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softandsourcream · 7 months

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Stop, you’re losing me~ - two

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pairing: idol! yoongi x vet!f reader.

Words: 8,5k

genre(s): angst, hurt- comfort, slow burn, fluff, smut (+18) (not this one tho)

au(s): childhood friends - to lovers, idol yoongi, normal vet reader, entertainment industry, denial and resentment.

Episode warnings: complicated relationship with food, description of diseases, curse words, family drama, grief, loss of loved ones, damaged mental health, a LOT of struggling.

IMPORTANT: this fic contains a lot of sensitive topics touched upon explicitly. Please, if any of the tags trigger something in you, stop reading. You are more important, and there is much more content you can consume here. Take care please! ♡

enjoy!

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main masterlist

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“Y/N, honey~”

Okay, wait. Here. It was from here where you remembered.

You were at home, in the bed that was almost yours. You cry just for that, under your sheets. Lucky you could remain silent; it was almost an empty cry at that point. Automatically, you were crying because that’s what you have to do.

You were exhausted. And you remembered having a bad feeling about all that situation.

“Not ready~”

“It's been a week.” Your mom closed the door, gently sitting on your bed and touching your back with a care that made you cry more. You were already drowning. “Did you think about a therapist yet?”

No. For a lot of things.

The first and most important is that you were already starting to improve a week ago. You haven't felt this miserable in months now, almost three. You had started to get up, eat better, and cry less. You talked, you walked, you wanted to laugh, to go out, to go back to work. Everything was fine. You didn't need a therapist.

Oh well, you did. At least you thought about going to one when you were already feeling better. You had the energy to want to be well and for this not to happen. Because the second was that now you didn't have the energy to try to lift yourself up in every way possible.

It was too heavy. But why. Why else would you have relapsed?

“How can you all be so… fine about it.” It wasn't retaliation, because everyone in that house was like that at the time, but you seemed to be the only one still there, and that frustrated you so much that it made things worse.

“We’re not.” You know. “We just know how to-“

“Live with the pain.” You end the sentence, revealing your face slowly to your mother. She looked tired and worried, but she still looked at you with love.

She brushed your hair out of your face, sighing and wiping away your tears softly. It was the only look of pity that you didn’t hate. You allowed it because you didn't have the heart to tell her that it bothered you. She was a mother; she couldn't help it.

“Your brother always told me to take care of you once he died.” She nodded, starting to cry. You haven't seen her cry in a long time. “He assured me that even if I were his mother, I would be able to understand it sooner and miss him differently than you. It's questionable, but that’s what he thought.” She took a breath, as if she had suddenly forgotten to breathe. What was he thinking when he said something like that to a mother? Many times you thought that Kija had no brains to boast about.

"'Don't let her die like this too.' " She quoted, “ ‘If I see her, whatever I end up to, I'm gonna hit her until she comes back to life." I’ll never forget how he told me that.” You smile a little. He also told you that in person days before.

“I've been remembering that non-stop all these months, but I realized that in the end, Y/N, I can't help you if you don't. Not because I don't want to; it's because I'm human, and I don't do miracles, honey.” You nodded like that didn’t hurt you, just because it was true. “I came here to let you know that we love you, we understand, and that if maybe I can’t do anything more for you, if you have a plan, I will always be here for you to help. It’s up to you from here, but you’re not alone.”

He prepared you for his death; everybody knows, what you were doing.

Why now. You were starting to make friends with the feeling that you were fine. You were in that stage of grief that isn’t too tragic.

What might have made you remember the loss as a thing in your life?

Of fucking course.

It took three days for you to use your little desire to continue like this and do something about it. Seun opened his eyes when he saw you entering the kitchen at breakfast, watching your movements cautiously.

“Where’s everybody.”

He blinks, chewing the cereal that was left in his mouth.

“All of them are in school; the rest of them are working.”

“What are you doing here, then?”

“What do you mean?”

“You still live at your parent's house without working? At 28?” He smiles. You were making fun of yourself as you said your age instead of his. He continued eating, calmer. “Embarrassing.”

“Guilty.” He says. “I needed the time, though. Things have been complicated lately.”

You looked at each other, and you thanked him for the gesture with your gaze, taking out a cup to make yourself some tea. Seun worked in Seoul. You didn't see him much, but he had been traveling home very often to see how everyone was doing in general after what happened, to see Jae too, and to be with his family more. Paradoxically, he was a lawyer, a very good and serious one, exaggeratedly contrary to what you were seeing right now, who wore a horrible duck shirt that he had worn as pajamas for as long as you can remember and always left at home, eating colored cereals in the bowl of one of your younger brothers.

When you went, nothing really belonged to you; all your things were already in your respective houses, but there was always room for you. Seun, being the second oldest, had left his room empty a long time ago, but he wore clothes that he had left in case he went.

Being there was like going back in time; you had taken your mother's clothes because you didn't go out much, and the ones you had there were no longer to your taste. The noises in the morning, hearing your mother sing from the kitchen, and seeing how they still danced together from time to time

It was nice.

You ended up eating the remains of yesterday's dinner with him at the inn, in silence. It was difficult for you to eat while like this; it was as if something in your chest prevented you from feeling any kind of human need. You left half the plate, and Seun after seeing that, took a breath.

“Eat that, and I’ll give you a prize.”

"Uh~ surprise me.”

You settled into the chair, ready to really listen to whatever it was. Seun was… you know.

“Dad asked me to take care of the garden outside.”

You frowned deeply, and you laughed because he was serious. “Great. Like when you were seventeen. I woke up with you complaining about it.” He made a face. “How would that be a prize?”

“It’s kind of fun, though. How about you come with me, hm? You don't have to do anything; eat that and just get some sun.

You didn’t eat it. But you go out still.

You didn’t even get dressed; you were still in pajamas, sitting on the grass, watching your brother cut leaves to shape bushes. Your father still took great care of that place; you could see that it was even better than before. He quite enjoyed it. You used to sit and look at him this way when you were younger.

“Didn’t know this could be emotional for you. You’re unbelievable.”

You laughed, wiping away your tears. It was stupid; you felt better, honestly.

“Sorry.”

“Sure.” He reached out to place a flower in your hair. It was small, white, the ones that fell from the tree that was right in the middle of everything. You smiled.

“How are you?”

“Better” you were, at least right now.

"Why did you get up today? What’s the occasion, hm?"

He walked away, beginning to pick up the remains on the floor. He was done.

“I just don’t want to feel terrible today.”

“Exiting.” He says this, stretching his back. “You know how hard it’s to force yourself to do that, kid? I am very happy to see you today. It's so brave of you. I'm serious.” It gave you a chill; you weren't used to hearing him talk like that. You simply nodded. “Here.” He gave you another flower; you play with it in your hands. “I'm going in to make lunch; are you coming with me? I can call you when it’s ready.

"No, I'm going to stay here."

Because it was quiet, you heard birds, and it didn't feel like your bed. You were a little desperate when your mother told you to go outside because you would feel better. The last thing you wanted was to get up, but you also hated that she was right.

You didn't open your eyes until you heard a noise that scared you, and it was almost bizarre to see Yoongi, standing with a garbage bag in his hand, looking at you without knowing what to do, giving all meaning to your search for triggers.

You blink. Maybe you were hallucinating.

Your gardens were together. His family hasn’t moved in all these years. The only thing you knew was that it was their property now, not like yours, which still rented the place. It had more floors than it used to, and instead of having old red wood walls like it used to, it was white and pretty. Yoongi had made sure that his family lived well. Many years ago, the house had been in constant repair; inside, it must have looked different too, but its patios still had no division.

Because they were neighbors, best friends, and family, sometimes they got together right there; why separate it? If they completely trusted each other, they could see each other more that way.

Why was Yoongi still in Daegu.

You couldn't find enough reasons for him to still be there. He must have been very busy doing his things, far, far from there, far from you.

And it was overwhelming to see him in that garden where you once saw him. It was difficult for you to make yourself believe that this person brought back that ugly feeling of looking like a lost cat.

You touch your chest.

He bowed. You had to cover the sun with one hand to be able to look at him better, and respond in the same way.

“You’re still here.” You say it quietly.

Yoongi had those eyes, unkind ones.

That and a sleepy look. He had always had them. If you hadn't known him since forever, you were sure that you would never have spoken to him, and if he did, you wouldn’t feel like speaking to him or maintaining any type of contact with him just because of his look. It was heavy, as if he was constantly having the worst time of his life, but by nature. His father had the same eyes and the same attitude; they communicated nothing with their expressions. At least that was what you knew—what you had stuck with.

But he looked at you in a way you didn't understand right now. That was one thing you didn't understand about the new Yoongi. Before, you used to catch him better because, although he expressed nothing with his eyes, you were the only one who could know how; you could read him in a certain way, and now he was just strange.

Softer. Almost warm but intimidating.

“Hm.” He didn’t move. “What are you doing, Park?" It was a mocking question, almost as if your brother had asked it, but with less emotion and coming from him, of course.

“Sunbathe.” You look dumb trying to look at him. The sun wouldn't let you. “It’s healthy from time to time," he tilted his head. “You need a little bit too. You’re too pale.”

He smirks, looking away, almost like taking the courage to ask. “Can I sit there, then?”

You analyzed the space with your eyes narrowed because you were trying to identify the natural division that existed between his patio and yours. Right on the floor, a few meters from you, there was a fairly thin cement line that divided the two spaces. You pointed your finger at it, moving a little closer so he could see it.

“Don't cross that line, and you'll be fine.”

Yoongi also squinted his eyes, looking at what could barely be seen on the ground. It took him a few seconds, but he managed to spot it and neutralize his gaze, lowering the hand he was using to block the sun coming from above. He snorted before approaching in silence.

You had forgotten what he looked like, and you wanted to say that during the day, with the sun on his face and casual, white clothes, he looked even better. He glows, and you want to punch him in the face.

“You don't fit in here anymore.” You said it simply. He leaned on his hands, leaning his body back, understanding that you didn't mean it with bad intentions. It was simply an observation, but he still didn't quite understand it.

“What do you mean?”

“Here, in Daegu.” He loses his eyes. “You look... expensive.”

You made him laugh unintentionally. Genuinely, he even sat properly so he could look at you. You were facing each other, a considerable distance away, divided by a line of asphalt covered by grass, but there it was.

“What?” That question makes you feel stupid.

“I don’t know, just- you look like you belong to another place. Too handsome and well dressed to be here.

“Ah~ handsome, huh?”

“Yes, Yoongi, too handsome.” It was a fact; he wasn’t stupid. He knows he’s attractive. You played with the flower between your fingers, feeling your heart begin to pound. You didn't even know why; you were sure he knew it wasn't his intention. You heard him laugh again. “You know what I mean.”

At least, you hope so.

“Maybe I don’t belong here anymore.” He says. When you looked up, he was playing with the grass between his fingers. “I don't feel welcome, either.”

“What are you doing here, then.”

He looked at you from there, raised his eyes for a few seconds, then closed them again. “I want to spend time with my family before enlisting. Hyung it’s going on his honeymoon in a few days, and... well, I'm running out of time.”

You had forgotten that.

You had to fight a lot not to ask when he was leaving, because it was two years, and although you hadn't seen him ten years ago, in a way you also had him constantly in your face, always. Now you wouldn't see him at all.

It was none of your business; why would you ask?

“That’s good.”

“You’re still living in he-?”

“Y/N, honey, hello. I thought you had returned to Busan since I didn't see you leave the house. You look tired; are you okay?”

You jumped for that.

“Hello, Mrs. Min. I’m, thank you.”

You had always been surprised by how intimidating that woman seemed to you and how much she loved you. She seemed more loving right now; maybe her age had made her softer, but in her younger days, every time she spoke to you, it was terrible for you. She always spoke to you as if she were making fun of you, with the most beautiful voice you had ever heard and the most studied words there were for a cordial conversation. Over time, you learned that it was genuine happiness, like right now.

