#joel is a good fucking dad and that teachers is a good person

[actual-changeling]

I know that Ellie eventually going to school is a pretty much universally accepted part of the world building, but I am itching to explore her trying to do so and simply being unable to do it.

The child abuse she went through at the hands of FEDRA was probably prolific and cruel, and her life was basically nothing but different kinds of "education" strung together, whether that's whatever they cobbled together for general education or the military training. Joel might know it was bad (cause it's fucking FEDRA), but the extend of her trauma is hard to gauge when you are not in a situation that triggers it.

Her academic trauma does not disappear outside of school, but unless Ellie is in a similar situation it simply won't be immediately obvious (speaking from experience). On top of that, David being a teacher does not help whatsoever.

-

Joel and Ellie agree on a first day of school, but they want to check out the building beforehand, just so they're both a bit more at peace. Ellie is somewhat excited but also scared, and the closer they get to the building, the quieter she becomes, just hanging onto Joel's hand and squeezing it until her knuckles turn white. He pulls her close, notices she is nervous, but he doesn't press and gets them inside. One of the handful of teachers, a woman about Joel's age (they're aware enough to not have it be a man, Silver Lake is a known topic), meets them at the door and shows them around.

Small classrooms with surprisingly comfortable looking wooden chairs (Ellie sees the pillows on them and her mind short-circuits), some old sofas and couches, armchairs, spacious desks and all kinds of posters and materials. There's an art room and it is the only time Ellie's grip on Joel loosens a tiny bit, the array of brushes, paints, and instruments fascinates her, but that moment passes as quickly as it came.

With every step they take, the teacher's voice blurs with Joel's and turns into white noise, her vision grows fuzzy and grey, and she has to keep blinking with fluttering lashes to not sway on her feet when the dissociation gets worse. Absently, her mind keeps cataloguing the floor plan, windows, doors, all exists she can make our and imagine, but by the end of the tour, she cannot remember anything past leaving their house this morning. Something tugs on her hand, and she blinks up at Joel, his gaze loaded with a question she didn't hear, and maybe ten weeks ago she would have pretended she had; she doesn't know.

Ellie doesn't even know why she is reacting like this, there are no specific memories popping up, nothing to fight back, just her mind and body slipping into a protective armor of static like they're pulling her into the fizzling TV in their living room.

"Ellie?"

The teacher's voice snaps her back to a pounding heart and a breath stuck in her lungs, and when she looks down at their clasped hands her nails have left marks in Joel's skin. She lets go at once, holding onto her wrists with her arms behind her back, and she still didn't hear the question. Every cell in her body is telling her to leave, pulling her toward the nearest exit, but she doesn't. There are memories flickering across her vision now, a decade of unjust, painful punishments and her body being pushed to its breaking point, and she decides the answer to that question is more important than whatever they had asked her.

"What do you do? For, like, punishment?"

Her voice is steadier than she is on her feet, so she rocks gently back and force to stop herself from swaying. Joel's gaze burns hot on her cheeks, but she keeps her eyes on the teacher, whose eyebrows are raised so high they disappear beneath her fringe.

"Punishment? We don't- there's not reason to punish forgotten homework or the like here, Ellie, it's supposed to be both fun and educational."

Something about the tone in her voice unsettles her, but the answer isn't satisfying, and she needs to know, needs to know the rules so she can follow them, because the art room looks like it might actually be fun to be in and she is so tired of dark lonely spaces and marks on her back; imagining the disappointed look on Joel's face when her teachers tell him about it is the worst of it all, though.

"What are the rules? When are the drills and what's the consequences for breaking the rules? Is there-" is there a hole, she wants to ask, but her breathing is fast and shallow, periphery dotted with dancing black spots, and she doesn't want to give them any ideas they didn't already have. Joel's hand lands on her back, right between her shoulder blades, and the warm weight his comforting without being oppressive, her breaths slowing just a smidge.

The woman with a name Ellie forgot is taller than Joel with the shoes she is wearing, and she she squats down, the look on her foreign face looks like a a finished puzzle, the final piece having snapped into place. Her features are rounded, soft, a stark contrast to the borderline malnourished and hardened look of pretty much every person around the QZ including her teachers, a few light-brown and grey strands escaping from her ponytail, and Ellie can't help but think that she looks - nice, non-threatening. School isn't supposed to be non-threatening, but this whole building is dripping with it, and it scares her to death; getting this ripped away from her as punishment will hurt even more than escaping packed, concrete classrooms.

"You grew up in a FEDRA school, right?" she asks, voice almost tender, and Ellie can only stare and nod while Joel rubs circles into her back.

"I heard stories about what it was like before I came here, horrible experiences no one should have to go through, especially not a child."

She sounds so much like Joel the comfort laced into her words manages to penetrate the static and soothe some of the panic, her eyes a bright hazel shade, not blue, and she keeps her distance even though she could easily get into Ellie's personal space

"Even before the outbreak, school wasn't like that, and it is definitely not like that here. There is no punishments, Ellie, no real rules or structure outside of general lesson plans, no consequences for not turning in work or being late. This is meant to provide some stability and education, give you a places to hang out with people your age, have some more people to connect with. If you don't want to be here, no one will force you."

Ellie doesn't cry. She doesn't. A deep breath and some determined blinking pull back the tears from her waterline and her chest aches with a vengeance when she thinks about how different it would have been here for her and Riley, how much better. Riley would still be alive. For a few minutes, they're all silent, allowing her to gather the scattered pieces of herself and glue them back together, and when she does, a tiny bit of the fear in her bones has made space for tentative excitement.

"I like the art room," she says quietly, feeling younger than she ever has, and a wave of something washes over all of them. "Do I- can I-"

"You can use it whenever you like, even outside of school hours, as long as you don't leave too much of a mess and use it responsibly."

Liliya, her brain finally provides, straightens her back again, and the lack of a last name during her introduction is probably part of what through her off. Ellie looks up at Joel, a muscle in his jaw ticking with suppressed anger, not at her, at FEDRA, she knows him well enough to realize that, and decides her question about The Hole is both best saved for another time and hopefully not relevant at all.

"Okay," Ellie responds, pressing herself back against Joel and melting when his arm protectively wraps around her shoulders, "I'll give it a try."

Over the relief rushing through her hairs, she barely hears the details the adults next to her discuss, happy to bury her face in Joel's shirt without shame, and she manages to shake off the last wisps of static clinging to her. Maybe this will work out for her, maybe it won't, maybe all she will use are the art supplies, but when they are lead back to the entrance, more than ready to go home, Liliya gives her a smile, eyes crinkling. For the first time in her life, Ellie smiles back at a teacher simply because she wants to, and the hopeful excitement sprouting in her chest is enough to tell her that she will be right on time for her first class on Monday.

#alex writes tlou #the last of us #tlou #joel and ellie #ellie williams #joel miller #ficlet #fedra school #some riley pain for Z <33 #joel is a good fucking dad and that teachers is a good person #and ellie has mommy issues and can and will get attached but more about that later #ellie has academic trauma in so many ways this is literally not even scratching the surface but it scratched my itch for now #wanna guess how long my little reblog is or what was meant to be little anyway #wanna take a big fucking guess? #if you guessed 1.3k aka a WHOLE ASS FIC you are correct #i cant- i cant even anymore #anyway #back to doing literally anything else

[alltheirdamn]

Killing Me Softly | (Joel Miller x teacher!f!reader)

Chap. 2: See me

Chap 2. Summary: To be loved is to be seen. You're slowly learning that Joel sees you a lot more than you realize. Rating: 18+ MDNI (for future smut) Word Count: 6.7k Warnings: pre-outbreak AU, no smut (yet...pls be patient), tension, banter, a fuck ton of angst, mutual pining, language... I think that's it this go around? A/N: trust me, we're building up to the good stuff. I'm just enjoying developing Joel and the reader a bit more, so pls hang tight. It's all coming soon, I promise.

Masterlist

It had been two weeks since you had last seen Joel. You managed to get through the first round of tests and projects for each of your classes, but as the midterms slowly approached, you began to notice a shift in your students—specifically, Sarah. It wasn’t noticeable at first; she was still chatty with her friends, but her grades were slipping. Then, it became her grades and mood. During lessons, you’d catch her staring out the window blankly or doodling dismissively on the margins of her notebook when you were running through the guidelines for the midterms. She lingered longer after the school bell, choosing not to leave with her friends. After a particularly dull day of presentations, you decided to pull her aside after class. Sarah was reluctant to stay, but you reassured her she wasn’t in trouble. 

“I’ve noticed you’re a bit off lately, Sarah,” you said, leaning against the edge of your desk. 

“I’m just tired, that’s all,” she shrugged. 

She wouldn’t meet your eyes, and you noticed her shifting her weight between her legs the longer she stood in the empty room with you. You feared something was happening at home with Joel, but you didn’t want to explore that topic with your twelve-year-old student. Instead, you gave her a soft smile and tried a different approach. 

“I know you’re on the soccer team. Has that been tiring you out?” You asked.

“I mean, I guess so.”

“When’s your first game?” You were really trying now. 

Sarah tightened her fingers around the straps of her backpack, staring at the floor. 

“This Saturday,” she mumbled. 

“Are you excited? I’m sure your dad can’t wait to cheer you on!”

There it was—the breaking point. 

She looked up at you through blurry eyes, biting her lip to stop from crying. You immediately regretted bringing up Joel. You had overstepped a boundary, and you were paying the price. Dipping your head to meet her at eye level, you placed both hands on her shoulders, trying to comfort her the best you could. 

“Oh, honey,” you sighed. “I’m sorry. Is that what’s been upsetting you?”

She nodded, sniffling back the tears. 

“He’s always working,” she explained. “I don’t really think he’ll make time to come watch me play.”

“I bet he wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you assured her. 

“Yeah,” she said, wiping away a stray tear. 

You watched the defeat etch itself into her features, the deep frown across her face, the brightness in her eyes dwindling. You wanted to believe Joel was a good dad, and you had no doubt he was trying his hardest, but that clearly wasn’t enough. Tipping your fingers under her chin, you coaxed her eyes to meet yours. 

“Look, how about I go?” You offered. “I know I’m not the person you want to see on the sidelines, but I would love to watch you play.”

“Really?” She asked, her eyes growing wide. 

“Really,” you promised. 

Your words seemed to have soothed a bit of the ache inside of her, and she left the classroom with a smile growing on her face. If Joel wouldn’t show up for her, then you would. She deserved someone cheering her on; she deserved to be happy. 

Whoever decided to schedule soccer games at eight AM on a Saturday was cruel, but regardless, you threw on some leggings and a sweater and made your way to the school soccer fields. The parking lot was littered with minivans and families walking with lawn chairs tucked under their arms, their coolers filled with juice pouches and snacks dragging behind them. Obviously, you were uncultured in the sports world and came without a chair or blanket…or anything. So, you opted to stand behind the line of parents on the field, swaying under the morning breeze as you watched the kids chase the ball across the field. 

Your eyes never left Sarah while she was on the field; her bouncy curls and lean figure were easy to spot among the other players. She was quick when given the ball, dodging the opponents as she neared the net. There were only three minutes left in the first half of the game, and she had possession of the ball, weaving in and out of the players tracking her moves. You held your breath as she ran closer to the net, the ball easily controlled under her feet. An opponent was gaining on her, trying to kick the ball away, but Sarah did a little twirl and evaded them perfectly to shoot the game's first point. You were cheering and clapping loudly with the other parents on the sideline, watching her teammates swarm her with hugs. But as the cheering died out, you were left with this profound sadness that her dad wasn’t here to see her first goal. 

You let that bitterness grow inside you as you watched the remainder of the game.

When the final whistle blew, the team won 1-0, with Sarah being the game's star player. With a sheen of sweat over her forehead and a juice pouch in hand, Sarah skipped over to you with a bright smile. 

“Great job!” You cheered, welcoming her into a warm embrace.

She squeezed her arms around your torso, babbling off a slew of ‘thank you’s.’ You put aside your anger towards Joel as you grounded yourself in the moment. Sarah deserved this celebration, and you would happily give her every bit of attention you could. 

“Do you need a ride home, honey?” You asked, pulling away from the hug. 

Sarah’s cheery exterior faltered as she looked around at the families embracing their children. You knew where her mind was going. Looking around, she nodded slowly, clutching her drink tightly. 

“My friend’s parents took me here, but I think they’re going out to lunch. I was hoping my dad would be here, but…” She trailed off. 

“I’m happy to take you home, Sarah. Want some food for the drive home?” You offered. 

That bright smile was back as she happily agreed, following you back to your car. 

Both you and Sarah were munching on fries and singing along to pop tunes when you finally parked in front of her house. To your detriment, Joel’s truck was parked in the driveway. Sarah timidly looked between you and the truck as she gathered her sports bag and soda cup, thanking you again for the day spent together. You gave her the best fake smile you could conjure up and watched her head to the front door. 

You sat in front of the driveway for an extra few minutes, debating whether you should confront Joel, but before you could even decide, he was walking down the front porch and towards your car. That bitterness and anger you had suppressed all day surged forward, and you jumped out of the car to face him with a frown drawn on your face.

Joel greeted you with your name falling off his tongue, and you didn’t have time to register the beautiful way it sounded in his Southern accent before you began spewing a litany of remarks about how you felt. 

“Why weren’t you there?” You shouted, your body at arm's length from his. You needed to distance yourself from him, too afraid that your anger would send a hand flying across his face. You had to remind yourself that he was Sarah’s dad and you were her teacher, but that wouldn’t stop you from speaking your mind. 

Joel looked at you with a furrow of confusion and guilt, his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans. It was apparent he regretted missing the game, but that didn’t matter. Saying sorry wouldn’t turn back the clock and magically make everything better. You knew that firsthand.

“Tommy and I had an early meetin’ with a contractor,” he explained. “Trust me, I hate that I missed the game.”

“You didn’t just miss the game. You missed her first goal,” you snapped. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, rocking his heels. “I appreciate you takin’ the time to go and watch her play. And drivin’ her home… and gettin’ her lunch.”

“I did everything you should have done,” you accused. 

Joel swallowed thickly, his eyes settling on yours with a wave of sadness passing through his irises. Those big puppy dog eyes wouldn’t soothe the anger steamrolling over your professionalism. Fuck being professional. Sarah deserved a dad who was present, and if no one were going to call him out on his bullshit, you’d do it.

“I feel real shitty ‘bout it,” he sighed. “You ain’t gotta remind me.”

“You should feel shitty. She’s your daughter. I shouldn’t have to be the only one cheering for her on the sidelines. Nothing should be more important than that.”

“Would you quit lecturin’ me?” Joel barked. “I know I fucked up, and I already apologized to her. Again, I appreciate you takin’ the time to be there for her, and I’m real sorry for makin’ you do that.”

You huffed a laugh, folding your arms over your chest. 

“You didn’t make me do anything,” you argued. “I wanted to be there for her, but she wanted you to be there for her.”

Joel said nothing at that, only stared at you in stunned silence. You were done with him, letting your anger get the best of you. 

“I know what it feels like when the one person you want to see doesn’t show up. I know that disappointment. Have a great day, Mr. Miller. Tell Sarah I’ll see her on Monday.”

You spun on your heel toward your car, flinging the door open with more force than you wanted. You shouldn’t have brought your past into it; Joel was nothing like Bennette, but it hurt all the same. 

Joel didn’t try to stop you as you drove out of the neighborhood, but he remained at the curb of his driveway, his eyes never leaving you until you were out of view. 

You barely managed to put your car in park before you broke down in tears. Everything was crashing at the surface, and you didn’t have the strength to bottle it away this time. Bennett had been your entire world for five years. Your whole life revolved around him, from going to the same grad school together to moving away from Boston to be with him in his new career. You left everything behind for him and were happy to do it because you loved him. Despite his flaws and the “not-so-picture perfect” relationship, you stayed because you loved him. And in that moment when you needed him to be there for you… he was gone. You weren’t lying to Joel when you said you knew what that disappointment felt like; it was that same feeling that kept you up at night when you wondered if you had done something to deserve it. But Sarah? Sarah did nothing to deserve to be abandoned by her dad. All she wanted was to see that one person cheering her on from the sidelines, to hug her and tell her she was loved. 

She didn’t get that today. 

And you didn’t get that two years ago. 

With whatever dignity you had left, you dragged yourself inside and into your bedroom, flinging yourself onto the mattress. Curling into a ball on top of the comforter, you let the tears continue to fall as you stared at the empty walls where the pictures of you and Bennett had hung before. Every inch of this house was a reminder of the scars Bennett left on your heart. You could have moved out months ago, you could have gone home, but what was the use when the pain would just travel with you? Shutting your eyes, you let the emotions exhaust you until you drifted asleep. 

“Bennett, I told you what time the cake tasting was scheduled for,” you shouted across the kitchen. 

Bennett wasn’t even listening as he responded to a thread of emails on his computer. The law firm he had been working at kept him on a short leash, always requiring him to be there at their beck and call. Between you and his job, his loyalty was in the latter. 

“I know,” he nodded, still glued to the computer screen. “They needed a proxy for the shareholder meeting and asked me to step in.”

“We’ve had this scheduled for weeks now. You can’t expect me to make all these decisions alone.”

“Whatever cake you choose, I’m sure I’ll love it,” he shrugged.

“That's not the point!” You yelled, slamming down the Tupperware you had been scrubbing. 

That caught his attention. Slamming the laptop shut, Bennett’s nostrils flared at your sudden outburst. You weren’t usually this outspoken; you were always the level-headed and obedient fiancé he expected to have. But the entire engagement had been a disaster, between work conflicts and the constant pressure he put on you. Every day, he expected to come home to a fresh meal, never considering that your job didn’t end when three PM hit. Being a teacher meant your responsibilities began at home, when you were hunched over curating the next lesson and grading papers. You never complained about his workload extending into the evening, either. God forbid you ask for more time together. 

“What is the point?” He snapped.

“The point is that I want you there. I want you to be a part of this wedding planning process. All I’m asking for is two hours together, where we eat too much sugar and choose a damn cake flavor. It’s not even about the fucking cake, Bennett. It’s about you being present in this engagement.”

“Are you saying I’m not present?” He accused. “Because I have been as present as possible despite me working so hard to fund this big wedding that you wanted!”

“I just want you there with me for these things. Even if they aren’t important to you, it’s important to me,” you said, your energy dwindling. He always found a way to make you feel bad, and you looked past it for the sake of your heart. You loved him and did everything you could to make him love you in return. If that meant placating your feelings, you’d do it. 

“If it’s so important to you, then just go. You can tell me all about it when I get home tomorrow.”

That was the best resolution you’d get, and there was no use fighting anymore. He would always win. 

“Okay,” you acquiesced. “I’ll do that.”

Bennett rose from his chair and met you around the kitchen counter with a big hug. He rested his chin on your head as you melted into his chest.

“I love you, honey. I don’t want you angry at me all the time. You know I’m trying my hardest to be everywhere all at once. Just work with me, okay?” he sighed.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be better about it. I love you, too,” you whispered.

A firm knock on your front door jolted you awake from the flood of memories in your dreams. The shadows in your room were a telltale sign you had slept through most of the afternoon, which would put a hefty dent in the list of never-ending work you needed to finish. Sulking through the house to the front door, you smoothed down your hair and sweater, trying to gather your bearings. With one last heavy inhale, you pried the door open and stood paralyzed at the further standing before you. 

Joel said your name softly, his eyes tired and hair ruffled at the crown of his head. He looked as just a mess as you did, but most definitely for different reasons.

“Mr. Miller,” you said. “What are you doing here?”

He swayed back on his heels, holding your eyes apologetically. It was written all over his face; he didn’t need to say the words.

“Our conversation earlier ain’t sittin’ right with me,” he sighed.

“I overstepped, and I’m sorry,” you said honestly. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.”

Joel held his hand in protest, shaking his head at your words.

“Don’t apologize, okay? You were right about everything. I shoulda been there, and I wasn’t. I let her down.”

“Mr. Miller, I—.”

“I let her down,” he repeated. “And I let you down.”

You stood in stunned silence, trying to understand his words. Joel watched you turn the words over in your head, his eyes never leaving yours. He said everything you had ever asked to hear from Bennett in just a few words. You didn’t understand the emotions stirring inside you, nor could you control the tears welling in your eyes. This would be the second time you cried today, and now it would be the second time you cried in front of Joel. 

“You didn’t let me down,” you faltered. 

“I did. I want you to see that I’m not a bad father, but I seem to keep makin’ mistakes left and right. She expected me to be there, and so did you. I’m the type of man who makes and keeps his promises, but lately, I’ve been fallin’ short. It ain’t fair to her, and it ain’t fair to you.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” you whispered, wiping your tears. 

“I sure as hell do,” he protested. “I owe you an apology. I’m sorry, okay? I’m gonna do better about bein’ there for her, and I want you to see that. I don’t wanna keep fuckin’ it all up.”

“Did you tell her that?” You asked. 

“I did, and now I’m tellin’ you. I want you holdin’ me accountable on all this, and I want you to call me out on my bullshit like you did earlier. I needed to hear all that.”

“I was just angry. I didn’t need to be that mean to you.”

Joel lifted his hand to brush away a stray tear falling down your cheek, the touch of his hand on your skin electrifying you. You flinched away, trying to curl into yourself. He noticed your movements, letting his hand fall back to his side. You glanced down, watching him clench his hand into a fist as if he were trying to control an urge inside of him. You were trying to do the same; being near him scared you. It shocked you to see someone act mature and actually own up to their faults; it was something Bennett rarely did. You couldn’t make sense of it. 

“There ain’t a single part of me that’s mad at you, okay? Don’t ever be afraid to speak your mind—at least not with me,” Joel said. 

You only nodded, too afraid that if you spoke now, you’d succumb to an ugly sob. Joel’s broad frame was shadowed and looming over you in the dying sunlight, a cloud over the haze inside your mind. Joel didn’t understand the weight in those words, the way they sewed shut the empty holes left inside you. It wasn’t Bennett saying them, and it definitely didn’t rewrite the past, but it was writing the future. It was a future with the possibility that you weren’t as broken as you thought. 

“Thank you,” you muttered. “I—just thank you.”

“Somethin’ tells me you ain’t been told these things before, huh?” Joel prodded. 

“It doesn’t matter. I appreciate you taking the time to come out here, and I’m sorry again. I promise I’ll be better about my anger,” you laughed, hoping you’d be able to brush it off with a forced smile. 

Joel saw right through you; his lips tugged down into a frown. You watched the crease between his eyebrows appear as he watched you minimize yourself right back down to zero. It wasn’t easier that way—making yourself small. Too big, and you’d be too much to handle. You were tired of being too much for anyone; it had already been your downfall once before. 

“Whoever made you feel like y’need to apologize all the time is a real piece of shit,” Joel huffed. 

“It’s alright, Mr. Miller. Thank you again for stopping by.”

“It’s the least I could do. And y’know what? I’d be happy if you joined me at the rest of her games. She loved havin’ you there, and I know it would mean a lot to her to see you on the sidelines again. Think that’s somethin’ you’d interested in?”

“I’ll think about it, yeah,” you smiled. 

“Yeah? Good,” he exhaled. 

Joel met you with a genuine smile, his eyes dancing over your face. You swayed in the doorway, unsure of what to do now that the conversation was coming to an end. A strange part of you didn’t want it to end; the stillness with him had managed to bottle away all of the lingering memories of Bennett, even if only for a moment. You’d take this over, crying yourself asleep like so often did. 

“You should head home to Sarah,” you sighed. “I hope you have a good weekend, Mr. Miller.”

