#make it fucking stop i'm depressed

[marielle-heller]

it really is crazyyyyy how much January they managed to fit into this January

#make it fucking stop i'm depressed

[amiharana]

i come bearing a revalink suggestion,, they’re friends?? rivals?? but Revali’s been trying to rile Link up in a more flirtatious way and it all comes to a head when the champaign’s are out on an expedition with Zelda and oops! someone forgot to bring enough bedrolls for the night, enter: sharing a bed

yk what i mean

HI ANON i'm sorry i took so long to answer 😭 but thank you for the suggestion 👁️👁️ i've written about revalink sharing a hammock, but that was them in an established relationship, so this.... and they were hammockmates (oh my god they were hammockmates)

the premise of my canon-based situationship fic (if i ever get to write it LOL) was going to kinda be like this, a pre-calamity revalink who have decided they are no longer going to be rivals, but not necessarily friends, and then somehow revali catches feelings for link 😄 i just love the idea of revali seeing link and being like "this fucking idiot. i want him so bad." and reluctantly attempting to court him even if he knows that link doesn't understand what he's trying to do. my favorite part of this is that link is completely clueless. he has no idea what the hell is going on but he appreciates that revali is nicer to him :D

(warning: long ass fucking post. but we are so fucking back baby)

imagine revali trying his damndest to work up the courage to go give link a bouquet of swift violets, because (1) he knows it's a hylian courting ritual and link is a pretty simple guy, so he'll probably appreciate flowers, right? (2) revali thinks swift violets are very pretty flowers actually, and (3) they have a functional use in increasing link's speed during a fight when cooked into a meal, and with how often link gets injured in battle, goddess knows he needs the extra boost. imagining revali trying to give the bouquet to link on several occasions, but he always ends up chickening out or he waits too long so the bouquet gets ruined or dies so he has to gather more flowers for a new one, and when he finally gets to actually hand the bouquet to link, he gets nervous and insults link like the dumbass he is 😭 ("being the one with more foresight between the two of us, i predicted you would be in great need of something as simple as these swift violets. perhaps you could stand to learn a meal or two utilizing their innate effects on the field.") and then it turns out link is actually allergic to swift violets KJDHFKJSHDKFJH and revali has to take him to the infirmary in shame

just an endless string of the most cartoonish failures of revali's attempts to court link ☝️😹 because it either ends in disaster or link completely misunderstands the situation, and of course revali gets frustrated that link isn't understanding his advances, what an idiot! and it makes him want link even more! so his advances become more and more obvious until even daruk is like. hey man. please calm down now it's not that serious. and revali is like NO he's so stupid daruk how can he not understand that i am trying to court him!!! how much clearer can i make it? (meanwhile daruk is like 🧍)

but revali's desperate pleads are answered when zelda calls the champions early in the morning into the throne room for a mission 🙇 i'm thinking maybe there have been sightings of a lynel up in the northernmost part of akkala and it seems to be much more powerful that the citadel squadrons can handle, so they've called in the help of the champions. not that i'm actually gonna write about them fighting the lynel though 😹 you know me, i just be creating context and circumstances wherever i go

"they couldn't handle one lynel? revali says, when the princess finishes. "you would think a fortress chock-full of hyrule's greatest soldiers would be able to take at least one down."

"well, i don't see you volunteering," urbosa says crossing her arms, a faint smile on her lips. "would you like to show them how it's done?"

revali shoots her a glare and then tilts his beak up, tossing his braids over his shoulder. "hmph. i normally don't waste my time on something as savage as a lynel, but if it could inspire better archers of the citadel, then i suppose my extraordinary skills may be necessary there." out of the corner of his eye, he glances at link; the little hylian doesn't react at all to his boasting, continuing to stand calmly at attention. it irks something in revali, but he blows air out of his beak and turns his head again. stupid link.

zelda sighs. "well, if we are all settled then, i dismiss you all to begin preparations to leave. we hope to leave just past noon and make it to foothill stable by nightfall."

"that'll be right in between our homes, miphy!" daruk says, placing his hands on his hips and leaning backward to laugh heartily. "ah, we've stayed at the castle so long i almost forgot what the heat of death mountain feels like!"

"i feel similarly, daruk," mipha says, giving a small smile. "i wonder if my father and sidon are doing well..."

zelda bows her head in remorse. "i apologize for keeping you all from home for so long. i did not intend for you to stay this long, either."

"it's alright, little bird," urbosa says, stepping forward to place a hand on zelda's shoulder in reassurance. "it's our duty as champions to serve the land of hyrule and protect it from all evildoing. if staying a little longer is what will ensure this era of peace and prosperity, then so be it; we can be patient." she smiles at the princess, and zelda stares at her with wide eyes for a moment before returning the smile.

"thank you, urbosa, i appreciate your kind words," she says. zelda turns back to the rest of the champions and bows her head slightly again. "i will see you all in a few hours. thank you."

