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chuuyascumsock · 6 months

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I am NOT a Sadist (I am) || Minors DNI

Summary; Sorry, not sorry. I love when there’s hurt feelings with emotional make-up sex :)

Tags; Chuuya Nakahara/Reader, Afab reader, Angst, Mentions Of Depression, Hurt/Comfort, I Totally Projected My Poor Communication Skills Onto The MC, Also Self Sabotaging, But She Gets Better I Swear, I Project A Lot Actually Lmao, Sounds Kind Of Like An Unhealthy Relationship At First But They Fix It, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, They Do Hurt Each Other’s Feelings A Little, Obviously There’s Crying, Pet Names (Baby, Doll, Sweetheart, Sweet Girl, etc.), Mention Of Phone Sex, Handjob, Fingering, Emotional Sex, Make-Up Sex, Creampie, Lowkey Breeding Kink If You Squint, Actually Pretty Vanilla For Once, Pussy Is Chuuya’s Therapy, Classic Missionary, Missionary Accomplished, Why Does No One Talk About Chuuya Going On His Overseas Trips And Leaving His S/O For Months At A Time, I Feel Like It’s Such A Good Angst Idea, My Longest Oneshot Yet Btw At A 5k Wordcount.

The honeymoon phase of your relationship with Chuuya ended quicker than you had anticipated. It felt like a slap in the face in all honesty, unexpecting of what you were really getting into as a normal civilian. Being married to an executive of the port mafia had its many upsides, yet no one really seemed to talk about the downsides and struggles of the mental toll that weighed on your conscience that came with the title as Chuuya’s wife.

Chuuya had always been there when you needed him, and you were grateful that even with his rough exterior and conflict with opening up emotionally he could empathize with your varying issues and emotional outbursts. You tried not to be emotionally high maintenance for the sake of Chuuya already having so much on his plate, and things had seemed to be going well for the time being.

Until he went away for his first overseas trip during your marriage.

It was normal for Chuuya to take overseas trips while you were dating, some lasting a few days to a few weeks at most and during those times you often texted him throughout the day about how much you missed him before calling later on when he was lying exhausted in a hotel room to talk about how both of your days had gone. Of course, it had often led to phone sex, ending with the camera angled against a pillow while your fingers worked in and out of your neglected, needy pussy– your face buried into his pillow and smothering your senses with what was left of his presence in your apartment. And Chuuya would stroke his throbbing length at the sight with languid motions, thumb swiping over his leaking tip as he murmured through the speaker about how he wished he could be there to feel you split open on his cock and fill you up with his cum. And every time he came back from his trips, your relationship seemingly grew stronger from the distance, spending all his free time with you whenever he got the chance.

And then Mori sent him away on a half year mission to Europe and everything seemed to go to shit.

It was different when you had been dating as it was for a few days to some weeks at most, but a six-month excursion made your throat clench and your heart ache with saudade. You tried to keep a positive mindset, yet it was harder as each day had passed and Chuuya grew too tired from the days’ events to even call anymore. Messages on his side grew shorter and dull by the end of the third month, only sending a small good morning and good night text with the occasional ‘I love you’.

Instead of bringing it up or attempting to fix it, you felt a sense of hopelessness and withdrew from him as well, not wanting to burden him with your spamming messages or feelings that could hinder him while dealing with an important mission. You spent the next three months stewing in a depressive state, loneliness eating away at you as you went day to day going to your job and coming back to an empty apartment. You stopped going out with your friends, stopped bothering to take care of yourself– completely ruining your sleeping and eating schedule in the process– leaving you with dark bags under your eyes and slightly paler looking complexion. You had grown so comfortable in Chuuya’s love and had no idea how to handle the situation you were in, fearing of saying something that would upset him.

When Chuuya had come back, he hadn’t noticed the change in your behavior– too tired himself to see the toll his absence had taken on you. But to you, your straining relationship was apparent, and it only fueled your depression as Chuuya spent less time with you when he got back home than he used to when you were dating. He was either working on other missions given by Mori within the area or spent his free time sleeping. You barely felt as if you were married anymore, your relationship seeming more like roommates who rarely ever interacted every passing day.

Your deteriorating mental health was beginning to wear your mind and patience thin, leading to a series of outbursts and fights between the two of you. You’d snap at him with an antagonizing start, and he’d finish with a frustrating end, either leaving to cool off or going to sleep on the couch. You could tell it was getting to him because he confronted you one day after he had mentioned that Mori was thinking about sending him on another grueling months-long overseas mission in America and you gave him the cold shoulder, closing yourself off from him.

“What the hell has been your problem lately, huh? You’ve been acting shitty for the last few weeks and it’s really starting to get on my nerves,” He gripes, crossing his arms over his chest defensively as he leans against the kitchen counter.

“I don’t have a problem, you’re the one starting things,” You tiredly glare at the words in your novel, wanting to read and forget everything falling apart around you, but it’s hard when Chuuya persists.

Chuuya scoffs, “Bullshit, you have this nasty attitude and it's been bothering the hell out of me– so what the hell is your problem?” He repeats, his eyes burning holes into the side of your apathetic expression from across the room.

“Good thing you won’t have to deal with it for long, huh?” You respond flatly, avoiding his question once again. You and Chuuya have always had an issue with things like this due to him being blunt when he was upset about something while you tended to dance around it and drawl the problem on longer than it had to be than if you were to talk about your problems from the start.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” His jaw sets, teeth clenching behind his scowl, “You know it annoys the hell out of me when you say cryptic shit like that— answer my question.” Chuuya’s temper was something no one enjoyed testing and you once feared setting him off, but now you couldn’t find it in you to care whether he blew up on you or not.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your next mission?” You’re metaphorically poking more than just a bear at this point; this is an entire fucking lion you’re sticking your hand into the mouth of– waiting for it to rip you apart.

Chuuya’s steps are heavy as he approaches you with a stern glare, “I’m not leaving until you tell me, I’m tired of these games, [name].”

