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radramblog · 3 years

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Rating the letters of the alphabet

I feel like part of my style of comedy is just rambling about shit and making loose connections between things as part of an overall bit. I think. I’m no expert on myself, unfortunately.

The inspiration for the following absolute load of shite is trying to search Tiermaker for nothing. Like, no characters in the search bar. Didn’t come up with anything. Did a search for just a space. No dice. What about just a? Surely that’ll bring up everything with an A in the title. But it didn’t, and I was somewhat disappointed.

Then my head started writing bits about letters and that’s how we got here. This is probably really stupid, but maybe it’ll at least be fun. Wordplay is cool, though maybe not my strong suit? Anyway.

A: A is one of the two letters that’s also just a word, as you’ve just seen, giving it a necessary promotion in rank. Not a lot of things get to double up like that, though with the “an” ligature maybe it’s actually a double or nothing. But because of the confusing common connection crossing contexts for the character, it gets somewhat awkward to talk about the letter in conversation. An A, in my opinion, A does not get. 4/5.

B: B is also just a word letter but unlike A when you write it out you have to stick a few extra letters on to make it work, making it not as good. But B’s association with bees isn’t enough, because in the year of our lord, like, 2019 or something, it would become inextrixably linked with shite memes as the B emoji became king. And I just don’t respect that. It’s otherwise a fine letter, dragged down by its company. 2/5.

C: Oh come on now, the word doesn’t even have a C in it anymore! You can sea the see without any of our tertiary letter’s involvement whatsoever. Not to mention how its two main sounds are just copies from other letters wholesale. C must be confusing to non-english speakers, I’d imagine. C as a grade gets what C as a grade typically entails for many a schoolchild. 3/5.

D: It would be remiss of me not to give a sterling grade to the D. Why, none of us would be here without it. While many a youth may find the D to be quite a humourous subject, I assure you I’m taking it with the gravest of sincerity when I say the D has got to be one of the best letters of all.

And by D I mean deity, of course. Wait, what did you think I meant? 5/5.

E: The absolute absurdity that is the E meme elevates E efficiently enough to excel beyond many another vowel. However, it is also the single most common letter in the English language, going so far as to open the damn name. It’s to the point where someone made a point of writing an entire book without using it, and I think Gadsby is cool but mayhaps avoiding fifth uncial was a bit showy. I can’t help but mark it down for the sake of hipster cred. 3/5.

F: F is for Fuck. I like the word Fuck. F is for paying respects. I think the military-industrial complex has poisoned our cultural landscape to the point that a reference to one of its most prized productions’ awkward moments has become one of the most colloquially used meme letters in existence, And That’s Terrible. 3/5, I’m conflicted.

G: Man literally who the fuck cares about G. What is it even good for. Just an absolute waste of a letter, total shithouse. It’s NATO equivalent is Golf, the Worst Sport, too. Who asked for any of this? Just use a J instead, it’s cooler. 1/5.

H: I’ve seen “Hhh” used enough times in written forms of pornography to not consider it a Horny Letter. That and it, being short for Hentai, is often used to denote adult material in Japan. Basically what im saying is, I think this gets worse the less sex-positive you are. 6/9.

I: I think I’ve said enough about letter words already, but I is another high-tier one because like A I is just it’s own thing. It can also, however, be a bit confusing, looking just like an l a lot of the time, and having to constantly capitalise it is a pain in the ass. I also don’t have a particularly high opinion of myself, so a high opinion of I seems disingenuous. 3/5.

J: Clearly the best letter, hands down. I’m definitely not biased. There are so few letters as underappreciated by J- a fact many a person who’s had to do that “assign yourself an alliterative adjective” icebreaker game has had to reckon with. Because it appears to be a lot more popular with names than with words, and that just kind of sucks. 6/5.

K: K has in some circles managed to bump off its partner to become yet another letter word, though in a very informal abbreviated sense. However, when you’re looking into scientific fields, eventually said partner returns, having lost some weight on the trip down to absolute zero. This all makes complete sense in my head, and I’m sure is a lot less funny to anyone who doesn’t live there. 4/5.

L: I’d argue that L doesn’t cop its namesake. It’s a really useful letter, loads of words use it, especially in pairs, and my ADHD-brain thought it was fun to just say LLLLLLLLLLL for a bit while I was thinking about this so I guess that’s staying in now. Put me down as an L Lobbyist. 4/5.

M: Mmmmmm. M&Ms. But also it’s kind of a pain to write. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 3/5.

N: I’d like to fight whoever decided we should have two letters that sound so similar right bloody next to each other in the alphabet. Actually, who the fuck even decided the alphabet’s order to begin with? Maybe it should go M to N, that’ll bloody show you. 2/5.

O: Our fourth vowel, and perhaps one of the underappreciated ones. O is similarly a letter word, but a much more common one considering its use as an interjection. It’s also one half of a very powerful letter combo, as we’ll see. 4/5.

P: There’s the other half. Many a joke involves OP as a phrase, whether it mean overpowered or original poster, and the letters’ adjacency is a lovely bit of serendipity. Whenever I say P out loud, on its own, I have to resist the urge to do some incredibly shitty beatboxing, which may or may not be a good sign. 4/5.

Q: I was going to write some very harsh words about Q, and its dependency on U, but then I realised that that is probably hate speech against the disabled. It still sucks, though. 0/5.

R: R is the one I am most struggling to think of things to say about. R is another letter that’s just kinda there. I’m sure the Roberts and Rachels of the world would disagree with me, though. It’s also the name of a program that I know has traumatised a lot of young biologist wannabes, slapping us with a whole pile of maths and statistics when we just wanted to look at cool plants and shit. Or in my case, cool cells and shit. 2/5.

S: The most overrated consonant, but also the thing that makes plurals not a pain in the ass. However I’m going to lean towards giving S a positive rating, if only because it’s associated with snakesssss (and serpentine characters who can talk) and I like those. 3/5.

T: I don’t think T gets enough credit as one of the pillars of the English language. A lot of very common words feature it, and yet it feels like it never gets the same level of credit as big shots like S or half of the vowels. T is like the character actor of the alphabet, is basically what I’m saying. 4/5.

U: Ah, the letter Americans hate for some reason. I think this is actually commentary on the history of American politics. Because throughout history, America has been extremely selfish and self-centered, while attempting to present a positive image that people are finally seeing past. They only entered WWI and WWII when it was convenient for them, they started wars and initiated coups in even their allies for petty ideological reasons, and they’ve gone to war with several countries and funded wars with several others seeming just for shits and giggles. Because apparently if you’re not an American, then you’re not one of them, and that means they hate U. 4/5.

V: I actually think V is underrated. It’s a fun sound. That’s it, no joke here. It’s neat, I like it. 4/5.

W: This may come as a shock to you, but double-u over here is actually two Vs! unless you’re writing in cursive, but fuck cursive. The French actually have it right on this one, naming it double-v (pronounced doobleh-vay). Add in the fact that it’s literally just M upside down, and you’ve got a pretty shite letter. 1/5.

X: There’s a reason literally every “A is for Apple” thing you see made for kids uses Xylophone for X, and that’s because there are no commonly used words that start with it. Seriously, it’s all just scientific terms- I’d argue X-Ray is more common than Xylophone in common parlance, but also, who wants to explain imaging to a kid. It doesn’t even get a second page of words on Dictionary.com. X also has implications as a letter word, that I’d rather avoid at the moment. 2/5.

Y: Ah, Ygreck, everyone’s favourite “what the fuck, France?” moment. Between that and being sorta kinda not really a vowel, Y prompts its own question more often than I’d care to admit. 2/5.

Z: As a (technical) member of the generation associated with this letter- on the one hand, I’m sorry, on the other, y’all have it coming. The final letter of the alphabet, one of the other ones worth 10 in scrabble (and yet X isn’t???), and one we probably got pretty sick of in the early 00s when it was everywhere- ironically, when most of the generation was getting born. 2/5.

And that’s the lot of them. I hope this didn’t alienate any non-English speakers too hard. It’s probably fine.

Join me for more bullshit next time I have another stupid idea. I mean, tomorrow.

#ramble #nonce shit tbh #remember when I made good content? yeah me neither

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deunan403 · 4 years

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Oh my gosh your ‘the name is English’ fanfic is so good. Any advice on getting like. The distinct voices of each of the characters? I’m just dabbling in homestuck fiction and I think I got Dave and rose and jade. But John and the alpha kids are hard

(Edited: I kept thinking about the mistakes I made in this explanation so I’ve finally gone back and fixed them pfffft, Also like... I think I might’ve misconstrued the kind of answer anon was going for, in which case, only the very end end of this long ass response is useful. Welp.)

SO FIRST OFF, I am insanely flattered anyone is asking my advice on how to write Homestuck characters because these are some of the most difficult characters I’ve ever written. Thank you so much! These kids each have an insane amount of dimension to them and I completely understand why they come off a bit intimidating to write correctly. I don’t even think I do that good of a job, lmao. Anywho, I’mma go ahead and apologize in advance because I got a little carried away with my advice. When I get to explaining things I like to over-explain and hope you just pick out what ends up bein actually useful to you. There is... a lot of shit under this cut, so be warned.

Hello! Welcome to this wordy as fuck space under the cut. (Edit: It won’t format correctly so ALL this bullshit under the cut. Thanks tumblr. SMD plz). Unfortunately I can't describe the way they talk without deconstructing a little bit on how I view each of their personalities because a part of me insists it's better to provide context and examples, so again, I'm sorry for these unnecessarily long ramblings. Skip to about the center of each paragraph if you want to focus on speech pattern-specific things, eheheheh.

John's pretty difficult for me too because his vernacular slate isn't as colorful as everyone else's, but this is kind of what I've come to understand about him: His general reaction to everything is a mixture of chipper and blasé--going with the flow. He kind of became the “straight man” in HS to combat the way everyone else was reacting to the wild shit that eventually went down. At face value, the way he talks makes him come off as a simple dude -- what you see is what you get, which isn't necessarily true. He's honest about his feelings but at the same time it seems like he has difficulty processing and understanding them, which makes them come through much milder than what you'd expect for the situation. It's probably why he absorbed his dad's death very slowly and got hit hard when it finally processed that he was gone for good. But not many things get all the way through his initial blaséness which actually makes him kind of callous in that he can give oddly indifferent responses to things others would consider a big deal, such as when Terezi died in front of him. He looked at her corpse and was just like "Eugh. She's so weird." Like damn dude, that’s cold. Ain’t like she bled to death or nothing. Anyway, some speech pattern specific things I keep in mind when I write him: He doesn't use a lot of big words, sticking to casual, simple responses, most of them positive or enthusiastic sounding. He sometimes uses old man speech and idioms, like Jake but toned down by like 85%. He's a bit slow on the uptake, points out the obvious, and says things that he thinks are clever but he's either completely missing the mark or being lame in general, not to say he can't sometimes be particularly sassy/savage, especially when it comes to his immediate friends because he knows them and can see through their bullshit better than he can with other people he doesn't know that well. In the chat client, he likes to divide combined words like "what ever" and "time line". If you're being canon compliant, he adopted some chat quirks from Vriska after they dated, such as multiplying punctuations by 8 for emphasis!!!!!!!! (edit: Ignore this last part. I think I may be thinking of a dead john, lmao.)

Jane's also a little difficult but easier than John since speech-wise, she's more of a balance between him and Jake + if they were super skeptical about everything and cared about being smart. She's actually kind of a wild card to me, because sometimes she has probably some of the most realistic reactions to the more ridiculous things in HS, but has grown used to equally ludicrous happenings such as the assassination attempts on her life in her intro. She also tends to wear her heart on her sleeve, and has quite the temper. She tries to override her more emotional responses with good southern manners because she's polite, god dammit! When her short fuse isn't ignited, her bottomless passion fuels her cheerfulness as well as her fearlessness. She's also pretty inquisitive, about the world around her as well as towards her friends, asking them questions to understand what they may be dealing with better. She tries really hard to be reasonable about things but struggles with letting other things that may be in play ruffle her well-kept feathers. Speech pattern-wise, she vacillates between speaking like a normal teen and a grandma, to a way lesser extent than Jake. Initially, she tries to keep it prim and proper--sophisticated like a southern suburban housewife with an interesting hint of embellished self-narrative like she's the protagonist of a Noir comic (like here), but when real shit starts to go down, she gets quite a bit more casual (like when they're on their quest slabs here). That is to say, I wouldn't say her normal way of talking is something that doesn't come naturally to her because it totally does, but she loses most of the laciness because short and to the point is better, which is the case for any of the kids with more flavorful quirks. She tends to steamroll over other people when she gets passionate about a topic, but when that's not happening, she's actually super accommodating, to the point of viciously ignoring her own feelings so she can be a voice of reason. In the chat client, she uses toothy emojis like :B.

Roxy, on the other hand, comes pretty easily for me because she's really similar to one of my closest friends and speaks much the same way we do when we're chill. We're also from the south, where much of the youth talk like Roxy does, lmao. Roxy is probably the most accommodating of any of the kids, readily bending over backwards to cater to her friends' needs and letting her own needs take a backseat, which probably leads to a lot of resentment she keeps buried. But she's still the chillest one, taking just about everything in stride before and after her alcoholism. She tends to get sad before she ever gets angry. And if she does get angry, it's usually only frustration at others for being difficult. Communication-wise, she's the most shorthanded--thinking and living in chat-speak. She's all about living her best life and taking care of her family so things are fun and peaceful. She wants to be super sure of herself (like Dirk) because she wants to be reliable. When talking, she likes to use a bunch of metaphors (again, like Dirk), and she tends to casually throw in a lot of puns too, such as when she tells Jake that they're still "humanated" when he asks if he's alienated her too. The nature of her responses is typically pretty flippant, even when things are serious. It's probably obvious that getting comfortable with general Ebonics will help a lot when writing her. In chat client, I try to remember these things: typos only happen when she's drunk--when typing her drunk, I avoid actively trying to give her slurred speech. Instead, I kind of let my fingers type a little more haphazardly and leave the typos I made that sound like mistakes she would make. She only tries to correct a small portion of her typos, more frequently the closer she is to sobriety. When she IS sober, her shorthand isn't consistent. One sentence she'll write "u" and the next, she'll write "you". Same thing with "2" and "to" or "4" and "for", etc. She'll cut out unnecessary letters in words, use typical chat abbrevs, and only use singular letters in place of a whole word, like "y" for "yes". Also uses smileys and other signs like <3. She's super fun for me to write because she comes away with a general feeling of "lmao" if that makes any sense.

Jake I'm always worried I'm doing wrong but he seems to be the one people love my characterization of the most so far, lmao. So I guess I must be doing something right. The thing about Jake is he wants to be the "likeable character". He takes what people want in a guy and molds that into this garbled persona. So when he talks to others, even his friends, he tries to be super agreeable, positive and supportive, regardless of the subject matter; he’s always talking these people up to make them feel good about themselves so that they enjoy conversing with him. But the reality is that he's extremely (but not necessarily intentionally) self-centered. He also aggressively ignores anything negative or forcefully turns it into something positive even when it doesn't make sense. He only tends to express frustration when others (Dirk) are being difficult; I don't remember if he ever actually gets angry in the comic?? He also likes to express surprise/amazement at things (a lot more than the other kids do at least), at the beginning of his responses, even when someone says something that's particularly obvious. The thing that gets me about Jake is that his superficial shell is so impenetrable, I don't think that issue was ever really fully addressed, much less fixed in HS, which leaves a lot of questions about his character & several different but valid interpretations of him by the audience. He may very well actually just be an oblivious idiot who's suffered brain damage one too many times (there's not too many pieces of supporting evidence to negate this) but I personally like to think Jake is far more complicated than that. I mean, look at how many convos he's grabbed the helm of and steered into a completely different direction just so he doesn't have to deal with something. His speech is probably the one I have to look up references for the most because he uses a fuckton of idioms you'd only hear one’s well-meaning but probably unintentionally racist poppop use, and a weird mixture of western/country and british vocab + bro speech he probably adopted while talking to Dirk. This is one list I find super useful when trying to find words to use (bless this person), but I still have to google a bunch of goofy phrases and words to be sure I'm not exhausting my material. One thing I know I do wrong when it comes to Jake's speech is use modern British slang such as "bloody" and "bloke", which is something he absolutely never does but I use them anyways because... idfc, I guess, idk. lol, I acknowledge it so it's fine.

