What Once Was
A perspective shift, a pause, a brief respite before doubt takes hold again. Android!Ghost feels his heart beat.
You grew up in Manchester, or at least you had a job out there. You don’t like thinking about “growing up.” As far as you’re concerned you’ve been doing this your whole life. Fixing things. You had a job, an apprenticeship, with a bot mechanic at one of the industrial plants. You’d taught yourself coding, but at risk of electrocution you’d found someone to teach you the rest. It was hard, but the work was rewarding. You were young, but unlike people, bots care more about the results than how long a doctor has been a doctor. They didn’t ask questions, they didn’t know they should have.
The area was rough, you always liked the industrial parts of town, but even you could admit the place had seen better days. There was this old butcher shop. Real old school, but people like that. Meat tastes better when it’s cut by human hands, you’d heard someone say once. And there was this kid working there, Simon, he couldn’t have been much older than you. You saw him on your lunch breaks sometimes. You shared your sandwich with him.
He smiled sometimes, more than you would have thought given everything you knew about him. He liked working with his hands, you got that. He liked being away from home, you got that too. He never called you crazy when you talked about bots like they were people. He was sweet, you liked that about him.
He disappeared one day, without saying goodbye. You figured that was just what happened to people who lived like you two did. You didn’t even bother with a police report. Maybe you should have.
-
You still sit with your knees pulled up to your chest when you’re working on small parts. Your brows still furrow the way they did when you were a teenager. Ghost watches you flip down your magnifier over your eyes and remembers teasing you about needing glasses from squinting too much. You still blow the dust out of old cartridges and stick them into your arsenal of wires just to listen to the technicolor drone of ancient video games while you work.
“Just the music,” you’d told him years and years ago, “it helps me focus.”
You’re exactly the same, and yet you’re so unfathomably different. Or maybe he’s different. Different in the ways that matter most, in the ways that mean you’ll never recognize him. It’s better like this. He’s been through too much to be the sort of man you deserve. Barely a man at all, really.
That doesn’t stop him from circling you, like a moth to a flame, or a weary soldier to the comfort of home. He finds himself in your workshop with repairs that aren’t repairs, with injuries that he’s never been bothered by before. Ghost sits and lets you run diagnostics, lets you poke and prod at his gears, and he never says a word. Never mentions that you still look beautiful in work lights, that you shouldn’t hold your tweezers in your mouth because you always pinch your lip, that you’re still you even when he isn’t sure he’s still himself. He never mentions that he has a million things he’s never told you, that he wanted to tell you but never got the chance to.
He thinks them sometimes: when he’s watching you work, when you smile up at a bot warmly, when you ask him what’s wrong, when you start walking towards him before you even know what he needs, when you lay your hands on him and he flips every sensor to try and feel your warmth. He thinks that he loves you, that no matter how little of him is left he’ll always love you. He could love you with nothing, with bare circuits and white matter, and that would be enough to keep him going.
It was enough to keep him going. It isn’t anymore. Not when you’re here, so close and still a thousand miles away. Not when you don’t recognize him, when you don’t see the scrawny kid from Manchester in the corded steel and dense circuitry.
Did you think of him when he left? Did you worry? It always felt melancholic, said as a joke that neither of you laughed at: it’s gonna kill me one day, this world’s gonna kill me. Was that what you thought happened? When you knew about his father, when he sat down for lunch with fresh bruises and a split lip, did you think that’s what happened when he didn’t show up the next day? Did you mourn him?
He should have taken you with him. Sixteen. Young enough to kill for a living, but still too young to save you. He couldn’t save anyone, couldn’t even save himself.
They shouldn’t have put him back together.
Not if it meant he’d see you again.
Not if it meant you’d look at him like this,
Like nothing.
Repairs that aren’t repairs. Injuries that never bothered him before. Diagnostics. Circling. He knows it will burn him, he can feel the heat, but he can’t stop. Androids aren’t supposed to feel. Men aren’t supposed to be metal. And you don’t love him.
Not anymore.
(If you ever did.)
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It's definitely worth delving deeper into this moment. Certainly the Alternian view of the situation would agree with you - most trolls would condemn Tavros for failing to kill his tormentor in the grand tradition of the Empire.
Even from a human perspective, you could easily make an argument that Tavros did something wrong here. Vriska was literally asking for it, and she experienced a painful death that he could have prevented, had he took action.
However, I don't personally agree, for two main reasons.
Firstly, Vriska was bleeding out on that bed because she chose to be. She actively prevented Tavros from kiss-reviving her, while perfectly aware of the consequences for doing so. Tavros already tried to show mercy to Vriska, and she stopped him.
In essence, Vriska refused an antibiotic from Tavros, and then begged him to amputate her infected leg with a rusty saw.
Furthermore, every single time Vriska has tried to turn Tavros into a 'better', more violent troll, he's refused to comply.
She tried to extract a mercy kill from him - again, in a situation she engineered, and could easily have prevented - while fully aware that he isn't capable of performing mercy kills, and probably never would be. What, exactly, did she expect?
