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open-hearth-rpg · 21 days

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Open Hearth Video Roundup - April 26, 2024

Welcome to the Open Hearth Gaming video roundup!

These recorded sessions represent only a portion of the games we play every week, and anyone is welcome to join the fun! If you'd like to play in games like these, join our Playabl community and click on the "Calendar" tab to sign up for upcoming games. To browse our entire library of session videos, please visit our YouTube Playlists page.

You can now listen to sessions as podcasts as well!

Open Hearth Gaming Calendar

Urban Shadows 2E Cale P runs for Brandon Brylawski, Elle, Jesse A., and Kae Session 0 (Character creation and world building) for an Urban Shadows quarterly.

Urban Shadows 2E (Session 1) Cale P runs for Brandon Brylawski, Elle, Jesse A., and Kae In which Red is friend-napped, Cary is mauled, and Dancy and Dara react to these offronts.

Urban Shadows 2E: Guest Stars! Cale P runs for David Miessler-Kubanek and Steven S. We prep guest stars Morgan (a Gargoyle) and Miss Mash (a Tainted) for the next session.

Urban Shadows 2E (Session 2) Cale P runs for Brandon Brylawski, David Miessler-Kubanek, Kae, and Steven S. Our cast collides and revolves around the friend-napped Red.

Trail of Cthulhu: Fearful Symmetries: Arc Two (Session 8) Lowell Francis runs for Alun R., Paul Rivers, Sherri, and Will H With the death of one of Lady Verity's entourage, Dr. Whitewood goes into full sleuth mode. Richard and other others look further into the magical and supernatural happenings. Isabella deals with the artifacts in Jaeger's safe. But the situation grow more complicated and meta, leading to the center of a maze, the telling of a story, and the temptation of a king.

The Mecha Hack: Q’ku Riposte (Session 9) Anya Reyes runs for Lowell Francis, Marc Majcher, and Sherri (Due to a recording problem this session is uploaded in two parts.) The strike team sets off to attack the Collective main facility and the Kaiju weaponization program. If they succeed the collective presence in the quadrant will be all but obliterated. It's just a matter of destroying the most secure building on the planet.

The Mecha Hack: Q’ku Riposte (Session 10) Anya Reyes runs for Lowell Francis, Marc Majcher, and Sherri [Epilogue] - A week has passed since the strike team took The Collective kaiju weaponization program facility. Selim has recovered and needs to answer to Prince Selina. Meanwhile the vipers set off to find their allies. Everyone stands to decide the future of Aurelia.

Girl by Moonlight: On a Sea of Stars (Session 3 of 5) Donogh runs for Ian, Matthew Doughty, and Sabine V. Iris/Horizon the Time Traveler arrives back from a solo mission just in time to defend the Last Bastion. But with the delay in their launch, only they are still aboard to come face to face with a Leviathan as it breaches their hangar, wreaking havoc and sowing dissent...

Girl by Moonlight: On a Sea of Stars (Session 4 of 5) Donogh runs for Ian, Matthew Doughty, and Sabine V. In the aftermath of their defence of the Last Bastion, relationships are frayed and nerves raw. Iris struggles with her place in the congregation and with her secret lover. Jet's workcrew throw abuse in his direction for his role in the Relic's destruction. And Cordelia's faith shines through, despite her mentor's misgivings over her official rejection from the pilot programme...

Girl By Moonlight: Divine Engines (Session 10) Lowell Francis runs for Ethan Harvey, Patrick Knowles, Sherri, and Tyler Lominack We return to this series after a mid-season break. Our pilots deal with the fallout from their last mission and begin to sense troubles in Bastion. The other team isolated and information becomes scarce. Then, after days of not being told anything, the secrets of this penultimate mission are finally revealed.

Star Wars Saturday

Fellowship (Session 8) Rich Rogers runs for Cody Eastlick, Kae, Steven Watkins, and Tyler Lominack An unexpected revival drives the fellowship into a showdown in Malicos' Tower.

Stars in the Dark: Stars in the Dark II (Session 7) Anders runs for Marc Majcher, Mark (they/them), Rich Rogers, and Steven Watkins Betrayal?!

Fellowship (Session 9) Rich Rogers runs for Cody Eastlick, Greg G., Kae, and Steven Watkins The fellowship deals with the aftermath of their fight with Taron Malicos.

Off-Calendar Highlights

Trophy Gold: Hissing Darkness: In the Wake of Secrets (Session 3) Madelancholy runs for Dom, James, Jazy, and Mike Ferdinando The survivors take on the Hunter in the Maze and welcome a sentient mech to their number in combat. The remains of a lost hunter is brought along as a desiccated souvenir. As the group enters the Under-Hull, they find more warped technology in the chemical slurry...among other things...

Trophy Gold: Hissing Darkness: In the Wake of Secrets (Session 4) Madelancholy runs for Dom, James, Jazy, and Mike Ferdinando The Fabricator-Forges upgrade and improve raw material and scavenged tech as they prepare the survivors - with the proper offering - furthering their journey. The survivors find their way into The Vastness--nothing can go wrong, communicating and communing with the Dark...

Trophy Gold: Hissing Darkness: In the Wake of Secrets (Session 5) Madelancholy runs for Dom, Jazy, and Mike Ferdinando The ASRU unit follows a different directive in exploring The Vastness while keeping contact with Somni. Somni finds signs of her sister which fuels her obsession to go deeper into The Ship to find her. Quixote Communes and merges with the vestiges of dark consciousness and Pol finds a sentient contact, divining a necessary sacrifice is needed to go further. The remainder of the party make their way from the Dark Void to...the Engine.

