#my mom constantly says things and makes comments that makes me wish she had a tumblr blog

[skitskatdacat63]

I was showing my mom various eras of Nando, AND SHE SAID PUPPY DOG MCHONDA ERA LOOKS LIKE PUSS IN BOOTS HAHAHAHHAA

I'm not gonna be able to stop thinking about this comparison for a while 😭😭😭😭😭

#my mom constantly says things and makes comments that makes me wish she had a tumblr blog #you know actually if we're gonna keep calling nando a cartoon character #i think puss in boots suits him by far the best #but especially bcs of this 😭😭😭😭 #anyways my mom is so me fr. she only finds the older f1 drivers attractive 😭 #she said nando's linen outfit from today was hot and that hes the only REAL MAN on the grid #and i was showing her the other various dilfs and she got so excited at mark 😭 #im gonna bully her forever about how she excitingly pointed at mark in a pic and said 'WHO HE!?' #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #catie.rambling.txt

[cheegu3]

Hi, I loved your glory based enha fic so much! Please do a part 2 or sequel of it? I want to see why they bully and kiss the mc at same time. Maybe you can make it yandere since you mentioned that it was not?

Honestly I'm new to your blog but love your work so much!

I've gotten many requests like this, so I decided to make a mini series out of it, technically it's my first series to finish so lower ur expectations everyone lol. Thank you so much for reading and supporting my work, welcome & love u !! <3

dc list (all the ppl that requested a pt.2) - @ceeesxy-blog, @roses-and-blue-perennial-salvia, @/anons special thanks to @muminpopz, for giving me the idea to introduce a second character !!

to clarify - my last part was still yandere, that's why they wanted to kiss her, I think I wrote that in my last fic bc it wasn't really mentioned much.

note; I haven't planned the plot 100% so voting will probably be a big part of deciding what happens next, only the first ones to read (24hrs) get to vote but u can still leave your opinions in the comments <3

this is a bit long, I apologize in advance, I am determined to give this an ending now lol

wc; 4.4k

pairing; enha x f.m reader

featuring; yeonjun & soobin (txt)

tw / trigger warning; yandere themes, severe bullying, the glory inspired, scars, mentions of forced kissing, mentions of drinking and smoking, trauma, swearing

pt.1

Enhypen - the glory (PT.2)

The irritating fluorescent lights flickering above made you scrunch your nose and turn on your side. Those damn hospital lights reminded you of those moments you'd spent there a couple of years ago, when your mom needed treatment for her illness. They felt eerie, almost like a weakening heartbeat flickering back at you while you stared at them.

Now here you were, back at the hospital again. Your dad had accidentally spotted the burns, poking out from under your shirt as you raised your arms above your head to put something on a shelf. Wishing you'd been more careful was useless now as you looked at the sleeping form of your dad slumped over the dreary hospital bed.

Your bullies had no idea you were in the hospital, but surely they'd be notified soon enough. There was no way your dad would let this thing go after seeing how badly they left you. He had dried tears on his hollow cheeks that made your heart twist painfully in guilt.

Although it wasn't your fault at all, you didn't want to be a burden to him. He already worked more than his body could handle, constantly stressed with the increasing workload his company gave him.

'' Miss, y/n? ''

You sat up straight at the sound of a nurse. She approached your bed with a sympathetic smile on her face, and you felt bad for her too. She looked young, too young - had you scarred her as well with your injuries? They weren't very nice to look at after all.

'' Yes? '' you whispered, eyes fleeting briefly to your dad sleeping to let the nurse know not to wake him up.

'' We've administered some soothing cream and medicine in case the pain gets too unbearable. If you wish, you may go home now. ''

You nodded. '' Thank you. ''

You reached out your hand and gently pat your dad. He grunted and slowly got up, stretching his sore neck as he slowly started waking up. He looked at you questioningly instead of asking what was wrong.

'' They said I could go home. ''

He sighed, maybe a bit louder than he had intended to because a look of regret flashed across his face, hurriedly he assured you, '' I wasn't worried about the bills, honey. ''

You knew he was but you didn't say anything. The promise of your warm, comfortable bed waiting at home was enough for you to stay quiet, even during the whole ride home.

Hearing the additional quiet sighs of your exhausted dad behind you when you hurried to your bedroom, made another pang of guilt hit you. But this time you ignored it too - another more important thought was filling up your mind now.

What would happen at school tomorrow?

You slipped under the heated covers and as a result of the long day, you fell asleep almost as soon as your head hit the pillow.

*******

You were one of the earliest students to arrive this time. Taking your designated spot at the back of the class, your head naturally fell into your arms as you yawned off the morning grogginess.

Before you left that morning, your dad had given you a smile and told you that, ' If those punks give you trouble again, call me '. But he had said so while balancing both his files and a cup of nearly spilled coffee, along with a laptop tucked under his arm. You'd seen him for maybe a few minutes before he disappeared off to work again.

You smiled a bit melancholically, knowing that if trouble did arise you wouldn't call him. Hopefully you wouldn't have a reason to do so anyway; maybe they'd be more gentle with you since they gave you such a harsh punishment last time.

The bell rang, startling you and making you raise your head. The class was pretty much full now. By instinct your eyes dart to where they always sat. Surprisingly, they were all in their seats but didn't seem to be paying you too much attention.

A few of them looked sleepy, slumped over their desks like you had been just a minute ago. The others had dark circles under their eyes and stared blankly towards the blackboard.

Rough night? They almost looked like they'd been out partying. You scoffed. It wouldn't shock you if they had; they sometimes smelled of smoke as they'd kiss you in the gym, so you wouldn't put it past them to drink during a school night too.

'' Good morning, class! '' the teacher's cheerful voice cut through the room.

The tired students responded back but in a much less bright tone.

'' We have a new student today. A transfer from Ansan. ''

The murmur from the usual chatty students stopped, and it became dead quiet. Just then the classroom door slid open and a tall, very good-looking guy crouched to get in.

'' This is Soobin, please introduce yourself. '' the teacher smiled.

'' Hi everyone, I'm Soobin. Nice to meet you. '' he said solemnly.

He sounded a bit shy and he didn't keep eye-contact with the students for long, eyes dashing anxiously from person to person while he clasped his hands together.

When his eyes landed on you, you smiled politely. Based on first impressions alone, it was clear as day to anyone that this guy didn't seem like a bully, so you wanted to be nice to him.

It's not easy being new, you knew that very well when you had to transfer during the second part of the first year. Back then, there weren't any people like you that would want to take care of the newcomer, like you wanted to take care of Soobin - and that's how you became their target. You couldn't let that happen to this guy.

'' You can take the seat next to y/n, that one in the back. '' you heard the teacher say.

You smiled again, that would certainly make things a bit easier as he would be sitting closer to you than your bullies. The part where you actually had to try to become friends was harder. You couldn't remember the last time you had a friend.

Soobin cautiously walked over to his seat, keeping his eyes down the whole time. He looked even taller up close, and he barely fit in his seat which made you snort quietly to yourself.

The teacher turned her back and started writing on the board as the murmur returned again. You fiddled nervously with your fingers before finally turning your head to him, determination shining in your eyes.

He must've seen you do so in his peripheral vision because he looked at you too, his bunny-like eyes growing twice its size.

'' Hi, I'm y/n. ''

'' Yeah, she...uh said so. '' he gestured to the teacher and then seemed to cringe at himself.

You let out a light laugh, maybe you were both equally awkward.

'' I guess she did. '' you gave him a genuine smile, one that reached your eyes. It had been a long time since you'd smiled in that way.

'' I'm Soobin. '' he seemed to relax when he saw your smile, a small one played on his own lips as he observed you timidly.

'' I know, she said that. '' you teased back.

He chuckled and you thought you saw him blush before he turned to pick up his notebooks from his backpack. You did the same, starting to copy the material from the board.

'' Hey, is it- okay if I eat lunch with you later? I know it's a weird thing to ask, but I don't really have anyone. '' he quickly rambled after you had been taking notes for some time.

'' I mean, you don't have to say yes if you already have someone you're eating with I just thought I'd ask. ''

A shy pout formed on his lips, seemingly indicating that he felt that he had embarrassed himself again. But you found it cute.

'' No, that sounds perfect. I don't really have any friends either. '' you admitted.

'' Oh. ''

'' It's okay. '' you laughed.

And then the two of you continued studying, while the sweet promise of having someone to finally eat lunch with was circling inside your mind.

*******

When the bell rang, you quickly packed up your things and waited for Soobin outside. You were slightly scared that if you were one of the last ones to leave, then your bullies would catch you red-handed and see your newfound friendship, prompting them to do something to the new student.

Soobin looked happy walking by your side, completely oblivious to all the stares and whispers that followed the two of you. He was even humming something, moving his head slightly all the way through the queue in the cafeteria to the walk to your table.

You chose one that was out of sight from the entrance, just in case they'd eat today. They often didn't - being from snobby rich families and all, they were grossed out by the cafeteria food and would usually drive home during lunch or go out to a restaurant together.

Someone must've told them about you and Soobin however, because you suddenly heard the table next to you gasp and gossip.

'' Why are they eating here today? ''

One of the girls glanced towards you, and when the others noticed, they all looked at you. Soobin looked confused, he stopped midway with his mouth open and his chopsticks carrying the food dropped it clumsily.

They giggled at him. But you couldn't even find humour in something like that when you had a bad feeling in your stomach. They were probably right when they looked at you as the answer to their question.

But why? Why would this make them angry? What would they do to Soobin now?

'' Hey, y/n. ''

You raised your head cautiously, dreading to see them. The fact that they seemed so out of it during the lesson shouldn't have made you feel so confident that it meant they'd avoid you all day.

Jake was the one who stood slightly in front of the group, the others gave threatening glares to students that looked like they wanted to intervene, making them hurriedly scurry away.

'' Yes? '' you couldn't hide the irritation in your voice.

'' What do you think you're doing? '' Jake cocked an eyebrow and then his attention was caught Soobin who was peacefully eating.

Your bullies seemed to assess him from head to toe which made the poor new student look very uncomfortable, causing him to squirm in his seat and clear his throat.

'' Eating lunch? '' you snarkily respond and then attempt to go back to eating while ignoring them.

