#lifespan angst

[alipopsie]

you ever think about essek about 100 years in the future forming a mage hand in the shape of caleb's hand just so he can hold it again

#stfu ali #shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #lifespan angst

[awaytobeunshaken]

Angstpril 2023 - Day 16: 'You have to let me go'

Essek lifts his hand to conjure the door, but hesitates.

“You’re afraid.” Caleb’s voice is clear behind him, yet somehow it suddenly feels distant at the same time. “Of what?”

“Afraid it won’t work. Afraid that it will.”

A hand comes to rest on Essek’s shoulder. “We agreed to work on this together. We’ve been perfecting it for decades. It will work.”

“You have said that before. And again I wonder if this is truly for the best, or if it will only make it harder, in the end.” He turns and places a hand on Caleb’s cheek and just looks at him. Caleb’s hair has gone almost all silver, and though the lines on his face are well hidden under the scruff, Essek can still feel them beneath his thumb. And he loves Caleb like this, and finds him so beautiful, as he always has, but after so many years of believing that one should simply acknowledge and accept death when it comes, he finds himself thinking, not for the first time, —except for him—.

Caleb puts his own hands to Essek’s face, and kisses him, kisses him, kisses him, and Essek drinks the kisses down like fresh spring water and the ache that has gripped his heart lessens just a bit. “I remember when you used to call me ‘young man’, do you think me so old already?”

“Never.” And he returns the kisses, one, two, three, and lays his head on Caleb’s shoulder. “But time is one of my specialties, and I am intimately aware of the inevitability of its passage.”

“Then let us not pass it in grief for what is yet to come. I only wish to leave this for you, when the time comes. And even if you decide you would rather not enter without me, I hope you will still remember the years we spent building it fondly.”

“All my memories of you are fond. I can’t imagine that will ever change.”

“Then I expect to give you many more years of them.”

And with one more kiss, and a stroke of his hand along Caleb’s jaw, Essek steps away, raises his hand again, and brings up the door to the demiplane and steps in. The entry of Widogast’s Nascent Nein-sided tower lays before him, with a few additions of his own, but there was little he could do to improve on Caleb’s aesthetic choices.

Caleb steps in to stand beside him, takes Essek’s hand and speaks the word ‘up’, and they rise together, hovering in the center of the tower. “It worked. You were able to get in here all on your own, and you can come here whenever you choose, as long as you have the magic available.”

Essek takes the lead now, guiding Caleb to the salon where they have spent hours, days, researching and discussing theory and engaging in certain other pursuits. And they settle onto the couch and make short work of those pursuits.

ao3

#angstpril2023 #critical role #fanfic #day 16 #you have to let me go #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #lifespan angst #cr2 #cr fic #my fic

[pixelmator5]

That moment when you realize Laudna doesn't age so while Imogen's getting older Laudna is forced to watch her live the life she never had.

#critical role #critical role campaign 3 #critical role spoilers #imogen temult #laudna #imodna #lifespan angst

[yarn-dragon]

UC Celebration Week Day 6!

Favourite Guest: Owen and Amelia

Solitude/party

#unprepared casters #unprepared casters fic #uc celebration 2023 #gonna raise hell #Diarmad #bombyx mori #lifespan angst #fluff and angst #their relationship is so important to me #discussions of death

[thathcwriter]

Lifespan Angst Prompt List

Dialogue

“It’s not til death do us part for us, is it? It’s until death takes you from me.”

“I’m not supposed to have to live without you.”

“I’ll never forget you.”

“I wish we could do this together.”

“I’ve known about this from the start, but it doesn’t make it easier.”

“How could you still love an old (man/woman/person) like me?”

“I wish this could be forever.”

“You’re just as beautiful as the day I met you.”

“I’m so thankful for the time we got.”

“Is that all we are in the end? A tragedy?”

“I know it’s stupid, but I still don’t want you to leave me.”

