and pushing the locker room door open, Cassidy was rather surprised to actually find it empty. Usually he was the last one to arrive out of their group, especially when they spent the morning hiding away at the hotel with Kip. Maybe it shouldn’t have been so surprising to him that the rest of the Best Friends hadn’t arrived yet, considering that things hadn’t happened this morning. With a sigh he flung his bag on the couch, taking a seat next to it.

He was going to get to see Kip eventually, that much was for sure. Even if he had gotten so irritated with Cassidy that he somehow would have gone through getting a whole separate hotel room, which Cassidy doubted but wasn’t completely ruling out immediately considering how last night had gone, they still had a big multi men tag team match between their respective groups happening tonight. So at least they were going to be sharing the ring tonight, if not the bed later.

Thankfully he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts for too long, as soon the door swung open again, Cassidy watching Kris stroll in, a smile landing on her face as soon as she saw the blond sitting on the couch.

“Orange! Perfect!” Cassidy just shrugged back at her as he leaned back on his seat, just kind of hoping tonight would be over quickly. Kris parked her luggage next to the couch before walking around the room, quickly checking in the shower and bathroom before returning to Cassidy. “The rest of the boys are not here yet?”

He shook his head, the smile just growing bigger on her face as Kris threw herself down on the couch next to him. “Good, I wanted to ask you something.”

Cassidy didn’t even have time to let the dread build inside of him before Kris already blurted out the words he had been hoping nobody would be directing at him any time soon.

“Sooooo you are dating someone, aren’t you?”

Cassidy didn’t need to reply, as the way he tensed up visibly at the question already told Kris everything she needed to know, making her gasp a little bit in excitement as she pushed herself up in a proper sitting position on the couch, her eyes never leaving Cassidy as she did. “I knew it! The boys didn’t believe me but I knew it!”

“Kris, please--”

“Who is it? Do I know them? How did you meet? How long have you been together? What--”

“Kris. Please.”

She pouted a little at being interrupted, but quieted down pretty fast seeing how exhausted Cassidy was already about this whole thing. The blond just sighed, removing the sunglasses from his face before he wiped a clearly frustrated hand over it, letting out the sigh.

“If I say yes, will you leave me alone?”

Kris didn’t reply, just watched as Cassidy put the sunglasses back on, trying to relax a little on his seat. He knew it was pointless to try to hide the truth from Kris at this point obviously, but this was also maybe one of the worst possible times she could have actually brought this up with him. Whatever he said, it was either not going to convince her, or she was just going to keep on asking more questions, no matter what. And Cassidy just really didn’t want to think about all of this right now.

“…Sorry.”

Cassidy glanced in her direction, watching Kris’ eyes land on her lap, her fingertips tracing the folds of her jeans as she was trying to find a direction to take this conversation. Cassidy sighed again, shaking his head a little. “It’s fine. Or whatever.”

“Sorry,” she muttered again, reflecting his sigh with a quiet one of her own. “I just got excited. We’ve been speculating about this a lot with the guys and, well…”

Her voice trailed off, but Cassidy just nodded a little. Obviously the lies he had been telling had been easy to read through, honestly he was pretty sure the only reason why Kris was the one thinking along the right lines was because of Chuck and Trent’s denial about the situation, which was probably also why she was the first one confronting him and not either of them. He couldn’t blame her though, not only because she was right, but this was obviously a fairly big deal. Big enough to potentially disrupt the group dynamic even, especially if they found out who it exactly was that Cassidy was involved with.

“…You’re right though.”

Kris looked back up at him, blinking blankly at him a couple of times as she was registering his words in her brain. Cassidy just shrugged. He had no real reason to hide it from her if she had already figured it out up to this point. Denying her the truth only to hopefully eventually bring it up again wasn’t going to leave pretty marks. “But you can’t tell them, okay? We are not…”

He stopped to think about it for a moment, shaking his head slightly. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

For what it was worth, Kip obviously seemed to want to take the next step sooner or later, way earlier than he was ready for it honestly. Cassidy understood his side of things, but then again, Kip didn’t seem to have as much hanging here as he did. He hated to say it, but Kip seemed to have much more supportive friends in this case than he did. He never complained about anyone around him probing him for extra details about his life or the times he didn’t spend around them like the people around Cassidy seemed to do. And he knew Kip loved to complain, so this wasn’t just a thing he didn’t talk to Cassidy about. It just didn’t happen at all, or even nearly to the degree it happened almost on a weekly basis at this point with Cassidy.