His words make you snort bitterly as you mock, “Yeah, okay– like you’re not just Mori’s lapdog– at his every beck and call.” You know he’d leave the minute Mori sent a text or called asking where he was.

Chuuya’s face contorts in mild surprise and slight hurt at your words, not expecting you to stoop so low as to refer to him as a lapdog for Mori. “I really don’t know why the fuck you’re acting like this, but it’s seriously pissin’ me off. Can you just tell me what I supposedly did wrong to make you treat me like this? Because last time I checked, I didn’t fuckin’ do anything,” His statement was ironic in the sense that him not doing anything was the problem.

Your nostrils flare with a deep exhale in spiteful amusement, though nothing was amusing about it, because you knew you were going to regret everything you said after the fight was over.

“Of course, you didn’t,” There’s clear sarcasm in your tone, your hands now messing with the pages of your novel mindlessly.

“Why won’t you just talk to me!? I can’t read your mind– how can I fix a problem when you won’t tell me what I did wrong?” He starts to raise his voice in frustration. You can see his fists clenching from the corners of your eyes.

You only remove yourself further emotionally by shutting down completely. It was common for you to go completely non-verbal in any argument, the stress of the conflict physically affecting you in ways that kept you from speaking– like your throat tightening and tongue growing heavy in your mouth. This was another issue between you and Chuuya as he was the type to raise his voice whilst arguing to make himself and his feelings known, the complete opposite of yourself.

An inkling of doubt buries in your chest as you begin to think that maybe you’re not as compatible with Chuuya as you thought you were.

Chuuya notices your silence and he feels his impatience growing, his foot starting to tap against the floor with agitation as his hands fall to rest on his hips, “God dammit, [name], can you just tell me? I’m not in the mood to play detective and try to figure out why you’re playing your fucking games, I have shit to do.”

You find it in you to respond, though it’s weak and filled with animosity, “You always have shit to do.”

An exasperated sigh leaves Chuuya as he stands in front of you, “Is that what this is about? Because I have work? A job? Believe it or not, the mafia isn’t as lenient as to give me a day off, sweetheart,” He says sarcastically, throwing his hands up for emphasis. “Sorry that I have to serve an organization that will literally have my head if god forbid, I even thought about leaving!”

“You don’t even spend time with me anymore when you do have time off,” You rasp, your eyes set on the crumbling pages underneath your fingertips.

“I’m exhausted because I’m constantly working my ass off! Sorry that I can’t do fuck whatever and whenever like you can! Unlike you, I actually work for the things I want instead of sitting around and waiting for it to just fall into my lap!” Your brows furrow at his words, knowing it’s utter bullshit. But it still gets under your skin.

You could easily quit your job and live off of the makings of what Chuuya has— he’s even offered the idea before— but you wanted to keep a sense of independence and to continue to be productive instead of a burden that burns cash. Your conclusion is that it was to get back at your lapdog comment.

“And you know what? You have nothing to fuckin’ complain about because you get everything you want. Are you just bored? Is that why you’re starting shit? Or is it those friends of yours filling your head with bullshit?” He leans over to your eye level, his hands resting above his knees for support with a firm stare into the side of your face as you refuse to make eye contact with him.

You were over this. All of it. You were tired of the tension, the fighting, feeling the way you were.

Which led the next words to slip out from your mouth without a second thought, “I want a break.”

Chuuya’s scowl quickly shifted to a look of pure bewilderment, to immense hurt and slight panic, then to anger, “A break? You can’t just take a break whenever something doesn’t go your way, that’s not how this works.”

“I don’t care, I want a break,” It’s getting difficult to talk again as you feel your eyes begin to water.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that,” He demands, almost hesitantly.

It takes minutes for you to finally look into his piercing gray eyes without crying and repeat your words, “I want a break.”

His body straightens and he brings a hand to rub at his eyes, his other hand on his hip. He seems disappointed and a whole lot of other emotions, but mostly frustrated at this whole ordeal. There’s a deafening silence before he drags his hand down his face and lets it fall to his side, “You want a break? Fine, I’ll tell Mori I’m going on the mission then and be gone by tomorrow morning— you’ll get your break.” He then storms off to finish getting ready for work, leaving you to sit alone on the couch, regretting everything that just happened.

And even when you still have the chance to stop him from walking out the door and just talk to him, you don’t. Instead, you stare down at the ring on your finger numbly, listening to his heavy footfalls as they move towards the front door and then the slamming that follows when he leaves.

You soon break down crying after, feeling as if you’ve lost everything. You know you could easily fix it with a simple text of wanting to talk things out, but the self-sabotaging nature in you refused to move a muscle. You cry for hours until your body grows exhausted, and you fall asleep on the couch in a tangled mess of some throw blankets and decorative pillows.

Hours later, Chuuya enters your shared apartment quietly, taking his hat off as he runs a hand through his hair. He’s tired just as much as you are with how things are going in your relationship, and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s lost and trying so desperately to figure out how to fix it, but he can’t when you won’t tell him what the problem is. He knows you struggle deep down with telling others about how you feel, and it makes him feel hopeless at times when you won’t even tell him how you feel.

His eyes trail over the living room before they fall on you and the blankets your body is buried under, your sleeping face peeking through. Chuuya takes light steps over to the couch before crouching in front of you and taking off one of his gloves, his hand slowly reaching out to move a few baby hairs away from your face. His eyes soften when he rubs away the tear stains on your cheeks with his thumb.

There’s a small ache in his chest from the events and words exchanged earlier, feeling a growing tightness in his throat. He didn’t mean it when he said those things and he knows you didn’t mean what you said. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt any less.

He begins to feel guilt weighing on his consciousness. He replays all your expressions and words in his mind and starts to think about your reaction to the whole reason the fight started in the first place. It takes a few moments of him silently sitting next to the couch and caressing your face mindlessly until he finally realizes what’s been wrong the whole time.