“You have a g’night, alright?”

You watched him walk down the porch steps, the muscles in his back tense as he retreated back to his truck. You should have walked your ass back inside, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. Before opening the truck door, Joel glanced back at you, waving a quick goodbye. You waved back and waited until his truck dissolved into the distance to finally shut your door and sit in the blaring silence. 

You watched the night fade away from the comfort of your couch, a half-eaten sandwich in front of you and a wine glass in hand. Not only did you overstep your boundaries as a teacher, but you overstepped every possible rule between a teacher and parent. Despite what happened at the bar with Joel, he was still Sarah’s dad and completely undeserving of the anger you had toward him today. He was slipping behind every brick wall you had built up around you, a fortress no one could penetrate, yet he was managing to do it so effortlessly. And it was infuriating. How were you supposed to protect yourself from him? Bennett had been the perfect man at the start, always saying the right things and showing his love in so many different ways, but even with the rose-colored glasses on, that all crumpled away as time moved on. Nothing about your relationship was perfect, yet you tried to mend the broken pieces in hopes the possibility of marriage would solve all your problems. But clearly, it didn’t. It never even made it to marriage.

You weren’t even considering dating Joel, but that didn’t stop you from doubting he would be any different than Bennett. Sure, he might seem interested now, but that would change once he saw every damaged piece of you. You were hardly controlling your emotions, as it were, so why would you spend the time sharing the rawest parts of yourself with someone who would end up leaving?

I’ll do better, you told yourself. Bottle it away.

Another week passed by without fuss; the students passed their practice exams and had even begun working on their group presentations on the new poetry unit you had created. After next week's midterm exams, you’d be on a plane heading to Boston to see your family during the fall break. You hadn’t been home in over a year, and you were well aware of the fact your parents and sisters missed you. It’s not that you didn’t miss them, but going home was another reminder of all you had lost. But you’d steer clear of the roads you’d traveled down with Bennett, you’d avoid the bars and restaurants he had taken you to, and you’d absolutely banish all thoughts of returning to the Public Garden where he had proposed. Every corner of your hometown was haunted by the ghosts of what had been, but you’d brave it for the sake of family. 

You had forfeited any thought of going to the soccer game out of sheer self-preservation. Being around Joel more than necessary was putting you at risk for an inevitable heartbreak, and it just wasn’t something you were ready to deal with. You didn’t want to let Sarah down, but Joel would be there for her, and that mattered more than you standing on the sidelines. She didn’t need you there; you’d only gone to the game to fill a void within her life. Joel was going to stick to his word, and you’d be able to maintain your teacher-parent relationship once again. You still had yet to forgive yourself for Saturday’s outburst. 

It wasn’t until Thursday when Sarah approached you, that you were reminded of the game.

When she approached your desk at the end of class, she had her textbook in hand and her backpack slung over her shoulder. You were feeling particularly drained from the day after spending most of the night tossing and turning between nightmares, and you had to muster up the strength to keep things light between you and her.

“So,” she started, a bright smile plastered on her face. “My dad said you might come to the game Saturday.”

“Oh, yeah. I—I haven’t decided yet. I’ve got to make sure everything is prepped for testing next week,” you lied.

“Oh,” her face fell. “That’s okay. I know the exams are important.”

Fuck.

You were transported right back to the kitchen with Bennett.

“I’m sure the prep work can wait till after the game,” you smiled, already giving up on your initial plans to avoid everything—everything being Joel Miller.

“If you don’t want to come…” Sarah trailed off, looking down at her sneakers.

“Hey,” you said softly. Her eyes traveled up to meet yours again. “I’ll be there. You have my word.”

Sarah perked up, nodding her head enthusiastically. 

“I’ll tell my dad! Maybe we can all get lunch after!” She babbled excitedly. 

Oh, Christ. 

“I’m sure you guys will want the day together,” you smiled, your patient wearing. “Go enjoy your night, Sarah. I’ll see you tomorrow in class. Don’t forget your notes on Shakespeare!”

“Bye, Miss Smith!”

You watched her sprint out of the room to catch up with her friends, and you sunk into your chair, dreading what may come during the weekend. 

Maria stopped by your classroom after the final bell, skeptically looking at you while you gathered your work bag. Thankfully, you both had Thursdays free of crosswalk duty, and you were ready to get home and sulk away under the guise of cheap wine and a bubble bath. 

“You’re extra grumpy today,” Maria noted, slinging her large purse over one shoulder. 

“I’m not grumpy,” you huffed. “I’m fucked. Completely fucked.”

She barked a laugh and watched you stuff files into your bag before you grabbed your keys and shooed her out to lock the door. The hallways were empty, except for a few teachers trickling out, and you walked a pace quicker, trying to escape the building before anyone else stopped you. 

“Why do I get a feeling this may be because of a certain parent?” She asked, shoving into you playfully. 

“Yes,” you grumbled. 

“Explain!”

“Ugh, okay. Listen, all of this is against my own will, okay?” 

You peered over at her, seeing a wicked smile splitting across her face. If anyone was on board with your confused emotions towards Joel Miller, it was Maria. She had been all for it since day one, and you knew she wouldn’t shut up about it until she saw you and him together. Which wouldn’t be happening. 

You dive into retelling the events of Saturday, including the outburst and the conversation with Joel that had followed. All through your rambling, Maria was squealing like a little girl and inserting small remarks here and there—all of which revolved around the idea that you should fuck out your feelings and get it over with. 

“Maria,” you snapped. “I’m not going to fuck him! Would you quit that?”

She shrugged, laughing off your stubbornness. 

“All I’m saying is that there is clearly some sort of chemistry between you both,” she sassed. “One night of hot sex might clear your mind, and you can resume your up-tight ‘teacher-parent’ bullshit you’re trying so hard to keep.”

“It’s not bullshit, Maria,” you argued. “It’s called being professional.”

You both had made it to the parking lot, and you tried to inch closer to your car in hopes of coming out unscathed from this conversation. But Maria was anything but relentless. 

“You really need to get laid,” Maria huffed. “Dust off the cobwebs and get back out there.”

“I’m perfectly fine with how my life is right now. I don’t need to get laid, and I certainly don’t need to be in a relationship.”

Maria grabbed your hands in hers, leveling you with a stern look under her thick mascara-coated lashes. With her lips set in a firm line, she squeezed your hands.

“It’s been two years,” she sighed. “Stop letting Bennett control your life. He’s in the past, and you need to find a new future—preferably one where you’re happy and in love.”

You squeezed her fingers in return, giving her a sad smile. You knew somewhere inside you that she was right, but it wasn’t in the cards for you right now. Not when you still had so much healing to do. 

“Thank you, Maria,” you whispered. 

When you arrived at the school, the soccer game had already begun. Your car sat idle in the parking lot for nearly twenty minutes until you finally found the strength to head toward the soccer fields. Among the line of parents on the sidelines, Joel was standing further away, his body swaying against the windy morning as his eyes stay focused on the field. You walked up slowly, smoothing out your t-shirt and running sweaty palms over your jeans. You definitely didn’t spend too much time getting ready for a simple game. As if he felt your energy circling him, Joel turned toward you with a beautiful smile breaking across his face. 

“I was hopin’ you’d show up,” he said. 

“Good morning, Mr. Miller,” you greeted. 

You weren’t sure what to do with yourself beside him, so you mimicked his stance and folded your arms over your chest. With the morning sun rising above the soccer field, you watched as his skin glowed in the sunlight, his tanned skin illuminated in the soft hues of the sunrise. He was undeniably gorgeous, but you forced that thought away along with all of the unruly ones that seemed to constantly evade your mind. 

“Sarah’s doin’ great out there so far,” he mentioned. “Got herself close to scorin’ a goal ten minutes ago. No doubt she’ll get one at some point.”

“I bet she will. She’s amazing out there.”

Joel beamed at your compliments of his daughter, his eyes tracking her as she ran across the field. A teammate shot the ball to her, and you both stood silently as she kept control of it toward the goal. Instead of taking the shot herself, she crossed the ball to another teammate, letting them score the first goal of the game. The parents on the sidelines sounded off with a round of cheers, and you and Joel joined in on the excitement. 

“She’s a team player,” you commented. “That’s a good quality.”

“That’s my girl,” he smiled proudly. 

This. This is what you had hoped to see for Sarah. A dad who was present and proud of her accomplishments. You could give her all the applause in the world, but his voice cheering above the rest was what mattered the most. 

There was a lull in conversation for a while as you both watched the game with rapt attention. You tried hard not to notice the way Joel shifted closer to you or the fact that he had dropped his arms so that he could casually brush his against yours. Each touch of his skin against yours was like a wave of heat rushing through your body, an electric current that started with him and ended with you. There was no doubt he did it on purpose, but you did nothing to stop it. You were losing the war between self-restraint and vulnerability. 

“How’s she likin’ class?” He asked, making small talk. 

You shrugged, glancing at him with an easy smile. 

“She’s one of the best kids in her grade. This new unit we’re working on will be a challenge, but I know she’s up for it.”

“What’s the new unit?”

“Poetry.”

Joel snorted a laugh, his fingers brushing against the denim on your leg. You shifted to glare at him, amused at his response. 

“What’s so funny, Mr. Miller?”

He ran a hand through the curls atop his head, giving you a lopsided grin. 

“Nothin’,” he chuckled. “Just don’t understand why poetry is so popular in schools nowadays.”

“Poetry has always been popular,” you said pointedly. 

“Has it? Must not have paid much attention back in the day,” he smirked. 

“It’s my favorite unit to teach,” you confessed. “I think poetry gets a bad rap—clearly—but it’s important to understand the way words can convey so many layered emotions in the simplest of ways.”

Joel eyed you as you spoke, nodding along with you as you spoke. Even if he wasn’t completely sold on the idea of poetry, you enjoyed how attentive he was to the conversation. In the distance, you heard the parents cheer again, and you glanced at the field to see Sarah running with the ball toward the goal. 

“Look!” You said, pointing toward the field.

Joel snapped his head back to his daughter, watching as she sent the ball soaring into the net. You jumped up and down, clapping at her goal and yelling out her name in excitement.

“That’s my girl!” Joel cheered. “Way to go, Sarah!”

Sarah looked over at him, her cheeks rosy from the play, and shot him two thumbs up. Joel returned the same hand gesture; his cheeks stretched wide with a smile as he watched his daughter dance into an embrace from her teammate. 

“You were sayin’,” he pressed, his eyes sliding back to you. 

“Oh,” you laughed. “That’s okay. I don’t want to bore you with all the school talk.”

“You ain’t borin’ me. I wanna hear what you have to say.”

Your cheeks warmed at his words, realizing he wasn’t just asking these things to make small talk. He sincerely wanted to know the things you were interested in and the work you did, which was far from what you received from Bennett. Half the time you talked about your lessons, Bennett would just aimlessly nod while typing his emails and debriefs, his attention far away from you.

“Well, I’m starting off by teaching them about Shakespeare,” you explained, watching Joel open his mouth to make a retort. You held your hand up in defense and continued. “Before you go complaining about Shakespeare, I’ll have you know he’s one of the most renowned dramatists in history. His stylist choices in his playwrights were unlike anything else, and his work has completely impacted modern-day English. It’s because of him that we have so many words and phrases in the English language. Say what you want, but he really is worth learning about.”

Joel studied you for a moment, his lips curving up at the corners. You weren’t used to rambling off about useless things, more because you never really had the chance in the past. It was exciting to talk about the things you were passionate about, and you didn’t realize you’d find that moment being with Joel Miller. 

“Maybe I need to read some of his work,” Joel said. “What’s your favorite?”

“My favorite?” You blinked at him. “Oh, um, it’s cliche, but my favorite is Romeo and Juliet. That’s what I’m starting with on the unit.”

“Sarah got a copy of it?” he asked. 

“She should, yes.”

“Might need to steal it from her so I can see what all this fuss is about,” he smiled, bumping his arm into yours. 

“You don’t need to do all that,” you muttered. “I’m sure Sarah could tell you all about it after she’s done reading it.”

“I’m sure she could,” he acknowledged. “But maybe I'd like to do the research.”

“Research?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

Joel leaned into you, his face drawn closer to yours. 

“Yeah, research,” he repeated. “I wanna know why y’like it so much.”

Your mouth opened and closed, all words seemingly melting from your brain. What the hell were you supposed to say to that? He wanted to take the time to understand your interests… but why? Once again, Joel was proving to be everything you never saw in Bennett. And it scared the fuck out of you. Because you couldn’t date Joel, nor did you want to. Giving yourself up to another person, exposing those vulnerable parts of yourself like that would just be inviting the possibility of another heartbreak. 

“I can save you the time and tell you instead,” you offered. 

“Nah,” he smiled. “I wanna find out myself.”

The game came to a close, with the school team winning 2-0. Joel embraced Sarah when she ran off the field, wrapping her into a gigantic bear hug and planting a kiss on her forehead. You gave her a small high five, congratulating her on the win. You followed them out to the parking lot, watching as Joel kept his arm wrapped around Sarah’s narrow frame. From this angle, they looked like the perfect father-daughter duo, and your heart seized with happiness knowing he had kept his word. 

Digging through your purse for your car keys, you said a quick goodbye and made a beeline for your car. You wouldn’t insert yourself in the rest of their day; you needed to find some distance between you and Joel before he started crawling further under your skin. But as you tugged open your car door, a warmth grew behind you, and you turned to see Joel standing a few steps away. Sarah was nowhere in sight, so you figured she was already waiting for him in his truck. 

“Yes?” You asked, standing idle between the open door and Joel’s tall body. 

His eyes bounced between your lips and your eyes, never settling on one too long. 

“Look, this is gonna sound forward of me, and I can probably guess your answer,” he started. “But can I take you out to dinner sometime? As a ‘thank you' for everything.”

“Mr. Miller,” you sighed. “I appreciate the invitation, but this needs to remain purely professional. I’m Sarah’s teacher, and I don’t think that would be appropriate.”

He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, his eyes trailing to the ground. Despite every cell inside your body screaming yes, you needed to stick to your rules—whatever the hell they were.

“I figured you’d say that,” he mumbled. "Listen, let me give you my number at least. If you ever change your mind, or if you need someone to drive you home from the bar, y’can shoot me a call. Is that okay?”

“I…” You trailed off, considering his offer. “Yeah, that’s okay.”

You searched for your phone in your purse, handing it over to him with shaky hands. His fingers brushed against yours as he took it, a crackle of energy bursting through your skin at his touch. He must have noticed, too, because his eyes met yours before he typed in his number. With a few more clicks on your phone, he handed it back, brushing his hand over yours once more. 

“I sent myself a text on it,” he confessed. “Now I have yours, just in case of anything, y’know?”

“Yeah, just in case.”

Joel gave you a soft smile before turning and walking away. You watched his figure fade into the cars still filling the parking lot and caught him glancing back at you one last time. You stared down at your phone, seeing the text lit up on the screen. He had sent one simple word to himself: your name. Not Miss Smith, not ‘Sarah’s teacher’, but your name. 

You opened his contact information and typed one simple word: Joel

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x teacher!f!reader #joel x female reader #joel miller fanfic #joel tlou #tlou fanfiction #joel miller #pre outbreak!joel

[lokischocolatefountain]

Purpose

Upcoming Joel Miller fic sneak peek

Sarah woke up crying all the goddamn time.

He knew babies always cried. They couldn’t talk or write or do anything else to communicate. So they cried. But it always felt like a personal failure when she did. Like he was the bad dad everyone expected a 21 year old single father to be.

“She always do that?” Tommy asked when Sarah finally quietened down as she sucked on the bottle he held to her mouth.

“Pretty much. She can’t talk or nothin’, so…”

Tommy nodded and then yawned. God, this boy. Joel had a lot to worry about now and everything he worried about involved Sarah. But he couldn’t not worry about his baby brother. Before he was a father, he was Tommy’s big brother and he will never stop worrying about him. He always got himself into trouble trying to do something good, something noble. The latest one was enlisting in the fuckin’ army.

He seemed to really really want to be in the army, but that didn’t say much. Tommy really really wanted to do fucking everything. While Joel was the brother with no strong ambitions until Sarah, Tommy was the brother with too many ambitions. He fought off kids bigger than him if they bullied his classmates, spoke up against teachers who said somethin’ racist, punched a grown man for looking at his female friend wrong. And it was always on Joel to rescue him.

He would run off to a war to protect his stupid little brother again. But for the first time he didn’t want to. He had a purpose now. His baby brother needed saving all the time, but his baby needed him for everything.

Tommy would have to handle himself. No big brother to shield him from bullets.

“Don’t fuck up, alright? Ma don’t need that now. I’m already fuckin’ up and she don’t need you to fuck up too.”

“You’re not fuckin’ up, Joel. Ma loves Sarah,” Tommy says, his voice soft as he gently taps Sarah’s cheek with his finger. She looks up at her Uncle Tommy and he swears she’s a little annoyed at him for disturbing her third dinner time. There was no ways he was imagining that. He didn’t know if babies were smart enough to be annoyed, but Sarah was. She was a smart one. Tommy had to see that too.

“Yeah yeah, sorry,” Tommy laughed as he apologized to her. He could see it, Tommy also loved Sarah. He was an Uncle and shit. His baby brother, an Uncle.

Of course Ma loved Sarah. Everyone loved Sarah. He didn’t think it was possible for anyone to look at his baby girl and not fall in love immediately.

“I’m serious, Tommy. Don’t fu—” Fuck! No swearing. Ma warned that if he kept swearing around the baby, her first word might be fuck or shit or goddamn it. “Don’t mess up, okay?” He quickly corrected himself.

“Ma loves Sarah, but that doesn’t make me any less of a failure. I’m a twenty one year old divorced single father with no chances to go to college and no prospects other than construction. You gotta be better than that.”

#joel miller #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller fic #joel miller & sarah #sarah miller #joel and sarah #joel and ellie #joel and tommy #tommy miller #uncle tommy #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #tlou fluff #tlou fic #joel tlou #joel the last of us #all that i've inflicted on the world

[retroellie]

Joel Miller as a dad

Summary: Having Joel Miller as a dad 

A/N: i got sad there towards the end so sorry about that. I also wrote in that you were dating ellie so enjoy<3 

Warnings: TLOU2 spoilers, talk about death other than that its cute 

Word count: 1.3K

-He tries really hard to be a good dad

-He’s been different ever since Sarah, it’s been hard but you try to be patient with him

-When Joel found out that he was gonna be having another kid he flipped out

-He couldn’t stop thinking you were gonna end up like Sarah and he couldn’t go through that again

-but when  he saw you for the first time he knew  would do anything just to keep you safe

-In Boston he’s not the most loving dad, he’s not mean he just doesn’t show you how much he loves you

-It’s tough love I guess

-He always tells you that you can do better and that your being too careless

-you don’t take it personally though, you don’t know much about Sarah but you know when she died it broke Joel

-Speaking of Sarah, it’s forbidden to talk about her. The only reason you know about her is from tommy

-When you guys settled in Jackson he became more loving in a way

-He would always come up and tell you goodnight, when you were asleep he would kiss your forehead and whisper “goodnight baby girl”

-He calls you baby girl

-Jackson is when he opened up about Sarah a little more, telling you that you are very much like her or she would like you

-“You know Sarah always wanted a little sister. I reckon you two would’ve done just fine together”

-You had bad nightmares sometimes so if you woke up screaming out for Joel or you decided to walk into his room to wake him up, he would always let you cuddle up next to him

-You guys would always poke fun at each other, it was just father/daughter fun

-“Dad, I can't jump up that high”

-“well stop being so short, shorty”

-“Well stop being so old and maybe you could pull me up.”

-Joel was a pro when it came to periods, he knows it’s natural and he’s been around a few women in his life so he knows about it

-when you come crying to him about it he knows exactly what to do

-You are always trying to set him up with women, you even tried to get him to go on a date with the daycare teacher

-“Come on dad. Why not?? She’s so sweet, I wouldn’t mind her as a step mom.”

-“Because a hormonal teenager with a bad sense of humor is enough, I don’t think I can handle another woman right now.”

-You obviously know how to play guitar, I mean your Joel miller’s kid

-you guys always play together on the front porch, sipping on coffee as you watch the sunset

-you guys had movies nights, father/daughter dinners, he would even take you places outside of Jackson sometimes

-He just likes spending time with you, mostly because he feels bad that he wasn’t such a great dad in Boston. He regrets Boston in many aspects but that one he regrets the most

-also he fears something bad will happen to either you or him so he wants to get in as much time as he possibly can with you

-Okay but like having tommy as an uncle would be so fun

-And since Joel looks at Ellie as a daughter, you’re best friends with her, maybe eventually even dating her??

(this is kinda a whole other headcanon lol)

-Joel is super supportive of you and Ellie’s relationship, he trusts ellie a lot and he trusts that you know what’s good for you 

-When you came out to him it was tough for you and even tougher for him to understand it 

-”Dad.... I’m Gay/bi(or whatever your preference is<3)” 

-It took him a bit to take in what you just said 

-He didn’t really understand it, it was different back in his time 

-But he knew he loved you and wanted you to be happy 

-”I kinda had a feeling.. but it’s okay. You’ll always be my baby girl.” 

-You just bawled your eyes, it was honestly the first time you came to terms with yourself 

-He knew how much of a relief this was for you, he knows how much it hurts to hide yourself for so long 

-He just pulled you into a hug, rubbing circles on your back while you bawled your eyes out 

-”At least i know you won’t be getting pregnant any time soon.” 

-You couldn’t help but laugh at his stupid jokes 

-If anyone dared to say some shit about it, he would be ready to beat the fuck out of someone 

-You, ellie and him would have dinners together, you and ellie would hold hands and share small glances at each other 

-He would see that and he would try to hide his huge grin, HE HAS A EYE FOR LOVE AND MAMA YALL ARE SO IN LOVE HE CAN’T 

(anyways i’m getting off track back to daddy joel) 

-Joel’s not much of a dancer but he taught you how to slow dance 

-You two would be in the living room with some old country song and he would be teaching you the steps 

-”You never know when this will come in handy, what if you date a person who likes to dance huh? you can tell them your daddy taught you the basics.” 

-At the dances you would just stand at the bar with him, not having any interests with any of the people there 

-Eventually he would pull you onto the dance floor just to show off your dance moves . You two could look like idiots together 

- He taught you a lot, he taught you how to wood carve, how to shoot a gun and even how to pick a lock 

-You two shared a love for music so yall would have long talks about old music 

-You were really close with him, i mean your mom died so he was all you had. He was a single parent raising a teenage girl so he was really protective of you 

-He wrote a whole song for you, future days?? yeah that was for you (for the headcanon lets just say he wrote it shush)

-There was a time were you felt down, about life and about yourself 

-You were questioning everything, you weren't the same and his fatherly instinct could tell something was up 

-So over a nice cup of coffee you opened up to him, telling him how you don’t get the point of this sad life. How you feel nothing mattered 

-He was taken back, it wasn’t like you too be like this. He saw you go through tough times but it was never like it. you weren’t yourself 

-”You know, i’ve struggled to survive for so long even before the outbreak. but you have to keep finding something to fight for, look at the bigger picture. You are here, with me. You're alive with a roof over your head, obviously there is a plan for you. You are smart and kind, I know it because I raised you that way. You will find your purpose eventually and i know that doesn’t help the feeling go away but i hope it will bring you some kind of peace.” 

-It did bring you peace, it felt nice to hear it especially from him 

-When he died, your world fell apart. 

-There was no more singing, no more dancing, and no more kisses good night... it was just nothing 

-You slept in his bed for months straight, you wore his clothes, you even drank out of his coffee cup 

-It seemed like you were never going to recover, your world had stopped. 

