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innerpostmentality · 3 years

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On the 8th day of ficmas…. Loose at Edenbrook a Naughty Elf with a Santa Suit

An Open Heart inspired fiction featuring Ethan Ramsey and (MC) Tia Sheldon Words around 1700 Warnings: this follows Ethan and Tia after my Kinky Cards 2020 submission so it is M- erotica All rights to Pixelberry characters and settings are acknowledged Thanks to emichelle and leelee10898 for organizing this and for their patience with me. 12 Days of Fictmas Tag list

Writers : @texaskitten30 @leelee10898 @emichelle @zaffrenotes @alj4890 @burnsoslow @kat-tia801 @darley1101 @msjr0119 @annekebbphotography @god-save-the-keen @plumeriavibes @ofpixelsandscribbles @camillemontespan @ao719 @cocomaxley @cordoniansgonewild @twinkleallnight @the-soot-sprite @cordoniantrash @axwalker @innerpostmentality @lucy-268 @janezillow @katedrakeohd

Readers : @mom2000aggie @sfb123 @bbrandy2002 @debramcg1106 @desireepow-1986 @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject @drariellevalentine @tornbetween2loves

Tia was looking over the detailed list that Sienna had given her, checking it twice, she grinned and couldn’t keep herself from softly whisper signing “… makin’ a list, checkin’ it twice…. Dum de dum dum.. So naughty, but nice…” She slipped a small neatly wrapped silver brocade package with a tag that read “Merry Christmas Dr. Ramsey From: Your naughty Elf” into the large red shoulder pack that she’d been filling with the small tins of cookies and treats that Sienna had made’ and other small packages for staff and patients who were having to spend this Christmas at Edenbrook. She pulled her phone out to check the time and frowned, it was later than she thought, and she had missed a call from Rafael who was supposed to be their Santa Claus. She sighed and called him back. Rafael picked up on the first ring. ”Tia? I’m so sorry. I’ve got a fever.. I thought I’d be better once I got a shower and some coffee but it’s gotten worse. I don’t think I should do this. I don’t want to get anyone sick.” Tia could hear the congestion and sadness in his voice. “Oh no. I’m so sorry you’re sick, Raphael. I understand. We’ll find someone. Just take care of yourself. Lots of fluids and plenty of rest. Doctors orders! We’re going to have a little New Year get together. You get better and we’ll see you there.” She looked forlornly at the Santa costume draped over her desk. Then a mischievous grin settled on her face as she pulled out her phone and called Ethan. ________________________________ “This is all bass ackwards if you ask me.” Theodore Sheldon kept his dark eyes on the road as he grumbled. “… driving half-way across the country so we can at least meet this guy. AFTER they are already engaged! Two weeks before the wedding!... What if we didn’t want to come for Christmas? Maybe we would have liked to come for Thanksgiving! Maybe we already had plans for Christmas.” Marie’s smile was a soft, private one as she glanced up from her book and over at her handsome, ranting, husband. The years had made him a perfect fit for the term debonair with a kiss of salt and pepper in his hair but only a single streak of white in his immaculately trimmed beard. He was usually very calm and genial perhaps with the exception of any suitors of their only child, Tia. Then all the proud, incredibly protective papa came full to the fore. “Did we, mi Amor?” “No. But that isn’t the point. He didn’t ask. He should have asked. We should know this man who is taking our Tia. He could be a complete fraud. Some charlatan out to take advantage of her. He’s too old for her. Something is wrong with a man never married and 38 years old. Maybe he is married. Left his wife and their kids in a trailer park in Detroit looking for greener pastures.” “Theo, Stop it!” Marie shut her book app and frowned over at the mature man now pulling a face a five-year old sulking boy would be proud of. “You know better. The moment you got off the phone with Tia when she told us they were engaged you Googled him. You know he’s a renowned doctor. He’s a good man, Theo. And Tia is in love with him. Be happy for them. You know they were off on vacation when he proposed. And this works perfectly. We’ll get to spend Christmas and New Years and then the wedding the next week with them. It’s a lovely holiday for us the way this is working out.” She reached over and gently stroked his arm. “Te amo, Theo. I’m looking forward to exploring Boston with you mi Amor.” “He should have asked…” he grumbled but patted his wife’s hand on his arm. _________________________________ Ethan was reviewing the cases that had come into the ER that morning. Thankfully they were all treat and release. A few minor burns, some cuts that required stitches but not surgery. A kid that swallowed a marble. Another with a broken toe and some pretty bad scrapes who was trying out his new skate board. Slow was always good in the ER. But it was so slow that he was having too much time to be anxious about meeting Tia’s parents later. It was a strange feeling for him, wanting to impress… well anyone besides Tia. Then his phone rang and he smiled as he answered, “Hello Tia. Have you heard when your parents will be arriving?” “Ah. No. I think this afternoon or evening. But I have a problem I was hoping you might help me with. If you’re not too busy.” “It’s been blessedly slow so far today. I was just reviewing cases. I think I have a bit before the afternoon food poisoning cases start arriving. I’ll join you in a minute.” _____________________________ He was wearing fake hair, bells and a fat suit. Seven years of medical school three years of residency, Published seven times in the American Journal of Medicine. Two text books published on Diagnostic Methodology and the Interpretation of Diagnostic Modeling. He was wearing fake hair, bells, and a fat suit, and a grin as his very naughty elf bounced up to him jingling in her little green velvet elf suit with her peppermint knee sock clad legs, his ring on her finger, and bells bedecking the pointy toes of her green elf shoes struggling to carry a giant red sack that had presents sticking out of the top. “Tia? Put that down and let’s find a cart. I do not want either of us getting a hernia for Christmas. It would definitely interfere with you making this up to me later.” A few minutes later they settled on an empty IV tree as a Santa bag holder and went wheeling the bag through the halls distributing the assortment of goodies to the staff, popping in to occupied rooms and giving patients little gifts that didn’t violate dietary restrictions and brought lots of smiles to faces. As they left the last room Tia grinned and held the small silver box up. “Only one left. Say’s it’s for Dr. Ramsey. I guess we should go to his office and see if he’s there…” Ethan raised a brow and his bright eyes twinkled with amusement. “Lead the way.” Tia smirked and sashayed her way to the elevator. She paused for a moment before hitting the button for the 4th floor. The moment the elevator doors closed Ethan pulled her to him and kissed her. “4th floor is diagnostics not emergency.” He murmured as he let her go and the elevator door opened. Tia sighed and giggled. Then led him down the hall toward her office stopping by the door just before hers. “I think you should open the present now.” Ethan broke the tape seal and opened the box as his gaze held hers. Finally he looked down. There was a note, and a skimpy bit of green lace underwear wrapped around a key. ‘Look what I’m NOT wearing, just for you! Doctor Banerji pulled a few strings and got us adjacent offices!’ He slid the key in the lock and opened the door to the darkened office letting her go in first. Shutting the door behind them he slipped his arms around her as he whispered, “I love you, my naughty elf.” “Ummm… I love you too, Ethan. Thank you for doing this.” She kissed him sweetly then deepened the kiss.

He slid his hands down her back then below her skirt and found her bare bottom. Lifting her she wrapped her legs around him so he could carry her. She giggled softly as he carried her across the room to the desk, kissing her all the way. He set her down on the desk then stepped away and started wrestling his way out of the Santa suit. “Hurry, Ethan. I need you.” she purred at him in the darkness. “This damn suit is not cooperating.” The fat padding was attached with Velcro to a spandex body suit. He tried taking the spandex off without removing the fat pads first but that wasn’t working so he rolled the spandex back up and started ripping the fat pads off. “I can’t see a damn thing.” Tia giggled as she heard the rrrrrip, rrrrip of Velcro separating. A few minutes later his hands cupped her face and he was kissing her again. Her hands explored the warmth of his bare chest and then wandered lower caressing his growing stiffness. His fingers found her wetness a moment later as he slipped one and then a second finger into her, curling them up and stroking across her g spot. He heard her breathing change and soft mewls marked the nearing crest of her passion. His voice was very low, “Lie back Darling. I need to be in you now.” He pulled his fingers from her even as she guided his velvety hardness into her. His arm slipped beneath her to protect her from the edge of the desk as he began to thrust. Ethan knew all the mechanics and still the wonder and marvel of making love to this precious woman shattered him and remade him every time. “Ethan… Ethan… I … “ Her back arched and he felt the storm within her clench around him and he was gone. “Tia..” He held her to him tightly releasing deeply in her. “I..” They both heard the knock and Sienna’s voice in the hallway. “Tia?” “I’m not sure exactly where she is, Mr. and Mrs. Sheldon. Maybe she’s down in Dr. Ramsey’s office. Let’s check there. I know they were going to be distributing gifts but I think they already finished.” …….. Merry Christmas!.....

#choices #choices 12 days of fictmas #12 days of fictmas 2020 #open heart #choices ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #choices open heart

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dxaxt · 3 years

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*Cue dramatics*

Ok, here it goes...

4 years ago I was in a mentally (slightly physical relationship). He was a well-liked man despite others knowing of his abusive patterns towards other women. I am willing to admit that this is all my fault.

Initially I added him on Facebook because I thought he was really cute then we transitioned to instagram in which led to him writing me first. We were both in rotting relationships so we weren’t going to make anything official. After a couple of weeks texting & video chatting we met up.

The first red flag was when I would go to his house & two of his friends would randomly come. He told me they were randomly coming & I told him I’ll just leave. He joked & said, “Its not like we’re gonna rape you... Just meet them.” I told him that I wasn’t thinking that but now the thought of it was circulating in my head. Ive been sexually assaulted a few times in my life & the thought of it happening again was terrifying. I stayed an extra 5 minutes anyway (like a true dumbass). The second red flag would be him texting another girl while he was holding me.

The third red flag reared its ugly head the second time we met up. He was close to being drunk, sipping away at the little Hennessy bottle he had. He kept asking me to drink & I kept refusing. We smoked together & then started kissing. He started moving his hands into my shirt & I tried to stop him but he convinced me that it’ll be fine so I gave in. It didn’t last long (thankfully) & he still kept trying to convince me that it was fine. I left shortly afterwards. He would begin to talk to me less & less & after a week of him ignoring me going by I decided to leave him alone. Suddenly he has a change of heart & decides to chase after me. We’d have sex again & he would tell me that he was in love with me. No one has ever been in love with me before & to hear those words made me cry so I forced myself to believe him. We were fine for a few days then he’d go back to completely ignoring me.

I want to say a month passed by & we still weren’t talking. I found myself texting him sometimes & only sometimes id get a reply. He’d say things like, “I love you.” “Im busy at work” “Thinking of you” & I was eating it up like cake; this was beyond a red flag.

The fifth red flag would be when I was hanging out with one of my friends & we saw him with another woman, who happened to be about 10 years our senior (he & I are the same age). I would later learn that he’s attacked her in front of 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 woman before. He acted as if he didn’t know me & we were in each other’s faces as if we were going to fight. He threatened to kill me. I lacked the love in myself to leave him alone then & decided to torment myself for the next 2 1/2 years.

The man had a plethora of other women. A bunch of his exes couldn’t seem to let go of him. He would still see some of them from time to time & I would see him less & less. He would complain about how often he saw me even though we saw each other once or twice every other week. One time he came straight to me right after having sex with another woman. I smelled her residue on him. I would at this point start to see other people in between that time. He would act jealous so naturally I stopped seeing other people. My friends begged me to stop talking to him but I couldn’t at the time. All of my friends had someone or were barely speaking to me which led to a few fallouts but he was always there.

There was a time again where he ignored me for about two months. At this point I had lost my mind; I was giving out his address & phone numbers to random people on dating apps which led to him moving a few times. He randomly decided to show up to my house which led to a slight altercation. He shoved me into the wall twice because I was on the way to help him pack up his clothes so he can get dressed & leave. He was drunk (of course) so I decided to give him a big ass bottle of Vodka to encourage him to leave.

We’d get into another altercation outside. He was playing mind games so I decided to approach him about it in person, waiting in an area I knew he’d be in. He threatened to stab me & took out his switch blade, putting it on his side, the side that was closer to my leg. I took out my taser & put it close to his neck area. Slowly we both drew down our weapons & the rest of the evening he’d cat call to this woman who was flirting with him back. He’d ask me if I want to have sex by the train & I told him no. He proceeded to return text messages back to some person that was texting him paragraphs. I caught a few glimpses of the words; “Please stop doing this to me.” “I love you.” Those words were familiar. I decided to just walk away from him & he followed after me.

At that point I was beginning to ignore him. I was seeing someone else who was also a terrible human being (long story short he recorded us having sex with my consent but without my consent he was posting it on his private snapchat and sending it to his ex along with a few other women he was involved with + finding out he had abused this other woman) & that lasted for about a month. He would start to text me from random numbers, begging to see me & how much he missed me. I decided to see him & things seemed a bit ok between us.

We started fighting again & then I’d learn of him dating a 15/16 year old girl (he & I were 23 at the time) a week after seeing him. I was completely mortified. The girl would start to flirt with me & confide in me about him had hitting her before & how much they were in love. Eventually things would turn sour cause she told me how she slept with his friend & then I told him & it turned into this big whole argument over the phone with all three of them degrading me, calling me racial slurs, the whole nine. I left him alone completely after this in which led to him stalking me.

He would pass by a friend i had at the time’s job a few times, starring at her through the window. Private calls popping in here & there followed by threats of all kinds. At one point his underage girlfriend would text me pretending to be him through these burner numbers. A few months after their relationship ended I would see him about three more times. After the last time I would block his number indefinitely & we wouldn’t speak ever again.

I don’t deserve to have trauma because I know after awhile I was doing it to myself. I let a man like him believe I was “living for his dick” (his exact words). I let this man degrade me along with his friends. I let this man hold my sanity. I gave him more of myself than I even had at the time. Ive lost all the friends I’ve had during that time as well & some of those fallouts were because they were disappointed in me for prolonging the situation & I sincerely don’t blame them. I just hope one day I can forgive myself for letting myself down like that

#personal #tw abuse

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humanemotionssuck · 3 years

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Hello 2021

January 2, 2021

I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.

I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.

I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.

January

Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.

February – March

Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…

START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.

April

Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao

May

Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.

June

Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.

I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)

July

THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.

Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..

I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.

Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.

August

I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.

I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.

On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.

September

ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!

I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.

Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)

*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo

October

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.

Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.

NOVEMBER

WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.

I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.

December

WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.

Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.

I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)

Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..

JANUARY (NOW)

After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.

I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.

I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.

#quaranthings #just quarantine thoughts #2020 #bye2020 #new year

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mandowh0re · 4 years

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Devil’s Advocate

Chapter 1

Summary: After a violent breakup with her now ex-boyfriend, Liza is ready to give up on relationships. In an attempt for safety, she moves to a city across the country. That’s where she finds herself now. In her new apartment, staring into the eyes of the devil, who claims to be in love with her. Also, since when is the devil a woman?

Word Count: 2186

A/N: Wassup my lovely fucks! I am in quarantine and have decided to show myself once again! This is a story that is NOT marvel related but I’m working on stories outside of fanfiction to practice writing my own characters. This will be an 18+ story. I really like this one so far, so even if you followed me for marvel content, please give it a try?

P.S. I am not a doctor so this will be filled with medical inaccuracies, sorry.

Warnings: domestic abuse, descriptions of injury, scene with a violent fight (I will warn when the scene starts and ends)

Happy reading!

“... Twenty-four year old female… multiple….”

“... C.T. is ready…”

“... We need to…”

“... Liza? We need you to…”

(!!!)

“Where are you going?”

Liza nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Luke’s voice. He was supposed to be at work for another three hours, and she needed all the time she could to pack her things.

Slowly, Liza turned around to see Luke standing in the entryway of the living room. He looked mad. He always looked mad.

“Hey honey, you’re home early.” Liza replied, not answering his question and fighting to keep her voice even. If she showed fear this would be even worse.

“You weren’t answering my calls.”

Shit.

“I’m sorry, I was cleaning and I guess I didn’t hear my phone-“

“You’re lying. Don’t lie to me. Where are you going?”

Liza’s eyes flickered from Luke to the nearest exit. She knew in her bones this wasn’t going to end well for her.

The closest exit was past Luke, but there were multiple objects she could use as a weapon. The wine bottle at the bar seemed the best.

“I was headed to Jess’. She’s really sick and needs someone over there-“

“You see,” Luke interrupted as he stepped closer, his hands in his pockets and his eyes trained on Liza, “I gave you a chance to tell me the truth, and I warned you not to lie to me. I stopped by the hospital, Jess was there. Said you felt sick so you stayed home today.”

Liza could feel her heart in her throat. She couldn’t very well argue with him. Jess, bless her, had tried to cover for her. Because the reality of it was that she had quit. She had planned on leaving an hour before Luke got home. She needed to leave him or he would quite literally be the death of her.

In a last minute attempt to save herself, Liza bolted towards the bar, but was stopped short when Luke grabbed her wrist.

He spun her back to face him, and punched her square in the face.

“You thought you could leave me? After everything we’ve been through?” Luke asked, as he backhanded Liza and threw her against the wall, “I did everything for you. I was so good to you. I loved you! And this is how you repay me?”

Another punch, this time to her stomach. Then another. And another.

Liza coughed, and blood dripped from her mouth. She knew the only way she would get out of this alive was if she called for help now.

Luke was currently going on a rant, so while he was distracted she quickly tumbled towards the couch and grabbed her phone from her bag. She unlocked it, found the app that Jess had made her download weeks ago, and pressed the panic button multiple times before a wad of her hair was grabbed and she was tossed across the room.

“You fucking bitch! You listen when I talk to you! Are you leaving me for another guy? Huh? Is that it you slut!” He added emphasis on ‘slut’ as he reared his foot back and kicked her ribs, “I bet it’s that fucker, Dennis? The one at the coffee shop you like so much?” Another kick to the ribs, “I’ll fucking kill him!”

Luke dropped down on top of Liza, grabbed her hair and slammed her head into the floor several times before adding another punch to the face.

Liza was wheezing and coughing, trying to keep awake and from choking on her own blood. Tears stung her eyes and she felt herself slipping. She faintly heard the sound of sirens, but they were too late. She saw the metal glint in Luke’s hands.

She was dead.

Luke leaned down so that his face was right next to her head.

“I’ll kill him,” he whispered, “Right after I kill you.”

At first there was pain, and then, there was nothing.

***(!!!)

Sounds. Sounds came back first.

The first thing she heard was beeping. Then as she began to come out of her sleep she could make out the faint sounds of voices.

Next was smell.

Wherever she was, it smelled clean. And oddly familiar.

Suddenly, like a train, all of her senses crashed into her at once as she realized where she was and why she was there.

Her eyes flew open, as much as they could, and then there was a loud alarm next to her.

She knew that alarm. She needed to get her heart rate down.

But it didn’t matter. Because Luke could come find her at any time and she had to hide.

She threw the blankets off of her and went to stand, but fell to the ground, bringing her IV drip with her.

Several nurses suddenly burst in the door, as well as a security officer.

“Ma’am, you need to stay in bed,” One nurse tried telling her as the other nurses tried to get her back on her bed.

“No, he’s going to find me!” Liza shrieked, fighting against the nurses, throwing weak punches where she could. She vaguely registered someone yelling out for a sedative.

“No! No you can’t do that! He’ll find me and he’ll finish what he started and-“

“Liza,”

That voice. She knew that voice. She opened her eyes, which she hadn’t realized were closed, and saw a blurry image of her friend in front of her.

When had she started crying?

“Jess?”

“Hey girlie. I need you to calm down okay?”

Liza’s chest heaved as she forced in a breath. Jess was here. Jess always kept her safe.

“But… But Luke-“

“Is in jail.” Jess said with a certain finality to her voice, “The police found him when they got to your house. At first they thought…” Jess swallowed the lump in her throat and Liza was vaguely aware of the other nurses inserting new IVs.

“But they rushed you into the ER. They paged me saying there was a critical Jane Doe. But I knew, I knew it was you. When I saw you I- It took everything in me not to go and kill him myself.”

“So… He’s... gone?” Liza asked, her voice shaking.

Jess nodded, “Yeah. He isn’t going to hurt you again. So could you please lay your stubborn ass down so I’m not constantly on the verge of a heart attack, please?”

Liza smiled, or tried to, it probably looked like a grimace. She laid back down with the help of the other nurses.

Now that she was up and the IV had unhooked for a few minutes, her brain fog had cleared enough to let her understand the situation.

“How bad?” She asked.

Jess placed a hand on the shoulder of another nurse, who Liza recognized as Rhonda. She was always nice to her. She always looked out for Liza.

“I’ve got this,” Jess spoke quietly. Rhonda nodded and finished the IV she was placing before leaving the two friends alone.

It was quiet for a moment before Liza asked again, “Jess?”

“You won’t remember anything I tell you right now. They’ve got you on some pretty strong stuff. Go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up and I’ll tell you.”

She wanted to fight, but Liza felt the medication pulling her under and she just didn’t have the energy. So she let the darkness wrap around her once again.

***

Jess was sitting in a chair next to her bed. Liza was finally moved out of the ICU and demanded that her friend tell her what all Luke had done.

“... Contusions everywhere. Ruptured spleen. And a stab wound to the abdomen that pierced multiple organs,” Jess sniffled and wiped a tear off her cheek, “They lost you twice in the first surgery. They wouldn’t let me in the room, said I was too close to the case. Honestly, everyone was shocked you made it out alive.

“You were in critical care for the first several days. On a ventilator for the first four. God, when you started breathing on your own I actually threw up, you know. I was so nervous.”

It was silent for a few minutes, Liza soaking up all of the information she had just been given.

“How long was I out?” She asked.

“Almost a week and a half. After you woke up the first time they put you into a coma so it wouldn’t happen again.”

It was quiet between the two for several minutes before Jess sniffed and swiped at her tears again, “You need to rest.”

Liza nodded and leaned back onto the bed once more, and attempted another smile when Jess squeezed her hand before leaving the room.

***

“So I was thinking we could find you a new apartment, one of the fancy ones with extra security. Then when you’re feeling better you could come back to work-“

“I’m still leaving.” Liza cut off Jess’ thoughts, “I mean, I don’t want to. But I also do. I don’t feel safe here. I want to restart. Somewhere where nobody knows me.” Liza was poking at her food with her fork. Suddenly, she had no appetite.

“Oh, okay. Yeah. I get that. I just, I guess I thought it would be easier… But you’re right,”

“Jess, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no need to be sorry,” Jess sniffled and gave a watery smile, “You need to do what’s best for you. I’m just going to miss my best friend, is all.”

“I know. I’m gonna miss you too. But you’re gonna come out to visit me as soon as possible, right?”

“Duh,” Jess gently pushed Liza’s shoulder and the two of them giggled, “Jack and I are coming out as soon as I have enough vacation saved up.”

A pang of guilt hit Liza. Jess had used up most of her vacation time while Liza was in the hospital, a majority used after she had woken up the first time.

A feat that the doctors couldn’t figure out how it had happened, she learned, since she hadn't been weaned off the sedatives yet.

Liza barely remembered that. Jess had to tell her what had happened. Though she supposed it was a good thing she didn’t remember most of that incident. Apparently she had nearly gone berserk.

“Hey,” Jess’ voice stirred Liza from her train of thought, “You okay?”

Liza cleared her throat, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

“Yeah, of course. You should rest. I’ll come see you later.” Jess got up and pulled the small table Liza had been eating on to the side of the bed and pulled the blankets up to cover her.

Grabbing the food tray, Jess snuck out of the room and headed to the nursing station, dropping the food tray on the cart as she passed.

“Hey, she sleeping?” Lynne, one of Liza’s nurses, asked.

“I don’t know if she’s sleeping. But she’s resting.” Jess said as she slid into one of the empty chairs.

“That’s better than nothing,” Lynne looked back up from her paperwork, “Why do you look constipated?”

Jess shot a look at her friend before pinching the bridge of her nose, “She still wants to move. And I get it, I do, but I can’t keep her safe if she’s all the way across the country!”

Lynne sighed, “Jess. Honey, she was half way across town and was very nearly killed. I know you feel responsible. But you were doing everything you could. From what she told us, you were helping her get out,”

“I should have given her a way to defend herself.”

“You can’t dwell on the past. Not anymore. Because that’s all she’s going to do, and you need to be strong for her. You need to be that beacon of hope, even if you’re clear across the country.”

“How do I keep her from finding someone like him again?” Jess didn’t dare speak his name. It was like poison. And she didn’t want it on her tongue, “Because, Lynne, if someone lays a hand on her one more time, I might actually go to jail. No, scratch that. I definitely will go to jail. I would have that night if Doctor Tiruneh didn’t physically pull me into a supply closet and refuse to let me leave until I calmed down.”

Lynne blew out some air, running a hand down her face, “You can’t guarantee she won’t find someone like him again. In fact, it’s entirely possible she will. Some people end up in a cycle they can’t break, some people can break it after one relationship gone bad. Hopefully, this was enough for her to break that cycle. All you can do is be there for her and try to guide her.”

“I should have called the cops when I saw the bruises the first time,”

“That wasn’t your call to make,”

“Yeah, well, look where it got us.”

“She’s alive. That’s all that matters,”

Jess sat there for a few more minutes before she stood abruptly and headed out. She needed fresh air to think.

------

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killerqueenjoy · 5 years

Text

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

4 notes · View notes

huangels · 6 years

Text

you're too entertaining - johnny

request: hey there! may i request a fluff scenario where the female reader, after getting dumped by her bf, gets dragged to a club by her friends and ends up meeting/flirting with johnny (who works there as a DJ)? thank you!

a/n: ive been hella busy lately so scenarios are coming in slow lol and so because i haven’t updated in like two days i made this scenario a bit longer! (B/F/N = your boyfriend’s name, Y/F/N = your friend’s name), it’s mostly fluff so i tried to make the breakup in the beginning as dry and quick as possible :p

summary: After finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you, you’re outraged and need to let off steam. Gladly, your best friend invites you to a newly opened club, where you totally forget about your ex-boyfriend as Johnny is there to entertain you.

genre: fluff

warnings: none

word count: 3.4k

The phone continues to ring five times before going to voicemail, you sigh for the umpteenth time.

Your boyfriend told you last night that he was going out with some friends for a drink. Yet, he isn't back yet and it's already noontime. You don't want to be the clingy girlfriend, especially since you both have just started dating not long ago. You want to be able to let your boyfriend have his own space, but you're worried that something might have happened to him since he's not picking up his phone or answering your texts. What if he got kidnapped or hurt? And no one was there to help him?

Clicking on the contact of your boyfriend, you try calling again. After the four ring, someone finally picks up with a sleepy "hello?" However, it is not the voice of your boyfriends but the voice of a female.

"Who are you? Where's Y/B/N?" you ask, your eyebrows scrunched in an unsettling manner.

"Who's this?" the woman asks in return without answering your question first.

"Umm, the girlfriend of Y/B/N. Now would you please tell me who you are and where he is?" you snap with a hand perched on your hip impatiently.

"Oh... He still hasn't broken up with you yet?"

You're silent, confused but outraged. Your breath hitches in your throat, stopping the oxygen from entering your system. Blinking a few times, you eventually come back to your senses.

"Excuse me?"

"At least he could've told me that he's still with his girlfriend before sleeping with me..." She sighs over the phone. Before you can respond or even react, you hear a shuffling in the background.

"Who is it, babe?" It's the voice of your boyfriend's, raspy and low as if just woken up. You don't need any more information as you already know exactly what is going on.

"Y/N," the girl answers him casually. There's a quick silence before the phone hands up from the other side. You stay standing frozen still, not even removing your phone from your ear. Your mind runs wild, emotions crashing into each other. A mix of rage and bitterness takes over your thoughts. Whipping out the messenger app, you pull up your boyfriend's contact. The three dots display on the screen from his side, indicating that he's typing at the moment as well.

▬▬▬

From: Y/B/N

Baby I'm sorry

[Read 1:29 PM 04/06/2018]

▬▬▬

You ignore the text, not knowing if he's sorry for cheating or for not telling you.

▬▬▬

To: Y/B/N

Don't text me anymore, don't call me, don't talk to me. I don't want anything to do with you. Apparently, we've broken up already according to your play toy, so let's keep it that way.

[Read 1:31 PM 04/06/2018]

▬▬▬

And with that, you block and delete his number, not even letting him explain himself. You honestly don't want to hear it, the lies or excuses he has.