You heard a scoff.

'' Did we say you could do that? '' Jay sneered, looking down at you.

Your cheeks started heating up and you turned your head as it started to show. The whole thing being done in front of Soobin made it feel ten times worse. Had you now lost a potential friend because they wanted to embarrass you like this on his first day?

You were about to respond but were interrupted by them all abruptly moving to squeeze in next to you and Soobin. The two of you exchanged confused looks.

'' We just wanted to join, can we not do that? '' Sunghoon winks to the flustered new student, who nods hesitantly.

But your lack of answer didn't satisfy them. Heeseung who sat closest to you, rested his hand on your exposed thigh as his eyes held a non-spoken warning in them.

'' Of course. '' you respond flatly, earning a satisfied grin from him.

It felt like you were holding your breath all throughout that excruciatingly long lunch. They'd never eaten with you before and it became clear quite quickly that the reason they did so today wasn't because of you - but, because of Soobin.

All throughout, their focus was on him and not you. It made you feel uneasy, like they had something up their sleeves. The new student was asked questions enthusiastically, which he answered happily as he slowly got out of his shell more and more. But you noticed the looks and the smirks they shared when he wasn't looking. Problem was that any time you'd try to warn Soobin, that hand would return back to your thigh. Heeseung didn't need to say anything, you knew not to test it. Still you hoped you'd have the chance to warn him later.

The reason why was because the way they treated Soobin on his first day made you get a horrible sense of deja-vu. In an instant you were transported back in time to your very own first day.

*******

You overheard girls talking in the halls while waiting for the teacher outside the classroom; about some guy they had hooked up with.

'' Are you fucking stupid? '' one of the girls sudden aggressive outburst made you perk your ears up without meaning to.

You didn't exactly have anything else to occupy your bored mind with while waiting anyway, so you eavesdropped a little.

'' Lee Heeseung? You hooked up with the Lee Heeseung? ''

Shifting your weight and turning over while pressed against the wall, you tried to get a good look at the poor girl who seemed to have gotten taken advantage of.

'' He's a known fuckboy and player. '' the angry one continued.

The girl you assumed was the topic of conversation shrugged, but she had a slight sad frown on her face.

'' I thought that...maybe I could change him. ''

The two others girls erupted into shrill laughter. You couldn't help but feel some sympathy for her despite her bad decisions. The teacher interrupted just as you were about to ask them about the guy, so you could avoid him.

'' Y/n? Are you ready? ''

You grimaced and nodded, giving one last look at the girl before following the teacher into the classroom.

Immediately a small pang of panic hit you. It wasn't empty like you'd expected, in fact - pretty much every single chair was filled with a student.

'' Good morning, class! '' the teacher's cheerful voice brought you back to reality.

You just had to introduce yourself and then the danger was over. You could spend the rest of the day glued to your desk, not talking to anyone and when lunchtime would hit, the convenience store across the school was your best bet.

'' We have a new student today. A transfer from Seongnam. ''

'' This is y/n, please introduce yourself. ''

You looked at the teacher, slight panic evident in your eyes. Clearing your throat you stepped forward a few steps.

'' Hi everyone, I'm y/n. Nice to meet you. ''

Your anxiety slowly started dissapating when a few students answered back politely and you released a breath you didn't know you'd been holding in.

'' You can take the seat next to Heeseung, that one in the back. '' you heard the teacher say, she was gesturing towards the back right of the classroom where a bunch of guys were huddled over one table, too busy talking to register what the teacher had said.

You obediently walked over there and tried not to make a scene when you put your things on the chair that was closest to the table they were all gathered around.

To your dismay, the owner of the popular table had noticed you in the corner of his eye. He quickly waved everyone away and then focused his attention on you.

It was very hard to ignore.

'' Hey, sweetheart. ''

No matter how hard you fought back to not show any reaction, your face scowled at the sound of his nickname, earning an abrupt laugh from one of the boys.

You were sure this meant bad news for you, a guy like that wouldn't want to be humiliated in front of his whole friend-group, so you quickly gave him a sheepish smile.

'' Yes? ''

Your innocent tone made his eyes narrow as more of the boys laughed. The longer you kept eye-contact, the more you felt him openly glare with something you couldn't quite explain glinting in his brown gaze.

Before he could embarrass himself in front of his friends further, he stood up so suddenly that the chair underneath made a loud screeching noise. To you surprise, everyone minded their business which was very different from your last school where everyone was nosy and the sound would've immediately made people whip their heads around in curiosity.

He dragged the chair as close as he could to next to yours, so close that the material was slightly pushing into your bare thigh.

Your eyebrows knit together as you watched him sit down. It was way too close for your comfort; you could even smell his cologne and the fact that it was so obvious it was an expensive one made you immediately annoyed.

He leaned in now, being just a few inches above your ear and most likely shielding you from his friends.

'' Do you know who I am? ''

Your loud scoff for answer seemed to enrage him even more. His much larger hand found your wrist and easily trapped it in a painful grip.

'' No, sorry. '' you hurriedly answer, feeling a lot less brave now, your wrist was already starting to hurt.

'' I'm Heeseung, remember that. ''

In your scared state, your head seemed to move on its own, rapidly nodding obediently. A victorious smirk appeared on his face before he finally retreated, dragging the chair behind him back to the group.

You dreaded the sound of the bell ringing. Predicting that he'd be standing right outside the classroom waiting for you with his friends. It was a long shot, but you tried taking the other door.

'' Hee? ''

You gasped, bumping into a taller male's chest. When you backed away and looked up, you cursed under your breath - it was one of his friends.

It seemed that they had thought of the possibility of you attempting to flee. The thought made your cheeks turn red.

Heeseung joined his friends who'd been guarding the door you tried to escape out of. Looking down at you very arrogantly, as if he could read your face and your thoughts, knowing you were flustered.

'' Did you try to run away? '' he snickered, putting his hands in his pockets and tilting his head at you.

It had the effect you were sure he wanted, you felt mocked and avoided his eyes.

'' Sorry. ''

He hummed before you felt his fingers wrap around your wrist again.

'' Let's go. ''

You went with them without protesting. Although you feared where they were taking you, you feared speaking and potentially getting on their nerves because of it, way more.

They were quiet the whole way, which seemed to never end. You passed by many classrooms, the cafeteria and walked down the loneliest and darkest corridor; yet they only spoke when the ones in front of the group seemed to come to a halt in front of a double door.

'' Open it. '' you heard one of the ones behind you say.

The tallest of the group, who was in front, unlocked it instantly and the lock fell to the floor in a loud thump. He pushed it open all the way, revealing a very large gymnast hall.

'' Why did you take me here? ''

It had become quite clear very fast that these people weren't someone you should mess with, and they were pretty high up on the school's hierarchy judging by the way no one interfered; instead pretending like they didn't see you pass by.

You made a quick guess that whenever they needed something, like the perfect place to do something bad to someone without others hearing - they were given it in one way or another. Maybe some poor student had been forced to get the keys from the teacher just to satisfy them.

'' Go sit over there. ''

Your head follow the voice. It was a pretty tall guy who was undeniably very handsome, from his silver hair and defined eyebrows to his deep voice, everything about him was pretty attractive.

It made you wonder what he wanted with you.

You didn't ponder on that thought long however, moving in a haste again to make sure they didn't get angry. Jumping up on the plinth he had pointed at, you watched nervously as they all approached the stairs leading up to a stage that your back was facing.

Without them needing to tell you to, you automatically turned around just in time for them to form a half-mood around you. Trying to read their faces was very difficult as they all looked at Heeseung who was sitting straight across from you, staring right back.

'' Why did you take me here? '' you try to ask again.

'' Well...I- we like you '' he answered simply, shrugging like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

'' What? '' you say dumbfoundedly.

'' I was trying to hit on you earlier, I don't know if you noticed. '' Heeseung bit down hard on his lip to stop himself from smiling.

'' But being nice didn't really work on you, did it? ''

'' We realised that with you, we need to use more extreme methods. '' a new voice said, one of the ones that hadn't said a word to you yet, who had strawberry blond hair and a soft voice.

'' Wh-What do you mean by that? '' your eyebrows knit together as your eyes darted anxiously between the two closest to you, being prepared to run if you had to.

'' I'm Sunghoon. '' the silver haired-boy said, ignoring your question.

'' I'm Jake. '' said the guy next to him.

Your gaze naturally averted to him. He looked like an innocent puppy, you wondered why he was friends with people like Heeseung. But when your eyes locked, he winked at you and you got your answer, face quickly turning into a grimace of disgust.

'' I'm Ni-ki. '' the tallest one said.

'' I'm Sunoo. '' the gentle one said, catching you off-guard when he flashed a big friendly grin.

'' Jungwon. '' the one closest to you on the other side said grumpily, not even bothering to look at you while saying it.

His red hair that seemed to be fading, was a perfect match to his personality, the whole time he looked like he was in a sour mood.

'' I'm Jay. '' the one furthest from you said.

He looked like a pretty scary guy, dark hair that was cut in a way that framed his sharp features.

'' That's everyone. Don't forget their names, okay? '' Heeseung spoke up last, tilting his head while smiling slightly at you.

Your voice didn't seem to work, you felt frozen in your spot, like you were glued to the plinth underneath you.

'' Can you not speak? ''

You saw anger flash across his face which only made your panic worse, but you couldn't get a single word out despite it, only a string of stutters and incomprehensible words left your mouth.

'' Do you want me to help you? ''

Not even registering that he had gotten up from his seat, you were taken by surprise when his rough hands grabbed either side of your face as his lips devoured you.

You tried to scream or turn your head so he couldn't have access to your mouth, but it was to no avail. Eventually your hands fell limp. All you could do was pray that it would end quickly, while your whines of protest were muffled by his hungry lips.

When he pulled away, he had a cocky smile on his face.

'' Get used to this. '' were his last words you heard before they left, forever engrained in your mind.

And that was how it started. No matter how much it happened, which was pretty much every other day after school at this point - it still didn't get easier, your clothes always got stained with tears. Their voices didn't help calm you down when you'd see the obvious desire in their eyes. They were like a hungry pack of wolves, just waiting for their turn with the prey

*******

The school bell rang after about half an hour, instantly snapping you out of your daydream. Your bullies said their goodbyes and then left, with one last look at you. But you shrugged it off and immediately leaned over the table to talk to Soobin.