SORRY FOR WRITING OUT THINGS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PROMPT LMAO. ONCE AGAIN. I JUST LOVE TO SET THE STAGE AND CREATE A CIRCUMSTANCE. i also just miss the lack of champions in totk 🥹 but anyways! zelda & the champions meet at the front of the castle and with some extra personnel (hi impa!) & a battalion, they all set out towards the akkala citadel as the sun hits its peak in the sky.

at this point, you might be thinking, why don't they just travel in the divine beasts since they're bigger and can cover more ground in a shorter period of time? and to that i tell you, 🌸 shut the fuck up 🌸 KJDFHKDFJKH nah but in my head in this point of time, the champions all left their divine beasts in their respective regions because they're all still learning to control them and they would rather not go stomping around on random civilians while traversing hyrule. do you know how insane it would be to be a traveler going through hyrule field to visit the coliseum or something and then all of a sudden, a gigantic stone camel with long ass legs nearly squashes you flat? i would die of a heart attack on the spot.

i also think it's important to romanticize the naturalness of traveling on-foot and it would also be interesting to see how they would accommodate for each champions' needs or habits as they travel together; they have to travel near water so that mipha doesn't dehydrate, revali and daruk leave the main group momentarily every now and then to go burst into the sky or roll down further along the path respectively bc they're sick of walking, etc.

the group reaches foothill stable just after sundown; revali complains that they should have just brute forced it to the citadel since it was just further down the road, but zelda insists that it could be dangerous since ganon's power seems to be growing and they could be ambushed by monsters in the night. as safe as the citadel seems, they shouldn't let down their guard! so revali, not wanting to fight with the literal princess of hyrule, just shuts his beak and trudges along after the rest of the group, the calm warm glow of the stable in the distance growing brighter as they approach. he won't admit it out loud but he's a little weary from travel too 😹

link and zelda board their horses at the stable, and everyone else sets up camp just off to the side of the stable, pitching tents, starting campfires and cooking pots, and passing out bedrolls. but as they unpack and pass out bedrolls, they realize that there's not enough for everyone to sleep comfortably through the night. zelda pays for the rest of the beds in the stable to cover for the rest of the battalion, but it leaves out one soldier who link knows happens to have sleeping problems or something. so he decides to give up his bedroll to the dude; it's not like he needs it as much, he could probably fall asleep straight in the dirt right now if he wanted.

"ah, champion link! i couldn't take this from you—" the man starts, but link just shakes his head and pushes the bedroll into his arms, giving him an insistent look. the soldier accepts the bedroll in defeat, but bows his head. "oh... well thank you, champion, i appreciate it very much!" link nods and turns away before returning to the rest of the champions.

"hello, link— where's your bedroll?" mipha says, noticing the lack of one in his hands. link tilts his head back towards the soldier he had given his bedroll to. "oh, what about you?"

he just shakes his head. "don't need one," link says softly. though he's comfortable speaking with the champions, he's still not used to the way his own voice reverberates against his throat; he hasn't used his voice as much as he should since he took his 'vow of silence'.

"what do you mean you don't need one, little guy?" daruk says, scratching his head. "i might be a goron, but fleshy little hylians like you are made for fluffy beds and—"

but link pays him no mind and strides over to a nearby tree (one that happens to be near the two that revali has set his hammock up at 👁️), drops his stuff on the ground and sits next to it, leaning against the tree with his arms crossed. mipha and daruk both open their mouths to object, but urbosa places a hand on both of their shoulders.

"leave him be," she says, as all of them watch link settle against the tree. "that boy is far too stubborn for his own good. once he has his mind set on something, he won't give up."

"you sure the little guy's gonna be alright?" daruk says, face contorted into an expression of concern. "i know he's tough, but i can't imagine that what he's doing is comfortable at all."

"he'll be fine," urbosa reassures him. she glances to the side, where revali is already keeping an eye on link, sitting at the tree where the farther end of his hammock from the little hylian is tied and tending to his bow. she smirks knowingly; "he's already in good care."

so everyone gets ready for the night; the battalion soldiers are already fast asleep, zelda, urbosa, and impa are sleeping in the stable beds, daruk is rolled up closer to the rockier terrain near the stable, mipha is straight up sleeping in the nearby cephla lake, leaving link and revali to be the only people awake. they're both still sitting against the trees, revali making the final tweaks to the great eagle bow and link polishing the master sword. revali has been stealing glances at link the entire time, watching and waiting for an opportunity (and also working up the courage) to say something. even at the base of death mountain, the cold night wind perseveres and revali catches every single tremor that goes through link's body as he shivers. maybe he could offer to...

"why did you give up your bedroll?" revali says finally. to be honest, he could probably already figure out an answer if he wanted to, but he asks anyway.

link pauses and glances up at him, before returning to polishing. revali's feathers ruffle at the lack of answer and he looks away, beak clenching. while he cared not for link's stance on verbal speech, acknowledging him and not giving an answer was rather unnecessary, wasn't it? especially since link had grown comfortable speaking with the princess and the champions, that should have included revali as well—

"i don't need one," link says suddenly, so softly, revali has to hold his breath, straining to hear the little hylian. link's voice is so quiet, it could be carried away by the night wind and revali is borderline obsessed with it, but the answer he gives is the same one he had given to the other champions. so revali says nothing and stares at link, prompting him to elaborate. "torin needed it more than me."

"torin?" revali questions. he wonders how much of the hyrulean army link knows by name.

"the man i gave my bedroll to," link replies, still wiping at his blade. "excellent fighter, great with a sword. but his chronic pain makes it difficult for him on the field." he sets down the cloth he was using to polish the master sword with and holds it up, appraising the blade. it glints in the moonlight quite elegantly. "giving him my bedroll is the least i can do to aid his comfort."

for a moment, revali is speechless; he had known that link was rather altruistic, always offering to help out even if it was inconvenient to himself. perhaps he shouldn't be surprised at all.