The phone buzzes at an incoming notification. You're about to blow up at your boyfriend for somehow trying to contact you after your warning, except it isn't a text from your boyfriend this time, but your best friend.

The notification slides away as you lack all of your energy, not being able to click on her contact message. After a moment and a few more texts, an incoming call from your best friend displays on your screen, you decide to let it go to voicemail because you don't want to deal with anything else today.

Due to you worrying about your boyfriend all morning, you didn't get to eat any breakfast or lunch. You trudge to the kitchen, hoping some food will give you energy. As expected, there is no food in the fridge for your to cook or warm up. In the pantry, however, are packs of ramen noodles. You grab a pack, preparing a pot of water to cook them in.

Your phone rings again, your best friend's name in big letters on the screen. You sigh, caving in and swiping the screen to answer the call.

"Y/N! Why aren't you answering my texts? I can see that you've read them," your best friend calls over the phone, loud enough for you to almost drop it. Resting the phone on the counter, you click on the speaker option as you continue cooking your ramen.

"You literally just texted me, I was about to answer," you lie, turning the stove to a higher setting so that your ramen can cook faster. "What do you need that's so urgent anyway?"

"Are you with Y/B/N today?" your friend asks. The name of him just puts a sour taste in your mouth, your face twists in anger and disgust.

"No," you snarl annoyingly, with a low scoff. Your best friend senses the venom in your tone of voice.

"What happened? Did you guys fight or something?"

"I don't want to explain right now. Why did you ask?" you say, quickly changing the subject.

"Oh right! Did you hear about the hot new club opening tonight? Everyone's gonna be there! And guess what else? I also know the owner!! He was my old roommate's ex-boyfriend, but they broke it off like a year or two ago. Still, he's super hot! You know what this means right?" your friend continues to screech, you chuckle at her expression, "We have to go!"

"You know what Y/F/N, fuck it, yeah let's go," you answer, turning off the stove as you ramen finishes boiling. You need to loosen up and totally forget that today ever happened and you want to down some drinks so you don't have to deal with any of your problems for today. Another high pitched shriek sounds from your phone, causing you to groan.

"If you scream again, I swear I'll cancel," you threaten and your friend gasps dramatically. She quickly half apologizes and then proceeds to tell you to meet there at 10 pm, the premiere opening of the club. However, knowing your best friend, this means to be there at 11 pm because she is always running late and you do not want to be at a new club alone.

It's currently 2 pm, you pour the hot ramen into a bowl and make your way to your television. You watch reruns of The Office as you gulp down the noodles hungrily.

Without you knowing it, you've already binged a whole season of The Office and you would've continued if your phone wouldn't have rung 3 times in the past minute. You pick up your phone, glancing at the time. Shoot! It's 10:30 already!! You mentally yell at yourself.

Your phone screen displays a spam of messages and phone calls from Y/F/N. Scramming up to your room to quickly get ready, you pick up the phone, leaving it on speaker again.

"Y/N! Where the hell are you? I've been waiting outside for more than 30 minutes and I also tried to contact you for that 30 plus minutes but guess who didn't answer... And the bouncer outside kept asking me if I was lost, and I kept on telling him I was waiting for someone and he just kept giving me weird stares so I just went inside without you. Now the line is gigantic so good luck trying to get in. I'm going to find the owner," your friend rambles on and ends the call when she's done, not giving you the chance to answer.

In a hurry, you simply put on a plain red graphic tee, tying it into a knot on the front, and some black ripped high waisted jeans. You add some light make up since you're going to sweat it all off throughout the night anyway, finishing off with a swipe of wine red lip tint. Before rushing out of the door, you stuff your phone and wallet into a small purse and slip into your black chunky high heeled boots. Y/F/N is a lot taller than you so whenever you both go out, you have to wear some sort of heels in order to not appear as a dwarf next to a model.

It takes about 45 minutes for the taxi driver to reach the club, as traffic gets more congested once you inch near it. You text your friend to let her know you made it but you doubt she will see it. She's probably using her goddess-like charms to seduce some guy.

Y/F/N was right, the line by the entrance to the club is really long, looping around the block. You seriously do not want to stand in that long line because, by the time you reach the front, it'll be the morning already. You try to see if you know anyone in line you can join but no one is familiar enough.

You push back your hair and walk confidently to the front of the line. People waiting sends you a mix of confused and angry looks as you pass them all.

This is not your first time in a club, you've learned how to weave your way through the bouncer with the help of the almighty Y/F/N.

As you reach the front, you see a man stand by the fancy entrance. He doesn't look like the typical bouncer due to his appearance and attire. The man isn't small but he isn't super buff either, like the bouncers you've met before at other clubs. His hair is a hazel brown flowy mess and he has on more eyeliner than you. His outfit, instead of the usual all black suit bouncers wear, is more of a street style outerwear, with a bandana keeping his shaggy hair out of his face. From where you are standing, the guy doesn't look very tall or intimidating, as he leans on the wall next to the door. He also doesn't seem like a challenge to get through either, building up your confidence.

You try to walk past him as he's chatting with a few girls in the front of the line, but a hand darts in front of your stomach, stopping you.

The arm belongs to the brown-haired man. He raises an eyebrow at you, still posed on the neon lazered wall.

"There's a line if you haven't noticed," he states and stands up from his leaning position. Now that you've gotten closer, the man is a lot more intimidating than you thought. His intense eyes bore into yours, the makeup making them look even sharper. As he stands up straighter, you realize that he is also much taller, even with your 4-inch heels on.

However, you do not let his appearance faze you.

"I know the owner, don't worry," you say, sending a smile. The man smirks with a low chuckle, his arm still doesn't leave your front side.

"Do you now? And how do you know him?" he questions, with a lift of his eyebrows. You quickly gulp, trying to think of a reason. In other clubs, the bouncer would just let you in once you said you knew the owner, but of course, that probably only happens because Y/F/N was usually with you.

"He's an ex-boyfriend of my old roommate's," you swiftly retaliate, remembering what Y/F/N said earlier over the phone. You thought that you've won, but the smirk is still painted on his face.

"And what's your name?" he asked, displaying a more playful kind of grin. The man shifts so that he's fully facing you.

"Why do I have to provide a name? There isn't a list," you respond, crossing your arms over your chest. Before he can say anything else, you continue talking.

"Anyway, if we're done here, I have people who are waiting for me," you say, grabbing the man's wrist and pulling it away. Without further comments, you proceed to walk through the door into a dark hallway, following the music. Without looking back, you can still feel his gaze on your backside.

At the end of the hall, there's a black curtain in which bright lights, loud music, and busy chatter pass through. You push the curtain to the side, revealing a large room with an extensive glowing dance floor, stripper poles, tables and chairs, and a bar near the back.

You can't even see the dance floor, with the wall to wall of people dancing to the club music. There seems to be no room for any more people yet bodies kept pouring in. The music is mostly techno but with occasional slow sensual songs that called out all the couples and drunks to grind on each other.

Different colored lights flashes and shines but somehow you spot Y/F/N on a couch by the side of the room. As you get closer, you see your best friend on the lap of some man, tongues down each other's throats. Her tight bright red dress rises higher as the man's hands reach up and down her thigh, playing around with the hem of her red lace panties.

You finally reach them as you lightly kick the man in the shin, causing them to both pull away. Bright red lipstick is smeared all across Y/F/N and the man's mouth.

"Hit the road, she's my date," I say as I tilt my head towards the door. The man shoots me an annoyed look, pulling your friend's face back onto his. However, Y/F/N pulls away and climbs off the guy's lap, fixing her dress.

The guy flashes a confused look between you and your friend.

"You heard her," Y/F/N says, running her hands through her tangled hair. The man grunts something like "ugh whatever" under his breath and trudges away.

"Took you long enough. Although, I thought you would have to wait longer since the line is crazy long," your friend says, plopping back down on the couch. You follow.

"Yeah, I just kinda walked in, after fighting some guy at the door," you explain, wiping the lipstick off of your friends face, "You look like you just sucked Larry the Lobster's dick."

"Livin' Like Larry," you friend responds with a lazy smile.

"Wait! Did the owner let you in at the door? I told him if a Y/N comes to just let her in," she says, slapping your shoulder to gain your attention.

"I don't think so," you reply without much thought. "Come on, let's go get something to drink, that's mostly why I'm here."

You reach out your hand to help your friend up. She groans as you pull her from her spot and make your way to the vaporwave themed bar. You both take an empty seat at the counter as Y/F/N orders two shots. Right off the bat I see...

"By the way sorry to pull you away from your boy toy," you apologize, grabbing the shot glass and tilting it back into your mouth, the small amount of alcohol burning your throat immediately. She waves it off with her free hand as she also downs the glass. Then, your friend signals the bartender for another round.

"Nah, he wasn't that great of a kisser anyway, and I was just passing time while waiting for you to finally come."

The bartender places another two shot glasses in front of the two of you.

"Hey, wanna play coinage?" Y/F/N suggests, calling over the bartender again and asks for an empty glass. You nod and pull out a quarter from your purse.

She places the glass in between us and beacons for you to start first. You carefully bounce the coin, trying to get it into the glass. The quarter hits the rim of the glass but doesn't go in. You groan as Y/F/N takes the quarter with a smile. She is the master at this game, you have no idea why you agreed. Your friend beautifully bounces the quarter into the glass with a "woohoo".

"Drink up!"

You grab the shot glass and gulp down the vodka in one swift motion.

After a few more rounds of this, you call quits due to losing to all rounds. Your head starts getting buzzy and the alcohol is slowly getting to you. You're not a lightweight when it comes to alcohol but you can't hold too much either, you're somewhere in the middle.

Your friend pulls you onto the crowded dance floor, where you both completely let loose, rolling and grinding your bodies to the beat of the music. The two of you have been to multiple bars and clubs, by now you know how to move your body steadily to the rhythm.

Song after song rolls by, all great remixes of your favorite hits. You scan around to see who the DJ is, wanting to compliment his music taste. The DJ booth is off to the opposite side of the bar, surrounded by neon lights and colorful disco balls. From the distance, you can't decipher the appearance of the DJ, with the lasers shooting in every which direction. You pull your friend closer to the booth, a swarm of girls already packed in front of the DJ.

As you get closer, you realize that the DJ looks familiar, though the alcohol causes your vision to blur.

"Hey, the DJ's kinda hot," you slur to your friend who nods back, both beginning to dance again.

"Yeah he owns the place," she tells you while she grabs your hands to sway them to the beat.

"That's cool," you say, "You should introduce me to him since you know him right?"

"Oooo good idea, let me call him over!"

Y/F/N turns toward the booth, waving his hands to get the man's attention. You're oblivious to anything as you continue to dance with your back facing the DJ.

The man scans the crowd, looking over all of the people enjoying their time. He sees your friend waving at him before signaling him to come. The DJ takes his headphones off and places them next to his music controllers. Another guy walks up on the stage to take over the music.

Your friend informs you that he's coming, though her words are a bit slurred. You turn around seeing a tall figure weave through the crowd, saying hi to people as he passes them but not stopping. the closer he got the more familiar he is to you. Until he's a few meters away, and you finally realize that the DJ is the same man at the entrance of the club. Yet, your brain isn't in its right mind to put two and two together.

"Y/F/N. Nice to see you again tonight," the man says once he reaches the two of you. You stop dancing and so does your friend who gives the man a hug.

"Hey!" she yells over the music. "This is my friend Y/N! The one I told you about. Y/N, this is Johnny, the owner of this new awesome club."

"You told him about me?" you ask with a tilted head.

"Yeah, I told him to wait at the entrance to let you in when you got here. So that you didn't have to wait because I'm such a good friend."

As if all of the alcohol completely left your system, your mind clicks and you glance up at Johnny. He has on the same smirk that you came across earlier when you first arrived.

"Y/N...so that's your name. If you would've told me at the door, I'd let you right in."

"I got in anyway," you shoot back easily, mirroring his smirk.

"By lying to me, the owner. I could have you kicked out by the real bouncers of this place."

"You'd be losing profit then."

He looks around the busy nightclub, then back down to you.

"I highly doubt that," he says waving his hands around the room. "Though, I wouldn't kick you out anyway..."

You lift your eyebrow in curiosity. Johnny leans his head downwards, closing in on your face.

"You're too entertaining.”

The back of your neck starts to heat up, not knowing if it’s due to the warm bodies of the surrounded dance floor or the closeness of Johnny’s presence.

"Entertained only by me? Then what's the use of this club?" you reply quickly. Your best friend whips her head back and forth from you to Johnny, one comeback after another, confused as to if the both of you are flirting or attacking each other.

"I met you in this club, haven't I? You've caught my eye."

"I'm not some art exhibit at a museum."

"Though you look like you belong in one."

You scoff at his lame attempt to flirt with you. Yet, somewhere inside of you thinks his attempts are rather cute and slightly working.

"Would you like a drink? I'd like to talk to you more," Johnny offers a hand towards you. Your best friend gives you a light shove from the back, a knowing look painted in her eyes. You take Johnny's large outreached hand before he leads you to the bar, with a warm smile.

a/n: i’ll proof read later lol

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96flowers-writings · 6 years

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A Trip Down Memory Lane Ch 2

Waking

The Doctor woke to find himself on a hospital bed with the covers tucked around him. He was slightly confused for a moment till his memories came rushing back. He sat up as quickly as he could and looked around the room. His bed was blocked from the rest of the room by a blue curtain, he was on the side closest to the window, the room was obviously meant for two patients. Looking towards the window he found the blinds pulled tightly closed and there was sunlight streaming in around the edges. Checking his ever present gold watch he found it to be just before 10am. The Doctor pulled the blankets off, swung his legs over the edge of the bed and gently stood to his feet. He quickly made his way over to the curtain dividing the room and pulled them apart.

He breathed a sigh of relief at seeing Clara asleep on the other bed. She was still very pale and she was on a heart monitor but she was alive and breathing unassisted. He walked over to her silently and gently took her hand and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Oh Clara,” The Doctor said shaking his head. “Everything we've been through and walked away from without a scratch and we get mugged and shot after a simple dinner. I'm just very glad you are going to be alright.”

She didn't respond. He didn't expect her too, she was still under the effects of the anesthesia from the surgery. The door to the room creaked open and a very familiar figure entered the room.

