#me: listing out everything wrong with me

[manygreetingsfriend]

.

#man i am losing my fuckign MIND like actually going clinically insane this time! #had a huge fun cry out breakdown during lunch during my therapy session today 🤪🤪🤪 #and this bitch had the audacity to come at me exactly like i’m paying him to #i’m. genuinely distraught hahaha #he’s saying that instead of just having the longest list of diagnoses ever now PLUS c-ptsd #he thinks it’s c-ptsd causing most of the other shit #which! fine! whatever! that would be SUCH a nice way to tie everything else up and hopefully throw it away #but like i can’t even get past the initial ‘oh babes. you have SUCH complex ptsd’ #idk idk idk idk idk idk there’s just something so fun and wonderful about having your entire worldview upended #having lots of fun now doubling down on doubting my own perceptions and views of the world n people around me #me: listing out everything wrong with me #my therapist: yes you’ve literally just handed me a list of symptoms for this. congrats #poor guy really had to recenter me like three separate times ‘why is accepting this so hard for you?’ #AND i’ve apparently been dissociating and not even the fun cool kind!!! #nooooooo i can’t just float n leave n go somewhere else #nooooooo instead i get the super annoying barely recognizable type that feels like i’m up one and slightly to the left #SUCH bullshit #shut up sydney

[neon-impressions]

I AM SOFT AND KIND AND FULL OF LOVE

#everything everywhere all at once #eeaao #movie lists #movie sessions #this movie gave me so much to think about #nilhism and existentialism will always get to you #and maybe you'll never be the utmost potential of what you could be #maybe you are living the worst possible life possible and all the choices you've made are wrong but the only way out is through #the fact that killing yourself is not the answer and figuring out to be happy woth what you have and where you are is such a cute message #also thinking about how family members always go through so much and there's generations of built up trauma #but you still can find comfort with them #a universe where nothing matters is so liberating #just gotta be kind #michelle yeoh #ke huy quan #stephanie hsu #jamie lee curtis #daniel kwan #daniel scheinert #a24 #this movie is basically jester's privilege #also my ramblings make no sense but at least ik how to walk my path better now

[crispywizardtale]

#Tutor appreciation post because that man should be illegal who allowed him to be this gorgeous #his visuals are insane but i also love his eye acting #his eyes are so beautiful and so expressive i enjoy watching him on screen #also dont get me wrong i love Yim and i will protect him the same way i protected Seng but im a little biased here.... #Tutor is extremely attractive to me and Yim is just adorable and im absolutely soft him #i have and will always stand by what i said. acting cringy and over expressing roles are more difficult to act out than acting serious roles #i have huge respect towards Yim because i know i could never do this #i love both of them so much #middleman's love the series #middlemans love the series #middlemans love #middleman's love #tutor x yim #tutoryim #tutor koraphat #yim pharinyakorn #jade x mai #mai x jade #also i am here ranting insted of watching everything else on my list....

[bartonbones]

the scene where carmy, stressed and at his worst, holds out his cut hand and says "blood! see! good! good! are you all happy now!" to the beef when no one is listening to him or letting him have his way is just. so...so donna. he is his mother's son unfortunately

#the bear #thinking a lot abt everything that's wrong with him i wanna make a list. #also on that note it's actually to me a sign of great love and sacrifice that richie had held back that comment for so long #i'm not being pithy i'm actually like. a lot of carmy's worst traits are also donna's #and i think richie who is very keen on things actually def picks up on that #and the only reason he doesn't bring it up sooner is probably the knowledge that it would wreck him #and he only brings it up in s2 from a place of desperation--nothing else is working #fixing the beef didn't also fix carmen #it's the reality check he probably never felt secure enough to give mikey #bc on THAT note i think richie's failure with mikey is his own insecurity; his fear of being kicked out or not belonging #he doesn't want to disagree with mikey and risk that closeness #and ultimately that anxiety hurts them both

[mellotronmkll]

cannot put into words how much finding out that women with autism being misdiagnosed with bpd is like a super common thing shook my entire understanding of everything I had experienced my whole life that was the real final nail in the coffin but it's crazy I somehow didn't know that until recently