“Then why-“

“Mom.” Yoongi stops her, and you realize.

You looked bad, perhaps unstable enough if it was at first glance. You did look tired; you hadn't slept well in months; you were still in your pajamas; and your hair was tied up. You hoped it wouldn't matter to you; you wish it were that way.

You had a flower on your head, at least.

“It's okay.” You told him, more for him than for her, and he looked at you, remaining silent for a few seconds. When you heard the woman's voice again, you were still sharing a look, surprisingly.

“Sorry. I was about to go to your house. I know your mom's working, but Seun it’s at home, isn’t he?” You finally looked at her and nodded, smiling slightly at her.

“Yeah.” It was weird, almost like she was checking to make sure you weren't alone. “Do you want me to leave her a message, Mrs. Min?”

“Oh no! It’s okay. I'll go tonight, but also," you take a deep breath. “It was just to invite you all to dinner tomorrow. Jae will be leaving in a few days, and the rest of his time will be spent with friends, so we can have dinner as a family.”

��I- don’t know. I’ll ask them-“

“I'm telling you, honey.” And you wish she didn’t. “Would you like to come? I know… You've had a tough time, and in the whole year you've been here, I've only seen you twice. We want to help.”

There it is. And just because you wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, you smiled slightly and nodded. You only had those types of reactions at the beginning, when the topic was mentioned. You hate to have them again now. It was directly a discomfort that made you want to sink into the ground because it made you cry instantly and peel off your skin in one go. It was extremely uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want. Just think about it, okay?”

You said your goodbyes; she kissed your forehead and left, leaving you two alone again in an awkward silence. Yoongi didn't have pity in his eyes now, but it was as if he had been reminded of something he had done wrong.

“I can tell them you couldn’t make it.”

“No need to.” You tore up the grass by a handful. Why did everyone think you couldn't do anything for yourself? “I will go. I miss your father's cooking.”

“Okay.” Another silence. “I’m sorry about that. She doesn't have any bad intentions; she cares. She doesn't even treat me the way she treats you."

You smiled a little, and for some reason, your heart started to beat less hard. Just as fast, but it didn't make you want to die. And you didn't like that.

“No problems.” You say, getting up. "It looks like I do fit in here anyway.” You shook yourself for nothing exactly; it was just to feel less uncomfortable as he watched your movements, and you looked at him as you walked to the entrance of your house. He had a lopsided smile, soft eyes, and the flower Seun had given you between his fingers. “you still have twenty minutes left.”

He smiled at you, knowing that you were running away. Still, he didn't stop you.

That was one. The next one was a little less exciting.

—

You weren’t an events' person.

Not because you felt too bad to attend social things; in fact, you had discovered that it was very efficient at not making you think too much. Being alone was the worst thing you could do, but you didn't like going. It felt almost like a charity event since Kija died; at least that's how it felt. Seun told you it wasn't like that at all, but you feel like it.

Like a charity object.

They give you extra food, extra attention, extra compliments, and the comfiest chair. And it was nice sometimes, but today you didn’t want that to happen.

"So... you want the red one or the purple one?” You held them both up, showing them to your sister in the mirror.

“What do you think?”

“I think… I like the purple one.” She didn't seem to like your decision, so you had to convince her. “ Look, it has flowers and sparkles inside. “You’ll look cool, don’t you think?”

“But it doesn't match my outfit~” Hyunji whines, and you smile, pushing away the purple hair tie to comb her hair into a ponytail again. You'd end up convincing her anyway.

“What do you mean? You have purple here.” On her shirt. It was yellow on its own, but it had purple bubbles, and even though the basic style doesn’t work like that, it seemed to make sense to her child's brain.

“You’re right… Okay!” She says, playing with her doll again.

Living with children always makes you wish life was that easy sometimes.

Hyunji has a twin too. It was because your father was a twin of another; the gene was there. They were the youngest in the family, and you had been combing their hair all year. It was complicated because every time they did it, they were together, and they reminded you of the dynamic you had had with Kija your whole life.

At that point, it didn't hurt you so much anymore. The first few times, it had been complicated for you to see, but now the other twin was in the other room, and she had no one else to talk to other than her doll. Nara, your other sister, enters the room.

“You’ll go?” You were dressed.

"Uh-hu,” you responded, checking that everything was in order in the mirror.

“Yoongi will be there.”

"I know." You spoke with the purple garter between your teeth, so your voice came out funny. “Are you going?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Yoongi will be there.” She rolled her eyes as she turned to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub, leaning against the wall. You laughed softly.

“Not you too.”

Nara wasn't particularly a fan of his group, at least not at first. Since you hadn't been paying much attention, you didn't really know what the story was like, but apparently, she was starting to listen to them recently, and she genuinely didn't believe that this was the Yoongi she remembered. Now all her siblings were bothering her for refusing to do so.

“I didn’t know! Stop. It's almost overwhelming to see him leave the house sometimes. Last week, I met him twice! Here! In this town, Y/N! He looks like-“

“He doesn't belong in here.” You mumbled, and Nara nodded at you, wrinkling her nose.

“Nothing good ever happens here; this is too much for me.”

And for you too. But you didn’t say that out loud.

“Go on, kid. Call your sister.” Hyunji thanked you and ran off to find the other twin. You stretched your back.

“Can you tell me what happened between you two?” You scoff, sorting out the chaos you had made to find the purple ribbon in the box your mother had for them.

“Why do you want to know? It’s not that exciting.”

“There's no way.” She got comfortable, almost as if emphasizing her words. “Everybody in this family knows it's something happening to him and you, but nobody asked because they say you stopped crying about it like yesterday.” You laughed at the exaggeration. "Tell me."

“Well.” You took Ara, the other girl who had already been talking about how she wanted her hair, to sit her in the chair that you had placed on the sink counter, so you could see them better. Your mother always did it, and you didn't understand why. It was too unsafe. "The same thing as your sister?”

"No! I want them... like this.” She held up two fingers to you, and you nodded, wetting his hair and carefully untangling it. Ara liked to wear her hair long, so it took you longer, and you were already starting to get tired.

“We were friends, best friends, and things ended. That's all."

It took a second for the teen to sigh and start complaining about how little information you had given her. But you didn't like to talk about it. Not because you couldn't, but because it was something you already had behind you, very far behind. You didn't feel like it was any use to you to talk to anyone about it.

“Did you two kiss at least?"

“Yeah, we did."

Now, she looks excited.

“So you two date!”

“No. We didn’t.”

“Hm, date, but didn’t formalize anything?”

“No.”

“Friends with benefits?”

“Hm~ no.”

“Fuckbuddys?”

“Jesus Nara. How old are you? Twelve?”

She rolled her eyes, briefly looking at her cell phone”

"Haha. Why are you responding like Seun now? Don't do that; we have more than enough with one.” You responded to something the youngest was telling you, and you handed her a jar of cotton balls that she was asking for. “And I'm seventeen. “So you can tell me if you two were only fu-”

"Well, she, right here it's seven, Nara. So don’t say that ever again.” You saw her grimace in the mirror. “And we were friends. Best friends. Friends don’t- yeah.”

At least that’s what he told you. That you were friends.

“Friends don’t kiss either.”

And you told him that, too.

“I know.”

“Hm.” It seemed as if she didn't want to ask more, perhaps knowing that with the background she had, nothing could end well.

“I’m okay, though. I don't see the need to talk about it now. Yes, I suffered a lot because of it, but that's it; things are the way they are now.”

You had even realized that being around him didn't affect you like you thought. On the day of your wedding, you were sensitive; you knew it; you were predisposed to have a bad time. Now that you are at home with your family, what could go wrong?

“Do you plan to go dressed like that, then?”

“Hm?” You looked at yourself in the mirror in front of you, starting your sister's last ponytail. “What's wrong with it?”

“You’re kidding? You’re literally using mom's clothes.”

Yes, but because yours doesn’t fit in with you like they used to.

“I think it's pretty.” You defend yourself, but not really, finishing your job and taking the creature down from the inn. You heard her say thank you as Nara took your arm. "What-“

“Y/N, I won't allow you to go see your celebrity-famous ex dressed like that, without makeup and wearing ladies' shoes. You even did your hair! Come here.”

“He’s not-“

“Yes, wherever.”

She ended up dressing you in your clothes. Nice clothes of yours that you haven't worn in a while, but they made you feel pretty. Then she tried to do your makeup herself, but you knew how to do it yourself, so you ended up giving in. Your mother scolded them because they were late, and Nara left home with a smile on her face.

And you look beautiful. Yoongi thinks that when he saw you enter the house with one tween in your arms and a baby blue cardigan on you,

Of course, you were wearing baby blue.

“Do you think Seun will hit me in the face tonight if he gets drunk enough?” Yoongi asked his brother, receiving the beer he offered him. They could stop by to say hello later. The Parks had always been a lot of people; they had time to greet their parents first. Eun snorts before Jae can say anything.

“He doesn’t have to get drunk for that. You’re currently hurting the two people who matter most to him just by your existence. What do you think will happen?"

He agreed with a gesture, opening the bottle and taking a long drink. Yoongi didn't really like beer, but he would need it today.

“Well, I think,” Jae emphasized himself, shoving another beer into Yoongi's chest for him to hold. He was pulling out some to offer, he assumed. “that you can always talk to them to make them understand. Just like you did with the two of us.”

Make them understand. The problem was that neither of you seemed open to listening, which was fine, but oh well.

Yoongi had taken it upon himself all those days to fix as much as he could in that stretch of time. He had a different way of thinking and handling things, and he was too old to have unresolved issues. He didn't know if it was because he had time before he left or because Daegu and his house, his parents, and the streets where he walked for so long, dragging a useless dream, brought his emotions to the surface.

With you, it was different because he saw you, and it was difficult for him to remember all that he did wrong.

He had been thinking. Enough to have him overwhelmed in so few days, and while apologizing to Eun, for example, for having been so absent in her and her brother's lives, or to his parents, for... exactly the same thing, he saw you, and he knew that it wasn't just him who had to ask for forgiveness.

“They’re good at listening and apologizing for things they have done before. You're a lucky bastard to have to apologize to the most understanding people on earth.”

Eun had found it difficult to forgive him. She spent maybe a week talking to him, thinking about it, talking about it with Jae, and coming to the conclusion that, in fact, he had changed a lot and had given him an opportunity that he was sure he could fulfill. Yoongi was genuinely in another stage of his life, but having things to take care of was exhausting.

He realized more things that night at dinner as well. He didn't know the youngest members of the family, but they turned out to be quite shy compared to all of you, and talking to your family in general was quite easy. Not only that, but he didn't feel strange, out of place, or treated differently for who he was now; catching up with your parents and siblings was nice. Yoongi felt good”

“I would love to, Mr. Park, but I um, I return to Seoul tomorrow. I have commitments there before I leave for service.”

Nara had her birthday in a few days, and they were going to throw her a party. They were inviting Yoongi. He didn't know why his throat hurt from saying no lately. He was never a complacent person.

“Tomorrow? That soon? Will you enlist soon?”

It was impressive how those had been the first words Seun had spoken to Yoongi all night.

“No, it’s- not about that. I have work stuff. recording and practice.”

After that, he started answering questions about his life, which wasn't necessarily a bother. It was okay; he knew your family didn't have bad intentions either. He noticed it.

He also noticed that you barely touched your food.

“Can we talk?” You asked him when you were clearing up the dishes in the kitchen. ‘Sure’ and you took him outside because there was too much noise inside.

"So... you return to Seoul tomorrow."

You look disturbed, but he doesn’t hurry you.

“Hm.” He responded in affirmation. “My last concert is soon, and I have things to take care of before that.”

“Awesome.”

You look untouched by the situation. By everything. As if you were there by protocol. You hadn't laughed genuinely all night; you just smiled and responded kindly, briefly at that, knowing how much you liked to talk.

