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wildflowers-of-trolberg · 2 years

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The Hilda Novels, Revisited

I didn't plan on making this. Anyone who's read my previous post on this subject will know that I didn't have a good time with the first three of the Hilda tie-in novels, and they put me off reading the Season 2 tie-ins. But, eventually, I couldn't help myself; I have now read all 6 books, and I wanted to go back in light of that and put all of my thoughts in one place.

So, I'm going to re-cover my thoughts on the first three books, and go over my opinions on the second set and what changed between them. I still have plenty I want to say, and a lot of it is still very negative, so a warning in advance; I am still not a big fan of this series.

Just to recap, Hilda as a franchise has three separate canons. The series started with the Graphic Novels, written by Luke Pearson, which were then adapted into the Netflix show; Nobrow/Flying Eye Books (the publishing company behind Hilda) then released a series of chapter books written by Stephen Davies, which re-adapt the events of the show. Each one takes a few episodes and combines them into a single plotline, moving things around and changing them as necessary, and these books form their own canon.

If I had to give my thoughts in a single word, after the Season 1 tie-ins, it would have been "mean-spirited". Now, though, it's "inconsistent". I'm going to break my thoughts on them down by topic, just to make this more coherent. So, to start with:

The Art:

I'm starting with this because it's the easiest thing to talk about. In a word, the art in this series is inconsistent; the quality varies from book-to-book, and the illustrations often don't match up well with the text. It feels almost like the artists were given a brief description of the plot, rather than the final thing, to work from.

The Season 1 books are illustrated by Seaerra Miller (the artist behind Mason Mooney), and while I don't want to knock her in general, when I'd finished them I really hated her work for this series. In hindsight, though, I've softened on the art in Hilda and the Hidden People. It has a distinct style that reminds me a little of the cover art to The Wilderness Stories, and I actually think it works; my favourite piece of art in the entire tie-in series is in this book:

That being said, her art for The Great Parade and The Nowhere Space really suffers in comparison (part of me wonders if she was asked to stick closer to the show's style); this is where we got Trev and the Boys (my least favourite illustration in the whole series) and the infamous image of Twig:

The art in these two doesn't help the general weirdness of the tie-in series; it's just not great, unfortunately, and it further suffers in the paperbacks I think. Miller's art was definitely done with the yellow colours of the hardback books in mind, while the paperbacks, which are pure greyscale, tend to look even worse. Thankfully, this is something the second set actually fixed - the art for the S2 books is done by Sapo Lendário (who are apparently a duo and not one person), and is much closer to the show, although it still suffers from inconsistency with the text (Johanna falls off a cliff at one point in the narrative but doesn't in the art) it does look quite a bit better:

EDIT: @remked pointed out to me that actually, Sapo Lendário only did Books 5 and 6; Book 4 (including the illustration above) was illustrated by Victoria Evans, who is a character designer on the show. I honestly didn't notice; either way the art for the Season 2 set is consistently good if not always consistent with the text.

The Story

Technically the writing in the series is fine; it's a little clunky in places, and definitely meant for kids, but it's fine to read. But the tie-in series in general just feels a lot stranger than the series. There are a lot of moments that just come out of nowhere, and bits of weird writing that just jar with each other or with the show.

The biggest example for me is still the three trials Hilda has to go through to see the Elf Prime Minister in Hilda and the Hidden People; he lives in a magical 'headquarters', guarded by three magical trials of which the rabbit cavalry charge is one. This is despite the fact that he's a bureaucrat who runs a country and presumably has to get to work with his staff every morning (and needs his army for things other than just testing the courage of anyone who wants to see him).

There's moments like this throughout the series; the forest giant who keeps Hilda captive tries to rap at the Woodman, Victoria van Gale's assistant gets named Moss Head Fred, the Bellkeeper is just, weirdly verbose at all times, and Tildy and the woman who Mr Ostenfield danced with have been split into two separate characters (both still named Matilda):

(for reference, this is Matilda Pilqvist, while the Tildy we know is Mr Ostenfeld's partner).

The first season books are worse for this kind of stuff than the second, which do feel more Hilda; I know both are almost certainly based on early show scripts (this is normal for tie-ins like this, to make sure they're released on time, and there are a few hints like Kaisa having green hair in Hilda and the Great Parade, which is a thing in her original concept art), so it's possible the S2 scripts were more complete when Davies got them, or it's possible he was just kept on a tighter leash this time by the publishers, but there is an additional point on that that I want to come back to.

The thing is, the weird moments and inconsistencies weren't really what got to me about the first set of books; I could have stomached all of that and the janky artwork if it wasn't for just how mean-spirited the first three novels are towards Hilda. Some of this is character related, and I'll come back to that when we get to that section, but fundamentally it just felt like this series was written by someone who didn't like or understand Hilda as a character.

The whole world feels like it's against her in these novels, and it's at its worst in Hilda and the Nowhere Space and especially Hilda and the Great Parade. Trevor isn't just a kinda-mean kid, he's explicitly the class bully and tries to drown the Raven purely out of spite; David and Frida actively cut Hilda out of their lives after their first adventure (which in this timeline is The Lost Clan); and her entire class at school and every authority figure she comes across seems to just hate or want to make fun of her.

Raven Leader is a pretty big example of this, but by far the worst is Ms. Hallgrim and the entire adaptation of The Troll Rock in Great Parade. Ms. Hallgrim is introduced sending Hilda out of her class for not listening, and for making a noise while she's talking, while the entire rest of the class is openly laughing at Hilda and she is visibly hurt. Ms. Hallgrim makes no attempt to stop them from mocking her, and she doesn't get angry with them for being disruptive, but she outright shouts at Hilda.

But the moment it really crosses a line is the 'Wonderful Trolberg Exhibition', which is what the novels call the parents evening where David brings in a troll rock. Due to the reshuffled plotline, Hilda is in the middle of trying to rescue Raven (Trevor has him caged as his exhibit) when the projector gets knocked over, and like in the show Ms. Hallgrim blames her. But in this version, Hilda tries to explain that she got up free the Great Raven, and this causes the entire room including the parents, to start openly mocking her.

For her part, Ms. Hallgrim's response is to scream at Hilda about how wrong she is. She doesn't ask to speak with Hilda and her mother afterwards, or take them aside to discuss her behaviour while the mess is cleaned up; she has a legitimate reason to think Hilda knocked the projector over, but it in no way justifies her screaming at a ten-year-old child who is already visibly crying by this point because grown adults with kids of their own are jeering and laughing at her.

It's genuinely upsetting to read, and it's not the only moment like this, but the other big ones will be talked about in the characters section, because they concern Johanna.

Thankfully, the Season 2 books largely tone this down. Partially, I think it's just that Hilda has fewer conflicts with other humans and especially authority figures in Season 2, but it also comes back to how I think Stephen Davies might have been kept on a tighter leash this time; Erik Ahlberg, an authority figure who is meant to be awful and who Hilda is meant to butt up against, is pretty much his show self and thus somehow significantly more likeable than Hilda's teacher and scout leader.

This new, lighter tone is more in line with the show, but unfortunately the Season 2 books also have a new, major issue in my opinion, and that's that the pacing is just bad a lot of the time. This is kind-of present in Hilda and the Nowhere Space, which adapts the most episodes of any book in the series at six (The Sparrow Scouts, The Nightmare Spirit, The House in the Woods, The Nisse, and The Black Hound), but that mostly gets away with it just by cutting out a lot from the subplots and turning The Sparrow Scouts into a brief flashback. Hilda still has a very eventful couple of days, but it just about works for me.

The same can't be said for Hilda and the Time Worm and especially Hilda and the Ghost Ship. They have fewer episodes to adapt, at five (including a fairly clumsy flashback-explanation of The Storm) and four respectively, but The Ghost Ship especially just tries to cover far too much ground from those four episodes. The result is everything happens at a breakneck pace, and none of the plotlines have enough room to breathe.

The Witch is reduced to one scene where Hilda and Frida wander into the Witches Tower, and meet Kaisa at the door to Tildy's maze, where she hastily explains everything; they rush in and fight the Triffid (the plant), and Frida realising the sword is a key is enough for Kaisa to decide she's witch material and promise to get Tildy to train her. The entire rest of the episode, completely ignoring Kaisa's arc, is dumped later as a brief explanation to David.

And The Draugen, the episode the book is supposed to be about, gets two. Abigail just gives up after she loses the race back to shore, and the entire thing becomes a pointless detour that gets breezed through without amounting to anything. The actual load-bearing episode of the book is The Windmill, which is handled alright despite some weirdness surrounding Moss Head Fred and the nuance of Victoria's character being completely absent.

This is actually the additional factor I wanted to mention about why the Season 2 books might be less weird; according to an interview I read with Stephen Davies, the bizarre elf trials were added to Hilda and the Hidden People to fill a story that otherwise wasn't novel-length. I suspect as a result that these newer books have fewer strange moments because there was so much story already crammed-in that Davies didn't need to expand on things in his signature way.

The pacing is better in Hilda and the White Woff, which has less ground to cover and also blends things more organically (and guts The Deerfox to fit it in in a way that loses all of its emotional meaning but does actually make it fit the narrative - the flashbacks from it are now the story that scares David in The Eternal Warriors). The White Woff also does something else that I really like, more than the show even, but I'll explain that in the character section because again it relates to Johanna.

And it's not the only time this happens in the Season 2 novels; Hilda and the Time Worm suffers from the same awful pacing as The Ghost Ship, and nothing is really given the emotional weight it needs, but it also handles the plot of The Fifty Year Night in a way that doesn't stretch too far outside of the show's tone, which I think the episode does.

I've explained my issues with The Fifty Year Night before, but fundamentally it comes down to two things. I don't think Johanna's nearly as sympathetic as the show wants her to be (she's fundamentally the one at-fault in the whole Season 2 change to her and Hilda's relationship, and as much as they do show it hurts her too, in this very episode, it doesn't work as well as it should for me and it doesn't justify her mistakes), and I knew the novels were never going to fix that. But I also think the episode just goes to places that are too dark and distressing for Hilda, specifically with how the Time Worm is revealed and the deaths it causes.

And it's here that the novels are actually, genuinely better. The plotline doesn't carry the same emotional weight about the could-have-been of Ostenfeld and Tildy's relationship, and it doesn't really explain how the magazines work or that destroying them fixes things. But it does make two big changes that I like.

There are no child deaths in the book; by the time the Time Worm arrives, Hilda prime is the only Hilda still in the past (she waits and watches the dancing while the other Hildas from her previous trips - she makes one more than in the episode - go back to the present, and there is no "bad future Hilda" to sacrifice herself). And while the Worm does try and delete the various Mr Ostenfelds, they aren't alive when it does.

Changing the past causes all of the alternate versions of him, except the most recent, to just break as their timeline is erased. They just all freeze, stuck repeating the last thing they said like a skipping DVD, because they aren't real anymore; they're just shades left in time. And it's a moment that manages to be creepy and make it clear that changing the past was wrong, without forcing the reader to see Mr Ostenfeld screaming in blind terror as he's lifted up, still struggling while being devoured. It's just far less awful than the episode.

And finally, when Hilda makes it back to the present and meets the version of Mr Ostenfeld that married Tildy, Mr Ostenfeld prime is there too. He also escapes the Time Worm like Hilda does, and stays with her while his alternate self sacrifices his life.

Instead of just being cast aside for Hilda's development, he gets his own arc where he actually gets to move on from the past and accept that he missed his chance. It's a surprisingly heartfelt moment for a novel series where such things often ring hollow, and it ends with him genuinely comforting Hilda too. I would actually argue that he's closer to Hilda than the Bellkeeper is in this version.

But it doesn't make up for everything else; I wish some bits of that plot had been merged into the show's version, but I still can't call the book good, and I haven't even got into my real biggest problem with the tie-ins yet.

The Characters

Fundamentally, the characters are what ruined the first three books for me. That mean-spirited tone carried over directly to them, and I still really hate a significant chunk of the novels' recurring cast as a result. But the Season 2 books did make some big changes, and it would be remiss of me not to mention them.

I will briefly mention Alfur and Tontu, but only to say neither of them really get that much depth in the novels. Tontu invites himself into Johanna and Hilda's life at the end of Hilda and the Nowhere Space, but otherwise he's pretty much the same as in the show just, a little flatter. Alfur suffers more from flanderisation, and we don't get The Replacement or anything similar, or honestly that much of a sense of his bond with Hilda, even in the S2 books. So, with them out of the way:

I know some people think Novel Hilda acts out more and is less nice than her show counterpart, and I have mixed opinions on that. The only time I really think that rings true is during one moment when she gets upset with Alfur in Hilda and the Hidden People; her relationship with her mum is worse, and that affects a lot, but that's absolutely on Johanna in the novels. There is also the beginning of Hilda and the White Woff, where she is a little more like her comic self in that she lies to her mum to go camping in the wilderness alone, but it's actually handled pretty well and it's something I could see Show Hilda doing (more on that later).

The biggest difference for me is actually that Novel Hilda is more emotional; she's very avoidant of confrontation, and she's brought to tears by things that would make her counterparts angry. She has a lot stacked against her, and it gets to her in ways that it doesn't in the show or the Graphic Novels.

Which brings us on nicely to David and Frida. In the Season 1 novels, they are absolutely bad friends; the first adventure they share in this canon is The Hidden People, and, far from enjoying it, both Frida and David hate Hilda for dragging them into it and cut her out of their lives. The thing is, it's not wrong that Hilda convinced them to go near the wall when they didn't want to, but it doesn't really read as her being pushy or manipulative; they really don't take much convincing. And besides, she had no idea about the Bragga Clan (most of the reason Frida and David don't want to go is it's a long way away), so it all just reads as them being far too harsh on her.

There is ultimately a reconciliation, and David does apologise, but Frida never does. And this attitude continues into the next book, where David and especially Frida just get upset with Hilda for ruining their badge attempts, even when it's not her fault. David does eventually get one good moment, where he stands up to the marra giving him and Hilda nightmares, but it's offset by everything else, and by him being given Johanna's lines about how nisse can't be trusted. Since he never welcomes a nisse into his life, he never has any development about that.

Frida, meanwhile, is just consistently cold with Hilda; it feels like she wants Hilda to be her friend, but isn't really willing to be Hilda's friend in turn. Her last real moment of characterisation in the Season 1 tie-ins is her giving Hilda the cold shoulder for keeping her awake at night (to catch the marra), and that's it. Genuinely, Novel Hilda deserved better friends, which is why I'm glad to say the Season 2 novels actually fixed this.

It's not really done with any development (which is weird, because there's a way it could have been if the order of events was changed - David's standing up to the marra does give some continuity for him becoming a better friend), but Hilda and the Time Worm adapts Operation Deerfox Thunder Team straight and pretty drastically rerails the characters in the process, complete with Frida and David immediately jumping to help Hilda.

In fact, there's a moment in that book that doesn't happen in the show (and genuinely couldn't exist in the show), where Novel Johanna is talking about how Hilda is a bad daughter in her usual way, and David immediately jumps to her defence. It's a moment that I really love; it doesn't address things on any serious level, but I think it's the only time Johanna's awfulness doesn't go ignored and it's very much David at his full show self.

Frida is also better in this book; I was worried at the start of Hilda and the Ghost Ship that that hadn't stuck, because she is pretty mean to David behind his back at the beginning in a way that reminded me a lot of how she was with Hilda in the first season novels. But since this novel adapts The Windmill, it is sort-of addressed. Hilda is the one that apologises at the end, but she does earnestly apologise for both of them, so I'm iffy on it but it's not the worst thing.

It's also helped by The Eternal Warriors happening at the start of Hilda and the White Woff, immediately afterwards; the whole thing is again a bit brief, but the reassurance from both Hilda and Frida that they like David the way he is does get given, so all in all it's fine. By the end of the Season 2 books I like David a lot, even if I feel like his growth could've been handled better, and I think Frida's okay.

And that just leaves one more major character, the one I know a lot of people will have been waiting for me to discuss:

(I both love and hate this image because it just perfectly sums up their relationship in the majority of the novels)

Novel Johanna is still my least favourite character in the whole franchise; more than Show Erik, or the Committee of Three, or Trylla, or the Time Worm, I genuinely hate her. But there is a "but" there now, because the Season 2 books did something I never expected them to do.

I've said before that I don't think Stephen Davies went into this to write Johanna as an awful person; I think the intention is that she's the struggling mother of an often-difficult child. But that just isn't what's portrayed; in every book except Hilda and the White Woff, Novel Johanna is genuinely emotionally abusive.

The first time I read Hilda and the Hidden People, the one thing that stuck with me more than anything else was how Johanna handles the move. I went into the book aware that Johanna was a worse parent in the novels; I'd seen bits of Hilda and the Nowhere Space, and we will come back to that, but that first book got to me in a way I wasn't quite expecting.

Because the only word I have for the way Novel Johanna handles it is insidious. Hilda accuses her of wanting to move, of just using the elves as an excuse for existing plans, and the way it's handled makes me think that she's right. Novel Johanna is committed to it from the start, and instead of being honest with Hilda, she lies to her daughter's face about it.

When they first visit the city, Johanna tells Hilda it's just to look around, in a way that's blatantly a lie; she actually wants to choose their new home and get Hilda ready for school and everything. It's not like in the show, where she's transparent about what she's considering and doesn't commit to anything for Hilda's sake. And when Hilda calls her out on this, and is understandably upset as a young child having her life ripped out from under her, her mum doesn't try and comfort her or get her to see that the city isn't so bad. Show Johanna deeply understands that the move is going to hurt Hilda; Novel Johanna makes it about herself.

And that's the lynchpin that pushes Johanna into abusive in these novels for me. She has a daughter who she didn't talk to about this (the first time it comes up, she immediately shuts down any discussion), who is upset because she might be about to lose everything she's ever known, and all she says is "please don't be difficult". It genuinely reads as manipulative and it's awful, and what gets me is Hilda ultimately accepts it.

In the moment when she falls off Illus (Jorgen's partner), she's momentarily sure she's going to die, and all she can think about is how bad of a daughter, how mean she's been to her mum, when really Johanna is the one who hurt her. There's even a moment in Trolberg that I'd forgotten until I reread this for this, where Hilda's reaction to the bells of the city genuinely seems uncomfortably close to a sensory overload, and Johanna doesn't even notice (it's right before more of her being determined to move).

And Johanna not caring is the theme in Hilda and the Great Parade. She doesn't even try and help Hilda adjust (there's one fond moment where Hilda complains over-dramatically about the city and her mum just hugs her and goes "oh you poor thing" sarcastically - it's a genuinely fond moment, but as the only moment where this is addressed, it rankled me), but the real problems emerge once Hilda gets rejected by David and Frida.

Novel Johanna hugs her when she cries about that, and about how much she hates the city and everything, but all she says to comfort her is that Frida and David's exhibit for the Wonderful Trolberg Exhibition probably sucks; it's not abuse here, but it's just not enough to make up for everything so far.

And then it comes out that Johanna put the Raven out; in this version, she's tricked into giving him to Trevor, who then tries to use him as his exhibit. And obviously Johanna didn't know that the raven was the Great Raven, or that Trevor is a bully, but she just doesn't care even after she finds out those things. In the show, Johanna apologises for putting the Raven out and does everything to help Hilda get him back, even though it's not fully her fault, but in the books she just sits there; there's even a moment where Hilda actually is upset with her for this, and the implicit message of the narrative in that moment is that Hilda is the one being unfair.

This leads straight into that scene I mentioned already from The Troll Rock. Johanna could have prevented it in the first place, just by telling Ms. Hallgrim that Trevor stole the Raven from her, but she doesn't; and when Hilda tries to get him back herself, and the projector is destroyed and the entire room of adults starts mocking Hilda, Johanna just glares at her, and then asks if she's feeling sick because of how she's acting. She's completely okay with her child being screamed at to the point of tears (and in the 3rd book, we see why), she has no moment of talking to Hilda's teacher, and the most Hilda is able to get her to do is to pass a note to Frida, which she does reluctantly.

She does get a bonding moment with Hilda on the wall at the end, overlooking the parade, but it's not earned and with the bad taste everything else leaves in my mouth it is unfortunately easy to read in a negative light too. Because there's still no moment of Johanna being sorry that they had to move or accepting that Hilda misses the wilderness, but there is a moment where Johanna hugs her close, after Hilda finally admits the city is nice. On its own, it would be a fine little moment, and even in the worst interpretation I don't think Johanna could be seen as malicious here, but with what we've seen of her it just gets to me that they don't get the bonding moment until Hilda caves.

And then comes Hilda and the Nowhere Space, and it all gets so much worse again. Because in this version, the reason Hilda even joined the Sparrow Scouts is because Johanna "loved the idea of Hilda following in her footsteps." Not because she thought it was good for Hilda, but because she wanted Hilda to be like her, and it's clear in this novel that Hilda doesn't actually enjoy it; she struggles with organised activity and Raven Leader doesn't like her, but she doesn't have a choice.

And all Johanna asks her is about badges; never about how fun it was, or how she's feeling, just if she's gotten any badges yet. The pressure she puts on her daughter is far worse than in the show, and feels uncomfortably deliberate, all while Hilda ends up tying her own sense of self-worth to scouting badges.

And when it all comes out, when Hilda sits there at the badge ceremony and gets nothing, Johanna comes and sits next to her, and berates her to the point of tears. It's another genuinely, deeply upsetting moment, and again the whole thing from start to finish reads as emotional abuse. Johanna does love Hilda, I don't doubt that, but she wants a Hilda who's just like her, and isn't willing to accept her daughter is her own person.

She does apologise for this, but it's just not good enough; because it's not an apology. It's "please forgive me. I was horrible to you" - it puts the onus on Hilda to forgive, not on her mum, and it doesn't even mention the months of pressure that came before. Show Johanna apologised just because her excitement made Hilda feel bad, but Novel Johanna doesn't care.

So I wasn't looking forwards to seeing how the novels handled The Fifty Year Night, where I think Johanna is already unreasonably harsh and not listening when she should be. And, unfortunately, I was right to be worried; in this version of the plotline, Johanna actually has more legitimate reason to be upset (she grounds Hilda for the sabotage from The Old Bells, which is an actual crime, even if it was justified). But the phrasing she uses is just as awful and manipulative as it was in Hilda and the Hidden People. Specifically, she accuses Hilda of lying specifically, knowingly to hurt her mum.

The reconciliation for this really doesn't work, either, because there kind-of isn't one; The Fifty Year Night leads straight into The Yule Lads, and the next time Hilda and her mum interact is Sonstansil (the gift-giving happens in the flat because Hilda is still grounded), and the whole book ends with Hilda being grounded for two more weeks.

