#marie swriting with music

[marie-swriting]

The Slut Of Hawkins - Steve Harrington [1/2]

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Stranger Things Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : You're paying for the consequences of dating Steve Harrington.

Warnings : italics are for flashbacks, Slutshaming, school bullying (reader getting bullied) (talk to someone if you're being bullied!), implied sex, Steve is a bit of a coward, bad relationship with parents, angst, sad ending, fighting.

Word count : 3.5k

Song inspiration : Because I Liked A Boy by Sabrina Carpenter

The laughs were filling the fresh air of the early night. Laying on your backyard trampoline, you were cuddling against Steve. You had been getting closer recently and you had to admit, it made you feel good to have someone to talk to, especially when your parents weren’t there - which was pretty often, that night was another proof.

Steve held you a bit tighter in his arms while you were talking about your favourite singers. You had said some names like Madonna, Bowie though, it was the mention of The Beatles that caught his attention.

“The album Help! is definitely my favourite.” Steve informed you.

“Same for me, I love all of the songs but You’re Going To Lose That Girl and It’s Only Love have a special place in my heart.” you said whilst Steve looked away. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just that It’s Only Love was our song, to me and Nancy.”

“You really loved her, didn’t you?”

“She was my first love. Unfortunately, it ended pretty badly. It became complicated after her best friend Barbara disappeared. Besides, I have to admit, I was at fault, too but I’m trying to be better.”

“I’m sure you will.” you affirmed hugging him a bit more against you. “You’re not the same Steve you used to be. We wouldn’t be here, otherwise. You’re a good person, Steve, don’t doubt it for a second.” 

“Thanks for what you just said.” Steve smiled at you.

“Anyway, what do you think of I Need You?”

“Not really my favourite.”

“Steve Harrington, I am appalled! How dare you say this kind of stuff?” you exclaim, faking shock.

“You asked for my opinion.”

“And you were supposed to agree with me.”

“I don’t like it, it’s not my fault.”

“You just don’t get this song. You’ll see, you’ll be a fan of it one day, I’ll make sure of it.” you stated looking at him right in the eyes.

“I’m dying to see that.”

Your lips were only a few inches away. You didn’t dare to make the first step, even if you were dying to, you were too afraid to have read too much in between the lines. You liked Steve a lot, but you weren’t sure he wanted the same thing. Steve looked at you with stars and tenderness in his eyes, yours were quite similar. You both were waiting to see which one would bend first. Steve was the one who ended up breaking the inches by pressing his lips against yours. Your lips were moving slowly, taking in this innocent moment of the beginning of your relationship.

Now, the innocence is gone. Once you close your locker door, the word “slut” is written in big letters, reminding you of the price you had to pay for this moment. Who knew cuddling on trampolines could be so reckless? 

Far away, Steve is watching you. However, the second you turn your head toward him, he looks down and goes in the opposite direction. It’s been the same thing for a month. You are called names and Steve turns a blind eye. You are accused of being a homewrecker and Steve receives sympathy for the pain you supposedly caused him.

During the day, you keep your head low, not wanting to draw more attention to you. Unfortunately, the insults just like the degrading pieces of paper keep coming your way. The only moment of peace you have is during lunchtime. 

At first, you hid in the bathroom then you ended up running into some girls who made you understand they weren’t on your side so you went to find a safe place in the janitor closet. At least, no one can bother you there. You don’t like the way you accepted the bullying however every time you tried to explain the situation, no one listened to you. So, now, you don’t say anything and you let people tell you who you are, hoping this story will end soon. 

In the afternoon, you have chemistry. As you got used to the past month, you sit at the end of the class, wanting to be far away from your classmates' judging look. You do your best to stay focused on the lesson but you have to admit since the beginning of the rumours, your grades have been falling. You keep your energy to survive the comments so you don’t have enough of it to keep your grades high.

While you finish writing what Mr. Kaminski just said, he announces you’ll work in pairs. Right away, your stomach twists and you want to throw up. You can’t work in pairs. You’ve never been a fan of group projects however now you hate it; it’s an open door to being called names nonstop for a whole hour. The teacher informs he’s already made the groups before saying them out loud. Like a convicted person, you wait for him to say your name. You’re part of the last group and you’re with Tucker Walker. At the mention of his name, you want to die. He’s part of the basketball team and he’s entitled. You don’t like him. You try to negotiate with your teacher to work alone but he insists.

“Come here, Y/L/N, I’m not gonna eat you.” Tucker laughs.

Reluctantly, you gather your stuff and go to his desk. You put as much distance as possible, wanting to avoid new rumours.

“I’m going to do the whole exercise and I’ll put your name on the sheet like this, you’ll have nothing to do.” you announce while starting to read what you have to do.

“Who said I didn’t want to work with you?”

“I don’t want to work with you.” you specify. “Now, do something else and let me work.”

“On the contrary, I’m sure I can be useful.” he contradicts, putting his hand on your knee.

“Take your hand off.” you say through gritting teeth.

“What?”

“Your hand. I don’t like you and if I’m not mistaken, you’re with someone.”

“It didn’t stop you with Harrington.” he says before leaning in. “You can meet me behind school later.”

“No.”

“You don’t have to play hard-to-get because we’re in class.”

“I’m not playing hard-to-get, I just don’t like you.” you repeat, trying to stay calm.

“That's what you say now.”

By some luck, Tucker takes his hand off and lets you work. You’re surprised to see him give up so easily. You know it’s hiding something else, from now on, you have to avoid him.

You finish the work sheet the same second the bell rings at the end of the class. You pack your stuff quickly and give the sheet to your teacher before leaving the room. Tucker doesn’t follow, allowing you to sigh in relief.

Walking by your locker, you discover the insult is gone. It’s one of the positive things with the janitor, he always erases the insults right away. Though, no matter how many times he erases them, he’s never reported it to the principal, leaving you on your own with the high schooler venom.

The moment you leave school, you walk to your car when you get stopped in your tracks. In front of you, there are four girls, Jessica - Tucker’s girlfriend - included. You try to not show anything, mentally preparing yourself for what she’s going to tell you.

“What makes you think you can hit on Tucker, my boyfriend?” she asks drily, “Being his chemistry partner and telling him to meet you behind school? That’s where you were going, weren’t you? He’s not coming. Unlike Steve, he won’t let the slut of Hawkins destroy our relationship.” Jessica affirms, you’re about to answer when she beats you to it. “Don’t even try to deny it, Tucker told me and Sarah heard you!”

“Well, she can’t hear correctly then and your boyfriend is lying. Tucker is the one who hit on me and I stopped him. He put his hand on my knee and told me to meet him behind school.” you retort, annoyed.

“You think I’m gonna believe you over my boyfriend and my best friend?”

“I know you’re not going to believe me. It’s so much easier to believe your boyfriend who tells you what you want to hear rather than the girl who shows you the true colour of your boyfriend. Don’t be too disappointed the day you’ll discover he’s cheated on you, if he hasn’t done it already.” you state with a fake smile.

“Take that back.”

“Why ? Everyone knows he’s a cheater.”

“He’s different with me.” Jessica insists and you shake your head.

“That's what he wants you to believe but the truth is, he’s sleeping around while keeping you under his hat.”

The sound of the slap resonates in the school parking lot. You look at Jessica with eyes wide open whilst you’re touching your cheek. For you, that’s your last straw, you answer to her attack by pulling at her hair. Jessica’s scream alerts the adults around while her friends try to separate you two. You keep giving her a piece of your mind when two arms wrap themselves around your body and gets you away from Jessica. Being separated doesn’t stop both of you from insulting one another and trying to go for the throat again until Mister Jenkins arrives.

“That’s enough! What is going on here?”

“She attacked me!” Jessica lies, pointing at you.

“What? You’re the one who slapped me first.”

“She’s lying, we saw her, sir!” a friend of Jessica adds.

“They’re lying, Jessica did hit her first.”

Looking behind you, you discover the one who is holding you back and who is defending you is none other than Eddie Munson. You didn’t even see he was around and you certainly didn’t expect him to defend you.

“Are you seriously going to believe what Munson is saying?” Jessica questions, faking tears. “He’s always against us! He’d say anything to get us in trouble. I’m the victim here-”

“You’re talking nonsense, you-” you cut her off before Jenkins gets your attention back.

“Enough! I have enough. Go to the principal, now!”

And that’s how you end up in Mister Higgins’ office for the first time. You can’t believe the situation got this bad. The worst part isn’t listening to the disapproving speech of the headmaster, it’s actually witnessing your mom’s disappointment beside you as he speaks.

While the principal is explaining to your mom and Jessica’s mom what happened, you look at your feet, holding back tears of anger. Once he’s done talking, Higgins catches your and Jessica’s attention.

“Do you have anything to add?”

“I didn’t attack her first.” you insist.

“Everybody saw you!” Jessica retorts.

“You’re the one who accused me of stealing your boyfriend. I did nothing wrong.”

“Yeah, just like you didn’t break Nancy and Steve’s relationship.”

“Sir,” you start, trying to keep a calm voice, “I’ve been receiving insults for more than a month now from everyone including Jessica. She called me a slut then she slapped me when I told her her boyfriend was cheating on her. Eddie Munson saw it, he told Mister Jenkins.”

“Munson,  the one leading a cult? What a reliable source!” Jessica’s mother states, rolling her eyes.

“Madam, please.” Mr. Higgins reprimands. “One witness against Jessica’s three friends doesn’t bring a lot to the table.”

“So you’re not even going to do something about the harassment I’ve been receiving?”

“Y/N.” your mom says drily.

“I’ve never heard anything about people being mean to you. However, your grades haven’t been going down for some reason.”

“If you cared a bit more about your student, maybe you’d know why.”

“Y/N, enough!” your mom orders you before turning to Mister Higgins. “I apologise. I guess Y/N will be punished?”

“Indeed, we can’t tolerate this kind of behaviour. Technically, this kind of situation can lead to expulsion though considering Y/N has always been a good student - until now -, we’ll just say she’s going through a bad phase. Y/N will have a month of detention and you will be doing an assignment on bullying.”

Before you can protest, your mom glares at you. You stay silent while your mom apologies once again for your behaviour. Your mom’s grip on your arm forces you to stand up and to leave the office. She doesn’t say anything until you arrive at your car where she orders you to get home right away.

Once you’re home, your mom informs you you’re not allowed to drive your car therefore, you have to take the bus to go to school before informing you to stay in your room until your father arrives.

The second you close the door, you finally let your tears of anger stream down your face. You’re frustrated by the whole situation and you have never felt this alone before. You lay down on your bed rolled up in a ball, searching for some comfort. As you search for that much-needed comfort, your mind takes you back to a time in your life when you had it without needing to make any effort.

At one point, you had this comfort with you. When everything was still going great, it wasn’t rare for Steve to come to your place and put on a smile on your face.

You had been a couple for three months and no one knew about your relationship. You preferred to not say anything, wanting to protect what you had. Thanks to your relationship, you both felt less alone, you finally felt like someone cared about you, that was why you felt so good with him. Therefore, you would see each other when your parents weren’t home. As you didn’t want to stay alone for another night, you had invited Steve to come. Knowing he was in the same situation, Steve had rang at your door thirty minutes later.

Laying on your bed, you were enjoying each other’s presence after your first intimate moment you had just shared. Steve had his arms wrapped around your hips, pressing your back against his torso.

“You know,” Steve started, whispering in your ear, “maybe you’re too late to be my first love, but you’ll always be my favourite. I like what we have.”

“Me too. I like you, Steve, a lot.” you told him, turning around to look at him.

“I like you a lot, too.” he replied, tenderly kissing you.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the harsh voice of your father ordering you to come downstairs. You fastly wipe the tears away from your cheeks and prepare yourself for what your parents are about to tell you. While you’re walking down the stairs, your father makes a sign to go to the kitchen. You sit whilst your parents stay on their feet on the other side of the table, a severe expression on their faces.

“Is it true what your mother told me? You’re getting into fights now?” your dad says, angry.

“I was only defending myself, Jessica attacked me first.”

“Why would she attack you? I know her dad, she’s a nice girl.”

“She called me a slut and she accused me of stealing her boyfriend when I didn’t do anything.”

“Why does she say you did then?” your mom questions, annoyed.

“Because she’s against me like everyone else in this school!”

“Lower your tone, young lady.” your father orders.

“It’s about what she said about Steve and Nancy, isn’t it?” your mother wants to know with accusing eyes.

“Yes, they accuse me of breaking their relationship when it’s not the truth.”

“Because you never did anything with Steve, didn’t you?”

“How do-” you start, shocked to discover she knows.

“It’s a small town and you really thought the neighbours wouldn’t see you sneaking in a boy in our own house?”

“You sneaked in a boy?” your father angers.

“And according to Miss Johnson, it went on for several months,” your mom specifies, “aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”

At this sentence, the tiny bit of hope you still had about your parents disappears. You can’t believe your own mother is against you. You’re getting used to the reputation people gave you but hearing your own mother implying you’re less than good because of your relationship is the final blow. You can’t understand how liking a boy could destroy everything.

“Steve and I got together after he broke up with Nancy, I almost wasn’t talking to him when he was still dating her. Steve was my boyfriend and we did nothing wrong!” you defend yourself, feeling the tears coming.

“Of course and you did nothing wrong when you attacked this poor Jessica.”

“Poor Jessica? She insulted me and hit me. I did nothing. Why don’t you want to believe me? I’m your own daughter and yet, you’d rather believe Jessica than me.”

“The facts are here!” Your father yells. “Besides, we should have reacted a long time ago, have you seen your grades? Do you really think you’re going to pass your year like this?”

“My grades are getting worse because I’m going through a living hell at school.”

“Stop playing the victim! We have enough of your behaviour. You have to do better and quickly. Go to your room right now! And don’t forget to apologise to Jessica.”

Tired of screaming in the void, you don’t answer your mother’s order and run to your room. Mad, you slam the door behind you. Normally, you’d be scared to hear more reproaches however at this moment, it’s the least of your concerns.

You throw yourself on your bed and you hold back a scream of frustration. You can’t understand why your own parents don’t have your back. They didn’t even try to listen to you, they only blame you some more. You know it’s stupid yet a part of you was hoping they would understand. You were wrong, no one is on your side; you didn’t think it possible, yet, you feel even more alone.

If you thought you already were the public enemy, the second you get back to school the following day, you realise it’s worse. Everyone is staring at you, you’re called even more names just like the whisperings got worse. You’re being even more discreet than usual - if it’s possible - wanting to keep to yourself.

In hindsight, you tell yourself you wouldn’t recommend dating boys with exes, it’s not worth all the pain and all the bullying that comes with it, in particular if the boy in question ignores you.

When you go to your last class of the day, you wish you could say you’re finally about to breathe but you still have detention. You have to stay at school a few more hours.

Sitting at your usual seat in your history class, you put your notebook on your desk. Your eyes land on the last page you wrote until they fall on the inscription carved on the desk: “the slut of Hawkins = Y/N.” It’s not the first time you see those words, it’s actually on this very table you discovered your life was about to change before you could do something about it. Despite the time, those words still feel like a knife in your chest. You distinctly remember the moment where everything fell apart.

You were behind the school building with Steve. You had been together for four months but contrary to the first three, it wasn’t going on so well between you two. You didn’t get along anymore. No matter your effort to hold him close, it was always ending in an argument. The main reason for it was that you were more invested in this relationship than Steve. You had noticed this the moment you had tried to get closer to him at school.

“I’m not asking for a lot, Steve! I’m not asking to make out with you in front of everyone, I just want to, at least, be able to talk with you without you ignoring me. I’m your girlfriend and yet, it looks like you don’t know me.”  you pleaded, mad and desperate.

“You said you wanted to keep our relationship for us.” Steve retorted, avoiding your eyes.

“That was before it became more serious between us. I like you and I want to say you’re my boyfriend.”

“I know but you know that with Nancy-”

“What are you bringing her into this? She moved on, unlike you! She’s with Jonathan, I don’t think she cares if you’re dating again. Why are you searching for an excuse? I thought you liked me, too.”

“It’s true.”

“Really? It doesn’t look like it!” you said, outraged. “I feel like I’m alone in this relationship. Everytime I take a step towards you, you push me away. I’m getting tired of it. I don’t even know why I even try to save our relationship when it’s clear you don’t care.” you finished, going inside the building.

“Y/N, wait-” he tried to hold you back.

“No, we’re done, Steve!”

That day, you ended your relationship with Steve, signing at the same time the end of your peaceful life in high school. While you were arguing, someone had heard you and had twisted the whole story. Before you could react, the rumours had started to fly a few days later at school that you had ruined the relationship with Nancy and Steve by seducing him. There was nothing you could do to correct the rumours. Just because you liked a boy, you got judged as a homewrecked and you had to accept your sentence.

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Stranger Things Masterlist

#marie swriting in english #Spotify #stranger things #steve harrington #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fic #stranger things x y/n #stranger things x you #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x female reader #stranger things angst #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with sabrina carpenter #marie swriting with eics

[marie-swriting]

Everything Will Be Okay - Emily Prentiss [1/2]

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : When Emily hears Ian Doyle escaped, she knows she has to do whatever she can to protect you from getting hurt, even if it means breaking you heart.

Warnings : start during 6x13 and finishes during 6x18, character death (not reader), angst, break up, sad ending, funeral, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.7k

Song Inspiration : Last Kiss (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

“Ian Doyle vanished from prison. Interpol can’t find him”

Sean’s sentence resonates in Emily’s ears. She can’t believe it. Ian Doyle was supposed to be a part of her past. His name was supposed to only be a memory.

“What are you saying?”

“He’s off the grid, Emily.”

“Do you think he’s heading here ?” Emily asks before marking a pause. “Am I in danger?”

“We all are.”

Worry makes its way onto Emily’s face as she understands the gravity of the situation. It’s only a matter of time before everything goes down, she’s aware of it. She has to think of what she has to do to protect herself.

Her thoughts are cut off by the ringing of her phone. She takes her eyes off of Sean and takes out her phone. As soon as she sees your name and your picture on the screen, she softens before reality hits her. She has to protect you, too. Ian Doyle could go after you to get her back. She clears her throat then answers, taking a natural tone.

“Hey, Y/N, everything okay?”

“Hey, Em’, I’m calling to know if I should wait for you tonight or if you come home late.” you explain. Emily can hear you’re getting in your car.

“I have some paperwork to do. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping at home. I have some stuff to handle with the team.”

“Oh, okay.” you say, trying to hide your disappointment. “Keep me updated. I miss you.”

“Miss you too.”

On these words, you hang up. Emily looks at her screen for a few seconds before talking with Sean about the information Interpol has on Ian’s escape. While listening to him, her brain is working at speed light, searching for every plan to stop Doyle and to protect her loved ones. 

After she leaves her former colleague, Emily spends the night at a hotel. She has to be alone to think. She has to think of a solution so you can be safe and sound. The problem is, she can’t tell you about Doyle. She has to get you far away without you knowing the truth. Emily comes to the sad conclusion she has to break your heart - and by extent, her own. She’d rather leave with a broken heart and see you breathing than keeping you close to her and seeing you die by Doyle’s hands. She can’t take the risk. She has to break up with you. 

The next day, Emily wakes up with difficulty. Her sleep wasn’t relaxing, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she could tell you. 

She goes to your shared apartment when she knows you left for work, wanting to avoid you until you come back home in the evening. Whilst waiting for you, Emily packs some bags. 

Once you walk through the door, Emily’s face becomes neutral. She has to show no emotion. She absolutely can’t let her emotions speak. She knows what she has to do. With a big smile on your face, you walk toward Emily, ready to take her in your arms. Nonetheless, once you see her emotionless face, your eyebrows furrow. 

“Em’, is everything okay?” you question, putting down your purse.

“We have to talk, Y/N.”

“About what?”

“I think we should stop.” Emily bluntly announces and you need a few seconds to answer.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s no use to stay together. Lately, I’ve been pretty busy with my job. Besides, I’ll never be able to give you the life you deserve. It’s better for everyone.”

“W-what? You can’t be serious! Emily, where is all of this coming from?”

“I’m just stating a fact. I’m almost always away, we’re wasting our time.”

“Okay, you’re often away but we are not wasting our time. Our relationship is working just fine. We have a balance. Why do you want to throw everything away now?” you ask, confused and with teary eyes.

“I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now.”

“But everything was fine between us. I mean, that’s what I thought at least. Did I do something?”

“It’s no one’s fault, it’s just what’s best to do.” she affirms looking you right in your eyes.

“According to who?”

“Y/N, we knew very well this relationship was doomed. It wasn’t meant to last. Not when I have this job.”

“JJ makes it work.”

“It’s not the same. My decision is made anyway.”

“So you’re not even gonna try to talk about it? To fix the problem? You’re giving up this quickly?”

Emily knows you’re not going to give up. She can see on your face that you’re determined in spite of the tears in your eyes. Emily takes a deep breath before saying the most difficult sentence she’s ever had to say.

“I don’t love you anymore, Y/N. You’re a good person, I just don’t have feelings for you any longer.”

“It sure as hell didn’t feel like that this past few weeks.” you contradict, in disbelief.

“I tried to have feelings for you again but it’s impossible.”

Your eyes analyse Emily, searching for proof that the words coming out of her mouth aren’t the truth. However, Emily did everything to be convincing ; you have to believe her harsh words. Once you understand you correctly heard what Emily told you, your tears start running down your face. You don’t pay attention to it, trying to find a solution to keep Emily near you. As Emily sees your heart breaking in front of her, because of her, she wants to admit the truth. Yet, she tells herself it’s the right thing to do.

“I… I’ll go to a hotel for the next few days. I’ll probably have a case during that time, it’ll give you enough time to pack your things.” Emily softly informs while taking her two bags.

Your eyes are wide open at her last sentence. Sure, you couldn’t expect to still live with her if you’re not together anymore yet you thought you’d talk about it to know if you were going to sell the apartment or who was going to keep it. 

Emily feels bad about kicking you out but she knows she can’t let you have it. Doyle could find it with a simple research about Emily and she can’t take the risk of having him coming to your place while you still live here. She has to keep you as far away from her and your apartment as possible.

“Em’, please.”

Emily fights with herself when she hears you begging her. She doesn’t answer before walking past you and leaving your apartment. She holds back a sob until she gets in her car.

As for you, you stay on your feet, still in shock, your eyes staring at the door. You can’t believe your relationship with Emily is really over after five years. You never thought you’d ever hear those words. You never planned on her changing her mind. For you, she is - she was the love of your life. It looks like that's not the case for her.

One month has passed by since your break up. In a desperate attempt, you tried to contact her during the first couple of weeks without having an answer. It seems like she doesn’t miss you as much as you do. And you don’t know how to be something she misses. Therefore, reluctantly, you give up. You still can’t move on, you keep thinking about your relationship, searching for what you could have done differently to avoid this outcome.

You never imagined you’d end like this. You never imagined you wouldn’t know her routine anymore, where she is, what case she’s working on. You never thought you wouldn’t be holding her against you anymore. You never thought you’d have a last kiss. 

You try to look happy even if deep down, you’re in this state of numbness. But it has to change, you have to learn to move on. For this, nothing is better than to hang out with friends.

You meet Penelope at a cafe not too far away from your place of work. Beside Rossi, Penelope is the one you’re the closest to from the team, you consider each other as sisters. Penelope was shocked once she heard about your break up and she tried to make Emily change her mind without any success. 

As soon as you arrive at the cafe, Penelope takes you in her arms. You sigh in relief when you hold her against you. Her hugs have power, you’re sure of it. You sit down at a table after ordering. At first, your conversation is about random things - you hadn’t seen each other in a while so you’re making up for lost time. Then comes a moment when Penelope tells a fun story about the team which includes Emily; at the mention of your ex’s name, you look down, ignoring the pinch in your heart. Penelope stops laughing as soon as she sees your reaction.

“Oh, my God! I… I didn’t think… I shouldn’t have… I’m so sorry.” Penelope exclaims, embarrassed.

“It’s okay. It’s been a month, after all.” you reassure her with a fake smile. 

“But still. You were together for a long time. It’s okay if it’s still painful.”

“I know. How is she?”

You can’t help it, you needed to ask this question, it was on your lips for a month. You need to know if what you think is true. Penelope takes a deep breath before replying.

“She doesn’t show anything yet I know she’s suffering as much as you. Sometimes, she keeps to herself a bit more. She seems more lost in her thoughts which is understandable considering the situation.”

“She’s the one who told me she didn’t love me anymore.” you drily retort. “Sorry, I didn’t say that for you to pick a side.” you correct with a guilty face. “I’m just still surprised by the way everything went down overnight.”

“You’ll find each other again. I’m sure of it.” she affirms, squeezing your hand.

“I don’t think so. She seems determined to stay away from me.”

“Y/N, the love you two shared can’t be lost. When the right moment comes, you’ll be together again and everything will be okay.”

You see on Penelope’s face, she’s firmly convinced by her words. She’s not saying them just to make you feel better, she’s sure she’s right. Yes, Penelope tends to see everything through rose-coloured glasses, but you need this bit of hope.

As soon as you come home, you put your purse down, next to the door then sit on your couch. You look at your apartment, indifferent. Despite all your efforts, you can’t feel at home. Home was your apartment with Emily. Home was Emily. But you don’t have Emily anymore and you never will.

You stand up from your couch and walk to the closet of your bedroom. You open it and take a box. You go sit on the floor then you search at the bottom of it for something specific. Once you find the frame, you turn it around to look at the picture.

This picture was taken two years ago, it was the beginning of July, you’re kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower.

You had gone on a trip in Paris - by some miracles, Emily had had two weeks off. You had a wonderful time in France. The highlight of this trip, according to you, was Emily speaking in French. You know she speaks numerous languages and you melt every single time you hear speaking in one of them. Yet, it’s not always so when you had the opportunity to hear her speaking in French for two whole weeks, you were over the moon. 

One night, towards the end of your vacation, you stayed in your hotel room. Normally, you’d enjoy your evening by visiting Paris a bit more nevertheless that night, you were too tired to walk ten more steps.

You were sitting on your balcony, enjoying the Eiffel Tower being illuminated in the distance, and you were talking about your future. You were making different plans, thinking about what your life would look like in one year, five, ten, even thirty.

“I can’t wait to grow old with you.” Emily stated with a smile.

“Me too. You’d be beautiful with grey hair.” you said, stroking her hair.

“I don’t know.”

“Trust me, you will be.”

“And you’d look beautiful in a white dress.” she affirmed, looking deeply in your eyes.

“What?”

“We never really talked about it but I’d love for us to get married. Not now, don’t worry!” Emily specified as soon as she saw your eyes wide open. “I don’t have a ring and this is surely not my proposal but I can see us saying our vows and kissing in front of our loved ones.”