When you wake up hours later, you’re no longer on the couch, but placed comfortably in your bed. You rub the crust from your eyes and feel a heavy weight in your chest like a bag of stones when the spot next to you is void of Chuuya. ‘He actually left,’ You thought, but you knew you had no one to blame but yourself— even if you had hoped that he would stay. Now fully awake, you slip out of bed sluggishly and shuffle out your bedroom.

A faint voice from the living room catches your attention and you notice that it’s the TV. There’s a small spark of hope that flickers in your stomach as you slowly creep into the living room. Relief settles in your heart to see the back of Chuuya’s head peeking from the couch. You make your way around the couch timidly until you’re in Chuuya’s sights. He stares tiredly at the TV before he sees you move into his view from the corner of his eye and looks over to you.

“I… thought you were going to go on the mission…” You whisper, anxiously twisting and fidgeting with the end of your oversized shirt that slightly hangs off your shoulders.

“I had Mori get someone else to do it,” Chuuya responds quietly, his eyes traveling your figure from top to bottom before propping an arm on the backrest of the couch as a silent invitation for you to sit next to him.

As soon as you sit next to him, his arm shifts until his callous hand rests on the nape of your neck, rubbing at your skin in a soothing manner. He pulls you into his side after a few moments and turns his face slightly to press a soft kiss against your hairline.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” He starts off, sincere in each word as he continues, “Why didn’t you say anything?” It sounds almost rhetorical because you know he knows why on a surface level, but he doesn’t know why.

You’re silent for a bit before hesitantly answering, “I didn’t want to stress you out by making you feel like you had to constantly tend to me.”

“You’re my wife, not a burden. No matter how stressed out I am, I don’t want you to ever think that you can’t come to me with your feelings or just to bother me. I know I was gone for a long time, and I shouldn’t’ve become as distant as I had, but–” He sighs out in exasperation, “–Baby, you’ve gotta communicate with me. I don’t wanna fight like this and worry about our marriage. I want us to work out– I need us to work out because…” Chuuya trails off before moving his body to turn towards you and tilt your chin up with his other hand to look you in the eyes.

“I need you, [name]. You’re my person. Okay?”

Your chest throbs and aches at his words as his slate gray eyes flicker over your face and then meet your now watering eyes, “You’re my person too, Chuuya. I’m sorry…” You croak out through quivering lips and break down into tears, leaning forward to bury your face into his chest. “M’sorry– didn’t mean anything I said last night– won’t do it again,” You stumble over your words through muffled sobs.

Chuuya moves his hand from your chin to hold the back of your head, pressing you into his chest as he kisses the top of your head, “I know you didn’t, sweetheart. I didn’t mean what I said either. You know I love you, right?”

You nod, your small sobs and hiccups muted by his loose tank top as you hug your arms around his torso to pull him to you as close as possible, “I love you too…”

He pulls you back reluctantly from your embrace and cups your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs, “I promise that I’ll make an effort to be a better husband, I don’t want you to feel like that ever again. I shouldn’t have neglected you like that and made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me. That’s the last thing that I want.”

“I’m gonna do better too, promise,” You sniffle, trying to hold back from anymore tears falling down your face, “Wanna be better for you.”

“I wanna be better for you too, doll,” He murmurs before his face grows closer to yours to place a soft, innocent kiss against your lips.

Your hands come to clasp over his own that cup your face and your eyes lull into his fond gaze, “I missed you,” You whisper with longing.

“I missed you too, baby. It killed me not being able to wake up next to you every morning n’see your pretty face,” He exhales gently, kissing you again.

Your heart stutters at his words and you reciprocate the kiss, refusing to pull away as quickly as before. When your lashes flutter open, you lean your face into his touch, “I need you, Chuuya,” And it’s clear to him that it wasn’t meant in just an innocent manner.

“Yeah? Missed me that much, sweet girl?” His nose nudges against yours affectionately before capturing your lips into a sensual kiss. Feeling his lips smother against yours and the ring on his finger to remind you of his undying love and devotion to you only encourages the simmering heat in your chest and lower stomach. And when he mumbles a muffled, “C’mere,” against your lips, you’re quick to climb into his lap and thread a hand into his ginger hair. He hums in amusement at your eagerness and moves his lips to trail pecks along your jaw and down your throat, “Always were so needy f’me and I fuckin’ love it– love everything about you, doll.” He groans under his breath, hands heavily groping at any part of your plush body to keep you against him.

“Only for you, it’s always been you,” You breathe out with a shaky exhale and Chuuya is unable to hide the small whimper that escapes the back of his throat.

“Fuck, it’s always been you too, doll. I love you so much it hurts,” He pulls you back down into a desperate and hungry open-mouthed kiss, his tongue seeking out until his muscle is entangling with yours.

Your face flushes with warmth as you mold your lips against his feverishly, head tilting to deepen the kiss until you’re both panting for air into each other’s mouths, “Please…” You plead, squirming in his lap.

“I know, babydoll, I feel it too,” Chuuya groans quietly, feeling your thinly clothed pussy skim over the bulge in his gym shorts. “Wanna take this slow though, need to feel all of you, okay?” His hands cup the bottom of your thighs as he moves off the couch to stand up, your lips not parting for even a second as he makes his way to your bedroom and over to the bed. When his shins bump against the bottom frame of the bed, he leans over to lay you down on the mattress gently, lips leaving yours to move back down the expanse of your neck. You shiver, fingers messily tangling into his locks of hair whilst your other hand finds its way in between your bodies to run your hand over his erection. “F-Fuck,” Chuuya breathes out against the skin of your throat, hips jerking forward into your touch. “God, it’s been so long, I almost came,” He admits with embarrassment before latching onto a small patch of your skin to suckle at, pressing kisses to the spot occasionally.