“Mickey Mouse,” The Doctor smiled before standing from the bed and meeting him in the middle. Mickey was dressed in a business casual suit, his jacket was off and over his arm, his sleeves were rolled up around his elbows, and his tie was undone and hanging around his shoulders.

“You got old Doc,” Mickey said straight faced. His eyes were moving all over the Timelord, taking in all the changes. “And Scottish, and heavy, I had to carry your heavy self in here after you fell asleep in the waiting room and nothing could wake you. Reminded me of Christmas with the Sycorax when Rose and I had to carry you from the flat to the TARDIS.”

Then Mickey smiled, threw his jacket over the nearby chair, and pulled the Timelord into a hug. The Doctor froze for a moment before returning the hug.

“Martha will be back in a few hours,” Mickey said as the pulled back. “She was dead on her feet so I took her home. Once she has slept for a minimum of 7 hours she’ll be back. She fell asleep about 4am so she'll be back by 2pm.”

“Was she okay? I know she was already at the end of her rope when we came in,” the Doctor asked worried as they sat in the two chairs in to room.

“Yeah, she was okay.” Mickey soothed, “She only got Clara into surgery then sat with you till I arrived. She has pushed herself so much worse and been much worse off than she was last night.”

“Good, good,” the Timelord sighed. “Tell me Mickey, any idea who did this?”

“At this point? No,” Mickey sighed sitting forward and bracing his elbows on his knees and chin on his clasped hands. “Recently, we've had several other cases similar to this one. From the description of the suspect, it seems to be the same man each time. Though this is the first where someone was shot. Till now he has been given what he wanted, the only other time he was denied he pistol whipped them and rifled through their pockets.”

“He’s escalating? Or do you think this was a one off?” The Doctor asked seriously.

“Honestly, if he follows the patterns left by other muggers like him, he will be escalating, getting more bold and confident,” Mickey said morosely. “I've seen it before. It's not pretty. He’s shot someone now, he’ll likely do it again, and soon. He will want to feel that adrenaline rush again. He likely doesn't care that he almost killed Clara. He probably spooked himself when he actually pulled the trigger. That's why he ran without checking your pockets. But now he knows what it feels like, he will either turn himself in out of guilt, or look to do it again.”

“How long does it take to turn themselves in or strike again?”

“Tonight, tomorrow night at the latest.”

“If there is anything I can do..,” the Doctor trailed off with a meaningful look.

“There probably won't be,” Mickey shook his head. “Scotland Yard is very strict on who can help with our cases. I'll let you know though if there is anything you can do. Right now we just have to wait for Clara to wake up so we can get her statement.”

The two were silent for a while. Mickey had been up all night filling out reports and arranging the transportation of the TARDIS, so he was dozing in his seat. The Doctor had moved from his seat not long after the man had started to nod off and was standing in front of the now open window. His mind was a million light years away, thinking about so much yet at the same time so little.

It was nearing 12:30 pm when the heart monitors on Clara showed an increase of her heart rate. The Doctor heard the change and was by her side a second later as she began to wake. Her eyes started to flutter before opening. She squinted at the light in the room for a moment before opening them all the way again. They quickly landed on the Doctor who was once again seated on the edge of her bed.

“Doctor,” she said in a raspy voice. She winced at the sandpaper feeling in her throat. He leaned over to the side-table where a pitcher of water rested. Quickly pouring out a cup and grabbing a bendy straw he brought it to Clara’s mouth to let her have a drink. She gave him a tired and grateful smile. In a still quiet voice she asked, “How long has it been?”

“You were shot at just before midnight last night, it is just now 12:30 pm the following afternoon,” he said softly putting the water back on the nightstand. “How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?”

“Not right now,” she replied after a moment. She shifted on the bed and tried to sit up but the Doctor’s hand on her shoulder kept her reclined. He reached over to the control panel on the side of the bed and raised the bed just a little so she was more upright than reclined but still not fully up. “I mostly feel fuzzy, which I am sure is from the drugs and blood loss.”

She looked around the room they were in and caught sight of the unfamiliar form of Mickey Smith still snoozing away in the chair by her side. She looked to the Doctor in confusion, “Who...?”

“Ah,” The Doctor smiled and looked over to him. “That is Detective Inspector Mickey Smith. He is from Scotland Yard and will be working our case. He also happens to be an old friend of mine. I knew him in my Ninth and Tenth regenerations. It just so happened he was assigned to our case without knowing that it was me. He is married to Doctor Martha Jones, who is one of your doctors, is also an old friend of mine from my Tenth regeneration.”

“I’ve wanted to meet others who have traveled with you to swap stories,” Clara smiled slightly at the idea. The doctor got a slightly scared look on his face at the idea of companions talking about him, flashing back to when Sarah-Jane and Rose meet for the first time.

“Oh it’s always fun,” Mickey said, startling the two. He chuckled slightly at the looks he got from the two of them. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I heard that last comment and couldn’t help but respond. He hates when old companions get together cause we talk about embarrassing stuff and it’s fun to watch him squirm.”

Clara gave a strained laugh and winced again, the doctor was by her side still holding her hand and gave it a worried squeeze. She squeezed back in a comforting way.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Detective,” Clara said with a smile. She held out her free hand, though it was trapped close by the IV. Mickey stepped over and gently shook her hand.

“The pleasure is mine Miss Oswald,” Mickey smiled. “Though, I insist that you call me Mickey. We are fellow companions, we are family.”

“Only if you call me Clara,” Clara countered. She leaned back after he released her hand. “I take it you need an official statement.”

“Yes, I do,” Mickey sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “We can wait if you want. It doesn't have to be right now, but it does need to be today.”

“Might as well do it now,” Clara said, she adjusted herself on the bed so she was facing Mickey a bit better. “Ask away.”

Mickey nodded and went to his jacket and pulled out his phone. He pulled open the recording app and set the phone down on the bed. “First, I would just like you to tell your story, we have already asked Mr. Smith to give his version but we would also like to hear it from you.”

“It was such a normal night,” Clara began with a shake of her head, she vaguely remembered the Doctor giving his name as John Smith when they brought in. “John and I went out to dinner to catch up, he used to work at the school I currently teach at. We were walking back towards the underground so that he could take me home when it happened.”

Here she paused, she coughed a little and motioned for the water. She took a few long sips before continuing.

“He seemed to come out of nowhere, he was probably under a dark tree nearby. He came up behind us, quiet as a mouse. I heard the unmistakable click of him cocking the gun before he said anything. At the sound John and I stopped moving and splayed our hands out to our sides. That was when he spoke,

’So you know what that sound is, good. Put your hands above your head and turn around slowly,’ his voice was low gravely. He was purposely changing it. When we finished turning I got a good look at him. He was taller than me but shorter than John, probably standing at 5 feet 10 or 11 inches. He was wearing all black and a baseball cap pulled as far down as he could manage. He had a cleft chin and a real narrow jaw, I could just make out the shine of glasses in the street light. He said, ‘Alright, turn out your pockets. I wary to see everything.’

I did as asked, I have nothing to hide. John...John is a consultant to UNIT. His phone has contact information to important people and has classified information. We couldn't let his phone be taken. So he only partially turned out his pockets. He knew, I don't know how, but he knew John hadn't given everything. He focused the gun on John. He demanded,

‘I said everything. I know there is more. All of it or you eat a bullet.’

I wanted to try and reason with him. Or at least distract him long enough for someone to notice what was happening. I took a tiny step forward and he swung the gun at me. He didn't even hesitate. He pulled the trigger. I can't remember if I screamed or not. Everything after that kinda runs together. I remember John yelling and another shot. I remember a nice man hovering over me with his hands on my chest, his lips were moving but I couldn't hear him. There were sirens in the distance. I remember being transferred to the ambulance and John hovering with blood dripping down his face. I remember the lights and sounds of the hospital. I remember a woman, a doctor, she was nice. She kept talking to me and stayed by my side with John till I was taken to surgery. Then nothing.”

“Thank you Miss Oswald,” Mickey said and reached for his phone. “You covered everything well. No further questions at this time.”

He then tapped the screen and the recording stopped.

“UNIT consultant?” The Doctor asked amused.

“Well it's true,” Clara defended. She gently flicked his ear. “You’ve pulled their asses out of the fire enough.”

“I can attest to that,” A voice laughed from the door. The three turned to see Martha in the door wearing casual clothes. “I'm glad you are awake and alert.”

“You must be Doctor Smith-Jones,” Clara smiled.

“Just Martha will do,” she said and came to the side if the bed. She took the chart from the foot of the bed a flipped through the notes from the surgeon. “Well you were very lucky. The bullet missed everything vital, your lungs, heart and arteries. They retrieved the bullet in one piece, cleaned the wound and closed it. You'll be in pain for about a week and sore for a month or so but you'll live with no permanent injury save for a small scar.”

Clara smiled wider and went to respond but yawned instead.

“Sleep Clara,” Martha said softly. She walked to the controls on the side of the bed and lowered it back to a more reclined position. “You've been through alot and need rest.”

Clara nodded tiredly, the Doctor gently adjusted her blankets and gave her a kiss on the forehead and she was out.

#my writing #doctor who #a trip down memory lane #chapter 2 #clara oswald #12th doctor #martha jones #mickey smith #fanfic #96flowers writings

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tumblunni · 6 years

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aaaa tfw u been without central heating for so long that you get all dizzy and cant sleep once the house is finally warm again its like brain explode cos of such a sudden change aaa or maybe just because i stayed up really late to reset my sleeping patterns in order to actually get to the shops, lol and i guess it kinda worked cos its am now which is almost a morning but also i still feel Tired Dead so i’ll probably go back to sleep and wake up after noon aaaa

anyway i also finally got a new phone after my old one broke ages ago and hopefully this one will work good?? i got a £100 one when my last one was the cheapest possible £35 one in a sale so thats probably why it was so shoddy. this one has 3 times the memory so it hopefully won’t get the same problem of not having enough space to hold its own updates til it dies a slow and ignoble death. Hell, maybe I could actually download Apps! I remember Apps! XD Srsly i had to keep my even older broken phone to use my basic tiny mobile banking app, it was annoying. Maybe I could even finally play the pokemons???

but also it as like Embarassment City cos like I hadnt had hot water for TWO MONTHS and i was in this eternal spiral of ‘cant go to the store and pay bills cos i am smely, can’t un-smely cos no water’. and then I finally resolved to by asking for my support worker’s help to like.. escort me there and shield me, i suppose?? I also really needed to get this new phone cos i had no way of contacting her.

And she actually took me to this really big and fancy Tesco super SUPER market!! It was like the size of my old high school!! There was a whole phone store inside it and it was super huge and crowded and scary and also exciting!! AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED I SUDDENLY GOT SICK FOR NO REASON wtf why my luck like this i just suddenly felt super woozy and stomach ache on the drive there and it wasnt even travel sickness cos it was a really quick and short drive. I still dunno what happened, maybe just the bread i ate that morning was slightly out of date cos thats all I even had?? Or I dunno maybe my travel sickness gets worse if i have a relatively empty stomach. So yeah we got to the store and I was like WAIT A SECOND and rushed to the bathroom and was in there for like half an hour throwing up and then i felt completely fine? So it was probably the bread, right? But even if it resolved itself quickly and was no big illness, I was still super panicked that entire time, getting all anxiety dizzy in a supermarket bathroom cos WHAT IF IT GETS WORSE AND WE HAVE TO CANCEL THE WHOLE DAY AND GO HOME and also WHAT IF PEOPLE CAN HEAR ME PUKING and also WHAT IF I SMELL LIKE PUKE ALL DAY and also AAAAA I’M KEEPING MY SUPPORT WORKER WAITING But it all turned out okay, lol

And then the cashier in the phone store was really nice and helped answer all my questions cos I know Nothing about phones. And we even had a bit of jokey banter over the weird names of all the phone models. (”Titan Grey”!) But then i also feel awful about embarassing myself with my Inability To Choose Between Things. I kept everyone standing there for like fifteen minutes but IT FELT LIKE AN HOUR and I was just like ‘pleas stop telling me the phones are equally good, please throw me the slightest bone’. So I just ended up going for the slightly more expensive one with a better camera cos the sticker was blue instead of pink and i wasn’t wearing any pink today. THIS IS THE KIND OF IMPULSE PURCHASE THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET BUNNI DECIDE And then it was kinda hilarious how the guy was then like ‘okay so what colour do you want’ and i was like ‘AAAAAAA’ i just went with titan grey cos it sounded funny ALSO!! I got a little stylus thing for touch screen phones so it’ll be easier to use! And it came with a free speaker amp which I will probably not use but it looks cool at least! :D

And then I embarassed myself again by walking too fast in the shop and getting lost from my support worker and kinda freaking out a little, but she managed to find me and It Was A Dumb Thing To Worry About Ehhh... Oh but I did enjoy browsing all the cool stuff this store had that normal ones don’t! I have no idea what a Pomelo is but now I own one!! It looks like a giant orange but kinda lemon shaped?? I just keep looking at it instead of eating it, its so weird and cute! I also LE GOSH found the one brand of noodles I really loved as a kid: Other Flavour. Remember that post I made earlier this year about the prawn flavour nostalgias? Well those weren’ EXACTLY how I remembered them, they were a little more spicy and the noodles were stickier. But it was still awesome! I’ve changed a lot in a decade too, lol! So anyway I found the curry flavour version of those, which i also liked, and i cleared the whole damn shelf of them into my basket. Who knows when I’ll ever get to return to super tesco!!! ALso they had a way bigger world foods aisle and I decided to try some random asian sweets and snacks. Its a shame I don’t know exactly what they’re called cos the packages are all in japanese and korean. It says ‘Kusaga strawberry gummi’ but that might be the brand and not the name of the food itself? And then the other one is just ‘korean seaweed’ on the english label. Like yo, what one?? There’s loads of different seaweed snacks, like nori and konbe and dulse and probably even more!! And ive never tried any of them so how can i tell, lol? This one, whatever it was, came in small flat sheets and kinda tastes barbeque flavour. And when you hold em up to the light they look like cool glowy cathedral windows~! Also the gummi sweets get stuck in my throat so i probably won’t get those again, lol. Good tho! Despite the choking!

