#ive been really hard on myself and my art recently and im trying not to be

[pl4n]

#my art #ive been so jsvgjsnsndjbdjks #just a big ol jumble of kahsjdbskdhi #and i wanna draw more but im so uninspired aahhaah #i kinda wanna do some studies or smth but ahhhh idk i also just wanna lie in bed when i can #i so tire #but being lazy and bored is also so exhausting haha it feeds itself #so yeah itd be good to try to push myself a bit in my free time to do smth kinda fun chill engaging #its crazy bc theres so much that i could be doing but i have such a hard time being self motivated... #so outside motivation like work or friends is the only reason i do literally anything #which sucks bc i have a lot of things id like to be able to do on my own but yeah. idk why its so hard to do things for myself #that being said if anyone sees this and wants to do lil drawing challenges or trades or smth together that might be niceee #im sort of painfully shy online haha tho im not so much irl #i think the thing abt it for me is the feeling of creating these lil digital footprints #like if i send a message or make a post its just preserved like that... forever.. actually i recently looked at emails from my childhood #and its really cool to see a slice of the past like that but still. idk why it bothers me tbh. i just never got used to it #memories fade and warp over time right? so it really feels like existing in the world and talking to people is just a passing moment #it doesnt really feel that way w the internet. as small and insignificant these small imprints might be #and im really just being neurotic but yeah. maybe i dont like the feeling of taking up space and slowly widening it with every little step #yea thats neurotic fr LOLL #anyways im really rambling away in these tags haha but if ima post this art anyway its such a good excuse to ramble into a void :D #and a good way to practice existing on the internet. im sure ill get used to it

[1980ssunflower]

oh god

#vent #i feel like im going to throw up my mom is just telling me to learn how to work w ai art programs since by the time im her age #ai art is going to completely take over all art jobs #and i need to learn that since thats all art is gonna be apparently #if the world really gets to that point id fucking kill myself why would i want to live in a world like that HOW COULD I LIVE IN A WORLD #LIKE THAT I FCANT BREATHE ITS TOO MUCH I CANT TAKE IT #I DONT WANT THIS I DONT WANT THIS I NEED THIS AI SHIT TO STOP I DONT KNOW HOW ILL LIVE IF ALL MY ART ENDS UP MEANING NOTHING #IF ALL THE YEARS IVE PUT INTO ALL MY HOBBIES MEANS FUCKING NOTHING BECAUSE AI TAKES OVER IT ALL #i cant live in a world like that i genuinely cant i wouldnt want to live if i couldnt... really be an artist anymore if ai really just #takes my job as an artist ive been working towards #drawing is the only thing i have... #and i cant be a musician cause i fucking hate the music industry right now #its already so hard for me trying to live in this present day but if things got even further in this bullshit i dont know how id live #sorry for talking so much i just feel scared and panicked #why would my mom say this shit to me i recently told her how scared i was at the idea of ai taking away my dream as an artist

[straawberries]

I AM GOING TO BE KICKED OUT IN 6 MONTHS AND I AM NOT MAKING MONEY FAST ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO AVOID HOMELESSNESS

hey girls its me again. ill.. try to keep this brief? as brief as i can atleast.

if you havent seen my previous posts, hi, my name is delilah, im an autistic transgirl system with ptsd thats living in an abusive household where im barely fed and am constantly miserable, and to top it all off, the second my birthday hits on JUNE 1 2024, i am going to be kicked out. i want to make around $2000 dollars before then, but i only have about $350 right now. at my current rate, i wont be able to reach my goal, and i dont know how im going to get housing if i dont. to repeat in big text so people pay attention:

if i do not get about $1700 more in donations before june 1 2024, i am going to be homeless.

im trying.. really hard to not give up but its looking bleak. because i live in a small town in texas where everyone knows that im an autistic trans loser, ive been unable to get a job, and ive been forced to do this. i dont enjoy being forced to rely on other people's kindness, but its the best and atp really the only option i have.

C*SH*PP - @delilahswagga

P*YP*L - @delilahkill

i make pixel art too! dm me if youre interested, i do most things including furries/anthros, humans, chibi/dolls, backgrounds and scenes, and small animations

a lot of scams claiming things like this have been going around, so ill talk about myself some. click the readmore if you want to read that.

i have a really big love for performing, i fell in love with theatre years ago and performed the addams family musical as fester about a month ago as my biggest role on stage yet, and right now im in the process of getting ready for antigone as teiresius. i love music, and its one of my life goals to learn as many instruments as possible, and currently i own quite a few, though my favorites are my two ukuleles and my super cool electric guitar. i have 8 partners at the moment, and i have a very big desire to one day live with as many of them as i can. i pride myself on being the best partner i can be, and its been my goal to make all my partner's lives better (and i think ive been doing a good job at it :3)

i love cats an extreme amount, ive never had a cat myself (because my dad is insane and hates cats and tries to hit cats with his truck) but being around cats makes me super happy and always makes my anxieties go away, even when im having an anxiety attack or a panic attack. i really hope i can get a few cats one day, and i want to give them all silly food names :) my fursona is kind of a reflection of that, her name is bagel. some cat names ive thought of are mochi, chili, Supreme Pizza, or maybe french fry :)

im not sure if ill be able to achieve any of my goals if i dont get the financial support i need. ive been.. really close to giving up recently, but i dont want to have to do that, so im going to fight like this for as long as i can.