“Baby, please— wanna touch you so bad,” Was all you had to whine before he slips his baggy gym shorts off to reveal his stiff, throbbing cock. Your hand wraps around him, thumb pressing to his leaking slit to swipe at the precum dribbling out to spread it along his length with a few pumps of your hand. There’s a quiet “schlick” each time your wrist flicks to draw your hand back up to his angry mushroom tip before moving back down to the base of his shaft.

Chuuya is unashamed when he lets out airy moans against your neck that’s now littered with his love marks, “Shit, you’re s’fuckin’ good, baby— just like that.” His right hand finds its way under your large shirt to grab at your underwear and pull at it until it tears off you.

“Chuuya,” You whine in complaint, watching him toss the now torn fabric onto the floor, “I liked those.”

“S’okay, I’ll get you more, sweetheart, promise,” His teeth dig into his bottom lip as he slips his middle and ring finger through your folds to spread your glistening sex open. “Look at how fucking wet you are, you like jerkin’ me off that much, pretty girl?” He groans, eyes glued to your hole clenching around nothing.

You bury your face into the crook of his neck timidly as your hand pumping around his cock falters slightly from the way he talks, “C-Chuuya…”

Chuuya chuckles before softly moaning into the side of your head, face nuzzling affectionately into your hair, “C’mon, doll, don’t be shy, look at how your sweet little cunt takes my fingers.”

Flustered, you peek from his neck to watch his digits dip into your arousal, dragging them up to circle over your clit a few times and then slipping down to sink into your pulsing walls. Whilst his fingers weren’t considered long, they have you twitching from pleasure with how thick they are. “Feels good,” You slur out as your hand squeezes around the base of his cock.

“Yeah? You love it when I stretch this pussy out with my fat fingers, huh?” He sucks in a short breath as he tries not to come right then and there in your hand as he fingers his digits in and out of your squelching pussy. “My sweet girl likes having her hole stuffed by her husband, hm,” His fingers work faster in and out of your cunt as he angles his thumb to draw rough circles into your needy clit.

Your grip and stroking around his length only continues to falter as your thighs spasm softly, “M’gonna come— fuck— Chuu, noo, no, no…” You squirm, your other hand tugs his hair.

“What’s wrong, doll?” Chuuya’s fingers slow to a stop, causing you to whimper from the ebbing buildup of your orgasm. He’s the same as you when he feels your hand come to a stop around his shaft.

“Wanna come on your cock,” You mumble into him, “Want you to fill me up with your cum.”

Chuuya feels his heart thrum in his throat wildly as he hears you speak before making quick work of your shirt and his tank top until you're both as bare as you were when you were brought into the world. “Yeah? Need me to fill your cute pussy up until my cum is spilling outta ya?” He hovers over you between your spread thighs as he hooks your legs over his hips.

“Just wanna feel you close to me,” You admit with a sweet and quiet voice, your legs drawing him in until his throbbing cock is rubbing between your pussy lips with his tip nudging at your puffy clit.

His eyes widen barely before softening, his movements becoming less erratic and eager as he leans down to place a gentle kiss against your lips. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, doll, m’gonna take care of ya like I always do.” He whispers, his right hand moving to guide the tip of his cock against the entrance of your core. Much like his fingers, his thick length bullies into your warm pussy slowly, stretching and splitting you open on his cock. “Fuuuuck, baby, you take me so well. Can’t get enough of seeing you stretch open on me.”

Your legs tighten around him as you feel his hips press against yours until his balls are flush with your ass, “You’re s’big— it hurts every time, but it hurts good,” A small whimper leaves you as your hands grip at the bedsheets.

When Chuuya pulls away, he watches his cock twitch from the loss of warmth your tight hole provided before seeing it stretch you back open to fill you. “God, I’ll never get over you,” He hisses through his teeth, pistoning his cock in and out of you at an agonizing pace, “Your pussy was made for me.”

Chuuya’s gaze isn’t on where your bodies connect for long before he’s back to hovering over you, pinning your hands above your head. They’re placed palm up on top of one another before being locked in place with his left hand interlocking your fingers. The action makes your heart tighten with affection as well as your fingers when you squeeze his hand. The subtle noise of metal clinking from your wedding bands only makes your heart swell with pure unadulterated love for him further. Your eyes start to water again from the overwhelming emotions and love you feel for him.

He squeezes your hand back in comfort, eyes studying your teary face, “You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that, doll?” He says out of nowhere, “M’so lucky to have you.”

You clench around him as you stare back through blurry eyes back into his focused ones, moaning from the way his tip kisses at your g-spot with each thrust. “Mm— Lucky to have you too— you’re so good to me, Chuu,” You mewl out, feeling your stomach twist and coil with intensity.

“Want you to come for me, please, baby— wanna make you come,” Chuuya’s words grow more pitchy and airier as he reaches his right hand down to rub at your throbbing clit with vigor.

“A-Ah, fuck—“ Your body arches, hips erratically bucking into his, “C-Coming..! Shit, s’too much.” You sob, tears slipping down your temples and into the mattress. Your cries are soon silenced by Chuuya’s lips swallowing your noises in a passionate, yet sloppy kiss. You muffle incoherently against his lips, but he knows it’s a repeated line of I love you’s as your nails dig into the back of his hand and you cream around his length.

As your walls spasm around his twitching cock, a guttural groan leaves his throat and he spills his hot, viscous cum deep into your starving pussy until it’s leaking out of your tight hole and down his balls. “Atta girl…” He murmurs through pants, kissing your sweaty forehead lovingly.

“I love you,” You repeat gently one last time as you both relish in the softness of your afterglow.

“I love you too,” Chuuya sighs with a ghost of a smile on his face as he admires you underneath him, hand coming down from your hands to wipe away your stray tears, “Promise me you won’t go anywhere, doll? Cause I’ve still got years of loving you left to go.”

#chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya smut #chuuya nakahara smut #bsd x reader #bsd smut #devious dambi smuts

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scarrletmoon · 7 months

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none of this is going to be particularly articulate lmao but anyway,

i’ve already decided to ignore the izzy apologists but there’s something so……healing? about ed being cruel and dangerous and violent and emotional and yet still being treated sympathetically because at the end of the day, he’s shown that he doesn’t actually want to be that way and is terrified of that part of him

and idk, it’s just especially important to me to see a brown man go through that. our anger as POC is always seen as inherently more dangerous even when it’s justified. we can’t talk back, we can’t defend ourselves, we can’t argue that we’re being treated unfairly. so you can forget about having normal human emotions, like being upset that someone broke your heart

and yeah, the way ed acts is vastly worse than like, “curled up in bed eating ice cream alone” (although he WAS in that phase before izzy pushed him). but also getting to see him lash out is kind of refreshing? it’s scary and wildly unhealthy but part of the discomfort of watching him like that is knowing that he’s SCARED. he doesn’t actually want to behave like this bc he’s not the kind of guy who really revels in mindless violence. everything he does this season is a desperate cry for help

and like, i’ve been there? i’ve turned into the raging storm that tries to destroy everything in its wake — not because i don’t care about other people, not because i really want to hurt them the way i’ve been hurt, but because no one seems to see how much pain im in and i don’t know how to ask for help like a normal person. and maybe if i just act like a monster, then i’ll be proving my own point — that im unlovable, that i don’t deserve the friendships i have, that whoever hurt me was right to do so, that there’s something wrong with me for feeling hurt in the first place

and maybe i’m a little bit insane and there’s no fixing me

but then stede still comes back to him after all of it. stede cries by his bedside and begs him to wake up. stede knows everything ed’s done, understands immediately why it happened, understands what ed was trying to say with his actions, and he loves ed anyway.

and that’s what he’s always wanted, in the end — someone to see HIM, to understand what he’s been too afraid to say, to show him the kindness he needs to pick himself up and stop self harming in increasingly dangerous ways

all of that from a silly little pirate comedy

idk, i already know im fucked up bc what normal person would watch those 3 episodes and hardly be phased by them bc they relate so much? but it’s just…..nice. nice to know that it’s not that i’m irredeemably evil. it’s just that i’ve spent my whole life being treated like less than human, and i’m not a freak for being upset by that

(not saying that ed didn’t nothing wrong bc he definitely did lmao, but also the point isn’t to argue about how evil he is)

#ofmd s2 spoilers #scarrlet rambles

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nijigasakilove · 1 month

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Only one more episode left of peak.. will Frieren keep the top spot all time!? Words can’t describe the sadness I’ll have when it’s gone next week. 😢

After the conclusion of the 2nd part of the exam, everyone’s got a little downtime. Sweet seeing Denken trying to give Richter a pep talk. I don’t think you can go through an exam with so many challenges like this and not become attached to people. Denken sees a lot of his younger self in Richter and I like that he encouraged him to try again in 3 years. Failing isn’t the end all be all, just an opportunity for growth!

Fern’s broken staff may seem like “trash” to richter, but it’s the most important thing Fern owns, a precious gift from her master and I’m really happy Frieren was able to get it fixed. “Frieren doesn’t understand me” “I don’t understand you either” 😭 this mf Stark got a death wish. One day he’ll learn how to talk to her lmao.

Well with only one episode to go I guess we’d have to start the third phase of the exam now. Who would’ve thought it would be an interview essentially. After all the perilous shit everyone’s been through this had to seem like a walk in the park, for those who don’t know Serie at least. Too bad she’s upset with the amount of people who got thru to this phase and wants to cull the numbers.

Poor Kanne might as well have just failed the second phase if she was gonna get instantly rejected like that lmaoo. Didn’t even get to open her mouth.

“Why’d you choose me?” “It had to be you” 😭 might be my new fave Himmel and Frieren interaction. It’s so beautiful that her favourite spell is that flower field just because Himmel liked it and it ultimately brought her together with her friends. It’s not just about the power of a spell, but the effect it has on people! Just like how Flamme loved the flower field as well even into her adult years.

Fern noticed the fluctuation in serie’s mana 😳 she truly is a prodigy. Can’t even imagine the heights she’ll reach one day.

Awesome episode, can’t wait for the finale

#Frieren #frieren beyond journey's end #sousou no frieren #frieren the slayer #animanga hive #animanga #animangahive #frieren anime

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gorgojijijijito · 2 years

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im gonma make bride of discord relevant againt i sweer

anybody else remember bride of discord (and daughter of discord) by that disneyfanaticbunchofnumbers on youtube? yeah i freaking loved it as a kid. still do now honestly, it was honestly one of the cornerstones of my childhood and it's my favorite thing to listen to while i work. i call it my soap opera.

that being said 90% of the morals are AWFUL holy shit. i still appreciate it because it's heartwarming as a passion project and comparably more mature piece of fanwork considering the my little pony fandom at the time; but the toxicity between discord and fluttershy? the homophobic undertones in the sequel?? the treatment of rarity as a character??? THE APPLESPIKE??????

that shit has GOT to GO. so im writing a fix-it-fic for my own self indulgence lmao. i'll be posting my progress and some tidbits here, but i'm not even halfway done with transcripting the episodes and planning out my changes, so it'll be a long while before the final drafts are ready to post. when they are, they'll be posted on archive of our own, but until then, everyone and anyone is more than welcome to offer changes that they would like made, or factors of the story they'd like to be kept. theres no guarantees that they'll be included, but it's still so fun talking about this thing with other people, and it's always good to engage with others in this phase of the process. below is a list of major to minor notes i've already got in mind.

I want to keep the serious tone of the story. By far I think the thing that kept me attached to this series for so long is how the mood differs from so much of the fandom back then. the stakes in the beginning were legitimately high, the conflict took itself seriously, and the production quality was through the roof. this is the audiodrama's hallmark, it's iconic and must be kept in mind when contemplating changes.