He sighed. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

Kris nodded her head, sending him a little encouraging smile. “Of course. Again, sorry, I got a little carried away there. Just… When you’re comfortable, okay? I would love to hear all about it. For support, not for gossip. Obviously.”

Cassidy chuckled a little, glad not only for Kris’ immediate understanding but her lighthearted way of trying to lighten up the mood. “Sure.”

“Just,” she started, eyes trailing off as she glanced around the room, slightly awkwardly trying to look at anything but Cassidy in the moment, “You don’t have to answer, of course, but… Why?” His eyes narrowed at her behind the sunglasses, Kris just shrugging a little. “Why aren’t you ready? Why is this a secret?”

He had a million answers to it that he could give to her. So many ways to say it, so many ways not to. A lie for every truth he had in him. Instead he just motioned vaguely with one lazy hand around him, watching Kris raise a brow at him. Cassidy wasn’t sure what kind of an answer she had been expecting after all that, but apparently it wasn’t really this. But the look in her eyes still told him that she got it.

“…Is it the guys?”

Neither of them was sure why Kris was even asking, as soon as the question left her lips the answer was very obvious. Even more so as almost on cue the locker room door opened again, the two people in question walking into the room, Trent following up in Chuck’s leading footsteps. As both Kris and Cassidy turned towards them Chuck froze on his spot, glancing between the two of them, it being very obvious that they had interrupted something important here.

“Sorry, bad timing?”

Both of them just shook their heads, not answering anything beyond that despite the suspicious look they gathered from Chuck.

---------------------------

He knocked on the locker room door, but was met only with silence. This was expected though and it didn’t falter his plan as Cassidy just pushed the door open, not being surprised in the slightest to find the other man sitting there, sulking all by himself. He was right where he was promised to be.

As he heard the door open, Kip glanced towards it, obviously annoyed as he had wanted to be left alone for a while, a genuine look of surprise crossing his face at the sight of his boyfriend instead of one his stablemates like he had been obviously expecting.

“Clemen--”

Kip stopped himself before the affectionate nickname slipped from his mouth, quickly turning away to hide the slight shade of pink that climbed on his cheeks. Cassidy did his best to pretend he didn’t see any of it as he walked up to the other man, in his head trying to decide if Kip was being so bashful about it because of what had transpired in the ring and he was hurt about it, or if this was about trying to not show such affection towards him in public. He wasn’t entirely sure, but it was probably a bit of both.

“What do you want? Didn’t you already mock me enough out there?”

Cassidy glanced down at the ice pack he was holding in one hand that Kip had obviously missed him carrying, carefully extending it towards Kip, placing it against the side of his face. The Brit flinched away a little, but as Cassidy insisted on holding it against him, Kip hesitantly accepted it into his own hands.

“I didn’t mean to hit you that hard. Sorry.”

Kip muttered something that sounded like an insult back at him, still refusing to look back at Cassidy. The blond observed him for a moment, finally taking a seat on the bench next to him. Kip didn’t look at him, to be honest Cassidy was pretty sure he turned a little bit more away from him actually. The blond opted out to observe his hands as the stiff silence fell in the room between the two of them, it being obvious that some of this tension needed to be relieved one way or another.

Cassidy slowly removed his sunglasses, letting out a quiet sigh.

“Look, I’m sorry. About last night.”

“No you’re not.”

Cassidy’s eyes narrowed as Kip finally turned back towards him, his eyes still wandering around to everything but to look directly at the blond. At this point Cassidy wasn’t entirely sure if the slight reddish color on his face was a blush or a potential bruise starting to form on the side of his face where the Orange Punch had landed earlier.

“You’re not sorry about what happened. I am. I’m the one that was out of line.”

Leaning forward on his seat, Kip leaned his arms against his legs, letting out a sigh. “You were right. It would be all too weird and suspicious if we did any of that. Sorry for even suggesting it.”

He ran a free hand through his hair, shaking his head a little. “I’m just… You know. Fucking tired of all of this.”

As Cassidy remained silent, both of them knowing he didn’t need to say anything to confirm to Kip that he knew exactly what he was talking about, Kip just shook his head again, turning his eyes away from Cassidy.

“I just… I don’t want to just be your dirty little secret forever.”

“You’re not my dirty little secret.” Kip snorted quietly, choosing to sulk a little beyond the shadow of the ice pack again, to avoid eye contact with Cassidy. “Well, you are a secret and definitely dirty, but you know what I mean.”

“Sure do make me feel like I am.”

Cassidy knew this game Kip was playing and how he had the way to twist his words into the way he wanted to hear them, that being nothing but the negative in this case, so he just remained silent, letting the Brit continue talking.