'' Don't trust them, please! They might be all nice and sound like they actually want to be your friend but they're horrible bullies and- '' you hesitated before pulling up your sleeve to reveal the marks they'd left on you. '' They did this to me! Trust me...they're not good people. ''

Soobin's eyed widened in horror and his hand slightly twitched, as if he was either holding back the urge to clench his fist in anger, or resisting the urge to reach out and gently touch your wounds.

'' I'm sorry. '' was all he said after some time of silence.

You smiled a bit apologetically, pulling down the sleeve again. He seemed sweet and you didn't want to cause him distress for no reason, it just felt a lot more impactful if you showed him to make him believe you.

'' It's okay, I'm sure you didn't know. They're quite charming at first, that's how they get you. ''

'' I'm a bit offended that you thought I fell for it though. '' Soobin snickered.

'' What? ''

'' You think I believed all that bullshit, right after they spoke to you very passive-aggressively and basically shot daggers my way? ''

'' Uh...well, yeah? ''

He laughed heartily and stood up, you following as he threw the trash off his tray away.

'' That actually makes me feel a bit better. '' you mumblingly confess.

The pair of you walked together to class and spent the next few lessons and breaks together as well, surprisingly unbothered by your bullies this time since you were with someone for the first time in a long time.

At the end of the day when the bell rang, Soobin asked to hang out. He said he wanted to introduce you to his older brother and said he had something to talk about. You reluctantly agreed, but were on guard the whole taxi ride to his house since he was still a stranger.

His house was pretty big, located close to where the richest families in the country lived. He however claimed he wasn't rich; that it was his step-father that was pretty well off, but they didn't have a good relationship so he didn't spoil him.

'' Who are you? ''

You stared at the older male leaning against his desk. His eyes narrowed as they bore into you. Then they shifted to his younger brother who immediately straightened up.

'' It's my new friend, y/n. ''

'' Okay? ''

'' Yeonjun, please be a bit nicer. She needs our help. '' Soobin begged.

A puzzled expression overtook your face as you tugged on his sleeve.

'' What do you mean? ''

'' I will help you take them down. '' he said, a smirk slowly creeping up on his lips. '' Every, single one of them. ''

-

#yandere kpop #kpop yandere #yandere enha #yandere enhypen #enha x reader #kpop imagines #enha the glory

[seosracha]

BOYS LIKE U! - special mission + 0.3k

synopsis- getting invited on an idol reality show where two groups have to live with each-other for a month seemed.. awful. but at least you got to bond with your long time crush and fellow leader over taking care of your own grown ass members?

PREVIOUS < MASTERLIST > NEXT

"Gyuvin really is something" you comment, Hanbin by your side holding an umbrella to protect the both of you from the awful rain.

"He's a menace, like literally, but no matter what I don't think it could ever be the same without him" he looks straight into your eyes and gives you the brightest smile ever.

God does he have a GORGEOUS smile.

"I have the same thing with Emiko, she's just everywhere but somehow I think she's the best thing that could have happened to us" you reply and Hanbin looks like a proud father who's daughter just won the math olympiad.

"You're a really good leader, you know that right?" Hanbin says out of the blue catching you off guard.

If only he knew you'd repeat that moment in your head for the rest of the day.

"Thanks, that means a lot" you smile avoiding eye contact since your cheeks display the brightest shade of pink now"I think it's because I've always been the mom of any friend group. I really like taking care of people I love" you add after you calm down from Hanbin's previous compliment.

"It's the same for me. You know, I wish I'd met you earlier" he never stopped smiling, compliments he didn't know meant more than the world to you constantly spewing out of his mouth.

"I've been a fan since Boy's Planet, you were my top pick, but please don't tell anyone" you say and put out your pinky to make sure he keeps the promise.

He laughs lightly and intertwines his pinky with yours.

As your journey to the nearest convenience store continued you discovered that you and Sung Hanbin had so much more in common than your shared leader positions.

taglist- @kynrki @harperwasstaken1 @jiaant11 @igotkpoops @cosmicwintr @lovefooi @mioujon @thisisnotjacinta @beomibeom @francinethings23 @jwisbby @iriisssq @enhaz1 @s0urpatchkids @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @wtfhyuck @trsrina @chaerybae @j1nniee @channiesjuice (bold couldnt be tagged! please check your settings!)

#sung hanbin #hanbin #hanbin imagine #hanbin x reader #zerobaseone hanbin #hanbin imagines #sung hanbin x reader #zerobaseone x reader #zerobaseone smau #zerobaseone #zerobaseone imagines #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zb1 #zb1 scenarios #zb1 smau #ricky #jiwoong #taerae #han yujin #yujin #gyuvin #gunwook #zhang hao #seok matthew

[honey-from-hell]

Red, White, & Royal Blue Movie Rant

Spoilers. All the spoilers. You've been warned.

I'm going to be talking pretty negatively about the movie, and if you don't want that, please, please scroll. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade. I know how important this movie is to a lot of people and the last thing I want is to upset anyone with my opinions. I just need to get my thoughts down. I'm a list autistic (yes, ha, like Alex).

My ramblings about this are not in any way meant to take away the importance of this movie. It is sacred in a way to a lot of people, the same way Harry Potter was when it came out (fuck JKR). It makes people feel seen despite how good or bad it is and that is important. This is my opinion on this piece of media as just a movie, as a thing. NOT as a concept that is good and needed and unashamed. I really hope this is the beginning of more feel-good queer movies. As a queer person, as an American in a time of trans-bills who is dating a trans person, this movie is powerful. But like, also bad. And I have opinions on it. 

So, I didn't like the movie. The mixture of the promos, the R rating, and the 90% it had on Rotten Tomatoes before it came out definitely got my hopes up. And I love the book. But in the end, I don't like the movie. I wasn't expecting something worthy of awards and critical acclaim, but I was expecting something more.

I think the reason I can say I didn't like the movie and not something more along the lines of, "I enjoyed it despite its problems," is because of how many issues I have with it. If it was just pacing, or just the cheesiness, or just an actor I think I would have liked it. But I pretty constantly went, "Oh, I don't like that." And the issues just kept stacking.

Going into it, I knew the main differences from the book were the lack of June and the fact Ellen and Oscar weren't divorced. And I think those two huge elements that play a part in Alex's character are really apparent in the movie. I thought Alex was kind of flat. I thought a lot of the characters were kind of flat. And this one is going to piss a lot of people off, but I didn't like Nicholas Galitzine's acting at all. I think the moment the movie went from enjoyably bad to bad bad for me is the last third where it's from Henry's perspective. The scene where he started browsing the books in the red room like that was particularly awkward and stilted. A lot of his scenes felt like that, like he was acting for a play or something. It wasn’t realistic. Since he’s a main character, it really did affect my opinion of the movie as a whole. 

Amy and Zarah were amazing. And Stephen Fry as the King did a great job. Taylor Zakhar Perez’s acting was on point, most of the time. I think some of my favorite scenes were Alex interacting with his mom, Zarah, Amy, and Nora at the beginning of the movie. Also, I fucking loved Nora. I wish she had been in the movie more, and also explicitly bisexual. And Pez. I just really wanted Nora/June/Pez, but I digress, not having that is not what made the movie unenjoyable for me.

I tried not to compare it to the book as a way to determine how good or bad it was. Like, when I heard June wasn't a character, I didn't immediately go, "Well, that means it going to be bad." But one of the great things about the book is the way all the characters interact with each other, not just Alex and Henry. We get to see what kind of relationship Alex and June have with their mom as their mom and as the president. We get to see the White House Trio be goofy but genius young adults figuring themselves out. Those were the moments that flesh the characters out and make you care about them. And there just really wasn’t very much of that in the movie.

The R rating made me happy, for one, because Alex says “fuck” so much in the books. His potty mouth is commented on. It is part of his character. It’s such an easy way to portray this very genuine and good character as someone who is still brash and a bit of an asshole. I had also hoped that the rating would help it feel like the book (says the person desperately trying not to compare it to the book). It is supposed to be sexy and fun on top of being unapologetically queer. But on the flip side, that was such a PG-13 movie and I have a feeling whoever decides the rating of movies was being homophobic. Because a gay sex scene is more “inappropriate” than a straight one. I also associate a level of maturity with R-rated movies, not because of more mature content but because the people consuming the movie and the movie itself should appeal to a more mature audience. If that makes sense. But it felt like a Hallmark and Disney’s ever so slightly more raunchy lovechild. 

The pacing immediately took me out of the movie. It was like watching a movie on 2x speed. I totally get why so many people thought it should be a mini-series or something. And I know they couldn't fit all 400 pages into a movie, but there have been adaptations before that do a solid job. I don't think RWRB did. I feel like Alex’s character development was flat and a bit magical—unnatural and unearned. Like, Henry apologizes and suddenly they are BFFs.

AND THE EMAILS. That’s what the whole ending conflict and it felt very much forgotten. We got the text messages and stuff, but when it came to the emails, it was just voiceovers. I think, like in the book where Alex thinks about private email servers (which is like my favorite joke in the book, it’s so layered in so many ways), there needed to be the equivalent of that in the movie before to bring attention to it. But this catalyst just kind of gets overlooked until it’s relevant.

And motherfucking Miguel Ramos. He felt like just a juvenile addition by being into Alex and being big bad because he’s into Alex. It was kind of icky in a way the book avoided. In the book, it was about politics, and while icky, they didn’t use a queer character to achieve the big conflict. His character, and really the whole progression, reminded me a lot of fanfiction written by a new writer. Like, the concept is good but the execution is what holds it back. 

Okay, so, I for sure have more things I disliked than things I liked, but I did appreciate the humor. It was the one part that 100% felt like the book. It was stupid and inappropriate, but witty and compelling. The direct quotes had me fangirling. Zarah, Amy, and Nora. Just ugh. I’m gay. Shaan? I also miss his sweet ass. 

I didn’t expect this movie to be perfect but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I’ll try watching it again when I’m not in hyperfixation mode. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

EDIT: Also, Alex confirmed their relationship in the speech BEFORE the talk with the king. Like, Sir King Stephen Fry, it's already out there, man. The speech was supposed to take place after their talk with Philip and the King.

