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go-askalice · 1 year

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A Very Unhappy Unbirthday || closed

in which Alice receives some news on a day that is not her birthday, but might as well be

takes place on feb. 28, but i finished early so i am posting this early

cw: parents being shitty especially in regards to finances and being emotionally manipulative

The moment Alice sees her mother in the living room reading a newspaper in the morning, she should realize something was wrong. But Alice is still in her pajamas, blinking away last night’s dream from her eyes, when she sees her mother. Her mother, who barely lifts her eyes from the newspaper when she speaks next.

“Why are you still in your pajamas?” And without waiting for an answer, “You know the house rules.”

Yes, Alice knows the house rules. The house rules say that pajamas are only for bedrooms and that coming down for breakfast means being changed. The other thing about the house rules, though, is that it is so easy to ignore them, since Alice’s mother and father are the only ones who care about those rules and they’re not even in the house enough for those rules to apply. The last time Alice saw both her parents in the morning was around Christmas time. Not that this is both her parents, though. It is just her mother, though the fact that it is morning is odd enough.

Before Alice can ask what she is doing here or even say that she will go upstairs and change, her mother stands up.

“We have reservations at Remy’s for dinner at 6:30 pm. Be ready. Elizabeth and her husband will be there as well.”

Alice nods. She ducks her head down. Her mother always has a way of making her feel very, very small, like she was a little girl in school again, getting scolded for looking out the window instead of paying attention to maths.

A bird chirps outside the window just then. Alice wants to look at it, but she folds her hands behind her back and nods for a second time.

“Go get dressed,” says her mother. “I want to have breakfast in fifteen minutes.” She walks past Alice without so much as a warm smile on her face.

It is only after Alice walks back upstairs that she remembers it is maybe sort of kind of her birthday.

—

Alice does not like telling people about her birthday. It is a weird non-day, anyway. February the 29th, a day that only happens once every four years. Alice barely thinks about it most years, though every four years she does try to do something special, something she will remember. When she turned 24, she went cliff diving in Thailand. When she turned 20, she threw a little party at Hatter’s where everyone sipped tea and painted pictures of each other. When she was 16, she and some friends went to London for the weekend. When she was 12, she went to the bowling alley in NTO.

Having a child whose birthday only came around every four years must’ve been a relief for her parents, Alice sometimes thinks to herself. Not that they ever do much. They give her a card every year and some pocket money, which is fine by Alice. Two times in the past, when she turned 8 and when she turned 12, they had dinner on the day of. When she turned 16 and 20, they had it a few days after — more convenient for their schedules.

Alice wasn’t in the country when she turned 24.

It is strange, then, that they’d have dinner today, which is not Alice’s birthday.

—

Throughout the day, Alice thinks various different things about this upcoming birthday dinner which might not be a birthday dinner

At first she is doubtful — surely this cannot be for her birthday. It’s not her birthday, not really. And they’ve never cared before.

In the afternoon her father comes home. He greets her with a smile, and then Alice begins to wonder if maybe, just maybe, they do actually care this year. Her father smiles more than her mother. Well, he smiles at her more. Alice theorizes that her mother smiled too much when she was a model and that zapped all the smiles out of her. She told her mother this theory once, when she was little, and her mother snapped at her and told her to stop making up stories.

Later on, when she dabs yellow paint on a canvas, Alice thinks she’s being silly. Silly, silly, silly Alice. This is just a coincidence. Maybe it’s an important holiday she forgot about. Maybe Elizabeth is telling them all that she is having another child. SIlly, silly, silly Alice for thinking that this is about her.

And then, Alice is getting ready, and she looks in her closet, and picks a dress she thinks her mum will like the best.

—

Maybe there is something pathetic in how excited she feels.

But this is the first time in years that the whole family is having a nice meal together outside of a holiday. Or a birthday. Not Alice’s birthday. They meet for the other birthdays, the normal ones, the ones that fall on the same day every year. Not Alice’s various unbirthdays.

Maybe it is her birthday dinner. Maybe it isn’t.

Whatever it is, Alice sits at the table in Remy’s. She sits up very straight and keeps her elbows off the table, just like her mother would want. She lets her father order appetizers and wine, and she thinks about getting the butternut squash ravioli when the waiter comes back.

There is idle chatter and Alice says what she is supposed to, because she’s learned after years and years how to play the part that she needs to perfectly. This earns her some approving nods and smiles. Alice places her order and her mother makes a comment about watching out for carbs, and then Alice changes her order to a salad.

“Well, now that we’ve taken care of that,” says her mother, once the waiter heads off. “It’s time we talk about what why we’ve come here tonight.”

Alice glances up. Could it be? Are they actually going to make this a birthday dinner? She sucks in a breath, lifting her gaze to her parents. Everyone is looking at her. Her mother, her father, Elizabeth, Elizabeth’s boring husband. Are they going to bring out a cake? Alice has always wanted to go to one of those restaurants on her birthday where they bring out a cake. Not that Remy’s is that type of place. Not that her family are those types of people. But —

She can hope.

She hopes and hopes and hopes so hard that she misses what her mother says next.

Alice blinks.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “What did you just say?”

Her mother shakes her head, the corner of her mouth tugging down.

“This is what I mean. Alice, dear. You can’t keep being distracted like this. That’s part of the reason we’re doing this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Alice. You need to find a job.”

“I — I have a job.” Alice feels like she’s missed a stepped on the stairs. Like she’s a magician’s wine glass and the magician has pulled the table cloth from beneath her, only the magician is an amateur who can’t quite control the glass when it goes spinning and clattering.

“A real job,” says Elizabeth. “With a salary.”

“But I like my job.”

Elizabeth looks at her husband. She sighs deeply. Alice’s mother tsks her tongue. Her father shakes his head. Alice blinks. She’s confused, unsure of why they’re doing this at Remy’s, on her birthday, of all days.

Well, not really her birthday. Close enough to her birthday. Close enough to her birthday that she really believed it could've been her birthday.

“We’re giving you the next month, Alice,” says her mother. “And by then, you will quit your little tea job and start at InterPride. I have an interview lined up for you next week in the marketing department.”

“Oh that’s perfect!” chimes Elizabeth. “That way you can still be creative.”

“They do wonderful work for charity,” says her father. He nods.

“I don’t want to work in the marketing department,” Alice says, slowly. “I want to work at Hatter’s.”

“Alice Gwendolyn Liddell-Kingsleigh.” Her mother’s voice slices through the air. “Let me make this perfectly clear to you: if you want to be part of this family, if you want all the benefits that entails — your room, for instance, and all the money you spend — then you will quite Hatter’s and take this job at InterPride. It’s literally being handed to you. Can’t you just listen for once?”

“I don’t want to work there!” Alice’s voice ticks up ever so slightly, but one glare from her mother and she folds it back. She clears her throat. “I just want to… make art. And make tea. And just be happy.”

“And what do you think that happiness costs, Alice? I know you pretend that you can live barefoot and fancy free off in Thailand or whatever, but we get your hotel bills and your airline bills and all the charges you put on the credit card in our names. It is not an insignificant amount of money. Far more than you'd earn on a barista's wages.”

Alice doesn’t have a good answer to that. She looks at the tablecloth. The very boring white tablecloth. Travel is expensive. Art supplies are expensive. Living the way Alice is used to — without worrying about what she’s spending, all in the pursuit of adventure — is expensive.

“Come on, Alice,” says Elizabeth. Her voice is warm. She reaches to pat Alice’s hand, like Alice is a little girl again. “It’ll be fun! You’ve had your time getting to be a child, but now it’s time to grow up, okay?”

“It’ll be good for you,” says her father.

“By the end of the month,” warns her mother. She’s never had time for sugar coating. Alice can feel her stare boring into the top of her head. “If you are not heading to InterPride for work on April the first, you will be out of our house instead. Do you hear me?”

Slowly, Alice nods. Her heart races. She’s trying to think of an escape plan. Stay with Hatter? Stay with Mirabel? Stay with Jessica? She has friends. She can lean on her friends. But for how long? She can’t crash on Hatter’s couch forever. She refuses to watch their kindness turn to pity, then to resentment. She won’t watch it happen.

And — and at the same time, she also wants her mother to love her.

Her mother, her father, Elizabeth. Even Elizabeth’s boring husband. She wants them to love her. She wants to be part of this family, not just for the money, but because — because they’re her family and she wants them to love her for no reason, the same way she still loves them for no reason.