#trans #autistic #actually autistic #help needed #urgent #mutual aid #financial aid #commissions #pixel art #pixel gif

[epiicaricacy-arts]

oh we’re still so young, desperate for attention

this was super experimental so i will talk about my process (+ clearer version) under the cut

i’ve been looking at a lot of “messier” or more textured painting styles recently and an artist that stuck out to me is clariondeluna ! they posted a self-portrait recently that i really liked and i was super interested in the brushwork seen in their work. i love all the textures and how the shapes feel so loose yet everything is so detailed.

that’s not a method for me at all!!!! i cannot paint like that at all and the stuff i like to paint is very different to theirs. which is okay!!!! i had no intention to copy this artists style so closely like with what i tried to do in my raiden painting, i just wanted to try this style out :^)

it’s been a goal of mine to avoid over-rendering like i tend to do a lot, and i think i’ve been doing good with that recently! the mindset i’ve got going on right now is that if i find myself staring at it too hard for too long, i have to leave it and move on. if there’s still something wrong with it, i can fix it later once ive got a fresh view!

i’ve been trying a lot of things with my art this year. i always try to challenge myself with each piece, and to end the year off i wanted to be as uncomfortable as i possibly could be with this painting. i let myself draw whatever i wanted because i still wanted to enjoy it, but everything i did in this process was new, including parts of the subject matter.

i’ve never drawn a head at an angle like this, and i struggle with drawing mouths open. i don’t do bold lighting like this, and if i do, it’s not fire. i’ve never drawn fire! i also rarely work with warm colours and i hate using green, so i combined those to be my colour palette. i like working cleanly so instead of having a dozen different layers for one section, each section only had 1-2 layers for rendering. instead of clipping masks i would simply paint over things loosely and clean it up later. i never like having limbs cut off in a drawing so i had his other arm go GOD knows where. i don’t like weird patterned backgrounds so i made myself figure out how to like it!

IS THIS MY FAVOURITE PIECE OF ALL TIME. no. absolutely not. but i’m very proud of how this came out with all the challenges i put on myself. i WANTED to get better at these things and be more broad with my art, both in terms of the styles and subjects i portray.

okay let’s talk about wtf this drawing is

for those who don’t know, the design in this painting is my fatui/“Father” lyney fan design (read the design post here). the concept isnt super complicated and i don’t really have much explanation for it, but i wanted to combine the story of how lyney wanted a delusion before getting his vision, fire eating circus acts and how olympic medalists will bite their medal to prove it’s real??? don’t quote me on that i’m like 75% sure that’s a thing that happens. i don’t watch sports though so im just believing someone i heard on the internet ages ago.

anyways. i think fire eating acts are cool. and i think the fact that lyney wanted a delusion is very interesting to me. scratches my brain in the right places. and yk as a magician lyneys character revolves a lot around fooling people and creating illusions so i guess what im saying here is that lyney is trying to prove to himself that this power he’s been bestowed is real. bc his whole life his only constant has been lynette so he is trying to see if he can trust this new power. cause i guess this is an alternate universe where lyney does eventually become “Father” but he never got his vision ??? idk im not making lore for this i just wanted to dress up this funny little guy.

ok i’m done

thanks for reading

here’s my dog

#my art #fanart #genshin impact #genshin fanart #lyney #genshin lyney #lyney fanart #digital art #artists on tumblr #artists of tumblr

[stilettomafiosas]

If you don't mind my asking; how did you develop your art style? I've been trying to work on developing my own style but I don't know where to even start. Your style seems so well developed, and I utterly adore it.

;w; its so kind of you to say so!! thank you!! I wish I could offer some insightful or exciting advice haha but I do have a short and a long answer!

the short answer: its the boring yet tried and true tip youll hear from everyone 😭😭 it all comes from a lot of practice over a lot of time!!

i kind of hate hearing that too because it seems dismissive BUT the practice isnt just drawing as much as possible, its also looking at art from other people, paying attention to the colors n shapes n composition around you, and at times just Thinking...

the long answer: style is ... hard to pinpoint! and in some ways, aiming to have your own very distinct style (and that being your main goal) can be restricting. focusing on that can keep you in a box of what's recognizable as Yours and hesitant to experiment or make changes. Ive seen some people who get hung up on making themselves a Brand draw no differently today than they did 10 years ago because they admit making changes or venturing into new subjects/styles "flop".... (and if your livelihood comes from selling art or merchandise and you rely on engagement to pay your bills thats another thing but as a hobby artist myself im talking more about a goal of just getting better at your craft in a way that makes you, personally, happy and satisfied and proud of it vs making what an audience wants to see and feeling rejected in pursuing other creative endeavors)

a lot of style development just progresses naturally over time as you absorb more art around you and train your mind to distinctly pick out what you like about other artwork and why. :] its all about the influence and how you incorporate that into your own work! so many of my artistic choices come from other artists, and the more you draw and the more you study other art, it becomes something thats a unique blend of You, even if not necessarily something immediately and strikingly unique that anyone could recognize as yours, its You cuz of the choices made in it and all the influences you enjoyed enough to pick up.