Many smaller changes must be made to the Fluttercord plot in order to make it healthier and more natural: the infantilization of fluttershy, discord's overbearingness and harrassment, literally nearly all of episode 9. red flags. i think the biggest issue is that the character arcs are based more on shipping and tropes than the actual characters. there's nothing wrong with this in moderation, but in this case, the relationship is unbearably toxic. the arcs in the rewrite will be a lot more character-focused.

Instead of applejack and spike being the secondary romance, i'm going to make it applejack and rarity. yes i do ship rarijack, but this decision was primarily made in order to get two birds with one stone with applejack and rarity's depictions in the series and its sequel. free my girl rarity and leave my boy spike alone :(

Take pinkie pie more seriously as a character. this isn't just a problem with BOD but also the actual show FIM. she just gets annoying sometimes and her lack of depth really irked me in BOD.

GET RAINBOW DASH AWAYYYY FROM SOREN GET THAT OUT OF HERE

i feel like fluttershy's "tragic" backstory explaining her hesitance as being adored is kinda underwhelming. so is her insecurity, her insecurity not expanding beyond the "doesn't know she's beautiful" trope just rubs me the wrong way, she deserves more depth than that.

discord. discord. the relationship is so one-sided to discord that i think i can only name 2 things he legitimately done for fluttershy's happiness (both of which he lowkey ruined not a day later. most of their "bonding" scenes are just him trying to distract her from her tragic reality and her desires by doing stuff he wants to do, which btw is a manipulation tactic so GET THAT OUT OF HERE)

theres quite a few weird undertones and stereotypes. the pedo and "nice girl" stuff with applespike is the most obvious one, but theres also some lowkey misogynistic quips thrown in there and, although this might not have been an issue at the time, zecora does fit the "wise black woman" trope that's been pointed out many times in recent media, so i do need to adjust how she's portrayed.

another problem that FIM also commits, but rainbow dash just feels so mischaracterized as an element of loyalty at some points. i want to make her loyalty more prominent, to the point of putting her career on the line because she couldn't abandon fluttershy or her friends when they were breaking down. that would be real sweet.

i dont know if im also going to rewrite daughter of discord, i might consider it after im finished with this one, though. also i promise i write way better than i do here when i try lol

#bride of discord #my little pony #mlp fim #mlp #fluttercord #rarijack #bride of discord rewrite #ive been working on this for 3 months already :(

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ariesalpinesavi · 2 months

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have better things to do, but i just started going through my old DeviantArt page so uhh, gonna post some old things of interest

just got into my "realism" phase and was at a dog show - i wasnt showing so i was talking to everyone who had time. Met a Berner named Otis and had to draw him <3

Didn't have my own laptop cause i was prolly only 13? so using my mom's laptop i made this multi-media creation X,D dont mind the mess, i literally LIVED in this spot for like 3 years

Yggdrasil tree - remember distinctly fighting my teachers bc we were allowed to doodle in class, but apparently this wasn't considered "doodling" anymore

One of my first few times catching a shiny pokemon while trying to chain (but it was my birthday and i ended up finding it within like 2 encounters)

the first time i worked up the courage to draw a nude figure (scary lmao)

the prospect of going to a real art college was scary, and i thought they wouldnt accept me unless my art was deep so....."smoking kills"

went to a trade school for digital art, learned they dont actually teach animation. They lied to me. When i called them on it, they suddenly made up an animation project and i basically showed the class how i use Adobe Flash

Met my current partner at this trade school for visual art and he said he liked giraffes. Guess who got a metric ton of giraffe drawings after that (thats my love language)

going to a highschool dance with my current partner - feels like a lifetime ago

Another instance of "art schools wont want me unless i do real artsy looking shit", first time i ever touched an ipad

was taking japanese classes and some furry pen pals online helped me so much with daily conversations (and constantly correcting my spelling and grammar!)

the music program at my high school was really big. The band students asked me to make the painting they gifted the teacher when he finally retired

My dog, one who i had worked with the last 6 years, had passed away after being hit by a car. Tried to process my feelings the only way I knew how.

the first anonymous death threat i ever got online

my first DnD character, a druid

dabbled in pixel art for a hot minute

OKAY last one -- watercolour self portrait right before i left my little hometown for the first time and was going to live on my own to finally study at a real art college

#long post #art #old art #???#idk what else to tag #nudity #figure drawing #an attempt at least #self portrait #furry #doodle

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supermarine-silvally · 2 months

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Questions 1 through 15 from the relationship asks for Yara and Ace, maybe? 💚

Aaaahhh tysm Dolly!! This genuinely made me feel so much better to type out!

1)How did they meet and what were their first impressions of each other?

They technically met on the Whitebeard Pirates— Yara had joined Whitebeard’s crew about two-and-a-half years or so before Ace did and had worked her way up from apprentice to full crewmember by the time that Ace and the Spade Pirates got into their initial clash with Whitebeard. Speaking of which… It’s so funny to look back on it but Yara HATED Ace at first because of his repeated attempts to kill Whitebeard, her captain/surrogate father. A lot of the Whitebeard Pirates weren’t bothered by Ace, knowing that he wasn’t nearly strong enough to hurt Whitebeard, but Yara was. She treated him as if he had the plague and wouldn’t go near him or talk to him. That started to change once Thatch roped her in to helping train Ace’s observation haki and she started to spend a little more time with him, at the same time that he was starting to come out of his initial angry, angsty phase following his initial defeat at Whitebeard’s hands and his battles with Whitebeard transformed from assassination attempts into genuine combat based on mutual respect. Ace on the other hand never had any ill will towards Yara at any point, even when he was shunning the rest of the Whitebeard Pirates’ attempts to reach him. He just thought she was super pretty and cool tbh… also she just gave off Sad Lonely Vibes that reminded him a lot of himself when he was younger, before he had Luffy to take care of.

2) What kind of dynamic do they have with each other?