#And like It Just So Happens #Anyway at this point...and now that my mother has started literally just sending me lists of all the traits that are obvious in hindsight a #things she missed and now is kicking herself I'm just like...well it's just like I'm documenting things and I really think once I just #have insurance you know . I've just been like What if I'm wrong for like a year now but to be honest #I think at this point after all the research I've done and discussions I've had it's like. There's no way bro #Like you have a multi page google doc of evidence #And like it's funny cos my mom will be sending me random texts out of the blue too like did I mention already the fact that you would #sit and study maps for hours as a kid and if anyone interrupted you you had a meltdown and I'm like well #But its like these texts constantly all day #And im like tbh you're going through the same realization process I went through but now you're also telling me things I forgot or didn't #even know that are just blasting any. Doubt of the water #But I think she feels guilty also that she never noticed and im just like shrug I don't know like #there's just many many many such cases so like #But its very helpful I was so scared to tell her about it for so long but apparently she'd been already wondering for ages too so like #And now she's also just like This makes so much sense it just makes everything make sense and I'm like see. That's what I'm thinking too

[the-terrible-theys]

found a tier list thing for ranking all the wks creature power suit designs and figured it’d be fun :)

tier list maker is linked here if you’re curious

anyway here’s mine!

edit: i keep getting notifs for this so i wanted to add that the tiermaker was done by @/galmiahthepigeon !

#wild kratts #half of these are probably in the wrong places but i’m too sleeby to look at it anymore. #i HATE the hammerhead and wild pony suits #cant even stand to look at them #why would they make that #the top row are all very very dear to me but ESPECIALLY squirrel bat and bat eared fox powers #if i were to do a tier list that excludes everything here but the top row those three would be at the very highest #then raccoon and gazelle after probably #love those #also doing this made me realize that parrot powers (at least with the beak part activated) are the closest the show gets to full fursuits #UNLESS IM NOT SEEING SOMETHING THATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME ? #but in that one everything but his eye is covered. and i’m pretty sure that’s not a thing with any other powersuit ever #based on what i can see + remember at least #anyway. parrot and also heron and lawes’ perocia powersuits were designed so well and i’m mourning what the other bird suits could’ve had #the more i look at my filled out version of this chart the more i wanna change. because some of those are genuinely very well designed. #they just don’t have the visual appeal that for example the raccoon cps has for me. and i guess i mostly ranked them on visual appeal #kind of unfair because one can only make something like brine shrimp powers so appealing #but i’m gonna stop looking and just post it because this was fun to do

[strhwaberries]

every day i come here after work and other people than me have giffed hwa and i feel stupid and useless :((

#don't get me wrong i love seeing other people's stuff and i'm always happy to be tagged #and will try to reblog everything i see #i see videos and i'm too exhausted to gif them myself #i have a very long list of things i'd like to gif but i just don't have the energy #i feel extremely burnt out #i'm not even crocheting anymore #i can't focus on anything i just feel like sleeping all the time #lu.txt

[fyodorloveclub]

this weekend when i was at the bar i got really depressed so when the server came by to ask if everything was ok for some reason i instinctively said “don’t ask me that” so he just walked away. not my best moment

#girl what’s wrong with you #*pulls out laundry list of everything that’s wrong with me* #i tried to be so nice to him for the rest of the night LMAO

[hoperaypegasus]

I just realized something about Nile’s eye makeup. 

His bey is obviously based on Horus, the Egyptian god. And everything about Nile, legit down to the fact he has the same name as the major river in Egypt, seems to be a reference to his heritage. However his makeup doesn’t really look like Horus’s symbol, the eye of Horus. It doesn’t look like the eye of Ra either in my opinion, it seems both stylized and different from both famous symbols. 

Instead, they are deliberately asymmetrical, as if they represent different things. These are supposed to show something. The kid version of me in my head who was obsessed with mythologies told me I was forgetting something that I definitely should know. So I dusted off my old books and did a bit of digging. And...

The deity Horus is a sky deity. And in early texts, his eyes were described as the sun and moon, before they were split up between Horus and Ra later on. More specifically, his right eye was the sun and his left was the moon.

The makeup under Nile’s right eye predominantly features a triangle, like a sun ray. And the makeup under his left features what looks to be a geometric crescent, like the moon.

...His makeup is a nod to the early translations of Horus’s eyes.