In Hilda and the Ghost Ship, Johanna barely appears, but her only real moment isn't a great one. The climaxes of The Beast of Cauldron Island and The Windmill happen on the same day, and Hilda and Frida stop by Hilda's flat on their way to the windmill to save David, so that they can grab Tontu; Hilda lies to her mum to get away, but before she does, Johanna says that if she behaved like Hilda (specifically, explicitly, running off on adventures), her parents would have done something else.

She gets cut off at "would have", which suggests to me that it's more than just grounding her or being harsh; I genuinely think the implication is that Johanna's parents were abusive towards her. And I think that's already loosely implied in all canons, that she's at least somehow estranged from them, but it is a sad detail to me that if it is what the creators want to imply, then the thing that separates Novel Johanna from her counterparts is that she fell into the same pattern of abuse that her parents taught her.

And that's the thing; this whole thing is a pattern, where Johanna so often wants a perfect little copy of her and is willing to resort to genuine abuse to try and keep Hilda in that box. She loves her daughter, I don't deny that, but that's the thing; abusers do care about their victims.

I know it's not what Stephen Davies or Nobrow/Flying Eye Books intended, and it does rely on reading some neutral moments (like the end of the Great Parade) in a very negative light, but when there's so many moments that are just legitimately awful without needing to be specifically interpreted negatively, and that go almost completely unaddressed, I can't escape the conclusion. Novel Johanna is an abusive parent, and it's genuinely upsetting.

But there is that one "but" I mentioned, and that's the final book so far, Hilda and the White Woff. I genuinely don't know what happened here, but somehow it went the exact opposite way to the rest of the series. I was fully expecting the argument at the start of The Stone Forest to be so much more awful in a canon where Johanna is consistently harsh and likes to guilt-trip her own child, but that's not what we get.

I'm not going to go into too much detail here, because I think I've mentioned it enough times already, but I don't like the way Season 2 of the show handles Hilda and Johanna's relationship. And fundamentally, that's because it's Johanna's fault that Hilda stops telling her things. Hilda doesn't like hiding things, but she feels like she has to, because her mum has started getting upset with her adventures. She's become overprotective, and lost her daughter's trust, but the show wants her to be the one in the right anway.

So I'm really not a fan of how The Stone Forest goes in the show; I don't think it adapted well from the comics (where Johanna is consistently not great but not abusive), I don't like the parallels it tries to draw, and I don't think the reconciliation at the end was good enough because Johanna makes no apologies (besides for losing the guide, which is a great moment on its own but doesn't resolve things) or promises to be different herself. It's all on Hilda.

So I was very pleasantly surprised when the novels somehow fixed a lot of my problems with this arc. Because Novel Johanna in Hilda and the White Woff isn't the same as the Novel Johanna we've seen so far; the argument that kicks things off is worse (it's about on the level with the argument from the end of Cauldron Island) but here Johanna feels more justified because Hilda went camping out in the wilderness overnight without telling her (this actually leads to The Eternal Warriors in this version).

Now, that feels a little far for Hilda normally (outside of the comics), but I could see her doing it to help a friend (in this case, Frida) so I don't begrudge it. It also makes it feel less like Hilda's hiding what she normally does because she now has to, and more like a moment where she genuinely goes too far. It also does help that this series didn't start off with the relationship between Hilda and Johanna amazing, and then awkwardly retcon it to be worse; in the grand scheme of things, Johanna's actions in this book absolutely do not make up for how awful she is in the rest of them, but the inconsistency makes it feel less like the unsatisfying ending to a season-long plotline and more like its own isolated thing where the conflict starts and ends within this book. And in that way, it's nice to have a book where Johanna is actually a good parent.

And then the ending comes, and we get the conversation in Hilda's bedroom. And it's genuinely what I wish this interaction had been in the show; there isn't too much added, but Johanna does more than just say she doesn't wish Hilda was different, she also explicitly tells her she doesn't need to be better, and that she's not bad; she's proud of her daughter for being the way she is. If this had been the way the Hilda and Johanna falling-out arc ended in canon, I still wouldn't have been a massive fan (because of how it starts) but I might not have been so desperate to fix it myself.

Above all else, that just leaves me reeling; my only guess is that the major mother/daugher interactions in this book are lifted directly from earlier scripts (because they do contain a lot of the final lines too), because somehow, in the last tie-in, Johanna feels more like herself than she felt in half of Season 2. And I'm sorry, because it does feel bad to knock him, but I really doubt that's Stephen Davies' doing.

Either way, that leaves me with a weird conclusion, which is if you're going to read any of the novels, read Hilda and the White Woff and then ignore all the others; it's better standing alone. It does miss some of the strongest emotional beats that the show puts in The Stone Forest and The Eternal Warriors, but it makes up for it in my eyes by making the emotional moments it does keep genuinely better. I don't think any of the others are worth reading, and overall I still hate Novel Johanna as she's normally written, but somehow, out of all of that awfulness, there was one good thing that came of it

And of course, this is all my opinion, so please don't feel bad if you feel differently.

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spacebatisluvd · 4 years

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Summary: Entrapta and Hordak discuss different forms of stimulation.

Content Warning: Frank discussion of sexual arousal and means of sexual stimulation/porn. Mentions of masturbation. Discussion of consent. Voyeurism...kind of. (Also, there is Sea Hawk, but he not involved in any of the former.)

It was easier to scavenge parts from Prime’s towers than Hordak thought it would be. They had to be deconstructed anyway, and he found himself separating out anything that could be repurposed in any case. It was a simple thing to set aside a few small components for his own project. As Entrapta said, it was surprisingly easy, and required no stealth at all. Sea Hawk never even asked what he was doing, even when Hordak began to tinker with the components right in front of him.

As he sorted through the parts, he found numerous pieces Entrapta would find interesting. Data chips of a style she’d likely never seen. Intricate mechanisms of a design she’d find satisfying to unlock and unravel. A few small pieces that he knew she would find ‘cute’. He set these aside and commandeered a crate to ship them. After he felt he’d gathered enough tech to keep her occupied for at least a little while, he labeled what he could and began neatly packing it for shipment.

Sea Hawk watched him. “Hmmm...you know, if we weren’t such good friends, I might find this very suspicious.”

Hordak was entirely unsure if that was a roundabout way of stating his suspicions or if he was just reiterating his confidence in their presumed ‘friendship’. Nor did he care to parse Sea Hawk’s intentions. “I’m sending these to Entrapta to—“

Sea Hawk leapt from his place at the drafting table to catch Hordak’s forearms in his hands. Pain shot up his arms. Hordak disguised a flinch by hissing at him and pulling away, his ears drawn back. Still, Sea Hawk pressed forward. Frowning, Hordak held a hand against his chest, holding him at arm’s length while he glared. “Oh, you are clever, aren’t you? You nearly had me fooled!”

“You are entirely incomprehensible.”

Sea Hawk shook a chastising finger at him. “No ‘wooing’, hmmm? And yet, here you are—sending her gifts! Tokens of your affections! Very clever! I nearly believed you were too heartbroken to ever love again, but I see now that all is not lost. Never fear! I will help you!” He grinned. “Tell me, what are you sending?”

Hordak cocked his head, one ear folded back. “These are not—“ He huffed. “These are artifacts that Entrapta will enjoy studying. They are not tokens of anything, nor are they gifts.”

“My friend, you are a terrible liar. These are obviously gifts!”

“I am given to understand that gifts are presented during special occasions.”

Sea Hawk’s grin was broad and knowing. “Oh, no. A gift can be given at any time! And a gift given without a specific reason? That is the most heartfelt gift of all.” He winked. “Were I not so infatuated with my dearest, my darling—the enchanting Princess Mermista—I might regret denying you so swiftly.”

Hordak nearly left the room on principle, but he had to admit there was at least a drop of truth in his ocean of nonsense. “A gift can simply be given without cause?” Sea Hawk nodded enthusiastically. G laring at him, Hordak slowly withdrew his hand, wanting to make sure the pirate would not try to touch him again. “I see. That does change things.”

He folded his arms behind his back, considering the crate. He had chosen items he knew she would enjoy working with. Things she would find interesting. However, it did not feel like a gift. If he intended it to serve as such, then it seemed...incomplete.

Some part of him whispered a reminder that it did not need to be perfect. She would appreciate it regardless. Nevertheless, thinking of it as a gift inexplicably changed the framework.

He dropped his gaze. A gift was meant to be at least somewhat sentimental, wasn’t it? A token of affection should demonstrate affection, and even he knew that the collection of tech—though something she would certainly appreciate and enjoy—was rather...cold. His ears folded back. Entrapta deserved a better gift than that.

Unfortunately, he did need help if he was going to make this shipment of tech into a gift. He was not adept at expressing sentiment, and he wanted to get this right. Entrapta had done so much for him. She deserved a good gift.

But he was absolutely not asking Sea Hawk for advice.

He didn’t have many people he would trust to ask, though. Ideally, he’d ask Entrapta, but that seemed inappropriate in this situation. He did know of one person that might be willing to help, however. She and Entrapta were friends, and as a bonus, she didn’t seem to have any trouble expressing affection. He looked to Sea Hawk, who grinned. “Yes, friend?”

“Do you know how to get in contact with Force C—that is, Princess Scorpia?”

Thankfully, the archer had apparently given all the princesses communicators at some point, and it was easy enough to connect to hers. Getting Scorpia to pick up was another matter.

“Ope! Wait! Don’t hang up! I’m here! Just. Having some trouble. Claws, you know?”

Hordak and Sea Hawk watched the display flip and turn as she fumbled the communicator. Finally, her face came into view. Upside down. “Princess Scorpia—“

She yelped and the communicator fumbled again. Hordak sighed, looking skyward. “Lord Hordak!” she said, picking up the communicator. Right side up, this time. “Hi! Uh. Didn’t, um. Didn’t expect to see you. And—is that Sea Hawk?”

“Hi, Scorpia!”

She looked at both of them. “Excuse me. I just need to—“ She pinched a fleshy part of her arm. “Oh, yeah. Okay. Definitely awake. Um....” She studied them both. “Is everything okay? Blink twice if you need help.”

Hordak huffed. “I will not, but I do require your assistance.”

“I. Did not expect this, but...okay. Shoot!”

He cocked his head, trying to figure out what he was supposed to shoot and with what. The peace treaty explicitly forbade him from carrying any weapons. Sea Hawk interrupted his musings, stealing the data pad and showing her the crate of tech. “Hordak is send a gift to Entrapta!”

He had to bite back his instinctive denial. For once, Sea Hawk’s assessment was—

“He is trying to woo her! He has confided to me—“

With a growl, he snatched the data pad back. “I told you—there is no ‘wooing’! And I have confided nothing. Stop lying.” Shaking his head, he deliberately wiped the irritation from his features and turned back to Scorpia. “I have several pieces of tech to send to Entrapta. Sea Hawk has observed that this could be considered a ‘gift’, but I find it lacks...feeling. You are Entrapta’s friend. She speaks highly of you, and you are known to be adept at expressing affection. Would you be willing to assist me?” She was staring at him, her eyes gone wide and watery. “Princess? Are you well?”

“Mm-hmm. Just. A little emotional. She speaks highly of me? And you’re sending her a gift?”

He gave a firm nod. “Yes. She has been...kind to me. Inordinately so. I wish to reciprocate her kindness and demonstrate my gratitude. Are you willing?”

She nodded, eyes still a little watery. “Of course! Show me what you’re sending.”

“It is Horde tech I’ve harvested from Prime’s towers.”

“Oh, she’ll love that—did you find anything small? She likes small things.”

“Yes. There are several pieces that I believe she will consider ‘cute’, though I am unsure. Her standard is somewhat inconsistent.” His ears flexed, but thankfully, he didn’t blush.

“Okay, that’s good. She’ll like that. What else?”

The tips of his ears drooped. “That is it. As I said, it is somewhat...cold.”

“Oh, yeah. Okay, I see what you mean. Hmmm.” She pressed a claw to her mouth, brows furrowed as she considered what he’d said. “She’s mentioned that she likes the sound of your voice.” He called upon all his time in the Galactic Horde to keep his expression neutral. “And she’s always listening to recordings. Maybe you could—“

Sea Hawk made an ungodly sound, and Hordak turned, searching for the source of his pain. Were they under attack? Then Sea Hawk grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands, pulling him down until they were eye to eye. The data pad was crushed between them. Faintly, he could hear Scorpia asking what was wrong, but Sea Hawk commanded all his attention at the moment. “YOU MUST SING FOR HER!”

What.

“I—No. Absolutely not.” He shoved Sea Hawk off of him, glaring.

Sea Hawk would not be dissuaded. “Yes! A song is the perfect way to express your love! Your passion! Your desire.”

Hordak stared at him, ears back. He looked to Scorpia, who seemed hesitant. “I’m not really sure about that....”

“I am absolutely sure that is not happening,” Hordak said firmly, deftly avoiding Sea Hawk as he reached for him again. “Stop touching me! I have not given you leave to do so!”

“But it would be so perfect! I can picture it now—“

Hordak had had enough of this. Ears back, he glowered at the man. Scorpia, seeing his face, paled. “Uh. Sea Hawk.”

“—swept up by your passion! And I can help you compose it! Nay, not just can—I will! I must! It is my sacred duty as your wingman—“

Hordak picked up the tech he’d been working on, glancing at Sea Hawk. He’d been intending to test it out anyway. “Sea Hawk!” Scorpia said, raising her voice. “You should really stop now. It would be a very good idea to not do any of the things you’re doing anymore.”

Ignoring both of them, Hordak took the tech and the data pad and marched to the doorway. It had no real door—they’d been working out of an abandoned shop, the door kicked in and the stock raided long ago. He set the data pad down, and pressed a component to each corner of the doorway. With a glance at Sea Hawk, who had finally noticed that Hordak was not just ignoring him but actively walking away, he pressed his thumb to the activator. A red beam fired from it, connecting to the opposite transmitter. In rapid sequence, each transmitter fired, and with a flash, a red field formed over the door.

Hordak stood back, studying it. No signs of sparking, and the field itself seemed solid enough. Through the red field, he could see Sea Hawk’s mouth moving but—blessedly, miraculously—he couldn’t hear him, except for a faint, muffled echo. He closed his eyes and sighed, at peace. Sea Hawk tapped at the field insistently, kindly providing proof of concept.

He stepped away and picked up the data pad. Scorpia looked at him with dread and fear in her eyes. “He’s not dead, is he? Please tell me he’s not dead. I know he’s a lot, but...just tell me he’s not dead.”

“He is not dead.” He turned the data pad to face the doorway. Seeing that he had their attention, Sea Hawk waved, then gestured for him to deactivate the forcefield. Hordak ignored this request and turned the data pad back around. “Are you satisfied?”

“Oh, wow. Okay. Phew. I really thought you’d, uh....” She let out an uneasy laugh. “I am so glad you didn’t kill him. I mean, we’ve been having such a nice conversation. It really would have spoiled things if....” She paused. “He can breathe in there, right?”

“Yes. It is merely a forcefield.”

She let out a relieve sigh. “Oh, good. Okay. So. Where were we?”

“You suggested a recording of some sort, but what?” They both grew quiet, thinking. Then, his eyes lit up. “Perhaps....”

“You have an idea?”

“I...believe so. You will tell me your thoughts. In a few weeks, only two of your ridiculous artificial moons will be visible for a period of approximately one hour before more of them rise. During that window, several stars and planets that would not normally be visible to the naked eye will be very prominent in the night sky. I could create a star chart for her, so that she could properly view these stars and planets. Perhaps I could record some information on each of them, for her to listen to while she views them?” He looked at Scorpia. “Would that be acceptable?”

Her eyes were watery again. “Oh. Wow. Okay. Yeah. That’s, um. That’s perfect. She’ll love that. And, uh, when exactly will this be? Perfuma loves the stars. It would be nice to show her more of them.”

“Send me your coordinates, and I will give you an exact time. Be sure to select a spot with a clear view of the sky, away from all ambient sources of light. That will provide you with the optimum viewing experience.”

She beamed at him. “Thanks! That would be great!”

He nodded. “Thank you for your assistance. It is appreciated.”

“No problem at all! And...keep in touch, okay? I’m, uh, I’m glad you and Entrapta found each other again.” She smiled at him and, ears cocked, he offered a hesitant nod.

“I believe I can do that,” he said, somewhat unsure of himself. The request seemed unusual, and yet, he felt inexplicably warmed by it. “You will...do the same?” He wasn’t sure if that was the correct reply, but her smile was bright and vibrant, so it seemed acceptable.

“I will.” She wished him well, then disconnected.

Hordak glanced at the forcefield, which Sea Hawk was testing by throwing his body against it. He shut his eyes, savoring the momentary silence. Then he approached the door and pressed his thumb to the activator. The field went out, and the soft humming he’d barely noticed before cut out all at once.

Unprepared for this, Sea Hawk ran past, stumbling on the shop’s stoop. Hordak caught him by the back of the shirt, saving him from falling face-first on the ground. He stood him upright, and held up a hand when Sea Hawk started to speak. “Do not touch me without my permission.”

“Oh. You—you don’t like that?”

“I do not.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Hordak shut his eyes and exhaled slowly, then entered the abandoned shop and activated the field, locking himself inside.

Silence. Blessed. Silence.

He would have to report to Entrapta that her plan was a success; with this in place, he would feel quite comfortable and secure in his quarters. Far more so than a mere lock would allow.

In his quarters several days later, Hordak’s data pad started to chime. “Answer call,” he said.

“Hordak!”

His features softened into a smile as he angled the data pad to face him. “Hello, Starlight. Did you—“

She squealed happily, interrupting him. “The tech! And the star-chart! The recording!”

“You received my package then. You are pleased?”

“Pleased? I’m—I’m speechless! No one’s ever done something like this for me before.”

His chest felt warm, his hearts light. “Scorpia assisted me. Sea Hawk was more of a hindrance, but he was present for parts of the discussion.”

She gave him a fond look. He realized that the Princess Alliance was very fortunate she had no interest in conquest, because he would have given her the world if he thought she’d look at him like that. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ll miss you. When I’m looking at the stars.”

“You will have my commentary. And you will know I am looking at the same stars and thinking of you.”

“I know! It’s just...it’s not the same as having you here.” She paused, hair curling around her face. “I miss you. I miss having you in the lab. Kadroh tries, but he’s not you.” She paused. “Are you alone?”

“I am.”

“And...you won’t be interrupted?”

“The forcefield is on. I was just about to take off my armor before you called.”

“Ooh, can I watch?”

He cocked his head, ears flexing. “You want. To watch.”

“Is that okay?”

“I suppose.” He eyed her. “May I ask why?”

”I find it satisfying. Something in the way the pieces fit together, the way they connect to your ports. Additionally, I find you appealing to look at.”

His cheeks felt warm. He swallowed. “As you wish.” He angled the data pad and stepped away, so more of his body was visible to the camera. “Is this all right?”

She nodded eagerly. He hesitated, fingers on the crystal at his chest. “I am...unsure how to proceed.”

She leaned closer to the camera. “You don’t have to do anything special. You can just take it off as you usually do.” He nodded, but the uncertainty lingered. Despite her words, this felt like something else. Something different. She smiled. “If you like, I can give you directions.”

His shoulders relaxed. “I would appreciate that.”

“Okay, start with the crystal.” He obeyed readily, closing his hand around it. It felt good, nestled in his palm. “Now the vambraces.” H e reluctantly set the chip aside, and held up his arm to begin unhooking the armor from his radial ports. The touch of cool air on his skin was a welcome relief after the heat of the day. “I wish I was with you,” she said while he took of the other vambrace. “I want to run my hands over your arms.”

He froze, remembering what it felt like to have her hands on his forearms, fingers running through the radial void. His skin prickled at the thought. “It is pleasant,” he said stiffly, “When you do that.”

“Yeah?” He nodded. “Would it be pleasant if I kissed your hands?”

He looked at the data pad, then at his hands, flexing the fingers. “Why would you...?”

“I like your hands,” she said. “Sometimes, in the lab, I like to watch you work; I find it satisfying. You’re very dextrous. I think about kissing them. Your knuckles. Your fingertips. Do you think you would like that, if I did?”

He swallowed hard. He could hear his hearts beating. “Not. Not in the lab. That would be unsafe. But...I think. Perhaps I might. Enjoy that in. Other circumstances.”

“Oh, good! When I see you, we’ll have to try it.” He nodded, feeling faintly adrift. “Now the armor around your upper arms.”

“Rerebrace.”

“Hmmm?”

“That’s the name of it. A rerebrace.”

“Oh! Okay. Yeah, go ahead and remove that.”

He nodded and worked the pieces of the rerebrace free. He winced a little, massaging the withered muscle when it was exposed. “Do your arms hurt?” she asked, voice soft.

“No more than usual.”

“That’s not an answer.”

He paused, looking at the data pad. “Yes. They ache. Is that a sufficient answer?” She nodded, a worried line appearing between her brows. Not wanting to linger on that, he asked, “Should I remove my pauldrons?”

“Please.” He disconnected them from his scapular ports, rolling his shoulder after removing each. “Does it feel good, taking off your armor?”

Absently working the stiffness from his arm and shoulder, he considered her question. “It helps to manage my pain, so it is not entirely pleasant to take it off. Nor do I enjoy this state of vulnerability. However, it does become uncomfortable after wearing it for a long period. In that way, it is a relief to remove it.”

“I see.”

He finished stretching his shoulders, then reached back to disconnect his gorget from his thoracic and cervical ports. He couldn’t withhold a soft groan, and he ran his fingers around the cervical port, over the back of his neck, massaging the tendons. He lifted his chin and rubbed his fingers along the sides of his throat, easing the tension that tightened the muscles. He rolled his neck, and Entrapta made a soft, strained sound. He paused, one hand on the nape of his neck. “Are you all right?”

She nodded, one hand covering her mouth. “Mmh-hmm. Keep going.”

His ears twitched in confusion, but he only had one more segment to remove. The rib guards each disconnected with a soft hiss and he set them aside. A faint ache spread across his ribcage, and he raised one arm at a time, massaging the muscles along his sides as he did. Entrapta watched, rapt. He paused, looking at her. “You truly are enjoying this, aren’t you?”

She nodded slowly. “I admit, I’ve never been particularly interested in...visual stimuli. But I find that watching you is.” She exhaled shakily. “Stimulating. More so than expected.”

His hair prickled, and he smoothed it down instinctively. “Stimulating.”

“Yes. Very.”

“I. See.” His ears flexed. “In...in what way?”

“Sexually.”

The prickling grew worse, and he cleared his throat, feeling heat spread across his cheeks. “I. I was not aware that this kind of activity could be....” His chest felt tight, and his hearts were beating fast. “Arousing. In that way.”

