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purplesurveys · 4 years

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1001

survey by voicedance16

Name A...

Name yourself: I said this like, seven surveys ago. To make things different, I share my name with a bird and Rihanna’s first name.

Name (one of) your best friend(s): Angela. Sister for life.

Name 3 things in your fridge/freezer: We have a loaf of white bread, a near-empty bottle of Japanese mayonnaise, and a tub of liver.

Name a color you're wearing currently: Pink and orange. I ended up going to the virtual Halloween party at work - went as Dora - and it was a blast. I’m SO glad impersonating our characters didn’t turn out to be mandatory; I just sat there and was happy to be there, lmao.

Name the last thing you ate: A ham sandwich.

Name the last store you went to: Does the vet count? They sell pet food over there, so it’s kind of like a store I guess. I went last weekend because Cooper needed a heartworm test and a couple of shots.

Name the song you're listening to: Nada.

Name the artist of that song: See above.

Name your favorite animal: Dogs! Elephants are a close second.

Name what pets you have, if any: I have two dogs, an aspin and a beagle.

Name the town/state you live in: I won’t give away the city, but I will say Metro Manila is a literal stone’s throw away. I live right at the border.

Name something commonly ordered at Starbucks: Like...in general? I’m not aware of the most common food/drink ordered by other people but if I had to pick a guess, I know frappes are popular among my age group and the age group before us and that java chip is a popular flavor. But if you’re just referring to my usual, I like getting an iced caramel macchiato.

Name the last person you talked to in person: My dad. They gave us a box of Halloween donuts AND cake pops at work today :’) so I just asked my dad if he wanted a donut.

Name the last person you talked to on the phone: Mom. But my last call in general was a Zoom call with the entire company just a few minutes ago for the Halloween party.

Name the current day of the week: Today issss Wednesday.

Name the current month: October.

Name the current time: 6:55 PM.

Name the last movie you watched: I’m Thinking of Ending Things, blech. Need a happier movie to mention.

Name the last book you read: I’ve mentioned it too many times on a lot of recent surveys.

Name a place you've been on vacation: Bali.

Name a place you'd like to go on vacation: I desperately need to go back to Sagada, or at least Tagaytay. I think visitors are already allowed to go to the latter so I’m really eyeing a solo, soul-searching trip soon. As for places I’ve never been to before but would make for interesting vacations, I’d go with Chicago and Marrakesh.

Name 3 things you can see from where you're sitting: I can see an empty mug that used to contain coffee, a box of cake pops, and a purple pen.

Name your favorite musical: Miss Saigon.

Name an animal (any): The first animal that came to mind was dragonfly.

Name a fruit: Avocado, the only bitch in the house that I ever respected.

Name a vegetable: Broccoli, my favorite.

Name a common breakfast food: Where I live, beef tapa.

Name a color: Dandelion.

Name a type of flower: ...Dandelion!

Name a type of tree: Pine. Not that we have any here lol, but it’s the first kind I thought of.

Name a city: Uhh, idk. Let’s go with Seattle.

Name a state: I first thought of Wisconsin because I have a lot of family living there.

Name a country: Let’s go outside of the States and go with Sweden.

Name a continent: Asia.

Name a planet: Mars.

Name a girl's name: Clara. Such a pretty-sounding name.

Name the last person to comment you on Facebook: I haven’t had Facebook in weeks and I genuinely can’t remember from whom I received my last comment before I deactivated.

Name a clothing store/brand: Mango.

Name the last book you got at the library: It’s called History of the Filipino People, written by one of my great-uncles.

Name a restaurant: Max’s, even though their food sucks.

Name a grocery store: SM.

Name an iPhone app: Like, an Apple-exclusive app? I think Keynote is one of them.

Name an actor: Eddie Redmayne! One of my favorites.

Name an actress: Kate Winslet, my biggest crush through and through.

Name a music group: Destiny’s Child.

Name your favorite/lucky number: I don’t have a lucky number, but 4 is my favorite. I don’t have a solid reason for it to be my favorite; it just is.

Name something you've accomplished: Graduating college from my dream school in my (then-)dream degree/course.

Name something you'd like to accomplish: Travel, and travel a lot.

Name someone who makes you laugh: Andi made me smile and chuckle a bit today, so let’s name them.

Name something exciting coming up soon: Nothing too specific, really. But I’m supposed to be receiving my internship cut any day now and it’s gonna be my first salary ever, so that’s pretty exciting :)

Name a song that makes you emotional: 26 by Paramore.

Name one of your pet peeves: People who call without texting or notifying beforehand. Holy fucking shit. A hiring manager did this exact thing to me yesterday and I rejected her call because she did not text first. I honestly have no regrets, and I wouldn’t have been bitter if she stopped pursuing me then.

Name someone you know who is an amazing singer: Hannah, without a doubt.

Name someone who is the same religion as you: JM.

Name a holiday you celebrate: Christmas. I can hardly believe another one is coming up soon.

Name the last 4 digits of your phone number: Uh, no thanks.

Name one of your cousins: Sam.

Name a book you loved when you were younger: I used to really love the Septimus Heap series by Angie Sage and I reread the first book, Magyk, more times than I could ever count.

Name a song you loved when you were younger: Big Girls Don’t Cry - Fergie.

Name your favorite movie: Two for the Road.

Name a popular book series: The Hunger Games, even though I never actually read it.

Name a musical instrument: A song played on a solo saxophone...

Name a language: German.

Name what other tabs you have open: On this window, just Bzoink. I just closed a YouTube tab.

Name 3 things on the walls of the room you're in: Audrey Hepburn wall decors, a painting that I’m trying to cover up with post-its to turn it into something positive, and uhhh my aircon is mounted to the wall if that counts lol

Name your house number: I’m not sharing that.

Name your high school: It’s an all-girls Catholic school in my city. I’ve shared the name before but I don’t feel like doing so tonight.

Name your college, if applicable: My college was in mass communication, but I went to university in UP.

Name your middle school: See high school.

name your elementary school Again, see high school.

Name the college you wish you went to/hope to go to: UP.

Name your favorite teacher: My music teacher throughout high school. I don’t like her subject, but I love her.

Name the color of your backpack: I haven’t had to use a backpack in a while but my main one is pink.

Name a dessert: Creme brulee. I don’t memorize which letters have those accent marks and I don’t feel like looking that up right now.

Name a famous landmark: Because I can clearly read the next question, the Statue of Liberty.

Name a place you might go in NYC: I’d go straight to my uncle’s so that he can show me the good spots. He has a lot of cool friends who run their own bars/restaurants in the city so if anyone knows how to have a good time in NYC without having to go to all the big tourist places, it’s him. GOD I can’t wait to go to New York.

Name an inventor: Hedy Lamarr.

Name an article of clothing: Scarves.

Name an ice cream flavor: Mint chocolate chip, yum.

Name a religion: Buddhism.

Name an emotion: Resentment.

Name a room in your house: My bedroom, because that’s where I’m staying in at the moment.

Name a website: Wikipedia.

Name a car: This is pretty vague. A kind of car? Hatchback. Are you looking for a make? Toyota. Or maybe a specific model? Honda Civic. I gotchu.

Name something you need to do today: SLEEP. I should not be awake at 11 PM.

Name someone you admire: Andi.

Name someone you miss: At the moment, nobody.

Name a part of the body: Elbow.

Name the last youtube video you watched: I bawled my eyes out to a video playing the audio to Ben&Ben’s Kathang Isip because that song makes so much goddamn sense and is relatable now. Can’t I just go back to a simpler time when that song was just fun to listen to and wasn’t actually relevant to my life? I hate music sometimes.

Name a quote you love: I don’t have one.

#survey #surveys #this was a challenge to make entertaining bleh

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sweethazzababy · 5 years

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Not So Professional- Chapter 2

Plot: Y/N gets the job as Harry Styles’s personal assistant. Working for him, she deals with the ups and downs of his career ranging from difficult breakups to music celebrations and everything in between. How will her and Harry’s relationship develop?

CHAPTER 1

A/N: YOU. GUYS. It has been very long since I’ve posted, and I feel so bad for leaving everyone with just one chapter up. Life got in the way lol and I honestly lost inspiration to write. Recently, I’ve been wanting to and I had some of this written already. I can’t promise you I’ll update every week or something, but I want to develop this story. Thanks guys :)

P.S. I apologize for any typos...it’s 1 am as I’m finalizing and posting lmao

Chapter 2

Nervously typing each digit one by one, I anticipate the dreaded phone call with my mother. Her and I never really saw eye for an eye. We have completely different ways of viewing life, which always results in many arguments and pointless bickering. At the youthful age of 18, I had decided to move out after graduation and figure out life for myself. She of course, was absolutely livid. Ever since then, there’s been a lot of unspoken tension and distance. However, I miss her sometimes. She’s my mom, and although we have many differences I constantly wish we didn’t end things the way they ended those years ago. The only times I see her is for holidays, and every blue moon she’ll come to the city for lunch. Other than that, we don’t speak much at all.

But this news is something I have to tell her, especially since I’m going to be traveling the world assisting the world’s biggest heartthrob. Reluctantly, I take a breath and hold the phone up to my ear. Out of an anxious habit I tap my nails against the counter while rolling my ankle as my elbows rest on the granite. It rings a few times, and I start to pray she doesn’t answer. Until the ringing cuts and I hear a sigh.

“Y/N?” She sounds surprised. Shocked that I’m calling her at such a random time. My heart sinks at her tone and I realize how long it’s been. My mouth is dry and my mind is reeling, words jumbling in my head not knowing what to say back.

“Hi Mom. I-uh..I am calling um..because tomorrow there will be a uh, a big change.” I stumble, taking big gulps as I speak. My voice is trembling just a tad, and I know she can feel how nervous I am through the phone.

“What do you mean?” Her volume lowers, her voice timid. My fingers grasping my phone start to ache and I realize how tightly I’m holding it, knuckles turning white.

“I got offered um, a very, very large promotion… One I never expected and uh I was told today, but I’m leaving tomorrow… to London.” My rambling picks up as I speak, just wanting this conversation to be over. My eyes wander the room as I start biting my lip gently waiting for her response. I can tell she’s speechless, not knowing what to say.

“Oh wow…Y/N that’s, that’s amazing.” She breathlessly responds, a hint of pride in her tone. A small smile creeps onto my face, not believing this. She’s happy for me. Never in a million years did I think she would be proud of something I’ve done. She’s been holding a grudge ever since I left, ignoring every accomplishment I’ve had. But this time, she cares. And she’s proud. A few lone tears prick the corners of my eyes. Rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of my emotions, I wipe them away quickly.

“Thank you Mom…I’ll be assisting Harry Styles. I’ll be…traveling the world. This is something I have dreamed about.” I start getting more comfortable, telling her how excited I am.

The conversation continues on for only a few minutes, but my heart warms at the way it turned out. We said our goodbyes, she wished me luck and to send her pictures of the places I see. She finally sees that I’m successful and doing just fine on my own, even though I left her at such a young age. And that’s all I could have wanted from her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s about 6:00 now. I’m sitting on my bedroom floor with clothes and other miscellaneous objects scattered all around. Having to leave so last minute is incredibly stressful and I find myself not knowing whether to pack one item over another. Groaning in frustration I decide to get my Bluetooth speaker. Maybe playing some music will make this a little bit more enjoyable. As I’m scrolling through my lists of playlists on Spotify, a thought popped into my head. Rather than choosing one of my playlists I go to the search bar and type in “Harry Styles”.

Curiously scrolling through his 10 songs, I click on the song Only Angel. Immediately a choir blasts through my speaker and it’s almost like a sense of euphoria is washing over me. A little bit of piano comes into play making the beginning even more dreamy. As I’m getting used to the angelic sounds, all of the sudden a shriek of some sort interrupts. My heart feels like it’s about to break from my chest, and I jump from the unanticipated change of sound. What I thought would be a relaxing tune, turns into a rock song. When he starts singing my breath start to hitch in my throat. I’m quick to notice the rasp in his voice, like I’m wanting more and more as he sings so passionately within the first verse.

Open up your eyes, shut your mouth and see That I'm still the only one who's been in love with me I'll guess I'll be getting you stuck in between my teeth And there's nothing I can do about it

The attitude radiating from his lyrics is oddly attractive. I’ll have to admit that this is a lot different than his One Direction stuff, and like it even more. It’s refreshing to see a former boyband member go in a different direction other than pop. It tells me he appreciates really good music that actually uses instruments. I continue to listen to the album as I pack and can’t help but fall in love with his music. Sign Of The Times is a tear jerker. Once the chorus hit me, I felt like I was frozen in time. The production, the raw emotion in his voice, his gorgeous vocals. It all hit me like a bus and the next thing you know, I have tears running down my cheeks.

But then I listened to From the Dining Table. Acoustics so soft and melancholy, his voice so low and quiet. The vulnerability and loneliness I felt from his lyrics took my heart and dropped it to the pit of my stomach. The hopefulness from the bridge as the melody and harmonies pick up that soon turned back into sadness as if all that hope vanished, left me absolutely breathless. The kind of pain he experienced, I hope he never has to go through again, oddly enough. His music makes me feel instantly connected to him, a power not many artists have. He’s an incredible musician, and I’m disappointed in myself for never realizing it earlier. I think back to the picture I was shown and my heart flutters again. With a voice and looks like that, let’s hope his personality is decent too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Beep…beep…beep. My blaring iPhone alarm disrupts my sleep and my first instinct is to grab it and chuck it across the room so I can fall back into a slumber. I groggily turn over on my stomach shoving the pillow over my head, groaning hoping it would stop on its own as if it’s alive. Having enough of the disrupting noise making my ears bleed, I bring myself to roll on my side and grab my phone from my bedside table. While pressing the stop button I glance at the time. 7:00 AM. I know that it’s not super early, but on days I normally have off I developed a habit of sleeping in till 12. It’s like my body knows what day it is. My plane leaves at 1. I should leave my apartment by 11:45 to get to JFK and give myself some time before my plane boards. These thoughts are running through my head, as I’m trying to have some sort of plan for myself.

Mapping out my day in my head, I reluctantly get up and walk straight to the kitchen starting up my Keurig. Coffee is an absolute essential in the morning, or at any time for that matter. You don’t want to talk to me when I don’t have caffeine in my system. Luna comes trotting into the kitchen, her little legs moving at a fast pace giving me a bark good morning. Smiling, I pick her up in my arms and gently pet the top of her head as she licks my hand. My mom reluctantly agreed to take Luna while I’m away… to my surprise. It’s going to be hard not having her by my side like always.

After eating some breakfast and giving Luna her breakfast as well, I finish up the last of my packing. I throw on an oversized white sweater after my quick shower, feeling comfy for the long plane ride. I pair it with black leggings and throw on my black slip on Vans. Pulling my damp hair back into a French braid and putting on a little bit of makeup, I sigh realizing how soon I’ll be in a whole other country. At this point, it’s already 11:30. Before grabbing all of my bags, I give pick Luna up and cradle her into my arms. Holding her against me, I give a kiss to her head and I hug her a little too tight. My heart sinks at the fact that she has no clue what’s going on and she probably thinks I’ll be coming back after work like I usually do. I left a spare key for my mother so she’ll becoming by in an hour or so to pick her up. Opening my door, I give a last and longing look at my apartment and take a deep breath. Onto a new chapter in my life.

The airport is complete madness. I’ve always hated airports. The smells, the loud noises, people running to make it to their terminal while alsorunning into other people. Many times, I had to dodge myself from another person coming at me full force with a panic-stricken face. It’s about 12:45 so my plane could be boarding any minute. To occupy myself in the time I’ve been here I got myself another cup of coffee and read some magazines. There was an article about Harry Styles actually. Intrigued, I read it wanting to know more about the person I’m going to spend all of my time with. Something about a new fling. This boy is in the tabloids so much I wonder what’s true and what isn’t. No doubt, he’s a lady’s man.

Love on the Weekend, a song by John Mayer is playing through my headphones. The soothing tone of his voice and the calming melody helps keep me sane in the midst of such a fast-pace and crazy environment. Everyone else’s stress, stresses me out. As I’m reading through the magazine I hear the intercom notify us that my plane is now boarding. Grabbing all of my bags in my hands, I make my way onto the plane. London here I come.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The sudden bump of the airplane wakes me, along with some woman shaking my shoulder to tell me we’ve landed. Squinting my eyes because of the brightness I take a look out my window and see it’s pitch black. Oh. Right. It’s about 1:30 in the morning now.

I make my way off the plane into the UK airport. Jeff mentioned something about a car service coming to pick me up to take me to a hotel. Standing in front of the terminal my eyes are in a frenzy as I frantically look for a sign, anything, to let me know who is here for me. After about a minute of searching, I see a sign that reads “Y/N, Y/L/N”. Letting out a sigh of relief I walk over and shake the man’s hand. I have never had my own personal car service before so I’m pretty star-struck by all of this.

“Good morning Ms. Y/L/N.” The kind man greets me with a pleasant and cheeky grin. I chuckle to myself realizing he said good morning. After all, it is 1am.

“Good morning to you do!” I laugh, feeling a sense of comfort which is good since I’m in a huge country by myself

After exchanging some small talk with my chauffer, we get into the vehicle. Completely forgetting how I’m in Europe, he opens the driver side door which happens to be on the right side rather than the left. Glancing out the window I try and see what’s outside, what London looks like. The blackness of the early morning is preventing me to see nearly anything though.