“I can see it, too. I’d love to marry you one day.” you admited, taking her hand in yours.

“Good, like this, I’ll be sure you won’t get rid of me.”

“Trust me, you’ll get sick of me before.” you laughed and Emily shook her head.

“Never. I love you too much to get tired of you.”

And on these words, you shared a languorous kiss full of love. You had never been more sure of your relationship than during that night. You knew it was made to last and you were looking forward to creating new moments as romantic as that one. Unfortunately, just like you had a last kiss, you had one last romantic moment. These instants are now only memories in a picture frame.

A few weeks later, while you have your nose in your work you get a call. You take your phone, wondering who could call you this late. Upon seeing JJ’s name, your stomach drops. She almost never calls you. If she does, something terrible must have happened. With apprehension, you pick up the call.

“JJ, what’s going on? Is Emily okay?”

“You have to come to the hospital right now. Emily is in surgery.” JJ informs with a shaky voice.

“What happened?” you ask, standing up.

“I’ll tell you at the hospital, it’s too long to do it through the phone. I’ll call you back if I have updates from the Doctors before you arrive.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes at most.”

You hang up and quickly get dressed before running to your car. On the way to the hospital, you’re controlled by anxiety. You’ve never driven this fast in your life. In your head, every scenario is happening, making you tear up. The lack of information from JJ doesn’t help to calm you down.

You run through the hospital, looking for Emily’s team. You find them sitting in a waiting room, a worried expression on their face. Hotch sees you arriving first and comes to meet you, JJ on his heels. Hotch keeps a cold head even if he can feel your stress in his soul. He invites you to go to a quieter place in the hospital while JJ grabs you a cup of water. When she gives it to you, Hotch is telling you about Doyle’s escape. As you listen to him, everything seems to make sense in your head.

You finally understand why Emily wanted to be away from you so suddenly, why she used such harsh words. She thought she was protecting you from Doyle by staying far away from you but in doing so, she didn’t think of protecting herself. Emily is in critical condition and you don’t know if you’ll ever have the opportunity of talking to her again, to hold her against you again.

As soon as you know the whole story, you go back to the team. Rossi informs you they haven’t received any updates yet. You sit down next to him and start biting your nails. You wait in agony for the Doctor who is probably going to tell you bad news. 

You wish you were anywhere but here. You wish everything was a bad dream. You wish you were in your shared apartment with Emily, cuddling in your bed whilst the sun is rising in the sky like you used to do.

One morning, about a year after your trip to Paris, Emily had a day off, allowing you to sleep in. You had woken up first - something rare - and you were staring at her. Her face was completely relaxed whilst her right hand was on your hips. You don’t know how long you had stayed like this, you just wanted to enjoy Emily’s presence. At one point, Emily started to wake up and she smiled, noticing you had spent your time watching her.

“Have you been staring at me for a long time?”

“I don’t know.”

“Not creepy at all.” she joked, getting closer to you.

“It’s not a crime to admire my girlfriend!”

“We’ve arrested stalkers for less.”

“You’re gonna sleep on the couch.” you retorted with a fake angry face.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I missed you.” Emily suddenly stated

“I missed you too.”

“I hope we’ll always be able to wake up like this.”

“I’ll personally make sure that we do.” you affirmed before snuggling.

You raised your head toward Emily before kissing her. She kissed you back with passion and you spent most of the day in bed. 

Now, you spend most of the evening in an uncomfortable hospital chair. You’re vacantly staring at the floor while thinking at several happy moments with Emily and telling yourself you’ll probably never have others.

JJ comes into the room, a serious expression on her face and red eyes. You don’t need for her to utter a word to understand what she’s about to say. However, you don’t want to believe it. Sure, you weren’t optimistic about Emily’s condition yet a part of you was hoping, praying for everything to be okay and to leave all of this behind you. Penelope whispers a desperate ‘no’ while you keep your gaze on JJ. She avoids your eyes when she pronounces the sentences you fear. 

“She never made it off the table.”

Immediately, tears are streaming down your face. You loudly sob, shocked while Rossi leans in to hug you. You accept his embrace, shedding all your pain. You hear Spencer standing up but you don’t pay attention to him, trying to understand what just happened. 

You thought your heart had broken when Emily broke up with you but you were wrong. This time, the pain in your chest is worse. You don’t even feel like your heart is breaking. Your heart stopped beating and it won’t beat ever again. How could it? You’ll never see Emily’s smile again, hear her laugh, touch her hand. She is dead and your heart left with her.

Emily’s funeral is a few days later. For the first time since the announcement of her death, you get ready. Unlike when you broke up where you felt numb to everything you were doing, you’re feeling every gesture you make. The pain isn’t only emotional, every one of your members is heavy and is hurting you.

Rossi is the one to pick you up. Since Emily’s death, he has been taking care of you. Rossi always considered Emily like his daughter and he immediately liked you when you and Emily got together. He hates seeing you so miserable, he wishes he could take away your pain and add it to his.

Watching the team carrying Emily’s coffin, your pain heightens. You can’t believe the woman you love is locked in this box. You can’t understand how your story ended like this.

You don’t listen to the priest, you keep your eyes on the white flowers that are on the coffin. If Emily could have seen this, she would have said it’s too solemn for her, you smile at that thought. Penelope holds your hand until you’re the first to put a red rose on the coffin, your cheeks wet with tears. You stay next to Emily whilst the team does just like you. Rossi puts a hand on your back to comfort you and you do everything to not break down in his arms. By some miracles, you stay on your feet whilst Emily's casket is going down.

When you come back home, you don’t have the strength to go to bed. You sit on the floor of your bedroom after you put on one of Emily’s tee shirts. You had accidentally put it in your boxes and as Emily never asked for it, you kept it. You bring the fabric to your nose, hoping to smell Emily’s scent but it’s already gone. New tears roll down your cheeks as you realise that soon, every trace of Emily will be gone forever. She will only be a part of your past.

During the whole day, your mind is plagued by memories with Emily. You mainly think about the end of your relationship. You think of every last moment you shared without knowing there will never be a new one. Had you known what was going to happen, you would have enjoyed them more and if you could, you’d change some of them like your last kiss.

It was during a morning, it was early - too early for you -, you had woken up after Emily. Your eyes were closing by themselves whilst you were going to the kitchen. You were making your coffee when Emily appeared in the room. You quickly smiled at her whilst she was telling you she quickly had to leave for work. She pecked your lips and you didn’t even take your time to properly kiss her back, still too asleep. She said ‘I love you’ before taking her bag and leaving your apartment. You had only mumbled an ‘I love you’ back, needing your coffee to talk properly.

You wish your last kiss was different. You wish you had kissed her with passion, enjoying the movement of her lips against yours and you wish you had distinctly said ‘I love you’. Unfortunately, you can’t change the past and you will never have a new opportunity. This kiss is doomed to be your last just like you’re doomed to live without Emily for the remainder of your days. And you’re doomed to have her name forever on your lips just like your last kiss. In the end, Penelope was wrong, it will not be okay.

Part two

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#marie swriting in english #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with taylor swift #marie swriting with speak now tv #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fic #criminal minds #criminal minds angst #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x you #criminal minds x reader #emily prentiss fic #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss fanfic #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x female reader #emily prentiss x y/n #emily prentiss x you #emily prentiss angst #emily prentiss x fem!reader #Spotify

[marie-swriting]

Trust You - Stiles Stilinski

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Summary : Your trust issues are getting worse as they start ruining your relationship with Stiles.

Warnings : hurt/comfort, angst, trust issues, mention of cheating parent, bad relationship with parents, self-sabotage, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.5k

French Version

Song inspiration : Emails I Can't Send by Sabrina Carpenter

‘Sorry, I’ll have to cancel tonight, I’m so tired because of lacrosse.’

You reread Stiles’ message at least three times before answering him with a simple ‘don’t worry, get some rest’. Even if your message seems insignificant, but your insecurities hide behind it.

Everytime Stiles can’t hang out with you because something comes up, a small voice comes talking to you just to scare you : ‘He doesn’t love you. He’s still in love with Lydia. He went to meet her. Or maybe he’s with Malia. Either way, he’s not with you. He cancelled to see another girl and spend the night with her because you’re not good enough.’. And lately, Stiles has cancelled a lot of dates, giving that small voice more strength. You’re struggling to not listen to it, but it can be convincing. You think Stiles would never hurt you, he’s loyal, but your fear is bigger than your trust.

That night, instead of being in your boyfriend’s reassuring embrace, you don’t sleep. You lay in your bed, hugging a pillow and letting tears wetting your cheeks. When your alarm rings, the idea of lying to your parents about being sick is really tempting for about a second, but you don’t want to stay in this house that hasn’t been a home for a week now. You need to leave, so you get out of bed and get ready for school.

When you arrive at Beacon Hills High, Stiles comes to you in an instant. He apologises again before taking you in his arms. You try to not show anything even if this small voice comes back in your head : ‘He’s probably not really sorry for looking elsewhere. He’s going to leave you for Lydia soon.’. You shake your head to chase it away unsuccessfully. During the morning, you stay silent and Stiles starts to worry. He noticed since the second you arrived something was wrong, but he is sure something’s up when lunch break comes. Indeed, you eat quickly and leave right after, pretending you have an assignment to do ; Stiles understands something's wrong with you even though he doesn't know what or why. In fact, you left when Lydia talked about what happened when she was at Stiles’, the day before. You felt a lump in your throat and you needed to be away from Lydia and Stiles. You ran away to the bathroom to cry freely. Your mind keeps torturing you, the voice was right : he wants to leave you for Lydia. He lied to you. You cry until the bell rings.

For the remainder of the day, Stiles tries to talk to you, in vain. You avoid him while your sadness slowly turns into anger. Though, Stiles is stubborn so he proposes to drive you home. For a moment, you want to refuse, but you need to confront him so you accept. You quickly send a message to your mom, telling her she doesn’t need to come pick you up. On the way home, you’re lost in your thoughts, trying to find the best way to talk to Stiles. As for him, Stiles drives nervously. When he parks in front of your home, you finally decide to not talk to him, wanting to avoid a new argument. You’re about to leave the Jeep when he holds you back. You look at him, fearing what he might say. Maybe the voice was right : you’re not good enough, he wants someone else, he’s already found someone else.

“Y/N, what’s the matter ?” He genuinely asks.

“Nothing.” You lie, making his eyes roll.

“I know you, there’s something wrong.”

You look at him for a second, weighing pros and cons before choosing to confront him.

“Why did you cancel last night ?”

“I told you, I was tired because of lacrosse.”

“You could have come to my place anyway. It’s not like we were gonna party. You know, if you wanted to be somewhere else or hang out with someone else, you could just have told me.”

“What are you talking about ? After school, I went home and slept.” He wants to know, frowning.

“Really ? So why didn’t you tell me you saw Lydia ?” You retort, crossing your arms on your chest.

“She just came for a few minutes, she needed to pick up something.”

“What thing ?”

“A book for school.”

“You couldn’t have given it to her today ?”

“She needed it to do her homework for today.”

“You could’ve told me.”

“Y/N, she stayed five minutes. I don’t need to tell you everything I’m doing.” He defends himself and you laugh humorlessly.

“You cancelled our night and Lydia came to your place, I think I have the right to know.”

“Why are you making such a big deal out of it ? It was for school.”

“I’m not making a big deal, but you lied to me.” You insist, pointing at him with your finger.

“I didn’t lie to you, when she left I went straight to bed because I was tired.”

“And when were you gonna tell me she came to your place ?”

“I didn’t think it was that important. Honestly, Y/N, why are you always so tense whenever Lydia comes up ?” He questions and you try to keep a neutral face.

“I just don’t like the way she’s glued to you.”

“She’s not glued to me.”

“Yes, she is, but how could you notice ? You’re too busy admiring her to notice it.”

“What are you even talking about ?”

“I’m just saying you’re really close to Lydia and almost every time you’ve cancelled it has been to see her.” You explain and Stiles runs his hand over his face, frustrated.

“She’s a friend.”

“Before you wanted more.”

“Yeah ‘before’, like you said. Why do you always mention the feelings I had for her ? Nothing ever happened and nothing will ever happen with her.” Stiles affirms.

“You should keep that in mind and tell her as well.”

“Y/N, honestly, I don’t see the problem.”

“I’m just stating a fact : Lydia is always glued to you so admit it.”

“Admit what ?” He demands, annoyed.

“You know what.”

“No, really I don’t.”

“Don’t take me for a fool, Stiles.” You order, dryly.

“What are you accusing me of ?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything.”

“Yet it feels like it. And it’s not the first time you do that. Everytime we argue, you mention Lydia, or even Malia, even when they don’t have anything to do with it.”

“What are you insinuating ? I’m annoying ? I’m overreacting ?” You snap, on the defensive.

“I’m just saying I feel like you’re accusing me of being too close to Lydia even though I didn’t do anything.”

“But you’d want to.”

“Honestly, at that point, yeah, like that I’d know what you’re accusing me of.”

As soon as Stiles says his sentence, his eyes open wide as he realises what he just said. Your eyes get teary but you’re holding them back.

“Y/N, I-” He tries to say but you cut him off.

“Fuck you.”

You take your bag and leave the Jeep before slamming the car door and running to your home. Stiles hesitates for a second to follow you but decides to not do anything, knowing you won’t listen to him. You go to your room and lock yourself in. Angry tears run down your cheeks while you’re trying not to scream. You’ve already argued with Stiles before. Several times. Too many times, even. But he never went that far. All of this because you pushed him over the edge, but he did admit that if he could, he’d go to Lydia. You throw yourself on your bed, take your pillow and you yell in it. You let all your rage leave your body while your sobs become stronger and stronger. You keep telling yourself you’ve ruined everything because of your insecurities, you let them talk so much that you’ve ended up pushing Stiles in Lydia’s arms. You ruined everything because you have trust issues. It seems like you haven’t been able to give your trust for the past two years. After crying for an hour, you start breathing slowly to calm down. When you finally have a normal heart rate again, your bedroom’s door opens, letting you see your dad.

“We need to talk, Y/N”, your dad starts but you don’t answer, “You can’t keep ignoring me, Y/N, please.”

“Not today, I don’t have the strength.” You sigh standing up from your bed.

“No, it can’t wait anymore, we need to talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to say. Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you.” You try to push him away, but he doesn’t move.

“Too bad, because we’re gonna talk.”

Understanding he’s not going to let go, you pass by him and leave your room.

“Come back here.” Your dad orders behind you.

“No.”

“For how long are you going to stay mad at me ?”

“‘Til the day you’ll be able to change the past.” You scream while walking to the living room.

“God, Y/N, even your mom forgave me.”

“And she shouldn’t have”, you explode, looking your dad in the eyes, “If it were me, I would have never forgiven you as quickly. Or at all.”

“Please, I don’t like to see my little girl angry at me.”

Your dad tries to softly put his hand on your cheek but you step back. You see the hurt in his eyes but you don’t care.

“Maybe you should’ve thought about it before destroying our family in one selfish night and I forbid you from calling me ‘your little girl’.”

“That night was a mistake. I regret it.”

“Is that the truth or a lie, like the time you pretended you were sleeping so you missed our family night ?” You interrogate, pretending to be clueless.

“Y/N, I’m sincerely sorry for the way I lied.”

“Don’t say sorry now, it’s too late.”

“Please, I’m trying to take a step towards you.” He begs, making you angrier.

“I don’t care. The fact is you let us down for some woman ! Because of what you did, mom was in the depth of despair. You made her suffer and you hurt me too. I don’t trust you anymore.”

“I know and I’ll spend the rest of my life resenting myself for it.”

“So you can understand why I don’t want to forgive you. You don’t know what it feels like to see the person you looked up to destroy the confidence you had. Now I can’t even look at you !” You retort, feeling the tears coming back and your dad looks down, ashamed.

“At least, tell me what I can do to fix this.”

“There’s nothing to do. I wish there was but you can’t do anything. You tore our family apart and I hate you for it. You talked about respect, fidelity and it didn’t stop you from betraying mom.”

You’re panting because of your anger. You take a second to try and calm yourself down before adding with a harsh tone “You disgust me. You’re such a dipshit.”

“You can be angry but I forbid you from talking to me like that !”

At the same time your dad reprimands you, you hear someone knocking on the door. You’re breathing quickly while you’re walking to the entrance. You turn back to your dad one last time “I don’t give a fuck.”

As you open the door, you find Stiles. You look at him and suddenly your tears roll down your cheeks. He smiles at you awkwardly, not knowing what to do because of what he just heard.

“Can we leave, please ?”

He hears your broken voice, Stiles doesn’t waste a second before taking your hand and walking you to his Jeep. Your dad follows you, ordering you to come back. As a response, you flip him the bird while Stiles starts his car.

You drive in silence. Your anger towards your genitor cools down, but you still feel a pain in your chest because of your discussion. You never would have thought you’d say those kind of awful things to your dad, but you also never would have thought he’d hurt you, both you and your mom. You try to wipe your cheeks but they become wet again a second later.

After driving for thirty minutes, Stiles pulls over next to a park. He looks at you with sympathy, trying to find a way to start the conversation. You take several breaths before looking at him.

“Wanna talk about it ?” Stiles questions with a soft voice.

“There’s not a lot to say”, you sniff, “I guess you heard everything.”

“Just when you insulted him.” He confirms while he offers you a tissue.

“He deserved it.”

You take the tissue and wipe away your tears before blowing your nose.

“Why did you come to my place ?” You start again.

“I… I wanted to apologise. I shouldn’t have said I wanted to be with Lydia. First of all because it’s not true, but also because I hurt you. I feel bad because I caused you pain.”

“You don’t have to apologise, Stiles.” You state with a small voice.

“Of course I do ! I was being mean when I said that.” he retorts, mad at himself.

“I pushed you over the edge. I’m always trying to find you flaws to turn them against you, even though you did nothing wrong. I hurt you because I can’t trust. It’s my fault if you said that.”

“You didn’t force me to say it.”

“I made you mad to force you to admit something that isn’t true. I’m sorry for always blaming you of cheating on me with Lydia. I know you’re honest, but I can’t help but be afraid.” You admit, ashamed.

“You feel threatened by Lydia ?” He asks, trying to understand.

“If it wasn’t her, it’d be Malia and if it wasn’t her, it’d be another one. I… I’m just so afraid you’re going to look elsewhere.”

“Does it have something to do with what I heard ?��

As a response, you nod. You stay silent for a second, wondering if you should talk to him about it. Finally, you tell yourself you’ve probably already ruined everything so it’s better to admit it.

“My dad cheated on my mom two years ago. She discovered it a few months after that and then, she broke up with my dad. When I learned the truth, I had so much hatred towards him.”, you inform and you feel the tears coming back, “I never would have thought he’d do something like that. But I think the worst part was watching my mom when she learned about it. She didn’t leave her bed for a week, she was almost eating nothing. I tried to take care of her as much as I could. Never I’d thought I’d see my mom like that. When she started feeling better, we moved here. She wanted to be as far away from my dad as she could and honestly, I wanted the same.”

“Your dad came back to see you ?”

“No, my mom forgave him”, you explain, rolling your eyes, “They got back together four months ago. When she told me, I got so mad. How could she act as if nothing happened when he hurt her that much ? When he hurt us that much ? He came back home a week ago and since then, it’s been tense. I try to avoid him as much as I can, but he absolutely wants to talk to me and you saw how it generally ends up.”, you say with a fake laugh, “Anyway, that’s why I’m always afraid. Since his betrayal… I can’t have faith in people anymore.”, you admit while looking at your hands, “At least, until I met you. And even if I do, it’s not 100%. I’m always afraid you’ll hurt me, like he did. My parents were so in love and my dad was so respectful towards my mom, I never would have imagined he could cheat on her and now, I’m scared the same thing will happen to me.” You unveil looking at him, hoping he’ll understand. “And I know you gave me zero reason to doubt you, but my dad also gave my mom zero reason to doubt him and it didn’t stop him. I know I’m villainising you, trying to make up love affairs, but I can’t help it. Because of my dad, I can’t help but imagine the worst. I know I’ve always been the cause of our fights and because of that, I hurt you a lot but I swear to you, I don’t want to hurt you and even less ruin our relationship, but I can’t do it differently. I feel like I can’t love right and I hate that.” You cry.

Stiles cups your face, trying to wipe away your new tears. You close your eyes when you feel his touch, liking your closeness.

“Y/N, it’s okay.” He mutters and you break the embrace.

“No, it’s not.”, you affirm, “I’m ruining our relationship because of my stupid fears, my relationship with my dad isn’t going to be fixed soon and even my relationship with my mom is not for the better now and I have so much anger in me.”

“It’s normal, you’re hurt. You have the right to be angry.” Stiles assures you and you shake your head.

“But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life angry, especially if I end up hurting you because of it. And also, I’m not only mad at my dad, but also at myself.”

“Why ?”

“Even if my dad fucked up, I still love him. Earlier I told him I hated him to hurt him, but I didn’t mean it. I wish I could, but I can’t and at the same time, I can’t forgive him.” You sob.

“We’re talking about your dad, it’s okay to be mad at him and still love him.”

“Do you think I should pardon him ? After all, my mom did it and he asked for forgiveness several times.”

“I can’t make that decision for you. Do it only if you feel the need. Your dad betrayed you, he has no right to force you if you don’t want to do it. Your mom made that choice, it doesn’t mean you have to do the same.”

“But what if it was the solution to move on and finally be able to fully trust you ?”

“I think you should work on yourself first to know if you need to forgive him or if you can trust again without it.”

“But what about us ?” You whisper, fearing his response.

“We’ll do what you want. I… I’d understand if you want to break up with me to focus on your family problems.” He states, even if the idea of being away from you scares him.

“I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you, Stiles. Right now, you’re the person I trust the most, even if it doesn’t look like it. I don’t want to do it alone, I need you next to me.”

“Alright, I’ll stay then.” Stiles smiles, wiping a tear from your cheek. “But from now on, I want you to talk with me. I don’t want you to stay alone, torturing yourself by imagining the worst. When you feel like it’s becoming too much, come talk to me, okay ?”

“Okay. Thank you Stiles. Not only for listening to me, but also for not giving up on me, despite everything I put you through.”

“You’re worth it.” He affirms and you look at him with tenderness in his eyes.

“And I’m really sorry for everything I said.”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.”

You throw yourself in Stiles’ arms, needing his comfort. When he holds you tighter, you finally let go of a sigh and your shoulders relax a bit, as if every tension from your body were gone. Stiles strokes your back, hoping to calm you down a little bit more. You hide your head in the crook of his neck, wanting to feel his presence. Even if it was nerve wracking, you know now you needed to talk to him about your dad and your fears. Talking to him about it allowed you to realise your trust in him has become a little bit stronger. Now, you’re sure Stiles would never hurt you. He knew how to be patient and didn’t give up on you, even if you gave him every reason to. You’re grateful for having him next to you. You know, one day, you’ll trust him entirely.

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{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

#Spotify #marie swriting in english #teen wolf x you #teen wolf x y/n #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf one shot #teen wolf #stiles stilinski imagine #stiles stilinski x y/n #stiles stilinski x reader #stiles stilinski #stiles stilinski x you #stiles stilinski angst #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with sabrina carpenter #marie swriting with eics

[marie-swriting]

Confession Of Love - Jake "Hangman" Seresin [1/2]

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Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : You've been seeing Jake for four months but you're still not officially dating. It's going to happen soon, though, right ?

Warnings : Jake is an asshole (it's not against him, I love him, I swear), angst, cheating, alcohol consumption (be careful with your alcohol consumption), maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.7k

Song inspiration : Foolish One (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault) by Taylor Swift

you take the new arrival of books in the box next to you and put them in the correct shelves. You pay attention to place them in alphabetical order and sometimes, you take a look at the back cover, adding then a new book to your - long - to be read list. You set the last book of a saga in its place when a masculine voice comes behind you.

“Sorry, would you have a book on how to apologise after cancelling a date last minute ?”

“Jake !” you exclaim, taking him in your arms. “What are you doing here ?”

“I felt bad about yesterday. Those are for you.” he says, breaking the embrace and handing you a big bunch of red roses.

“Oh, thank you ! They’re beautiful.” you smile, pecking his lips, “But I already told you it was okay. You were tired because of your day at work, I get it. We can always plan something another time, like tonight for example. My shift ends at 6:30 P.M, you can come pick me up at seven.”

Hope can be heard in your voice on top of nervosity. Jake and you can’t see each other frequently because of his job as a naval aviator and he’s also often hanging out with his friends. You’re aware it’s normal for Jake and you to not spend every single day together though, two or three times a week would be a good start you think.

You look at him, waiting for his answer impatiently but as soon as you hear him sigh, you guess his answer. Even if you expected it, you can’t help but feel disappointed. 

“The problem is I already told my colleague I would spend the night with them.”

“It’s okay. You can send me a text when you’re free.” you affirm, forcing a little smile.

“Perfect. I’m not gonna bother you much longer. See you.” he says and kisses you.

You lovingly watch Jake leaving. Once he’s not in your line of sight anymore, you smell the roses and your disappointment leaves your body to let affection take over. It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t able to have some free time for you that night, he always makes sure to make it up to you like today. You stay in your bubble and walk in the direction of the backshop to put the flowers down. You find a container to put your roses in when your colleague Cora blows your bubble.

“Who gifted you those roses ?”

“Jake. They’re pretty, aren’t they ?”

“Wow, he must feel ashamed about a lot of things.” she comments, gazing at the flowers while you put them in the makeshift vase. 

“Not at all. Why do you say that ?”

“Like they always say, the bigger the bouquet, the bigger the guilt.”

“No one says that.” you state, frowning. 

“He cancelled again, didn’t he ?” she says, her question sounding more like an affirmation.

“He has a good reason.”

“I bet he does ! I don’t understand how you can still be with him. If my boyfriend was always cancelling dates, I-”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” you interrupt her, avoiding her gaze.

“What do you mean ?”

“We’re not really dating.” you inform and she gives you a look so you quickly add : “We’re taking things slow. Jake can be on a deployment any day so we don’t want too many strings attached.”

“Wait, you’re telling me you’ve been with a guy for more than four months, you go on dates, you kiss, you sleep at each other’s house but you’re not official ? He’s worse than I thought. I mean, Y/N, don’t forget about his reputation ! Jake doesn’t do serious relationship. And just to prove it to you, has he finally presented you to his friends ?” Cora asks and you stay silent. “That’s what I thought. Why are you still with him ? He’s going to break your heart just like Logan.”