for me, it was pretty much doing studies + compiling an "inspiration/reference" folder (for doing studies) :3 ive been doing that since I was in elementary school and just drawing on loose leaf college ruled paper... I started out copying drawings in the funny papers we got on sundays, going to the library to get those "history of disney" kinda books that show a lot of cels or concept art, googling looney tunes screenshots to copy... it was So much copy, copy, copy. in my teen years it was shonen jump, i'd trace panels from naruto and one piece and shaman king, i'd freehand it, i'd redraw pages in my own way... and more recently ive kept it up with other interests (opening a catalog of model cars and filling sketchbook pages with car drawings... taking photos of cool scenery or bugs i see and blocking out the composition to figure out Why it looks appealing... going through an invertebrate zoology textbook and drawing creatures to understand their shapes/distinguishing features so i can anthropomorphize them in fun ways)

it might seem contradictory that spending a lot of time copying stuff leads to something thats your own but it does!! so much of art really does come from that internal library you build up, and building it up happens thru all that observation and exercising your hand to match up movements with the images in your head, and gaining experience + refining memory of how certain things are built or shaped or constructed. thats probably the number one tip i'd give to anyone who wants art advice... get a little sketchbook thats JUST for your eyes, and fill it totally up with stuff you copy. youll learn SO much and feel really refreshed for your own original works!

and if you feel discouraged, keep in mind that things tend to look better from an outside perspective! you see my art as having a developed style, and i very much appreciate that comment cuz to me, it's jumbled haha. i can draw the same character in very different ways in the same day... even the way i draw hands varies depending on what set of ocs I'm playing with. each of my stories presents some different artistic choices, and draws from a few different inspirations, so even if all the characters and the ways i draw them are recognizable as my art, they would still look a bit strange if they were all together because I have multiple "styles" ehehe

so in short, rock on with making art thats enjoyable for you and dont let an idealistic goal of a distinct style hinder you from having fun with the process & being proud of what you make. cuz honestly if you hold out waiting for the moment of realization that youve developed a style, you might never have that moment! not for lack of having anything distinct about your art, but just because its natural to be more critical and lost in the details of your own work than an audience would be. you likely already have aspects in your art that are recognizable as yours! consistency is good in some regards (like animation or comics) but dont be hesitant about trying things that are new or drastically different from your usual!

#asks

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

a note on my commissions ~

so fun fact i hate making posts like this but i kinda have to. so.

over the last few months i have felt like Garbage. i have been chronically tired and exhausted. its been taking a very serious toll on me mentally (or the other way around? cant tell); i can be perfectly fine one minute and within the next hour i can barely communicate with or tolerate anyone else. my ocd has been impacting my daily life much more than usual to the point that has made functioning inside and outside of my home an immense struggle. it has taken up much of my mental space and makes focusing incredibly difficult. i believe this is also what has led me to stop drawing, stop enjoying drawing, and writing, too

i recently had a family emergency that required my full attention, and it made me realize just how exhausted i really am. it put me out of commission way more than it should have and it has been a nightmare catching up again. it's hard to tell if i am trying to get back at it too soon, or if there truly is something wrong, but it has made me realize that im pushing myself more than i need to

commissions have been a serious part of the stress ive been trying to ignore. im not great at "being chill," especially during an emergency, so instead of putting it on the backburner and separating my responsibilities, it all goes into one pot and boils over. with this said, i have a lot of changes coming in the next few months of this semester that will required my attention as well

so, for the next few months, ill be closing my commissions. of course i will honor current commissions--though they may take longer than normal--and event hosts please feel free to reach out to me in that time! theres always a chance ill be up to one or two, but, for now, its something i need to take off my plate as a full time responsibility

i dont tend to like these types of posts because i enjoy keeping my fandom life strictly for fandom, and i hate being perceived, but this has also been a way for me to admit these struggles to myself, which i hope will prove to be somewhat freeing

its hard to tell if i will be on less or more than normal. my characters have always been a place of creativity and escapism for me, but i also tend to use it as a distraction from my problems, which just leads to nothing getting done, which turns into more stress, and therefore more problems. i still of course will be around and be posting regularly, but it's hard to tell exactly how im going to go about all of this

thanks for reading if you got this far and i hope to be back to my regular art and fic posting soon (with the hope that im able to regain my time, energy, and love for those mediums)

#personal

[oekaki-chan]

hi clef!! i first stumbled upon your art on twitter via a comic tutorial you posted. i finally decided play AA a month ago and remembered about your art and thankfully found your account again. After also finding your tumblr,, its just. wow. going through people's art tags is always a journey, especially when theres stuff in it that are older than a decade, haha. i just wanna say that your improvement over time motivates me to keep drawing, as ive been recently studying forms and shapes in other people's art, and yours is definitely one of the best examples. As im taking a gap year to work on a portfolio for college, i finally had the proper opportunity to start studying art as i wanted.

i mainly wanted to ask- when drawing, what types of references do you use for character poses? they always seem really natural but also have that "homemade feeling"- as in applied really well into an art style. The way you draw expressions is also really immaculate! I was wondering (if its alright with you), whether if you have tips on that too?

thank you regardless, and i hope you have a great day!

I hope this doesn't come off as bragging because honestly when I'm drawing poses I almost never use references 😭💦 During my art journey I conditioned myself to draw without references because my parents didn't allow me to have internet access until I went to high school, it was hard to get references for drawing so it was mostly just "frick around and see what happens", I just tried to project whatever I have in mind into the canvas 😂 Instead of training my eyeballing skill, I ended up training my muscle memory and the way I imagine poses in my head (that's why I'm a bit bad with realism drawing because I have bad eyeballing and real-time observation skills).