We finally pull up to the hotel, and I thank the driver while giving him a generous tip. This hotel is absolutely gorgeous. My eyes wander the room in awe. I walk inside with my bags and right away, a bell hop helps me out and gives me a cart to push everything. I walk up to the front desk and give them my name. Jeff also said he already booked about two weeks for me. I can’t be anymore grateful for everything he and his team have provided to make sure I’m comfortable. Eventually I’m going to use my savings and the money I make to pay for it myself and hopefully rent a small apartment here in London. I retrieve my room key and make my way up the elevator towards my room. After getting settled in, I lie in bed on my laptop. I received a few emails from Jeff informing me of the address and time I need to be at the office by. Seeing the time, I decide it’s probably a smart idea to get some sleep and turn off the light, close my eyes, and nervously await the next day.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Stepping foot out of the car, I take a look at the building in front me. It’s quite small, definitely not as big SONY back in the States. I was told this was a casual meeting, so I wore a pair of dark skinny jeans, a nice blouse that shows off a tiny bit of cleavage, and black heels. I tried my best to look good since I am meeting Harry today. I just can’t get his face out of my mind. The way he smirks, his dimples peeking through completely erasing the intimidating look only to make him seem absolutely adorable. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I tell myself that this is a job. Professional.

I walk into the building and meet up with Jeff. Finally meeting him in person, he has dark hair and dark eyes. Scruff on his chin and around his face forming a little bit of a beard. He has a youthful and relaxing glow to him, calming my nerves. There’s no need to feel so uptight

“Ahh finally I meet the famous Y/N!” he gives me a big cheery smile and pulls me into a hug. I let out a giggle and return his hug.

“I can’t believe I’m finally here…it’s so surreal.” I say breathlessly. He smirks, looking down at his feet and clasping his hands together.

“I know but trust me it’s an opportunity you wouldn’t want to miss.” He leads me down the hall and into a room with a few couches and a table. “I figured it would be a little bit more comfortable and casual to meet Harry in a place that isn’t a business room.” He explains to me, shrugging his shoulder.

I feel the sweat on my palms start to kick in and rub them along my jeans. The nerves start to settle in at the thought of meeting Harry. Jeff and I talk a little bit before all of the sudden there is a quick knock on the door. My heart feels like it’s beating outside of my chest, assuming Harry Styles is standing on the other side of that door.

“Yeah!” Jeff yells casually as he scrolls through his phone.

My eyes are peeled on the door when it opens, my teeth gently biting into my bottom lip. Harry walks in with that damn smirk on his face. He’s wearing a plain white t shirt, his tattoos running all along his left arm. My eyes try and keep up with all of them, trying to decipher each one. The swallows on his chest near his collarbones are peeking through the top. His pants are not what I expected from him. They’re black, high-waisted, and are extremely flowy and loose around his legs. I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t want a pair, noticing how comfortable they look. He has a pair of black sunglasses on the top of his head, pushing back his locks in the front. Curls are peaking through near his neck, behind his ears. So endearing.

He’s even more lovely in person.

Then finally, he sets eyes on me. His blue-green irises meet with mine and I feel my breath leave my body for a split second. As he’s staring at me, I notice his eyes glance down at my top, setting on the cleavage I’ve shown. He bites his bottom lip as he looks at me, and I can’t help but blush and look down at my feet. This interaction only lasted about 2 seconds, but it felt like it was moving in slow motion. He strides over to me and puts his hand out for me to shake

“Hello. My name is Harry.” The deep and husky tone rumbles through his throat. He speaks at a slower pace and his eyes are even more mesmerizing close up. He gives me a little smile, dimples on full display, crinkles by the corners of his eyes. I grab his hand and return the shake, his palm engulfing my small one. The warmth radiating from his hand is a comfortable one, and it sends shivers down my spine. He has multiple rings on his fingers, something I find very attractive. After shaking hands, I immediately wipe my clammy hands against my legs once more.

“Hi. Y/N Y/L/N, your new personal assistant.” I say with a friendly tone, giving him a smile back. I tuck a loose strand behind my ear shyly. He takes note of it and gives me another smirk, chuckling to himself at my awkwardness.

“Here, have a seat while we chat a bit.” His British accent is a little more obvious this time around. Jeff tells us he has to take a few phone calls and leaves the room. Harry sits opposite of me, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. The metal of the rings are glistening in the light, catching my eye. He has a ring shaped as an H and one as an S right next to it. Peering my eyes away, I try not to make my curiosity too obvious. The fact that he has personalized rings like that, makes me wonder how much money he actually has. I can tell he noticed my gaze, a small smirk forming on his face. But he doesn’t acknowledge it and continues with the conversation. We already have a nonverbal understanding of each other and I just met him.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself Y/N. Obviously, we’re going to be workin’ with each other every day, so I figured I could get to know yeh now.” Harry rambles on, clearly unsure of what to say.

“Well, I-uh, I’m from New York City. I originally worked at the SONY headquarters, but obviously I’m not anymore.” Harry jokingly rolls his eyes and laughs at my comment. “Um, I have a dog named Luna, but my mother is taking care of her while I’m gone, and uh yeah.” I finish not really sure what else to say. I’m sure he can feel my awkwardness from here and my cheeks heat up at the thought. Why am I so embarrassing?

“As entertaining as that was, that’s not what I meant.” Harry replies cheekily, a small chuckle leaving his lips. Blushing, I glance down at my shoes wanting to avoid his gaze because of my embarrassment.

“What are some favorite things of yours? Maybe we’ll find common ground or somethin’. I don’t know…like, your favorite ice cream flavor, or favorite movie. Both very important questions f’me if I’m honest.” Harry explains with a playful tone and I struggle to find the answers before I respond. I just feel so overwhelmed at this entire situation, and I think he can feel it too. “I want to get to know Y/N. Not Y/N Y/L/N from SONY.”

Harry looks into my eyes and gives me a comforting smile. He gives off such a calm and collective vibe that suddenly makes me feel a little less overwhelmed. I appreciate that. He makes it easy to talk to him. He raises his eyebrows, waiting for my answer. I giggle at the unprofessional and light-hearted reality of the situation.

“My favorite ice cream would have to be either cookie dough or mint chocolate chip…” Before continuing on I observe his facial expressions. At the mention of cookie dough his eyes light up but right when I mention mint chocolate chip, he scrunches his nose in disgust which makes me giggle. “What, you don’t like mint chocolate chip?”

“Toothpaste doesn’t belong in ice cream.” He quickly insisted.

“I don’t think so either.”

“Then why do yeh like mint chip?” His confusion is so adorable, but I try and keep a straight face.

“Because… it doesn’t taste like toothpaste. Mint and chocolate is such a good combination, you’re really missing out.” The fact that we’re having a serious debate over ice cream is so funny to me, but it makes me excited to work with him.

“Nope, not at all.” He scrunches his nose once more, and my heart flutters at the cuteness. “Okay enough about ice cream, favorite movie?”

“My favorite movie? That’s such a hard one, I mean I love so many movies I can’t pick just one.”

“Sorry love, yeh gotta choose. For my sake.” He light-heartedly says,,

“If I had to choose, oh God this is so embarrassing…the Little Mermaid. It’s been my favorite since I was little and I idolized Ariel” I giggle at my ridiculous answer. I’ve always found it childish and a little bit embarrassing to say that my favorite movie is some animated Disney movie, but it was a huge part of my childhood and I still love it.

“That’s actually quite cute that’s your favorite movie. But idolizing a mermaid? How’d you react when yeh found out they aren’t real?” Harry amusingly banters back. He runs his hand through his hair, lifting his sunglasses as he does so only to put them back on his head. Such a simple gesture, but it has me staring at the way his fingers glide through his locks.

Easing back into a more comfortable position, he rests his arm stretching it along the top of the couch and lifting his leg to rest it across his thigh. His casual form makes me self-conscious about my professional appearance. Harry also seems to be enjoying our conversation, and that eases my subtle nerves. Butterflies form in the pit of my stomach at the sight of him.

“Really? Everyone always makes fun of me for it since I’m 24 and admitting my favorite movie of all time is a fucking princess movie.” Harry chuckles, crinkles by his eyes forming. “I also was devastated when my mom broke the news. 10 year old me was mourning over the fact that mermaids don’t exist. I felt like my whole world was crashing down.” I reply with a grin, a more playful tone in my voice. He lets out a burst of laughter, his smile so wide and contagious it makes me break into a bigger smile.

“I’m curious, what’s your favorite movie?” I switch the roles, asking him. Giving a deep sigh Harry answers.

“The Notebook or Love Actually.” He says hesitantly. My jaw drops a little bit, surprised. His cheeks start to turn a shade of dark pink, expecting my surprised reaction. He lifts his hand and runs his fingers through his hair again, I’m assuming it’s a nervous habit.

“That makes me feel a lot better about my answer.” I joke with a laugh. “I can’t believe the famous Harry Styles’ favorite movie is a rom-com.”

“What can I say, Ryan Gosling is just too irresistible.” He jokes back, his eyes sparkling as we speak. I roll my eyes at the comment, shaking my head at the silliness of the conversation. The ease of our banter doesn’t go unnoticed and I can tell he’s thinking the same thing. It’s like we’ve known each other for years.

“He is, isn’t he?” I sigh, the image of Ryan Gosling in my head. I never expected Harry to be as playful and amusing as he is. The tabloids make him out to be this intimidating popstar, but all I see is a normal guy with a witty attitude.

“Okay so as much as I love this conversation, I have to lay down the procedures and rules of the job.” Harry states, rolling his eyes. Already, I know he’s going to be pretty laid back about it. “I’m not gonna be one of those guys that order you around asking you to fetch me a coffee, or a muffin, or anything ridiculous like that. You’re a friend not an assistant. Just helping me along the way”

His sincerity is something I’m already admiring. Not to mention his complete and utter kindness. For someone so famous, I’m surprised at how humble he appears to be. Jeff walks in as we speak some more, shoving his phone in his pocket.

“How’s it going?” He asks, plopping down next to me. A small smirk is on his face, eyes wandering from me to Harry.

“Great! Should be fun.” Harry replies, but he keeps his eyes on me with a devilish smile, dimples appearing at each corner. Blushing I tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

This is gonna be a ride.

A/N: Again, thank you for your patience! Let me know what you wanna see as I develop this story, I’m open to plot suggestions :) Also, let me know what you think in general, my DMs and requests are always open. Love you guys!!

If you haven’t yet, read Chapter 1 here

#Harry Styles #harry styles stories #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles one shots #harry styles story #harry styles book #harry styles tour #harry styles live on tour #harry styles fluff #harry styles fluffy #harry styles blurb #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fan #harry styles 2019 #harry styles chapter #harry styles lights up

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slamsams-blog · 4 years

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Goldeneye - #24WeeksofBond

24 Weeks of Bond continues this week with Goldeneye. Ask anybody who grew up with an N64 what their favorite Bond movie is. I’d be willing to bet 9 out of 10 of those people will tell you this film. I grew up with an N64, I knew the Goldeneye video game before I even knew it was a Bond Movie. The Goldeneye N64 game was my introduction to James Bond. Today, i feel like shouting from the mountain tops...I can now confidently say, that Goldeneye is my favorite Bond movie.

Besides the incredible amount of nostalgia playing multi-player Goldeneye in the basement of my best friends house almost every day after school - this movie is gritty, dark, witty, complex, and full of “punch you in the gut intensity”. Sean Bean plays 006, and it is the ultimate villain. Who would be a bigger adversary to Bond, then Bond himself? That’s how close 006 compares to 007. This film is as close to Bond vs. Bond that we will ever see. We also have the overtly sexual psychopath in Xenia Onotopp (Famke Janssen) and Boris Grishenko (Alan Cumming) a high level computer programmer and overall sleazy creep who uses “boobs” as his passwords.

It’s hard to top this cast of characters. It doesn’t end with the bad guys either, we have our seductive Natalya Simonova, who isn’t the obvious “sex appeal” pick, which is nice. When we first see her, she has a wool sweater on, a “Karen” hair cut, and a voice lower than mine - but she gets her shit done and nobody is going to tell her no. I love seeing Natalya boss Bond around, one of my favorite Bond girls for sure. We also are introduced to the new M, Judi Dench. Of course, with any new boss, there is chatter within the work force and M finds herself over hearing some of it. I do wish we had some moment where M proves her trust, but it’s all well and good in the end because she’s Judi Dench, the best M ever...with all due respect to Bernard Lee of course.

This movie starts hot, with Bond bungee jumping off a giant dam in Russia. He then infiltrates their military base where he meets up with his pal, 006 Alec Trevelyan. We see them tackling this mission together, but Alec finds himself in trouble. Bond decides to improv, and adjusts the timers to 3 minutes instead of 6 - but Alec gets killed despite following orders. Bond is now pissed. He manages to escape by driving off a cliff to catch a falling airplane.

This is probably the most eye-rolling part of this movie. I can suspend my disbelief more than most (I’m a pro wrestling fan), but this is just non-sense. He manages to catch up to the nose diving airplane, get in, buckle up, adjust the rear view mirror, throw on some AC/DC for the road, and escape. We see the bombs going off, Bond has completed this mystery mission. We never really find out what the mission was for. I guess just to introduce us to Oromov and Trevelyan who will become key figures later on.

We come back from an intoxicating rendition of “Goldeneye” sung by Tina Turner, and we are now 9 years into the future. Think of all the potential movies we missed out on in those 9 years! We see Bond in Monaco being evaluated where he meets a crazy speed demon who turns out to be Xenia. Bond later goes to a casino where he find Xenia there and starts to realize that something troubling is brewing. After further digging, he finds out she has a connection to the Janus Group - a crime syndicate who has an unknown leader. Not really sure what Bond is doing in Monaco. Was he on holiday? Was he sent there for something in particular?

ANYWAY (thanks mom), Xenia ends up killing an admiral with her apparent titanium alloy thighs during a hot night and steals a “Tiger” helicopter that can withstand any sort of electro magnetic blast. Bond doesn’t get to it in time, and the helicopter takes off. Now Bond is really curious...and pissed. General Oromov from the opening and Xenia set off one of the Goldeneye satellites which trigger an electro magnetic pulse, destroying every type of computer generated device. They then enlist the help of Boris, who had just hacked into the FBI security system all nonchalantly before having a cig.

The Goldeneye destroys the area and Oromov tries to cover it up by blaming it on British separatists. But doesn’t realize that Natalya had survived the blast. Bond now wants to meet thee Janus, and goes to see a russian mafia don who Bond has had history with and gets a meeting set up. This is when we find out that Janus is actually Bond’s ole mate, Alec Trevelyan. Bond is stunned and shaken. 9 years after he saw his death, here he is. Trevelyan notes that he didn’t account Bond improving and setting the timers for 3 minutes which burned half his face, and broke his heart. “007s loyalty is always to the mission...never to his friends”. Tear.

The plan is to set off another Goldeneye in London, creating a financial meltdown, putting England back into the stone age. But now Bond has entered the fray, and is keen on throwing a wrench into the plans. He does so...with a tank. In one of the more entertaining chase scenes in Bond history, we see Bond chasing down Oromov with a bloody tank. Destroying everything in his path, and finding time to adjust his tie in the process. Man I love this scene. Oromov is also another great character. Played by Gottfried John, Oromov is a desperate, corrupt General - trying to put on a front as head of Russia’s space division, but also keep Janus’ plans in tact. With flask in hand, and sweating profusely, he has to tell Janus that Bond escaped.

(Seinfeld reference alert)

Bond saves Natalya from the bad guys, yadda yadda yadda, SATELLITE FIGHT SCENE!! Bond comes to blows with 006 on the second base where another Goldeneye detonator is being held. This fight is so brutal and hard hitting that it really feels like Bond is fighting Bond. These two, once friends, now bitter enemies. Just watching this fight hurts. And just when we think Bond is at a dead end, he kicks a lever for the ladder and drops all the way down to the tiniest platform on the bottom of the satellite, leaving himself with no room for error. The fight continues on this tiny platform where we eventually see Bond kick Trevelyan off and grab his foot for a final farewell.

I don’t necessarily have a fear of heights, but I do have a fear of falling. What happens next always leaves me with the feeling of my stomach being sucked up into my throat. Bond has Trevelyan by the foot as he dangles thousands of feet in the air. Alec finally looks up and says “For England, James”, then Bond says “STFU” and lets him go. I get shivers just thinking about it.

Oh, did I mention this score??? The music that plays throughout this scene is heart pounding and really gets me going. There’s nothing like incredibly written fight music and Goldeneye has the cream of the crop.

There is just so much to love with “Goldeneye”. But unfortunately for Pierce Brosnan, this movie will be his first and his best. Goldeneye was such a tremendous success coming off a 6 year hiatus after “Licence To Kill”, that all Brosnan’s next films suffered because of it. This film was so good because it was dark, had an unforgettable cast, and had a TOUCH of humor. That scene where Bond goes to see Valentine is really all the humor you need - how about that Minnie Driver cameo? After this, I guess the writers went all in on the humor bit of it because the rest of the Brosnan catalog can be little more cartoony and goofy. While I did enjoy “Tomorrow Never Dies” - it just does not compare to “Goldeneye”.

Pierce Brosnan is the perfect Bond for this era and this film in particular. I just cannot imagine and older Timothy Dalton doing this film justice. Goldeneye ushered in a new style of James Bond. This film would be a taste of what was to come with the future Daniel Craig movies, and it provided an opportunity for a new generation of young, teenage movie goers to hop on board the Bond Band Wagon with the N64 video game. It got me, that’s for sure. This was the first Bond film I ever saw, and I’m proud to say that it is my favorite Bond movie ever.