Trophy Gold: Hissing Darkness: Whispers in Exile (Session 3) Madelancholy runs for Amanda/iamatrex, B, Jonn, and Marc Majcher A plunge into chemical slurry. Encounters with camouflaged crawlers. An...offering made to twisted technology. Memories bleeding into the warped present, as someone makes a startling discovery about themselves. With all this, the survivors make it out of the Under-Hull and into the next area...

Trophy Gold: Hissing Darkness: Whispers in Exile (Session 4) Madelancholy runs for Amanda/iamatrex, B, Jonn, and Marc Majcher The Vastness overwhelms with its breadth and strange paths over a cascade of living Darkness. A tenuous connection remembered, a memory before entering cryo-sleep. A ride on a membranous elevator increases tension. Altars call out in this cathedral-like space and a survivor is lost...

Trophy Gold: Hissing Darkness: Whispers in Exile (Session 5) Madelancholy runs for Amanda/iamatrex, B, Jonn, and Marc Majcher Another survivor - Jaxu's sister Jada - has followed the group into the Dark Void out onto the hull. Dr. Mullen and Cecile Commune with the Darkness and understand what needs to be done when they reach the Engine. Hart tries to save them from themselves but without success. Jada decides it needs to all come down... [Content warning: narrations of blood, sacrifice, murder.]

The Between: Stars and Suns, Season Two (Session 10) Madelancholy runs for Jack, Mike, Sarah W., and Steph "The Morning After" - Discussions, dessert, and recriminations the morning after. A protegé is sent away for his own safety. Strange details on a body in the morgue are pointed out over port.

The Between: Stars and Suns, Season Two (Session 11) Madelancholy runs for Jack, Mike, and Steph "Lost Souls" - This Night Phase sees the hunters attempt to resolve the demonic Threat residing at Kilborn Abbey, each in their own way, while a play of twisted science occurs across town. The Mask of Sacrilege was narrated to horrifying effect at the end of the session.

#rpg actual play #ttrpg #rpg #open hearth gaming #pbta

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rosegarden-society · 9 months

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Started playing Fallout 4 for the first time to try and get back into the muse for Jess maybe and.

No spoilers but Jesus Christ if I knew the beginning was going to be like this I wouldn't have based my player character off of her

#ooc #I was not mentally prepared #that is all I'm saying

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saintedbythestorm · 1 year

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Gotta love how my most played fallout 4 character, Jess, is level 76.

#it's very funny to me ngl #also it's a lot of fun to play a character that high leveled. she runs over anything at this point. 😂#ryder speaking

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luckyredeyes · 4 years

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The whole entire rest of the world: Fallout 4 was dumb and not as good as any of the other ones

My dumb ass still running around shooting mirelurks and collecting empty bottles: 🎶 La-la-la~, Mrs. Nicholas Valentine~, do-doobeedoo~

#off season [ooc]#tbd #jess plays fallout 4

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rars · 2 years

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so i’m playing a new fallout 4 save as lydia right

and like she’s as close as i could get to her because the fallout 4 character maker is SO hard to use (i spent like 3 hours on johanna mason when i made her in fallout lol) but i’m having fun with this new save. it’s a unique challenge early on in the game because i have SO many good perks i could apply for her that’ll help early on. but i’m going with what’s in character

so you know what one of my first perks was? the one that gives you more caps in trades. that’s right, lydia fallout 4 is making the big bucks. AND she’s not wearing practical armor yet because she’s still trying to maintain an image. #girl

#rars play fallout 4 #this is like my 4th fallout 4 save #the last character i made was jesse LOL but i didnt get far with him bc i dont like playing as men that much

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nadjadoll · 5 years

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🌸

#so uh my internet went out earlier today #thank god literally everyone else on my street has directtv #kids dont use comcast xfinity it sucks #thats just my opinion though #im still housesitting for another night so ill have internet there at least #ive also discovered that you need an internet connection to play fallout 4 and minecraft??#why??#whatever i still have fo3 #oh yeah and i wrote a little evie/jess drabble because i was bored out of my mind earlier #gonna post that later 👀

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farfarawaygirl · 3 years

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Hello! I just wanted to say as someone who’s been deeply emotional about the Jesse Spencer/Brettsey fallout this week, reading your Chenford works have been such a safe haven. The fluff, the chemistry, the domesticity. I’ve needed that this week. As sad as I am about CF, I’m so glad to have Chenford in our orbit (though I wish things would pick up a little faster in season 4, enough Bailey!! Lol) but anyways, just thought id say TY for your fics and I can’t wait to read what’s next!

My dude, I am still bummed about the Brettsey/Jesse of it all. I think a lot of that is because it’s so confusing?

One one hand we have Jesse firmly leaving the show as a series regular, which feels clean cut. But then, he’s doing interviews where he say to not give up on him returning, and that he has done work with Haas to make sure Brettsey isn’t over? It’s just a lot. I’m a black and white thinker, so I wish they would just pick one side and play to that.

I am so glad and flattered that my fics have in way been a little safe space. Writing for Chenford has been revealing for me, in the sense of how and what I want to write. I’ve learned a lot about my heart and head in the pages of google docs and my notes app. I have also been inspired by these two like never before.