-”You have to keep finding something to fight for.” 

-You never did recover from it, but you slowly but surely picked yourself up 

-You always brought new flowers to his grave, all his favorite kind too 

-You settled down in a farmhouse with ellie, you littered it with things to honor and remind you of your dad 

-He raised you well, he raised you to be tough and smart but he always taught you how to be loving and kind to people 

-He was so proud of you for growing up to be a lovely woman and where he was now, he would always love you 

-

-

-

!Credit to Gif owner!

#Joel Miller #joel miller x reader #Ellie Williams #ellie williams x reader #tlou joel #the last of us x reader #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction

[edengrown]

SHADOWS AMIDST SNOWSTORMS LIVEBLOGGING

spoilers under the cut

aMBER’S BACK!!! YEAHHHHH!!!

...who’s gonna tell them about joel’s dad?

i’ve just gotten back into genshin so i don’t know who eula is but she’s pretty so-

I’VE ONLY KNOWN EULA FOR 2 MINUTES BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HER, I’D KILL GOD HIMSELF FUCK-

snowman time fuck yeah

...or not because we gotta follow some weird ass noise now :/

damn we lost the nois- aLBEDO???

ALBEDO!!!! IT’S HIM!!! HE’S BACK FUCK YEAHHHH!!!

HE’S SO PRETTY FUCKKKK

albedo: calls out paimon’s adhd | me: hA-

dAMN ALBEDO REALLY OUT HERE CALLING US LAZY WHAT A FUCKING BULLY IM-

this is giving me such “well... did you? *smirk*” vibes and my gay heart is struggling mr. albedo pLEASE-

oh shit art talk fuck yeah :0c

pAIMON STOP SIGNING MY UP FOR SHIT- well ok if albedo is teaching me how to paint i guess i could do it-

dAMN WE REALLY DITCHED AMBER FOR SOME PAINT LESSONS

oh shit albedo got fucking robbed

nOT THE ALCHEMY NOTES FUCK

FUCK YEAH THE HUNT IS ON!! LET’S GO, LESBIANS, LET’S GO!!

...albedo, i love you dearly, but you wanting to go in alone is so fucking suspicious-

ALBEDO WHY ARE YOU ACTING FUNNY??? I DON’T APPRECIATE THIS!!!

“Indeed, the sorting process is necessary. Humans are such practical creatures. They only want those things that are good. Once they have learned to distinguish between good and bad, they will never stop comparing things in their mind. Useless things should be disposed of at the outset.”

...now wait a damn minute-

tHAT VOICE!!! IT’S FUCKING BENNETT!!! AAAAA!!!

this poor boy i’m-

AW RAZOR COULDN’T COME WITH BENNETT BECAUSE HE’S NOT AN ACTUAL ADVENTURER IM-

BENNETT NOOOO!! SELF-CONFIDENCE KING, PLEASE!!

albedo, stAY WITH THE FUCKING GROUP!!

so you mean to tell me albedo was looking for us while we were looking for him? ...it’s either a doppelgänger or a separate personality-

HHHHH NOT BENNETT APOLOGIZING TO ALBEDO AND ALBEDO TELLING HIM IT’S NOT HIS FAULT OH GOD MY HEART-

EULA?! TRYING TO ARREST ALBEDO?! UHHH I THINK THE FUCK NOT?!

OH SHIT!! IMPOSTER ALBEDO!! THROWING DOWN A CHILD AND TRYING TO ATTACK EULA!! FUCK!!

THE GANG’S ALL HERE!! ALBEDO, AMBER, BENNETT, AND EULA!!! LET’S GOOOO- nevermind, the gang is now just albedo and me-

I FUCKING CALLED IT!!! I FUCKING CALLED IT!! ALBEDO ISN’T A NATURAL BORN HUMAN!! LET’S GOOOO!!

“I am a synthetic human being.... a human forged by human hand. The one who created me, my mother and teacher, her name is Rhinedottir -  a researcher from Khaenri’ah, also known as “Gold”. When the pinnacle of attainment in alchemy is combined with unimaginably vast learning... the apex achievement is the creation of human life.”

wAIT SHIT GOLD AND RHINEDOTTIR ARE ONE AND THE SAME HOLY SHIT-

“I am indeed somewhat older than my appearance might suggest. But when I came into being, Khaenri’ah had already been destroyed. I have no memories of it.”

ok so albedo is old but not like... khaenri’ah destruction old

“My master raised me and taught me everything. Like her, I am a pure alchemist. I live for academic knowledge. Nationality and identity are not what ultimately define us.”

dragonspine is a bitch ass cold ass place albedo you know this-

“Rhinedottir created two miraculous beings. One is me, and the other is the venomous dragon, Durin, who died here.”

PAIMON PLEASE DO NOT CALL THE DEAD DRAGON AND ALBEDO BROTHERS JUST AFTER HE ADMITTED HIS TRUE NATURE TO US HAVE SOME TACT

#ooc. #spoilers #genshin spoilers #genshin impact spoilers #this is gonna be updated as i go through the event but for now enjoy my random ass rambles

[foofygoldfish]

A L L F I F T Y for Tilly :3

oh my god

also this is from literally two months ago whoops

Personal

1)      Age? 23!

2)      Gender? female

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? lesbian

4)      Height? 5′6…ish? i swear i’ve said this before, but i can’t find it dslkfj

5)      Race? Half black, half white

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc): fiona nova!

7)      Any disabilities? No

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? she was named after her great-grandma, matilda!

9)      What makes them, them? she’s a major horse girl. major. and awkward as fuck, but also intensely curious about the world.

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? she wants to work with horses! she considered working in the clinic with her mom, but she really prefers it in the barns.

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? yes! her parents are hannah, who runs the clinic in jackson, and charlie, who teaches at the school! they’re both very caring, and have done their best to raise their children in this new world. 

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? If not, do they wish they had siblings? she has an 8 year old sister, leticia! tilly is very protective of her - she knows that leticia can handle herself, but that’s her baby sister, y’know? also the two of them love gossiping in sign language - not many people in jackson are fluent, and they take advantage of that.

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often? unfortunately, no - hannah and charlie lost track of their families after the outbreak. tilly assumes that they’re all dead.

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) yes! she does think it’s too safe, but that’s just her wanting to go on an adventure.

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? jackson, wyoming! i feel like pretty much everyone there is probably roughly around the same level? the norths were firmly middle-class before the outbreak though, and they do have one of the nicer/larger houses in town, just by virtue of being one of the first settlers.

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? nope - hannah and charlie would like her to do amazing things, of course, but they want their kids to be happy first and foremost.

17)   Do they have pets? yes lol - she has three dogs, a pit bull named timber, a german shepherd named grizzly, and a rotweiller named bear. they’re all giant softies. she has a horse as well, callie, and honestly thinks of all the horses in jackson as her own.

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family? her mom. shes close to her entire family, but her mom.

19)   This there anything special about their family? i… don’t really think? before the outbreak, they were pretty average - a med student and an adjunct professor. 

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? nope. 

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? talisa york

22)   Who was their first friend? will and ben!

23)   What is their friend group like? .... small. tilly doesn’t really have any friends? she has will and ben, but they’ve drifted apart over the years. she’d still drop everything to help them in a heartbeat, but she’s not sure if they’d do the same for her.

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? ...see above?

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?  aaaand above

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? not intentionally, but she had a very bad habit of speaking first, thinking later when she was growing up, and said some things that came out much harsher than she intended

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends? ...does talisa count?

28)   Do they share classes with good friends? she was in the same ‘grade’ as will and ben when they were still in school

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? tilly, her mom, and maria

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? uh. she handles it better than her parents expected, honestly?

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? ....she’s 23

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? she did like him, but her dad was her main teacher lol

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? yes, because her dad is really good at the disappointed dad stare and the disappointed teacher stare 

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? she was average - didn’t really have the attention span to pay attention in class. 

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? a little, particularly with math

36)   What is/was their school like? it was pretty much a one-room schoolhouse when she started - there is an actual school building in jackson, but there weren’t enough students to justify spending energy on it at first. they moved into that building her last year.

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? ohhhh boy. school was rough. she was the weird kid who never quite fit in, and even in the apocalypse, kids are mean.

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? ...yes.

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? yes. no, she won’t tell you.

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back? she graduated!

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? at the time of joel and ellie’s arrival, she’s dating talisa! they get married roughly a year and a half after the game.

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? besides spending time with the horses? writing. she doesn’t talk about that much, though. mostly just tells the stories to the horses, or leticia, if she’s convincing enough.

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? to be able to travel.

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? she works in the stables and the clinic!

45)   Do they use social media? no social media in the apocalypse 😔

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? an official one? not since she was a baby. she’s had to go to the clinic for broken bones a few times since she started working in the barns, though.

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? she’s convinced the old school and the dam are haunted.

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? cry. or she’ll get really quiet - that’s a dead giveaway that something is bothering her.

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? good.

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) yuuuuup. as the resident Weird Kid with adhd/autism in my elementary school, i know what she’s gone through, and i really apologize to her because it really sucks... also, horses

#tilly north #tlou #elusetta #asks

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A

#survey #quiz #questions

[themechaneer]

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far Pt. 1 || Headcanon

So I’m honestly gonna try and make most of this straightforward and to the point. Mostly because it’d be way too easy to wax on and on about Joel’s parents if I don’t force myself NOT TO. To avoid that this HC is gonna be a 2 parter. But since the beginning I’ve planned to touch on their characters at least a bit if not detail the personailty traits that Joel inherited from them, his relationship with each, who he takes after more. Not just for the sake of details but because so much of who Joel is WAS very much shaped by his parents and the years he had with them. And so without further ado---

I n t r o d u c t i o n s  •  M e e t  t h e  p a r e n t s

C a s e y  F o r g e s

Born In Queensland Australia Casey spent most of his golden youth around and on his father’s ship. His mother having died years before he and his dad (Mason Forges) had an extremely close bond and worked together host fish & game tours. Not exactly the easiest life but a good one since he was never one to mind hard work. He enlisted with the Royal Australian Navy (RAN) at 17 and after finishing basic was given leave to pursue his studies in engineering and architecture after being accepted at Yale University. 

Social by introvert standards though not one for the spotlight Casey has always been an odd sort of mix of rather contradictive traits. Quiet but confident, reserved yet intense, sensitive and analytical. Naturally kind, imaginative, empathic and observant he’s always been an altruist at heart whose ability to connect with others is mostly unrivaled. Intensly hardworking and humble Casey has always been one to delight in his work and a believer of engaging it and the people he works with and believes in with both generosity and kindness.

C e l e s t e  S h u l t z

She was born in Paris and raised in ‘The Pink City’ of France, Toulouse as the only child of her accountant father Roy Mercier & dance teacher mother Angela Shultz. As luck would have it despite her parents divorce at a young age and her life having been split between the two her childhood was a mostly happy one. Summer & spring were spent in Paris with her mother where she learned art, to speak her mind, to be the kind, but to take no one’s shit. Autumn & Winter were spent with her father in Toulouse where she was taught politics (universal and social), self-sufficiency, to trust her instincts, and how to stand tall. Once she graduated she moved to the states having been accepted to Yale Law School.

The powerhouse, the devil’s advocate, face of an angel, but a mind and mouth made for war. Remy is a breed almost unto herself as the ultimate debater. Uncompromisingly honest and near blunt to a fault there aren’t many things she loves more then the process of mental sparring. Very much a ‘fuck the rules I’m trying to accomplish something here’ type of person as you can guess social status and social conformity are concepts she’s never had time for and never one to appreciate any level of coddling. Definitely one of a kind and certainly not for anyone who doesn’t have the thick skin or heart for unpleasant truths or hard rationality. If you’re able to get past her abrasive nature you’ll find someone with a brighter heart then anyone you’ve ever known, a vision, a sense of humor, charisma, confidence, genuine knowledge, a playful spirit, and honesty always.

T h e i r  S t o r y

Casey and Remy attended college together but wouldn’t actually meet till his third year and her second. They actually met at a weekend party when Remy, having noticed one of the seniors having slipped something in her friend’s drink, threw her own, and some choice words of judgement upon the man’s intentions and upbringing. Words escalated to violence that may have resulted in a brawl that not only infected half the people present, but also made a steady path of destruction through the house. 

Chaos ensued, cops were called. In the end it wasn’t police that managed to pull an enraged Remy off her original target before she could actually take his eyes out, but Casey. Casey who’d stayed despite the threat of potential arrest, and got a hook to the jaw for his troubles via a reaction punch from the girl. Remy, completely sobered from her fury by way of shock and embarassment at this point in having realized her mistake tried to apologize only to be shushed and helped out a broken window by the same stranger she’d cracked across the jaw not a minute before. 

Needless to say they both made it back to the dorms a little worse for the night but their freedom intact and both with thoughts of the other on their mind. Remy with how she was gonna find the nameless lad to apologize to and thank him properly. Casey with a bruise already forming on his face and thoughts of how the blonde was by far the prettiest to have ever landed a decent punch on him. 

After finding the other of course what started as a DEFINITELY JUST AN APOLOGY NOT A DATE brunch out together that Casey may have conned/charmed Remy into letting him pay for “Your company was more then apology enough darlin’.” the two took to spending more and more time together. Not dating. Not that. Remy insistent she didn’t have the time or focus control for it despite spending nearly all her free time with the aussie. But also the both of them spending an awful lot of time not dating anyone else despite definitely not dating eachother.

Then came the stranding... The two were stranded in America in the aftermath and by the time everything was said in done in figuring out what the fuck they were gonna do now they were enough in love that when Casey asked her if she’d move in with him in the shelter he’d built she said yes. And the rest as they say is history~. Casey went to work overtime in helping people across the rapidly deteriorating states build shelters as well as taking up work within the cities to fortify shields and underground facilities. He also took other assorted goverment funded projects that eventually led to him contracting with Bridges and assisting with the creation and building of the knots and waystations you find in the game. Remy herself kept busy as well in regards to settlment disputes and a rise in cases stemming purely from the fallout of the stranding itself. 

After his eventual departure from Bridges upon having made his own realizations into the moral structure of the company Casey and Remy moved to their home marking the halway point between Mountin Knot and South of. This was the home where both Kai and Joel were born, where the two were raised by their loving parents, where they said their goodbyes to them when they made the decision that waiting wasn’t an option. And left with every intention of returning with the supplies they’d need. Their final words to their sons being.                       “Look after one another till we return. We love you.”

#‟ let’s tell the truth just for once ” || headcanons #part 2 is happening tomorrow cause its almost 5am #i can barely see #i ran out of writing steam like an hour ago and shoulda stopepd then but couldn't #no one judge me for the lackluster writing k T-T I WAS TIRED AND DIDNT WANNA STOP TILL THIS WAS DONE #also their story under a readmore cause it got rediculously long

[oftripps]

“ –– wow. ”  it’s not so much a critique as it is a g-rated expletive. tripp forces a smile mid-chew and blinks. “ my tastebuds are screaming. gah–– uh, singing. singing. ”  he avoids swallowing and as ring-decorated fingers snag a napkin, wide eyes drifting to the tabletop as a small jingle breezes past tensed lips. “ ~ allergic to mushrooms ~ ”

or, alternatively: this is somethin’ new! the caspar slide pt. 2 !! & this time, it’s ‘bout to get funky !!  so i’m linc and this is tripp and he’s........ a trip, honestly, so let’s just... yeet on into this ––

( joe keery + 22 + muse 12 ) isn’t that phillip joel “tripp” goodman over there? i heard he joined faction: one after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip because HIS BANDMATES DUPED HIM INTO THINKING THE SIGN-UP WAS FOR A WOODS-THEMED OPEN MIC GIG. hopefully they fit in there – they’re JAUNTY but also OUTRÉ. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine.

out the door !  ( tripp goodman: a roadmap )

look up townie family in the dictionary and you’ll find a portrait of the goodmans directly beside. these folks have a looooong flippin’ legacy here in lil’ ole west ham, kansas. it all started with montgomery goodman, a good man, who helped west ham’s founders break ground on this midwestern charmer several centuries ago. and now, the goodmans still live on the same property –– a refurbished farmhouse ( now closer to mcmansion ) surrounded by five acres of roooooollin’ hills. once upon a time, they were farming folk. now, theresa and joel goodman run the town’s one and only veterinary clinic. 

honestly, growing up? tripp was a problematic kid. he’d take in frogs from the woods and start his own frog hotels. he’d sneak pets from the clinic to school who “ needed help learning their numbers ”. in class, he’d flick sunflower seeds at the backs of his peers’ heads and, when threatened with discipline, claim he simply “ wanted to see if they’d grow  ” .  so no, to answer your question–– tripp never really saw the real wrath warranted by his rulebreaking.

in fourth grade, he chose the saxophone as his required instrument. he caused such a commotion in his house, that his parents asked his teachers to suggest something quieter. the viola. the flute. the clarinet. the piano. instruments came and went,;instruments were quickly mastered and abandoned. because dear lord, how many times could they listen to the spongebob theme song played on woodwind ?!  on strings ?!  once middle school rolled around, little phillip joel knew his way around a whopping total of six instruments, a tally that would only grow in the coming years. eventually, his parents caved and allowed him to keep playing, so long as he respected instrument curfews. they gave song requests to avoid hearing the same pieces on repeat: the goodman household was probably the only one blessed with an oboe-and-beatbox rendition of under the sea. young phillip joel’s take on the issue was simple: not all heroes wore capes.

( tw: domestic unrest, mentions of violence ) theresa and joel split when tripp was 9. just seven months later, tripp’s mother moved in with her girlfriend: tripp’s guitar teacher, ms. lillith. tripp didn’t mind ms. lillith. she was chill. he came to find out she could knock back a chocolate milk almost as fast as he could, and she liked her grilled cheeses with swiss only. his best friend became a thirty-six year old woman who happened to be his mother’s girlfriend. and that was fine. he could dig it. but joel goodman? oh no. his family name was tarnished. the scandal was too much to bear. joel sued for full custody and nearly made it, thanks to hometown politics and loyalties. but then he made one fatal mistake: he crossed his own son.

at 10 years old, fifth grade phillip joel returned home to his father’s after school with three fingernails painted effervescent blue. sidney frasier made me so cool, he gushed as he put his colored nails on proud display. dad, aren’t i so cool?  the next day, his dad enrolled him in the town’s peewee football program. he returned home from his first practice with a black eye and a split lip. from a ball, the coach insisted. hit the poor fella square in the face, real strong. phillip joel put up a fight against football; it wasn’t for him. it conflicted with music practice. couldn’t he just play music with ms. lillith instead?

the custody battle persisted. they settled on a parenting schedule. joel contested, consistently, months later. and so the cycle persisted up until phillip joel’s 12th year, when he was knocked out cold on the football field. the broken ribs came from hefty tackles. bruises from the fall. concussion from the impact. but theresa spun it to her advantage: joel had since started coaching the middle school team. this was an instance of parental neglect. and, when the courts didn’t comply, she instructed her son to jump down the stairs. one broken ankle later, and joel goodman was accused of child abuse. his word against his injured son’s. the maneuver won theresa full custody. phillip joel has yet to forgive himself.

after the custody battle’s conclusion, joel stayed in town: but phillip joel didn’t want a thing to do with sharing his name. his mother still scolds him as phillip joel, but to everyone else, he became tripp –– inspired by his knack for, you guessed it!, tumbling over his own two feet.

in high school, tripp was the class clown. always smirking, always grinning, always ready to catch someone off guard. he became a pivotal part of west ham high’s jazz band, and even formed a small group with a few buds: face. they played some school events: homecoming, pep rallies, prom. garage-baked young rock, their songs often preached meetings under bleachers and high school never ending. 

in senior year, the band saw a reboot: and after assuming a more indie, spacey sound and a nifty new name –– 1757. –– they saw a rise in local celebrity. coffee shops commissioned them for jam nights. they played on the local radio. so they collectively decided to stick around and see how far they could ride this west ham fame train. with tripp as their frontman, they always leave a memorable impression: he’s not exactly the most run-of-the-mill performer.

1757.’s sound is reminiscent of LANY: i’ve reblogged a few tunes onto tripp’s blog for reference. he’s v much a paul klein / matty healy vibe. big into music. big into losing himself in it.

so what was he up to before the service trip? playin’ tunes. working part-time as a waiter. and brainstorming ways to get out of going on this trip, as soon as he realized his stupid bandmates lied about the form he signed. an open mic in the woods ! pah !  he should have known. but the concept sounded pretty flippin’ cool.

wear our shades on our nose, 'cause we're cool like that ( tripp goodman: the man, the myth, the ledge )

oh god, he’s  w e i r d .  he believes in goblins and ghosts and aliens ( oh my )!

still VERY VERY close with his mother. v broken up about not being able to get through to her, because it was about to be his parents’ wedding anniversary and they were going to anti-celebrate it with big slices of oreo cheesecake and setting things on fire.

how he feels about coming home to west ham: post apocalyptic version.

uhhhh... can he please get a waffle? specifically a cinnamon raisin waffle with extra cinnamon and a shit ton of syrup? actually. syrup with a side of waffles?

why he was banned from his personal twitter.

“ do you even lift, bruv? ”  * proceeds to pick up a teacup & lift his pinkie like a true knock-off british monarch, shitty accent included *

listens to wham! and glam rock. unironically.bluetooth speaker mounted on his bike. no helmet! like an absolute boss. he knows!! wild!! shades on. it’s 2am. it’s dark. but true swag obeys no clock.

catch him biking everywhere stranger things style, actually. his bike’s name is milo because he can roll on for miles. mess with milo and he’ll fuck u up. aka find out if you’re lactose intolerant and slip heavy cream into your meal.

has a strong vendetta against blue doritos. which might take root in some horrific experiences involving cheez wiz, cool ranch, weed, and the new york subway system at 4am on a tuesday. spring break freshman year of college. oof.

he has a lil drawwwwl. tease him about it. he’ll probably blush.

stress-hums chili’s babyback ribs without realizing. catch him singin’ that about to be murdered.

weapon of choice: kindness.

actual weapon of choice: baseball bat.

he will write little jingles to keep morale up. “ so we’re trapped / cash us inside / how bou’ dat ? ”

has a passion for introspective literary quotes. but... has somehow managed to learn each and every one wrong.

friggin’ loves superheroes even though he can’t be bothered to watch the films? he just… always used to get made fun of for liking comic books even though he never read them? “ arachnid man is uh...  heh. he’s pretty dope, huh? ” he embraces the falsehood. someone call him on it.