She feels her throat close up. She takes a shaky breath.

“Why are you telling this to me on my birthday?” Alice won’t cry. She won’t cry. Crying about this is silly. Crying in front of her parents is sillier. She holds her head up high and does not look at any of them.

“Oh, Alice, silly girl.” Her mother laughs. “Today isn’t your birthday.”

#a very unhappy unbirthday #closed

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compassionatereminders · 1 month

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You know, time is weird. It was almost two years ago that I excitedly dropped in your askbox I was getting married. And it happened last month on Feb 29th.

It also made me realize that I’ve been following you for years. I think you’re the blog I’ve followed the longest and one of two blogs that I’ll frequently back read when I’ve disappeared for awhile because I don’t want to miss anything.

Mostly just wanted to express that your blog is amazing and your presence matters and I hope things look up for you soon because you deserve it.

Also, Kumi wants to show her smooshy face.

This means so much coming from you! You are, in my opinion, and without exaggeration, one of the best bloggers in this corner of tumblr. I'm continually impressed with the posts you write at @traumasurvivors and @borderlinereminders! Like I wish I had what YOU have and admire you and your words and perspectives lots. And I am so, so happy to hear that you're now married! Big congratulations. I'm sending my love to you and your partner (and Kumi, of course!) ❤️

#chat with kat #kind asks

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baxterbella · 3 years

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cannot stop thinking of max minghella in spiral

#text: mine #guys my movie theatre drought ended today #last time i had been was feb 29th last year

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just-like-playing-tag · 3 years

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A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2020 - June 13, 2021

2019-2020

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: It's our first morning

Date: Aug 20th, 2020 Time: ~ 2:18 h I really like how this one turned out!!! The 2020 Emma b-day edit has a lot of major panel redraws, but this is probably my favorite. I I really enjoy how I made the shadows work!! And the ear banfage looks pretty neat. Nice!!! Immagine

#2: Norman birthday edit 2021

Date: Mar 20th, 2021 Time: ~ 2:21 h Awww, soft Norman :') There was a bit to redraw, but I think everything turned out pretty neat!!! I believe everything works out fine. Though looking back at it, the part of the ID I added is definitely top small :')

#3: Manga dub: Yuugo gets knocked out

Date: Mar 27th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:05 h Here start the Manga Dub redraws to which I gave my everything ahah. This one turned out nice! I think the shoes turned out particularly good eheh. I like how Yuugo's clothing lineart- for the texture, I wanted to go for something heterogeneous, but I'm not fully confident in the final result. Gilda looks very rushed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#4: Manga dub: Yuugo makes his dramatic entrance

Date: Apr 5th, 2021 Time: ~ 4:02 h This is pretty cool!!!! The coat took ages to redraw, but sis it turned out perfect!!! I'm very proud of this.

#5: Manga dub: RayGildEmma hug!!!

Date: Apr 9th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:31 h Awww, a beautiful panel I was really happy to have the chance to redraw. Taking into account what there was to redraw, I'm actually surprised with how little this took! Ray's backpack was a pain to make, but I think it turned out fine. I'm very happy with Emma and Ray's heads!!

#6: Manga dub: Formalities

Date: Apr 12th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:31 h It is not always easy to give sense to Demizu's perspective, but I do my best!!! In this I am *so* happy with how Don and Ray turned out, they look neat! The background on the other hand... It took hours to make ahah. I'm not fully confident in the perspective, but I'm happy with the details I've added- I really did my best to make it look like athe other manga panels and I think it paid off!!!

#7: Manga dub: We may be weaklings, but we're still alive

Date: Apr 30th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:37 h This little Emma is so cute!!!!!! I think the redraw turned out pretty perfect. I'm really satisfied with how this one turned out, and it's such a cute little Emma!!!! She's so brave and optimistic, I love her. It's a shame this panel didn't make it to the episode :')

#8: Manga dub: Goldy Pond Gang

Date: May 7th, 2021 Time: ~ 8:44 h lmao This is probably the panel redraw I'm the most proud of ever :') Just think everyone turned out very nice!! The ceiling is not exactly perfect, but it still works somehow. I'm very happy with how Gillian's back turned out!! I don't really like the fading effect on the right, but 8h in I got pretty tired of working on this ahah

#9: Manga dub: This is Goldy Pond

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 1:29 h I'm very glad for how the Manga dub has been challenging me to learn to redraw backgrounds, something I had quite literally never tried before. It can be a little frustrating, but it's so satisfying to see the final cleaned piece!! With this panel, I also learnt to use copy and paste, which is something I had never done before beyond texture

#10: Manga dub: Good morning doctor

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 3:42 h This is another background that turned out pretty good!! That one Norman is one I knew I would have had to fully redraw sooner or lager- the background was a bonus ahah. I'm very happy with the final result!!

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: The Promised Neverland manga ending edit

Date: Jun 14th 2020 Time: ~ 12h 41min (5h 45min of cleaning panels in the edit + 5h 37min of cleaning panels that didn't make it to the edit + 1h 19min of resizing) + time spent cleaning panels I've deleted the file of so I can't see lmao This is overall very nice!!! The concept of an Emma evolution through her back is cool, and I think overall the edit turned out very aesthetically pleasing. The concept idea came to me while I was working on the 2019 Emma's birthday edit, a long time before the manga ending announcement- back then I wouldn't have imagined using it in occasion of the manga ending, but I think it ended up making a nice tribute. The colors add a nice touch, since so far my edits had always been black and white- it makes a sweet closure. To make that edit I selected 76 panels of Emma framed from her back; I plan to make other versions of that edit using the discarded panels eventually!

#2: Emma - Chapter 181: Beyond Destiny

Date: Jul 12th 2020 Time: 2h 57min My last edit for the manga 🥺🥺 I think this one is my very "manga ending edit" because to me it really signed the ending of weekly chapters and their weekly chapter edits. It makes me a little sad to look at it, but it's also, I don't know, kinda sweet to see how I grew both in my panel cleaning and as a person since I first started my blog. I'm glad I got into TPN!

#3: Emma birthday edit 2020

Date: Aug 22nd 2020 Time: 8h 54min This one turned out so well!!! Though I used the same concept for all the trio edits, I think this one is the best one. The two panels on the left / two panels on the right alternation combo never fails ahah. The colors are nice (shout-out to my sister for making me a palette), despite the fact that it was hard for the lighter ones to make them work with the images without having those disappear. I'm very satisfied with the panels I chose for this, I think they work really good together! Also, it got me very happy to read everyone's comments saying they liked the fading effect in the last panel :)

#4: Emma + Eyes Close Ups [1/?]

Date: Jan 24th 2021 Time: 5h 55min This one was really nice!! Another idea I got when working on the 2019 Emma birthday edit I was glad to finally execute. Started the edit in September, finished it in December. I'm overall very happy with how it turned out... I hope I will be able to make more in the future!

#5: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (9/?) » 114 // 122

Date: Feb 23th 2021 Time: 5h 7min (panel cleaning only) Aaaaahh I really like this one!!!! A parallel I love very much, and I'm really happy with how the edit turned out. All the hair redrawing looks neat!!!! The gif is maybe a little excessive, but I think overall it's a nice edit. I like it!!! Fun fact, I completed it on August 26th 2020, but I couldn't find the right moment to post it ahah.

Honorable mention: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (5/?) » 08 // 16

Date: Aug 30th 2020 Time: 2h 52min (Second picture cleaning only; I deleted the first picture art file so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) I don't have much to say about this one except!! It turned out very nice!!!!! Love the pen lmao.

Top 10 analysis:

Too many analysis,,

#1: Post chapter 181 Emma analysis

Date: Jul 9th 2020 Mmmh a nice analysis. I think it was important for me to put down in words what I think of Emma's characterization and the manga ending, so I'm happy I did it!

#2: A long Oliver analysis because I love him very much

Date: Dec 6th 2020 What can I say I just love Oliver tons 😔😔💕💕 This was very fun to make!!!

#3: TPN s2 previsions

Date: Jan 14th 2021 Really love the effort that went into this + me proving that 11 episodes GP could have possibly worked + it's just a lot of fun to read again after s2 ended pffft

#4: More s2 delusional previsions lmao

Date: Jan 27th 2021 I think the points and previsions I made where pretty neat!! In my defense, it was pretty impossible to predict the anime would have ended with this season. I always feel honoured when friends and Anon ask for my opinion, I'm like "you wanna know what I think? Wow. I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍) " Thank you to anyone who ever sent me an ask!!