“He’s different !” you say, angry by her words and the mention of your ex. “Look, you don’t know him and you know nothing about my relationship with Jake so stop giving me unsolicited advice. I’ve learned from my mistakes, I know what I’m doing.”

On that note, you pass by your colleague and go back to your work. While you keep reorganising the books, you can’t prevent yourself from thinking back to your conversation with Cora. You know she didn’t mean any harm but you’re annoyed by the way she thinks you’re too foolish to know how to handle your love life on your own. You’ve known men… stupid ones, to stay politically correct, however you know better now and Jake has proven to you he’s different from your exes. It’s not because he cancels a lot of dates that he’s a bad guy. He is a nice guy. You’re sure of it.

At the end of the day, you take back your roses and bid Cora goodbye without adding anything else, still pissed off by her words. Upon arriving at your place, you put the roses in a real vase and set it on your dinner table.

That night, you spend it alone eating, watching Pride And Prejudice. As you’re watching it, you can’t help but melt because of Mr.Darcy’s confession of love to Elizabeth. You’re waiting for the day where it’ll be your turn, the day where, like those cheesy romances you read, you will get your confession full of love by the love of your life. You know you look like a hopeless romantic but you grew up with this idea of great love stories where the man is perfect and you’ve been searching for him since your teenage years. Maybe Jake will be this man and he’ll confess his feelings to you soon. You like him a lot and you wish you could share the future you have in mind with him.

Once your movie is over, you take your phone and check your notifications. You haven’t received anything. Not a call, nor a message. You thought that maybe Jake would send you a text to tell you about his day or at least say some nice words but nothing. Radio silence. It should be a good sign he’s having fun with his friends and yet, you can’t stop yourself from thinking this silence sounds like some bad signs ; he doesn’t seem to miss you. Sure he’s with his friends, you know he’s not spending his night on his phone though, a text wouldn’t be too much ! With mixed feelings, you put down your phone and start watching another romantic movie.  

During the whole night, you keep checking your phone without any change. When you go to bed around midnight, you keep on sighing and your mind starts thinking back to your relationship with Jake and to doubt it. 

Once you’re laying down on your bed, you glance one last time at your phone and when you see nothing new, you groan and aggressively put your cellphone on your nightstand. You change position in your bed and try to fall asleep, in vain. You toss and turn and yet, you don’t seem to be comfortable enough and your mind who is currently overthinking doesn’t make things better. This lack of message from Jake hurts you more than you care to admit. One thing is certain, you won’t get your love confession tonight. Maybe you shouldn't have gotten ahead of yourself so much ? Maybe your relationship with Jake won’t last ? Maybe there was a little bit of truth in Cora’s words ? You shake your head, hoping to get rid of these voices who start to make you more puzzled. If you discuss it with Jake, surely the situation will get better. Right ?

At least, you feel like the situation gets better the following week. You haven’t really talked with Jake but you’ve been able to see each other more often. 

Today, you spend the afternoon together. You don’t do anything special. Jake just came to your apartment and you stay on the couch watching movies and talking about random things. 

Your head on his shoulder, you think you were right to trust Jake. When he has the time, he’s the perfect… boyfriend ? Partner ? Friend ? Whatever the word may be, he is perfect. You never argue and your conversation knows no awkward silence ; everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds. You even feel like you’re getting closer and closer to the moment where you’ll finally be official. You’ll finally be able to call him yours and you’ll be able to share more than some hours here and there with Jake. You can imagine a whole future with him, that’s why you want to believe so hard that what you have is something good, despite the particular circumstances. 

As soon as it’s getting late, Jake gets ready to go back to his house. From time to time, he stays to sleep at yours however when he has to wake up early the next day, he prefers to go home, his apartment being closer to his workplace. Once he’s set to go, Jake walks to the door while you follow him, tiredness visible on your face.

“Send me a message when you’ve arrived.” you say, yawning and Jake tenderly looks at you.

“I will.”

“Can we see each other next Saturday ?”

“I’ve already got something planned with my squad at the Hard Deck.”

“And do you think it’d bother them a lot if I came with you ?” you ask with a small voice before embarrassment catches you. “Sorry, it was rude. I shouldn’t have invited myself like that. It was stupid. I… Tell me when you get home. Good night.” you exclaim, ready to close the door but Jake stops you.

“It wasn’t stupid. Actually, I’ve been thinking of introducing you to them for a long time now.”

“Really ?”

“Sure. We’ve known each other for four months, it’s normal for you to meet them. I’ll pick you up and we’ll spend the whole evening together.” he states, putting his hands on your cheeks.

“Perfect.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Jake gives you a smile before pressing his lips on yours. Your kiss only lasts a few seconds and you enjoy it as much as possible, celebrating this new milestone in your relationship. You’re still not official, nonetheless he wants to introduce you to his friends, you’re on the right track. Once Jake breaks the kiss, he tenderly strokes your cheek before turning around and walking away. You watch him leave then close your door, a goofy smile on your face.

When you get to the Hard Deck, Jake’s arm around your waist the following Saturday, it’s not a goofy smile you have on your face anymore but a nervous one. You know Jake is close with his colleagues and you want to make a good impression. You hope with all your heart this moment will go well. For you, this is a key moment and you can’t allow yourself to make a wrong move.

As soon as you find the group of people wearing Khakis, except one man is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, your hands become a bit more clammy. Jake quickly introduces you to every member of his squadron and you do your best to remember their names. For now, you only know Natasha’s name, as she’s the only woman. Jake proposes something to drink and judging you need to relax, you ask for a beer. He kisses your cheek before going to the bar, leaving you alone.

“I can’t believe you’re real.” Natasha starts with eyes wide open. “When Bagman told us he wanted to present us to someone, I thought he was joking. I never thought he was the kind of guy to settle down and I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you can put up with him.”

“Once you get to know him, he lets the arrogance go and you realise he’s a nice guy.” you respond, laughing.

“Hangman said you two met four months ago, right ?” Bradley questions.

“Yes, at a café. I had just gotten my coffee when Jake bumped into me and, long story short, he offered me a new coffee with his number on the cup.”

“I see he still knows how to make a good first impression.” Natasha jokes. “What do you do in life ?”

“I work in a bookshop. I’m paid to be surrounded by books, I couldn’t have dreamed of anything better.”

“That’s so cool ! I should come sometime. I haven’t read a new book in a long time.” Bradley informs you and instantly, your eyes shimmers with excitement. 

“Oh ! I can give you recommendations if you want. What genre do you prefer ?”

Ensued then a conversation about your favourite topic : books. Bradley tells you some titles he likes, novels he’s been meaning to read for years and you listen to him with passion. You give him a whole list of authors and books to check out and he writes them down on his phone. Thinking you might have some other recommendations for him later, you ask him to give you his number. At the same time you’re saving his contact, Jake comes back to you and puts his arm around your shoulders.

“You’re not stealing her from me, aren’t you Bradshaw ?”

“We were talking about books, a subject you might not be familiar with.” Bradley retorts and Jake smirks.

“Oh no, she talks about it all the time. You haven’t finished getting new suggestions.” Jake says, faking desperation in his voice.

“Hey ! You’ve discovered good books thanks to me.” you defend.

“True. Anyway I’m going to play pool. You’re good here ?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Jake smiles at you before going to find his friend at the pool table. You stay with Bradley, Natasha and Bob, who just came next to you. You keep getting to know each other and you feel better, realising you don’t struggle to fit in - you’re not really the social butterfly, preferring your books more than people.

As the conversation goes on, you learn that Bradley is a good pianist and you ask to see him play. He doesn’t need to be asked twice and walk to the piano before playing Great Ball Of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis. Natasha, Bob and you sing with him and you’re quickly followed by the other people in the bar. Jake comes to you and sings by your side and sometimes he spins you around.

Once Bradley finishes the song, you laugh with your new friends, glad to realise you’re having a good time. Jake asks you if you want something else to drink and you inform him you haven’t finished your beer yet. He tells you he’s going to grab another drink, leaving you for a moment.

“Natasha wasn’t joking when she said you were an outstanding pianist ! Very good choice of song, by the way.” you compliment Bradley.

“It’s my favourite. My dad used to play it when I was a kid. I have good memories with this song and my parents.”

“I can see that. Your parents seemed to be cute together.”

When you talked earlier, Bradley quickly told you about his parents and you have to admit the way he speaks of their relationship, it looks like a story from one of your favourite books.

“They were !” Bradley confirms with nostalgia. “Maybe too much. I’d like a relationship like theirs.”

“I’m sure you will. You seem like an amazing guy. You deserve a love story as beautiful as theirs.”

“You too.”

Bradley smiles at you before talking about his pianist skills while you’re searching for Jake next to the bar. You expected to see him with a drink in hand, but it’s a vision of Jake with a woman who has her arms around his neck that you find. Your eyebrows furrowed, not knowing who this woman is and why she’s so close to your… to Jake. Jake gets rid of the woman’s arms then tells her something. He comes back to you at the same time where Bradley excuses himself to use the bathroom.

“Who was she ?” you question, not giving him the time to start a conversation.

“Who ?”

“The woman who was literally in your arms.”

“Oh, huh, I don’t know. She tried to flirt with me but I told her I was already in good company.” Jake explains with a flirty smile yet, you stay sceptical. “Y/N, I swear I don’t know her. You don’t have to worry.”

“I’m not. I’m curious, that’s all.” you lie.

Not fully convinced by your affirmation, Jake put his hands on your cheeks before leaning in and kissing you with passion. Even if you still have some doubt, Jake’s kiss helps you to calm down.

However, it’s really during the following weeks that you feel much better. Jake is being more present, casting away every doubt you have in mind. He’s managed to have some free time for you and you’ve even spent three days together, something never done before in your relationship. This time, you’re sure, everything is alright. Everything Cora told you or even everything you thought was fake. No matter what people say about Jake and his love life, you are the exception. Jake cares about you and he’s honest. Your relationship has a real future.

You’re so over the moon that you’re not as sad as usual when Jake tells you he can’t spend the evening at your place because he’s exhausted. You wish him a good rest before reading your book again. You’re in the middle of a chapter when you receive a message from your friend Laura who you haven’t seen in months. She asks you if you want to come to the bar next to her place. As you miss your friend, you accept without a second thought before getting ready. 

Once you arrive at the Scented Sky bar, you have a big smile on your face, impatient to meet Laura. Once you leave your car, your eyes find their way to a vehicle not too far away who looks like Jake’s. At first, you think it’s just a mere coincidence then you pay attention to the licence plate and recognize that it is Jake’s. Instantly, you frown. You don’t understand how he can be there when he told you he wanted to sleep, not to mention the fact this bar is far from his place. 

You keep searching for a rational explanation while you go to the bar. Before you walk through the door, you glance at the window and your eyes get teary at what you’re seeing. Jake did lie to you. He is at the bar and far from being tired as he presses his lips on a woman, the same woman at the Hard Deck he swore to you he didn’t know. The world is crumbling down your feet as you’re looking at them kissing passionately and being in each other’s arms. Tears are running down your cheeks and you can’t stop them. You want to go in and insult Jake with every bad word you know yet, the shock is so strong you turn around and go back home, trying to understand what you just saw.

When you close your door, you lean on the wall before sliding down and bursting into tears. You have your head in your hands, totally desperate and angry, not only at Jake but at yourself too. You wonder how you couldn’t see the signs. Now that you think back on it, you realise that, indeed, every element was in front of you : he keeps an emotional distance, he never uses pet names, you’re never his priority and so and so forth. You thought you found someone honest and you feel like a fool as you realise it isn’t the case. You should have listened to Cora, you should have listened to your instinct. You thought you learned your lesson, especially after your relationship with Logan, apparently you still have a long road ahead of you.

Once your sobs calm down, you stand up and throw yourself on your bed, not really taking the time to change your clothes. You stay there, laying on your back, staring at the ceiling, without understanding what’s happening. In the end, you are not the exception. As always. And you never will be. You will never have your love story, your confession of love, your happily ever after. 

Your phone notifying you of a new message interrupts your downward spiral. You take it and when you see it’s a text from Jake wishing you a goodnight, you want to answer him with a long paragraph, explaining how much you hate him. However, you don’t have the strength so you delete his number and block him on your social media. You feel lighter but still miserable. You don’t want to see him ever again.

Your wish is not granted. You’ve been able to avoid Jake only for a week. Despite all your efforts, Jake forces the hand of destiny by coming to your workplace. You see him entering the bookshop but you keep working, pretending to be too busy. You don’t even react when he’s in front of you. Your lack of reaction confuses Jake. He expected you to throw yourself in his arms and yet, he is taken aback by your silence.

“Hey, Y/N, it’s me.” he starts with a big smile, “I saw you weren’t answering my texts and I can’t reach you on social either, weirdly, so I got worried. Everything okay ? Are you ignoring me ?”

“I don’t know, did you give me a reason to ignore you ?” you question looking up to him, forcing a smile.

“Huh, no. I mean, I don’t think so.”

“Then no, I’m not ignoring you. You’re such a nice guy, I don’t see why I’d want to ignore you.” you exclaim, ironically.

“Ok, I’ve missed something. Can we talk about it ?”

“I don’t want to talk to you !”

“If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I think I deserve at least an explanation. I mean, we’ve had something for four months.” Jake demands and this is your last straw. 

“In the back shop. Now.”

Because of your authoritative tone, Jake doesn't dare to make an inappropriate comment and follows you while you go to the backshop. Cora looks at you from afar, completely confused by the angry expression on your face - you haven’t told her anything about your discovery, feeling too ashamed.

Once you close the door behind Jake, you cross your arms on your chest and glare at him.

“So, what’s up ?” Jake casually asks.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you start, trying so hard not to scream, “I thought you were too tired so why were you at the Scented Sky ?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t try to outwit me ! A week ago, I asked you if you wanted to come to my place to which you gave me the stupid excuse of “I’m too tired to come”. And yet, when I went to the bar, I saw you, in great form.”

At your last sentence, Jake’s eyes widen, panic visible on his face. His brain tries to find a rational explanation however before he can say it to you, you quickly add.

“And do I need to specify you weren’t alone when I saw you ? You were with the woman from the Hard Deck. You know, the same woman you didn’t know at all. And not to mention you were kissing her.”

“I have a good explanation,” he fastly says.

“Oh yeah ? Which one ?”

Jake stares at you and chooses his words carefully before speaking, as if he was in front of a wild animal. He never saw you mad before. He didn’t even think it was possible so he doesn’t know the way you could react if what he says came out wrong.

“She was flirting with me again and before I could react, she kissed me.”

“I just told you I saw and you keep taking me for a fool ?” you retort, shocked by his lie. “You were the one who pressed his lips on hers, your hands were on her hips ! How can you think I’m gonna believe what you’re telling me ? How could you do this to me ? I thought we had something !”

“I…”, he stutters before starting with a calm voice, “Look, I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship, nothing was official between us and-”

“And I get it !” you cut him off sharply, “But It doesn’t give you the right to make me believe you care about me just for you to go see someone else. You know, if you had told me you weren’t ready for a relationship and you wanted to meet other women at the same time, I would have told you I didn’t want that and we would have called it quits ! You haven’t been honest with me when I’ve given you everything ! You’ve betrayed my trust just like the others.” you sigh, your eyes getting teary.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I swear I had the best of intentions.”

“If that is you with the best of intentions then I don’t want to imagine how you’d act if you didn’t care about the person ; you’ve ruined everything. You’ve taken me for an idiot for months and you have no remorse about it ! All I did was defend you, repeat to everyone you were someone nice and you’ve proven to everyone you live up to your reputation and that I am the stupid and desperate woman who only sees the best in the worst guys. Tell me honestly, were you even gonna tell me one day you didn’t want anything serious with me or were you gonna let me guess it by ghosting me ?” you question and Jake doesn’t answer. “Your silence says it all. I can’t believe I could have thought you were good. But, at least, you were useful for something. I had to learn to listen to my instinct when it tells me to walk out from a relationship instead of persisting. Thanks to you, I’ve finally learned my lesson. I hate you, Jake.” you pronounce, staring him right in the eyes. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

“Y/N, wait-”Jake tries to say.

“No ! Leave and never talk to me again.”

Jake doesn’t add anything and leaves the room without looking back. Once the door is closed, you let your tears run freely down on your cheeks. You sit down, not having enough strength in your legs when the door opens once more, letting in Cora. She doesn’t wait before taking you in her arms. She affectionately strokes your back while you’re sobbing.

“I didn’t know what I was doing. You were right, Cora.”

“I wish I wasn’t.”

“I’m so stupid.”

“He’s the stupid one here, he doesn't know what he’s lost.”

Cora’s words should be comforting and yet, it makes you feel worse. Jake might not know what he’s lost but you sure do know what you’ve lost, time, love, energy and above all, trust. You know you’ll need time to heal from it.

And indeed, you need several months before you can spend a day without thinking about Jake. Now you can finally start to move on. This relationship, though short, has left a trace in your heart, just not like you wished. Since your split-up, you’ve decided to put yourself first instead of waiting for a man to show you his love. You need to understand what you want and what you deserve in a relationship and you can only do that alone. You need to know how to exist and to love without depending on the gaze of a significant other. 

For the first time in your life, you are your own priority and you feel good as a single woman. You wouldn’t be against the idea of living your epic love story one day but you are satisfied with your current life. You’re self-sufficient and that is the most beautiful confession of love you could ever have.

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

#marie swriting in english #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with taylor swift #marie swriting with speak now tv #Spotify #top gun fandom #top gun imagine #top gun fanfiction #top gun movie #top gun maverick #top gun hangman #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin x you #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin #jake hangman imagine #jake hangman seresin x you #jake hangman seresin #hangman x reader #jake seresin x y/n #jake seresin angst #jake seresin oneshot #top gun angst #top gun one shot

[marie-swriting]

I Really Care About You - Anthony Bridgerton

Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Summary : When Anthony sees you in the arms of another man, he remembers how he sabotaged your relationship because of his feelings.

Warnings : set in 1807 so Anthony is 23, angst, sad ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word Count : 2.8k

French Version on Wattpad

French version on Tumblr

Song mentioned : Piano Concerto No.20, K466 by Mozart

Songs inspiration : When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars and Decode by Sabrina Carpenter

Leaning on the wall, Anthony Bridgerton is looking at you from afar. As he sees you dancing, a smile on your face, he can’t help but do the same. He knows how much you love balls, how much you love dancing at the rhythm of the strings. When your dancing partner makes you sway, Anthony feels a memory coming back to him.

It was two years ago. Anthony had started courting you a few months before that. You knew him only by name but you had been intrigued by him. At first, he wasn’t opening up to you, only giving you a few moments of his times, but bit by bit, you had started to grow closer to each other. As you got to know each other, you had discovered a new side of the serious man who was crumbling under responsibilities. Even if you felt like he hadn’t shown you his whole self yet, you were already thrilled to see he had broken his shell a bit with you. Therefore, you had let your feelings take over, allowing yourself to fall in love with Anthony Bridgerton. Besides being a good catch, like your father wished, you felt deep down you’d be well with him. There was no doubt, you could picture yourself being with Anthony forever.

So, at every ball, you were dancing with him as much as you could. Of course, you would be dancing with other men as well. After all, you loved dancing with anyone, even if the Viscount was your favourite partner.

That night, Anthony had invited you for the first dance of the night. When the first notes of Mozart's Piano Concerto No.20, K466 could be heard, you had started to waltz, your eyes deep in his just like his were in yours. If a stranger could’ve seen you, they would’ve thought you were newly weds as your gazes were full of love. Anthony couldn’t stop admiring your beauty. Everytime he thought you couldn’t be prettier than the day before, you proved him wrong. As he was a bit more under your spell, he couldn’t help but share his thoughts with you.

“You are radiant, Miss Y/L/N.”

“Thank you, Lord Bridgerton. You are handsome as well.”

“Not as much as you. Your dress is beautiful. You truly are breathtaking.”

“Be careful, Mister Bridgerton, people could be mistaken and think you want to ask for my hand.” You laughed, trying to hide your discord.

“Would you say ‘yes’ ?” He genuinely asked you.

“First, you shall talk about it with my father, then I will give you my answer.” You answered with a smile.

“After our dance, I shall talk with him.”

“I really care about you, My Lord.” You admitted.

“As do I, My Lady.”

At that specific moment, you both had only one wish, kissing each other, but the presence of the good Londonian society prevented you from it. You only felt his lips on your right hand clothed with a white glove when the dance was over. His eyes hadn’t left yours when he softly kissed your hand.

But now, it’s Lord Egerton who is kissing your hand with as much tenderness as he did two years ago. Anthony looks away when he sees your face brighten at this touch. Anthony is too lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t notice the group of gentlemen coming toward him, Lord Egerton is among them. He only realises their presence when he hears your dance partner making an announcement with a proud smile.

“Lady Y/L/N has accepted my proposal yesterday.”

“Congratulations !”

“You two look happy together.” The men state.

“We are getting married in a few months and I cannot wait. I have never felt that way before.”

Anthony says something polite before his eyes land on you. From afar, he sees you talking to other women. You removed a glove to show your engagement ring. You’re deep in the description of your proposal when you feel a gaze on you. Quickly, you glance around and find Anthony. You see him observing you with a sad look. For a second, your heart feels heavy but you pull yourself together and put your attention back on your friends. You try to get Anthony out of your head, reminding yourself he’s the one to blame for this situation. He doesn’t have the right, with one look, to make you feel guilty because you’re moving on while he’s the one who ruined everything.

You had been engaged with Anthony for three months and still madly in love. Your wedding wasn’t planned for another six months. Your mind was always set on wedding planning. There were only a few moments during the week where you’d allow yourself to do other things. That day, you were doing needlepoint, you had forgotten about it since Anthony’s proposal. You were putting the needle back in the cloth when you got interrupted by one of your servants, telling you about Anthony’s arrival. You allowed him in. You put your embroidery on the table next to you and you stood up to greet your fiancé. When he arrived, your smile grew bigger like it always did when he was in the same room as you.

“Lord Bridgerton, I was not expecting you today.”

“I know, my apologies, but I had to talk to you.” He informed with a serious expression and your smile left your face.

“Of course, is something the matter ?”

“May we sit down ?”

“Please.”, you agreed as you showed the couch and sat down, “My Lord, you are worrying me, are you well ?” You questioned when he had sat down next to you.

“What I have to tell you is not easy, Lady Y/L/N. I… I wish to break our engagement.”

Following his announcement, you stayed silent for a second, wanting to be sure you understood correctly. When you realised you hadn’t mistaken, you opened your mouth several times, hesitating before succeeding to talk.

“What ?”

“I do not wish to marry anymore. I wish to wait a few more years. I am sorry.”

“I do not understand, Mister Bridgerton. Have I done something wrong ? If it’s the case, I apologise.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong.” Anthony reassured you quickly, making you frown.

“Then why did you change your mind ? I am sure we can find a solution. Lord Bridgerton, I care about you, I can wait a few years if it is what you really wish for.”

“I cannot ask you for this. I will not change my mind.” He affirmed, avoiding your gaze.

“Can you at least give me an explanation ?” You pleaded with teary eyes.

“I made myself a promise and if I marry you, I know I will betray it.”

“What promise ?”

“To not have a marriage of love.” Anthony stated, confusing you a bit more.

“I do not understand you.”

“I am the Viscount Bridgerton, I need to find a woman who can be the perfect Viscountess, like you, but I do not want feelings. But these last few weeks… I realised I loved you. I am sorry to hurt you this way.”

It took you a second to assimilate his words. Finally understanding what he said, you stood up from the couch, stunned. You put yourself in front of him, your confusion visible on your face.

“Are you really saying you love me so much you do not want to marry me ? What do you have against marriage of love ? Don't you think it is better to share your life with someone you love ?”

“I do not wish for this.”

You stopped talking, thinking about what this new information would mean for you. When it finally hit you, you stood up, your breath quickening. 

“Do you have any idea of how humiliating it is ?”, you questioned rhetorically, a tear rolling down your cheek, “Everyone is expecting our wedding and no one will understand because I do not understand myself.”

“I will take care of the rumours, if that is your fear.”

“No matter what you will say, people will think something is wrong with me because you decided to break our engagement.” You exclaimed, emphasising on the pronoun ‘you’.

“I am deeply sorry, Lady Y/L/N.”

“I do not want your apologies. I want a clear explanation, Lord Bridgerton.”, you retorted, frustration growing bigger, “I would have never thought our feelings would be a valid reason to stop our courtship. Well, our feelings, I shall say my feelings. If you really loved me, you would not be doing that.”

“I assure you that I really care about you.”

“How do you want me to believe you ? You were only interested in me because you saw me as a young woman from a good family, matching the criterias that are expected from me as a wife. They always told me if I was polite, considerate and attentive, I would have no problems finding a husband and yet, even when I match those meaningless standards, I am not enough. What have I done to deserve that ?” You cried, looking up.

“Even if you do not want to, believe me when I say it is not your fault. You are good enough. More than enough, even. The real reason I refuse a marriage of love, it is because I do not want to be the cause of pain.” He clarifies.

“The more you explain, the more I am lost.”

“After my father’s death, my mother was devastated.”, he started to explain, standing up in front of you, “She was barely there for me and my siblings. I had to take care of everything instead of her. I do not want the woman I will marry to experience a similar situation. I do not want to be the reason for a future heartbreak.

“You cannot let your father’s death prevent you from loving.”, you said, losing a little bit more hope, “Even if I could never understand it, I know his death affected you but you cannot lock your heart away. Anthony Bridgerton, I am begging you to reconsider your promise.”

“I will not do it.” He repeated, sure of himself.

“Very well then.” You let your anger win over you and give him back his ring.

“I deeply apologise.”

“That is enough.”, you interrupted him, angry, “I do not want to hear anything anymore. Leave, Lord Bridgerton. Please, show him the door.” You ordered the servant closer to the entrance.

You didn’t make sure he heard your order, too shaken from your conversation. You left the room, trying not to cry even more. You went upstairs, wanting to close yourself in your bedroom. When you arrived, you heard Anthony walking through the doorstep. When you walked in your room, you collapsed on the floor, heartbroken. You couldn’t believe it was real. You hadn’t prepared yourself for this discussion when you had seen him entering. You thought back at his words and tried to find what you could have said to make him change his mind. Maybe you could have avoided this situation if you had found the right words.

Wanting to rest from your dance, you’re drinking some champagne while you’re talking to your fiancé. You had met Henry Egerton the year after your break up with Anthony. You had danced a few times and talked a bit but you still weren’t feeling ready to move on. You were still too busy to analyse your relationship with Anthony, trying to find a flaw to bring him back to you, but it was a lost cause. Only when you understood this, you had accepted to mourn the future you would never have before getting closer to Lord Egerton during this social season.