9/10 times if he’s in the gym, it’s just to eat his donut and watch pay-per-view movies on the bike for free.

apple pie can absolutely be breakfast if you try hard enough. jeez. get with the times, man!

he had a legitimate pet rock before going on this service trip. but has no idea where that bugger’s gone. probably got fed up with tripp serenading him with “ we will rock you ” at all hours of the night.

lawful good. will wave other drivers on forever.

got into an accident on his bike once. bitch broke his arm and he just kept on smiling.  “ no you have a nice day! and uh.... hey. mind if we like... call an ambulance? ”

low key feels like he’s the reason his parents’ marriage crumbled. low key guilty about it. low key wonders if maybe he lived up to his father’s expectations, he might have saved them a lot of grief.

give benny goodman by saint motel a listen and tell me that’s not his soul in audio form.

known for slightly hyperbolic storytelling.

pansexual as heck. falls in love. hard. it’s a mess. he can’t hide it. hence the shades.

he has brilliant hair. and it’s immortalized in his high school yearbook.

is hellbent on being a source of positivity in this terrible situation. can he interest you in a meme in these trying times? how ‘bout a granola bar? maybe a good ole game of mash?

he’s convinced this is an elaborate prank. or a social experiment. maybe aliens. but let’s not question it too much, let’s just.... have a good time? hakuna matata? no worries? lol where the twizzlers at?!

leaves a voicemail for his mother every morning and every night. maybe he cries. maybe.

he has one ear pierced because like.......... senior year of high school, he wanted to feel more cool.

allergic to mushrooms, shellfish, eggs, and harbingers of doom.

he truly boggles minds. just.... v out there? v spacey. he closes his eyes and drifts about on stage, fingers dancing on the keys, body moving in eclectic ways. he says “groovy” and fuckin’ means it. he dresses in prints inspired by grandma’s carpet. lots of half-buttoned flowy shirts, boots, tailored statement pants, dangly necklaces. he’s got his hands full of rings –– they symbolize milestones. and some are just, like... pretty. and one’s his mother’s old wedding band.

where the hell are my friends !  ( wanted connectz. )

i was gonna do a whole section on this and got lazy but like.... anything. all the things. good, bad, ugly, beautiful. hurt him. make him suffer. but also support him a bit.

i imagine he’s got a solid squad goin’. he’s in faction one too, so... hmu for those.

i feel like he’d be pretty chill with the greeks? yeah bro, he parties. he’ll chill. he’ll crack open a cold one and pretend to understand what those letters on your jacket mean! pie-apple-fate-uh? cool stuff !

ride or dies. pls.

he needs someone to like....... melt his heart. maybe someone unexpected.

thisssss got long & disorganized but yes! let’s plot! let’s do this thang! #hype!!

#apogeeintro #✰ mother trucker dude; that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick ! isms. #if u cannot tell...... he is a gay ass MEME

[splendidlyimperfect]

Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough.

Chapter Summary: Gray has nowhere to stay while Joel's in jail, so Sting offers up his place. Gray realizes they have something in common.

Chapters (16/22):  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise

**TW for discussion of abuse/child abuse

-----

somebody hurt you

com· pas· sion | \ kəm-ˈpa-shən noun : sympathetic consciousness of others' distress, together with a desire to alleviate it

.

xv october .

Gray doesn’t leave the hospital until almost two in the morning.

When Doris finally leads Gray back out to the front of the emergency room, Sting is still there, but he’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie instead of his uniform. When he sees Gray, he stands up and approaches them cautiously.  

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” he asks, glancing down at Gray’s bandaged hand. He looks like he wants to reach out to Gray, but he doesn’t.  

Gray’s so tired that all he can do is shrug. Doris says something to Sting but Gray’s not listening – his mind is too busy. The panic and terror from earlier are dulled by the drugs, but he still can’t stop thinking.  

Joel protected me. Joel hurt me. I should tell them. I have to stay. He can get better. He’s never going to change. He’ll hurt Bella. Sting can help me. I don’t have anything. I can start over. I can ask for help. I’m fine.  

“Gray? You with me?” Gray blinks, looking up at Sting’s concerned face. “I tried to get your wallet, but they won’t let me take personal effects out of lockup,” Sting says gently. “Do you have your keys?” Gray shakes his head, staring at the floor. “Do you have somebody you can stay with? The nurse said you shouldn’t be alone after a concussion.”  

A part of Gray’s mind thinks, I could call Natsu, but the rest of him shuts that down immediately. He shakes his head again.  

“Would you feel okay staying with me overnight?” Sting asks. “As a friend,” he adds quickly, “not as a cop. I’m off duty now, and I’ve got a guest bedroom. Rogue is asleep, but he won’t mind.”

Gray looks down at the floor again. He doesn’t want to make Joel angry, but he’s so fucking tired and has nowhere else to go, so he nods.  

“Okay,” Sting says, and Gray can hear the relief in his voice as he gestures toward the parking lot. “C’mon, you need to get some sleep.”

Continue reading on AO3

The first part of the drive back to Sting’s place is quiet – the only sound is the barely-audible radio and the squeak of the windshield wipers. Gray leans his head against the window and watches the raindrops fall in the intermittent light of the streetlamps.  

He’s so, so tired.  

“You hungry?” Sting asks after a while. Gray shakes his head – he is, but he doesn’t want to owe Sting anything else. “You mind if I stop for something? I haven’t eaten since I started work.”  

When Sting sets the fries he gets in the console between them, Gray sees through the ruse. He doesn't fall for it.  

“I’ve only been a cop for a few years,” Sting says after a while. Gray glances over at him, but Sting keeps his eyes on the road. “My dad was one, and I always wanted to be just like him.”  

Gray’s not sure what the point of this story is, but it’s better than the silence, so he nods and keeps listening.  

“He wasn’t a very good cop, though,” Sting says, and his voice gets quiet and a little uncertain. “Sometimes... law enforcement attracts people who want power, and control. And those people are assholes at work and outside of it. He was one of those people.”  

Gray suddenly sees exactly where this is going.  

“I loved my dad so, so much,” Sting continues. The rain is coming down harder now, and he turns up the wipers. “My mom died when I was little and I was an only child, so he was all I had. And I wanted so badly to believe he loved me as much as I loved him.”  

Tears start to press at the back of Gray’s eyes, and he bites the inside of his cheek until it hurts.  

“Lots of people tried to help me,” Sting says as he slows down for a red light. He keeps his eyes on the road, carefully avoiding looking at Gray. “Teachers, my friends’ parents. I loved my dad, though, and I didn’t want him to get in trouble, so I told them all that nothing was wrong. I thought... he could change. It wasn’t all the time. When he wasn’t mad, he was amazing – so all I had to do was not make him angry.”  

Sting goes silent again, and Gray can’t keep it in anymore. He’s so fucking tired of crying.  

“One day, it got really bad.” Sting’s voice is thick now, like he’s trying to hold back his own tears. “He was high, and he got angry – I don’t even remember what I did to piss him off, I was only eleven – and our neighbor called the police. I was terrified because all the cops were dad’s friends, and I didn't think they'd believe me, but... I mean, it was bad. He broke my arm, I ended up with thirty-six stitches, and it’s hard to play that off as an accident, y’know? And one of the cops, her name was Kelly, she stayed with me the whole time. Helped me feel safe.”  

Gray’s chest aches, and he covers his mouth to keep in a sob. The tears keep coming and coming, and he presses himself against the door of the car, trying to breathe.  

“I just... I know how hard it is,” Sting says after a minute. “I know what it’s like to love someone so much that you want them to be the best thing for you, even when they aren’t. And I know you don’t want help right now, and that’s okay, just... none of it’s your fault.” Gray hiccups through the tears and he just wants to stop fucking  feeling  this. “Nobody should be hurting you, no matter what, and if you ever do decide you want help, there are people who will believe you, and who will be there for you.”  

Gray’s mind turns to Natsu. Natsu, with sad, desperate eyes as Gray walked away from him. Natsu kissing Gray in the alley behind the bar, touching him gently, being kind. Natsu answering the phone and talking about his day, letting Gray pretend that nothing’s wrong.  

And then Joel. Joel saying he loves Gray with hard, demanding eyes. Joel getting angry, Joel apologizing, Joel kissing Gray sweetly, Joel pushing Gray into the bed when Gray wants to say ‘no.’  

It’s too much.  

“I...” Gray’s voice breaks and he shakes his head. “I d-don't... I can’t...”  

“I know.” Sting’s voice is so, so gentle. “It’s been a long night.”  

The car slows to a stop as Sting pulls into a driveway – Gray hadn’t even noticed that they were in a residential area. Sting turns off the car and sighs before getting out, then moving around to Gray’s side and opening his door.  

“C’mon,” Sting says, helping Gray out as Gray wipes at his face with his sleeve. Gray wobbles unsteadily – everything hurts, even with the painkillers. Sting offers his arm and Gray stares at it for a moment before letting himself lean on it.    

When they get inside, Sting leads Gray to the guest bedroom, quietly pointing out the washroom and grabbing an extra blanket from the closet. Gray sits down heavily on the bed, and seconds later there’s a soft  mrowl   as a kitten jumps up next to him.  

Gray stares at it and it meows at him again, staring at him with wide, blue eyes.  

“That’s Frosch,” Sting says as Gray reaches out hesitantly and runs his finger over the kitten’s head. Frosch immediately climbs up into his lap and rubs herself against him, purring happily. “You’re not allergic, are you?”  

Gray shakes his head. The deep, weary ache in his chest feels a tiny bit lighter as a tiny, wet nose against his hand is followed by soft, silky fur.  

“She might try to sleep with you,” Sting says, sitting down close to Gray but leaving a space between them. “Lector – her brother – is probably on my pillow right now, but you might see him at some point too.”  

Frosch gives Gray another loud, high-pitched meow, then stands up on her hind legs, placing her paws on his chest. Gray strokes her head carefully, then looks over at Sting.  

“Thank you,” he whispers. Sting smiles at him, and Gray’s thankful that there’s no pity on his face.  

“Anytime,” Sting says. His hand hovers between them and he looks uncertain. “Do you... want a hug? Or – sorry, that’s stupid, I know we don’t really know each other very well.”

Gray knows he should say no, but it’s been so long since someone touched him in a way that doesn’t hurt. He nods slowly, and Sting leans in and wraps his arm around Gray despite the embarrassed flush now dusting his cheeks. Gray sighs and relaxes into the embrace, and a warm sense of relief floods through him as Frosch turns in circles on his lap and then settles herself there, warm and purring.  

“I don’t know what to do,” he says quietly, before he can change his mind. Sting sighs, pulling back from the embrace but keeping his hand on Gray’s arm.  

“I know,” he says. “I know how hard it is to leave. It’s okay if you’re not ready.”  

Gray rubs his face. His hand’s starting to ache, and he’s so tired, but the idea of sleeping in this bed alone in a house he doesn’t know is terrifying.  

"You okay?” Sting asks, squeezing his elbow gently. Gray wants to say  I’m fine, I don’t need your help  because that’s what he’s always done, but Joel’s not here and everything hurts and he’s scared.  

He shakes his head.  

“You wanna come watch something stupid on TV with me?” Sting asks. “I’ve got some microwave popcorn and a bag of Twizzlers I’ve been hiding from Rogue.”

Sting turns on some reality show about baking that Gray’s never heard of, but Gray doesn’t really pay attention to it. The couch is soft and Frosch is warm on his lap, and with Sting sitting beside him, it doesn’t take long for Gray to fall asleep.  

-----

When Gray wakes up the next morning, everything hurts. He groans, blinking a few times and moving to sit up before he realizes that something is sitting on him.  

It’s Frosch. She’s fast asleep with her tail curled around her, and she’s purring so loud that she’s vibrating on Gray’s chest. Gray carefully runs his finger over her head and behind her ears. The purring intensifies, and she gives his hand a tiny headbutt before settling back into sleep.  

Gray sighs, relaxing into the pillow underneath him. He’s still on the couch, but there’s a blanket draped over his legs, and a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers sitting on the table next to him.  

Gray looks down at his bandaged hand, and everything comes back to him in a blurry rush. He squeezes his eyes shut again, rubbing his face with his uninjured hand and pushing away the memories.  

Gray’s good at not thinking about things.  

After a few more minutes, he nudges Frosch off of him, and she squeaks at him in protest before sauntering off to the kitchen. He sits up slowly, gratefully grabbing the painkillers and washing two of them down with the water. His head is pounding, his wrist aches, and the rest of him is bruised and uncomfortable.  

“Good morning.”

Gray looks up to see Rogue standing in the doorway to the kitchen, wearing a pair of cat-themed pajama pants and a hoodie that says Ryerson Tech.  His hair is piled on his head in a messy bun, and he looks down fondly as Frosch meows at him and rubs herself against his legs.  

“Hey,” Gray says, voice rough. “Thanks for letting me stay.” His cheeks feel hot and he looks back down at the floor.  

“Of course,” Rogue says, leaning down and scooping up Frosch. “Would you like a coffee? Sting’s still asleep, but I’m making pancakes.”

Gray suddenly realizes how hungry he is, and he nods, pushing himself up from the couch and following Rogue into the kitchen. Rogue’s quiet as he gets the coffee ready, and Gray takes the opportunity to look around. The kitchen is small but brightly decorated, and the fridge is covered with photographs.  

Gray’s eyes widen when he sees one of Rogue and Sting at the pride parade, kissing in front of an arch of colorful balloons. Rogue's got a rainbow button pinned to his tank top, and Sting’s shirt is pink and blue and white. The trans pride flag.  

Oh.  

Gray sits still for a minute, letting the revelation settle into his sleepy, confused brain. When Rogue sets a cup of coffee down in front of Gray, he tracks Gray’s gaze to the photo and smiles.  

There are footsteps on the stairs, and Sting appears in the kitchen doorway, yawning as he runs his fingers through his messy hair. A fat, orange tabby saunters in after him.  

“Hey, you,” Rogue says, reaching over and pulling Sting in for a kiss.  

“Mmf.” Sting yawns, then turns to Gray and waves. “You guys are up way too early. ‘s ridiculous.”  

“It’s already nine,” Rogue says, rolling his eyes and turning back to the stove. “You’re the ridiculous one.”  

Sting grumbles half-heartedly and slumps down on the stool next to Gray, pillowing his head on his arms. “You sleep okay?” he asks, tipping his head up to look at Gray.  

Gray doesn’t answer right away. He’s too busy searching Sting’s face, trying to see what he missed before.  

Sting’s like him.  

Sting frowns at him, then glances over at the fridge and his eyes widen in realization. “Ah,” he says. “Yeah. Sorry, it, uh, never came up?”  

“No, no, I, uh...” Gray can feel heat rising to his cheeks. “Me too.”  

Sting’s uncertain expression quickly turns to a smile, and he nudges Gray with his knee. “Really?” Gray nods, looking down at his coffee. “I never would have guessed.”  

“You either,” Gray says, cheeks pink. “I, uh... I don’t know anyone else? Like me.” He hesitates, then corrects himself. “Like us.”  

“Well, now you do,” Sting says, reaching out slowly and squeezing Gray’s knee when he doesn’t pull away.  

A comfortable silence hangs between them, interrupted when Rogue sets a plate of pancakes on the counter. Gray’s stomach growls, and he’s pretty sure nothing has ever looked so appetizing.  

“Gods, I love you,” Sting says.    

“You love pancakes,” Rogue corrects, grabbing a couple of plates from the cupboard and handing one to Gray. “I did burn a couple, sorry about that.”  

Sting scoffs, grabbing three pancakes and piling them on his plate. Then he leans over and kisses Rogue’s cheek. “I’d eat your burnt pancakes any day, darling.”  

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #ftlgbtpride2019 #day 18 #gratsu #natray #gray x natsu #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #update #new chapter #prompt #my fic

[write-havoc]

This Is How I Disappear Ch. 58

Summary: A girl named Chuck finds herself in the exact place she doesn't want to be, living with violent men in a desolate nursing home. After her former gym teacher finds her, will he be the savior she was looking for?

Fandom: The Walking Dead AU

Pairing: Negan/Original Female Character

Status: Ongoing

Contains: swearing, violence, sexual assault, blood, smut

Intended for readers 18+ of age only

Masterlist

——— Negan’s POV ———

Martin stares back at me with eyes that are the same exact fuckin’ color as mine. “Y-You...?”

“I’m the fuckin’ son,” I answer, recalling what Martin had just said about finding out his father killed his wife and attacked his son.

“Oh my god.” Martin looks at me for a second and then looks around like the fuckin’ answers to his questions are gonna pop up out there.

I look around, too. Arat, Dwight, and Jesus flick their eyes away when I fuckin’ look at them. And Rick, the only other person still standing close enough to hear this shit show, is staring right at me with this weird ass look on his face.

“Uh,” Martin clears his throat, “I think we should talk in private. I know a place.”

“Sir?” Dwight cuts in. “You wanted to be on the road,” he reminds me.

I think it over. I do want to get back home to Chuck, but me and this fucker gotta talk. I mean, I don’t really want to talk about this shit, but this guy is my... my father’s son, I guess.

“Dwight, follow me,” I announce. “Arat, Jesus, get shit ready to go. I’ll be back in an hour.”

Me and Dwight follow Martin into a building that was obviously dorms before all this shit. When we get to a room on the second floor, Martin pauses and looks back to us.

“I’m just gonna check on my daughter first,” he says and opens the door.

He leaves it open and I can see a blonde girl, probably fourteen, sitting cross legged on a bed writing in a notebook.

“Hey, Dad,” the girl greets then looks back to me with a confused look on her face.

“Emily, this is... um, Negan.” He gestures back to me. “He’s from a new group that we are starting to work with. I’m gonna be down the hall talking with him if you need me.”

“Okay. Where’s mom?”

“I think she’s working in the kitchen today. She should be back in a little bit.”

Martin turns and leaves his room, leading me and Dwight further down to a room with a sort of seating area.

I turn to Dwight before we walk in. “Stay out here.” He obeys and stays in the hall while me and Martin go in.

“So,” I sit down on a couch and prop Lucille up beside me. “We share some fuckin’ DNA.” I’m trying to sound fuckin’ nonchalant, but really, I’m freaking the fuck out. I hate thinking about my goddamn father, and now, I’m gonna have to talk about him with a guy probably in a similar situation to mine. I mean, my father is his, too. And he brutalized this guy’s mom the same way he did mine, mostly. He didn’t kill her like my mom, but still...

Martin sits across from me and scratches at the back of his neck. “Yeah. It seems like it.” He studies my face. “You don’t look like-“

I cut him off. “I look like my mom. Thank fuck.”

He kinda nods. “Yeah. I look like him .”

“That’s why I fuckin’ asked you. I’ve tried to forget his goddamn face, but I guess I fuckin’ didn’t because one look at you and I knew you had to be his.”

“Did you know what he did?” he asks suddenly. “To my mom?”

I shake my head. “No. The last time I heard about that motherfucker was when they sentenced him for my mom’s murder.” I look down and shake my head. “I guess I should’ve fuckin’ expected him to do shit like that to someone else.” I raise my head to look at him again. “But I didn’t know he did that to your mom.”

Martin nods. “The police found him when I was fifteen. DNA evidence and all that. It was 1997. My mom told me his name then when they told her. I saw his picture...” He shakes his head. “The detectives said that he went to prison a couple years after I was born. So you were just a kid, too, I guess.” He shrugs and takes a breath. “Do you have kids?”

His question takes me off guard. “Kids?”

“Yeah. I have two. You saw Emily. Me and my wife have a younger son, too. We, uh... We never told them about my biological father. They don’t know that grandpa adopted me.”

“And your wife is still here?” I remember him mentioning her.

“Oh yeah. It was tough, but we all made it out. We’ve been living here for about three years now.”

“That’s fuckin’ lucky for you.”

He gives me a look. “I guess. But we all have lost something in this world.”

I change the subject. I really just want to get this shit over with now. I don’t even know why I agreed to talk with this guy. “So what did you do before this shit?”

“I was an investment banker.”

“No shit? You were a rich prick?”

He lets out a huff. “I did well. I wouldn’t exactly call myself a prick , though.”

“So you did well before and you’re doing well now?” I gesture broadly with my hand. I don’t know why, but the more he talks, the angrier I get.

“Yeah,” he answers, getting pissed at me, too. “The Kingdom is a good place to live. I don’t know about your home-“

I don’t let him finish that fucking thought. “You got, what, two hundred people here. Judging by what I’ve seen and the living space I was fuckin’ told about during the goddamn tour. I have hundreds of people under me. They are all well fed, protected, living their fuckin’ lives all peachy fuckin’ keen. So don’t even fuckin’ suggest that I don’t provide for my people.”

He pauses then lets out a deep breath. “We’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, I think.” He clears his throat. “Do we have any more siblings?”

“Siblings?” I bite back. “We are not siblings . We may share a fuckin’ Y chromosome, but you are not brother. And that goes for any other poor sons-a-bitches that our biological father may have shot his DNA into.” I get up, grabbing Lucille so I can head out of the room. I can’t deal with this shit anymore.

“Is he still alive?” Martin’s voice calls out before I can open the door.

I pause and look back. “I sure as fuck hope not.”

We all get back on the road, but it’s a miserable fuckin’ ride. No one is saying shit. Dwight has his eyes firmly on the road in front of him and Arat and Jesus are just sitting silently in the fuckin’ back twiddling their damn thumbs.

“Someone fuckin’ say something,” I call out when the quiet gets to me.

Jesus clears his throat. “The Kingdom seems like it will be a good ally.”

“Yeah,” Arat chuckles a little nervously. “That King Ezekiel is kinda hot, too.”

“You think that low rent Medieval Times motherfucker is hot ?” I call back with a laugh. I guess that got my mind off of the shit show I don’t want to think about.

Arat shrugs. “I kinda dig his whole thing.”

“What about you, Jesus? You digging King Douche, too?”

“He’s not my type,” he answers with a little smirk.

“See?” I say to Arat. “He’s got good fuckin’ taste in men. Besides, you know that fucker’s got a thing for that tiger.”

Arat laughs. “He does not. You’re just jealous that you don’t have a fucking tiger,” she teases.

I chuckle. “I got Lucille and she does just fuckin’ fine, thank you very much.”

———   ———

  “You know, that guy kinda looks like Negan,” Laura comments from her seat beside Chuck on the couch.

Chuck studies the tv screen as she makes the main character of the game Last of Us sneak up to a person and kill him. “Actually, now that you mention it, he kinda does look like Negan.” She laughs. “Don’t tell Negan, but I definitely have a thing for Joel.”

Laura laughs. “You have a type, I see.”

Her radio suddenly squawks to life. “ We’re half an hour out ,” Dwight’s voice relays.

Chuck gets up as fast as she can (which isn’t that fast) from her seat and starts to get her coat on.

“What are you doing?” Laura asks, standing up from her own seat.

“I want to meet Negan out there when he comes in.” She finishes with her coat, but struggles to slip her feet in her boots. Her big belly makes bending down impossible.

“Here.” Laura crouches in front of her to help. “You know Negan wants you to stay up here, right?” She gets Chuck’s feet into her shoes and stands up. “And Dwight said a half an hour.”

“Well, it takes me a while to waddle around. I want to be there when Negan gets in.”

The pair leave and use the freight elevator to get down to the main floor. Chuck just isn’t able to get up and down all those stairs, anymore, so the elevator really is the only option. Negan has made sure to keep it operational in case Chuck needs to get down to the infirmary in an emergency. But Chuck doesn’t abuse the luxury; she rarely goes downstairs anymore since Negan had requested her to take it easy.

Despite Laura following Chuck through the halls as her official body guard, all of the other residents seem to watch over her, too. They greet her casually, but she feels their protective eyes watching her.

It’s an odd feeling. She’s happy that everyone has embraced her and cares about her and her baby’s wellbeing, but at the same time, she doesn’t really like being seen as some helpless thing that needs protecting. Though, she supposes she kind of is considering she can’t even get her shoes on by herself right now.

Even with Chuck’s waddling, she and Laura get outside pretty quickly. So they wait by the gate for Negan to arrive. It’s slightly snowing, but it’s wet. The temperature isn’t low enough for it to stick to the ground.

About ten minutes after they start waiting, Laura lets out a huff. “Negan’s gonna kill me knowing you were out here this long,” she mutters, though she’s not seriously mad.

“I’m fine,” Chuck responds. “It’s not that cold.”

“It’s like forty degrees.” Laura rubs at her hands to warm them.

Chuck laughs. “I got a coat on. And I’m not cold. Besides, I’m sure women more pregnant than me have done far more strenuous things in worse weather than this, anyway.”