They have the most black cat/golden retriever energy lmao Ace can be goofy and fun-loving and super affectionate, whereas Yara tends to be a lot more reserved (she’s basically Mihawk Jr, let’s be real lol) but she loves the attention he gives her and she does give him a lot of love in return, in her own way. Mostly through reassurances when he starts to struggle with his self-worth. (I don’t wanna give too much away about Ace’s past but so much of it is genuinely heartbreaking, my poor boy)

3) What do others think of them?

The other Whitebeard Pirates were relieved when they FINALLY figured it out and got together. Marco and Thatch were pretty relentless with the teasing. Whitebeard was happy that two of his “children” managed to find love in spite of everything that had gone wrong in their lives. Luffy adored Yara the moment she offered him a snack (package of dried meat) that she happened to have in her bag and immediately accepted her as his sister (in law)— though he would’ve done so anyways, meat or no meat, as long as Ace is happy.

4) Do they have the same love language as each other?

They don’t, but they know each others’ love languages really well, so it doesn’t ever become an issue. (I think I had it as: Ace— giving: gift-giving, receiving: words of affirmation; Yara— giving: acts of service, receiving: physical touch).

5) Is their joint future bright or bleak?

Well, I can’t say too much without dropping some MAJOR One Piece spoilers, but I like writing them with a bright future where they end up very happy together for the rest of their days.

6) How close are they physically?

Ace is very physically affectionate, which Yara really loves since she’s very touch-starved. He initiates the vast majority of it, but she absolutely soaks it up when he does. She loves playing with his hair and tracing the freckles on his cheeks (she has a major thing for Ace’s freckles. He’s just too adorable).

7) Do they have a desire to protect each other?

Oh, yeah. The New World (the second half of the Grand Line, where the Four Emperors live) is full of danger and they’re constantly getting into tough battles and having to watch the other’s back. Ace is probably more protective than Yara is because of his Big Brother Instincts, but he knows that stepping on Yara’s toes in battle would not bode well for him afterwards.

8) Do they prefer being alone, together, or with others?

Their favourite thing is being alone together! Ace is the life of the party so he’s always happy to be around whoever and Yara prefers being by herself most of the time, so they kind of meet in the middle there lol

9) Do they laugh at each other?

Good-naturedly, yes. Ace does silly things constantly. Yara tries not to laugh, but she can’t help it. He’s just such a goofball and a sweetheart. Even if she’s laughing at him rather than with him, he considers it a major win just to hear her laugh. He thinks it’s the sweetest sound in the world.

10) Who would win in a fight?

Physically? Ahhh I hate to say it, but Ace. He’s ridiculously strong, considering he’s got a Logia-type Devil Fruit and all three forms of haki, including the rare conqueror’s haki. There’s been quite a bit of debate amongst the fandom about just how strong Ace is, but considering he was once asked to join the Seven Warlords at the ripe age of 17 and fought on equal terms with one of them (Jinbe) for five days straight, the general consensus is that he’s pretty OP. Unfortunately for Yara, I’m not sure if she could match that if they ever were to fight seriously.

Verbally? Yara. Every single time. She’s petty and stubborn and won’t hold back from going for the jugular if need be. Ace can also be very stubborn, but when it comes to Yara being angry with him, he folds like a cheap deck of cards lmao

11) Who is a better liar?

Yara. She has a pretty good poker face and if anyone dares accuse her of lying, she turns on the Dracule Death Glare lol

12) Who is a better caregiver?

Yara, because she has a cooler head than Ace does. Whenever she’s hurt/sick, he’ll be zooming around low-key panicking and just wanting her to get better ASAP. If the situation is reversed, Yara is a lot better at calmly assessing just what he needs and delivering it to him efficiently.

13) Who is a better dancer?

Probably Yara, given that she has probably had to pay a lot more attention to stuff like timing and footwork due to her training as a swordswoman.

14) Who is a better cook?

Neither of them really cook but I think Yara would be more responsible in the kitchen. Ace would probably get impatient and try to heat something up with his Devil Fruit powers and end up incinerating it in the process.

15) Who has better fashion sense?

Yara. She’s a Dracule. It runs in the family.

ask game here!

One Piece nakama: @auxiliarydetective @oneirataxia-girl @xoteajays

#asked and answered #oc: bravada yara #ship: portada #otp: i'd burn the world for you #chats with dolly #genuinely i feel better-- i just needed to get my brain out of Sad Mode and portada usually does the trick lol #thank you so much!!#also i hope i didn't spoil anything major!#the whitebeard pirates don't show up until episode 316 at the earliest BUT we will get a little bit of Ace in OPLA season 2!#if they do the alabasta arc anyways #that's his introduction #his full story doesn't come until much later though

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felizusnavidad · 3 months

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> "most people who used to love lin in the past are his biggest haters now"

> "maybe pjo fandom is not as terrible as i thought"

two things! one: i actually did used to hate lin, but that was a short phase, and i realized i actually was upset at my younger self, and was just taking it out on people and things i associated with who i was at that time

two: that really made me think, so i have some comments actually! they’re not super insightful or conclusive, but: (if you don’t mind)

i think lin and rick riordan (the author of the pjo books) are actually pretty similar? they’re both goofy older dudes with usually much younger audiences (or at least that was true when i was a big-time hamilton fan, things might have changed), and they’re guys who have certainly made mistakes, but overall are good people (and incredible creative geniuses, but that’s a little more lin than rick tbh)

i definitely can be seriously critical of lin, i definitely think he’s corny as hell, and i definitely lightly make fun of him, but only to a point. if it starts looking a little too hostile, i remind everyone (and it’s almost always universally true) that all of us do actually love his work, and if any of us saw him in public we’d all want to ask for a photo and tell him how brilliant hamilton is, or how beautiful in the heights is, or several other wonderful things he’s done. we’re all very eager to see any creative work he’s involved in because we know it’s going to be awesome, so we really can’t complain about him that much

i am much more seriously critical of rick and things he has previously said than i am of lim (also, a lot of pjo fans call riordan "uncle rick", which is, let’s be honest, INCREDIBLY CORNY! like i do it sometimes but it’s GOOFY as HELL!)