While you’re talking with your fiancé, you’re telling yourself how lucky you are to have found him. He is not and will never be Anthony but you know you can be happy with him. He proved to you that you deserve to be loved and you’ll forever be grateful to him for that. You’re laughing at one of his jokes, which he alone has the secret, when you look on your left, feeling someone getting closer. Anthony is in front of you with a neutral expression on his face.

“Lady Y/L/N, may I have this dance, please ?” He asks.

“I apologise, My Lord, but I am currently talking with-”

“There is no problem”, Henry interrupts you with a smile, “I need to talk with Lord Featherington anyway. Go dance, dearest.” He affirms walking away.

“Very well, it seems like I have no other reasons to turn you down, Lord Bridgerton.” You state as you put down your glass on a table nearby.

Anthony gives you his arm where you put your hand, like you used to. The familiar contact brings you back two years ago, but you try to stay focused. You bow before getting in position, waiting for the sound of the violins and pianoforte. When Piano Concerto No.20, K466 starts, you’re mentally cursing at the musicians. They really couldn’t have chosen another music ? But for Anthony, this song sounds like a sign. Even if it’s a reminder of a time where you were happy together, it still belongs to you, despite the distance.

Anthony and you start waltzing in silence at first. You don’t even dare to look at him, your eyes searching for your fiancé. You see him talking with the Featherington patriarch, like he said he would. While you’re swaying , you look for another distraction whilst Anthony keeps his eyes on you, appreciating the closeness of your body against his. Most likely for the last time before you’re officially married. However, Anthony doesn’t want this last exchange to be silent.

“We were dancing on this song when I told you I wanted to marry you.” Anthony reminds you.

“What do you want, Lord Bridgerton ?” You ask, dryly.

“I heard about your engagement. I am happy for you, congratulations. He seems to be a good man.” He says genuinely.

“He is, I can assure you. We talked a lot and we are sure we want the same things in our lives.”

“I am sorry I broke up our engagement. Sometimes, I think I should not have done it.”

“Stop it, please.”, you beg him, not wanting to hear anymore, “You cannot tell me this, especially not now. I spent the last couple of years of my life trying to find a solution to sort out our relationship. I spent my days over analysing it, hoping I’d find the signs that could have told me you never wanted a marriage of love, I also searched for a way to make you change your mind. I spent my nights awake trying to understand your sudden change of heart. Now, I wonder why I let your confusion keep me up at night. I’m so tired, Lord Bridgerton. All is done, there is nothing left here to decipher. There is nothing to change. Nothing could have changed what happened. I finally accepted it and walked away from it, something I learned from you. At least, our courtship was not totally vain. So please, do not tell me you regret your choice. It is too late.” You affirm, looking at him in his eyes.

“You are right. It was improper from me. I apologise.”, he states and you sigh with relief, “However, let me say I should not have acted that way. It was not honest on my behalf. I should not have let you hope. Even if, I admit it, I was first interested in you because I knew you would be a perfect Viscountess, my feelings for you were real. I did not show it properly during our courtship but I want you to know it. I would have been lucky to have you by my side. And I know Lord Egerton will be. But above all, I hope he will realise his luck. I hope he will treat you better than I did. I hope he will always be close to you, he will always dance with you, I hope he will give you all of his hours. All the things I could not do, but I should have done. I wish you the best, Y/N.” He says with a light smile.

You keep your eyes on him trying to assimilate his words. It takes you a few seconds before being able to speak with a tender look.

“Despite everything we went through, I hope you know I wish you the same. But above all this, I hope you will find the woman who would make you reevaluate yourself. The one who will make you realise you deserve a life full of love, no matter your fear of pain. I, unfortunately, could not be that woman, but I know she exists. I just hope you will find her before it is too late.

The musicians play the last note so you stop your movements. You both keep looking at each other with regret and remorse visible in your eyes. You bow without breaking eye contact, taking in this last moment in your mind.

“Goodbye, Anthony.” You murmur before walking away from his life.

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[marie-swriting]

Choice - Benedict Bridgerton

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Speak Now TV Masterlist

Summary : You are in love with Benedict but you have to marry another man.

Warning : angst, happy ending, feeling trapped, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.3k

French version

Song inspiration : Speak Now (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Your wide open eyes on the ring in front of you, you’re speechless. You knew this day would come. This dreadful day where Duke William Edmonstone would put a knee down and would ask you the question that sounds like a death sentence. You raise your gaze and look around you in the ballroom. All the guests of the Duke’s family are waiting for your answer impatiently. It looks like everyone knew this ball was for this specific event.

Setting your eyes on your right, you find your mother. She nods with strength. You look down on the man in front of you and force a smile.

“I would be honoured to be your wife.”

At your sentence, everyone cheers. Glad, William stands up and puts the ring on your finger. He kisses your left hand, knowing it’s the only proper physical contact he can give you. 

Your fiancé abandons you to talk with his friends while you stay put, paralysed. You can’t believe you just pronounce your own condemn. You only want one thing : to run away from here as fast as possible. However, the arrival of young women of the ton prevents you from it. They start talking about weddings, decorations, vows and even babies ! You listen to them without giving your full attention and answer from time to time to be polite. The ring on your ring finger weighs more as the second goes by.

During the whole night, you stay in this numb feeling, not knowing how to act. You should be happy to have secured a match yet, you can’t help but feel sad. You wish  there had been another man at the end of the ring.

When you come home from the ball, you keep acting like a puppet until you get in your bedroom. As soon as your door is closed, you let go of a sigh. You get closer to your dressing table when your maid enters your room. She invites you to sit down in front of your mirror to undo your hair. She takes two pins off then your mother makes an apparition and she dismisses your maid. Your mom gets behind you and keeps undoing your hair. You don’t know the reason why she came to see you but you know she’s going to tell you in a few minutes. When your hair is finally loose, your mom puts her hands on your shoulders and looks at you through the mirror. 

“You do not seem happy, my child.”

“I am, mama. I just cannot believe I am finally getting married.” you say with a fake happy tone.

“You have doubts. No need to deny it. I used to be at your place before. Tell me what the matter is.” your mom tells you with a soft voice.

“I am not sure I am made for the Duke.” you admit, avoiding her gaze.

“What do you mean ? You have been raised all your life to marry a man of his rank.”

“Is his rank that important ?”

“Of course, it is !” your mom answers as if it was obvious, “You cannot marry a man whose rank is inferior to ours. The Duke is perfect. Furthermore, he is a nice man and he will give you a decent life.”

“But, I do not love him, mama.”

“Love !” she exclaims, rolling her eyes. “Love is not important when it comes to marriage. You must choose your survival before thinking of something as futile as love.”

“I wish I could have a marriage of love.” you insist, looking down.

Your mother puts a finger under your chin to make you raise your head to her.

“Do not worry about love, you will discover it when you will have children.”

“Do you not love papa ?”

“I care about your father dearly. And one day, so will you with the Duke. Y/N, finding love in a marriage is something rare. The small portion of people who do are lucky.”

“The Bridgertons seem like a lucky family then.” you mutter.

“All of these doubts are because of the second born Bridgerton, is it not ?” your mother questions, arching a brow. “No matter if they are a respectable family, he is a second son and even if he was the first born, he would only be a Viscount. You cannot keep having what you two share.”

“I do not know what you are talking about.” you deny, clearing your throat.

“My child, I see the glances you give to each other.”

“Mama, I promise you-”

“I know nothing happened.” she cuts you off with a smile. “I haven’t said anything because I trust you. I knew when the moment would come, you would make the right choice, in other words : marrying the Duke. However, you must stop talking to him.” she orders with a firm voice. “I noticed it quickly and you should be grateful I was the only one. If Lady Whistledown were to write about it, it could ruin your marriage. Have I made myself clear, Y/N ?”

“Yes, mama.” you sigh.

Satisfied by your reaction, your mom kisses your cheek and leaves the room. Your eyes fill with tears and you quickly make them disappear when your maid comes back to help you out of your ball dress. 

Since your proposal, you can’t sleep. Your nights are busy with your thoughts. Your fears are taking over, despites your mother’s attempts to reassure you. Like she confirmed to you several times, you did the right thing by accepting the betrothal, the Duke Edmonstone is a good catch and only three years older than you. He’s also a good looking man and cultured. You should feel fortunate. You could have found yourself with an old and disrespectful man. Yes, the Duke will give you a decent life. Notwithstanding, the Duke is not the only matter in your mind ; you don’t want your life to change. You don’t want to have to leave your childhood home for an unknown place with a man who doesn’t care for your mind. Above all, you don’t want to say goodbye to Benedict.

You two met a few months ago and you bonded instantly. You’ve never felt this before. You feel like someone finally understands you. Your passion for the art has helped your relationship a lot. It’s not rare for you two to sneak out to a more discreet location during social events. Nothing scandalous ever happened, like you promised your mother, unless falling in love is considered as such. Benedict didn't officially court you because your father is always saying his daughter will never marry a man who isn't, at least, an Earl, let alone if he’s not a first born. In other words, your relationship was doomed before it even started but it didn’t stop you from getting closer. Now that you have to marry, you have to leave Benedict behind. Your mom hasn’t stopped reminding you to do it several times. You thought about the way you’re going to tell him ; you ended up deciding it’s better to go straight to the point. You don’t want to make yourself suffer even more so it’s useless to make a tragic speech to bid farewell.

The next vernissage seems the perfect moment to do it. You’re sure he’ll be there. Generally, Benedict avoids balls. He, sometimes, makes an apparition only to see you in a beautiful dress and sneak out with you to discuss your ambitions in life. Consequently, the events regarding art are the only occasions where you know you’ll find him.

Once you’re at the gallery, you walk slowly, admiring the paintings carefully. Your mother is not really far away, even if she keeps a distance to allow Benedict to talk with you.

You enter the second room where there aren’t a lot of people. You stare at the painting depicting a forest during a summer day when Benedict appears next to you. Seeing him, you play with your gloves, needing a way to evacuate your stress. By your side, Benedict smiles as he looks at the tableau in front of him. You turn your head and from afar, your mother gives you a sign to hurry. You sigh before clearing your throat and avoid his gaze.

“Benedict, we should stop seeing each other.”

“Because of your wedding ?” Benedict asks after a long second of silence.

“I cannot risk a scandal now.”

“Of course. Congratulations on your engagements.” he states emotionlessly. 

Without holding forth, Benedict doesn’t glance at the other paintings and goes to another room. Your eyes sting however you pay no mind to it. You did the hardest part. You can’t cry now or people will wonder why you’re in such a state after exchanging a few words with Benedict. You quickly blink and when you’re sure you’re not going to cry, you go to your mom. She locks her arms in yours to comfort you.

Benedict is officially a part of your younger self's past. You, now, have to focus on your future newly-wed life.

The next month is rythmed by the wedding preparations. The Duke insisted on having a marriage quickly. You got asked for your opinion for the reception but you let your mother handle everything. You don’t want this wedding so what does it matter if you like it or not ?

You haven’t seen Benedict since then and this hasn't helped with your gloominess. You wish you could leave everything behind and go find him, unfortunately you can’t make this choice so you keep getting ready for your new life. All your life, you have been raised to be the perfect wife but now your mom is taking things to another level. Given that you’re a future Duchess, she wants to ensure you won’t make a single mistake. She wants you to be perfect. If she lets you have one flaw, she’s worried your future husband will decide to abandon you. Lately, the pressure is more suffocating than your corset. You can’t breathe anymore and you feel like you’ve passed out and no one is paying attention to you.

Your last day as a maiden goes by at the speed of light. In a blink, the night has fallen and you’re in your bed staring at your wedding dress. You glare at it, knowing everything it represents. It’s a prison embellished by a white fabric. Objectivally, the dress is beautiful, Madame Delacroix has outdone herself, but you hate it. You keep looking at the object of your fear until you hear something hitting your window. You frown yet don’t move. When you hear the same noise again, you leave your bed, glaring one last time at the dress and open your window. On the ground floor, in your garden, you find Benedict. His tie is untied, the first buttons of his shirt are undone and his hair is messy because of the numerous times he runs his hand through it.

“Benedict, what are you doing here ? You need to go.” you order, trying to not speak too loud.

“Please, I need to talk to you.”

“You cannot be seen here. If Lady Whistledown-”

“Give me five minutes.” he cuts you off with begging eyes.

You stare at him, weighing the pros and cons. You miss him, though talking to him would be a mistake. However, your feelings for Benedict are stronger than your morale.

“Don’t move.”

You close your window and take your dressing gown. Before leaving your bedroom, you look at yourself in the mirror. You put back in place some strands of your hair and open your door. You glance right and left before leaving the room, walking on tiptoe. The light of the moon gives you enough visibility to walk down the stairs without falling. 

Once you’re in your garden, you find Benedict pacing back and forth. When he sees you, he moves to hold you in his arms and right away, you take a step back. Noticing your movement, Benedict keeps his distance and his arms fall on his legs.

“You cannot stay here, Benedict. I am to be married tomorrow.” you remind him, crossing your arms on your chest.

“I know but tomorrow, I will not be there and I needed to see you.”

“Why are you not coming ? Your family has been invited.” you question, eyebrows furrowed.

“Your lovely mama paid me a visit and she got me to understand I was to stay away from you.”

Hearing your information, you wish you could feel anger for your mother however you’re grateful. You know if Benedict was here, you wouldn’t be able to marry the Duke. Notwithstanding, having Benedict in your garden the night before your wedding is surely no better.

“Nevertheless, I could not let you marry the Duke without talking to you one last time.” he adds.

“What do you wish to talk about ?”

“Y/N, do not marry him.” he announces point blank. “Tomorrow, do not say ‘yes’ or say a single vow. You deserve to marry another man than him.”

“How dare you say that ? The Duke is a gentleman. He will treat me right.” you get mad.

“But do you love him ?”

“I care about him.” you answer him after a silence.

“So you do not love him.” Benedict specifies, seeing right through you, “You cannot marry a man you do not love. You deserve to be with someone you love and who loves you back.”

“Love is not important. I need to think about what's best for me and the Duke is the best option.” you argue, your mother’s words resonating in your mind.

“The best option according to whom ?”

“I do not have another choice, Benedict. I cannot afford to be picky. I do not have the luxury to tell my mama I want to wait before getting married or to focus on my art. I cannot afford to make that choice, contrary to you.”

“It is not too late to make another one.”

“You are being insensitive right now. You cannot come here, the night before my wedding, and tell me to not marry the Duke.” you retort with teary eyes.

“If you loved him, I would not have uttered a word, but it is not the case.”

“And what do you propose instead ? Because if I leave the Duke at the altar, I will be without an option.”

“I will be here for you.” he promises as if it was a magic remedy.

“You cannot be serious.” you sigh, rolling your eyes. “Did you think about the scandal it would cause ? Your family’s reputation would be destroyed and your sisters need to marry as well.”

“It would be worth it. I love you, Y/N and I know you love me, too.”

“The fact is, it does not change anything about my situation. Tomorrow, I will be married and I will finally be what I have been raised for all my life : a faithful wife.”

“Faithful !” Benedict laughs humorlessly, “And you think your dear future husband had the same education as you ? The Duke might act as a gentleman but he keeps seeing other women and he will keep on doing so after you are married. He does not have any regard for you. He just wants a wife. He cannot give you what you truly want.”

“And you think I do not know that ? I am well aware of this fact. Except the world is like this and I cannot change it.” you affirm, desperately.

“Is there not a thing I could say to convince you ?”

“My destiny has been written for a long time. You need to leave me alone.”

“Very well, but before this,” he starts, getting closer to you and you let him do it, “would you allow me to kiss you ? I have wanted to do it since we first talked.” he adds putting his hand on your cheek, “And I wish to do it before you’re someone else’s.”

“Benedict, it is improper.” you object, without moving.

“If your future husband can currently be with another woman, I think you deserve to make the choice of kissing someone you really love before it is too late.” Benedict mutters but you stay sceptical. “No matter if you accept to give me this honour, just know you will not hear from me ever again, I promise you.”

You stare in Benedict’s blue eyes, trying to resist the temptation of tasting his lips. Your mother’s words and the fear of finding yourself on the first page of Lady Whistledown’t next issue are the only things holding you back. However, when Benedict's second hand touches yours, your mind doesn’t think of these things anymore so you hold your hand before whispering.

“You may kiss me.”

With a smile, Benedict leans in and softly presses his lips on yours. You kiss him back in an instant. You wish you could kiss him since the moment your eyes met his. Like you expected, his lips are soft and fit perfectly with yours. You kiss lovingly, enjoying this moment, this last choice you made.

Without adding something else, you leave Benedict alone and get back home while he leaves your grounds. 

The guilt isn’t eating you alive, only joy is exploding in yourself. You will always keep this moment in your mind and you know it will nourish a lot of your nights when you’ll be next to your husband. You don’t regret kissing Benedict because, for the first time in your life, you finally put yourself first. Arriving in your bedroom, your wedding dress seems to judge you but you pay it no mind and lay down on your bed. At the same time, the joy leaves your body, not for remorse, but for sadness ; you will never live this moment again. You will never feel this feeling again.

When the sun rises in the sky the next morning, your stomach twists. Meanwhile you’re getting ready, you live an out of body experience. Your body's here and dressed up however your mind is lost in the memory of the night before. This memory is nicer than your reality.

When you’re at the door of the chapel, you gain consciousness again. You know this is your last moment as Y/N Y/L/N. You take a deep breath whilst your father comes next to you. He gives you a comforting smile, seeing your state.

“Do not be afraid, my dearest. You are ready. Your whole life has been made for this moment.”

You cannot count how many times you've been hearing this since you're out in society. It's supposed to make you feel better and yet, it only makes you feel even more trapped. 

You don’t answer your father, fearing you might throw up on him due to the stress. Your father makes sure your veil is set correctly on your head then he locks his arms with yours and guides you through to the chapel. The music starts playing and for you, it doesn’t sound like a wedding song but more like a death march. You walk down the aisle, your heart beating loudly in your ears and your flowers are practically strangled by your grip. While walking, you take notice of the guests, wanting to avert your attention from your future husband. When you glance on the right side of the aisle, you find the Bridgerton family. Violet Bridgerton’s eyes are filled with softness that helps you to feel more at ease, despite the fact you’d still like to run away. Taking a closer look at the Bridgerton family, your eyes find Benedict. You do your best to not show your confusion. He wasn’t supposed to be here. You don’t understand what he’s doing here. He cannot be here. You have to go through with this wedding. Not wanting to be more disturbed, you finally dare to watch your future husband. He looks good in his suit yet, you can’t help but think Benedict is more handsome. 

When you’re at the altar, your father kisses your forehead before letting you go to the Duke. Once your father lets go of your arm, you want to catch him and beg him to not let you go. You don’t do it. Tightening your grip on your bouquet, you give a forced smile at the Duke. The music stops and the Archbishop announces to the guests they can sit down. When they did and the ceremony has finally started, tears form in your eyes.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony ” he states solemnly.

The word ‘matrimony’ echoes in your mind and you can’t listen to the Archbishop’s voice anymore. You can only watch the scene unfold in front of you until you willingly press a finger on a thorn from your bouquet to bring you back to reality. You can’t dwell in your own world anymore, you have to face your truth. In spite of yourself, you look furtively at Benedict before landing your gaze on the man in front of you again. At the same time you get back in the chapel, you hear the Archbishop exclaim : 

“If anyone thinks this man and this woman shall not be joined together, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

After the Archbishop's sentence, there is a silence for a second and you’re afraid your fast heartbeats can be heard. You wouldn’t be surprised to find your heart out of your chest.

As there is no protest, the Archbishop opens his mouth again to finish the wedding when your name echoes in the chapel. Every pair of eyes, yours included, land on the same spot, on Benedict, standing on his feet with a broken but determined gaze.

“Y/N, I know I told you I would leave you alone but I cannot.” he starts with trembling hands. “You need to hear me out, do not marry him ! You should not be obliged to marry a man you do not love… I love you too much to let you make this mistake.” he adds and at these words, Anthony tries to make him sit again in vain. “If you become his wife, you will not be happy, you will be miserable. We both know it. You should not be marrying the wrong man. You have always told me you wanted to marry a man you love dearly and who supports you in everything. And this man is not the Duke.” Benedict carries on and you feel the heat in your cheek. “I am not saying you should marry me, if this is not what you wish for, even if I would be honoured to be your husband. Just please, do not become his wife.”

Following his tirade, Benedict takes a deep breath. The room is filled with horrified looks, especially Anthony’s and your parents. No one knows how to react, not expecting this interruption. Benedict doesn’t pay attention to the others, he is only looking at you as if you were alone in the chapel. You can see all the tenderness and love he has for you.

As for you, your eyes are wide open in shock. Benedict’s intervention cut your growing anxiety off and you stay on your feet, not moving an inch. You don’t dare to say a word, not knowing what is going to happen next. The moment stays frozen in time for a whole minute before Anthony stands up and forces his brother to leave the chapel. Your eyes follow the two Bridgerton brothers until they’re out of sight.

Once everything is calm again, the Duke takes your hand to bring back your attention to him. He asks if they can resume and to answer him, you let your bouquet fall at your feet. You mutter a quick apology and walk up the aisle while your father is ordering you to come back.

As soon as you’re outside, you find Anthony reprimanding Benedict. Without paying a mind to it, you throw yourself at the man you love. Taken aback by your gesture, Anthony takes a step back. Understanding the situation, the Bridgerton first born knows he has to handle a delicate situation so he goes back to the chapel. You keep embracing Benedict in your arms for several seconds before putting your hands on his cheeks and kissing him with passion. Benedict stumbles, surprised by your action, before deepening the kiss. You keep kissing until you’re out of air. When you break the embrace, you keep your hands on both sides of his face, joyful tears in your eyes.

“You are right. I cannot marry him. I know what we have just done will have consequences but I do not care. I want to be with you. I want to be able to choose and I choose you. It is you I want by my side. I love you, Benedict.” you confess with a genuine smile, the first one in a month.

“I love you so much.” he answers, pecking your lips.

“I am so glad you were around when they said ‘speak now’. Had you not intervened, I never would have had the strength to run away.”

“I told you I would be here for you.” Benedict reminds you, stroking your cheeks. “We should leave while they are still in shock.”

You agree and Benedict takes your hand. You look at each other with love and without wasting another second, you run out of the place, you undo your veil and let it fall down on the ground. You know you’re in a complicated situation but it doesn't matter to you. You love each other and you will get married and even if it means going to another city and suffer the wrath of your parents once you’re back. You chose each other, it’s all that matters.

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

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[marie-swriting]

More Time With You - Robin Buckley

Stranger Things Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Summary : You meet Robin at a party.

Warnings : party, fluff, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 2.3K

French version

Song inspiration : Enchanted (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

A knot in her stomach, Robin enters Steve’s house where the music is already in full swing. She passes by a few teenagers, including some couples who are kissing - or eating each other’s face would be more accurate. Robin tries not to pay attention to it and looks for her friend. When she finds him, she calls his name. Steve turns around and gives her a smile.

“You came ! You’ll see, you’re going to have fun.”

“I’m not so sure about it. I don’t know a lot of people here.” she contradicts nervously.

“That’s exactly why you need to meet them ! You’re staying here the night and I'll bring you home tomorrow ?”

“No, my dad comes to pick me up at midnight.”

“Seriously ?” Steve asks, rolling his eyes.

“Look, it was the condition for me to come to your party ! Be happy I’m here, I could have not insisted when they told me ‘no’ the first time.”

“Try to enjoy as much of it, then.”

“Yeah, I don’t really know.”

“It’ll be alright, Robs.” he reassures her, putting a hand on his shoulder. “And if it becomes too much, you can always come find me or go in my bedroom.”

“And find a couple almost naked, if not worse ? Hell no !” Robin exclaims, shaking her head.

“I closed my room and my parent’s. The key is in the drawer of the table in the corridor.” Steve whispers in Robin’s ear.

“What a hiding spot !” she laughs.

“You can criticise all you want but people are too drunk to think about it. I need to check if there are still enough drinks, go on the dancefloor, have fun !”

‘Have fun’.

Robin keeps saying these words in her head as she gazes at the teenagers from the corner of the room. Despite the lively music, she doesn’t dare to set a foot on the improvised dance floor in Steve’s living room. She doesn’t want to appear like the girl who doesn’t have any friends by dancing alone. She’s already feeling too out of place. It’s better for her to be forgotten by the others than drawing attention to herself.

Robin tries to search for Steve and she finds him close to a girl from school, so she prefers to leave him alone. Not wanting to stay static, Robin goes to pour herself a drink and snacks a bit. When there are more people joining her to fill themselves up, Robin decides to leave, her drink still in hand. This time, she doesn’t stop in the living room and goes outside. She was hoping for some calm, though the people jumping in the pool make her realise she needs to go somewhere else. Robin sighs and ends up going to Steve’s room after retrieving the key.

Robin takes a look at his friend’s room, discovering some posters and school stuff on his desk. Music muffled by the closed door, Robin lays on the bed and enjoys the calm.

Robin stays on the bed, drinking her glass slowly until she hears somebody knocking on the door. She doesn’t have the time to respond as the person partially opens the door and brings their head near the crack without looking inside.

“Please, tell me you’re not naked.” you say with your eyes closed.

“Huh, I’m dressed.” Robin informs as she sits back, confused.

“And the other person ?”

“There’s only me.”

“Really ?” you exclaim before entering the room. “Oh, thank God ! I was afraid a couple found Steve’s infallible hiding spot or that he told someone else where the key was.”

At first, Robin stays quiet when she sees you. She doesn’t consider herself dramatic when she thinks you are the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen. Quickly, Robin puts her hair right back - she has messy hair because of the pillow.

“Sorry, I didn’t know someone else wanted to come here.” she apologises, talking fast. “Steve told me I could come here if I needed to. I didn’t mean to-”

“Hey, it’s okay.” you cut her with a smile. “If Steve told you you could come it means he trusts you. Do you mind me joining you ? I’d like to have some time away from the others for a bit.” you explain, scratching your neck.

“Yes, sure, you can stay. I’m not gonna forbid you to stay here.”

You close the door behind you and sit next to Robin. You stare at her quickly, trying to determine if you know her. Robin is uncomfortable, feeling like she’s under a microscope. A million scenarios are going through her head where she thinks that despite your nice appearance, you’re about to throw her out of the room. As soon as you finish analysing her, you smile at her.

“I don’t think we’ve met before.”

“I’m Robin.”

“Robin Buckley ? You’re the one who is working with Steve at Ahoy Scoops ? I mean, was working with.” you ask her, enthusiastic.

“Yes, it’s me. I’m still working with him by the way. We’re going to start a new job at Family Video in two days.” she informs you with red cheeks.