#red white and royal blue #red white & royal blue #rwrb #rwrb movie #rwrb spoilers #rant

[limeade-l3sbian]

I actually really appreciate you for that ratings posts.

The “humbling”‘aspect is enraging because it’s men allocating and ranking us as inferior, their opinions are never solicited, it’s just arrogance how they refuse to see us as equals.

I had a man online do that to my art once. Said it would look good in a coffee shop. Really triggered me.

I’m humble but I’m also honest that while I’m not good at everything, I’m very good at drawing. It’s a skill I’ve practiced and got into from an early age and over the years got good at. I’ve gotten 2 different ribbons for some of my ceramics pieces at an art fair. I’m proud of my art work and my sister loved a piece so much she asked for it as a Christmas gift. Someone else asked if I could draw his cat for him. So I’ve done a few “commissions” (I’m not a professional, it repulsed me how I was just trying to have a positive interaction and it was twisted as me seeking approval and how rude it was. Covertly suggesting it wasn’t good enough when I didn’t ask. Also artists don’t rate each others art. Even my art teacher said art is art. I do pencil sketches. My teacher when I took classes really liked them I mean I did well and was already self taught. My mother ‘s side of the family jokes that I got their “art gene my mom would joke that the art gene skipped her, because her brother and sister are really good, my uncle did fine art that looks like you can touch it, and my cousin is good too. )

Also an artist would never say that they don’t rate people’s art work because you can’t really “rate” art. It triggered me because I always worry about being good enough. And I haven’t drawn in a while due to oppressive circumstances like not even having privacy and personal space and being constantly in survival. Don’t sleep well, so I get anxious “what if I can’t draw again?”

Men are evil. Like why do they feel the need to “humble “ us? That pisses me off when they act like a judge of my value that makes me feel like this 🔪🔪

How do I not let past comments ruin my enthusiasm?

After my mom died, after I sought help, after I discolored sexual abuse, and was blamed… (and I only stopped for the sake of other women,) I acted out my traumas with men online and woukd engegr in behaviors while under the influence, cause I figured I was ruined anyway, I felt suicidal and wanted ti dissociated. Only stopped because I care about how my choices can harm other women. ) but it’s ironic because I feel like I ruined myself by engaging and interacting with men.

I grew up in a bubble I truly didn’t fathom how cruel they are.

I want to feel passionate and “narcissistic” about how good I am at art again.

Is it a jealously thing? Why do they do it ?

I wish I never engaged, I feel ruined like it will always be in my head, thar rating/ like sense of not feeling good enough existed before that comment but I don’t want it to crush my joy, it triggered me and I ruminjatr over the fear of others not liking my art; I’ve always used it to connect with other. I feel like being traumatized by men has made it so I struggle to connect/lost the connection I miss that I use to have to myself.

Do a lot of men lack talent? Is that the thing?

I could get over being given a 1/10 or told I’m ugly because my own father use to neg me while everyone else called me pretty, I know whh men neg. But it feels soul crushing to go after something personal like that.

You cannot be ruined, and you carry the same diligence and discipline that every artist carries.

I weirdly had a lot of artist friends growing up (weird because I didn't seek them out. We would just be friends and it would come out that they're really good artists lol), and I never told them that they were "lucky" they were so good. I told them "you've got a lot of patience" and when I got older, my go-to was always, "Damn, the discipline on you is insane."

Writing and visual art are similar but different. I write, but like you said, I haven't really been doing it the way I used to. There is a lot of love and self reflection and patience that goes into getting something the way you want it. Not the way people will enjoy it, but the way you want it.

You are afraid you will never be "able" to draw again. I have fears that I will never be "able" to write again. Our circumstances are undoubtedly different in terms of what has forced us to push aside our passions, but that anxiety and fear of never being able to return is the same. And I think, for me, the answer is: we might not.

We might not get back to the way we used to draw/write. What comes after these current and past tribulations in your life will change because of the circumstances that have forced you to go into survival mode (I am deeply sorry about your mom). You won't see the world the way you did after this. There will be small things in this life that you are now aware of. New fears. New dreams. New perspectives. New attitudes. You'll have changed, so it's not so insane that your art will change with you.

For me, writing used to be an escapism. Less realistic and more the way I wished things were. But I realized a few years ago that I feel more connected to my writing when I incorporate problems that I have or that I see around me. But it's still hard for me on a technical level to return to form.

The comments will hurt. Even the strongest people admit that despite the walls and thick skin they build, there is always a crack that someone manages to slip through. That, from a man or woman, is an unfortunate part of life. People will try and give you grief about something they know nothing about. My father is probably the worst writer I have ever met LMAO but he tried to be rude about my writing as a child. As a child. He was trying to break me down before I could even stay home on my own.

It's not about repelling the comments at all times. I guess in a sense, it's like being your confidence's immune system. Absorb these comments, see what you can take from it. If there's nothing there, then you will feel the effects, but it'll flush out eventually like the shit it is. And if there is something to it, then hold onto that and flush out the rest.

Returning to that passion might be a longer road than the first time around. But you have that rare and impressive discipline of artists that makes people annoyed. That ability to burn for progress. That you even ache to return to form is like noticing the faint light in your soul's window, proving that something is still flickering in there.

When you find it again, because you will, it will look different. The lines may be softer or more jagged. You might favor this color over that one now. All these little things will be so different! But when you find it again, because you will, you'll look back at the old way you used to do things and think, "That's so funny. I used to be obsessed with doing it that way."

And there won't be anything wrong with the old passion, you'll just have a new one. <3

#ask

[thegloomiez]

Dying inside a little cause I'm constantly just trying to work through my trauma for my immediate family but I unfortunately need to put to rest things that have no resolve and horrible commutation behavior that I learned growing up and I'm aware i need to fix them so things that shouldn't affect me so much, stop doing so.

My spouse needs help and doesn't know how to express it to me but I'm still here because even if I'm drowning I feel the need to be there. Also cause just if someone was unfair to me I'm always the one that doesn't have the heart to do it back. So a lot of uncomfortable, hurtful, emotional conversations are happening but after everything I see my bestfriend in there that's drowning too and I'm not bailing.

All that is hard, but when you do all the battles in the shadows of your life so your pre martial family doesn't worry, cause boundaries is an issue and they don't have empathy in things that matter to me.

I don't wanna worry anyone, it's not the end of the world and I can do this. I just gotta fake it till I make it. But if I didn't talk about an argument I had to not worry anyone or I'm doing it in the privacy of where i stay please don't spread it further.. You're creating bigger issues for me when I'm barely getting through a current storm.. I'm already drowning..

Instead one of them hears and instead of keeping my matters private, goes and tells the other so the other one can be intrusive and catch me in a moment of raw vulnerability. Then get upset when I tell them I don't want everything to be their business, as it is I tell them more than my other siblings.

(I definitely got loud after 2 petty comments and through the gaslighting. It cost $0 to say "sorry for telling mom" and if you needed to know what was going on so bad I would've just told you what's going on even though I shouldn't NEED TO.)

They only see my pain through anger, I need to fix my communication skills, remember?

She never sees her daughter that could of opted out of living years ago but stuck around cause they want me here and at this point I've created a life myself so I wouldn't dare now. They trapped me.

I'd never do anything to myself, I have an internal need to please. If people wanna keep me on this rock to keep letting me down and never validate any of my feelings, I guess? I'm just tired of wishing I could just go into sleep mode for the remainder of my life. Tired of my mother and sister to emotionally bully me and purposely gaslight into thinking I shouldn't be upset about things that if I did it to them they'd be upset..

Sigh ~

#family trauma #toxic people #toxic mother #emotionally drained #rant post #personal rant #vent post #letting go #letting it out

[weltonlasso]

Someone needs to shake Ted and remind him that when oxygen masks come down on planes you put your own mask on before you put it on your kid.

I just can't imagine this ending well for him...

ABSOFUCKINLUTELY they do. Had about 5 old women comment on a Tweet I made about this to tell me that I was not supposed to understand the overall story of Ted Lasso. that it was “obvious I don’t have children” and couldn’t possibly get what is so beautiful about Ted choosing Henry.

(k. Thanks Pam, I’m so glad all the Facebook moms with the awesome insights got the Ted Lasso ending they wanted!!!!!!)

I have been telling myself—like legit people are saying 10/10 perfect finale, no notes, which is truly insane to me but also here’s the goddamn thing.

I am a child of divorce. My my dad cheated on my mom constantly when I was young. When I was 16 I got a birthday card from an address I didn’t recognize. I opened it, thinking probably an old aunt or something. It was signed “with love, your sister xxx and not mom xxx”

and that’s how I found out from one of his mistresses ON MY BIRTHDAY that I had another sibling. I just sat there in the driveway of my house while I tried to reorient myself to this new world I found myself in. AT SIXTEEN.

My youngest sister (by my mom) was 6 at this time. And my mom made her choice to stay with my dad out of obligation to their children. She didn’t want my younger sisters to grow up in a different home than the one we lived in. She wanted to raise all of her kids there no matter what.

He left us a year later.

Cut to the next 10 years of my life 17-27 trying to be my moms partner, confidant, punching bag—she took all of her anger for him and directed it at me because I was still there.

My life will never be the same because of actions and choice that my dad made that specifically caused me and my family pain. I have spent years in therapy and will probably never ever have a relationship with him again. Obviously.

But it also really sucked having a single parent who relied on me for EVERYTHING. It is only now many year later, in therapy, that I can recognize the psychological effects and the physical toll it took on me to play that role. And I had no other choice because I was a child and this was what my mom needed from me. I did not have the skills to recognize that pulling me into the role of adult and spouse and caretaker to my parent would fundamentally change they way I saw myself and how I interpreted things around me. I wish to god my mom had not put that on me. It’s hard enough finding yourself as a child, it doesn’t help to have the extra burden of being “caretaker” to a parent when you’re still learning who you are. When your feelings are never validated because you’re always making sure your parent is happy and supported. YOU FEEL VERY ISOLATED. It’s a fucking burden to have to do this for a parent!!!!!!!!!!!!! And be strong for them when there isn’t anyone to be strong for you!!!!!!!!