“I hate tiptoeing around everyone else about this or my life in general. I hate it that I can’t just find you and hold you or your hand when I want to, that I can’t just push you against the lockers to kiss you. I hate going home alone and having to wait a week to come back to you for barely a full day before repeating the lonely cycle all over again. I fucking hate all of this.”

Kip let out a soft chuckle, sounding almost disappointed in his own line of thinking. “Fuck, I hate you for making me fall in love enough to keep on doing this.”

Cassidy observed him from the side, knowing full well that everything Kip was saying was genuine, as much as it hurt to think about. Mostly because he felt the same way himself, and not only seeing but also hearing that Kip was willingly making these sacrifices because Cassidy had asked him to, every word felt like a little stab to his heart that he was just forced to take because this was his own doing.

“I know why we are doing this, but…”

“It’s tiring. I know.”

Kip finally looked directly at him, scanning the clearly tired face of the blond, almost as if to try to find some hints of insincerity, like these were just words he was saying because he knew they were ones that Kip wanted to hear, but he came short in his search.

“I don’t like this either. But it’s… It’s for the best right now.”

Kip sighed, but he nodded, knowing Cassidy wasn’t playing him just for fun. They both knew how exhausting this situation was, and the reasons for them keeping it this way, despite how it was affecting everything. They had talked about this a lot, but it didn’t make it much better for Kip, if he was being honest. He couldn’t recount the times he had straight up told Cassidy ‘fuck what anyone else thinks’, but he had still kept his promise to keep it all under the wraps. For him.

He felt a hand land on his tight, Kip’s eyes traveling down to it, a soft smile crossing his lips as he reached his free hand for it, intertwining their fingers together before squeezing Cassidy’s hand carefully.

“The fucking things I do for you,” he sighed, hearing a soft chuckle coming from Cassidy. His thumb carefully petted Kip’s, Cassidy just observing their hands sitting in Kip’s lap before he spoke up again.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something. Other than apologizing for your face.”

Kip glanced up at him, Cassidy not returning the look as he kept looking at their hands, a little smile playing on his lips as he pondered through his words.

“About what you said last night. I think I might actually take you up on that trip offer.”

Kip’s brows furrowed at him, but Cassidy just kept smiling. “Maybe it would be a good thing. Not for the potential rumors but…” He looked up, directing the smile straight at Kip, leaving no room for any misinterpretations of what he was saying. “Maybe it would be really good for us.”

Cassidy could feel Kip’s grip of his hand tighten a little, a barely noticeable amount, but the man never broke eye contact with him, looking almost surprised at his words. “Really? You… You do want to go with me?”

Cassidy shrugged, but kept on smiling. “Sure, why not? Like you said, we should spend more time together, and having this little getaway could do us some good. See if we can… Hold this together for more than two days at a time or whatever. And without having to worry about someone catching us.”

In a one fell swoop Kip dropped the ice pack from his face and his hand, with his now free hand reaching for Cassidy, pulling him closer by the back of his head for a kiss that was almost as big of a surprise to him as Cassidy’s statement just now was to Kip. Cassidy chuckled softly against the kiss, eventually returning it before Kip cut it short by pulling away again, looking away almost instantly as a shade of regret crossed his face as he realized what he had just done.

“Shit, sorry, I-I didn’t mean to. You just… Really surprised me.”

Cassidy just shrugged it off with a smile. It wasn’t uncharacteristic for Kip to act this affectionate, especially when put on a spot, but they had been extra careful and making sure such acts of affection weren’t done in public, which was the part that caught him off guard. Cassidy reached his hand for Kip’s face, landing it on his cheek, turning him back towards him.

Him blushing like that was so endearing to Cassidy.

“Your friends won’t bother us for a while. It’s alright.”

A soft smile crossed Kip’s lips, but Cassidy was sure he could see a little smirk also tucking in the corners of his mouth as Kip registered his words.

“Oh thank god.”

Before Cassidy could reply, Kip grabbed a handful of his shirt, pulling him close for another kiss, this time clearly intentional enough that Kip wasn’t going to let him go any time soon. Which suited him just fine, as Cassidy didn’t want him to, allowing his free hand to run through Kip’s hair as he let the Brit deepen the kiss.