"you didn't have to do that though," revali says. he has stopped tending to his own bow at this point, letting it lay across his lap instead. "isn't it 'first come first serve' with you hylians? you were one of the first to receive a bedroll. you could have kept it to yourself, and i doubt anyone would complain since you're their champion."

link only shakes his head. "he needed it more than me," he insists, still in the same soft voice. "as a captain and a champion, it's my duty to care for my fellow knights. we're only as strong as our weakest member."

"then what about you?" revali says, staring straight at link. "if that's true, you're in no better of a situation than he was in previously."

"i'll survive," link says simply, and then, he yawns. at the same exact moment, another cold night breeze passes by, tousling link's bangs and once more does revali watch, completely entranced by the way link's body shivers in reaction. then, he slides the master sword back in its scabbard before raising his arms to stretch and yawn again. "sleeping on the ground for one night isn't that big of a deal."

and revali sees his chance and it stares right back at him like it's a challenge, like an eye glowing bright gold in the darkness; this is now or never.

"you don't have to sleep on the ground," he says quietly, but he looks down at the bow in his lap when he says it. in the corner of his eye, he sees link's arms pause mid-stretch before he slowly lowers them. he can feel the piercing blue gaze of link's eyes searing right through his cheek feathers and in turn, his heart skips a beat. stupid, stupid link. revali wishes he could despise the effect that a hylian of all people has on him.

"what do you mean?" link says in similar volume.

revali looks up to meet his gaze and swallows at the sight of those terribly beautiful blue eyes sparkling at him in the moonlight. now or never. "you could stay with me," he says softly, before he loses his nerve.

and link's eyes widen. if revali lets his vision blur a little, perhaps he can convince himself into thinking that the pink flush on link's cheeks is just the natural color of hylian skin, or just a trick of the moon's light and the glow of lava oozing down death mountain above them. but nothing can change the fact that he can see the entirety of link's irises, or the slight part in his lips.

"with you? in your...?" link whispers, but in this moment, his voice is the only thing the rito can hear at all. revali gives a single nod. "why?" there's not a single hint of mirth in link's voice, only genuine surprise.

revali looks away. "your heroism makes you foolish enough to give up the supplies necessary for your own survival in order to ensure the survival of others," he murmurs. "look at you, you're shaking in the cold like a loose feather. if you were a rito like i, you wouldn't have this problem."

he hears link snort and glances up at him. link is looking at him fully, a small smile on his face, and perhaps they are far too close to death mountain with the way that heat floods revali's cheeks and makes his limbs melt into the ground.

"and we wouldn't want the princess and the hyrulean army to wake up in the morning finding that their beloved champion froze to death in the night," he continues softly.

"no, i suppose not," link replies, still smiling. but the smile fades in the next moment or two, the pink flush revali had tried to pretend was just the color of his skin returning to link's cheeks much darker than before, as if to goad him. "s-so... how are we going to...?" he trails off, staring at revali with wide blue eyes.

revali blinks, and then swallows. truthfully, he didn't think he would get this far, but there's no backing out now. with his heart grabbing the bones of his ribcage and bashing its head against them, revali stands dusting himself off and hangs the great eagle bow on one of the branches of the tree. then, he turns back to face link, who's still staring at him with wide blue eyes and his pretty pink-flushed face from the ground. he walks towards link until he's standing in front of the little hylian, and then offers a hand.

"well firstly, are you ready for bed?" revali says, attempting to sound irritated, like his own offer is an inconvenience to him. but it's all in vain; his voice comes out too soft, too tender, too fond.

link stares up at him for a couple moments more before nodding, so revali extends his hand a little further out. "hurry up then," he says, voice still so unbearably soft. "i wouldn't do this for anyone else."

so link takes his hand and revali pulls him up in one swift movement. but he pulls too hard, because before he can even register it, suddenly both of link's hands are on his chest, his body pressed up against revali's. instinctively, one of his arms goes to circle link's waist, pushing them closer together, and the rito's ears are full of the sound of link's quiet gasp at the pressure; is he depraved to want to push him closer, to hear it again?

"s-sorry," link whispers, just slightly pushing off of revali's chest. "i didn't mean to—"

"it's fine," revali whispers back. with all his will, he lets his arm fall from link's waist to let him step away, resisting the urge to pull the warm little hylian back into his embrace. hylia above, how could revali ever have offered to share his hammock with such depravities rotting his mind?

revali turns away to walk towards the hammock, desperately trying to ignore the electric pull of the string tying him back to link. he looks over his shoulder back at the little hylian. "come on," revali says, feigning all the coolness, all the suaveness he can muster. the show must go on, after all.

revali slides into the hammock easily, settling into a comfortable position, and then he looks back at link. the little hylian stares down at his body and suddenly he feels self-conscious, his crest feathers ruffling. "are you getting in or would you rather stand there until sunrise?" revali snaps, and then cringes at his own tone.

but link only looks at him with the same wide, blue-eyed gaze sparkling in the moonlight. "yeah," he whispers, "i just..."

"just get in," revali mutters, looking away. "i won't fall out unless you're trying to make me fall out on purpose."

and slowly, so slowly, link grabs the edge of the hammock closer to him with hesitant, gentle fingers. he looks up at revali, who gives him a nod of encouragement, so he continues, reaching over revali's chest to grab the opposite edge of the hammock and begins to climb in. with some fidgeting and struggling, link lies atop revali's chest, their legs somehow tangled together. revali hopes the little hylian can't hear his heart drumming its high-strung song against his ribs.

"you're so warm," link whispers. "i didn't think you'd be."