I do use references sometimes when the pose is a bit hard to get because it has many foreshortenings and hidden parts like this Diavolo doodle I made, but I studied the reference instead of tracing it so I can get a better gist of how things work in case I'll need to draw the same pose again in the future. (Also I hate that whenever I try to find some references for a specific pose google suggested me porn sites instead zzzz)

But I'm not saying using references is wrong, not at all 😭!! It's just my way of drawing! I'm lazy and get distracted easily once I'm scrolling the internet pages, it's also why I don't usually use 3D models in CSP because trying to get the right pose with that may take a while and the outcome isn't really worth the time because it often looks stiff, weightless, and unnatural.

And same goes for expressions! I think being a (somewhat) avid manga reader extends my visual library for expression (and um, I think drawing steamy stuff helps too because you can practice drawing exaggerated expressions and poses, just make sure you're not drawing the same type of expression and pose/angle over and over 😳💦)

I hope this helps and I'm sorry it got a bit long 😭😭!!

#ask #tutorial

[silentshadowbl0g]

text update 06-2023

hey yall! thanks for the nice tags on my recent art- a big reminder that i am pretty active on twitter @sadmachlne666 (the i is a lower case L) and i usually post art regularly, sometimes still warriors, but usually its whatever im into

as far as personal life, the mods and I have had a really hard past couple of years, but we’re doing our best to keep going.

Orion and i spent the whole month of October together last year, and we both plan on visiting Heck soon. I believe they’re both still technically mods here but I’ll be really surprised to see them answer anything, as they’ve both pretty much washed their hands clean of warrior cats or anything of the like.

I’m moving out of my parents house FINALLY- I’ll be moving in a 3 bedroom with two other friends of mine this upcoming July, im super excited.

(Everythings been paid off except the first bill due the first of July, im okay with money but my commissions ARE still open, i just may be slow getting to them cause im busy with preparations and my irl job. if you cant comm me, please consider reblogging the comm price post! thanks!)

As for Silentshadow’s Path- all ive done the past few years is brainstorm TBH! i have a very loose world and story built in my head but ive yet to nail anything down- mostly just the characters and their motivations and roles in the story. Trying to keep everything as it was when it was warrior-ifed is pretty hard, but i have to remind myself ive been working on these characters since 2013, its gonna be hard to change a world overnight (for me anyway).

So ive been thinking- i might just abandon this blog and make a new one? go back to my roots, make new references for everyone (everyone im keeping anyway. remember i made over 200 characters for this story??)

I’m tempted to just private/archive this blog, its what i wanna do but i know lots of fans, including my friends even, enjoy going back and just looking through this blog every now and then- id hate to take it away from anyone.

But as of now, even though im a bit too busy to draw and sit down and chat, Id love to interact with you guys again, feel free to send me some asks every now and then if you have any questions. I’ll let yall know what i do in the future- probably after im moved into my new apartment! Thanks for an amazing couple of years this whole project was.

#geez what did i tag text posts again? #oh well

[forecast0ctopus]

hi there, I love your art! if you have time to answer, I was wondering if you have any tips or recommendations for drawing in a more expressive or cartoony style? I've been drawing for years but I always get caught up in the weeds and end up adding way too many details that don't necessarily look bad, but are too stiff and over-detailed. I really admire the way you capture so much in such clean lines, if you have any thoughts or advice I would love to hear them - thanks for sharing your art, have a great day!

ah thanks so much, i really appreciate it!! i totally get where youre coming from tho, i really tend to get caught up in the small things too (the amount of sketch layers i have on finished things is stupid lmao). anyways yes theres a few things i do to help myself out of that pattern!! im not all that great at putting things into words but hopefully the pictures help haha putting it under the cut because it'll probably end up long sorry

i cant speak for everybody but this is what i do! heres how i tend to approach my initial sketches:

i like to keep it minimal here so i can focus on the pose over everything else, i try to do it in one pass and not worry about the anatomy. usually i do a few of these kind of sketches before i figure out something i like. also something ive found recently is that, for me, zooming in and doing these sketches really tiny helps because i dont have the space to add in detail. i do this a lot when i thumbnail a sequence to storyboard (usually on paper tho) and it helps me focus on the idea over the drawing

after that i like to focus on shapes!

if theyre a character with loose fitting clothes i usually won't sketch out much anatomy and just get into the shapes of the clothes bc then i dont get too particular with proportions and all. im gonna state here that this is not an excuse to not study anatomy tho and the reason that this works out for me is because i have studied it haha

getting into details of things, i kind of try to walk the line between too little and too much? like with clothes the details i like to get are wrinkles at bent joints and obvious seams. with wrinkles i try to only do one, maybe two, because it can get excessive fast.

seams are really good for establishing the direction things are facing, like to read volume in 3D space. the ones ill pretty much always include (unless theyre not present in the clothing worn) are shoulder seams and pants seams. in my experience shoulder seams are great at telling the fit of a shirt without a ton of detail!

lmao heres a collage of expressions for an example. as far as faces go i like to exaggerate mouths and eyebrows a lot lmao its kind of hard for me to put into words my process here. i really like dot eyes bc i feel like i can do a lot with em in combination with lines. tho i dont usually use em on finished artwork. eyebrows and mouth are primarily what i use to establish a facial expression, though sometimes ill throw in a scrunched nose if the expression calls for it.