Dirk is probably the one that comes easiest to me because he and I behave and talk pretty similarly. Either that, or I just like to think that and I'm just projecting while writing him completely wrong, lmao. Either way, Dirk hides behind the fact that he's super chill and levelheaded when really he's a nervous paranoid wreck. He's always thinking and overthinking about everything and he never gives himself a god damn break. He calculates every response he gives so it comes off exactly the way he wants it to, so when it doesn't because he's caught off guard, you get to see these little snippets of this dude freaking out underneath. He's a neurotic control freak that makes sure the flow of conversation stays on a set course he wants it to or else he gets either uncomfortable or pissed off. He skirts around anything that might get personal to him and dismisses any focus that sheds light on his own emotions UNLESS he feels, again, that he can control that flow of conversation. Or he's already emotionally compromised. Either way, he avoids conditions that might catch him actually being vulnerable because he's just too fuckin' proud. He likes to make a lot of comparisons, using extended metaphors and milking the fuck out of them if he can get away with it because the more he talks, the more he feels in control. He likes to smoothly play along with people he finds are being ridiculous, like Jake and Caliborn, or even just because he knows they'll know he's just playing along like Roxy. That's a key thing for me actually--how much he likes to fuck with people and how inelegantly he takes it in those rare cases someone successfully fucks with him. His speech seems to be a balance between Rose and Dave, a chill bro with access to the biggest vocabulary ever. I encourage aiming towards sounding like a pretentious asshole when writing Dirk because that's what he is all the time sometimes. He likes to Dirk-splain because more often than not he knows exactly what he's talking about, but he also doesn't realize his Dirk-splaining is something no one needed or asked for. Even though he's acknowledged and now resents the ludicrous size of his own ego, he still struggles with not stroking it at every opportunity. He’s a super capable, reliable guy and he knows it, but the reality is that much of what he plans for doesn’t work out. It’s only when he and his friends are really in the shit and he doesn’t have time to think that instinct takes over and he ends up doing some hella amazing things (Unite: Synchronization). That’s why his whole thought process of being better off alone is dangerous--he’s capable because he has people he loves relying on him. (I went off on a tangent unrelated to speech here. I’m sorry. I got a lot of feelings about Dirk and his selfishness vs. his selflessness, lol)

With all that, these are some general notes I try to abide by:

The ramblers of the kids are Dirk, Dave, and Jake, the former two especially when they're anxious. Dave's definitely the worst in that regard. The Striders both act like they wanna come off as men of few words and both fail miserably; it seems like being forced to live in verbal silence for a good portion of their lives gave both of these social wrecks a stigma against any gaps in conversation. Jake on the other hand rambles because he's self-important, not unlike Dirk. It's almost like he's not sure how else to contribute to the conversation if it's not about movies or himself.

For me, it actually helps that I think Dirk and Jake may both be on the spectrum. (I'm sorry if the following offends anyone who is on the spectrum, but this is just my general experience talking to people with those conditions). It certainly explains why their joint communication is so shit and why they either both give long-winded explanations that no one really asks for, or extract themselves from conversations they don't have a good foothold in, the latter being way more common for Jake (I hint a little at all this in my fic, moreso for Jake via Dirk's observations). They both want to be heard but may have difficulty being good listeners because their heads are already filled to the brim with things that have been cycling since before the other person has started talking.

On a final note, I find it pretty important to note the changes in each character's demeanor and way of talking after certain things happen. A glaring example is the Alpha Kids' behaviors after the batshit candy juju episode they all had. When Jake's broken out of his glorified, overwhelmingly positive fake self-image, he's actually very self-critical. However, his self-centeredness is hard to break out of, so when he broods on all the flaws he'd ignored in favor of being the guy everyone likes, he directed all of his nervous energy into finding reassurance from Roxy. (This self-deprecation could've also been born from his constant need to be agreeable, so since he thought everyone considered him to be a piece of shit, he felt the need to agree that was the case. Depends on how you read it.) Roxy had a shorter fuse and was a bit more snappy and resistant to dealing with Jake's ridiculousness. Jane remained calm and acknowledged she can be a bit too stubborn and self-righteous. Dirk finally took a step back from the details and absorbed the big picture of his problematic expectations toward his friends and himself. It’s just something to keep in mind if you fear you’re getting kind of OOC with their personalities. It’s natural for people to behave different based on changes in their mood, so don’t be afraid to experiment.

All that being said (I lied about that final note), I go back and reference the comic a lot when I’m unsure whether I’m representing a character accurately. It’s a good habit to double-check yourself. If you’re unsure how you’re writing a response but wanna move on, write it the best you can and then come back to it later and revise after reading a few conversations that include that character.

Most importantly of all: the thesaurus is your fucking best friend of all time. Fuck everyone else. The thesaurus is your god damn hero. I find “define:”ing words on google actually super helpful when trying to find synonyms that work better for me.

But that’s it! I hope you found at least a few things helpful in that word splurge of fumbling analyses. And thanks a bunch for reading my fic! It’s not super popular so it’s reassuring to know there are people out there who really enjoy it. Keeps me trying to update regularly at the very least.

#anon #deunantalks #hs #deunanrambles for fuckin days #stfudeunan #ask

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ledamemangociana · 4 years

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2020 20 questions meme time UWU

i was tagged by @decertatio to do this! i havent spent enough time on here recently to tag anyone, B U T! if you see this and would like to do this, consider yourself tagged, and let me know! i wanna read your answers UWU

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1. Do you make your bed? - GAWD NO, at least not 70% of the time, im so bad at this. it’s coz on the weekdays, i start working at 6:30am or 7am at home coz my bosses are in Australia and a lot of our clients are in Australia and/or New Zealand, and they’re 3 or 4 hours ahead of us, so i gotta get on those emails and support case tickets as soon as i can, so i give myself about an hour to catch up, and then i hurry out of the condo to get to the office before im marked late at 10am lolololol. on the weekends, when im at home, BECAUSE im just at home, i never fix my bed coz im in it 85% of the time anyway lakdjf

2. What’s your favorite number? - 13, cliche as it sounds. not coz i think it’s lucky or anything, but because other people around me thought it was. i kind of clung onto it when i was in high school coz i wanted to fit in by standing out.

3. What’s your job? - An accounts and client services manager at a digital services agency.

4. If you could, would you go back to school? - Probably not. I love learning, HATE studying.

5. Can you parallel park? - i never got far enough into being taught how to drive by mom to get to parking

6. A job you had which would surprise people? I think every job I’ve ever held, tbh. I graduated interior design mainly because my dad told me to when i asked him if i should enroll in advertising instead (the entrance exam i passed was good for either course). the only ID job i ever had lasted only two weeks, at a firm i had to do my internship/OJT at. it was my first job, and i was let go after two weeks. after that, i was a call center agent for two months, and then a copywriter for 6 months, and then an SEO specialist for a year and a half, and then a social media content/community manager at one firm for one year, and then for another agency for 3 and a half, and now im in my second year as an accounts manager at a digital services cloud agency. even i’m surprised at this job list tbh.

7. Do you think aliens are real? - i absolutely do believe that we are not the only life in this big, huge, wide, expansive universe that the planet earth is but a miniscule blip on. there’s definitely other life out there.

8. Can you drive a manual car? - i haven’t driven a car legitimately outside of learning how to drive, but yeh i probably can, since that was what my mom taught me with.

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? - junk food and soft drinks, but in general i try not to feel guilty about anything i take pleasure in

10. Tattoos? - none, but i am ACHING for them. i’ve had ideas for a loooong time. one that i DEFINITELY want to get as my first one is part of a letter that i found that my mom wrote for me in high school. “i know that you will be able to stand up for yourself and the world will stop and take notice.” i still have the letter, so i still have it in her handwriting. i want it on the inside of my left forearm.

11. Favorite color? - Pink! lighter/softer/pastel shades are my preferred ones, but i love any shade or hue of pink tbh

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? - i hate fake guilt trips. like, when someone wants me to do something that i can’t do, they’ll come in with like “nah, it’s fine, i’ll just drop all these SUPER IMPORTANT things im doing and go out of my way to do this thing that im asking you to do because i’m SOOOOO sorry that you’re unable to do it yourself” coz it’s like...dude, if you really were able to do that or if you wanted to actually do that, you wouldn’t have asked me to do the thing in the first place. like, you’re clearly just saying that to make me feel bad enough to make me drop everything im doing and do whatever it is you asked me to do. i also hate when ppl fish for compliments by being falsely humble or self-deprecating. like. PLEASE, y’all, i’ve lived with negative amounts of self-esteem for literal decades, i know the difference between actual self-loathing and you just wanting to hear good things about yourself that you don’t want to be called narcissistic for saying about yourself. i know what it sounds like when someone is actually going THRU something or is actually having an actual hard time accepting themselves and/or asking people for what they need as opposed to when someone just wants to be told something. like. don’t insult my intelligence and experiences like that. granted, there are nuances to consider for all of these things, bUT like i said, i know the differences when i see them.

13. Any Phobias? - i have a phobia of drowning that’s light enough to NOT keep me away from water but bad enough to sometimes make watching or listening to scenes where someone could potentially drown to set some triggers off for me. i also just have a really really bad fear of dying because of getting my oxygen cut off, coz that sounds like a really slow, painful way to die.

14. Favorite childhood sport? - i was never really a sports kid. the only sport i ever really enjoyed playing willingly was badminton. i trained for a few summers but never competed, but i got good enough to make games in a court fun. i still have my badminton racquet, it’s the only Legit™ badminton racquet in the house (it’s a Yonex, handed down to me by my trainer, only been restrung twice or thrice coz the last restringing was done so damn well), all the other racquets were inexpensive unbranded knock-offs that were good enough for me and my family to have casual games with.

15. Do you talk to yourself? - yes but mostly as a product of deep focus or concentration, or really heavy emotion. having social media has lessened doing it for the latter since i can just vent on here or on twitter, but when im doing stuff for work that’s hard or needs a lot of focus or concentration, i have full-on stand-up meetings with myself.

16. What movie do you adore? - “Romy And Michele’s High School Reunion.” it’s not a perfect movie by any means, but for someone who was a bullied outcast for much of elementary and high school years in a private, all-girls, Catholic school where everyone was tall and thin and pretty and pale and smart and popular, ALL the things that i wasn’t, it was - is? - like a beacon or a hug.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? - heck yeh, coz solving them makes me feel smart, and not being able to solve them but learning HOW to is so much fun for me.

18. Favorite kind of music? - i don’t know that i have one, to be honest, i haven’t listened to current radio in literal YEARS because i dont own a radio in the condo, i barely watch TV anymore, and i dont spend enough time in a vehicle to really know what’s up. i enjoy pop, hip-hop, rnb, showtunes.

19. Tea or coffee? - more of a coffee person myself, actual tea always just tastes LEGITIMATELY like leaf water to me, and i cant find a liking for it. i do really love sweet tea and milktea tho. but yeh, im mostly a bean juice person.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? - An architect, like my dad. i thought i would be one, up until i discovered writing in high school, and then i thought i wanted to become a journalist until i took it up as my first course in college and hated it. but yeh, it was always “architect! like daddy!” when i was asked that question when i was a kid. i looked up to him so much as a kid, and he and i were super tight when i was younger coz i was his firstborn and a daughter. we used to call each other best friends. i miss those days a lot; things between us seemed simpler, but maybe that’s because i didn’t have the ideals, knowledge and capacity to question the way he loves/loved me as My Parent™. our relationship these days is absolutely skewed and skewered.

#personalciana #Mango Goes to Jail #memeciana

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hylukotranslations · 5 years

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FOOL'S MATE - May 2005 Album: Juusankai wa gekkou (13th floor with moonshine)

Yutaka Higuchi (Bass) x Yagami Toll (Drums) Interview by Tomoko Imai

It seems that the theme of your new album is "the goth", but what does this mean to Buck-Tick ?

Toll : It's something quite natural for us. This isn't something completely unknown or that we never did, so we don't have any feeling of discord, but it was the first time that we did it in-depth that intentionally. Before, I think we did it rather by chance or accident.

So it wasn't like returning to your first frame of mind ?

Toll : This always occurs to us, but on the contrary it can be hard when like this time we had to work on that much.

U-ta : It wasn't like returning to our "origin". It was rather, it's now that we can do it, I think that what all the members think. We wanted to show that there isn't that much differences from the albums we've released lately, but we also have this side.

Since when did you have the impression that you would work on this theme ?

U-ta : At first, Imai did 2 songs and we talked about working in this direction for this album. It was around October I think. Then, after the live at Yokohama Arena, he did around 4 songs, and we thought : ah, then it will be that kind of impression. We knew what Imai wanted to say about the "goth tendance" when he did the first 2 songs.

Then at the moment where you were about to release the single, you were already decided on the direction you would take.

U-ta : We hesitated a bit on the choice of the song, but we chose it quite easily, didn't we ?

Toll : Yes, among the 8 we had.

U-ta : We chose it among the songs of the first half of the recording session. Maybe one can feel easily its atmosphere or this kind of thing. For the coupling song, usually we put songs which hadn't that much connexion, but for this time we chose one which is used as the entrance to the album, which helps to understand. Listening to this single, one can, to say imagine the album would be weird, maybe enter it easily.

As a whole, the sounds of this album give an impression of denseness.

U-ta : Denseness or, maybe band sound. This time we didn't use that much rythm loops and others, so I think the fact that the 5 members played is highlighted. That's why Anii (note : Toll) thinks it may be hard. The space between the sounds is not completely filled, is it. And it's this space which is kind of frightening (laughs).

That's where it sounds goth, but for what reason did you chose intentionally the goth ? Maybe because it was the right moment, but on the contrary it may aim too much the center of your self-expression. Didn't you feel any resistance or anxiety towards it ?

U-ta : As far as I'm concerned, I thought it was cool. For example, about the artist photos, usually I don't want to use make up. But this time, it was to the point to say : "do you want more !" (laughs). This was, maybe not cool but, kind of : "why not !".

Toll : I think the result was precise. Like if we were close to Imai's plans.

From where do you think these plans come to Imai 's mind ? Did you feel it ?

Toll : No. I couldn't imagine he was thinking about it while he was into Lucy (note : Imai's side project) (laughs) I rather thought that the new album would be like a continuation of Lucy and would be rock'n roll (laughs).

Was it because you did solo careers that Buck-Tick's image became like this ?

Toll : I wonder.

U-ta : Somewhere I felt it that way, that it's because each one did different stuff that we reached this point.

The fact you gave importance to the band sound, has it something to do with the fact you went through your solo careers ?

U-ta : I don't think it goes as far as that. For the single, it was like : first bullet gathering together ! It's been a long time since we didn't gather for doing something. So, when it was about to do a single, we have thought for a certain time before making a decision. But we didn't record a new song in a studio all of a sudden. Since we did lives at Yokohama Arena and Budoukan, that we have played together, so we could do the recording quite easily. If we have gathered at the studio all of a sudden, maybe there would have been a kind of tension or something.

I digress a bit, but how was the live at Yokohama Arena ? As far as I'm concerned, I realized again that you have an unshakeable band sound.

Toll : We who were playing, were very very (laughs) pleased. Since we have seen other stuff of the other members, it was all the more reason for playing together, how joyful (laughs). I can't say it with words, but it was agreeable. Maybe we made more or less blunders, but we didn't care at all, we wanted to emit sounds above all. But I'm speaking as if we were an amateur band (laughs).

During the recording, there were lives and tours. Did it provoke humour changes ?

U-ta : It's been a long time since we hadn't do breaks once into the recording, but we could easily change our state of mind.

Maybe it was a good timing to strengthen the band sound.

U-ta : Things happened in a favorable order.