He didn't want to say that it had to affect you, but it was as if you had no reaction in your body. Quite the opposite of when he saw you at marriage, where you were with all your feelings on the surface. And he was worried. He has no right to be, though.

“I thought you missed my father’s food.” He tries, and you look confused at him.

“I did it.”

“You barely touch it.”

“Well, that’s none of your business.”

Oh, well.

You covered your face. Yoongi heard you sigh.

“Sorry.” You say.

He nodded, calm. At least trying.

“Didn’t mean to be disrespectful, either. It’s okay.”

Then he waited.

Enough. It was almost ten minutes of pure silence in which you thought about what you would say, and he smoked because you made him nervous and made him want to be doing anything but being aware that you were there.

"Okay," you say. Your words sounded loose. As if you were complaining about something. “Before seeing you that day, at the wedding," you start. “I was fine. I was feeling okay. I was- eating very well, I was starting to go out more, and I had this... silly feeling in my chest that maybe this situation wouldn't mean the end of my days, my life, and that I could do things by myself.”

Yoongi settled back in his place, attentive. It was just that he didn't understand, but he wanted to.

“I knew you would be there.”

“Yeah. Jae, he mentioned something to me.” After the weeding, of course. He would’ve liked to know that, too.

“Yes. So I mentally prepared myself for that, to see you, because it affects me to do so, and I thought I had handled it well that day. It didn't add up to me, because I spent weeks thinking about it and preparing myself for things that didn't happen and would have made everything much worse. I felt bad again, and I started to think a lot about... everything. About Kidja's death and what would happen to me without him in my life. It wasn't even about you. I had gone back to my beginning of grief, Yoongi. And I didn't understand why all the effort I had made to be well was gone so suddenly.”

He blinks. A lot of times.

“I’m- not understanding.“

“I have this theory.” Okay. “When you left, I had this same reaction. I don't really want to compare them because they are different in very big ways, but it reminded me of a lot of things, and seeing you there... I wanted to ask you not to leave. Not again, not like everyone has done it recently, so I can feel better.” His heart was a mess; this information was too much. “And it's stupid, because I don't know you, and I can't trust you, and the fact that you're here does me any good.”

“Y/N.” He insisted.

“I just want to put an end to this.” He could swear you were shaking. “Forever.”

Yoongi's head was going very fast; he felt somewhere else, something surreal. He had lived peacefully for a long time; his heart almost burst out when he heard you say a few more things, like you didn't blame him for anything, but you needed to know that he wouldn't be there anymore, and when you wished him a good life, he went a little crazy because you were leaving.

“Wait!” He was in a rush for some reason. “Just like that? May I… apologize for everything at least?”

He saw how many things went through your head, and he was desperate not to be able to know what. You took your distance before you talked.

“Yoongi, I don’t care.”

Now he was mad. You were acting like a child; resentment was speaking for you. He didn't blame you, at least not entirely, because he knew you were smarter than this. You had more valid, more accurate, and even stronger answers, but you were deciding to run away.

That wasn't what really bothered Yoongi, but the fact that you didn't tell him directly, like you would.

“If you want to live, then do it. But give me a voice too; I'm involved too.”

You snorted and crossed your arms to look at him with a smile on your face.

His blood boiled.

“You know what? Forget it. Have a good night.”

“Oh fantastic.” You move fast, getting closer to his garden but staying on the other side of the small line that divides it. Yoongi stopped, now not willing to listen to anything, nor to say anything constructive, really. “So you’re mad now?”

“It’s just—you're so stubborn! I’m trying to do something here!”

“And what do you want me to do, Yoongi?! Hug you and dry your fucking celebrity tears and tell you that the fact that you broke my heart like it wasn’t a big deal was okay? Oh, so now you want to be involved. You’re living tomorrow! And you want to fix things now? Shut up. You’re doing the exact same thing you did when you left.”

Your voice broke off as you swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat. Yoongi sighed, closing his eyes.

“We both did things wrong; I just wanted to talk about it before… that's all.”

“Everyone suddenly wants to talk about it.” It wasn't cold outside. Daegu wasn't a cold place, but you hugged yourself and cringed as if it were. “Everyone asks me what happened between us and why we stopped talking. Your father apologized to me in your place today too; he told me that whatever happened, he hoped we could fix it.”

Yes, I had told him that too, since it happened years ago, honestly.

“But I don't see any sense in it. Why talk about something that is already broken? Why do you insist? I just want to close this, okay? It was already dead; leave it like this.”

Yoongi took a moment, because it was true. But you look too real in front of him, and that makes him weak.

“So we can heal, can't we? That’s why you are doing this.” Your eyes look at him. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I had no choice.”

"Yes, you did.” You cut him off. “Do things right, or do things wrong. Those were your options. And you chose.”

Because you had always understood that he was leaving and that Yoongi had bigger things to do outside that place, and you were happy about that, but he didn't tell you until one day before he left forever.

He was completely blinded by having signed recently, by having an opportunity, by doing what he liked, and by the promises that were being made to him. Leaving everything behind, his parents, who did not believe in him, his "friends” who constantly told him that he would not make it, in that place that hurt him so much only excited him.

And unfortunately, you found yourself involved just by being part of that place.

“I know. And I’m really sorry.” You closed your eyes, and you denied it slightly. As if you didn't want to hear those words. “I understand that I made a mistake back then; I was young and dumb, and I- didn’t- I’m not the same person right now. I’m really sorry. I mean it.”

So... insignificant.

“Why.” And that was the question he didn’t want to hear. “So you can feel better about yourself, or because you're doing me a favor? Why now, Yoongi. If you hadn't seen me that day at the wedding, would you have traveled all the way here just to apologize before you left?”

No. The answer was no.

It wasn't something Yoongi thought about much. In all those years, he had convinced himself that he had done what he had done because sometimes in life, you have to be selfish to prioritize your well-being as a person. To put himself first over others because he had a dream, and fulfilling it meant sacrifices.

He hadn't done anything wrong, you know?

Now he apologized only because he saw you sick, and he felt guilty because he knew that it had affected you more than him. He was stupid because he blindly believed that the fact that he apologized would mean something less in your life, even if he didn't know how important you were to the whole thing itself. And you were sad and depressed, and you had big dark circles in your eyes, and you weren't eating well. You didn't really smile, you had a hard time getting up, and he hadn't seen you leave the house even once in all the time you had been there.

He felt responsible.

He did it because it left him and only him clean. He was being selfish.

He kept quiet. He wouldn't admit it out loud.

“I spent nine years of my life on pause waiting for you to care enough to come back to this damn city, so we could fix things. To talk about it. But that was nine years ago, and it’s a little too late right now.”

"I'm,” he stops, getting close to you, pressing his words in his throat so as not to have to raise his voice. “apologizing.”

“Well, you’re not forgiven.” He tense.

“For something I made when I was a teen? I don’t know, but you made some dumb shit back then too.

You kept quiet about that. It was true.

“You don’t seem to mind too much, though.”

“And what do you know about how I feel?”

Because maybe the fact that it didn't stop his life completely was something, but ignoring it didn't mean that it didn't hurt him either.

“Nothing.” A whisper. “I just- I don’t know, okay? But that stupid thing you did as a teen still hurts me and haunts me to this day, and you- I continued to believe that you would have the decency to come to my twin’s funeral. it’s- all that, everything, that’s just my fault.” You firmly acknowledged it. “But I would’ve to be so stupid to believe that you are still that person, because people change, and we were very young, and that’s fine, but Yoongi.” You touch his chest, or at least you had the intention because you didn't get to do it. You stopped and backed away a little. “The problem here is that you still don't care enough. You didn't even want to come here of your own free will... And that's fine, but don't come and- try to talk to me as if that were the case.

Your eyes soften, and so do Yoongi’s, because you do that when you want to cry.

When you cry, you’re completely harmless; that’s what he knows. If you cry out of anger, happiness, or even just empathy, any emotion automatically transforms into sadness. You leave yourself vulnerable; that's why you didn't allow it in arguments; it was losing instantly.

So you put yourself back together.

“That's fucked up, Min, and I don't need to forgive you to live in peace; I don’t want this; I don’t need your apologies; I don’t want to have any kind of contact with you because I don’t want you in my life anymore.”

“Then why are you still here?"

He can smell your perfume from how close you two are to each other now.

So he realizes.

It was difficult for him to have you so close. Because he felt the heat of your body, and your breathing was agitated. He remembered the touch from when he touched you at the wedding and squeezed his hand so as not to claim it again. His eyes traveled to your lips accidentally, twice trying to stop them without success, nor to his body as he moved forward, seeking to kiss you directly. He stops himself with all the strength he had and a little more, but you didn't move either.

You were both too dazed, feeling the tension in the air. As Yoongi looked at your lips again, this time closer to you, as you licked yours, trying to feel something. He breathed hard, like a bull, feeling almost dizzy. Yoongi had never wanted something so much in his life, and you weren't helping.

You looked down too, raising big eyes to the level of his before whispering, ever so slightly, to answer his question, and Yoongi couldn't believe you existed, looking like this.

He was fucked up.

“I still have a lot of appreciation for you, Yoongi.” You say. “And I respect you enough to do things right.” He closes his eyes when you distance yourself. There was nothing more to do. “I'm still here, but doing all this, doing things you don't want to do, lying to yourself, lying to me?... you're losing me.”

His eyes were wide open. You looked at him with sadness because you were crying.

“Leave it as it is, and keep the small part of me you still have with you. Because if you keep trying, I’m gone.”

And maybe that was what you both needed. A closure, a proper goodbye.

The problem was that neither of you had said goodbye, technically.

Big big brother, lovely and always available, Seun 💪🏻 - 1:32

‘How is it?’

‘Spooky?’

1:40

‘u’re allergic to dust, kid. You need a hand? 👋🏻👋🏻’

There were so many things you regretted in life.

One of them was to regain the closeness you had with Seun having so many brothers to choose from. Because he was sweet, yes. Maybe if you didn't have him there (knowing that you often live in fear of losing the people you love, it was very clear to you), you would miss him a lot, but he could be very annoying at times.

Don't judge yourself by the contact name by the way. He had set himself up that way, and every time you tried to change him, he found a way to make it longer.

You - 1:41

‘Sure, want you here in ten minutes.’

Big big brother, lovely and always available, Seun 💪🏻 - 1:43

‘Don't tempt meee’

‘You know I’m crazy, right?’

You stopped him immediately, telling him that you were fine, that everything looked fine, and that he shouldn't worry.

It was a two-hour trip. And it wasn't a lie that you were okay.

Moving to Busan was your idea; maybe two years before Kija relapsed and got sick, he wouldn't stop getting worse. He followed you with nothing in mind because, unlike you, he hadn’t been able to study anything. His health was weak, and that weakened his mind as well.

You wanted to get him out of that mentality, to meet people, to go out, and perhaps to look for a job that would help him understand that he could do things well. And you did it, or, well, he did. You didn't see much of the many people he had plans with; he worked in a café near your apartment that was still there; they had even remodeled it. He had a boyfriend, money; you two were together, you always laughed.

It was when you began to set up your clinic (because that was what you had gone to Busan for, aside) in the city that he began to cough very lightly, almost like a cold, and when you took him to see the place where you would start to build your first dream, he passed out at night when they were trying to clean the place. After that, he didn't stop coughing until that same cough took his breath away completely.

You thought he would get better, he looked weak but fine. He talked, he ate, and he didn't sleep as much as he does when he gets that sick. The only thing that told you that he was really struggling was the blood in his cough and that sometimes, when he got up to go to the bathroom, he would call you out of breath because just getting out of bed was too much for him. He was in serious condition, but you didn't think you would have him with you for so little time.

“Open that thing, Y/N. You have everything you need. You’re smart, you’re pretty, and your lungs work wonderfully. Sorry you don’t have any excuses.”

He spent the last days of his life there, in that apartment that you didn't want to return to, because now your whole family wasn't sleeping on the floor, nor was your mother's voice singing to him while everyone was sleeping, and he couldn't do it because the pain was killing him slowly, nor was your father offering you help to open that damn clinic.