When I’m down about anything, I often turn to music, and humbly suggest that you make a sweet, little, tender playlist to sing you to sleep. Joshua Radin at present is giving me major Brettsey vibes.

Thank you for reading, and for reaching out in this way! Asks are always such a lovely thing, and I do try to answer them!

Send me your Chenford hopes and dreams, or predictions. Tell me what else is giving your mind some rest this week! I always want to know more.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Em

#chenford #brettsey #emma shouts into the void #emma writes #ask Emma

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gohnnyjuitar · 2 years

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Fallout (General)

Cobalt Wyatt Bishop-King (DND)

Male, 37 years old. From the area of prewar Amarillo, Texas where his family runs a small farm. Part of a small group of mercenaries- The Fallen Horses- in the Boston area around ten years before the sole survivor leaves Vault 111. High charisma, high perception face; uses his skills with communication to negotiate payments and job offers. Main weapon; compound bow. Cousin to Tex.

Hannah Ryder

An outlaw from the Arizona area, roughly 100 years after the bombs drop. Mute since a very young age. The Chosen One’s mother.

Fallout 1

(tba; i’m still trying to play it)

Fallout 2

(tba)

Fallout 3

Valerie

(tba; i need to replay the game rip)

Fallout New Vegas

Rosemary Rosario

Female, 28 years old. From the New Vegas area, grew up with one of her adoptive fathers in California before returning to New Vegas and taking on the platinum chip job. Full memory loss from the gunshot wound left by Benny, major depression and alcoholism. High perception; taught to snipe by her adoptive father, Anthony Rosario. Kind, perhaps a little bit of a pushover. NCR ending. She travels mainly with her rottweiler, Boone, then “Ash”.

Jesse “Tex” Everett King

Male, 25 years old. From the area of prewar Fort Worth, Texas. A cowboy through and through; his mother runs a large brahmin/longhorn ranch in the Fort Worth area with his three sisters. Does courier work for the areas between Texas and New Vegas, spends most of his time in New Vegas at the Tops before accepting the platinum chip job. Major memory loss, anxiety and near blind in his left eye from the bullet to the head. Only starts to regain memories post-OWB. High charisma, high endurance; a tank with a charming personality. His main weapon is a pump shotgun. Direct descendant of Sandra King.

Romulus “Ash” & Remus

Male, 24 years old. Son of a high ranking Legion officer along with his younger twin brother, Remus. Their father’s bias towards Romulus showed from a young age, creating a rift between the two brothers early. Romulus befriends a prisoner and eventually starts to realize how horrible the Legion really is. He breaks ranks and runs off, picking up the name “Ash” from a prewar, bullet hole riddled sign for Ash Fork on his way west. He is followed west by Remus, intent on proving his worth and ability to take over their father’s position. Romulus falls in with Rosemary after she patches him up. The brothers face off at the Second Battle for Hoover Dam and only one survives. Romulus is high strength, high perception, and his main weapon in a compound bow. Remus is high strength, high endurance, and his main weapons are throwing knives and dual blades.

Fallout 4

Anthony Mateo Rosario

Male, 32 years old. Prewar Olympic sprinter and gymnast. He was put into Vault 121 along with several other athletes and personal trainers, where they would undergo one of many of Vault-tec’s questionable vault experiments. Nanites were injected into the bloodstream in weekly “boosters” under the guise of building up their immune systems to be able to leave the Vault. Several participants died, along with the original Vault staff, who were not given the injections. Anthony travels after leaving the Vault with another prewar athlete, settling in New Vegas for a while and raising Rosemary, before the two go separate ways. Anthony travels back home to Boston where he joins up with the Railroad. High perception, high agility. His main weapon is a sniper rifle, while his secondary ends up being the Deliverer.

Seth Seymour

Male, 27 years old. Prewar marine. Seth is on leave with his family in Sanctuary Hills when the bombs drop, leading to him becoming the Sole Survivor of Vault 111. Though he sides with the Brotherhood of Steel out of familiarity- military structure- he eventually leaves upon finding out Danse is a synth. The two take up residence in Sanctuary Hills with the Minutemen. High strength; main weapon is an assault rifle. He and Anthony knew one another prewar- Anthony had been engaged to Seth’s sister- and the two constantly butt heads.

Joan Duval

Female, 30 years old. General of the Minutemen. After Seth helps the Minutemen back to Sanctuary Hills, he leaves them to their own devices. Joan, who was part of the Minutemen before their fall in Concord, hears of them setting up shop in this prewar community and rejoins their efforts, eventually working her way up to General. Sympathizes with the Railroad; happily shelters synths escaping from the Institute and Railroad agents. High charisma, high strength. Though she prefers talking through things, her main weapon is a combat shotgun.

Fallout 76

Sandra “Sandy” King

Female, 24 years old. Born inside Vault 76 a year after the door is shut and the bombs drop. Spends an extensive amount of time alone once the doors reopen until people start returning to Appalachia. High endurance, high luck, low charisma. Her main weapon is a modded shotgun and she’s almost always covered in dried blood. Definitely the most feral of all the ocs. Directly related to Tex.