“But those pregnant women weren’t carrying Negan’s baby.”

Chuck laughs. “That doesn’t make me more fragile than every other pregnant woman.”

“No. But Negan is more protective than your average husband. In case you haven’t noticed.”

Chuck giggles as she nods. “That’s true.”

When Negan’s car pulls in and parks, Chuck can’t help but rush over to his door before he even gets out. She doesn’t even wait for him to open it, either, pulling on the handle herself to open it for him.

Negan starts to climb out of the car, Lucille in hand. “What are you doing out here, baby girl?” He wraps her in a hug and gives her a quick kiss.

“Waiting for you,” she answers.

“Shit, sweetheart,” he cradles her face with his ungloved hand and swipes his thumb over her skin, “your cheeks are fuckin’ red. You shouldn’t be out here.” He gives a quick look to Laura, who is standing behind Chuck.

Chuck giggles. “She said you’d be mad. But I wanted to meet you down here.”

Negan lets out a sigh. “Let’s get the fuck upstairs.”

They walk together, hand in hand, through The Sanctuary, but Chuck knows something isn’t right. Despite Negan’s friendly attitude and assertions that the meeting with The Kingdom went well, she can see a darkness in his eyes. When they get back into the privacy of their bedroom, Chuck asks about the meeting.

Negan sets Lucille on the coffee table. “It was fuckin’ insane, honestly.” He takes his gloves and jacket off then sits on the couch to slip off his boots. “I don’t think they’re a threat, but the king talks like a fuckin’ community theater Shakespeare production.”

Chuck sits down next to Negan. “King?”

“Yeah. Their leader calls himself King Ezekiel. And, oh yeah, he has an actual fuckin’ tiger named Shiva.”

Chuck lets out a gasp. “Shiva? Like from the zoo?!” she asks excitedly. Chuck and her mom had made regular trips to the zoo in the time before and there was, indeed, a tiger named Shiva there for a number of years. She was always one of her mother’s favorite animals and they spent a lot of time watching her in her paddock.

“Uh... I guess,” Negan responds.

“Well, there was a tiger named Shiva at the zoo in DC. Hard to imagine there’d be a different one in the area, too.”

Negan wraps his arm around Chuck and pulls her into his side. “So that fucker stole the tiger from the zoo, then.” He chuckles. “Makes sense, I guess.”

“So... Anything else happen?” Chuck asks a little hesitantly, knowing something must have.

Negan lets out a heavy breath. “I met- There was a guy there. Turns out he’s my half brother.”

Chuck sits up to look at Negan. “What?!” Out of everything Chuck thought could have possibly happened, Negan meeting his half brother was not even on the list.

“Yeah.” He rubs his hand down his face. “His name is Martin. Apparently, my piece of shit father raped that poor fuck’s mother and got her pregnant. Gave him his ugly ass face, too.”

“Oh my god, Negan. That’s... That’s crazy.”

Negan shrugs it off, but Chuck knows that it’s affecting him.

She runs her hand over his cheek. “Are you okay?”

He looks at her like he’s wrestling with what to say. “I’m okay.”

Chuck doesn’t exactly believe him. “Talk to me, Negan.”

He holds her gaze for a moment, then casts his head down. “It’s just...” He scratches at his face. “The same man raped two different women. Had two different fuckin’ sons. One got to live with two fuckin’ parents that loved him. Had a fancy ass fuckin’ job and rode out the goddamn apocalypse with his wife and two kids fully intact.” As he speaks, he starts to sound more and more bitter. “One got to move ten times before he turned eighteen and lost every- fuckin’ -thing he ever loved.”

Chuck knows what he means, but she can’t help but feel a sting at his words. “Not everything,” she responds meekly.

Negan turns to her and sets his hand on her stomach. “I didn’t fuckin’ mean...”

“I know.” Chuck leans forward to kiss him on the cheek. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me. That I’m here for you. I want to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy, sweetheart. You don’t have to fuckin’ worry.”

Chuck hates that Negan’s past still haunts him. Even though he’s made some headway with moving past his guilt for what happened with Lucille, he still has more painful chapters from his life that he really hasn’t dealt with.

  With the temperatures continuing to drop, all of the settlements, including The Kingdom, start to clear out the dead zones. It takes about a week to systematically kill all the dead ones and burn the bodies, but it all goes off without a hitch.

Because this operation is so heavily planned, Negan has to spend a lot of time in the radio room coordinating with all the teams. That means that Chuck doesn’t get to see him much during the day. And when he comes home, he doesn’t even mention his half brother that lives at The Kingdom, like that bombshell was never even dropped.

Chuck doesn’t want to push him into having to deal with it, but she thinks it might be unhealthy to completely push it all away. Despite how good Negan is at hiding his feelings, Chuck can tell that he’s being affected by the knowledge that his father has another son out there. Unsure of what to do about all of it, Chuck decides to just be supportive and to keep Negan happy.

While Negan is busy downstairs one day, Chuck enlists Sherry to help her with a special dinner. Since Negan is still the one that always makes dinner for the pair, Chuck doesn’t have too much experience in the kitchen, especially with anything fancy. But Sherry provides the recipe, ingredients, and detailed instructions for Chuck to follow.

Chuck knows about when Negan will come home, so she times out the meal to be ready for then. She gets the steaks seasoned and on the electric grill, baked potatoes in the oven, and mixed vegetables on the stove. She even found a nice bottle of wine for Negan. None for her, of course.

When Negan comes home right on time, Chuck turns back to look at him entering the kitchen.

“Something smells fuckin’ awesome.” Negan wraps his arms around Chuck from behind and kisses her cheek. “Whatcha doing in here?” He takes the spatula out of Chuck’s hand and checks the steaks himself. “The bigger one mine?”

“Yeah. I think it should be about done.”

“Looks fuckin’ perfect, sweetheart. I’ll do the plates up.”

“No.” She turns around and pushes him slightly back. “Let me. Just go sit down.”

As she starts to put all the food on the plates in the fanciest way she possibly can, she hears Negan uncork the bottle of wine. She carries the food to the table just as Negan pours himself a glass.

“I was gonna do that for you,” Chuck says as she sets Negan’s plate in front of him.

“It’s okay.” He looks up at her with a smirk. “I got it.”

Chuck sits down with her plate, but she doesn’t start eating. She waits for Negan to take his first bite, eager to see if she did a good job with Sherry’s recipe.

Negan cuts into the steak and takes a big bite, groaning around the food in his mouth. “Fuck me, that’s good.”

Chuck smiles. “Really?”

He swallows the bite. “Yeah, baby. This is fuckin’ awesome.”

Chuck beams at his praise. “Good. I’m glad.” Chuck starts in on her own food.

He takes bites of the other dishes and approves of them as well. “So what did I do to deserve all this?”

Chuck clears her throat. “You take such good care of me that I thought I should take care of you for once.”

Negan chuckles. “You take real good fuckin’ care of me, sweetheart.” He wiggles his eyebrows at her.

“I don’t mean that .” She giggles. “I mean... everything else.”

“I like taking care of you,” he replies more seriously.

“I know. But I’m your wife, so I should help out, too.”

“Baby girl, you’re eight months pregnant. All you gotta do is fuckin’ finish cooking that bun in your oven.”

After they finish eating, Negan clears the plates before Chuck gets the chance to.

“I can get the dishes,” she tries.

“No fuckin’ way, baby girl. After you slaved away at that awesome fuckin’ dinner for me, the least I can do is the goddamn dishes. Besides, you need to keep off your feet.”

Chuck knows that it’s useless to fight him, so she goes back into the bedroom and changes into her oversized nightshirt to get more comfortable. But her special night isn’t done yet. She roots around in the closet and finds that old familiar chess set and brings it back out to the kitchen.

When Chuck starts to set the board up on the kitchen table, Negan looks back at her from where he’s finishing up the dishes.

“You want to play chess?” he asks with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah. We haven’t played in a while. I thought you might want to.”

Negan lets the water out of the sink and walks to the table. “Okay...”

She looks up at him as he looks down at her. “What?” she asks, not really understanding why he’s acting suspicious of her.

“Nothing.” He sits down and they start to play.

Chuck isn’t exactly playing her best, having pregnancy brain still affect her, so she loses pretty quickly. “Shoot. That wasn’t a very good game. You wanna play again? I’ll try to do better.”

“What’s going on, Chuck?” Negan suddenly asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on. I’m not an idiot.”

“I just... wanted to do something nice,” she responds with a shrug. “I can’t just be nice?”

“Sure, you’re fuckin’ nice, but not ‘planned out dinner and entertainment’ kinda nice.”

“Maybe I am now.”

“Chuck,” he chides, easily looking through Chuck’s words.

“I wanted to make you happy. You know, after what you learned about your father. You haven’t talked about it all week, so I wasn’t sure if it bothered you. I just...” she shrugs, “I want you happy.”

He lets out a sigh. “I’m fuckin’ happy, okay? But, you know... You’re one to talk about dealing with past shit,” he says almost teasingly.

“What?”

“You’re just as bad as me about it. You tell me the bare fuckin’ minimum about what’s bothering you, then say ‘I’m okay’ and that’s the end of it. Shit, baby girl, all the shit you’ve been through and you barely talk about it.”

Chuck nods slowly. “I guess we have that in common. But... we should talk to each other, right?”

Negan nods, but keeps his head down. “Yeah. That shit’s been bothering me. I hate that my father hurt another woman. Honestly, he probably hurt even more than that. But the thing I hate most about all this shit is that Martin had a good fuckin’ life.” He looks over to Chuck. “How fuckin’ selfish is that? What kinda piece of shit thinks that way? But that’s all I’ve thought about. How I got beaten regularly and he had Sunday fuckin’ dinners. How I turned out to be a fuckin’ adulterer and he’s a family man. We were born the same fuckin’ way by the same goddamn man, but I got shit and he got everything.”

Chuck reaches over and lays her hand on top of his. “Your childhood was horrible, but you turned out good despite it. You’re a good man. You’ve saved countless lives. You keep us all safe. You lead . Martin can’t say that.”

Negan nods, but it’s not very convincing.

“I know a little bit about what you’re feeling. When my dad died, I thought, ‘Why couldn’t it have been someone else? Why couldn’t that drunk driver have hit another car?’ And that’s kinda horrible to think, to wish a death on another family. But I loved my dad so much and I just wanted him back.” A tear slips down Chuck’s cheek, but Negan is quick to wipe it away. “But it’s human nature to think like that. Because we didn’t deserve what happened to us. You didn’t deserve to have a horrible childhood and I didn’t deserve to lose my dad.”

“It’s still shitty.”

“Yeah. But no matter what, you didn’t deserve to be abused by your father. Or to lose your mother. Or Lucille. And I know you feel like you did. I can relate, I guess. I know I didn’t deserve to be hurt by the guys at Rolling Acres or Brendon or Eldritch, but part of me thinks I’m to blame.”

“No,” Negan is quick to say. “That’s not true. You did absolutely nothing that would warrant what those fuckers did to you.”

“I know.” She shrugs a shoulder. “But it’s easy to think about what more I could’ve done to stop it all from happening. And that’s why I don’t like talking about it. I’m afraid you’ll realize that I could’ve done more.”

Negan stands from his seat and moves to crouch beside Chuck. He takes her hands in his and kisses both of them. “I would never ever blame you for all that shit. I blame myself before I blame you.”

“I don’t want you to blame yourself, Negan. I just...” she lets out a heavy breath. “I guess both of us need to work on getting over our pasts before Maddie comes. I want her to be able to talk to us about anything, so we need to be good examples. We need to be open for her.”

Negan stands and helps Chuck to stand, too. “Alright, baby girl. Let’s get it all out.”

They go back into their bedroom and settle down on the couch for an emotional discussion.

“You sure you want to hear all my shit?” Negan asks.

Chuck nods. “If you want to hear mine.”

Negan sighs heavily. “Where should I fuckin’ start?” He runs his hand down his face. “I mean, I’ve talked about my childhood with you before. I’ve told you more things than I’ve told anybody. Even Lucille, I think. She could never wrap her head around it. Her family was fuckin’ perfect. She never dealt with any fuckin’ darkness in her whole life. Except me, I guess.” He chuckles, but not in humor. “I never wanted to upset her with tales of my shitty life. Like how my father broke my arm when I was five because I got goddamn marker on the carpet. Or how I had to help my mom get her shoulder back in fuckin’ place after my father threw her against the wall. I think I was eleven.”

“I don’t know how anyone could do that to their wife and son.”

“My father was a monster. The worst person I’ve ever fuckin’ met. Worse than the dead fucks that walk this earth.” Negan’s eyes start to well up. “When Lucille couldn’t get pregnant, part of me thought it was for the fuckin’ best. Because I thought maybe I would turn into a fuckin’ monster like him.”

“Oh Negan.” Chuck cradles his face in her hands. “You’re nothing like him. You’ll never be anything like him.”

“I’m so fuckin’ afraid I have the same genes in me that made my father a piece of shit. But I always convinced myself that I’m more like my mom because I look like her. But fuckin’ Martin looks like a goddamn clone of my father and he’s fuckin’ perfect . So maybe I do-“

“You don’t, Negan,” Chuck interrupts. “You don’t . The fact that you’re afraid that you do proves you don’t.”

“I had a fuckin’ panic attack when I told the wives you were pregnant,” he blurts out. “Right in front of them.”

“You did?” Chuck didn’t know that Negan ever had a panic attack before. He’s never mentioned it.

“They thought I got you pregnant on fuckin’ purpose to force you to become my wife. And it made me think that... maybe I fuckin’ did and I didn’t realize it. Maybe that part of me that I got from my father woke up and made me do it.” Negan’s tears start to roll down his cheeks to pool in his beard. “Because it was just a split fuckin’ second. That’s all it took. A split second of me not fuckin’ thinking of you and what you wanted. Only what I wanted. And it was enough to make me lose control.” He lets out a sob and looks away.

“Negan, it’s okay.” Chuck starts to cry, too. She’s only seen Negan this emotional once before and it has her own emotions building, as well.

He brings his hands up to cover his face. “I did exactly what my fuckin’ father did. I trapped you into being with me. How the fuck can you love me?”

Chuck pulls his hands away and forces him to look at her. “You didn’t. You didn’t force me. I wanted to have sex with you that night. I didn’t talk about using protection. The responsible adult thing to do would have been to discuss everything beforehand, but neither of us did that. I know I was freaked out at first when we found out about the baby, but I know in my heart you would never do anything like what your father did.” She wipes away Negan’s tears and kisses his cheek. “I love you, Negan. And I love our baby. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

Negan leans forward and puts his forehead to hers. “I never want to be one of the men that has hurt you,” he whispers. “You’ve gone through so fuckin’ much.” He kisses her then pulls back to look at her. “I never want anything fuckin’ bad to happen to you ever again.”

“I know I’ve had bad stuff happen to me. And it still hurts sometimes, but knowing that you’ll be there for me really helps. After you brought me here... I didn’t tell you the details of everything that happened at Rolling Acres...”

“You don’t have to tell me, sweetheart. I know what those fucks did to you.”

Chuck nods. “After that, I just felt like I was nothing. Then, with Brendon, he made me feel like nothing, too. Like I was just some pawn in a game that I was too weak to play.“ Chuck takes in a deep breath then exhales. “Eldritch scared me more than anything because he wasn’t just threatening me, he was threatening her, too.” Chuck places her hands on her round belly. “And I don’t know what I would’ve done if my actions got her hurt. If I lost her because I couldn’t get myself out. If I made you lose her...” Chuck can’t finish her thought and holds her hand up to her mouth to stifle a sob.

“Hey, hey.” Negan wipes Chuck’s cheeks and puts his arm around her in a hug. “It’s okay, baby girl. Don’t get worked up, okay? I think we’ve both opened the fuck up enough for one night.” He gives her a little kiss. “Okay?”

Chuck nods.

Negan helps her get into bed and situates all the pillows the way Chuck likes before sliding in behind her. Right before Chuck drifts off to sleep, Negan’s voice rouses her.

“Chuck?” he whispers.

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re making me a better man.”

Chuck can’t help but smile wide as Negan wraps his arm around her belly. And right at the same time, Maddie starts to kick.

#negan #negan fanfiction #negans thirst squad #negan x oc #negan x original female character #negan x ofc #negan / ofc #negan / oc #negan / original female character #jdm #jeffrey dean morgan #the walking dead fanfiction #the walking dead au #the walking dead #this is how i disappear #tihid #writehavoc writes #writehavoc this is how i disappear

[cwnerd12]

“I’ll Be Okay” David walks into a cavernous file storage room. Asher, Abby, Joel, Shay, and Monique sit on the ground, papers strewn around them reading files. David, “What is this?” Asher, “Fuckin’ files, man. We found our files. You don’t have a file, you have a box.” David sits down, Asher slides a box over to him. David opens it and thumbs through the folders in there. David, “Who else has a file here?” Joel, “Everyone. Seriously, look at this room. There’s a file for everyone the MSS has ever dealt with.” Abby reads from the file in her hands, “Franklin Hatch, Jr. Known pseudonyms: Frankie, Frank, Jr. They forgot to include ‘Dumbass.’” David, “I like Frankie.” Abby, “Okay, but seriously, if you yell, ‘Hey, dumbass!’ Frankie will turn around and say, ‘What?’” Shay, “I can’t believe this. Shay Mendoza: confirmed homosexual. I’m trying to overthrow the king, and that’s what’s important about me.” Joel, “Seriously? For you, that’s like saying, ‘Asher Levinson, confirmed Jew.’” David flips through his file, “Oh, I got a confirmed homosexual, too.” Monique, “Me, too. Apparently trans and bi people don’t exist.” David, “We’re unicorns. No wonder they can’t catch us.” Abby, “Aw, I didn’t get one, I’m sad. Especially considering the number of times I’ve banged the princess.” Joel, “Jack didn’t get one, either. You’re only a confirmed homosexual if it’s convenient for you to be one.” David, “Where’s Jack’s file?” Asher, “It doesn’t say anything about his condition. Sorry.” David stands up and begins to go down the aisle, looking intensely at the shelves. Asher, “What’re you looking for, David?” David, “I don’t know if they’re going to have his file, but I’m looking for a guy named Ivan Waters.” Asher, “Who?” Shay, “That’s Wednesday’s dad.” Asher, “The filing system here is kind of complicated, but I can find him. Why are you looking for him in particular?” David, “Wednesday doesn’t know what happened to him, just that he didn’t come home from work one day. Jesus- if we can start giving answers to families who are missing someone…” his voice trails off for a moment, “We need to start making these files public. We have to figure out a way to give them to the people who want them.” Asher, “There’s a lot of missing people in here.” David, “We can set up some tables. Get a bunch of our soldiers working them. People come up, request a file, and we send someone back to find it, and then we give it to them.” Shay, “We can do it, but it’s gonna be a fuckin’ mess.” David, “Then let it be a fuckin’ mess! Silas built his kingdom on secrets, and now we’re gonna tear it down!”

Early next morning, Monique steps out of the MSS building, and sees a line of people already wrapping around the block, with reporters and TV cameras there, too. She thinks for a long moment, and then has and idea and walks off.

Inside the lobby of the MSS building, AFG members work to set up a line of folding tables with laptops and chairs, ready to search databases and distribute files. AFG soldiers sit at the tables with helpers standing behind them. James and Ethan both help set up computers. Beth helps set up a refreshment table with coffee and snacks. Adam goes up to her, “Beth?” She looks up at him, and then quickly looks away, saying nervously, “Oh, hi.” Adam, “How- how are you doing?” Beth, “As well as I can, I guess. Been trying to keep busy. Helping out.” Adam, “Oh. Good. It’s- it's been rough for me." Beth, “Yeah, I- I mean of course it's rough, I mean..." she drifts off. Up at the front, Abby enters, with David following her. David greats James and Ethan while Abby goes to the center of the lobby, “Thanks for being here, guys.” Ethan and James, “No problem.” Abby speaks up, “We’re going to open the doors, but before we do, I just want to remind you all, some of these people have been wondering what happened to their loved one for over twenty years. They’re going to be emotional, and you need to be sensitive to that.” David steps up, “Today’s gonna be a long day, and it’s probably gonna be emotionally hard, but it’s really important that we do this.” He looks around and sees Beth and Adam. Beth smiles at him. David looks away, “Okay, so, open the doors, let’s get going.” Someone opens the doors, and people start to file in. David turns to leave. Beth’s face falls. She quickly turns to Adam, “I’m going to talk to David real quick. I’ll be right back!” She hurries off. When she nears David, she says, "David!" and reaches out and touches his arm. He turns around and then pulls away from her. Beth, “I was hoping to see you." David, rushed and nervous, "Not right now, we're pretty busy." Beth, “Can we talk later, maybe? I- I really want to talk to you." David, “Maybe, but not now." Beth, “Okay, well-” David interrupts her, “I've gotta go.” He hurries away, and Beth watches him leave. Slowly, Adam approaches Beth, “So… you've been talking with David?” Beth, “Oh, yeah. I- I’ve been talking to him about Ryan.” Adam, “When?” Beth, “What?” Adam, “It’s just that David’s been here and you’ve been at the safe house…” Beth, quickly, “Oh, we talk on the phone. I guess we got to know each other petty well being cooped up in the same house for a while. He’s a nice guy. You should talk to him.” Adam, “Yeah, I should.”

In an operating room, a surgeon performs Jack's cranioplasty. In the adjoining observation room, Michelle and Dr. Hussein watch. Michelle, “You know, for a little while, I was really jealous of Jack because he was there while David got an emergency laparotomy in the middle of the woods. But I think I’ve one-upped him, now. I’ve seen his brain.” Dr. Hussein laughs, “I’m suddenly very glad my sister is a teacher.” They both laugh. Michelle tensely watches the surgeons as they screw everything in place. Michelle, “So you’re sure, two weeks for everything to heal, and then he’s leaving the hospital, right?” Dr. Hussein, “As long as no complications develop. I can’t 100% guarantee they won’t, of course, but everything’s gone perfectly so far.” Michelle nods, “Good. I know Jack's ready to start the intensive part of his rehab. All the following orders and pushing your physical limits, it's almost like being in the army again. I’m actually pretty glad he’s gonna be at the rehab center instead of at home-” Dr. Hussein interrupts, “You mean the palace?” Michelle, “Yeah.” Dr. Hussein, “Queen Rose told me that she was bringing Jack home.” Michelle, “What? No. You told me yourself, Jack needs to go to the rehab center for the best possible outcome.” Dr. Hussein, “Yes, I explained all that to Queen Rose, but she said that Jack would be returning home.” Michelle, “Why?” Dr. Hussein, “She said something about security issues.” Michelle mutters, “God damn it,” she sighs furiously, “This wasn’t my mom’s decision, it’s Abner’s!”

Monique returns to the MSS building, which has an even longer line wrapping around it, carrying two plastic bags stuffed with cans of paint and paintbrushes. She leaves them by the front door, and goes inside. She sees David overseeing the delivery of a file and goes up to him, “David, come with me for a second, I have an idea.” David, “We’re pretty busy here, can it wait?” Monique, “Nope. Get Abby, Shay, and Asher here, as well.”