"how do you think the rito are able to live so close to the hebra mountains?" revali murmurs back. "our feathers are insulative and keep us warm even in the most bitter of winters." he pauses, considering his next words, and then continues. "if you ever return to the village... our artisans are working on a prototype of an outfit to help featherless hylians like yourself brave the frigid temperatures of hebra. they are... using some of my own plumage to make it. if you wanted to truly experience the power of rito feathers yourself, i extend an invitation for you to come visit rito village at your earliest convenience."

"i'd like that a lot," link murmurs in response.

the rito hums in acknowledgement and they both fall silent. another cold wind breezes past and this time, link curls closer around revali's body, sighing quietly. instinctively, the rito raises his wings and drapes them around the little hylian's form in response, pressing him even closer than before. they stay just like this, beginning to drift off to the sounds of nature around them.

"revali?" link says suddenly, pulling revali a little bit out of his drowsy.

"mm?" revali replies. he doesn't try to summon the energy to even pretend to be irritated, only wrapping his wings tighter around link's body.

"thank you," link whispers. "for this. you didn't have to."

revali just hums back, letting the drowsiness pull him under. "go to sleep," he mumbles. "there will be more time for gratitude in the morning."

"okay," link whispers back, and revali feels him snuggle closer. there's a moment of hesitation, and in the next, it dissipates as revali finally falls asleep, feeling link's arms circle his torso, embracing him gently.

in the morning, the champions find them wrapped around each other in the hammock, urbosa being the first. she smirks down at them, a hand on her hip and shaking her head in amusement.

"ah, urbosa, where's link—?" mipha says as she approaches the chieftess. but she spots them right away, snapping her mouth shut and blinking owlishly until it grows in a held-back grin.

"i told you, link is already in good care," urbosa says. she looks past mipha to see daruk and zelda walking over, the latter yawning and tying her hair up. when they see the predicament that revali and link have gotten themselves into, daruk has to hold back a guffaw and zelda just rolls her eyes.

"they took their time, didn't they?" zelda grumbles.

"with all due respect, you should not be the one to talk, princess," mipha says, smiling politely. zelda wrinkles her nose at the zora princess, who giggles behind her hand.

"none of you should be talking at all," comes revali's voice, gravelly and hoarse from sleep. the champions turn back to the hammock, where revali gives them a dirty look with only one eye open. he remains in his position in the hammock, wings still wrapped around link who's asleep on his chest. "speak louder than a summer breeze and i'll show you the true strength of a rito's shot."

"my, my, so aggressive," urbosa muses. "has he made you soft for him already?" revali's glare only intensifies, so she holds up her hands in playful surrender. "alright, i'll leave you two alone. everyone, let's go start making breakfast. we have some time before we need to be at the citadel."

the rest of the champions begin to walk over to the cooking pots they've set up, zelda's head on mipha's shoulder and daruk listing off what his favorite types of rock meals are for breakfast. when they're out of earshot, revali relaxes and lets a breath out through the nares of his beak.

"what'd they mean, 'take our time'?" link suddenly mumbles against revali's chest.

revali blinks in surprise, staring down at the mop of dark gold hair atop him. "nothing you need to concern yourself with," he says, eyes wide. "when did you wake up?"

"been 'wake since 'fore sunrise," link mumbles. "jus' too warm 'n comfy to get up. hope you don't mind."

revali relaxes and sighs. "you're lucky i'm too comfortable to care either," he murmurs. he adjusts the way his wings are wrapped around link's body, and the little hylian hums and snuggles closer. suddenly, revali feels wide awake and he swears his heart could jump right out of his chest right now. "do you plan on remaining shackled to my body for the rest of the morning?"

"if you'll let me," link murmurs in response, and the rito feels like the breath has been stolen from his lungs.

"fine," revali acquiesces, once he feels like he can breathe again. "just this once... you'll have to get up to eat anyway. everyone here knows about your voracious appetite. you're incredibly insatiable for a hylian." it's not like he truly wants link to leave anyway... but link doesn't need to know that part.

link hums. "okay." they're both quiet for a couple moments, until the little hylian speaks again. "thank you again for this, revali. i appreciate it a lot."

revali pauses, his heart skipping several beats now. "good to know you possess enough of a developed brain to not take my gifts for granted," he replies, barely keeping the tremor out of his voice. but the rito's voice softens as he continues. "and... you're welcome. my kindness is not a gift i grant as often as you might think. so treasure it now; you may not be so lucky to receive it so freely again."

"i will," link replies, his voice muffled in revali's feathers. the rito swears he can feel link smiling into his skin. "so thanks again."

revali blows air through his nares of his beak. stupid, stupid link. try as he might to reject and dislike the effect this little hylian has on him, he can't help but crave it more and more. perhaps the bestowal of more of revali's gifts onto link are in order...