#oc; cobalt bishop-king #oc; hannah ryder #oc; val #oc; rosemary rosario #oc; tex #oc; romulus #oc; remus #oc; anthony rosario #oc; seth seymour #oc; joan duval #oc; sandra king #will smith pose #these are my babies #well these are the main ocs #i have plenty of side characters but then this post would be a mile long #will update as i get more for the first three games djkfg #sorry this is kinda long anyway #i lova them #i just have limited time to talk about them outside of dms on discord with like. two people

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krupnick02 · 7 years

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@wabbitseezon said: // ohhhhh. my... GOD... RED!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE FALLOUT?? 👀 👀 nooo joke, i love it so much. i will talk to you about fallout ALL DAY lmao. and yesss i would be so up for that au!

I LOVE IT TOO, MAN! I’m a late player, but ohhh my god I love Fallout 4?? IT’S SO GOOD AND IT’S SO GREAT AND I’M THRIVING FOR SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE WORLD FGKDFGKH -- talk to me about it anytime at all, willow. ANY TIME!

Oh my gosh.. Jess & Daffy could have a cute shabby house somewhere. Maybe they’re in Diamond City where Jess sings at the bar, maybe they’re out in the world in a guarded house or settlement. MAYBE THEY GOT THEIR OWN MISTER HANDY 😍😍😍 Either way omg omg omg -- WHAT A GREAT AU FOR THEM DFGKSDGF -

@swanwinged-princess said: speaking of fallout... if u do make that verse i have a final pam sideblog on one of my other accounts if ur interested👀

PFFFF oh my gosh. sure. talk about meeting God in the Wasteland--

#final pam ..........................................#i can't believe #jess is gonna b shook #ooc #i got 255 hours in fallout 4 and I have new vegas around that I haven't even played yet but I'm so excited to ..#fallout is a great world to rp with omg. a great world to make verses with #//SQUISHES MY CHEEKS//#this is gonna be awesome !!#poppin off shotguns while listenin to snazzy old 40s music YEEHAW

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farharbour · 6 months

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what? am i starting a new fallout 4 save but just making jesse again? nooo haha of course not... that would be silly... to play the same character over and over again and make the same choices... crazy... anyway i started a new jesse game with a lot of fun and interesting survival mode mods to make the game crazy hard and (hopefully) crazy fun because this is still the only game i want to play atm

#💬#i'm also putting some other restrictions on myself #but i'm not gonna get into them all. i'd also show a screenie of him but i'm still so sad there's no good hair. he doesn't look right :(#i AM using a top surgery scars mod tho hehehe...#fo4 lb

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smalls2233 · 2 years

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

💖💖💖

1)End Will Come - Petopher

Peter Hale and Chris Argent have a long and troubled history together. It's a longstanding cycle of violence and hurt, one that neither man is sure they can ever truly escape from.

2)Blood Runs Cold - Steter

“So then why are we letting Scott and Derek search for it if you know it's useless?” Peter looked down at Stiles and cocked his head with a grin. “Because I think seeing my nephew and your best friend run around like headless chickens while I think up a plan is hysterical.” “And the plan is…?” ---- Trusting Peter Hale is something that Stiles had repeatedly told himself to never do. He had seen first hand the results of Peter's plans and schemes, but when a shadow began tormenting Beacon Hills, he found that sometimes he'd have to to play along with Peter's games.

3)Rage & Tragedy - McReyes

There’s a lot of things Gabriel Reyes was prepared for to go wrong during the Deadlock bust. Getting shot, stabbed, or killed? All part of the job. Getting bit by a werewolf and its resulting fallout? Never in the plans.

4)The Wind Has Come - Petopher

Chris looked from the bounty sheet he had been given, up to Sheriff Stilinski, and back to the sheet. A feeling that he could best describe as disbelief flickered through him and he couldn’t help the scowl that crossed his face. “I’m not working with a werewolf,” he said after a few moments. His wife had been slaughtered by a werewolf years ago and then his daughter by an oni. He didn’t work with supernaturals, not after everything they’ve taken from him. But if he didn’t accept the job, Chris wouldn’t get paid. ---- After the Hale Pack's emissary is killed by a vampire, Chris and Peter are forced to work together to hunt it down and kill it.

5)Golden and Green - McReyes

“Angie, I was rich but I wasn’t nowhere near Reyes’ level. Believe me, buying watches and shit for his agents ain’t nothing but skimming the very top of his mountain made of solid gold,” Jesse shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth. “His very, very large mountain.” ---- During a stakeout on an influential member of a gang in New York, Jesse McCree finds out that Gabriel Reyes might be interested in spending money on only him.

I'm probably not going to tag other people bc I'm too lazy but if anyone wants to do this feel free lmao

#ask box #luulapants #my fics #mcreyes #steter #petopher #cole cassidy

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maggiemaybe160 · 2 years

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I posted 318 times in 2021

3 posts created (1%)

315 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 105.0 posts.

I added 14 tags in 2021

#tag game - 3 posts

#my friend made this - 2 posts

#signal boost - 2 posts

#succulent - 1 posts

#queen of angst - 1 posts

#spn - 1 posts

#spn pilot - 1 posts

#spn rant - 1 posts

#just a little ocd - 1 posts

#but really look at a calendar - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 37 characters

#im so glad my friend found your blog.

My Top Posts in 2021

You know when you’re close to the end of writing a fic and you start digging your heels in because you’ve spent so much time and emotion on this and it can’t end and it has to end at the same time?