Monique, hands David, Shay, Abby, and Asher cans of paint and a paintbrush. Monique, “Every single person in that line lost someone they love. We’re going to deface this building with their names.” David, “What?” Monique takes off the lid of a can, dips a paintbrush into it, goes over to the wall, and paints ISAIAH CLEMENS, “We’re making a memorial to everyone we’ve lost. David, you can put your dad and brothers.” Asher, “Monique, this is brilliant.” He goes over to the wall and paints out LEO AND NORA LEVINSON, with a star of David next to it. Shay goes over and paints RODRIGO MENDOZA. Abby looks down at her can, “I don’t know if I want to add my dad to this.” Monique, “Then give your can to someone else.” David, “Are you sure this is a good idea? What if people start painting on the names of people we’ve killed?” Monique, “Then it’ll be a memorial to them, too. You want to convince people you should be king, right? Then why not show them a thousand reasons why Abner shouldn’t be king? Besides, we don’t kill civilians, right?” David nods uneasily, “Okay.”

Before long, clusters of people fill the wall with names. Reporters talk to people and TV cameras film it all. People take selfies by the names they’ve painted, eyes full of tears.

Inside, Liam approaches Adam, “Adam, bro, have you seen what’s going on outside?” Adam, “No.” Liam, “People are painting names on the front walls as some kind of memorial. Where’s Beth? She needs to paint Ryan’s name!” Adam, “I think she-” Beth emerges at the end of the hallway, and Liam runs over to her, “Beth! Hey, BETH!” Beth, “What?” Liam, “You need to put Ryan’s name on the wall.” Beth, “What wall?” Liam, “They’re painting names on the front of everyone’s whose died. You need to do Ryan.” Beth is taken aback, and stammers he reply, “I- I, I really shouldn’t do that, I-” she looks nervously from Adam to Liam, “You guys were much closer to him than I ever was.” Adam, “He really loved you.” Beth, “Look, I met Ryan when he ended up in the safehouse outside of Nob that I was running. We had some fun, and then the raid on Nob happened, and Ryan had to leave, and I went to another house, and we’d talk on the phone, but that was kind of it. Not much of a romance, really.” Ryan, “He talked to you every day.” Beth, “Yeah, we did, and I mean, I- I did have feelings for him.” Ryan, “Did?” Beth, “I still do, I just… You guys are the ones who were with him.” She shrugs awkwardly. Ryan, “Yeah, okay, well, come with us when we do it, anyway.” Beth, reluctant but resigned, “Okay.”

Out in the lobby, Monique talks to James and Ethan, “Where the fuck is David? He’s not answering my texts.” Ethan, “He texted me a little while ago, says he needs to space.” Monique, “Well there’s about a hundred TV cameras out there all waiting to see David paint a name on a wall.” James, “We’ll get him out, it might just take a little while.” Monique annoyed, looks around. Adam, Liam, and Beth enter. Monique sees them, “Adam!” He looks at her, “Yeah?” She goes over to him, “Have you seen David?” Adam, “No.” Monique, “Can you help me find him?” Adam, “We were going to put Ryan’s name up.” Monique, I need to find David.” Beth, “I’ll help you look,” she glances at Adam and Ryan, “You can wait a few minutes, right?”

Beth walks down an empty hallway, looking at office doors. She comes to one door that’s slightly ajar, and sees David sitting on the desk inside, deep in thought. Beth, “David?” He looks up at her, “Oh, hi.” Beth, “Monique is wooing for you.” David, “Yeah, I know.” Beth, “It’s about the wall.” David, “Yeah, I know.” Beth, Do you not want to do it?” David, “I do, it’s a great idea, I just…” he sighs deeply, “I don’t want to do it in front of a bunch of cameras.” Beth sits down on the desk next to him, “I’ll be there. Adam wants to put Ryan’s name up, and he wants me to be there.” David, “I’ll do it, I just need a few minutes.” Beth, “Okay. Do you want me to text Monique?” David, “Sure.” Monique talks to Adam and Liam as her phone dings. She looks at it, “Says he needs a few minutes,” she sighs, annoyed, “As long as he gets out here.”

Back in the office, David fucks Beth. Beth moans loudly. Davit mutters, “Don’t be so loud.” Beth, “What?” David, “Don’t be so loud!” Beth, “Oh, sorry.” She goes quiet and David keeps fucking her.

Outside at the wall, a bunch of cameras watch as David, Ethan, and James paint JOHN SHEPHERD, ELI SHEPHERD, and ROBERT SHEPHERD on the wall. A ways off, Adam and Beth stand next to where RYAN HITT is painted. They both watch David paint. Adam shifts uneasily from foot to foot, bites at his lower lip, and sighs. Beth, “You okay?” Cameras flash and David walks away. Adam watches intensely. Beth, “Adam?” Adam, “What?” he snaps at her, broken out of his concentration. Beth, “You okay?” Adam, “Yeah, I- I guess.” Beth, “I’m gonna go back inside.” Adam, “Wait.” Beth looks at him, “What?” Adam looks down at the ground, “I…. I, um…” he shuts his eyes tight, “I just… I-I have some questions. About how Ryan died.” Beth, “Why are you asking me about this? You were there. I wasn’t.” Adam, “I just… I dunno, I…. I can’t shake this feeling that maybe, somehow, it wasn’t necessary.” Beth, “Adam, that’s just your grief talking.” Adam, “I know! I know, I know! I know I miss him, and I know this is hard, and that he was a soldier, and soldiers die in battle, but…” he sighs deeply, “Ryan… Ryan got sent out to throw a grenade, and I- I just don’t think he had to. We could have taken the top floor without it. It would have taken longer, but we could have done it.” Beth, “Take it up with whoever sent him out.” Adam, “It was Joel.” Beth, “So talk to him.” Adam, softly, “I don’t think he’d tell me the truth.” Beth, “The truth? The truth about what?” Adam stares at Beth, thinking for a long moment. Finally, he murmurs, “I don’t know.” Beth, warily, “Adam, you’re traumatized and exhausted. I think we all just need to pray that David gets made king at Council, and we can finally stop fighting.” Adam stares at her, eyes full of doubt. Beth, softly, “I’m gonna go back inside. Maybe you can talk to Liam about it.” She turns around and walks toward the front door. Suddenly, Adam calls, “David really loves Jack, you know.” Beth looks back at him, startled, “What?” Adam, “Jack. Whatever decision David makes, it’s all going to come down to Jack.” Beth, unsettled, “Jack is brain dead.” Adam, “How do you know?” Beth, “Because how can he not be? David has to know this!” Adam, “Are you sure?” Beth stares at Adam, “You can’t get shot in the head and just be okay.” Adam thinks for a moment, and then looks back down at the ground, “Yeah, I guess so.” He stuffs his hands into his pockets. He glances back up at Beth, “Go back inside. I think I’ll just stay out here for a little while.” Beth, uneasy, “Okay.” She walks past him, awkwardly. He watches her go back inside.

Back in his hospital room, Jack slowly blinks awake form his surgery. He looks over and sees Michelle and Rose with their backs to him, speaking in low, furious voices. Michelle, “He won’t be able to walk on his own or speak in complete sentences!” Rose, “Yes, I know, Dr. Hussein warned me about all that. We can get all the right care at the palace.” Michelle, “That’s not enough, and you know it!” Rose, “We don’t have a choice here, Michelle.” Michelle, “You and Dad kept it covered put he first two times he went to rehab, why is this any different?!” Rose, “We could shut down any publication that said anything, and we still didn’t stop the rumors. These circumstances are very different.” Michelle, “Oh, bullshit!” Rose, “This can all change, depending on what choices Shepherd makes at Council.” Jack moans softly. Rose and Michelle both look over at him, startled. Michelle immediately puts on a smile, “Hey, metal head. How you feeling?” Jack groans and rubs his eyes. Rose get up, goes over to him, and kisses him on the forehead, “All you need to do is heal.” She steps back and heads towards the door, “I’ll go get the doctor.” Michelle, “You can’t just ignore this, Mom.” Rose, “Not now, Michelle!” She marches out into the hallway. She goes into the lobby and goes up to a doctor talking to a nurse, “He’s awake, Dr. Alexis.” The doctor looks at her, “Excellent.” Rose smiles and leads him back into Jack’s room. Michelle sits in her chair, fuming, as the doctor approaches Jack. Doctor, “Hi, Jack, how are you feeling?” Rose sits down beside Michelle as the doctor goes on, “The surgery went without a hitch…” Michelle furiously wipes tears from her eyes. Rose looks over at her, and says softly, “Nothing is settled until after Council.” Michelle, “It’s barbaric. He’s using Jack’s whole future like it’s some fucking playing card.” Rose, “I know. And I hate it, too.” Michelle stifles a bitter sob. Rose, softly, “How much faith do you have in David?” Michelle, “What?” Rose, “David. He’s given to dramatic rescues, isn’t he?” Michelle, “What, you're hoping he’ll attack the palace?” Dr. Alexis turns to them, “Everything looks good." Rose smiles, “Wonderful.” The doctor leaves.

David sleeps in his cot, but is woken up by a flash of lightning and sudden BOOM of thunder. His eyes shoot open, and he realizes it’s just thunder, “Oh, fuck.” Flash, boom. He sits up and rubs his face. Flash, boom. David goes over to the desk and begins digging around. He pulls out a bottle of meds. He opens it. Flash, boom. David jumps and accidentally drops the bottle, “Fuck!” He turns a light on and begins scooping up pills. Flash, boom. David cries out in frustration. From his sofa, Reinhardt, “Thunderstorms are a bitch, aren’t they?” David, “Shut the fuck up and go back to sleep.” He takes a pill and drinks from a bottle of water. Flash, boom. Reinhardt, “Sounds just like being under mortar fire. Took me a long time to not hate thunderstorms.” David, “What the fuck do you have to be traumatized about?” Reinhardt, “Watched half my unit die when their transport got hit by an RPG.” Flash, boom. David shudders. Reinhardt sits up and lifts his shirt, revealing two bullet wounds and a laparotomy scar, “Also, I got shot.” David lifts his shirt, “I got stabbed, by Alek Amal, no less.” Reinhardt takes his shirt off as best he can, and turns his back, revealing a long scar, “Some asshole high on angel dust did not want to get arrested.” David takes his shirt off and shows the burn scars on his shoulder, “I got bombed and then spent three days and three nights in the woods with no food and no water.” Reinhardt, “You just have to keep one-upping me, don’t you?” David, “I’m an asshole.” Reinhardt, “You never did let me sign your cast.” David, “Where are your pens?” Reinhardt, “Top left drawer.” David opens the drawer and takes out a pen. He goes over and hands it to Reinhardt. He sticks his cast out. Reinhardt signs it. He glances down at a scar on David’s ankle, “Where did you get that one?” David, “My brothers tried to run me over with a golf cart.” Reinhardt laughs, “I forget, sometimes, that you’re just a kid from Bethlehem. Honestly, I never would have guessed you were capable of getting scars from something as mundane as your dumbass older brothers.” David, “Shut up and go back to sleep.” He goes back over to his cot and lays down. He and Reinhardt both lay in silence for a little while. Reinhardt, softly, “I feel stupid asking this, but has Lydia been by at all?” David, “Who?” Reinhardt, “My outrageously beautiful wife, dumbass. You met her.” David, “Oh. I dunno. I don’t deal with that sort of thing.” Reinhardt, “I haven’t gone more than a day without speaking with her since we’ve been married.” David, “It hasn’t even been two weeks.” Reinhardt, “For two weeks, she’s all I’ve been able to think about.” David, bitterly, “At least you know she’s okay.” Reinhardt, “You’re the same way about Jack, aren’t you?” David, “Shut the fuck up.” Reinhardt, “Yeah, I figured as much. You’ve got to face Shaw the day after tomorrow, you gonna rip his throat out?” David, “Shut up, or I’ll have you gagged!” Another boom of thunder. David takes in a sharp breath, trying not to panic. Reinhardt, seriously, “If anyone did that to Lydia, and then kept me away from her, I’d kill them. No hesitation. Just fucking kill them.” David, bitterly, “You’re not leading a revolution.” Reinhardt, “No, I’m not,” he pauses for a moment, “I’d still do it, either way.”

In the morning, another long line waits outside of the building, and more people add names to the wall. At her station in the lobby, Beth works takes a family’s file request.

Monique adjusts cuff lengths on Asher’s formal uniform jacket. Shay and Joel also get measured and fitted. David comes in, looking tired, “Hey, Monique, what do you want?” Monique, “Finishing uniforms today. Do you and Abby still have yours?” David, “Yeah, I think so. Can you make three in a day?” Monique, “Four, I’m making one for me, too. I’ve been working all week, and I’ve got some friends helping me. We’ll have everything ready for Council, don’t worry.” Shay, “We’re gonna look fuckin’ snazzy.” Asher, “Have you thought at all about what you’re going to say tomorrow?” David, “A little.” Asher, disappointed, “How little?” David, “I have something in mind. Don’t worry about it.” Asher, “Abby and I both want to go over everything with you.” Monique, “I want to make sure your uniform still looks good.” David, “It’s up in my- I mean Reinhardt’s office,” he looks over at Asher, “You and Abby can talk to me in there.”

In Reinhardt’s office, David dresses up in his wrinkled uniform while Monique inspects. Abby shows Asher some papers. Reinhardt watches from his spot on the sofa. Monique, “Well, it needs to be pressed, but the fit still looks good.” David tugs on the jacket, “Good.” Monique, “Where are your medals? There’s no way in hell I’m letting you sit down without those.” David, “They’re in my bag. Don’t worry.” Abby comes over and hands David a stack of papers, “I drew up some talking points for you. You need to keep all of these in mind.” David flips through the pages, “This is a lot, Abby.” Abby, “Yeah, well, this isn’t your high school debate.” David, “I was on my high school debate team, and we were regional champions.” Abby, “I wrote my master’s thesis on Royal Council.” Reinhardt loudly snorts with laughter. David, “Ignore him.” Monique, “David, take your uniform off, I need to press it.” David puts the papers down on the desk, “Yeah, sure.” He takes the jacket off and begins to unbutton his shirt. Reinhardt, “You know I always assumed the pictures on OMGossip were carefully curated, but you really do take your shirt off more than the average person.” David, “Shut up!” On the desk, David’s phone rings. David, “Shit.” He picks it up and sees a call from Laura. Asher, “Who is it?” David, “It’s Laura.” He accepts the call and puts the phone up to his ear, “Hello?” Laura, sitting in her private jet, “Hello, David!” David, “Uh, hi, what’s up?” Laura, “I’m on my way to Council. I have some people with me that I think you’ll be glad to see.” David, “What who?” Laura hands the phone over to Jessie, “Hey, baby! I can’t wait to see you.” David, “Mom?! What- what are you doing, it’s not safe for you to come to Gilboa!” Jessie, “I have protection from Laura, and she says that with the MSS being taken over, there’s no one to arrest me. I’m perfectly safe, don’t worry.” David, “Mom, I still don’t know if this is a good idea.” Jessie, “David, it’s worth the risk if it means I get to see you and your brothers again. I’ve missed you so much! Every night, I’m scared of what I’ll see on the news. I need to see in person that you’re all still in one piece. How have you been?” David struggles to think of what to say, “I- I’m holding it together. It’s been rough, but, I’m okay.” Jessie, “You boys come to my hotel room and we’ll order room service. How does that sound?” David, “Sounds good.” Jessie, “Tell Abby her brother is coming with us. Would you like to say hi to him?” In the background, Frankie yells, “David, bro, what’s up?!” David, “I’m okay, Mom, really.” Jessie, “I’ll see you in a few hours, then, okay?” David, “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you then.” He ends the conversation, “Fuck.” Asher, “What’s wrong?” David, “My mom’s gonna be in Shiloh in a few hours, she wants me and my brothers to have dinner with her. Fuck! Do you have anything nice I can wear?” Monique, “Don’t you dare wear your uniform shirt, I am not spending all night washing soup stains out of it.” David, “I don’t want to show up to dinner wearing an old t-shirt and cargo pants.” Reinhardt, “I’ve got an extra suit in my closet. You’re free to wear it.” David, “Seriously?” Reinhardt, “I’m not using it.” Monique looks from Reinhardt to David, “Ought to fit you good, too. Get it out, I’ll press it, along with your uniform.”

David, dressed in Reinhardt’s suit, walks out into a hallway, where Ethan and James wait. David pauses and looks at them. Ethan, “Nice suit.” David, “It’s Reinhardt’s.” Ethan, “Seriously?” David, “Yup.” James, “Fitting that you’re the one dressed up.” David, “I can put something else on.” James, “Don’t. Let’s just get going.” They go out into the lobby. The file exchange is still going on. Beth still sits at her station, tiredly writing down a name. David glances at her as he passes, and she looks up and sees him. The woman Beth was talking to speaks up, “That’s G-R-E-Y.” Beth snaps back to attention, “Oh, sorry,” and writes down the correct name.

Outside the MSS building, David, Ethan and James cross the street and unlocks an SUV. As Ethan and James get in, David turns and looks at the building, now covered in names of those who have died. He stares for a moment, at the Shepherd names on there, the enormity of it all weighing down on him.

David walks down the hallway of a fancy hotel, Ethan and James behind him. David, “What room is it?” Ethan checks his phone, “523.” David spots the number, and stops by the door. He looks back at his brothers, “You ready?” Ethan and James both nod. David sighs and knocks on the door. Jessie answers. She looks at her boys for a moment. David smiles softly, “Hi, Mom.” Jessie sweeps him into a big hug. Ethan and James both go in and hug her. Jessie, “Oh, I’ve missed you boys so much!” Ethan, “We’ve missed you, Mom.” Jessie steps back, I have a surprise for you.” She swings the door open a little wider, revealing Arthur and Sean waiting on the other side. Ethan and James go over and hug them, greeting each other with brotherly laughter. David, “How?” Jessie, “It doesn’t matter.” David looks at Sean, “What are you gonna do when it gets reported to the army that you were here with me?” Sean, “Glad to see you, too, David.” David, “No, it’s not… I’m glad to see you, it’s just, I- I’ve seen people get tortured for less!” Ethan, “David, we still have Reinhardt as leverage. Nobody’s gonna mess with us as long as we have him.” David sighs deeply, “Yeah, yeah, you’re right- I’m sorry. I guess I’m still stuck in war mode.” He goes over and awkwardly hugs Sean, “I’m sorry.” Sean, “It’s all right. You’re just looking out for everyone.” David goes over and numbly hugs Arthur, as well. Jessie looks at her remaining boys with intense pride and sadness, “It’s been too long since I’ve had all my boys together.” James, “When was the last time?” Arthur, “I dunno. I think it was Eli’s funeral.” Ethan, “I dunno if it’s really fair to call that together.” Sean, “It was after you got acquitted. I remember because right after that I got sent to Shiloh. I kept trying to have you over for dinner, remember, David?” David, “Yeah, we were both always busy.” Sean, “Yeah I guess so. I guess you never expect something like that to be a last time, huh?” Jessie, “I have a room service menu right here, why don’t you boys take a look at it? Queen Laura’s paying for everything- get whatever you want.” James, “Oooh, then we definitely have to order something fancy!”

Everyone sits around a table and eats. James and Ethan eat with gusto while David quietly picks at his food. James, “Oh man, you don’t realize how much you miss eating real food until you actually eat some! I mean, no offense David, but AFG food kind of sucks.” David, “It's the best we can do.” Sean struggles awkwardly to eat with one hand. Ethan, “How’s the farm?” Arthur, “Still in Gath.” Ethan, “You had any luck trying to get back into Gilboa?” Arthur, “Margaret and the kids are free to go to Gilboa but I can’t leave without giving up the farm.” Ethan, “That’s bullshit.” Jessie, “Language.” Ethan, “I’m sorry, but it is!” Arthur, “Best we can do is keep doing what we’ve been doing all along: just keep praying something happens. For a while it looked like the Gilboan army might re-take Bethlehem, but that stalled out once the war with Ammon started.” David, quietly, “I’m sorry.” Arthur, “Don’t say sorry, David, it’s not your fault.” David, “It kind of is.” James, “Hey, don’t pay any attention to that shit that Amal said.” Jessie, “Amal? What did he say?” James, “A bunch of crap trying to mess with David’s head.” Jessie, “When was this?” James, “Don’t worry about it, Mom!” Sean, trying to change the subject, “So, David, do you know what you’re gonna say tomorrow?” David, “I- I dunno. Hey, make me king? It’s a lot to think about.” Jessie puts her hand over David’s, “Whatever happens, we’re all very proud of you.” David, “Thanks, Mom.” Sean, “Eli would be proud of you, too… and Dad… and Robert.” David tries to smile, “I’m doing my best. I dunno if it's enough, but, it’s my best.”

After dinner, everyone gives David their encouragement. Sean, “You’re gonna kick ass tomorrow, David!” James, “Yeah, kick Abner’s ass for all of us, okay?” David, “I will. Don’t worry.” Jessie, “You boys don’t go and do anything stupid until then.” All the bros, “Yes, Mom!” Jessie, “All right, good night!” David, “Night.” Jessie closes the door, and then looks over at David. She smiles at him. David, quietly, “So, what did you want to talk about, Mom?” Jessie, “Come sit with me.” She goes over to the sofa and sits. David follows her. She looks down at his hands, and takes the injured one in hers. The cast is now decorated with the signatures of all the bros. Jessie, “How did you get this?” David, “I knocked Alek Amal’s teeth out.” Jessie sighs, “Oh, David. It drives me crazy when I don’t know what you’re doing, but when I find out, I wish I hadn’t.” David, “I’m sorry, Mom.” Jessie, “You don’t have to apologize. You’re doing the right thing.” David, “Not always.” Jessie, “What do you mean?” David shakes his head, “Nothing. I just can’t remember the last time I knew what the right thing was. I’ve had to make a lot of really hard decisions, and I don’t know if I’ve always made the right choice.” Jessie smiles proudly, “That’s good. It means you still care.” David, “I’ve done some really terrible things, Mom.” Jessie, “Oh, David, baby.” He starts to cry. Jessie hugs him. Jessie, “You said you wouldn’t disappoint me by becoming a bad person. And I’m not disappointed. I’m proud. I am so, so proud of you. You are good. You’ll be okay.” David sobs into her shoulder.

[partyatmyhaus]

Wouldn’t It By Easy To Believe?

The soulmate AU where your bruises/scratches/scars show up on your soulmates skin in different colors. - Matt Peake has never lead an easy life- but it lead to him meeting his Soul Mates.

AO3 Mirror

On his 8th birthday the marks show up. Perfect thin rings of various colors on his upper left leg. Right under the red swirl of a font- where his name is written. When he asks his mother, she gets wide eyes and tells him never to show his father. Matt doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal but promises her anyways.

-

[It’s about this time colors appear on his skin, patches of gold around his elbows and lilac on his wrists. Matt wants to ask his mother- but he remembers how she reacted about his colors, and keeps his mouth shut.]

-

It’s when Matt turns 10, he learns what the marks on his legs are. Matt learns about what soulmates are, and learns about why he gets splotches of other colors on his skin. His teacher explains it to him, about how when your soulmate (or soulmates in Matt’s case) get hurt- their color would appear on his skin- wherever the bruise was forming for them. And that if there was a scar, it would appear on the other- lighter than a bruise would, but it would stay.

And so his teacher explains that the lilac on his nose, comes most likely from his soulmate getting a broken nose.

Matt goes home and when he accidently makes his dad mad that night- he ends up worried he’ll be too broken for his soulmates later on.

-

When Matt turns 12 his dad finds out about how many bands he has. The colors, the fact his son is an abnormality and spends an hour banging on the bathroom door- screaming at him for being a mistake.

Screaming loud enough Matt hear him loud and clear, even with his hands over his ears and his loud sobs.

He hears his father’s voice loud and clear.

-

By the time he’s in the 8th grade, everyone knows him as the freak with 7 other soulmates. Soulmates that must hate having him because he’s always coloring their bodies in bright red- bright noticeable, questionable red.