#5: Why Emma not wearing pants is 𝕨𝕣𝕠𝕟��

Date: Jan 29th 2021 Really proud of this!!! Pants Emma is important!!!!!

#6: Post episode 5 manga Emma analysis

Date: Feb 4th 2021 A depressed analysis, but a necessary one 😔

#7: Norman analysis

Date: Feb 12th 2021 I love him!!!! And I'm happy I eventually got to put down in words what I love about his character. The day I posted this ww3.readneverland was in maintenance so I couldn't use the volume scans for it- the thought of that post having fan edited and fan translated scans still haunts me

#8: RayDon rambles

Date: May 12th 2021 I had a blast writing this and like. It's likely the post of mine I reread more often of them all. I love this ship tons!!!!! I'm satisfied with how I put down in words what I like about them. I LOVE THIS SHIP

#9: Chapter 58 analysis

Date: May 23th 2021 I've wanted to express this concept since like the first time reading the manga- I'm so happy I finally did!!!! This concept is one of my absolute favorite things about tpn- the feelings that people are good. The concept that kids who got to live in an healthy and supportive environment will always be inclined to kindness and altruism, because humans are just inherently good. From the Three Character Classic: “people at birth are inherently good”. I want to have faith and courage to hold on the goodness in myself, and to hold on the goodness in the world, no matter how difficult it to do that (Chloé Zhao).

#10: Norman and Lambda squad relationship analysis

Date: May 24th 2021 I think this was a pretty sharp analysis and I like what I did with it!!

Other stuff:

#1: Krone birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th 2020 This edit is so good ;; Like not perfect since it was my first attempt at coloring gifs but still I believe it turned out so good ;;;;;; The time and effort that went unto this is crazy, but... Maybe I'm happy to have dedicated time to something I like for a satisfying result.

#2: Get to know my ship- Wolfpack Trio

Date: Aug 24th 2020 Uuuh a good post. A good ship.

#3: Gilda + blank glasses

Date: Aug 27th 2020 This is such a cute nice compilation!!! I love looking at it. A few panels are missing but still :')

#4: Apollo Ray AU

Date: Sep 7th 2020 (Though it was written Sep 2nd 2019 lmao) I'm so happy I finally gathered the courage to post this 😭😭 I really enjoy what I did with this AU, so this one and its other installments are all posts I have a lot of fun rereading. More than everything, I was astounded and overjoyed by the positive response it got: that gave me tons of confidence to put my ideas out there, no matter how unique they sound!!! Here's to hoping I will be able to post my RayEmma Hadestown AU, by other big AU from late summer 2019 :')

#5: TPN timeline project

Date: Dec 2nd 2020 This is like. I don't know it's a lot ahah. Arguably the project I'm the most proud of ever making. I'm just so happy of all the months long hard work and of the final result!! The post didn't receive much response (though the ones I got were extremely kind and sweethearted so that totally makes up for it), but in the end I don't really mind? I'm just so proud I accomplished that idea :')

#6: TPN calendar

Date: Jan 4th 2021 A nice sum of the tpn timeline + everyone's birth dates!!! I really like how it turned out visually. It's a cute little tpn calendar!!!

#7: Ray smiles compilation

Date: Jan 17th 2021 Ray's smile. That's it that's the post :')

#8: Trans Oliver headcanons

Date: Jan 24th 2021 MMMH really like this headcanon I think about it a lot

#9: Thoma and Lani theory

Date: Jan 28th 2021 I really don't want to brag but this is the best joke I've ever made :')

#10: My TPN AUs

Date: May 10th 2021 Ok you gotta admit those are very good AUs, I'm glad to have made a list out of them!!!

#11: Ranking Emma promotional art outfits

Date: May 16th 2021 This is one people seem to have liked a lot which makes me happy ahah. I'm glad to know we can all agree Emma deserves more pants outfits!! Please stop it with the gendered clothing :') This is the post I want to be remembered for

#12: TPN musicals AU part 2

Date: May 20th 2021 A GREAT POST I can't stretch enough how happy I am with those character-song associations. I hope I have time to make a part 3 in the future!!

#13: TPN Drive folder

Date: May 30th 2021 This was born as a way for me to have all the tpn extra contents easily accessible, but I'm happy to have shared it with people- I hope it will turn out to be useful to others too!

#14: TPN s2 recolorings

Date: Jun 12th 2021 A more diverse children cast is good for the soul :')

That's it, this year was really fun!! Thank you to everyone who supported me through it, I can't express how grateful I am for all the kindness and validation I received. Here's to many more months in the fandom!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

#mine #tpn #the promised neverland #tpn manga spoilers #Tumblr: *literally refuses to let me open the post*#Me: *Turns on my computer* B*TCH YOU THOUGHT I'M POSTING THIS TODAY AND NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME #Been working on this for four hours now.. I'm literally dead...#Also thank you Tutu for deleting the other post you're the sweetest :')#Once again this is just a personal report you don't have to read all (or any) of it unless you want to :)#Ok to reblog btw #I'll click the post button now I don't want to hear anyrhing else

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radiosandrecordings · 4 years

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Okay so I think I have a definitive timespace Jon and Martin’s birthdays could be. Both turn 28 between mid August 2015 and 28 February 2016.

This is because, by my math the earliest the archival team could have moved in would be August 2nd, as August 1st 2015 is the day the last statement is given on paper before the next statement given (Ep 13, Alone) is given on tape, seemingly Jon’s preferred method, so the paper statements were likely from before he became Head Archivist. We know that both Jon and Martin’s birthday’s happened after this time as both were present at the other’s, with Jon’s specifically happening after he was made Head Archivist, and, as the live show establishes, Jon and Martin only met for the first time on their first day in the Archives, not knowing each other when Jon worked in research and Martin worked in the library (so it would be impossible for him to have been at Martin’s ice cream birthday). I also say mid because it just doesn’t feel like something they would have done immediately off the bat, so it was probably at least a week or so on from then that they were organised as a group enough that they went out together for an event.

For the February 28th date, Martin was trapped in his apartment by Prentiss the evening Jon recorded Carlos Vittery’s statement, 13 days before Martin gave his statement (ep 22, Colony) on February 29th (Because 2016 was a leap year). Judging by the tone of the recording of Jon’s birthday, it’s unlikely to have been after Martin was living in the archives and terrorised by worms, so we can say that Jon’s birthday is before Feb 28th.

This is also helped by the fact that August and February are six months apart, and Jonny stated in one of the Q&A’s (Possibly the S3 patreon one?) that Jon and Martin are likely within 6 months of each other age wise. Due to the fact that his birthday happened first, this would also imply that Martin is older than Jon by 6 months of less.

If you’re being REALLY pedantic we also know that Jon’s birthday fell on a week day, and likely so was Martin’s as they likely went out after work, so you can do your own checks of what dates fell on weekdays/weekends in late 2015/early 2016.

My personal headcanon is that Martin has a mid/late August birthday, like the 20th? Which would make sense of why they did a summery activity like ice cream, and it also would line up with the fact that he was 17 when he left school after finishing his GCSE’s if after school ended he had a summer birthday, immediately making him 17. It being early in their Team Archives thing would also explain why Jon easily forgot about it, he didn’t care about Martin besides being an annoyance at the time and was still new to his job as Head Archivist, perhaps not even having figured out how to record properly yet, and thus was very stressed at the time and just struggling to retain anything not work (hyperfixation) related, and then infodumping about emulsifiers because of it, the ADHD icon.

I wanted to make Jon’s birthday Halloween for the hilarity of that, but it was a Saturday in 2015 so rip. Maybe December 1st? Gives them enough time to have settled into the archives that they’re all pretty good friends, enough that they’d throw him a party, but nothing awful has happened yet, even Naomi Herne hasn’t come in with their first live statement.

#My Post #I am 90% I have put more thought into this than Jonny has #The Magnus Archives #Jonathan Sims #Martin Blackwood #Jonmartin

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thetimelessdreams · 2 years

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30 lives

A soul lives only 30 lives. (demo version here)

No more or less.

I had this idea for a story back in October 2020, I remember telling my classmate Lidka about it. She said that would be awesome

I totally forgot I had this draft until I played the Imagine Dragons song again yesterday.