Kija died two days before opening it, and he swore he would be there when you did. You believed him.

The door to his room was closed now. When you came into the apartment, it smelled musty, and there were many letters on the floor that were passed under the door while you were gone. His shoes were on the shoe rack at the entrance; your mother must have forgotten them when she cleaned, so you sat there when you arrived; you weren't ready.

It was when Seun spoke to you that you decided to enter the things you were missing.

And you clean the place. You dusted, packed your things, and called the clinic to inform that you were going to return to work that week. You were the boss anyway.

Maybe it was you deceiving yourself, but the more you looked for discomfort within yourself, you couldn't find it. You thought that facing that place would be more complicated, but there you were.

In Busan, and in Busan you didn't want to die.

“I trust him.” Kija could barely speak; he was intubated and medicated, sitting right where you were now, waiting for the medication to completely wear off.

You had stopped talking about it hours ago, that was when you understood that your confession had been hanging around in his head.

‘I have been thinking about Yoongi lately. I think I'll- need him when you’re gone.’

“Text him.” He told you.

You had already told him it was impossible. You had even told him possibilities of a schedule of imaginary activities that he would have at that moment.

“Kija, forget it.”

“I trust him.” He repeated. “He’ll come. He cares about you still, I know.”

You had believed him, and you had smiled slightly at the thought of a possibility.

Now you’re disappointed. It was dimly lit, it was starting to get cold, and your hands covered your face because, wrapped in, now, a gray room, you were giving Yoongi tears for the first time in years.

And Yoongi's tears were different from Kija's. They felt old, meaningless, but they weren’t automatic.

You sob, because maybe this way you could do this the last time you cry about it.

—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________

one masterlist

—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________

taglist: @constancelayon @baechugff @wobblewobble822 @honsoolgloss @alienchickenpoop @idkjustlovingbts @jjkluver7 @cuntessaiii @baechugff @junniesoleilkth

#yoongi angst #bts fic #yoongi au #yoongi fic #yoongi smut #yoongi x you #bts yoongi #min yoongi #yoongi fanfic #yoongi series #suga series #yoongi scenarios #min yoongi smut #idol yoongi #bangtang x reader #bts headcanons #bts scenarios #vet reader

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somethingscft · 11 months

Text

name : kija

pronouns : she/her

preference of communication : as of right now, discord. my tumblr im's are glitchy

most active muse: theo…my only yt muse…how interesting 🤔

experience / how many years : since i was like 15, 16?? 12 years, very on and off though.

best experience : indie rp 2015-2017 literally life-changing

rp pet peeves : please do not ask me when imm going to do my replies omg

fluff, angst, or smut : you can’t make me choose!!

plots or memes : plots forever memes for never

long or short replies : i want to say short but i always write more than i need to 😔

time to write : i write a little throughout the day, more active at night tho.

are you like your muses : i’m most like elise and theo maybe.

tagged by: @coconvtfm

tagging: @lostintra, @paintedmegolden, @hclysins and anyone who sees this

#{ ooc }#i love theo dooooown but it’s very inch resting how he’s the most replied to

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paintedmegoldenx · 11 months

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name : m

pronouns : she/her

preference of communication : tumblr im! i have not figured out discord, but maybe i should...

most active muse: madeline... love me some dj.

experience / how many years : 16 years -- i was roleplaying in the myspace days (a bit too young if we’re being honest...). if you did as well, please message me so we can laugh about it.

best experience : i’m quite enjoying my lovely partners right now.

rp pet peeves : punctuation... i have no idea why, but if i see a quotation mark in the wrong spot it weirds me out.

fluff, angst, or smut : angst and smut together, always!

plots or memes : plots! let’s plot it all.

long or short replies : i like a nice middle ground! short doesn’t give me enough space to write, but i don’t need essays (though more often than not i write essays, so whatever lol).

time to write : i like writing early in the morning or before i got to bed.

are you like your muses : somewhat? i’d say i’m most like madeline or nora, but i don’t know that i’m that as brave as them. maybe someday.

tagged by: @somethingscft - you are the best, kija!

tagging: @darkwants @ofginjxints @felteverywhere

#ooc #//getting to know you... getting to know all about you...

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notchesandbullets · 3 years

Text

[18+] The Princess and Her Dragons Masterlist *SMUT* Poly!AU

Fandom: Akatsuki no Yona (Yona of the Dawn)

This is a chaptered fic but each chapter can be read as a oneshot. Heed the warnings. Each one has smut and specific kinks.

18+ only.

Chapter 1: The Princess’ Bodyguard - [Pairings: Hak x reader]

Introductory chapter. He’s maybe a little upset when you dress up for somebody that’s not him. (1k)

⮩ Warnings: cursing, unprotected sex, pet names

Chapter 2: A New Journey - [Pairings: Hak x reader]

Your father sends you off on a journey to recruit the four legendary dragons of Kouka Kingdom that will unite the kingdom and bring about peace. You get impatient halfway down the road, literally, and Hak fucks you in a forest. (1.6k)

⮩ Warnings: cursing, unprotected sex, exhibitionism

Chapter 3: Meeting Kija - [Pairings: Kija x reader x Hak]

It’s not a good idea to give your bodyguard head in someone else’s bed but you do it anyways. You meet the first dragon when he walks in on Hak balls deep inside of your cunt. (1.4k)

⮩ Warnings: oral (m receiving), sloppy seconds, voyeurism, cursing, explicit dirty talk, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms

Chapter 4: Shin-ah’s Salvation - [Pairings: Shin-ah x reader]

You get lost in the catacombs only to be saved by the one person you were looking for. Soft smut with our precious blue dragon. (1.5k)

⮩ Warnings: cursing, unprotected sex

Chapter 5: Hak and Jae-ha Tag Team - [Pairings: Jae-ha x reader x Hak]

The green dragon stumbles across you while Hak’s fucking you in a back alley and seeing no protest from either one of you, he joins in. (2.2k)

⮩ Warnings: unprotected sex, cursing, double penetration, exhibition, threesome, consensual sex, slight orgasm denial

Chapter 6: Cockwarming - [Pairings: Hak x reader, voyeur!dragons]

He knows you have a cockwarming kink but he doesn’t last long when you circle your hips in that enticing way of getting him to do exactly what you want. And it works. A little too well. (1.7k)

⮩ Warnings: voyeurism, exhibitionism, cockwarming, cursing, slight anal play, rough sex, hair pulling kink, dirty talk

Chapter 7: Stuck in a Hole - [Pairings: Shin-ah x reader x Jae-ha]

You get stuck. Jae-ha takes control of the situation and teaches Shin-ah on how to please you, all while utilizing this very unique predicament you have landed yourself in. (1.6k)

⮩ Warnings: stuckage kink, stuck in a hole, a tiny bit of oral (f receiving), slight breeding kink, exhibitionism, threesome

Chapter 8: Zeno’s Desire - [Pairings: Zeno x reader x Hak x Jae-ha]

A rough quickie. Compensation for a rude patron's brash behavior quickly turns into something else once you realize just who it is you're now serving. (2.3k)

⮩ Warnings: Rough, unprotected sex, some m/m between the older two (Hak and Jae-ha), overstimulation, oral sex (m receiving), cursing, Jae-ha has an oral fixation too. Zeno is of age. Submissive headspace. Foursome.

Chapter 9: In Heat - [Pairings: Hak x reader, voyeur!four dragons, hints of Zeno x Shin-ah]

You should not have taken that potion. (1.9k)

⮩ Warnings: ABO dynamics, knotting, possessive sex, impreg/breeding kink, biting, unprotected sex, voyeurism, oral sex(m and f receiving), cum eating

Chapter 10: Bath House - [Pairings: Jae-ha x reader] *requested*

Jae-ha’s been feeling left out. You make him feel better and along the way, you help him accept his dragon leg that he despises so much. (4.1k)

⮩ Warnings: size kink, thigh riding, fingering, a ridiculous amount of orgasms, dirty talk, cursing, pet names, oversensitivity, riding, fucking from behind, some sweet fluff if you squint.

Chapter 11: The Dragon Bond - [Pairings: Zeno x reader]

Zeno isn’t as dominating as his dragon brothers. You reassure him that it’s more than okay. (2.5k)

⮩ Warnings: fingering, oral (both receiving), smut, Zeno being an absolute cutie pie

Chapter 12: Jealousy - [Pairings: Kija x reader x Hak]

Kija gets jealous over those suitors your father is forcing you to entertain and he can’t take it. Dragging you over to the secluded part of the royal library, he expresses his feelings before he notices that your ever faithful bodyguard is watching. There’s a way for all three of you to take out your frustrations. (2.7k)

⮩ Warnings: cursing, threesome, filthy smut, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving), explicit dirty talk, dom!kija

Chapter 13: Memories - [Pairings: Hak x reader]

Your first time with Hak from the past on your 18th birthday. You didn't want anything for your birthday. You just wanted him. Who was he to say no? Especially when he saw you looking like that. (5.8k)

⮩ Warnings: slight innocence kink, unprotected sex, size kink, soft at first but gradually gets rougher, slight degradation, oral (both receiving), choking, squirting, creampie, overuse of the petname: princess

Chapter 14: Hot and Jealous Shin-ah - [Pairings: Shin-ah x reader] *requested*

As Shin-ah gets more acquainted in the palace, his new home, he adjusts to almost everything except how you get called away on every occasion that your father needs you to take care of guests. But when someone had the audacity to lay a hand on you, all he sees is red. (2.7k)

⮩ Warnings: explicit smut, jealous sex, exhibitionism (slight), fingering, biting, size kink, cursing.

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lsk3nn3dys · 2 years

Text

𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 (𝐊𝐢𝐣𝐚 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

For @cyancherub's Back From The Dead Collab (Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of the collab!!)

Based on the first OVA in the series (or more specifically, the one where they go to the hot springs)

Warnings: vaginal fingering, vaginal masturbation, vaginal orgasm, orgasm fluid ingestion, slight, slight possessiveness, vaginal sex, and pulling out

Word Count: 2.2k

“I’m glad that Shin-Ah found this place,” Yona says as she pours the warm bath water down her back. Everyone in the group walked around a forest when Shin-Ah suddenly spotted a bathhouse that doubled as a hotel. The old lady owner even let you all stay there for cheap, so naturally, everyone took full advantage of the circumstances.

“Yeah, me too. It’s almost like a mini-vacation we certainly needed,” you respond. She gives you a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah, you’re definitely right about that,” she agrees. As the two of you splash around, you can somewhat hear what the guys are talking about on their side.

“Eh? Kija isn’t coming in?” Yoon asks.

“He says he isn’t feeling good,” Jae-Ha answers Yoon. You and Yona exchange looks with one another after hearing that.

“I hope he’s alright. I’m kinda worried about him,” you admit.

“Yeah, I do too,” she agrees. “Maybe after we’re done here, you can go check on him.”

“Huh? What’re you…?” you stop yourself before continuing. She gives you a sweet smile as your temperature rises, and it’s not from the warm bathwater.

“I think he’d really appreciate it,” she tells you.

“I don’t know. I think it would mean more if you were to do it,” you say.

“I’m not so sure,” she replies, and it certainly confuses you to no end. “When we’re done, we’ll check on him, okay?”

“Uh, sure, sounds good,” you agree.

As you and Yona finish up, the two of you get dressed and head out to see if maybe your rooms are ready for you both. While you both are walking, you see Kija and Jae-Ha talking. They both look distressed.

“What’s wrong?” you and Yona both ask together. Kija and Jae-Ha both look at you both, and Kija blushes at your guys’ presence.

“Uh-well, I—” Kija gets cut off by Jae-Ha putting his hands on his shoulders.

“He’s just not feeling very well,” Jae-Ha speaks up.

“Well, actually, I’m—” Kija tries to speak.

