#maybe I'm just delusional and i seriously need therapy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ircn-dad · 9 months

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Can we talk about how cute it is that Peter thought Tony was that tall for the bunny ears?

And also... does that mean they didn't plan at all to do bunny ears to each other? I mean, if they had planned it, Peter would have checked to see if he was doing them right.

So that means that originally the photo was going to be with Tony's arm around Peter's back, and Peter's arm around Tony's shoulders.

These two will never stop making me cry.

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tea-with-evan-and-me · 1 month

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"I honestly just prefer Evan date people who are under the radar for his partners and his own mental health. Some of these fans are seriously so delusional and really need some kind of therapy especially on twitter. We all saw it when he was dating Haley and all the hate, hostility, and just disturbing shit people were saying. I’ve been in this fandom since Murder House but after Dahmer something changed I’ve never quite seen anything like it before in this or any other fandom."

or maybe just date someone who's media savvy and can handle the pressure, people will act insane whether the woman is in the public eye or not. people like haley have and will always attract some level of hate due to fame so i'm sure it was just heightened for her, but not entirely new.

i also really doubt evan cares about what's said about him online to be honest, doubt he's searching his name on twitter unless it's to have a laugh

i don't think ''under the radar'' necessarily means a normie, though - it's just a contrast to previous exes who very much wanted to be publicized in their relationship. we've seen it with his last three longer-term girlfriends - emma (of course), halsey, and to a much lesser degree, with fran. frances is actually a great example of how things could go vs. how they went. essentially, everything we know about fran/evan is due to her sharing little tidbits via social media. if she had chosen not to do this, we would have almost next to nothing, no proof of their relationship - literally almost nothing. now, obviously i am not speaking about her being snarky or engaging with fans.. but was it her right to share her relationship status to social media? of course! be mad all you want, but that's a totally reasonable thing most people do, they don't hide away. but quite frankly, her mental health and happiness would have been, and even today, would be faaaar better had she made the decision to keep things private. the bottom line is that none of us can control what others do, we can only control what we do. sometimes it serves you best to not invite others' opinions and judgment, something we see evan demonstrating by being a ghost on social media.

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adulting-from-scratch · 3 months

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Independence terrifies me.

I went from being coddled to having to think about everything.

The idea of being an adult is scary.

So last year, I was living at the place that I'd called home. It wasn't just home. When I was younger it was a sanctuary, a place that was safer than home.

I'd lived there full-time since my second semester of my freshman year in high school.

I didn't have any prospects, which I'm ashamed to admit. I got up, ate, went on my phone, and went back to my room. Sometimes played video games. I'd stopped reading, despite specific books and comics previously being some of my greatest loves.

I'd been out of therapy for three years, I'd just barely started seeing a psychiatrist again. And the day that I called and had an over the phone consultation with a DBT therapist, my house burned down.

I'd tried working two jobs in the past, gotten fired from both. One was a little under a month.

I kept saying, "I'll look, I'll apply."

Or, "I'll look at going back to school."

I did...on occasion. Not as often as I said I did, nowhere near as often as I said I would.

I was severely depressed. I didn't shower or brush my teeth as much as I should have, the latter led to my needing my top four front teeth crowned, courtesy of my grandparents.

Last week, I was supposed to walk down to catch the bus. I live in a semi-rural area, and it

A few weeks ago, I broke down crying in therapy as I voiced aloud the rude awakening that had hit me.

"All this shit I have to figure out and think about and they all cost money!"

This was after my grandfather told me at some point he'd expect me to pay for my therapy. He didn't say when, just at some point.

To me, this was a looming threat. I've made so much progress since being back in therapy, and that's with it being paid for and getting a ride there. That progress looks like not having outbursts, doing laundry, signing back up for school. Not exactly impressive. But worth acknowledging.

It took me time to work up the courage to make a psychiatrist appointment last week, due to being off my meds for a few months. Everything takes conscious effort.

The first time I had to seriously think about money. I'm not struggling right now, I'm living with my mother. But I don't know what the future holds.