0 notes • Posted 2021-01-13 03:40:50 GMT

First Line Tag Game

Thanks to @nickelkeep for the tag <3

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

1. Life Through a Portal (Dean/OC male) The bunker is relatively quiet.

2. Fallout: Supernatural (Destiel) War. War never changes.

3. Life at a Distance (Dean/OC male) Motel rooms start to blur together after a while.

4. The Man in the Woods (Jesper/Klaus) The air is cold but it hardly touches him.

5. Orchid of the Black Dawn (Mulan/Shang) “By order of the Emperor: one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army!”

6. I Forgot to Remember (Destiel) The screams of Hell were sounds Castiel could never forget.

7. Headaches and Heartache (Boone/female courier) The new relationship is just that: new.

8. Out of Time (Destiel) The last thing Dean remembers is fighting in a warehouse.

9. Something Terrible (Destiel) The air is still/ And silent/ The birds don’t chirp/ The wind doesn’t blow/ Something terrible has happened here

10. When You’re Found (Boone/female courier) Boone blinks blearily as he sits up.

11. Don’t Bother Knocking (Dash & Destiel) Dean is covered in Cas’ kisses, his skin burning with them as he moans.

12. The Wedding (Destiel) Don’t bother asking Dean Winchester why he thought that this was a good idea.

13. Lonely Without You (Destiel) Dean wakes up on a couch.

14. Bridge Over Troubled Water (Destiel) Pain rockets through Dean’s arm, waking him up.

15. Six Feet Deep (General) Dean is screaming.

16. His Beating Heart (Destiel) C roams.

17. Angel’s Lament (Destiel) Castiel has been walking for hours.

18. Here There Be Monsters (Destiel) The road is dark and stretches out in front of Dean.

19. Murder, Mystery & Makeup Memories (Sam/Jess) Sam has his headphones in as he slouches in his seat, his knee against the car door.

20. A Little More Human (Destiel) “I’m gonna head,” Dean says, getting up from his seat in the library.

Patterns? I seem to start entirely mundane or right in the middle of the action. There is no in between. My favorite line has to be 12. The Wedding (Destiel) Don’t bother asking Dean Winchester why he thought that this was a good idea.

tagging anyone who wants to play really @a-insominia @kingdumbass ?

2 notes • Posted 2021-05-14 16:04:09 GMT

Okay, so I’m writing and I’m going over the timeline of the pilot episode for reasons. Whoever was in charge of writing the timeline of things for that episode (and others, let’s be honest) has never even LOOKED at the 2005 calendar. In the pilot, Sam is at a Halloween party when he tells his people that he has an interview “on Monday.” Alright. Interview is on Monday. That night, Dean arrives and tells Sam they gotta go on a hunt. So they go. The hunt takes like 1.5 days and they’re heading back on November 2 in time for Jessica’s death. (RIP). While they are driving back, Sam announces that his interview is “in like 10 hours.” What? Excuse me? in 2005, Halloween was on Monday. October 31st happened on a Monday in 2005. So he had a week until his interview. November 2, 2005 happened on a Wednesday. If November 2, 2005 happened on Wednesday, then “in like 10 hours” would be Thursday morning. That’s not a Monday. Not even a little. So, I decided to give them benefit of the doubt and looked into 2004 which makes the writers dumb in 2 years because Halloween was on a Sunday that year which makes the interview on a Wednesday. I went back one more year. 2003. 2003 is the year that Halloween happened on a Friday which would have made Jessica die on a Sunday and Sam’s law school interview on a Monday. So now I have to think about if Supernatural was 2 years behind and we all just took it at face value that “Present Day” meant 2005 or if it meant 2003 and we are all wrong about every single date because we’re all 2 years off all because some CW writer didn’t think about looking at a goddamn calendar and wanted to ruin my Monday morning today.

19 notes • Posted 2021-09-13 19:05:03 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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eschergirls · 4 years

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Originally published at: https://eschergirls.com/photo/2020/04/22/totally-true-gender-science-pc-zone

From Jess Morrissette on Twitter (with permission):

"For some women, the 3D space and layout of an area in a game like Quake is not immediately obvious to them. Tunnels which lead off from a room, or even the entire architecture of the room, may be 'invisible.'" Source: "How to Get Your Girlfriend Into Games" (PC Zone, May 1999).

Holy s- this piece. And way to go with the "As your experiences in bed have undoubtedly told you, there is no bigger turn-off than a complete systems failure" part that seems to insult the presumed-to-be-male audience too? -_o And the "science" snippet that says women can't play FPSes because we can't navigate 3D space, but women are good at adventure games because women talk more than men... but remember gamer guys, don't complain about women being bad at things because you used to be a girl in your mom's womb once! Holy cow, PC Zone, not helping.

Transcription for screenreaders (big thanks to Bella (@MoviePosters00) for the transcription):

HOW TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND INTO GAMES

You've been playing games for years, but just imagine what they must look like from a non-gamer's point of view. They suck. The graphics are crap. Look out of your window — that's good graphics. These just look shoddy and blocky in comparison.

And what's with all the violence? Why do you have to kill everybody? Why can't you just talk to them? And what are these locations? Cathedrals? Dungeons? Catacombs? God, it's all so dark and depressing. And why are there so many blokes in these games? And what the hell am I doing spending hours playing this when I could be out talking to people, reading books, watching films, living life... This is how girls think.

Girls and games rarely mix. They rarely mix because you — man, boy, bloke, fellow, chap, me lad —you designed them.