“Oh.” Her eyes went wide. “I’m sorry! I should have— That is.” A red flush spread across her cheeks. “I think I mishandled this situation,” she said, “When I asked to watch you remove your armor, it was an innocent request. I find it...satisfying. The same way I find it satisfying to deconstruct a robot. I didn’t take my sexual interest into account, so I didn’t realize that it would likely affect me in an entirely different way as well!” Her blush deepened, and her hair began wrapping itself around her. “If I’d thought about it, I would have known, and I would have asked if you were okay with that before we continued! I didn’t mean to make you feel...used.”

“Used?”

She nodded, eyes wide. Her hair was frazzled, grasping tightly at her clothing and her arms. “It’s a matter of consent, isn’t it? It would be one thing, if you knew I wanted to watch you undress for purposes of sexual gratification—“ The heat spread across his face, all the way to the tips of his ears. “—but it’s entirely another if I watched you for that purpose without your knowledge or consent. But I didn’t—I didn’t intend to! This is an...unprecedented reaction on my part.” She spoke in rapid succession, her discomfort obvious. “I would have clarified, if I knew, or I wouldn’t have asked in the first place!” Her hair was so frizzy and so tightly coiled, it looked like she was being consumed by it. “I’m sorry!”

“Entrapta.” He wished that he was there with her, wished that he could reach out and offer her his hand. “I do not feel used.”

She swallowed. “You don’t?”

“No. I feel...” He considered. “Surprised. I admit I am also intrigued. I was under the impression that tactile stimulation was necessary to be...aroused. To any degree.”

“Oh, no. There are lots of ways to cause sexual arousal. Their effectiveness varies from person to person, but any engagement of the senses can be arousing, so much so that they’re used as masturbatory aids. Visual stimuli, auditory stimuli, or a combination of both is very popular. Personally, I prefer mental stimulation in the form of erotic literature.”

“Erotic. Literature.”

“Yeah—people write about sex or characters having sex or something similar, and that can be very stimulating.”

His face felt like it was burning. “Would.” He swallowed. “The. The procedural outline you gave to me. Could that be considered. Erotic literature?”

She blinked. “Oh. I didn’t really think of it that way, but I guess it could. Why?”

He felt a little lightheaded. “I believe I need to sit down.” He grabbed the data pad and sat on the bed. “So, it is...normal to react physically to non-tactile stimulation?”

“Oh, yes. Perfectly normal.”

“It is not a sign of-of...unnatural desires? Or anything...perverse?”

“Not at all!” She studied him, and her eyes widened. “Oh. Did you find my outline stimulating?”

He looked away, ears drawn down. “I.” He exhaled hard, fingers clenching on the bedspread. “Yes. I thought.” He shut his eyes. “I thought that there was something wrong with me. Prime always said we would be nothing but beasts without his influence to control our urges. I thought my reaction was...supporting evidence.”

“Oh, no! No, it’s not that at all!” She swore softly, and he looked at her, ears cocked. He rarely heard her use that kind of language. “I wish I was there. I wish I could hold you. I wish....” Her mouth was firm, though her eyes seemed wide and over-bright. “Prime is a liar,” she said. “He lied to you. All of you. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing unnatural or perverse. If anything—“ She lifted her chin, and there was something fierce in her gaze, something protective. “I’m glad you found my proposal stimulating. Flattered, even. Next time, though, I would like it if you talked to me if anything I do or say causes you to feel that way.”

“I was ashamed. I thought you would think less of me.”

The fierceness faded into something sad. “Oh, Hordak....”

He shut his eyes, wincing. “I should have talked to you.” His ears pulled back, and he looked away from the data pad. “You have proven yourself worthy of my trust. I am sorry I did not honor that.”

“It’s okay,” she said, “When you don’t think you deserve better, or if it matches your past experience with people, it’s easier to believe the worst. Even of people you...trust.” Her voice sounded strange. He turned and realized she’d drawn her mask down. “But we can be better with each other. Or, at least, we can try. Right?” She cocked her head in question.

Slowly, he nodded, wishing that she was here with him. Wishing he was there with her. “Yes. We will be better with each other.”

She raised her mask hesitantly. “Does this mean you’re still interested in our Intimacy Log? I thought you might have changed your mind, and I didn’t want to pressure you.”

He hesitated. “I worry about harming you.”

She smiled. “That’s okay. I worry about hurting you too.” He blinked. “I think, if we endeavor to talk to each other openly and honestly, we’ll be okay. I am comfortable proceeding with the log if you are.”

He swallowed. The idea had him feeling jittery and nervous, but there was an element of excitement as well. And a not insignificant part of him just wanted to prove Prime wrong. Slowly, he nodded. “Yes. I would like to proceed. I will review your proposal and send it back to you. When I return, perhaps we can...attempt the procedure.”

She smiled. “I would like that. And if you change your mind, please tell me.”

“I will.”

A/N: Your comments are treasured. I may not reply (for various reasons) but know that I often re-read the things you guys say because they make me so happy. Thank you so much. ^_^ I’m glad you’re all reading and enjoying this fic.

#intimacy log #entrapdak #hordak #entrapta #my work #work inappropriate #sea hawk #scorpia

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rpgmgames · 5 years

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August’s Featured Game: Marinette

DEVELOPER(S): Teal Crown ENGINE: RPG Maker MV GENRE: Horror, Puzzle, Adventure WARNINGS: Sensitive Themes, Blood/Light Gore SUMMARY: A little girl named Marinette, in the wake of a splitting family and a change of homes, is having a birthday. But this, her eleventh birthday, will present a deadly opportunity to fulfill a special promise. On the night before her birthday, she is drawn into a strange realm; an unnatural dollhouse, populated with dolls who are not quite what they seem. A web of strings lying in wait, and threatening to ensnare the poor marionette; warping her perception, and twisting her every move. Will the strings attach, and force her to become an unwilling puppet, or will she escape this surreal web of strings? What will she have to do to avoid the dangers of the dollhouse, and set herself free?

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *Mitty: "Hello, I'm Mitty! Thank you so much for the opportunity to participate in this interview. I'm the main developer of the game and I'm working with a team of friends to make this game a reality. I work mainly on the visuals and programming, and I'll be representing the team, alongside Third! I've been on the community for around two years, even though I tend to not be active very often." *Third: "Hoi, I’m Third! I appreciate you reaching out to interview us. I’m the main composer and writer of Marinette, and I work under Mitty to make the story and soundtrack what we want it to be. I’ve been in the community for little less than Mitt but am even less active in most of my developer discords."

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *Mitty: "The game is essentially about a girl that gets trapped inside a dollhouse. A simple concept really can go far ahaha I've always loved themes related to creepy dolls so I wanted to create something related to that. What pushed me initially to start were obviously the inspiration of seeing other devs creating, seeing how far you could go with these engines and create amazing interactive stories, however the huge support from a friend was what made me actually start past the planning and dreaming!" *Third: "Marinette is a story about a little girl becoming entangled in the complicated family and supernatural landscape she finds herself in on her birthday. I enjoy writing short stories about this kind of thing so it’s fantastic to work on a larger project about one of my favorite subjects. My primary inspiration and introduction to this kind of game in general was Pocket Mirror, and I use it the most as a model for how to do certain things. However, I also draw a lot of inspiration from masterpieces like Aria’s Story, Ib, Witch’s House, and Alice Mare."

How long have you been working on your project? *Mitty: "The project has been in the works for around two years now! The first year was mostly planning and right now we are on the right track with the programming and asset creation for the demo, as well as music and sound design for later development. Planning isn't over yet though, especially for the final game." *Third: "I’ve been working on this for almost two years. The soundtrack possessed most of my earlier attention, but now it’s taken a backseat to writing, now that I’m actively writing the scripts for the game now. "

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Mitty: "Yes! The game has inspirations from plenty of sources, not only strictly RPG Maker Horror games, or games in general for that matter. If I were to mention those, of course games like Ib, The witch's house, Alice Mare, Pocket Mirror, Yume Nikki & .flow, Stray Cat Crossing, Mogeko's games...etc quickly come to mind. When it comes to the aesthetics and visuals, the inspirations come from several different places, including games like Alice Madness Returns, Dofus, Yomawari, The Legend of Mana, Little Nightmares...the list goes on; or other media, like Inu Curry's animation style or video creator nana825763, as well as some anime and music videos. Silent hill is also a huge inspiration for the atmosphere, and hopefully we can pull it off well!" *Third: "My primary inspiration, as I’ve said earlier, is Pocket Mirror, both for its masterful writing and soundtrack. The game’s soundtrack is the main reason I still play piano. Whenever I’m feeling musical, my fingers always hunt out the same kind of haunting, mysterious, and sometimes peaceful and playful melodies that Pocket Mirror is rife with. In the end, our soundtrack is probably going to sound like Pocket Mirror and Aria’s Story’s soundtracks were meshed together. Story wise, commonplace elements in this genre like demons, monsters, mean parents and puzzles that tell the story are commonplace for a reason, and certainly find their way into this one, in their own special way. Every other game I’ve mentioned involves them in some form or another. And young, curious protagonists are also a blast to write and do evil things to and put in difficult, dangerous situations. "

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Mitty: "We surely have! Many of them in different areas ahaha Taking away bug hunting, I am primarily an artist, so programming for me is a secondary thing. Because of this it's easy to get carried away and hard to realise what can and can't be done. I don't want the game to be visually boring if I can make things move and seem alive! The way I'm handling it is programming like an artist: I think in my head what cool things I can do with my art by not having it completely still, and then it's a matter of executing it on the engine. However this comes with a downside. I tend to tweak things a lot, and that takes quite some time, but I honestly think it's worth it ahaha Also I find it hard to start writing, but when I do, I can't stop orz. Other challenges are also finding plot holes. This is fixed with a lot of studying the story, gathering inspiration and talking with the team. I also struggle a bit with communicating with the team, but thankfully they are all very nice and understanding." *Third: "Main challenge is overcoming the sheer weight of how much I have to learn about music and writing in order for this game to be what I want it to be. I’m a perfectionist, and when I care about something, I can’t tolerate it being worse than it could’ve been. Also, writing is getting more and more complicated and there’s more things and details to keep track of so as not to create inconsistencies or plot holes, especially as we try to revise it and make major changes to the story (Mitt will know what I’m talking about). "

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Mitty: "It changed a lot, not only in terms of the story and writing, but visually too. The basic concept is close to being the same, though. You can check out old posts in the blog where I consider different styles of mapping and such. Actually, don't, please. It's too old...and my writing...oh god." *Third: "The writing has come a long way, but now that we’ve fleshed out and written down much of the backstory, it’s a much more complicated story than what Mitt first showed me when I joined."

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Mitty: "Initially it was just me, occasionally having Mia to talk about the story and help develop it. Rindre joined as a voice actress very early on and also helped in other aspects of the game. Then I also talked about it with two friends I know in real life, one helped with organization and the other with some concept art, but they aren't that active anymore, even though I still count them as part of the team (Thank you guys btw if you're reading this). Eventually I met Third, an amazing composer and writer, and I asked him to join in! He brought along a friend who is also an amazing composer and writer, Code, and these two are complete madmen of music and writing and I'm super glad to be working with them, as they are super passionate and it makes me really happy ahaha. Bruno is also a really dedicated composer that is helping with a few tracks as well! Miku and Luccinia are two super talented and kind artists that have also been helping a ton with concept art, and their ideas have certainly improved the game as well. We are welcome to more concept artists, though! More heads, more ideas ahaha Recently we got the voice actresses for a few characters in the game, when we did the auditions, and hopefully soon another friend will jump aboard and help with organization and writing! We are a relatively small team, and sometimes progress goes a bit slowly since we can get busy, but we are all doing our best! I’m glad that I’m not alone. Links for their pages and such can be found on the team section on the blog, go support them if you can!"

What is the best part of developing a game? *Mitty: "For me, personally, I love seeing what my team mates come up with, whether it is music or concept art. I also enjoy the love and support we get, and it makes me excited in the development. As for the creation part, I like programming challenging cutscenes and doing cool things with the assets. Progress updates can also be fun to make when I have the time." *Third: "My favorite part is showing Mitt what I’ve written and composed. Making her happy and excited with my work is extremely fulfilling. "

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Mitty: "Oh, yes! Besides being a cool break from programming hell, it helps me make it less of a hell ahaha I like improvising, though, so I think I play RPG Maker games because I enjoy them for the most part." *Third: "Occasionally, not really. I don’t play many games and I’ve played the heck out of the ones I have."

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Mitty: "Ah I don't know, honestly. I think I can relate to every character in one way or another, and it's hard picking one, especially since the game isn't out yet and I'd like to keep most characters hidden until the demo. Marinette is definitely one of my favourites, though, I just love how innocent and cute she is. Her cheekiness can be made super interesting ahaha" *Third: "My favorite character is definitely Pierre. He’s a complete blast to write, and gives me lots of cool things to describe and say through him, from his magic tricks to his killer lines and quotes."

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Mitty: "Hm...Having organized things better in the beginning would have saved a lot of time now, but I don't think it's been that big of a deal anymore. I don't have any regrets that I'm aware of at the moment since everything until this point was necessary to learn and get to where we are now."

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Mitty: "I'm not sure yet, it depends on the reception and how willing I'll be to continue the story. Even though I would find it fun to make comics, another game or a different midia, realistically I can't tell how willing I'll be to continue developing content about it after the game is finished. Honestly, I hope I can develop more projects on Marinette, we do have content for that, and I absolutely love it with my heart! But it's also equally important to move on to another story. Only time will tell!" Third: "I hope to, but that day is very far away for me. I’ll be gone for quite some time after Marinette is finished, and I hope I’m not forgotten by the time I return. Perhaps I’ll entertain myself with additional short stories exploring the various aftermaths of the game."

What do you most look forward to upon/after the release of a project? *Mitty: "I honestly just want to get the story out there. I'm hoping people will enjoy it if they play the game, and will have a special place in their hearts to keep it on. This project means a lot to me, and having it making people feel things is what I'm looking forward to. I'd love to see other people playing it, definitely. I imagine I'll eventually be relieved to have finally completed it, it'll be a big moment for me to sigh be proud of creating. I'll be able to move on to work on other fun things while I see how this little child of a game is going to do out there in the wild, and that's always nice!" *Third: "Fan reaction, 100%. Having people ask me questions about my work and telling me how much they enjoyed it is my favorite part of writing."

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Mitty: "Yes, I don't want to feel empty with nothing to do when I finish the game. I know it will be great and all, but I've been working on it for so long that it's hard to imagine not working on it ahaha! It's a really fun hobby, but it's also engraved in my heart. I want it to be the best it can be, of course, so I'm scared of bugs, inconsistencies and overall it being clearly a bad game. I'm hoping that people will help with critiques on the demo, so I have a better outside perspective of where we are going. I don't want to drop the game, so I'm scared of having to take a long break from it during the development. I'm worried of being a terrible team leader as well." *Third: "I dread plot holes more than anything, and I dread a dull and overall unimpactful story. I want a tale that will punch the viewer in the gut, hard. I want to make them cry. I want to make them laugh. I want them to draw what I wrote, and explore it further in hopefully-not-too-sexual fanfiction."

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Mitty: "Don't be scared to start. You're going to suffer mid-way if it's a long term project, but keep pushing through, you'll learn a lot and it becomes easier with time. Take breaks and take it easy, step by step. LIST STUFF AND MAKE BACKUPS. Learn with short projects first. Ask for advice from people you admire, but never hold them on a pedestal. It’s always helpful to be a jack of all trades! Try to think from an outsider perspective if you're not sure of how it's going, and if you can, tell people you trust about the game and ask for opinions. Always take criticism well, but don't stress too much over harsher or even meaner comments. Have fun and never forget your starts, the people you meet and the reason you're doing the project for. If you're also an artist, writer, musician, remember this is a great opportunity to add something interesting to your portfolio. Cool visuals attract people, but they are not everything that will keep them hooked." *Third: "The best part of making a game is the people you make it with. The story is the most important ingredient of your game. Prioritize it first, and everything else will fall into place around it. Otherwise, everything will serve some other aspect of your game, and that’s rarely a good thing. Always speak your mind; do not every not say something just because it’ll hurt someone’s feelings. Obviously don’t be a tool, but if you ever have to choose between hurting the game and someone’s pride, pick someone’s pride. It’s much kinder in the long run."

Question from last month's featured dev Froach Club: Have you ever had a moment where you got completely stuck or became intensely frustrated while using RPG Maker? *Mitty: "Yes I have, I think everyone has QwQ Despite silly mistakes, I've gotten stuck several times, but honestly it's usually either us doing something stupidly hard that can be done another way, or we are just not skilled enough yet, and it's better to come back later. You can usually do most things you wanna do if you have the advantage of knowing the programming language your RPG Maker Engine uses I think. Google is your friend always, and sleeping about it also helps. I once dreamt of a whole sequence to fix a problem, and it worked! ahaha Always take it easy and don't give up, but know your limits and the limits of the engine!"

We mods would like to thank Teal Crown for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Marinette if you haven’t already! See you next month!

- Mods Gold & Platinum

#marinette #rpg maker #rpgmaker #horror game #indie game #gotm #game of the month #gotm 2019 #august #august 2019 #teal crown #interview #horror #cute

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bishreview · 5 years

Photo

Smashing Pumpkins - Shiny and Oh So Bright, Vol. 1 / LP: No Past. No Future. No Sun (2018)

We're gonna make this happen/ I'm gonna fly forever

When I was a 12 year old kid in the late 00′s, Smashing Pumpkins made an impact on my music taste. Siamese Dream tracks like ‘Disarm’ and ‘Today’ were always on my mp3 player, and their album Zeitgeist was one of the first albums I would listen to start and finish constantly. Unfortunately, the peak Pumpkins days were before I was born and unbeknown to me, no-one really anticipated their releases anymore. And as I grew older, I shifted more towards the accepted opinion that the band were no longer going to hit the heights of the 90s. With the release of their tenth studio album (which will now be referred to as S&OSB because it is a beast of a title), Corgan reunited with nearly all of the original lineup (sorry D’arcy) to release probably their strongest album of this decade, despite it again being a disappointment.

Billy Corgan has always had a mixed bag of influences to reach into, for varying success, and S&OSB is no different. From the stadium-rock epic of opener ‘Knights of Malta’, to the metal influences on ‘Seek and You Shall Destroy’, the album is all over the place. The second half goes as far as to being one heavy track followed by a softer track, followed by a heavy track and so on. It does become quite frustrating towards the end, the album not leading you into any direction or journey and thus becoming hard to engage with. On the other-hand it does highlight (with help of James Iha [guitar] and Jimmy Chamberlain [drums]) the band’s ability to delve into different genres, with the album’s strong points not being all contained within one style.

The major weakness of the album though is the production. I don’t know how a producer of the calibre of Rick Rubin missed the mark on S&OSB but despite a couple of songs, the tracks feel over-produced, stripped of the raw energy (especially on the heavier tracks). The instruments sound compressed around Corgan’s vocals, lacking any power or impact. The drums suffer most from this, being drowned out by the other musical layers.

Lyrically, the album is again a mixed bag. Corgan has always been slightly inconsistent with his lyrics, especially in recent years, and here is no different. ‘Knights of Malta’ and ‘Alienation’ show that Corgan can still weave some unique and colourful phrases. Tracks like ‘Travels’ are hard to get through due to the cliche and poor lyrics. The melodies on the album go the same way, with the aforementioned ‘Alienation’ not being able to find a catchy or engaging melody despite its well written lyrics.

The album starts with ‘Knights of Malta’, which is probably the album’s strongest track. Although there is a weird sing-a-long with the main guitar riff which is just odd (although when the choir comes in and harmonises with it, it becomes something incredible), the song builds into an epic piece and a great opener for the album. It’s backed up well with the second single ‘Silvery Sometimes (Ghosts)’ (one of the worst song titles ever though), which feels more like a mid-00s Pop-Rock number from the likes of The Killers than a Pumpkins song. It works though, the strong hook blending well with the balanced and tame instrumentation.

Third track ‘Travels’ is where the album starts going downhill. Lyrically and melodically its poor and the instrumentation does nothing to generate any interest or engagement. It’s also the longest song on the album, the five minutes of music never going anywhere. Lead single ‘Solara’ thankfully turns the album back around. Despite the production making it feel slightly manufactured, there is still some strong guitar work and drumming which is reminiscent of earlier songs by the band. ‘Alienation’ follows and, like ‘Silver Sometimes’, has a strong Pop-Rock feel. Although it has a strong intro, the single acoustic guitar strums and the thumping drums creating a good atmosphere for Corgan’s voice, the song doesn’t really build into anything, never moving out of second gear and releasing the tension.

‘Marchin’ On’ kicks the album back into gear, the heavy rock song being the fastest and shortest on the album. Although it again doesn’t live up to the build, it is refreshing to hear Corgan’s voice behind hard rock instrumentation and the production allows the rawness of the song to be felt. ‘With Sympathy’ again shifts the pace of the album, being a slower, more stadium-esque track. It highlights the major problem with the album though, over-production, a lack of commitment to a theme, and never reaching a climatic moment that the song needs. ‘Seek and You Shall Destroy’ closes the album, the second shortest track and another heavier track. I honestly don’t know why they chose it to close as it leaves the album on a bland note, but also makes the album feel like it’s unfinished. The lyrics are also simply average, Corgan running through cliches of 80s heavy metal.

Overall, S&OSB can be described best by the word ‘average’. It’s not band at their worst, and seems to be one of the strongest releases by the band since the early 00s. The album does have a lot of issues though, and they seem to be the same problems that have plagued the band for the past decade. Despite the return of the (almost) original lineup, the band still doesn’t feel like they have a direction or aim, the album being messy and over-saturated with genre changes. It’s another disappointment for a band that is used to disappointing albums, but it does suggest that the band has rediscovered some of their old glory, with tracks like ‘Knights of Malta’, ‘Silvery Sometimes’ and ‘Marchin’ On’ having some of the strongest ideas and moments for the band this decade.

Favourite tracks: ‘Knights of Malta’, ‘Silvery Sometimes (Ghosts)’, ‘Solara’, ‘Marchin’ On’

Shiny and Oh So Bright, Vol. 1 / LP: No Past. No Future. No Sun. gets a C-

#smashing pumpkins #shiny and oh so bright #hard rock #alternative rock #alternative music #90s music #no past no future no sun

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whatwashernameagain · 6 years

Text

Keep him safe - Chapter 1

Hello there fellow Fanders! This is my first attempt at a story and I am super duper nervous! l don’t know how well this turned out, but I’ll just give it a try. Please bear with me!