Phewww felt compelled and somehow that all came out and now y’all finally know my big connection to the show!!! Father trauma at age 16!!! It’s fun here!!!!! Let’s NOT do that to Henry, how about?

Cause Ted definitely would have had enough therapy by now to be aware enough of the pressure he’d be putting on his young son by acting this way. and it frustrates the shit out of me that the show can use this misguided interpretation of “therapy” to say LOOK AT OUR SHOW ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH and then literally drop the ball on the storyline, like legit. Just. stopped. caring.

Instead the show really said: like ya actually instead of all that baggage, let’s cut that for time. From now on Ted is just a mystical woman who floats in and out of the lives of the people who need her.

WHO NEEDS THERAPY WHEN U CAN FLY.

#I guess Mary kinda FLOATS IN WITH HER UMBRELLA BUT U GRT MY POINT #sorry for oversharing !!!!!! #but this therapy thing has just had me in a fuckin rage all day #TED LEARNED NOTHING IN THERAPY #ted lasso #anonymous #anon asks

[stranger-rants]

Even as an adult, getting over the damage an abusive parent causes in a sibling relationship is incredibly difficult and doesn't always work out. My two older brothers and I grew up with just our dad because our mother died when I was 3. He could be fine one moment and violent and aggressive in another. I was lucky being the only daughter, I wasn't physically abused like my brothers, though I did receive threats of violence until I was 17/18. My eldest brother, by 5 years, lived with him until he was 18 until he couldn't take it anymore because it felt like one of them could end up dead soon. My 2nd brother, older by 4 years, ran away at about 13/14 to live with a relative but would still come to the house often and would be treated the same as before. I ended up living between multiple homes after I was 9 because our dad got a job that had some night shifts, and so I started staying with relatives instead of my eldest brother look after me like our dad wanted because he hated our maternal family. You can empathise greatly and have many similarities in treatment as your sibling, but that does not mean your experience will be the same.

My 2nd brother recently commented how when we were younger, how often we would play fight. My experience was not that of play fighting, it was that of my much bigger brothers in their teens, hitting me and calling me a liar when I said it hurt and cried, but to them it was a different experience. My eldest then said how I'd always tried to make them awful, that I would cry to get them in trouble, and how it still pisses him off even now. They even used how I developed a flinch whenever someone gets too close to my face, saying it was a means to get them in trouble. When I brought up how I was probably max 9 years old at the time and didn't even really understand our situation, it made no difference to them. What saddens me the most about it is that I don't want to be, at 25 years old and my brothers 30/29, beholden to actions I did at such a young age. I can look back at my brothers actions and know why they acted that way and forgive them because it was never really their fault. Our dad is the one to blame, and he would constantly, purposefully treat me differently, knowing it antagonised my brothers and made them hit me more. He just liked to use me as an excuse, and the worst part is that it still works.

It's very stressful to be in an environment where a parent creates an unhealthy dynamic between their children. They use siblings as a proxy so they the adult can maintain control over the family.

It's the divide and conquer strategy. I may not have siblings, but my dad intentionally divided my mom and I whenever he could so he could justify half the things he did.

While you can understand why your siblings acted that way, I do think it's important for you to know that their behavior is not your fault and you should not have had to deal with that, even now.

Whenever I talk about how Max feels about Billy, I want to iterate that her feelings of stress, anxiety, fear, whatever they may be, are still valid, no matter the reason why Billy does what he does.

I don't blame Max for being afraid of him, but I do think people ignore that she also felt afraid for him which is I think what you're getting at here. There are so many complex layers to abuse.

We cannot oversimplify this issue, especially ignoring the role of the parent. It can be hard to resolve that trauma when your siblings still haven't come to terms with it, but...

I wish you the best in healing.

#asks

[sasuhinasno1fan]

Wish come True - Adrien AUGreste Day 29, 30 + 31

We’re here, at the end! I can’t believe we’re actually here. First, a massive thank you to @etherealxgenie who took time out of her day to edit my mess of chapters. Seriously, I would of ended up with a lot of comments pointing out my mistakes without you. You guys should definitly go check out her blog, as she’s an amazing artists and if you love Monster High, Yugioh, Bettlejuice and the like, you’ll get along great. Also thanks to all of you who have followed the story along. I do have the urge to do a side story following Luka and Juleka around during their first years as Scarlet Bug and Catseye, so if you’re interested, be on the lookout. New Beginning 

Staring up at the stars, Adrien’s tail curled up tall behind him. After apologizing for another round when Scarlet Bug got up, the older hero invited him to take a moment and relax.

“That way, you don’t get distracted again and go crashing into something else.” He teased.

“So, night patrols are normal?” Adrien asked to fill the calm silence.

“Yeah. Not every night though. My life would be fine with a late start but not Cats’. huh, guess I’m going to need to figure out another nickname for her.” Scarlet mused. “Until you and the other holders are used to this, we’ll do it in groups and then later we’ll split up into pairs. Right now, it’s just 6 of us as the main group and others will be back up. I’ll give you all the whole breakdown next patrol. Plagg will let you know the date. You’ll meet the others then.”

Adrien nodded, sighing a little. That freedom feeling wasn’t getting smaller which was good, but hearing the responsibilities along with saving Paris made him a little nervous. “This won’t…strain relationships, right? I mean, other than keeping the large secret which would hurt them if they knew. I mean, like missed dates or vague excuses, things like that.”

“I mean, I guess. But I think as long as your as open as you can be. If you mention getting a new job, no one’s going to question that much. It is to protect them so, it’s not so bad if you think of it that way.” Scarlet reassured.

“I guess I’m just worried. My boyfriend told me he loved me today and I couldn’t say it back. It’s not that I don’t want to. I absolutely do. I do feel the same, it’s just, hard to say the words. I wouldn’t want my constant disappearances to be taken that him telling me that scared me off.” As Scarlet’s gesture, Adrien continued. “To not overload you, my parents aren’t together and their fights were pretty bad. It started a lot when I was pretty young and I used to tell them before they’d go storming off to work angry at each other, that they had to say ‘I love you’. when I later realised what I was doing to my parents, all I could think about was how I poisoned those words on a deeper level. I mean the intention behind them but saying the words make feel slightly sick, even though I want to say it.”

“My family…” Scarlet hesitated for a moment before continuing, “my mom will always blame herself for believing my father. He didn’t stick around past 2 years old but he made my mom think he would because he’d constantly tell her he loved her. After, she found different ways to tell us she loved us. So don’t rush to tell him because you think that’s what he wants to hear. If he’s like me, maybe he said it because it felt like you were the first person, he could say it to that wasn’t family.”

Adrien felt his face getting flush, his ears folding back and his tail starting to wrap around him. He didn’t know if Luka’s family was like that, but it felt right. You could tell they loved each other without them saying it just based on their actions.

“You’re cu – I-I mean, y-you must really love him then.” Scarlet stuttered out.

“I do. The way I feel about him, I’ve never felt about anyone before.”

Scarlet’s smile grew soft, as if hearing the words about love made him happy in a way those in love could describe. “I wouldn’t worry. You aren’t your parents and even if it seems to be starting the same, you could have a whole new story. A whole new beginning.”

                                             __________________

Adrien zipped the clear side of his itabag, showing off the Mermaid Melody pins and charms he had. He was tempted to text a picture to Luka to see if he could name the princesses or if it would send him on another rant about how much Luchia went through for one guy. The rant would be hilarious to watch in person, so he put it off for now.

“Caro, if you want a ride to school, we need to leave now!” his mother called from the kitchen.

“Coming!” he looked to where Plagg had made himself at him amongst his plushes that sat in their hammock. “You’d better not spill cheese over there.”

“Relax, I can be clean.” Plagg said, stuffing his face with a small brick of Parmesan cheese. He’d begged for camembert the night before after getting back but Adrien told him he was more likely to get Italian chesses in the house. He was nervous about what he’d do when he and his mom would make mozzarella. If those disappeared overnight, that was going to be hard to explain.

Pulling on his shoes, Adrien looked at himself in the mirror. He didn’t look any different, minus the new silver ring with an emerald inland band sitting under his couple ring. His oversized letterman jacket and joggers didn’t look at all out of place. But he was different.

He was staying in France. For the first time ever, his mother was given an assignment that lasted more than a few months. He had friends, actual real friends, he was dating someone who loved him – just thinking it still made him red - and he was beyond happy. And he was a hero? This was a new beginning, a new chapter in his life and he was excited to see where it took him.

“Adrien!”

“Be right there!” Adrien called again, picking up his bag and holding the flap open so Plagg could fly in. With one last look at his reflection, he ran out of the room and followed his mom out the door.

They stopped for croissants on the way over, at the same patisserie they’d gone to on Adrien’s first day of school. It felt oddly fitting, even if he now preferred Tom’s croissants.

“How are you feeling? You must be excited to tell your friends.”

Nodding, Adrien smiled around his food. “I am. Paris is different from other places we’ve stayed at. It feels like how Italy feels when we go back. It feels like home. I don’t think I can say that about the other places.”

Viola smiled at her son, ruffling his hair. She giggled when he yelped and complained about messing it up. She wasn’t blind to how open Adrien was to living in Paris. He’d gotten into his routines in the other places, making quick acquaintances, very few friends and distracting himself with exploring places and foods. She was happy that he preferred spending time with her when she could but something about seeing Adrien run out the door to go meet friends, either to dress up and take pictures, play music with or just hang out made her feel at peace. He was right, Paris was starting to feel like home.

They pulled up in front of the school where Adrien’s friends were waiting. With a quick kiss on his mother’s cheek, Adrien burst out from the car, unable to help himself.

“I’m staying!” he cried. Once his words registered, they were cheering. Nino led the group hug, nearly knocking Adrien over when he ran into him.

“This is amazing! I can’t believe you get to stay! Is your mom as well?” Marinette asked.

“Both of us, one year for now, longer depending on the Hawkmoth situation.”

“Dude, that means you get to graduate college with us and head to lycée together! we already know everyone’s attending the lycée down the street, maybe we’ll be in the same class too.” Nino gushed.

“Easy babe. Let’s just get through the rest of this year first.” Alya reminded. “Besides, someone else wants to congratulate him.” She teased, pulling Adrien from Nino’s grip and pointing him to Luka.