Unlike most other examples of popular culture, computer games are predominantly designed and programmed by blokes and so inevitably appeal to men and the male tick-list of desirable experiences: being a superhero, being competitive, being murderous, and doing things fast.

Sure, we play the odd puzzler like Tetris. And yes, we can be found occasionally talking to elves in adventure games. But on the whole, we want violence, people's heads exploding, fast cars, big jets and gouts of hot arterial blood splattered against cobblestones. We want wars and vast armies of ourselves crushing other vast armies of people different to us into the dust.

She thinks: "Why play stupid computer games when you could be making me a cup of tea, paying me some attention, taking me out (or whatever your relationship revolves around)?"

You think: "Why waste valuable time attending to you when I've got to complete this freaking level?"

She strops. You grit your teeth. You feel bad about playing so you grab what gameplay you can in unsatisfying snatches, standing up every five to ten minutes and stroking her hair.

You say: "You okay?" She says: "Yeah. Guess so." You sprint back to your machine for another five-minute burst. Suddenly it's 2am. She's face-down asleep and you're having just one more go. Relationship: terminated.

Obviously, the ideal situation would be for both of you to like games. Those with PlayStations will probably have already experienced a touch of curiosity about games from their partners. But if the PlayStation is designed to be simple and appealing, the PC is a horrible beige monolith, forced to do games as an afterthought.

But it can be done. You can get your girlfriend playing games. We at PC ZONE have designed a 12-Part System. It takes some planning and no small amount of patience. We can't guarantee 100 per cent results but we believe, if you follow this plan, at the least, she will have some idea of why the hell you play games in the first place.

THE 12 RULES OF GIRLFRIEND GAMING

Step-by-step techniques for getting your girlfriend into games

1 CHOOSE WISELY

There's no point throwing her directly into Falcon 4 or Dark Reign II. Keep your game choices simple and realistic. Choose a game with strong interactive qualities and with real-life locations. There aren't, however, many good girl games on the PC.

PC ZONE chooses:

Half-Life

The hazard course is a particularly good starting point. It takes a while to get going but once they're hooked, they'll never stop.

Tomb Raider III

Despite what feminists say about her bosoms, girls like playing girls. Especially strong, agile ones.

Motocross Madness

Great driving game set 'outside', with hyper-realistic graphics. Exhilarating and amusing.

Creatures 2

Yeah, yeah, they "get to raise babies". Easy joke.

Worms

Because you can name the worms and then blow them up.

Quake II

Multiplayer especially. They'll hate it at first but try and try again. They'll get it.

Grim Fandango

Interactive, movie-like, funny, with a plethora of locations and mysteries. How much more girly can a game get?

Others (recommended by visitors to our website)

Puzzle Bobble, YOU Don't Know Jack, Baku Baku Animal, Civilization, SimCity 3000, Sam & Max, Broken Sword, Little Big Adventure, Settlers 3, Caesar IA Fallout 2, Zork: Grande Inquisitor

2 SET UP YOUR ROOM

Rule number one: tidy it. Rule number two: tidy it again (and vacuum this time). No-one wants their first introduction to games to happen in the midst of a smeg pit. Clear the mugs away. Wipe all those shavings and toenails off your desk. Clear the cigarette butts, bits of paper, Blu-tack and Coke cans out of the way. Get a nice clean mouse — not one clogged up with three months' worth of dried skin. Clean all those manky half-moons of crap off the keys on your keyboard, too.

Use Stanislavski's Circles Of Attention technique to minimise her distraction. Turn off the main light in your room and erect a side light which creates a pool of illumination around your computer. This makes the computer screen the centre of focus and mutes any peripheral distractions. In short, she has nowhere to look if she gets bored.

3 SELL HER THE GAME

Talk to her in language she can understand. Remember: you are a computer games geek.

She is a proper person who cares about things like emotions and novels. Don't use jargon. Ramp up any 'interactive' elements (talking, speaking, puzzle-solving). Play down hyper-violent aspects (flying globules of gibbage, explosions with true particles, realistic death throes). Once she's over her initial reluctance, she'll be as bloodthirsty as anyone, but you have to get her there first.

Half-Life

You want to say: "Next-generation first-person shoot 'em up with strong narrative elements."

You should say: "011, it's an amazing unfolding story with you playing the central character."

Motocross Madness

You want to say: "The real-time shadows are unbelievable and on Voodoo2 it uses tri-linear mapping for a super-realistic fractal landscape."

You should say: "It's really realistic and it's set outside."

Worms Armageddon

You want to say: "It's like that tank game you used to play in school where you'd enter the trajectory and balance it against wind speed."

You should say: "It's like Tetris."

TOP TIP If you're ever in any doubt about how to describe a game, just say: "It's like Tetris." Whatever you do, though...

4 DON'T OVER-HYPE IT

"Oh God, this is the best 3D shoot 'em up ever. The graphics are unbelievable. It’s such a brilliant game. It rules." Do not say anything like this or you'll create preconceptions. A game will have to have reality-quality graphics and the most involving storyline ever known to grab her after that sales pitch. To the uninitiated, compared to reality, a good film or a great novel, games - all games - suck and blow (at the same time).