“Shush, he’s feeling so ill that he’s talking crazy,” Jae-Ha glares at Kija. Yona prompts you to feel Kija’s forehead which you hesitantly do. The proximity to Kija flusters you, and he blushes in return.

“You don’t seem—” you get cut off by Jae-Ha.

“See? Sick as a dog.” He states. “Y/N, you should take Kija to his room and care for him.”

“Yes, that’s a good idea,” Yona agrees.

“Huh?” you and Kija both utter, but before either of you can protest, Jae-Ha and Yona drag you to Kija’s room. As soon as you’re pushed inside, Jae-Ha and Yona make their escape.

The first few minutes are awkward because neither of you say much of anything, but the silence is a bit dense. So, you try your best to lessen it.

“I’m not sure why they pushed us so much. I mean, you’re not sick,” you look at him, and he’s got a similar confused face.

“Yeah, I’m not sure why the princess and ryokuryuu would do this,” he says.

“Why were you all distressed looking?” you ask him.

“Oh, uh, nothing,” he lies. You narrow your eyes at him, and he starts to sweat a bit.

“Are you sure?” you ask, a bit more pressing this time.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he shakes you off and goes over to the small bathroom at the other end of the room. “Uh, I’m gonna go take a bath now.” He quickly closes the door, and you’re left pretty dumbfounded.

After a few minutes, you notice that there are towels on the bed, and you aren’t sure if he has any in his bathroom. So, you collect them in your arms, go to the bathroom, and knock before entering. He says for you to come in, and you slightly open the door to see him not wearing a shirt. It’s enough to get your temperature going again. His toned chest and his white hair falling on his shoulder blades; it’s all making you short circuit.

“Uh, here are the towels,” you hand them to him while looking at just his eyes. Even his eyes are killing you.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he gives you a sweet smile.

“No problem,” you say and go. You didn’t want to just leave, though. You wanted to stay. It wasn’t very often that you got to be around Kija. Throughout the journey, you found yourself really liking the white dragon. He’s kind, strong, considerate, compassionate, and cute. He’s everything you love. At this moment, you’re starting to understand why Jae-Ha and Yona pushed you to be around him. They know about your feelings for him. Your face starts heating up when you think about you seeing him in the bathroom. His toned body was out in the open, and his hair draped over his shoulders perfectly. He is so beautiful. As you sit alone, you wonder what it would be like to be with him. You need to get your mind out of the gutter.

“Oh? You’re still here,” you hear his voice behind you at the bathroom door. You look over to see Kija, only wearing a small towel on his waist. His wet white hair sticking to his face, and his body having light dewlike droplets on it.

“Kija! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to…I just,” you couldn’t come up with anything on the spot.

“Uh, it’s okay. Don’t worry,” he waves his hands in front of his face.

“I’ll go,” you get up from the bed and start walking to the door when you see his back. There are significant scratch marks on his back. “Kija.”

“Hmm?” he turns to you.

“Your back…” you go towards him.

“Oh, this? It’s from my father,” he explains. Your face morphs into one of sadness, but he waves his hands in front of him. “But don’t worry, it’s not a bad thing. I know it looks bad, but…it’s the only thing I have left from my father, and I don’t hold any ill will towards him. In fact, by the end of his life, I think he…loved me.”

“Kija, that’s…” you’re unsure of what to say. He brings his dragon hand up as well.

“That scar and this hand too,” he says. So, you go to him and slightly touch his hand.

“I’m glad you’re the white dragon and that you are here with the group,” you admit. He blushes at your comment.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he says. “I’m also glad that you’re here.” He uses his other hand to almost reach out to you, but he stops before doing anything and apologizes.

“Kija,” you both look at each other.

“Y/N,” the passion really starts to burst now. The two of you grab each other and kiss for the first time. It’s rushed and chaotic but sweet. Your hands ruffle his hair while his hands stay on your waist. When you pull apart, his face is lulled and red. The heat between you both is becoming very apparent.

“Y/N, I don’t want to seem too forward, but—” he starts.

“It’s okay; I want you too,” you answer. “So, you don’t have to hold back.” So, he grabs your legs, wraps them around his waist, and goes to the bed while kissing you. When he plants you down, you start to strip yourself of your kimono. When you get it off, you hear Kija’s breath hitch.

“You’re absolutely stunning, Y/N,” he compliments. “I…I can’t wait to ravish you.” He hovers above you and kisses you again. His hand begins to touch you, but only his left hand.

You pull away from his kisses to ask him. “Why are you only using your left hand?”

“I…don’t want to hurt you,” he admits.

“That kinda contradicts your earlier statement,” you smile up at him.

“I suppose it does, but I—” you cut him off by grabbing his right hand and placing it on your chest.

“Please touch me, Kija. I’m all yours,” you say. He nods in response and does as you request. Then, he begins kissing your neck and living small hickeys. His hands touch your breasts in the best way. Your small moans begin to escape from your mouth, which eggs him on even more. His right hand begins to travel down to your cunt, but he comes back to you before he does anything.

“Y/N, I’ve never done this before,” he admits.

“It’s okay, I haven’t either, but…” you think for a moment. “Maybe I can show you some things…at least on me.”

“What do you mean?” he asks. You take your own hands, bring them down to your clit, and start to circle it yourself. Your breath becomes quick, and your moans draw him in. You add two fingers inside your wet hole and pump them in and out. Kija watches your motions with precision to make sure he’ll do it exactly right. You do this for a short time before Kija stops you.

“I think I can do it,” he says and takes over with his right hand. He circles your clit like you did before and puts two fingers inside you. Since his hand is much bigger than yours, he starts off slow. You close your eyes as he continues his actions. His eyes watch your reactions, and he sees your brows furrow every so often. Your moans grow audibly, and they make his fingers go faster. The fingers inside you even grow in length and make you go crazy. You clutch onto his shoulders, and he sees your head whip back, and your walls close around his fingers.

“Kija!” you shout out his name as your orgasm hits you like a train. He feels your liquids drench his fingers. He brings the creamed fingers to his face and licks up your juices. His actions get you all flustered.

“Thank you,” he simply says, and he kisses you. He forces his tongue into your mouth so that you can taste yourself. He finally removes the towel around his waist that you almost forgot about until now. “Are you going to be alright to continue?” You nod and see him give himself a few strokes before pushing himself into you. You both hiss at the new feeling. He places one hand on your hip at the other beside your head to steady himself. You clutch his shoulders like you did previously.

“Y-you can start moving,” you tell him, and he begins to pump in and out of you. He starts slow, but he begins to become impatient and moves faster. Both of your moans fill the room, and you’re not being particularly quiet. “Ah, K-Kija!”

“Y-Y/N, you…you feel so good and warm,” he says between his breathy moans. “I can’t get enough of you.”

“Y-you too!” you’re barely able to form sentences.

“I want to do this with you forever,” he declares, and with that promise, he begins slamming into you harder. “You’ll do this me with forever, won’t you?”

“Ye-yes, Kija. I will!” you shout. He continues his fast pace and goes back to your neck to place more hickeys on you. You tangle your hands into his hair again as you moan. He begins to have light moans as his pace stutters a bit inside you, but he still tries to keep up with himself.

“C-crap, I think I’m gonna—” he pulls out of you and strokes his cock again, and cums all around your chest and stomach. He sits back on his knees and breathes heavily with his eyes half-lidded with sweat dripping from his toned chest and hair stuck to his face. He’s never looked more handsome than at that moment. When he loops back to reality, he notices the mess he’s made on you. “Oh no! I’m so sorry. I should’ve asked before doing that! I’m really sorry, Y/N.” He scrambles around to find something to clean you up with. He runs to the bathroom and comes out with a warm wet cloth that he cleans you with. He apologizes again while he tends to you.

“You don’t have to apologize,” you say. You’re mostly just glad he pulled out.

“Are you sure? I still feel bad,” he gives you a sad look.

“Really, it’s alright,” you reassure and reach out to his hand and squeeze it.

After he’s done cleaning you up, he helps you under the covers of his bed and lays next to you.

“Y/N, about what I said earlier about the ‘forever’ thing…I—” you cut him off.

“It made me really happy, Kija,” you admit.

“I-it did?” he asks, and you nod. “O-oh, then I’m glad.” But, before the two of you drift off to rest, you still have one question for Kija.

“Hey, Kija,” you ask as he cuddles you from behind.

“Hmm?” he hums.

“Why were you not bathing with the rest of us if you weren’t sick?” you ask. You feel him tense up for a second before answering.

“Well…because…there was a spider at the bathhouse,” he says, and you giggle a little. You turn to him before giving him a new prompt.

“Well, if you’re scared, I can accompany you instead,” you offer, and he blushes a bit.

“I like that idea,” he says. You turn back again, and you both fall asleep.

(◕‿◕)

#୨✩୧ Collabs #yona of the dawn #akatsuki no yona #yona of the dawn x reader #akatsuki no yona x reader #kija #kija x reader #smut #self insert #collab

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moonstruck-writing · 2 years

Text

Vulnerable with you

Event: ‘Tis the season for smut challenge hosted by @voltage-vixen

Day 5: “you've been a very good boy this year”

Pairing: Jae-Ha x Kija | Akatsuki no Yona

Content: NSFW (lemon), 18+, minor spoilers for Jae-Ha’s backstory, male x male, mutual masturbation.

Word count: 3.734

A/N: I’m planning on re-reading AkaYona this holidays to catch up to the latest chapters and I’m so hyped I had to write about them ^.^ I changed the prompt slightly to fit the manga, also, my laptop is being repaired so I had to finish this on my phone, the formatting may be a bit weird >.<

Kija lies down on the futon with a sigh. It has been a while since they last slept under a roof, and the security and warmth he feels knowing they are in their own private room for the night reminds him of old times in his village, making him happy and sleepy. He could put up with sleeping out in the open during any other time of the year, but winter called for a proper sleeping spot, and he relished the sensation of his entire body heating up in the cosy room.

A playful smile dances in Jae-Ha’s face, who is still organising their belongings. The group had decided to split into three different rooms, since this inn has quite small chambers. It is the first time Kija and Jae-Ha are completely alone together, and the white dragon has to admit to himself that it makes him a bit nervous. He had thought Jae-Ha would choose someone else, perhaps Hak, if Yona didn’t demand her personal guard for herself, maybe Shin-Ah so that Jae-Ha could finally stare into his mysterious eyes all he wanted, or even cheerful Zeno. But him? Well, yes, he is the white dragon, but they don't exactly share much, and sometimes Kija has the impression that there is something about him that bothers Jae-Ha, something besides his values and the way he was raised. He sometimes caught the green dragon looking at him with a serious face that he doesn't use for the rest, but maybe he was just overthinking things. If only Kija had had his eyes open at that moment, he would’ve seen Jae-Ha doesn't always still his features when he searches for him.

A loud thud interrupts Kija’s journey to Morpheus’s arms, and he rolls to his side to look at what Jae-Ha has been doing. Now finally sitting down, the green-haired one opens the wrapped bottle and pours himself a cup.

“You’re going to drink?”

Jae-Ha smiles at him and elevates the cup towards him.

“But Hak is not here.”

“Who says I need Hak to drink?”

“You’re going to drink alone?”

Jae-Ha bites his lips before he can blurt out “I am not alone”.

“Perhaps...I could drink with you,”Kija suddenly says.

Jae-Ha sets down his cup and goes to fetch another one from his bags. Sensing Kija move, he turns and sees the white dragon has reached for Jae-Ha’s cup and is now downing what he had left.

“You don’t want your own cup?” Jae-Ha’s eyes are on the other’s lips, now wet with sake. When he doesn’t reply, Jae-Ha returns to him empty-handed and sits down next to the youngest’s spread futon. It isn’t exactly every day that Kija chooses to share something instead of demanding to have his own thing, and Jae-Ha feels the spark of hope alighting within him. Hope and the spirit of the chase.

“What is it that you wish to drown in alcohol, Kija-kun?” Jae-Ha picks up the empty cup from Kija’s bandaged dragon hand to pour himself a cup.