Thanks a thousand times to the absolitely wonderful @my-happy-little-bean and the insanley talented @tinysidestrashcaptain and @a-valorous-choice for inspiring this story (theirs are probably better, read them!)

Update April 18: I am currently working on chapter 15. I expect this story to have about 30 chapters, or more if I don’t get tired of eventually writing nothing but fluff >.<

Summary:

Coming to Patton’s café/bakery has become routine for detective Logan Sanders and his partner Roman Prince. Patton makes all of them feel cared for and welcome, however Logan feels quite a bit more than comfort when gets to spend time with the cheerful man. Knowing he cannot have Patton is made only slightly less painful by the knowledge that his social awkwardness would have probably not allowed Logan to approach Patton about his feelings anyway. While being quite fearless and efficient when it comes to his job, Patton has an effect on him that leaves Logan a nervous mess. Thankfully the Pâtissier is the kindest person he knows.

Logan's comfortable routine in broken abruptly however, as he discovers bruises on Patton’s fair skin and slender wrists he could hardly have received from his customary clumsiness.

Meanwhile his partner Roman has his own demon to fight, which comes in the form of a little delinquent who seemed to have been pulled into a street gang quite against his will. Roman is determined to help the strange young man. It would be so much easier though if he just stopped hissing at him!

***

Warnings for this chapter: mention of homophobia, fear of rejection, past bullying and drinking. Most of this chapter is fluff though. Like, a lot of it. Also I know nothing about police work.

This was supposed to be mainly about Logan’s and Patton’s first meeting, but Logan’s and Roman’s bromance just snuck in there. Who did this?

______________________________________________

Chapter 1

Logan straightened his back in an attempt to ease the growing ache at the base of his spine. It had been a long night shift and he was ready to fall into bed. The case had taken its toll on him and his partner, Roman, but it was finally solved and the burglars terrorizing the neighbourhood were caught. Both detectives were now on their way to celebrate the closed case in their customary fashion, with hot chocolate at the cafe around the corner of the precinct.

Roman bumped into him as they walked. He tended to forget to keep up his tough guy persona when he was tired and thus became even more affectionate.

Before becoming friends with Roman, Logan had not considered himself the type for friendly cuddles. The fact that he allowed the close contact now was even more surprising, considering how badly things between Roman and him had started. Logan had actually believed their partnership doomed from the moment they met.

***

It had been almost three years ago. Logan had made detective about a year previously and had quickly gained a reputation for being both thorough and effective.

His former classmates had laughed at him when they found out about his career choice, but he had never given their opinion much consideration. After all, they had never given him reason to do so, since they had rarely interacted with him aside from doling out ridicule. He had gotten used to being alone and working alone, and this had served him well as a detective.

His partner had been all but retired and left most of the work to Logan. It had been fine. Logan loved puzzles and mysteries and did not mind the mountains of paperwork.

Unfortunately his routine was shattered when his colleague broke his leg trying to fix the Christmas decoration and chose to retire early. Logan had to get a new partner.

He remembered the day quite clearly. Logan had tried to appear aloof and unworried, but felt that it only made him sit straighter, give even more precise answers and act even colder than usual. He knew all this but had never figured out how to appear more welcoming toward strangers.

He was yanked out of his thoughts quite rudely by a slap on the back that almost triggered his well trained defensive reflexes.

Looking at Logan, few would guess how well he did at hand to hand combat. He had never considered himself the most physical of people, but Logan had easily recognised close combat as just another form of logical thinking and a question of acting accordingly. Take in the situation, determine strengths and weaknesses, choose a course of action and act according to his training. Easy.

His mother had sent him to martial arts classes after he had jumped his first class and thus had to deal with even older and stronger bullies.

The repetitive motions had appealed to him and he had seen the logic behind using your opponents weaknesses against them. While not especially strong or looking particularly threatening, Logan had become quite precise and quick and a force to be reckoned with.

However, he still vastly preferred solving problems with words rather than violence. He had never enjoyed hurting people, even the ones who deserved it.

Not knowing how close the other man had come to flying over Logan’s shoulder and ending pinned on the floor with Logan’s knee pressed against his throat, the newcomer rounded the chair and sat down right on Logan’s well organized paperwork.

Already feeling irritated at the mess, Logan only had a short moment to take in the tall man, leather jacket, green eyes and broad smirk, to determine that he most dearly hoped this man had just gotten lost and was, in fact, NOT his new partner.

“Hello Sanders! I am your new partner! Detective Roman Prince, ready for duty!”

His (apparently) new partner pretty much shouted at Logan, opening his arms wide, striking a pose. Oh No.

Things went about as well as Logan had expected. Roman had been brash, loud and manly to a ridiculous extent. He went into danger head first, complained about paperwork non stop and flirted with every woman around him.

As expected of one such as him, he was quick to make fun of Logan’s work ethics and behaviour, calling him nicknames like nerd or calculator watch. As far as he could tell, Roman was not trying to be cruel though, so Logan let it slide.

The worst thing however, were the detective’s attempts at bonding. He kept trying to invite Logan to drink beer with him or watch sport. This did not bode well for Logan.

Even though he was not ashamed of his homosexuality and did not plan to lie about it, he was not outed in the precinct. He knew from painful experience at the academy that close minded colleagues could cause him a lot of trouble for his orientation. Especially a womaniser liker Roman.

***

Remembering their first few months together and his fear of Roman’s reaction, Logan was again amazed at how far they had come.

Once again, Roman bumped into him, this time not even trying to stay upright. Though Logan articulated some token protest, he wrapped a steadying arm around his tired partner.

Which was a good thing, considering the sudden stop they took would have probably sent Roman tumbling onto the sidewalk, had Logan not held him up.

“Out of business?!” Roman wailed dramatically. “What is that supposed to mean?!”

“I would conclude they are closing down their establishment due to personal or economical reasons.” Logan answered the rhetorical question, knowing it would rile Roman up.

Roman glared, as expected, and drew breath to continue complaining. Logan pulled him along before he could work himself into full theatrical drama mode.

“There is a recently opened cafe down the street I believe. I am sure it will serve our needs adequately as well.”

“But the corner coffee was our place!” Roman retorted, throwing an arm over his eyes (and relying on Logan to save him from stumbling into traffic). “We celebrated our first solved case there, and...”

He trailed off, lifting his arm from his face, sniffing hopefully.

As Logan had predicted, the delicious smell of cinnamon, apple and sugar wafting from the open door drew his partner’s attention.

Logan had encountered the newly opened cafe/bakery on the way to work a few days ago. He had not had time to have a look inside yet, but had easily determined that it would appeal to Roman.

While he liked to portray the die hard kind of tough cop, he was actually quite the soft little darling, easily excited by glittering things, lights and sugar.

Unfortunately, this conclusion had initially been hard to come by for the older detective as they had started working together.

***

During those first months, working with Roman had truly grated on Logan’s nerves. Unfortunately he could not even complain about Roman’s skill as a detective. Had the other been incompetent, Logan would not have felt bad about ditching him.

The younger detective however was far less of an airhead than he liked to pretend. He had a way with people that Logan had never mastered.

In the interrogation room, Roman always managed to find the right tone to both get the perp talking and compliment Logan’s style. During investigations, he found angles Logan overlooked and managed to think outside the box, while Logan covered the methodical parts of their research.

Logan had been a very good detective on his own, but with Roman, they were formidable. Which made their personal incompatibility even more frustrating.

Well, giving up would not do. There was nothing to do but find a solution. Thankfully, one presented itself soon enough.

Being the genius that he was, Logan soon noticed inconsistencies about Roman’s behaviour that made him question the persona he portrayed.

Though he flirted charmingly with every woman that crossed his path, he never took any of them on a date or showed interest in watching them. He knew all the lyrics to the catchy songs on the radio, even the ones sung by women, even the musicals, but only sung along when he felt unwatched. And he was such a darling with kids.

Once Logan overheard him retelling the whole plot of The Little Mermaid to a little girl waiting for her mother at the precinct. The only viable conclusion was that Roman was showing a façade. But what was he hiding, and why?

Perhaps, Logan reasoned, Roman felt insecure or uncomfortable around him and therefore hid behind the brash cop persona. He knew from painful experience that his often standoffish manners made people unsure and felt bad for doing so to Roman.

This hypothesis required testing, so Logan came up with a meticulously worked out step by step plan of action. The first of fifteen steps was to get to know Roman in a more personal setting, so he could initiate a more comfortable relationship.

After blowing Roman off so often, Logan had worried the other detective would not agree to his invitation or react with disdain, but he lit up happily upon the suggestion and joined Logan willingly for a drink in his apartment.

Unfortunately, Roman had thwarted his well formulated plan, by getting black out drunk.

Incredibly, drunk Roman was even louder and took up even more space. Blearily, Logan watched the other detective form his spot on the floor as he climbed on Logan’s coffee table and gesticulated wildly, while attempting to retell a story about an adventure he had at the academy.

Logan pulled off his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. Had this been a good idea? He wondered if he was just imagining things. All of this might just be hopeful thinking, generated by his pathetic too big brain, which had, against his better judgement, never given up on the hope of finding a real partner to work with. Maybe even a friend. Roman’s talents complemented Logan’s own so well. The idea of actually getting along personally might have become so appealing that in his mind, he had turned Roman into something he was not.

Logan decided then and there that his plan was not fair to Roman. He was a good detective and a good man and Logan should not try to change him out of loneliness and some misguided hope to finally have a real friend.

He opened his eyes, planning to apologize to the other (and get him off his coffee table, seriously.) but found he was not there any more. Logan blinked. How much had he drunk again?

It took him an embarrassing long moment to figure out that his partner had moved to the spot next to him and was dejectedly staring at the floor.

Worriedly, Logan turned to him.

“Roman-”

“Did you know we were at the academy together?” Roman interrupted. “Well, not so much together as there at the same time.”

Roman trailed off, playing with a loose thread in his shirtsleeve. The revelation was news to Logan. Though he wanted to ask questions, de decided to follow a feeling that had served him well during interrogations and stayed quiet.

“You were a few years above me. We met once, while you were assisting the close combat instructor. What was her name?”

“Mitchell.”

“Right. You were showing how to disarm a prep armed with a knife.”

Logan hummed softly, vaguely remembering the lesson.

He had quickly shown a talent for the more complicated aspects of close combat and had become somewhat of a prodigy student of Mitchell. It had been a great honour, considering just how good she was. Being allowed to help train the younger recruits had helped a lot against the bullying he had to endure because of the rumours about his sexual orientation. They had actually stopped circulating after that, as if a man good at combat could not be gay as well. How illogical.

He did not remember Roman though, since he had helped out in that particular course only briefly. Why had he never mentioned anything? Curiously, Logan waited to see where Roman’s story was going.

He stayed silent, waiting. Finally, Roman turned to him and announced very seriously and earnestly:

“You were SO cool.”

Logan’s chin dropped in surprise. That was certainly unexpected.

Roman was already talking again, and he seemed to gain steam.

“The way you disarmed Mitchell was just so … EPIC! I never saw her go down, EVER! And you were so calm about the whole thing, explaining every step like friggin Sherlock Holmes!”

You guessed it. Even surprised and drunk, Logan was preening at this compliment.

“I made a vow that day.” Roman paused dramatically. “I swore that I would become your partner eventually and we would fight crime and evil TOGETHER!”

The last was shouted so abruptly that Logan flinched in surprise, spilling his drink over his lap. Unconcerned, Roman continued spinning his story of woe.

“And I kept my promise. Of course I did.”

He smirked proudly and drunkenly, but after a moment, his smile turned watery.

Logan experienced a brief moment of panic. He did not have the faintest idea about how to handle a crying Roman. The fact that Roman had actually admired him had already left poor Logan reeling emotionally.

Thankfully the other detective managed to pull himself together without his help.

Taking a deep breath, he seemed to steel himself for the grand finale of the story. Logan found himself waiting anticipating his answer eagerly.

“However, I knew that we could only be together (Logan frowned at the odd phrasing) if I managed to fulfil your expectations. Be a proper detective to have your back against criminals and villainous colleagues alike! Someone you could be proud to call your partner. You would not tolerate anything else and I could not disappoint you or make you suffer for my sake. After all, I saw our combined greatness for the moment I met you (and as you know I’m never wrong). So I had to hide myself. But I cannot go on living like this and NEITHER SHOULD I HAVE TO!”

Cue in the dramatic pose, which wobbled only slightly due to his drunken state. Logan was actually amazed at how articulate the other still was. His own thought process was muddled enough to make him take a few moments more than it should have to respond accordingly. Roman clearly expected him to prompt his answer with a question, if his glare was any indication.

“Oh I’m sorry. What did you need to hide Roman?” Logan asked curiously, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Apparently placated by his response, Roman’s voice rose for the dramatic finish.

“I am sorry Logan, but I cannot hide the truth any longer! I have to risk your scorn and the ridicule of the precinct, because I have to stand up for what is RIGHT!”

Cue another dramatic pause. Logan actually found himself waiting with baited breath. What secret was Roman hiding that made him believe Logan would shun him for it?

Moments ticked by.

Finally, Roman revealed his secret.

“Logan, I am gay.”

Logan stared at Roman.

Roman stared at Logan.

Looking pack, Logan guessed he could have reacted with more patience or understanding.

As it turned out, Roman came form a deeply religious family and had had to endure a lot of intolerance and scorn for his orientation.

Right then though, Logan had realised that Roman had played the tough heterosexual cop from fear of how his partner could react to his homosexuality.

His homosexual partner.

Logan couldn’t help it. He started laughing.

He hadn’t laughed like this for a long time. Tears were soon streaming down his face and his sides were aching.

Roman however, did NOT appreciate it. Crossing his arms, he sullenly glared at his partner.

“I fail to see how the story of my life is so amusing to you.”

Oh he had been offended. Not only had his partner not taken his brave revelation seriously, he was also failing to appreciate his performance. Rude.

Logan had hoped to soother the ruffled feathers rather easily with his own confession. Once he managed to breathe again.

“Roman, I am gay as well.” He explained, wiping teas of mirth from his cheeks.

Logan felt… he felt great. Weightless. Better than he had in a very long time. Their troubles had stemmed from a misunderstanding. They could actually be partners. Maybe even friends. Logan had not realised how badly he had wanted Roman’s friendship despite their differences.

His partner had yet to react this revelation though. He sat silently for a long moment.

The pause ended very suddenly in a flurry of movement. Roughly, he pushed himself up and grabbed his jacket, heading for the door. Worried, Logan jumped up and caught up with him in the hallway.

“Roman please wait!”

The younger detective ripped his arm out of Logan’s grip and rounded on him. Logan was shocked to see tears in his eyes. He was the greatest idiot in the world. Roman had bravely opened up to him and Logan had hurt him with his flippant response. Nothing could sober a man quite like guilt.

“Do you think this is funny? Playing with my feelings like this? There is nothing wrong with being gay and I do NOT deserve this!”

“Certainly not! I did not mean to offend you Roman, please give me a chance to explain. It seems we have both fallen victim to a misunderstanding.”

Roman clenched his jaw, clearly fighting back tears. He was brave though. So brave. With a jerky nod he indicated to Logan to continue.

“I did not try to ridicule you Roman, I would never do that. Neither would I expect you to be someone you are not just to please me or keep close minded colleagues off my back. Also, I was perfectly serious. I am, in fact, homosexual as well.”

Logan gazed at Roman imploringly, willing him to believe the truth in his words. The seconds ticked by and Logan grew more nervous with each one. Would this be the moment his partner turned his back on him?

No.

It was Logan’s turn to be laughed at.

Once he finally realised how both men had unintentionally played each other, Roman reacted quite the same as Logan had. Logan endured the laughter thankfully. Seeing Roman bend over, tears streaming down his handsome face and waking up his neighbours with his loud exclamations of happiness made something untie in Logan’s chest.

That night, Logan did not only endure being laughed at, but also being hugged incessantly, having his hair ruffled (“PLEASE desist immediately!”) and actually being serenaded.

Was this what friendship looked like or were they both just especially strange? As Roman started singing and attempting to draw him into a dance, nearly braining them both on the bookcase, Logan decided that the night needed to come to an end or he would regret gaining his first friendship the day he formed it.

Trying to tuck Roman into bed proved more difficult than expected, since his new friend had no intention to let go of his arm.

“Now you are just attempting at irritate me.” Logan groused.

Roman smirked at him, obviously not half as drunk as he had led his partner to believe. Logan guessed his over the top celebration was a friendly way of getting back at him. Roman was not done with his prank though.

The evil smirk he sent the other detective was his only warning. Logan yelped as he was suddenly pulled on the bed and covered with the heavier form of one detective Roman Prince.

“Get off me this instant!” Logan huffed.

“Hmmm. NO!” Roman laughed and got comfortable on his slighter colleague.

Though Logan was the better fighter when it came to style and technique, Roman was quite a bit stronger than him. And he was getting comfortable. After trying to wrestle him off for a few minutes, Logan gave up. This was actually kind of nice. They fell asleep curled up together and awoke the next morning nursing a massive hangover and having made a friend for life.

They chose not to bother hiding their orientation any longer. As expected, some colleagues and superior officers gave them trouble, and the rumour mill worked overtime, but their partnership helped them deal with the problems. Things had settled down now and they had actually become a well liked and respected fixture in the precinct. It was more than Logan had dared to hope for.

***

Logan was shaken out of his trip down memory lane by his friend’s exclamation of delight about the newly opened cafe – the Pat-isserie. His happiness clearly stemmed from the colourful theme, as well as the delicious scent beckoning them inside.

Logan suddenly found himself pulled along by his now wide awake colleague. Once inside, he gently freed his arm from Roman’s clutches and examined the place methodically.

The walls were painted in pastel colours and were covered in pictures of various sizes. All of the tables and chairs were mismatched and colourful. The sofa and armchairs that stood on an elevated part of the cafe at the back of the room were overflowing with cushions and blankets, some of them looking like they were knitted by a clumsy colour enthusiast.

The whole picture was quite overwhelming at first. However, the atmosphere was warm and welcoming. The room was illuminated by colourful fairy lights stung across the ceiling and every table sported fresh flowers.

Logan cringed at the mess of cables created by the haphazardly stung up lights, but conceded that the place was quite charming in its own way. Roman certainly liked it.

His partner had been drawn to the other side of the room, which was dominated by a large counter displaying all sorts of cakes and baked goods.

“They have chocolate fudge cake, look! And apple cinnamon rolls!” He pointed excitedly.

“Evidently.” Logan answered. “I believe this establishment will suffice for our celebration, as it seems to serve hot beverages as well as your preferred brand of pastries.”

Roman made a face at him, no doubt about to tell him off for replacing their traditional spot so carelessly, however, both of their attention was drawn to the whirlwind of a man entering the cafe from the back room.

“Ohhh, you have something to celebrate? Is it someone’s birthday? Or a promotion?”

The bubbly creature rounded the counter, trailing flour and the smell of vanilla, and beamed at them like an actual ray of sunshine.

This time, Logan’s examination of the newcomer had nothing methodical. Truth be told, he found himself at a loss at what to say, as the other man stumbled over his own feet right before him.

Instinctively, Logan caught his arm to steady the smaller man. He gave a little self deprecating giggle, flushing slightly. Steady now, he looked up at Logan with an expectant look, awaiting an answer.

Logan found himself somewhat distracted by his observation though. The newcomer was shorter than Logan. Softer too. Where Logan was all long lines, straight posture and efficient movements, the other man appeared much less intimidating. Or in fact, not at all.

His pale skin was adorned with a rosy flush on his cheeks. He was wearing a colourful knit sweater which sleeves kept on slipping over his hands the moment he pushed them up to his elbows. His brown hair was tousled and on his nose sat dark rimmed glasses. They sported a bright spot of flour in the middle, where he probably pushed them up when he was baking. His stub nose was also liberally dusted with flour.

Logan examined him only for a moment, but even so, the other man fidgeted with his sleeves and rocked on his toes like he could not stay still, beaming smile firmly in place. He was clearly an energetic mess of a person and against his will, Logan was absolutely charmed.

And tongue tied.

Thankfully, the lack of response did not deter the cheerful creature before him. Spotting Roman at Logan’s elbow, he perked up visibly.

“We do wedding cakes too! You should try our strawberry cream cake! It’s delicious! You’ll loooove it!” he chirped, clearly exited about the idea of an engagement.

“Oh no!” Logan exclaimed despite himself, taking a step back. “We are most certainly not that kind of partners. I fail to see why people always come to this conclusion.”

Logan had crossed his arms and straightened his back as he spoke, towering at this full impressive hight above the other man. He was already too used to warding off this kind of questions from their colleagues and perhaps reacted a tad defensively. He could not help it. It infuriated him that people seemed to believe gay men could not simply be friends.

The other man’s smile faltering response to Logan’s strict tone and imposing body language. He took a half step back and wrapped his arms around himself in an unconscious attempt to comfort himself. It made him look even smaller. His smile was back after a moment, but it seemed more subdued than before.

Logan, having always been attentive, observed the change come over the other and realised he had, once again, intimidated someone without meaning to. As always, Roman came to his help in his own particular way. He threw an arm around his shoulders and smacked a messy kiss onto Logan’s cheek.

“Awwww, partner, you break my heart!” Pressing his free hand to his chest Roman did a passable expression of a dying swan, relying on Logan to hold him up. “After all these years you deny our love?!”

Fixing his glasses, Logan prayed for patience. Still, even as he spoke, he could not suppress the amused curl of his lips.

“Indeed, I do.”

As expected, Roman pouted at his unwillingness to play along. Logan was feeling generous though. They had closed their case, Roman was a warm weight against his side and he felt the familiar affection for his dramatic partner well up in his chest. Plus, the slow, delighted smile lighting up the pretty face of the smaller man watching them made Logan feel light and funny.

“Also, if you expect me to marry you I would expect you to put at least as much effort into wooing me as you put into flirting with our secretary.”

Roman lit up like a Christmas tree at having been given an opening. Yet, his answer was interrupted by a high pitched squeal from the cute baker. He clearly tried to muffle it behind his clasped hands, but seemed to be too happy to hide it entirely. He really was very endearing.

Logan decided he had had enough drama for today and lightly pulled Romans arm from his shoulders, focusing his attention on the man before him. People were already looking after all. It was most definitely not the bright eyes and ruffled hair that drew his attention away from his poor neglected colleague.

The baker seemed to have gotten over his insecurity caused by Logan’s cool manners with the help of their display of friendship. Still, Logan felt the need to make the other feel comfortable and attempted an apology.

“I am sorry for reacting poorly. Your conclusion was not unusual and did not deserve such a rude reaction.”