5 HAVE A GOOD MACHINE

Don't waste your time trying to convert her to the Dark Side if you're packing a five-year-old PC with a green screen and Sinclair BASIC. Who wants to see a glut of piss-poor pixels masquerading as people and locations? Get 3D acceleration. And get it now. Get RAM. Get a nice big monitor and some meaty speakers. If you're going to use a joystick, get a big, firm one she can grasp (yes, insert crap joke here).

Get a joypad if you can. Remember, computers were never designed for games. It may be more versatile in the long term, but a keyboard isn't as forgiving as a joypad (plus you get to see her 'girl-steering' the pad in mid air when taking corners in racing games). The mouse is a brilliant 3D navigation device, but not at first and certainly not for someone used to pushing icons around a flat screen.

6 ENSURE EVERYTHING IS RUNNING CORRECTLY

As your experiences in bed have undoubtedly told you, there is no bigger turn-off than a complete system failure. Blue screen General Protection Faults are the gaming equivalent of a hair-trigger ("Oh sorry, I just GPF'ed"). Create a load of shortcuts on the desktop and configure keys/joystick/sound/video in advance - you don't want to stop the action over and over to adjust CD music volumes or the 'crouch' button.

Don't decide to check your email. Don't receive any phone calls. Don't schedule a clan match. Don't invite your mates over for a pissing contest. Make sure it's just you and her.

7 DON'T TAKE OVER

This is Five Gold Rings of the plan - the most important piece of advice. Resist the temptation to dominate proceedings. As she tumbles - for the fortieth time - headlong into the lava, do not snatch the mouse out of her hand and show her how it's done. Encourage. Encourage. Encourage. Every fibre in your body will be screaming for you to take the mouse - don't. Take a deep breath and count to ten. Better still, go outside and scream into a pillow (perhaps two. Eiderdowns). The more you interrupt and cajole, the less she will become immersed in the game and the more you will fail.

8 REASSURE HER

Like any newbie, she needs constant reassurance.

She says: "I'm crap."

You say: "No, you're not just schooled in the conventions of this medium."

She says: "Oh, I can't do it"

You say: "It took me a while to get the hang of it, too."

She says: "What's the point? I don't get it. I'm not doing it anymore."

You say: "There's a really brilliant bit coming up. Just stick at it."

She says: "I'm bored."

You say: "There's a bit like Tetris coming up in a sec."

She says: "Where's the bit like Tetris?"

You say: "It's coming in a minute, okay?

9 DON'T PATRONISE HER

"Ooh, you're doing really well," you say, as she dies on the Half-Life hazard course 50 times in a row. She's not stupid. She knows the difference between succeeding and failing. If she has developed black-ball trouble or a psychological block, change the scenery. Try a different game or a different level. Surreptitiously turn God mode on. Anything.

10 MAKE IT PART OF AN EVENING

Don't just announce that tomorrow night, you'll be playing computer games together. Or lock her in and force her to sit in your chair for hours. Go out for some beers first, or get some wine in, or whatever your relaxation method of choice is. Don't push it. Imagine this is like date number two or three. You wouldn't slap it on a tray and say "Let's go," would you? Maybe you would, but pacing and timing and bit of restraint are going to get you further.

Also, get some snacks in. PC ZONE recommended snacks for girlfriend gaming: Tooty Fruities.

11 POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT

It is a psychological fact that people will do things they don't want to if there's a reward for them at the end. You may have to trade. Say you'll go to see a film with subtitles with her if she spends an hour playing games. Or that you'll cook something other than corned beef curry. Or that you will finally pull out those dirty socks that are stuck like cardboard behind the radiator. There has to be a trade. You don't get something for nothing. Hopefully, to use an unfortunate comparison, like Pavlov's dog, every time she hears the ping of the SimCity 3000 menu options or the splattery fine red mist of giblets hitting cobblestones in Quake, she'll start salivating.

And finally...

12 DON'T BE SELFISH

Now you have succeeded in getting her as addicted to games as you are, you must nurture her interest. This means sharing your machine.

Remember, girls always win at beat 'em ups. You can revise all the best, most shimmery combos and special moves but she, just by randomly banging the joypad, will triumph every time. If you lose, don't tell her it was "a crap game anyway". Be gracious.

Maybe you should invest in another PC and set up a network. That way, she can play, you can play, and you can settle washing-up arguments with the railgun. Ah, bliss...

Oh, and don't forget to delete that porn.

AND NOW, THE SCIENCE BIT...

Blokes don't like talking about their emotions and girls can't park. Crass sweeping generalisations or statistically proven sweeping generalisations?

A variety of behavioural differences have been reported for men and women, and researchers have zoned in on 'parallel parking' as an example of the differences between male and female thought processes. Men can often 'see' the space, in 3D, in their brains. Women can perceive the gap, but need to talk about it in order to understand its relationship with the length of their car. They ask themselves questions and come to a conclusion, which takes longer than the male approach, which Is just to pile in there and use the alarms of the vehicles in front and behind to judge distances.

This car-parking phenomenon also has an influence on the way women perceive computer games. For some women, the 3D space and layout of an area in a game like Quake is not immediately obvious to them. Tunnels which lead off from a room, or even the entire architecture of the room itself, may be 'invisible'. This is not, as your grandfather no doubt maintains, because "women are stupid" but simply because they have a tendency to perceive 'negative space', the gaps between objects rather than the objects themselves.

The widely-held belief that women only like adventure games can be explained by recent studies, which found that women spend 43 minutes a day making personal calls and men only 22. Women speak, on average 9,000 words a day, while men utter a mere 2,000. Generally speaking, women communicate more and enjoy the act of talking and interacting more than men.