It’s also about this time, his dad seems to be angry every night. Angry and drunk, everything becoming his mother’s fault somehow. Everything being blamed on her, on one occasion the fact it was raining being blamed on her.

Matt spends most night- falling asleep to the sounds of glass shattering, yelling  and the noise of his own thoughts repeating his apologies to his soulmates.

-

High school starts, and he’s the only one causing colors. The scrapped white knees, and bruised grey palms have stopped. And he tries, he tries to stop the colors- the fighting, the one sided brawls. But his mom left, and Matt is still known as the freak with 7 other soulmates and he’s a small kid versus big football players and a cruel father.

Matt always tries to protect his own face, not for himself but for the 7 others. He tries, but he doesn’t always succeed.

-

10th grade is when he starts to self harm, he’s lost the will to care anymore. He’s heard of platonic soulmates and he knows at this point that’s what the bands have to mean. He’s not good enough to have a romantic soulmate- he knows that.

So he burns, tears, scratches and picks at his own skin. He yearns for some form of control- he hates his father but hates his mother more. He just wants something to be in his control for the next two years that he’s a dependant of his father. For the next two years he’s stuck in this household that makes his freshly washed clothes reek of alcohol and blood.

His arms become a mess, but he carefully destroys the area of his leg where the lines are.

The one night in particular where everything fell apart, and he came to the conclusion that: it was all his fucking solemates faults. If he had one soulmate he wouldn’t have this fucking problem. All these fucking problems. So, he spends an hour or two crying in the bathroom- tearing his leg and sobbing. He just wants it to stop.

He just wants everything to stop.

-

In Grade 11 the his knuckles are turning green and purple- without him doing anything. His solemates fight, meanwhile he lays and takes it. Under his hoodie is worse than ever- his ribs causing him pain at the smallest breath, nothing being able to heal before something new happened.

It’s also in Grade 11, he gets jumped. He goes to a football game on a whim, with a couple of kids from his Spanish class. He ends up getting cornered by a group of kids while he walked home in the dark.

They end up tackling him, ripping his shorts down and one of them crudely cutting into his leg while he cried and screamed and begged.

For the first time in years, Matt silently apologizes to his soulmates for the word that will scar into their skin under the already damaged area of the bands.

‘Monster’.

-

Highschool ends in a blur, grandparents and aunts he didn’t know he had pay for him to go to college and that’s when it starts to get better.

There’s no more marks coming from him, in fact the only colors on his skin come in the form of green, purple and gold. He wonders if green and purple are okay- they seem to fight a lot.

-

College is when he starts to figure out who he is as a person. Away from the fighting and the constant noise. College is when Matt spends the time to figure out that men and women are attractive- and he also figures out that he doesn’t seem to have a type. Too many variations of what ‘attractive’ is, too many shapes and sizes. Too many tones and quirks for him to narrow down.

-

In the middle of college he gets admitted to the hospital. He wakes up with thick bandages around his wrists and up his arms. He spends hours daydreaming about someone, anyone coming to visit him- to worry over him.

No one comes.

-

He’s discharged a week later on the empty promise of calling a therapist and enough fake smiles for no one to worry.

-

By the time college ends, he’s got depression. Massively so. It coming back in a tidal wave of antidepressants, and trying to motivate himself to go to job interviews. He somehow ends up with one, a nice job actually, for a pretty big tv show- but he hates it. Like something about it makes him sit just slightly to the left- like everything about it is just a tiny bit off.

-

[He gets trashed one night and relapses, after 2 years of being clean he relapses and ends up with a new phrase under the still ever present ‘Monster’.

‘I’m sorry’]

-

He gets a job with them, by chance.

Their ad looking for a new editor gets sent to him by a colleague- a friend who knows he’s miserable and on a whim he submits his resume and forgets all about it.

Until a few days later when his phone rings right after he gets home, and it’s some guy named Bruce- asking to set up an interview.

He gets hired a week later.

-

[Bruce is very kind when Matt explains he doesn’t want to shake hands on the deal- that he doesn’t want to touch in general].

-

When he joins he starts to hear about their relationship, learn more about them as people- and the gnawing feeling in his stomach grows everyday. He learns about how Bruce and Adam used to fight in high-school. How Elyse loved to roller blade as a kid- and never wore knee pads. Matt laughs endlessly over how Lawrence loved dodgeball as kid, but did not love how everyone threw harder than him.

[The gnawing feeling explodes one day over lunch when Joel talks about how he broke his nose in the 4th grade- Matt has to leave so he can stop shaking].

-

They all go out for drinks one night, and Matt spends the entire evening making sure his hands are covered by his hoodie- making sure no skin to skin contact can happen.

And outside of him being unable to enjoy his buzz- he does find himself laughing and enjoying the company of his friends.

He’s delighted when Elyse shows up and he leaves the bar that night with a new number in his phone under the contact name ‘Funniest Willems’.

-

It’s after a drunk stream, at the end of their day- that the gnawing feeling becomes just a lump of pain and dread at the bottom of his stomach.

He doesn’t remember who starts the conversation, all he knows is everyone is talking about sole marks (everyone but him of course). And eventually someone outside of their little squad is talking about the worst marks from a solemate and Adam looks ready to wilt away and Adam rambles out,

“Whoever they are- they really hate themselves. And I just wanna help.” He gives a shrug and Matt feels his heart start to beat faster, “They tried to kill themselves a few years back- and I mean technically they did. I’ve never been as scared as I was when their mark went black. It was awful. You remember that night, James?”

Matt feels ready to throw up at the nod James gives- and even drunk James looks so sad. Matt wants to make their pain stop but instead he wills himself to stay still and faced towards his computer, mimicking editing the video in front of him- even as Joel speaks up.

“They don’t want us.” And it’s the way he says it, the defeat and tiredness that should make Matt guilty but all it does is bubble up something he has never felt before in its full form.

Matt feels angry. He feels hot bitter rage, and years of pent of animosity. His hands clench so tight around his mouse that it actually pops the plastic on one side and he’s shaking when he stands up.

It catches Lawrence’s attention and it must be his face or his movements but the other doesn’t say a word as Matt packs up to leave. He does however follow Matt out of the office, and it’s only once they reach the parking garage does he call out for Matt.

“We’re sorry for bringing that up in front of you, man.” And something about the tone Lawrence is using- doesn’t calm him down, it in facts just pisses him off more. Matt throws his laptop bag into the back seat of his car and slams the door,

“Yeah, why is that?” And he huffs out a sarcastic laugh and turns to look at Lawrence. The anger ebbs away when he sees the look on Lawrence’s face.

“Because you don’t have a solemate.”

Matt doesn’t say anything before he turns and gets into his car.

-

The next morning, Matt wakes up and makes the decision. The decision that today he would touch one of them, to see if this was real or just a cruel joke played on him but the universe.

It takes too long for all of them to get into work, but the second the last person is through the door (Sean), Matt has ditched his hoodie and is starting to sweat lightly. This was stupid- there was no possible way these people were his soulmates. But he hoped.

Matt hadn’t hoped for something in a very long time.

So he manages to swallow his nerves somehow and walk over to where Adam and Bruce are standing around Joel’s desk.

“What’s up, Peake?” Bruce asks and Matt suddenly doesn’t have words.

“Uh, I forgot.” And he ends up sitting at his desk berating himself for the next hour for being such a coward.

-

[Matt cries the next morning when he gets into the shower and finds various hand print shaped bruises on his hips and thighs].

-

It’s when his birthday rolls around that their in the office, it is the middle of a Tuesday and they’re all dicking around (Elyse visiting her boys during her lunch hour), and suddenly everyone is planning what to do for his birthday- that he just is overwhelmed by this urge to cry a little bit.

“What do you want for your birthday?” Elyse is giggy as she asks, bouncing on her toes and has her phone already open and Matt just answers the first thing on his mind.

“A hug.” He feels stupid the second he says it, but it’s true.

“A hug? What you’ve never been hugged or something?” James says, elbowing his double hoodie hidden- midsection and Matt sees no reason to lie to them. They’re his friends- his best friends. (His only friends).

“Never had one.” He shrugs as he says it, and instantly looks to the ground afterward. The silence that follows is awful, it makes Matt want to scream.

“Uh, I have a lot of editing to do. Anything you get me will be fine- and you know you don’t, uh, have to get me anything. Birthdays have never been a big deal.” He says it to them, still looking at the ground- before shuffling away and back to his desk.

-

His birthday comes and everyone ends up having a mini-party at the Willems’. Lawrence and Sean get him a support for his work chair- to help with the back pain that comes from editing. Elyse, James and Bruce get him various gag gifts (including but not limited to: a neon blue ball gag, flavored lube, and a 6 foot poster for the movie North), but actually buy him 10 various games, including one he had wanted as a kid but never got.

Joel gets him a Sega Genesis and a refurbished GameCube. And Matt has to blink away a small misting in his eyes.

Adam is the one who breaks the dam. All the other gifts having built up his want to cry- but Adam shatters it. Just breaks his resolve and causes it all to crash around him.

“It’s a lame gift.” Adam hands him the wrapped box with an awkward smile and rubs the back of his neck. And Matt mumbles some comment about how he sure its fine, and once he gets the paper off- he finds out it’s not a box but it is in all actuality a picture frame. A nice black simple frame, with a certificate inside of it.

Matt has to read the words about 10 times before he cognitively understands it, and when he does he just can’t help the tears. He tries to blink them away, but he just can’t.

“Oh God. I didn’t mean to make you cry!” Adam is freaking out, going to place a hand on his shoulder- but pulls it back. They all know how Matt is with touch. He hovers awkwardly, as Matt begins to sob.

Matt feels ridiculous as he sobs on the Willems’ couch, clutching the picture frame to his chest- but he can’t stop.

“This is,” He has to take a breath, “The nicest thing anyone ha-has ever done for me.”

And it takes a few minutes for him to calm down, and after he’s settled- James asks what Adam got him.

“He wouldn’t tell us.” And Matt just smiles and finally pulls the frame from his chest,

“A star.” Matt sniffles, “Adam bought me a star.”

And Adam, God bless him, looks so out of place and is blushing for God’s sake that Matt can’t seem to help himself.

Matt ends up chest to chest with Adam, the bulk of Matt’s 3 hoodies pressing gently against Adam’s t-shirt. And everyone is just dead silent as they watch the two of them. Matt’s still got tears drying on his eyelashes, and his nose is bright red- but Adam is looking at him like Matt is the most wonderful thing in the room- and it takes a moment for Matt to eventually raise a hand- and bring it just millimeters from Adam’s skin.

And they’re so close, they’re breathing each other’s air and it’s been 2 years and they’ve never touched. Matt has never showed any sign of wanting to touch them.

And then, much like Matt is- gent but firm, Matt presses his hand onto Adam’s face. And the smile that comes from the heat on their marks, is nothing short of magnificent.

“Is Matt-?” It’s Lawernce that whispers it, and Matt and Adam are still just staring at each other, Matt’s hand still on his face- even as Adam nods.

“Yeah.”

-

It takes no time at all for them to allow Matt to gently touch them- and by the end of the night all of their marks are a little darker.

“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had.” Matt mumbles, right before he falls asleep that night- tucked into the guest bed, and he feels someone pet his hair.

“This the best your birthday I’ve ever had, too.” And Matt gives a huff of a laugh and drifts off to the sound of Elyse berating James for being an idiot.

-

The next morning, Matt is officially a year older and he wakes up to the smell of he doesn’t know what, but it’s good.

He ends up stumbling downstairs, with bed tousled hair and sleepy eyes. And it earns him a coo from James- who he waves away instantly.

By the time he’s eaten and woken up- he notices that everyone’s stuff is still by the front door. And when he voices that to Elyse, who’s working at the dishes she gives him a sad sort of smile.

“We tried to get them to leave, but after last night they said they weren’t going anywhere without you.” And she’s nodding over the breakfast counter into the living room- the same living room Matt stumbled through half awake.

And he peaks his head over and wants to...He doesn’t know what he wants to do, but his heart does a little jump at the sight of his boys. His idiots.

Adam is on the couch, face pressed into the cushions and snoring ever so slightly, and right next to him, Lawrence is asleep in the arm chair.

It’s seeing Lawrence in the armchair that makes Matt frown and somehow he ends up gently nugging Lawrence awake and leading him upstairs to the bed that is now unoccupied.

Sean wanders down somewhere in the time Matt takes Lawrence’s glasses off and get him under the blankets.

It’s a nice morning. Very domestic and warm.

-

[Matt decides that he loves sleepy Adam, he also decides he does not like sleepy Lawrence as much].

-

They spend the entire day dicking around, and it’s only when Matt stands to help with the dishes that Sean lets out a little noise.

And Matt is stretching- arms reached out over him, and it’s too perfect not too. So sean quickly moves and wraps his arms around Matt. Smashing their chests together, and tucking his head into the space available by Matt’s neck.

And Sean feels Matt go still- and they’re the closest they’ve ever been- physically and emotionally. Sean can feel how fast Matt’s heart is beating. And just when Sean goes to move away and apologize, Matt is wrapping his arms around Sean in a grip that makes it seem like he’ll never let go of him.

They end up sitting on the floor- never once breaking the embrace. Sean ends up sitting in Matt’s lap while Matt hides his face in Sean’s shoulder. Sean’s sure he can feel wetness, but he doesn’t say anything.

No one else says anything about it, they just let it happen. Photos are taken- granted, but they all remember what Matt had told them.

“Never had one.”  

They all remember that up until this point Matt Peake had never had a hug.

-

They all spend the night again together, but this time Adam and Sean end up in bed with Matt- hugging him all through the night.

-

Matt comes to the boys, a few days later, during lunch- with a solemn expression. He sees them start to panic a little so when he speaks, he addresses it to Joel,

“I never wanted you to think, I didn’t want you. I wanted you very much. But…” Matt lets out a sigh and waves a hand tiredly, “You know. M’a little broken.”

And in a much softer voice adds, “Didn’t think you’d want me.”

And Matt won’t look at him, but he knows when Joel remembers what he’s talking about by the little ‘oh’. Matt is determined to stare at the floor, and anywhere away from their faces.

“Matt…” For once it seems as if Joel has no idea what to say but does what Joel does best:

Offer physical contact.

Matt sees the hand come into his view and tug him forward by the arm, and- oh-  Matt could really get used to this surprise hugging thing.

“We want you, Matt. Trust me. We do.” And Joel is petting the back of his head, and Goddamn Matt could totally get used to this surprise hugging thing.

-

Matt tells them about everything a few weeks later, over dinner at Lawrences. They all listen, only stopping to interrupt when it was obvious Matt was getting distraught.

“I didn’t put ‘monster’ there.” He’s crying again but he needs them to know that, “Some kids from my high school...They, pushed me down and did it. That wasn’t me.”

“Okay, sweetie. It’s okay. We believe you.” He ends up being curled between Elyse and Lawrence, mumbling out various words of comfort to him.

-

They move to Roosterteeth, and he follows of course. Matt would follow them where-ever they go.

-

Matt’s dad dies the next fall, and he kind of hates himself for not caring- but he spends the night curled on the couch watching movies with the people he was told he didn’t deserve and the guilt disappears.

-

[[The next time he finds bruises of handprints on his body- he smiles as he see’s the versions he has on himself.]]

#shiphaus #ot8 #my fic #polyhaus #peake centered

[megsblackfirewrites]

First Date

AO3 Link: First Date

“Yer actin’ like a teeny bopper on their first date.”

Jack shot the woman driving him to his blind date a glare. “Thank you, Van,” he growled.

Vanessa shot him a grin and turned the car to the left. “Yer worryin’ for nothin’,” she said. “Yer a wonderful man, a great conversationalist, and I don’t know a single person that doesn’t like you.”

“I could name a few,” Jack huffed.

“Well, I don’t know them,” she shrugged. “And this is one of Jesse’s friends from college. Jesse’s got a good eye for match-making.”

“It’s Jesse’s friend,” Jack groaned and rubbed his face. “That makes me even more worried.”

“Hey, Jesse wouldn’t set you up with a psychopath,” Vanessa soothed as she pulled into the parking lot of the Italian restaurant. “I can come in and sit with you until the guy shows up.”

“That…would be appreciated,” Jack sighed as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

He couldn’t remember feeling this nervous in his life. Not when he agreed to look after Joel’s kids; really, Tom was only two years younger than him but that wasn’t the point; and they had only known him a short time. Not even when he and Vanessa almost died in a car crash that sliced their faces to pieces and left him with two massive scars on his face and her with one massive one across her face. He shouldn’t have been this scared.

At least Vanessa was there with him for the wait. She was relaxed about the whole thing, amused, no doubt, by the fact that Jack was going on a blind date. She had helped him pick out his outfit, refusing to let him go all out.

“It’s a dinner date at a restaurant where you’re bound to get stains on you; like hell yer wearin’ a suit,” she had snorted.

She had then dressed him in a blue dress-shirt and loose black dress pants, helped him get his hair to calm down a little bit, and helped him with the concealer for his scars. She had offered to do his eyeliner, but he had politely declined. It wasn’t that he didn’t like being Vanessa’s guinea pig, he just hated how long it took to get the eyeliner off afterwards.

Jack walked into the restaurant and smiled at the man at the podium. “Reservation for Morrison?”

“And this is your second?” the man asked as he checked his clipboard.

“Nah,” Vanessa shook her head. “But is it okay if I sit with him until his date shows up? Won’t take up any room, promise.”

The man blinked before he nodded. “Of course. If you’ll follow me.”

The man led them through the restaurant to a little table off to the side. He removed the “Reserved” sign and dragged a chair over for Vanessa to sit in. He smiled and promised to bring her a glass of water while she waited before leaving to return to his podium.

“Aw,” Vanessa smirked as she leaned on the table. “He called me ‘miss’.”

Jack smiled at her and shook his head. “Be nice.”

“Yes, Dad,” she stuck her tongue out at him.

Jack was saved from telling her off; he was nowhere near old enough to be her dad; by a waiter showing up with her water. She thanked him and he hurried away. Jack saw the look of shock on the man’s face and did his best not to react. Both of their faces were a little hard to handle.

They made stupid small talk until Vanessa spotted his date heading for them. Jack didn’t dare look over his shoulder as Vanessa got to her feet. He was scared to look; what had Jesse sent his way? What if he was terrible to look at? What if he couldn’t look at Jack without gagging? What if they couldn’t look at each other and this whole date turned into a nightmare?

“And you are?” a deep voice demanded.

“Vanessa McCree; Jesse’s older sister,” Vanessa replied. “Just call me Van. Have fun, boys.”

Vanessa gave Jack’s shoulder a squeeze and he heard her walk off. He took a deep breath and looked up at his date. And almost jumped in alarm. Holy shit was this man insanely attractive. Bronze skin, brown eyes, short, curly black hair shaved on both sides so that the middle stood up in a fluffy faux-hawk, a perfectly manicured goatee, and a few piercings on each ear. Jack swallowed and suddenly didn’t know how to greet the handsome man.

“Um, Gabriel Reyes, right?” he asked nervously.

“That’s right,” the man chuckled as he sat down opposite Jack. “Jesse wasn’t kidding when he said his sister was a force to be reckoned with.”

“Van’s quite the girl,” he agreed. “She’s a bit of an acquired taste though. Lotta people don’t like her.”

“Pity,” Gabriel said before he looked at the menu. “You know what you want to order?”

“Sort of,” Jack replied. “Wanted to wait for you to show up first. Just in case….”

“I wouldn’t have stood you up, Jack,” Gabriel smiled at him. “Even if this date doesn’t go anywhere, it’d be rude not to at least show up. And Jesse worked hard to get reservations for us.”

Jack smiled and looked the menu over one more time. When they’d placed their orders, they descended into silence. Jack played with the cuff of his shirt, unsure of what to talk about. He’d never really been all that good with small talk to begin with. Throwing the handsome man across from him and he was very tongue-tied. Gabriel cleared his throat and rubbed at his neck.

“So, Jesse says you basically raised him,” he said casually.

“Sort of. Jesse was only nine when I got legal protection of them,” Jack said. “Tom was already an adult and getting ready to head off to college. Van was still in junior high.”

“How did you get stuck with kids?” Gabriel asked. “Jesse said there’s no blood relation.”

“I was pretty close with their father; guess he didn’t trust anyone else to keep an eye on his kids,” Jack smiled.

Joel had been worried about his old gang members going after his kids and he knew that Jack could keep them safe. He was still waiting for the man to return from hiding. Until then, the kids were in his house between their semesters. Not that he minded; he loved the McCree kids.

“Awfully nice of you,” Gabriel smiled. “Don’t know if I could have done that at twenty-one.”

Jack shrugged his shoulders. “What about you? What are you doing back in college?” he asked.

Gabriel smirked. “I never left,” he chuckled. “I teach Film History at the college.”

Jack felt heat creep up his face and sank a little in his chair. “Oh.”

“Jesse didn’t tell you that?” Gabriel laughed.

“He didn’t tell me anything!” Jack shouted before he winced and covered his mouth. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be; should have known Jesse would be a little shit,” Gabriel smiled at him.

Jack was spared any further embarrassing moves by their supper arriving. The small talk changed to what they did on an average day. Jack didn’t expect Gabriel to be interested in the work of an electrician, but he seemed to be genuinely curious. He asked for clarification on a lot of things, nodding and agreeing with his frustration. Jack asked about the classes he taught and he was stunned by Gabriel’s understanding not only film history, but cinematography, sound design, and screenwriting. He was more than happy to talk about any film that came to mind, not degrading Jack for liking anything that was considered “trash” in the last few years.

By the time they finished their supper, they were planning their second date. Something nice and quiet for them to talk more and get to know each other better. When Jack suggested a walk in the park not too far from his house, Gabriel happily agreed, playfully popping his pecs as he commented that he needed to stay in shape. Jack ended up snorting while he was laughing and he could have sworn Gabriel had a love-sick expression on his face.

Gabriel offered to drive him home on his motorcycle and Jack was very tempted to take him up on the offer. A few quick texts to Vanessa explaining that she didn’t have to come get him and he happily swung himself onto the back of the black motorcycle. Gabriel got his helmet fitted properly and dropped down in front of him. Jack shyly wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s chest and they roared out of the parking lot and out into traffic.

Jack’s head was spinning by the time they pulled into his driveway. Gabriel walked him up to the door like a gentleman and gave him a warm kiss goodnight. Jack waved as Gabriel got back on his motorcycle and walked into his house. He let out a happy sigh before he sank onto the couch in the living room.

“Jesse, I could kiss you!” he shouted.

“Score one for me!” Jesse cackled.

“I’m also going to kill you for failing to mention he was your teacher!”

“And there goes your point,” Vanessa teased before she dropped on top of Jack and grinned. “Details, old man. Details!”

Jack chuckled and tipped his head back. “I can’t wait for our walk in the park,” he murmured softly. “I might be jumping the gun, but it feels like he’s the one.”

Vanessa’s jaw fell open before she beat his chest excitedly. “Holy fuck! I didn’t think you liked the bad boys, Jack!”

“Shut up,” he huffed and shoved his hand in her face.

Vanessa cackled before Jesse joined them and demanded more details.