Kija sighs and the oldest wonders if he is already drunk just with a few sips of sake. He had intended this to go on for much longer, even if he doesn’t exactly know what “this” is.

“Is it about love?” The green-haired one presses further, wanting an answer to Kija’s unusual behaviour.

“Wha-why would it be about love?!” His pale skin rapidly turns to crimson.

“It is simply the most common reason why people drink.” Jae-ha pushes the cup against his lips, craving to feel something on them. When he finally takes a sip, his tongue laps around the alcohol, wanting more.

“Does this mean you’re drinking because of love?” Kija flops onto his stomach and looks at Jae-Ha, his eyes full of curiosity and something that the oldest cannot identify.

“I’m always drinking because of love, Kija-kun. Don’t you have regrets?”

“Regrets?” Kija pulls himself up on his elbows.

“Don’t you have anyone you wish… you had been different with?” Jae-Ha sips to stop more words from spilling from his lips, but when he sees Kija isn’t even blinking, decides to give him something else. “Something left unresolved?”

The white-haired one gives him a disdainful look.

“You know I have nothing like that in my past, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“The things we don’t talk about are the closest to our hearts.” Jae-Ha’s voice turns breathy, half-whisper. Kija feels the beginning of a shiver tickling his skin. “Aren’t we drinking tonight? Just the two of us?” Jae-Ha moves his head, and his bangs cover one of his eyes completely.

“What regrets do you have?” The youngest counterattacks. Jae-Ha looks away and sips at the sake, trying to focus his thoughts, measuring what to say.

“I regret not being more understanding.” He closes his lips, reminiscing of certain events that happened at the onsen. “Being judgmental is never a good trait, it won’t get me a partner, will it now?”

“If you’re talking about a life-long partner and not just a brief encounter, I don’t think you should be worrying yourself with that right now.” Kija holds Jae-Ha’s gaze. “The four dragons and our king have been united again, so I think protecting Yona is the most important thing.” Kija nods briefly, sure of his convictions. His village and people come to his mind and he says in a low voice, almost to himself: “I think grandma would understand why I'm not interested in a bride right now.”

“What about a groom then?” Jae-Ha doesn’t miss a beat. Kija looks up, slightly dumbfounded, and finds Jae-Ha's half-hidden smile behind the sake cup intoxicating.

“Even if you're not interested in breeding, you can focus on other needs.” Jae-Ha continues.

“But we are dragons,” Kija replies, thinking that with their power, keeping certain needs restrained is the wisest thing to do. Who knows what would happen with his strength in the heat of the moment, it’s not the first time he has felt something taking over his body, uncontrollable. He could hurt someone without meaning to.

“Yeah, so?” Jae-Ha shuffles in his position on the floor to face Kija completely and sets one hand down, leaning closer to him. “Have you never wondered how merging your energy with another dragon would feel?”

Kija had always been curious about how it would feel to be on the receiving end of Jae-Ha's flirtatious remarks, but he could've never anticipated the way it would make his body feel warm.

“You must think me the easiest of the dragons to toy with.” Kija hides his unrest behind a mask, not daring to go near that newfound warmth that is slowly spreading through his body, relaxing his muscles further but making him oddly alert.

“Not at all, Kija-kun.” Jae-Ha sips his sake and lets his lips remain moist when he looks back at Kija. “I think you are the most interesting one, that's all.”

Kija's feelings stir, finding familiarity in being held special, but also being confused at why Jae-Ha ever would, after everything they know about each other.

“Is it because I'm the most different to you?” His tone almost an accusation, he feels his face contorting into a grimace and is quick to hide it, pressing his forehead above his palms on the futon.

Jae-Ha puts his little cup aside and rests his chin on one of his hands, elbow on his knee, making him bend to one side to have a better angle to look at Kija’s movements.

“In what ways do you think we're most different?” Jae-Ha's voice is as seductive as ever, and that makes Kija's breath catch. It has been months since the green dragon had unleashed all his powers, months of travelling through woods and always having one of the group stuck to his hip, and he is savouring this dance. Kija feels dizzy and raises his head to look at him, wanting to find comfort in the familiarity of his features.

“We-well, I was treated like a king in my village, I never had a need for anything, while you...” his voice trails off and he breaks eye contact.

“While I was shackled and beaten?”

Kija frowns, imagining the young boy and the torture he was submitted to.

“What else, Kija-dear.” Jae-Ha extends a hand and breaks the invisible wall between them, gracing Kija's chin. Kija turns his gaze from the floor to those dark blue eyes, eyes that have the same colour as his, just a darker shade. It is the first time Jae-Ha has addressed him like that, and he isn’t sure if it is proper, but Kija decides to stay quiet about it.

“You fought with pirates...” A soft pink starts spreading across Kija’s cheeks and his eyelids flutter, breaking his contact with Jae-Ha's gaze. His thoughts haven’t had time to reorganise after the term of endearment, and now his mind is becoming even more cramped with thoughts of the green dragon and the hints he has been throwing about.

“Uhuh?” Jae-Ha encourages him, now lightly swiping his thumb over Kija’s cheek.

“...and...” Kija stops himself and suddenly pulls his face free from Jae-Ha's hand. “You know what I mean, don't make me say it!” The blush now furiously staining his cheeks makes it impossible to misunderstand.

“Would you rather I say it then?” Jae-Ha's hand returns slowly to his side, and a placid smile dances on his lips.

“Don't.”

“Mm? Why?” Jae-Ha leans closer to Kija, now on his knees, and returns his hands to the other’s face, cupping his cheeks while the white dragon looks down.

“It's shameful.” The embarrassment is clear but it doesn’t move him to reject Jae-Ha’s touch a second time.

“But there's nothing shameful about this, Kija-kun.” Kija almost feels himself wince at the loss of the new endearment term Jae-Ha had used before. He doesn’t want him to go back to usual, whatever that means. This thought pushes him to look up to find a warm smile on Jae-Ha's face, but no trace of teasing, or of getting further, for that matter. Kija feels a swarm of disappointment and anger flowing through his body, feeling small next to the oldest.

“Are you just going to toy with me tonight?” He pouts before he can stop himself, but the alcohol already intoxicating him prevents him from keeping to his usual composure.

“You know I love teasing, and you of all people have a beautiful frustrated face, Kija-kun,” Jae-Ha leans closer to him with the excuse of examining his features.

“Am I only beautiful to you when I’m frustrated?” Kija looks away, trying to turn from him but finding it difficult since Jae-Ha is craddling his face.

“You’re beautiful all the time. Sometimes even dazzling.”

Kija’s lips open, and he feels himself tremble slightly, from surprise or from hope.

“Are you... are we...” Kija doesn’t find the words, scared that it is all play pretend.

“You're smart, Kija-kun. I'm not going to do anything unless you ask me to.” As if to exemplify his words, his hands drop from the other’s face and Kija almost whimpers at the loss. This gives him the courage to pursue Jae-Ha before the other thinks of completely ending this game.

“Can we... have more things in common?” Kija wavers, unnaturally polite. He moves to his knees, hands reaching for Jae-Ha but not making it far. “I want... you to teach me... how not to be ashamed.”

“And how would I be able to do that, Kija?” Dropping the honorific, Jae-Ha breaks the distance between their faces and whispers in Kija’s ears, making him shiver.

“Don’t tease me.”

“Mm? I thought you liked it, though.”

Kija’s cheeks flush, his lips hang open as if his brain doesn’t have enough air. Jae-Ha is momentarily stunned, and his defences start to drop at the vulnerability that the white dragon is showing him already.

“I want you to stop playing,” Kija finally claims with a shaky breath.

“Should we show ourselves completely to each other then?” Jae-Ha plays with the bandage that’s already started to come off of Kija’s dragon claw.

“Is my hand the first thing in your mind right now, Jae-Ha?” Kija’s voice comes out raspy and low, and for the first time, the green dragon hears the force of all the need he had been keeping under that polite façade.

Jae-Ha thinks of teasing him further but quickly discards the idea.

“May I kiss you?” Jae-Ha breathes over Kija’s lips, eyelids heavy.

When the white dragon’s lips crash onto his, it almost makes him chuckle, but the intensity of the desire and the electric current that just went down his spine to every scale on his foot leave his mind foggy. He did expect Kija to be an enthusiastic learner and take the lead even when Jae-Ha would be much better suited for it, but what he didn’t expect is the alarming speed at which he is losing his strength, his every cell urging to relax under Kija’s touch.

When Kija’s lips finally stop moving desperately over his, Jae-Ha starts to wonder just exactly who has seduced who. Even at a disadvantage, his clumsy movements had set his entire body on fire.

“I thought your trademark was purity and inexperience,” he casually comments, lips still hanging open with need.

“You know I always end up being good at everything I do, no matter what.” Kija teases back, and the promise of pleasure throbs inside Jae-Ha. “Now, are you going to trust me enough to show me who you really are, Jae-Ha?”

The oldest thinks he’s only speaking of his dragon foot, but Kija is thinking of all of him, mostly his heart, which is still wrapped in mystery for him.

“You’ll have to earn it.” Jae-Ha’s usual smirk is carefully placed on his lips, but his eyes give him away.

“I want you.” Kija suddenly blurts out, urged by the ocean of pain he has seen reflected in Jae-Ha’s eyes. His earnest words erase Jae-Ha’s smile, who suddenly feels he’s playing a losing game. “Do you not trust me?” Kija moves further away from Jae-Ha to allow him some space, and also to take in his features as a whole.

“If I had to trust someone…” Jae-Ha starts, unable to tear his gaze away from Kija. “It would have to be good old Kija, who else would have your moral integrity?” His laugh sounds smaller than usual, like it can barely leave his throat.

“Yes, you can trust me completely. You are safe here with me, Jae-Ha.”

Jae-Ha wants to snort a pointy remark, but he hates to admit Kija’s words are everything he is still longing for. Kija notices Jae-Ha’s limbs relaxing and begins approaching him again, this time resting his dragon claw still bandaged on top of Jae-Ha’s thigh, just shy of his groin. Jae-Ha tilts his head back to receive Kija’s lips again, arms firmly planted behind himself, prepared for the strength of the white dragon, but this time Kija’s lips brush faintly against his mouth. Jae-Ha opens his eyes and grabs Kija’s neck, urging him closer, but Kija’s movements remain light. Jae-Ha breathes through his nose, trying to control his own impatience and instead focusing on the moment, on reveling in Kija’s company. Soon enough he finds his own lips parting, his tongue gently sliding along Kija’s lips. A moan escapes Kija, and Jae-Ha feels his crotch reacting to the pretty sound. He deepens the kiss, now dancing his tongue on top of Kija’s. The white dragon’s tongue is moving timidly below, and then Jae-Ha feels his whole head supported by Kija’s dragon claw. He can’t wait to feel his embrace if he’s going to feel as supported as he feels right now.

Jae-Ha slides his hand from the back of Kija’s neck and caresses his shoulders and chest, feeling the firmness of his muscles. The novelty makes him stop breathing for a second and he breaks the kiss. Kija takes the chance to start undressing and Jae-Ha almost breaks into a laugh, for their roles seem to have reversed completely.

“Eager, aren’t we?” Jae-Ha decides to sit back and enjoy seeing Kija’s skin appear before his eyes. It isn’t the first time they’ve seen each other naked, but the sensuality coils into intimacy between them.

“Aren’t you going to undress? You’re usually the pervert throwing his clothes around.”

“I was waiting for you to undress me, Kija.” The familiarity of the dropped honorific pulsates inside of the white dragon, working like a magnet that pulls him closer to his opposite.

Kija moves to undo Jae-Ha’s clothes, and the desperation in his fast movements is mirrored in the oldest’s heart, beating wildly. He feels a bit foolish, being so excited and nervous when he is a thousand times more experienced than Kija, but the truth is, it is their first time together.