“It’s not fair. None of this is fair.”

“The joy of loving you is worth the pain of leaving/losing you.”

“What we built together is yours, now.”

“You’ll still be here to tell them about us, even decades after I leave.”

“That’s the worst part. There will be a me after you.”

“Why would you ever agree to such a tragedy as falling in love with me?”

“I’m not ready.”

“I know I’ll lose you someday but please, not yet.”

“I hate watching you cry for me.”

“I’m not worried for me. I just hate the thought of leaving you all alone.”

“I’ll never let them forget you.”

“What if I wake up one morning and don’t remember your laugh?”

“A life with you is a life well lived.”

“You are the one great love of my life, but it’s okay if I am one of many loves in yours.”

“I’ll miss this. All of this.”

Situations

The first time they truly realize they’re destined to outlive their partner.

The first time they realize their partner will live a large part of their life without them.

A conversation early in the relationship, in which they face the reality that one will live far longer than the other.

Someone confronting the couple about the lifespan difference, and though one shuts down, the other quickly and violently assures them that this relationship is worth the later heartbreak.

A near death experience involving the partner meant to live longer, shaking the faith of the shorter lived partner.

A major life development/change suddenly reminding them of their difference in lifespan.

The short lived partner giving their partner a gift “for after.”

The long lived partner helping their partner through a painful/unpleasant early sign of aging.

Taking notes on the smaller details of their partner, desperate not to forget in the years they’ll live after them.

Revisiting the early moments of their relationship as one partner ages.

Someone making a disparaging comment about how the short lived partner aged, and the long lived partner showering them in compliments.

An unspoken “last” between the two.

The moment when the long lived partner knows the short lived partner doesn’t have long.

A tradition the longer lived partner upholds for decades after the shorter lived partner passes.

A moment when the prospect of potentially loving again enters the longer lived partner’s life, even if they refuse it.

#lifespan angst #heavy angst #cw major character death #cw character death #prompt list #prompt meme #I think lifespan angst is underrated tbh #hence the list

[ariadne-mouse]

Prompt: Shadowgast have been arguing for some time about Caleb's decision to end their romantic relationship later in his life; an injury brings the discussion to a head

(~1k words, cw: lifespan angst)

-

“Essek!”

As soon as the fight is done, the abyssal beast finally dead (if still horrific), Caleb runs to the sprawled form of his companion as fast as his creaky knees will take him.  He carelessly drops his staff — as much a walking aid as an arcane focus, these days — and bloodies his hands trying to staunch Essek’s wounds.  Jester is close behind, healing magic wielded like a weapon as she slams it into his unconscious form.  Essek gasps awake; his next sound is a groan.

“Never do something so foolish again,” Caleb grits out, his shaking hands moving almost of their own accord as he checks Essek over for wounds, urging Jester for another dose of healing.  She eventually leans back on her hands, exhausted, and calls Caduceus over in her stead.

When Caleb impatiently unbuttons Essek’s tunic to check where the creature stabbed him with a long spine, Essek cracks a wan smile.

“You are being very familiar for someone who is no longer my lover.”

“You are being very witty for someone who almost died,” Caleb hisses in return.  “You are supposed to outlive me, remember?”

“I remember.”  The words are a quiet sigh, but they carry well enough in a space no longer cluttered with shouts and explosions. “I cannot forget.”

Caleb starts as fingertips touch his cheek, and Essek carefully tucks a curl of silver-white hair — a color they now share — behind his ear.  He thumbs the corner of Caleb’s mouth next, trying to soothe away the frown there.

“You wear your features so handsomely when you are not scowling.  Hm.  Well, also when you are scowling, if I’m honest.”

“I’m an old man,” Caleb retorts, discomfited. 

“Yes,” Essek agrees, fondly.

Caleb’s frown quavers.  “I question your taste.”

Caduceus arrives, and soon Essek’s wounds have vanished entirely, except for the ache of memory.  They are all exhausted, but whole.  The nearby town is safe.