That’s it for me this week, let me know what you thought and why it was your favorite Bond movie ever!

Reviews from Friends:

My Mom:

I watched with your dad and two of your brothers. It was a very intense and exciting film. Brosnan is so good. But it was pretty complicated and as is typical, I have a hard time keeping up with it all. That is why I loved the simplicity of last weeks choice. Lol. Because I’m old. The characters were great and I loved the feisty females

Jeremy Tillema:

Greatest bond movie produces greatest first person shooter on the greatest gaming console of all time. I said it.

Jake Benrud:

Great review Sam, and I’m with you on this one. This is a fantastic Bond movie and one of my favorites, if not my favorite. I think I have seen this movie more times than any other (I think Casino Royale might be second). I’m pretty sure I had the VHS, and I think you and I watched it numerous times. (I think Joanna was getting sick of me quoting the movie when we were watching it since I knew all the lines.) This is the movie that really got me into Bond movies. The action, the plot, the twists all made this an excellent and entertaining installment in the Bond series. Makes me want to fire back up that ‘64 and get the rumble packs out!

Tyler Dahlgren

I have been following along to these and have been giving them the Facebook like, but haven’t been commenting or watching along because honestly I could probably recite every Bond moving verbatim from start to finish. My earliest childhood memories (way, way earlier than any kid has a business being exposed to Bond) are of sitting with my Grandpa in his recliner while he munched popcorn and watched Bond. For better or for worse they are like a comfort food for me.

I say all of that to say this. Goldeneye is my favorite. I still remember watching it for the first time with Mark Kulig. We played the game and watched the movie more times than you’d think possible. The double cross, resurrection storyline. The characters. The cast is stacked. It all adds up so well and revived the franchise from some abysmal showings. I love this movie.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with -

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

#Goldeneye #pierce brosnan #James Bond #Sean Bean #Famke Janssen #N64 #Nintendo #24WeeksofBond

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caws5749 · 4 years

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This took SO LONG thanks @natthisback

1: Name Madison

2: Age 21

3: 3 fears spiders, not becoming a doctor, becoming like my parents

4: 3 things i love marvel movies, my blanket (whoops), and scrunchies

5: 4 turn ons compliment me, be chivalrous, (idk if this means sex turn on too or not but) moaning my n- ANYWHO uh and the last one definitely like showing you want me

6: 4 turn offs someone who only talks about themselves, being like wishy washy, being arrogant/cocky, complaining about the same things

7: my best friend that would be shea @cloversofshea

8: sexual orientation lesbian

9: my best first date okay SO this like isn’t a first date but it was my first like nicer dinner date so I’m gonna count it. It was just this past weekend actually and i just i loved it so much it was amazing

10: how tall am i 5’2

11: what do i miss honestly, feeling like i was good at things

12: what time were i born 11:14am

13: favorite color purple, although it’s slowly been turning to like a baby light pink

14: do i have a crush yes yes i do and i likes her a lot

15: favorite quote “Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

16: favorite place Chicago or New York City

17: favorite food SALMON

18: do i use sarcasm yes, but i feel like i don’t use it as much as i used to

19: what am i listening to right now Christmas pop playlist on Spotify

20: first thing i notice in new person whether they only talk about themselves

21: shoe size 8 or 8.5

22: eye color blue

23: hair color right now, it’s a brown that goes to blond at my ends

24: favorite style of clothing so if this means like fav style to wear daily, definitely athleisure. If it means in general, i love love love preppy looks? But not super preppy.

25: ever done a prank call? Absolutely, many times

27: meaning behind my url i explain this in my about me page (linked in bio!)

28: favorite movie captain America winter soldier

29: favorite song i don’t really have favorite songs but rn it’s prob December night by Michael buble

30: favorite band i don’t really have fav bands

31: how i feel right now it’s really hot in here, so warm. I feel okay

32: someone i love i love lots of people but ill stick with @cloversofshea

33: my current relationship status I’ve answered this so many times literally just look at the ask game tag

34: my relationship with my parents um yikes

35: favorite holiday Halloween

36: tattoos and piercing i have i have 6 tattoos! “Breathe” on my right inner ankle, a heart on left shoulder, heart w equal sign in it behind right ear, basically an ecg on my left inner ankle, Aquarius symbol on right bicep, and caws 5749 on my left side. And my ears are pierced.

37: tattoos and piercing i want definitely the black widow symbol in the same place Scarlett got her og6 tattoo, an amino acid tattoo that spells out “wah” , definitely more little tattoos! And maybe more ear piercings idk

38: the reason i joined tumblr so, I’ve had a tumblr for many many years. I originally joined bc my best friends at the time had them, and i was like sure! Ive deleted that personal blog since, and started my new personal blog a few years ago. I also have a studyblr that i started i think back in high school, and i just started this blog back in the end of July!

39: do i and my last ex hate each other no, I’d say far from it bc i likes her a lot

40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts yes from her and i fucking love it, it used to be a bigger thing almost every day and i loved it

41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted lmao no and for those who were wondering it is @cloversofshea

42: when did i last hold hands LMAO WITH @michelinaamour WHEN I WAS STUMBLING HOME DRUNK IN HIGH HEELS

43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning it depends, anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half

44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days no! I am super lucky and have really light colored hairs on my legs and so i dont’ have to shave very often. Also i just want to say that i personally love shaving my legs and it is my choice to do so.. girls, you do not need to shave!!

45: where am i right now so i started answering this in the research lab, but i am currently sitting at one of the dining places on campus finishing it

46: if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me LMAO DEFINITELY @michelinaamour because she’s done it ALREADY FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES

47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level it depends, in car trips, definitely blast it. But just driving around or listening in doors, definitely reasonable level

48: do i live with my mom and dad nope i live with @michelinaamour

49: am i excited for anything yes, I’m excited for lots of things. I get excited easily

50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to no. I used to

51: how often do i wear a fake smile this is a really interesting question. I don’t consider smiles i give to random people like ordering food or something to be fake, so i would say fake smiles are when I’m not okay and trying to hide it. Which happens less often now bc I’m just much happier of a person

52: when was the last time i hugged someone I think it was @michelinaamour two days ago but i think i hugged @cloversofshea that day too so

53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me I’d be heartbroken tbh

54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not yes, certain adults in my life

55: what is something i disliked about today my hair won’t do what i want it to :(

56: if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be probably Chris Evans or Scarlett Johansson

57: what do i think about the most tumblr and everything with that, or probably her or school stuff definitely

58: what’s my strangest talent i don’t think i have any lol

59: do i have any strange phobias yes definitely haha, I’m terrified of stepping on worms

60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it i think a few years ago i would have said behind, but honestly I think I’d love to be in front of the camera now

61: what was the last lie i told i actually don’t know. Maybe this past weekend as to like the fact that i was going out on a date instead of just going out with a friend

62: do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online I’d say talking on the phone bc then they cant’ see me lmao

63: do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

64: do i believe in magic? Yes, or at least, that’s what i tell myself

65: do i believe in luck yes

66: what’s the weather like right now snowy!

67: what was the last book I’ve ever read The Butchering Art, it’s about the history of surgery

68: do i like the smell of gasoline omg yes yes yes yes yes yes

69: do i have any nicknames yes, madz, madi, girl who lives by the kitchen, queen (a new one) and clown (also a new one) thanks @natthisback

70: what was the worst injury I’ve ever had back in freshman year of college, i did something stupid and my foot swelled up like hell and hurt so bad. There were no fractures detected but the swelling stayed for a really long time, as well as the bruising and pain, and it never returned to normal

71: do i spent my money or save it SPEND IT BABY

72: can i touch my nose w my tongue no I’m not that talented

73: is there anything pink in 10 ft from me. Hmm part of my backpack? And my rings are pinkish bc they are rose gold. Oh and my scrunchie is pink, as well as my iPad

74: favorite animal cat

75: what was i doing last night at 12am i was still at work In the emergency room!

76: what do i think satan’s last name is uh honestly Jim lmao (it’s demons Jim! @cloversofshea )

77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it so good by dove Cameron

78: how can you win my heart suggest we watch a marvel movie, and I’m prob straight up in love. There are other things too but they’re pretty general, like compliment me, show you want me ya know

79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone haha, as a joke, “so realy its very thing. Just to keep everyone guessing.” But idk something funny

80: what is my favorite word i have no idea, maybe like sophisticated or something like that or aesthetic , champagne is a good one too

81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr ooh! Okay so @markiplier @lesbian-deadpool @americasass-romanoff @lesbianmariahilll @shining-rey-of-sunshine but i love so so so so so many more, and i have a lot of top blogs

82: if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say fuck trump also I’m gay as hell and I’m growing tired of hiding it from people

83: do i have any relatives in jail not that i know of

84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegatables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super power of my choice! What is that power lmao this question is great. Prob same powers as Wanda

85: what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on any weird fetis- JUST KIDDING. Do you still think about them?

86: what is my current desktop picture so on my laptop, it’s fall flowers. But since that’s broken af, i use my iPad and that background is one of the apple ones. It’s just a beach idk why but I’ve never changed it

87: had sex WHY IS THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ASK GAME WTF

88: bought condoms nope i am gay as hell bye

89: gotten pregnant nope i am gay as hell bye

90: failed a class nope, definitely come close though

91: kissed a boy yes

92: kissed a girl yes

93: have i ever kissed somebody in th rain honestly, probably at some point, but I’ve never had one of those romantic kisses in the rain. I really really want to though and i think about it a lot

94: had job yeah, I’ve had three true jobs

95: left the house without my wallet probably

96: bullied someone on the internet no bc I’m not a fucking douche

97: had sex in public not yet

98: played on a sports team yeah, played softball and basketball in middle school

99: smoked weed yeah, but i didn’t get high

100: did drugs nope

101: smoked cigarettes nope, i think i asked drunk once if i could smoke, but my friend was like “really?” And i was like uhhhhhh just kidding haha

102: drank alcohol lmao i drink fucking all the time i mean. I literally have drunk writing nights , I’m drinking tonight too

103: am i a vegetarian/vegan i was a vegetarian for a while, and then an aspiring vegan, and then vegetarian, and then pescatarian now!

104: been overweight no

105: been underweight yes

106: been to a wedding yeah, but like not for a long time. I was like 4 and the flower girl. Oh WAIT. Does playing a wedding count? I played cello at a wedding so i was there???

107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight hell yeah, how would i function not doing this with class and relaxing

108: watched tv for 5 hours straight lmao definitely

109: been outside my home country yeah

110: gotten my heart broken yeah

111: been to a professional sports game yeah. I don’t really do sports though , so when i go it’s usually in suites and I’m just there for the food

112: broken a bone nope!

113: cut myself this is...a. Really deep question but bc i want to be able to speak about mental health on here, the answer is yes.

114: been to prom yes! I went to my junior and senior proms!

115: been in airplane too many times

116: fly by helicopter no, I’m not sure if i want to do this or not

117: what concerts have i been to I’ve been to lots. So first off, I’ve been to hundreds of classical concerts (and performed in them). As for pop, Bruno mars twice, maroon five like three times. Selena Gomez. Josh groban. American authors. Definitely others that i don’t remember

118: had a crush on someone of the same sex yes I’m fucking gay

119: learned another language so if this means fluent, no. I took a decent amount of French and am learning Russian right now!

120: wore make up absolutely. When i choose to wear makeup, its because i fuckign love makeup haha. Most days I’m lazy though and like to let my skin breathe and be natural

121: lost my virginity before I was 18 no

122: had oral sex yeah

123: dyed my hair many times

124: voted in a presidential election okay i think so but honestly can’t remember. But I’m pretty sure i did.

125: rode in an ambulance no and i never want to.

126: had a surgery no and i never want to haha. Well i cant say that. Depending on how my life plays out, I might freeze my eggs or something.

127: met someone famous yes, several I think, but probably Henry winkler was the one I remember most.

128: stalked someone on a social network yeah

129: peed outside nope don’t think so and definitely don’t want to

130: been fishing yes I have been ice fishing and regular fishing

131: helped w charity i have!

132: been rejected by a crush I’ve been not liked back but i don’t think I’ve ever made like a move on a crush and been rejected

133: broken a mirror ooh i don’t think i have actually

134: what do i want for birthday nothing bc i dont’ like my bday

#madison speaks #ask game

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squirrel-moose-winchester · 5 years

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Chapter 7

Title: Falling for the Holidays

Pairing: Dean x Reader AU

Word Count: 4765

Summary: With October ending and the holidays underway, that only meant one thing for Dean Winchester. It meant returning to his childhood home and spending time with his family. It meant listening to his parents, especially his mom, ramble on and on about when he was going to find himself a nice girl, bring her home for the holidays, and then eventually get married and have children. However, Dean wasn’t ready for that sort of commitment, so in order to get his family off his back, he comes up with an elaborate scheme! But like the saying goes, “sometimes lies become truths.”

Warnings: Nothing but angst (but it’s bearable), TW: Panic Attacks, Mentions of Breaking and Entering, Mentions of attempted murder(s), Mentions of Destroying of Property.

A/N: GOSH!! It took me forever to finish this! I was on a roll and then life decides to happen. Like... back off Life! I’ve got shit to do!! UGH! Anyways, here is chapter 7. I was pretty confident in it in the beginning and then now I just don’t know how to feel about it. Tell me how you feel after you’ve read it. I’d like to know what you thought. Enjoy!... or maybe not. LOL.

Also, this is a reminder that this series will eventually have smut. So if you’re under the age of 18, you shouldn’t be reading this. Please be considerate and respect my authority over MY work. This also goes for all the other writers whose content are for older audiences. Please respect them and honor their rules. Thank you.

Series Masterlist

Lisa’s name was staring back at you on the small screen of Dean’s phone. The whole time he had fooled you to believing that he was texting his best friend, when actually, he was texting his ex-girlfriend. His “first love.” What you couldn’t understand was why he lied about it.

You set his phone back down, willing yourself not think about it, otherwise, it would only get the better of you. Besides, it shouldn’t be a big deal. Technically, you and Dean weren’t together. If anything, you should be happy for him. You should be happy for yourself. If he really had a real girlfriend, then you could stop lying to his family, and more importantly, stop lying to yourself. But strangely, you weren’t happy about it. You weren’t happy one bit.

Shuffling under the blankets, you laid down, facing away from Dean’s side, shutting your eyes tight as your emotions began to consume you. There was no way you could cry right now. If you did, you wouldn’t be able to stop, and Dean will obviously notice, which would result in him playing twenty-one questions, a game you did not want to play now, or ever, about the matter.

Your breath hitched in your chest as you heard the door open. You tried to be as still as you could, forcing your breath to come out slow and even, not wanting him to know that you were awake. You couldn’t deal with him, not right now. There was no way you could fake that nothing was wrong.

Dean walked in, seeing you laying down. “Y/N?” He called. When you didn’t move, he figured you were exhausted from day’s festivities. As he got into bed, you felt the mattress dip, his weight heavy enough to make the bed incline in way that made your body to roll slightly, the side of your face now viewable. You could feel Dean’s eyes on you, but you resisted to give him any attention. “Y/N?” He said your name again. Just hearing his voice made you want to crack. The tears were so close.

When you didn’t reply, Dean got himself comfortable, kicking the blanket over his feet and pulling it up his chest before turning off the lamp, making the room go dark. That was when you opened your eyes, allowing the first tear to roll down.

A dim light came from behind you, and you automatically knew that it was Dean looking at his phone. There was no doubt that he was texting her right now. The thought that he was right beside you, texting another woman, was breaking you. But you knew that you had no right. Dean wasn’t yours. Everything was just pretend.

The next morning, you found yourself up before six. Trying to get back to sleep was impossible. There was just too much going on in your head right now, so instead of staying in bed, you figured you could go for a nice run. Other than being in Dean’s arms, pressed tightly against his chest, running was the most effective way to clear your mind. The faster you ran, the better.

You carefully eased yourself out of the bed, watching Dean, making sure not to wake him. Quickly changing, you headed out of the house, popping your earphones in, and shoving your phone in the pocket of your workout pants. You were in such a rush that you didn’t even notice John and Mary sitting in the kitchen, sipping their coffee. Yes, you saw the light, but they usually kept the light on in case anyone needed a glass of water, so you paid no mind to it.

Once out the door, you turned your head, looking left than right, not sure of a decent route. Unaccustomed to the area, you went with your gut and took off in a random direction, jogging a little before accelerating to a sprint, the music blaring in your ears, drowning all other sounds.

Everything went by in a blur, the momentum making your tears fly behind you. You felt like an idiot for falling for him. You don’t know how it happened or when it happened, but you were madly in love with the stupidest best friend to ever come into your life, and for a moment, you thought that maybe he felt the same way. He was the one person you trusted with everything you had, and everything that you were, but now?

All the almost kisses, the hand-holding, the way he looked at you, what was all of that? Did it all mean nothing to him? Was he pretending the whole time? Just being in character in case eyes were watching? God, you felt like the biggest moron on earth.

Not wanting to stop, you kept running at full speed, your chest heaving and lungs begging for air. Too caught up in your head, you didn’t even notice Sam ahead of you, and you didn’t even notice when you passed him, but he definitely noticed you zooming past him like it was the end of the world.