#revalink #loz #botw #loz botw #legend of zelda #amihan's revalinkverse #ask #sorry i stopped writing i've been having a depressive episode and i didn't know until a couple days ago ✋ #the way i wrote them here was a bit self-indulgent so sorry if it's not Giving 😔 idc tho i had fun writing again LMAO #happy pride to everyone but especially to this gay ass fucking bird i miss him so much #my revalink headcanon of all time is that revali was the one who designed the snowquill armor for link #paraglider & freeze-resistant outfit all this bird knows is make pretty gift for pretty n danger-prone hylian boy #HOMOPHOBIC ZELDA HAS MADE HER RETURN !!! MY LOVE 🫶 #just love the idea of everyone being in on revali's crush on link #meanwhile link is completely clueless and also stuck in his own head about his crush on revali #revalink but it's 'kiss the girl' from the little mermaid #aghh... i miss the champions so bad. i've started to play totk less and less bc my heart yearns for the champs everyday #and of course i miss revalink in case you haven't noticed ✌️👹 #very slowly making my way through asks and wips this summer. no promises! but i'm doing my best :] #this piece is dedicated to sen who's had to put up with my insanity for the past month i love u ate #ok bye i hope you liked this sorry again i've been gone mwah mwah mwah

[theheadlesshat]

so tøp released a new video and uuuh

(sure i know they are passé for the common presumptious tumblr user within the post-emo scene but. sucks for you guys this is the most fun i've had in a long while i'm going fucking insane)

#ITS SO FUCKING GOOD #IT MAKES THE LAST 3 ALBUMS COHERE IN A SINGLE STORY AND ANSWERS SOME OF THE OLD RIDDLES #BUT NOT SO MANY THAT IT GETS OBVIOUS AND STOPS BEING FUN #AND THE SYMBOLISM HOLY FUCK THE SYMBOLISM!!!!!!!!!! #dema is the city where self destruction is the key to paradise where he keeps getting dragged back to #by BLURRYFACE which if you remember from that era is meant to represent all the worst parts of himself and his insecurities #he made an in universe metaphor for depression and i'm LIVING for it #and scaled and icy!!!!!!!!! the album that didn't make any sense style-wise for them #is the era where he was dragged back to dema and forced to just mindlessly entertain (which explains fucking SATURDAY) #BUT NOW HE'S OUT!!!!!!! #AND HE HAS THE BISHOPS' POWERS #AND HE'S GOING BACK TO TRENCH I'M SCREAMINGGGGGGG #holy fuuuuuuuck #twenty one pilots

[tittyinfinity]

it's crazy finding out you're autistic as an adult bc then you start to notice the ways it affects you and has affected you throughout life

and then it becomes a hyperfixation bc you're like "omg this makes so much sense now" and you start feeling a bit better about yourself knowing that there's an explanation to everything

#.bdo #autism #''panic attack disorder'' they have all been full-on meltdowns #which is just as much of a reason that I stopped working as my chronic pain #bc the last job i had i quit in the middle of a phone call #bc the lights and sounds on top of the problem solving on top of my ADHD were Too Much #i was also incorrectly diagnosed with both bipolar type 1 and BPD #it was the PTSD mixed with everything else like my post-partum depression and psychosis #found out that the ''bipolar'' was just me being happier when i have my pain meds #and getting everything done in those couple of weeks where i felt better (''mania'') #and of course more depressed when i'm in more pain bc i can't not notice it #and then also my period really fucks me up too and i get extremely angry for 3-7 days straight #but anyway #i noticed how i stim and how the way i think specifically in patterns and numbers #i've always had really bad texture issues w both food and fabric #i have misophonia and can also feel certain noises (ESPECIALLY mouth noises)(ESPECIALLY if it's repetitive) #it makes me feel like i need to make the noise too #and half the people in my family have vocal stims #ik they can't help it but it sends me into panic attacks & meltdowns #i can hear electricity on top of my tinnitus #i get socially overwhelmed easily bc of all the masking #i talk to myself and make my own noises when im alone #i have repetitive thoughts that will cycle for weeks sometimes months at a time #so i think the ocd is comorbid #bc ever since i was like 5 i've had this pattern that i HAVE to tap on things every now and then or it drives me insane #i get intense hyperfixations for months or years #there's just a lot i notice about myself now

[stabbyfoxandrew]

oh... gods i just realized i have ao3 comments that are two months old...

#TWT i didn't mean to not answer them i just... Got depressed as fuck and stopped working on cosmic lost and found and #i was gonna wait till i got the next update ready before i answered them bc i needed motivation and comments are good food :) #however i got Incredibly Stuck on that next chapter even though i THOUGHT i had it done. i was a fool. #well actually the next chapter Was done but then i decided i needed to add aNOTHER chapter and so #i got stuck on THAT ONE and now it's been almost two months since i updated it and i kinda wanna jump off a building #but thankfully i do not live in an area with tall buildings #or cliffs lmao #anyhow if you have commented on any of my fics in the last two months and i haven't answered i'm so sorry i love you i'm kissing your cheek #eventually when i can make myself work on CLAF again... i will answer #but it literally made me Insane(r)... More insane? #you know what no one is reading anymore but yeah sorry for being dumb about commintz #i love them i crave them i just suck at answering sometimes #diaerie

[taikanyohou]

sometimes you'll just open your notes app and-

Macau gets it. Being in love and being loved looks wonderful on Vegas. Being trusted and honoured and appreciated for his dedication and diligence to his work looks befitting on Vegas.

But, Macau misses his big brother.

He shouldn't, because that's being selfish. That's asking Vegas to carve out some time and attention for him too, when Vegas already has his hands full. He's got more important things to focus on now.

So, Macau chooses to stay silent.

Or maybe it's a lesson to learn, that he isn't a child anymore. He can't keep on going to Vegas for every little thing. He can't keep on relying on Vegas.

But then, who else does he go to? Who else will love him? Who else will understand him and everything that he's gone through?