#fic #character: orange cassidy #character: kip sabian #ship: orangekip #character: kris statlander #aew fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction

[abyssal-cryptid]

Still more thoughts about Tears of the Kingdom (SPOILERS! like seriously. in this one)

I love this game

So much

I had to find a guy for a quest but was like

"Im going to check out this well first"

AND BOOM HE WAS THERE

Alao the brown breakable rock break with one hit, blue with two and black with three

Seemingly

Matches the bombs it takes to break them

Tulin, whose village is dying, watching me search for pretty clothing

"Link please my family is dying Link we have to go Link"

The frostbite set is stunning

Finally a hairdo that lets Link have long hair

I hate the Sages

Not really but my god did they make their AI absolute trash

Theyre always in the way except when you need them to solve a puzzle

And if you have more than one Avatar present good luck getting the one you need

I HATE THE WIND TEMPLE BOSS

Not as much as I hated Queen Gibdo but

Why was crossing a spider and scorpion necessary

"Brave Fledgling"  what if I cried

Tulin is so good

So is this making it canon that the time 10 000 years ago was still after every other game

I dont know the timeline is weird

But if there was both Zora and Rito at the time of Rauru

This is so confusing

Ive both heard and seen Rauru sacrifice himself multiple times now can these dead Sages give me new info

Zelda my beloved

Marry me please

Also so the only other Demon King we have ever had was Demise so is Ganondorf him or after him

WHAT IS THE TIMELINE HERE

The Sage calls Tulin "my brave fledgling"

Someone call me something so loving one day

Tulin is so excited to be a Sage

He is so happy to fight alongside Link

Hes so happy to save the world

I love him

What a boy

Boys will be boys is from now on only about Tulin

WAIT IS EVEN HE TALLER THAN LINK

Shortest Hylian

I got a third ring

Bring a gerudo bow to this boss fight if you can it makes life so much easier

I havent been to Death Mountain at all yet

Done all other Temples and fully mapped Hyrule before ever going near Gorons

The extra snow melted

TEBA GAVE TULIN THE GREAT EAGLE BOW

IM CRYING

REVALI IM SO PROUD OF OUR BOY *shakes the ghost of Revali*

PSSHHH YUNOBO LOOKS DUMB AS SHIT

I HATE HIM

Was already my least favorite in BOTW

But now he is a major asshole too

Fuck that

Bastard

Im not helping him

Im gonna go blow up his company

If this guy becomes a Sage I swear

I'll drown him in Death Mountain myself

The ember headdress is probably the best headpiece in the entire game

The Ember set is genuinely the best set

Its so pretty

Im gonna go see what these look like dyed

After that beating up Yunobo

But fashion comes first

IF YOU DYE THE EMBER HEADSET IT DYES LINKS HAIR

BLUE HAIR LINK

PINK HAIR LINK

BEST DAY EVER

THE SAME GOES FOR THE FROST OUTFIT

I love Cece

She is the only person matching my love of fashion in this game

I just realised why the evil Zelda is wearing Zonai clothes

Omg

Smart

Or maybe Im dumb

"Oh Yunobo was wearing a mask making him evil" no Yunobo is just like that

This sucks I hate everything to do with Death Mountain

Worst place

I have to use the machines AND GO TO THE DEPTHS??? NOOO

Nintendo you will be hearing from my lawyers

When I die Im going to ask Rauru wtf were the Zonai doing in the depths

No because if youre going to have a cutscene and then make a second cutscene three steps further just fucking make it one cutscene

Yunobo is a "young little rock"

Left that for now

Found Champions leathers

Found Royal Guard boots??

They were in the king's study

King's diary wasnt there so like is it canon Zelda was able to read it?

Misko was a good guy actually, hiding all these clothes for me

Me, in the depths: I wonder where this strange Sheikah tower leads

The Yiga hideout in Akkala:

The only ancient sheikah tech still working is Hateno Tech Lab travel point

I spent some time in the depths and FOUND THE ANCIENT CENTRAL MINE

Fought Kohga

GOT AUTOBUILD

Finally the shrine censor

And travel medallion? You treat me so well

Already had that prototype

ALSO GETTIN SENSOR+ IMMEDIATLY

Badass feeling

Omg Robbie's compendium database is so cute

Got all three upgrades immediatly

Fully stocked purah pad

WAIT THREE TRAVEL MEDALLIONS???