In my mind I'm just one or two more failures away from winding up dying on the street. Or being a leech on my family for the rest of my life.

One is dramatic, both are pathetic. And a bit delusional. Plenty of people are educated and harder working than me and still wind up out there.

I'm back in school, taking two classes, not working, because I doubt I'd be able to handle more than that.

I'm still trying to figure out a study program. I

Today, half of me wishes so badly to go back to living there. Having all my needs met, binging whenever I want. Not having to think about much.

But I not only wasn't productive, I wasn't really happy. I was filling the void.

I didn't want to end my life, I just didn't have a life.

But it was easier to say I'd become an adult later.

My grandmother still saw me as her kid, so it was okay, right? But she's not here to enable me.

I was comfortable. But not okay.

Do I want sympathy? Maybe. But in comparison to so many other people, I'm not sure my struggles are worth complaining about.

Life is hard as fuck, and it feels like it's only going to get harder, but I've been far too sheltered, and it hasn't done me many favors.

Independence terrifies me because I'd prefer to have someone else tell me what I have to do.

I feel like I need a lot of handholding.

But the only hand to hold is my own.

That's not quite true, I have my basic needs met. I have hands to hold, family and friends. I just don't have someone constantly hugging me.

But that's what I'm used to. So the adjustment is rough, to say the least.

It's such a stark difference, and my mind is already a bit different, that I have to remind myself feeling and fact are different.

#adulting #living with mental illness #mental health #neurodivergence #depression #bpd #anxiety #functioning with mental illness

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spiralingtrap · 2 years

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rolls a marble around on my table. it's really difficult to have discussions about plurality with sysmeds, but i think one of the problems that grips me the most is that, regardless of the DSM5's diagnostic criteria (which practically hinges on impairment anyway), different professionals are going to have different opinions on endogenic and/or spiritual plurality.

like...our therapist is 100% supportive of us and our desire to not be diagnosed. she fully accepts our plurality as being a part of our spirituality, she's spoken to judal and listened to him talk about his universe having been destroyed, and not once did she ever act as if we were delusional or just making up stories to help ourselves cope. she takes us seriously! sure, she doesn't know all the "right" words (she still refers to us as parts, which doesn't bother us much), but she's even gone as far as to tell us about a starchild she met, just to show us that she's serious about believing us and treating us as individual people.

her stance is that she has to believe her clients when they tell her anything about them and their bodies—whether it be pain they're experiencing, or the people in their minds, or the lives they've lived beyond this one—and that it's her job to bring her clients to a state of comfort and health within the framework of their own desires. if those desires include a spiritual belief system, then so be it. she isn't getting rid of us; she's treating us all, both separately and as a cooperative group.

however.....we could just as well go to another therapist and have them immediately declare us delusional and dissociative, no hesitation.

and y'know what? we would stop seeing that therapist immediately! they would have the wrong idea about us, our identities, and it would be within our rights to leave.

that being said...the complete opposite could happen to someone else. maybe they would vent about seeing endogenic systems on the internet, only for their therapist to tell them that plurality can exist outside the framework of the DSM. that person is not obligated at all to believe that therapist, or to even stay with them!

i have the sneaking suspicion (though it hasn't happened) that, were we to bring up our therapist's opinions on plurality, that any sysmed we told would immediately bring into question her credibility as a therapist, or even her actual existence. (what, do we need to schedule a group therapy session or something?)

at that rate, it becomes impossible to use "well, my therapist told me—" as an argument in either direction. you can't tell me that your therapist says endogenic plurality doesn't exist, because my therapist told me it does!

i'm not sure where i was going with this, other than, on one hand, being relieved that we have a kind and understanding therapist, but on the other, being just a bit upset that we can't just simply tell sysmeds "my therapist said..." without them bringing up the very points i've said here.

that being said, why am i arguing with sysmeds anyway? :)

#spierce testimonies #alterhumanity #alterhuman #positivelyplural #plurality #actuallyendogenic #sysmed cw #long post

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