He remembers how, at school, when he was 9 years old, his class teacher gave them all a task to share with the class who their favourite superhero was. Macau said it was his big brother, Vegas. He remembers how some of the boys around him sniggered at his reply, whispering about either how lame or incorrect his answer was, but he didn't find it funny, and he wasn't ashamed, and he didn't care. Then, when he was 12, they were asked to write a parapgraph on their best friend and to read it out loud to the class. Macau wrote about his big brother, Vegas. The boys in his class still sniggered. He still didn't care. Then, at 15, they were told to improvise a speech lasting 3 minutes long only, on the most important person in their life. Macau talked about his big brother, Vegas. They still sniggered, and he still didn't care.

Now, at the brink of turning 18, if he were asked all those same questions once again, his answer to them would still remain the same.

Macau's whole life has been shaped by Vegas. He's been not just a big brother, but a parent and a best friend and a role model too. He idolises him. He owes his whole life to him.

And that means coming to terms with the fact that, just like how Vegas has devoted his whole life in raising Macau, its now time for Vegas to devote the rest of his life in him putting himself first. And for Macau, that means him needing to realise his place in it.

He's just not sure where he stands in all of this. He doesn't want to overstep and end up tainting and damaging the good Vegas has in his life now. He doesn't want Vegas to ever turn around and look at him, only to remember his past and have that weigh him down heavy. Not when Pete, Vegas' light and his future, is right there with him.

#feeling some type of way lately semi sad and melancholic and i'm spilling it all and dumping it onto macau and writing something #that maybe i'll never end up posting bc its a bit too dark and idk how yall feel about suicidal dark depressed macau with body dysmorphia #like im just using him as emotional punching bag at this moment in time and dumping onto him. #bc macau is such a blank canvas i can take him to any length i want to and make him as sad and depressed as i wanna. #but like i said idk how the general audience would take that bc he isnt exactly shown as such but that wont stop me from personally doing #so. so yeah. i just wanna make him feel the most lonely. make him feel like he's going to ruin everything with his existence for vegaspete. #so he just ends up shrinking himself away. both physically and emotionally. #its twisted and fucked up yeah but i want to do that to him. #anyway this is all word vomit. #faiza talks #vegasmacau

[exp123mon]

Gonna steadily (re)post art in bulk fried in Glaze.

#myart #original character #character design #now my tantrum is finished i will post stuff lol #seriously though it was bad timing my mental health has been shit since my mum died in january and i was gonna do something this month sinc #its ovarian cancer awareness month and thats what she died from #was gonna open kofi to take donations for doodles to give to charity but the tumblr ai thing was just another huge turd #from the universe in the cereal bowl of my life #“um actually instead of you being productive how about fuck you :)” - the universe whenever i try to do literally anything #anyway these tags are making me seem very mentally stable so maybe i will stop hehehe #but seriously don't be concerned i just need to vent somewhere. i actually feel i turned a corner this week with the grief but. ugh. #a shit shower is still a shit shower even if you manage to find an umbrella yknow #on the bright side i subbed to sheezy art and i'm really impressed with it so far #well if you read this far thanks for reading. sorry for being depressing. take care of yourselves and each other!! #dang i needed this vent more than i realised lol #rant

[gouinisme]

thinking about who i'd be if i didnt watch steven universe in middle school

#the rammies #i may not have ever become fluent in english #and the rammies of that are frightening #would have been in a different high school. one that was famous for making people depressed #maybe wouldn't have stopped being suicidal. wouldnt have made friends with any of the people i know today #wouldnt have joined tumblr which means wouldnt have gotten into hannibal which means wouldnt have gotten into horror #which is like #my whole personality #to be fair i was always a spooky bitch so i think in every reality i'm a horror fan eventually #but like #imagine the universe where im like. a conjuring fan #may still be cis?? #oh my god what if i w #as still muslim?? #i got into witchcraft and the occult through like. gemstone collecting aminos! and i was into gemstones bc of steven universe!!!! #i'm not really into the occult as much anymore but it's still had an enormous impact on my faith and vision of spirituality #got the fucking rammies

[batemanofficial]

hello upper middle class northern usamerican tumblr user. i want to play a game. you will notice that you are in a super america convenience store in rural kentucky - you have three minutes to purchase a snack and drink of your choice and make normal small talk with the cashier. however, if you use the word "cryptid" or generally make reference to appalachia and its inhabitants as "wild", uncivilized, or lacking restraint around alcoholic beverages during your time here, i will personally tie you to the chassis of a four wheeler and tip it into the river. live or die. make your choice

#speak friend and enter #i can appreciate mothman as much as the next guy but can we stop treating appalachia like it's the subject of a richard attenborough doc #i come from a long line of hillbillies and i like to think i've got a good sense of humor about it but sometimes i am tested #like. this is not a lawless land with a moonshine still in every holler and nameless voices in the woods!! this is a normal town!! #idk maybe i'm reading too much into it but i'm just tired of the cultural fetishization of appalachia by people who aren't from here #and who don't know anything about it. like yeah you know mothman and what hooch is and that's all well and good #but do you know what the opioid epidemic really is. do you know about the structural injustices that keep people like mcconnell in power #i'm not saying you have to apply dialectical political analysis to every issue that occurs in the region to be able to have an opinion #but also like. i'm tired of people looking at places like where i grew up and making them into things they aren't #like. on the one hand we have ''ooh spooky hills!! run if you hear the trees whisper your name'' #and on the other we've got ''isn't appalachia so depressing...so hashtag ethel cain core...shame it's got no value beyond aesthetics'' #and on yet another hand we have ''i - a person with no ties to the region - am going to take up the cause of every social issue #occurring across the entire appalachian region so the world will see just how bad these poor hill people have it. i am very smart'' #and like. it's frustrating #i'm not saying you should never speak about appalachia if something we have is interesting to you #nor am i implying that i want to gatekeep discussion of the region's issues to the community bc that won't accomplish anything #i'm just saying that like any place it's complex. it's got its good things and it's got its bad things. #and you shouldn't isolate the good from the bad or vice versa - especially if you don't know the context in which those things happen. #and for the love of god dont let your own ignorance cause you to boil down those issues into a reductive and inaccurate set of stereotypes #learn about us from us. not from tiktok not from movies and for christ's sake not from hillbilly elegy. i hate that fucking book #anyway that got weirdly serious but i mean it. putting appalachia as a talking point up on the shelf until y'all can speak intelligently #ok to rb