“Y/N?” He called out. Noticing how fast you were running, he knew that something wasn’t right, so he picked up his speed, easily lessening the space between the two of you. He thanked God for his long legs, because without them, he didn’t think he could catch up. “Y/N!” He huffed. Suddenly, Sam noticed a car speeding up while you were completely blind to everything around you. With new found panic, Sam urged himself to run faster, pushing pass his limits. “Y/N!” He shouted in desperation, leaning his upper body forwards and praying that his legs could keep up.

You took a step on the street when a car horn pierced through your music. Whipping your head to the side, you shrieked when you saw the approaching car. The car lights were the last thing you saw when everything went dark.

Sam was pacing in the hallway, while Jess and his father stood against the wall. “What the hell happened?” Jess questioned, her eyes glued to her restless lover.

“I don’t know,” Sam started. “I was out running when she passed me. She was sprinting down the sidewalk like she was running in the Olympics. I tried calling her, but I’m guessing her music was probably on blast. I had never seen anyone run like that before, especially just for exercise. She didn’t see the car coming. I’m just glad I reached her in time to get her out of the way. After that, she must have knocked out from shock.”

“Your mother and I were in the kitchen when Y/N left the house. She seemed like she was in a rush, didn’t even notice we were there. I don’t know what happened, but I’m guessing her and Dean must’ve gotten into an argument,” John admitted.

Dean’s bedroom door opened and Mary walked out with her first born, leaving you alone to rest. “What’s the verdict?” John asked his wife.

“Sammy was right. She must have gone into shock and passed out, but she’ll be fine. Just needs some rest.”

“Thank god!” Jess let out, relieved to know that you were safe.

“Did something happen between you two, Son?” John stood up straight, looking at his eldest child.

“N-no. I don’t think so. We were fine when we went to bed. Maybe she had a nightmare? The only time she goes running is when she needs to blow off steam, but I don’t know why she didn’t just wake me. Your guess is as good as mine,” he shrugged.

When the reserved date with Lisa arrived, you were still asleep. Dean contemplated if he should go or not, but decided to go alone after all. Pulling into the parking lot, Dean groaned as he read the sign, ‘Bela’s Steakhouse.’

“Ugh,” he scoffed, “bet she’s going to poison me,” Dean mumbled, getting out of his truck.

Entering the establishment, Dean immediately saw Lisa and Ben sitting in a booth. “Well, well, well. Look who’s actually here.” Dean groaned inwardly, the familiar accent hammering away at his eardrums.

“Bela, funny seeing you here,” Dean faked a smile, just like back in high school.

“Hilarious. It’s not like I own the place, Dean,” she mocked.

“Whatever, bitch,” Dean whispered under his breath, walking towards the people he was actually here to see.

“I heard that!” Bela yelled.

“Good!” Dean shouted back.

Upon arriving at the table, Dean greeted Lisa, giving her a hug when she stood up, then giving Ben a fist bump. “Dean! You made it. Where’s Y/N?” Lisa scanned the room.

“Actually, she isn’t feeling well, so she’s back home getting some rest,” he explained.

“Shucks. I hope she feels better soon.”

“Me too, but Y/N’s a fighter. I know she’s going to bounce right back in no time,” Dean smiled, taking a seat across from the two of them.

“You really like her, don’t you?” Lisa grinned.

“Uh, yeah, I do. She’s cool, you know. She’s my best friend.”

“Do you love her?” Lisa inquired.

“Of course I do. She’s the only person, aside from my family that I trust the most.”

“Are you in love with her?” Dean seemed a little taken aback at the question. Was he?

“Uh… what’s with all the personal questions? I just got here.”

“Sorry,” Lisa sniggered, embarrassment evident in her facial features. “It’s just… when I heard you were coming back home; I was hoping we could reconnect. Maybe get a second chance. I don’t want to come in between you and Y/N, especially if she’s it for you, but I just wanted to let you know how I feel, even if you decide not to give me… give us… a second chance, at least I’ll know I gave it a try, you know? I’ll admit, I was really stupid all those years ago, and when I had Ben, all I could think about was how you would have made a great father.”

Dean was at a lost for words. Everything that Lisa was telling him was overwhelming. Lisa was Dean’s first, real, love. And even though they didn’t quite leave on good terms, she still had a piece of his heart.

“Wow, I have no idea what to say. I have so many questions but I don’t want to talk about it in front of the kid.” Dean glanced over at Ben, who was just sitting there, looking at him.

“Well, Bela could watch him for a little while. Ben loves going back in the kitchen, don’t you Ben?”

The little boy smiled, nodding his head. “Yes!” He cheered. “I’m gonna ask for a bacon cheese burger!”

Lisa laughed at her son’s enthusiasm. “Okay, me and Dean are going to talk, so why don’t you go find aunt Bela and she’ll take care of you.”

“Okay, mom!” Lisa slid out of the booth, allowing her excited son to zoom across the restaurant and disappear behind the wall.

“I have to admit, the kid has great taste in burgers,” Dean huffed.

Lisa roller her eyes. “You have no idea what Ben is like. He reminds me a lot of you.”

Not trying to seem obvious about his curiosity, but Dean felt like Lisa had been dropping major hints. First, she mentioned about getting back together. Second, she mentions how he would have made a great father, and now… Lisa was admitting that Ben reminded her of him. What was Lisa trying to convey?

“Here’s a random question. Where is Ben’s father?” Dean asked. Lisa shifted in her seat, her eyes boring into his. He could tell that she was nervous, and he could tell that there was something she wasn’t telling him. “How old is he?” Dean tried a different question, however both answers would be enough for him to put two and two together.

“Sorry, I’m not really comfortable in talking about Ben and his father.” Lisa casted her eyes down, and Dean could tell that she was hurting.

“Hey, it’s okay. Just tell me when you’re ready.” Despite his suspicions, he wasn’t going to be a dick and add more pressure on her. She was a single mom raising a kid! He couldn’t make things harder than it already was, especially with the holidays so close. Lisa didn’t deserve that. It just wouldn’t be right. Besides, he did feel something for Lisa. What it was, he wasn’t sure, but there was definitely something.

“Thanks Dean. That really means a lot. Things have been hard lately, but, like Y/N, I’m also a fighter,” Lisa smiled.

“Don’t worry Lis, no matter what happens, I know you’re gonna be okay. You’ve always been a hard worker.”

“Wow.”

“What?” Dean asked.

“You called me Lis. It’s been years since I’ve heard you say it.”

“What can I say, things just come back.”

“I guess they do. I mean, you’re here.”

Dean scoffed, smiling lightly. “Yeah. I’m here.”

When he looked up at Lisa, their eyes met. The loneliness in them made something in his stomach stir. If there was one thing he didn’t want to see, it was Lisa sad. Even when they were dating, he hated to see her sad. Lisa was his first love, the first woman, aside from his mother, that he thought was the most beautiful woman in the entire world. If things didn’t end the way it did all those years ago, Dean was sure that Lisa was his end game. Back then he knew that he would someday propose and get married, start a family, and just live that white picket fence life.

Your eyes snapped open and your body lunged forwards. You heaved desperately while your heart pounded against your ribs so hard that it physically hurt. Air, all you needed was some air. Taking in your surroundings, you noticed that you were back in Dean’s old bedroom – alone. You tried to call out for Dean, for someone, but nothing came out.

It had been years and years ago, but you knew very well what was happening. You were having a panic attack. As if God had answered your prayers, Sam walked in. Once he saw you, he was at your side, cradling your figure against his chest, trying his best to calm you down.

“Y/N, hey. I’m here. Breathe. I need you to focus and breath. Count with me, okay?” He whispered in your ear. You nodded in response and Sam began to count. “Okay good. One,” he started.

“O-One,” you stuttered, your body shaking, still trying to steady your breathing.

“Good, good. Two.”

“T-t-two.”

“Three.”

“Th-three.”

“Four.”

“Atta girl. You’re doing great.” Sam’s soothing voice was like a hymn to your ears. The only thing giving you hope at the moment. “Five.”

“Five,” you repeated.

“Six.”

When Sam got to ten, you were finally calm. Your breathing was even and your body was limp in his arms. “Are you okay?” Sam examined.

“Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for being here.”

“Hey. It’s no problem. I’m glad that I was here. Did you have a bad dream?”

“I’m… I’m not sure. I can’t remember. I couldn’t breathe and I guess I just woke up.”

“Did this happen to you before? You know, these panic attacks?”

“Uh, yeah. But only when I was a kid. My pediatrician at the time said it was caused by stress. My mom and dad used to argue a lot when I was young and it triggered my attacks. It’s stupid, I know, but… maybe I was just weak.”

“Hey. You’re not weak,” Sam said sternly. His eyes focused on yours with a sort of intensity. It was like he was being defensive, but supportive at the same time. It was strange and it made you curious. “Having panic attacks doesn’t make you weak. Nor is it your fault. Everyone is different, and we all react in different ways,” Sam assured you. “I used to have panic attacks when I was younger too.” That explained his intense stare earlier. “I don’t know if Dean told you, but when we were little kids, someone broke into our house.”

“N-no. Dean never told me that before.”

“Everyone was home, and this person climbed into our house through my bedroom window. I don’t know how they managed to climb up to the second floor, but they did. I was only three when it happened. I watched him crawl into my bedroom, so you can only imagine the terror I felt. He saw me staring at him and spoke to me. He said, ‘I’m sorry, kid,’ and lit a bottle on fire, smashing it against the wall, and all of a sudden there was fire everywhere. At that point, I screamed and the guy left the same way he came in. My mom found me first, then my dad came in and grabbed me while my mom went to get Dean. This house you see now, has been renovated, so you can’t even tell that there was ever a fire. After that incident, things went to shit, but eventually, we were all able to get ourselves back on track. I stopped having night terrors, and my panic attacks stopped. Not saying that it can’t happen again, but what I’m saying is that, things will get better.”

“Wow. I’m sorry you had to go through something like that. I’d me terrified too.”

“It’s all in the past now, and life is actually pretty great. Especially with Jess in my life.”

“Sam…” you started.

“Yeah?” He responded.

“Dean was right. You are a chick-flick kind of guy.”

Sam laughed, his rumbling voice shaking your body. “Shut up.” You giggled along with him, until Jess walked into the room.

“Look who’s finally awake!” She beamed, running towards you and jumping on the bed. “Are you okay?” She asked with concern.

“Yeah. Just had a little episode of sorts, but Sam helped me through it.”

“What do you mean, episode of sorts?” Jess questioned.

“I had a panic attack…”

“Oh my gosh! Y/N! Then thank the good lord that Sam was there! Good work, baby,” Jess smiled at her boyfriend, her eyes swirling with adoration and admiration.

Pulling away from Sam’s arms, you noticed the time on the clock resting on Dean’s drawer. It was a little passed one in the afternoon. “Damn, it’s late. How long have I been out?”

“A while actually. Mom said you probably passed out from shock, and that maybe you were stressed, so your body was giving you a little extra time to rest.”

“Stressed? What made her think I was stressed?” You were a little shocked that Mary could pick that up while you were unconscious.

“She said, she and dad saw you leave the house this morning, and you seemed really upset,” Sam confessed.

“I see. Yeah, I was a little stressed I guess. Uh… I had a bad dream,” you lied.

“Did Dean do anything?” Jess questioned, the expression on her face looking like she was ready to kick his butt if you said yes.

“No. No, he didn’t do anything,” you forced a chuckle. “Speaking of Dean, where is he?”

“Not too sure. He just said he was meeting up with an old friend,” Sam replied. “But he told me that he wouldn’t be out long. Just gone out for lunch and then he was coming right back.”

“Oh. That’s nice. He should spend some time with his friends. Especially since he hasn’t seen them in a while.”

Although you tired to seem like you were okay on the outside, you felt like you were falling to pieces on the inside. You knew were Dean was. You knew who he was with, and as much as it shouldn’t bother you, it did – a lot. You had been avoiding your feelings, pushing it aside, pretending that it was all fun and games, when in reality, you had fallen for your best friend. If you thought about it long enough, you knew that you had been in love with him since that day he shared his pie with you. It only took coming to his childhood home and being with his family, for you to realize that Dean was everything you wanted. No – he was everything you needed.

“Babe, are you okay?” Jess gave you a concerned look.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re… you’re crying,” she stated.

Surprised, you touched your face and sure enough, your cheeks were wet. When did you even start crying? How could you not notice? Your eyes fell on Sam and he was giving you the same look Jess was.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” Sam reiterated. “If you need to talk, we’re here for you. We’ll listen if you’ll let us.”

“Thanks. I’m fine. I don’t even know why I’m crying. Maybe I’m just really happy that I’ve got such supportive friends like the two of you,” you smiled.

“Oh, sweetie. We will always be here for you!” Jess chirped, pulling you into a tight hug.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it. But…” Jess pulled away, giving you a questioning look. “As much as I love and appreciate the two of you, I need to take a shower.”

“Good idea,” Sam nodded, “you stink,” he joked.

Your jaw dropped as you looked at him with an offended expression, despite the ends of your lips curling upwards. “That’s it, Baby Winchester! I’m getting you socks for Christmas!” You threatened.

“Perfect. I actually do need new socks,” he grinned.

“Ugh. You are so your brother’s brother,” you spat, rolling your eyes. Sam and Jess laughed along with you, but quickly left to let so you could freshen up.

Dean and Lisa were in the middle of eating their food. Dean got a steak, while Lisa had a salad and a sandwich. With every bite and passing second, he could feel her eyes glued to him. As much as he tried to ignore her, he couldn’t.

“What?” Dean laughed, pausing to cut his meat to glance up at her.

“What?” Lisa echoed.

“I can feel you staring.” When their eyes connected, it was almost like time hadn’t passed. The way she was looking at him made his stomach flip, just like all those years ago.

“Sorry. It’s just… I missed you. I’ve missed you a lot. And I know you’re with Y/N, and I respect that, but… I can’t help it. You were my first love.”

“That’s… that’s nice to hear. You’re mine too, but you first love isn’t usually your only love.” Dean notices the sudden change in Lisa’s face when the words left his mouth.

“Well, you’re mine. After you, there has been no one else that could make me feel the way you did.” Her confession made Dean lose his appetite. He had no clue how to respond to that.

“Lis—”’

“I know. I know. You and Y/N. I get it. She’s your happily ever after. Your one and only. I know. It’s just like I said, I wanted to let you know. I wanted to get everything off my chest and out on the table, but I just need to hear you say it.”

“Say what?” Dean asked, having no idea what she was referring to.

“I need you to tell me that you no longer have any romantic feelings for me. I just need to know that I no longer have a chance. Once I hear it from your mouth then I can finally stop and move on, so Dean, please. Tell me.”

“Lis, I…” Dean couldn’t say it.

It didn’t take long to get to the restaurant. Sam and Jess were kind enough to drop you off since they were heading into town to do some shopping. As you stepped into the dining room, you saw Dean and Lisa. They were so enthralled in their conversation that they didn’t notice you watching them. The worst thing was… you could hear them. It was soft, but just loud enough for you to hear clearly.

“Dean, just tell me,” Lisa pleaded.

“Lisa. I – I can’t. If I tell you that, then I’d be lying.”

It was like the world came crashing down on you. The revelation of knowing that he was still in love with Lisa was enough to make you legs go weak. You stumbled back a little, crashing into an empty table and causing a loud thud that gained the attention of a few patrons, Dean and Lisa included.

“Um…” you stammered.

“Y/N?” Dean stood when he saw you.

“Uh, no. It’s fine. Um, I just came to tell you that it’s over between us. I actually don’t love you. I just didn’t want to give you the bad news, especially when it was so close to the holidays, but it seems that you’re gonna be okay,” you smiled, despite the gloss shielding over your eyes.

“Y/N –” Before Dean could say anything more, and before he and Lisa could see you cry, you walked out. “Y/N!” Dean shouted. You broke out into a sprint when you heard Dean following you. Turning back, you saw him running after you. “Y/N, stop!”

Having no idea where you were going, you kept running, hoping to lose him. When you turned your head to check if he was still there, he wasn’t. You figured he’d finally given up on you. A little disappointed, but extremely relieved, you stood there letting the tears fall freely. At that moment, you didn’t care what anyone thought about you.

Slowly, you turned around to keep walking when you suddenly came face to face with Dean, nearly ramming into him. “D-Dean,” you choked.

“Why are you crying?” Was the first words out of his mouth.

Rolling your eyes, you side stepped him only to have him follow your movement. “Dean,” you growled, “move.”

“No.” You took another step to the side, but Dean blocked your way again.

“Dean, seriously! Back off. You’ve got a beautiful girl with a great kid waiting for you in that restaurant. Go back to her. You can finally have a real girlfriend to bring home to your parents. All this! You and me, it was all fake. All pretend. Now go back there and get the real thing. I was trying to be convincing, and you’re ruining everything by chasing after me. Now stop being an idiot and go back there!” You pointed behind you.

“But…”

“Dean. I told you I’d be the best wingman you ever had, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Now go.” This was the first time you ever lied to Dean, but he lied to you first, so now you were both even. You flashed him a smile, trying to persuade him that this was all according to plan. “Dean, go. Go get your girl.”

“Are you sure we’re all good?” He asked.

“Dean. We’re best friends. Of course we’re good. Now stop being your stupid self and go back there,” you giggled. This was lie number two. You were far from good.

“Y/N, thanks. You really are the best,” Dean smiled, leaning down to give you a sweet peck on the cheek.

“Dean, go,” you pushed him away from you.

When Dean turned, you watched him walk away. You watched the man you love walk away into the arms of another woman, and you let him. But you heard him. He still loved her. And you knew he loved you too, but only as a friend… his best friend.