The guitar player stood at the edge of the group, smiling at him. He didn’t look very surprised with Adrien’s announcement but still looked very happy.

“Hi.” Adrien greeted. He couldn’t keep his own smile off his face, which threatened to get bigger when he remembered what Luka had told him. With what he and Scarlet discussed the night before, he wasn’t pressuring himself nearly as much to say it back. Luka said he was fine waiting, so he hoped he’d also be fine once he explained his reasonings.

“Hi.” Luka wrapped his hands around his waist, tugging him closer to kiss him.

Hearing the cat calls from his friends, Adrien flipped him off with one hand, using his other to tug Luka closer. He was never going to get tired of this.

“How rude!” Alya cried, sounding like Stephanie Tanner.

“I spend the whole school day with you guys! Go away!” Adrien ordered over his shoulder, having to pull away. Luka laughed at him as Adrien and the others exchanged more teasing remarks before Marinette pushed them inside.

“Before he releases his Italian anger on us. Kim, you remember how that feels right?”

“Oh, shut up!”

Adrien turned back to Luka, both sharing looks. “Hi.”

“Hi. I hear I get to keep you for longer.”

“You do.” Adrien nodded, playing with the edges of Luka’s jacket. “You’re stuck with me for a year.”

“I’m perfectly fine with that. Just a warning, I did think I could have lost you, so I’m going to be kinda clingy for a while.”

Uncaring if Luka was joking or not, Adrien laughed. “Um, before you think I forgot about what you said yesterday. I didn’t and I don’t want you to think I don’t feel the same. You’re right, its really quick and my dad’s already planning a speech and questions to make sure we’re serious about this, but I also know I’ve never really felt this way about anyone. I want to tell you those words, but I sort of realised saying those words in a relationship is scary to me, regardless of how I feel thanks to me messing up when my parents were fighting before the divorce. What the words mean, all the emotions that go with it, I do feel those for you. it’s just gonna take a while to say it out loud.”

“Hey,” Luka reassured, squeezing Adrien’s waist, “like I said, I’m not gonna rush you for an answer, or I guess in this case a reply. Mamman, Juls and I don’t say the words to each other very much, we say different things. So, I get it. My feelings aren’t changing anytime soon, I promise.”

Adrien felt like he could breathe. “Good. That’s good.” He stuttered out, face flushing as Luka laughed at him.

“You’re cute. Your heart song is singing so loud. I think this melody it’s playing might be my new favourite.”

Flustered, Adrien hid himself in Luka’s neck, making the taller boy laugh at him as he squeezed him tight. They didn’t seem to notice Tikki and Plagg laughing at them from their hiding spots.

Much later into the night, Adrien stood on the same level he and Scarlet Bug fought Glitter Queen. With Scarlet Bug and Tigresse Poupre standing in front of them, they looked like true leaders. Even though it seemed that the Cat and Ladybug where always together – thanks to Alya’s hero project she still wouldn’t drop – he was perfectly fine letting to former Catseye led them. he glanced at the others, taking them in. Rena Rouge, Queen Bee and Caprise were replaced with new holders, unless they look a page out of Scarlet’s book and had their transformation mess with their hair as well.

“Why don’t you guys introduce yourselves?”  Tigresse suggested.

The fox straightened her back, letting her blonde ginger hair strands fall around her face as her hair was pulled into twin buns just in front of her fox ears. Her costume was reminiscent of Zatanna’s, except with shorts instead of a straight leotard. The tails on her coat seemed to have a mind of its own as they twitched. Holding her flute tightly as she lifted her chin, she spoke, “I’m Vixen, holder of the Fox.”

“Venom, holder of the Bee.” While a much darker red, Venom’s long bangs were clipped back with a honeycomb pin, which had five of them in a cluster. His costume was similar to Tigresse’s in terms of a body suit and covered in honeycombs of black and yellow. Oddly enough, whenever he moved, the pattern seemed to change.

The Turtle holder seemed shy, ducking into the collar of his suit. It was tall and wide, allowing him to comfortably hide his face, much like an actual turtle. The shield was attached the way Captain America would wear his and it had sharp ridges much like a snapping turtle’s shell. Strangely, his gloves were half palm gloves, exposing his wrists before it followed his dark green sleeve. “Tarasq. The holder of the Turtle.”

Adrien tried giving him a kind smile when he glanced in his direction. It sort of worked, since he hadn’t ducked lower into his collar.

“I’m Bast Luck. I’m the new holder of the Cat.” Adrien introduced. Out of all, he was the most exposed with his crop top inspired by Black Lynx from Shugo Chara. Unlike Ikuto, he didn’t have the high collar or arm warmers, instead a choker with a bell and fingerless gloves. He also had an underlayer of black in his hair.

“And you all know the former Catseye, Tigresse Poupre and me, Scarlet Bug. So, thanks to the last fight we had with Hawkmoth and his akuma Catalyst, we were at risk. We decided a long time ago if that were to happen, we’d pass along the Miraculous to new holders. You guys won’t have to return your Miraculous as you’re permeant holders now and we’ll need you whenever there’s an akuma. The previous holders will get new Miraculous and come when needed. The hope is that there aren’t times we need more than 5, but it would be wrong to trick you into thinking everything is ok. Hawkmoth knows we have the Miraculous and he won’t stop until he gets his hands on them. our job is much harder so I need to know, are you guys really ready for this?” Scarlet Bug asked seriously.

The four looked at each other. They didn’t know each other and had yet to work together but they knew this. they were going to need each other to help win the fight. They all nodded, voicing their agreement. Like pure timing, there was an explosion in the direction of the Louvre.

“Right then. Team Miraculous, let’s go!”

                               __________________________

“Scarlet Bug came onto the scene today with both a new look and a few new friends. During an akuma attack today, Scarlet Bug arrived without Catseye but a few new others. There have been times where the two heroes have new friends join them but these were completely new heroes. Based off of witness testimonies, they’re names are Vixen, Venom, Tarasq and Bast Luck, who seems to of taken the place of Catseye. There was also the reappearance of Tigresse Poupre. There’s already debate online that she’s actually Catseye but with a different persona. They mentioned the way she acts and interacts with Scarlet Bug was much too similar but only time will tell. With the appearance of Hawkmoth just days ago, I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say we hope these heroes can help end the battle.” Alya explained in her video posted to her renamed blog, Miracublog – Home for all things of the heroes of Paris!

Lila screeching, throwing her iPad to the floor. The video of the fight still played, sounds of fighting and magic spilling from the speakers. She ignored it as she paced, stomping her feet to the ground. That fight Hawkmoth was spotted at, Chloe had been responsible for that. She turned on the heroes. But there was nothing! And now everyone was different and her idea of who could be who was further from reach. Her father was no help, refusing to answer any questions she had about it or just never picking up. Nathalie was also unhelpful, reminding her she was at this school to learn.

Screw learning, she wanted power! She could have gotten it; she know she could of but somehow everyone knew. This school was full of the uber rich, richer than Adrien had once been and she knew how to work these people. She would practise her skills on the unsuspecting rich at the schools she was sent to when she had the Rossi name. whenever she was found out, she’d make a fuss and her mother would ask to be reassigned. She’d report anyone who spoke against her online. She could hide her tracks.

But if word got out before she even arrived?

She was sure it was Tomoe getting her family to spill secrets. Even if she’d heard words of students visiting France, where she couldn’t hide her lies. Not only was she struggling to keep up just with the speed of English everyone spoke, but no one wanted to be around her. They were actively bullying her. Scribbles on her desk to get out of their school, her clothes and uniform missing, getting in trouble with teachers for fake altercations. And she couldn’t do anything! The first time she did, Gabriel called and told her if she made an embarrassment of him out of France, he’d send her to be homeschooled in Japan, not allowing her to see anyone except her teachers and her caretakers from the Tsurugi family. And damn it she believed him. This couldn’t be how Adrien was treated, there was no way.

(But she couldn’t stop thinking about little instances that made it so obvious to anyone watching. But she hadn’t cared, not when all she saw was what he had in spite of it.)

She won. She made the Wish. She got what she wanted. She still hated her life. She was utterly alone with no one on her side. She…she didn’t know how to get out of this situation.

She didn’t know Adrien regained the Cat Miraculous. She didn’t realise that her life, lived the way he was gave him the best possible life. She didn’t know her Wish was Adrien’s wish come true.

Because all he wished for, was to be happy.

#adrien august #Adrien AUGreste 2023

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw for csa, nightmares and flashbacks, csa detail

I just wanna vent

Last night I had a horrible nightmare of getting raped. It lasted for a long time and I'm still shaken from it. It brought back many flashbacks when I woke up. Idk why but even tho it was my mom who sa me, whenever I have a nightmare of sa (which happens a lot) my mom is never the rapist? Like its either my dad or a random person. Which is weird cuz my dad never sa'ed me. Sure he did constantly commented on my body ("your ass is growing, you're growing up!") Which make me feel uncomfortable. And one time he peeked through the toilet when i was using it to see if im on my phone, which was also weird but like he ddint mean to be inapp he just wanted to make sure i wasnt on my phone. But he never really did anything physical. Anyways the nightmare brought back shitty memories. I can still feel her lips and hands on me. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself, I feel like im dirty and gross for it. Ik it's not my fault but I just can't help feeling ashamed. My mom doesn't sa me anymore but she kinda does like.lower forms of it. Like slapping my ass or touching it, but that's normal right? I mean, I don't think she really means it in an inappropriate way, like she might just think it's a cute way of showing affection. My family is really physically affectionate after all, even my dad do that. Idk man I just feel so weird rn. I feel like I wanna get away from my body, like I don't belong in this thing. I wanna rip my skin off just to feel like she's never touched me. I wish she never did this to me, I wish we were a perfect family like how other ppl think we are. Worst part is they act so nice, they're good parents. It's just when I think of my childhood it's pretty messed up. I just keep trying to push down these feelings and ignore them so I can live in this fantasy of having perfect parents, but lately it's been becoming harder to do it. Thanks for listening, I hope u guys have a great day <3

- 💛

Hi 💛,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through, as well as the dream you had. While you said your dad didn't outright SA you like your mom did, it sounds like he's still made inappropriate comments towards you and touches your butt. Please know that these things are unacceptable and you don't deserve to be treated this way.