Is living with Buck-Tick still comfortable or did it change ?

Toll : Basically it doesn't change.

U-ta : I think it didn't change, but to have worked separately like this time had some importance for me. Since I worked with other persons, I have that impression. What was normal wasn't anymore normal, or it was the opposite, or when I thought to be understood without saying anything it didn't work elsewhere. I won't say as far as a perfect harmony, but I realized during the rehearsals and others that we don't even need to talk to understand each other.

Toll : I would say, we can stay there normally. There isn't any weird tension. And we don't say "good morning !" like when we work with someone for the first time (laughs). From this point of view, things go smoothly.

So you realized again that you are like a family ?

U-ta : I personally realized it strongly. I thought I knew it but I realized I didn't know it. But I don't say that (laughs).

Toll : And yet it can seem doubtful (laughs). Since before we don't do stuff like making a circle before the lives (laughs), or once finished we don't line up in front of the stage. We don't attach so much importance to the rock bands' "stylism". We received that kind of fanletters, saying : "you never stop and that's so cool" (laughs).

Has the recording made good progress ?

U-ta : I'd rather say that the achievement of the songs went fast, and it was the same for Acchan's lyrics. So, after recording 2 or 3 songs, we could guess the next song which was about to be recorded. In this meaning, while recording we could easily imagine the whole album. Especially because we knew there would be a great number of pieces. Before, in the album "Six /Nine", there were also a great number of songs and I was often wondering "how will it be ?". I thought maybe this time it would be the same, but it wasn't really the case.

It was the time where you were using 3 studios and were working simultaneously.

U-ta : Today I wonder, what was it ? (laughs) It wasn't like that time. So, for the concept of the album jacket, we could find a designer who had a certain atmosphere.

Who is not Ken Sakaguchi who has been doing your artwork for a long time.

U-ta : No, his name is Akita. When we saw his works on documents, we thought : "it can be only him !"

Toll : He was the right person without any doubt.

When you have images that clear, you can easily imagine your play ?

U-ta : Maybe we can play in an audacious way. But I think that if we are too audacious, maybe it can look ridiculous. Since there is a great number of songs, if we do them all too much, we can get confused. So, we were thinking, how can we show the songs themselves, and in this meaning we could play quite easily.

However, the rhythm team has a great responsibilty on how to create the atmosphere as a band.

Toll : Basically we create the sounds listening to the composer's opinion.

What's the point of making a gothic image with the rhythm ?

U-ta : For me, it would be the fear of the empty space. Today there are people who play mainly that way, and they do that with a hard impression, but for me it's kind of cheap. There are impressions of fear though it's cheap, aren't there. When the rim shots always resound hollow, or when there isn't any heavy guitar, which isn't even played noisily. I think it's this kind of impression.

That's what you meant when you said it's not too much filled.

U-ta : Absolutely. Atchan's voice is saying something in our ear, and the bass resounds here and there. With only that it's scary (laughs). For me it's this kind of impression which is gothic.

What about you Anii.

Toll : Maybe an impression of lack of ardour (laughs). Something simple. And yet an impression that the sounds aren't completely slapdashed (laughs), that the tams are curiously heavy.

In "Gesshoku (Lunar eclipse)", the sounds of the drums are interesting.

Toll : I muted at the maximum, using a drumhead which was like dead, but not to the point to go throught it (laughs). I talked with Imai, and we were saying : "is it enough dead ?" "no, I want it more dead" "like that ?" "no, more", so we were more and more sticking adhesive tape on the head (laughs). And in the end we put a towel on it (laughs).

Are there other songs where you use special techniques ?

Toll : In "Diabolo -Lucifer-" for instance, when the tempo changes the drums are set differently.

The orders for the sounds are meticulous.

Toll : Yes. For the pieces of Imai I talked with Imai, for the ones of Hide I talked with Hide. When the sound of the cymbal hadn't be that imposing, I was asked : "bring the cheapest one" (laughs). For this time I payed careful attention to the kit balance, to the general impression listening to the sounds. Before I didn't think to that point. I was using the same kit as in the lives. This time, I payed attention to even one cymbal.

I thought that in "Diabolo -Lucifer" and "Cabaret" the decadent side of the gothic was well expressed, and I also felt that the rhythm team made effort on them.

U-ta : It was also above all interesting.

This time, as suggested by the theme, the pieces and the lyrics have a gothic impression, but how do you see it objectively ?

U-ta : About the singing, he is like a fish in the water (laughs). As I just said, the songs were achieved fast so we could guess them, so I can feel that the singing fits well. "Kourin", for example, is incredible. He doesn't increase the tension, he just sings kindly, so why is it so scary (laughs).

Nowadays when we say goth we have a hard image, but in your album it's the European imposant, dark or decadent side, or the weary feeling of the eighties, which are strongly brought out.

U-ta : Yes, it's that one (laughs). When Imai-san did the first songs, I also thought it was that aspect. When we were talking with Imai-san, I think he didn't say opposite things. So it's about that kind of fear.

It made me want to listen again to Joy Division and others. Which goth bands influenced Buck-Tick ?

U-ta : Bauhaus was probably the one which influenced us the most. They were also timely at that period.

It's interesting that you express in a straight way what you were influenced by with a kind of excess of youthful ardour, also the fact that you express what you have digested during a long time.

U-ta : I have the impression that we are quite receptive or easily able to show stuff to people.

Your artwork and the PV are both realized with a very coherent concept. Thus, we can imagine that your stage will be conceptual.

U-ta : We don't know yet, but since it forms a whole at that point, it would be interesting to do something general. So that people would enter the atmosphere of the album also at the lives.

I'm impatient to see that. And the tour will be long.

U-ta : There will be places we never went to, others where we went only once. Gunma will be the first town, and it's been a long time that we hadn't play there.

Toll : It's been a long time that we didn't do such a long tour, so maybe I'll be tired (laughs). But I'll do my best.

--fin

translation: hyluko [livejournal] scans: tigerpal [livejournal]

NOTE: these translations are not mine also might not be very accurate. i took them from hyluko’s site using the wayback machine. thought they’re great to share. if the owner is around and wants me to take them down i will!

#バクチク #ヤガミトール #樋口豊 #十三階は月光 #Buck-Tick #Toll Yagami #Yutaka Higuchi #Juusankai wa Gekkou #translation #fool's mate

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linhkcao · 5 years

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The moment I realize I can move on

As someone who is not naturally articulate and thus take the comfort (sometimes misery) of holding back thoughts and emotions, I’ve forced myself to record this time, no matter how broken it may end up sounding. What a transitive moment I’m in now, a mental milestone. A deep, great sadness of realization as it may be, I know it’ll help me reach the next level of freedom and self-acceptance. After a chain of exhausting days, I’ve allowed myself to be “officially sick” today. I’m gonna slow down. Thinking about what I’m thinking. Before throwing myself back into the madness of life.

I’m a wallflower to the core. The one that always watch, but never get involved, they say. Or am I? There are many moments where I was absolutely expressive and cheerful, like I’m living the time of my life. And I share that positive vibe to everyone I interact with. But there is no expected pattern of how and when that more attractive version of me show up. Recent recall was a couple weeks ago when “she” came to the rescue at an interview and secured me a job offer, I walked out of the building with an impression of “what the heck just happened? Was that me?!”. The thrilled joy, though, is short-lived. As I quickly realize that the worse-in-nearly-all-aspects version now will have to figure out how to meet high expectations from both myself and other people, built by “her”. It’s like “BOOM!!! Surprise biatch~ just saved you clumsy nerd from an awkward situation, congratulations we made it and now YOU take care of the rest! buh byeee~” every time.

Among expectations built, many I’m still fighting for, and for some I realized it’s time to give up for good. And you guess right, the tone is set up for the latter. The record of yesterday events in sequence, though not and end-to-end story, is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Here it goes...

I woke up with an annoying headache from a shortage of sleep as usual, rushed to the Turtle lake and took the school bus to Binh Duong, the place I would only travel to when I have to. It was kinda my favorite moment of a day though. I would always end up at the most front seat on the the right. Settled down. Eyes half-closed. The squeezing feeling all over my head and in the back of my eyes starts to soften thanks to the blend of gentle air-con wind and early morning sunlight, a cleanliness of smell, and my chill love song playlist aka the sleeping therapy. It is opposed to travelling by bike or taxi, now I actually hope the distance was longer! Normally that could be enough extra energy charged for me to survive a normal day at school. But yesterday was no ordinary day. I had no lectures but instead a group project in which we were struggling with an unfamiliar software. I was in charge of running the software while the other two did the writings. Just the night before I felt like a loser and almost gave up, but as the next morning, sitting down with the team, we gradually figured out everything. I felt so relieved. Perhaps it was not difficult after all. Maybe I was just freaked out with something I’m not used to and assume it's unsolvable.

Midday time, accompanied by the brutal sun, is when my tension headache gets at its worse. I skipped lunch and walked some heavy steps to the first-aid office, only to find it was being locked. Right, the lady must've been having lunch. Lying down at the feather chair in front, I pretended to get absorbed into my Iphone like a normal youngster nowadays instead of staring into nowhere and letting out my fatigue like a depressed person. Crazy how I still cared about what other people think even when it felt like my body was about to give out! And there she came from afar, the first aid staff lady; I turned my head and gave her the “I was waiting for you” smile (most honest smile ever), and she returned the “You’ll be okay now kiddo” smile. The first aid office is where I often come to take a nap after a test, or anytime I’m about the “shut down”. I call it VGU 5 star hotel.

The nap didn’t go well as I hoped, still I had to get up for the mini concert rehearsal, and apparently there are other people like me who are waiting to get their battery charged too (there are only 2 beds). The rehearsal was smooth, was no stress, and eventually better than the actual performance (what a shock). But then came the freaking rain. I blamed it for my bad mood, for my guitarist’s bike’s breakdown. And as we was just starting to come back to Saigon, his bike even had a flat tire. This is it, I thought, can’t get any worse!

I appreciate that my friend was very patient handling the situation, he was searching for mobile repairers and called each one of them. So I was resolved not to show any impatience although I was burning inside, the unfinished project still awaits me at home and seriously I was so desperate for some real sleep so I could make it to class for the presentation. I told him that I’d wait on the pavement to relieve the weight so he could go fixe his bike then come back afterwards. 30 minutes passed by... It was dark and remote as hell, and the last open restaurant which I sat nearby may close very soon. I made up my mind that I couldn't take a taxi or grab bike alone with such a far distance at this time of the day, so my only hope was that the guitarist friend woud have no further trouble and come back pick me up soon. My bestie even asked for the location details, in case I get kidnapped she could know how to report to the police lmao. And my professor was very worrying; she asked why I didn’t just simply stay in the dorm overnight...

Then it strike me how much I wanted to go back to Saigon, nearly at all costs. Even just for another 4-hour sleep then going to Binh Duong again, even when it’s super late and rainy. Am I crazy? I didn't care about rationality. I just wanted to go back.

But the actual turning point goes back to the concert, held at BD Conference & Exhibition center. It was prepared with dedication, passion, hard work, and joy, by tons of members from 2 biggest clubs in VGU. I’m thankful to be a small link in the whole chain.

The vocal quality as well as songs selection this year was really amazing. I sang “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran with anh Nguyen, the guitarist mentioned above. And although the performance was far from being perfect, I heard from several friends that they enjoyed it “beautiful singing”, “u still lit”, “it made me happy”, they even recorded and sent me... And trust me, I’m only glad because I could make some of the audiences happy, it was the only consolation at the end of the day. I personally and honestly didn’t understand those compliments, nor did I feel anything about the song, about the fact that I was a part of this concert. I came onto the stage, the extreme light beamed at us and all I could see are black-colored audiences. I didn’t see their faces, I didn’t have a clue how they were feeling. Were they bored or satisfied? It’s not about what the answer is, it’s about me having absolutely no belief in my performance. It was all acting, no emotions. Why can I say so, because I know what is like to “have belief” while singing. it’s when you just sing your hearts out and don’t give a damn on how the audience look like because you know they’re feeling with you, you don’t need to make sure by checking their facial expression and guessing if they’re satisfied or not.

I always talk to myself, no matter what bad things happen during the day, if at the end of the day when I lie down and about to sleep, I feel good, then it means I’ve had a good day. It was the same expectation towards the concert. I was hoping it could be a happy, memorable ending to my 4 boring years at VGU.

I know for sure there are many students like me at VGU who don’t feel any connection to the school nor other people at the campus. I’m not alone. But instead of being cool about it like many could do (you just simple seek another environment where you fit in), I was freak out. I was longing for the sense of belonging to this university, after I made a tough choice to leave home, leaving a mess behind me and move forward, I was an excited fresh who wanted VGU to be a happy, inspiring part of my youth. At the same time, I was all by myself. My brother was at the time struggling with his own marriage. Vi Anh is in Hanoi and we only chatted once in a while. My is in Japan, for years we nearly had no contact and I thought at some point I must let her go... Doug and Nhi went to BYU and I thought I might lose them as well... Other close friends were also away. I was lonely, i was desperate, i was ashamed.

For the record, there was an only truly happy and long lasting moment relating to VGU. It was the trip to Binh Lap with anh Quan, anh Huy, and Thien Tam. If you guys ever come across this note, I wanna thank you. It was the best thing happened to me during my VGU years.

This fourth year has been mind-blowing to me. I skipped the first semester to stay in Saigon for a part time job. And in the second semester I travel between 2 places. And suddenly I’m not a wallflower here in Saigon. For the first time in so many years, I don’t just watch, I am actively involved. For the first time in many years, the better version I talked about in the beginning and I, become one. I plan out my life, learn new things by my choice, meet new people and, many of them I make great friends, we exchange information and experiences, we help each other growth professionally and as a person. And above all things, My has decided to come back to Vietnam, and I realized after all the lost years, we still get each other's back. We reunited the gang along with Vi Anh and it was full of laughter. Many other friends have also recontacted and so it happened that we still exist in each other's life.

I love Saigon, for that it has been sweet and healing to me. I feel a sense of belonging, of living not just surviving. I guess the only reason for me to insist not staying overnight in Binh Duong was that after so many troubles, the fact that I could be back to the city for just a few hours sleeping, makes me feel safe, like “I’m at home at last”.

Of course, I didn’t get over VGU or Binh Duong easily. I wept out like a little girl but knew it was a “letting go” kind of crying. You know when you wish so much that things would work out between you and that person, it takes a while for you to accept that you’re not meant to be and you can move on and still live happily. Last night was the end to all my unrealistic hope. I felt absolutely nothing. No fun, no connection with the people, the atmosphere there. As soon as I finished the performance, I sneaked out into a dark conference room, playing with my phone while waiting for my friend to drive me back to Saigon.

I’m happy for those young and fun people I saw yesterday who has found themselves there, congrats to you, you will be like a close friend of mine who left VGU and his friends with tears of farewell. It’s also nice for me to be assured that people like me could still build beautiful memories elsewhere and be happy. In the end, we’re the only negative force of ourselves, no one can force us to do things we don’t want to.

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clairen45 · 6 years

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Digging into Rey and Kylo’s Spotify Playlists- part 1: episode 7 songs

The Shut Up and Dance with Me post really pushed me to go through the songs from the Spotify playlists and give you the lowdown, as I see it. That these lists even exist is beyond me! And, just to be clear, these lists have been released in 2015 pre-TFA. With no modification, even pre or post TLJ. No added material. If anything, they actually removed some songs from the lists: 2 for Kylo and 3 for Rey. I don’t think the changes necessarily meant that the songs were too revealing or, on the contrary, didn’t fit the characters anymore. It might just be copyright or legal issue or some artistic differences or god knows what. But again, the point of these lists were to get to know the characters a little better. Some characters we already knew of course, the big three ( Luke, Leia, Han Solo), but also Obi-Wan and Yoda, a list for Anakin and a list for Vader, Padmé, Mace Windu, Bobba Fett, Chewbacca... Lists for new characters: Finn, BB8... surprisingly no Poe Dameron. By the way, I think the Dark Side’ list is super interesting! And of course Rey and Kylo. Rey’s list is full of pop, girl empowerment anthem kind of songs, with a few romantic ballads, which already meant something. Kylo’s is of course full of angsty rock. I don’t want to comment on the genre. My mission was less on the musical genres than on the lyrics and how they can shed some light on the characters and their fates. Because, sure, a team chose these songs to let us know about the characters but, honestly, guys, I think somebody let them in on the rough draft of the whole ST. Because post TLJ it is obvious that a lot of songs apply to what happened as far as Rey and Kylo are concerned in this movie. And since we have our bunch of ep 7 songs, and a bunch of ep 8 songs, well, it appears a bunch of songs don’t fit either and could very well give us key information about ep 9. Before I get accused again of “reaching” (LOL), let us be honest: I think they put a lot of care into those playlists. So no, I don’t think coincidences are accidental. And yes, I think it’s fair to speculate about episode 9 looking at the songs. So let’s take the journey and crack these songs together.