“I’m getting too old for this,” Jester complains, spread-eagle a short distance away, staring at the night sky.  “We were supposed to be having a nice time.  There were supposed to be cupcakes.”

“There can still be cupcakes,” Essek points out, getting up with a wince.  “We protected the town, and therefore the bakery.”  He helps Caleb to his feet next, steadying him until his staff is safely back in hand. He prestidigitates the blood from both of them. 

“Cupcakes would be nice,” Caduceus agrees, stretching. “Cupcakes with a nice cup of tea.”

They leave the monster’s carcass behind and make their way towards distant welcoming lights.  Caleb’s pace is the slowest, as usual, but Essek is there beside him.  As usual.

The night is full of quiet sounds, of crickets, of the breeze through the fields.

Caduceus and Jester have pulled ahead enough to offer a semblance of privacy; a thoughtful gesture by Caduceus, a coincidence for Jester — cupcakes are in the farther direction.

At last, Essek speaks.  

“I respect your wishes,” he begins.  His hands fidget, and he frowns.  “I am happy with whatever you would like to call us in relation to each other.  If I am your friend, I am that, and I remain happy.”

“Now it is you who is scowling,” Caleb points out, glancing at him.

“I don’t always understand,” Essek concedes. “For me, Caleb, nothing has changed.”  He pauses in the pathway, turning to face him. “I love you.  I continue to love you.”  He swallows. “Very much.”

“I know,” Caleb makes an aborted move as though to touch him, then stops.

“If your feelings have changed, I respect that as well–” 

“They haven’t,” Caleb interrupts.  He gives into his impulse, this time, and takes Essek’s hand. “You are as wonderful to me as you always have been.”

“Or if you simply wish to be unattached—”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Or if you don’t wish for the things that lovers do?  Again, I do not need these things if you do not want them–”

“I cannot admit that, either,” Caleb is pained, sheepish.  The quiet and the darkness make it easier to say things he wouldn’t in broad daylight.

“Then I don’t understand,” Essek concludes.  He puts his other hand over Caleb’s, smoothing knobbly knuckles.  A rare tear slides down his cheek, glittering in the starlight. “Why do you hold me at arm’s length, except when things are dire?”

Caleb steps close, compelled to heal the fracture he has caused.

“I am old, Essek,” he says, his own eyes prickling. “I will die, and you will go on.  It’s easier this way.”

“Is it?” Essek asks, meeting his eyes again, hurt and bewildered. “If you wish to be friends and nothing more, say so and I will be happy, but do not treat me as a stranger while you say it.”

Caleb takes a harsh breath. ‘I—” he stops, restarts. “I don’t wish to cause you pain.  I had intended to lessen it: sharper now, but better later.  After.”

“Caleb Widogast.”  The name is a full sentence in Essek’s mouth.  He extracts his hands from their grip so that he can cup Caleb’s face instead. “The depth of that wound is already made, I’m afraid.  I will carry it regardless.  I will carry it even if I die before you. There is risk of that too, you know.”

A distant shout reaches them on the breeze, puncturing their aloneness.  Caduceus and Jester are small figures in the distance now, paused, looking back.  Essek drops his hands.

Caleb wipes at his eyes. “We should catch up.”

Essek nods.  “Yes.”

“I am listening.  To what you are saying.”

“Alright.”

Caleb touches his shoulder. “Can you give me some time?  To think?”

Essek meets his gaze, starlight-upon-starlight. “You can have as much of my time as you like.”

#this is of course just one imagining of how it happens #i think it's perfectly possible for people to lapse out of a romance and be just as happy #but here i'm taking the interpretation that Caleb is trying to do what he thinks is kind and failing at it #critical role #shadowgast #lifespan angst #ariadne writes CR #op #btw jester is still absolutely in her relative youth at this point #she is just Like That lol

[somestreptomyces]

Read on AO3

It is the nature of taking in strays that some do not stay with you for very long. Lyre had come to them well into her years, so named because of the warbling whine of her meow. Caleb did not begrudge her when she sauntered through the door and settled into their home like she belonged there, quickly becoming the coddled house princess, catered to and carried, and happily kneading into the lap of anyone who sat still long enough.