Logan nervously adjusted his glasses, hoping his apology would be accepted. He needn’t have worried though.

“Don’t worry at all! I get excited at the prospect of weddings easily, you are right to tell me off or I will start planning wedding cakes before you can stop me! I already have ideas and you are not even together!” He laughed cheerfully, swinging his arms back and forth.

“So what are you celebrating?” He asked, turning wide, curious eyes on Logan.

“We recently managed to close a case. You might have heard about the series of break ins in the neighbourhood? Detective Prince and I have managed to secure the perpetrators last night. After finishing the required paperwork, we traditionally celebrate a successful investigation in a social fashion.”

Even as he was speaking, Logan realised he was slipping into unwanted familiar pattern again. When he was nervous or unsure his tongue ran away with him and he tended to confuse or alienate others with his distanced, emotionless manners. He had become less pronounced since becoming friends with Roman, but people he found attractive still often left him feeling awkward and sounding like a dictionary.

He was quite unexpectedly saved from making more of a fool of himself by suddenly finding his arms full of their new acquaintance, who had launched himself at Roman and Logan with an exited cry and was currently hugging them like a limpet.

Only years of getting used to unexpected hugs thrown at him by Roman kept Logan from freezing up or pushing this strange little creature off him. His partner had no such reservations though. Grinning, he wrapped his arms around both men, never being one to turn down attention or affection.

After the initial surprise Logan managed to decipher the words mumbled into his shoulder.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyousooomuch!!”

He briefly came up for air, beaming at them and making his speech somewhat more recognizable in the process, if not significantly slower.

“My friend was robbed by these horrible people! Shewassoscared! She lives alone! All alone in her flat canyoubelieveit? And they took all of her jewellery, the poor thing andyoucaughtthemI’msoglad!!!”

He paused to take a breath and finally uttered the words Roman had been dying to hear for years.

“You are HEROES!”

Roman instantly puffed up like a peacock, chest swelling, back straightening, getting ready for a monologue.

“Oh please, there is no need to thank us. We are but humble protectors of this fine city. All we want is for the innocent to sleep safe at night! We...”

“Detective Prince is right.”

Logan chose to interrupt before his friend launched himself further into theatre mode. He was already posing.

His agreement brought Roman up short.

“I am?”

“Yes.” Logan answered.

Unsure about how to act in this situation, Logan carefully detached the affectionate citizen from his neck with gentle hands, making him flush prettily.

“There is, in fact, no need to thank us. We are merely doing our job in accordance with our duty.”

Roman pouted.

He was soon cheered up though.

“You are really too modest. My friend will be so glad to feel safe again! And you protect all of us! I feel safer with you here already!”

The smaller man was a flurry of movement again, rocking on his heels and gesticulating widely.

“Oh! You were here to celebrate, how could I keep you with my questions? I’m so sorry!”

He turned around to rush behind the counter, bumping into the corner on his way and nearly tumbling to the ground. Logan reflexively caught his waist in a steadying grip, finding himself once again with his hands on the slighter man. He was starting to get dizzy just looking at the exited man, though he did not mind holding him up at all. He was warm and smelled of bakes goods.

The sudden proximity left Logan flustered and a little anxious though. The smaller man seemed to notice Logan’s unrest and made an effort to calm himself, flashing him an embarrassed smile from under his bangs.

Making his way behind the counter after being released form Logan's hold, the pattisier addressed them in a calmer fashion.

“You should take a seat, please. Everything is on the house.”

Roman perked up at the offer. Logan however, did not share his enthusiasm.

Firstly, accepting such favours would have been unprofessional. Secondly, the baker now seemed to make an effort to appear more quiet and professional, perhaps because Logan had not returned the hug or accepted his gratitude. He did not want the other to feel embarrassed for his enthusiasm or his clumsiness just because Logan was insecure in social settings. Besides, even the man’s clumsiness was adorable on him.

He was unsure about how to reassure the baker though. Wishing he was better at social interactions, he attempted to sooth the embarrassed man once again.

“There is no need for any special treatment, though we appreciate it. You have been most kind to us already.”

Knowing his words fell short, Logan attempted a smile, hoping to put the other at ease. Thankfully the energetic man seemed to be blessed with better social skills than Logan. The smile he gave in return was very kind and genuine. And so pretty. Logan was blushing, he knew it.

“O-kay then! Let’s get your order. My name is Patton by they way! Call me Pat, if you like! Like Pat-isserie?" he laughed at his own joke. "How rude of me! Here I go hugging people before I even introduce myself!”

Patton gave a self-deprecating little laugh, but seemed more at ease around Logan now.

Having finished their mutual introduction and having received their order, the detectives finally settled onto the sofa in the corner of the cafe.

Logan leaned back, feeling even more tired after meeting the emotional roller-coaster that was Patton than he had before. His mind was blessedly quiet and peaceful however, as he gazed across the room and watched Patton wipe down the counter, singing under his breath. How curious.

Logan had little time to ponder the peaceful state of his mind though. Roman had settled next to him, stuffing his face with delicious apple cinnamon buns and watching him. Very. Obviously.

“Can I hep you?” Logan asked primly, sitting up straighter.

“Me? No I’m perfectly fine.” Roman answered, sipping his hot chocolate, sighing happily.

“What about you?” Roman asked innocently.

“Me?" Logan asked, confused. "Of course I am fine. You are not making any sense.”

Roman only hummed non-committally and shifted his gaze between Logan and Patton.

Choosing to ignore his partner’s oddity, Logan turned to his hot chocolate. It was much superior to the beverage served at their former cafe.

Unintentionally, Logan found his gaze wandering back to Patton. He was currently doing a little dance behind the counter as he was cleaning. Though he was less than graceful, he was plenty adorable. Once again stumbling a little over nothing at all had him giggling to himself. Logan felt light-headed suddenly.

Just then, Patton looked up and caught his gaze. Logan received a cheerful wave for his less than subtle observation. Tentatively, he smiled back.

Next Chapter

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the-crippled-god · 3 years

Text

Steam Next Fest, October 2021

Here’s a few sentences on the demos I’ve played thus far. We’ll see if I get to more...

A=B: Of the genre of 'Esolang programming games' (of which there are many), this might be one of the easiest to get into. However, nearly all the fun is going to come out of weird tricks you can pull off with the new instructions added in each section, which kinda defeats the premise. That being said, I was pleasantly surprised at how clever the game let me be with the the base 'one instruction'. It's not really programming, it's pattern matching and replacing (that being said, folks are starting to work out that well implemented pattern matching is one of the most powerful tools a programming language can have), and a condition that if a rule matches, the instructions start over, rather than continue. I wonder if there's any real world langs that behave like this, but support regex patterns (including capture groups), it might actually be a neat way of building things like custom file renaming rules... Games like this always feel like I'm doing work while not at work, but the simplicity of the base instruction makes this feel more like a puzzle game than something like TIS-100 or Shenzen IO, so provided the extra instructions don't make it feel more like programming (avoid adding branching, don't let me loop beyond the base loop, etc.), I'll probably enjoy this. Verdict: interesting, I'll probably buy it if it's cheap.

Galaxy's Extreme: This is another "Nintendo won't make a new F-Zero game so we'll do it ourselves", and it's... fine. Momentum feels good, and the controls feel good, it's just, too simplistic. I really feel like a spiritual successor to F-Zero needs the strafe and slide turning of GX (or some equivalent), without absurd goofy snaking, it's just, not the same, let alone an escalation of the style. You also only seem to leave the ground and prescribed points, rather than behaving like a hover craft, which doesn't quite feel right. Verdict: I'll probably pass on this one, if it gets rave reviews on release, and has online multiplayer, I could see grabbing it to play casually with friends.

Rayze: There's a good idea here, this isn't a good implementation of it. Momentum feels weird, and the game doesn't use raw mouse input, for some reason. An 'Aim racer' feels like a good idea, but this is more of a puzzle game where you're trying to work out how the level designer wants you to click things. Verdict: pass, absolutely not for me.

Dread Delusion: Open world immersive sim, focused on being weird. Seems alright, demo is a little too limited to tell, and I allocated my stats wrong to be able to see all of it (you seem to need high Lore to get to a few areas), but I enjoyed what was here, and will probably pick it up as just a weird thing to explore. Verdict: neat, be interested to see how the full version is.

Titanium Hound: This one looked cool, but it's really not good. Sounds in the menus are ear piercing, control scheme makes no sense on either the keyboard or controller. None of the attacks feel like they have impact. Controls are floaty and weird, like everything is on ice. Enemy sounds are muted, music is boring. Verdict: Really disappointed in this one, hard pass.

Transiruby: C...Cute... This seems like a fun light hearted metroidvania. Dialogue is witty, Siruby and pals are cute. Music is charming. Controls are tight. Graphics lean a little to simple for my tastes, but otherwise no complaints. Verdict: I'll probably buy this, seems like a good coping game for me.

Gastova: The Witches of Arkana: Meh. Some of the cutscene and character detail art is cute. Writing feels like it has a good premise, but could use an editor to punch up the jokes and quips a bit, since they don't quite land. It's almost like English isn't the writers first language, they have a good grasp of how to put words together so they're coherent, but they're not great at pacing dialogue so it feels natural. Gameplay is, bland? This feels aggressively like a 3rd party SNES platformer, like a Super Adventure Island or something. This is in all respects. It eats inputs randomly, attacks have no impact, enemies take too many hits, basic platoforming requires you stand on the very edge of the platforms, etc. I'm sure there are people who will get a kick out of this, but it's not for me. Verdict: pass.

Ex-Zodiac: It's a Starfox clone! Kinda halfway between SNES and 64. It's pretty good, not really doing anything original, but it plays well. Only weird issue I noticed is that enemies behind you can shoot at you, and there's not really a way to avoid it. Other than that my main complaint is the camera feels a little tight, definitely more like Starfox SNES, and it's a bit annoying. Verdict: I'll wishlist it, purchase is going to depend on the length and price of the full game.

Exo One: Interesting, likely not for me. I dig the movement scheme, though certain aspects of it suffer from the minimal UI/HUD. Manoeuvring through big wide open Unity terrain maps is not really compelling to me, I think I'd really like this if it was a more concentrated experience. Verdict: Pass, but I'll keep an eye on it.

POSTAL Brain Damaged: Hell yeah, this seems good. Think I like it more than Postal 4, at least in its current state. Writing is very Postal, except weirdly more subtle than usual? Dunno, this I like it more than Postal's usual crassness. Weapons are all versatile and cool (in the demo the rocket launcher weirdly feels the worst), and level design and aesthetics are on point. Didn't finish the demo cause I'd kinda rather play this on release, but really liked what I played. Verdict: Wishlisted, to pick up next time I'm in the mood for a boomer shooter.

Hypnagogia: Boundless Dreams: I was expecting something different. This seems to be a mostly linear 1st person platformer set in a childish dreamscape. It's fine for what it is, but at least as a demo, it didn't grab me. I think Anodyne 2 did this aesthetic better, this kinda feels like someone looked at Spyro the Dragon, and decided that's what dreams looked like. Maybe it gets weirder later, but I'm not sure I want to wait around to find out. Verdict: Pass for now, but I'll check the reviews when it comes out.

Cleo: A Pirate's Tale: It's alright, for a one person game, it seems pretty dang good. But, I don't think I'll play it. Everything about it is just a little off. Writing isn't quite funny, voice acting has weird intonation and direction, controls don't quite work intuitively, art style feels a touch unrealized, etc. Definitely give this one a try, especially if you liked old LucasArts games, you might love this, but I didn't. Verdict: Pass, but I have a few friends I'll probably recommend this to.

Hunt the Night: There's a good (potentially great) game here, but it leans just a little too into being difficult/punishing for my taste. You can animation cancel into a dash, except when there's hit stun from contacting an enemy with your sword, so you can't dodge ranged attacks while you're engaged in melee? Sometimes enemies are hit stunned by your attacks, sometimes the same enemies can attack through your hits? There's no stamina bar, but there's like 4 different meters to manage, and they work pretty well at forcing you to use all the options available to you. The weapons I found seemed to only differ in attack speed, melee combos did not change meaningfully, which is disappointing, but I didn't experiment much. Otherwise, for a 'bloodborne but as top-down zelda' it seems pretty great. Story seems interesting enough, if predictable, gameplay has a lot of good ideas, but it maybe needs another round of polish. A range indicator on the dash, and a solid explanation of if I'm suppose to be using it to dodge (and when I can cancel into a dodge and when I can't), along with a clear timer on how long I need to hold the heal button, would go a long way into making the game feel more fair. Verdict: On wishlist for now, because the trailer makes it look really fun, but I'll likely take a look at the reviews on release.

Anuchard: I swear I've seen this main character design before, I think they were a cameo design in CrossCode? Oh wow is English not the writer's first language, grammar issues all over the place. Thankfully, not so bad as to be incomprehensible, but I really hope they get an editor fluent in English before release. Gameplay wise, this seems a little too simple? Combat is satisfying, but you can stun lock the boss? And while the shield/heavy attack system seems like a good idea, it doesn't add much depth. Puzzle solving by bouncing the gems around feels bad. You can't aim in more than the 8 cardinal directions, and even that's inconsistent, and hit detection requires you to be really precise. Art is cute, writing seems like it has potential, if it gets a good proof read, music was interesting to good. Verdict: I think I'll pass, but I'll look into it after release.

Marmoreal: Can you tell this game wanted to be a Touhou fangame, but the art was worse than even ZUNs so they couldn't get the license? Joking aside, ignoring every art asset in this game (except the animation, but we'll get to that), this game is great. Gameplay feels really good, though I feel I need to re-map the abilities buttons a bit, I kept hitting them at inopportune times. And, the animation in cutscenes, along with the writing, make this a stupid ridiculous romp that nearly had me falling off my chair in laughter. This game knows exactly what it is, and I'm here for it. Verdict: Wishlisted, and I'll probably play more of the demo, since it's pretty substantial.

Transmute: A very clearly inspired by Axiom Verge (and maybe Environmental Station Alpha) metroidvania. My biggest complaint is the writing falls flat. Crazy shit is happening to and around the protag, and she hardly reacts (the writing puts more emphasis on her being 'anti-colonialist' than it does on the fact that she'd been in stasis for several years). Game plays well, though not being able to shoot at an angle, or downwards feels weird. Has an augment and retrieval system like Hollow Knight. the augment system even let me combine 2 things I didn't think it would allow me to. Difficulty spikes up after the 2nd boss, so I peaked my head into the 2 areas that open up, but wasn't really interested in banging my head against them when I know I'll have to start over when the game comes out. Verdict: Seems pretty well put together for a metroidvania, I'll wishlist it.

Tunic: This seems so close to brilliance, but it's just not there. The game looks adorable, but here's the issue: There's a massive amount of latency to the controls, you constantly feel like you're manoeuvring through muck. Even the most basic enemy can react to you faster than you can to it, enemies do a lot of damage, healing is very limited, and it has retrieval mechanics on death. This game feels really difficult for no reason. It's clearly trying to look like zelda, why does it play like a wannabe took-all-the-wrong-lessons-from-dark-souls game? If this game played closer to a 2d zelda game, it'd be a lot of fun, but as it plays right now, I have no interest. Verdict: Pass.

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linoholic · 6 years

Text

Mafia!Taekwoon

Requested: Hello! Can I have a mafia taekwoon AU thank you! 💗💗 -Anon

Warnings: Mentions of blood and violence

Pairing: VIXX Jung Taekwoon x Gender Neutral Reader

So this is not only a mafia au but lowkey (highkey) also a florist au

Also, I apologise for my inconsistent writing style. Being relatively new at this means that I am still working out my ‘style’ if ya know what I mean (though I have been doing art since I was born yet still am not consistent in that so who knows)

Jung Taekwoon

alias Leo

is the right hand man of Hakyeon, the leader of South Korean mafia VIXX

known for his cold, stone faced demeanor and quiet personality he is feared by people both in VIXX and those outside of it

he is also the most physical capable people in the gang, being a black belt in many different martial arts

so it’s no stretch to think why people call him the ‘muscle’

Taekwoon has never lead a very comfortable life

his family was never the wealthiest

with 3 older sisters and himself

his father and mother both worked long, hard days in order to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table

Taekwoon did all he could to help out, even as a child

when he was young he took part in many sporting competitions such as swimming and martial arts to try and win the cash prizes to give to his parents

and as he left high school, he got involved in an underground fight club

at first he just went with one of his ‘friends’ as a spectator

and

but when he realised just how much the fighters earned when they won

he immediately signed up to fight in the matches

and with his previous experience in Tae Kwon Do, as well as other martial arts, he quickly made his way up the ranks

thankfully, he had moved out by then and so there was no questioning about where his various injuries came from

and when asked by his family where he got the money that he gave them from he could easily say ‘his job’ and they would let it go

it was during his fighting days he earned the nickname ‘Leo’

(After the lion, the king of the Jungle, though Hyuk likes to says it’s after the ninja turtle Leonardo)

this was also where Hakyeon found him

one of the fighters had information that N wanted, and so he had gone to the fight hoping to corner the man afterwards

and while he was there he saw Taekwoon and was really impressed by his skills

the quiet man was against a very intimidating looking opponent with muscles where you didn’t know there were any

but he just skillfully dodged the power filled punches thrown his way

and eventually, when his opponent had tired himself out, he threw a series of sharp blows to the mans body, quickly winning the fight

N, deciding that his mark could wait another day, walked over the tall man, having to push his was past a crowd all cheering for this ‘Leo’

and that is the day that Taekwoon retired from fighting

and started working as Hakyeon’s personal bodyguard; eventually working his way up to trusted second in command

~back to the present~

now, like I mentioned in the mafia!Hakyeon post, the VIXX mafia mainly works to take down corrupt politicians, loan companies who con innocent people out of their life savings and such

currently, they were working on stopping the CEO of one of these very companies

and this CEO was going to be throwing a massive party for his wife’s 55th

which was the perfect time for VIXX to infiltrate the man’s mansion and steal the contents of his huge safe that held not only gold, jewels and expensive paintings

but also papers which would prove his guilt and put him away for good

as the 6 in the ‘inner circle’ planned how out the heist (too many people knowing the plan meant more chances that word would get out)

they discovered that the easiest way in would be undercover in the companies that were being hired for the party

Hongbin was to be a part of the catering staff

Ken and N on the comms

Ravi managed to worm his way into working with the sound crew

Hyuk, as always, is the get away driver

and Leo, much to the amusement of his friends, was to be working with the florists that had been hired for the event

(they wouldn’t stop calling him Flower Boy, earning them a few bruises each)

it wasn’t hard to get a job there

the old woman who owns the place, Mrs Lee, was the widow of a previous member of VIXX

and so she was aware of the mafia, and actually was protected by them

so when N came to her and asked for one of his people to work there a couple of weeks

she understood that it was for something important and welcomed Taekwoon with open arms, quite literally

(Hakyeon got another bruise when he started snickering at Leo’s embarrassed face)

so two weeks before the party starts and the heist begins Leo heads off to the florist shop to begin his days as a worker

now, of course Leo knows next to nothing about flowers

which is to be expected

so for the first few days he shadows old Mrs Lee as she goes about her day

surprisingly he turns out to be pretty good at putting together bouquets

however, three days in and Mrs Lee has business to attend elsewhere for a week or so

and this, reader, is where you come in

you see, you also work at the florist

but you’ve been in Busan visiting family for the week and so when you get back, you are surprised to see a very tall, very handsome man standing behind the counter flipping through what looks to be the latest issue of GQ Korea

as he looks at you, you simply offer him a polite smile before heading to the back rooms to greet Mrs Lee

Leo, who was indeed reading GQ Korea, looks up at the bell by the door ringing and see’s you walk in

he knows who you are of course

Mrs Lee and her shop are protected by the mafia and so anybody that works there has had background checks done

and while Leo wasn’t really interested enough to memorise any of the information on any of the workers

he does remember names and faces

yours in particular

mainly because you are Mrs Lee’s most trusted employee but also because you looked pretty cute in the pictures he had seen

now, back to you

walking into the back room you are greeted by your boss and surrogate grandmother with a couple of travel bags surrounding her

instead of questioning her on where she is going (you had already known of the trip) you ask her about the man working the counter

“Oh, Taekwoon dear? He is going to be working with us for a little bit. He’s on important business.”

you knew that meant he was part of Vixx

Mrs Lee had told you about her close relationship with N, their leader and the mafia in general a couple of years after you had started working for her you see

much to Mrs Lee’s amusement you were very chill about it all

so you accepted the news that the right hand of the powerful mafia’s leader was going to be working with you for the next couple of weeks

instead simply asking the old woman if she wanted help with her bags

at her agreement you put down your bag, swapping it for the suitcases belonging to the small woman

as you lead her out of the back room she tells you about what will happen while she’s away, putting you in charge of the shop

you both enter the main room and Taekwoon, as you now know him to be called, heads over to the two of you and takes one of the suitcases from your hand

at your thanks he just nods before walking ahead of you and to the taxi waiting for Mrs Lee out the front

she hugs you both goodbye and before you know it it’s just the two of you stood in the cold winter air

you both stand there for a couple of moments before you turn to head back into the warm shop

a couple of hours go by with only the faint sound of the radio playing in the background

and the next few days pass like this

you and the few other workers make conversation while Leo keeps like a shadow in the background

it is now a late Saturday evening

you had just finish a bride’s bouquet for a winter wedding and you were the last one in the store when you heard a small bang coming from the front

you go to investigate, thinking it was the cat that belonged to the people in the flat above the shop

however, the two people who are looking around the room are definitely not a small tabby cat

they are both clad in full black gear looking like the classic bad guy

one of them has a hand resting on a gun on their hip

the other is holding a very heavy looking torch, not that it is really needed in the still lit up shop

before you can duck back into the work room and out of their sight the slightly shorter one meets your eyes and before you know it there is a tight grip around your wrist and you are being dragged into the middle of all the shelves

now, you may be a florist, which has the implication of soft, cutesy, flower crown filled work

but you are far from helpless

what people don’t realise is that florist’s handle many dangerous things in their work

pruners, scissors, knives, things for flowers that definitely should not be ingested by humans

plus, there are the flowers themselves

and it just so happens that you had a delivery of roses that day and hadn’t got around to stripping their thorns yet

grabbing one from the bucket you swipe it across the intruders face

the thorns catch on his cheek, small droplets of blood immediately appearing in the scratches

you wrist is released and you quickly take the chance to run, hitting the second intruder over the head with a metal bucket as you dodge his arms grabbing for you

with both the men yelling out behind you, you quickly make your way back into the work room and lock the door behind you

you rush towards you phone, grabbing one of the bigger pair of scissors on your way

however, before you can call the police sounds of a fight reach your ears and you quickly take cover before the tall workbench

quicker than you can blink the sounds stop and the door is forced open

slow, barely heard footsteps make their way to your hiding place and you stand up, hoping to catch the person off guard

the hand that stops the scissors clutched in your tight grip are familiar, as is the face that greets you