There are 53 songs for Kylo (I am excluding the original soundtrack every time) and 54 for Rey. Rey’s playlist also has tunes in common with Padmé, Leia, and Luke. 4 songs in common with Padmé, quite a lot: Smoke and Fire, Rich Girl, Fighter, and Bulletproof. With Leia: Smoke and Fire, and the fact that they both have Love is a Battlefield, except that Leia is Pat Benatar’s song, and Rey’s is Jordin Spark’s song. Same title, different songs. This marks Rey as the “heiress” to these two heroines, which is not surprising. I think it is quite remarkable that she shares so many songs with Padmé, as regards the Anidala inversion we always talk about. Rich Girl, in particular, because Padmé was a Queen, so yes, the rich girl, whereas in Rey’s case the song is ironic. Rey also shares 2 song with Luke: Wild by Troye Sivan (I honestly don’t get what this song does on Luke’s playlist, so that must mean something potentially), and Adventure of a Lifetime. With Luke as a mentor to Rey in ep 8, that would kind of make sense that they would share something. I honestly merely skimmed through all the playlists, but Rey and Kylo seem to be the only one who share songs with other characters (if I am wrong, please correct me). Kylo shares 3 songs, 1 with Anakin (and NOT Vader), Bored to Death, 1 with BB8, Destroy the Map, and one with Mace Windu on You want a Battle (Here’s War). Interesting also. I won’t necessarily comment on that today, because there is a lot to go through, but these are thoughts to save and process later maybe.

Some songs can also fit two, maybe the three, episodes. And also, I have noticed something very interesting in Rey’s playlist: a lot of songs that feature in her playlist seem to be more from Kylo’s POV (like Shut up and Dance). They should normally feature on his list but because they would break away from the others in terms of genre, it is probably how they ended on Rey’s list. I found on Kylo’s playlist 1 song that, to me, should rather feature on Rey’s list, but again, would seem odd in terms of genre.

1.KYLO’S LIST/ EPISODE 7

Kylo’s list also seems way more descriptive about his character, angst, inner conflict, feelings of pain and revenge, than Rey’s list. There is a lot of songs talking about past abuse and family conflict. Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson is a good example: “ Some of them want to use you/ Some of them want to get used by you/ Some of them want to abuse you/ Some of them want to be abused”. References to dreams and nightmares in Kylo’s playlist are also quite noteworthy because they tie in with Rey’s visions as described in TFA: she hears voices in her dreams, and when she first sees Kylo, she knows that she has seen him before “in a dream, in a nightmare”. We can also find some parallels with the plot in episode 7: the Jakku massacre, meeting Rey, killing Han... Recurring themes are, without surprise, fire, death, suffering, dreams and nightmares...

This Means War (Avenged Sevendold). That song is packed with so much about his feelings and his introduction in the ST. It goes on and on really. I could quote the whole thing. But here are the highlights :

Hide my face again, harbor in the shadows (duh!) Feel this weight of sin hammering away Die, with the guilt of a thousand AWOL soldiers (The pull to the light) Die, watch the scythe usher me astray (Lor San Tekka’s execution)

The ugly side of me is strong

Carry me to nowhere (Jakku is nowhere!) Lie!Mask the pain Of a child who's forsaken Lie! To myself Praise the new regime (honestly, did they write the song for Kylo?)

I left me long ago Reasons you'll never know No one to miss me when I'm gone With no more words to say No argument to stay. Another post I don't belong (Lor San Tekka: The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not)

No home to call my own No finding someone new No one to break the fall No one to see me through No name to carry on No promise for today No one to hear the call (Oh hon, hang on, the girl is coming!) Buy into the fear (Rey: You are afraid!) My serpent blood can strike so cold (Murderous snake! again) Another thought I can't control (Force bond much?)

Elements of TFA Plot:

Legion of Evil (OFF): “Break down houses”, “ Mystery crews on a murderous spree” (the opening on Jakku, with his mysterious identity) but also “Retaliation against horrible gods/Treasonous snakes with gentlemen's lies/ Waving a false flag to sell the deception” which of course are reminiscent of his line to Rey about the Resistance: “ You mean the murderers traitors and thieves you call your friends ? “. But can also ironically evoke Snoke’s influence on him: he is the treasonous snake with gentlemen’s lies. Or even to him as seen from Rey’s POV in 7 and at the beginning of TLJ: “a treasonous snake”/ “murderous snake”/ “liar”...

The Red (Chevelle) and Evil Eye (Franz Ferdinand), both emphasize the color red, which is Kylo’s color theme.Thunder and Lightning (Motorhead”, “ Maybe you'll die, maybe you'll fly/ Fire in the sky, thunder and lightning”. Heart of Fire (Black Veil Brides): “ I feel alive inside I won't be terrorized, I'll take all the blame/This heart of fire is burning proud/ I am every dream you lost and never found/ This heart of fire is stronger now”. Also the attack on Jakku.

The Map plot: R2 where are U (Flying Lotus): it takes both BB8 and R2 to find Luke’s hideout. This song is also on BB8′s list by the way. Destroy the Map (36 Crazy Fists). Obviously the title is interesting because Kylo gives up on the map and gets Rey instead. The song presents some other interesting points: something that could evoke Starkiller base “ And the clouds don't break when the sun is on empty” , and also something that seems to fit straight into TLJ: “You couldn't hold your mouth to stop the sound/ With all these riches on the tip of your tongue/And I was trying to dampen it all out/You were talking louder than I should here/Producing nothing but all these mirrors”, “ Where the baptized drown/We used to breathe” (Rey in the cave) “This time, our time, we have, we'll last”. So gain some songs can actually fit more than 1 episode.

Failing on Starkiller: beaten up by Rey, never got the intel about Luke... At least I’m known for something (New Found Glory): “ I've figured out my situation/ I am an endless source of useless information/ Give me bad news could be something expecting/ I let my front down/ And I know I will regret it/ /But you don't know that and I'm the one to blame for it/'Cause I'm destined for failure“. More Starkiller: My own Summer (Deftones): “ Hey you, big star/ Tell me when it's over”.

Family and Han:

Refusing his legacy. War on the Palaces (Refused):

I carry history with me I carry hope (I see you Ben You are My Only Hope Solo!!!!) All the nameless faces before us Let's carry them all

I wanna carry the dead (his attachment for Vader instead of the living members of his family) Wage war on the palaces

Bored to Death (Blink 182): “ And it's a long way back from seventeen/The whispers turn into a scream/And I'm, I'm not coming home/Save your breath, I'm nearly/ Bored to death”. Mene (Brand New): “ My father spoke of prophecy/ To think that I believed is self-centered of me/There was something I was trying to say/ But then I choked on it and now it's getting kind of late” (@madandmisquoted did a meta on how Kylo mumbles “I love you dad”+ “It is too late”). Indestructible (Rancid): “ It's so fake now, everything I see right through/I'm ashamed now to say I ever know you” evoke his scene with Han. I don’t wanna Hear It (Minor Threat): “ I don't want to hear it/ I'm sick and tired of all your lies/ I don't want to hear it/ When are you gonna realize.”. Family and mommy issues: Down With the Sickness (Disturbed): “ It seems what's left of my human side/ Is slowly changing in me”, “ It seems you're having some trouble/ In dealing with these changes/ Living with these changes / The world is a scary place/ Now that you've woken up the demon in me”, “ No mommy, don't do it again/Don't do it again/ I'll be a good boy/I'll be a good boy, I promise No mommy don't hit me/ Why did you have to hit me like that, mommy?”.

Conflict

Got the Life (Korn): “Hate, something, someway, each day, dealing with no forgiveness/ Why? This shit inside/ Now everyone will follow/ So give me nothing just feel/ And now this shit will follow/ God begs me, the more I see the light, who wants to see?”. Strife (Trivium): “ I reach for calm/ I starve for a balance unknown/ This burden tortures me deep in my soul” ; “ Guilt buries me alive/ In a coffin criticized/ I shouldered the blame and dug this hole for me to lay in”. Duality (Slipknot). The title says it all, but it definitely applies to the scene with Han: “ You cannot kill what you did not create”; “Pull me back together/ Or separate the skin from the bone/ Leave me all the pieces, and then you can leave me alone” (Can apply to “I’m feeling torn apart”, “I killed your son, he was foolish and weak” ).

The Girl

I know that’s what you’ve been waiting for. There are 2 major songs about Rey in that list and one them has been removed, A Cross and a Girl Named Bless (Evans Blue). That song presents some elements that stretch all the way to 9. I’m including it here, because of the obvious reference to the way they meet on Takodana:

She's holding out for weapons to kill the ghosts inside (She shoots at a ghostlike figure in the forest)

Or at least kill the thoughts she has of killing her mind (Get out of my head!)

She says "I love you" with her hands (TLJ: Smut Hut)

She says "I hate you" with her eyes (You have that look from the forest..)

There's a pretty girl somewhere with a pretty name (What girl?)

But I could never let you know how much this means I swear we'll end this war, because we both know

It wasn't worth fighting for (Major episode IX spoiler)

She, she said to me I will be driving in the wrong direction Did you ever think that maybe your life

Is heading in the wrong direction, baby? (Throne Room Scene)

There's a cross up on the wall See from the corner of your eye When you're down on you knees...and she's begging please So go and lay back down tonight Because you won't know who you are

Until you're down on your knees...your begging please (End of TLJ, Crait)

The other big song is The Answer (Savages):

Wish me luck This was a hard year And I can't see No brighter future Wish me luck I saw the answer It was a girl (What girl?) Will you go ask her (Interrogation scene, the girl is all we need) I saw the answer Will you go ask her Love is the answer

Evil (Interpol): “ Heaven restores you in life/ You're coming with me/ Through the aging, the fearing, the strife/ It's the smiling on the package/ It's the faces in the sand” (the abduction, Rey is literally a face in the sand, the smile...), “You're weightless, semi-erotic/ You need someone to take you there/Sandy, why can't we look the other way?/Why can't we just play the other game?” (he carries her in his arms like a feather, You need a teacher!).

There is also a song there that is all about Rey’s POV on Kylo in TFA. Headstrong (Trapt) screams Rey during the interrogation scene. But, again, they couldn’t have put it on her playlist so it features on his instead.

Circling your head contemplating everything you ever said (getting in HIS head) Now I see the truth I got a doubt (You... are afraid you will never be as trong as Darth Vader!) A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out (escapes the interrogation room) See you later I see your fantasies You wanna make it a reality baby paved in gold See inside, inside of our heads yeah Well now that's over

Back off I'll take you on (Forest duel) Headstrong to take on anyone (Come on, that is SO Rey!) I know that you are wrong Headstrong we're Headstrong Back off I'll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong This is not where you belong (Trying to turn him in 8)

I can't give everything away (I won’t give you anything!) I won't give everything away

2.REY’S PLAYLIST/EPISODE 7

JAKKU

There are songs about Rey’s life conditions on Jakku. Poverty in Rich Girl (Gwen Stefani): “ If I was a rich girl/ See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl/ No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end/ Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl”. Of course the morale of the song is “All the riches in the world don’t mean anything without your love”. To remind us that if Rey has dreams it’s mostly about finding love and belonging. Interesting that she shares this song with Padmé who had the riches + the love and still didn’t get her happy ever after, but more on that later...

New Americana (Halsey) about survival of the fittest, the daily struggle of poverty, social divide. That one is also interesting because of its reference to James Dean: “ Young James Dean, some say/ He looks just like his father”. There is also the big reveal about Kylo being Han’s son. I think it’s probably how they first imagined Kylo, as a hypersensitive, rebellious, angsty youth, a character from East of Eden (another reference to Eden). The character played by James Dean, in Elia Kazan’s adaptation of Steinbeck’s famous novel, is Cal, a rebellious son who believes his father does not love him and sees him as evil incarnate. Kylo much?

Daylight (Matt and Kim) can also be about home and Jakku: “I miss yellow lines in my roads/ Some color on monochrone”, ‘Cause the daylight anywhere feels like home”. In TFA she wants to go back to Jakku. Rey is also used to having to fight for her survival: “ Murder lives forever/And so does war/ It's survival of the fittest/ Rich against the poor/ At the end of the day/ It's a human trait/ Hidden deep down inside of our DNA”.

Some songs talk about Rey’s dreams and her feelings of loneliness.Chandelier (Sia): “I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist/ Like it doesn't exist/ I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night,/ Feel my tears as they dry”. How she lives on a day to day basis and feels lonely all the time. Wake Me Up (Avicii):

Feeling my way through the darkness Guided by a beating heart I can't tell where the journey will end But I know where to start They tell me I'm too young to understand They say I'm caught up in a dream Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes Well that's fine by me (stuck waiting on Jakku)

So wake me up when it's all over When I'm wiser and I'm older All this time I was finding myself And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world (Literally her job as a scavenger) But I only have two hands I hope I get the chance to travel the world And I don't have any plans I wish that I could stay forever this young Not afraid to close my eyes Life's a game made for everyone And love is a prize

THE FIGHTER

Of course songs about Rey, the independent girl, the fighter... Fighter (Christina Aguilera): “ 'Cause it makes me that much stronger/ Makes me work a little bit harder/ It makes me that much wiser/ So thanks for making me a fighter/ Made me learn a little bit faster/ Made my skin a little bit thicker/ Makes me that much smarter/ So thanks for making me a fighter”. Another song shared with Padmé. I know the song is about a guy that cheated on the girl and lied to her, but rather than about Kylo, this song can apply to a lot of people in Rey’s life: her parents, Unkar Plutt, and all the people she’s had to deal with since childhood. There is Run the World (Beyoncé) that could also be foreshadowing for episode ix. Kelly Clarkson’s Miss Independent, with the perfect title for Rey’s episode 7, but the message about love in this song actually fits better episode 8. Roar (Katy Perry): empowerment anthem, plus Rey looks like a lioness at the end of TFA, baring her teeth and snarling at Kylo. Possibly Piece of Me (Britney Spears).

Confident (Demi Lovato) fits well with Roar. That one screams end of TFA with beating Kylo down.

It's time for me to take it I'm the boss right now Not gonna fake it Not when you go down 'Cause this is my game And you better come to play

I used to hold my freak back

Now I'm letting go

I make my own choice (accepting the saber)

Bitch, I run this show So leave the lights on No, you can't make me behave

So you say I'm complicated

That I must be outta my mind But you had me underrated Rated, rated

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being

What's wrong with being confident?

There is the teaser song about Rey’s origin. That’s Not my Name (The Ting Things). Well, in TFA everybody is asking about her identity, about “the girl”, wo that would make sense to have this song. Rey might not even be her name after all, though she is old enough when her parents sell her to remember it; Does it mean we will l get a new name in ix? Maybe. Or just Rey Solo. I think the song is really there for the fun about the possible identity of Rey...