“That’s what he told me. I’m glad to finally meet you. Steve didn’t stop talking about you. You gave him some humbling lessons, he needed it.” you laugh before holding your hand to her. “I’m Y/N.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you at school before and I feel like you’ve known Steve for a long time so it’s weird. You must be part of the popular.”

“Far from it.” you exclaim with wide open eyes. “I’m not from here, actually. Long story short, my grandma is his neighbour and I come visit her for a month during summer. Steve has been my best friend since we were kids. It’s also the reason why I’m always hiding here during his parties, I don’t know anyone.”

“Me neither.”

“You’re in the school marching band, right ?” you question, interested.

“Yes, I play the trumpet. It’s not exactly popular but I like it.”

“It’s so cool ! Could you play me something one day ?”

“If you want to. Do you have a song in mind ?”

“Your favourite.”

Robin doesn’t really know if your request is serious or if you just want to be polite yet she’s already figuring out which music she could play for you. She hopes she’ll be able to do it in a few days, wanting to impress you.

“What about you ? If you’re not popular then, what do you do ?”

“Theater. Like you, I like it even if it’s overlooked.”

“I’d love to see you act one day.” Robin admits, avoiding your gaze.

“Well, we’ll have to plan this.” you say, putting your hand on hers.

You’re looking into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. Robin is about to talk when the first notes of Whitney Houston’s Saving All My Love For You start. You speak before she can utter a single word.

“Oh ! This is my favourite song ! Would you like to dance with me ?” you ask her after standing up, your hand still in hers.

“I don’t really know how to dance.” Robin refuses, wincing.

“I’ll show you, it’s easy !”

You give Robin your other hand. With a smile on her face, she takes it and stands up. You bring her closer to you and put her hands on her shoulders. You put hers on your waist. You smile at her, hoping to calm her nerves. You show her the first steps, then you dance softly.

Robin steps on your toes several times though you reassure her, saying she’s doing well for a first time. 

While the song keeps going, you admire her features, her blues eyes, her freckles and finally, her beautiful lightly curled hair. Robin tries to do the same but your eyes on her are making her more stressed so she stares away. At one point, you spin her around. Surprised, Robin is about to fall when you hold her back just in time. You laugh before slow dancing again, your faces only a few inches apart.

When the song is over, you stay for a second in each other’s arms before breaking the embrace.

“You’re a good dance partner.” you state, putting a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I think your feet might disagree with you.” Robin laughs.

“Maybe, but it’s a good thing. We have to keep dancing until they change their minds.”

You take a step back from Robin and go open the window, letting the fresh air of the night in. Robin comes next to you, leaning against the window sill. Below, you can see some of Steve’s drunk friends laughing, dancing or swimming in the pool.

Under the starry sky, you enjoy each other’s presence and get to know each other a bit better. The conversations flow naturally without an awkward silence. You feel like you’ve known one another your whole life. It’s officially the first Steve’s party you’re going to where you’re having that much fun and all of this thanks to Robin.

After spending quite some time talking, you need to use the bathroom so you excuse yourself before leaving the room. Robin feels her smile growing bigger whilst she realises this night is going better than she could have ever imagined. Sure, she hasn’t socialised with the people from her school, she’s isolated herself but she met you and she instantly liked your character. She only wishes for one thing : to keep talking to you. She thinks about other questions she could ask you when Steve appears.

“Hey, Robin ! Your dad is here.”

“Oh, can you tell him I’ll be there in five minutes ?” Robin asks, hoping to see you one last time before leaving.

“He seems a bit in a rush. And it took me at least ten minutes to find you so you should hurry.”

Robin weighs the pro and con for a few seconds before accepting, knowing her father can be impatient.

“Alright, fine. I’m going. See you Steve.”

As she leaves the room, Robin hopes she’ll find you on her way out yet, when she walks out of the house door, she has to accept the fact she has to leave without saying goodbye. Robin promises herself to talk to you again to, at least, apologise to you for leaving so soon. She doesn’t want you to think this night didn’t mean anything for her.

In her father’s car, Robin stares through the window at the landscape whilst she thinks back about the night. In spite of herself, she blushes as your slow dance plays in her mind. She loved your proximity, even if anxiety was eating her alive. On the way home, she only has you in her mind, wondering if you felt the same thing she did. She wonders if you know how glad she was to meet you. She can’t help but let her imagination wander and hope she has more time with you. After all, she has to show you her musical talent and you, your acting skills.

That night, it took some time for Robin to fall asleep, because of the way you overtook her thoughts. She even started to search for a song to play for you. She doesn’t know how long you’re staying at Hawkins but she hopes she has a few days left. She needs to see you again, no matter when. Maybe she has too much hope for you. She wishes for this night to be the beginning of something, not something that already has an end. Although, who can assure her you felt the same way she did ? Maybe you’re already in love with someone else ? She wishes with all of her heart you don’t have somebody waiting on you. Her hopes might be vain but she can’t help it ; this night was unique. It means something for Robin so it could mean something for you, too.

When Robin meets Steve again two days later at Family Video, she knows she has to ask him about you. You haven’t left her thoughts and only Steve can give her all the information she needs. Though, she doesn't want to let her friend know you’ve caught her eyes so she has to be discreet about it. That’s why she waits for Steve to give her the perfect opportunity which he does a few hours later : 

“So, did you enjoy my party ?”

“Surprisingly, yes ! I spent the night with your friend Y/N. She’s nice.” Robin affirms, trying to hide her idiotic smile.

“Yeah, she’s amazing.”

“Is she still here ? She wanted us to do some stuff, I don’t know if she told you.” she states casually.

“She left today actually.”

“Oh, I was hoping I’d see her again.” she mutters, hiding her disappointment.

“Don’t worry, she comes back here often to see her grandma.” Steve reassures her before putting his hand in his jean’s pocket. “By the way, while I’m thinking about it, she asked me to give you that.” he informs, showing her a piece of paper folded in two with her name on it.

With eagerness, Robin takes it from Steve’s hand and puts it in her pocket. She takes a box full of VHS next to her and tells Steve she’s going to put them back on the shelves.

The second Robin is hidden in the horror section, she puts the box down and opens the notes you wrote where she finds your address and your phone number. Her smiles goes from ear to ear when she sees the words you added at the end : 

“I hope you didn't forget you owe me a song and me a play so let’s keep in touch.

This night was flawless, I was enchanted to meet you.

Y/N.”

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{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

#marie swriting in english #robin buckley x female reader #robin buckley fanfic #robin buckley imagine #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley fluff #robin buckley one shot #robin buckley oneshot #stranger things one shot #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with speak now tv #marie swriting with taylor swift #Spotify

[marie-swriting]

Romantic Feelings, For Me ? - Robin Buckley

Stranger Things Masterlist

Superache Masterlist

Summary : You have a crush on Robin and so does she but neither of you feels ready to make the first move, too scared to lose the other. Thankfully for the both of you, your best friends, Steve and Chrissy, want to help you out.

Warnings : mutual pining, happy ending, mention of alcohol (be careful with your alcohol consumption), maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my First language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 2.4k

French version

Song inspiration : Disaster by Conan Gray

“This could be a disaster, Steve ! A huge disaster ! Why did you have to invite her ? I had everything planned and you’ve ruined everything by inviting her to your damn party.” Robin exclaims while giving plastic cups to Steve.

“On the contrary, I’m giving you a little help here. You’ll be able to confess your feelings.” he replies, setting the cups on the table in front of him.

“At a party full of the populars from your year and mine ? Surrounded by drunk people ? I don’t think so ! There are so many factors that make me believe it is a lost cause. Do you need me to remind you of all the scenarios ?”

“No, you haven’t stopped telling me all about it since I told you I had invited Y/N tonight. I got it.” Steve refuses before going to the kitchen to get the alcohol. 

“It doesn’t look like it.” she keeps saying whilst following him, all agitated, “Besides, I’m still not sure if she’s attracted to me.”

“Do I need to remind you last week you asked me if it was totally platonic for her to call you, like, every night ? I’m saying it again, it is not platonic.”

“Maybe she does this with Chrissy too ? What do we know ? It’s her best friend, it’d be rational.”

“Sometimes you stay on the phone 'till midnight, trust me, she doesn’t have the time to do the same with Chrissy.”

“Ok, let’s say you’re right and that, by some sort of miracles, she is attracted to me,” Robin starts, making Steve sigh, “what if she ends up freaking out along the way and then we lose everything we’ve been building the past seven months ? And what if the moment I say ‘I love you’, she doesn’t say it back and that ruins everything as well ? Did you think about that ?”

“You should tell her you like her before thinking about the moment you’ll tell her ‘I love you’.”

“I prefer to think about every scenario before jumping in with both feet.”

“The problem is, by overthinking, you’re gonna destroy the relationship yourself.” Steve retort, looking his best friend in the eyes. “You should still test the water tonight and if she’s receptive then good for you, if she isn’t, just say you’ve been drinking too much and you didn’t express yourself correctly. It’ll go smoothly like this, trust me.”

“Trust you ? You, Steve Harrington, who go from one date to the other without it going any further ? I don’t think-”

“Trust me on that one.” he cuts her off, exasperated. “I’m telling you, the feelings you have for Y/N are reciprocated. Stop stressing about it.”

Steve gives Robin a reassuring look. She finally lets go of a sigh, like to signal she accepts her fate. Robin isn’t fully convinced by Steve’s words but they still help her to reduce her stress. A bit. Robin finishes helping Steve to prepare the party, letting her anxiety about you in the back of her mind.

When the party starts, Robin enjoys herself with the other guests. Tired to dance after five songs, she goes into a corner of the living-room, a drink in hand. She tries to catch her breath when John from her Algebra class comes to her and starts talking with her. Not knowing what he wants, Robin answers him. As the conversation goes by, she becomes more and more uncomfortable as she sees John slowly getting closer to her. She’s searching for an excuse to leave the room when she hears your voice calling her name.

“I’ve been looking for you !” you say, putting your hand on Robin’s forearm. “I need your help, can you come with me ? Sorry John, but it’s a girl emergency.” you specify with an emphatic look.

“Oh, yeah, no problem.” he stutters, blushing, “I need to go to… I mean, Bye, Robin.”

“You looked like you needed some help.” you slowly chuckle when you’re away from John.

“Thank God, Y/N. I didn’t know how to get out of this situation. I like you !” Robin says without thinking and making you smile.

“You like me ?”

Hearing your question, Robin’s eyes go wide as she panics. She pretends to cough and search for a solution to resolve the situation.

“Yeah, like a friend, I mean, you know. Sorry I think I’ve been drinking too much. Did you just arrive ? Want to drink something ?” she changes the subject, avoiding your gaze.

“Yes, thanks.” you accept and Robin starts walking in front of you, but you hold her back. “Robin, I like you, too.”

Upon hearing your sentence, Robin stays put in place for a second, not knowing how to act. You end up taking her hand and guiding her to the table with the drinks to pour you a glass while Robin gets a grip on herself.

During the whole party, you stay together, enjoying each other’s company. At some point, you’re really close and yet none of you know if you should understand something out of this situation. From afar, Steve and Chrissy look at you both, completely desperate. They see none of you dares to make the first move whilst you’re both waiting for that. If there weren't that many people, they would’ve forced you to get closer to make an end to your lack of action once and for all. That night, they promised to themselves to do something to help you both, you deserve your cute little romance.

Determined to help Robin, Steve decides to take advantage of a day where he has to get Dustin from school to talk with your best friend. He waits, leaning against his car, until he sees Chrissy walking to her vehicle. He takes a deep breath and trots towards her.

“Chrissy, hi !”

“Oh, hey.” Chrissy answers, stopping in her tracks. “You’re here for Dustin ?”

“Yeah. Actually, I also wanted to talk to you about something. I wanted to know if Y/N had a crush on anybody at the moment ?”

“Why do you want to know that ?” she questions with a questioning look.

“Because I…,” Steve stutters, looking for an excuse, “Actually, I wanted to ask her out and I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t make a fool of myself.”

“Oh.” Chrissy exclaims, taken aback, “Well, you did the good thing by asking me because Y/N has a crush on someone else so it’s not going  to work.���

“Don’t worry about it, at least I tried. Do I know the guy ?”

Chrissy notices Steve tries to play it cool but sees behind his question there's something else. She quickly guesses, just like her, Steve has had enough of seeing you and Robin beat around the bush without doing anything.

“Yeah, you know them very well but I won’t give you their name or I’d be a terrible best friend.”

“I get it. Do you know if she’s gonna try to make the first move with them ?”

“Not sure. She’s afraid it’s unrequited even if I’m sure it isn’t. Since your party I've been trying to give her enough courage to have her confess her feelings.” she admits and Steve nods.

“I get your frustration. Robin is also attracted to someone and she’d rather imagine all the worst case scenarios instead of asking them on a date. If the person she’s attracted to doesn’t make the first move, I think she’s going to wait for a long time or miss her chance.” he informs with an insistent look.

“I hope it won’t be the case. I need to go.” she states before leaving without letting him respond.

Steve waves at Chrissy whilst she fastly gets in her car. Chrissy doesn’t waste a second and drives to your home with a big smile on her face. As for you, you’re at your desk, focused on your History homework when someone opens your bedroom’s door loudly. A hand on your chest, you turn around and see Chrissy.

“You want me to have a heart attack or what ?”

“Steve asked me if you had a crush on him !” Chrissy exclaims as if it was breaking news.

“And it's good news because…?”

“I told him you’re attracted to someone else.”

“Chrissy !” you retort with your eyes wide open.

“I didn’t mention Robin, promise.” your best friend quickly specifies, making you sigh of relief. “I just said you have someone else in mind and you don’t know how to confess your feelings.”

“Still don’t know how this is good news.”

“It is good news because he talked to me about Robin ! He told me she’s also attracted to someone but doesn’t know how to make the first move. He totally implied Robin has a crush on you. You should’ve seen his face. You were waiting for your sign, there it is ! Go to Robin and ask her out on a date now.” Chrissy orders pointing at your bedroom’s door.

“No.” you contradict, panicked, “Your conversation with Steve doesn’t prove anything. Maybe you interpreted it wrong.”

“I swear I didn’t ! Besides, at the party, Robin did say to you ‘I like you’, didn’t she ?”

“Like a friend, yes. Don’t forget that part.”

“Maybe she said it ‘cause she panicked ?” Chrissy suggests and you shake your head.

“She still said it quickly while I had a big smile on my face.”

“It’s unbelievable to nitpick like that !” she mumbles. “Y/N, during the party, I watched you and Robin and she’s totally smitten by you. And even though Steve didn’t say it, I’m sure he saw the same thing as me so get up from your chair and let’s go to Family Video !” Chrissy commands, pulling you by the arm.

With a sigh of exasperation, you follow Chrissy who’s dragging you to her car. The whole ride, you try to make her change her mind however she stands her ground and parks in front of Family Video. You sink a bit more in the passenger seat but Chrissy opens the passenger door from her seat.

“Y/N, I know you’re worried about it but believe me, Robin has feelings for you. I wouldn’t be making you do that if I wasn't sure.” Chrissy affirms with her soft voice.

“But I had planned everything !” you complain, “I had planned to wait a bit more just to be sure she was attracted to me and some weeks after that, I would have asked her out. If I do it now, everything will be ruined ! It’s too early !”

“By waiting too much, you risk ruining it before it begins. You’ve been waiting for seven months, don’t you think it’s long enough ?”

You look at your best friend before sighing in frustration because, deep down, you know she isn’t fully wrong.

“You’re right but what if-”

“Stop with the ‘what if’s and go get your girl !” she cuts you off.

Chrissy shoves you, forcing you out of the car. You close the door and start walking toward the entrance of the store. You run your clammy hands over your jeans when a forty years old woman gets in front of you and opens the door. She holds it for you and you thank her before entering as well. Stressed, you run to hide in one of the aisles, hoping Robin nor Steve have seen you. The woman gives back her tape to Steve before leaving without renting a new movie. When you hear the door close again, you breathe slowly, hoping to get a grip on yourself. You try to give yourself some encouragement to get out of your hiding spot and go talk to Robin when you hear her voice. You can’t make out what she’s saying but you can guess she’s panicked because she’s speaking very fast to Steve. You get closer to them while being silent and you finally can understand what she’s saying.

“Steve, I’m telling you it means nothing.” Robin objects.

“She said she likes you, too, right ? And contrary to you who lost your nerve, she didn’t specify ‘like a friend’.” he retorts.

You get a bit closer and you can finally see Robin who has her back on you whilst Steve is in front of her. Robin runs a hand over her face before responding.

“Maybe for her, her ‘I like you’ was hiding a ‘like a friend’ as well like I had said it just before ? Steve, I’m not 100% sure.”

“With what Chrissy implied, you can’t have any more doubts. Y/N hasn’t said anything yet because of the same reasons as you, she’s nervous about it so go talk to her today or do it on the phone tonight if you’re too scared to do it face to face.”

“You’re right, I’m gonna go to her and suddenly say ‘Actually, I have feelings for you, romantic feelings, wanna go out with me ?’ Yeah, sure, it’ll work.” Robin exclaims sarcastically. 

“You have feelings for me ?” you question, getting out of your hiding spot.

“Please, don’t tell me Y/N is behind me.” Robin whispers.

“Good luck, Robin.” Steve smiles before walking away.

“You have feelings for me ?” you repeat and Robin turns red.

“What ? No, it’s not that. You misunderstood me. I was talking about someone else-”

“You’re a terrible liar.” you interrupt her, laughing slowly, “Robin, I have feelings for you too.”

“You do ?” she asks, shocked.

“Yeah.” you confirm, avoiding her eyes for a second, “I didn’t know how to tell you, I was imagining the worst and therefore I was always finding an excuse to stay silent. It seems like I could have said something for a long time.”

“Wait, you really have feelings, romantic feelings, for me ?” she verifies.

“What wasn’t clear with what I just said ?” you retort, starting to slowly get nervous again.

“It’s just.... I can’t believe it.”

“If I asked you out on a date, would it help you believe it ?” you enquire with a smile.

“What ? Yeah, totally !” Robin accepts with eagerness.

“Great. I’ll give you the details when we call each other tonight ?”

Still confused, Robin simply nods to accept. Happy, you take one step and kiss her left cheek. When you back up, Robin blushes again. You smile at her reaction besides being glad to finally have a date with Robin, after months of being hopeful and hopeless. A few seconds later, you walk away from her and wave at her one last time whilst Robin looks at you lovingly. When you go back to Chrissy in her car, you see her raising her thumb up in the direction of Family Video and you see Steve doing the same when Robin comes to him, with a huge smile on her face.

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{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

#marie swriting in english #stranger things one shot #stranger things x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #robin buckley fanfic #robin buckley x fem!reader #robin buckley x female reader #robin buckley #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley x you #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x fem reader #robin buckley x female!reader #Spotify #marie swriting with conan gray #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with superache

[marie-swriting]

Find Each Other - Eddie Munson

Superache Masterlist

Stranger Things Masterlist

Summary : You're back to Hawkins after you've spent several months away from your boyfriend Eddie because of University.

Warnings : angst, sad ending, implied sex but nothing explicit, mention of alcoholic parent, maybe some grammatical mistake as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warning.

Word count : 4.5k

French version

Song inspiration : Astronomy by Conan Gray

You leave the coach and go grab your bag in the baggage compartment. Your belongings in hand, you scan the parking lot, searching for Eddie’s van.

You haven't come home since Winter break and it's now Spring break, not once during your time apart did you have the opportunity to see each other. You have to admit, just the thought of seeing him again makes you nervous. You had never spent that much time apart before. 

Before leaving for New York University, you had some doubt about your relationship ; you thought it would be better to be friends again but he convinced you by saying that distance brings fondness so you agreed to stay with him.

The first weeks, you sincerely thought it’d work out. After all, even if you couldn't see each other as much as you wanted to, you could always make a phone call. Eddie even managed to visit you some weekends before the Winter break, unfortunately, taking the coach is expensive. So you both agreed it was better to stick with the telephone. It worked until the studies decided otherwise.

You haven’t contacted each other for quite some time and now, you can’t deny it anymore, University and the distance are affecting your relationship. However, you have a tiny bit of hope that everything might be okay during your break. Indeed, when you came back for Christmas, your relationship went back to normal after some time. Until you had to leave again - though you don’t want to think about this detail.

You keep looking for Eddie’s van when you hear someone running to you. Before you can do anything, you feel arms wrapping themselves around your body. The smell of cologne makes you understand it’s Eddie. You don’t wait and hold him against you, sighing peacefully to feel his body again. Suddenly, he raises you from the ground and spins you around. You laugh as you watch him being too much, as always. Once he puts you down, he doesn’t waste another second before leaning in and kissing you. You’ve missed his lips more than you imagined. Your lips are slowly moving for a few seconds. As soon as you break the kiss, Eddie tenderly looks at you, a big smile on his face.

“I've wanted to do this since the moment you left.”

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’m so glad you’re here.” he says, stroking your cheek. “You must be tired from the ride, unfortunately, we still have some road before being in Hawkins.”

Eddie takes your bag in his left hand and grabs yours with his free hand. You walk to his van and you get in the passenger seat while he puts your bag in the back. Once he joins you, Eddie starts the car and drives in the direction of your hometown. As you leave the parking lot, Eddie turns up his music player and Oh! Darling by The Beatles resonates in the vehicle. With a sudden movement of your head, you stare at him with big eyes.

“Have I finally managed to convert you to The Beatles? You’ve finally bought one of their tapes?”

“Not at all. I wanted to make you happy so I went by your house and grabbed one before coming.” he defends himself but you see right through him.

“I don’t have this tape.”

“Ok, right, I bought it.” Eddie confesses after a second. “But only because I needed something to remind me of you while you were in Uni.”

“Yeah, let’s say that.” you laugh.

“By the way, I did go by your house. Your mom told me she was working tonight so you can stay at mine.”

“Perfect.”

You turn up the volume and start singing the lyrics. Eddie puts his hand on your thigh, happy to physically have you again.

On the way home, you talk about your lives. Normally, you’re up-to-date on each other’s life though during the past few weeks, it has been complicated. Eddie tells you about his last campaign and his last maths’ grade. Whilst you’re listening to him talking, you realise you’ve missed a lot of things. You try to reassure yourself by thinking it’s normal, you only need to find each other again, it’s okay. However, as the trip goes by, the more you feel like you have to get to know Eddie again.

Once you get to Hawkins, you drive through the rich neighbourhood. In spite of yourself, you look at the houses and you can’t help but imagine yourself living in one of them one day. Even if you’re happy to have the roof of your trailer over your head, you wouldn’t mind a house, no matter how small.

“Any news on the neighbourhood?” you question.

“It’s Hawkins, nothing ever happens around here. But sorry to tell you someone stole our home.”

‘Your home’ is a house at the end of the block. The owners never stay long so you’ve always seen on sale. One night, when you were ten, you had decided it would be your home when you’d be grown ups.

“They didn’t!” you exclaim, your hand on your heart.

“They did! A family with a five-year-old kid, a real snotty-nosed kid. Anyway, we still have some hope. The day we’ll finally have the money, they might have moved out. I mean, if we manage to be considered respectable people to live in this respectacle neighbourhood.” Eddie states with a fake snobby voice.

“I think we have more chances to become billionaires.”

“We will have this house. Remember, Corroded Coffin will be a success and you will become a famous actress. We’ll be the it-couple and we’ll be too good for this city. You’ll see.” he affirms with a big smile.

“You right, it will happen, you’re really talented. As for me, well, I think I’m more likely to become a professional waitress than an actress. I can't pass the first audition.” you admit with a sad face.

“I believe in you, you’ll succeed. The perfect part is waiting for you. When you’ll be famous, all these casting directors will regret not seeing your talent.”

“And for you, the people from High School won’t stop saying they were with you, the rockstar Eddie Munson and you’ll be able to give them your best finger while saying they’re dickheads.”

“Oh, I’m totally gonna do that !” Eddie confirms, making you laugh.

You keep talking of your potential future as celebrities until you arrive to the trailer park at the end of the day. Before going to the Munson’s trailer, you go to your place to put your bag in your small bedroom. You don’t take anything, you have everything you need at Eddie’s and if you ever need something, you can just go to the trailer in front of his. 

You spend your night watching movies while talking - you also spend a lot of time making out. You’re happy to be with Eddie after all this time. You still have this uncomfortable feeling that things have changed yet, tonight seems like a good start to a return to normal.

However, you’ll need some time.

Before, you could sleep in an instant as long as you had Eddie’s arms around your waist. Now, you have your eyes wide open while you can’t stop overthinking. Eddie, unlike you, is sleeping like a baby. He shifts in the bed and his arm leaves your body. Normally, he’d realise it and he would try to search for you while he’s asleep but not tonight. He keeps sleeping peacefully, light snores coming out of his mouth. This seems like it’s nothing notwithstanding for you, it’s another sign. Eddie is a touchy person, sleeping or not. You don’t like seeing he got so used to your absence to the point he doesn’t need to feel you against him anymore.

At this thought, you think you’re pathetic. You’re not seriously going to rethink all of your relationship just because he’s not against you when he’s sleeping? You shake your head before getting closer to Eddie’s body and putting your head in his neck. Everything will go back to normal. It has to.

The following days, you find each other a bit more.

While you should be doing your homework, you’re straddling Eddie’s laps as you’re making out, your notebooks long forgotten on the floor. Your hands are getting lost in his hair whilst his are on your waist. You kiss to the point you forget to breathe. You quickly take a breath before Eddie presses his lips against yours. You keep kissing until Eddie’s hands go under your shirt. At his touch, you break the kiss and look at him lovingly. Eddie tries to bring your face closer to his but you stop him.

“We have to work.” you state, making him roll his eyes.

“We have plenty of time to do this. We should enjoy ourselves.” Eddie affirms, kissing your neck.

“Except if we do enjoy ourselves, we won’t get our homework done and I don’t know for you but my essay is long.” you insist, moving Eddie’s head away from your neck where you can see a teasing smile on his face. “No dirty joke!”

“I didn’t say anything!” he defends himself, raising his hands to prove his innocence.

“I know you, Eddie. Let’s do our homework like this so we can leave it behind.”

“But I don’t want to! Besides, the only thing you do is studying, you should take a break.”

“Later. Come on! You won’t be able to graduate High School if you do nothing.” you say, leaving his laps. 

“But I don’t understand this Physics exercise.”

“I can help you with it.” you propose and he doesn’t seem convinced. “The quicker we’ll be over with it, the quicker we’ll get back to where we left off.”