You walked all the way back to the house, needing the time to get yourself together, otherwise Mary and John would be asking too many questions, questions you didn’t have the answer to tackle down.

When you reached the Winchester residence, the drive way was empty, including the impala. You used the spare key Mary lent you to opened the door, calling out for anyone that could still be home, but you were greeted with silence. With no one home, you took the perfect opportunity to pack your things and call a cab. By the time the cab reached the house, you were all ready to go. Luckily, you were able to find an early flight out of Lawrence back to Dallas.

Taking one last glace inside the house, leaving the key and a brief note on the table, you closed and locked then door. This was for the best. This was best for you, Dean, and his family. At least now you didn’t have to lie to them, and Dean would have Lisa.

Say Something Nice Here!!

Falling for the Holidays Tags: @hannahindie @pinknerdpanda @winchesterprincessbride @amanda-teaches@dancingalone21 @a-winchester-fairytale @dolphincliffs @oneshoeshort @brewsthespirit-blog @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @atc74 @natasha-baggins @heavymetalhauswife @linki-locks11@spnwoman @veevm @chameleah86 @kdcollinsauthor @claitynroberts @roonyxx@rainflowermoon @ladylaylo @closetspngirl @mirandaaustin93 @salt-n-burn-em-all@flamencodiva @fangirlanotherjust @tabbyjane @shamelesslydean @couldabeenamermaid @alexwinchester23

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #reader insert #dean x reader #dean winchester series #spn au #falling for the holidays #squirrel-moose-winchester

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europeanguy · 5 years

Text

Gotta Gogh [Part 4: Paris Fucking France]

Pairing: Nadia x Maxwell

Words: 4,320

Tags: Canon Divergence, Crossovers, Curse words probably, The Riot Club!AU not really anymore lol

A/N: Well, hello again. It’s been like 2 months since I last updated? Sorry 😥 This is part 4/5! It’s almost over y’all lmao

“-nous approchons maintenant de l'aéroport de Paris le Bourget…où l'heure locale est 11:00.”

Maxwell rubs his eyes, taking out one earbud that blasted pop music in his ears. He hasn’t visited Paris in ages.

Nadia has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, her hair a nest. She stares slack-jawed outside her window, making Maxwell smile. It wasn’t like him to go to such lengths for a girl. Yet he was clueless on what to do about it. All he thought about these days was Nadia. Nadia, whose face is slightly illuminated by the city lights beneath as the plane gets closer. She jumps when the tires touch the tarmac. The small jet shakes as it speeds through the runway of the private airport – eventually slowing down to taxi. The cabin lights flicker back on and he winces at the sudden brightness.

“You okay? Are you hungr-“

“Hungry.” She turns to him, expression still in slight disbelief.

“Of course.” He laughs.

The air is heavy with cold recycled air and the scent of clean, dry pine. An attendant pours Evian into glasses as the other staff efficiently follow deplaning protocol. “Here you go,” She says in accented English. “The car will arrive in a moment sir. We’re sorry for the delay, it should have been waiting for you.”

Nadia’s eyebrows shoot up – amused – and takes one glass on the tray. Maxwell thanks the attendant, a little embarrassed.

“You will need a jacket.” The attendant advises when the plane’s doors are opened. Nadia sighs and looks at Maxwell. “Fine. And I’m going to pay you back for it.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Maxwell winks and barely dodges a pillow that Nadia throws in his direction. “It’s a little late to get dinner right here, but I’m sure we have food at uh-“ He clears his throat. “home.”

“Home? Where are we staying again?”

“Sir, the car is here.”

Maxwell gets up from his seat and stretches as much as he could inside the jet. “My mom’s old house. Unless you want to go to a hostel… sleep next to some strangers…?”

“Hostels have individual beds!” Nadia huffs, folding her blanket as she gets up but gives up on it halfway. She shoots the attendant an apologetic look. I will take care of it, she smiles. Friendly, understanding. “Plus, how else can you make new friends?”

Maxwell nods. “Right, right. Like us?”

Nadia laughs. “Yeah?” He lets her pass through first. The stewardess hands her a thick, fur-lined suede jacket before they get out. She looks a little confused when the stewardess helps her put it on but goes with it.

Once settled in the heated car, their fingers and the tips of their noses thaw from the cold. Nadia looks out the window in awe. Even Maxwell admits, seeing Paris at night is still a shock to the system. The air was different, roads more crowded with tourists. In a way it was a beautiful chaos compared to Cordonia.

“I still can’t- am I actually here? In Paris-fucking-France?” Nadia tears her gaze away from the view.

“Paris-fucking-France indeed. I missed this place.” Maxwell looks outside as the car passes a huge open plaza flanked by three old buildings – the middle one being the biggest and most imposing. “Look, l’École nationale supérieure des Beaux-Arts. National School of Fine Arts.”

Nadia nods, recognizing the name. “Degas, Monet, Renoir, Fragonard… shit, can we go?!”

“Sure.” Maxwell laughs. “We’re almost here though. It’s tucked away in a street here, near that church.”

The car avoids a couple of tourists, swerving down a private road. Rows of townhomes line each side, accented with vintage cars and a scatter of leaves. Just ahead, his mother’s home situated near the end of the line. Almost 10,000 square feet of land, three-floors, and light spilling warmth out the windows. With Bertrand being the older son – and the default heir of almost everything in Ramsford – the will stated that Maxwell get everything from his mother’s side, including this house. Legally, it was his house now. This huge, late 17th century heritage, passed on in a straight line in his mother’s side.

Maxwell helps Nadia out of the car. He knocks the gold door knocker before feeling a little weird. This was his. He pushes the door open and a blond form hurtles itself from the foyer, engulfing him in a warm hug.

“Ines!” He hugs her back, smiling into her hair. He falters momentarily when she steps back and holds him at arm’s length. His mom would’ve been Ines’ age today. He remembers, Ines being his mother’s closest friend and confidante. She never laughed as hard as she had with Ines as they took tea during afternoons – Bertrand and Maxwell playing but mostly fighting – in the gardens. Ines looks more or less the same, albeit having more lines settling in her skin. She still had her perpetually pink cheeks and her friendly brown eyes.

“C’est qui, ca?”

“C’est Nadia,” Maxwell silently wishes his mother would peek from the parlour, tease him about finally bringing a girl home.

“Nice to meet you!” Nadia smiles, unsure what to do next.

“Ohhh, how pretty!” Ines envelops her in a tight hug. Nadia returns her hug eagerly. “Are you hungry? Tu aimes bien les pâtes?”

Maxwell mouths pasta? at her and she nods. “Pasta sounds good.”

“So, this is your mom’s house?” Nadia asks when Ines quickly disappears into the kitchen. It is more like an art gallery than a home. Instead of flowers, the foyer’s centerpiece was a sculpture of a head. The walls are white Rococo panels – intricate leaves and shell mouldings. It wouldn’t surprise anyone if it turns out that those Monets and Manets on the walls are real. The living room was tastefully furnished with actual canape settees balanced with more modern pieces. “It’s beautiful.”

“She loves this place,” More so than the Ramsford Estate, more than any other property of theirs. “She loves art too, you know? She would’ve liked you.” Maxwell tries to smile as he takes it all in. He sinks down on a couch, feeling all of a sudden tired but so wide awake.

“Well, she has amazing taste.” Nadia nods in approval as she surveys the room. “Oh my god… Is this you?!”

Nadia holds up a gold frame, a picture of 11-year old Maxwell in his Halloween costume – a chubby little superman. Beside him, she recognizes Liam and Olivia – dressed as Harry Potter and a dragon, respectively. In the corner, a white blur.

“Don’t look at that!” Maxwell snatches the frame as Nadia laughs.

“You were so adorable! I didn’t know you guys celebrated Halloween in Cordonia.” She peeks over his shoulder, trying to get a look at the picture again. “What’s that white thing?”

Maxwell snorts. “Drake. He dressed up as a ‘ghost’, apparently. He didn’t even want to be in the picture.”

He remembers that night. It was mostly Drake’s idea to get more candy from the palace kitchens. He brought it up, and Liam made it happen.

“We have an equivalent holiday to uh, remember.” Maxwell distracts himself by rubbing the smudges on the glass with his sleeve, then sets it back down on the side table. “Honestly? The American way is a lot better.”

Nadia grins. “Kai and I make costumes together so we’re coordinating. Every. Single. Year.”

“Attend any parties?”

“No.” Nadia sighs. “I miss her though, I can’t believe we have to break tradition this year.”

Maxwell pouts. “When are you seeing her again?”

“In two months… when I go back.” Nadia smiles bitterly.

“You leave in two months?!” Maxwell sits up in alarm. Oh, shit.

“Yeah. The semester ends in two months, duh!”

“Noooo!” He throws himself back dramatically on the couch.

“What do you mean ‘Noooo’?” Nadia laughs. “So um, don’t you have a brother? Is he here?”

“Way to change the subject, Nadia.” Maxwell frowns, his eyes trailing to his and Bertrand’s picture above a small fireplace. “Bertrand? He’s back in Ramsford probably tearing his hair out with…responsibilities.”

After a very late dinner, Ines fixes up a room for Nadia. Maxwell is back in his old room, wearing matching sweats that faintly smells like lavender (thanks to Ines). This room is the smallest one he has, and yet it was his favorite. His old drawings stacked neatly in a drawer, his old camera that probably doesn’t work anymore, an old love letter to the first girl he liked, pictures of his friends. A picture of his mom.

“Max?”

A muffled voice calls.

“…mom?”

“Uh, no?” Nadia gently opens the door. She is wearing the pajamas Ines provided, her black hair down. Maxwell tears his eyes away, blushing. Thank god it’s too dark for her to see. He can never get used to just how beautiful she was.

“Can’t wait until tomorrow, huh?” Maxwell stands up from the bed, walking over to her standing underneath the threshold. “I can’t sleep either.” He braces himself on the open door with one arm. Nadia gives him a weird look.

“What are you doing? Mr. GQ?” She teases, and after a second they both burst into laughter. “I mean… yeah, it’s only midnight. Are you tired?”

“I’d like nothing more than to get out of here,” He looks around. “Maybe come back when we’re ready to pass out or something.”

Nadia frowns in concern. “What’s the matter?”

He gestures wildly around him.

“Tell me, then?” She crosses the threshold and plops on the bed, bouncing a couple of times, then looks at him expectantly.

“Are you trying to get me to open up?” Maxwell laughs, shaking his head. “Come on, I’ll get a car ready.”

“Fine.” Nadia shrugs. “Can we walk though?”

“Sure.”

“Are you sure you’re not cold like that?”

Nadia prances around the street in her pajamas and the suede jacket from earlier. “I’m too happy to feel cold!” She spins ungracefully, grinning widely.

“You’re… really something.” Maxwell’s lips tug into a smile, his heart speeding up when she meets his eyes. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I was thinking – we could hit the museums tomorrow, but tonight we get a proper drink. I’m 19 and I cAN GET WASTED IN FRANCE!” She yells into the sky.

“Drinks with the little umbrellas?” Maxwell suggests.

“Drinks with the little umbrellas, nothing less.”

Nadia skips lightly as she walks, like a child trying not to scream, gasping as they turn to an old narrow street. The starlight seemed to glow in sync with the buildings, reflections bouncing off of the still slick trees. The lungs of Paris breathes life through the city from the cracks of aged brick and the shimmer of light dancing on the puddles’ surface – and Nadia was in awe. The rush of cheerful passersby, the bustle at night in all of its glory – overwhelming and yet somehow as comforting as home. It seemed to lift her spirit among the trees, sights, and sound pulsing through her veins.

“Does it live up to expectations so far?” Maxwell asks, stepping beside her.

“So far? It’s more than I ever- ugh, it’s so much better.” Nadia squeals. “It’s amazing.”

“It is,” Maxwell agrees, looking at her.

They wander through the streets, Nadia’s unconventional get-up getting a few looks. They pass numerous patisseries, most of them closed. Nadia stops in front of a nondescript black French door with the lights still on.

“Oh man, those look good.” She bites her lip, scanning the store through the small openings. “Do you think they would mind-?”

“We’ll be in and out of their hair in like, two minutes.” He walks up to the door and holds it open for Nadia.

“You like these hole-in-the-wall places huh?” Nadia walks in, appreciating the rich décor and antique paintings randomly hung on the walls.

“I’ve grown to love them.”

Nadia blushes but busies herself with the options displayed on the glass casing.

“I think they’re actually about to close…” Maxwell looks at the cashier awkwardly. He simply shrugs at Maxwell, as if to say, well, are you gonna buy anything?

“Right,” Nadia’s eyebrows knit together, looking for something, then quickly giving up. “You pick I can’t handle being time pressured!”

Maxwell laughs, nodding. “Okay, uh, Je voudrais des éclairs au chocolat et, euh… des macarons, s’il vous plait.”

“À emporter?” The cashier rolls his eyes.

“Oui, pardon.”

He quickly arranges the macarons by color inside a box and a few eclairs in another. They were outside in a flash. Maxwell gets a deep pink macaron as they walk – raspberry chocolate, his favorite. He notices Nadia looking queasy as she bites into a bright yellow one.

“Not good?”

“Maxwell,” Nadia looks up at him. “Why take me here? Seriously?”

“Because… I can?”

“That’s a cop-out answer,” She frowns. “I mean, you’ve spent so much… that private plane, this freaking jacket… this!” She holds up the half-moon shaped macaron.

“Nadia, if you think I’m doing this to get something in return – you’re so wrong. Like, more wrong than the person who invented math.”

“Huh?” Nadia laughs.

“God, I- remind me again why we didn’t get drinks FIRST THING?”

Nadia widens her eyes innocently.

“I guess I really like you?”

“…you guess?” Nadia tries not to smile.

“Yeah. When we were in that hallway in the palace… I guess I realized I would literally do anything and everything to see you happy…if you let me.”

“You’re so-“

“Cheesy.”

“Cute. But also…cheesy. Made me cringe a bit.”

Maxwell gasps. “I TAKE IT ALL BACK!”

Nadia bursts into laughter as she links her arm with his. His nerves go into haywire when she does.

“…wait… you said I was cute?” He looks at her.

“Nope. I’m just here for your money. I don’t think you’re cute at all!” Nadia finishes her macaron, finally looking more peaceful. “Mm, mango!”

“I think I need that drink now.” He cringes, realizing that he sounded just like Drake.

Stuffed with macarons and eclairs (Maxwell discovered that Nadia ALWAYS had room for dessert), they eventually find a rooftop bar packed with tourists and locals alike. The moonlight shone on the slightly damp stone, the cloudless sky stretching above the city. Obscure French indie music blast from the speakers, but surprisingly not loud enough to make anyone deaf within a mile radius.

“We’re going to die, are we?” Maxwell stares at the drinks Nadia brings back from the bar, balancing a tray of two oversized snifters with electric green liquid, white smoke swirling at the top, and packed with different kinds of candy as “garnish”. She sets them down on their narrow round bar table, looking satisfied.

“They didn’t have the colorful umbrellas, unfortunately.” She excitedly takes her glass and sips the straw. “Cold!!”

Maxwell decides, fuck it, and takes a sip on his own. His eyes widen at the refreshing citrusy flavor. “Shit, that’s good! I don’t even know what it is?”

“Better than your Pineapple Paradise Punch?” Nadia grins.

Maxwell touches his heart. “You remembered?” She rolls his eyes at him. “Almost, but no.”

Nadia raises her heavy glass with both hands. “To Paris?”

“To Paris-fucking-France.” Maxwell does the same, clinking his glass with hers.

Suddenly, a surprise English song plays. There's a spanner in the works, you know, You gotta step up your game to make it to the top…

“I love this song!” Nadia gasps. “Got a little competition now, you're gonna find it hard to cope, livin' on your own, ooh, ooh-” She sings, off-key and so off-beat. She uses one of the lollipops the drink came with as a microphone. The cold wind rustles through her hair but she doesn’t seem to mind as she sings, and then the realization hits Maxwell like an arrow shot through him. His breath catches, like his heart just burst. I’m in trouble.

“Let's get this started, girl, we're movin' up, we're movin' up, it's been a lot to change, but youuuu…will always get what you want.” Maxwell sings along with her, and her eyes widen in surprise when she hears him.

“You know this song?!”

“It’s so bad! Of course I do.” So much trouble. He knew for a while. It was as if he touched a rippling pool, calming the waters with his hand – turning everything crystal clear. Maxwell takes an especially big gulp of his drink. The song ends, just as quickly as it started.

“So what makes Paris so special?” Maxwell looks out on the view, answering his own question. Lights glittered all throughout the cityscape, the Eiffel Tower in the distance. The silver of the moonlight shines subtly in the cloudless dark blanket of a sky.

Nadia smiles. “I guess it’s obvious why. The art scene, mostly.” She sighs dreamily. “But the culture too, the vibe – I feel like I’m transported to another time, you know what I mean? It’s a beautiful thing.”

“Ever painted it?”

Nadia snorts. “I have a whole collection centered on it. It’s the stuff of my dreams.”

“You dream about Paris?”

“Yeah.” She nods. “So um, can we circle back to that conversation earlier?”

Maxwell could feel his heart drop to his stomach. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…?”

“You liking me, me going away…” Nadia’s eyes are down, focused on the green liquor they both don’t know the name of.

“You liking me back…?” Maxwell tries to joke.

She looks up at him, “Me telling you we should be just friends.”