BASED

MY FAVORITE MONEY MAKER IS BACK

I like to kill the hebra great game because they drop gourmet and prime meat and cooking those and they sell for a good price

Horse and bullet time

Many coins

Zelda's memories are so sad

Been giving my friends a fashion show of my favorite clothing

I am again so gay for Sonia and Zelda

My god

ZELDA

BABYGIRL

ZELDA I FORBID THIS

ZELDA YOU YOU

ZELDA

ZELDA

NO NO NO NO NO DONT

MY DEAREST ZELDA

ZELDA

MY LOVE

I am sobbing crying screaming

Im so upset

Zelda being the light dragon is so unfair for her

She deserved happiness and freedom

Not losing her humanity and personhood

YOU CAN MAKE ELEMENTAL WHIPS

Kinky

I went into the strange thunder cloud

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

Why is it taking me into the depths

Not again

Alright Sage of Spirit

I'll make your mech suit for you

That took a while

But owl head statue

Mineru my beloved

Oh.my god this is hell

Worst part of this game so far

EASILY

DONT MAKE ME FUCKING CONTROL THIS WHEN THE CONTROLS ARE THE WORST THING EVER CONCIEVED

Im leaving this temple also undone I DONT CARE THIS FUCKING SUCKS

I hate it

Fuck this

Why do game devs come up with shitty awful bad as hell stuff to do in their games AND MAKE THAT MANDATORY

I just quit the game no lie

Fuck that

I did it and I was being dramatic, it wasnt that hard

Mineru is so goddamn gorgeous

They designed this game for me specifically

I should get back to drawing furries

Mineru holding my hand which is her brother's hand

Tears

Mineru I love her

I have not beaten Fire Temple yet

I just cant

Depths

Darkness and puzzles and fire

Also dont like Yunobo

I feel so bad for Mineru

Zelda :(

Why doesnt Link get a secret stone

RAURU WAS MINERU'S LITTLE BROTHER ::'ÖÖ

Where did Zelda's special stone come from when its a time stone and Ganon stole Sonia's time stone

Mineru I will not go get the Master Sword

Demon Ganon is hot idc

RAURU WHY WOULD YOU

Ganon: "Link. I look forward to meeting him" goes into slumber

Damn all of Rauru disintergrated but his hand

I have to find the light dragon

Eugh

The dragons dont have schedules in this apparently

Sadly

Mineru so was in love w Zelda

Everyone is putting too much weight on Link's shoulders

Fine I'll finish the fire temple

*2 hours later* I hate it here

I did scam those puzzles as much as I could

Worst puzzles

Worst boss too

Marbled gohma

Fucking awful

I nearly died about 11 times

Rip my food storages

I really need to cook more

Special stone for Yunobo booo

Little rock is adorable pet name tho

Ancestor Goron is fine af

WHY DOES NO ONE MENTION THE DIVINE BEASTS BUT YOU CAN FIND THE DIVINE BEAST HELMS AND NO ONE MENTIONS THE BEASTS

Ive heard this story four times now

Fucking hell cant we get anything new

Someone give me a 200k word fanfic where Ganon awakens but is not evil

I need Ganon Zelda Link friendship

End the cycle

Watching Brian David Gilbert and Unraveleds rn

LMAO YUNOBO'S SPECIAL STONE IS ON HIS DICK

We have established this is not a PG channel

Ok fine I like Yunobo

Daruk was better tho

Ive found most memories why cant I say anything to these people about thats not Zelda

I know Zelda is the light dragon

Running around Hyrule Castle for 'Zelda'

About to do bossfight w Ganon

Can I do a flurry rush? No

I just hit or die

Life is like that

No clever tactiques just caveman brain and trying

Evil "Zelda" is fun

Why is Ganon like one of those movie posters here

Why is he still not rehydrated

Ganon I have dick to suck hurry up

"You will not live to see another sunrise" Ganon the sun is rising rn

Woo Phantom Ganons

Fuck yeah

Lets see if I can kill them aka can I finally take on Gloom Hands (I wont)

Ganon's so arrogant

YAY MY FRIENDS ARE HERE

FUCK YEAH

I LOVE YOU ALL

MY SAGE BUDDIES

Not Lynels

Still the hardest enemy in game

Ok so if youve found Mineru and have the Master Sword already, the convo after the fake Ganon fight Purah goes "Youve already found the fifth sage? AND you have the master sword? Why didnt you say so before"

Usually youd get quests for those

It was funny

Why is the limit of horses I can have ten ::((

The Charged shirt is actually so so slutty I love it

IT GLOWS IN THUNDER STORMS

FUCK YEAH

So I finally cleared The Deku Tree's little stomach bug

And like it is so funny how easy the Gloom Hands and Phantom Ganon become when youre in late game

I was sweating about it and then it was so easy

And Im bad at combat

Ok not to brag but I killed a white lynel. First time ever. Also first time ever I killed a lynel without Urbosa's help

#tears of the kingdom #legend of zelda #spoilers

[transfaguette]

this might be sort of a nonsense question but like. im asking this as someone who has toyed with the thought that they are probably trans for eight years, how do you Know? and how do you get the confidence to like. Do anything about it, regardless of what exactly that means for you?

if you dont feel comfortable answering this sort of question thats totally fine. if you are i really appreciate it. and if you dont want to but think your followers might i think itd be really helpful to me to see multiple peoples takes... if its not obvious i feel sort of like ive been lost for several years

no problem, I don't mind at all.