Now only wearing trousers, Kija kisses Jae-Ha again, but this time the green dragon pushes forward and wraps his arm around him, guiding his body to lie on the futon. Jae-Ha breaks the kiss as soon as he feels Kija’s tongue poking his lips. His hands sneak down his trousers and lightly trace the growing erection of the youngest. Kija moans and feels his claw pulsating, the rest of his body buzzing with desire. Before Jae-Ha can take his pants off, Kija grabs at his crotch, squeezing the green dragon’s shaft. Jae-Ha feels his strength wavering and closes his eyes, enjoying the pleasurable sensation. Wanting to get a moan out of him, Kija frees his cock with his human hand and begins touching him, wondering if Jae-Ha likes it the way he does.

“Why don’t we pleasure each other, Kija?” The look on Jae-Ha’s face makes his cock twitch. Half-lidded eyes full of desire state back at him, his hands tracing the opening of his trousers.

“Jae-Ha.” The whisper dies into a moan when he feels the other enveloping his member. They begin moving their hands at the same time, and Jae-Ha leans down to lick at Kija’s lips, urging him to open his mouth. Their bodies now flushed together, their body heat is so high it would turn jnto fever in any regular human being. At some point during the kiss they have wrapped their hands around both of their sexes, their leaking cocks now rubbing against each other.

“Will you let me take control, Kija?” Jae-Ha pulls back and looks at him, the white dragon’s skin now showing red patches over his neck and chest from the excitement. Kija pulls away the hand he had between them and covers his eyes with his arm.

Jae-Ha’s ministrations quicken, their breaths becoming laboured. Their energies twist around each other, engulfing their bodies. When he feels himself crossing another door to his high, Jae-Ha leans down to whisper on Kija’s ear.

“Will you come for me, Kija-dear?”

Kija suffocates a moan and reaches his release first, soon followed by Jae-Ha’s. He continues stroking both of them slowly, until there is no more to paint their stomachs with. Kija whimpers, experiencing overstimulation from the first time. Jae-Ha kisses him sloppily, eyes sleepy, a satisfied smile on his lips.

“You’ve been such a good boy, Hakuryuu-kun.”

Kija sighs, taking his arm down to look at Jae-Ha.

“You could give me a reward.”

“Oh? What does my Kija want?” Jae-Ha’s bangs tickle the other’s face, and Kija wants to pull him into an embrace and bask in the possessive.

“I want to see your dragon leg.”

Jae-Ha looks away with a bitter smile. It had to be that. Kija guides his head back to look him in the eyes.

“You see my dragon claw all the time, there’s nothing bad with that.” Kija tries to convince him, but he can see in those dark blue eyes that Jae-Ha is already far away from there.

“Maybe it’s similar to what Shin-Ah does with his eyes, he doesn’t want us looking at them, right? I don’t want you looking at my leg.”

“Yeah, and you think Shin-Ah’s eyes are beautiful, don’t you, Jae-Ha? I think your dragon leg is beautiful too. And I want to see it.”

“How can you say it’s beautiful if you’ve never seen it?” Jae-Ha pulls away from Kija’s touch, the hurt and disgust pooling in his eyes.

“It is part of you, Jae-Ha. Haven’t I done the most shameful thing with you? And it didn’t feel shameful or disgusting at all.”

“Touching each other isn’t even that shameful.” Jae-Ha moves to sit down next to Kija.

“Please?” Kija’s whispered plea is his last resort, knowing that if Jae-Ha has such strong boundaries around that, it must be for a reason.

“Maybe some other time.”

Kija accepts that as a promise and lets it go. They clean themselves and lie down to sleep for the night, wrapping warmly. Jae-Ha can hear the other’s rhythmic breathing, and lets it wash over the previous tension. When his hands stop trembling, he reaches down and takes off his boots. It is the first time he has taken off his shoes to sleep next to someone. The only time he ever allows himself to be barefoot is when they have access to water to clean themselves, and that didn’t happen that often. He always told himself everyone else was too busy frantically cleaning themselves to pay attention to his foot inside the water, but now? Kija could move in his sleep and accidentally brush against him. His heart beating loudly prevents him from falling asleep, until the exhaustion finally wins over him.

Kija is the first one to wake up, and upon seeing Jae-Ha’s boots next to them, he feels like laughing. He turns to grab at Jae-Ha who is still sleeping next to him, facing the other side. Placing his forehead on Jae-Ha’s back, he realises a loud sigh.

“Thank you.”

A/N: Jae-Ha’s eyes are dark blue here because of the manga.

Please do NOT repost. Reblogging is okay. Content belongs to @moonstruck-writing

#luna writes #akayona #akatsuki no yona #Jae-Ha #Kija #akatsuki no yona jae-ha #akatsuki no yona kija #akayona smut #akayona fluff #akatsuki no yona smut #akatsuki no yona fluff #yona of the dawn #ryokuryuu jaeha #hakuryuu #'tis the season for smut content creation challenge #'tis the season for smut #akayona fic #akatsuki no yona fic

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petri808 · 4 years

Text

Just for Funsies

Thank you @nalufever for tagging me 💜💜

Top 3 🍕 toppings: Mushroom, Spinach, Ham

Hoodie or Sweater: Hoodie

Last outgoing message: was letting my dad and aunt know my cat was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Sorry it was a sad one but that was the last message 😅

Last animal you gave affection to: the cat mentioned above. He’s still fighting with our help, so we’ve been spending as much time as we can with him.

Currently working on: Homework lol plus these are the urgent attention pieces, cause I have others on the back burner.

Akayona Tarot zine- 2 short stories. All I’ll say is 1 is a Hakyona, the other is about Kija.

Inuyasha White Day piece, probably smut (Inukag)

FB White Day piece, part 2 of Honmei With Love (Kyoru)

FT/Edens Zero crossover AU collab piece with Nalufever 😘 (Nalu/Shicca)

Enslaved, a next chapter that I really gotta get to (Nalu)

Put your current playlist on shuffle and give up the goods: Playlist titled Eclectic Shit. link to Spotify

I Do by Rain (K-Pop) I found this singer after watching the movie Ninja Assasin cause he was the male lead... which I mostly watched because he was cute 😏

How’s that song make you feel? Happy I guess lol. I find his voice very alluring, plus he’s almost my age so I don’t feel like I’m being a cougar ogling over him 😂

Tagging 🤔 the usual randomslol. @bmarvels @rosechi @phoneboxfairy @mccnfairy @doginshoe @shadyhydrathesnekqueen @sheepishlyshippingsheep @cstorm86 no pressure guys 🙃

#tag game #just for fun

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inkblccded-moved · 5 years

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Shipping Meme

What is your OTP for your character?

( my muses are listed first ) Ja’far & Sinbad / Ja’far & Kouen / Kouha & Alibaba / Titus & Sphintus / Soren & Ike(even though i am without an Ike) / Takumi & Leo / Niles & Happiness / Ryoma & Xander / Laslow & Xander / Wei Ying & Lan Zhan / Lan Jingyi & Lan Sizhui / Lan Jingyi & Jin Ling / Nie Huaisang & Jiang Cheng / Gieve & Money / Gieve & Jaswant / Soo-won & Kija / Soo-won & Hak / Jae-ha & Hak / Yotaka & Self-esteem / Yotaka & attractive men / Hiryuu & Life / Sanzo & some goddamn peace and quiet / Kurogane & Fai / Johann & Dante / Vanitas & Noe / Jin & Mugen(even though he hates me for saying this asdfghjkl) / Arslan & Elam / Arslan & a warm safe place, please someone protect this boy / Tsubaki & Shamrock & Belkia / the unlisted ones i don’t have an otp for or they’re aroace

What are you willing to write when it comes to shipping?

anything that isn’t pedophilia / incest / etc. tbh? I’m real picky about smut too and probably won’t write it with anyone i’m not super comfy with.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

i will not ship any of my adult characters with characters who are minors and i will not ship any of my characters who are minors with adult characters. that’s how it be. For characters who are adults, 10-15 years of difference is when i start to get a little ehhhh about it. Ships with characters who are both minors I prefer to keep within the same age-group (i.e, 1-2 years difference at most.)

Are you selective when shipping?

i ship chemistry, so yeah, i’d consider myself a little selective. not only do our muses have to have chemistry, but we have to talk ooc too or I simply won’t be engaged in shipping.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

Once clothes start coming off in the context of a steamy moment, I consider it NSFW

Who are the other characters you ship your character with?

Any muses who have chemistry with mine and who don’t cross any of the boundaries i have already drawn in the answers above.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

well, yeah, i’d like you to let me know if you ship our muses before you start sending me shippy things for them, but chances are equally good that i’ll ask you first lol.

How often do you like to ship?

a healthy amount. ships are fun .

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

i’m not necessarily obsessed, but i do love my ships!

Are you multi-ship?

a lot of my muses are! but some are strictly singleship or just don’t want to ship at all.

What are your favorite ships in your current fandom?

Currently since i’m so into GDC, that’d have to be the above listed ships with Wei Ying, Lan Jingyi, Nie Huaisang and their listed partners and then there’s SinJa in magi which will ALWAYS HAVE MY HEART.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

if you love them, leT THEM KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW- (meaning, shoot me an ask or send me a message and we’ll discuss/scream)

Tagged by: @10dreamt & @saeiqas Tagging: you

#[ PSA ]#[ ooc ; Inky's Chatter ]

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rollzerox · 5 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jae-Ha/Yona, Jae-Ha & Yona, Son Hak & Yona Characters: Yona (Akatsuki no Yona), Jae-Ha (Akatsuki no Yona), Son Hak, Kija (Akatsuki no Yona), Shin-Ah (Akatsuki no Yona), Zeno (Akatsuki no Yona), Yoon | Yun, Ao the Squirrel Additional Tags: Romance, Birthday, Birthday Smut, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Pregnant Sex, Pregnancy, Married Couple, Married Sex, Married Characters, Birthday Sex, Festivals Series: Part 13 of Yona/Jae-ha Alternate Chapters Summary:

It's Yona's Birthday and the Happy Hungry Bunch find themselves at a festival. Jae-ha and Hak try to give the princess a good time despite everything that happened on her birthday the year before. One Shot sequel to 'Far From What I Expected' part of my Yona/Jae-ha Alternate Chapters Series. Lemon warnings for the end so the first half of the fanfic actually is perfectly safe to read as it's just fluff in the beginning.

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featherlystar · 3 years

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Im 5k words in on that second chapter, and its not even over! The smut was this fucking long, and the plotted one is taking much more. This was supposed to be a short chapter, I havent yet reached Kija’s breakdown which I dont really want to write but its what I had planned so yeah I’m procrastinating rn because of it

Buuut if I finish this chapter I can finally move to the third and finally write the Gigan/Jae-ha parts I’m dying to do, the centered on Jae-ha one is my self indulgent chapter and I’m gonna love it, so I’m in a dilemma and I kinda wish it got wrote by itself, but it doesn’t, so I’ll take a break and have some food before finally finishing this chapter, I’m so sorry Kija, I gotta do what I gotta do to give you your happy ending

#hele shut up #this fic is basically practice to feel comfortable writing again to jump to the pole dance au #i still cant believe akayona made me write again

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notchesandbullets · 3 years

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The Princess and Her Dragons

Chapter 14: Hot and Jealous Shin-ah

Pairing: Shin-ah x Reader

Warnings: explicit smut, jealous sex, exhibitionism (slight), fingering, biting, size kink, cursing.

*requested by anon*

Words: 2.7k

Storming off into the luscious gardens, you barely even noticed the relaxing breeze that normally set you at ease, too caught up in your own frustration to notice the vibrant colors of the flowers and the soft blades of grass underneath your feet.

Groaning loudly in exasperation, you rounded a corner to the pagoda, throwing your hands up and screaming in the empty grounds as the yell ricocheted off of the stone walls of Hiryuu Castle.

You were so done with men.

At least, the ones who weren’t yours.

Huffing, you pouted to yourself and plopped down on the bench, needing to cool off before you went back.