#beyblade #beyblade metal masters #mfb #beyblade nile #nile is definitely egyptian #legit his name is the NILE RIVER #everything about his outfit and design is symbolism #i will list it all out eventually i swear #have to finish some art first #anyways. im very sleep deprived #so sorry for grammar or bad writing #but wasn't beyblade subtle with Nile being from egypt? i could hardly tell that's what they intended #also if im wrong do correct me this is just a theory

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: February 25

“Watermelon Crawl” by Tracy Byrd

#song of the day #I just remembered to go back and edit this song file on my comp so it has the correct artist #it was so stupid funny--last week-ish Duncan and I were talking about the playlist I'd made for him to veto things off of #(neither of the boys are any good at telling me what songs of mine they /do/ like so we've landed on this variably-successful strategy #where instead I make a playlist of my best guesses for their taste and then as it plays through they tell me which songs I was wrong about) #and we got to 'Brown Chicken Brown Cow' by Trace Adkins and I was like 'yeah you probably don't want this one do you' #and he was like *extremely flat expression* No. Thanks. #and I told him I'd already remembered to remove 'Ala-Freakin-Bama' (also by Trace Adkins. same album and all) so I should get partial credi #and he was like mm. sure. #and I told him how I'd started with my 'all country music on my laptop' playlist for scaffolding #and then added in pretty much everything I had by other artists he'd seemed to enjoy before #(Duncan's more tolerant of this playlist-winnowing process than Nick is so his playlist starts with a much wider net #Nick's playlist I was a lot more cautious with because if I lose him at an early stage we'll never get a successful final product) #anyhow so Duncan rolled his eyes so mightily at the mention of Ala-Freakin-Bama and I was like actually you know what #here's all the songs I have by Trace Adkins. tell me which ones you /do/ want and we'll pull all the rest now (to save your eyeballs) #and he looked over the whole list (about twenty songs) and finally he said 'oh! Watermelon Crawl! I do like that one. at least there's one' #and I had to laugh and tell him 'actually I'm pretty sure that's mislabeled. that's a Tracy Byrd song' and he rolled his eyes again #turns out there's actually no Trace Adkins song Duncan will tolerate! no respect for the artistry of the Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk

[milo-is-rambling]

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like. #what? am I missing something here? #my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know. #honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down

[yuridovewing]

Wait if you think about it… there’s a few parallels there between Dovewing and Moonwatcher. Both are socially stunted individuals that get manipulated by an older mentor figure they trusted, they were isolated in childhood because of circumstances out of their control, and because of that isolation, their “family” and community don’t really accept them, also they have sensory based powers they have to keep secret (which further isolates them) and most importantly- they are both misophonia soldiers 🫡

#i remember when i kinned moon in hs and this is reminding me that if i was in a wc hyperfix at that point #i probably wouldve kinned dovewing sjfjdjfjjdjf #im not saying theyre the exact same character btw theyre absolutely not. a lot of the stuff i listed plays out differently in their own stor #stories. i dont think tui was copying the erins’ homework #also i view characters like secretkeeper more favorably bc while her plan had consequences you cant say she didnt love her daughter #and was acting in her best interests. sure she couldve given her to the rainwings but that had the risk of the nightwings finding her #when they started kidnapping rainwings into the volcano #and also the political climate around nightwings was extremely fucked when she brought moon back #so making her keep her powers a secret was genuinely for her own safety bc if the wrong person learned then she could get seriously hurt #which actually has seen consequences in the story with the jade winglet and darkstalker #meanwhile lion and jay isolated dove when she was a young child and forced her to keep quiet about everything while using her powers #and willingly let her relationship with her sister deteriorate while they themselves spilled the secret when it benefitted them personally #also ur meant to read darkstalkers manipulation as just that and a bad thing

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #cw health #cw heart #i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it #i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help #sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me #he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me #sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree #have i Ever actually relaxed #hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch #anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things #a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal #so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now #and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser #i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever #if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked #all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is #every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse #anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches #‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now #i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC #which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it #i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead #anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t. #it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about #i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father

[quietwingsinthesky]

Benny: Thanks for not giving up on me, brother.

Dean: Don't give me a reason to.

(im going to throw up)

#DONT GIVE ME A REASON TO. DONT GIVE ME A REASON #'benny's the only one who has never let me down' #HE DOESN'T EVEN GET THE CHANCE TO HUH #BENNY IS DEAN'S MANIC PIXIE DREAM VAMPIRE WHO NEVER DISAGREES WITH HIM OR DOES THE WRONG THING #its sooo. its so pointed. its. this whole parallel sam to benny is so. im think i hauve covid #dean constantly hammering in to sam's head that He Failed. He Failed. He Let Him Down. He Failed. He Broke Everything Between Them. #and benny. benny. oh my god. #don't give me a reason to... #oh to live in the alternate reality where benny does fuck up and fucks up bad #what does dean do then. if his vampire friend was put up against the wall by hunger or a hunter #if he had to lash out. even if he didn't want to. is dean gonna stand by him then? #or does benny go join the long list of people who have let him down. and dean pulls a machete. #how quickly does that trust bleed out huh? how easily do you break a bond that hasn't been tested beyond battle and clandestine meetings #maybe it does happen and im just not remembering that it does. god i hope so. i need to see them get messed up. #dean/benny is so good and messy to me actually. #benny doesn't even know these expectations are being hoisted on him. he's never there when dean talks about how everyone else in his life #failed him. benny just thinks this is a normal (well. 'normal'. they were in purgatory. and probably had wild bloody sex in those woods) #but a normal friendship. and has no idea he's on any kind of pedestal. god. terrifying. imagine being pushed off a cliff you didn't know yo #were on the edge of. that's the situation benny is in rn #anyway! fun normal show for normal people! #benny lafitte #dean winchester #spn