THE ESCAPE

Songs about Rey leaving Jakku and becoming a pilot. Obviously: Starships (Nicki Minaj) because “starships are meant to fly”. Boom Boom Pow (The BEP): “ I'm on that supersonic boom/ Y'all hear the spaceship zoom”. Alive Tonight (Grace Potter), for these lines: “In the dark of the desert/ I saw a man with a sign, it said/ People get ready, 'cause it's all over/ It's all gonna end tonight, well” ( On Jakku, Lor San Tekka is the man with the intel about Luke promising that “this will begin to make things right”, and eventually this sign gets to Rey through BB8 at dusk in the desert). I also like these lines: “ You wanna get in on the action, you want/ Everyone to listen to you, oh/ You're just living in a prediction/ And that don't, that don't make it true, no” which fits the fact that things will not be as simple as Rey thinks. Also about the end of Rey’s time on Jakku, The Dog Days are Over (Florence+ the Machines): “The dog days are over/The dog days are done/ The horses are coming so you better run”. These lines are great: “Leave all your love and your longing behind you/ Can't carry it with you if you want to survive”, about giving up on Jakku and close to Maz’s line about “the belonging you seek is not behind you”.

MEETING KYLO

Now, with songs that reflect on meeting Kylo... There is Gibberish (Max): “ But then I caught you creepin'/ Secrets that you were keepin”, which could fit the interrogation scene. Or the title could just refer to the fact that Rey seems to understand every language she meets (BB8, Chewie...). LOL. Obviously, the beautiful Yes Girl (Bea Miller):

I got you figured out, you need to have control You think that I don't know you, I know you, I know Trying to tell you now, I've been doing what you want But I won't be your yes girl, no, not anymore

And these even better lines: “ And now you're my favorite sin, oh/ Cause I'm either on your side or you're a mile away” (which fits TLJ better). There is Focus (Ariana Grande): “ I can tell you're curious/ It's written on your lips/ Ain't no need to hold it back/ Go ahead and talk your shit/ I know you're hoping that I'll react/ I know you're hoping I'm looking back/ But if my real ain't real enough/ Then I don't know what is” (again, mood for the interrogation scene). Also like that line: “ Let's find a light inside our universe now/ Where ain't nobody keep on holding us down”.

That one seems really more to me from Kylo’s POV when Rey leaves for the MF at the end of TFA. We Come Running (Youngblood Hawke):

Headed for the open door Tell me what you're waiting for (Rey is coded as the waiting one) Look across the great divide (the ground falling apart between them) Soon they're gonna hear The sound, the sound, the sound (Boom goes Starkiller) When we come running Never go where we belong (obviously, they parted ways when they should be together) Echoes in the dead of dawn (Force bond foreshadowing echoes?) Soon they're gonna know The sound, the sound, the sound When we come running

And also that one: Force of Nature (Bea Miller). That one really fits Kylo in TFA as he starts falling for Rey during their duel on Starkiller: I don't know why but my hands are shaking I can see you coming and I stand here waiting (Didn’t put up much of a fight, honestly) Yeah I get tongue tied in the conversation (Lost the interrogation scene fight) It's an F'd up, bad, sick situationI tried to tie my heart down, board up all the windows Oh but it's too late now (Too late is classic Kylo) I let you get too close (like inside my head) I know I should take cover, hide inside these four walls But baby I surrender, it all'Cause you're a force of nature (Marry Me Face) Look at what you've done I can taste the danger but I don't wanna run So pull me to the ground and I won't put up a fight (End of the fight) I'm a caution taker, but baby you're a force of nature Baby you're a force of natureI feel your lips move in and they take me under (The Force? Mesmerized in looking at her) You know just what to do, how to make me want you And I know I'll be broken when it's over Oh but I can't help but pull you closerI'll be here 'till we collide I don't care if I survive So crash into me one more time

Say what you want, but this beautiful ballad is all about Kylo’s feelings for Rey!

BONUS: THE INVERSE ANIDALA SONG?

There’s an intriguing tune in Kylo’s playlist. Incorporeal (Tiger Army).

I’m gone I died long ago but my spirit still roams (Incorporeal) Unwanted in heaven, forgotten in hell as on earth (Incorporeal) I don't want to stay here, it seems that I'll never be free Oh can you hear me? (no) And so It has come to be that I must wander forever (Incorporeal) Many things I have seen, empires that rise and then fall (Incorporeal) A life you live long is simply a moment to me A tiny drop of water in the sea of eternity There's no place for me everywhere that I go Only seems to bring upset and harm There's one thing that I want and one thing only Release into the great beyond Don't want to remember when I was alive When I held my true love in my arms For like you I once was, and like me you shall be When you Feel a chill in the night perhaps it's me saying hello (Incorporeal) You're so much like my love though she lived in a long ago time (Incorporeal) I long to see her, the day when my soul's laid to rest The peace that I can not find in life, I can find in death

Honestly, this song makes me want to scream!!! Heavy reincarnation theme. Especially when you cross that with Rey sharing 4 songs with Padmé. And with the fact that Anakin (not Vader) and Kylo share a song. And the song I mentioned, Rich Girl. Rey is the inverse Padmé already, right? She’s the younger one in the couple, and she is poor with a low status. Again, Padmé has everything (the riches and the guy) and didn’t end up happy. By sharing songs, it might be another hint that Rey will succeed where Padmé didn’t.

This is it for 7, guys. It is quite a beast. 34 songs left to go through in Rey’s playlist, 25 for Kylo.

#rey and kylo spotify playlists #those playlists have a tale to tell #reylo #reylo fandom #reylo evidence #reylo meta #inverse anidala

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crazyspookies · 6 years

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ZRS7M3+4

Ok i left this one out last time cos it got really long so here we go! :)

1) I have never cared for valmont i don’t give a shit what he always seems to be helping us. He’s creepy and i don’t like him. if Amelia, of all people, keeps giving hints that he’s actually terrible then i’m very much inclined to believe he is. Also, the way he made amelia have to say “i love you” as a password to get control of annie is especially creepy considering she left him and is now with someone else.

ALSO, WHY ARE WE GIVING HIM ALL THAT BLACKMAIL INFORMATION??? HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING?? HE USED TO BE AN INFO DEALER JUST LIKE AMELIA AND I DON’T BELIEVE FOR A SECOND THAT HE HAS A SHRED OF GOOD INSIDE HIM, AND WE’RE JUST GOING TO GIVE HIM CRITICAL INFO THAT HE VERY MUCH COULD USE AGAINST MANY PEOPLE INCLUDING US??? HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING?!?!

And honestly thre’s a couple theories here. Either he’ll give some of that info to amelia as a creepy come back to me present and we’ll have to deal with both of them doing shit to us or my main theories: When amelia left him, it’s been said that she took a couple things from him. We don’t know what those things were and i don’t want to believe they were nothing important because if you’re Amelia and you’re going to fuck off then might as well grab something valuable with you. And he’s saying he’s all god with it’s like “hah haha im good with it but i’m actually not really and i’m going to destroy you when i see the perfect oportunity to do so. And that’s what i think he’s doing, being all nice and shit until he finally snaps. The only reason he gave to help us was because of amelia’s involvement. So whether he is already pissed or he finally gets it in his head that she’s not coming back to him, we’re gonna have a problem eventually.

And on that note, Amelia helping Abel was 1) we tricked sigrid into thinking amelia was on our side 2) This alliance going on cos she wanted to get the babies back. Well, we got the babies back. I don’t think she’s going to stay nice to us any longer than she wants to

2) “Collected Alejandro de chinchilla” lmao i laughed so much i didn’t expect that

3) “But what’s the point of getting cure side effects when we can get some fresh air instead?” Sooooo what...side effects does the cure have?cosss i don’t remember anything about side effects and there is no comment on this line at all 🔍 🔍 👀 👀

4) “Lots of theories about how societies break down, and more importantly, rebuild. “ I would love tho hear those theories it sounds really interesting. do you think this guy used to be a sociologist ir something?

I really love seeing what other communities within london and what their uhh “personalities” and general ideas they have adopted to represent as such.

Little venice sounds super loveley and also rally worring (blood in a primary classroom?!?), what people habitated it so that they were fans of runner five? Obviously they wound¡t be all that cool with sigrid in that case. Children even making drawing of them, it might e such a strange thing to walk into i feel? Did five ever interact with them, are there stories going around about what they did and what they’re like?

The people living in trains is so picturesque but also, they have a People Alarm! Like, having a zombie alarm? normal, but having a people alarm shows how distrustful they might be of strangers. Either by general concensus or by experience, these people have chosen to keep together and isolate themselves from others.

The Welsh separatist colony with their like of order and rules believe everything sigrid say and to be fair?? why wouldn’t they? England is big and its full of people and borders and if you like the way someone organizes things and makes your community generally better then i guess you just go and believe them, especially if you don’t really have all that many information about what might be going on underwraps. And i’m sure her downfall doesn’t really help their opinion of us, given that things have gone a bit chaotic since then by what valmont tells us.

5) BRENT VALMONT: Entirely understandable, but… there’s a power vacuum at the heart of this country. If you don’t fill it, there are plenty of other undesirables more than willing to do so. You didn’t get rid of Sigrid just to replace her with another Sigrid either, did you?

Again, i have 0 trust in valmont not using this to his own advantage but if he isn’t an actual asshole and doesn’t betray us, can’t we just ask around for a floppy disk reader?? because im sure that there has to be someone in england that had an old ass pc with one, there’s no need to give valmont blackmail information when we could just.....keep it. It’s safest with us!. If we use it, we’ll probably use it well, and if we don’t want to use it, we can just keep it and let it rot somewhere secret

1) We’re talking about sam’s sister also i don’t think sigrid was lying, and maybe nicky is somewhere she doesn’t get much wind of whats going on or something esle is going on with her?....You know what would be absolutley horrible and heartbreaking? If sigrid told her sam killed their mom for nothing and she’s not dealing well with that. But yeah probably something esle is going on, but i bet she’s alive.

2) Peter is such a fucking dork lmao the conversation about nicky that h started ended up making him feel akward and he ttly said the thing about the spiderweb to distract sam and himself. The first time i played the mission i didn’t think of this cos....you know, it’s peter, of course something weird is going to happen around him, but today i played the voice clips on the trin cos i was bored and i was like wait that dumdum id doing the thing he did about regrowing his hand in s3 to shift the attention to something else in the weirdest way possible

3) Whatever good ever came from being around lots of mannequins in an horror setting

5) “the hardiest” yeah u tell him janine.He’s still on the self hate train but then again it’s a hard ride to get off from. Baby steps.

6) “Oh, but you, on the other hand… sometimes I think the others forget you’re still human, Five. You’ve survived so much, they think you’re immortal. You’re not that unlucky.“

one thing i really love is how a few days before running this mission i was talking on discord about...how much it would sting for my five when simon and amelia are like “we’re here because you’re an symbol to people” and five knows that’s not simon’s only reason but...it’s still shitty to hear and its not like they’re on the best of terms at the moment. And on this mission peter says this and i had the same reaction i had then. First i was like omg he remembers im a person too that’s so thoughtful of him :’) and then i took me...some time to read this over and let it sink in and im like...you little shit you’re doing that self-centered pity thing again you ttly got me. Like, he’s doing both, being thoughtful and being a self flagelating salty bitch in just a couple sentences. Like when he started talking about his hand in s3. He did it both because he wanted to distract five from listening to moonchild’s minions, but also because he really wanted to get his self pity monologue and needed someone else to indulge him that was not amelia (who probably threatened to kick him out of the running van if he complained to her again) bottom line is i love this boy and i want to tell him that he needs to cut that shit out and try to be vicious about himself

7) The thing about the growing his head back is very valid and i remember when i read Ajin that they tackled this as the only way to kill an Ajin. When you cut their limbs the old limb disappears to be replaced with a new one; so the only way to “kill” an ajin is to be decapitated, because the conciousness of the old head, still alive, will disappear at the same time the new head grows (with its own conciousness attached to it (like, scientifically speaking conciousness is created by the brain, so if you destroy the brain your conciousness dies. if you believe in souls and all that then i guess you can argue about more possibilities when it comes of ‘’what makes a person, a person’’ But then again we’r talking about people growing new heads, and people transmitting their conciousness to machines, soo....). Although whether a new body would grow from the head or a new head would gow from his body (or both) is actually pretty interesting.

8) I have been thinking about his whole thing with immortality too. Like, either he’s try to make maxine find a way to make him go back to normal or eventually he’ll ask her to make another serum like we did with van ark to be able to euthanise himself when the time is right?

#zombies run #zrs7 #zrs7 spoilers #i keep forgetting i have this in my drafts #fennel's zr recaps

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clumsyclifford · 4 years

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(2/6) onto my playlist review: first of all thank you 😊 and no i'm very attached to being called fiancee 🙈 i'm in the mood to discuss music with you in detail again so have fun 😅 (this got long my apologies) maybe - these lyrics hurt my feelings. i feel called out but the song is very beautiful and lewis capaldi's voice is so so niice. i found a girl - i vibe with it a lot though i'm a bit wary about the friendzone-y vibe of the lyrics but it's catchy as fuck.

(3/6) catastrophize - so amazing. but like has noah kahan written a bad song? i don't think so. apropos noah kahan i think i might be in love with him bc i watched the music video for mess and like. yes. that's what a music video should be 🙈 happy - I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING HAPPY. i feel that song so much julia michaels truly has a way with words.

(4/6) everyday life - again love the lyrics sooo much. look what god gave her - what a bop. this song makes me like ridiculously happy? also i don't get the hate country music gets like i personally don't listen to it but that's only bc i'm not really exposed to it. lonely girl - also a bop. gotta love a kind of aggressive break up vibe. edge of tonight - i cannot put my love for this song into words. might just be my favourite of future hearts (okay no not favourite but top 3 bc i can't choose)

(5/6) and bc i love your recs i listened to the songs from the tags as well: lucy - a vibe. did not expect to like it when it started but turns out i like it a lot actually. living on love - only one i don't really vibe with it's a bit too much for me, sorry ajr (great lyrical content as usual though) i believe you - i can't really deal with this song. i love that it exists but i couldn't listen to it all the way through once i paid attention to the lyrics.

(6/6) are there other songs you can recommend by fletcher though? bc it really did sound lovely. life changes - ADORABLE. love the kind of story vibe? also life goals. i could use a love song - same. biiiig same. come hang out - really dig that one. oh especially like the little clicks at the end -fiancee

RIGHT i am gonna put my answers under the cut because i have Things to Say but this is long

u know what that’s fair enough about i found a girl i just think the song does a decent job of taking responsibility and him being like “it’s on me, i’m the one who assumed something that wasn’t there” like in the bridge he’s like “i can’t believe that i just think like a man” like yeah buddy you did but at least you own it!!! so that’s why it doesn’t really bother me about the song but i totally get what u mean

KHJSDFKLGMKDFGJ correct noah kahan has never written or made a bad song in his life <3 GKJFKGMFLKJ FAIR ENOUGH that’s the one w the dogs right...........points made. points indeed. have you seen the false confidence video? i like that one

bro happy just FUCKING hits different. like?? julia michaels really does have a way w words like somehow she always manages to concisely phrase very specific thoughts and feelings. and like saying “i just wanna be fucking happy” ??? i just feel like nobody else in the world would have written it that way. and it’s like. it’s so real. “sometimes i think i kill relationships for art” LIKE HELLO HOLY SHIT ??!?!?!?!!?!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!

mate ive had my ups and downs w country music but have ultimately decided it has some GOOD stuff in there. starting point i recommend thomas rhett (new album is called center point road it is lovely but the one that life changes is from is also good can’t remember the name atm) also side note i shuffled my music today and look what god gave her was the first song that played <3 love that for us <3 it’s just so good like thomas rhett is chugging that loves-his-wife juice all day every day

re: lonely girl that whole album is !!! really good !!! i know i just rec’d a fuckton of shit to you so i shouldn’t keep giving you stuff but i have to just say that from that album (which is called the other side), my favorites are say please, you don’t owe me anything, hell and back, and come home. oh and the other side (the song). okay it’s a really good album what can i say. plus bonus for female-fronted pop punk band

that is honestly fair enough the energy of edge of tonight is really. it’s. yeah. i get it. like i get it.

babe omg u are amazing <3 yeah simple creatures is alex gaskarth’s side project (with mark hoppus!) when they took that year off from all time low and it is self-described by them as “trash pop” but i absolutely live for it. fair enough about ajr that one hurts but i respect your taste especially since you’re so amenable to literally everything else i listen to. however MAYBE you would like dear winter since it doesn’t have the Really Produced vibe of literally every other ajr song. and maybe turning out too BUT IM NOT RECCING YOU MORE AJR SINCE YOU JUST SAID YOU DONT VIBE

ok true maybe i should have given you a warning w that one sorry love <3 but YES i will happily rec more fletcher how about strangers, princess, if you’re gonna lie, you should talk. i really really REALLY am in love w fletcher i listened to her because she was gonna be opening for niall when i saw him (along w lewis capaldi!! like what a fucking trio !!!! but anyway) and i am very sad that i won’t be seeing her anymore but she’s got some TUNES i tell ya

OKAY!!! i loveeee life changes so much seriously the lyrical fucking brilliance......idk what thomas rhett is on but i want some. hes SO good. i could use a love song reminds me of my sister which is like 70% of why it’s so close to my heart but it is a lovely song tbf. and. you LIKED come hang out !!! oh god refraining from telling you to listen to the entire album the click because im. im not gonna do that. but oh my god do i love ajr

anyway.........it really means a lot to me that you actually listened to all the songs and ??? thought about them ???? and TOLD ME YOUR THOUGHTS ???? like have i mentioned lately how much i adore you because i don’t think you understand. like. sharing music w someone, recommending music is such a, like, i dont know. it feels really intimate to me? and sometimes people will just not pay attention when u play em a song and that sucks so anyway not to get all sappy on you i just feel really strongly about the emotion of sharing music and the fact that you take the time to listen every time i recommend things, and tell me your thoughts about them. yeah. love you a whole lot.