the whole "clean lines" bit really does help with making sure things dont look too cluttered, and the way to approach that for me is doing your line in just one stroke (maybe two if u want it darker but thats besides the point lmao) but yeah drawing from your shoulder, not having a hairy line, etc really helps not clutter your drawing anyways i think thats about it for expressiveness and clean lines idk if youve got anything more to ask ill answer to the best of my ability

TL;DR i try to focus on shapes and pose, and putting in just enough details to make action/expression read well

#ask #anon #i hope this is what you were looking for? im not that great at putting things into words haha #sorry i took a min to get to this ask haha i had to figure out what i wanted to say

[dwn012]

laptop threw a fit so im on mobile and my rp acct hi confession time for a third time. recently ive been super stressed abt writing Quick bc i feel i can never quite achieve that ideal version of my interpretation of him? i have to like literally confine myself to write him bc im super talkative and emotional and its just so hard in practice augh o|< fr i played myself when i decided to pick up Ariga Quick as a muse

i feel i can never quite achieve that ideal version of my interpretation of him?

I know confession time isn't exactly for advice but at least hear me out: You might be putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. From one creative to another I know what that feels like- it's a sisyphusian problem of working up, up, up towards that ideal version of our vision only to look back and see we never left the starting line.

The thing is, that trying to create that ideal version of our creative idea just... It's not going to happen. It was like that with Heat's headcanon piece, sure it was perfect when I decided to publish it but you end up looking back with new experience and new knowledge that changes your creative thinking and suddenly it's not so perfect anymore. The thing about your Quick (and I don't want to try and exactly characterize him here, you know him better than I do) is that, to me hes an enigma, hes something completely disconnected from you or I and I think that's where the issues start to arise.

i have to like literally confine myself to write him bc im super talkative and emotional and its just so hard in practice

You said it here, that your portrayal is completely different from you making it so hard in practice to get that accurate interpretation. I think you should really reassess what you want out of having Quick as a muse- Do you want to have fun? Do you want to be strong? Why are you writing him in the first place?

The thing I've learned recently, with my more recent writing is that I'm not writing to be accurate to anything (you really can't, not with mega man oh NO) and as much as I try to educate myself on current and known science regarding the robotics field (I still need to finish that article)-

Sometimes something is just. Cool. It's badass, it hits that certain spot that makes you sit up in your chair or shift because the energy you just got thinking about that idea was too much to handle.

You were the one who told me that rp is all about fun, it's a game! It's art. I wanna return the favor and say maybe what you're trying to do is not make Quick accurate, but fun. Maybe then you'll find your ideal portrayal.

#I HOPE. #THIS MAKES SENSE I ACTUALLY HAD TO REWRITE ALL OF THIS #I also hope im not stepping out of line ;o; do say something if im misunderstanding the problem #but i remember while researching being stressed out trying to get the perfect idea of the robot masters- how they work #how modern technology would apply to them #I wanted it to be accurate to the technical level #that was (And admittedly still is) my ideal portrayal of all the rms i look into #but ive realized sometimes thats just not fun. sometimes the rule of cool is king #I hope Quick reaches that pinnacle for you #of what you want out of him #<3<3<3 #i dont have emojis i hope if anything this made you feel better Willow ;u; #I cant wait to see what you do with him when you get back in your groove!!

[radiovisual]

are you going to come back?

((I keep telling myself im going to, but im not sure. Im especially unhappy with how this blog was written and how it looks at the moment, bc theres a lot of things id Want to change before getting back into rp here, but I have no energy or motivation to do so 😔 my art block from last year is Still ongoing, im still deeply fixated on other fandoms, and VERY recently I had an epiphany of some kind and haven't been able to stop paying attention to the news, bc anxieties about what's happening in Gaza/the West Bank, Sudan, and Chile, and not to mention this next American presidential election, have me reassessing my priorities in life, ykwim?))

((Im still around technically, i wont be deleting this blog or anything, im just in kind of a tough spot, mentally+emotionally+physically, and that makes it hard to get reinvested in something like this.))

((There's also the factor of... feeling rather restricted in this community. It's not any particular person or group of ppls fault, people are entitled to feel however they want around fictional subjects and themes, but i know that the types of things that i like to write and rp are dark and mature, and this fandom [despite the Nature of the show itself and the topics it covers] tends to attract a lot of very aggressive, very judgemental people -- as im sure youre all aware 😂 i found some friends here, but even still, a lot of the time i know i Can't get into the kind of stuff i ACTUALLY want to write, because most of the ppl in this community would [at least, way back when,] assume that That kind of writing means I'm a bad, dangerous person who wants to engage with those themes in real life 🙃. Which isn't to say anyone is Wrong for avoiding me if darker themes trigger them, by all means PLEASE block me for your sanity if thats what you have to do!! but when most all of those Exact Themes are LITERALLY, graphically present in the show, now, it's like. Idk man whats going on! Why are you here! if sexually abusive relationships bother these fans so much, then Why are they in THIS fandom of all places instead of somewhere tangibly Safer for their sanity, yk???))