Oh, and @summon-daze your hat absolutely saved me!! Great shield against the sun and the social embarassment! Plus it made me feel confident cos of how damn cute at least 10% of my existance looks today. I am a beautiful head on a trash body! So they had No Man’s Sky on clearance sale for £10 and I got it cos I remembered you had it. I Dunno if I ever asked if you enjoyed it tho? XD But it was cheap so even if it ends up being bad I won’t be too sad. And honestly my standards are low so as long as it delivers on Randomly Generated Worlds Oo Look At That Weird Aminal i’ll probably be satisfied even if there’s not much gameplay.

#bunnervous #It Was A Day #and lol it was actually yesterday cos i kinda did my patented Get Home And Pass Out Immediately manouver #why social be so draining #also my one arm is super achey cos pomelo #WHY IS IT SO HUGE #IM GONNA GET SWOLE NOW #ITS LIKE A BOWLING BALL OF NOM

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princess-faith18 · 7 years

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Life

WARNING, THIS POST TALKS ABOUT RAPE AND MOLESTATION, PROCEED WITH CAUTION

I had a blank out yesterday (a blank out is when I loose touch with my emotions and I tend to be brutal and completely honest) and I spoke with my Friend and she told me I need to tell my story, let other people who are going through similar situations as me know they are not alone. So here is my life (up to now).

For the first 5 years of my life everything was pretty chill, I don’t remember much, simply because not much really happened then. At age 5 (I turned 6 a few months later) my sister was born, the day she was born things changed for me, I didn’t get to meet my sister till 2 days later, simply because my mom didn’t want me around. As my sister grew up, my mom pushed me away, sent me back and forth between her place and my Nana’s (her mom) and it kinda sucked that she didn’t pay attention to me… Maybe I wouldn’t be so fucked up now. Around the time my sister was 4/5 (I don’t remember the exact year but I know she was young) my mom packed up, her, my sister, and her father/husband and moved to new York, leaving me in Florida with my Nana…. Do you know how hurtful that is for your own mother to just up and leave you? I was down here for a few more months till she finally sent for me and when I got there, things were different…. After a while things were chill and I was fine, ignoring the fact my mom didn’t really pay much attention to me. One night, something changed… Someone I trusted, decided they wanted something from me that they weren’t getting at home, he pulled me into a closet a and forced me to have oral sex with him. A 8/9 year old scared…. Not knowing what to do, I did it… It kept going on for a while, and after a while it stopped and I tried to forget it. We came back to Florida (me, my sister and my mom)and things were okay, it was hard to transfer back into the different climate and schools, but I made it work. I worried about my study’s and did what I needed to do, still bouncing between my moms and Nana’s. Then 5th grade hits…. And my mom tells us that she’s pregnant again. Okay cool, new baby new attitude. I graduated elementary with a new baby brother. We moved into a new place, I had to get used to having another male in the house. Me and him didn’t really get along, ive always been a heavy kid, just something that’s been a thing for me. He didn’t like that, and would punish me with exercises and stuff, an 11 year old. It got so bad that I started hating my body, I would starve myself, hurt myself in places no one would see. And then one of my moms friend came down to live with us, and she brought her son and daughter…. I liked her son, a lot… Whenever I was around him I felt special… Important, he made me feel like his world. Then one day his mom caught on. She told us that if something happened between us it would ruin her relationship with my mom and told us to stop. So we did and I got depressed…. I really liked him, I felt… Love for the first time in a while, and I had to stop everything. I started hurting myself again, I actually had this bracelet with a charm that said the word love on it and I burned myself with it, over and over when I wanted my feelings to go away. They stayed with us for a bit, but they left on Valentines day, I remember this because before he left he came into my room and kissed me, telling me that he does love me and he won’t forget what we had. After a while things were since again calm. Then to the end of the school year, my grades started to slip, I missed school and didn’t do much but help watch my brother. Summer came and the school called my mom to tell me I failed…. She looked at me with such disgust, it hurt. I just his in my room and pretend things were different. The end of that summer, my mom got in contact with my aunt (my dads sister) and sent me to Ohio… It was good, I got to see my dad once or twice, but that was about it. One day I go to the pool, when i got there I felt heavy, like I needed to go back to the house…. I should have listened, as I went into the locker rooms to take off my dress a man came in after me…. He pushed me up against the lockers and covered my mouth to muffle my screams as he raped me.

I ran to my aunts house and cried in my room for days, no body noticed. I called my mom to send me a ticket home and I just vowed to be stronger… I came back and stayed with my mom, and my siblings. I didn’t do much with my life, I wasn’t in school, I wasn’t learning, I just existed.

It was like that for a while, then we moved to a new place and I kinda had my own room. One day I was on Kik (@stardoll1213) and I was on this sub app called Hey Hey (its gone now) and I just wanted to chat with someone, a few min after I made a post, I got a message from this girl, and as soon as I saw her picture I was blown away… “She is beautiful ” is all I kept saying in my head, we clicked and that night we called each other on Skype. She sounded adorable, her little cousins decided to Harass her while she was on the phone and they locked her in the bathroom 😂😅. After a while things got more serious with me and her, I didn’t understand these feelings but something was there. After a few months of us talking I realized I was falling for her and I asked her to be my girlfriend. Goddess was I nervous, but she said yes. For the next 4 years we were on and off, having issues with both ourselves and with each other. And we broke of, more times then I remember.

Time jump to 2 years ago, I decided to do something stupid and I shop lifted. I Almost got arrested, but I was enrolled into a community service thing, for kids that smoke weed (which I don’t) and other things, that lasted a while and I got to talk to people and be around kids my own age.

I finished the program and moved to a new place, during that summer. In September of 2016, I was forced to come out, my moms best friend knew , so did my Nana and my sister. My mom found my phone and saw pictures of both men a women, that wasn’t my fault, they sent them to me. And shit hit the fan. My mom lashed out and called me every name in the book. That day I was in my room, sad and broken. I was grounded for months. This year I vowed I would do something with my life right , now im studying for my GED and its coming along quite well. I want people to know that it gets better, I’m not in the best place right now, but at least I’m working on myself. My mom is still homophobic as all hell and makes snide remarks, but ive learned to tune them out and worry about me.

I’m saying these things so parents dont mess up your life. I dont want anyone else to go what I went through. If someone you know is getting abused, please tell someone… Because one day it might go too far and something bad will happen

Y.B

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needhelpforrealnow-blog · 7 years

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Here is her story

Okay i need someones help. I have a friend that ive known for almost 10 years she's like my sister. My Dad knew her father and grandmother for years. she, Her father and grandmother live just down the street from me and my family. She would often be at my house practically living there. She even had a bed in my home to sleep in and she even goes as far as calling my mom her mother. The father was the one with custody and he stuggled to provide but what he did have would often go to beer and drugs. she didnt like her father cause to put it bluntly he was an ass. She's told me stories of when her father had choke her almost to the point of blacking out and how when he would try to hit her, the grandmother would step in with a frying pan and said "if you dont stop this right now, and leave her alone then i will use this" he would step forward and she would hit him with no hesitation. The mother wasnt in the picture because she was an alcoholic and a drug addict as well. The father would let the mother spend time with her. Obiously she didnt act terrible because the mother was only going to spend so much time with her daughter. She would buy her stuff she wanted, take her places she wanted to go[that were often funded by one of her many boyfriends] my friend never met the moster she was. She didnt get the off feeling my mom and i would get but didnt know her enough to put our finger on what it was. But the grandmother knew how she really was and didnt allow halie to enter her custody while she was kicking. the grandmother was her saving grace and mother figure. She would cook for her, clean her room and buy anything she needed...but she passed away over a year ago from a heart attack...thats when hell broke loose the demon labled as a mother decided to take custody. Just a few months after the grandmother's death. The mother took the opose his daughter right after he lost his mother but when the judge asked who she wanted to go with. My friend was depressed and only knew her father as an ass and so chose her mother. This is one of her biggest regrets. She absolutely hates her mother. The mother is verbally abusive and is a danger to the public because she often drives drunk with he kids in the car. She's a great actor though so you can never tell the difference between her being drunk and her sober but guess what she recently has refused to feed my friend only ever buying food for her 2 year old son that my friend constantly has to be watching. the mother claiming "i dont feed people who dont love me" the mother forced my friend to break up with her boyfriend because while in an argument the boyfriend texted. She's called her a shit head an idiot. Even going as far as calling her a whore when she found out my brother was providing her food at school because the mother refused to feed her at home. [no strings attached. my brother has a child of his own and has known halie just as long as i have which is close to a decade] Even going as far as threatening to call the cops on my brother and her ex boyfriend. The boyfriend is a year and a half older than her but she threatens to the cops on him because he will turning 18 in june. [its feb 7 at the time this is writen]I have gone to her house too. This was when she was still going to school with me. it was around 10:30 but we went over so we can get some of her clothes that she refused to bring over earlier. When we got there we called to let her know we were outside and when we entered her brother was crying on the bed while the mother was screaming her head off " you woke up the fucking kids! Why the fuck are you coming at fucking 11 at night! What the fuck is wrong with you! You fucking woke him up!" all while picking up some of her sons toys and throwing them aggressively in a corner while my ftiend was trying to let her know that i was there as well. We came and left pretty quickly with the mother still cussing the whole time and the last thing we hear is "you better fucking get your ass back her by tomorrow!" her brother still crying the whole time. Now my friend loves her brother with all her heart. I would imagine so she watches him the majority of the time. Some People where she lives believe that he is her kid. One man saying "i have a boy around the same age as your son" that is how often she watches him almost every single day. To the point where her son would rather be carried by her than his own mother. Here's another story but this one invovles her son on second thought i share two She was outside with a buddy of hers drinking while her at the time 1 yearold son was inside sick with a fever. My friend wasnt home at the time cause she was at my house Spending the night. She gets a call that her little brother had gotten a seizure because of how high his temperature was! Apparently she didmt know you were suppose to give the medicine every so many hours and pretty much left him and she knew he was haveing a seizure because her buddy saw him through the window! He's fine now so dont worry infact he use to walk on his tippy toes before his seizure and now walks normally! Heres another story with this boy. One time when my friend was taking a shower her mother was passed out on the couch with the sliding door slightly opened. And her 1 year old playing on the floor. He went to the door pushed it even more open and was wondering outside in the rain heading towards the street. My friend had gotten out of the shower not to long after and couldn't find her brother she noticed the door open and look outside to see him heading towards the street with a couple of neighbors try to get him to come to them and away from the street. Sadly but unsurprisingly he doesnt like other people very much often sticking towards his mother but mostly towards my friend. When she saw him she called out to him and he finally came back to their house.And hell as a short bonus: the mother has even driven with her youngest child in the front seat of the car!Now this story is one that happened very recently like feb 5 recently. And to let you know as to why my friend doesnt call the police herself its because My friends phone is not connected so the only way she can talk anyone is through wifi And a app called kik or messager on facebook. Now the app only allows texting and her mother refuses to connect her phone. So even if she wanted to she would beable to call for help and so on sundayI was at home asleep when i felt my phone buzzing like crazy! I look at my phone and i was horrified at what i had been reading. My friend had texted me saying for me to call her dad or to call the cops because her mother threaten to beat her and grabbed her roughly and locked her outside the house and that she had been drinking she was scared to try and call someone else because she would grab her again. Now my friend doesnt like cops and neither do i but to read from her asking for them it made my heart drop to my stomach and i immidietly jumped out of bed and called guyfriend [who had been getting close with halie as well] that i needed a ride right than and there to her house. he lived near by so it was only 2 mins for him to get to my house. I jumped in the car and texting her that i was on the way with our friend. As we were going i called her father and told him what his daughter had texted me. He claimed that his car wasnt working like it always isnt and that he had a friend over but he didnt have gas and when he hung up my friend had texted me saying for me to tell her dad not to believe her mother. The father called back i told my guyfriend to circle around to his house since we hadent left the street yet and when i picked the phone up he said for me NOT to pick her up. My guyfriend had just parked in front of his house. i was confused, he told me that she was just angry over an argument over a boy and to not pick her up. I was furious at what i was hearing and told him that she was obviously distress and that her mother threaten to beat her and he then yelled at me telling me that he heard her 'in the house' and that he's not going to stress over it. I motion for my friend to leave And then he practically shouted in my phone "DONT PICK HER UP!" I wasnt going to argue anymore and all i saw was red. And that last remark so i hung up. I called my mom to let her know i was had to go only to be told she wasnt home to begin with. I told her the situation and my mom calmly told me that she was going to head home and speak with the father befor hanging up. And told mu friend to head to her house. I kept in contact with my friend to make sure she was alright. And the text from that point on went like this:Tell my dad [1:41 pm] Not to listen to her About me and marco She's drunk She wants to make him hate me and him Are you coming or not i couldnt here what my dad said He told me not to pick you up Why not I cant stay here Please convince him Ill walk over there then. Im picking you up. Im not going to try and Convince him Of shit. Is he mad i cant use the fucking phone anne I know and im coming I cant fucking call him cause she's going to get me againYour coming where? To your house I called my mom she sounded calm but said she was going to his house in a bit Are you okay? No im not okay Where r u ? At my moms She left I need to take care of my brother. I know that She left him here Fuck It's whatever My dad doesn't want me over there So it doesn't matter anyways Well we do halie You can't pick me up I can't stay over there I don't even have any clothes I don't know what I'm going to do We're still coming She came back ): Idk if she'll let me What is she doing You want me to call the cops cause i can Just come and if she doesn't let me we'll call the cops We are here [ 2:05 pm]When we got there i was so nervous and angry i couldnt even think straight. And told my friend to start it off i handed him my phone so he can do a voiceHe nocked on the door and mand when she said hello my friend tried to get out out of the house and the mother said"what are you doing? What are you doing?!" "Ima leave" "your not leaving anywhere get your ass inside. She aint going nowhere. get inside" "my dad said i could leave""YOUR DAD did not send nobody get inside NOW! Get inside now before I FUCKING CALL THE COPS and your ass is going to fucking juvenile" "why?" " YOUR DAD did not call them" "yes he did" "YOUR DAD JUST CALLED me right now. Get your ass inside your dad did not call them your dad said he didnt even have a fucking car to take your ass to school" "you said i cant! I can go." "BECAUSE I HAVE EVRY FUCKING ATHORITY OVER YOU....EVERY AUTHORITY OVER YOU.YOU HAVE NO REASON TO EVEN BE WITH YOUR FATHER BECAUSE HE'S NOT EVEN CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF YOU! HE HAS NO FOOD HE'S A DRUG ADDICT AND HE DRINKS! AND YOU WANNA FUCKING LEAVE" "yea" " YEA, I dont care what you want" "okay" "i dont care" durning that argument she called her father "SO YOU SENT ANNE AND another friend of hers to come and pick her up?.....FOR what! Why didnt you tell me that. Why did you tell me that she was going to stay here. So whose going to take her to school? IF YOU dont have a car than whose going to take her to school.......exactly, exactly" "anne can take me" "NO! She is not your responsibility" "she can take me!" "i dont care" "of course you dont" "your staying here. I dont care, your staying here"" no im not" "yes you are""no im not""yes you are...bye chuck" "no im not" "your staying here" "why""because i said so" "why""because I said so because you are not the adult i am and next time you listen to me" "THEN NEXT TIME DONT LOCK ME OUT""WHEN THE FUCK DID I LOCK YOU OUT, YOU LIEING LITTLE SHIT HEAD. MY SON WAS OUT THERE WITH YOU! DID I LOCK YOU OUT" "yEs!" "I JUST STOOD RIGHT THERE INFRONT OF THAT DOOR""not really""cause i asked you to take care of him""YOU LOCKED ME OUT"" OH BUT YOUR WILLING TO GO A MEET FUCKING OTHER RANDOM GUYS LIKE A LITTLE WHORE""i knew you veiwed me as a whore" "GET THE FUCK INSIDE you guys got to gWe waited outside and two cop cares showed up one came to us he was around is early 20's and the other was older mabey 40's but i didnt get a good look cause he just waked pass us to the door. We told the cop how we were worried for our friend and i showed him the text on my phone and told him i had a recording. He told us to wait there and went inside as well when he came back out and told us that my friend and her mother just got in a argument over a boy and said that even though it was in good intentions i should stop the door again. I asked so what was going to happen and he said nothing that tshe's not drunk she's doesnt show signs of abuse so there's nothing to be done and that we're only getting my friends side of the story not the mothers. It was at that point i started to cry. I had failed my friend and quit honestly. Just wanted to scream i looked and my friend to see what we can do and noticed him crying as well. I tried to stop myself from crying thank the officer. He ask which car was ours and when we told him, he took down the rest of our information and wish us a safe trip and went on our way. I have never felt so mentally and emotionlly exhausted. I quit hoestly felt like screaming and crahing the car. The cops took the mothers side they didnt even bother testing her and we didnt even talk to the other cop but the cop talking to us talked to both the mother and us and if was obvious which side they took. I told my friend to take me home and when i got there i just started bawling i wanted that lady gone. I wanted the grandmother back. I just wanted it to be over. I hated i couldnt help my friend when she needed me the most. I texted my friend and she told me that she was sorry and that the mother is lying to the cop and that she was going to literally kill herself ...i told her not to and while i dont believe she would im slowly doubting that belief. This is the guy friend- I made this account cause if you read it all than you can see why we need help. We are backed against a corner and we need help, so if any of you can give us the help than please