Taekwoon looks into your face before raising an eyebrow slightly and glancing at the makeshift weapon in your hand

you quickly let go of the scissors with a muttered “sorry” and step back, only just realising how close you two were stood

you eyes go to the split lip on his face an you go to get the first aid kit

(they are always needed so there are plenty to choose from)

Leo silently watches you move about, eyes moving over your forms to make sure you weren’t injured at all

you return to the man and motion for him to sit down on a stool

he follows your instruction without complaint

and stays just as quiet when you clean his lip, not even wincing at the sting from the wipe

“Who were they?” you ask him

“Just thieves. Nobodies,” is his reply

“And why are you here?” is your next question

to which he holds up a set of keys, answering your question without words

as expected, there isn’t much conversation between you, much like usual

for the next half an hour or so you sit in the back room, Leo having told you to wait for him while he sorts out the thief situation

you hear a couple new voices talk to Leo, so you gather he called a little back up to get rid of the (hopefully just unconscious) bodies

finally he returns and you grab your coat and bag before leaving with him

you grateful to see that any signs of the short scuffle have been cleaned up, leaving no signs that something had happened

“I’ll walk you home,” Leo tells you, knowing that the last bus to your home has already gone, and you smile at him in thanks

you both continue to walk in silence, the only sounds being that of the night and the slight crunch of the light snowfall that is starting to settle on the ground

the rest of the night is uneventful

you get home, Taekwoon says goodbye and you go about your usual nightly routine before falling asleep, your dreams being unusually calm despite the events from earlier

and just like the night, the morning goes the same

the only difference being that you buy an extra coffee on your daily run to the small coffee shop on your way to work

you arrive at the shop, unlock it and leave Leo’s coffee on the counter for him to find, with a small sticky note with the words ‘thanks again x’ written on it, before going to start working on the arrangements for a big important birthday party coming up soon

you don’t know it but when Taekwoon finds the drink a smile makes its way onto his face

buying coffee for Leo becomes a habit

even when Mrs Lee comes back and you don’t have to arrive as early to unlock the shop you buy one for him

sometimes you leave it for him to find like the first time

always with a small note with various things written on them

facts, jokes, encouragements, sometimes just little doodles

sometimes you stay and drink your drink alongside him, getting to know him a little and filling the silence by talking about your own life when he doesn’t feel like talking

little by little you get him to open up to you over the two weeks

you find out that he likes to read fashion magazines; and that he watches Japanese romance films in his down time

and that even though he is seen as though most stoic of the guys (who he also briefly tells you about) he cries the easiest out of them

he also tells you of his family; his three older sisters and their children who you can tell he adores

as much as he gives, so do you

he learns about your little quirks, about why you decided to become a florist, about any pets you had or wanted

turns out he has a soft spot for both children and animals as you find out when you see him petting that tabby cat in the middle of one of the coldest days so far that winter in nothing but a tshirt and a pink apron with the florists logo on the breast

you almost forget that he is this dangerous mafia member

because to you he isn’t Leo, second in command and muscle of VIXX

he is Jung Taekwoon, the cat faced softy who gets so adorably shy when you compliment for the job well done on the bouquet that a woman wanted for her girlfriend

eventually though, the time comes for the big party

you don’t realise that your time working with Leo is coming to an end

but he does

it suddenly hits him when he sees you working on the flower arrangements for the very party that he is to infiltrate

so the couple of days before the event he becomes the tiniest bit more chatty around you

not enough for it to be out of character for him, but just enough for it to be noticable

when you question him on his behaviour, asking him if anything is wrong, he just denies it

he does it with such a straight face that you drop it, quickly forgetting about it

and before you know it, you, Mrs Lee, Taekwoon and some other workers are stood in the grand foyer of the mansion of a wealthy CEO

the very mansion that VIXX are about to steal from

a tall man with red hair brushes past you, throwing a sorry over his shoulder and a wink at Leo

you see, the five other boys know all about who you are

and they know all about Leo’s budding feelings for you

somehow

and of course they’ll take any chance they can to tease each other

honestly, who gave these guys such responsibility in a powerful mafia?

the party set up goes without a hitch

you, Mrs Lee and the other workers all leave, Leo saying goodbye before leaving without a trace

that night, the big robbery goes off perfectly

the next morning you wake up to see the news of a CEO robbed and disgraced

(N made sure that anybody working for their target got paid before they pulled the heist off)

and you immediately know that this was the ‘important business’ that Mrs Lee had mentioned to you

and this turns your good mood sort of sour

because you know now that there is no chance that Taekwoon will be at the shop when you go to work that day

and much like you were expecting, there is no sign of him

not that day, nor the week that follows

you still buy an extra coffee, just in case

but it simply sits on the counter til it goes cold and has to be thrown

you of course understand that he has to lay low

it is a very high profile and media infested case after all

but you still hoped he would show up

or even just send one text your way

Mrs Lee, your boss, notices your slightly down demeanour despite it being so close to Christmas

a time which you were usually even more upbeat and happy

because even if you don’t celebrate any of the holidays in December the cheer is infectious

so little old Mrs Lee decides that she can’t see her surrogate grandchild sulk any longer and takes action

imagine just how surprised the members of vixx were when an old woman walks into their headquarters as if she owns the place and grabs Leo’s ear, scolding the now blushing man

long story short, she talks some sense into our Taekwoonie

a week after the disappearance of Taekwoon in your life, you get ready and head to work

and like every morning you go into your usual coffee shop

you have just about given up on seeing Leo again, so you order only one drink, your drink

just as you go to pay

a voice from behind you says “We’ll also have a coffee frappuccino please. To stay in”

your eyes widen at the familiar voice and you quickly turn around to see Leo standing behind you

“My treat this time” he says to you, handing over the money to the cashier

as he leads you to a table to wait for your drinks, your start smacking his arm

“You. Are. An. Arse!” you tell him between smacks

he simply let’s you carry on, knowing that his radio silence wasn’t the best thing to do

you then sit down, crossing you arms and pouting a little, making it a point to not look at the man sitting across from you (which is pretty hard considering the visuals he possesses)

and you both continue to stew in silence

that is, until the drinks are brought to your table, when Taekwoon breaks the silence by saying

“Perhaps we could call this our first date?”

now this breaks you out of your mini sulk as once again you stare at him with wide eyes

but you quickly compose yourself and answer with “I have to get to work.”

Taekwoon smiles at your childish behaviour

seeing his face light up and hearing his quiet laugh softens you completely

you look him in the eyes again

“I can’t forgive you straight away you know. You’ll have to apologise for not bothering to contact me or saying goodbye when you knew you wouldn’t be coming back to the florist. I take sorry’s in the form of food, just to let you know.”

you and Taekwoon spend the rest of that day together

you let Mrs Lee know that you wouldn’t be coming into work today

(turns out she already knew about everything, the sneaky grandmother)

and much like your days from the past weeks working, you carry on the conversation while Leo is content just listening, taking in every word that leaves your lips

except now there is no counter separating the two of you, instead you are side by side, arms brushing against each other

more and more dates happen, and soon enough you can officially call Taekwoon your boyfriend

your apartment becomes a sort of safe house for Leo

not in the sense where he can hide from the law there

more like he turns up on your doorstep when Ravi is on one of his hangry rampages; Hyuk is being the evil maknae he is or N is trying to force red ginseng tea down his throat

“It keeps you healthy though!” *smack* “Yah! I’m your hyung!” *another smack*

speaking of the boys, you eventually meet them all

you get along very well with them, and they immediately take to you when you get Taekwoon to wear a flower crown that Ken has been trying to get on his head ever since he started working as a florist

they are all so surprised by how soft and complacent you make their chic Taekwoon

you also end up adopting a couple of cats after Taekwoon convinces you, seeing as his lifestyle doesn’t really allow for pets

so of course all of his free time is now spent at yours

and you couldn’t care less

after all, the more you see of him the better

especially considering his dangerous job where he could be hurt at any moment

but it’s safe to say that you both treasure any moment spent together, whether it’s on a fancy date in a restaurant or sitting at home reading separate books on the couch, with your legs tangled together slightly

and neither of you could be any more content

Ookayyy, so I really didn’t know how to end this as you can probably tell, but it had to end somewhere and it is exactly 02:03am when I am wrting this so this is the best I can do.

I hope you enjoy :)

Reminder that requests are always open and welcomed xxx

#kpop scenarios #kpop au #kpop imagines #vixx scenarios #vixx imagines #vixx au #jung taekwoon #taekwoon scenarios #leo scenarios #vixx leo #vixx taekwoon #vixx #leo x reader #taekwoon x reader #leo #taekwoon

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myleswriting · 6 years

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J-Hope - Hope World Review

On March 2nd, South Korean pop star and member of the band BTS J-Hope, real name Jung Ho-Seok, released his debut mixtape “Hope World”, the third solo project by a BTS member following 2015’s “RM” by group leader RM (formerly Rap Monster) and 2016’s “Agust D” by Suga (released under the name Agust D). J-Hope’s 7 track mixtape is short, clocking in at around 20 minutes, but in that time covers a wide variety of styles ranging from lo-fi hip hop to trap bangers to feel good pop-rap, with no filler between the songs.

The album opens with the title track “Hope World”, an upbeat pop-rap song where J-Hope attempts to introduce himself as a solo musician, talking about who he is, what he does, and what he believes in. The track also references the novel “Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea: A Tour of the Underwater World” which J-Hope claims inspired him. The track features an upbeat chorus, memorable verses, and a Daft Punk inspired Vocoder to close the song. It’s not perfect, with a weird house inspired instrumental breakdown just before the final verse that seems out of place with the rest of the song, but overall it is a catchy pop track, if a little bit safe and formulaic.

The second cut on the record “P.O.P (Piece Of Peace) pt.1” is another pop style rap track, which has J-Hope rapping about his wish to live up to his stage name and provide hope and happiness through his music, to become a piece of someone’s peace. In his vlive broadcast the day that the mixtape was released, J-Hope said that he titled the song as pt.1 because he doesn’t want to talk about hope on just one track, but he wants to continue to talk about it, and I can only hope that a pt.2 is on the way if it’s going to be anything like this song.

The third track, and first single off this mixtape is the song “Daydream (백일몽)”, a pop track in which J-Hope discusses the responsibilities he faces as a public figure against his needs as a human being. While this song could have gone the Drake route of ruminating on fame with downtempo, slow lyrics over a moody soundscape a la “Fear”, it instead remains upbeat, never sounding like he’s complaining about his fame, but rather day dreaming about what his life could be like if he didn’t have the responsibilities he does. The song reinforces this childlike vibe by referencing Alice in Wonderland and Harry Potter in the pre-chorus, giving way to the catchiest choruses on the album. Thankfully the song doesn’t confuse childlike with immature, and deals with serious topics such as how idols, in Korea especially, are expected to be role models not just in music, but in all aspects of life. J-Hope comments on this saying “Young wild and free / Wild and free / Let me give it a try” referencing Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg’s song “Young Wild and Free.” The line “wish on a sky/ wish on a scar” in the hook is incredibly catchy, and one of the few moments on the album that I can’t help singing along to. This song is incredibly well thought out, seriously discussing the downsides of fame, while avoiding the musical cliché’s that litter other tracks with similar themes.

The next song is the incredibly short “Base Line” which drops the pop façade and shows that J-Hope is an extremely talented rapper as well. With tight production done by J-Hope himself, “Base Line” tells the story of how he went from a street dancer with little musical experience to a rapper in one of the most popular groups in the world. This song also shows his growth as a rapper, especially in comparison to some of his earlier verses such as BTS’ “BTS Cypher Pt.1” with “Base Line” having much smoother flows. In the end, the short length of the song betrays its origins as an interlude, but the quality of what is there makes me sad that it was over so soon.

“항산 (HANGSANG)” is J-Hope’s attempt at a fully fledged trap banger, in a similar vein to BTS’ “MIC Drop” although its significantly shorter than the later. This song is probably the weakest on the mixtape, with decent production that isn’t offensively bad, but not particularly memorable. In terms of lyrical content its nothing special either, with braggadocios lyrics about how he’s made it, and is now always out with his boys, standard rap lyrics. That’s not to say there aren’t good lyrics on this track, in particular the line “When I open my eyes red road (walking, walking, walking)/ Calls from top celebs (talking, talking, talking)” stood out to me. What truly brings this song down however, is its repetition. The hook is repeated 6 times throughout the almost 4-minute track, and it’s not a particularly great hook at that, with a nasally repetition of the same few lines over and over quickly becoming grating as the song goes on. Its not even a song that can be sung along to at a party or when driving around with your friends, as J-Hope randomly de-emphasizes certain words leading to an inconsistent flow through the song, along with one particularly bad moment at 2:15 into the song where he randomly coughs before continuing with his verse as if nothing happened. Overall this song is a low-point for the album, with its grating chorus and middling beat making this an utterly forgettable track.

The second single off the mixtape was the song “Airplane” another rap song, although, this one is much less intense than the last two. “Airplane” again has J-Hope talking about how he’s made it in Korea’s music industry and has broken into the American market. Unlike “항산 (HANGSANG)” which is comparable to Drakes “The Motto” or a more serious take on GD&TOP’s “Zutter”, “Airplane” is much more similar to Post Malone’s “Congratulations” in both sound and lyrical content, with less emphasis on bragging about what he has, although that is present, and more about being grateful for the experiences he’s had, and the peoples he’s been around. Appropriate to that last point, this song features vocals from the other members of BTS in the background. The song itself uses Airplanes to represent success, opening with J-Hope reminiscing about his childhood in Gwangju, and his wish to fly in the planes he saw overhead. It than flashes forward to the present where he’s constantly jetting between Korea, Japan and the United States for performances, and realizing that he has achieved his dream. This song is a return to the themes that dominated the first half of the album, and is much closer in musical style as well, for the better, as it is a catchy and well written song that is constantly stuck in my head.

The 7th and final track on Hope World is “Blue Side (Outro)” a lo-fi hip hop track made several years before the release of the mixtape. The song features distorted vocals, and dreamy instrumentation, combining to create a lo-fi song that stands out even now with the excess of lo-fi content that has swamped platforms like YouTube. Lyrically, the song is about wanting to be with a lover, however I believe that the lyrics function more as an instrument to enhance the atmosphere of the track, rather than to tell a story on it. Indeed, this is probably the most atmospheric cut on the mixtape, as well as my personal favorite, in fact my only complaint is that it’s only a minute and a half long, although its short length does prevent it from over staying its welcome, I would still like to see an extended version of the song released some time.

J-Hope’s debut solo mixtape Hope World is a short but sweet experience, with some incredibly well-made instrumentals and solid song writing that demonstrate his strengths not just as a performer in a boy band but as a fully-fledged musician and showcases the range of the styles he is able to work with. Although it starts to falter in the middle of the album, its strong start and exceptional finish, combined with its short running time make this album a solid choice for something to listen to on shorter trips out, as well as a great introduction to Korean language music for people looking to get into it. I would rate this album an 8/10.

#review #BTS #J-hope #Hope world #Kpop

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consistentinconsistency · 3 years

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I need to think about what I want and think I need in a relationship. I need to lay my cards out on the table. I feel like I’m almost being unfair to my girlfriend somehow because I’m not sure that she knows that much about.. well, what I want, what I think I need, or where I want our relationship to go.

I love love. I love affection, I love being praised or even being shown off. I don’t think I deserve it of course, but it still feels nice. I love knowing I’m wanted. I love knowing I'm being thought about.

I like talking every day. It doesn’t need to be full on conversations or anything, and even just talking in our group chats feels like it counts to me, but one on one conversation time is of course extra special. And I mean, not really an hour goes by where I don’t think about her. I don’t know why I still act or am so distant most of the time even when I do want to talk to her, show her affection etc. It’s like I don’t want to be overbearing and I don’t know what she’s comfortable with. I also never really know what to talk about and I don’t wanna be all cheesy like “how was your day?” even though that’s.. probably a good conversation to have and a nice way to keep on talking. She could talk to me about anything and I’d be interested.

I want her to come over to my apartment and stay over sometimes (once I feel like it’s “clean” enough.. hopefully soon) just so we can exist together, because that’s my favorite kind of quality time. Sure, actually doing things together or going out is nice, but being able to be in the same place and doing our own things separately has always been my favorite kind of intimacy, in any friendship or relationship. It just feels extra good in a relationship. The ability to have our own quiet time together without any pressure to “perform” (like carrying on a conversation, abiding to social norms because there’s other people around, whatever). I also feel like being alone in my own place with her, I won’t feel as nervous about physical affection? Maybe?? I feel like just chilling together opens up opportunities for more physical closeness.

Even though I don’t feel like I can initiate it much right now, I am not opposed to physical affection. Hugs, snuggles, holding hands. I mean, of course there’s times where I don’t want it (and that can be kind of unpredictable), but I find myself wanting it a lot. Being held, being hugged, being close. Or me doing the holding and the hugging. But we need more time together physically for either of us to feel more comfortable doing these things.

Sex is now on my mind and on the table again now that I’m off of anti-depressants and have a sex drive again (which is still probably lower and more fleeting and inconsistent than most people’s, but it’s there). I’m scared of it, especially because of the trauma, but I feel like I’m in a better place now that I ever was with.. all of that. So I mean, I wanna have sex, one day. I am sure as hell not going to pressure her into anything, but I just want her to know that is a want once we are both comfortable enough to even dance with that idea. We haven’t kissed yet, but I didn’t expect that to happen the first time we were able to hang out in person as a couple anyway.

I’m even more shy and awkward and reserved now than I ever have been thanks to the pandemic and years of self imposed isolation on top of that. I keep trying to assure myself that I, we, have time. We have time to get more comfortable around each other, there’s no rush. If it takes 5, 20, 50 times hanging out to even just kiss for the first time, like, that’s just how it is. And, as always, first kiss doesn’t have to be grand or perfect, or a big deal, even though it feels like it is.

I want to live together one day. Maybe in my apartment, in Lafayette. Maybe somewhere else. I don’t know. It depends on a lot of things, and I’m never gonna ask her to leave her job or anything to come live here. She could probably find a similar job here, or just something else that suits her, but that’s up to her, entirely. Like maybe we’ll even wait until I’m ready to move out of Lafayette one day. But I don’t know when that will happen. I’m kinda open to whatever, but I do want to stay in Lafayette for a few more years, at least, maybe. No idea where I want to go. I’ve even thought about moving to another country before, either Canada or England (yeah, I know, but I wanted to move to England before I ever even wanted to move to Canada, this has been something I’ve thought about off and on for at least a decade). But, realistically, probably gonna stay in the US.

She already knows this, but I’m monogamous. That’s important to me. She is too, thankfully. Jealousy is still a feeling I have to deal with sometimes, and I’ve even felt it already, but I’m extra careful to not let it make me act like an asshole or anything, especially because I know I don’t have anything to worry about.

Would it be too cheesy to take some quizzes to figure out our love languages and communication styles? I’m scared of anything being held back, hidden, things not being talked about when they should, etc, but this is all a two way street and I still have my own issues that... hold me back lmao. Especially in terms of my insecurities and paranoia. Like I’m scared of being overbearing or clingy or just too much in general.

I wanna know how I can be good for her. How I can be better for her. How I can meet her wants and needs and be respectful so I won’t have to guess or be too scared to do anything. I know communication is always the most important part of any relationship but fuck it’s hard especially when there is always so much going on in my own mind, with how much I overthink and overanalyze. I wanna be happy together, I wanna be a team, I wanna share my life, all that other gay shit..

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truemedian · 4 years

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Samsung Galaxy A51 review: Wait for a price drop

Image credit: Chris Velazco/Engadget It's not a bad phone, just a bad deal. (In the US, anyway.)

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Samsung got me. On paper, the company's Galaxy A51 appears to have everything you could want out of a $400 smartphone. A big, pretty screen. A multitude of cameras. A 4,000mAh battery. A flagship-inspired design, and a headphone jack. As an avid -- some might say rabid -- fan of ambitious midrange smartphones, I was ready for the A51 to take its place alongside other modestly priced standouts like the Pixel 3a XL and the iPhone SE. It never did.That’s not to say the Galaxy A51 is a bad phone. Samsung got a lot right here, and over a week of testing, I found it perfectly pleasant at times. Sadly, all the things the company handled well couldn't fully offset some janky, inconsistent performance: This is a $400 device that sometimes runs like a $250 one. I don’t think that's enough to make the A51 a bad smartphone, but it does make it a bad deal. Excellent design Big and beautiful AMOLED screen Flexible multi-camera system Laggy performance Camera quality is largely unremarkable Mediocre battery life Samsung’s Galaxy A51 packs a great screen, a handful of cameras, and a big battery -- what more could you ask from a mid-range smartphone? Well, more consistent performance, for one. Despite using a reasonably powerful chipset, the A51 is often plagued by slow app launches and laggy animations, to the point when it sometimes feels like a device that costs much less. Battery life wasn’t as good as we had hoped for, either. While Samsung got a lot right with the Galaxy A51, it never feels as consistently nice to use as some of truly great devices available in its price range.

Be the first to review the Galaxy A51 LTE? Your ratings help us make the buyer’s guide better for everyone. Write a review Key specs ConfigurationsThe Galaxy A51 I've been testing is a Verizon Wireless model with 4GB of RAM and 128GB of storage. (Disclaimer: Verizon is Engadget's parent company, but it has no influence over what we say.) Sprint and AT&T also offer this version of the A51, and no matter which carrier you choose, they'll all sell you the phone outright for $399. That doesn't sound too steep, but it's worth noting that the phone can be had for less when purchased unlocked, especially if you live outside the United States. If you're serious about owning an A51, scouting out a good deal is a must: This isn't worth $400.

Chris Velazco/Engadget Image credit: Chris Velazco/Engadget Flagship styleIf there's one thing Samsung deserves credit for, it's that the A51 in no way looks like a $400 phone. With a surprisingly trim frame; an eye-catching, light-refracting finish; and some incredibly small bezels, this midrange model could easily pass for a phone that costs twice as much. As far as I'm concerned, this is the best-looking midrange smartphone out there. Just keep in mind that thanks to its display, the A51 might be a nonstarter for people with smaller hands -- it's thin but still plenty large.Of course, since this phone costs a fraction of what a flagship does, Samsung had to be judicious about balancing style and substance. Consider Samsung's choice of materials: Wrapping a phone in glass quickly makes its price tag jump, so the company used what it calls "Glasstic" for the A51's body. As the name suggests, that just means this phone has a plastic frame that sort of feels like glass if you don't scrutinize it too much. The Galaxy A51 also lacks an IP-rating for water and dust resistance, which is very common for phones in this price range. (Note: If you Google "A51 water resistance," you might see a search result from Verizon claiming the A51 is rated IP68 -- it absolutely is not.)