Since I am a 10th grader, a lot of things happened to me, I found new friends, I lost someone so dear to me and then I got inspired to write again, thank you for everything Ju.K and P.K, I feel so a l i v e.

— duxkin, feb 3rd '22

『✃』

this is just part 1, I will write two more for the two souls...

him and her.

it won't be lengthy. count on that, I'm too tired but also inspired!

...

if someone from my class reads this:

hey what's up guys? how's school?

Rebirth exists.

I exist.

I am a 45000-year-old soul.

Souls, like me, choose when to be reborn and in what. We all can pick also where to be born. Well, I was testing it all till the end. I was always spinning the wheel on a random place to be born.

The choice was getting different with the eras, said my older friends who sadly, don't exist anymore. The reason is that we get to 30 lives. No more or less. 30 seems like a big number but the life I will be choosing now is my 30th. When it's over, I will disappear. This is the last chance to live, breathe and love. Till the end. I don't know what will happen next. But why would we jump so far? There is no future without a past, they say. So, shall we begin?

I still remember back in that time when I was a wild animal before the ice age, it was a wonderful time to be alive. Especially as the predator, I lived to be. Maybe my friend was my beloved, my child or even prey in those unknown and long forgotten lives.

We will never know.

Then my second life was the prey and I was killed by a human this time. Ugh, that death really hurt me back then. I perished in front of my parents. My huge body fell on the ground like a huge timber. I was something resembling the elephants today, a mammoth was it?

Then I wished to be a human but the wheel had to decide where I'd live. I never picked a place for once in these 30 lives, I was just summoned in Europe and Asia mostly.

Next — I was a Roman soldier's wife, then — a Greek girl killed by an earthquake — a pigeon that lived long and safe in the lands of Bulgaria's First Kingdom.

So, it turned out my best friend, who is also a soul was always with me anywhere, in every life. How cute. I learnt it at the end of his road. That he chased me. For instance, such things happened 8 times, in my 5th, 11th, 12th, 23rd, 24th 26th, 27th and 29th lives. He felt like he would fail to preserve me. But he was always near me like something attracted him. I loved his confessions when I could be close to him, I felt the same feelings. Even we sense what others see in us. This is what it takes to feel...some more, some none, but we have always felt this affection. Life pulled us together like a magnet, which our friends said was unique. No one of them found a love for eternity. That was too heartbreaking for me than I supposed. Even now I tear up when talking about this.

In some of the others, he was my friend, dog, parent. But still with me. I was so glad. Some of my lives were absolutely boring, especially when I was a Spanish princess in the XVII century. He couldn't talk with me between the worlds sadly. This is why he chased me. Adorable, isn't it?

Our 29th life was the worst...he was an animal runt. More specifically, Ciconia, a white stork. I'd been his mother, who killed him ruthlessly, without feeling grieved even for once. But sorry never made it feel alright. It is nature, you can't change it.

Now he and I will decide on living together as human beings in an alternative future. Lives were going faster and faster, until my friend and I decided to stop wasting our thirty lives so early before seeing a really distant future. Then he started speaking about his experiences.

— Man, never had luck. I was prey, then predator killed from the humans, then a Roman soldier, who died in a war, a father of a girl that died in an earthquake, and I was a king or a tsar...Boris the First?

— He is a Kniaz. I read some book about it in my previous life...

— Oh, I see. Sounds prestigious. Alright and then I was a British hero, grandson of a crusader, a brave general. I died in the 100-year war trying to get home to my Edward. Damn it, how did I get shot with a poisonous arrow then. My wife, my child, I wish to see them someday, I can't let anything happen to them...and then I was brave, but a crazy king. I was hit with a hammer in my head and survived that!

— Hey, it's too late now. We can choose our future but never change our past. After all, without the past, there isn't a present, so there is no future either.

— You are right and be sure. I will always chase after you, in every timeline, in every memory and in every life. It's always nice to talk to you. I feel you so close...But I have a question...

— What is it?

— You've never been a man, why so?

— I just feel like being a girl has always been better, they are stronger mentally and live longer... — he smirked because he's always been a guy. — ...and what is your argument about never being a woman?

— That's very tricky, especially in these Medieval times, most women have no rights! And men are physically stronger, wars kill us. I suggest that we better live our 30th life in a time where healthcare is free, just like education and there's more equality for us. Particularly in a good country, economically well and to embrace society on a very great level. Also, a plague comes soon. I heard from someone.

— Fair enough, let's wait though. Like...800 years...?

And that's what we both did. The time flew quicker than we both believed it will be. He showed me so much wisdom, I was always thankful for that...

But I am afraid that our life begins now. And the wheel was spinning gracefully again, with no rust or dirt on it. What magic!

— Damn it, it's a communist country!

— The wheel said so, don't dare disagree with it. Our last life will be long and beautiful!

— Good luck, beloved.

I nodded and we both jumped in the portal that the wheel made. I will always miss this beautiful, loud and loathsome looking wheel of fortune. He grinned like a child and bid his farewell.

— Lay me down...again my friend...we will meet...soon.

#imagine dragons #30 lives #imagine dragons 30 lives

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daemonmatthias · 3 years

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Birthday Ideas? :)

This coming Friday (Feb 26) is my 29th birthday. I wasn't really planning much. Usually my birthday is the last week of a grading period and this time it's finally not (thanks to delays to the start of the school year). I just wanted to take the day off and enjoy being home- read, watch a couple of comfort movies, etc.

But after this winter storm, idk if I can feasibly take Friday off. Idk yet what the expectations are going to be for handling this week and a half the kids just had off. In fact, we don't even know yet if any of the buildings have damage/burst pipes/etc.

I don't really want to do anything big. I like a more chill but still Different and Special kind of vibe. Usually my "quiet" birthdays consist of like going out to a nicer restaurant for dinner, going to the movies, Robert makes me a paleo-friendly cake, etc. He's planning on making brownies this year instead of a cake, but other than that.... We got nothing.

How should I celebrate my birthday?

What kind of meal should I ask Robert to make? (He's a great cook! He said he'll make me "anything reasonable", so y'know, nothing wildly expensive or that require a bunch of special tools.)

What can I do that evening that's Special but covid-appropriate?

I probably want to go on a hike that weekend since the weather didn't cooperate with our plans for this month's hike- should I request we go to the further away trails that I've been curious about or do a new trail at our usual place?

Anything else I can/should do to celebrate that will make the weekend feel Special without being big/loud/too much/unsafe?

#birthday #covid birthday #this winter storm really threw a wrench into a lot of different things...

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findingmypeace · 3 years

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There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with ending that job today. You owe her nothing, this is a work at will situation. While it’s a nice gesture to stick around & train someone, your sanity is more important. You wouldn’t encourage someone to “push through” a debilitating physical ailment, this may feel different, but it isn’t. Also the mom did nothing on her end to resolve the situation or make things easier on you, so not having a replacement for you would just be a consequence of her inaction

You’re right. I wouldn’t encourage someone to push through and I don’t owe her anything. At the same time I feel like the history stands for something and I would be ruining the blessing that this job was for me 10 yrs ago. When I got this job I had been unemployed and applying for jobs for over a year. I even had to move home and back into my parents house because I couldn’t afford to live on my own out of state. Everything came together in my life when I got this job. I was able to buy my first car, I started grad school, I moved back out on my own (for a 1 1/2yrs and then the family I was living with-in a granny flat-moved away so I had to move back in with my parents) and this job was a job I actually enjoyed. Their youngest child was born while I was working for them. The 12 yr old who gives me so much trouble now was only 2. It allowed me to do my schoolwork while the older kids were at school. It was such a blessing. It’s so hard knowing it’s not like that anymore. That it’s such a miserable place to be now. That job gave me everything in a time when I was really struggling. But now it’s causing the struggling.

Anyway, to answer your question, my Mom, EMDR therapist, psychiatrist, and regular therapist have all encouraged me to give her a final date. I want to give her until Feb. 15th but my Mom wants me to give her 2 weeks which would mean my last day would Jan. 28th because I have ECT on Jan. 29th (which is also the anniversary of my suicide attempt :/). Regardless, the bottom line is there has to be a deadline. It can’t be that I’ll stay indefinitely until she finds someone new. I need a light at the end of the tunnel. I may be a push over but I think I’m going to give her until Feb. 15th. I’m only working 3 days a week now so that should help.