#r76valentines #Jack Morrison #Gabriel Reyes #Jesse McCree #Female OC

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #93

“you better run, better run, outrun my gun.”

do you like your toes? no. people make fun of them because they are SOOO TINY. do you go to church? if so, do you actually pay attention?  i don't really go regularly, no, but when i do go, i pay attention. when you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in?  sometimes. i'm paranoid like that. do you want any tattoos? if so, where? i want lots. the only places off-limits to me is my face, my breasts (don't mistake that for sternum area), and probably my ass. are any of your friends virgins?  i'm aware at least one is, but it's not my business regardless. ever held a newborn animal? kittens, yes. can you name a single song by billy joel without looking it up? i can list multiple: "uptown girl," "moving out (anthony's song)," "piano man," etc... i grew up listening to billy joel 'cuz my dad loves him. do you wish life functioned more similarly to video games, such as having a save file that you could return to after you make a mistake & therefore you could erase that from happening & start over anew? huh. not sure, honestly... do you try to avoid burping in public, or are you open about it? after all, it is a normal bodily function. i try to do it quietly. have you ever refused to read / watch / listen to something simply because a lot of people really liked it? no, that's remarkably stupid. if you have a dog, are they friendly to strangers or other dogs? teddy loves new dogs and is initially apprehensive of strangers and will bark, but then starts crying excitedly lol. cali hates strangers in general. she won't bite or anything, but she'll growl and shake a lot. it takes a while for her to warm up to strangers. bentley just follows along with the other dogs. is it hard for you to get along with people that have different opinions than you? or can you ignore all of that stuff and be friends with just about anyone? it's honestly not hard for me at all, so long their opinions aren't just blatantly harmful. be honest, did "fifty shades of grey" arouse you in any way? never watched it, never will, because i'm not interested in watching a glorified porn. do you think you’d have what it takes to shoot someone if you had to protect yourself?   i know i'd have what it takes if i had no other choice. did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? i think, but i do know that i was initially thought to be a boy because my legs were always crossed in all the ultrasound pictures. i'm such a lady. :T do you have trouble reading small fonts?  depends on the font. roughly how hot are the summer temperatures where you reside? 90s, sometimes 100s. ew. do you find watching animals in their natural habitat to be exciting & fascinating?  YES. of all the decisions you have thus far made in your life, which was the best & which was the worst? best: going to holly hill; worst: rather not talk about. discarding the fact that they can smell & tend to get dirty a lot, do you like your feet, or feet in general? i absolutely loathe feet. they're just gross. do you have a favorite film, if so, what is it and why?  "alice in wonderland," tim burton's version. i just love that movie so much because it goes to show just how endless the imagination is. what was the last piercing you got? how much did it hurt? lip. and it hurt a lot, i mean, there's a needle jabbing through an extremely sensitive area. who was the last teacher to make a lasting impression on you? coach collie<3 that man is a saint. i wish i still had contact with him. would you breastfeed your child, if you ever had/have had one? probably? breast milk has so many more important nutrients. i'll never forget this diagram i saw at the hospital while ashley was having one of her kids and it showed just how much more nutrients breast milk has versus formula milk. but i don't want kids, so i'll never make that decision. have you ever slept naked?  no. i'd be way too uncomfortable. have you ever given someone oral sex? yes, and i don't like it. have you ever cuddled with someone that wasn’t a significant other? no. if you’re in a relationship, does cuddling with someone else count as cheating?  yes. when typing, what do you use to represent laughter [lol, ha, hehe, *giggle*, etc.]? lol or ha ha do you know how your parents met? if not, is that something you would want to know?  they met at work. do you ever roleplay? online on designated forums, yes. never in real life. have you ever seen the movie "matilda"? yes!! i love that movie!! do you have a poster of your favorite band/artist on your wall? metallica, yes. is your mall nice? NO. people being shot and fighting there aren't exactly uncommon. are you hard to handle? i'm mentally ill. obviously. have you ever had your eyebrows waxed?  yes. what color was the last bathing suit you wore? black. have you ever been to cracker barrel? yes. do you like your steak rare? medium well. how much younger or older would you date someone? i wouldn't date younger than 21, and i wouldn't date older than like 29. have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend?  yes. what’s your favorite book series?  it'll probably all be "warriors" by erin hunter. how can a person tell if you’re mad or annoyed? i mumble, scowl, and barely talk. and if i do, i speak as short sentences as possible. do you actually use the camera on your phone? NO. the camera on my phone is AWFUL. if i wanna ever take selfies, i use my old phoen. do you think it’s ignorant for people to have unprotected sex when they’re not ready for a child? obviously?? are there any specific piercings you would never, ever get done? eyebrow, smiley, nipples, and whatever the fuck that piercing is where your private gets pierced. i'm sure i'm forgetting others. what’s your favorite non-animated disney film? probably "a cinderella story" do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? yeah, me. were either of your parents baptized?  i don't know. mom, probably, since she was raised roman catholic. has anyone killed one of your pets before?  people have run over our cats before. do you have a push lawnmower or a riding lawnmower? we don't mow our own lawn, so we don't have one. we have a friend who does it. what is/are your pet[s] doing at this moment?  the dogs are sleeping and venus is curled up like a total cinnamon roll in her rock. describe the main problem with your last relationship? he wanted an extrovert, which i was unwilling to fake being. are you someone who has to hide the things you like around friends?  yes, i am totally that person. i get embarrassed about the things i enjoy, idk why. have you ever been to a porn website? were you addicted to it afterword?  no, and i never will. what is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? be abusive. have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? multiple hurricanes. hurricane floyd was the worst. what fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? bojangle's like yaaaas do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet earth? no, i don't. is it currently your favorite season? if not what is your favorite? no. my favorite's probably autumn, but winter almost ties it. do you like soda pop? if so, which is your favorite and least favorite? mountain dew's my fave, pepsi's probably the worst. do you have any siblings you’re embarrassed about being related to? no. i'm proud of my siblings. do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? or is that weird? no. way too awkward. who was the last person you kissed and why did you kiss this person? tyler, and because i felt obligated to. is there a day you’d just like to forget? which one? the day i attempted suicide, the night jason broke up with me and the whole day afterward... when was the last time someone dumped you?  august or september of 2015. do you like dark chocolate or white more? what about milk chocolate? out of those two, i prefer dark because i hate white, but my favorite's milk. how many times have you seen star wars? be honest. i've never watched star wars. are you good at memorizing phone numbers? NO. i don't even know my own phone number. the only one i know is my mom's. have you ever made your own website? yep. do you like men who have a sensitive side? having a sensitive side is mandatory for me if you want me to like you at all. have you ever tried to get someone into a certain band/artist?  kinda indirectly. and it worked lmao be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? or are they actually not worthy of your affections? it's more like idk if i deserve /him/ would you ever go on "fear factor"? no. would you ever wear black lipstick? do you know anyone who does? i do wear black lipstick if i ever do wear lipstick. would you rather be a successful writer or artist?  OHHHHHH now THAT'S a good question! i don't know! what is your favorite christmas movie? jim carrey's "how the grinch stole christmas" have you ever attended a religious or private school? does sunday school count? ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder?  yes. i think i'm fully recovered by now though. what is the shortest relationship you have ever had with someone?  less than 24 hours. do you like korn?  HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL YEEEEEAAAAH when you were little, did you pick up worms? do you pick worms up now?  yes and no did you like the movie "finding nemo"? it was one of my favorites as a kid. i still love it. which part of your state/province do you live in [upper, lower, middle]? the east. when was the last time you went out of state? last summer for ashley's wedding. do you like paranormal stuff? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS what letter does your surname begin with? "d" what is one food you couldn’t live without? pizza @-@ when you’re eating pizza do you add anything like crushed peppers, parmesan cheese or hot sauce to it? i used to always have it with hot sauce... i need to do that again, it was awesome. have you ever been able to pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin?  i don't think so. where is your dad from? ohio where is your mom from? new york if you could find one long lost friend of the past, who would it be?  megan do you consider how you act online to be different than you act in person? in some areas, yes. i'm more open and excitable online. have you ever written a short story/novel? yes. do you believe in the paranormal or cryptids?  paranormal, yes, some cryptids. which dinosaur is your favorite?  spinosaurus! would you ever play with a ouija board?  no. i don't know if i believe they work, but i sure as hell don't wanna find out. which side of your family are you closest to? mom's would you want to work at the same place as your significant other? no. i personally need some space. would you rather die or eat another human being?  i'd rather die. is there anything that you and your friends simply can’t agree on? yes; most of my friends are liberal, and i'm more on the conservative side. but i don't even agree with some of my conservative friends because i'm not entirely conservative myself. who was the last person to comment on your facebook status? what does the comment say? i was hesitant to do so, but i updated on how i've been doing since my "incident" in february. i fucking scared everyone that day and wanted to let everyone know how great i've been doing. but anyway, it was my friend maria, and i don't remember off the top of my head, but she said a lot about how she loves me and that i'll always have god. she is SUCH a sweetheart, miss her<3 what are three reasons you’ve smiled or laughed most recently?  markiplier, rhett&link, and then probably pewdiepie. youtubers legitimately keep me going lol. think about your ex, your crush, or the person you’re currently dating. Were you attracted to that person as soon as you met them, or did the attraction develop over time? do you mean physically or mentally? physically, i actually thought he was kinda weird-looking but still attractive in some weird way, and mentally, i thought he was very interesting. which do you use the most, smiley faces, kisses or hearts?  various emoticons that are usually smiley faces of some sort. is there any kind of food or drink that you used to love, but now hate? sprite. it was my favorite soda. now i just don't like it. who is your favorite disney channel person?  raven symone, off the top of my head. what do you have pierced? ears, bottom lip when you take surveys, are your answers inspired by the person's before you? occasionally do you know any immigrants? yeah. do you know how to look after yourself away from home? (budget, pay pills, feed yourself, cook, clean, do laundry etc.) not really, to be totally honest... do you like dried fruit at all? what's your favorite type?  i hate dried fruit. where is the biggest window in your house? the living room. is there any song out there that just amazes you every time you hear it?  probably "fade to black" by metallica. the solo is so fucking amazing. do your pets spazz out a lot?  the dogs, especially teddy, bark at EVERYTHING does it bother you when people write "hai" instead of "hey", or are you one of those people?  no. i do it rarely. does your dad have any tattoos? no. how often does it snow where you are? does it interrupt your day-to-day life? like... once every other year or at least a little bit every year. and it almost never does. do you get really bad periods? if so, what do you do to make them less painful?  not anymore. they used to be horrendous before i went on the pill. but if i do cramp anyway, i use a heating pad and take advil. do you prefer zebra stripes, tiger stripes, or leopard spots? tiger stripes. have you ever held a snake?  many times. have you ever seen a volcano? no. have you ever met an alaskan? i've never actually *met* her, but i have a friend who's from alaska. she may still live there, i can't remember. did you ever play spyro? I STILL PLAY THAT SHIT BROTHER do you think mouse traps are wrong? the more inhumane ones, absolutely. who is your favorite fictional character?  pyramid head what's your favorite board/card game? board game, i guess clue, but i don't really like board games. card game, "magic: the gathering." have you met the last person you kissed’s parents? no. who is the first person you see in the mornings? always mom. she sleeps on the couch just outside my room. have you ever kissed anyone you weren’t dating? no. are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? i don't have a *best* friend, but i'll answer this question for the two people i'm closest with. one doesn't have a boyfriend, the other's married. her husband's cool. there’s a serial killer in your house, what do you do? climb out a window. can you commit to one person and one person only? yes, that's the only thing i want to do in regards to a relationship. i'm strictly monogamous. how many different colleges have you gone to? two do you believe it is possible for someone to change? i take two things daily and then another if i need it. are you a submissive person?  usually, very. do you believe everyone should learn another language while still a child? hmmm. maybe. how do you feel about tattoos and piercings?  love 'em. great form of expression. do you care what people think?  a bit too much. did you like kissing the last person you kissed or the one before that more? the one before by fucking eons is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? james hetfield, baby. yummy. are you embarrassed to buy condoms? i never have, but i'm not sure if i would be. probably not so long as i had other things with me. but i'd still most likely use self-checkout. have you ever picked wild flowers? yeah. have you ever seen a mountain in person?  yes<3 do you prefer jam or butter on your biscuits?  jelly have you ever explored somewhere abandoned?  yes. which season do you think is the prettiest? autumn have you ever found a four-leaf clover? yes. true story, we noticed a four-leaf clover patch in our front lawn the day after my father left the family. what's your favorite type of bird? barn owls when was the last time you made out with somebody? like a year and a half ago what month of the year was your mother born?  august what's your favorite type of bread? pumpernickel, yum. do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? yes. do you consider your goals easily achievable or are they pretty grand?  in-between, i guess? my main goal is to be a successful photographer, and photography is a veeeeeery competitive industry. did the last person you kissed have piercings? yep, lip piercings. do you believe that your first true love can be your only love in life? (s)he can be, sure. are your boobs real? yeah. is the last person you kissed mad at you?  most likely would you ever be a stripper?  under no circumstance. who was the last baby you held? ryder, my nephew. do you believe there's two sides to every story?  i mean sure. don’t you miss chuck e. cheese? of course. i loved that place. would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? i have one on my collar bone. what do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? i don't care if you have small or big boobs, wear a bra in public, please. do wasps scare you?  YEAH have you ever worn flipflops in the snow?  lol yes do you like the ends of bananas? i don't eat the end. have you tried playing cranium? yeah. i loved those games. what was the one where you were at a festival? that was my favorite. did you own a playground set when you were younger?  a swing and a slide. do you know how to use photoshop? only very minor things. how about sony vegas? yes. when people smoke around you, does it make you cough? yes. have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair? not entirely. mom claims that dad cheated on her, but honestly? i doubt that very much. my mom lies about my dad a LOT. who was your most romantic moment with?  jason who does your most embarrassing moment involve?  jason. who is your oldest friend?  he's 30-ish. sam. your youngest?  17. chelsea. who have you known the longest?  that's still my friend? colleen or summer, not sure. what was your favorite tv show as a kid?  pokemon what do you think makes crop circles?  very bored people. what are you most known for?  being addicted to meerkats lol who's your favorite cousin?  i don't really have one, considering i'm not very close to any? but audrey or brenna are the ones closest regardless. what would you do in the event of an apocalypse? die, obviously? what teacher inspired you the most? how did they? coach collie. he was so wise and intelligent and caring. would you rather go fully blind or fully deaf? blind. i couldn't live in silence. what are your feelings on feminism? people tend to take it WAY too far. describe your first relationship?  it was puppy love. we were close friends and both thought it was more when it really wasn't. describe your last relationship?  a worthless endeavor. wanted to like him when i really didn't, and he proved why i didn't. name all the pets you’ve ever had. trigger (collie), angel (lab), teddy (beagle/cocker spaniel/collie), dale (cockapoo), harley (lab/pit), delilah (don't know what she was), cali (boxer), bentley (jack russel mix), charcoal (cat), eeyore (cat), aphrodite (cat), oreo (cat), chance (cat), bobbie (cat), cheshire (cat), loki (cat), lexi (cat), at the minimum like 30 other cats, squeak (guinea pig), snickers (guinea pig), harry potter (guinea pig), another guinea pig, eurydice (gerbil), another gerbil, rhoka (rat), tezzeret (rat), rhett (rat), link (rat), mona lisa (ball python), cato (ball python), venus (ball python), shadow (chinese water dragon), and i'm sure i'm forgetting some... we've just had sooo many pets. do you put posters on your bedroom walls? my walls are covered in posters and drawings. has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer?  yeah, but i'm not. do you have a lot of hair on your arms? or none at all?  i guess i have a normal amount. what would you do if you were stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean? oh my god. i've no idea. probably just wait until i starve to death if there was no way to contact anyone. would you ever sell your soul?  no. what was your class song when you graduated? that stupid fucking "this is how we roll" song because i went to school with a bunch of rednecks. what's the scariest living animal that you've petted? rose-haired tarantula. do you brush your tongue with your toothbrush? of course what do you order at chik-fil-a? just the chicken sandwich. soooo good, are you a good kisser? supposedly. do you like 80’s music?  '80s metal, hell yeah. what kind of music are your parents into? mom, heavy metal, dad, classic rock cupcakes or muffins?  hmmm. muffins, maybe. do you prefer the beatles or the rolling stones? the stones do you prefer candles or incense?  incense which fictional villain is your favorite?  harley quinn what nationality is your last name?  scottish do you think trenchcoats are attractive on guys?  hell yeah did you rollerblade as a kid? do you still rollerblade? dude i was a boss rollerblader as a kid. i haven't been in a long time though. when was the last time you drank strawberry milk? all the way back in elementary school when i tried it for the first time. it was fucking awful. never had it again. do you own a pair of fingerless gloves?  i have multiple from my high school days. which of britney spears’ songs is your favorite?  "toxic" is a classic which did you have taken out last, your tonsils, appendix, or your wisdom teeth?  i still have all those. is your father homophobic?  i actually don't know. pencil or liquid eyeliner? pencil. i can't do liquid. have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? ha ha ha yes. i gave jason a makeover once. do you like any of the songs on "twilight," or the actual movie/saga itself?  for some reason, i specifically remember my little sister watching one of the movies on christmas one year and i remember "supermassive black hole" by muse was on there. i love that song. would you rather learn more about space or more about the ocean? space. do you have a mental illness? if yes, how have you learned to cope with it? if no, do you ever suspect you may have one? i have chronic depression, severe anxiety, either bipolar ii or bpd, plus i'm pretty much recovered from ptsd. and honestly, the main reason i'm able to cope with it all is because i'm properly medicated. but also deep breathing is a life saver. also continuously trying to think logically is very important. have you ever been tempted to start life over somewhere else? yeah. mom once contemplated letting me live with my cousins in new york when i was still really bad after the break-up, but i didn't want to. do you have a favorite character from the avengers?  loki and thor. do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? noooo. i don't like sprinkles. honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? no. which subject are you better at - science or history?  science do you know how much you weighed at birth? how much?  six or seven pounds, don't remember which. what noise does your favorite animal make?   they bark, chirp, etc. they make a lot of noises. do you like turtles, fishies, or frogs more?  hmmm. fish or frogs. choose: skygazing, or stargazing? ['skygazing', as in clouds, etc] stargazing, i assume. are you modest? i.e changing in front of others, etc? very, honestly. would ever go skydiving? what about bungee jumping? probably not, honestly. i'd be too scared of something going wrong. do you like breadsticks or dinner rolls better? why?  breadsticks, and because i just do? do you find it odd when males wear make-up and other such things?  no. do you curse in average conversations?  depends on the person i'm talking to. red, white, yellow, or pink roses? i like the pink ones that also have a peach gradient. do you ever wear colored eye liner? no. are you embarrassed about your sex life or lack thereof? no. have you ever seen a shooting star? i believe so. i've also seen a star explode! are you a comic book geek?  nope. do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? honestly, no. that just sounds... weird. does the majority of the music you listen to have a lot of cursing or very little? what about when you were younger, did your parents approve of you listening to music with explicit or vulgar lyrics? some, but definitely not the majority. and mom didn't let my sisters and me listen to explicit stuff. for those who have anxiety, has anyone ever told you that you just need to calm down and actually face your fears? were you insulted or frustrated by this comment? oh, i've heard it more times than i've heard my own name. and i get both insulted and frustrated. it's ignorant as fuck to say that. what is your favorite song by coldplay? "clocks" is there something that you thought you would’ve outgrown/gotten over by now, but haven’t? forum role-play. what is your state’s largest city? raleigh, probably? maybe charlotte? do you listen to rise against?  not actively. i love their song "re-education through labor," though. have you ever taken care of a newborn baby? no, thankfully. did you play in the sand box as a kid? true shit, i created a trend of digging tunnels in the sandbox at school lmao. have you ever taken another person’s prescribed medication?   yes. pain medication. what’s important about april?  my sister's and dad's birthday are in april. would you be surprised if your parents had another baby together? well yeah, my mom's past menopause and she's also divorced to my dad... would you consider adoption?  i don't want kids. but if i did, i think i'd be more likely to adopt like a pre-teen. what’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet?  a lab/pit mix. do you ever put fruit on your cereal?  ew, no. how do you usually celebrate your favorite holiday? not really with anything. :( i don't have the money for costumes. we do decorate the house, though, and carve pumpkins, but that's not usually on halloween day. do you think age matters in friendship? no. i have a close friend who's 30 and he is like my brother. are you more likely to eat when you’re bored or depressed?  depressed. do all of your exes share the same eye color?  yes. have you ever been on a ferris wheel?  yeah! are you an organ donor? yes. what would you name your pet snake if you had one?  i do have a pet snake, and her name is venus. do you like peanuts?  no.  i hate nuts. when was the last time you absolutely could not hold back your tears and broke down in a place you didn’t want to?   i'm not sure. how many tim burton movies have you seen? what do you think of his movies/animation style?   oh my, i've seen a lot.  and i adore his style; he's my favorite director. have you ever met someone who was truly insane?   at mental hospitals, yes. does anyone in your family have a serious mental illness?   my half-sister is schizophrenic. do you think you could handle having an autistic or mentally disabled child?   i don't think i could handle a kid to begin with. ever been homeless?   no, thankfully.  well, we were evicted once and i had no "permanent" house at the time, but thank god colleen let me stay with her. if you were given the chance to go scuba diving, would you?  YES! have you ever seen a live seahorse?  in aquariums, yeah.  i love seahorses. (: what color did you first ever dye your hair?   i got purple highlights. is it rare for you to feel embarrassed?   not at all.  i am like constantly embarrassed about everything. is there a website you visit regularly because it's funny/amusing?  facebook.  i go on there more for the memes than keeping up with friends lmao what’s your favorite kind of cap’n crunch?  the one that's all berries.  damn, now i want some. do you get upset when a dog jumps on you?   not "upset," but i don't enjoy it. are your bras all simple/plain or do you like having funky/colored bras? if you're a guy, do you like how girls look in bras?   i don't like plain bras.  mine have to have at least some kind of design and preferably texture. what’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you?   something i'm pretty convinced was paranormal.  i was home alone, trying to go to sleep, and my dog teddy was seriously on edge.  then he randomly jerked his head up from where he was lying beside me and started barking his head off, staring at the foot of the bed.  i'd been feeling weird all night and was fucking horrified; i tried to pull teddy's head back down because him staring with his fur raised was really scaring me, but he refused to lie his head back down.  i was fucking shaking.  he finally stopped long enough for me to call my mom almost crying.  she got our neighbor to come sleep at the house with me (my family was away at a dance competition).  and mind you, it was like, 3 am, so i was fucking terrified to the point where i was fine with waking my poor neighbor up about it.  she was very, very sweet about it, though. has an ambulance ever came to your house?  maybe?  i'm not sure, we may have needed to call when ashley had one of her episodes... ever owned a turtle?   yeah, briefly. do you like paramore?  they're okay. do you think mice are cute?   YES! is there a particular fruit that you dislike? which?   i don't like cantaloupe or pears. what's your favorite birth stone?  rubies! do you like pomegranates?  YAAAAAS as a pet, would you rather have a gecko or a turtle?   gecko! did you ever own a gameboy color? if so, what color was yours?  yes.  red. if you were going to go to the movies today, what would you want to see?  is "baywatch" out yet?  it looks funny. if you had the power to control any one of the elements, which would it be?  does darkness count?  if not, fire. at what age do you consider people to be old?   70 do you ever wear chokers?   i did in high school.  don't know if mine still fit me, though.  haven't had a reason to wear one. do bees scare you?  not bumblebees or honeybees, but like wasps and hornets, fuck yeah. do you prefer margaritas or martinis?  i've only tried margaritas, which i love. what's your favorite song by the killers?   "mr. brightside" which owl city song is your favorite?  "hot air balloon," probably. what birds do you commonly see in your town/city/province?   crows, sparrows, robins, blue jays, etc... have you ever had a tonsil stone?  no.

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