To motivate him a bit more, you peck his lips before handing him his notebook and Physics book. Not without sighing to show his annoyance, Eddie takes them and gets back to his homework. As for you, you reread what you’ve written for your essay. You try to get back to your argumentation yet, your eyes find Eddie. His focused face brings a smile on yours. 

The moment you just shared gives you more hope. Despite the distance, both physical and emotional, you’re still attached to each other. The more you look at Eddie and the less you want to work on your essay. Without a warning, you take the notebook away from Eddie’s legs and kiss him with passion. Eddie doesn’t need to be asked twice to respond to the kiss.

It’s been six days since you came back to Hawkins and your fears have finally left your mind. Eddie and you made up for the lost time and you’re just like you used to be. You had no reason to worry. You’re spending almost all your days together and you’re more than happy.

Today is no different. Eddie comes to get you to go to his Corroded Coffin’s rehearsal. You haven’t listened to him play with his band in months and you can’t wait to hear all the new songs they’ve written. Furthermore, you haven’t seen some members of the band since you got back.

In Gareth’s garage, you’re sitting on a chair - Eddie refuses for you to be sitting on the floor - whilst you listen to them playing. First, they do some covers before playing old songs of theirs that you know by heart. Eddie can’t stop looking at you while he sings, glad to have you next to him.

Eddie starts to play another song and before singing, he tells you it’s a new one. Intrigued, you readjust your position in your chair to be fully focused whilst listening. Eddie starts singing and you instantly realise it’s about you. You don’t need for him to sing more than three lines to understand it. He uses specific elements when he writes about you and you know how to pick them up. 

At first, you’re touched by it. Sure, it’s not the first song he writes for you but you always get emotional when you realise you’ve inspired him. However, the smile on your face disappears once you realise the meaning of the song. He talks about his fear of losing you because of the distance. You have a pinch in your heart when you understand you’re not the only one to have seen it. Your eyes get teary as soon as he mentions the lack of communication. He doesn’t blame you, he just expresses that because of your different routines, you can’t talk to each other as much as you’d like to. However, the song ends on a hopeful note. Eddie affirms that nothing will break you apart, your love is too strong for this. When he finishes singing, you stand up and take him in your arms. Eddie hugs you back before muttering an ‘I love you’ to which you answer with an 'I love you' of your own.

You stay at Gareth’s all day and once the evening comes, you and Eddie go back to his place. You do your usual routine until you’re tired.

However, you can’t sleep. Eddie’s arms are wrapped around your waist whilst you’re staring at the ceiling, thinking back to his song and your relationship.

Your love is still here, it’s a fact, but for how long? When you’re in Hawkins, everything seems simple and when you’re far away, everything is different. It was already hard during Winter break, your relationship had already changed however, with these last months, it’s worse. No matter if you’ve found each other again, there is always this gap between your two. You feel like you’re two worlds apart. And Eddie is aware of this too. You’re frustrated to see that something is not right without understanding how to make things better.

You sigh and set your eyes on Eddie. You notice his curls hide a part of his face. With your hand, you put them away, allowing you to admire him completely. Eddie doesn’t react to your touch, being a heavy sleeper. You attentively stare at his tattoos, including a new one on his right forearm before looking at his torso moving up and down at the rhythm of his breaths. You hope you’ll find sleep by following them, in vain. 

You roll your eyes before getting out of Eddie’s arm and going to the kitchen. You pour yourself a glass of water and stay in the room for a few minutes, lost in your thoughts. As soon as you hear the door opening, you get a grip on yourself. Wayne appears in front of you and you greet him. He’s not surprised to see you at his home, he’s used to it.

“You’re not sleeping?” Wayne questions, getting closer to you.

“I was thirsty.” you explain, putting your glass in the sink.

“Is everything good between you and Eddie?” he asks point blank. “I know distance is not always easy.” Wayne adds without giving you the time to answer. “Eddie is like a lost puppy without you. He misses you a lot, more than he wants to admit. He is always talking about you, even if you have nothing to do with the subject. It’s too much sometimes but that’s the way Eddie loves. He’s a good kid and he deserves someone who sees him like he really is. With you, he feels good, he gives himself fully for everything. Even when it’s for High School. He really wants to graduate and be with you.”

Following Eddie’s uncle’s speech, you can’t help but feel a warmth in your heart. You didn’t know you had that much of an impact on Eddie. Wayne is grateful you’re a part of Eddie’s life though you’re grateful as well. Without Eddie, everything would be more complicated.

“I hope he’ll be able to be with me, it’ll be easier when we’ll both be in New York. I miss him a lot, too.” you confess, getting emotional. “I’m gonna let you rest. Good night.” you finish.

“Good night.”

You go to Eddie’s room, close the door behind you and lay down on the bed. Instinctively, Eddie gets closer to you. You hold him tighter and tenderly kiss his cheek. 

For the first time since you came back, you’re at your own home without Eddie. Your mom finally has some free time so you want to make the best out of it.

Your relationship with your mom has always been peculiar. When you were a kid, she wasn't the perfect mother. She couldn’t keep a job and her love for the booze wasn’t helping either. She was never mean to you, she was just emotionally distant.

Thankfully, two years ago, she understood she couldn’t keep doing this. She was losing you day after day and she hated herself for it. Therefore, she did everything to improve herself, giving up alcohol to be the mother you deserve. There are still some hard times, but it’s not like when you were younger. 

Your mom is grateful for Eddie. She knows he was there for you when she couldn’t. She has always held him close to her heart, despite the rumours. For her, Eddie is the only one who is loving her daughter like she deserves, that’s what matters.

Your mom and you are sitting on the couch watching a comedy you’ve seen countless times. You could quote it in your sleep. Sometimes, you talk about random topics during the movie, your mom is always happy to learn more about your new life.

You’re laughing out loud at one of your favourite scenes when someone knocks on the door. Your mom pauses the movie so you can see who it is. You find Eddie who you didn’t see for the past two days.

“Hey, I wanted to know if you’d like to come with me at Starcourt. I need some stuff. We can grab ice cream too.”

“Sorry Eddie, I’m with my mom today.” you inform, scratching your neck. “She finally has some days off.”

“I understand. Can we see each other tomorrow?” he asks hopefully.

“I would love to but we already have something planned.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Eddies promises you, taking your hands. “You have to spend time with your mom, too, I get it. Call me when you’re free. Say hello to her for me, have fun.”

Eddie pecks your lips before leaving. You close the door and sigh. Your mom watches you from the couch, confused. You go back to the couch without saying a word, a preoccupied expression on your face.

“You could have gone with him, you know.” your mom says, “And tomorrow, we have nothing special planned. Eddie could have joined us anyway.”

“I want to spend some time with you alone, that’s all.”

“What’s the matter, Y/N?” she asks, knowing you’re lying. “I can see something is bothering you.”

“It’s nothing. You can put the movie back on.” you affirm, avoiding her gaze.

Your mom doesn’t touch the remote and puts her right hand on your face, catching your attention.

“Look, I know I wasn’t always there for you but I am now. You can talk to me. Has something happened between you and Eddie?”

“Not really. I’m just a bit lost.” you confessed with a low voice. “I… I don’t know if our relationship is going to last.”

Upon these words, you break down in tears. Quickly, your mom holds you in her arms. She tries to calm you down while you explain the situation to her. You talk about the distance, the feeling of being face to face with a stranger you once knew, the feeling of slowly losing Eddie, despite your remaining feelings. She attentively listens to you, giving you the opportunity to get this off your chest. It’s the first time you confess about your relationship with Eddie since you left for University.

By saying everything you have in mind, you realise you’re suffering more than you thought. You wish everything could go back to normal, when everything was easier, when you were still in High School with Eddie. You wish you had stayed with him instead of leaving.

After you told her everything, you keep crying while your mother soothes you. Once your tears have slowed down, your mom moves your head away from her neck to look you in the eyes.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry it’s so complicated between you two.”

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him.” you cry.

“I think you already have.”

“But I love him.”

“Sometimes, it’s not enough.” she states, making you tear up again. “You said it yourself, when you’re not together, you’re like strangers.”

“But once he’ll graduate, everything will be easier. He’ll be with me again.” you argue, wiping your cheeks.

“It’ll be too late by then. During Christmas, you already felt like you were losing him and now, it’s worse so just imagine how it’ll be in the following months. Sometimes, you can love a person a lot and it’s not meant to last and it’s okay. It doesn’t mean it was meaningless.”

“He's been my best friend since we’re kids. We can’t lose everything because of Uni. We just can’t.”

“You might find each other again one day. You’re still young, nothing is set in stone yet. Besides, you’re growing up. Maybe you need to grow up away from him and him away from you so you can love each other better in the future.” she tries to reassure you in vain.

“You think I should break up with him?”

“You know I love Eddie and I see how you were happy with him but you’re not anymore. You’re unhappy and along distance relationship is not working. I think you should stop before it ends badly.” your mom recommends you. 

“I don’t want to break his heart.” you mutter.

“It will eventually.”

Tears start running down your cheeks again as you realise your mom is right. You don’t want to, unfortunately she is. You can bury your head in the sand all you want, the fact is your relationship with Eddie isn’t working anymore. You throw yourself in your mom’s arms again, needing her comfort whilst you show all your sadness.

You avoid Eddie until the day before you have to leave. You give him more or less believable excuses and everytime you hear his disappointment in his voice, you feel bad. Since your conversation with your mom, you accepted you needed to break up with him but you don’t know how to do it so you do nothing, despite your mom’s encouragement. 

However, you can’t wait any longer. You have to do it tonight. You can’t leave him thinking your relationship is working when it’s been over for some time. So, you take your courage in both hands and go to Eddie’s trailer. You take a deep breath before knocking on the door. As soon as Eddie sees you, he’s surprised at first, thinking you’d be packing.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Sure,” he says, stepping aside. “What are you doing here?” Eddie questions, closing the door behind you.

“I wanted to talk.”

“About what?”

“About us. We have to talk about us.”

“You want to break up, don’t you?” he asks, making you frown as you realise he saw right through you. “Don’t act surprised. I’ve noticed how you’ve been ignoring me the past few days. So, why? Did I do something wrong? Did you understand I’m not good enough for you?”

“No, it’s not that. You did nothing wrong. You’re perfect.” you affirm, avoiding his gaze.

“But?”

“But, it’s not working anymore between us.”

“What do you mean? We love each other.” Eddie states before doubting. “We love each other, right?”

“I love you, yes but it’s not enough anymore. Eddie, we’ve been growing apart the past few months. It’s not like it used to be before.” you confess and and you see the panic in his eyes.

“If it’s because we don't see each other, we can change that. I’ve been saving some money so I can see you. Maybe not every weekend though, at least every other weekend.”

“You won’t use your savings for me.”

“If it means still being with you, I will.”

“You need to save it for your future.”

“But I want a future with you in it.” he says with a determined voice. “We have to realise our dreams together, buy our house... Live together.”

“I wish we could do all of that, too. But it’s too late.” you contradict, holding back your tears.

“There must be a solution. We can save our relationship.”

“We have to stop, Eddie. I’m sorry.”

Upon hearing your words, Eddie looks down, not wanting you to see the pain in his eyes yet you saw it. Your heart tightens in your chest, imagining how he must feel. Eddie stays quiet for a few seconds, taking in your words.

“So, you’re gonna give everything up? After everything we’ve been through, you’re gonna throw everything away because we’re struggling to overcome this?” he retorts, frustrated and with teary eyes.

“It’s no use to insist! Stop trying to find a solution when there is none. We tried and it’s not working. In December, it was already barely working and now it’s worse so we have to stop this mess.” you snap before speaking with a softer tone, “Eddie, you’ll always be important for me. You’re the one with whom I shared everything with, the one I get along the best with. We had everything for this to work but it’s not the case anymore. We have to stop. We should have stopped before I left. I’m sorry.” you whisper, putting your hands on his cheeks. “I never wanted to hurt but if we keep trying, it’d be worse. I know, deep down, you know it’s the right thing to do.”

“I just don’t want to lose you.” he confesses, starting to cry.

“Me neither.” you say before hugging him.

You stay in each other’s arms for a moment whilst your tears are running down your cheeks. Although you mentally prepared yourself for this, the pain is still unbearable. You never thought you’d have to break up with Eddie.

You hate yourself for his broken heart. His broken gaze when you told him you had to stop will forever be engraved in your mind. You try to reassure yourself by thinking you did the right thing by ending your relationship - Eddie would have never done it. However, this thought doesn’t make you feel better. You wish things were different.

Superache Masterlist

Stranger Things Masterlist

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[marie-swriting]

Last Time - Stuart Twombly

Masterlist

Romance Masterlist

Summary : You've been sleeping with Stuart since the beginning of your internship at Google. After every night spent together, he always claims it's the last time but he always comes back.

Warnings : set during the movie, hooking-up, implied smut, drinking (be careful with your alcohol consumption), nightclub and stripteasers, a bit of angst, happy ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3k

French version on Wattpad

French version on Tumblr

Song Inspiration : This Love by Camila Cabello

You squint your eyelids as the first sunray comes into your bedroom at Google’s. You slowly raise while wrapping your bare chest with your sheet. You notice Stuart getting dressed, ready to leave like a thief in the night, again. When he came to see you yesterday, you didn’t know how to resist him even when you knew how it was going to end. Like every time. You think you’re really pathetic to let him have that much power over you.

“What time is it ?” you ask.

“6:00 A.M. I’m gonna go back to my room.” he informs you, before a silence takes place, “About yesterday-”

“It won’t happen again”, you finish with weariness, “I know.”

“This time, I mean it. If we keep doing-”

“We might jeopardise our internship. I know.”

“We’ll see eachother later, with the team, for the new trial ?” Stuart enquiries whilst scratching his neck.

“Yeah.”

He smiles at you awkwardly one last time and leaves your room, his beanie in hand. You let yourself lay down on your bed again and curse at yourself all at the same time. It’s been a little over a month since this has been happening. Generally, it always begins again the same way : you ignore each other for a few days then he slowly comes back to you and next thing you know, you’re both naked until he tells you it’s the last time. It’s like a never ending story. The more the time goes by, the more you feel like he takes you for a fool. You wish for once, he’d keep his words when he says it’s over. You can’t take it anymore. Everytime, you build up walls, trying to get used to the idea that it won't happen again but he takes a perverse pleasure to make them fall again and again. You feel like you’re just a game for him. You wish you could say it didn’t affect you that much but yet, everytime he comes back just to leave once more, your heart tightens a bit more in your chest. You’re totally overwhelmed by it. Besides, as your internship goes by, the more your feelings for Stuart get stronger to your dismay. Yet, boys were the last thing you had in mind when you came here. 

Upon arriving in the team's meeting room, you realise you’re the last one. You freeze for a second when your eyes fall on Stuart, but you act as if it was nothing. No one knows about… you two ? Well, if we can use that word to describe it, indeed despite your intimacy, Stuart reminds you often ‘you two’ doesn’t exist. You keep your pseudo-relationship a secret to avoid a weird atmosphere in the team, the balance between each of your personality and your age compared to Billy and Nick is already very fragile.

A week has gone by since your last time. You feel some relief to know he still hasn’t come back. Maybe this time he was serious about it ? You’d be lying if you said there hasn’t been an obvious tension between Stuart and you in the past few days. Albeit your team doesn't know, they feel something happened between you two, though they can’t guess the reason. Nea tried to talk to you about it in private, however you denied everything. You lied to her by saying there isn’t any disagreement between Stuart and you. After all, everything is over, what would be the use in telling her ?

You’re in your room, ready to go to sleep when you hear someone knocking on your door. You open it and find Stuart, his lips pinched together. You feel sick in your stomach, thinking it’s going to happen again like the last times.

“Sorry to bother you, my charger doesn’t work anymore and I wanted to know if you had another one or if I could use yours.” he explains, showing his phone.

“My battery is full, you can use mine now.” you propose.

You’re going to get your charger to give it to him. Though, when he takes it, he doesn’t move from your door. You raise your eyebrows, not understanding what he wants more.

“I’d like to talk to you. Maybe we could do it while my phone’s charging ?”

He gives you his cell and your charger, you go plug it and put the phone on your nightstand. You turn around and see Stuart trying to avoid your gaze. The silence is becoming more and more unbearable so you sit on your bed. You give him a look to invite him to say what he has in mind. He sits next to you and clears his throat.

“You know, maybe we should act like nothing happened. I think the others are guessing there’s something.”

“Yeah.”, you sigh, “Nea even asked me if something happened.”

“What did you tell her ?”

“That nothing happened, she was imagining things. She didn’t seem fully convinced, but she didn’t insist.”

“If it curbs our internship, we’d really need to do something.”

You nod as a simple answer. You both stay silent, not knowing what to add. You avoid his eyes at first before feeling the presence of his body closer to yours. When you turn your head towards him, you notice his lips are only a few inches from yours. You don’t even know how you got there. You know you should back up, nevertheless you feel attracted to him, in spite of yourself. Stuart knows how to bring you back to him. You have no idea if he does this on purpose or not, yet, he can make you succumb slowly again. You don’t have the time to think much longer that you fell Stuart’s lips on yours. You kiss him back as if it was an automatism. Like you’re used to, your body gets closer and closer and you straddle Stuart’s lap. He puts his hands on your hips to have no distance between you two. You feel his hands slipping under your shirt and as if it was an electroshock, you snap out of your transe and break your embrace from him. You run away in a corner, opposite from him, trying to get a grip on yourself and putting your shirt correctly again.

“You said it was the last time last week.” you exclaim, out of breath, “Is that why you came to my room tonight ? Your phone and the conversation were just excuses, weren’t they ? I’m sick of it, Stuart. I feel like this is just a game and I’m the one who gets played. You can’t leave and come back again and again. It’s hurting me.” you admit.

“Sorry, I don’t know what got into me. I meant it when I said it was the last time.” Stuart apologises with red cheeks.

“Yes, just like the time before and the ones before. I always need to build up walls and then you have fun destroying them. I’m tired of it, Stuart !” you lose your temper, “You can’t say one thing and the next time say another one. I’m lost. I don’t know how to act with you, that’s why the team realised something happened between us.”

“Y/N, I swear to you-”

“Keep your explanation for yourself.” you retort before going to your nightstand, “Take your phone back and go ask Yo-yo for his charger. Leave me alone.” you order, giving his cell back.

Stuart lower his eyes before getting up from your bed and leaving your room without saying anything else. When he closes the door, you run your hand on your face, sighing. It’s the first time you’re able to stop yourself before it goes too far. On one hand, you consider this a victory but on the other hand, he still got into your head for a second. You wish he didn’t have that much effect on you. If you could, you’d go back in time and make sure to stay far away from him. You shouldn’t have talked to him and become friends with him, you should've listened to your brain and focus on your internship.

After your last altercation, you haven’t said another word to Stuart. You try to avoid him as much as you can, despite the circumstances. Unfortunately, that night, you have to stay in his presence longer than you’d want to. Your team needs to create an app and neither of you has an idea so with the team, you’re still in your room, making knots into your brain.

The more the time goes by, the more panicked you all are. It’s the second to last trial so you can’t make a mistake if you want a job for the next year. From time to time, Billy and Nick try to propose some ideas but they have already been done. What annoys you the most in the situation is that they don’t seem stressed about the fact you got nothing. The teamworks is really complicated with them sometimes. You feel like they don’t understand how important this internship is for you. 

“You know what ? We should get out, change our mind.” Nick says without a warning.

“We need to find an idea for our app. We don’t have the time to go out.” you retort, massaging your temple.

“You’re always working. It’s not by racking your mind you’re going to find a solution, trust me.” he says before getting closer to his friend. “Trust us.”

“Alright, but not too long.” Lyle accepts, “We really need to work.”

After a meal in an Asian restaurant, Nick brings you to a bar, on the advice of a person from the restaurant. When you arrive in the place, you all discover Nick in reality made a mistake while translating. It’s not a bar, it’s actually a nightclub, like the stripteasers prove it to you. You instantly feel embarrassed, like the rest of the group. Some women get closer to you, especially to the boys. One of them comes in front of Stuart who has his nose in his phone. When he raises his gaze, he’s surprised at first, then his eyes go wider when the stripteaser takes his fingers and puts it in her mouth. You can’t help but open your eyes wide as well when you see the action. Without saying anything else, Stuart follows the women in another part of the club whilst you stay by Nea’s side.

Thirty minutes later, they’re all having fun and drinking alcohol. As for you, you stay in the booth, a drink in your hand. You don't really want to dance with Nea or see Stuart having fun with another woman. This night is definitely in your top three of the worst nights of your life. 

Notwithstanding, you try to see the good side by thinking Stuart doesn’t come your way with his hormones yet you’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you feel something to see him leave with that woman. You don’t like to be eaten by jealousy. You finally got what you want : Stuart away from you but at the same time your body only wants one thing, to have him again. Stuart doesn’t make you think rationally and you hate that, you hate him for that.

“Not having fun ?” Nick asks you as he sits next to you.

“I’m not in the mood to party.”

“Y/N, you’re 21, it’s time to enjoy yourself. After that, it’ll be too late, believe me.”

“I have too much in mind to enjoy myself.”

“Ah ! It’s because of a boy, isn’t it ?” he states, smiling. “Maybe I know the guy who is turning your head.”

“Nonsense ! I’m worried about the app we still haven’t made yet because of you and Billy’s brilliant idea.”

You put your drink down on the table in front of you violently before standing up, angry at what he said. You only take two steps when Stuart comes in front of you with a huge smile on his face. Apparently, he just had a great time. You see him open his mouth, ready to talk, but you cut him off.

“You shut up, I absolutely don’t want to hear you !”

You go in the club’s bathroom to splash some water on your face, hoping it’ll calm you down. You’re surprised to know you got easily riled up. The situation with Stuart is irritating you more than you thought.

Ten minutes later, you leave the bathroom and go meet the group. However, you find them on the verge of getting thrown away by the bouncers. Confused, you follow them out of the club and Yo-yo informs you they got into a fight, that’s why they had to leave. Sometimes, you wonder why you didn’t make more effort to get into another group.

You end up in a place near the Golden Gate Bridge to sober up, well actually for them to sober up because besides two drinks, you didn’t drink anything else so you’re fine. Lyle is completely wasted while the others are hungover.

You’re on a bench, away from the others. Your annoyance is too strong for you to laugh at their alcoholic antics so you prefer to stay alone and enjoy the coolness of the morning. You need thirty minutes to finally laugh at Lyle’s actions. He says a lot of nonsense which is really different from what he usually does. From afar, you can see Stuart talking to Nick. You wonder what they’re talking about before you can’t stop yourself from doing it. Stuart needs to stop being on your mind 24/7. Speaking of Stuart, you see him get closer to you. He sits next to you so you refuse to look at him, keeping your gaze on the landscape in front of you. 

“Could we stop avoiding each other ?”

“When we don’t, they notice there’s something between us… I mean there was.” you retort drily.

“I said we wouldn’t sleep together anymore, not that we should stop talking.”

“Except that when we do talk, you always wanna get in my pants. So I prefer keeping my distance.”

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” he admits, “you’re an amazing person.”

“Less amazing than the other woman at the club.” you murmur.

“What ?”

“Nothing.” you tell him, not wanting to show your jealousy.

“Y/N, I swear I never meant to play with you or ruin our friendship. When I kissed you the first time, I don’t know what got into me. It shouldn’t have gone this far. I apologise.”

“We’ve talked about it a thousand times, Stuart.” you sigh, looking at him, “I feel like we go around in circles. Either you want me or you don’t. But you can’t leave and come back whenever you feel like it.”

“I know.”

“Why do you do it then ?” you ask him, desperate.

“I don’t know.”

“Wow, you know how to talk to women.” you say sarcastically. “Fuck this love.” you mutter before standing up.

“Wait. I care about you, Y/N.” Stuart holds you back while taking your hand in his, “More than I’d like to and I think that’s why I leave and come back. I don’t want to lose you but I don’t know if you want me.”

“I wish you had talked to me about this instead of hurting me. At least, I’d feel less shitty.” you throw at him before leaving him alone.

Your team’s hangover ended up giving you an idea for an app which earned you a lot of points. Although you’re happy to see your internship is going well, you can’t help but feel perturbed by what Stuart told you earlier. Did he mean it ? Or did he only want to put you in his bed again ? He said he cared about you however you don’t know if you should believe him. After all, you got disappointed so many times by him in a month and a half…

As your trial is over, you walk to your room to finally get some rest. Between the sleepless night and the app you had to do at the last minute, you don’t have energy anymore. You dream of only one thing : the comfort of your bed. You’re about to open your bedroom’s door when you hear someone screaming your name. 

“Y/N !”

“Stuart ? What do you want ?” you question as he comes in front of you.

“I’m tired of hiding.” he drops, “I really care about you, Y/N. You’re a smart, funny and beautiful person. I was stupid for always leaving and coming back, you don’t deserve me to do this to you. You were right this morning, I should have talked to you about what I felt before screwing everything up. It’s just, I didn’t know if you’d want a relationship with me so I was okay with what we had and you seemed okay with it too, except I ended up hurting you and I’m terribly sorry about it. I know I’ve ruined all my chances with you, but if I could at least have you as a friend, it’d make me happy. Y/N, I promise you, if I could go back in time, I’d confess my feelings for you way before so you wouldn’t hate me now.”

“I don’t hate you.” you correct him, staring at him.

“You don’t ?”

“I have been disappointed by you, that’s for sure. You’ve messed with my brain, that’s the least we can say, but I can’t help and fall back into your arms because I care about you, too.” you admit to him, “I know I’ll probably regret what I’m about to say but if this time, you promise to communicate with me, to not run away at the first hesitation, I’d like to be friends with you again. Even if I have feelings for you, I can’t promise you we’ll get back together, I need to fully trust you again before getting into a relationship. But I can’t act as if I wanted to stay away from you. Let’s try one last time.”

“One last time is all I ask.” Stuart smiles with a hopeful look.

In the end, this last time ended up being different from the previous ones. Your relationship with Stuart has finally been able to blossom into something beautiful, like both of your hearts wanted it so much.

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Romance Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

#marie swriting in english #stuart twombly x you #stuart twombly x y/n #stuart twombly imagine #stuart twombly x reader #stuart twombly #the internship #Spotify #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with camila cabello #marie swriting with romance

[marie-swriting]

A Bad Influence - Eddie Munson

Stranger Things Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Summary : You're a cheerleader and dating Eddie Munson. When you started dating, you wanted to keep it to yourself as you didn't want to listen to everyone's comment, but now you're ready to show the guy you love, no matter what they say.

Warnings : Jason Carver is a dick, some mean cherleaders, kicking Jason in the private parts, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see them and if I missed any warnings.