(( i don't know. Maybe im just a brat, but ive always felt a little put out by the Hazbin community online. Its extremely self policing and isolating trying to find people i can feel comfortable talk to about my ideas, so ive kind of... given up and moved on, found a nice group of Freaks to be perverted about the Avatar sequel instead lmao))

((So... idk. I guess we'll see. But im very sorry it may have been wishful thinking when i said id come back. I really, truly meant it at the time -- things just changed 💔, both in me And in the community. And maybe theyll change again, idk!but i Do know there's people in this overarching Hazbin Tumblr RP community who don't like me very much (which is Okay), and I don't want to force myself to walk on eggshells anymore -- so I'm won't💪😎))

((I adored my time here while i was active, whuch it why i wont delete it -- i go back to re read threads all the time! -- but unless there's a group of sexual weirdos developing that i could fall in with AND I can find a way to balance this with the rest of my life, im still gonna be on this indefinite hiatus 💀👍 sorry))

((Btw -- Palestinians are in desperate need of e-SIMs to keep in touch with their loved ones and to organize humanitarian aid within the Gaza strip itself -- if any of you have a few spare dollars, please consider getting involved. I know the news is very quiet rn, especially if you're in America like me, but let me make this very clear; We are. kind of sort of Already IN World War Three. Russia and China and the global south are finally starting to hold the west accountable and the west is failing a shitting its pants about it Spectacularly. The world order is literally shifting. There's not one, but SEVERAL major international conflicts brewing right now, as America is sliding into fascism at break neck speed bc Genocide Joe is finally realizing he's probably not going to get re-elected [on account of all the genocide] on TOP of finally seeing the tangible effects of climate change. South America and Australia are on FIRE. Like NEVER before.))

((Never Again is Now. We could be going over the temperature "tipping point" of the planet BY 2030. now is NOT the time to be wallowing in escapism, no matter how much we desperately need/want it. If there is EVER a time to get involved with the real world and to take a step back from the internet and high stress fandom bullshit, it is NOW. No matter what Side of these issues you stand on, EVERYONE needs to be voting, everyone needs to be paying attention.))

(( if you can't afford esims [no shame, i often can't either, money is tight everywhere], then at the very least get This website open in your tabs. It generates revenue with free Daily clicks, the proceeds of which are all sent to UN organizations -- particularly UNRWA, which is VITAL to maintain not only getting aid INTO Gaza, but also retaining Palestinians legal right to return to their land -- without UNRWA, Isreal can begin to LEGALLY, haphazardly "deport" Palestinians, which would take YEARS to reverse through future court proceedings. Do your part, it only takes a few seconds a day 💪🌱))

((Alright, thats all! Sorry if you wanted a short sweet answer, but ive actually been ruminating on all of this, so thank you for this ask, for giving me a chance to talk about it all. Im happy to see this community thriving in the wake of Season 1, even if im not joining in myself -- you all keep up the great work, and keep having fun with it ❤ let it empower you to explore the value of Charlie's message and think of ways to impliment it in your daily life And on the world at large‼))

#{ ooc } #{ answered }

[facade]

vent long personal heavy ok

it’s really helpless and crushing how im always cornered back to the same sad answer of how i should have considered the future earlier. my legs are in so much pain, im crying from how much my body aches and im simply told, you shouldn’t have been in your room all day — despite the fact i wasn’t allowed to go outside, and there was seldom walking space in our awful house. i was always sick, and always dizzy. it is crazy how dangerous black mold can be and yet we had a complete infestation of that and more. i want to consider pursuing a career ive had since i was a child though, im so passionate about art and i still am which might be a blessing considering how much commissions are hurting me mentally and perhaps physically .. opening several, several batches a year, constantly cramming them.. i think i want to do college. but i didn’t take on the scholarship i had when i graduated! i didn’t take the aid that covered my first year.. truthfully i didn’t think id make it so far. im insecure, im suicidal, im fragile. the past decade, i could barely get through anything without crying. it was humiliating to exist as i was in middle and highschool due to the living situation i was in, with no money and feeling i had no true support or even solidarity with my own mother, who must have been under much more stress than i was, trying to provide for her child. but still didn’t sympathize with me at all. the situation was hard, but i should have worked harder .. honestly, i do feel selfish for not having taken advantage of my moms effort to keep me in school, but ahhhhhh, i think it was just too much. i didn’t want to live like this. i was ashamed and disgusted, i still feel discomfort associating myself with that life. i cling to childhood and youth and traditions i missed out on because i lacked so much of that routine as a kid. is it so wrong to cry and want to die that you never got to experience a proper, loving christmas like everyone in your schools did ? no toys, no cable, only a tiiiny tiny laptop (like a 2008 chromebook-like thing) to keep me busy.. i wasn’t allowed to go outside of my own house to play with the dog, nor was I allowed to have anyone come over. wasn’t allowed to visit other people’s houses… not like i remember of that much anyways, as i barely remember anything from childhood except mortifying things.. i recently saw a way to connect to my mother by opening up. i confessed to her a lot of things as i was a mute child and never shared anything, never felt comfortable to — about how it affected me, about how i feel like im in stasis. i told her about what happened between me and my father, what happened between me and my brother, and i felt empty when she looked away from me and didn’t answer. No closure or comfort, and simply said that i should have taken advantage of my opportunities when I had them. And i have sabotaged myself. nothing else can explain for my disability, my mental health, and my plummeting education.