[anaalnathrakhs]

uh oh i feel like i have a deeply maladaptative response to people knowing Literally Anything about me it's fine it's fine i'm handling it very well

#constantly daydreaming about throwing my phone in the river n leaving a nice note for my parents and fucking LEAVING #but like #if i just stop talking to my friends #then what's the point #do i make new friends? will i do the same shit to my new friends? #it feels like kind of a dick move to do that to people i like #and i DO like them #i like hanging out w them and just. i don't know. i feel like this freedom i dream of is something i could have in this life yknow. #i feel if i had balls i could just start living the life i want #it's not even like my parents are dicks or something they trust me and they've very understanding and loving #they wouldn't judge me for how i dress or be mad if i stay out late as long as i warn them #but i dont know. i dont know why i'm a massive fucking weirdo about it okay. #but i've caused them so much trouble already. i feel like i'm betraying them if i grow up. #i feel like i'm causing them too much worry no matter if i stray away from the nest or stay. #and i feel like a fucking monster for not loving them enough but i can't stand being near them anymore #it's too painful #i've never managed to completely hate them even when i was deep in depression and they handled it poorly #i'd get into a screaming match with my dad and an hour later we'd sing songs together in the car #but it's been so dull lately. it feels like im in a video game. picking prewritten dialogue and being fed prewritten answers. #and WHY does this happen. why can't i just have a normal relationship with people #why do i turn into an alien on his first day on earth whenever i start caring abt someone #why are we so fucking abnormal as a family that we never goddamn hang out #why am i such an empty husk of a person that i cannot for the life of me figure out something we could do together #i keep believing in this fantasm of one day changing everything in one fell swoop instead of growing up like a normal guy #because i know i'm a coward. i'm scared of other people seeing me fail. #i dont want to hurt my parents ever again and i dont want to settle for halfway freedom #so i repress hardcore things i want so that nobody not even me can decipher what it is #smth smth the enormity of my desire disgusts me #and of course it fails because im weakshit and cannot restrict anything ever #and i hurt them anyway

[ranger-kellyn]

can't believe people """only"""" (bc we all know you can only talk about one singular thing and care about one thing at a time) want to talk about taylor's album and not the ever present horrors of the world. can't believe that so long as there is something bad happening in the world, we're not allowed to enjoy anything else or seek solace and refuge to give us the motivation to continue whatever fights we're fighting

#do you know how many arguments over palestine i get into with my parents #do you know how much us military brainwashing i am up against i'm from a fucking military family on both sides #pushing them to see that the us and i***el are in the wrong is a battle i'm constantly fighting #bc its the only battle i can realistically make a difference in #fuck off and let me be excited about an album quit joining in on my depression and stealing every ounce of joy i have #i and basically every fucking person has the ability to care about multiple things #just because the media that is bought out by the us military empire '''only''' wants to talk about it doesn't mean- #-everyone else has stopped talking or caring about it #history is just one atrocity after another there literally has never been peace #are you mad at all past artists and musicians for making art during those atrocities as well #or do you just want a convenient scapegoat because you're feeling powerless against the weight of the world #anyways this hellhole continues to be one of the worst things for my mental health and i'm logging off until i reach a decision on whether #or not to actually delete #y'all are fucking exhausting and do nothing but reinforce burnout culture

[honeysunchild]

It really hurts when it feels like a friend you considered family gives up on you and the relationship

Like, we could have talked about it, we could have found a solution together, we were each others family remember?! But instead you chose to just give up and cut me out

#and in like #about five messages too! #that were pretty accusatory #like apologizing peofusely bc youre afraid that karma wikl fuck u up for hurting le #doesnt really make up for accusing me of what you did #there are so many more compassionate ways you could have said that! #I'm so so sorry but you suck and i can't take it anymore goodbye #WTF #is this the goodbye seven years of friendship is worth?? #we went through thick and thin #and yeah i have not been too well lately and i was pretty depressed two years ago #you asked me to share my problems with you and when i do i am too much and you drop me like hot metal instead of talking about it? #and that goodbye was so rushed it felt like i was chasing her just to get a little closure #you said you would always be there #even with our lives being so different I still believed it was possible #and you kept ignoring me! #i shared good stuff too and you didn't even respond! you said you were too busy and didn't make time for me #so when I stop sharing that good things happen to me too bc I'm frustrated with being ignored all the time you say I'm toxic for only #and drop me? instead of having a talk about it or taking a break? #like #i thought we were each others family but it seems like I was the more loyal one who cared the most and got burned yet again #is it so hard to talk and try to adjust? #i thought we were the real ones for each other yanno but clearly thing were different for you with all your toxic ass family and all your #jobs and friends #she's always had more than me #doesn't mean I'm alone tho #i have friend who can talk to me and try to adjust and fix the relationship and is a true loyal friend #it's not the end of my world that you're gone #even if you were a big part of it #how can I loose when I was so loyal and true and honest