When she died after only two years in their home Caleb and Essek buried her together in the garden, planting bulbs beside her so merry little hyacinths would blossom there come next spring.

When Essek found him some time later Caleb had been standing contemplatively in the kitchen with another cat in his arms, this one a spritely young thing in all black named Fig, now caught in one of the rare moments he would allow himself to be held without immediately wriggling free, as though, he too, was grieving and seeking comfort.

Caleb didn't look up when he felt the presence in the doorway, simply standing and letting himself be observed. Fig was a warm, grounding weight in his arms, and he was going to relish holding the little terror as long as he could get away with. Nuzzling his nose into rumbling dark fur, he sighed, and finally spared a glance to the looming shadow in the door.

"Their lives must seem so short to you."

After a brief stillness and hesitation, Essek crossed the room to stand beside him. He approached slowly, letting the flighty thing in Caleb's arms sniff his fingers. "So short," he echoed, rolling his delicate fingers under Fig's chin in just the way he liked until he was purring loudly in Caleb's arms. "But all the more precious for their brevity."

It was a conversation they had had many times before, and would have again ad nauseum, staying up late into the night to debate through tears and exhaustive self depreciation. But at the moment there was a truce, and they were settled on common ground. Caleb felt he could understand a little of Essek's point of view.

He shifted fig into one arm to loop the other around Essek's back, and he let himself be pulled easily against Caleb's side. Thirty-nine was not so old for a human, even when the years had been difficult, and if he were lucky he might get forty more. But what was that in the life of an elf?

Fig nipped at Essek's fingers, capturing them in darting paws and tugging back to resume their rolling, purring the whole time. Essek chastised him softly for the bite but indulged him regardless, suppressing a small smile.

Grief was inevitable, but the fear of it should not stop one from pursuing the love that precedes it. He was no housepet. But it had taken Essek so long to allow himself tenderness, who was he to deny him the years they had left now?

He wondered, idly, what flowers Essek would plant on his grave.

#caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #ficlet #cr fic #lifespan angst #thinking about the boys #taking a small break from in the dark to polish off some small wips #cw pet death #some fic

[craftyfaecreature]

I actually wrote something

#shadowgast #caleb x essek #lifespan #Lifespan angst #critical role #Wizard hubris #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #Widogast's Transmogrification #crit role #critical role c2 #critical role campaign 2 #my fic #the mighty nein #mighty nein #cr m9 #m9 #cr2 #cr fic #critical role fic #critrole fic #cr fanfic #critrole fanfic #critcal role fanfic #aeor is for lovers #critical role fanfiction

[wacuoms]

were you always going to leave?

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #satosugu #gojo satoru #geto suguru #comic #jjk art #angst #fanart #drawing this took 50 years off my lifespan

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Master manipulator vs Master manipulator

 [First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #xue yang #a-qing #The scenes with XY and A-Qing are so delightfully tense and anxiety inducing #They are both so deep in the mind games with each other. Convinced they have the leg up when in reality they do not know the full scope #Also is is just me or do XY and A-Qing give off the vibe of internet nemeses? #A-Qing coming in hard with 'Oh you think blind people cant do XYZ? Get canceled idiot' #Meanwhile XY is the kind to purposefully use leet speak in descriptive text to antagonize the screen reader population. #a teen girl and a 4-channer who found his way to tumblr would be awful to watch fight irl but the vibes are equivalent. #Meanwhile XXC is going on a nice little walk to pick grass. I love him so much actually. #through writing these notes I have also gone down the rabbit hole of trying to pinpoint Xue Yang's age. Hello? Is it actually not known? #The best resources I could find put him as 1-3 years younger then xxc and song lan #So? early twenties? late teens? Someone who has absorbed more mdzs knowledge...Please help #Oh no I'm even deeper in the rabbit hole now. What do you mean the ages are mostly just relative? #What do you mean cultivators can age differently (usually slower in xianxia) #Oh no oh no wwx doesn't have a golden core. I was too accurate in my homestuck AU re: lifespans. I want to go back. #(I love angst and am now marinating this thought in my little thinking chamber)