#MAYBE I LOVE YOU #MAYBE!!!!!!#god youre like . i got so emo MY B #im listening to the two new fletcher songs AS WE SPEAK cos i havent heard em yet #anyway.......yeah i just really treasure you #fiancee anon #anonymous #ask #answered

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esseastri · 6 years

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Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 4)

sometimes I wonder about labeling the parts of the liveblog with “part 1, part 2, etc” ‘cause like...that doesn’t mean it’s part 4 of the book. just part 4 of the liveblog? idk, I jUST realized that might be confusing in a book split up into five parts, but it’s too late now...

I’m still in part one, for those keeping track.

Part 4 encompasses pages 240-326 (previous parts)

I genuinely cannot imagine Dalinar marrying someone quiet and shy and it’s just. wild.

“his bracer clocks” bless Navani for inventing wrist watches and calling them something delightful instead

nooooooo don’t bring Taravangian here!!!! Don’t let him see the center of your power!

crap, now we’ve got, like...all the factions together, right? Taravangian and the diagram people. the Ghostbloods. Amaram and whatever he’s doing. And us....everyone who knows stuff about the end of the world, all in one convenient place. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, except Jasnah. She’s out there, somewhere. When will my love return from the war

seriously, it’s been 240 pages, where is Jasnah.

“He’d been a friend to Gavilar and that was enough for Dalinar.” like. okay. sure. but you know your brother was trying to end the world to bring back the gods, right? like? ARGH.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hey do we have a way to tell Radiants from normal Shardblade holders?

I’m not saying I don’t trust Taravangian and his “newest Radiant” Malata, but... I DON’T TRUST TARAVANGIAN AND HIS NEWEST RADIANT MALATA

seriously, what is in Kholinar that all the parshmen are headed there? or...being driven there by their weird glow spren?

“Men of blood and sorrow don’t get an ending like that.” DAMN STRAIGHT THEY DON’T, YOU MURDEROUS CURMUDGEON

mmmmm she’s a Dustbringer? Our first one... “I don’t like how she smiles.” same though? I’m. concern.

oohh, I didn’t even think she might have an honorblade. where would Taravangian have gotten another honorblade. I remember reading something about there being more honorblades out and about in the world, but we don’t know whose, do we?

I. Am. Concern.

...........it’s not the bond. #confirmed by the stormfather. so there goes my theory about the the stormlight healing Dalinar’s memories.... hm

Taravangian getting all self-righteous about the Shin “murderering all those monarchs” like. even on a not-so-smart day he’s clever enough to deflect blame, to reinforce the idea that he’s just a harmless old man, would never command an assassin to kill off everyone’s kings. He’s terrifying, tbh.

mmmm, everyone thinking Dalinar is gonna attack them, I mean...good assumption but for once, you’re wrong!

omg

Dalinar, please, please do not go to war with the whole world all at the same time. Please.

I...don’t think that’s a spren...I don’t know what it is, but I don’t think it’s a spren. unless...can cities have spren? There are enough people, right? Can they manifest an incarnation of themselves? That’s basically what spren are, right? forces of nature made manifest, so...why not forces of civilization, too?

oh god

how long has it been alone?

this......is another story I wrote because it was sad, not because I wanted it. oh god. ooohh god. Urithiru...

OH ROCK!! ARE YOU OAK--okay, he’s okay.

wait

so it’s not just murders...it’s any sort of violence? the copycat is copying...all violence? or...just the criminal kind? surely it’s not copying all the violence of the army training or sparring. But...why? what’s to be gained from repeating the same crime a second time?

how long has this spren been alone and how mad is it?

does it think...violence is the way to be more human? to remember more? I’m...concerned and confused and. aaahhhhh

“Let me be stronger than those who would kill me.” punk!Dalinar, pls. you can pray for better things than that...

Dalinar keeping Navani’s prayer in his pocket like...my dude u r gettin married. the pining is. wow.

umm. #y i k e s

no wonder Kadash goes and joins the ardents...

Dalinar just...murdering a hundred people including some of his own men? is? really...like, okay, here’s the thing: We knew from the previous two books that Dalinar had done some bad shit. And we were told repeatedly that he’d changed dramatically. But being told and having it spelled out in...child murdering and unthinking friendly fire is...something else. The character development of this man is wild. and mildly uncomfortable. Like...his bad shit wasn’t just a few battles and some brutality of conquest. this was. really, really bad shit. And to see how far he’s come and how much he’s trying to atone for is. sure a thing.

and somehow people DIDN’T figure out that the Thrill is bad before now???

“This is a mercy” ARE YOU SURE?

AND THEN HE JUST GOES AND KILLS SOME MORE, JUST FOR FUNSIES

BUDDY. MY DUDE. YOU NEED TO STOP AND RECONSIDER YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHOICES. PLEASE.

seriously, how does anyone think the Thrill is a good thing here.

Shallan really needs to look into her budding multiple personality disorder.

OKay, but are they siding with “the enemy” or are they siding with some parshmen who are now in workform and just want to be treated as real people instead of slaves? ‘cause like...you guys are all basing your strategy on the idea that EVERY parshman went stormform and started rampaging about killing everything in sight. And that definitely hasn’t happened yet.

Why hasn’t Kaladin mentioned this to you guys?? like?? oh, I guess he got his spanreed stolen, right? I just....... there’s a lot going on here, but there’s a certain amount of...maybe consider what the negotiations with the parshendi/parshmen/whatever they are now really are before you just...write them all off as evil?

Then again, these are Alethi lighteyes, who don’t really understand the concept of not generalizing a population they consider below themselves.

this is why the whole dudes not writing thing is ssooooooooo stupiiidddd. Kaladin can’t tell you guys ANYTHING unless he finds a nice lady to scribe for him. God, Vorinism is so stupid sometimes.

“Spark” is a good name for a spren tho, maybe she’s legit? I still don’t trust her. at all.

a flying bridgeman, Shallan, PLEASE

he’s a flying captain of the guard, at the very least.

nooo

NOOO

NO I DON’T WANT THIS

NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH FUCKING AMARAM THAT RAT BASTARD ALL THE TIME????? NOOO

NOOOOO

IALAI NO. YOU COULD HAVE JUST TAKEN OVER YOU’RE SMART ENOUGH YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST HIGHPRINCESS AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWFUL BUT ALSO AWESOME BUT NO. NO YOU HAD TO JUST DRAG FUCKING AMARAM THAT RAT BASTARD INTO THIS.

I DON’T WANT THIS TAKE IT BACK, BRANDON.

“Highprince.” “Highprince.” “Bastard.” GOD BLESS ADOLIN, BOY WONDER.

oohhhhhh Adooolliinn. babe, you can’t just--okay. there is is. The Thing.

Shallan. “Oh.” UH HUH. OKAY THEN. SO MUCH FOR THAT SECRET though it wasn’t really a secret. just a miscommunication. but still. I sort of wish that Kaladin had been able to tell Shallan himself about Helaran--though, he still didn’t know it was Helaran.

But there would have been something satisfying in that being just...between the two of them. Them working that out and him probably apologizing and her probably not forgiving him and there would just be. delightful angst before they eventually decided to be friends. But Adolin telling her gives her time to prepare, I guess? for seeing Kaladin again? I still don’t think she’s going to forgive him which will make for veerryyy interesting dynamics when he returns.

Listen, I just really wanted Shallan to pull her Blade on Kaladin, and have him trying to avoid her attacks while apologizing a lot even though he was perfectly in his rights to defend his at-the-time commanding officer from a threat. That would have been delicious angst.

Hopefully she doesn’t hate Adolin for being the messenger, though...

“Everything would have been better off if he’d just let Amaram die.” TRUER WORDS, ADOLIN. tbh, how much do you think Kaladin thinks about that very exact same thought? The answer is: A FREAKING LOT

well, shit. destroying the Oathgate seems a reasonable option, but also it’s gonna make saving the world a heck of a lot harder...

I wonder...if they’d had literally anyone else do the negotiations, if this would be going differently. People know Dalinar, they know he’s the Blackthorn, or used to be, and they don’t know him well enough to know how much he’s changed. If the Blackthorn had come to me and been like, “yo, I want to open a portal to your city center and send you soldiers to help you rebuild” I would ALSO assume he was going to invade my city and try to conquer me and I would also refuse him. But like...if Shallan or someone completely unconnected had tried, I’d be a little more likely? to agree? Idk I feel like they are definitely being hindered by Dalinar’s reputation here.

Just don’t let Taravangian do it. Don’t let him do anything. Oh god.

“a unified Vorin coalition” OH GOOD NOW IT’S A RELIGIOUS WAR. or an Inquisition. Nobody expects the Vorin Inquisition.

I love that Dalinar just....knows how to do shit. Like, Kaladin and Shallan have been practicing and had training sessions with their spren to figure out their powers and even Lift is REALLY BAD at Friction, and Dalinar’s just like. Adhesion. Got it. No problem.

aaaAAAHHH Dalinar holding Oathbringer again and it’s...not screaming it’s whimpering and I’M. SAD. ABOUT A SWORD. DANGIT.

DON’T GIVE HIM THE SWORD. AMARAM DOESN’T DESERVE A SWORD. DON’T DO THAT

okay, but Amaram calling Dalinar a hypocrite is like... POTS AND KETTLES, MY DUDE.

Taravangian: “I sound like a madman, don’t I?” No, you sound like a man for whom the ends justify the means.

Here’s the thing: I see the practicality in Taravangian’s stance. There’s always a practicality in sacrificing a few good ones to get rid of all the bad ones. And yeah, Dalinar’s desire to always save all the good ones, even if it means sparing the bad ones, is just a tad idealistic. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Idealism is never something that we should give up on, is never something we should ignore or stop working towards. We shouldn’t always have to settle for practicality.

hoooo cool. The Stormfather can just...send Dalinar to other people in visions wth that’s really cool. Like a Kyprioth/Aly situation except the destination person knows they’re there.

“Shallan had nothing to do, but Veil was useful.” No, Shallan. You’re useful. You are Veil. It’s not. It’s not a different person. It’s just you adsfghjkl just. YOU’RE ALICE, PARKER. GOD.

“Veil liked watching people. She shared that with Shallan.” THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE THE SAME PERSON. YOU ARE ALICE.

omg, I love that Pattern just...brought both Kholin bros and all of Bridge Four.

“go do something stupid without letting me watch” OMG PATTERN, BBY.

I have missed Bridge Four, hello darlings

THEY’RE JOKING WITH RENARIN AND HE’S SMILING AND THEY’RE FRIENDS AND I’M SO HAPPY AAHH

THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVE THEM AAH

omg, I didn’t realize there was a staircase, I thought they were just going to be jumping into a void.

dear god, roshar has a Sisyphus equivalent that’s delightful.

sooo, I’m assuming that’s...Odium, Honor, and Cultivation in those mosaics? I’m genuinely amused that Shallan thinks they’re “pagan symbols”

Bridge Four took point even though there were two Shardbearers and an extra Radiant and MY BBYS I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

NOPE

NOPPPPPEEEE

NOOOOOOOOOOPPPEEEEE

DON’t DIE?

DON’T DIIIIIIEEEE

I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS HORROR NOVEL SHIT

NOOOOPE

ADOLIN NO! YOU STORMING FOOL DO NOT CHARGE THE DARKNESS UNMADE EVIL THING WHAT THE FUCK NO

NOOO

I’M OUT

BYE

if any of Bridge Four die, so help me, I will drive back to Utah and yell at Brandon personally. To his face.

NOOOPPE THIS IS CREEEEPPY AS FUUUCKK WHAT THE NOPE

ooohh Renarin’s a good, he’s healing them, that’s my boy

okay, the illusory army is preTTY DANG COOL GET IT GIRL

but also the Unmade thing is freaking terrifying and I’m nope

...I’m assuming that since Dalinar saw nine shadows and the champion that there’s one Unmade for each of the ten orders of Radiants? LIke, this one, the Midnight Mother can be directly countered by Lightweaving. So maybe another one is designed to be defeated by Windrunners or Elsecallers or whatever. And it’s one for each?

I genuinely love that the new Radiant’s don’t call their swords Shardblades. It’s Sylblade, Glysblade, Patternblade. I love it.

“Adolin [...] charged into the room, bursting right through the middle of an illusion of his father.” Well, ain’t that just storming appropriate. How beautifully poetic.

also, Adolin and Renarin fighting back to back is A LOT AND I’M LOVE THEM

ooohh my god, it’s trying to bond with her?? trying to rip Pattern away and bond with her that’s... YIKES.

oohhh shit....corrupted creationspren. ooohhhh my god.

Odium, why you gotta ruin everything good in this world, you jerk

ooh...it was...bound. by a Lightweaver. bound like the Parshendi’s gods? like the parshmen? how are we binding people? I’m getting the idea that maybe binding people is bad.

I’m getting the idea that Ishar is bad. but that’s a theory for another time.

okay, so...the pashmen weren’t...going to Kholinar. they were going to a tiny city a week’s walk from Hearthstone...to...besiege it? why

what. is. happening.

also omg Kaladin’s never been to a real city, someone take this child on a sightseeing vacation, asap.

how...did they take the city and what...are they gonna do with it?? I’m all for giving them land and lives but I’m worried about stormform. and voidbringers. and a lot of things.

the parshmen calling him Kal is murdering my soul

oooh noooooooooo there’s a highstorm coming and the people are all outside and the parshmen are camping, and I...am worried.

Yixli? that’s a terrible name. though I guess she’s a questionably evil spren of odium, so.

Fused? okay, that’s a fun word for Stormform.

Kal, babe, you need to get out of there.

Ah. Good choice.

Syl whacking at the gloryspren and telling them “Mine!” about Kaladin is FRIKKIN ADORABLE HI I LOVE SYL

of course it’s all perception, Kaladin, everything is different if you change your point of view. That’s what makes being a person so difficult.

“Treat them better than they treated you.” AMEN. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY THINGS GET BETTER.

it’s hard and it sucks a lot, but it’s the only way.

oh shit

oh sHIT

what. dark stormlight? what the?

SHIT

THERE’S LIKE, THREE OF THEM?

okay, only two. buT STILL

Why can they do Lashings? do sotrmform voidbringers whatever the fuck they are have Radiant orders too? WHAT IS HAPPENING

“You can’t save all of them.” BUT HE’S DAMN WELL GOING TO TRY

HE’S SO GOOD

SO GOOD

WHAT

THAT’S?? MAGICAL. WHAT. MAGIC WINDSPREN SHIELD????? CAN HE DO THIS NORMALLY OR IS THE STORMFATHER HELPING OR?? WHAT

omg, just...deposit him in front of Urithiru. That’s convenient. Why thanks.