I didn't have the experience that others do where they've known since childhood. It sort of hit me all at once around middle school/high school, but looking back it made a lot of other things make a lot of sense.

I'd spent a lot of my life up until that point (and getting better, but still even today) very dissociated. I felt like I was living inside of my head, and allowing myself to be present in relationships and life in general was really hard. I had this episode of extreme dissociation one day and I just...felt like the real me was supposed to be a boy. That was when I started entertaining the idea that I might be trans (i was maybe 14 or 15). It took a while of struggling with that revelation, but I then asked myself this:

Would I be happy living the rest of my life as a girl?

And the answer was just "no." Anytime since then that I've struggled with my identity, I come back to that question, and the answer has always been that firm "no."

What it all comes down to me is not "are you suffering in the right way" but "how can you make yourself happy." And not just content, but truly happy. Trans joy is so real and visceral because we get to experience that true, fundamental happiness for the first time after putting up with discontent for so long. The best thing I can say is listen to yourself, because your heart probably knows what it wants the most.

#asks #transgender #queer #questioning #trans joy

[sunnybubblezzz]

im just gonna rant bc no one’s gonna see this anyway

ughhh idk its such a weird feeling to know that im drifting apart with one of my closest friends. its so dumb because we’ve only known each other for like a year or two but mann i put so much effort into them.

its the gifts that i spent so much on getting for you, the not hanging out with my other friends to talk to you instead, the late nights we spent texting, the pinterest board i made about you that i deleted now, the music you got me to listen to, the shows i watched for you, the books i read for you, and ugh i just dont know.

and it sucks because its probably all in my head. im probably just overthinking but like still. it kinda hurts because we used to talk everyday and i realize i barely know anything about her.

i would tell them everything i did, and i mean like everything.. and yet, when they’re in another country they dont even tell me?? i just wish i could ask.. why?

they put so much effort into hanging out with all their other friends besides me. i lowkey just felt like such a a side tool if that makes sense.

maybe i should have put more effort into making plans for us? was it my fault?

and its like to see a movie.. they would rather invite their other friends besides me. like i wouldnt care, but she said she would watch it with me. i told you you should invite them…. and you invite them yet dont invite me.

and i dont care about that movie. I COULD CARE LESS about it. but it’s the fact that you didnt even think to ask. you didnt want me to go and i realized that but man didnt you think that would hurt just a little? or did you just think i wouldn’t know.

i lowkey wonder why you never post me on your stories. why dont you ever take pictures of me-with me... is it because i’m not pretty enough? because you’re ashamed to hang out with me? its funny, i’ve never heard you call me pretty. i dont know why your opinion mattered so much to me.

we used to talk daily.

now we haven’t talked in what feels like so long.

you used to know so much about me, i used to know sooo much about you. now i dont even know how you spent your christmas, how you spent your new years. honestly, i dont even know if ill get a birthday wish from you.

my birthday’s in three days.. happy birthday to me ig..

but you know what, i still love you

i will always always love you.

and even if i know that i love you more then you will ever love me. im still so happy for all those moments we spent together. because i LOVED YOU. and ive never ever loved anyone else who isn’t in my family, like i loved you.

but i was just a stop on the way to your soulmate.

#personal rant

[weeniebagel]

Top 20 favorite Magic cards?

i dont play magic much at all anymore because i hate secret lairs but i do still sometimes run games of pauper or commander or paupermander

idk if ill list 20 cards but heres some favorites (under a read more because it may be a bit lengthy idk)

i like it when commander games are fast and everybody feels like they get a chance to play. this? does that. ramps you and each other player. lets you get consistent lands without explicitly making one player gain a massive advantage. gets you MAJOR brownie points at the table while making it all run smoothly. and just 2 mana! if im playing white i typically run this

mono black devotion is a very fun deck in pauper. being able to drop this guy each turn 4 turns in a row is a surefire way to make me smile like an idiot. being able to bounce em in multiplayer is nice, too, without feeling too busted usually. i appreciate indirect damage

when i first learned about paupermander (commander but you only use commons and an uncommon creature for your commander) i immediately set out to make something heinous. my first deck i popped together in just a few minutes was a lil midrangey elves and goblins deck, that just so happened to have a few infinite damage combos to wipe out any other player. ive since made even stronger decks that i like more, but grumgully will always have a special place in my heart

i like merfolk! theyre a fun tribal to run in lots of lil formats. true name is especially satisfying as a way to enforce pressure on heavily defended players. i like a lot of merfolk cards but this one comes to mind for some reason

first pauper deck i ever tried and enjoyed? blue green fog. favorite part of it? having 8 fog effects with just one playset of this one card. felt good to know i could pop some fogs consistently for p darn cheap.