I think this is a good take, and might the real reason she pulled Tavros into this. I've pointed out before that Vriska clearly knew about her Quest Cocoon before Aradia's attack, so she could have gone there before, and ascended in much less dire circumstances.
She didn't. She is just a kid, and was likely terrified at the prospect of taking her own life - so she tried to put her life in someone else's hands instead. But, because she's Vriska, she picked the worst person she could possibly have chosen.
And we all saw the result.
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Apothecary Diaries is pog as fuck bc serious political issues and dynamics from a woman's POV are rarely depicted in ANY form of media
It's always a man's world where women's issues surround him. Even if we get a female perspective once in awhile- it all comes back to how it facilitates his game in the end. She's a footnote in the overarching scheme of things. Misogyny exists. Back to the real plot.
Apothecary Diaries is strictly from a female perspective and how each class of woman has to act, what limits they have, what rights they have and don't have between each class, etc. These women have to behave a certain way under a patriarchy, which you would think makes it a man's story, but it never is. The women are THE focus of this show, their struggles are THE plot. The focus is about how the patriarch effects them.
Take the concubines for example. The show dives into how bearing a child affects their rank, how traumatizing it is to lose that child, the consequences of that, etc. We have barely seen the emperor who sired all these kids because this is not about him.
Jinshi's personal plot is secondary to Mao Mao's journey- he is mostly there to provide new cases for Mao Mao to solve and to learn more about the shortcomings of his class when taking care of citizens like Mao Mao.
Jinshi is not a bad person, but by virtue of his position in the higher classes, he cannot understand how harsh life as a poor WOMAN is specifically- he can only catch glimpses of it from what Mao Mao tells him and feel outrage but powerless in his wealth and luxury
Mao Mao is a fortunate commoner woman for what privileges someone in her class should and shouldn't have. She happened to be adopted by a knowledgeable man. She is allowed to read, write, learn, and has enough skill to be a poison tester and have a job EXTREMELY out of her class limit as an apothecary, also a job not traditionally meant for women
Mao Mao is not a "noT lIkE oThER gIrLs" protagonist, she is FOR THE GIRLIES. She only wants to help the women around her, and women are whom she has the closest relationships to. She sees a woman being harassed and can't let it stand. She sees a frail, traumatized woman dying from the recklessness of those who should be caring for her and spends day and night nursing her back to health, while also punishing the people who were so careless with her needs.
My girl has STUDIED UP on THE BODY to TEACH these upper class ladies on how to really HEAT things up in the BEDROOM
Sex depicted in Apothecary Diaries is both something women are not shamed to be enjoying, while at the same time being acknowledged as an unfortunately huge economic necessity to market themselves.
Like shit is just so real in this series???
Listen, I can go on and on about how GOATED the series and especially Mao Mao is but you get the picture
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[previous]
This isn’t saying you shouldn’t write bad or sad stories or anything, but from Gaster’s perspective as a character in those stories of course he’d want “happy” endings, haha.
But anyway, I kept telling you guys that when Handplates was over I would tell you. Well... here we are. After seven long years, here we are.
When I started I never thought I’d make it. To be honest, it doesn’t feel real to me at all. My brain still expects to do another page in about two weeks as it always does. I assume it’ll take a while to sink in. There’s a lot to say but this post is already incredibly long (sorry), so it’s probably suited to its own post.
But for all of you out there who read this story, whether you were there from the beginning or just came in now, thank you so much. And for all of you that were inspired by this comic, who created things for it, who blessed me with so many amazing gifts of art and fic and music and dubs and videos and so much more... I don’t know how to thank you enough. I never dreamed that an idle idea could have come this far or had such an impact on my life and so many people, but it did.
I kind of feel at a loss for words... again it’s very surreal. But I will say that Gaster wondering whether the kid is an actual human or not has an unintended level to it since my avatar is a fox but it’s TOO LATE NOW I GUESS lol.
( About how it’s a long, long, long journey that we’ve been on
And it’s a long long long story that shall be told
And it’s a long long day, and we’ve come a long long way
But there’s still a long way to go
It’s a long long long way
It’s a long long strong way
It’s a long long long way
Forward - [x] )
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a BIG part of the lore of Dungeon Meshi is how ageism is bad. About how the long lived races treat the young lived races like children and thus infantilize them and do not show them the respect and understanding they deserve simply because of their looks or short life spans.
Whether its because to them they look like children in their eyes (like half foots and gnomes) or because the adult ages of the younger lived races are still in the child ages for the longer lived ones and so they get treated/viewed as children (we see otta receive comments about getting with minors when in reality she dated adult half foot women. so we already see this view towards things like this are a thing in the lore)
We see this with chilchuck, senshi, and marcille where the two later view chilchuck as a child and treat him like one even though he is a full grown man who drinks (and is supposed to have grey hairs) all because he looks young and in the newest episode its revealed he is 29 which is still young children to the two of them.