Chris Velazco/Engadget The rest of the phone's design is fairly standard. There's a USB-C port that supports 15W fast charging and a combination nanoSIM/microSD card tray on the phone's right side that you can use to augment the standard 128GB of storage. If you're a music fan, you'll also appreciate the proper headphone jack Samsung squeezed into the A51, since its single speaker is pretty awful. What helps elevate the A51's design is its spacious, 6.5-inch, Full HD+ Super AMOLED screen. It's one of Samsung's Infinity-O displays which, if you're allergic to marketing BS, means there's a tiny hole cut out of the panel to accommodate a 32-megapixel front camera. It’s remarkably small and would be easy enough to overlook were it not for the shiny metallic ring surrounding it -- it's almost like Samsung wants you to keep looking at it. Thankfully, the rest of the screen is typical Samsung: Deep blacks, punchy colors, and great viewing angles considering the price. Its max brightness feels a little anemic so outdoor use can be a little tricky at times, but the display is very well-suited to binging on YouTube videos while you're sheltering at home.The screen is very often the most expensive component in a smartphone, and I'm glad that Samsung went with the display it did here. It's not just easy on the eyes; it’s a great rebuttal to devices like the iPhone SE that rely on dated designs to keep costs down. Visually, the A51 is a stunner, but as my parents always used to tell me, looks aren't everything.

Chris Velazco/Engadget Image credit: Chris Velazco/Engadget In use The frustration here begins when you go to unlock the phone. There's an optical fingerprint sensor under the display, and it's... not great. When it does work, it usually takes a while to actually recognize my thumb. Too often, though, the sensor just didn't work. Normally, you'd see a bit of green whooshing around your finger to let you know the sensor was analyzing your print, but that didn't always appear. Repeated screen cleanings didn't fix the issue, and neither did re-enrolling my fingers. For your sanity, maybe just set up a PIN or an unlock pattern instead.Once I made it in, a bigger issue became obvious pretty quickly -- the A51 is noticeably laggy at times. Switching between apps frequently felt choppy, as did thumbing through pages of apps, and even just popping back out to the home screen. You know, the stuff you do every day.To be clear, this doesn’t happen constantly, and I didn’t have much to complain about when the phone was firing on all cylinders. If you're the kind of person who just wants to watch videos and maybe send a few emails to the family, you might not even notice this momentary lag. But if you're a fan of smooth, consistent performance, be prepared for some disappointment -- stuttering animations and delayed app launches are never too far away, and it gets old pretty quickly. Gallery: Samsung Galaxy A51 review photos | 13 Photos

Exactly why the A51 runs the way it does isn't wholly clear, but part of the issue probably lies with Samsung's choice of chipset. Rather than use a Qualcomm Snapdragon like most US-bound Android phones, the company ran with its in-house Exynos 9611. From what I can tell, there's not much difference between this sliver of silicon and the Exynos 9610 Samsung started using in late 2018 -- some of the CPU cores are marginally faster and it supports a wider variety of rear cameras, but that's really it. That Samsung would splurge on a great screen and use a minor refresh of a chip that was announced a little over two years ago tells you a lot about its priorities. The funny thing is, this chipset is no slouch. It falls somewhere between the $250 Moto G Power (with a Snapdragon 665 chipset) and the $470 Pixel 3 XL (with a Snapdragon 670), which is exactly what you'd expect considering how much these phones cost. The A51 benchmarks pretty well, too -- it’s nowhere near flagship level, but well in line with other US-bound devices we’ve seen in this price range. That being the case, it seems more likely that this inconsistent performance is due to a lack of software optimization that could theoretically be fixed in a future update. (For what it’s worth, Samsung wouldn’t confirm that any such updates were in the works.)In fairness to Samsung, people contemplating a $400 smartphone probably know not to expect best-in-class performance. The bigger issue here is that it’s still a considerable sum to drop on a smartphone, and the A51's balance of performance and price just doesn’t feel right.

Chris Velazco/Engadget The Moto G Power -- a phone that costs $150 less with an older chipset -- manages to run a little more consistently. And the Pixel 3a XL? Forget about it. The difference in smoothness and the overall quality of experience between these devices skews heavily in the Pixel's favor. It’s also worth noting that all three of these phones have 4GB of RAM, so it’s not like Motorola or Google had more resources to work with here. And if you’re not married to Android, there's always the iPhone SE. It's a $400 arrow aimed at Samsung's heart and runs just as well as Apple’s most expensive smartphones. Whether it's because of a heavy touch with software, poor memory management, or something else entirely, this questionable performance makes the A51 hard to recommend for the price. I had hoped that epic battery life would've sweetened the deal here, but it doesn’t. Despite packing a pretty sizable 4,000mAh (along with a mid-range chipset and a screen that only runs at 1080p), the Galaxy A51 is only good for about one full day of use. That's not awful by any stretch, but when other mid-range phones -- like the Moto G Power -- have battery lives measured in days instead of hours, the A51 can't help but feel a little disappointing.

Chris Velazco/Engadget Image credit: Chris Velazco/Engadget Plenty of camerasAt this point, the one thing that could redeem the A51 is truly excellent camera performance. Calling the phone's trio of rear cameras "excellent" would be a stretch, but in most cases, they're good enough.And that's right, I said "trio" although there are four lenses on the A51's rear. Most of the time you'll wind up using the 48-megapixel standard wide camera which, like most other phones with pixel-rich sensors, produces smaller 12-megapixel stills by default. As usual for a Samsung phone, the results feature lots of vivid colors, though pixel-peepers will notice a surprising lack of fine details upon zooming in. That’s despite Samsung’s typical -- and almost stylized -- image processing, too. Big surprise, right? Like nearly every Samsung camera before it, this one seems tuned to deliver images that look slightly nicer than reality. These are great photos to post on Instagram, but maybe not for printing and mounting on your wall. Unfortunately, even the decently wide f/2.0 aperture doesn't help the A51's main camera much in low light -- colors tend to look a little washed out, and details get smeared into oblivion. Gallery: Samsung Galaxy A51 camera samples | 24 Photos

Meanwhile, the 12-megapixel ultra-wide camera turned out to be a pleasant surprise. It captures a 123-degree field of view with minimal barrel distortion around the edges, and its colors are even poppier and more saturated than what you'd get out of the main camera. If you're walking around and shooting photos on a clear day, those pale blue skies will turn out a little more neon than you'd expect. Since this camera is mainly meant to capture lots of attractive, well-lit space, it's no surprise that it struggles more than the main camera does in low light.Rather than a telephoto camera (which was almost certainly too expensive for a phone like this), the A51's third sensor is a 5-megapixel affair for macro photos. I've wondered in the past who spends their time bopping around and looking for very small things to take photos of, but ever since testing the OnePlus 8 Pro, I've become one of those people. It's too bad, then, that this never produced the sort of crisp, super-tight images I was hoping for. That's partially because the camera's image processing seems to iron out some of those minute details, but also because the narrow depth of field means getting everything framed up just right can take some work.And that last lens? It's for a 5-megapixel depth sensor that Samsung uses to capture data for more bokeh-filled portraits. It does its job well. I've seen more than a few phones struggle with accurately separating the subject from its background, but the A51 handles the task without much fuss. Ultimately, no matter which camera you spend the most time with, be prepared for good -- not great -- results. If getting the best overall photo is your biggest concern, you'd still be much better off with one of Google's Pixel 3As or the iPhone SE. Samsung's real edge here doesn't lay in the quality of its images so much as the flexibility that multiple cameras provide.

Chris Velazco/Engadget Wrap-upWith the Galaxy A51, Samsung tried to bring some flagship style and features to an affordable smartphone. It wasn't completely successful, but the effort is appreciated. More than anything, what Samsung really got wrong here (in the US, at least) is the phone's price. If the Galaxy A51 cost closer to $300, as it does in certain overseas markets, Samsung's strange blend of style and stymied performance would be a lot easier to swallow. As it stands, though, the A51 never feels as consistently smooth as some of the truly great devices you can get for around $400 now. Sure, the Pixel 3a XL and the iPhone SE lack the A51’s panache, but they’re just nicer to use. And hey -- if you’re really itching for a Samsung phone and have some latitude in your budget, the slightly more powerful Galaxy A71 might be a better choice. If you can find a sweet deal -- or don't mind trading an older phone in -- the Galaxy A51 isn't a bad option. Anyone who doesn't need a phone now though should wait until Google releases its new mid-range Pixel and decide. All products recommended by Engadget are selected by our editorial team, independent of our parent company. Some of our stories include affiliate links. If you buy something through one of these links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

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rilenerocks · 5 years

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Sometimes there’s just no making sense of anything. Despite all your best efforts to weave the random events of a life, a culture, a world, a planet, into an orderly cohesive structure, it just doesn’t work. I’ve been grappling with this for days. My brain is hopping from thing to thing. My main personal assignment right now is to continue writing the family history I’m working on for my kids and theirs. Mentally, I’m supposed to be in Chicago during the late 1950’s and early 1960’s, writing my memories from about age 10 to my high school graduation at age seventeen.

I’m not at a loss for what to write. Instead, I’m doing exactly what I always promised myself I wouldn’t do – I’m censoring myself. I’m trying to sort out my principles, my morality. I have plenty to say about that period in time. Some of the characters in my stories are dead. I don’t have to worry about exposing anything about them. But others are alive and even if they’re not part of my current life, the people who are still part of theirs are out there and I don’t want to create any issues between them, between me and them or any other variation on those themes. I’m funny about that stuff.

My dad called me a weasel. My husband said I was the most larcenous individual he ever met. When I’m on a mission to get what I want, I’m relentless and a rulebender if not a rulebreaker. But I have my moral standards and one of them is to be protective of the privacy of others, especially if it’s been clear that their need for privacy is one of their most serious issues. It’s funny. I grew up in a family which had a widely varying degree of openness about personal matters. Some of the crew never wanted a word uttered about themselves to anyone. Others were more flexible or rather, more inconsistent about what could be shared. It all depended on the day. My mom was an interesting mix. She was a talker and often, inappropriately so. But she had invisible lines that made knowing what was open game for conversation confusing. She complained a lot about how close-mouthed my dad was, and ranked all four of her kids in terms of how much dad we had in us. I was the most open talker. After thinking things over, I realized that a lot of secrets people kept were fairly insignificant and often led to people being cut off and unhappy. Some of them even fretted themselves into ulcerative colitis.

I shared a lot. But not everything. I actually enjoyed realizing that most people figured they knew me really well while I was holding back some information that would have surprised them. That outgoing style was a good cover. I’m truly quite good at keeping secrets. My daughter calls me the vault. But my family of origin was different. Both my parents told me to never, ever put anything important in writing. That didn’t suit me at all. I wrote all the time. But in fairness, I’ve kept a copy of every significant letter or essay in which I’ve exposed myself. Insurance. I wanted to make sure that I had evidence to support myself in the event someone might question me. I’m all about paper trails. But anyway. Juggling these decisions has done a bit of a number on me. I used to write all the time in my head and never get any of it out because of quandaries like this. To me that’s going backwards. So I’m just going to share a bunch of random, disorganized thoughts in a stream of consciousness way until I make up my mind about how to go back and pick up my other task.

I’ve been grumpy for days. I set myself up for this all the time. I have a lifelong habit of going to the mat for people in both big and little ways. I remember events from long ago that still have significance to me, but that have faded into the distant past for some people. When I was once important, I’m not so much any more. My time as a caregiver took me way out of the social loops I used to occupy in one way or another. So even though I’m trying to rejoin some of the circles I used to be in, I’m way out of those spheres. I’ve had some disappointments lately which made me feel excluded. I have to remind myself that if I’ve done, or if I choose to do something, it needs to be because it’s what I’m requiring of myself. No expectations on what the return will be. That’s a losing game. I’m up against a long history of being trained to keep score. My mom kept tabs on all kinds of her perceived injustices and I can still hear her voice in my head, pointing out the disparities between who did what for whom. Sometimes I forget that I chose not to go that route. On my emotionally sensitive days, I can get mean spirited and small. I’m not that much different than anyone else. I get to be a loser sometimes. I’ll willingly admit, all this kind of stuff is harder without the intimacy of having Michael backing me up. As fiercely as we could disagree about multiple issues, when it came to the bottom line, he was always on my team. And eventually we were so encoded with each other that it didn’t take much to feel embraced and accepted no matter what. Two years plus down the road after his death, his absence is no less noticeable today than it was right after he died. In fact, as daily life goes on, that secure space, now gone, is more amplified. There simply isn’t anyone or anything that can fill what we built during our 45 years together. I have a strong, independent spirit and I can do what I’m doing. But it’s lonely without him.

So, darling, be home soon I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled My darling, be home soon It’s not just these few hours, but I’ve been waiting since I toddled For the great relief of having you to talk to

with.

The other day, I couldn’t get The Lovin’ Spoonful song lyric from “Darling Be Home Soon” out of my head – “ for the great relief of having you to talk to.” Yeah. That’s what I miss the most. I keep trying to get it done by all my letter writing but it’s not the same as having someone with an understanding look listening to you speak. When I say this kind of thing, I find that people have a tendency to deflect what I feel.

They send me memes about things like hoping to get back the part of yourself that went with your dear departed. I don’t feel like that at all. I feel whole. Michael was whole too. We were together as equals. The thought of me missing a piece of myself is absurd to me. But maybe that’s what people think, especially those who think they know me and haven’t experienced the crises that I have. If they’re lucky they won’t. I’m mad that I got robbed of my life companion too early. I’d have liked another 10 or 15 years before becoming a widow. I don’t have many friends in my peer group who are in my spot. And those widows I did know have partnered up. That’s ok with me – it’s just not for me.

So I’m thinking back to when I was first going to start this blog. And one of my original names for it was The Observation Deck. Because all my life, I’ve felt that I’ve stood a bit apart, participating but holding back a little and watching, trying to figure things out. Trying to stay ahead of troubles. There were too many surprises when I was young and I didn’t like being caught off guard. I guess that makes me a control freak. For the most part it’s a successful tool for me. But having a partner who made me fully relax for so long has made going back to those old school anticipatory operations harder. I think lots of things get harder as you get older.

Thankfully, some things get easier. I don’t care as much about as many things as I used to which is quite a relief. So, yeah, I hate the well-meaning memes. And I also hate when people try to remind me of all the great things I’ve got like kids and grandchildren. I realize there are plenty of people who want those but don’t have them. But that doesn’t mean that what I do have fits into the empty space where Michael belongs. We had ten years together before we had kids and we weren’t freaked out when we became “empty nesters.”

We just went right back to the lifestyle we’d led before the kids came. I have trouble understanding why people can’t just let another person express an uncomfortable or sad thought without feeling they have to try ameliorating those expressions. I find it annoying and diminishing. Sometimes things just are the way they are and people should hold their spot and just be empathetic. Keep the memes and the comparative thoughts to yourselves, folks. It’s ok to be unhappy sometimes.

I went to my classes today and afterward I was hungry for a salad. I went to one of my favorite downtown restaurants and sat by the window, eating and watching people bustle around the streets. A number of them jangled my radar. They were disheveled, they were mumbling to themselves and they were panhandling. They clearly had mental issues. The chasm between the comfortable and the wealthy and the uncomfortable and the poor widens daily. So many troubled people roaming the streets with far too few resources available to assist them. I was on the fringes today, the fringes of my own feelings and thoughts, the fringes of my peers and the fringes of a society that allows for such disparities in its citizens. You have to pull yourself back from those edges when your thoughts start running together and you find yourself incoherent.

Time for a nature break. I drove myself to a lovely retaining pond which was built to shore up the problems of a dirty old creek. Michael and I would go sit there when he was sick and watch the waterfowl, the insects and the native plants swaying in the breeze when he couldn’t travel far. Since that time there’s been an apartment complex built on one side but it didn’t destroy the ambience of this in-town peaceful place. I took a lot of photos there to share in this post. They are what held me together on this incoherent day.

Incoherence Sometimes there’s just no making sense of anything. Despite all your best efforts to weave the random events of a life, a culture, a world, a planet, into an orderly cohesive structure, it just doesn’t work.

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entergamingxp · 4 years

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Deadly Premonition 2 review – shambling in the shadow of its predecessor • Eurogamer.net

Trying to talk about the original Deadly Premonition is complicated. On a fundamental level, it’s a mess – a groaning slab of technical shortcomings and design deficiencies that would usually be enough to sink a game without a trace – and it’s a game that’s often dismissed, unfairly I think, as bit of a joke, a so-bad-it’s-good experience worthy of a chuckle on YouTube and nothing more. Enough of us would argue though – unironically and with absolute earnestness – that it’s also brilliant, a masterpiece of form; bold, ambitious, fiercely heartfelt, and a game that aims so, so high, and succeeds not because of, but in spite of its flaws.

Deadly Premonition 2 review

Developer: Toybox Inc.

Publisher: Rising Star

Platform: Reviewed on Switch

Availability: Out now on Switch

Partly that’s due to the original’s wonderful sense of place; its small-town murder mystery might have borrowed liberally from Twin Peaks, but its open-world setting – the perpetually grey, pine-scented highways and byways of Greenvale, Washington – felt both distinctive and positively alive as its sprawling cast of wonderfully realised oddball inhabitants went about their daily schedules in real-time, revealing their secrets to anyone with the curiosity to follow and observe.

It was frequently ridiculous, yes, and not always intentionally, but also, ultimately, genuinely affecting as its engrossingly bizarre plot wrought havoc on this shonkily implemented microcosm of life, finding some oddly insightful truths along the way. And at the heart of it all was Agent Francis York Morgan, still one of gaming’s most endearing protagonists, a relentlessly upbeat, chain-smoking FBI investigator, with a penchant for monologuing about his favourite 80s movies and a mysterious invisible friend called Zach.

The eternally upbeat York is the heart of Deadly Premonition 2, and still one of gaming’s greatest protagonists.

Deadly Premonition 2: A Blessing in Disguise is, initially at least, just as waywardly wobbly and improbably engrossing as its predecessor; never one to let a seemingly minuscule budget rein in his ambition, designer Hidetaka “Swery” Suehiro this time serves up both a prequel and sequel to his cult classic hit (knowledge of the first game’s events is certainly helpful), and, as proceedings get underway in 2019, time has not been kind to Agent Morgan.

In a long opening sequence (one of several dialogue-heavy, loosely interactive modern-day interludes), a retired Morgan, now grey haired, wild-eyed, and ravaged by cancer, locks horns with Aaliyah Davis, a fearless, Nietzsche-quoting FBI Agent who arrives at his apartment on the trail of a drug called Saint Rouge – ultimately re-igniting memories of a fateful murder investigation that occurred 14 years prior in the Louisiana town of Le Carré.

Eventually, as we’re whisked back to 2005 to experience the case first-hand, Morgan’s former self is restored, and his earnest optimism is once again the biggest draw. He’s warm, witty, and insightful – discussing his favourite 80s movies in Patrick Batemen-esque detail in one breath, and a grisly murder with upbeat zest the next – and the unmistakable heart of it all. And it’s here that Deadly Premonition 2 settles into a pattern of eccentric open-world exploration and survival horror action that should be immediately familiar to fans of the first game, even if its sun-bleached southern atmosphere is more True Detective than Twin Peaks this time around.

Acknowledging it doesn’t make it any more tolerable.

Deadly Premonition 2’s intermittent survival horror interludes – which thrust York into a gloomy otherworld to roam a linear arrangement of indistinguishable corridors, mowing down a grand total of three AI-deficient enemy types – are no less clumsy and dully simplistic than those of its predecessor, but are considerably fewer in number this time around. Instead, the bulk of your time is spent out in the open-world, performing largely mundane tasks for Le Carré’s new cast of appealing oddballs – including a local sheriff who narrates his life like a movie voice over and a hotelier with a very dedicated work ethic – with the occasional quiz-like investigatory segment thrown in to further the mystery.

Thankfully, the painfully awkward, interminable driving sequences of the original are jettisoned in favour of something a little sprightlier here – York now roams town on his trusty skateboard, monologuing merrily (and infuriatingly repetitively) along the way – and there are presentational improvements too. Deadly Premonition 2’s comic-book art style is a delightfully fitting update to its rather drab precursor, bringing a greater sense of warmth and richness to the world, and the diverse soundtrack is fantastic, both wide-ranging and mercifully whistle-free.

This, though, is where we take pause; from a technical perspective, Deadly Premonition 2 is a disgrace. Indoors, its frame rate could charitably be described as inconsistent, but out in the open world, it’s a migraine-inducing single-digit slideshow compounded by stutters and seconds-long hitches. My play-through also graced me with unkillable enemies, suddenly unresponsive controls, disappearing weapons, endless looping sounds, missing textures, floating environmental objects – all requiring a reload to fix – and at least two crashes to the home screen. The original Deadly Premonition might not exactly be a bastion of technical competence but for publisher Rising Star to be releasing a game in this state, a decade on, as a full-price title is shameful, even if it has now made allusions to some non-specific improvements it might conceivably make at a later date.

An awful lot of your time is spent exploring Le Carré, so it’s a shame technical deficiencies make it such an intensely unpleasant experience.

There’ll be many, of course, who are willing to accept technical shortcomings as part and parcel of the Deadly Premonition experience, and A Blessing in Disguise is at least playable in a strictly literal sense, even if doing so is never particularly pleasant – given its overwhelming focus on open-world pursuits. For a while though, Deadly Premonition 2 is a real joy, riding on a wave of appealingly unpredictable Swery silliness, married to central mystery with a real sense of drive. Unfortunately though, while the first game’s strengths ultimately overshadowed its weaknesses, it’s increasingly difficult to tolerate Deadly Premonition 2’s failings the more it reveals itself to be a far less ambitious, and considerably less interesting sequel.

For all its diversions and deviations, the bulk of Deadly Premonition 2’s runtime consists of painfully circuitous open-world fetch quests, casting you out across a lifeless, largely forgettable map for lengthy bouts of headache-inducing mundanity that even York’s relentlessly upbeat observations can’t save. Act two, in particular, is a real nadir, offering an interminable procession of time-gated busywork that does nothing to drive the plot forward.