Maxwell doesn’t know what it is. Maybe the fact that he’s finished his drink half-way, maybe it’s because she’s going away in 2 months, maybe it’s Paris. Maybe it’s the way Nadia looks at him that makes what she just said a complete and obvious lie. But something fills him a burst of confidence. “So I can’t think about kissing you?”

“Friends… don’t do that, do they?” Nadia palms her face, trying to hide her smile. “God, I can’t look at you right now.”

“Don’t be weird, Nadia.” Maxwell laughs.

Nadia huffs. “Just promise me one thing, for when I go back to New York.”

“Fine. What?”

“You’ll continue being you. The Maxwell who is always laughing, dancing, joking around…”

“Well that’s depressing.” Maxwell groans. “Okay. Only if you also promise me,”

Nadia looks up at him.

“That…” He leans in, eyes flitting down to her lips. “….you’ll acknowledge me as the Dancing King, superior to all.” His voice is silent, barely a whisper.

Nadia’s cheeks are pink, she smacks him on the shoulder and looks away. “You’re… you’re-“

“The best? Thank you.”

“The worst.” Nadia laughs. “I bet you drove Ines crazy growing up.”

Maxwell chews on his bottom lip. “I do though,” He can’t help but smile at the memories coming back to him. “Although I haven’t really visited ever since Bertrand and I lost our parents.”

Nadia reaches over the bar table to squeeze his hand. “….I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, Nadia. I mean it.” Maxwell meets her eyes. “Don’t worry about me though,”

“Is this why you wanted to get out of the house?” Nadia asks quietly.

“Am I that obvious?” Maxwell raises an eyebrow at her, trying to lighten the mood. To his relief, she catches on quick.

“I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m actually an android who can read minds.” Nadia deadpans, and then suddenly she lights up – like she just realized something. “You know what? You should do something – to remember them.”

He narrows his eyes. “What are you thinking?”

Nadia’s gaze is fixed on a guy behind Maxwell, every exposed inch of his skin covered in tattoos. Including his face. She looks at Maxwell again. “You don’t think-?”

“YES. I’M DOING IT.”

Nadia fruitlessly fans Maxwell’s face with her hand inside the hot studio, he nods after the not-so-calming words she keeps repeating – he couldn’t really hear anything. It was just him and that shiny, sharp needle. She’s even more worried than him. She stops trying to comfort him and slumps against a wall just as the tattoo artist comes with gloved hands and sterilized tools.

“You don’t get to blame me if this backfires.” Nadia warns. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Maxwell breaks his staring contest with the sharp tools.

“I’m so distracted by your twenty abs.”

“Twenty-? You’re not helping, perv!” Maxwell throws his sweatshirt at Nadia, which she catches before it hits her in the face. The artist grumbles in French for him to steady as he traces the stencil.

“Oh shit oh shit-“ Maxwell closes his eyes when his needle buzzes to life, ready to permanently ink him. He breathes deeply as the vibrating needle touches his skin, feeling as if it’s touching his bone. After a while it feels slightly numb, and before he knows it the sensation was gone. He opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is Nadia’s worried face, looking at his new tattoo.

“Is it bad?” He finally lets out the breath he’s been holding.

“No! It’s… it’s something.”

He listens to the guy’s instructions for aftercare, knowing full well that he’s going to forget the very next day.

Once outside, Nadia finally speaks. “I can’t believe you just- you did that!”

“I did it!” Maxwell grins, feeling exhilarated.

Coming back to his mom’s house felt different with the tattoo. The lights were off, Ines and the other staff sound asleep. The only sounds were the wind rustling through the greenery and the silent sloshing of water in the deep mosaic pool.

“Nadia,” Maxwell looks at her. They were sitting on a carved stone bench next to the pool. Steam rises from the water’s surface, its lighting casting a blue green aura around the garden. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I feel so much closer to her,” Maxwell confesses. “It’s like… I don’t have to dread leaving this house every time anymore?”

Nadia nods, looking up at him.

“It’s not as heavy of a feeling, because I have her with me.” Maxwell laughs and shakes his head. “It’s silly.”

“It’s not silly.” Nadia stands up and crouches next to the pool. “This is beautiful. Was it her idea?”

“You know it.” Maxwell stands beside her, their blurry shadows bouncing off the water, beneath it a symmetrical swirling pattern and subtly peacock feather-like shapes formed by thousands of little tiles. Their father complained that it made the garden look too ostentatious, but it was one of a kind. Maxwell smirks at Nadia, getting an idea. “Wanna get a closer look? It’s heated.”

“What? Maxwell no-“

Maxwell backtracks a few steps then runs forward. He jumps high, fully clothed with his shoes on, then lands with a huge splash. He shakes his wet hair out of his face when he surfaces then laughs at Nadia’s shell-shocked expression.

“Come on!”

“Fuck it.” Nadia stands up and ungracefully swan-dives into the pool. She surfaces, laughing. “You’re crazy.”

“And you’re crazy enough to jump with me!” Maxwell sticks his tongue out and splashes Nadia, a huge wave of water hitting her face.

“You’re gonna pay for that!” But before Nadia could splash him, she freezes.

“What?”

“Your tattoo! You can’t be swimming!”

“Shit!”

They both scramble to get out of the pool. The night air chills their soaked skin and heavy clothes, so they run back to the house – the sound of their laughter rising among the squeaking of their shoes.

“Ines is going to kill me.” Maxwell whispers before he opens the back door. Nadia wrings out the corner of her top before she enters.

“My jacket is ruined.” She frowns.

Maxwell stares up on the underside of his canopy. As a child his mother hung a mobile of shells on it – he doesn’t know where it is, probably a in a dusty box in the attic. But the room doesn’t feel as empty as it did a few hours ago. Maxwell sighs, maybe it’s just the light sting on his chest. He feels it over his shirt. A little hippo. He turns to his side, feeling a little uncomfortable with his still wet, but not dripping, hair. Nadia comes out of the en-suite with her hair up in a towel. Maxwell lent her his clothes, his t-shirt and shorts looking extra-large on her frame. She collapses beside him on the bed.

“My feet feel like jelly.” She whispers.

Maxwell is still reeling from their little adventure – not to mention all the sugar they consumed. “…Same.”

Nadia hiccups, breaking the silence, and Maxwell laughs, his stomach hurting. “Ow… that was cute.”

“Your hair is cute.” Nadia sits up, trying to insult him.

“What?” Maxwell follows her, unconsciously feeling his hair.

Nadia looks at him, her expression softening. “Huh, it actually looks cute. You can tie it up in little poofs.”

“We really need to sleep.” Maxwell locks eyes with Nadia, suddenly aware of how close their faces are.

Nadia nods. “Yeah…”

Maxwell doesn’t move, and neither does she. He leans in, his hand cupping her cheek. He doesn’t ask, instead his eyes search hers. He is breathless, the sound of his heart beating so loudly he’s convinced she could hear it. Before Maxwell could pull away because this is a bad, bad idea, Nadia closes her eyes and presses her lips to his. His eyes widen in shock at first, slowly closing when it felt like his brain would melt. He kisses her back, his hand drifting on the back of her neck to pull her closer. Nadia smiles against his kiss, and he hesitantly pulls away – forehead touching hers.

“Good night.” Nadia kisses him again, quick and soft, before standing up and making her way to the door, back to her own room.

Once the door clicks shut, Maxwell throws himself back on the bed with a groan, covering his flushed face with both hands.

How is he supposed to sleep after that?

to be continued

FUN FACTS that I made up all in my head so don’t take it too seriously

Did Kiara write this chapter?

- First of all, the French parts were google translated so please pleASE LET ME LIVE. (It also included an amount of research on How Not to Sound Like An Idiot – which was fun.)

- Second, idk either HAHA but the Beaumont name sounds super French to me so I hc that they have some of that blood in them and they have very strong ties to it despite being an old and established family in Cordonia. So like, let’s say Maxwell and Bertrand grew up speaking French before Cordonian and English, since it was first taught to them at home.

- Third, I just wanted to be cute. (I also have no consistency).

Their song:

- The song Nadia sings at the bar is supposed to be Stay by Zedd and Alessia Cara, and then I realized… the story is set in 2011. So I had to scour my playlist for a song that doesn’t break the rules of time and space. Bam, Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club. It helps if you listen to it while reading that part 😉

#europeanguy #gotta gogh #part 4 #maxwell x nadia #maxwell beaumont #nadia park #trr #the royal romance #pm #perfect match #fan fiction #fluff #au #canon divergence #long post #europeanguy fic #im sorry for not updating lol

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rubldus · 5 years

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ѩ, Җ, ๛!

MUNDAY MEME || ACCEPTING 🔥🔥🔥

Җ - What’s your greatest source of inspiration when it comes to role playing?

SO BC I’M AWFUL, IT’S RAP MUSIC. Literally no joke- I blast rap music in order to get into a good headspace for writing Yata. They aren’t exactly character-inspired songs ( though I have a playlist for that too that I’ll share eventually ) but rather more of just stuff I feel like he would use to psych himself up/listen to regularly. Because of how much we see him with musically related accessories and possessions among other things, I definitely see him as somebody who loves music a lot. Rap is his favorite for sure though! Makes him feel badass lol.

๛ - Share an embarrassing story about yourself!

TURTLE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE- okay, okay. Well there’s no shortage of those around here. The thing is ( and my friends and family alike can attest to this ) I’m just as ridiculous irl as I am on the internet. You can get me to do absolutely anything: my entire being is a personification of a John Mulaney skit. Anywayyyyyy- growing up there was a pizza place down the road from my house, and my family and I frequented it ( whether for birthday parties, holidays, or family get-togethers ) regularly. One day, I was out to lunch at the pizza place with my mom, my aunt, and cousins. Now keep in mind, I was nine or ten when this happened, so definitely old enough to think logically/understand proper human behavior you would think…but no.

Anyway, the joint had a small arcade area with about four machines, and while my mom ordered the food, my aunt took my twin cousins ( who were about five at the time ) to play over there. The twins decided they wanted a toy, so they used their allotted money to try their luck at the claw machine. Of course nothing came out of it, and they were completely in tears. Their mom turned to me and went ‘ haha hey angel I bet you could fit in there, I dare you ‘ because my size was a running joke in the family. Like I was super small back then. Meanwhile I was fucking around- like I do- and seeing how far I could get behind the machines ( classic ) before I got stuck and simultaneously completely ignoring her. Of course my aunt thought nothing of it and ended up going to help my mom with the food while I transitioned to looking underneath the machines for ‘ cool stuff ‘ as my cousins continued to cry.

I guess the thought process became ‘ okay, let me just save the day ‘ because if you know me, you know I spoil my cousins rotten. Anyway, I got up, and somehow bent my body enough to fit through the little door. My aunt comes back, the twins are awestruck, the others in the room just playing games and doing their own thing while I’m inside the damn claw machine. My aunt goes ‘ oh no ‘ as I’m gathering toys, and that’s when my mother walks in and drops all the food before she starts screaming. Everybody starts freaking out after that, and the fire department is called along with the manager and everybody in the kitchen. My cousins got two stuffed animals and a free pizza out of it. TH E END–

#causeborn #╰ ╳ ━ ❛ sᴡɪɴɢɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪʀᴇ ᴇsᴄᴀᴘᴇ . / ⁽ ᵃⁿˢʷᵉʳᵉᵈ ⁾ * . ⁎ ×#╰ ╳ ━ ❛ ᴡᴇ'ʀᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀs . / ⁽ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁾ * . ⁎ ×#THX FOR ASKING ABT MY DUMB ASS I L Y #<3 <3 <3 #alllllll the hearts for turtle

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polyx · 6 years

Text

Get to know me tag:^)

I was tagged by @criminalmastermine

Name:

Polyxeni

Gender:

Female

Star sign:

Virgo/Sheep

Height:

170 cm

Put your music on shuffle, what are the first six songs to pop up?:

Ok because I listen on Soundcloud, Spotify and my folders on my phone, I’ll do 3 separate :^) Spotify 1) VIXX LR – Chocolatier 2) BTS – Lost 3) MOBB – Hit me (feat. KUSH) 4) Taemin – Thirsty 5) VIXX – Dynamite 6) BTS – Moving on (Ok it’s pretty obvious that I use Spotify mostly for k-pop lol)

Soundcloud 1) Sunday – Only 2) Sofi Tukker – Hey Lion 3) マクロスMACROSS 82 - 99 - 葛城ミサトYEBISU (YUNG BAE EDIT) 4) Vantage // - Patrick Converter (ft. Chrollo)

5) M.RUX - Rembetiko Mon Amour // ρεμπέτικο αγάπη μου 6) Seiun – otogibanashi My folders on my phone 1) Lorde – Liability 2) Clueso - Achterbahn (Handgepäck Version) 3) Incubus – Pistola 4) Lana Del Rey – Once Upon A Dream (Maleficent OST) 5) Little Boots – Working Girl 6) Banks - Haunt

Grab the nearest book, turn to page 23 and write line 17:

“(…) because “a realisation that comes from society itself” could “already contain a reform (…)“. (roughly translated from German)

Last time you played air guitar?:

Uhm… I don’t know ^^° I rarely do it tbh… I usually dance

Celebrity crush?: The first person that comes into my mind is Lucy Lawless :^)

What’s a sound that you hate/love?:

I love it when it’s 4 in the morning and my window next to my bed is open, and the rain softly hits the glass and no car drives by, or when you sit by the beach at about 7pm in Greece in the summer, when most people had their share of sun and leave the beach, and the water softly hits the shore and a seagull are audible somewhere in the distance, or when you float in the water and your ears are under the water and you hear the water and your heartbeat… also the soft flat breathing of the person laying next to you, or the rustling of the fabric of your bedding when you lay down to sleep… Idk I like a lot of subtle sounds. I hate hearing my joints cracking because I feel like I am breaking apart or something (?)

Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?:

Ghosts not so much, aliens? Definitely.

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?:

I’ve had my licence for 5 years now and I never crashed :3 I don’t drive much though.

What was the last book you read?:

Simon Beckett – Totanfang / The Restless Dead (original title)

Do you like the smell of gasoline?:

Hm… kinda.

Last movie you saw?:

Fack Ju Göhte 3

Worst injury you’ve ever had?:

Broke my left arm.

Any obsessions right now?: A lot, although I should focus on studying: k-pop (like the biggest obsession atm), writing/reading fanfiction, drawing (my go to instant stress reliever), gaming (I still need to finish Hellblade!!), music overall, manga, my succulents (my babies)

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who’ve wronged you?: Yes. I try to forgive or forget (or both) for my sake, but often it doesn’t work.

In a relationship?:

Yes.

_______________

SECOND VERSION

Appearance:

I have long brown and blue hair, brown eyes and a long thin nose. My face is quite rectangular, and I have olive skin tone (but pretty light compared to others). I am chubby and well-proportioned I’d say. My nails are always short (except for holiday season because my nails won’t constantly break like during work) and usually some kind of varnish is on it. 50% of the time I wear clothes with some kind of pattern on it or colourful stuff, 25% of the time black and 25% pink shit, and always my casio on my wrist. I have 2 tattoos and 4 piercings, one stretched earlobe. Usually I wear make-up, and everyone knows me for wearing colourful eyeshadow.

Personality:

I am quite outgoing and like spending time with my friends and family and partner, but as much as I love having people around me, I need time to be alone. I just need to. I try to have an open ear for other people’s problems, but be prepared I might cry along with you because I am a very emotional person (like on Friday I was in a concert and started crying because the song was so touching lol). I’d say I am quite confident, but I need time adjusting in a new environment before returning to my confident self. At work I am the most patient person, but with my family I tend to be impatient a lot and I hate myself for it, but it’s getting better. I am very creative and love dwelling on details on random stuff (like I could tell you for an hour why I like a particular song for example). That’s also a reason why I can’t get shit done sometimes because I daydream a lot. Like… a lot… one person told me I remind them of Luna Lovegood because I seem trapped in my own bubble. I love arts. I used to be super tidy as a child, but now I am quite messy. I am often late (sorry to anyone affected by this v.v°). I love travelling. My bag is always ready for my nomad life, as I am always on the go.

Abilities:

I speak 3 languages! Also I draw and make jewellery. Also I have the ability to make a mess out of my room in the shortest amount of time, just watch me :^) professionally I am a druggist (but not the one working at a pharmacy, mind you) and I have a bachelors degree of trade and commerce. Also I’m a certified trainee instructor.

Experiences:

Well? I don’t know what this refers too… Maybe some random shit: -I used to do traditional greek dance as a kid. -I’ve never left Europe (sadly), but I’ve travelled to London, Vienna, Paris, Berlin and other cities. -When I was a smoll bean, I went to the central plaza of my dad’s village in Greece and returned with a puppy in my arms. My grandmother kept the pupper. -I love freaking LOVE technology, when I used my huge ass multitalented wireless printer for the first time and printed something via my phone I almost cried in excitement. -I can stop reading a book if it’s boring. -Once on my way home I sat in the tram, and there was a group of friends, drunk, pretty loud and happy, they were wearing traditional Bavarian clothing (Tracht), and they were …deaf! And one of the girls sat opposite to me, and complimented my hair, like we talked without using words, only by using our facial expressions and our hands, and she grabbed on piece of her hair and pointed at mine and we laughed, and then she offered me some of her vodka and I was so yolo at the moment I accepted, although I don’t accept drinks from strangers usually. I had such a blast these 10 minutes we spent together on the tram, I often think about her, and hope she is doing fine :’) - I remember as a young girl, I was sitting on an old faucet which was built in the short wall framing my grandparents’ house, and I was starring at the sky in disbelief. There I was, a young city girl, born and raised in Munich, sitting on an old faucet somewhere in an small village in Greece starring at the beautiful nightsky, seeing something I’ve never seen before. There were so many stars, just…so… so many stars… thousands and thousands of shiny dots across a black canvas. And they seemed to be alive. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Till this day, I remember this night, and I hear my mom asking what I was doing out there alone, surrounded by the wild noises of thousands of bugs around me. It has been more that 10 years, and this night is so vibrant in my memory. I will never forget this moment till my dying day. Still, I often spent time in Greece watching the stars, always in the back of my mind what my grandma told me once: don’t count the stars, it brings misfortune. - I pierced my ears on my own (…stupid). - I pretty much had my hair dyed any colour of the rainbow (except yellow, but I guess blonde counts?). - I’ve been to A LOT of concerts.