It can be confusing when we dream of scenarios that are a bit different from our actual trauma, and it's natural to wonder why these details are changed in the dream. Sometimes our brains experiment with different dynamics to see how that changes the situation. Because for example there is quite a big difference between being raped by a stranger and being raped by your mom, and perhaps entertaining the idea of it being a stranger is a way to navigate and understand the dynamic between you and your mom. But sometimes its more symbolic or metaphorical. For example, if you dream about your dad being the perpetrator, perhaps it could symbolize the ways he makes you feel uncomfortable in your own body. Especially with trauma, it's natural for dreams to be a way to process and make sense of your experiences.

While it's okay for families to be physically affectionate, it must come with a certain level of care and respect for others' boundaries, which sounds absent in your family dynamic. It sounds like your family crosses physical and sexual boundaries under the guise of "normal" affection. Normalizing this behavior is what enables the abuse to continue. Please know that your body is yours and you deserve the right to say who can or cannot interact with it.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can best help you process your trauma, the dreams you've been having, and equip you with useful coping tools that you can take with you along your healing journey.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw sa #tw csa #tw r #💛

[aftonfamilyvalues]

My mother was an abusive narcissist. Basically she knew I was being sexually abused by my father and was too afraid to leave him/hated me for the fact he was gross towards me and denied it, both parents spread lies to hide the abuse.

Once I was an adult and I’m 21 being threatened by my father over making a savings account, yea I’m reaching out to social workers (who ended up not believing me/took advantage of me as their new cash cow/I’m on disability…. Benefits initially went into my mother’s account. Guess that made her like a pimp I mean she didn’t work, stealing my benefit… they never had any intention of giving it to me.)

Talking to regular women and feminist women online is what got me out of that situation. Like telling me my rights and what resources.

I planned no contact. Father was stalking me via proxy and his police position. I was glad when she died. She obeyed him. She as an obedient slave, I would’ve had a stalker for life.

When my mom died, my Father made comments like “she won’t have to worry about wrinkles now. “ and “she was only 110 pounds.” Or “I’ll have 2 wives in the celestial kingdom now.”

I use to fantasize about killing them both. Sometimes I feel like I killed my mother, like I was her oxygen, she claimed I had special needs ; mormon church says women need to get married? But I’m too scared my father will violate me for having a bf/I dare in secret then ghost because I’m terrified he’s clearly painting a message that I’m “his.” Just tell everyone I’m autistic and don’t like to be touched and may never get married.

I feel anguish and sad I never experienced romantic love, wish I did as a teenager (because obvious men are unsafe, ) but murderous rage that basically my father felt entitled to my body, and humiliated about what that must say about me and my own mother didn’t care but she died because she was scared of folks finding out she was a horrible mother; nothing showed in the autopsy. Prior to her death she manically went around asking if I was talking about me, read my diary, started hitting me, etc.

This feel violated and my therapist suggested I needed romance to heal which makes me cringe because she didn’t get it, the concept of romantic love to me growing up was the concept of “pure” verses damaged Good’s. I did feel “clean” when I’d engage in sexuality at one point, (and the froze up and ghosted and felt guilty for hurting his feelings but I was scared/conscious I was being abused/had been molested and could go through that again, during intimate touching/never lead to sex or kissing because j froze. I feel a sense of sadness and regret and regret of never experienced a healthy sexuality or been the gate keeper of my own sexually.

I basically can never heal cause it all happened while I was developing. They claimed I was developmentally delayed.

My mother carried it to her grave but I think she died because I started telling the truth. I feel betrayed and angry even at her dying to preserve her image, as if she died on purpose.

I don’t think I’ll ever have a healthy sexuality, or ever feel good enough, and hate that I never got to grieve cause Instead seen as crazy for grieving/ evidently I just need to get over it and be “normal.” As if I even ever got to be normal in the first place.

I’m glad my mom died, somehow I always felt it was my job to save her when she abondoned me, constantly wanted her to like me, but she didn’t , felt guilty about going no contact, and scared, but it was a massive relief. And angry, cause now there no closure. I wish I had let her hit me, let her beat me, she couldn’t hid it anymore so she died.

this is one of the most awful things ive ever read, im so sorry you went through all this

#ask

[prisonpodcast]

Vent under cut tw queerphobia

Usually I don’t think about it too much but it just hit me that my parents would really not like me if they find out I like girls. Like I don’t think I’ll ever directly tell them at all, especially not until I move out, but like man. If they find out it could completely ruin our whole relationship. It’s wild to think about it, and I think that’s why I try not to 😭

Idk I’m just feeling a little down rn. My mom gets upset at any difference from the norm. She even gave me a lecture today about why I have to wear a bra because “it dosent look good without it” when I made a comment about mine causing me back pain and making me uncomfortable. And she’s made comments about lesbians being gross (I’m not a lesbian but like she probably thinks the same of any wlw). And my dad is like. Idk how to explain it but like Ben Shapiro/Matt Walsh pilled? Like he watches those people so his opinions are uh. Yeah.

It dosent help that I have a “friend” (I’m pretty pissed at her rn) that’s extremely queerphobic to both me and my other queer friend. We got into a screaming match argument like a week ago bc she said she would drop my other friend if he changed his pronouns (he was trying to test the waters to see if it was safe to come out to her as trans and it didn’t go well). And in the argument she made loads of crazy ass comments to both of us. I was doing most of the arguing back but she said things like we were both queer bc of mental illness and trauma. And she said I was probably “interpreting my feelings wrong” when it came to attraction towards girls. And she made a “joke” about how I probably SA people because I’m gay and when I was like wtf is wrong with you she was like “you called me transphobic” and I was like???? BECAUSE YOU ARE??? She said she would drop our friend because he’s trans?????

And she doesn’t think she’s homophobic because she reads BL porn and she doesn’t think she’s transphobic because she didn’t send hate to Elliot Page and Hunter Schafer 🤦‍♀️

Idk if this is coherent I know it’s pride month and like yayyy it’s ok to be gay and all but I really wish I wasn’t it actually really sucks that people will just have a problem with your existence for no reason and you just have to deal with all these extra problems cishet people will never know about or understand and if you say anything about it you’re a sensitive snowflake who should just get over themselves ☹️

Like the online spaces I’m in really had me fooled for a good long minute about how the world really feels about queer people. Because it’s not good. I’m just glad I can come on here and see everyone be so accepting and nice because without this my mental health would probably be a lot lot worse

And I think I’ve mentioned that I go to an all girl’s Catholic school? But the school is like really accepting lol we have a LGBTQ+ club and there’s pride flags all around rn and everything lmfao. It’s nice that that’s a safe space too even if some of the students are really queerphobic, but that’s to be expected anywhere. It just sucks that all these pride flags everywhere make it seem like the world is very supportive when it really just isn’t. And the people who are unsupportive think it is because of all the pride shit everywhere and then I have to listen to complaints about how queer people are overreacting because “everyone is accepting now look at all the rainbows, you don’t face any oppression” and it’s just so 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ SHUT UP how would you even know anyways you haven’t spend one single day being queer just shut up you don’t know what it’s like to constantly be scared of losing friendships and having your relationships with your loved ones be fucked up over something you have zero control over just shut up you don’t know anything 😭😭

[chainofclovers]

🎉, 👀, 🧠 for Roy and Rebecca (separately or together 🤠) for the fic ask!

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

This weekend I was beset by an intense desire to write a story from the POV of Ted's mom before we receive any new canonical information about Ted in s3. For now I'll just say that Ted's mom comes to London and meets a lot of people and gets to see some new sides of her son through observing him with the people who know him well. All I've got so far is a few paragraphs and a very rough outline, but I'm really hoping this is going to work. I can already feel that I'm going to have one of those experiences where I am thinking about every word and questioning everything I know about all the established characters because making up a character we haven't seen before and having her central is SCARY. But it's one thing I haven't really done in the context of writing about Ted's family (I've killed Ted's mom, written about her being homophobic and judgmental and a side character, and written her totally off-screen being a cool person, but I haven't really focused on her and written something about who I'd most want her to be), so I wanna make it happen and soon!

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

That is a great question! I don't really know how to put my finger on it; sometimes I just feel like the way I paced something and articulated something captured a very minute little detail in the way I wanted. That's part of it. And I guess the other part is when someone points out that same line or moment in the comments? Like that would be a super-success, haha.

I definitely feel like my fics vary a lot in terms of how successful I consider them, but if it's truly unsuccessful I just abandon it and it never gets posted. I kind of wish I understood myself more on this, but it's probably good that I don't.

🧠 Pick a character, and I’ll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

OK I'm gonna be extra about this and give you headcanons for them as individuals regardless of relationship status, them in a monogamous relationship with each other, and them within the context of the love square. :)

This got really long so I'm throwing it behind a cut.

I am completely obsessed (in any and all relationship/household contexts for Roy) with the idea of Roy basically starting to share custody of Phoebe with his sister. My feeling is that Rachel (a favorite headcanon about Roy's sister is that her name is Rachel, lol) is a great mom, but she's had to make a lot of sacrifices for her success at work, and single parenting full-time just isn't going to be what is best for her or for Phoebe. I feel like I've written about this a decent amount; there's something that really appeals to me about a "non-traditional" (within a certain cultural context) child-rearing arrangement that comes about without necessarily having to be centered around dysfunction. (Not that stories about dysfunction aren't important to tell too!) I feel sooooo many emotions about Roy having been this person who couldn't really conceive of life after playing football, and how intense it is in s1 to see him spending time with Phoebe as his career is ending, and for her affirmations of him to be one of the thing that helps him break through to believing he's got other things of value to offer the world even if it takes him a long time to get there. I think the amount of Roy and Phoebe we get in canon is perfect, but I would like to read and write one million words of fic about the family commitment that leads to Roy thriving as a caregiver.

I think about kebab church constantly.