We see how perspectives that characters are children because of their age being a childs age for a different race as opposed to their race or because they look like children is a completely infantilizing and disrespectful behavior that causes so many problems in the long run.
a theme that is completely flying over the average tumblr users head.
ive seen people get furious at other people because they sexualize chilchuck and even marcille
“oh they look like kids so dont do that you freak”
you absolute fool you missed a major theme of the fucking story. But because they look young suddenly they are children? have you paid no attention to the story? did you just ignore how the ageisim and weird mindset about ages like that causes so many issues that could easily have been avoided.
and as for the age one i see people getting furious at others for being into and sexualizing izutsumi even though she is a year past adult in tall man years, but because she isnt in the adult age range in real life (wild your applying real life society standards to a fictional medieval fantasy world). even though even in lore she would be well an adult able to get married and everything
tumblr really does have the media literacy of a toddler.
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𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐊𝐈𝐃'𝐒 𝐆𝐅 — ♡
one piece social media + dating
feat: kid
♡ liked by hey_its_heat, CAPTAIN.KIIIID and 2.9k others
_ynln: kid waiting patiently infront of the den den mushi
13 mins until the @/dominicfike album releases!!!
tagged: CAPTAIN.KIIIID
CAPTAIN.KIIIID: LETSS GOOOOO 🔥🔥
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: SUNBURN IS SUCH A BANGER
killerrr: no wonder it was so peaceful on the victoria punk
↳ _ynln: the only time kid isn't wrecking havoc, the fike effect!!
trafalgar_d.law: rare photo of eustass where his hair isn't radiating hairspray fumes (liked by p1rateking_luffy)
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: ITS ALL NATURAL
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: dont be mad that i actually take care of my hair
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: i can smell ur 10 in 1 from here
↳ p1rateking_luffy: HAHA Tra guy is write 😂😂
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: STFU YOU DONT EVEN SHOWER. YOURE A NATURAL HUMAN REPELLENT.
↳ trafalgar_d.law: omg strawhat please learn how to spell
↳ _ynln: PLEASE YOU GUYS ARE SO ANNOYING TAKE THIS TO THE DMS 😭
♡ liked by trafalgar_d.law, killerrr and 3.7k others
_ynln: kid refuses to share his lipsticks with me 😪😪
tagged: CAPTAIN.KIIIID
CAPTAIN.KIIIID: ew why would i want cooties from you
↳ _ynln: ive seen you eat pasta off the ground 😐
↳ hey_its_heat: puts you into perspective
↳ _ynln: WTF WHY AM I GETTING SHIT ON
CAPTAIN.KIIIID: YEAH CAUSE YOU LOSE THEM
↳ _ynln: IT WAS ONE TIME
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: I STILL WANT MY ROMAND#23 NUCADAMIA BACK
killerrr: simp 🥱🥱
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: how do i dislike a comment
lovenami: wtf why does he have a better collection than me
↳ _ynln: life is so unfair 😔💔
♡ liked by theroronoa.zoro, wirewirewire and 4.1k others
_ynln: i'll never shut up about this
thanks for the tickets loser <3
tagged: CAPTAIN.KIIIID, m.by__sana
CAPTAIN.KIIIID: thanks to yn im a certified once now
wirewirewire: YOU GUYS WENT TO TWICE WITHOUT US?!
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: imagine not being able to see the feels live 🥱🥱
↳ _ynln: kid wtf KFJWBHJDJ 😭😭
lovenami: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET TICKETS I WAS STRUGGLING
↳ _ynln: IDK HAHA KID GOT THEM FOR ME
doflamingo_: I'll get you VIP tickets next time, hmu
↳ _ynln: im blocking u, you're practically a senior citizen
↳ trafalgar_d.law: wtf are u doing on her page?
↳ killerrr: when worlds collide.
↳ lovenami: yn take one for the team 🤞🤞
↳ heyl_its_heat: you’ll be remembered 🤕🤕☝️
↳ CAPTAIN.KIIIID: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON MY GIRL'S ACCOUNT
↳ p1rateking_luffy: 😆
↳ theroronoa.zoro: this is actually funny asf
♡ liked by killerrr, lovenami and 4.8k others
_ynln: im thirdwheeling my own relationship ☝️
tagged: CAPTAIN.KIIIID, killerrr
hey_its_heat: being self aware >>>
wirewirewire: THIS IS CRAZY LFMAOO
lovenami: GIRL ITS NOT YOUR RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE 💀💀
killerrr: bffr i was the one third wheeling, if i have to see u guys kiss one more time i’m ending it 😐😐
↳ _ynln: 😭😭
CAPTAIN.KIIIID: you woke us up cause u were bored and wanted to gossip
↳ _ynln: okay and you weren’t complaining when i was telling you all the new world drama 🤨🤨
↳ killerrr: how do you even know about all of it 😭😭
↳ _ynln: nami, robin, chopper and me have the best gos talks <3
↳ nicorobin: so real (liked by lovenami, ilovecottoncandychopper)
CAPTAIN.KIIIID 2h
[CAPTAIN.KIIIID] _ynln replied to your story: omg why are u being cute, what did u do
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