Anyway, before you start moaning about crap girl gamers or bad parking arguments, remember this: until six weeks into your mother's pregnancy, you were a girl. Then your defective X chromosome kicked in. Everything went haywire and for some reason your nipples weren't absorbed. Your clitoris, however, remained and grew and grew into your penis. Just remember that.

PUT TO THE TEST

We put PC ZONE's 12-Part System for getting your girlfriend into games to the test. We took a bunch of girls, various games, applied the system and tried to convert them to the Dark Side. Here's what happened...

NAME: Paula

AGE: 27

JOB: Make-up artist

STANCE ON COMPUTER GAMES BEFORE: "Boring waste of time. A typically mindless male pursuit."

STANCE AFTER: "No different. The kind of thing you do in the absence of any other stimulation or activity. When you're trapped in the house and there's no alternative. It makes me want to go and read a book."

VERDICT: Thoroughly resisted conversion to the Dark Side.

NAME: Vanessa

AGE: 22

JOB: Model

STANCE ON COMPUTER GAMES BEFORE: "I've only played PlayStation games before. I like martial arts games."

STANCE ON COMPUTER GAMES AFTER: "I really enjoyed them, but I still prefer games that get my adrenalin going."

VERDICT: Converted.

NAME: Mandy

AGE: 27

JOB: Hairdresser

STANCE BEFORE: "I've played puzzley games like Tetris. I get quite addicted, but how blokes can play them for hours or weeks strikes me as strange."

STANCE AFTER: "It's tempting once I get started."

VERDICT: Not much change

NAME: Emma

AGE: 24

JOB: Archaeologist

STANCE BEFORE: "They're all full of blood and violence. For boys who haven't grown up. I like building games like SimCity."

STANCE AFTER: "A bit disappointed you can't shoot people's legs off, but yeah, good fun."

VERDICT: Success.

NAME: Helen

AGE: 28

JOB: Stockbroker

STANCE BEFORE: "They are quite good, but far too complicated. A solitary, masturbation-type thing."

STANCE AFTER: "Yeah, good. I like them. Although I don't think I'm going to develop a habit or anything."

VERDICT: Our job here is done.

Quake ll

PAULA: "It's quite dismal. I don't have any sense of where I am. I'm just running around mindlessly. (Picks up some health 'biscuits.') Have those things disappeared because I picked them up? I don't know where I am. Am I trapped underground? Don't know where I've come from, don't know how to get out (she spends minutes shooting wall fillings). How do I know that's a door? I don't really understand the rewards. I get mild satisfaction from shooting someone. And blowing their head off."

Motocross Madness

PAULA: "I like the outside setting and the freedom. It's exhilarating to move over nice bumpy terrain. It doesn't look that realistic".

VANESSA: "I love this. It's more me. I love racing. The graphics aren't that amazing. I do like the crashes, though. It's wicked. I could play this for hours. It's brilliant. Wheeeeee (performs enormous, deadly cartwheel which should splatter drivers against the rockface like a plum). There's so much open space all over the place. I even like falling off."

MANDY: "It's a bit samey. What are you supposed to do? I like having race-oriented goals. I wouldn't buy it. It's got really weird, illogical controls."

EMMA: "Don't think much of the ground. How are you supposed to know where you're going? I've never been on a bike before... Oooh! I'm doing a wheelie! (The girls clap.) Why is it so sunny? It wouldn't be sunny. It'd be all muddy, like on KickStart, with people standing around who you could hit."

Pacman

PAULA: "Immediately challenging, but there's a really depressing quality about it. The `so what' factor is very strong. The graphics are shit - just lines and dots on a bit of paper. Don't care whether I win or lose. (Indignant) How old is this game?"

Half-Life

PAULA: "Much more exciting than Quake II. More problem solving - more appealing in that sense. The tension is greater and there's more suspense. The usual dismal, claustrophobic setting. It makes me feel anxious and tense. Ah! Ah! (Genuinely screams loudly when she sees a zombie.) That's horrible! I get bored when I go round and round in circles. It makes you aware of how mindless it is. It's quite satisfying - oh (plummets 10,000 feet to her doom) but it's quite satisfying to kill a bizarre monster."

VANESSA: "Feels more real than on the PlayStation. It's quite exciting - all these holes to jump through. It's exciting to use all these fingers. I hate it when I lose. I love guns. I like holding the gun. I thought I just came up the ladder. Why should I go down again? I wish something more exciting would happen. This is boring."

MANDY: "This is good. I like this. I like the fact that you're making progress. I'm excited. I like the way his arm moves (she ducks to avoid low pipes on screen). Quite impressive, but I couldn't play it for hours."

Grim Fandango

HELEN: "Superb. I like things like this. I like shooting things, it leads you into the scenario. You have to find something, secret things (she is getting visibly excited). There's a mystery. That gave me a rush of pleasure (she finds the way out of the first room). That looked like it should do something. I want to go back and see."

EMMA: "it's the kind of game where you'd suddenly realise it was 2am and you had to get up for work in the morning. I like the music that's on in the background."

MANDY: "There's so much more to see - it's a lot more interesting to look at. I like the detail. You're not just doing the same thing over and over again. It's good because this isn't the kind of game where my boyfriend could phone me up to brag about his high score. Yeah, he does that"

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