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Its biggest failing, though, is a muddled story that’s poorly told; while its predecessor deftly kept multiple plates aloft as its murder-mystery unfolded, making the town and its citizens feel central to proceedings, sometimes devastatingly so, neither Le Carré or its inhabitants make much of an impact at all. Most characters are peripheral to the scattershot plot, all but vanishing after the first act, and although there’s rudimentary time-based movement for Le Carré’s denizens, it’s nominal at best, and there’s no sense, this time, that any have lives off-screen.

It doesn’t help either that the characters the game does invest in only serve to highlight its well-meaning, but ultimately rather problematic world view. For all York’s spirited rejection of bigotry, Deadly Premonition 2’s reliance on outdated tropes around transgenderism and learning disabilities can give the otherwise cheerfully freewheeling adventure a rather bitter undercurrent.

That’s not to say it’s an experience without merit; as underserved as most characters are, Patricia, York’s temporary teenage sidekick, is a surprisingly likeable addition to the cast, and while the flashback offers a largely limp slog, only sporadically enlivened by dizzying plot beats, the present-day section is a whole other matter. These lengthy interrogation sequences, heavy on dialogue and light on interaction, are wonderfully atmospheric intermissions, positively crackling with tension as Agent Davis serves as Morgan’s fiercely pragmatic foil.

You’re technically required to stay on top of York’s hygiene and health as time passes but, as in the first game, it’s an easily ignorable flourish.

Ultimately, though, nothing is likely to disuade fans of the original Deadly Premonition eager for a second outing; technical shortcomings, wobbly game design, and questionable plot developments have been the accepted price of entry for over a decade now, but while the first game succeeded in spite of those flaws – serving up a meticulously implemented, and surprisingly emotional, murder-mystery that pulsed through its world and its citizens, seemingly in real-time – Deadly Premonition 2 often feels rote, lifeless, and rather hollow by comparison.

The inimitable Agent Morgan is undoubtedly Deadly Premonition 2’s saving grace, and, truthfully, I’d happily endure its frequent tedium all over again just to spend more time together; it’s just a shame that his long-awaited return couldn’t be marked by a more inspiring adventure.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/07/deadly-premonition-2-review-shambling-in-the-shadow-of-its-predecessor-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=deadly-premonition-2-review-shambling-in-the-shadow-of-its-predecessor-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

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terryblount · 5 years

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Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom Review

A friend and fellow gaming writer once told me the worst part of this job is when you have to review something the community absolutely loves, but you just cannot seem to like it. The Steam store page is plastered with blue thumbs pointing up, Metacritic boasts a whopping 86%, but, somehow, you just cannot relate to the masses. Well folks, with Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom, that day has arrived on my PC.

Let me be clear that I do not think Monster Boy is completely bad. This game still shows that rare gem of innovation you only get from the AA and indie scene, and it can be really fun to play. It is obvious that the developers, FDG Entertainment, are deeply in touch with the strengths of their source material.

Meet the protagonist, Jin, except he barely stays in this form throughout the entire game.

In truth, my objection to Monster Boy’s overwhelmingly positive reception lies in how this game clearly runs into some infuriating moments of inconsistency. The delicate balance this game holds between its unique blend of Metroidvania and platformer components too often gives way to seriously frustrating moments. I feel like I spent a little too much of my play time gnashing my teeth.

More than a Tenacious D Song

Monster Boy has quite the legacy behind it, and you can trace its primary influence all the way back to SEGA’s Wonder Boy that came out during the mid-80’s. Since then, Wonder Boy has passed between the hands of several different developers, and every subsequent studio that worked with the IP contributed at least one new gameplay mechanic that stuck.

Now the torch has been handed to a German-based studio who have added their own bits to this Frankenstein monster of an IP, and FDG Entertainment has done a great job at using Monster Boy’s mixed heritage to make the gameplay relevant again. What we have here is a game that is neither pure Metroidvania nor thoroughbred platformer, but instead draws from the strengths of both.

Monster Boy’s story is so simple that the title is practically a spoiler. Once upon time in a mystical kingdom, someone called Uncle Nabu unexpectedly goes nuttier than squirrel poop, and starts flying around on a broomstick like a witch. In a moment of naughty sorcery, he ends up spreading a strange curse across an entire kingdom which turns all the inhabitants into humanoid animals.

You can actually talk to some NPC’s during gameplay, and I must say they seem rather laid-back about being turned into bipedal rats, sheep and owls. Perhaps they don’t mind having fleas, or licking their own butts? Thankfully, a boy named Jin chooses not to spend the rest of this life as a piggy, and swears to put an end to his uncle’s antics.

While being a swashbuckling swine (complete with eye patch) has its perks – such as lightning attacks, stun attacks, fire balls and the ability to sniff out treasures and so on – our hero soon discovers that he has bitten off more than your average hog can chew. To reverse his uncle’s curse, Jin must unite five magical orbs hidden in jungles, caves, and even at the bottom of the ocean. Oh, and each orb is protected by a giant monster (i.e. boss fight).

Once Jin gets his porky hooves on the first orb, however, he inherits its power, which gives him the choice between more than one animal shape! Being a frog suddenly makes reaching the underwater orb a real possibility, and being a slippery snake means small crawlspaces are no challenge at all (and, for some reason, crystals light up dark spaces when you spew poison on them).

Paws and claws

My reason for saying that Monster Boy feels like a blend of genres is because it plays out like a Metroidvania game in its progression style, yet the snappy movement and combat mechanics lean more towards a platformer experience. It is particularly in the latter where FDG Entertainment’s experience in developing physics-based, mobile games really shows.

This game is full of great little ideas for platforming. You use the ice sword to create a makeshift platform.

With regards to the Metroidvania elements, Monster Boy brings back what was established in 1992’s Wonder Boy III: The Dragon’s Trap. This game introduced a sprawling map to the series that gradually opens up to the player as they gain the ability to transform into different animals.

The world map, which bears a striking resemblance to the maps from Super Metroid.

Whereas games such as Dead Cells or Hollow Knight imbue the player with weapons or abilities to assist with progression through the map, Monster Boy takes this process further by asking the player to transition to an entirely different character. The player will ultimately be able to change into a total of five different animals after they have collected all of the orbs.

I already mentioned the little pig who is a long range projectile specialist as his special attack, and also a treasure sniffer. He can hit enemies from a distance during combat or trigger switches in puzzles, plus he makes the most adorable little fart every time he eats an upgrade!

Piggy doing his thing. You can switch between several different ammo types. Boomerangs must be caught if you hope to keep them.

The pig sinks like a stone underwater though, which is where the frog comes in. He is super agile below the surface, and he can use his extendable tongue to hang or pull things which become a central traversal tool later in the game. Then there is the muscular lion that represents the tank of the bunch. He can dash upwards which is particularly helpful if your jump needs a bit of extra height, or to bash through brittle walls when going sideways.

The snake specialises in sliding up and down non-horizontal surfaces which is pretty neat, but his venom-spitting attack became somewhat redundant for me towards the end of the game. The dragon… well he flies and belches out fire pretty much par for the course. It is with the dragon where Monster Boy took the oppertunity to introduce a few brutally difficult shoot-‘em-up sections against enemies in the sky.

The snake… which, for some reason, is really sticky. Then again, I have never seen a pig throw fire balls either.

Monster Boy combines all these abilities into a single, cohesive experience that results in some excellent platforming gameplay. The player can switch between characters on the fly to combine their abilities for solving puzzles, defeating bosses, or to reach secret areas. Now factor in that you can augment many of their abilities with armour or weapons, and you have gameplay with some serious potential.

Why has this water dash ability not featured in more games!? It’s awesome!

A Thing of Beauty

What will really bowl over newcomers and seasoned fans alike are, of course, the visuals. This game is so vibrant, so colourful, so vivid, that you will probably see imprints of the screen left behind on your corneas after closing your eyes.

I mentioned earlier how the gameplay is a fusion, which could also be said for the visuals. You can tell that the art style has an unmistakable Eastern foundation in character design and certain animations. Yet, there is obviously also a Western influence involved with the visual aesthetics, and they work together here in a truly slick and beautiful manner.

This game could probably fix stuck pixels in any monitor.

Monster Boy’s lively visuals have been complimented by an equally jolly soundtrack that combines upbeat, almost arcade-like tunes with the classic little sound effects from 80’s platformers when you pick up coins, run over a checkpoint, find an upgrade, etc. This game is the very auditory and visual embodiment of happiness, which, on a personal level, was a welcome contrast to the dark and sombre JRPG’s I always seem to be stuck in.

A Thing of Anger

After reading all that, you will be excused for forgetting that I actually ended up disliking Monster Boy. So let me try to elaborate on where this game lost me, and thus explain my surprise for why so many reviews actually omitted these issues upon the game’s launch on the Nintendo Switch in 2018.

The overarching problem I had with this game can only be described as Monster Boy’s tendency to repeatedly throw inconsistent difficulty spikes at the player. If you add up all the time I struggled my arse off just to get past one enemy or a particularly tricky jump, it would almost rival all the rest of the gameplay. To put it another way, Monster Boy likes to pull ‘dick moves’.

One of the many infuriating sections the game makes you fumble around in the dark. This sucks.

First off, the checkpoints are rather terrible. This means that, if you die, you will have to play entire sections over and over and over and over just to make it to the part you are actually struggling with. The repetitive nature of these moments already started sucking a lot of fun out of the experience.

On top of this, the game features some moments of awful enemy placement. For example, during one awesome level I found myself in a sloping and tilting shipwreck, which means I had to compensate for things rolling around. This was fun until I reached a simple section where there were some bats hanging from the ceiling that swoop down onto the player with their attacks.

What should have been one brief moment in a series of challenges took me nearly twenty minutes to clear because you have to jump upwards towards the bats to get past them. Unfortunately, the character is completely vulnerable during the jump animation, and it doesn’t help that the shield in the game only seems to work when it feels like it.

Two hits from the bats and you are dead, and there are four of them to get past. Did I mention you will also be placed right at THE BEGINNING of the sequence if you die? It is impossible to regard this as an engaging challenge when such moments just smack so clearly of poor level design. This was by no means an isolated incident, and I can make a long list if you like.

Doing ‘shrooms! This is the second boss.

The boss fights, on the other hand, are awesome as you will use the different animals and each one’s unique ability to conquer the huge behemoths. However, I again found myself screaming “dude, what the hell!?” after I realised this game utterly refuses to replenish your health (even after a boss fight).

Matter of fact, you will always restart with the amount of health you had when passing through the last checkpoint. This may sound like a minor gripe, especially considering that the player is given a teleport staff to reach portals near health refill shops.

Yet this is a hard sell for every single time I find my character low on health and in a sticky situation. A well-placed platforming segment or enemy encounter can still be fun even if it is extremely challenging. However, you want to play in the game, and not against the game when you start off these moments already handicapped with half your health.

Note my health in the top left corner. That is what the game gave me upon re-spawning, and to think I first approached this boss with full health.

Last issue worth mentioning is that some puzzles – particularly those that enable the player to progress – were not that great. I felt like the solution came to me through trial and error or just blind luck rather than requiring me to rack my brains. I particularly questioned why the developers deemed it wise to make the player literally feel around in the dark as an idea for certain puzzles. Like I sad, dick move.

Metroid in vain

What is so weird about Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom is how these really abysmal and frustrating moments appear right in the middle of truly great segments of gameplay. Just as you start getting comfortable in the momentum of your game… your serenity comes crashing to a halt as the game throws a totally pointless curve-ball at you.

Perhaps the devs in charge of level design went on a coffee break during the final crunch for the game release date. Maybe it was the office rookies that were given the heavy lifting while the main level and gameplay designers were smoking a cigarette.

I will still give this game a recommendation because I must confess that I am not exactly good at platforming or Metroidvania games, so perhaps the fault is mine. Note, this is a very, VERY tentative recommendation, but I think this game has some truly innovative ideas that might just sustain players through moments when their molar teeth are smashing together.

Beautiful

Great platforming gameplay

Variety of locations

Boss fights are cool

Very inconsistent

Awful check point placement

Obnoxious level designs

Mediocre puzzle sections

Playtime: 21 hours total. For the single player campaign

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using Nvidia GTX 1070, i5 4690K CPU, 16GB RAM – Played using an Xbox One Controller

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Top 10 Off the Beaten Path (but Right on the Money) 'Must-Try' Restaurants in Siem Reap, Cambodia

Our top ten pick of favorite restaurants in Siem Reap Cambodia off the beaten path

There are probably several hundred restaurants woven into back alleys, pouring out from driveways, and lining the main thoroughfares in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Some no more than a rusting push cart; others, proud, smooth buildings bursting with glitz and glamour … All of them vying for your tourists’ dollar.

“Where to Eat?” becomes a dizzying decision in an already potentially overstimulating environment. You could spend years attempting to sample every dining option in Siem Reap, but (truthfully) even locals get lulled into a routine of familiarity and fail to tap into the exciting and ever-changing canvas of food options merely a short scooter ride away. The unsuspecting traveler’s foodie experience is further stymied by the neon canopy of common franchises, tour provided buffets, and endless sea of identical, red, beer-touting restaurant placards.

So, for all of those times you really just have a craving for a particular spice, need a new budget-friendly Khmer go-to spot, would kill for good pasta, or must satisfy your hunger for quiche before you crack, here are our top ten picks to start the new year (based on overall value, quality, and variety).

PRICE POINT REFERENCE (USD$ per person) ($: 1-2; $$: 3-5; $$$: 6-8; $$$$: 9+)

AtMOsphere

PRICE: $$ – $$$

The moment we walked up to Mo’s I knew we’d hit something special. Friendly strangers graciously shared their table with us for a while (as the restaurant was already filled to the seams with lively chatter). Whether you choose Western tables and chairs over ground mats and cushions you are served a feast fit for a king. I was pleased by the wide variety of Middle-Eastern and Mediterranean dishes, fair prices and sharable dish sizes. We all left full and happy after capping the meal with a variety of spectacularly decadent desserts and herbal tea. At some time during your visit take a moment to chat with the owner, ‘Mo’. He is a colorful gentleman with an easy smile and quick laugh; you will quickly learn why this is already a happening place to be. As I write this, Atmosphere is celebrating its grand re-opening in a larger location. Great job guys!

Belmiro’s Pizza & Subs

PRICE: $$ – $$$

You are just a stone’s throw from famed ‘Pub Street’ when you belly-up to the well-stocked, mirrored ebony bar and burgundy walls of Belmiro’s. The pub’s great location as an exterior corner with patio perimeter is trimmed in hanging flags from the world over giving it a welcoming glow. But … if you are craving a little bit of a States-style urban pub feel, this is your place. The portions aren’t stingy, and daily drink specials are easy on the pocketbook. Boston-style pizzas are Belmiro’s specialty, although I do find myself craving their cheesy, meatball sub-sandwich regularly. Stuffed crust and deep-dish pizzas (for the carb-craver in the group) aren’t the only indulgent options. Weekly rotating chicken wing flavors on ‘Wing Wednesdays’ is always a family favorite. If you are a true Ranch dressing-loving American, get excited … This is one of a very select group of eateries in the entire city which carry the staple dipping sauce at all!

Chanty Grill Beef

PRICE: $ – $$

The ‘South End’ of Siem Reap is a fabulous business collective of Khmer and foreign trailblazers looking to foster the growth of this budding artisan community, empower the local workforce, and grow art appreciation in this already culturally rich hive. Needless to say, we are smitten with the vibe of the South End and are eager to unearth all of the lovely foodie gems within. Fortunately, we happened upon Chanty early in our search (and quite by mistake). We went looking for Khmer fusion and found the best value for chicken and beef kebob BBQ we know of in town. Shoulder to shoulder with its neighbor, this bare bones shop isn’t fussy and gets right down to the job of making outstanding food at a price even backpackers can afford. Chanty offers more than generous serving sizes (we ate so much we had to take home half of our order) and the staff is super friendly. Grab a plastic chair and belly up to the folding table, Chanty’s got the grill fired up and aims to please.

Curry Walla (both locations)

PRICE: $$$ – $$$$

Curry Walla owns two comparable restaurants on opposite ends of Sivutha Blvd. Being that Sivutha is like the spine of the most heavily traveled network of roads in the entire Siem Reap downtown area it could be easy to pass right by either storefront without a second glance. These no-frills dining halls aren’t heavy on ambiance, but don’t let their uninspired facade lead you astray. What Namaskar and Khmer Chef lack in tactile luster they make up for several times over in a savory curry flavor palate, the rich aroma of stewed Indian meats, and beautiful vegetarian dishes that restore my faith in humanity. We never choose individual dishes at this feast; If ‘sharing is caring’, then this is the meal of my family’s love language. A treat of a meal ,well-worth the incremental increase in cost per person.

Ivy Guest House & Bar

PRICE: $$ – $$$

We happened upon this tucked away gem on a quest for the camaraderie and mental stimulation of a good pub quiz. What we ended up with, was a fabulous all-ages evening out and a new favorite haunt. The ice-cream drenched, chocolate banana bread made everyone sit up and take notice right off. Upon further exploration of Ivy’s culinary vision we discovered many engaging flavor pairings not often seen in a town full of repetitive menus: a delightful Italian chicken cheesesteak sandwich, rich, spinach and feta ravioli in a complimentary al fresco sauce, and an extraordinary homemade chocolate mousse … to name a few. Imagine an Italian inspired kitchen hidden in the heart of a palm-thatched, traditional wooden Khmer village home, and dress the whole thing up as a Western-minded ‘chill pad’ (complete with free billiards and Cambodian memorabilia wall). If you get comfortable enough you can always get a room in the attached guesthouse and enjoy the Ivy’s cooking all day long.

Jungle Burger Sports Bar & Bistro

PRICE: $$ – $$$

Clayton and his happy little crew work hard to make sure you enjoy your experience at JB. From the pool table to the funky bike yard art, the vibe here is laid-back and playful. Cool beats play while the bar does it’s job putting on a sports-pub fare feast. Spot-on, gooey homemade mac & cheese are a strong stand-alone meal or a great side to share. Jungle Burger is unrivaled in my opinion for their burger and sandwich menu; no bad options here. The crown jewel of which is the ‘Burg Khalif burger’, easily a full meal for two people. You will find a surprisingly well-rounded salad selection, and all-around ample portion sizes for sharing. If you want to add a little (or a lot, if you ask nice) spice to your meal, order up a signature chili & mango margarita … it burns so good!

Mom New River (I & II)

PRICE: $ – $$

We have been eating at the Mom New River location in the alley at one end of Pub Street for five years now. We come back week after week, year after year, because the value and consistent quality this family-owned business offers just cannot be denied. This is another very modest and traditional Khmer restaurant on our list, and why not? After all, it represents a remarkable culture offering a myriad of signature dishes and almost as many family-specific tweaks to each one. Like the generational patterns woven into the precious, golden Khmer silk, recipes like: amok, lok-lak, prahok, and num ngov soup all have been honed to unique perfection by their Cambodian chefs. Laughably, Mom New River’s weighty menu resembles a homemade telephone directory riddled with inconsistent pagination and rife with fun English spelling errors, but the up-side is that you are bound to find something for everyone’s taste at a really great price. Again, you may be tempted to pass by in search of a more striking or familiar setting, but don’t. Pull out a seat, order any kind of lovely fresh fruit shake you can imagine, and just know that whatever you order will be made with pride, taste great, and give you a glimpse into the wonderful flavors Khmer food brings to the table.

Paris Bakery

PRICE: $$ – $$$

All the refined sweetness and splendid pomp of a fine Parisian bakery … a continent away from France. Plump breads and crunchy baguettes baked daily lure you into the boulangerie via a seductive olfactory trance. Delicate pastries and tarts crowned in sugary filagree dazzle the eyes like proudly displayed fine jewels. The unexpectedly keen selection of European deli meats compliments the bread offerings nicely, and a pleasant coffee/tea offering rounds out this quality experience. Don’t forget the quiche, glorious quiche! Admittedly, my unprecedented favorite guilty pleasures are their almond paste filled croissants. Ah, bliss! Not an everyday budge-friendly option, but a magnificent treat without breaking the bank. The bustling ‘street corner bistro’ vibe in a pedestrian-friendly metro area also lends itself nicely to a quick stop-in for take-away dining.

Peace Cafe

PRICE: $$ – $$$

A surprising number of vegan and vegetarian restaurants are popping up all over town, but this one effortlessly spans the gap from crepes to paninis. In between, it hits the mark on a wide array of lovely, body-nourishing, taste bud-tickling fresh juice concoctions. You are drawn into the spacious garden and the easy rattan lounge dining room for a respite from the surrounding city activity. Thankfully, these grounds are spared the worst of the periodically excessive Siem Reap heat. Sit a spell, catch up with yourself (or a friend) over a large pot of herbal tea; take a yoga class; peruse the artsy/craftsy trinkets made by local artisans for sale in Peace Cafe’s gift shop … it’s all good! Focused on civic and spiritual enrichment, Peace Cafe partners with several NGO’s to empower local Khmer people through education, vocational training, and employment. The fare doesn’t lend itself to over-indulgence by nature, but you will leave satisfied and feeling nourished.

Safari Sushi Bar

PRICE: $$$ – $$$$

Seen as how Siem Reap is nowhere near an ocean, I had been remiss to try sushi in my adopted town. However, on the occasion we get to put on our fancy Chacos and dine in style celebrating of a good friend, I must face my doubts about the quality of sushi available this far inland. I am here to say, happily, that Safari Sushi hit on all the marks: value, presentation, ambiance, quality, and service. The lush entrance draws you into a private garden oasis. Guests are greeted by the koi pond’s tranquil gurgling and encouraged to lounge on the patio before dining. Once inside the restaurant, the finishes are tasteful and guests are not crowded together. The space allows you to linger comfortably in conversation and the staff is helpful without hovering. We ordered an assortment of nigiri, sashimi, and even an impressive sampler roll to share around the table … no one left hungry. The fish was firm and fresh and the selection fair. Our little party enjoyed a decadent meal of sushi and sake (topped of with hot jasmine tea) at a fraction of the cost of the more flashy sushi restaurants in Siem Reap. Um, yes please! I know I will be voting for sushi on my next ‘date night’.

FYI, the restaurants listed here are in alphabetical order for the sake of satisfying my left-brain tendencies, by no means is the order in which they appear a ranking. Each place is uniquely wonderful, and there are, inevitably, countless similarly worthy eateries in Siem Reap … we just haven’t found them yet. If you have a favorite spot to grab a bite in Angkor-town, let us know! We are always up for a new foodie adventure and welcome your comments.

#angkor wat food #asian food #budget travel #cambodia #cambodian food #expat blog #foodie #foodie blog #siem reap food #southeast asia #travel food #world travel blog #World Adventures

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