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valentinepills · 3 years

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The Timeline

A year ago in March 2020, I was newly returning back to work after recovering from a severe skin infection. I was on painkillers and several rounds of antibiotics throughout January and February 2020. It was a hard time recovering and for a second there, I thought I was going to die. My blood sugar was through the roof, inflammation and infection were forming a lethal combination. Emergency doctor was grateful I came in when I did because if I had waited any longer I would have lost the battle. My vitals and condition were so unstable that the surgeon did not feel safe operating on me. I had to heal with medicine, quarantine and bed rest.

That took a hard hit to my finances. Behind in rent and bills. In late November in to December 2019 I was just out of work for 2 weeks with an unexplained condition with my lungs. My lungs were inflamed, I had a dry cough but no fluid being brought up. I had terrible night sweats and difficulty breathing. I was given antibiotics, anti-inflammatory medicine and steroids in addition to my daily inhaler and Ventolin inhaler for emergencies. So that's a timeline for ya.

NOV - DEC 2019 Lung Problems

JAN - FEB 2020 Skin Infection

FEB - MAR 2020 Return to Work

MAR 16, 2020 The World Shuts Down.

April comes and I'm hopeful. I begin cutting back on smoking cigarettes. I wasn't a heavy smoker to begin with, but I was definitely smoking 10-15 cigarettes on a bad day; 8-10 on a regular day. I remember saying to Martina and DJ,

"When I take my last puff, that's all it will be. I won't remember the day. I won't say to anyone that I've quit because they will remember. It'll be all they talk about but I don't want to hear any of it. Talking about smoking all the time doesn't help me."

Sometime in late May I took my last puff of a cigarette. I no longer desired to smoke and no longer craved the taste. I told no one and I have successfully overcome my addiction to cigarettes. I enjoyed a quiet birthday on May 29th and was hopeful that Summer would bring some more joy!

Start of Summer in to July 2020... Becoming pregnant should have been a happy occasion for an engaged couple. It wasn't for us. When I learned I was pregnant, my body was in distress. I didn't know what was happening, but my body was in pain. Everyday it got a little bit worse. At this point I had been cigarette free for about 2 months and I had no cycle for 2 months. Extreme Sciatica and Arthritis pain crippled me and suddenly I began seeing spots of blood. I was rushed to the emergency room and learned that I was 14 weeks pregnant. I was ordered to bed rest and limit my movement. We were thrilled but terrified. DJ's hours were cut, but I was working from home. We exhausted our funds to make bed rest as comfortable as possible. Mid July comes and at 16.5 weeks of pregnancy, I miscarried. My sac ripped. I was in so much pain. DJ's heart broke and my heart crumbled. I was looking at a 4 to 6 week recovery but in fact, it took 8 weeks for my body to return to normal. That's a timeline for ya.

APR - MAY 2020 Transition from Moderate to Non Smoker.

JUN - JUL 2020 Becomes Ill, Learns Shes Pregnant!

MID JULY 2020 Suffers Miscarriage

JULY - AUG 2020 Recovery from Miscarriage

SEP 2020 - DEC 2020 I'm recovered and preparing for the next obstacle in my way. My father became ill and was hospitalized. No one could visit him, but suddenly one day, they allowed my mother to go to his room. Nearly two weeks later, my mother tested positive for COVID-19. She battled that for weeks and while all of that was going on Martina had a health scare too in September. Things were going crazy everywhere. As we battled through Autumn, I dealt with my hearing becoming significantly worse. Wisdom Tooth, Jaw Joint and Ear Pain-Infection-Inflammation. Trying to visit a doctor in person was a struggle. I kept being denied an in-person appointment because of my symptoms. I call with symptoms, they make me do a test, I test negative but they would make me quarantine for 14 days and then I call again to make an in-person appointment because my symptoms have worsened... the cycle repeats. I ended up being rushed to the emergency room because I had chills, shakes, sweats and I couldn't hold my head up anymore. 14 days of antibiotics and drops. Finally got some relief.

JANUARY 2021 - CURRENT I was done with 2020. I didn't think things could get any worse until January 30th. My best friend unexpectedly died. Martina and I talked so much about our lives, our goals and our hardships. I always thought that because of my many illnesses that I would leave here first. She hated when we got on that subject but we talked about it in depth many times throughout our friendship. After the miscarriage, I told her I wasn't sure if I would ever become a mother. When Martina passed away after talking with our mutual mentor, confidant and former co-worker Mrs. McCreary, it occurred to me that my life may have an entirely different purpose than how I may have envisioned it to be.

I've spend these days and nights in mourning. The day Martina died, I wasn't aware that she had passed on that day but when I woke in the morning, I felt heavy and full of sorrow. I said to DJ, "Something is wrong but I don't know what it is. I feel it all in my body." At that time, I had no idea my friend had departed but my spirit knew. I spent that entire day focusing on improving what I thought was a mood. I woke up earlier than usual on Monday, preparing to log in for work. I wanted to talk to Martina but I learned she had died. Suddenly everything I felt that Saturday and Sunday made sense.

I talk to Martina out loud every morning, every day now. I know she can't respond but I believe that she can hear me. She always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. The future brings more sorrow for me but also more clarity. Everyday I'm attuning to my goals. I know that I want to live for as long as possible. I want to be available and able; for me, for DJ and for all of our loved ones including Martina. Her children meant the world to her and if any one of them ever needed me for anything... I want to be available and able to be there for them.

I have a timeline for my future but I'm going to take my time, not waste time.

#sad #sad thoughts #depression #grieving #miscarriage #womenshealth #mental health #ripbestfriend #friendship #infection #quitting smoking #cigarettes

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bthenoise · 3 years

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Live Show Memories: The Last Concerts Your Favorite Bands Attended Before Lockdown

Welp, we’ve officially (and sadly) reached the one-year mark without any live shows. While we know how much of a bummer this can be to think about -- trust us, we know -- we have decided to try and spin this in a lighter, much more positive manner.

Instead of mourning the fact that no one’s been to a “real” live show in over 365 days, how about we look back at some of our last concerts and remember the good times? You know, like when we saw Thrice play Vheissu on their 15-year anniversary tour and we screamed our lungs out to “The Earth Will Shake.”

Looking to compile other fun last show memories, we reached out to bands like State Champs, Neck Deep, August Burns Red, Wage War, The Spill Canvas and more to see what some of their last shows were like.

To see which band members paused their live music run watching Panic! At The Disco or Tool or even Ariana Grande, be sure to look below.

TYLER SZALKOWSKI - STATE CHAMPS

WHO DID YOU SEE: Dan + Shay and The Band Camino

WHERE WAS IT: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH

WHEN WAS IT: March 8th, 2020

HOW WAS IT: Absolutely incredible. It was my second time seeing TBC and like my 5th or 6th seeing D+S and both bands are so freakin’ good live. It was also very cool to see D+S on their own headline arena gig. Big bada$$ production and all that!!

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: I would love to see the 1975!! They’re so good live. Would be a hell of a first gig back!

MATT WEST - NECK DEEP

WHO DID YOU SEE: Blink-182

WHERE WAS IT: Brooklyn, NY

WHEN WAS IT: September 19th, 2019

HOW WAS IT: The show was bittersweet as it was the last date of our tour with Blink-182. I remember the show [being] amazing though, Blink came out and took apart Dani's kit halfway through our last song. Ben got to sing with Blink, so a great way to cap off the tour.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Honestly, fucking anybody, I've forgotten what a gig feels like.

WILL LEVY - THE STORY SO FAR / COLD MOON

WHO DID YOU SEE: The last show I went to I saw the band Young Guv perform and they kicked major ass.

WHERE WAS IT: Rebel Lounge in Phoenix, Arizona.

WHEN WAS IT: The show was on March 10th, 2020.

HOW WAS IT: The show rocked, I think most of us knew that some major change was on the horizon so we lived out the moment to its fullest potential and partied until the sun came up.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: I think I'm most excited to see either HAIM or Billie Eilish once the pandemic is over.

TYLER POSEY

WHO DID YOU SEE: KUT U UP

WHERE WAS IT: San Diego!!!

WHEN WAS IT: Feb 29th, 2020

HOW WAS IT: There was a documentary blink-182 made called Riding In Vans With Boys that featured KUT U UP. This documentary changed my life. Getting to watch KUT U UP AND PLAY WITH THEM!!! Fucking dream come true. I crowd surfed the entire bar.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: I would really love to see phem perform. I’ve gotten really close with her and her music and want to mosh to all of it. Even if I’m by myself.