YAAAASSSS

SHE’S HERE!!!!!

SHE’S BACK!!!!!!!!!

SHE’S HEEERRRREEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEESSSSSS

me: can I squeeze the interludes onto this part of liveblog? also me: *scrolls up to the top of this post forever me: Maaayyybe not.

#op #Megan reads OB #Oathbringer spoilers #ladyknightliveblogs #aaaahhh there is sooo much happening and so much left to happen and aaAAHH #oh hey I've now finished the preview novel--sorry the preview chapters #whoo hoo!!#Stormlight Archive #Oathbringer #Brandon Sanderson

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basstoad · 7 years

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Sad Boy: The Musical

So i got some brain problems and im working on getting them fixed and i just kinda want to say some stuff about it. but TL;DR: If you are feeling sad or anxious or anything that is affecting your life and productivity or happiness please go talk to a doctor or therapist or even just some guy because it will help i promise you. Heres the whole thing under this break

2 weeks ago i had a low period. I get these a lot. Things i normally am ok with doing suddenly seem unbearable. I can’t think about anything. I don’t want to. I go from gray neutral right to the bottom of this valley of sadness. And every time i get out of it im not as good as i was before. Its a slow and constant degradation of myself.

I have never felt joy. Real joy. At least not lasting more than a few moments. I have felt content or ok but never happy. I cant think of a time i felt happy. I can only think of things that make me happy.

I have, for the entirety of my waking life, existed in a neutral idling state somewhere just above bare minimum effort. A grey area where nothing is bad but nothing is good. I do what i need to do and nothing more. I only get things done if i feel as though i am obligated or required to. Anything I want to do is pushed away or not done due to fear or self loathing or just not caring. I feel like, emotionally, like a wet towel. I don’t really don’t know what a genuine emotional response feels like. I feel like everything i feel is fake. When I am presented with a stimuli that should evoke a certain emotional response, I am aware of what I should be feeling but I don’t feel it. I have also never been excited for anything. Or motivated. Ideas of things I want to do or make excite me, but that excitement never turns into motivation. There are so many things i want to make and learn and try out but I never can bring myself to do it. Ill be interested in something for a brief period of time but then i fall off and never want to look at it again. I dont know what is really causing this. It could be depression, it could be the ADD i was diagnosed with in middle school. I could be something else but that’s why im going to a doctor now.

I called my old doctor and she gave me a recommendation and I made an appointment. It took me a few days to do this because I hate phone calls, but eventually I got one scheduled. The doctor was very nice and she never tried to suggest i was feeling something else or deny what i was feeling. They aren’t going to shame you or make you feel bad. I feel like thats a fear a lot of people have when talking to a doctor about how they feel. You cant measure something like that, at least not easily. Explaining how your brain sees the world sometimes feels like trying to explain how the color of chocolate sounds. Finding the words and phrasing of how you feel is complicated, because thinking is a complicated thing in of itself. Your brain is basically a meat computer that is aware its a meat computer. The doctor prescribed me an anti-depressant, which i started last week. Ive been on it for about 4 days now, and while i don’t feel any different yet it takes about 2 weeks for your body to begin processing the new chemical you are introducing to it. Maybe this one wont work, maybe it will. Maybe I will only need it for a few years or maybe the rest of my life. Either way, I just couldn’t continue feeling gray.

What i want to say with this post is that you don’t have to continue feeling like a dumpster fire all the time. There are resources to help you everywhere. If you’re in the US, you could probably locate a local clinic that offers cheap or even free exams. Some therapist centers are sliding scale which means that the amount you pay is based on your income. sometimes it can even be free. I would provide some resources, but whats available is different in most parts of the country so you might have to do some research. Even if you cant find a doctor, just talking to someone is a good starting point. They could help you become aware of what you feel, and help you make conclusions that you wouldn’t come to on your own. I have felt this way for so long that I know exactly what I am doing because of this thing that is affecting me, but it took my years to figure it out alone. But theres hope. You don’t deserve to feel like that, no one does. You deserve to be able to be happy and live life to the fullest and do that thing you wanna do. So yeah thats all i got thank u.

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flcwerstudies · 6 years

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cute tag!

pretty long post coming up!! Thanks to @cafedetude for tagging me!! im tagging: @hermiionegrcnger @studying-frenzy @belledoe @tiny-notes @theteadesk !! You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to ofc and if u want to do it and i haven’t tagged you go ahead!!

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? there must always be more milk than cereal, but that amount must not exceed a certain amount do you get me? when i scoop my cereal there has to be proportionate amounts of milk in each scoop, consistently, until i have finished my bowl. my mind is a strange and lonely place.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? yes! its so refreshing and i feel like all your lethargy just evaporates... i love taking walks in the winter around my neighborhood in the evenings.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? spoons, lipsticks, i once used another book to bookmark a book, hair elastic, my contact lenses case, compact mirror....im a mess, i know

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? tea: scalding hot with lots of sugar and some milk. coffee: lots of milk, so much sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? no? i just want my braces off!!

6: do you keep plants? yess

7: do you name your plants? yes! i am currently growing two wild roses and I’ve named them Calliope and Polymnia.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? journaling, writing, reenacting musicals and dramatic renditions of songs?

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yeah ofccc it keeps me sane

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? back and side

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? CAROL THE LESBIAN LIBRARIAN // mary walks by // too many to list here tbh

12: what’s your favorite planet? mars! and also venus

13: what’s something that made you smile today? my friends

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? a hurricane flew thru the entire place, empty wine bottles on the ground, beanbag chairs, stacks of books and movies, maybe a cat and a dog lazing around on the couch

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! there’s a gigantic cloud of alcohol wayyyyy out in outer space that could produce over 450 trillion pints of beer

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? give me all the pasta. i love all pastas.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? im ok with my hair color now

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. GETTING A CAPUCHIN MONKEY AS MY PATRONUS ON POTTERMORE

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? yes! i rant a lot and i sort of write down reflections? on my day and things. its really emo and angsty lmao im 16 pls

20: what’s your favorite eye color? brown eyes. so gentle. so sharp. so kind but so cruel. so ambiguous!

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. my tote bag from myanmar! the straps are falling off but i love it so much

22: are you a morning person? depends on if i slept early enough

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, watch a movie, watch youtube, read

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? absolutely not. it always pisses me off when people are like ohhh you can tell me anything??? no i can’t????

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? my friend’s house lmao

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? my peach converse! they’re so pastel and they seem weird but converse generally go well with a lot of things

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? i don’t like gum tbh

28: sunrise or sunset? both

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? sticks his tongue out when he’s concentrating and its so cute i die everytime

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes but i will never ever go into detail with anyone about this lmao

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i love socks, i like wearing weird socks except for toe socks, people who sleep with socks on are Immune to Heat and Not Afraid Of Dying?? no white socks get nasty real quick and they’re so bland, i love socks i have this grey pair with french bulldog faces allllll over it and i wear them all the time and even though people can’t see them i still get happy and tell people about my dog socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. HA LMAO we had just watched a scary movie so obviously we turned on my little pony and watched that for two hours

33: what’s your fave pastry? cupcakes! anything tbh i have an enormous sweet tooth

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? my dad used to go on a lot of business trips and he came back once with a huge stuffed bear from switzerland and its so fuzzy its still on my bed. it’s name is Fred and it wears overalls and it has brown fur!

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yes to all!!

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? paul anka lmao he’s not a band but ya know

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean

38: tell us about your pet peeves! wHEN UR JAMMING OUT TO MUSIC AND THEN SPOTIFY JUST STOPS WORKING?? people asking me if im mad when im just being quiet and then making me mad by continually questionning me, people who will ask dumb questions (yes, there are always dumb questions. google is free and im not going to tell u the homework, it’s written on the board quite clearly u moron), racist/homophobic/ableist/ generally offensive and disrespectful people

39: what color do you wear the most? grey and navy

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I have mismatching earrings that my grandmother got me for my birthday!

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Fifteen Dogs by Andre Alexis!

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the starbucks on center street it’s very Starbucks, exactly what you would expect, but I always sit in the corner spot near the windows

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My family!

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? sitting in the sand in shell key, florida. my feet are in the water and i am watching my family swimming. I am very sunburnt but my mind is completely blank in a good way

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? absolutely

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. ofc they used a baby lion as their mascot. it’s simba-lic.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? there’s this food in korea that’s just stir fried rice with soybean sprouts and the sprouts..... aw god....they refuse to be bitten in half and it’s so gross i hate it sm

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? darkness! and no it is different today!

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? there are scarce places to buy CD’s now but the last one I bought was Micheal Jackson’s Bad

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? bottle caps and paperclips and also pens i pick off the ground

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? my dad. any aretha franklin song

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the spongebob one and the gif of the white man who blinks a lot....u know the one

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i loved all of them and i want to be able to quote them in all of my speech but i dont think people have watched all of them

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? i was working on homework last night and when i was turning on my laptop to work on my project i met my reflection in the screen

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? been incredibly bitchy like damn.....i surprise myself and i really hate it

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when people use weird shit as bookmarks, when they laugh with their eyes shut, laugh lines near their eyes, dimples, kindness, when they aren’t afraid of making eye contact with me bc i have weirdly intense eyes

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? it did not fit the mood of my day but yes i did reenact the lyrics

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? my friend diana is the wine mom but i am the vodka aunt. why?? she is infinitely more caring and kind and sophisticated and also wine gets u lowkey, calm drunk, while i, the vodka aunt, am caring, but i have a bit of a laissez faire attitude and go with the flow and ‘damn what the hell fuck it’ kinda vibe and vodka gets u sloppy shitfaced drunk with none of the sophistication that comes with wine.

59: what’s your favorite myth? icarus

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i dont LOVE poetry but i like haikus they’re like clever one liners ha

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I gave my friend a notebook that i’d hastily made the night before and I have received a box of pads which in retrospect is not even a stupid present bc pads are expensive

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? i drink oj when i can

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i organize them every month bc i am ridiculous and i can’t function if my bookshelf is weirdly organized

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? pale grey almost white.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? my oldest group of friends (TNT lmaoooo) OR YOU KNOW callixtus from volunteering holyyy. you know those people who u meet and u immediately click with?? he’s on of them magical people and he was hella funny too i miss that guy to all hell

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? small roses! peach blossoms and cherry blossoms too. one huge ass hibiscus or lotus flower as a statement piece

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? cozy and sheltered. valid excuse for not going out

68: what’s winter like where you live? terrible but i love it kinda

69: what are your favorite board games? monopoly

70: have you ever used a ouija board? NO WHAT

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? barley, green or reallllyyyy black tea with loootss of sugar so that it makes your teeth ache

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yeah how’d you know

73: what are some of your worst habits? expecting everyone to be on the same page

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. dedicated and brash, loud and hilarious, soft, amazing, i love them a lot

75: tell us about your pets! i dont have pets!! T-T

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? studying BUT DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS OK

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? hateclub sorry

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? done my makeup for me while gossiping with me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? pale green and yeah i did. i chose it bc i love green! and the old color was boring and i didn’t like it

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. no edges at all, soft bovine eyes , shaking leaves, crocodile tears

82: are/were you good in school? yes! it’s a source of a lot of pride for me!

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? amsterdam by nothing but thieves omg

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? oohh nahh im not planning on getting tattoos im scared of needles

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? through the woods? i used to read a lot of them but you know i grew out of them

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? not especially no

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the drop, double indemnity, back to the future, idk there’s a lot

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? the rennaissance! it was so extra and i loved it a lot

89: are you close to your parents? yeah

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. TORONTO-soaring skyline from the highways at night near the lakeshore, the lights from the condos are like stars and its ridiculous but i also loooooveee dubrovnik in croatia and hanoi in vietnam and kaunas in lithuania and kyoto in japan.....in dubrovnik the wind blows in from the shore and at night when the lights are on in the walled city the stone glows amber. In Hanoi in the old quarter, motorbikes flash by and there’s yelling and the smell of pork skewers and there’s old buildings and new ones, huge stalks of bamboo leaning up against the walls. In Kaunas the wind is so cold and sharp and the buildings are so clean and there’s that old fortress and the tower! it’s so beautiful. and Kyoto is old and archaic but so modern it hurts and the streets are too uniform and the houses creep me out a bit bc they’re so quiet.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? i dont think so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i will bury my pasta in cheese just you watch

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? my hair is one style fits all bc its short

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend!

95: what are your plans for this weekend? study and work on projects and homework and stress and nap and have dinner with a guest

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? no updates. we die like men.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? isfj-t, aries, ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? sometime in september? it was nice!

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. put your head on my shoulder by paul anka....there’s a lot and im really lazy sorry

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years in the future, just to see where I end up

#tagged #ask games #nice!#tagged games #tag games #about me

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lovvercore · 7 years

Note

1-65 >:3C

uh oh… time to do this thing

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

sometimes, but usually its me feeling like im not real

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

4, maybe 4.5

3. The person you would never want to meet?

s*ca

4. What is your favorite word?

hmmmm moonstruck

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

aspen? ? ? ?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i havent looked in a mirror all day

7. What shirt are you wearing?

plain black

8. What do you label yourself as?

uh gay emo nerd

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

sleeping maybe idk

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

hmmm probably rn, 14

12. Who told you they loved you last?

shrug….

13. Your worst enemy?

thinking emoji……… u know

14. What is your current desktop picture?

griffin cronching a banana

15. Do you like someone?

yea uwu

16. The last song you listened to?

for forever - dear evan hansen

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

[thinking emoji]

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

[thinking emoji]

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

i dont want a slave thanks!

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

uh uh uh eyes

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

i dont think so tbh,,, im kinda open with what im “talented” at

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

i dont know exactly what this question is asking but ill say uhhh talking to people and annoying them and them being tired of me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

H i dont eat sandwiches often enough to answer this

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

clothes

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

england

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

UH I DOnt drink bc im tiny but i guess mikes hard lemonade it sounds appealing

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

hhhh no straights unless i say theyre ok

29. What is your favorite expletive?

does thrussy count

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

fuck uh my phone would already be in my pocket so probs my backpack bc it has all of my super important stuff

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

oofa doofa most likely some stuff from an old discord chat lol

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

england.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

heres the problem with this: i dont really…. know of many dead people. so i cant. answer this well.

34. What was your last dream about?

idk i have a shit memory something about my online friends being at my school and shenanigans started

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

u never specified so rip i guess

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nope

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

i think i wore sushi socks, theyre grey with som sushi on them

39. What type of music do you like?

a lot

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises but im never awake for them :o

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

cookies n creammmm

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

none

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, quite a few

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

either an artist of some sort, a school counselor, orrrrr a teacher?? idk

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

skin type lol

46. Are you reliable?

id say so !

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are u a single btich

48. Do you hold grudges?

for some people c:

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

horse and bird. i want a pegasus. please.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“ethan avery had such a glow up”

51. Are you a good liar?

thinking emoji

52. How long could you go without talking?

a long time……. id like to never talk again thanks

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

i had an a line in 1st grade idr what it looked like

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yeah. ask me about the 8 pound cake

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes. sometimes when im reading something or talking to myself while doing hw i go into a british accent im turning british

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and raspberry jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

me new oc bayani :o

58. What would be you dream car?

uhhhhh i dont,,,, know

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

yeah i sing a lot,,,,, like a lot,,,

60. Do you believe in aliens?

how self centered does someone have to be to think that theyre on the only planet that has living things in an infinite universe…..

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

no but i read zodiac posts a lot

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

u ;) aksudhfkasdjfkjsdh

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons

64. What do you think about babies?

sometimes theyre cute but from my experience they are hell and i dont like them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

u didnt specify sooooooooooooo lmk what this should b

#asks #himeki #hime tag

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bobbystompy · 5 years

Text

Charles Matthews And Everything After

APRIL 2018

Man, I fuckin’ hated the 2004-05 Illinois basketball team.