These airhead nobles hadn’t stopped talking to you, preventing you from going back to your room and you were rapidly growing sick of playing nice. Why did your father insist on you entertaining them?

A clatter followed by a crash caught all of your attention and your head snapped up to see none other than the blue dragon.

“Shin-ah?” You called out curiously, a hint of relief painting your tone as you brushed off your skirts and stood up bashfully. “I was just—”

Your voice caught in your throat as he closed the distance between you two in five quick strides, his hand automatically cradling your face.

“Are you… okay?” He asked quietly, worry seeping in his tone as his eyes flitted over you and you blushed.

It had happened twenty minutes ago.

He had been on his way back from the library, wanting to show her the new book he found when Kija introduced him to something called ‘reading’. He found it fascinating but he was struggling with the long and complicated words and hoped that you had some time to read to him.

At least, that’s what he was hoping when he found you but the sight that greeted him was an unwelcome one to him and it made his blood boil.

You were with other men, in your fanciest dress with your hair done up all nice so much so that he would’ve been distracted by your beautiful shoulders and luscious curves of your body if it had not been for those people touching you.

Shin-ah gawked at you from where one of them had their hands on your waist at his audacity. While he knew that none of his dragon brothers or Hak were allowed to brazenly tell off the suitors in public, as instructed by the king, he didn’t know what to do with these conflicted feelings.

And while he knew that the gesture was mostly innocent, just meant to steer you in a direction that was less crowded, it lingered on your lower back for a beat longer than was considered appropriate.

He was willing to let it go until the guy grew braver and whispered something in your ear, making his hands clench at his sides as he held himself back from storming over there and disrupting the tranquil afternoon atmosphere.

On one hand, he knew that you could handle yourself. Seriously, he had seen you flip one guy over your shoulder when he got too handsy, even though you were in your nicest gown with heavy skirts.

Hak snorted so loud when he saw you toss that man twice your size onto the floor like it was nothing.

But although Shin-ah cracked a smile as Jae-ha chuckled off to the side, seeing you handle yourself at the party was one thing; but seeing you here with no protection other than a few guards, he didn’t know how to feel or if he was allowed to go over there and remove their hands from you.

Before he could decide what to do, you deliberately shoved them off yourself, yelling at them to tell them off and then you sprinted away, leaving the guests you were supposed to entertain in the dust.

Shin-ah had quickly alerted the guards of the situation, in as least amount of words as possible since he really didn’t want to talk to them, before he followed you.

At first, he wasn’t sure if you wanted to be alone or not.

But he just wanted to make sure you were okay.

Shuffling his feet, Shin-ah hid in the shadows of the castle, just in case you didn’t want company. But his eyes went wide from behind his mask when you shouted in frustration and at that point, the dragon bond told him of your distress.

And now that he knew, he could feel that you needed him, he didn’t hesitate to take you into his arms.

You sighed blissfully, as his arms wrapped around you and snuggling into his chest, you buried your face into the crook of his neck.

“Don’t worry, Shin-ah, I’m okay.” You reassured softly, nuzzling into him further when you heard how hard his heart was beating.

He hugged you tighter, his exhales making your hair stir with every relieved breath and you squeaked in surprise when he pulled you down into his lap as he abruptly sat down on the stone bench.

Your arms looped around his neck for balance and you yelped when he stuck his face close to yours.

“Y/N…” Shin-ah breathed shakily, resting his forehead against yours.

You smiled softly. “... ‘m okay.”

Now straddling his lap, you laughed slightly when he softly kissed your cheek. His eyes fluttered shut as you held him close and he was unsure at this point whether he was comforting you or you were comforting him.

Carding your fingers through his hair, you slowly displaced his mask when he didn’t make any move to push you away.

Beautiful golden eyes stared back at you with the deepest level of love and your heart instantly softened. A rosy blush was painted on his cheeks, the red marks on his cheeks nearly blending in with the shade of his flush and you giggled as you poked it.

The first time he had shown you his eyes, you had been overwhelmed by the sheer vulnerability shining in them and you had taken his cheeks, smushed them together and declared that no matter what, you would always be there beside him.

Shin-ah had sniffled, nodded and cried when you took him into your embrace and your heart shook at how much he had been through.

Which is why you were currently shocked that he was rumpling your dress in an effort to get your skirts up.

“Shin-ah!!” You chastised, torn between mortification and arousal as he pawed feebly at your hips. “What are you—”

“... Need you, please.” He begged quietly, his mouth working over the expanse of exposed skin as he slipped off the top of your dress. “Please.”

Fire burned in his loins and he needed you. Bad.

Your mouth dried at the sight of the normally so reserved blue dragon pleading for you to take care of him. His hands roamed all over your body, caressing anywhere he could reach but there was a fervor behind it that was unknown to you.

“Yeah?” You coaxed breathlessly, urging him to undress as he bunched your long skirts around your hip, lifting them up to peek at your panties underneath.

Shin-ah’s jaw went slack as he caught a glimpse of the light blue satin with a pretty lace design in front. That tent in his pants grew uncomfortably tight as his cock swelled and licking his lips, he slowly slid them to the side to expose your dripping core to his hungry eyes.

“Shin-ah!!” You exclaimed in shock but threw your head back and he sank two fingers in your weeping pussy to prep you.

Strands of hair from your fancy updo were coming undone as he continued to stroke your velvety walls, peppering butterfly kisses over your collar bone.

You mewled, arching your back into his chest, head falling down onto his shoulder as he slowly pumped his fingers in and out of your dripping cunt. Breathing heavily, you tried to form words to let him know it was okay for him to go faster but you couldn’t muster it and your mouth fell open when he brushed against that spot inside you.

A shrill shriek was barely muffled in time when you clapped a hand over your mouth, squeezing your eyes shut at the onslaught of immense pleasure.

The bond that you shared with them only served to increase it, much to your desire and dismay.

From here, you knew no one would see you, as these gardens were hardly strolled by anyone else other than you; but that didn’t stop from the blood in your veins from throbbing as you realized the danger of a guard walking by to check in on you, only to see you getting fingered by the shy blue dragon.

He wasn’t so shy right now. He was downright jealous.

All his feelings from earlier made his vision blur and clouded his rationality. All he could think about was how they had no right to lay a single finger on you and he was gone. His mouth pulled back in a snarl as he fumbled to undo his robe.

He was unable to feel or hear anything else other than the blood pumping through his ears and the heavy length in his hand as he pulled it out.

Once his cock was out of his confines, your eyes widened at the sight of it resting in between your bodies and your mouth watered.

Look, you knew he wasn’t small by any means, he had put it in you before; but for some reason, it looked bigger than last time.

“S-Shin-ah?!” You squeaked, intimidated by the raw mass of it.

Your head tilted back and you moaned as he rubbed the girth over your puffy outer lips, coating it in your essence to make it easier for you to take.

No matter how many times you guys did this, he always took care of you. Hurting you was the last thing he wanted to do.

Shin-ah groaned your name softly in your ear as he hiked up your legs higher around his waist to give him better access and he shivered as your entrance made contact with his cock.

“Please.” He pleaded quietly, his voice trembling as he kept rutting against your bare pussy without inserting his shaft. “I need you.”

You whimpered, clinging to his neck and nodded desperately against his shoulder, giving your clear consent. “Yes, fuck, holy shit— please!!”

Given the go-ahead, Shin-ah fought to keep a lid on his restraint as he sank you down on his length, jerking as your hot walls gripped around him tightly.

“Ah, ngh, ah!!” Shin-ah huffed into your shoulder, fighting to hold himself back as he sank you all the way down, biting hard on your clavicle as he buried himself into you. “Mmph, Y-Y/N… ah!!”

The unexpected teeth that latched onto the curve of your neck had you pushing your chest into his as he guided you down his thick cock.

Arousal continued to trickle out of you as you heard the usually shy baby be so vocal until he was all the way inside of you and you whined, writhing against him in an effort to entice him to fuck you properly as you started to bounce up and down.

“Shi… Shin-ah,” You moaned, gyrating your hips, encouraged when a particularly loud moan ripped from his throat. “I’m ready, p-please, oh fuck, do something!!”

His cock swelled inside of you and you swore that he was going to burst before you even started.

To your surprise, he kept a firm hold on the back of your thighs and your jaw dropped as he fucked up into you.

You barely cried out before his hand slapped over your mouth, his thrusts growing sloppier as he lost his momentum and rutted into you with reckless abandonment, jostling you in his lap under the force.

Your skirts covered the activities you guys were doing but if anyone were to walk in, they’d know immediately by the suspicious movements as you bounced in his lap.

But he wasn’t going to stop.

Fueled by the white-hot jealousy that spiked through his veins the instant he saw those men put their filthy hands on you, Shin-ah snarled, fucking you harder.

You were his.

His to love. His to cherish. His to touch like this.

Hands roaming over your body under your clothes that you wore especially for this day, Shin-ah couldn’t get but get a sweet satisfaction out of seeing you writhing on top of him like this when you were supposed to be taking care of the palace guests and entertaining them like the good girl you were.

“Hnghh, Y/N,” He gasped out when you clamped down on him. “I’m close.”

You damn near screamed as he thrusted up into you with a strength that shouldn’t have been possible at this angle and you would’ve fallen off if it wasn’t for his strong arm winding around your waist in order to pin you to his body.

“Y/N,” Shin-ah panted, voice hot and heavy in your ear and your thighs trembled. “You’re mine, right? You belong to us.”

Mewling, you nodded, eyes slipping shut as he pounded up into you with such vigor that he nearly unseated you several times in the process. His hips snapped into your ass, each slap barely audible under the heavy skirts and you had a fleeting thought of how it was even possible for him to fuck you like you weighed nothing but the euphoria that coursed through your veins overpowered all comprehensive thoughts, turning them into mush.

“Yes, yes, yes,” You mewled, half-conscious at the speed his girth was stretching you out. You felt so full, completely stuffed with his cock. “... ‘m all yours.”

His breathing grew ragged and his thrusts became sloppier, pumping you on his length once, twice more before he was struggling to hold it back until he felt you were about to cum.

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head. “Shin-ah—”

His golden eyes were nearly black, filled with pure desire for you and you whined, raking your nails across his back as he rocked you mercilessly back and forth on his cock. Locking your lips together, he moaned when your tongue slipped into his cavern.

Overwhelmed by how hard he kissed you and how hot he was pulsating inside of your channel, you panted against his mouth when he broke the kiss. “I-I love you so much, fuck—”

Shin-ah’s eyes screwed shut at those words and burying himself deep inside of you, he came hard. His release triggered yours and you bit down on his shoulder to stifle the scream that tore from your lungs.

You trembled uncontrollably on top of him, thighs squeezing his hips as the high crashed over you.

Shin-ah whimpered as your hot walls convulsed around him, milking rope after thick rope of cum from his cock, shooting it deep inside of you. His fingers dug into your hips and he kissed you sloppily, disoriented from how sensitive he was balls-deep inside of you.

He didn’t pull out of you right away, opting to stay buried in your sweet cunt until your skin grew clammy and the sweat dried on your face.

“Shin-ah,” You whined childishly as you came back down from the spontaneous orgasm he had just given you in your favorite garden. “Wha… What was that about?”

Winding his arms around you, he nuzzled into your chest, suddenly feeling shy.

“What?” You giggled as he mumbled something from between your breasts, carding your fingers through his hair to soothe him. “You wanna repeat that for me?”

Heat crept up his neck but he blinked up at you owlishly, love reflected in the depths of his eyes that had returned back to their beautiful and striking golden color.

“I love you, too.” Shin-ah echoed softly.

A wide smile broke out on your face and you bit your lip.

“Yeah?” You laughed as he carefully rearranged your dress back over your shoulders and draped the skirts over your legs.

Your lips ghosted over the shell of his ear, curling in a smirk against the soft cartilage cheekily.

“It’s a good thing I’m all yours then.”

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