JB BRUBAKER - AUGUST BURNS RED

WHO DID YOU SEE: Jimmy Eat World

WHERE WAS IT: The Capitol Room at HMAC, Harrisburg, PA

WHEN WAS IT: November 12, 2019

HOW WAS IT: The show was fun. It was a sold out show in a 1,000 capacity venue so it felt intimate. Jimmy Eat World sounds great live and always play well. I went with my wife and our bass player Dustin and his girlfriend. They played all the hits and some fun deep cuts we weren’t expecting!

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Milky Chance

TINO ARTEAGA - OF MICE & MEN

WHO DID YOU SEE: Ghostemane

WHERE WAS IT: The Observatory OC, Orange County, CA

WHEN WAS IT: Around Halloween 2019

HOW WAS IT: Absolutely insane! Listening to his albums is one thing but seeing him live & how loud the bass is & how hard the band goes is next level. The audience goes absolutely bananas as well. It was a really cool performance!

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Would love to go to Furnace Fest to see all the OG metalcore bands perform later this year.

PORTER MCKNIGHT - ATREYU

WHO DID YOU SEE: Nothing More

WHERE WAS IT: House of Blue New Orleans

WHEN WAS IT: 2019

HOW WAS IT: Honestly, if you’ve never seen this band live you’re missing out! Atreyu were off tour so I drove from my home in Alabama to New Orleans and treated myself to a show. We had recently played ShipRocked with Nothing More, but this show blew that one out of the water! Such an energetic, captivating, and honest performance.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Literally ANY BAND… but Nothing More, Turnstile, or Sturgill Simpson would rule.

WAGE WAR

CODY QUISTAD

WHO DID YOU SEE: Dan + Shay, The Band Camino and Ingrid Andress

WHERE WAS IT: Bridgestone Arena. Nashville, Tennessee

WHEN WAS IT: March 7, 2020

HOW WAS IT: It was incredible! Truly one of the best shows I’ve been to.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: LANY

SETH BLAKE

WHO DID YOU SEE: The Acacia Strain, Rotting Out, Creeping Death, Chamber, Fuming Mouth, & Scatter Shot.

WHERE WAS IT: Soundbar, Orlando FL.

WHEN WAS IT: March 5th, 2020. HOW WAS IT: The show was great. Super high-energy crowd packed into an intimate venue. Had a great time watching the bands with a few good friends. I just wish I would have known it was my last concert for the next year+!

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Kublai Khan

CHRIS GAYLORD

WHO DID YOU SEE: Polaris, Wage War, Crystal Lake, Alpha Wolf

WHERE WAS IT: The Tivoli - Brisbane, QLD Australia

WHEN WAS IT: February 29th, 2020

HOW WAS IT: It was our last night on tour together. I remember the show being a blast and the hang backstage being even better. We formed some lasting friendships with Polaris in the US and in Australia and had mixed emotions not knowing the next time we would see each other... not knowing the pandemic would follow.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Architects / Spiritbox

STEPHEN KLUESENER

Last show I saw: A Day To Remember, Falling in Reverse, Fever 333, and Whitechapel

Where: Self Help Fest, Worcester Massachusetts

When: Fall 2019

HOW WAS IT: Weather was perfect, crowd was strong, and ADTR destroyed at the end of the night. It was the first time they had played “Rescue Me” live.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: One of the first bands I want to see when gigs return is Polaris.

JOSH SMITH - NORTHLANE

WHO DID YOU SEE: Tool

WHERE WAS IT: Margaret Court Arena, Melbourne

WHEN WAS IT: Honestly I don’t even remember dude, like everything is a blur since COVID started. This is the last show that I remember. It was about a year ago with some change.

HOW WAS IT: It was incredible. The best production, sound and show I have ever seen. Tool are one of my favorite bands and I had never seen them live after being a fan for 15+ years. I was left absolutely speechless. Mind blown, nothing comes close.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Honestly I’d love to just see Tool again!

NICK VENTIMIGLIA - GRAYSCALE

WHO DID YOU SEE: The Get Up Kids and Dashboard Confessional

WHERE WAS IT: Saint Andrew’s Hall in Detroit, MI

WHEN WAS IT: March 3rd & 4th, 2020

HOW WAS IT: I went to both nights back-to-back actually. It was the 20 year Dashboard anniversary so Chris Carrabba played A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar in its entirety one night and then The Places You Have Come to Fear The Most in its entirety, both sets with some other stuff sprinkled in. I’m a big fan of both bands but it was good to see a lot of these songs I wouldn’t have been able to see probably ever again. There’s nothing better than singing at the top of your lungs to songs that shaped you as a musician and a person in general. My brother Lupe Bustos (The Maine/Dashboard photo) met us after the second night and we all went out with him and the Dashboard guys to have drinks, it was a blast.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: I almost don’t care who it is, I’d just like to get to a show. I’d love to see The Night Game, I would kill to see Poison the Well again at some point. I saw recently they’re playing Furnace Fest in Alabama so I’m glad they’re doing shows again. Honestly, any show will do at this point!

SCOTT CAREY - HOLDING ABSENCE

WHO DID YOU SEE: The 1975

WHERE WAS IT: The Motorpoint Arena, Cardiff

WHEN WAS IT: 23rd Feb 2020 - Right in the middle of recording our new album The Greatest Mistake Of My Life!

HOW WAS IT: Best band I’ve ever seen live. They played a load of older, slower songs which I love. I had to come home from the studio for the day to see them as I wasn’t missing the show - very glad I didn’t miss it!

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: I’ve been spinning the new Teenage Wrist record a LOT recently so I’d love to see them. Or The Cure as I’ve never seen them live!

THE SPILL CANVAS

NICK THOMAS

WHO DID YOU SEE: Noah Gundersen

WHERE WAS IT: The Social - Orlando, FL

WHEN WAS IT: Feb 21st, 2020

HOW WAS IT: His performance was by far one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. I had the goosebump waves nearly every song. It was stunning what he was able to do with just his voice and an acoustic.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Circa Survive on their Blue Sky Noise anniversary tour. It's my favorite album by them, and although I've seen them countless times, it's been quite a while.

LANDON HEIL

WHO DID YOU SEE: Panic! At The Disco.

WHERE WAS IT: Fiserv Forum - Milwaukee, WI

WHEN WAS IT: Jan 27, 2019

HOW WAS IT: I don’t attend concerts much when I’m off tour, but our old guitarist Mike had just joined Panic and was able to get my wife and I some tickets. It was really exciting and slightly surreal to see Mike performing in such a massive venue. They put on an excellent show and we had a great time.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Still need to see John Mayer or Jimmy Eat World live.

BRYCE JOB

WHO DID YOU SEE: Pinegrove

WHERE WAS IT: Icon - Sioux Falls, SD

WHEN WAS IT: Sept 16th, 2019

HOW WAS IT: I absolutely loved being able to experience them in such an intimate setting. They played an extended set and took requests called out by the crowd.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: In South Dakota we don’t have a ton of options for entertainment but I have the chance to see Willie Nelson in August. If it doesn’t get canceled, I’m probably not going to pass it up.

EVAN PHARMAKIS

WHO DID YOU SEE: Hot Water Music & The Menzingers

WHERE WAS IT: St Augustine Amphitheater - St. Augustine, FL

WHEN WAS IT: Oct 2019

HOW WAS IT: The show was phenomenal. I’ve been fortunate enough to catch Hot Water Music a handful of times over the years, and this last time I saw them they gave another great performance. The Menzingers were killer as well.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: I’d love to catch Phoebe Bridgers again, she’s wonderful live. Also would really love to see Alexisonfire tear up a stage again too.

HYRO THE HERO

WHO DID YOU SEE: It was Dia De Los Deftones. I got to go see Megan Thee Stallion, Gojira, Chvches, and Deftones WHERE WAS IT: Petco Park in San Diego

WHEN WAS IT: Late 2019 I believe

HOW WAS IT: Such a great time with the epic lineup. The vibes were incredible and also went backstage to kick it and say waddup to Chino and the fam.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Beartooth

LAUREN SANDERSON

WHO DID YOU SEE: Ariana Grande

WHERE WAS IT: Los Angeles / The Forum

WHEN WAS IT: December 22, 2019

HOW WAS IT: Incredible. Amazing vocals, amazing show, amazing choreo. God is truly a woman.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: My top 3 would be Meg Thee Stallion, Doja Cat and Machine Gun Kelly. But honestly, at that point, I’m gonna be down to go see literally anyone.