[brynalyn]

I have a headcanon that because of the events of the manga falin’s lifespan is increased by a few hundred years and both her and marcille live happily for hundreds of years…..

#dungeon meshi #falin #marcille donato #falin touden #okay I do like the angst of short lifespan falin but I feel like it would be a nice surprise for them both #just sayin!!! #I have a million aus in my mind about them some of them are tragic but. not this one. #delicious in dungeon #farcille #marcille #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon spoilers #personal headcanon

[yarn-dragon]

New fic! The Gang gathers together one last time

#inn between #Meltyre #fina butterbuns #Betty triguut #friar Velune #sterling whitetower #grief #saying goodbye #death from old age #lifespan angst #enjoy!

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

me on a regular basis

#listen. it’s not that i don’t like the lifespan angst. bring on the lifespan angst. #it’s just that i don’t think the lifespan angst means they should break up #it just feels so superficial to me and i think they love each so deeply that they would end a relationship just bc is caleb getting older #*wouldn’t #that being said i like the idea of caleb trying to break up with essek and be all dramatic about it like “i’m sparing you the heartbreak” #or whatever #and then essek is just like. ‘no ❤️’ #critical role #shadowgast #eli.posts

[calamity-unlocked]

Glenn and Jodie are level 20. What if. Henry is also level 20.

Which means I get to put a spotlight on one of my favorite angst-inducing 5e class features:

Let's say Henry got to level 20 when he was 50 years old. At the start of season 2, he's 65.

Assuming the average natural lifespan for a Californian man to be 79, Henry could go on to live for another 275 years.

275 years. That means he'll outlive his kids, his grandkids, Mercedes. It means he will see the world change in so many different ways, until it's unrecognizable from what it once was. I think Henry never would have wanted this fraction of immortality, but if there's anyone who sticks around a bit longer to take care of the world, I'm glad it is him.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #henry oak #ngl. i LOVE lifespan angst #not everyones cup of tea i know so feel free to never think too hard about it. #im sure that even if henry is level 20 this wont get brought up #but also. at the same time #setting henry next to keyleth and moonshine #gods. druids. why is it always the druids?? #they love the world and want to nourish it #and because of who they are they have been burdened with doing exactly that #for such an unfair amount of time #they outlive their loved ones and families #but they also outlive their own story #sigh. emotions.

[britcision]

Okay but the way Caleb Self Loathing Widogast’s final journey was to fall in love with his own narrative foil

Seeing himself in someone else and deciding they were still worthy of love and forgiveness, despite being so like the person he hates more than anything

Finding his own self worth, learning to be kind to himself by being kind to someone else

Leem obreem will beat a metaphor straight to death but what a good story for an edgy character

#critical role #shadowgast #caleb widogast #even funnier with his insistence on lifespan angst tho #something something never finding true peace with himself something something

[placesyoucallhome]

Would an ishgardian who drank dragon blood have a longer lifespan? 🤔 would they have a standard elezen lifespan, something closer to viera like several hundred years, or closer to immortal 'until someone kills them' like a dragon? Are there hella old heretics? Would a heretic suddenly find themselves having to grapple with outliving their loved ones in the new peacetimes?

#ff14 #i have a feeling canonically it doesn't effect lifespan but #im def not thinking of a dragon character no #i actually can't handle lifespan difference angst tbh #i like angst for the comfort after but tragedy aint for me