Word Count : 3k

French version on Wattpad

French version on Tumblr

Song Inspiration : Bad For Business by Sabrina Carpenter

You grab the polaroid before shaking it carefully. Eddie kisses your cheek before taking his guitar, playing some random chords. You listen to him while you wait for the image to show up. You look at him, his hair falling on his focused face. After a minute, you take a look at the photo in your hand and discover yours and Eddie’s, facing each other. You both have a big smile and your eyes are full of love. As you keep your eyes on the polaroid, you tell yourself you’re really lucky to have him. Every time you spend a moment with him, you feel grateful for your maths teacher. If she hadn’t picked you to tutor Eddie, you would have never talked to him.

Your social circles are different. Unfortunately, it’s also the reason why you wanted to keep your relationship to yourselves in the first place. You only wanted to love Eddie without receiving unsolicited comments. But you’re tired of hiding. And since you’re with him, your confidence grows everyday. The past few weeks, you realised you wanted to be able to hold Eddie’s hand in the corridors, to come to school with him. Just to be a normal couple, even though you look completely different on the outside. You haven’t told him all of that yet, still hesitating a little, but looking at the picture, your last doubts leave you.

You put the photograph on the bed and get closer to Eddie. He keeps playing with his guitar even if he feels your presence. You take a deep breath before speaking.

“Eddie, I’ve been thinking and…” You start and your boyfriend sends you a worried look. “Don’t worry, everything is alright.”

“I’m listening carefully.” He assures you, setting his instrument aside.

“We should stop hiding our relationship.”

“‘Stop hiding our relationship’ as in ‘I’d be able to kiss you in front of everyone’ kind of way ?”

“Yes, in that way.”

Suddenly, Eddie stands up, not able to contain his joy. You look at him, laughing. He sits back down in front of you before taking your hands.

“What made you change your mind ?” He asks you with a big smile.

“I’m tired of saying if I’m not going to that party it’s because I’m tired or my parents don’t want me to go when in reality, I’m with you. And we even shouldn’t have hid in the first place. I mean, you’re proud of who you are and I was selfish by asking you to keep it low. It wasn’t fair to you.” You admit, looking down, feeling ashamed.

“It’s what you wanted.”

“I know but I shouldn’t have asked you that. I asked you to hide a part of yourself when I know you’re not the kind of person to do that. I’m sorry and I want to change that.” You tell him, putting your hand on his cheek.

“I’m not mad at you, Y/N. I promise you. But I’m not gonna lie, I’m happy to know that I can now show everyone I’m dating the most beautiful cheerleaders.”

You lean in and peck his lips.

“So you drive me to school tomorrow ?”

“Absolutely, M’Lady.” Eddie says, happy.

The next day, in Eddie’s van, you’re surprisingly calm. You know you’re about to hear some critics from your friends but Eddie has become someone important for you the past few months. Your feelings for him are more important than some stupid comments. 

When you arrive at school, Eddie opens your door. You always tell him he doesn’t have to do it, but he keeps doing it. You think it’s cute. When you get out of the vehicle, you put your bag on your shoulder before taking Eddie’s hand. A big smile takes its place on his face just like on yours. You both start walking to the school’s entrance and you already see some weird look in your direction. You try not to pay attention. Eddie’s presence helps you. Before entering the building, he stops and faces you.

“I need to talk with the Hellfire before the bell rings. See you in literature ?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’m going to leave before your friends attack me with their pom poms.”

“See you later.” You laugh before kissing him.

He walks away, waving at you one last time. You smile at him before going to the cheerleaders, trying to act casual.

“Hi girls.”

“What was that ?!”

“Have you gone crazy ?!”

“Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson, really ?!”

“Don’t call him ‘The Freak’” You retort to Chelsea.

“You’re in a relationship with him ?” Chrissy asks you, kindly compared to the others.

“Yeah, we’ve been together for some time now.”

“But why ? You know he’s dangerous ! He created a club that worships the Devil.” Chelsea protests.

“It’s a Dungeons And Dragons club.” You correct her, rolling your eyes.

“Come on, Y/N he sells drugs.” She murmurs looking around her. “Everyone knows that.”

“Everyone knows that because you’re the first to buy it from him for your parties.” You bite back. “I have to go to class.”

You walk away from the group, sighing loudly. Those reactions were predictable but you’re annoyed either way. No one seems to have the ability to look beyond the looks. You hope this situation won’t last long.

With your morning classes, you cool down. Your friends don’t talk about Eddie again, but the way they act around you changed. During lunch break, Eddie comes to you, bringing totally back your joy. He invites you to his table with the other members of the Hellfire. Sitting down, most of them have their mouths wide open.

“I can’t believe he was telling the truth.” Dustin states, shocked.

“Why would I have lied ? I got a beautiful girlfriend, that’s a fact, Henderson.”

“But it’s almost impossible that you’re attracted to a popular girl and even more that a cheerleader falls in love with you.” Mike says as if it was obvious. In response, Eddie slaps the back of his head. “Ouch !”

“Keep talking and you won’t be allowed to be there for my next campaign.” 

“I’m just surprised, that’s all. Are you going to eat with us everyday ?”

“Every two days.” You answer to Mike. “I want to spend some time with my friends as well. Anyway, I’m glad to officially meet you.”

The other teenagers show their enthusiasm and you talk with them easily. They include you in their conversation without a second thought. Next to you, Eddie is happy. Even though he knew there would be no problem with his friends, he’s satisfied by their reactions.

Before your cheerleading practice, Eddie finds you at your locker. As you finish later, Chrissy is the one bringing you back so he wanted to see you one last time before the end of the day. In his arms, you appreciate the last minutes of peace you have left before meeting your teammates. Eddie questions you about them and the way they reacted.

“I didn’t ask during lunch but how did it go with your friends ?”

“Better than I thought but obviously Chelsea had to bring ‘but he worships the Devil’ bullshit.”

“What ? I haven’t told you they were telling the truth since the beginning ? I want to sacrifice you for the next full moon.” He tells you with a fake evil grin.

“You’re an idiot.” You laugh.

“Maybe, but I made you smile.”

“I just hope they’re gonna stop soon. They have no right to talk about our relationship !” You state, feeling the anger coming back. Your eyes set on the clock in front of you and you notice you’re about to be late. “My God ! I have to go ! See you tomorrow.” You exclaim before kissing him.

“Love you !” He shouts when you start running. 

“Love you, too !”

When you get to the empty locker room, you understand they’re all already ready. You put on your sports outfit quickly. You put your clothes down without paying attention to them before you grab your water bottle and run to the gymnasium. When you enter the place, you see they haven’t started yet. You take a deep breath before putting your bottle next to everyone else’s. You get closer to your teammates when Chelsea sends you a glare. 

“You’re late.”

“I’m one minute late.” You tell her, showing her the clock behind her.

“I’m sure it’s because of the Freak.”

“Stop calling him that !”

“What ? It’s true ! Besides, since the start of the school year, you’re always late and/or tired at practice. He’s not a good influence on you.” She insists and the other girls agree.

“Nonsense ! I’m only a minute late from time to time. The only time I was five minutes late it was because Miss O’Donnell held me back !” You defend yourself, she takes a fake innocent smile before answering you.

“I’m only saying this for you. It’d be too bad to lose your place on the team because of him.”

“She won’t lose her place.” Chrissy assures, coming next to you. “Don’t worry, Y/N. We were about to start stretching. You’re on time. ” She informs you with a friendly smile. “Come on girls, let’s go !”

You send her a grateful look before thanking her to have put an end to the conversation. Chelsea begins to stretch as if nothing happened while you’re still mad. You try to forget about her stupid accusations but the other judging looks from the other cheerleaders don’t help you.

Even though only a day passed, you have hope people will stop talking. Or at least, they will only send you weird looks. For now, it looks like they are.

As agreed before, during lunch break, you eat with your own social circle. Though, as you walk close to Eddie, you touch his shoulder before going to the popular table. He smiles at you looking at you sitting next to Chrissy. You start eating your sandwich when you see Jason taking place in front of you, a determined look on his face. 

“I heard Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson corrupted you.”

“Jason.” Chrissy scolds him.

“I don’t know why you think it’s your business.” You retort.

“I just want to protect her because he’s probably already hurt her.” Jason answers Chrissy, ignoring your comment.

“He has never done anything to me. He’s nicer than all of you.” You inform, dryly.

“And his club, what is it for you ?”

“A club for a fantasy game.”

“It’s only a matter of time before he hurts you.”

“You don’t even know him. You’re ridiculous, Carver.”

“Ok, let’s say he’s not dangerous, which I think is not true, going out with him is not good for you. You really think you can stay popular with him ?” He asks you genuinely. 

“I signed to be a cheerleader, not popular.”

“It’s the same thing. Everyone knows that.” Jason says as if it was obvious. “What are our rivals gonna say about you, about us, when they’ll learn one of our cheerleaders is dating Munson ? We’d lose all credibility.”

“I think we have a higher risk of losing our credibility by losing our games. You know, like the last two. If I recall correctly, it’s because of you we couldn’t get the same score, right ?” You attack him with a smile on your face. “So stop blaming Eddie for everything and anything when you don’t even know him. You’re just a dick, Carver !”

You don’t give him time to answer, you just leave the cafeteria, leaving your belongings behind. You hear Eddie running, but you don’t look back before being at a good distance from Jason. When Eddie sees you stopped walking, he doesn’t wait before taking you in his arms. You feel all the tension leaving your body. You hold him a little tighter, loving his presence. 

“Sorry, it’s because of me they bother you.” He whispers in your ear.

“Don’t apologise.” You retort, breaking the embrace a little. “They are the ones who should apologise. You didn’t do anything wrong. They are all jerks. Honestly, I don’t get why they are making a big deal out of it. It’s our relationship, not theirs. My personal life has nothing to do with my cheerleading skills !”

“They’re too busy to conform to this fucked up society to understand this. Don’t pay attention to what they say.” Eddie tells you, stroking your arms.

“I wish I could !” You exclaim, totally breaking the embrace. “Sincerely, I wish I was like you and I wouldn't get affected by what they say. They just get on my nerves ! I don’t like the way they talk about you.” You shout pointing to the cafeteria direction. “You’re the kindest guy I know and they judge you because of your metalhead look.”

“Forget about them.” He states, getting close to you.

“How ? I have three hours left with them.”

“Not if we skip school.”

“Eddie, I can’t do that.”

“You never miss school, once won’t kill you. Besides, you’re totally mad at them and you won’t be able to focus.” He tries to convince you.

“You know me too well.” You sigh, taking his hand.

“You know, I’m just taking care of my girl. Come on.” He smiles before guiding you to the exit.

“And our stuff ?” You question him, stopping him in his tracks.

“Don’t worry, Henderson will take mine and I’m sure Chrissy will do the same.”

“They’re right, you’re a bad influence, Munson.”

He laughs before starting to walk to the exit again. In the afternoon, you two just laugh together and listen to music. You also try to help him for his next campaign. You get him more relaxed than the past two days.

You’re in your room, reading Lord Of The Rings, under Eddie’s order, when you hear someone knocking on your house door. When you open it, you find Chrissy with your belongings.

“I came to give you this.” She says, showing your bag.

“Thanks Chrissy.” You smile, taking back your stuff. “Come in.”

“You’re feeling better ?” She asks you when you both sit on the couch.

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t say a lot in the past few days but I disagree with them.” She informs you. “ Well, I’m not gonna lie, I thought Eddie was intimidating at first, but he seems nice. Earlier, I heard him talk to you. I wanted to check on you and when I arrived, he was telling you to skip school. It was cute of him.”

“Yes, he’s very caring. I feel like he’s bringing me up.” You admit with a huge smile. “I hope the other will see who he truly is.”

“It’ll happen, I’m sure. And even if they don’t, we don’t care. As the head of the cheerleaders, I can assure you your relationship with Eddie won’t be a problem and if the girls dare to say something, they’re the ones who will have a problem.”

“That’s why you’re my best friend, Chrissy.”

You take Chrissy in your arms for a second. After your hug, she leaves your home, not wanting to be late for dinner.

Knowing you have Chrissy’s support, you are less apprehensive for the next day at school. You know with her, the unsolicited opinions will stop soon. Though, that doesn’t mean Jason won’t keep talking. He proves that to you during the lunch break, again. As you’re sitting with Hellfire, you see him coming with two of his friends. 

“Carver, what a displeasure to see you. What is the reason for you to come meet us in our little cult ?” Eddie questions him with a grin.

“Still with him, seriously ?” He spits, ignoring Eddie and you roll your eyes. 

“What’s your problem, Carver ?”

“I’m just saying you should date someone else, Y/L/N.”

“And why should I ? To be with one of the popular guys knowing the majority of them are cheaters and dicks ?” You ask him, getting angry.

“Always with the stereotypes !”

“Yeah because it’s not what you do with Eddie ? You’re a hypocrite, Carver.”

“I want to protect you.” He states, innocently.

You feel the rage getting bigger and bigger and Eddie sees it. He does nothing to calm you down, knowing Jason is about to get it. He just looks at the conversation with satisfaction.

“And who said I need protection ? And above all, yours ? Do you think I can’t handle myself ? To be a cheerleader, you don’t need beauty, you know but strength. I don’t need you nor the rest of the team. I can protect myself.”

“It’s true, physically you must be stronger than the Freak, but that’s it. Real men are stronger than him. You need a protector.”

You don’t answer him and stand up before kicking him in his privates. He screams in pain before bending. Everyone watches the scene in shock while Eddie bursts into a fit of laughter as well as the rest of Hellfire. You take your boyfriend’s hand and force him to leave the cafeteria. In the corridor of the day before, you finally start laughing as you think back of the scene.

“I knew you’d handle the situation, but I didn’t know you’d handle it that well. This moment will forever be etched in my memory.”

“It felt good.” You admit, being proud of yourself. 

“I’m not going to lie, it was pretty sexy to see you sticking up for me.” He reveals, putting his hand on your hips.

“I’d do it again.”

Eddie smiles before leaning in and kissing you softly. You put your hands on his cheeks, deepening the kiss.

A week ago, you would have never thought you would stand up to someone, especially Jason Carver, but being with Eddie helps to get more confident. No matter what they can say, he’s the best boyfriend you could have ever asked for. He’s good for your heart, that’s what matters.

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#eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things one shot #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things #Spotify #marie swriting in english #marie swriting with eics #marie swriting with sabrina carpenter #marie swriting with music

[marie-swriting]

Part Of Your Life - Kate Bishop

Marvel Masterlist

Superache Masterlist

Summary : you finally want to confess your feelings to your best friend, Kate.

Warnings : alcohol consumption (be careful with your alcohol consumption), angst, sad ending, unrequited love, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 2k

French version

Song Inspiration : Footnote by Conan Gray

Sitting at a restaurant, Kate and you are sharing a meal, your hand in hers. When you both don’t have the energy to cook, you usually end up eating at the establishment ten minutes away by foot from your place. Ever since you’re eighteen, you share a small flat together. Therefore, you’ve been going to this restaurant for the past four years. The owner, Marc, as well as his employees know you very well now. When they see you coming, they always have a smile on their face and it’s not rare for them to offer you some dessert or drink to thank you for your commitment. This evening is no exception. While you’re in the middle of your meal, Marc comes to your table with a bottle of alcohol.

“For our two favourite clients, here is a Moscato.” he says with a smile. “You’re such a cute couple. We’re so glad to see you both decided to jump in with both feet.” Marc adds, pouring Kate’s glass.

“Oh, thanks, Marc. We appreciate it.” your best friend thanks.

The owner pours you a glass and puts the bottle on your table before letting you eat in peace.

When he’s out of your sight, you burst out of laughter, dropping each other’s hand to hold your stomach. Contrary to what he thinks, you’re not really a couple. You’re just a couple of best friends. You haven’t jumped in with both feet, like he said. Even if it’s the thing you want to do.

You have feelings for Kate since you’re fifteen and you’ve never told her. At first, it was because you simply didn’t realise it was a romantic love and not a platonic one then, you were afraid of losing her friendship so you preferred to stay silent. However, the more the time goes by, the more you wish you could confess your feelings. You hope Kate also loves you romantically. After all, lately, you’ve been more inseparable than ever. Even Marc has seen it. Furthermore, he implied he’s always seen your closeness. He might have been wrong about you being in a relationship ; however, if you could finally say what you feel, maybe it could become a reality.

You’re not embarrassed by Marc’s affirmation, he sees the feelings you have for your best friend. Kate, as for her, has her cheeks a bit flushed. You like to imagine she’s blushing because of potential feelings she might have for you that she hasn’t dared to confess yet.

You leave this thought in the back of your mind and bring all your attention back to Kate. As always, you find her beautiful, she’s not wearing anything fancy, only you could find her stunning in the ugliest of dresses. During the whole meal, you keep talking and Kate’s hand finds her way to yours again. She has always been touchy with you but recently she hasn’t been able to let go of you. It’s also one of the other reasons why you believe she’s attracted to you. It’s decided, you’ll confess your feelings. With a bit of luck, everything could go like in these cheesy romance books you secretly love.

A few evenings later, during Laura’s party, you tell yourself it’s the moment to confess your feelings. You’ve lost enough time. Besides, Kate is sending you more and more signals. You’re almost sure it’s the perfect time to ask her out on a date.

So, on your friend’s balcony with your fifth alcoholic drink in hand, you’re motivating yourself, despite your prevailing stress. You have this small voice in your head telling you every worst case scenario. You try to shut this voice down while you think about how you could admit your feelings to Kate. As you’re encouraging yourself, you become more drunk.

You take a sip of your drink when Kate appears on the balcony, all happy.

“I need to tell you something !”

You laugh together, realising you talked at the same time. The grip on your plastic cup gets tighter before taking a deep breath.

“Could I go first ? If I don’t do it right now, I will never do it.”

“You, you drank too much.” Kate chuckles after hearing your drunk voice.

“I needed some confidence boost to say what I need to. Kate, I love you.” you admit.

After your sentence, Kate is touched. You see it in her smile and at the way she looks at you. You take another breath and add :

“Not only as a friend. I like you a lot romantically and if you were okay with it, I’d be glad to take you out on a date.”

Your eyebrows furrow when you see Kate’s smile drop. She seemed happy at your confession and now, she seems embarrassed. She crosses her arms on her chest and avert your eyes.

“You’re talking nonsense. You’re not being truthful. You should sober up.”

“No, I’ve never been more honest my whole life. I’ve been in love with you for quite some time and I want to be with you.”

“Oh…”, she sighs, sadly as she understands you’re being serious, “Y/N, I… I’m touched but I like someone else. I’m sorry.”

It takes you a second to comprehend her sentence isn’t leading to a first kiss but to a rejection. A knot forms in your throat, realising you just made an awkward moment instead of a cute one. You need a second to regain your composure.

“Who is it ?” you articulate, your eyes on your feet.

“Laura. And she just asked me out. That’s what I wanted to tell you.” Kate confesses with a small voice.

As a simple answer, you nod. Among all the scenarios made by your inner voice, it hadn’t considered that option. You didn’t even know Kate had a crush on someone else. It’s for this particular reason you speculate on her liking you. She hadn’t voiced her feelings for someone for a long time so you naively believed it meant she had realised her feelings for you. 

Your eyes are full of tears and threaten to fall at any given moment. You play with the edge of your cup, looking for a solution to your heartbreak.

“What if I waited ? Could that maybe change something ?” you propose, desperately.

“I like you a lot, Y/N, just not that way. It will never be romantic between us. Patience won’t change this.”

“But… People already think we’re a couple. We’re perfect together.” you contradict, giving a sour laugh.

“I’m sorry.”

You look at Kate, shoulders down. You feel a tear on the verge of running down your cheek. You can’t believe this situation is happening. Nothing is happening like you hoped it would. The pain in your chest becomes too unbearable, you pass Kate to leave the balcony, stumbling.

“I need a drink.”

“I think you need to go home.”

Before you can protest, Kate takes your hand and invites you in. She grabs your stuff, says bye to Laura while you’re wiping your tears on your cheeks. When you’re both ready, you leave the party. You walk without paying attention to where you’re walking - without Kate, you would have already fallen several times. The ache in your chest is too much for you to care about your surroundings. In the end, the small voice in your head was right. Kate doesn’t love you and you’ve surely destroyed your friendship. With the small strength you have left, you make sure you don’t burst into tears. You can’t show Kate how much she’s hurt you. You’ve been pathetic enough.

When you arrive at your shared apartment, Kate leaves you alone for a bit to put down your belongings. You don’t wait and go to your room, removing your high heels. Once you’ve arrived, you fall down on your bed and sleep without wasting a second, emotionally drained.

A few minutes later, Kate comes to see you. She looks at you with pity, aware of the twinge she’s caused you. She puts a glass of water and a medicine on your night stand before turning off your light and letting you sleep.

Since your confession, you’ve been ignoring Kate. You’re too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. Thanks to your alcohol consumption, you forgot some details but you remember very well Kate pronouncing the word “it will never be romantic between us” and your heart shattering into a million of pieces in your chest the second after. You spent the last five days crying over your friendship with Kate and losing yourself in your University homeworks. 

Kate hasn’t come to talk with you yet, judging you need some alone time. She knows when you’re hurt, you need to isolate yourself for a week before accepting to talk about it. Of course, she wishes she could tell you everything will be okay, she just doesn’t want to cause more pain. You’re now in a sensitive situation and despite the fact she knows you perfectly, she doesn’t really know how to act around you anymore. Consequently, she leaves you alone.

Kate keeps her distance with you for a little more than a week. Considering the situation, Kate’s come to the conclusion it might be better to give you more time. She hopes by giving you a few more days, you’ll be more willing to talk about what you’re feeling. Thus, as soon as she comes home from her archery lesson ten days after your confession, she knocks on your door. You don’t answer her right away, ignoring if you should talk with her. You wish you could keep ignoring her but the fact that you two live together doesn’t really help. Reluctantly, you stand up from your chair and open the door. Kate gives you a small smile and asks if she can come in. You step aside and Kate goes to sit on your bed. You turn your desk chair around to be able to sit in front of her. You stay silent, not daring to start the conversation which will break your heart a bit more.

“We need to talk about it, Y/N.” your best friend starts, looking at you.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have told you what I feel. I’d understand if you wanted to stop being my roommate and take your distance with me.” you affirm with trembling lips. “I know I’ve destroyed what we had but I’d like to still be a part of your life, even if it means only being a footnote.” you whisper.

Noticing you’re on the verge of crying, Kate stands up from your bed and walks in front of you. She takes your hands and looks at you with kindness.

“It’s not because I don’t love you the way you want me to that I don’t want you in my life anymore. You’ll always be important to me. You’re my best friend.”

In spite of yourself, a tear falls down your cheek so Kate makes you stand up and hugs you. She doesn’t know how to comfort you properly so she hopes her presence will be enough. As for you, you hide your face in the crook of her neck before holding her tighter. You silently cry for a few minutes while Kate’s last sentence repeats itself in your mind. When Kate is sure you’re calmer, she breaks the embrace and puts her hands on your cheeks to dry them.

“So, is everything good between us ?” she asks.

“Yes, everything is good.” you promise, sniffing, “I just need some time to… to move on.”

“I get it.” she assures you before looking at the time on her phone, “I need to go get ready.”

You don’t need Kate to specify the reason why she needs to get ready to know she has her date with Laura. You watch Kate leaving your room and when she closes the door, your sobs resume with greater intensity. You’re relieved to know your friendship is not wounded ; yet, you can’t help but suffer, knowing friendship is all you will ever have with Kate. 

You thought you could live your own little romance, in the end, you understand you’re not the main character in Kate’s story. You’re only the side character who ends up alone. Kate will never reciprocate your feelings and you have to get used to this fact. You’ll never be the one for Kate.

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[marie-swriting]

Speak Now (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

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Mine (Taylor's Version)

Sparks Fly (Taylor's Version)

Back To December (Taylor's Version)

Chosen You - Eddie Munson

Te Choisir, Toi - Eddie Munson

Speak Now (Taylor's Version)

Choice - Benedict Bridgerton

Choix - Benedict Bridgerton

Dear John (Taylor's Version)

Mean (Taylor's Version)

The Story Of Us (Taylor's Version)

Never Grow Up (Taylor's Version)

Enchanted (Taylor's Version)

More Time With You - Robin Buckley

Plus De Temps Avec Toi - Robin Buckley

Better Than Revenge (Taylor's Version)

Innocent (Taylor's Version)

Haunted (Taylor's Version)

Last Kiss (Taylor's Version)

Everything Will Be Okay - Emily Prentiss [1/2]

Tout Ira Bien - Emily Prentiss [1/2]

Long Live (Taylor's Version)

Ours (Taylor's Version)

Superman (Taylor's Version)

Electric Touch (Feat. Fall Out Boys) (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

When Emm Falls In Love (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

I Can See You (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

Castles Crumbling (Feat. Hatley Williams) (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

Foolish One (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

Confession Of Love - Jake "Hangman" Seresin [1/2]

Déclaration D'amour - Jake "Hangman" Seresin [1/2]

Timeless (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

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[marie-swriting]

The Memories Of Our Relationship - Shawn Mendes

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Summary : You finally start moving on from your relationship with Shawn, but he decided to come at your place in the middle of the night.

Warnings : angst, sad ending, Shawn is drunk, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word Count : 1.7k

French version on Wattpad

French version on Tumblr

Song inspiration : Memories by Conan Gray

The sound of your doorbell drags you out of bed. You blink your eyes quickly before rubbing them and looking at the time on your phone. You’re wondering who could be at your place at two in the morning. You sigh, annoyed before getting out of your room and walking to the door. You look through the peephole and see Shawn, a sad expression on his face and his hair wet from the rain. You hadn’t seen each other for the past two months, since your breakup. You have no idea why he’s here. You hesitate before opening to him, concerned you’re making a mistake. After debating with yourself mentally, you decide to give him a chance. After all, he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have a good reason. As soon as you open the door, Shawn stumbles into your apartment. You roll your eyes and close behind him, already reconsidering your decision.

“What are you doing here ?” You ask him while he stays in the middle of your living room.

“I want to talk to you.” He announces before taking his wet coat off and putting it on the coat rack.

“It’s two AM, Shawn.”

“I know but I need to.” Shawn insists and you realise his voice is a bit different.

“Are you drunk ?”

“No, I just drank one glass.” He denies, but you know him.

“Look, just say what you wanna tell me quickly, I have to wake up tomorrow. I mean, in five hours.”

“I… I want us to get back together.”

When you hear his sentence, the fatigue officially leaves your body. You raise your eyebrows and you hope you misheard. You rub your temples, closing your eyes for a second. When you open them again, you can see the seriousness on his face.