It took me 6 years to get an ID. 5 years to get a bank account. I don’t know how to learn how to drive and I am scared but I have to. i cannot go anywhere without someone’s help, primarily hers.

it feels too unfair, and i am still grieving for every year that passes by, even the previous year, that i am still locked in a house. i have never experienced much that i can call positive memories until i went to be with my best friend and my boyfriend. but that just made the memories painful too; when I think about how I have to end the trip. Board the plane or get in the car, and cry about how I have to go back home and be with my mother. it is not normal, to dread going back there so intensely. i wish i had a different life very badly, honestly, but a comfort i have now is that i think i am now strong emotionally and legally that i can make my own plans, manage my own bank, decide who i can visit without the permission of my mother. but. that is not because of my strength, and it is actually because she is sick. and she now has cancer as of september. I feel like i have been held in my mothers arms forced still for an entire two decades and the only reason she’s let go is because she is, her health is not well. And she has prepared me this week, a conversation of where to find her records, her files, her will, her passwords. Everything, if she passes away soon. i want to sleep forever, because i don’t want to wake up to a day wondering if it will happen soon. I don’t want to be in this position. I am scared. I wish I was with people I loved who loved me. i am shaking and sad. I wish I was too drained to cry anymore because I do it too much, for years. I wish I wasn’t such a sad person. I wish I wasn’t so miserable, I wish I had more happier things to think about when people ask me how I am. I feel miserably

I was gifted breath of the wild a couple years ago, now i am finally playing it. it helps i think. i really enjoy it most for the animal interaction and cooking and exploration.

[rinhaler]

The anon who just found out u were fuwushiguro here!!

Yes I absolutely understand the frustration from not performing as well with follower count to likes ratio - as an artist who used to be quite popular and likes went from thousands to only like seventy. At some point you feel like you’re not doing it for you, but actually for others. I’m happy you realised the happiness can come from writing and not only hate.

The friend who left you I can also relate to a bit, my ex best friend of 6 years also left me quite recently and it was like there was an empty hole in me because even if you’re not friends anymore, your brain can’t quite handle the change. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but the greatest challenge is to not only hold yourself to one person but to be open and try new possibilities, and that’s what you’ve seemed to done! You have new friends, new mental attitude, and a brand new beautiful blog (that I love the theme of btw!!!) You’re doing great and will continue to do so, because if there are 100 rinhaler fans I’m one of them, if there are 10 rinhaler fans I’m one of them and if there are none, I’m dead.

Also to the question you had, idk it’s just the way you describe certain things..? It’s hard to explain, I have about 50 fanfic blogs that I really love the writing of and fuwushiguro was one of them. Your world building, character description as well as development, SO GOOD!! And your wusyaname series was amazing, I used to check your blog religiously for any updates, and I’m happy you’re reuploading them here bc now I’m gonna reread them every week!

Also the way you wrote yuuji in the aita!sukuna fic was extremely similar to the first few chapters in wusyaname before he goes on that trip (if I remember right)

Have a great day/night :D

omg ARTIST AAAAAA im obsessed I'd love to see your stuff if you ever feel comfortable sharing with me sometime but no pressure ofc! I know it's very personal! ive been trying to get more into art but im finding it hard to balance practicing art stuff and writing. I also have massive art insecurity bc I don't think I'm good enough (same with my writing) so I totally understand if u wanna keep it all to yourself but go you for being a talented babe <3

interactions on tumblr suck and I'm starting to be able to tell myself it's purely luck what performs well and what doesn't, so I'm finding it a lot easier to write things I actually want to write now rather than what I think my followers will like.

Also yeah in regard to my friend, we were online friends and we'd only known each other for around two years but god i adored her and i still do tbh. I think about her and our memories all of the time we were so so close so her decision to just randomly cut me off really hurt. I'd love to talk to her again but I know I have to respect her decision and I wish her the best!

It's been a good opportunity to get back into writing so at least something nice has come from something so sad. And I love this little space so much! I'm glad you like my theme! It was greenish at first n i was like nope this aint the one i am a pink girl through and through!

ALSO AAAA THE WAY IM BLUSHING ABT AITA YUUJI BEING LIKE WUSYANAME YUUJI UR SO RIGHT 😩 definitely not intentional but god maybe i missed him more than i thought! I'm so excited to be reposting it though it's going to be like living through the magic of it all again and hearing what everyone thinks and stuff! I haven't read it in so long so I feel like I'm right there with you all hehehe

anyway thank you for supporting me always ur literally the best i adore u pls take care of urself mwah mwah mwah

#💌 — luxe mail

[joleneghoul]

Just talking abt frustrations: transphobia and ableism talk.

Life has been really hard for me lately (which ig is nothing new, but I've been through multiple deaths and shit recently etc, etc my business) and then whenever I go online or turn on the tv or anything its people calling for elimination of people like me and people i care about people i consider family. Everywhere i look people are trying to control what others can do with their OWN bodies.

I'm 23, im not old, but ive been through this a lot, ive been around people my whole life who have faced this stuff too. My fathers best friends were gay men his age as well as my uncle. I heard stories of bar horror stories, police, etc. Those men are the reason im an artist today and would buy me gifts when we couldnt afford anything.

Chronic lifelong illness runs in the family both ways and ive had friends and family die and disappear and so have people before me because of the lack of care, hate, and biases from professionals.

I have had mentors who were older gay people when i was a child who are the only reason im here today. When I was a teenager a lot of these anti trans bills were in their baby steps, like bathroom bills etc, i know the loneliness and pain that comes with it and hopelessness. My bisexual art teacher would sit with me during lunch and tell me she was scared too.