ALEX MAGNAN - YOUNG CULTURE

WHO DID YOU SEE: Have Mercy (their last show), Idle Wave, we also played the show

WHERE WAS IT: Hard Luck, Toronto, ON

WHEN WAS IT: March 15, 2020

HOW WAS IT: It was such a weird feeling, we didn’t know for certain what was going on yet but we could tell that it was gonna be the last show of the tour. By the time the show started and the turn out wasn’t the greatest, we knew this was something serious. Show was a blast nevertheless and I was glad to leave it on a good one.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Phoebe Bridgers (not a band but still)

DANIEL SEYMOUR - WAXFLOWER

WHO DID YOU SEE: The Menzingers

WHERE WAS IT: The Zoo, Brisbane

WHEN WAS IT: March 2020, the night of my birthday!

HOW WAS IT: Brilliant! I think it's become even better in hindsight. The memory has aged like a fine wine after the struggles of the past 12 months. Seeing one of my favourite artists surrounded by the people I loved was the best way to celebrate a “last show.”

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Being in Australia, it feels like a while before overseas acts will be touring here BUT I'd love to see The 1975 or Enter Shikari as one of the first overseas acts to come here post-pandemic. The energy both those acts bring will surely make up for months without live music!

MALIA ENDRES - GLACIER VEINS

WHO DID YOU SEE: My last show was our own show with Overgrow and Mouth Movements.

WHERE WAS IT: Donato’s Basement in Columbus, OH

WHEN WAS IT: Right before everything shut down in March.

HOW WAS IT: There was definitely some interesting energy because of the uncertainty yet growing concern of COVID, but we knew it was going to be our last show of that tour so I really took in the joy and excitement of our performance. It was also really sweet to spend the last show with our Common Ground Collective family Jake from Overgrow and our agent John Rausch.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Winter! She put out my favorite album of 2020 so I am looking forward to seeing those songs live.

COLIN JACQUES - WE WERE SHARKS

WHO DID YOU SEE: Anti-Flag, Grade 2 & Positive Charge

WHERE WAS IT: The 27 Club Ottawa - Ottawa, ON

WHEN WAS IT: March 11th, 2020

HOW WAS IT: Amazing show. Anti-Flag is one of my childhood favourites and a pleasure to see at home in Canada. Awesome show in a 300 cap room before the world shut down for a full year.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: My Chemical Romance

MAGGIE SCHNEIDER - GLIMMERS

WHO DID YOU SEE: Rex Orange County

WHERE WAS IT: The Tabernacle in Atlanta

WHEN WAS IT: The last week of February 2020

HOW WAS IT: It was so much fun. I went with my best friend Natalie after a very long day. We danced the entire time and had no idea that’d be our last show.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: My Chemical Romance, pretty please!

CHRISTIAN NEONAKIS - MY KID BROTHER

WHO DID YOU SEE: Modest Mouse

WHERE WAS IT: The Anthem in DC

WHEN WAS IT: Late 2019

HOW WAS IT: It was such a good night... they had always been one of my all-time fave bands so seeing them at such a sweet venue was a dream.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Would love to see Tame Impala or Portugal. The Man next, can't pick between the two.

BENJI SPOLIANSKY - NOT A TOY

WHO DID YOU SEE: Tyler the Creator

WHERE WAS IT: It was at Red Rocks in Morrison, CO which is one of the greatest places to see a show in the world.

WHEN WAS IT: It was in October of 2019 :(

HOW WAS IT: It was incredible. Tyler is extremely funny on stage and he actually slipped and fell while performing.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: The first show I want to go to isn't necessarily for just one [band]. I just want to go to a hardcore show and rage my fucking face off!

BRADLEY KEARSLEY- CARPOOL TUNNEL

WHO DID YOU SEE: The last band I went to see was The Red Pears!

WHERE WAS IT: Brick and Mortar in San Francisco.

WHEN WAS IT: February 25th, 2020... I think!

HOW WAS IT: After we played with The Red Pears in Reno, they offered me to come out to their show in San Francisco which one of my friends' bands were opening up for. I remember coming into the venue and seeing so many people that I knew, something I really miss having these days. They absolutely killed it and it was somebody in the band's birthday, so the whole crowd sang him happy birthday. I just remember dancing and having a great time.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: I really want to see the band Loving again. I was able to catch them once at the Rickshaw Shop in San Francisco and it was one of my favorite show experiences to date! Can't wait to see them again.

NICK ZAWISA - BREAKUP SHOES

WHO DID YOU SEE: Summer Salt, Okey Dokey & we (Breakup Shoes) performed

WHERE WAS IT: Fox Theatre - Boulder, CO

WHEN WAS IT: 3/12/20

HOW WAS IT: An absolute blast of a show. It hadn’t been confirmed yet but with how serious the initial COVID-19 outbreak was seeming, we knew in the back of our heads that this was gonna be our final show of tour. We gave it our all on stage for our set and then made cameos as backup vocalists, dancers, percussionists, etc. during our tour-mates set, which made the night feel like something really special.

CAMM KNOPP - NEVER LOVED

WHO DID YOU SEE: The All-American Rejects

WHERE WAS IT: The Beacham in Orlando, FL

WHEN WAS IT: September 2019

HOW WAS IT: It was a great time. We actually just finished a writing session with Nick from AAR the week before so it was ironic they were in FL the following week.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Armor For Sleep!

LUCA MARGI - DREAMSHADE

WHO DID YOU SEE: Bring Me The Horizon

WHERE WAS IT: FORUM ASSAGO / MILAN

WHEN WAS IT: 13.11.2018

HOW WAS IT: Powerful and exciting, awesome band to see live and lots of pyro!

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Architects

ROLY VELAZQUEZ - AVAT

WHO DID YOU SEE: Bring Me the Horizon, Sleeping With Sirens, Poppy WHERE WAS IT: The Fillmore Miami Beach

WHEN WAS IT: October 2019 HOW WAS IT: It was amazing. It’s very inspiring to see a band in the rock/metal genre mobilize such a broad audience.

BONUS - WHO'S THE FIRST BAND YOU WANT TO SEE POST-PANDEMIC THAT ISN'T YOUR OWN: Definitely Metallica. Getting to attend their drive-in concert was as close to the atmosphere of a show that most of us here in Miami got to experience.

TELLE SMITH - THE WORD ALIVE

The last show The Word Alive played was just over a year ago this week, at the Los Angeles Emo Nite. We had just wrapped an insanely successful tour with Falling In Reverse, had a day off in LA and then March 6th we had plans to celebrate the release of our album MONOMANIA with our friends, family, label and fans. We weren’t quite sure how the reception would be, given that we weren’t an iconic emo band which is who the majority of the music patrons come to listen and sing along to, which is what made the performance even more memorable.

Right when we went on stage the energy was amazing. To see how many friends, peers from the industry, and fans from all over came to celebrate with us really meant a lot.

I was just watching videos the other day from different posts fans had made, and you can hear how loudly they were singing the songs that had just been released -- some louder than any song we have ever had.

It was bittersweet because, while it reinforced in my head just how special our album was, it has been the only glimpse into the world of touring on MONOMANIA may have been like.

I’m very excited to get back at it with the boys once everything is safe and sound. And I have zero doubt in my mind that it will feel a million times better than even our best show memory to date. See you there.

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hhemeraa-a · 4 years

Text

Update / Haitus

I’ve been a ghost the last two weeks and I know that my last post was very succinct - which I had to delete because apparently porn blogs started reblogging it for some reason????????? And I’m just?? not in the place to deal with that.

I really hope to get back into a place where I can be here again, I know before I said I was on discord but I’ve had zero (zero) time to do literally anything else other than deal with my current situation so I’m barely even there. I do read all of your messages and I’m really sorry I haven’t responded.

A lot of people had or have questions and wanted to know how I am, etc etc so under the cut will be a quick explanation of my absence and everything that’s happened within the last few weeks.

As some of you know, I am a Peace Corps volunteer servicing in China. I had been serving as a university English teacher for the last near 2 years. This was a very very very important and huge opportunity for me.