#send help #help me #help #help us #verbal abuse #abuse #emotional abuse #academic abuse #psychological abuse #crazy mother #friends #we just want to do something

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anavoliselenu · 7 years

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Complete me chapter 6

“You weren’t,” Justin says, “and it’s going to bite him in the ass. Maybe not because of this girl, but because he’s living in a fantasy world, and eventually reality is going to catch up to him.”

“I know,” I say. “Ollie’s always been a master of denial.”

The limo arrives and the valet holds the door open while the bellman moves to the end of the car to load the trunk with our luggage. Justin lingers to tip the staff, but I go ahead and get in, my mind still on what he said about reality. Because he’s right. Eventually reality catches up with everyone. The only question is, can you survive when it does?

The moment Justin gets into the limo, I can tell that he knows what I’m thinking. His expression softens, and he settles in next to me, silently taking my hand. He doesn’t say anything until we are off of the city streets and on the A9 heading toward the airport. The gap in the conversation doesn’t matter, though. I understand exactly what he’s talking about when he turns to me and says simply, “Different realities, Selena. You and I are together, and we can withstand whatever the world throws at us.”

I draw in a deep breath, forcing myself not to ask the question that seems lodged in my throat, begging for release: Are you sure? Can we survive? Can we really make it after the bubble bursts?

Justin goes on, either unaware of or ignoring my unspoken words that seem to me like such an elephant in the room. “Ollie has the chance to have what we have. To be part of something special. But he’s scared and now he’s sabotaging his own happiness.” He reaches out and strokes my cheek with the back of his hand, the gesture so sweet I am certain that I will cry. “I’m not scared,” he says. “Not about that. And neither are you.”

I nod, because he’s right. There are still a lot of things that I am afraid of, but being with Justin is not one of them.

“What did Lisa have to say?” Justin asks, and I have to once again marvel at how perceptive this man is. I am not afraid of being with Justin, but I still have sharp bouts of fear with regard to running my own business. And as a business consultant, Lisa is not only a friend, but also a potential colleague.

“She says one of her clients is moving to Boston and wants to sublet a space in Sherman Oaks at a pretty steep discount.”

“That’s excellent news,” Justin says.

“Maybe,” I say. “I’m still not sure I need it.” My start-up business has been a frequent topic of conversation between Justin and me throughout our time in Germany. Not only did I legitimately want his thoughts—after all, who better to take business advice from than a self-made billionaire?—but talking about my entrepreneurial adventures kept the focus off the trial.

Justin is convinced that I should go ahead and set up shop somewhere and hire myself out as an app designer for small businesses while I work on larger projects. I see his point, but that doesn’t mean I’m not nervous.

“At the very least, you should meet with her and talk about the possibility. She’s sharp and has a good reputation and a solid client base. She can help you.”

I make a face, but I know he’s right. I know, because we already had this argument after he told me that he had his office run a background check on Lisa, just to make sure she was legit. I’d aimed a few choice curses in his direction and told him that I’d handle my own goddamned due diligence. He told me to say thank you for taking that burden off my shoulders.

The night had ended in a bath with candles, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t been irritated.

The bottom line, though, is that I like Lisa. The times we’ve talked, we’ve hit it off. And I’m new enough to Los Angeles to crave the addition of a few more friends to the small circle I’ve gathered since I’ve moved to LA. Resolved, I email back that I’d love to meet with her. Then I drop my phone in my purse and try not to hyperventilate.

Beside me, Justin laughs. “You did good,” he says. “I’ll even take you out to lunch to celebrate. How do you feel about fish and chips?”

“Fish and chips?”

“I need to make a stop in London.”

“All right. Sofia?”

“Do you mind?”

“Of course not.” I don’t know much about Sofia other than that she had a rocky childhood, and that she and Justin and his friend Alaine were tight during his tennis days. I know that she’s been in and out of trouble recently, and that Justin has been frustrated by her inability to get her shit together, as he puts it.

I also know that she was the first woman he slept with, but they’ve been only friends for a long time.

“Is she okay?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” he says, then runs his fingers through his hair. “She’s missing again.” He looks ripped, but he reaches for my hand, and I squeeze it tight.

“Whatever you need,” I say. “Anytime, anyplace.”

I have never been to London, and I can’t say that I’m seeing much of it on this journey. We went straight from Justin’s jet to his limo to his office. During the course of that ride, I saw traffic and people and buildings that are significantly older than any we have in either Texas or Los Angeles. But I didn’t see the Tower Bridge or Buckingham Palace or even a British pop star. In a way, I’m glad. This is hardly a vacation stop. On the other hand, who knows when I’ll be back this way again?

Now we’re at the London office of Stark International. It’s located in the Canary Wharf business district, and Justin’s office takes up one half of the thirty-eighth floor. The building is ultra modern, as is the furniture. Justin spent most of the short plane ride at my side, organizing a plan for locating Sofia while I made some notes about a smartphone app I’ve been pondering and sent Jamie and Evelyn both emails telling them we were on our way home and mentioning that I am—gasp—seriously considering leasing office space.

Now, I’m alone. I stand idly by the window and stare out into this dreary, overcast day. I have a view of the Thames, but not much else, and even that famous river doesn’t really draw my attention. My thoughts are twisting and turning when Justin comes back to his office, flanked by two efficient-looking women carrying electronic tablets and taking diligent notes.

He dismisses the one on the left and continues the conversation with the remaining woman. She’s in her late fifties, tall and slim and with the look of someone very capable. He introduced me to her earlier as Ms. Ives, his permanent London assistant. As far as I can tell, one of her primary duties is acting as the liaison between Sofia’s residential treatment facility and Justin.

I’m still fuzzy on why such massive resources are devoted to Sofia’s mental health. I understand that she’s a friend, but as far as I know, Justin doesn’t assign assistants to keep tabs on all of his friends.

“Let me know the moment you get through to Alaine,” he says to her. Alaine is now a chef in Los Angeles, but since he and Sofia and Justin were tight in their youth, Justin is hoping that he’s heard from her. He moves behind his desk and glances down at the neat piles of paper. “And since I’m in town anyway, bring me the projections on the Newton project.”

“Of course, Mr. Stark.” She pauses in her exit to nod at me. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Fairchild. I’m sorry the circumstances couldn’t have been more pleasant.”

“A pleasure to meet you, too,” I say. I remain by the window until the door shuts behind her, then I move to Justin’s side. “Any luck?”

“Unfortunately, no. She checked herself out of the most recent rehab facility about a week ago, and no one’s heard from her since.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

He grimaces. “It’s not the first time, but usually she turns up after a few days back in her apartment in St. Albans, drunk or stoned off her ass and ready to go get dried out again.”

“How old is she?”

“Twenty-nine. A year younger than me.”

I nod, digesting the information. “And she’s in rehab voluntarily? I mean, a judge didn’t put her there?”

“Sometimes I think it would be easier if one did,” he says flatly. “But no, it’s voluntary.”

“I see,” I say, but of course, I don’t. His desk is the size of the bathroom I share with Jamie, and made of chrome and glass and polished teak. I hop up on it, letting my legs dangle as I think about what he’s told me—and about what he hasn’t. “I get that you’re worried something happened to her,” I say. “What I don’t understand is why. She’s an adult and she checked out legitimately. Maybe she just decided to travel. To go hang with some other friends. They said she was almost dried out, right? Maybe she wants to prove to herself that she can operate sober on her own.”

I expect him to shoot me down. To tell me—rightfully—that I don’t know a thing about this girl. Instead, he seems to seriously consider my words.

“She may have done just that,” Justin says. “But if you suddenly couldn’t find Jamie, what would you do?”

Considering that happened not so very long ago, he knows exactly what I would do. Completely freak out. “Point taken, Mr. Stark.”

“There’s another reason, too,” he says. His voice is casual, his movements equally so as he moves to the window where I was standing only moments before. I join him, and we both look out over this industrial section of the city. But it’s not the view that has captured my attention. It’s the reflection of Justin’s face in the glass. His voice and manner may be casual; his expression is not.

I don’t say anything, and after a moment, he continues. “She and I had an agreement. I’d foot the bill, and she’d finish the treatments. I don’t like having my conditions ignored.”

I nod. Knowing what I know of Justin, what he is saying makes perfect sense. The only thing I don’t understand is why, and though I’m almost certain he will shut me down, I decide to voice the question. “Why are you paying for the treatment? And not just this one round. There’ve been others, too, right?”

The silence that hangs after my question seems unusually heavy, and I am not sure how much longer I can stand the weight of it bearing down upon me.

When he finally speaks, the words are soft, but there is a harshness to them that I don’t understand. “I’ve been paying Sofia’s way for as long as I’ve had the money to do so.”

My question is once again “Why?”—and it bursts past my lips before I can think better of it.

I am looking at him now, not at his reflection. But Justin is still looking through the glass, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s seeing the city or the past. Is it me that he is standing beside? Or is Sofia next to him?

I squeeze my hands into fists, because I do not want to be jealous of a ghost, and yet I feel those tiny green seeds begin to sprout inside me.

Justin still hasn’t answered my question, and I think that perhaps I have gone too far. But then he finally speaks, and I am suddenly cold—chilled to the bone for Justin, and for the innocent girl who was his friend.

“She was Richter’s daughter,” Justin says. “And he didn’t leave her a dime.”

It takes me a minute to fully comprehend what he is saying. “Sofia is Richter’s daughter, but he left all of his money to you?”

“He did,” Justin says.

“So that’s why you take care of her? Why didn’t you just sign the money over to her?”

“That wasn’t an option,” he says. “For one thing, she had issues even back then. She’s brilliant but impulsive, and she doesn’t make the best choices. So I set up a trust. She can access money for her needs. I bought an apartment for her. I pay for her treatment. The bottom line is that she has a life and property because I didn’t give her that money. If I had, she probably would have died from an overdose. At the very least, she would have either drunk, injected, or snorted it away.”

I nod because that all makes sense.

“But the truth is that I would have helped her even if there had been no inheritance.” For the first time since he has started speaking, he turns to face me. “She knew about what he did to me. Her friendship helped keep me sane.”

“Oh, God.” I’m not sure if he can hear the words through the hand that I have pressed against my mouth. But I am certain that he can see the horror—and the sadness—in my eyes. “She knew what kind of a monster her father was.”

“She did,” he says. “And we survived him together. In the end, I was better suited at survival than she was. But dammit, Selena, she was there for me.”

I am nodding, tears trickling down my cheeks. “Alaine, too?”

Justin shakes his head. “He didn’t know anything. I value his friendship, of course. But my relationship with Sofia runs deeper.”

I take his hand and hold it tight. Those tiny green tendrils have completely shriveled up. There is no jealousy. Instead, I am as desperate to find this woman as Justin. This poor girl who shared what little strength she had with Justin, and suffered through her own kind of hell simply from knowing that the blood of a monster flowed through her veins.

“You’ll find her,” I say. “When have you ever not gotten something you want?”

As I had hoped, that draws a small smile to his lips. He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight.

“The trial must have been hell for her,” I say. “Her father. You.” I keep my cheek pressed against his chest as his reply rumbles through me.

“We didn’t talk about it. She didn’t like to think about the fact that Merle Richter was her father. I spoke to her a few hours before you arrived in Germany, actually. I kept expecting her to bring it up. She never did.”

I don’t know what to say next, so I am relieved when Ms. Ives’s voice comes across the intercom, telling Justin that she has Alaine on a video call, and does Justin want her to put it through to the wall screen?