(I have some negative experiences too of course, but I don’t want to dwell on them) My life:

I still live with my parents, because I cannot afford anything on my own atm, but also due to other circumstances. Till the end of September I worked full time, now I started studying sociology (BA). I have been employed in the company I work for for 10 years now, and I love my work although it’s tough :’). I have a little sister who I love dearly, and she is making me a proud big sis:). My parents are the best parents, seriously you could not wish for better parents. I am super grateful to them for all I’ve been able to do in my life and all the love and support they have given, and are still giving me. Also, I’m so proud of them. The thought of what my parents have gone through makes me cry. I used to think I don’t have a lot of friends, but I do! And they all are beautiful unique personalities, I love them! I live the nomad live, as I feel I’m rarely home, always on the go. My co-workers are the sweetest people, I love seeing their faces light up when they see me :’) (ILY!!!) And my partner… there are no words to describe what sweet of a person he is. A puppy is nothing against him. I want to cuddle him forever. I am online a lot, but I don’t get involved with a lot of people online, safe for… 2 :’D Rach and Mine! I usually admire from afar, and fangirl in the tags for example. Overall I wake up everyday being thankful, my life is good! I appreciate every moment. I am blessed.

Relationships: I’ve only had 2 lmao, and I’m still friends with my first partner. Random stuff:

Ups I think I answered this earlier already…

THIRD VERSION

Relationship status:

In a relationship. We have an imaginary daughter lol.

Fave colour:

All hues of blue! Basically every colour but blue is the most dear to me.

Lipstick or ChapStick:

Lipstick for sure. I always have one in my pocket.

Last song:

Shahmaran by Sevdaliza

Last movie:

Fack Ju Göhte 3

Top 3 shows:

I don’t watch TV, neither do I have the time for series (I have GOT on halt, as well as “Halt and Catch Fire”) … But “The Vision of Escaflowne” is my favourite series of EVER. The story, the characters, the music, the art, the world building, I could cry it’s so beautiful. Also the whole ATLA and TLOK Series, it is so good!!! *cries*

Top 3 ships:

Oh man… ok. I’ll go for Amorra (Amon and Korra, TLOK), Truhan ( Gohan and Trunks, Dragonball Z) and basically every possible VIXX ship, because I love them all (but Wontaek though…)

I’d like to tag @valkerymillenia, @abnaxus, @coolera but you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to :’)

#polyx #polyx personal

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meepface · 7 years

Text

i’m in a mood and i’m bored please ignore

1: Name

elyse

2: Age

3: 3 Fears

settling for less than i deserve or for something i don’t want just because happiness seems too hard or would hurt someone, the ocean, scorpions

4: 3 things I love

making people laugh, holding hands w my girlfriend and walking past another gay couple or someone in a LGBTQ+ related shirt n smilin at each other, when dogs have the lil tiny stump tails and they wag em so fast, when candles smell like christmas

5: 4 turns on

freckles, ambition/drive/passion for something, humility, uhhh also eye contact during sex can also be super hot

6: 4 turns off

apathy, moodiness, arrogance, people who are extremely loud all the time

7: My best friend

i have two and they’re great!! one leaves for japan in two days though and she’ll be gone for a month so that highkey sucks for me but she’s gonna have a blast. n my other best friend is so good to me she always takes care of me n listens to me and the other day she bought me alcohol so that was nice

8: Sexual orientation

bisexual but maybe just gay? idk i would date a boy but prolly wouldn’t fuck a boy ya know but i’d do both with a girl so who knows

9: My best date

this question originally said “my best first date” but most of em have been goin to movies and so i changed it bc my best date just in general was probably when my gf and i went and ate at our favorite place to eat n then we banged in her car in a department store parking lot and then afterwards she was like “wait nobody’s at my house i’m sneakin u over” bc her mom can be a lil weird about me going to her house so i never really do and i had never seen her room so she snuck me over to her house n we cuddled on her bed n she showed me this shoebox she has in her room with every tiny lil gift i’d ever given her in it and it made me cry a little. another nice date was when it was flooding at our university and so they canceled classes and we went to walgreens and bought shirts bc ours were soaked from the rain and i bought socks bc my socks got Wet bc i stepped in a puddle and we just stayed in my car and ate candy in our comfy clothes waitin for the rain to let up and yeah TMI ahead but basically she ended up eating me out for the first time so that was nice lol

10: How tall am I

5′7

11: What do I miss

i dunno i already miss my best friend Kate even tho she doesn’t leave for Japan until Wednesday morning. also i kinda miss how things were before this year bc my life was less chaotic and stressful and sad last year and now i’m in a rut a lil bit

12: What time was I born

uhh 11:30 somethin AM

13: Favorite color

i like cerulean which is sorta like a teal blue and then yellow and then brown and then dark green

14: Do I have a crush

ya i have a gf

15: Favorite quote

“if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely”

16: Favorite place

i like to be in my bedroom a lot but there’s also this roof i go to with friends a lot that’s really nice at night and i have so many memories there. it’s a really happy place for me

17: Favorite food

i like japanese food but not the seafood kind

18: Do I use sarcasm

no never

19: What am I listening to right now

praying // kesha

20: First thing I notice in new person

i guess just their general vibe

22: Eye color

very green but they were blue for a good half of my life which is kinda weird bc they’re so green now lmao

23: Hair color

red lmao

24: Favorite style of clothing

idk i go through a million styles in a week but my fave is just a cute oversized shirt n leggings bc it’s comfy and effortless

25: Ever done a prank call?

oh yeah i used to do a ton, i even used to have a character that i’d prank call people with actually. her name was Sonya and she sold breast enhancement cream

27: Meaning behind my URL

that’s actually a secret lmao

28: Favorite movie

the secret life of walter mitty

29: Favorite song

uhh idk but lately i’ve loved do re mi by blackbear

30: Favorite band

twenty one pilots (can i make it any more obvious that i hate myself), two door cinema club, of monsters and men, the 1975, the wonder years

31: How I feel right now

generally okay?? today was a nice day but i’ve felt sorta sick all day and i haven’t been sleeping enough so that’s making me a big ol emotional baby so i feel like i could have a breakdown at any given minute but for the most part i am good tonight

32: Someone I love

my girlfriend

33: My current relationship status

taken

34: My relationship with my parents

oh i love em to death but sometimes they’re difficult n the two of em weren’t meant to be together honestly so i think they’d be better off n a lot less stressful to be around if they divorced but it’s okay maybe they will work it out

35: Favorite holiday

christmas eve. it’s so much better than christmas day!!!!

36:Tattoos and piercing i have

i have a sun and moon tattoo on each wrist and the word “lovely” on my left bicep and i’m gonna get more but that’s all for now. n i have three piercings, one on one ear and two on the other. i was supposed to have two on both ears but one got infected and i didn’t know what to do so i took the piercing out and it fucked it up and it closed up so i gotta go get it repierced someday but that’s annoying so i just haven’t bothered yet

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

don’t want anymore piercings after i get that one redone tbh. but i want a pine tree tattoo i think on my ankle and a equals sign tattoo but idk where yet and lil mountains on my shoulders, also a sunflower maybe ??? i’m still tryna figure our which one i wanna get next and where. i also have been thinkin about maaaaaaybe getting the female symbol on my middle finger but idk if i want a hand tattoo ya know

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

i really liked this youtuber charlieissocoollike and he did a video about tumblr so i was like ok cool and made one but then i didn’t understand it and never used it and then caitlin one day was talking about tumblr with our friends oliver and jennica and i was like dang i wanna be cool like them so i started using it again and i found their blogs and stalked em for a while

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

not hate but i’d never speak to him again. doubt he hates me tho

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yeah from my gf

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

yes

42: When did I last hold hands?

today

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

if i’m trying to look nice 45 mins-1 hour and if i’m not trying to look nice like 20-30 mins

44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

no but i need to lmao they a lil prickly

45: Where am I right now?

my bed and i am so happy to be here

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

my gf would be there 100%, if not her then i’d say my friend Stein but she’d prolly be more fucked up honestly. my friend Kate would be there too

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

louuuuuud unless i’m in a weird sad mood then i like it real soft

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

yeah but hopefully i’ll get my fucking act together and move out within a year but i’m still kinda figuring everything out for the time being

49: Am I excited for anything?

idk honestly i have nothing to look forward to coming up anytime soon so that sucks a lot. probably my best friend’s 21st which i think is in a few weeks?? and this music fest a good friend and i are going to at the end of this month

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

yeah my good pal Joe and also my brother and my friend Brendon too but him and i haven’t talked in a while so :/

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

this is emo as shit

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

today i hugged like four people!!!

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i’d be so upset and i’d break up with her and be miserable for a long while after that

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

yeah there’s one

55: What is something I disliked about today?

uhh probably that i was feelin sick and on edge just generally all day. bc it was really puttin a damper on my mood

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

i’d really love to meet Ellen Degeneres

57: What do I think about most?

prolly about how i am a useless dum dum and not to sound edgggyy but i question like....... my purpose too often lately

58: What’s my strangest talent?

talent? i don’t know her

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

i’m terrified of being vomited on. not vomit in general necessarily but it getting on me is one of the most disgusting things to me lol

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

lil bit of both but i’m better at the behind the camera stuff

61: What was the last lie I told?

told my grandma i was single bc i don’t wanna tell her i am gay n have a girlfriend even though she’d forget in like two minutes lol

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting but i’m not a big fan of either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes!!!!!!!!!

64: Do I believe in magic?

65: Do I believe in luck?

sure

66: What’s the weather like right now?

2 hot

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

milk and honey by rupi kaur

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

tbh i love it

69: Do I have any nicknames?

elly, gaylord, dad, that one ginger

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

probably the one time i fell off my razor scooter while goin speedy down a hill and tryna show off and got scars all over my body

71: Do I spend money or save it?

been tryna save but put me in an h&m or a forever 21 or a thrift shop and it’s all gone. i love clothes that are inexpensive

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

yeah i have an empty victoria’s secret bag on my desk

74: Favorite animal?

i like bunnies and grizzly bears

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

talking to my gf and crying probably lol it was a rough night

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

oooooo i could make a petty joke here but i won’t

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

greek tragedy // the wombats

78: How can you win my heart?

make time for me and show me i’m important to you

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

“u know she dead”

80: What is my favorite word?

serendipity

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

i’d probably just start crying and everyone would stop listening

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

yeah one of my cousins murdered someone lol i am pretty sure he’s in jail but i don’t know anything about him or if he’s even still alive honestly

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

idk i’m pretty open

86: What is my current desktop picture?

some mountains lol it’s one of the Apple preset ones

87: Had sex?

yeah

88: Bought condoms?

yeah

89: Gotten pregnant?

90: Failed a class?

nearly but no

91:Kissed a boy?

nah i’ve never wanted to really

92: Kissed a girl?

yeah

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

yeah

94: Had job?

yep i work at a froyo shop

95: Left the house without my wallet?

yeah

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

probably at some point when i was young but not anytime recently

97: Had sex in public?

yeah lol

98: Played on a sports team?

i was on a soccer team for a while as a kid and i hated it

99: Smoked weed?

not yet but i’d like to try it at least one time someday

100: Did drugs?

no and i am not interested in trying any other drugs besides weed

101: Smoked cigarettes?

102: Drank alcohol?

yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nah

104: Been overweight?

105:Been underweight?

for most of my life i have been lol and i finally got to a healthy weight and now i’m back to being underweight

106: Been to a wedding?

yeah a few

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

yeah

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yeah but not any time recently bc i don’t have the motivation/attention span to sit through a movie or TV show anymore

109: Been outside my home country?

no but i’d really like to

110: Gotten my heart broken?

yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

no and i was invited to one recently but i had work :(

112: Broken a bone?

113: Cut myself?

yeah

114: Been to prom?

yeah

115: Been in airplane?

yeah

116: Fly by helicopter?

no but i’d really like to

117: What concerts have I been to?

soooo many. i’ll try and name em. trans siberian orchestra, panic! at the disco, imagine dragons, twenty one pilots, two door cinema club, the weeknd, melanie martinez, catfish and the bottlemen, halsey, of monsters and men, walk the moon, eric clapton, paul mccartney, glass animals, a$ap rocky, drake, the chainsmokers, foo fighters, vance joy, the strumbellas, the front bottoms, kendrick lamar, the wombats, AWOLNATION, ben rector, we the kings, the ready set, the summer set ??? i think there’s some i’m forgetting but that’s most of em. i go to so many. i am also seeing saint motel, cage the elephant, weezer, passion pit, mac miller and MGMT this summer!!

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yaaaaa most of my crushes have been n i’m datin a girl so

119: Learned another language?

i took four years of spanish and i’m taking another spanish class in the fall!! i was always real good at it

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

no i lost it when i was 19

122: Had oral sex?

yeah

123: Dyed my hair?

nah it’s naturally red and pretty and i don’t really wanna ever dye it. i’m probably gonna dye my eyebrows tho they’re too light and i’m tired of always fillin them in

124: Voted in a presidential election?

yes this last one which was exciting until hilary lost

125: Rode in a police car?

yes

126: Had a surgery?

127: Met someone famous?

yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

not like legitimately but yeah i’ve gone through someone’s page out of curiosity before

129: Peed outside?

yeah

130: Been fishing?

yeah it’s sorta boring imo though

131: Helped with charity?

yeah i helped my mom with this organization she was a part of where homeless people could come and paint and make art and i helped her at a few of their shows. it is one of my favorite organizations and i met some really beautiful people there

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah he liked me too but he was figuring things out and later that year came out to me as gay and then like two years later i realized i’m kinda super gay too so it all worked out in the end

133: Broken a mirror?

134: What do I want for birthday?

to be with people i love

#like if ya read #about me #long post

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well-hidden-hot-mess · 4 years

Text

an update and more rambles (what else is new?)

Well things have changed a lot since my last post. Good and bad things. Just lots of things. This is going to be a long one so buckle up. You’ve been warned.

I (FINALLY!!!) moved to my dream city that I’ve been dreaming of for the last 10 years and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. I truly feel at home in a way I’ve never felt before and it’s so freeing. That’s something I need to remind myself when I feel like I’m drowning in stress and just life - just stop, take a second and remember that you did something that so many people never have the balls to do (aka pick up their entire lives and move across the country from everything they’ve ever known and everyone they care about and everything that was “safe” to them to embark on a whole new life in a brand new place where they know no one) and not just to any place, but to the place that you instantly knew was your home the second you landed over 10 years ago and decided to do what you knew deep down would be the best decision you’ve ever made in your life and guess what. It was the best decision you’ve ever made and it worked out despite all of the days spent worrying about “what if I hate it there? what if I fail and have to come back home with my tail between my legs and admit that I was wrong? what if my happy place isn’t all that I expected it to be and I realize I made a huge mistake?” and do I regret a single thing about taking that chance? Not even the slightest bit. Yes I do miss having my family so close (especially my puppy since he doesn’t understand how to FaceTime) and I miss that sense of security of having my safety net/support group so close by but I’m starting to finally feel like I’m growing roots here and it’s honestly just such a good feeling. Fuck why am I crying? lol. I love my home here and I’m so proud of myself for putting myself before all the stupid worry/doubt my brain kept pushing at me and saying fuck it I’m doing this. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made and that wouldn’t have been possible without me standing up against those inner demons or whatever and it feels great to finally have won/have some sort of victory over them so next time they’re taking over again, I can be like yo remember what happened last time you fought back harder than you ever had? Look what happened, you changed your life and got out of the dead end miserable existence you had and created a life that makes you truly happy in a place that makes you feel more alive than you ever thought possible. You did that. No one else did it for you. Yes you had help along the way but you did it. If I can do something that I’ve truly felt like I've been called to do for over a decade despite all of the scariness/risks/etc and put myself out there and put my happiness first over those stupid inner demons, I can honestly do anything. Well that turned into way more of a rant than intended but that’s what I do here lol.