my first time played legacy, i tried out monored prison. i managed to simian spirit guide and city of traitors into a turn one blood moon and my opponent who had a grip full of exclusively fetch lands just conceded turn 0. never before have i played with as perfect a balance of time spent playing to enjoyment. sorry for enjoying stun but i do

commander is full of fun creatures to build decks around, but grenzo is probably my all time favorite. it feels so nice to just pop stuff out of the bottom of your library for 2 mana. theyres so many strong cards with just 2 power! hell, even MORE with 3! its soooo satisfying to just play fast and wild and chaotic and let the cards flow how they may. sure it can be optimized so you get nutty and consistent combos, but personally its satisfying to open up the box and see what i get.

now, on the subject of favorite commanders, accidentally making a super strong food deck sure was something. im at the point with deckbuilding where even tryin to make something functional but not *too* strong is impossible, since synergies are so nutty these days.

stuffing this guy (and similar effects, really) into any deck just feels good. i love indirect damage and control effects since i tend to stack up creatures to defend myself more than anything, so consistent ways to blow up the table without hedging too many risks is nice. its a lil bull, honestly, but it works for me.

if im playing mono red i always run valakut. its that simple. i have very little nonbasics in mono red, so i can rock valakut and feel chuffed when i get to ping people down for just playing lands. i try not to avoid landfall decks because theyre just rewarding you for doing things every deck wants to do, but i do like valakut as a small bonus

last one because im tired. sometimes friends want to play a commander game and im not in the mood for something long. as such, i decide to get hectic and see what silly things i can get away with. if i can kill the whole table in one turn im happy, even if im dying at the same time. funny every time, really.

i still check out new sets but i dont play all that much. i just play on cockatrice with buddies these days, but i am looking into other TCGs these days. recently got a digimon deck built lol

#long post

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

big long rant abt how happy i am rn but its LONG ^_^

holy shit . its a sunday evening and im somehow SO FUCKING HAPPY. like. nnothing even HAPPENED today i just had A GOOD DAY IN GENERAL this is incredible. like. i watched a nice tv episode and saw a funny video and played some minecraft and hollow knight and watched a fuckin crazy jrwi episode and woke up before the sun and felt the wind and watched the sun and heard the birds and. man. and tomorrow i know i have school and thats not even ruining my mood at all. because i have history. and my history teacher is nice. and he wont mind that i havent done any of the work because he gets it. and he explains things in interesting ways and hes kind and he never shouts and its the only class i not only feel comfortable asking questions, but where i WANT to ask questions because hes NICE about questions and i usually probably wouldnt care abt the shit were learning abt but he tells it like its actually REAL and not just a sheet of information. and im just happy. and whilst i didnt finish my codeflippa drawing like i hoped i would, i think ive come to terms w the fact i dont think i wanna ever Finish it, bc my creativity for it died down. i think ill just surround it in a few more flippa doodles n then post it bc ITSF FINE !!!! man. and like. i think ive remembered how it felt to be 5 again. when everything was SO EXCITING and i had no worries about the future because the only thing that EXISTED was here and now. and the world WAS big and scary but it was also incredible and interesting and full of light and colour and. like right now i can smell dinner cooking and for once im taking a moment to feel excited about that. because YES dinner happens everyday but !!! isnt it great that theres gonna be food soon !!!!!! and ill be able to eat it and i hope its smth i like. my sense of smell DID get fucked up 2 years ago BUT THAT ONLY MEANS DINNERS EVEN MORE OF A SURPRISE !!! it smells vaguely of HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT IT SMELLS LIKE THAT ONE CHICKEN DISH I HAD A LOT LIKE 5 YEARS AGO it most likely isnt that but ica nt belive i remember what that smells like . and like !!!! right now im listening tot he celeste soundtrack AND ITS SO GOOD !!!!!!! and MUSIC SOUNDS SO GOOD !!!!! and i played minecraft today and i tamed a dog called. smth. i havent named it yet. and a cat named smth toast related bc i was rlly hungry 4 toast and then i saw it. and i found out there r 3 seperate villages all really close to my base and i built a farm with potatoes and carrots and wheat and i mined for ages and realised my sense of direction in minecraft maybe isnt as bad as i thought it was because i spent like 2 hours in a cave and got utterly lost, but still knew which way west was. and i played a little hollow knight and didnt do too much but got across greenpath because i started a new save yesterday where i did all of crossroads. and if i play more hk later im gonna complete greenpath (or atleast what u can do b4 any other areas). and i saw my cat this morning !!!! and he was so friendly and he went meow meow meow and i went meow meow meow. and i just watched the new DW episode and !!!!! it was rlly good !!!!! ofCOURSEit had its moments of :/ BUT THAT DW FOR U IT ALWAYS HAS ITS :/ MOMENTS but it was SO good !!!!!!! and i love life sm rn and i can hum along to celeste music and my room is a good temperature and. my face ghurts bc ive been smilng so much. but im happy ^_^ and who knows how ill feel later tonight but what matters is that RIGHT NOW i m so in love witht he world :3