Justin tells her to go ahead, and immediately a decorative mirror on the far side of the room turns opaque, then blue. And then, suddenly, I see Alaine’s face.

“Justin,” he says, “I was so pleased to hear about the dismissal.”

“Thank you. You remember Selena?”

“Of course. It is a pleasure to see you again, Selena. Hopefully next time it will be in person with a glass of my best wine.”

“I’d like that.” When I met Alaine, I hadn’t been able to place his accent. Since then, Justin has told me that he grew up in Switzerland. It’s still not an accent I would recognize easily, but listening now, I can hear the influences of both French and German.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t available when you called earlier. Your message said it was about Sofia?”

“She’s gone again,” Justin says. “Checked herself out a few days ago and took off. I haven’t been able to find her, and I thought she might have called you.”

“You are in luck, my friend,” he says. “I know exactly where she is.”

I meet Justin’s eyes and see the flash of relief. “Where?”

“Shanghai.”

“Shanghai?” Incredulity laces his voice. “Why? When did you talk to her?”

Alaine’s brow furrows. “Three, no four, days ago. Do you remember David, that drummer she was intrigued with a few years back? Apparently his band is booked for a week in a club there. She said she might be in Chicago, too, if a job the band is hoping for comes through.”

Justin presses his fingertips to his temple. His expression is an odd mix of softness and concern. It’s a paternal expression, the kind I imagine I’d see if he was worried about our own kids one day.

Our kids? I stiffen, but in surprise, not fear. The thought came unbidden, but it is not terrifying. On the contrary, it’s soothing, as if I’ve been given a sneak peek into the future, and it is a future with Justin and a family.

“She called you?” Justin asks Alaine. “I’ve been trying to reach her by cell, but it just rolls over to voice mail.”

“It was a video call,” he says. “I asked if she’d talked to you, but she didn’t want to bother you during the trial. I’m surprised she hasn’t called you now that it’s over, but knowing Sofia, she hasn’t seen the news.”

“Can you conference her in through the account she used?”

I see Alaine’s eyes shift up, as if he’s examining the various options on his computer monitor. “I think so. Hang on.” Alaine’s image stays on the screen, but a smaller box appears in the corner. It’s a snapshot of a girl with spiky black hair tipped with red. She has a multi-pierced ear filled with tiny silver rings. Her elven face is small and delicate and her skin is unnaturally pale. Her deep brown eyes are ringed with pitch-black kohl. The only color comes from her lips, which are wide and full and striking with bloodred lipstick. It’s hard to tell her age, but even though Justin said that Sofia is almost thirty, she looks barely twenty to me. Then again, I have no idea how old this image is.

“I think this will do it,” Alaine says, then almost immediately adds, “Well, damn the girl.”

It takes me a second to understand what has happened, but then I see that a red X has appeared as a watermark over the image. “What is that?” I ask.

“She’s closed her account,” Justin says. “You don’t have another contact number?”

“Other than her cell phone? No.” Alaine’s mouth is curved down into a frown. “I swear I don’t know what she’s thinking half the time. But she said she’d call after Shanghai and let me know where they’re going next.”

“Tell her to call me, too. For that matter, hook me into the call.”

“Will do. And, Justin, don’t worry. She will turn up. She always does. And we both know that she is a mercurial soul.”

“She’s a disturbed soul,” Justin says.

“Aren’t we all?” Alaine says, but there is a sparkle in his eyes, and it’s obvious that he doesn’t understand the fundamental truth of his words.

As soon as the screen goes blank, Justin calls Ms. Ives back in and gives her a list of instructions, including searching the file for David and then tracking his current band to Shanghai. She takes meticulous notes and promises to contact him the moment she has information. As soon as she’s left, Justin folds me into his arms.

“Are you okay?”

“Frustrated,” he says. “But I’m fine.”

I see the worry etched on his face, but when he looks at me and smiles, it all seems to fade.

“Thank you,” he says.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

My answering smile is so broad it’s almost painful. “Anytime, Mr. Stark.”

“I think I’m done here for now,” he says. “You’ve never been to London, have you? Do you want to stay the night? We could go to Harrods. Catch a show in the West End. See a few sights.”

“No,” I say. “I just want to be with you. I just want to go home.”

“And that’s another reason that we are perfect together,” Justin says. “I want exactly the same thing.”

Chapter Ten

“Welcome aboard, Mr. Stark, Ms. Fairchild. Would you care for a glass of champagne?”

“Yes, thank you,” I say, taking the glass gratefully. Justin and I are seated side by side in the rich leather recliners. There’s a polished table in front of us and equally shiny wood trim throughout the interior of the very large cabin. The seats are so comfortable I’d happily have them at home. The flight attendant is tall and slim, with a mass of curls piled on her head in a way that manages to look both cute and professional.

I sip the champagne, sigh, and have to admit that there’s something to be said for the billionaire lifestyle.

“What happened to the other plane?” I ask Justin. We’d flown from Munich to London in a small jet, similar to the one he keeps hangared in Santa Monica. While comfortable, it pales in comparison to this one.

“This is the Lear Bombardier Global 8000,” he says. “We’re crossing the Atlantic, remember? Not to mention all of the United States. I thought traveling in a plane with sufficient fuel capacity made sense. Plus it’s easier to get work done with an actual office. And sleep in an actual bed,” he adds, trailing his finger lightly up my leg and giving me shivers.

“This thing has an office and a bed?”

“There’s a bed in the stateroom,” he says.

“Wow.” I want to get up and explore, but the attendant has already asked that we fasten our seat belts as the plane is now taxiing toward the runway.

Now, she’s standing next to the jump seat. She’s speaking into a headset, presumably communicating with the pilot. A moment later, she hangs up, then walks toward Justin and me. “Mr. Stark, you’ve had a telephone call from Mr. Maynard. He tried to reach your cell, but apparently the call didn’t connect. When he realized you were on board, he called the tower and asked that we get a message to you to call him at your earliest convenience.”

“Can we hold on the runway?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll call him now,” he says, then pulls his phone out of his pocket. I watch from beside him, frowning as he’s put through to Charles. I can’t imagine why Maynard would be calling—could the court have changed its mind? Is it even allowed to do that?

I study Justin’s face, but his expression gives me no clues. It’s gone completely blank and totally unreadable. A boardroom expression designed to give nothing away to competitors—or to me.

After a moment, Justin stands, and though I reach for his hand, he doesn’t reach back. Neither does he meet my eyes. He heads to the back of the plane and disappears into what I assume is the office.

I try to focus on my book, but it’s impossible, and after I’ve read the same page over at least three dozen times, Justin finally returns. He nods at the attendant, who radios the cockpit, and by the time Justin has fastened his seat belt again we are once again readying for takeoff.

“What happened?” I ask.

“Nothing to worry about.” He stills wears that bland, corporate mask and I feel my heart constrict, as if a giant fist is squeezing it tight.

“But I am worrying. Charles wouldn’t radio the tower unless it was important.”

He smiles, but it seems forced, and I see no corresponding humor in his eyes. “You’re right. He wouldn’t.”

“Then what is it?”

“There’ve been some time-sensitive developments on a couple of matters that I’ve been chipping away at.” His voice is level, his words perfectly reasonable. I, however, don’t believe a word of it.

“Don’t shut me out again, Justin.”

“I’m not,” he says firmly. “Not everything is about us.”

I tense, the sting of his words as potent as a slap. “I see.” I finger the book in my lap. “Well, never mind.”

“Selena . . . ” His voice is no longer cold.

I tilt my head to look at him, my own mask firmly in place. “It’s fine,” I say.

His eyes search mine, the near-black one seeming to see so deep into me that it is almost dizzying. I hold his gaze for as long as I can before I have to look away or else risk him seeing too clearly that I’m certain his words are all bullshit. What I don’t understand is why.

I turn my head, ostensibly to look out the window as the plane gathers speed, rushing forward to its inevitable climb. And as the wheels lift off, I can’t help but think that we have reached the point of no return, Justin and I. Like this plane, we will either continue to move forward, or we will crash.

There are no other options.

And as I glance sideways at Justin with his papers spread out and his face a mask of secrets and fears, I cannot help but be very, very afraid.

I’m sitting cross-legged on the narrow bed in the stateroom, feeling hollow. I brought the empty champagne flute back with me, and now I hold it like a baton—one hand on the base, and one hand on the rim, the fragile stem stretched out between my hands.

It would be so simple, I think. Just a contraction of muscles. One quick movement and—snap.

One second, maybe less, and I’d have the stem in my hand, its top raw, the edge of broken glass as sharp as a knife.

My skirt is hitched up so that I can sit like this, and beneath the material that is stretched taut across my legs, I can see the marred flesh of my inner thighs. I can imagine tracing the stem along the edge of the most jagged one. The pain as I press the glass into soft flesh. The release as I tug it down, my skin yielding and the horrible pressure in my chest finally lessening as the valve is open and all this shit that has been building can finally explode out of me.

I want it—oh, God, I want it.

No.

I squeeze my eyes tight, desperate for Justin’s hand. But he is not here, and it is just me, and I am not certain that I can do this alone.

Slowly, I run the rounded rim of the flute against my thigh. Just one snap—just a little pressure—

No, no, goddammit, no.

I will not do this, and I lift the glass, prepared to hurl it away from me, but a firm tap on the door startles me and I jump guiltily. I don’t expect it to be Justin—he returned to the jet’s office as soon as we reached altitude two hours ago, and I haven’t seen him since. Instead, I assume it’s Katie, the flight attendant, who promised to wake me when dinner was served.

“I’m not hungry,” I call. “I’m going to sleep a little longer.”

But then the door bursts open and he’s right there. Justin.

And there I am holding the goddamn flute.

I shift my position so that I’m sitting with my legs out and my back against the polished wood siding. I casually put the flute on the nearby table, hoping that he doesn’t realize the dark direction in which my thoughts were traveling.

He stands there for so long, I fear he isn’t going to say a word. His face is firm, his eyes sad. “You should have called me out for bullshit,” he finally says, and I allow myself the tiniest bit of relief. He didn’t see the glass; he didn’t realize what I was thinking.

“Of course it’s about us,” he continues. “There’s nothing in my life that isn’t about us. How could there be when my world revolves around you?”

“Don’t,” I say, still unbalanced and edgy. “Don’t shift the focus by plying me with romantic platitudes.”

I see the spark of anger fire in his eyes as crosses the stateroom in three long strides, the door clicking shut behind him. “Platitudes?” he repeats, his tone hard. “Jesus, Selena, are you telling me you don’t know what you mean to me?” He reaches out to touch me, but stops with his fingers only inches from my face. “Haven’t I told you every single day that we’ve been together?”

I can feel the heat rolling off him. A violent passion. A sensual need. I close my eyes and draw a shuddering breath as my blood pounds through me in response. Oh, yes. I know how he feels about me; I feel the same way. Alive in his arms. Lost out of them. He is everything to me.

And that is why I am willing to fight so hard.

Slowly, I open my eyes and tilt my head to look at him. “I know,” I say. “But that doesn’t make it relevant. Maynard didn’t call about stock prices or your corporate logo or what they serve in the goddamn lunchroom at Stark Tower.”

He’s staring at me as if I’ve gone mad, and maybe I have a little. But dammit, I want him to understand.

“We’re not attached at the hip, Justin. Everything’s not about us. And that’s fine. Hell, it’s good. I don’t want to steal your autonomy any more than I want to hand you mine. But I have memorized every line of your face, and I recognized the shadows I saw in your eyes. So don’t trivialize something that really does affect us by making it sound like some minor irritation that’s going to require us to reschedule dinner next Thursday.”

He raises an eyebrow as he looks at me. “Well,” he says, and that simple word holds both surprise and acknowledgment.

After a moment, he takes the last step toward me and sits next to me on the bed. He gently takes my hand and uses his fingertip to trace lightly upon my skin. He says nothing, though, and the silence hangs heavy between us, full of both questions and hope.

I remember my thought as we took off—that we are either going to keep moving forward, or we are going to crash. Finally, I can take it no longer. I reach for him, then stroke my hand down the side of his cheek. “I love you,” I say, though the words seem too big for my throat.

“Selena.” My name sounds as though it was wrenched from him, and when he pulls me close and holds me tight, I close my eyes, wanting—no, needing—to hear the words back. He has not said that he loves me since my first week in Germany. Not since the trial prep began in earnest and the attorneys warned him that he was risking jail and his future if he didn’t testify.

I need to hear it now, though. I desperately need him to say those three little words. Not because I doubt that Justin loves me, but because I cannot shake the fear that we are on a collision course with the real world, and that those words are our only shield once our shiny, protective bubble shatters.

He says nothing, though. He simply holds me, his arms closing tight around me as if that is all the protection I need.

When he does speak, his words surprise me. “The press has been going hot and heavy suggesting that I bribed someone to get the charges dropped.”

I stiffen and pull back so that I can see his face. “Those fucking bastards.”

The corner of his mouth lifts. “I agree completely with your assessment, but the truth is I’ve been accused of worse.” I search his face and see nothing of my own anger. Whatever is bothering him, it isn’t this ridiculous accusation. That’s just one part of the story.

“Okay,” I say. “Go on.”

“Apparently the prosecutors and judges weren’t thrilled with the allegations. The prosecution released an official statement that the charges against me were dropped after additional evidence was brought to the court’s attention.”

Considering that’s exactly what happened, I’m still not seeing the problem. But I say nothing, content to wait.

“Now the press is pushing to see the evidence.”

Oh . . .

I squeeze his hand tight. “Justin, that’s—” I cut myself off, because I don’t know what to say. Horrible? I think of how wrecked he was after the dismissal and try to magnify that a million-fold if those photos are released to the whole goddamned world. My chest constricts and my skin feels prickly merely from the thought. I can’t even imagine how Justin must feel—or how brutally the release of those photos will rip him apart.

I suck in air and try again. “Surely they won’t. The evidence is sealed, right? What did Maynard say?” I’m babbling, but I know nothing about the law, and even less than that about the law in Germany. Does the press have a right to see the evidence? Will the court or the prosecution turn the photos over to save its own reputation?

“Vogel is on it, and Charles is staying in Munich to work with him. He’s optimistic, but it’s too early for me to have any real sense of the outcome.”

“I see.” I want to tell him that it will be okay, but I can’t quite bring the lie to my lips. Because if those photos are released, it will rip him apart. And, yes, Justin is strong, and I know that he will heal. But like the cuts on my thighs, that wound will never go away. Part of him will have died, and nothing will be the same again.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he says as he brushes the pad of his thumb across my lips.