[dix-rose]

I just want to make it clear that you can like an artist and still criticize their actions

#stupid shit #I’ve been thinking a lot about Miss swift #and yes I know she doesn’t think about me so let’s get that out of the way #but I’ve been thinking a lot about her #and I’m willing to admit that there was a time in my life where I would defend anything that she would do #and it’s embarrassing #because I was an adult at the time #and it was at a time where I felt like everything in my life was crumbling she was just. the first source of comfort #I guess like it felt like it was owed #but I’m glad I’ve come to my senses and realized that nobody is a perfect human being #and putting someone on a pedestal is wrong #and there are PLENTY of things that she has done wrong in her life #not gonna name the entire list but I want to highlight the carbon emissions #it’s okay to say! hey!!! that’s wrong!!! she shouldn’t do that!!! #it doesn’t make you any less of a fan! #it’s actually kinda refreshing in a way #like a weight off your shoulders when you step back and realize that you can still like the art and criticize the wrongdoings #and saying that doesn’t mean you hate her #you can still accept that she cares about certain things and people #or that you respect her for the passion she puts in her work #I think I’m just trying to say it’s okay to not agree with everything your favorite artist does

[queen-scribbles]

This right here is what pisses me off the most about qt costing now. This is a Sith Warrior, sitting in Marka Ragnos’ tomb and unable to fast travel back to the Academy bc I didn’t have enough money. There is NOTHING  in her inventory. I already sold everything she didn’t currently have equipped. 

Normally when I start a new toon I send them seed money, but since this one’s just a throwaway for the weekly I didn’t bother. Wound up fast traveling to the field research area and taking a speeder, which does work, BUT it’s still annoying bc you used to be able to just go all the way back. Yes, it’s a convenience thing. I get that. They don’t have to include it, you don’t have to use it. But they did include it, and it’s a convenience that’s been free for years, and some newbie who has no higher level toons to send an allowance credits to starter ones is gonna be unable to take advantage of that convenience bc BW decided to add an arbitrary and frankly overpriced cost to it. How is Jo Schmo who just started the game contributing to inflation, BioWare? What negative impact are they having on the economy when they’ve only been playing for two hours and haven’t even left the starter planet? How does this help fix the economy? Anyone selling items for fuck you money through the trade channel isn’t even going to feel less than 800 credits, but it’s more than starter toons HAVE after SELLING EVERYTHING IN THEIR INVENTORY.

In my opinion, if they absolutely insist on keeping the charge for qt in the game, it needs to either a) not kick in til at least either Coruscant/Dromund Kaas(and even then, most places on Coruscant are 5k from the Senate tower. It’s ridiculous, so I’d argue Balmorra/Taris) or b) get cut waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down for starter/home worlds. I don’t care if that means higher level players aren’t paying a lot for travel when they come back to Coruscant/DK. As another example, It cost 8 times as much to quick travel from Kalikori Village to the Jedi temple vs taking the speeder.

#queen in space #this is the first change they've made that actually made me think about quitting #i've been playing since launch day and weathered EVERYTHING ELSE they've changed but this almost did it #they're punishing the wrong people(everybody) with something that's NOT EVEN GOING TO DO ANYTHING #when they were given plenty of feedback tellign them exactly how bad an idea this was and listing about 10-15 BETTER options #i have a sneaking suspicion they'd already started working on the coding or whatever to do the paid qt and belatedly went ''oh we should #ask player opinion on this'' and then didn't wanna scrap their Grand Plan when there was a resoundin YEAH MAYBE DON'T THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA #anyway the next round of changes they have for economy balance sound much better/more useful #maybe once that gets into flow they can take back OUT qt charge? #bc i do love this game a lot #there's just some times they get a very emphatic opinion form the player base and do the Opposite of what ppl are saying and it's frustratin #/rant over #it just still annoys me every time that ''fast travel will cost x amount. confirm?'' box pops up