I was wrong, but you couldn’t tell me that then. Those dudes played selfless, beautiful basketball. They could kill you in many ways, and they spent the bulk of my college freshman year killing me in all the ways. Maybe it wasn’t even the players... maybe it was just the fans. Shit, we were all 18, 19. That’s, like, when college pride is off the charts and half of what you wear is gear.

When that team lost at the very end, it was like a cleansing rain.

Me, before their title game (4/3/05): “There have been a handful of games in my lifetime where I have wanted a team to win more than ANYTHING. This is an opposite situation...only more. I have never wanted a team to lose this bad in my entire life. I want them to lose more than EVERYTHING.”

Me, after (4/4/05): “Ahhhhh. What a time to be alive.”

Hate is such a false god.

Because what I really believe in is karma, and, eight years later, when my beloved Michigan Wolverines punched their card for the finals... I knew I had to get right with my buddy Dom.

Dominic Bruno is one of thee greatest sports fans I will ever know. He roots for both the Cubs and White Sox with no questions asked. I think he thinks it’s odd when people ask him questions. Of his many loves between pro and college athletics, the Illini are his A1, ride or die squad. That 2004-05 (done with the hyphen, if they come up again, it’s gonna be ‘04) was a generational fucking team. Younguns might not understand this now, but for a little bit, Chris Paul vs. Deron Williams was a legit NBA debate. D-Will’s hair also used to look slightly less weird. But still weird.

Ah, man -- there I go again. I can’t help myself.

Anyway. After U of I lost to UNC in their title game, I put up an away message punning the entire Illinois starting lineup with uncreative names (I’m too embarrassed to quote the whole thing, but let’s just say “Pee Brown” was used for Dee Brown). Dom, who I assume was in his feelings a little bit... did not react well.

“I’m going to come riot in your room.”

I know, I know, you might be thinking that’s not that bad. But Dom is a laid back dude; he lives with love. So to push him to that point with flippant trolling of his golden ticket team? Not my finest hour.

And sure, yes: we were kids, it wasn’t that bad -- but I told you I believe in karma. So when Michigan made it in 2013, I called him. He was unassuming, told me it was cool. I read him what I wrote and what he said in response, and it didn’t shake him. Homie told me he was rooting for Michigan in that doomed game. That’s the kind of class (or weird conference loyalty) he has.

After that, I watched The Timeout. It had been at least a decade since I’d seen the clip.

Sometimes, rappers do this thing where they pull back and talk decades.

Shawn Corey Carter:

N****s wanna bring the 80's back That's okay with me, that's where they made me at

Macklemore:

I grew up during Reaganomics When Ice T was out there on his killing cops shit Or Rodney King was getting beat on And they let off every single officer And Los Angeles went and lost it

I grew up with the ghosts of the Fab Five. The coolest, most star-crossed basketball team to ever do it (or not do it, depending how seriously you take NCAA sanctions). Though their finals loss to UNC -- I mean, like of course -- was a little off-the-radar for my early elementary school self, my sports fandom carried that loss like the baggage it was for everyone who actually earned the scar. For years and years, if you told someone you were a Michigan basketball fan, you got a smug ass “Timeout!!!” from people.

The One Shining Podcast guys use the call as their intro, and it still fucking stings.

But I watched the clip, took it in, and tried to push forward before Michigan took the court against a favored Louisville team.

Then the game started. And then there was Spike.

And then there was Trey and the confetti.

Louisville, of course, would be forced to vacate that title this very year. The parallels have no end.

The Fab Five was there for that L, of course. The four non-Chris Webber guys together in the stands while Chris was up in a box. My fear is he’ll go to the grave with that timeout.

This time around, 2018 has given us a team unlike the ones of the past. I don’t go into this game with (as many) Fab Five haunts as before. Shit, Jalen Rose can’t even make the game (he’s working in New York), so the will-they-won’t-they drama is all but squashed immediately. And though I can’t speak at all on player motivation, you’d have to think redeeming the 2013 loss has to be somewhere in the headspace of at least a few of these players. It’s the same coach, a similar situation (4-seed five years ago, 3-seed now facing a monster 1-seed), and a hungry ass team featuring a pitbull point guard, a Many Faced German center, a sharp shooting sixth man, and a dude whose first name is literally Muhammad-Ali.

And we haven’t even gotten to Charles Matthews.

Charles Matthews is one of those first-and-last name guys. Charles feels too formal. Matthews, too sterile. A year ago, I didn’t know he existed. Now he’s filling GRIII’s shoes like the love interest of a creepy widower who insists she wear the late wife’s clothes. They even both rock the 1.

squint and it’s the same squint and it’s the same

* * *

MARCH 2019

OK, so I got too emotional previewing the Michigan-Villanova title game and actually stopped at that part. It was for the best. The Wolverines got wrecked when a white dude went off -- parallels, parallels, parallels -- and the rest is (Nova) history.

Last night, I watched Charles Matthews play what is 99.99999999999999% going to be his last game for Michigan. God damn, he was just the fucking best. If I had to construct the ideal M player to root for from scratch:

- Cool height, but not too tall, but for sure long... like a Michael Jordan-type 6′6′’ (CHECK)

- Impeccable hairline (CHECK)

- Jersey No. 1 (CHECK)

- Off the charts athleticism (CHECK)

- Dope at defense but doesn’t have to be (CHECK, IS)

- Likes Drake or Jay (YUP)

- Iffy shooter (...CHECK)

- Boring as hell interviews with the occasional unexpected flair (OHHH CHECK)

Yeah, just so sick.

I am sad, so let’s end with a Top 8 Memories Of Charles Matthews.

8) When Gus Johnson excitedly called him “Charlie Matthews” and I thought it might catch on and it definitely did not catch on

7) The Kentucky Transfer: Charles Matthews transferred to Michigan from another school. It got mentioned... a lot. Though it drew the ire of most Michigan fans, I always thought it sounded like a great damn boost.

6) Speaking of... he really could get up

youtube

5) Not wanting to get hit with water during locker room celebrations

4) Chi: I watched Michigan play Iowa in the first row of the 100 level at the UC for the 2019 Big Ten Tournament, and they announced Charles Matthews (from Chicago) last, and he got the biggest cheers in the arena/mobbed by his teammates

3) We experienced our successes in different ways

...but the joy never ceased.

2) MS-U MAD BRO?

1) The Minny game winner: Had to... this was his moment.

youtube

Oh man, the interview after was so god damn boring, you guys; top notch. Nothing but respect for my nonplussed swingman.

College sports are weird because there is so much brand continuity and tradition yet so much personnel change. It’s hard not to think of the ending of the “Friday Night Lights” movie. Like, you just did the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER and maybe it didn’t work out or maybe it did but no matter what it’s ON TO THE NEXT THING, LIKE, THE NEXT DAY. Some will go to the league, some will become accountants, but no matter what, the coaches will update the damn depth chart.

youtube

I love watching basketball because it makes me feel alive, and players like Charles Matthews make me feel most alive.

#charles matthews #go blue #michigan basketball #villanova #trey burke #donte divincenzo #friday night lights #john beilein #louisville #basketball #nba #cbb #final four #2018 #2019

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allwaysofpersonalitytyping · 5 years

Text

Difference Between the Synonyms of Non-People-People

Shyness is similar to and often confused with being an introvert, socially anxious, quiet, timid, or insecure. But all of them are different and not even the same:

1. A shy person means you appear to be socially uncomfortable in general. It is somewhat superficial because it is only on the surface, nowhere else other than how you present yourself socially. Shy people can be introverts or extroverts; quiet or loud; there are many types of different people who are shy. But that does not mean they are socially anxious, afraid, or lacking confidence in everything. Despite their seemingly nervous and somewhat timid demeanor, some shy people are loud and bold, comfortable with who they are without having any issues. You can be shy but confident and manage well without having social anxiety, problems making friends, nor many fears.

Group Leader: Now what are we supposed to do? We have to much drama and shit going on already, need we anymore!

Shy person: W-well u-um m-maybe sincethepeople s-seem like t-theyaren’t s-so bad...it-it may have...b-been like a-a s-sorta misunderstanding...you know...uh-so w-what...I mean...

Everyone: *annoyed*

Group Leader: What do you mean?

Group member #1: Yeah, I can’t understand you, you aren’t making any sense, you’re beating around the bush. Just speak your mind, exactly what point are you trying to make?

Group Leader: Now, now that’s a little harsh there, let’s not be impatient here. Alright, continue please.

Shy person: W-what I mean is...t-that-maybe-if-we-be-nice-and-kind-instead-of-starting-a-f-fight-then-th-that-may-be-a-a-b-better-alternative!

2. Introversion simply means you recharge by being alone; not always the same as being antisocial. In fact, many social butterflies are actually introverts. Like shy or anxious people, introverts come in many different, diverse personalities. They can basically be anything but at the end of the day, the one thing they need is some alone time to regain their energy.

Friend: Hey you coming to the big party today?

Introvert: No way Jose! I’m tired, I’d rather just stay home and curl up with a book.

3. Social anxiety is a personality disorder where it interferes as a problem in a person’s daily life. A person with social anxiety is typically thought of as someone who is shy, but it can be anybody. Your outgoing friends may seem to have their life together all the time, but deep down, they could be suffering this disorder. If you know them better, you’ll realize they’re not perfect and that they get nervous at times as well. They usually seem comfortable socially, but they can suffer anxiety attacks if the disorder is severe. To spot someone with this disorder, shy or outgoing, they’ll always seem at least somewhat neurotic.

Friend: Hey what’s new with you?

Socially anxious person: Nothing good, nothing bad, doing just fine, *nervous laughter*, you?

Friend: I went hiking with my family like always.

Socially anxious person: That’s nice! That sounds so wonderful I-

Friend: Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit of a nervous wreck today. I think we should go to the nurse. You look like you’re going to have another panic attack.

Socially anxious person: *fainted*

Friend: Oh shit!

4. Someone who is quiet is just softspoken and barely talks. They’re not mute people who don’t want to talk or loners who want to be alone; they just have a different style of socializing. But they’re not shy, introverted, anxious, nor timid; they are just quiet. They talk when they feel like it’s necessary and keep silent to be thoughtful so they don’t interrupt others. Quiet people are usually the calmest and most polite compared to everyone else.

Coworker: You’re so quiet, why don’t you talk more?

Quiet person: Because I’d rather not say anything then say something stupid. I just don’t feel it’s necessary to fill in silences all the time. I live by the “Think Before You Speak” motto, besides us quiet people are said to have loud minds. I’m sorry you dislike me when I didn’t do a thing to you, I just choose to listen more than talk.

Coworker: You just talk?

5. People who are timid are generally risk-averse, easily scared, super quiet, and very shy. They are so silent because they don’t have enough guts to leave their comfort zone. Timid people are always in the background, too scared to to speak up, almost mute, and comfortable with where they are as long as there is no big change. They are invisible, never the center of attention, and easily go unnoticed. Like true ninjas, they have no presence nor stand out. Doing anything totally different than their comfort zone is the last thing they would do; they are afraid of, hesitant with about almost everything and lack color.

Timid person: *silent*

Friend’s Friend: You’re too quiet, but you look like you want to say something right now, is there something you want to say.

Timid person: *speaks very softly* Um it sounds kinda scary, let’s not do this, I think we’ll get hurt...*shaking*

Friend: Huh? I couldn’t hear you, please repeat.

Timid person: *tears up* I don’t wanna do this...

Friend: I think everyone is fine with rock-climbing so let’s get going then!

Timid person: *remains silent and hides*

Friend: My friend’s not here, fuck, I always forget about that person! *gets phone* Hey, what happened, where you at?

Timid person: I’m sorry, I got sick today, so I couldn’t make it.

6. Insecurity is lacking or overly faking confidence. Anyone of any personality can hate themselves. Cocky, rude, and arrogant people act confident but do it to compensate for their very low self-esteem. Most of them are seen as troublesome folks with daddy issues or having been bullied in their childhood years. They have no idea how to truly love themselves, causing trouble for themselves and other people. If they don’t stop to think and love themselves, they will continue ruining their own lives.

Stranger: Hi...

Insecure person: *ignores* Hmph!

Stranger: What’s that bastard’s problem?

Insecure person: Shut up! *pushes poor stranger to the ground and jeers noisily*

Secure person: You shut up! All you do is put others down but the only pathetic one is you, you’re just an insecure loser with no life.

Are you the painfully shy guy, the quiet and timid one, the nice, quiet girl, or the strong silent type?

#introvert

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notravinsorry · 7 years

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1-99 do not ignore

jesus christ dude

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Move- Saint Motel, Kim’s Caravan- Courtney Barnett, Kill v. Maim- Grimes, Joyrides- Mutemath, Ascension- Gorillaz, Loves in Need of Love Today- Stevie Wonder

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Janelle Monae

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“…He chose to send us His only Son to effect our redemption by His death at Calvary”

4: What do you think about most?

Living by myself in a luxury apartment

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“ok”6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

depends7: What’s your strangest talent?

i can do weird voices8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are ethereal

Boys are back in town9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

sadly no :/10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

last week11: Do you have any strange phobias?

dark open spaces and/or loud noises from no known source12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

…yes13: What’s your religion?

i used to identify as catholic but im atheist now14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

riding my bike are just hanging out15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Saint Motel at the moment17: What was the last lie you told?

this gross but “yes i brushed my teeth”18: Do you believe in karma?

nah19: What does your URL mean?

my name is Ravin-Marie and freshman year one of our vocab words was ravine and my friend called me that and so i just added marine20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: negative self image

strength: forgiveness21: Who is your celebrity crush?

janelle monae22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no23: How do you vent your anger?

i start ranting24: Do you have a collection of anything?

bottle caps25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

depends on who im talking too26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

not yet27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

i hate the sound of people chewing and i love nintendo switch sound thingy28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if i become famous29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

not ghosts but i believe in aliens30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: pillow and left: dresser31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

air32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

psych ward33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

east34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

the weekend35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

anything you want tbh36: Define Art.

anything that gives the viewer a look into the mind of the artist and/or strong emotions37: Do you believe in luck?

nah38: What’s the weather like right now?

perfect39: What time is it?

11:3040: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

no and no41: What was the last book you read?

whats a book42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

ya43: Do you have any nicknames?

ladybug, ravy-baby, ravine, ray44: What was the last film you saw?

Paris is Burning45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

hit my knee and i couldnt had to use crutches for weeks46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

nah

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

griffin mcelroy48: What’s your sexual orientation?

bi49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really50: Do you believe in magic?

no51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

only if it really hurt52: What is your astrological sign?

pisces53: Do you save money or spend it?

spend it…54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

a book55: Love or lust?

both56: In a relationship?

nah57: How many relationships have you had?

058: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

no59: Where were you yesterday?

Arlington, VA60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yeah61: Are you wearing socks right now?

ya62: What’s your favourite animal?

all animals63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

i pay attention to what they like64: Where is your best friend?

at home65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

all of my mutuals66: What is your heritage?

im black but idk what else67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

on this hellsite68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Perkins69: Biggest turn ons?

idk good listener, gentle, eye contact??? idk70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

no, i could do better71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

A) yeah B) spend money C) kinda73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

my type- saint motel75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

8008 (lol)76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

trust, understanding, openness, and honesty77: How can I win your heart?

compliment me, buy me things, take time to talk to me about what i like78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yeah79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

none80: What size shoes do you wear?

981: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

skate and die82: What is your favourite word?

darling83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

love84: What is a saying you say a lot?

my dude/ my guy85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Bang Bang (my baby shot me done)86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

pastel yellow87: What is your current desktop picture?

mauve color88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

whats ur kink?90: Turn offs?

being self centered91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

ability to stop time92: where are your parents from?

moms from dc and dad is from new orleans93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

telling my dad i was suicidal for the first time94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

hozier95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Greece96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

lmao hopefully not97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think so98: Ever been on a plane?

yeah99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say

please dont be mean to me

fuck u this took me more than an hour

#ask #long post

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