Originally before I left, wifey had told me she had free tickets to go see Luke Bryan/Cole Swindell at Jones Beach and since I wasn’t sure when I was moving I was like oh 100% I’ll go. Then we figured out my move date was 4th of July (Independence Day - so fitting lol) and the concert was July 17th. Wifey was saying how sad she was that I wasn’t going to be able to go since I’ll have moved already and it’s our yearly tradition to see him now. I looked at her surprised and was like “umm she’s been my best friend for almost 15 years and acts like she’s never met me before...?”. So needless to say, 2 weeks after I moved, I flew back home to CT to go to the show with her, Jenny, Kristin, and Sam and holy. shit. It was my first concert at Jones Beach so that was cool. We picked up Kristin in NYC on the way there and had the best time blasting music and singing and pregaming on the way there. We got to go to a meet and greet and listening party for Cole Swindell. He was super sweet and we got to hear 2 of his songs that weren’t released yet/wouldn’t be released. It was so I don’t even know the word to describe how cool it was and how like full my soul felt to see him listening to the songs along with us and you could just feel the passion radiating out of him while the songs were playing and I just felt like the grinch where my heart grew three sizes in that moment. It was so refreshing to see that that passion and pureness does still exist in this crazy world and it was just a moment I’ll never forget. Then we went to the concert where we were originally like halfway up the stadium and when wifey sent a thank you text to who got us the tickets with a picture from the seats, they were like umm no that’s not good enough and were told to go meet some guy from security. So we go over and as we’re waiting, I turn around and in the most like hidden seats I see Theresa aka the Long Island Medium and her daughter just sitting there like NBD. So I freak out about that obviously and have to tell my mom but the selfie attempts failed so I was sad. But then we were lead into the pit and I was 3 people away (security included) away from Luke the entire show. I don’t think I blinked the entire time. I felt kinda bad because wifey was like “oh come over here there’s more room” and I was like “I love you but this is the only chance I might ever have to be this close to the love of my life/obsession so I’m going to stay here if that’s okay” and she immediately understood and was like “yep, say no more” and we were close enough where if something happened I could turn and make eye contact with them so it was okay. It was honestly the best night of my entire life so far and did I mention that he made direct eye contact with/sang to me for a few seconds during Play It Again? Because he did and I’m pretty sure I felt my soul leave my body at that moment. That night was easily in the top 10 greatest moments I’ll ever have in my life and I regret not a single thing. The hassle of having to pack up and fly home in the midst of not even being close to done unpacking was beyond worth it and I’d do it all over again a million times.

Okay let’s see what else. So I got offered a job at the first interview I went to which was a nice little ego/confidence boost as the assistant manager of a spa (ironic I know since the last spa managers I’ve known have been nice but the bane of my existence most of the time lol) in a town like 20 mins outside of the city. I had to be incognito about being the new manager for the first 3 months as like a trial period to make sure it was a good fit before we announced it to everyone. I wish I could say it’s been all sunshine and rainbows since then but seeing how this is the first new job I’ve had in 6 years, the beginning was a bit rough. I’m used to being the veteran that knows everything and is the go to person but now I was the newbie who felt like they didn’t know anything (because I didn’t lol) and felt kinda useless at the beginning during training because I was so eager to jump in and help and show my true work ethic and all that but it’s hard to do when you have zero idea what you’re talking about. Then they kinda dumped on me that in a few months they wanted me to be ready to move up to full on spa manager and I panicked hard. Then the manager left for a week and a half on vacation where she wasn’t reachable if I needed help and let’s just say it was just short of a disaster. I also contracted a respiratory infection during that time and had literally zero voice above a faint whisper even if I tried yelling and it was so painful to breathe/exist let alone run a spa when I feel like I was not prepared at all for that. Then when she came back we had a talk and I was told that I had disappointed the owners since they thought I should’ve handled things better despite being sick and that I'm not further along into being ready for that role. That fucking hurt because I was killing myself just to get there each day and survive and I was trying to be positive and get things done when inside and outside I was clearly dying. Then after some reflection, I sat down with her again and we had a very productive talk. I explained that I didn’t ask many questions before she left because I didn’t know what I didn’t know until I was left alone with no one to go to for help and it was all on me. I also explained how before this job, my highest role was equivalent to a lead SA there and this was all brand new to me. I wasn’t the one making the big decisions with clients or dealign with managing the entire staff instead of like 10 people but mainly like 5 who were more than just coverage people if needed or doing inventory or reports or calling the shots on when to waive final payments or the 24 hour cancellation fee or any of that. I think once she kinda understood where I was coming from and that was laid out in front of her, she realized I needed to actually be trained not just tell me how to do things when problems arise and since it had been so crazy busy with gift card season and the holidays and vacations and training the influx of new SAs, we didn’t do any specific manager training other than when problems came up in the moment. So things became a lot different and we’re putting aside time to really train and get me prepared for my current role and the future role too. During all of this, my depression took full control of me for a month or two and really took a nose dive after the week I was left alone (I’ll go into more of that later on) and it really affected my work. I was constantly 20 or more minutes late despite numerous talking to’s, I wasn’t fully present despite how hard I was trying to be, my sales went out the window, my team lost respect for me (I don’t blame them for that at all since I was so in my own little bubble and focused on just surviving another day that I wasn’t up to my full potential and not able to support them in the way I should’ve/want to be), I stopped working out and was binge eating the worst foods constantly and gained about 40lbs in a few short months (sound familiar?). Then a couple weeks ago, I got written up for being late and if it continued, I would be demoted to SA and then eventually fired and that was exactly the kick in the ass I needed to get my ass back in gear and lift myself out of that depression slump. I’ve been at least 5 minutes early for every shift since then and have been actively making sure I’m there for my team and learning how to be a better manager to help support them and the business as a whole. I feel so much more in control of my life and it feels fucking great. I don’t dread going to work each day anymore and don’t have to fight to get out of bed each day to get there and don't feel so hopeless like I'll never be good enough for them no matter how hard I try (aka how I felt after that week of being alone). I had my latest one on one yesterday and my boss kept saying how much improvement she’s seen in me and feels so much more confident in me as that potential future spa manager now that she’s seen how hard I've been working to do my best. Like I wasn’t holding back tears but I was one tiny step before that because I was so happy that my hard work is being recognized and is paying off. I truly do want to do my best there and she sees that and appreciates it and that’s just not something I’m used to so it’s like “oh this is what being in a non toxic work environment is like... this is what it’s like being appreciated and supported by management.... huh...”. So that’s pretty cool. And I even got a fleece zip up with the company logo on it as a reward kinda which just added to it lol. I’ve been there 6 months and got a really nice fleece zip up when after 6 YEARS at EQX all I got was a stupid hat lol. I don’t know if being with this company is a lifelong thing but it’s working for me now and I think it’s exactly where I should be, even just to learn how to be a manager and learn those skills to take with me elsewhere in the future so that’s pretty cool too. It can be stressful at times don’t get me wrong and I may have many homicidal thoughts that I would obviously never act on towards some of my coworkers at times when they drive me absolutely insane but I do enjoy being there and being part of that family/having that support.

Now fitness/health wise. Where to start. So yeah the last few months has been spent binge eating my face off and honestly I think it started as a nice break from worrying about calories or the scale or the gym especially since my body was failing me and I felt terrible all the time and couldn’t push myself at all or I’d get one of my vertigo like migraines or overheat or just not have the physical ability to do anything so removing myself from that environment of always building frustration was probably a good thing. Well at least that’s how it started. Then the holidays hit, then work became crazy and my depression consumed me and I felt like shit to begin with so I had zero motivation to even try to meal prep or eat anything that wasn’t ordered off ubereats that was at least 5-10k calories each sitting. Plus my insomnia was the worst it’s been in years where I would stay up until 3 or 4 am each night watching Criminal Minds or Silent Witness or Dexter and wonder why I couldn’t function at all during work. So yeah, that’s how I got up to my most recent highest weight of 196lbs and seeing that number SUCKED. Was I surprised? Nope. Was I a little surprised it wasn’t higher than that? Yup lol. It wasn’t such huge blow because I knew how I had been eating/living so it’s like yeah that makes sense but still hurts none the less. So about 2 weeks ago I decided it was time (also right after when I got written up and kicked my ass back into gear in my life in general) and started just by using Norm to count my calories. My weight was all over the place and would spike from 194lbs down to 189lbs overnight, then back up to 192lbs and I was like wtf. I knew it was probably water weight fluctuations and all of that but like come on, it’s not even going in a downward trend at this point. Then a couple days in, I started working out again. That was rough. My first workout back I did 3 leg exercises with what was normally my warmup weight (10lb dumbbells) and I couldn’t move for a day and a half (thankfully I was off those 2 days) and then was still excruciatingly sore for another 3 days after that. So then once I could kinda move my legs without wanting to die, I did arm day and It wasn’t nearly as bad. My strength is absolute shit but that’s to be expected when the most movement you’ve had is walking across the hall pretty much to the elevator and the few steps out the door to meet your ubereats driver then going back upstairs to be horizontal again. But this week I’ve been getting up each morning (even on my days off or later work days) at 5am and staying awake while I wait the 1.5 hours for my Vyvanse to kick in and watching youtube videos to gently wake up/stay awake, then I’ll have my green supplement drink thing and take my vitamins and prep my work meals/snacks for the day and get ready, then head down to the gym by like 8am, work out for up to an hour depending on time/energy levels, then shower and get ready and leave at 9am to get to work by 9:30am and sit in the parking lot and do my makeup instead of how I used to spend my mornings aka wake up late, take Vyvanse too late, suffer through barely being able to function while getting ready and not making meals and having to buy food that was never healthy then end up rushing there and panicking while trying to put makeup on while doing 90mph on the highway and having the shame of arriving like 30 minutes late AGAIN and having to face my boss/coworkers. Much better start to the day I must say lol. I’m feeling a lot more like me again too which is a nice change from being a shell of a human fighting just to survive another hour let alone another day. So I’ve been on point with my food for the last like almost 2 weeks and my weight is still all over the place and I'm like what the actual fuck. Then I’m like super drained and have no strength, overheat from just picking up a weight, am exhausted to the point where one day after a harder but not actually hard workout I literally HAD to lay down because I was so drained at like 2pm and couldn’t physically move the rest of the day, one day I was so bloated it was beyond painful and I had no idea why since I ate the same things I have been and never had any reaction to and it was so much worse than when I ate 10k calories of all the gluten and dairy in the form of sonic shakes/mcdonalds meals/etc, and I'm just like what the actual fuck is going on body??? Then out of nowhere I'm like wait... are those... no it couldn’t be.... CRAMPS???? then out of nowhere it began and I'm like woah woah woah I get stabbed in the stomach once every 3 months so this doesn’t happen wtf is going on? Then I'm like oh I did wait a month too long in between the last rounds so that's probably it. So that’s a thing and it’s fucking rude since now I need to go get supplies since I threw all mine out since I thought I didn't have to deal with this anymore. ugh. Oh and get this. I finally got my lab results back from my blood test at the lyme doctor. Turns out I have another new co infection of lyme that I now have to deal with and treat. Super excited for that. NOT. I was texting my person and I was like “guess who has a new co infection for her lyme that’s already tried to kill her and then ruin her life many times?” and he goes “oh of course you do because why would you ever be allowed to get better?” and I'm like oh I'm so glad someone understands me lol because that was my reaction when I found out. I’m like oh of course I do, why wouldn’t I? *insert eye roll but laughing to cover how I'm really feeling about it*. So yeah now I have to figure all of that out so that should be fun. At least now I have health insurance lol.

Okay last thing because I need to start my day since it’s already almost 9am and I'm still in bed. I went home for a week before Christmas since I wasn’t able to go home for actual Christmas and got to visit with family/friends. Everyone kept saying how much happier I seem and they could just feel how much happier I was since I moved and I'm like yup that is 100% correct. I got to spend time with dad’s side of the fam which was a lot of fun and reconnected with my sister for a much needed vent session on her part since it’s hard being 16 when you act like you’re 20 maturity wise and everyone else acts like they’re 16 and it’s countless amounts of drama and boys suck and girls suck and everyone sucks and college is looming and it’s a lot to deal with at once. So that was really nice to be able to sit down and be that big sister that she deserves and needs. I also went out to dinner with wifey and her family and re met her new man (since I was there for the brief moment when they first met then moved 2 days later lol) and had a blast. I really like him for her and think they're a great match and he’s gunna be around for a while if not forever and I’m a okay with that because he treats her like a queen and he is the male version of her to a scary point haha. Wifey was like attached to me the whole time I was there and it was so nice feeling so special and needed by her and the center of her attention for once. She wasn’t even drunk and was like almost crying when she realized that I flew home and made sure I was home for her birthday and how we’ve been friends for 15 years and never missed a birthday and god that meant so much to me I can’t even begin to put it into words. I was sad that was the only time I was going to be able to see her even though I made sure I kept Friday night open because it was her birthday weekend and this is her we’re talking about here but she didn’t seem to have any plans for it. Then her roomie pulled me aside and told me about a surprise party that her and the bf were planning for her so I was like ah that makes much more sense. So the day of I helped distract her via text and then went over and helped set up and brought booze because duh. The funny part was she was on the phone on speaker with the bf as I’m in the room with him helping him set up things and wasn’t allowed to make a sound so she wasn’t like wtf why are you two together???? That would not look good at all lol. Then she texted me saying how she and the roomie were going to go to his place to pregame then maybe out to a restaurant they love with a group of people so I'm like yes let’s do it. So I go over and give her her presents which were a big hit. A Friends show coffee table book that has a recap or whatever on every single episode (which was a big hit since it’s that show and it’s her but also because they went to a friends trivia night thing and she was saying how she wished she had something like that beforehand to brush up on things. That’s the wifey sixth sense kicking in haha), a cat calendar for her desk at work, fuzzy unicorn socks, and a couple other things since it was her birthday/Christmas present. She was like blown away at how in sync we were still despite not seeing each other for 6 months and life being crazy/not being able to talk as much. Then we finally go over to his place where we had set up the party room thing in his apartment building (same one an old friend lived in years ago where I pretty much lived so that was weird going back to to say the least) and she has NO idea at this point and I’m like this is amazing because normally she’d have figured it out weeks before now. As we’re walking into the party room to “meet up with him and his friends since they were having a drink over there” there's a glass two sided fireplace and she goes “wait... is that my sister??” and we’re like no, just keep going but she figured it out. She stops and goes wait, is this a surprise party....? And I'm like “just keep walking and smile” and we opened the curtains and it was indeed a surprise party. She was shocked and so happy and it made my heart melt to see her so happy. Then I was introduced to everyone as her “best friend/wife who moved to Nashville but flew back because in 15 years I’d never missed a birthday and not even all those miles between us would make me miss one” over and over again and it was so cute. It was like all of those years up putting up with some things that drove me insane that she did and all the times I was there for her but didn’t feel like I got that back from her was all worth it and she finally saw how good of a friend I really was to her all those years. Like she knew but I don't think she fully realized until that night and I just died in the best way that night.

One last thing - so one of my big bucket list things is to see a Luke concert in Nashville. Has been for over 10 years since I found him and then visited here. Well for Christmas my stepfather normally gives me tickets to a show and wasn't sure which one I wanted so was like just let me know and we’ll make something happen. So flash forward to a week ago, Luke announced his next album and his next tour. Now the last like few years I've checked and it hasn’t said Nashville and same with a few other big country people I love (FGL, Cole, etc) so I wasn’t holding my breath. Then as I’m scanning the list, I see it. It’s there. July 30th. Nissan Stadium. So I spaz out and text my mother the link to where to get the tickets and which show and say THIS ONE. So I text wifey freaking out because of it happening at all but also that could be our yearly Luke show and I wouldn’t wanna experience that with anyone else. So she’s like yes omg but remind me when it gets to like June and I'll see what I can do to get us tickets or whatever and I'm like okay.... Then I'm like fuck it I'm going to at least get us 2 tickets just in case her connection doesn’t work out or something or she can’t come because of work or whatever. Like nothing crazy just something good enough so that if she gets us better ones, that’s great, if not, at least I'm guaranteed to be there and see him. Then I find out there's a pre sale for his fan club people so I join for $40 for the year because duh. Then the day of the pre sale I’m like texting my mom freaking because the tickets are going fast. The pit was sold out in under 10 minutes so she’s like okay I'll send you money and you go buy them . I’m like okay got it. So I'm looking and I'm like oh there’s a VIP package, what's that? (go big or go home right?). It includes a 2 song acoustic set before the concert with only other VIP people so a smallish group and then a free copy of his CD, a free t shirt or something, and I'm like I want that. How much is it? So the pit tickets I wasn’t able to get were like $250 each I think but these were like $335 so I'm like #yolo #treatyoself and bought those. Well where are my seats you ask? Oh I don't know just on the floor THREE ROWS FROM CENTER STAGE. Needless to say I was a wreck while purchasing the tickets until I got my confirmation and then spazzed out and felt like it was all a dream once I got them. It’s still not real. Like I think like it’s hit me 1% now and will go from 1 to 100% the moment I step into the arena. So now I have 6 months to get my body looking the best it can because I refuse to go into a bucket list thing in a body i’m not proud of and worrying about how I'll look in the pictures since they’ll be around forever and I just want to go enjoy and not worry about feeling fat or whatever in any way shape or form. Plus I'm doing all the hair growth treatments from now until then to make my hair long again before then because it’s so much more me and I feel so much better with long hair. I refuse to let a single physical thing about me take away from the experience and yes I know that's an issue I need to work out with my brain but I don't have time for that before the concert. Plus this was exactly the kick in the ass/ goal I needed to get back on track and start taking care of myself again so hey I'm not mad. It doesn’t matter what the motivation as long as it works right? So yeah I'm counting down the seconds until that day and I refuse to let my food cravings get in the way of me feeling my best that day or anything else for that matter and I'm going to have another night I'll never forget. GOD I”M SO EXCITED I CAN”T EVEN.

Okay that’s it. I’m done and need to start my day. There’s more that I may or may not get to at some point soon but yeah. that's been my life the last few months. Still not sure on what my path in life is and still not fully settled here but it’s getting there and I know I’m on my way to fully building a life here that I love and makes me feel alive and like my true self and I can’t fucking wait.

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