“You’re the one who wanted to break up.” You retort before playing with your butterfly pendant hanging down your neck.

“I know, and I regret it.”

“It’s a bit too late now.”

He doesn’t listen to you and starts walking in your living room, looking around. His eyes are full of nostalgia while he reminisces about your relationship. You look at him from afar, not knowing what to do. His inebriated state doesn’t help you to make him aware of the situation. At one point, he stops and takes an object on your living room table. Even if you don’t see it, you know what he took. You trot toward him and remove the book from his hands.

“You still have our photo album ?” He asks with a stupid smile on his face. “I thought you’d have thrown it away by now.”

“Tonight is the first time I looked at it since our breakup, actually.”

“So you admit it, you miss what we had as well.”

“I never said that.” You affirm gripping on the book a bit harder.

“So why did you take it out after all this time ?”

“I don’t really know. I… I suppose I wanted to see if I could look at the pictures without breaking down.”, you explain and before he can smile, you quickly add, “which I can.”

Shawn doesn’t say anything, not convinced by your answer. He starts strolling around again before going to your kitchen. He pours himself a glass of water. He drinks it in one gulp, then he puts it in the dishwasher. You join him again, more and more annoyed by his behaviour. You wish he’d finally leave you alone, especially because you need to rest. You cross your arms over your chest before taking a determined tone.

“Why are you here, Shawn ?”

“I told you, I want us to get back together. I shouldn’t have let you go. I was an idiot.”

“You wanted it because of the distance and your job it was too complicated.”

“But you, you didn’t want it.” He retorts and you look away for a second. “You wanted to find a solution to make things work. And I was so sure I was right I didn’t listen to your arguments, like a moron. I should have. I don’t want to lose you. Without you, I’m nothing. Please, let me fix my stupid mistake.” He begs, trying to take your hand.

“Shawn, stop it.”, your order as you take a step back, “I’m finally moving on, I don’t need to hear you say that.”

“But deep down, you still love me.”

“Of course.”, you state as if it was obvious, “You’ll always have a special place in my heart, but it doesn’t mean we should be together again.”

“Why not ?”

“Love is not always enough. It didn’t work once, a second time wouldn’t be any better. Trust me, I haven’t stopped thinking about it for the last two months. I’ve imagined every scenario and there’s no happy ending for us. If you hadn’t broken up with me, we would have done it later. We were already falling out of love so our relationship was going to have an end, at some point.”

“We could stay friends ? I still want to be a part of your life.” He proposes with an ounce of hope and you’re trying not to give in.

“We can’t. It wouldn’t be a good thing, because we’d prevent each other from moving on with someone else. It’s better if we don’t talk anymore.” You tell him, your hands playing with your necklace.

“Y/N, please.”

“Oh my God, listen to me for once in your life !”, you lose your temper running your hand on your face, “I don’t want to. I was fine with the memories of our relationship. Of course when you left me, I was devastated and mad at you. I even thought I’d always have memories of you where I’d hate you, but then I realised you were right from the beginning. I have good memories of you, of us and you’re currently ruining everything. So stop it. You were perfect when you were just in my memories. I didn’t need to see you tonight, especially if you were gonna say that. I’ll always have affection for you, but it is over.”

Shawn simply nods with teary eyes while you breath heavily. You know you just broke his heart, but you need to protect yours. You had to be straight with him. You don’t like being the cause of his pain, but you don’t have any other choice. He doesn’t answer you, understanding it’s a lost cause. He leaves the room while you’re getting a grip on yourself. You breathe many times before finding back Shawn in your living room, asleep on your couch. Frustrated, you sigh, but decide to not wake him up. His drunkenness won’t allow you to make him get out of your house easily anyway and you don’t want him to drive and be the reason for an accident. 

You leave him a glass of water and some medicine before taking a blanket. As you put it on him, Shawn opens his eyes for a moment. He looks at you as you’re leaning in above him and his eyes find your necklace, making him smile foolishly.

“You’re still wearing it.”

You don’t have the time to open your mouth because he falls back asleep right away. You look at him one last time and go back to your bedroom. You roll over in your bed for a bit as you think back at your discussion with Shawn. You wipe some tears on your cheek before finally being able to fall back asleep.

When your alarm goes off three hours later, you’re mad at Shawn for cutting your sleep short. You struggle to get out of bed, but you force yourself to get dressed for work. When you’re ready, you go to your living room after taking a box that has been lying in your closet around the past two months. You put it next to the couch and shake Shawn. He needs a minute to surface. When he sees you, he can’t help but have a smile on his face. For him, he’s back to the beginning of your relationship, where everything was well, where you were happy together. But your neutral expression brings him back to reality. He sits down before taking the glass of water and the medicine he just saw. When he’s done, he stands up in front of you. You point at the box before speaking.

“These are your stuff. I think there is a coat, books and CDs. I wasn’t able to give them back to you before”, you inform and he stays silent, “you can take them back.” You insist.

“You weren’t joking when you were saying you wanted our relationship to stay only memories.” Shawn says laughing to hide his pain.

“If I want to move on, I don’t have any other choice. Oh, there’s that, too.” You say, removing your necklace.

“No, Y/N, you can keep it. It belongs to you and you only.”

“I know, but I feel like as long as I’ll have it, I won’t be able to grieve our love story and I don’t want to throw it away, so take it.” You clarify, handing the jewel.

“If it’s what you want.” He murmurs, taking it.

Shawn looks at the necklace, admiring the silver butterfly. Your attempt at your first kiss had been interrupted by the appearance of the insect with beautiful blue wings. You had laughed before being able to finally kiss. The butterfly had quickly become your symbol. You love this necklace. You always touch it whenever you’re feeling a negative emotion. But you can’t keep wearing it.

Shawn puts it in the box carefully. He takes the box before walking to the door. You open it for him and he starts leaving, his head down. You’re about to close the door when he turns around one last time.

“I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have come. You’re right.”, he admits before taking a deep breath, “You’ll also always have a special place in my heart. I love you.”

You wish you could say it back, but the words stay stuck in your throat because it’s not the thing to say. Deep down, you know it. So you smile at him sadly before  closing the door symbolising the end of the chapter of the story with Shawn.

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{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

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[marie-swriting]

Je Tiens Réellement À Vous - Anthony Bridgerton

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Résumé : Quand Anthony te voit dans les bras d'un autre homme, il se rappelle la facon dont il a ruiné votre relation à cause de ses sentiments.

Warnings : se passe en 1807 donc Anthony a 23 ans, angst, fin triste, dites-moi si j'en ai loupés d'autres.

Nombre de mots : 2.8k

Version Wattpad

Version anglaise sur Tumblr

Chanson mentionnée : Piano Concerto No.20, K66 par Mozart

Chansons qui m'ont inspiré : When I Was Your Man par Bruno Mars et Decode par Sabrina Carpenter

Appuyé contre un mur, Anthony Bridgerton te regarde au loin. Te voyant danser, un sourire sur le visage, il ne peut s'empêcher de faire pareil. Il sait à quel point tu aimes les bals, à quel point tu aimes danser au rythme des cordes. Quand ton partenaire de danse, Lord Henry Egerton, te fait tourner, Anthony sent un souvenir revenir.

     C'était il y a deux ans. Anthony avait commencé à te faire la cour quelques mois auparavant. Tu le connaissais seulement de nom, mais tu avais toujours été intrigué par lui. Au début, il n'osait pas s'ouvrir, te donnant peu de son temps, mais au fur et à mesure, vous aviez commencé à vous rapprocher. En apprenant à le connaître, tu avais découvert une autre facette de l'homme sérieux croulant sous les responsabilités. Même si tu sentais qu'il ne t'avait pas encore montré sa personne dans son entièreté, tu étais déjà ravie de voir qu'il avait un peu brisé sa coquille avec toi. Par conséquent, tu avais laissé tes sentiments prendre le dessus, t'autorisant à tomber amoureuse d’Anthony Bridgerton. En plus d'être un bon parti, comme le souhaitait ton père, tu sentais au fond de toi que tu serais bien avec lui. Il n'y avait pas de doute. Tu te voyais finir ta vie avec Anthony.

     Alors à chaque bal, tu dansais autant que tu pouvais avec lui. Bien sûr, tu dansais avec d'autres hommes. Après tout, tu adorais danser avec n'importe qui, même si le Vicomte était ton partenaire préféré.

     Ce soir-là, Anthony t'avait invité pour la première danse de la soirée. Quand les premières notes de Piano Concerto No.20, K466 de Mozart se firent entendre, vous aviez commencé votre danse, ton regard plongé dans le sien comme le sien dans le tien. Si un inconnu avait pu vous voir, il aurait pensé que vous étiez des jeunes mariés tellement vos regards transmettaient de l'amour. Anthony ne cessait d'admirer ta beauté. A chaque fois il pensait que tu ne pouvais pas être plus belle que le jour d'avant et tu lui prouvais le contraire. Un peu plus sous ton charme, il ne put s'empêcher de te partager ses pensées :

- Vous êtes radieuse, Mlle Y/L/N*.

- Merci, Lord Bridgerton. Vous êtes beau également.

- Pas autant que vous. Votre robe est magnifique. Vous êtes réellement à couper le souffle.

- Attention, Monsieur Bridgerton, on pourrait se méprendre et penser que vous voulez demander ma main, rigolas-tu, voulant cacher ton trouble.

- Diriez-vous "oui"? te demanda-t-il, sérieusement.

- Parlez-en d'abord avec mon père, je vous donnerai ma réponse après, répondis-tu avec un sourire.

- Après notre danse, j'irai discuter avec lui.

- Je tiens vraiment à vous, Milord, avouas-tu.

- Tout comme moi, Milady.

     A ce moment précis, vous n'aviez qu'une envie, vous embrasser, mais la présence de la bonne société londonienne vous en empêcha. Tu pus seulement sentir ses lèvres sur ta main droite vêtue d'un gant blanc quand la danse fut finie. Il ne quitta pas tes yeux quand il embrassa délicatement ta main.

      Mais maintenant, c'est Lord Egerton qui embrasse ta main avec autant de tendresse que lui il y a deux ans. Anthony détourne le regard quand il voit ton visage encore plus rayonnant à ce touché. Anthony est tellement perdu dans ses pensées qu'il ne fait pas attention au groupe de gentlemen se rapprochant de lui, Lord Egerton en fait partie. Il réalise leur présence seulement quand il entend ton partenaire de danse faire une annonce avec un sourire fier :

- Lady Y/L/N* a accepté ma demande en mariage hier.

- Félicitations !

- Vous avez l'air heureux ensemble, déclarent les hommes du cercle.

- Nous allons nous marier dans quelques mois et j'ai hâte. Je n'ai jamais ressenti ça auparavant.

     Anthony dit une politesse rapidement avant de reposer ses yeux sur toi. Il te voit au loin parler à d'autres jeunes femmes, un gant en moins pour montrer ta bague de fiançailles. Tu es plongée dans la description de ta demande en mariage, mais tu sens un regard sur toi. Rapidement, tu jettes un regard au loin et trouves Anthony. Tu le vois t'observer avec un regard tristesse. Pendant une seconde, tu as ton cœur qui se serre, mais tu te ressaisis vite et retournes ton attention sur tes amies. Tu essayes de sortir Anthony de ta tête, te rappelant que cette situation est seulement sa faute. Il n'a pas le droit, avec un regard, de te faire te sentir coupable pour avancer quand c'est lui qui a tout ruiné.

      Vous étiez fiancés depuis trois mois et toujours aussi amoureux. Votre mariage était prévu dans six mois. Ton esprit était toujours concentré sur les préparatifs. Il y avait seulement quelques courts moments dans la semaine où tu te permettais de faire autres choses. Ce jour-là, tu continuais la broderie que tu avais laissée de côté depuis la demande en mariage d'Anthony. Plantant une nouvelle fois ton aiguille dans le tissu, tu fus interrompue par un des serviteurs, t'annonçant l'arrivée d'Anthony. Tu l'autorisas à le laisser entrer. Ta broderie posée sur la table à côté de toi, tu te levas pour accueillir ton fiancé. Quand il arriva, ton sourire s'agrandit, comme toujours en sa présence.

- Lord Bridgerton, je ne vous attendais pas aujourd'hui.

- Je sais, veuillez m'en excuser, mais j'ai besoin de vous parler, informa-t-il, une expression sérieuse sur le visage, faisant partir ton sourire.

- Bien sûr, quelque chose ne va pas ?

- Pouvons-nous nous asseoir ?

- Je vous en prie, indiquas-tu en montrant le sofa et t'asseyant. Milord, vous m'inquiétez, vous allez bien ? questionnas-tu quand il fut assis à côté de toi.

- Ce que j'ai à vous dire n'est pas facile, Lady Y/L/N*. Je... Je souhaite rompre nos fiançailles.

Suite à son annonce, tu restas silencieuse pendant une seconde, voulant t'assurer d'avoir bien compris. Quand tu réalisas que tu ne t'étais pas trompée, tu ouvris la bouche plusieurs fois, hésitante avant de réussir à articuler :

- Comment ?

- Je ne désire plus me marier. Je voudrais attendre encore quelques années. J'en suis désolé.

- Je ne comprends pas, Monsieur Bridgerton. Ai-je fait quelque chose de mal ? Si c'est le cas, je m'en excuse.

- Vous n'avez rien fait, t'assura Anthony rapidement, te faisant froncer les sourcils.

- Alors pourquoi avez-vous changé d'avis ? Je suis sûre que nous pouvons trouver une solution. Lord Bridgerton, je tiens à vous, je peux très bien attendre quelques années, si c'est vraiment ce que vous souhaitez.

- Je ne peux pas vous demander ceci. Je ne changerai pas d'avis, affirma-t-il en évitant ton regard.

- Pouvez-vous au moins me donner une explication ? imploras-tu les larmes aux yeux.

- Je me suis fait une promesse et si je vous épouse, je sais que je vais la trahir.

- Quelle promesse ?

- De ne pas faire un mariage d'amour, déclara Anthony, te perdant un peu plus.

- Je ne vous comprends pas.

- Je suis le Vicomte Bridgerton donc je dois trouver une femme pouvant faire une parfaite Vicomtesse, comme vous, mais je ne veux pas qu'il y ait de sentiments. Mais, ces dernières semaines… j'ai réalisé que je vous aimais. Je suis navré de vous blesser ainsi.

Il te fallut une seconde avant d'assimiler ses mots. En comprenant ce qu'il disait, tu te levas du sofa, abasourdie. Tu te plaças devant lui, ton trouble visible sur ton visage.

- Êtes-vous réellement en train de me dire que vous m'aimez tellement que vous ne voulez pas vous marier avec moi ? Qu'avez-vous contre les mariages d'amour ? Ne trouvez-vous pas préférable de partager votre vie avec quelqu'un que vous aimez ?

- Je ne souhaite pas cela.

Tu arrêtas de parler, réfléchissant à ce que cette nouvelle information signifierait pour toi. Quand ça te frappa enfin, tu te levas, ta respiration s’accélérant. 

- Avez-vous la moindre idée à quel point c'est humiliant ? questionnas-tu, rhétoriquement, une larme coulant sur ta joue. Tout le monde s'attend à notre mariage et personne ne va comprendre, car je ne comprends pas moi-même.

- Je m'occuperai des rumeurs, si c'est votre peur.

- Peu importe ce que vous direz, les personnes penseront toujours que quelque chose ne va pas avec moi, car vous avez décidé de rompre notre engagement, t'exclamas-tu en insistant sur le pronom "vous".

- Je suis terriblement désolé, Lady Y/L/N*.

- Je ne veux pas de vos excuses. Je veux une explication claire, Lord Bridgerton, rétorquas-tu, la frustration de plus en plus forte. Je n'aurais jamais pensé que nos sentiments seraient une raison valide pour arrêter notre relation. Enfin, nos sentiments, je devrais dire mes sentiments. Si vous m’aimiez réellement, vous ne feriez pas cela. 

- Je vous assure que je tiens réellement à vous.

- Comment voulez-vous que je vous croie ? Vous vous êtes seulement intéressé à moi, car vous aviez vu en moi cette jeune femme de bonne famille, correspondant à tous ces critères qu'on attend de moi, en tant qu'épouse. On m'a toujours dit que si j'étais polie, attentionnée et à l'écoute, je n'aurais pas de problèmes à trouver un mari et même quand je corresponds à cette norme vide de sens, je ne suis pas assez bien. Qu'ai-je fait pour mériter cela ? pleuras-tu en regardant en l’air.

- Même si vous ne le voulez pas, croyez-moi quand je vous dis que ce n'est pas votre faute. Vous êtes assez bien. Plus que bien, même. La vraie raison pour laquelle je refuse un mariage d'amour, c'est parce que je ne veux pas être la cause de souffrance, précisa-t-il.

- Plus vous vous expliquez, plus je suis perdue.

- A la mort de mon père, ma mère était dévastée, commença-t-il à expliquant en se levant face à toi. Elle était à peine présente pour moi, mes frères et mes sœurs. J'ai dû m'occuper de tout à sa place. Je ne veux pas que la femme que j'épouse vive une situation similaire. Je ne veux pas être la raison d'un futur chagrin.

- Vous ne pouvez pas laisser la mort de votre père vous empêcher d'aimer, dis-tu, perdant un peu plus l'espoir. Même si je ne pourrais jamais le comprendre, je sais que son décès vous a affecté, mais vous ne pouvez pas fermer votre cœur. Anthony Bridgerton, je vous conjure de repenser à votre promesse.

- Je ne le ferai pas, répéta-t-il, sûr de lui.

- Très bien, explosas-tu en lui redonnant sa bague.

- Je suis sincèrement désolé.

- C'en est assez, l'interrompis-tu, en colère. Je ne veux plus rien entendre. Veuillez partir, Lord Bridgerton. S'il vous plaît, raccompagnez-le à la porte, ordonnas-tu au serviteur proche de l'entrée du salon.

      Tu ne t'assuras pas qu'il ait entendu ton ordre, trop bouleversée par l'échange. Tu quittas la pièce, te retenant de pleurer encore plus. Tu montas les marches, voulant t'enfermer dans ta chambre. Quand tu arrivas à l'étage, tu entendis Anthony passer le pas de la porte. Quand tu passas celle de ta chambre, tu t'effondras au sol, le cœur brisé. Tu n'arrivais pas à croire que c'était réel. Tu ne t'étais pas préparée à cette discussion en le voyant arriver. Tu repensas à tes mots et à ce que tu aurais pu dire pour le faire changer d'avis. Peut-être que tu aurais pu éviter cette situation si tu avais trouvé les mots justes.

      Voulant te reposer de ta danse, tu bois une coupe de champagne en discutant avec ton fiancé. Tu avais rencontré Henry Egerton l'année suivant ta rupture avec Anthony. Vous aviez dansé quelques fois et échangé quelques discussions, mais tu ne sentais pas encore prête à passer à autre chose. Tu étais encore trop occupée à analyser ta relation avec Anthony, cherchant une faille pour le ramener vers toi, mais c'était peine perdue. En comprenant ceci, tu avais accepté de faire ton deuil du futur que tu n'aurais jamais avant de te rapprocher de Lord Egerton à la saison sociale de cette année.

      En parlant avec ton fiancé, tu te dis que tu as de la chance de l'avoir trouvé. Ce n'est pas et ne sera jamais Anthony, mais tu sais que tu pourras être heureuse avec lui. Il a réussi à te prouver que tu mérites d'être aimée et tu lui en es éternellement reconnaissant. Rigolant à une de ses blagues dont lui seul a le secret, tu tournes le regard sur ta gauche, sentant quelqu'un se rapprocher. Anthony est devant toi, un visage neutre.

- Lady Y/L/N*, puis-je avoir cette danse, s'il vous plaît ? demande-t-il.

- Je m'excuse, Milord, mais je suis en pleine conversation avec...

- Il n'y a pas de souci, te coupe Henry, avec un sourire, je dois parler avec Lord Featherington, de toute façon. Allez danser, très chère, affirme-t-il en s'éloignant.

- Très bien, je ne vois pas d'autres raisons de refuser votre invitation, Lord Bridgerton, déclares-tu en posant ton verre sur la table derrière toi.

      Anthony te présente son bras et tu y places ta main, comme autrefois. Le contact familier te ramène presque deux ans en arrière, mais tu essayes de garder ta concentration. Vous faites la révérence avant de prendre vos places, attendant le son des violons et du piano. Quand le Piano Concerto No.20, K466 commence, tu maudis intérieurement tous les musiciens. Ils ne pouvaient vraiment pas choisir une autre musique ? Mais pour Anthony, cette chanson sonne comme un signe. Même si elle rappelle un moment où vous étiez heureux et ensemble, elle vous appartient encore, malgré la distance.

     Anthony et toi commencez à danser, d'abord en silence. Tu oses à peine le regarder, cherchant ton fiancé du regard. Tu le vois parler au patriarche des Featherington, comme il l'avait indiqué. En tournant, tu cherches une autre distraction, alors qu'Anthony garde ses yeux sur toi, appréciant la proximité de ton corps contre le sien. Sûrement la dernière fois avant que tu sois officiellement mariée. Cependant, Anthony ne veut pas que ce dernier échange soit silencieux.

- C'est la chanson sur laquelle nous avions dansé quand je vous ai dit que je voulais vous épouser, te rappelle Anthony.

- Que voulez-vous, Lord Bridgerton ? demandes-tu, sèchement.

- J'ai appris pour vos fiançailles. Je suis heureux pour vous, félicitations. Il a l'air d'être quelqu'un de bien, dit-il, sincère.

- Il l'est, je peux vous l'affirmer. Nous avons longuement parlé et nous sommes sûrs de vouloir les mêmes choses dans la vie.

- Je m'excuse d'avoir rompu notre engagement. Parfois, je me dis que je n'aurais pas dû le faire.

- Arrêtez, s'il vous plaît, le supplies-tu, ne voulant pas en entendre plus. Vous ne pouvez pas me dire ceci, surtout pas maintenant. J'ai passé les deux dernières années de ma vie à chercher une solution pour arranger notre relation. J'ai passé mes journées à l'analyser encore et encore, espérant trouver les signes qui auraient pu me prévenir que vous n’aviez jamais voulu un mariage d’amour, j’ai également cherché par tous les moyens une solution pour vous faire changer d'avis. J'ai passé mes nuits éveillée à essayer de comprendre votre changement de comportement soudain. Maintenant je me demande pourquoi j'ai laissé votre confusion me troubler autant. J'en suis fatiguée, Lord Bridgerton. Tout est fait, il n'y a plus rien à déchiffrer. Il n'y a rien à changer. Il n'y a rien qui aurait pu changer ce qui s'est passé. J'ai réussi à l'accepter et à abandonner, chose que j'ai appris de vous. Au moins, notre relation n’a pas été totalement vaine. Alors, s'il vous plaît, ne me dites pas que vous regrettez votre choix. C'est trop tard, affirmes-tu, le regardant dans les yeux.

- Vous avez raison. C'était inapproprié de ma part. Je suis désolé, déclare-t-il et tu pousses un soupir de soulagement. Cependant, laissez-moi dire que je n'aurais pas dû agir de cette façon. Ce n'était pas honnête de ma part. Je n'aurais pas dû vous laisser espérer. Même si, je l'avoue, je me suis d'abord intéressé à vous, car je savais que vous seriez être une parfaite Vicomtesse, mes sentiments pour vous étaient honnêtes. Je ne l'ai pas montré comme il faut pendant notre relation, mais je tenais vraiment à vous. J'aurais été chanceux de vous avoir à mes côtés. Et je sais que Lord Egerton le sera. Mais, j'espère surtout qu'il saura, lui, reconnaître sa chance. J'espère qu'il saura mieux vous traiter que moi. J'espère qu'il sera toujours proche de vous, qu'il dansera toujours avec vous, j'espère qu'il saura vous donner tout son temps. Tout ce que je n'ai pas pu faire, mais que j'aurais dû. Je vous souhaite le bonheur, Y/N, dit-il, un léger sourire sur le visage.

Tu continues à le regarder, assimilant ses mots. Il te faut quelques secondes avant de pouvoir prendre la parole avec un regard tendre :

- Malgré tout ce qu'on a vécu, sachez que je vous souhaite la même chose. Mais, j'espère surtout que vous saurez trouver la femme qui vous fera vous remettre en question. Celle qui vous fera réaliser que vous méritez une vie d'amour, peu importe votre peur de souffrir. Je n'ai, malheureusement, pas pu être cette femme, mais je sais qu'elle existe. J'espère juste que vous la trouverez avant qu'il ne soit trop tard.

Les musiciens faisant résonner la dernière note, vous arrêtez vos mouvements. Vous continuez à vous regarder, vos regrets et vos remords visibles dans vos yeux. Vous vous saluez, ne brisant pas le contact visuel, enregistrant ce dernier moment dans votre esprit.

- Au revoir, Anthony, murmures-tu avant de t'éloigner totalement de sa vie. 

Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

{Ceci est mon blog secondaire donc je répondrai aux commentaires sous le pseudo @marie-sworld}

#marie swriting in french #tumblr français #marie swriting with sabrina carpenter #marie swriting with eics #marie swriting with music #anthony bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton #anthony bridgerton x you #anthony bridgerton x fem reader #anthony bridgerton x female reader #anthony bridgerton x y/n #anthony bridgerton x fem!reader #anthony bridgerton x female!reader #anthony bridgerton angst #anthony bridgerton one shot #bridgerton one shot #bridgerton #bridgerton angst #Spotify

[marie-swriting]

Emails I Can't Send - Sabrina Carpenter

Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send

Trust You - Stiles Stilinski

Confiance En Toi - Stiles Stilinski

Vicious

Read Your Mind

Tornado Warnings

Because I Liked A Boy

The Slut Of Hawkins - Steve Harrington [1/2]

La Traînée D'Hawkins - Steve Harrington [1/2]

Already Over

How Many Things

Bet U Wanna

Nonsense

Fast Times

Skinny Dipping

Bad For Business

A Bad Influence - Eddie Munson

Une Mauvaise Influence - Eddie Munson

Decode

I Really Care About You - Anthony Bridgerton

Je Tiens Réellement À Vous - Anthony Bridgerton

Opposite

Feather

Lonesome

Things I Wish You Said

Album One Shot Masterlist

Masterlist EN

Masterlist FR

#marie swriting in french #marie swriting in english #spotify #sabrina carpenter #one shot #album one shots #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with eics #marie swriting with sabrina carpenter #eddie munson x reader #stranger things one shot #stiles stilinski x reader #teen wolf one shot #emails i can't send fwd: #emails i can't send #bridgerton one shot #anthony bridgerton x reader #steve harrington x reader