I open my mouth, drawing him in, then close my eyes and savor the taste of him. “Aren’t you the one who told me that pain and passion go hand in hand?” I murmur when I finally release him.

I watch as his eyes darken, then gasp as he pushes me back onto the narrow bed. Desire—hot and heavy—slams through me with such force and power it makes me dizzy. I need him—I need his hands upon my breasts and his body against mine. I need his tongue in my mouth and his cock deep inside me.

I need to feel the connection between us. I need to revel in it, to bathe in it.

I need to feel what I already know—that Justin is mine, and that I am and always will be his.

His hands are holding fast to my wrists, keeping my arms stretched above my head. He holds me tight, and I wince from the pain of my skin twisting in his grip, then cry out again when he violently kneads my breasts through my thin cotton shirt. “Do you like that?” he asks.

“Yes, oh, God, yes.”

He lowers his mouth to my breast, suckling through my shirt before shoving it up, then tugging my breast free from my bra. He is straddling me at the hips, and I am breathing hard, unable to move as his hands hold me down and his mouth closes over my now bare breast. He draws the nipple in between his lips, sucking so intensely that I arch up, then cry out when he bites down, his teeth drawing tighter than the little silver rings from the night before.

He pulls away, tugging the nipple with him, and I arch up, wanting more—wanting that sensual bite, that seductive sting.

“Tell me what you need,” he demands.

“You,” I say. “I need you.”

“Goddammit, Selena,” he growls, “that’s not what I mean. Tell me what you need.”

And that’s when I realize—of course he saw the flute. Of course he knew what I was thinking. Justin knows; hell, he always knows.

“I need you,” I repeat hoarsely. “That’s all I need. I wasn’t going to do it, I swear. I thought about it, but I wasn’t going to do it.”

“Oh, baby.” His mouth closes over mine, and he is kissing me, wild and hungry and with so much fervency I feel as though we will both get lost in it. His hands move over my body and I writhe under his touch, every sense firing. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I brought you there, and I’m so fucking sorry.”

“No,” I say. “It’s me. Only me. And you’re what keeps me strong. Oh, God, Justin, please,” I add, because I cannot have his hands on me and have this conversation at the same time. “Now, please, I need you now.”

“Selena.” My name is an anthem as his fingers thrust aside the negligible material of my thong and his fingers sink deep inside my already dripping cunt. “Oh, baby.”

I shift my hips and struggle against his hand that still holds me fast. Whatever anger or hurt I’d felt moments ago has completely evaporated. This is Justin, the man that I love. The man that I need, and I want him inside me. I want him touching me. I want—dear God, I simply want.

He releases his hold on me to unfasten his pants and free his cock. I tilt my head up, then suck in air when I see him, thick and hard. I shift my arm, my fingers itching to stroke him.

“No,” he says, and I have to bite my lower lip to hold back my cry of disappointment as I comply, keeping my arms stretched high above my head.

“Hurry,” I beg. I spread my legs wider, desperate for him. I am liquid flame. I am hedonism personified. I am lust and need and passion.

And then he is above me, his mouth upon mine, wild and wet even as the head of his cock slides over my sex, cruelly teasing me but never entering me.

I arch and writhe, begging him with my body, and when that doesn’t work I nip his lower lip with my teeth and demand, “Now, Justin, fuck me now.”

And then I moan as he thrusts hard inside me. My skirt is around my waist, my thong shoved to one side. He balances with one hand beside our joined bodies. The other hand is twined with my fingers above my head.

The plane hits a pocket of air, and I cry out in alarm and pleasure as we free-fall, then slam back at altitude, the motion thrusting Justin even deeper inside of me. I want my hands to be free—I want to cup his ass and push him hard inside me—but he is giving me no leeway. He breaks the kiss and as he balances above me, he looks deep in my eyes. Our bodies are touching only where his hand circles my wrist and where his cock is thrusting so enticingly in and out of me.

“That’s it, baby,” he says, going deeper with each stroke, his body rubbing my clit with each motion. “I want to watch your face as you explode. I want to know that I’ve taken you to the brink, and then I want to go over the edge with you.

“Come on,” he urges as the storm rises like a wellspring of colors inside me. “Come on, baby—oh, yes,” he groans as my body explodes around his. The orgasm ripples through me, making me arch up and cry out and writhe with a wanton desperation. I’m not sure if I’m trying to escape this riot of sensation or if I’m trying to make it go on and on. All I know is that Justin has not stopped thrusting and the muscles of my sex are still spasming around him and I am clawing at the cover on this bed and arching up and trying to breathe and—

“Oh, God,” I cry as one final, violent jolt of electricity cuts through me just seconds before Justin finds his own release. I collapse, limp, onto the bed and though my eyes are heavy, I cannot pass up the joy of watching pure sensual satisfaction play across his face. Then he smiles at me, his expression so tender that I can think of nothing more than curling up next to him.

As if in answer to my thought, he lowers himself beside me, and the hand that just a few minutes ago held so fast to my wrist now traces lazy strokes down my arm.

“Welcome to the Mile High Club,” he says, and I burst out laughing.

I roll closer and nestle against him, sated and satisfied and happy. “You are what I need, Justin. You’re all that I need.”

I have surrendered to this man completely, and now, once again, it feels wholly right. Between Justin and me, sex is as necessary as conversation. It is our method of discovery. Our sharing of trust. And our ultimate surrender.

It is, I think, his “I love you” spoken with his body, if not with his words.

I’m drifting, neither awake nor asleep, when Justin’s words bring me fully back to myself. “No matter what the German court decides, there’s a good chance those pictures are going public.”

There is no emotion in his voice, and that chills me more than anything. I don’t move. We are spooned together, my back against his chest, his arm draped over my waist. I keep my eyes closed, as if that somehow makes the words less real. “Why would you say that?”

“I think your earlier thought was right,” he says. “I think my father might be the one behind this.”

“Justin, no.” I roll over now—I have to see him. “Do you really think so?”

“It makes sense. If I go to jail, his asset stream dries up.” Despite the fact that Justin’s father makes my mother look as sweet and cuddly as the Easter Bunny, Justin has continued to support the man.

“Even if you’re right, that only explains how the court got the photos. Why on earth would you think that he’d make them go public?”

He rubs his fingers together, symbolizing money.

I shake my head, not following.

“Tabloids. Internet sites. So-called news programs. They’ll all pay a lot for information if they think it will sell ad space or papers.”

“Shit,” I say, because he is right, and that pretty much sums it up. “Maybe it’s not him.”

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bjornartesttest · 7 years

Text

Februar, 2017

Its about one year since my last post, so I will start this of with a little sum-up about whats been going on in my life since march last year.

In my last post I left it of stating that I was going to chill with the boys, and focus on work. I guess I didnt completely manage to ive up to that. Having that said, Ive been more true to my self then I have in the past at least. The bouS:

Max:

We met a few times on dates, we had a one-night stand and we also went for a walk. I was always a bit scared to get to into him, as it was clear hw wanted to get out of Norway and see the world. And thats what he did He moved to Germany this fall, I think he is haveing a good time there. Good for him!

Pål:

Me and Pål are still friends, though there is something about our chemistry that always ends up with flirting. I think he is still into me. I have a tendency to always reject him in a nice way. He respects it though, and I dont think I am taking advantage of him. I met him last night on his birthday, wich was nice. I dod make sure to go home before I got too drunk though.. We also meet every second month or so though a dinner club we have started with common good freind Siri. Very nice.

Steffen:

We were supposed to meet up again and have some fun a few weeks ago, but hew then all of a sudden had started to date his old summer fling and called it of. Not very suprsing I must say. Speaking of, it might also have something to do with the fact that I dated his ex boyfriend this summer. I found out about it on the last date I had with the guy (whom I cant remember the name of anymore). A very handsome architect in his late 30s. It was sort of a turn-of for us both that we had been with the same guy though I think. More about that later

Other boys:

Marius:

Marous I met around May/June last year. Hes a 36 year old nurse, wirking with HIV at Olafia clinic in Oslo. Marius is in many ways a bit like me. POsitive, firendly, medium self confidence, creative, a bit weird, tall. We were a really good match, and had some very nice dating time before the summer hoilday. For some reason though, It felt like we were a bit to simlar. Not enough friction. So- after my summer holiday when he was away, I was out dancing one night - wich leves me to Ingemar. The guy who made me understand I should not be with Marius anymore (aka I dumped him 3 weeks after I met ingmar).

Ingemar:

24 year old guy. Crazy, handsome, cute, smart and a handfull... We met at the dancefloor and then spent every nihght together for a week. Very intence, and also at the point when I was not done with Marius yet. He was ony on town for a week before he went to exchange studioes at a Architecture aschool in france. We kept in touch during fall and talked a lot on the phone. He met the fwall and kept me in the loop on his journey, wich made our connectionquote special. Somehow I really started to care for him. Whn he came home around chrsitmas, I think we were both wondering about what our connection was really about. I did not really feel a “in love” connection anymore, but I think I tried to lie to myself and try to convince myself that I did. Maybe he did the smae. We met once before xmas, and then we talked and texted thoughtout the holidays about our lives. Very deep - kind of to ddep maybe? I invited him over in the beginning of december, and it kind of felt a bit forced and unromatic. At the same time, we totally opepend up so I know alot about him and vice versa. We ended up concluding with that we are better of as friends. I think thats a good thing, and it will be interesting to see how our connection will continue. Will the freindship thing come natural, or will it still be weird once in a while? Time will show. Im not 100% sure myself about how much it makes sence to be in touch...

Germain:

Me and Germain met a year ago. At that time I had decided to have a boy break, so I dodnt follow up. This fall I saw hime on Gaysir, and invited him out for a date. Hes a super cute, smart mexican 28 year old boy. Very passionate about his studies, hobbies and work, and a stable soul. I like many sides of his. Having that said, we have not met in over a month, so I am not really sure where it is going. He texts me, and want h´to hear how I am doing, but he also never have toime to meet up because of his tight schedule. I have a tight schedule, but I still manage to prioritize. Before xmas, we met maybe 5 times. Nice trios, dates, kissin, food. The last night when we were suposed to have sex was though a bit awkward. We could not go though w it, as he told me he just found out he had an STD in his throat. Aka not even kissing. Anyways, to be honest - I am not really quite sure what to di with him. Its like he is the only one I am currently “in touch” with, but if its not leading anywhere - is it perhaps better to just close the case? If I dont hear from him in a week, I am out.

So . that was my last year with boys. A ot of very interesting boys, but nothing that really hit the right note it seems. Ive been frustrated lately, as it feels like Ive allready met all the good boys in the city, and Im getting anxous out and about as there are so many old flames anywhere I go. Fuck budies, dates, Grid faces... urgh... So - right now I am on a gay break. No applications, no onlune profiles. I even deleted my 10 year old gaysir profile...

It actually feels quite refreshing. I really needed a littel mental break, something I think is really good for me. I will try to keep it up for the next 4 weeks, before I start opening up again. I still have some fuck buddies though, wich helps. Ive meet them both now for quite some time, so it feels safe and nice. Before I started this “off face”, I was very out there. I dont think Ive ever had as much sex in my life as ive had the last 12 months. Because of this, I applied to get PREP in december. Something I ironcly got one week before I deleted my profiles. Its been great to have sex without a condom with my normal partners though. For the past month Ive taken a pill every day, but I will stop doing that and focus it around planned meetings after my next doctors appointment.

So - sum up about boys:

I met a lot of great guys, and now I feel exhausted and a bit drained and frustrated. I have forgotten how it felt to be in a realtionship and beeing cudeled every night. Definelty in a veryindepenent phase somehow. Im k´going to keep it like that for a little bit longer.

Other in life, its been a eventful year. I bought my own appartment, a lovely small place in gamlebyen. Ive spent all of my money and a lot of my time fixing it up and getting it into shape. I am quite happy with it :-)

Also, Ive had a bit of a hard year workwise. Two of my biggest projects ever did not go how I watd them to. I did not manage to stir them the way I wanted, and as a result I crashed a bit last fall mentally. I lost a lot of confidence, and started questioning everything. I dont fell like talking to much a out it, as Ive allready processed it quite well, but what that is worth mentioning though is that it made me think about a lot of things I have not thoght about in a long itme. Such as future goals, dreams, expectations to myself and what that really matters in life.

I am writing this post now partly because I dont want myself to forget the journey I started, and what fruites I have gotten so far. What do I need to do to keep this up?

Basically, I felt frustrated and asked myself what I could do to get more focused, inspired etc. I decided to talk with a school, AHO, and their MA course in service design. I have been thinking about maybe applying there this coming fall. I also talked with one of my bosses to see if I somehow could learn and work with the same things at the office - and school myself there. To be honest - I started up very good - but have not been good at follwing up. I will keep this in mind on my “goals list” in the end of this post.

Ive started working as a voluntair at Sjekkpungt, something thta has been very intersting so far. My role is to test people for HIV. So far Ive only been and the workshops, but in a months time, I will start testing people myself. Looking forward to that.

Ive gotten active in Grafill, and their graphic design group. So far its been really fun. I might take of the the spot as lader of the group ina months time, wich is great. I would love to be more active with those kind of issues.

Work has btw been quite nice now after XMAS. Ive finished all my projects in time, and delivered fairly well on all of them I think.

Ive also managed to get two freelance gigs. One for Stanavger Kunssenter, and one for Tableau. I really enjoy working on them both, now I just need to do them!

Other then that, Ive been hitting the gym A LOT lately, and I am slowly starting to get results. Body feels more toned, and I am starting to get quite comfertable with how I look. I will do what I can to keep it up!

SO - to do list:

- Stay of apps for anohter few weeks

- Give Germain one week to make up his mind, then be straight forward and move on.

- Keep up the gym - six pack by april (text PT)

- Have FUN with freelance work. Focus hard the next few days. Finish webshop, email Katrin, make “shop” logo.

- Start developing the Geology project - Morteza? Karoline?

- Applyi for AHO!!

- Start thinking about potential moves next fall.. Copenhagen? AHO? Other opertunities?

- FInd out how to do more teaching. Who to talk with?

- Read service design books

- Visit Silje

- Eat soup

- Russia

- pay down Mastercard by MAY

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