Years ago when I was in college, my Mom was taking student loans out in my name while I was living with her. I went from having $54k in student debt (which is a lot already) to having about $108k in student debt in private loans. She shirked all responsibility on me, I had to graduate college early with a degree in something that I had credits in (International Studies with a focus on Chinese language and history), I was homeless for a while working random jobs, trying to join the Marine Officer program, etc etc -- needless to say, things were really really messy for a few years there. I ended up getting a really nice job for a logistics company getting paid about 2200 a month, but I was paying about 1600 a month in student loans. I had a lot of support from a friend who let me live with her and to this day I literally cannot thank her enough for everything she provided to me while I was suffering through all of this.

After working that soul sucking job for nearly 4 years, I took a chance and applied for Peace Corps because it was an opportunity to finally make it to China. I was supposed to study abroad in college, but when my mother maxed out my debt, it was no longer feasible. I never thought I was going to get in because I had been out of school for years at that point, I had never taught English before besides 1-on-1s during college and I kind of thought I was too old???

BUT LOW AND BEHOLD I GOT IN. This shit meant everything to me. I was finally going to study abroad, I was finally going to have a chance to use my degree, I was finally going to have the chance to learn a language, I had an opportunity to have a complete career change.

It was so incredibly hard though. I worked my ass off during training, I worked really really hard to integrate into my site, but if anyone has ever heard any of my horror stories of being the only foreigner in the middle of south east China, you’ll understand that it’s not always fun 😅 I even had a whole mental break down and had to be sent back to the States for 45 days so I could stop stressing, but I got my ass right back on that plane and came to finish the job I started. The low were low, but the highs were so incredibly high that it made up for every bad moment.

This program meant everything to me. My first semester sucked ass, it was harder than I ever thought it would be. My second semester was so much better, my third semester I was over loaded with about 450+ students and 8 classes, but I was finally getting the hang of the language, the school, the people, and I had gotten the ‘ok’ from my school to work there as a full time teacher once my Peace Corps contract was finished. This?? Was such an opportunity?? I literally had started making the moves to start a life here -- at least temporarily. Work at my school as contracted teacher for a year, pass the HSK Chinese language test above a 4, use the money to find a better job in Taiwan -- there was a whole plan.

Every year, Peace Corps meets for 1-2 weeks for In Service Training. We met from Jan. 12 - 17. Usually it’s just to reconnect and make sure all the volunteers are doing their jobs, medical check ups, etc etc etc. It’s a good time to see how other volunteers are doing.

Jan. 17th we were formally told that the Peace Corps China program was being closed. After 2020, there would no longer be any new volunteers and that we needed to start preparing our schools for the transition. They called it a graduation, but we all knew it was a political move. For five hours, a room of 200 people ripped into the US PC HQ staff as to why they were “”graduating”” the program. They said it was because the budget didn’t call for it and that China no longer needed volunteers in their schools. Which is a lie. Tensions were already really really high, the answers kept gettin more vague, and we finally flat out asked if this was a political decision to remove Peace Corps from China.

We didn’t get an answer.

Needless to say, all the volunteers are livid. The information spread like wild fire to all of the schools and volunteers were faced with having to be the representative of a shitty political decision. It was extremely difficult to have to face students and try to explain that Americans don’t hate them when the political system there does.

Chinese New Year was from Jan 25th - Jan 27th this year. I lived in Chongqing city in the Chongqing province/municipality, a city that has about 32 million people in it. During this time, the city becomes a ghost town due to the holiday being similar to Christmas/Thanksgiving where everyone goes back to their hometowns to be with family. All the shops close and for foreigners it can be difficult to find food because everything isn’t open lol.

However on Jan. 25th was when news about the corona virus started getting around. It wasn’t very big, but the news was starting to spread. The Hubei province touches Chongqing province, so whispers were starting to come through and most information volunteers got were through foreign sources, but even my Chinese friends were telling me that I shouldn’t go out or if I do, I need to be sure to wear a mask.

Sunday Jan. 26th, notices are starting to go up on store fronts saying that they are required by law to be closed, but I managed to find a place that was still open. News about the virus is starting to gain traction and more and more information about what is happening in Wuhan is starting to spread. My friend who is staying with me who lives in a small town near the border of Hubei (where Wuhan is placed) gets a call from his school telling him that it is safer for him to not come back to site. We are starting to hear that small towns are shutting down travel in and out, bus systems are starting to shut down and certain areas in the city are no longer allowing taxi or Didi (Chinese Uber) services.

Monday Jan. 27th, my friend leaves because all train and bus tickets out of the city were being canceled. My city was slowly starting to quarantine everyone. I live on campus, and when I tried to return after walking my friend to the metro, security took my temperature (with those neat little temp guns) and then wouldn’t let me in because they thought I was too warm. After arguing with them in my broken Chinese and convinced them that I lived there, they finally let me back on campus. They told me that no cars or people are allowed to go in and out anymore.

I lived near city center and it was obvious that the government was slowly locking everyone away to try and prevent the spread, but it was so eerie and apocalyptic. We had been receiving emails from the PCChina director giving us daily updates that were inching towards the idea that all volunteers were going to be ‘consolidated’, so everyone just needed to be prepared.

Tuesday Jan. 28th, the notice went out that the volunteers were being ‘consolidated’ to Thailand because China made it illegal for any group of 4 or more people to be together. We were only allowed 1 check in bag and we weren’t sure if we were ever going to be allowed to come back into country. People who were not at their sites were not allowed to go back to their sites. Wherever a volunteer was in that moment that we got the notice was required to get their ticket to Bangkok and leave immediately. I had to pack 2 years of my life up into a single suitcase not knowing if I was ever going to come back.

Wednesday Jan 29th, I was on a plane and landed in Bangkok. I am a safety warden of my province and the first warden to arrive so I was in charge of all safety until staff arrived.

But after that, things were very much in the air. We had no idea what was going to happen and every day things just got weirder and more serious and we didn’t know if at all we were going to be able to go back. We speculated a lot, as the news got worse and worse and worse. By Friday, all USA government employees were told to evacuate. No gov employee is allowed to enter China until the travel restrictions were let up, which meant that many PCChina staff - if they were to leave, would be allowed back in until China decided that it was safe enough or... if they wanted them back.

Sunday, Feb. 2nd, all the volunteers who were at the hotel had a skype meeting with the head of the PCChina program and were told that due to the severity of the situation, all currently serving China volunteers would be forced to COS (Close of Service) by Thursday. The program was ending and we would all be sent back to our respective homes between Wednesday and Thursday.

When I say it was the shittiest delivery of news imaginable, I cannot even put it into words. After we were all told that we could no longer return to China, we had lost our jobs, and couldn’t even say goodbye to anyone; HQ Staff had the balls to tell us that in order to get our final service allowance, we were still required to fill out paperwork and that we shouldn’t be sad. We should be happy we served at all.

They gave no time for mourning, many of us put two years of our lives on hold to do this program, some of us don’t even have homes to go back too and they want us to make decisions in 4 days. After Thursday, they will no longer provide any assistance with travel, we do not get health insurance, the moment we COS, PC shrugs off complete responsibility of over 100+ volunteers.

I have been so busy filling out paperwork and I have been so incredibly angry and sad and resentful that the only person I’ve told is my Dad. Returning to the USA isn’t really an option and the plan I had set into motion is now nonexistent because I’m no longer allowed in the country I gave two years of my life to until they decide that this virus has been resolved.

I have been spending a lot of time trying to figure out where I’m going to live, what job I’m going to have, how I can get a cellphone plan, where I can go because I’m being quarantined for having been in China within the last 14 days, how to manage the money I’m getting -- everything has been changing so rapidly that I still don’t know where I’m going to be by Friday since Peace Corps is only paying for the hotel up until then.

I promise I’m not ignoring any of you, I really really want to be in a place where I can RP and chat with y’all, but life for me right now is moving so fucking fast and I have to make so many decisions that will affect my future that I literally have not stopped going since Sunday night.

I still stand by my last message: I really appreciate all the messages you guys have been sending me. I do read them. I just don’t want to talk. I don’t have the emotional capacity to and I haven’t even been given time to just... process and be mad.

I promise I’ll be back, just give me some time.

#tbd #personal #when I say this is the cliffnotes version #I mean it #there are so many other layers to this story that I can't even begin #to get into #but this is where I've been #and I'm going to try and return as soon as I have like...#some stability

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