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#gonna be depressing in the tags for a moment #pls excuse me #but whenevery i see a pair of friends that are like soulmates together #who laugh and scream about what they love and have so many things in common #i always become the personification of ''i want what they have'' #ever since i was a child i would pray (you heard that right lol) to get a best friend who shared my interests and passions #(and who was gay but that's included in interests and passions lol tho i didn't know it at the time) #i dream with the sitcom worthy friendships with the you get the key to my house and you can come in whenever #we just spend days sitting together and not even talking just being there #or the next best thing. find it online! #but that will never happen and i need to accept that #not even for lack of trying... i even went to a hobby class for a whole month trying to make friends irl #but it's impossible for the simplest reason... i don't enjoy it! #every time i try to do something new and out of my comfort zone i fail misserably because it's literal hell to me #how can i make a friend if i cannot talk to people? #online or whatever?! #i can't even talk to the people i know from school or whatever #i put in so much fucking effort and freak myself out! #and it's not working and it won't work and idk what to do about it! #so yeah i don't think i'm capable of having meaningful relationships actually #and i need to really accept that cause otherwise i will forever dream with it #like i need to stop trying to chase after it it's just not gonna happen #i guess people have these feelings about romantic partners? well not me lol #anyways... #angel talks #personal

[coockie8]

how do u feel about valentinos wings being his coat??

The same way I feel about Vaggie being an Angel; I saw it coming and it's mid at fucking best.

#Hazbin Hotel #way too much of what I'm learning about this show is ''oh... Yeah...'' #and it's lame as hell #there's twists making no sense for shock value #and then there's whatever Hazbin Hotel has going on #'cause being able to accurately guess this shit from a 30 minute pilot #that is arguably only marginally canon at this point #is downright depressing #also the fact I was able to accurately guess that Vaggie was an Angel when she actually *wasn't* at the start #is extra fucking sad #like she used to have a human name and a death date #she was just a demon at one point during the development #and I'm sorry but the Princess of Hell falling for just some random demon girl #is *way* more interesting than ''oh yeah she's an Angel'' #'cause it's like well yeah... #I could probably keep going about all the stuff in this show I find really mediocre #but I'll stop here for now #I think the main problem is how well the pilot did #the show was never gonna live up to that hype

[will80sbyers]

people are being excessively mean to others for clout on places like tiktok and twitter in instances where there is literally no reason to respond in a mean way and I don't think I will ever get it like is it that they need likes for validation because they feel extremely lonely in real life because real life connections with people are rare and the pandemic made things worse and so ganging up on people online with others makes them feel like they are part of something even if that something is negative and is possibly bringing another person to experience extremely negative feelings about themselves or are all these people just a bunch of coward assholes

#probably both #Idk I'm getting tired of this culture of always trying to make fun of people on a personal level #like I not everybody can take it and I get literally angry in their behalf because you never know how they could feel #and most of the times there is no need #maybe someone makes a dumb question because of ignorance and the comments are FILLED with people catching the opportunity to just #make fun of them in EVERY way on a personal level #like... why? #even if you are a person like me that can take the dumb comments usually or that even if they get upset after a bit of time they don't care #anymore that doesn't mean that it's ok to do it because even when you do have thick skin or whatever that still is annoying and it will #make you stop commenting on stuff after a while #because you have to read so many fucking dumb comments trying to make fun of you #who the fuck actually would want that lol #like it's just annoying #but what makes me angry is think about the people that take things very personally or maybe have heavy depression or things like this and #it can hurt them very much and you literally never know #just stop #and then I start commenting that it's unnecessary and they are only doing it for clout and they respond saying that it's working because #they got likes #like ok???? #you're proud of that? lmao what a fucking shitty person #I just despise people like this #I get to the point of being lowkey ready to fight irl when ppl are mean RANDOMLY to others it bothers me #there are moments in which responding in a mean way is encouraged but I'm talking about all the times in which it is not needed

[mercymaker]

chilling vibing getting stuff done and then suddenly getting hit by 'why do you try so hard to make something new and good and bend yourself backwards pushing for quality when that stuff is mostly discouraged and low effort quantity-over-quality stuff is constantly rewarded'

#life #was on a high after writing quite a bit today #but now feel like a deflating balloon lmao #like yeah nah yeah i've worked with social media enough to know that you have to play 'their' game in order to 'succeed' #but that whole premise is so soulless and yet #it's the shit paradox that most often the less time and effort you put into something the more likely it will do good online #but with constantly diminishing returns it can get pretty tough #like the pattern is there it's all in motion #and it's just gonna get worse and worse and worse #people barely reblog anymore barely comment #i started posting my writing because i thought 'well at least one person might like it!' #like... i cannot NOT write it's just who i am #but even with the folders full of personal writing and whatnot at some point i stopped #because writing is just incredibly lonely and it was starting to make me feel worse about it so i stopped #but yeah nah fam #i'm just fully in the period shits and getting emotional #but the ongoing decline of engagement and communication is just sad to see #like even artists around me who are incredibly talented i see them barely get any notes and if they do it's pretty much all likes #shit's depressing fam #and then on top of that we have people stealing shit from us #like that fucking guy who copied every bg3 creator's ideas and then started playing victim when called out #what was up with that lmao