Im trans im disabled i have reproductive health issues i have hormone issues i am sick, me and my body are allowed to fucking exist.

I struggle to talk about it myself because these are difficult and scary things and i am not in the safest place myself right now, but it is important now more than ever to speak up and care for others and listen to people and their experiences.

Being alone is one of the deadliest things at times like these, but nobody truly is. Trans people have always existed and always will, even if you don't see them. People you will never know or meet will be there with you, existing.

#death mentions also

[menalez]

Hii mena! Its okay if i rant for a bit? 😭 i peaked (more or less) recently and it feels so. isolating i guess. It has done wonders for my mental health and my self esteem though! The pressure of being femenine and wearing make up and shaving and trying to fit in etc is gone (at least the pressure i used to put on myself) so ive stopped feeling like shit whenever i had to conform to any of that. The problem is that the entirety of my circle of friends, whom i love dearly, are libfems and very alligned with gender ideology (we live in a VERY gendie positive place). So. While i obviously hang out and talk a lot with them Ive started to get weird looks from them whenever i wear smth that shows my unshaved legs or critique anything having to do with idk plastic surgery and diets (thats a topic that idk why comes up A LOT because some of them like to discuss which procedures would they like to get and how much they cost anddd i didnt realize why i felt so uneasy with that and how fucked up it is until i peaked i guess). Ive tried gently critiqueing it whenever it came up, because i honestly feel like my self esteem drops whenever they start to talk about it, but i only receive weird looks and eye rolls and whatevs. And like. I love them, i really do, and its really hard for me to make friends and im lucky to have them. But lately whenever i get back home from hanging with them i feel ugly and dirty and inadequate and like maybe i should either stop talking to them or start shaving and fitting in again. Idk. One of them texted me today and asked if im still a girl or im nonbinary. I just wish they would listen to me and my perspective but im really afraid that i will labeled as a terf because thats like instant harassment at the art college im going rn. This is really badly worded and im sorry but im kind of a mess :") i just wanted to know if you have any word of advice. Thanks in advance :(

congrats on reaching this point anon!! your friends sound .. awful honestly. but you should know their logic and what will get through to them better than me, especially since you held similar beliefs relatively recently. if it were me i would’ve answered that friend asking if ur nonbinary by first asking her why she asked that and why she thinks that. if she points out stuff like body hair or not wearing makeup or not being feminine, i’d say that those things don’t mean someone isn’t a woman & it’s enforcing gender roles to say they’re necessary for women to do. use their language and their logic when contradicting them. when criticising plastic surgery, think of what they care about and what would make them listen. if they’re anti-capitalism bring up how it’s a capitalist ploy. if they care about feminism, talk about how plastic surgery advertising involves fuelling the insecurities of women for profit. it depends on what their priorities are and u can bring up many things to appeal to what they care about. if they care about ur feelings u can also try to find a way to gently tell them that they’ve been making u feel insecure / bad about urself and it makes it hard for u to live ur life as u want to. hopefully they’d at the very least respect that, if not … perhaps finding new friends even if difficult is better for u

[jeffbytes]

i wud like to spend a bit more time on tumblr, i've just got this weird feeling hanging over me that i'm sure is bollocks and my dear moots and friends would be here regardless but my two cents 🏃‍♂️

while i do still self ship and have f/os, it's not been a mainline activity for me in a long time, even art as a whole has sidelined this year to building on my irl connections, playing videogames, volunteering, travelling and generally just doing stuff offline other than drawing. i've branched out into so many new subsections of myself whilst battling something extremely distressing in terms of a fuck up with my HRT so i've been so distant from everything 😖

i'm waffling anyway. how do i phrase this? there's still a point to my friends still being here. right? like even if i do post art occassionally i know many folks followed for my self ships and it's not always gunna be that these days. i fear i've outgrown myself or something and i'm past my prime and my content would no longer be of any interest or something and in general i just feel like i'm losing touch with everything as all my focus and attention has been drawn towards fixing this HUGELY detrimental HRT issue ive been placed in, moving into new hobbies and interests, i fear my relevancy is drawing to a close, i guess.

i dont even know what i want out of this post or if anyone'll even read it no ones obligated to, i just hope even as i (metaphorically speaking, im already having so much trouble with the physical) transition into a new person, i'll still have my friends and mutuals with me and i'll be supported in everything i do and everything i am, rather than just my self ships, i guess

at present it's not something i'm massively dedicated to and i am actually relieved, as i was getting way too deep into it and was actively damaging my mental health and the hobbyist side of selfshipping was all but lost for me. the few bits i do make now feel healthy and balanced with my newer self and i just really hope this better more healed version of me isnt a disappointment for anyone. ;; i cant really think of how else to phrase it. felt like a disappointment to everyone i know recently even when i'm trying so darn hard to see the best in me and the person i've become. i'm proud of my personal growth but now the question remains - at what cost ;;

a rhetorical if u want, no ones obliged to answer that. just wanted that off my chest before i tried to make a more consistent return, even if it's just reblogs of interests i have or art of whatever i feel like doodling that week, if i feel like doodling at all :') ty

#jeffs personal posts #long post #iiiiiii guess #feedback if u want to but no ones obliged to #an ask or a post reply i disabled reblogs for the obvious reasons :')