I feel like my biggest headcanon obsession for Rebecca is just around kind of putting together everything we know about what she values and imagining what it would be like for her to be truly intimate with other people and honest with herself about what she wants? We see it in glimpses so far—such as in the alley with Ted when she's too focused on taking care of him to feel self-conscious about her kindness, and her conversations with Keeley in 1x9, when she and Roy talk about parenting (in the form of uncle-ing and godmother-ing), and in maybe a flash or two of her moments with Sam—but it's almost always complicated for her shortly after the moment when she gives of herself. We also rarely see her alone and unfiltered. I think that's part of why the moment when she's trying to find Ted and picks up his jacket in the locker room HITS SO HARD in the perfect way. It's so rare that her face is just doing something entirely on its own, with the emotion is shining out, unencumbered by any regulation. So yeah, it's really enjoyable for me to conceive of a future version of Rebecca who can laugh about sex and share of herself without immediately correcting it and live longer in those sustained moments of sharing. Because those moments are so good when they happen and I feel like Hannah Waddingham has revealed the perfect amount about Rebecca so far through her amazing control over her beautiful face!

With Rebecca and Roy together, I think my favorite headcanon I've had for them in the past might be thinking about Rebecca adopting a cat and Roy feeling hesitant to let the cat into his heart because a) pets die and b) it would mean making this thing with Rebecca more of a forever-thing because he can't just co-parent a cat without taking the commitment seriously.

Even though I enjoy it when others write it, I'm not that compelled by the thought of writing pre-canon Rebecca/Roy. I'm too enamored by the idea of Ted and Rebecca both having sex for the first time post-marriage on the same night! But it's a fun thing to explore. I'm just more likely to want to write them establishing a relationship in the present day...

...like with the love square! Some stuff about them in that context that I either write about a lot or assume is true without writing about it much: When they're staying in the same house, they really value going to bed at the same time. They're the most likely to want to just shut the TV off and turn in. They're very sexually compatible and have a lot of sex on their own. They've been observing each other for years, so now that they're in a relationship they will always advocate for the other's happiness. Rebecca is good at helping Roy translate Keeley and Ted's emotions, although she has to make sure she's not translating in a way that bypasses him needing to have his own conversations. Roy is good at helping Rebecca slow down and connect with what is important. They're both good at being quiet together, but they talk a bit more than you might initially think.

From fanfic writer emoji ask.

#itsagutthing #fic writer emoji ask meme #meme #asks #ted lasso #hot dork club #roy x rebecca #ted x rebecca x keeley x roy

[strawberrydykke]

long post basically about nothing

omg up at night and can't sleep which always leads you to make good decisions. anyway i was looking at my ex's sister's reddit account and she made a comment probably about ME. where she said i was really awful to her and to my ex and that her family only invited me to events because they didn't want my ex to isolate himself from them or feel like he had to defend me. and like idk! everyone has their own memory of things. mine is that she was always super rude to me, talked over me, literally transphobic lol. we got in maybe two arguments over the two years that i dated her brother. other than that i didn't like her, but i think i was usually polite. obviously she would disagree. who's to say.

i don't think i was awful to my ex either. i don't think we were compatible, i think he really fucked me over in some ways. i know that i teased him a lot, but i thought that it was good natured couple ribbing, but he took it more seriously, and never communicated that to me until it all came pouring out like a year in. i feel bad about that but at the same time he never told me it bothered him, so like that just sucks! i think i was also nice to him, waaaaaaaaay too understanding of a lot of things (constantly blowing me off, slut shaming me LOL, generally being kind of sexist and racist toward me/my family). i think i supported him, helped him with school, helped him find a job, etc. like it wasn't a perfect relationship, but we were literally 19 so that's normal lol. maybe he thinks i was totally awful, which would be fair, breakups tend to color your view. i thought he was awful for a long time. now i just don't really care. he's a person, i'm a person, we both made mistakes. i don't really wish him well in life but i don't wish him harm either lol. it just doesn't concern me.

to be honest i think i am SUPER bothered by the idea that his whole family hated me and was just trying to keep me from isolating him or something. like obviously, i wouldn't have tried to isolate him from his family. i wouldn't have been mad if he went to family events without me, and i don't think i portrayed that. it's not like i butted in and insisted that i always be invited, and honestly i went to a lot more things than i wanted to because i wanted them to like me! like i am kind of just hoping that this is his sister being dramatic and extrapolating.

i was never that close with either of his parents and my relationship with his dad was always SUPER awkward but i really cared for his mom. she was really nice to me and i have unresolved mommy issues lol. i would like to think i was nice to her back and that she liked me. it's really hurtful to think that maybe she didn't and that it was all an act.

anyway. I will definitely talk about this in therapy lol but IN GENERAL. i'm not going to spiral about this. i think it's fair to have conflicted feelings on the mom thing but i'm not going to let it convince me that i'm actually an awful person or something and i've only tricked people into liking me. i have plenty of great qualities and i have some that aren't so great! but so does everyone else, nobody is perfect. i have friends and i have had a fair amount of romantic interests since then that clearly didn't think i was the worst person on earth. sooooo many people see value in me and think that i enrich their life and i'm not gonna argue with that. not everyone has to like me for all of this to be true and unfortunately sometimes that might include people i see as maternal figures. it seems like a bigger deal that it is because of my issues but really it's okay.

#personal

[kimtaegis]

You truly don’t have to read this or respond but i truly do need to get this off my chest

I found out today that my 13 year old cousin is secretly 12 weeks pregnant. Her and her parents didn’t want ANYONE (including her older brothers) knowing but a extremely small handful but my sister was one that she told and my sister passed it to me. Since then my brain had been racing and and I’ve been trying to hold back the tears. How can a girl who only knew a guy two weeks and was 4 years older then her end up pregnant when I’ve been longing to be since I turned 18. I know that I wouldn’t even be able to have a baby yet considering never even had a boyfriend so being jealous of someone 10 years younger then me is childish but I truly does hurt. I’ve cried hundreds of times over how bad I want to be pregnant and the fact that I’ll probably never have a chance to because of how scared I am of men. What makes it worse is I’ve had multiple people for years tell me that I need to have a baby because of how much I love kids and how good I am with them and on the outside I play it cool and just say “maybe someday” but on the inside I’m dying. I know that I have plenty of time but with the pressure of people I’ve gone to school with already settling down and my IG and TikTok being flooded with pregnancy and babies plus those like my sister and cousins constantly saying that I need a boyfriend so I can have my dream come true to the point my sister literally jokes all the time that she’ll give me her first born if she becomes a teen mom because I’ll never have one because I don’t have a boyfriend, I truly am going insane. However I’m nowhere close to being able to have a baby physically, mentally or emotionally so I obviously wouldn’t seek out to try but part of me so badly wishes for a Mary moment to happen😔

my love, I won’t say much, but I will say this: have patience, good things will come to good people. And be honest to those people that obviously haven’t quite grasped yet how much this means to you, and tell them that these jokes and that topic in general makes you hurt. You shouldn’t have to suffer more than you already do without these side comments. I also want to remind you that in today’s time, you don’t need a man to be a mom, okay? if this is truly something that you want and that you’re ready for, if this is something that would fulfil you, then it’ll happen, and there’s many options how it could. I hope you’ll feel better soon 🤍

#anon #annie’s mail

[my-makeshift-masquerade]

I just realized that it is not normal or healthy that I haven’t asked for any specific gifts since I was like, 7 years old…

I have always been the “whatever you can give me is fine” type. I won’t react too differently if you just wish me happy birthday or give me a gift. Even if the gift is something I will never use that will be collecting dust. As long as you acknowledge my existence and at least show some evidence you sort of care about me on those days, I am more than content. You could literally give me a piece of dog shit, and I would just be happy you cared enough to give me that. Apparently that’s not natural…at all?

I’ve been thinking about how my toxic mother gives gifts outside of special occasions constantly, and then says “That’s your birthday/christmas gift. Look how much that costed me. Say thank you and remember this if/when you’re not seeing any big gifts on your birthday/christmas.” Then the holiday would come around, I’d get little gifts that I may not have liked or wanted, but I’d feel shame if I complained since at least I got something. This resulted in me never ever requesting anything for my birthday, even when my parents asked me and said I never got what I wanted because I just never give them any ideas.

I had ideas for things we could do on that day, usually suggested by my parents and left for me to choose which one, but them abiding by that was yet another gift I was hounded about and made to thank them for several times. Often the gifts I got on those days were nice things others commented my mom was so considerate for getting me, even if they didn’t reflect my interests at all. Last year, I said I wanted a simple carrot cake to use as my birthday cake. Literally it could be the cheapest carrot cake, not even decorated. For me it was always the feelings behind a gift that mattered more than superficialities.

Instead of doing that, my mom bought a decorated birthday cake and a carrot cake. She got me two cakes, and when I asked why considering I just asked for one, she told me that it wasn’t a big deal… Like she hadn’t been guilting me for eating her groceries for that entire year up until this point? I texted a family friend about it and they responded; “Well, that was very sweet of her!” I was so confused, and I felt ashamed she bought me more than one cake. I couldn’t pinpoint why… Until now.

Just recently, my mom put the car that she used all my money to pay off in my name, and somehow didn’t realize or research how expensive it was to do that before we got there. I gave her all the cash in my wallet because she demanded compensation, and then said all of this was my birthday gift. Then not even a week later, she got me a passport, another very expensive and seemingly not very urgent thing. I got lectured the whole ride home about how the passport would allow me to do fun things so it was also part of my birthday gift.

My birthday is on the 10th of July, and I am grimacing at the thought of my mom suddenly going all out for my birthday just to make me confused… It has kept me up at night worrying about what they plan to do for my birthday this year. What lovely facebook post is my mom gonna make saying she’s “so proud of her bunbun”… It’s all a lie… Just yesterday she demanded excessive thanks from me because she made spaghetti and I had some… Like screaming at me for multiple expressions of gratitude levels of demanding.

I’ve realized that I dread my own birthdays…and it’s made me feel really sad inside. This is supposed to be a happy time in my life, and here I am just… scared. It’s like being trapped in a reality tv show, and everything is happy and perfect and bright. Yet you are aware that the only reason the rest of the cast loves you is because they need to act that way for things to function…so anything nice feels like a transaction you’ll have to pay for later… Now at least I understand why my anxiety gets so high around my birthday, though…

#i may need to just lie down for a bit #shut up becca #venting #actuallyautistic #toxic mother #just…this isn’t how everyone elses parents behaved? #this is so weird