#night thoughts

[overflowchute]

venting

legitimately all i fucking want is to have a normal fucking life and be happy and i can't even have that because i'm fucking poor and i can't afford literally anything that'd make my life better, and now i have to face an insanely high bill that'll make everything in my life harder and the worst bit is that legitimately i don't know what the fuck i;m going to do if it happens again. it'll probably cost like 3000 dollars or something just to get this dealt with at the dealership and then what do i even do with my car? i don't want to drive it to work anymore which makes this job so much more frustrating, but i need to keep working it because otherwise i won't have any money at all. ive been interviewing for all these better jobs that im hopeful about but they're all way more distant and now they're just utterly not an option for me if i can't drive!!! im stuck with this stupid fucking job where im going to have to take the bus and change my entire schedule to fit it every day, let alone considering the 30 minute walks im going to half to take to get to the nearest grocery store...

ok, well, maybe when i get my car ill only drive it to the grocery store because it wasn't stolen for 3 months until i started leaving it at work all day... but im still just. i dont know what to do. i really dont know what to do. im legitimately just crying in bed like an idiot instead of being able to get to sleep because what the fuck is there even for me to say. what am i going to do at the service appointment tomorrow, ask them how long they can hold my car because i don't have any fucking money? how am i supposed to just keep on walking through life normally and go to work when everything's become so much harder? i worked 11 hours today at 15 dollars an hour, that's 158 dollars without counting my lunch break, and then i spent 200 dollars getting my fucking car towed to the dealership so i literally went negative today. i havent had more than 3000 dollars since i was getting scholarships at school and now i have to imagine dumping that much to replace something that could get easily stolen yet again at a moment's notice

like what the fuck am i supposed to do. get a whole new car that doesnt have as likely a chance of seeing its converter stolen? buy one of those stupid 200 dollar shields that only might stop a determined thief, despite the fact that those converters can go for like 700 dollars on the resale market? i can't fucking do any of that because i'm fuucking poor and i'm going to have to work like a month just to deal with the current situation, let alone trying to figure out a way to not have to deal with it anymore, LET ALONE any of the things i wanted to fucking save up money to be able to do

it's just actually fucking hopeless like life is just misery and suffering ok

#narfvent

[pigeons-and-pebbles]

!vent!

god im so tired

today's been a Fucking Day, i've had like three separate anxiety attacks, been completely convinced i've been dead my entire life and this whole world is some fucked-up afterlife and i need to tell an adult that i figured out the truth of the world and i can't tell my friends the truth because they can't know yadda yadda so on and so forth, thrown a couple less-than-to-approximately hour-long phases of feeling completely numb into the mix, had some instances of both overwhelm and sadness, and still managed to be happy for some bits?? and im probably forgetting A Lot too

[edit: oh how could i forget i woke up at 6:30 to a message my suicidal friend sent at like two in the morning containing a link to a tiktok asking how i would feel if i woke up one day and they were gone, so i spent the first hour of my day crying because i thought they had offed themself in the middle of the night, but then they texted back and they were fine

also one of the anxiety attacks caused me to not speak for like an hour so that was Fun. anyway]

ive been tired since like one in the afternoon from all this and life just kept going and now its after 9 p.m. and i still need to talk to my mom and get her help setting up therapy so thats gonna be fun

anyway heres a link to a fic i wrote a month ago where i literally took my evening and slapped Character's name on it because i could. peace besties love ya'll <3

#vent post #tw death mention #ask to tag #ao3 link ig #yeah idk what to tag anymore #whatever its fine lmao #im going to go talk to my mom now #night fam