i jokingly bully rick as well — i have sent messages about him that are like "dear lord i one day i am going to kick that old man’s ass", or more often just "RICHARD. COME ON." — but it also doesn’t get too mean. when i see comments that stray from genuine criticisms that also acknowledge he’s grown as a person or like a little friendly teasing of a guy we all admire and towards shitty comments about a stranger, i am always the first in line to defend that old man!

a while ago my older sister asked me why "gen z hates lin manuel miranda", and i explained that 1. he did some stuff that isn’t great but also really seems to have grown from that point (and also probably the smallest problem people have with him), 2. a lot of gen z went through hardcore hamilton phases and now resent their past selves (this is a major factor), and 3. being earnest is the internet’s biggest sin (the most likely culprit and also the saddest answer)

making fun of rick is very common in the pjo fandom, and at least some pjo fans bullying lin are doing it in the same way, so it’s supposed to be more "teenage cousins are gently ribbing that one goofy uncle" than actual hate? i know that there are a lot of people that are just genuinely being mean, but i hope you can find some solace that it isn’t quite as much as it looks like

okay this has been weird and maybe a little scattered, i’m blaming it on my adhd medication being way too low of a dosage lmao

but i’m sorry you & other lmm fans haters, (and i’m extra sorry because there’s a decent chance one of them was 15 year old me)

ok, wow. i don't even know how to answer that (anon, this is super long, WHY)...

so first of all, i am not a part of pjo fandom, this is important - i've said this before, i'm gonna say it again: i've never read the books, i started watching the show only because of lin, i know nothing about rick & all those inside jokes you guys have, but if making fun of him is normal in this fandom, that's totally fine. silly jokes & actual hate are not the same thing for me.

"they’re both goofy older dudes with usually much younger audiences" - that is not entirely true & it comes from someone in their late 20s (& i know a lot of people from this fandom who are waaaaay over 20). being goofy & corny, those are not real reasons to hate on somebody like that... actually, everything you said here, i already knew. people are ashamed of their hamilton phase - oh, we should definitely blame lin for that, he's literally the worst because he wrote a musical once & we were super cringe about it... did he make mistakes in the past? yes, we all do, nobody's perfect. i've heard about much more problematic celebrities & people don't even talk about them but for some reason they have to shit on lin all the fucking time. he's done more good than bad (i could write a super long essay for you but it's late & i don't even know why i'm writing all of this), that is the truth & this is where i stand.

now, we are not talking about "making fun of him", we are talking about actual hate, examples:

"lin-manuel miranda should die/we should kill him"

"i would also turn evil if lin was my father/i would kill myself if he was my father"

those are real comments i've seen about him & it all comes from pjo fandom. this is the reason why i said this fandom is terrible. like, are you guys aware that he actually has kids? go outside, touch some grass & leave him alone (i'm not talking about you anon, you're ok, i'm talking about real haters).

#i could write more & more & more...#but you can just scroll my blog if you even want to read it #i've been defending him for weeks cause pjo fandom became insufferable after 3rd episode #so... yeah #it's literally midnight what the hell am i doing with my life #lmm #lin manuel miranda #pjo #anon #i saved every letter you wrote me*

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rassilon-imprimatur · 2 years

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Loved The Power of the Doctor 10/10, frenetic and joyful insanity that then somehow becomes a soft spoken open-ending for the entire show (barring the Tennant of course), really happy. Love how peacefully Thirteen went out, loved how open-ended and unspoken Yaz’s departure was. Loved the returns, loved the wank. 10/10. Feels really weird to say goodbye to this era.

Love so much of it is bookended by Dan’s departure? He quickly becomes an afterthought, but I dunno, his “see you later” of a goodbye after deciding to stop avoiding the stark hard work of the real world and “attack it,” it hangs over the whole thing right to he and Graham inviting Yaz to the therapy group.

The Cyber-Masters call back to the Earthshock/Five Doctors David Banks Leader and Cyber-Lieutenant/Deputy. Vain, vengeful, melodramatic, emotional sneer coming through the voice. The Time Lord gore inside still hums and whines with stolen life. I was disappointed their converted planet wasn’t actually Gallifrey, but the idea is still there? The Master’s TARDIS’ core is now the planet’s core, the Qurunx battery enough to power a forced regeneration/TV Movie Body Swap, only be possible with the Eye of Harmony (movie) or “the secrets of Gallifrey” (this episode). Dead Time Lords steering a dead world, a new Mondas, reaching as far back as the Cybermen’s first episode. Ages ago, cloth-faced surgery ghouls, now ornate necrotic royalty. Their rotting castle, their rotting world, hanging over another vestige of imperialism about to violently fall (and for no other real narrative reason other than “Wouldn’t The Daleks and Cybermen All Look Fucking Cool In The Romanov Winter Palace?”).

The Qurunx taking the form of the kid. “... shows us what we instinctively want to protect,” the Doctor says, not realizing she’s speaking mostly of herself. Timeless Child reflection. A mystery of the universe captured and exploited by empire. Etc etc. You know.

The Rasputin plot is nonsense, and that’s the point. The Master is fucking pathetic in this, pitiful. Buzzing with the Cyberium, twitching with suicide, his I CANNOT STAND COMING FROM YOU from The Timeless Children rearing up as a childish schoolboy taunt of I’M GOING TO TURN YOU INTO ME. “But then, you were a rubbish schoolboy, too” Ruth later mocks him. Tegan and Ace won’t be phased, hurling insults back, standing their ground. In a take on the Doctor/Master where the Doctor has no time for him, no patience, all burnt bridges and belittling playing along, no one in the narrative hurts for him, aches for him. He’s a nasty little wet gremlin in this, truly the most mean-spirited possible take on the worst Ainley serials with all of s12′s miserable self-hate. Him dying as Rasputin was peak humiliation. “Don’t force me to go back to being me” and then dying in a Rasputin cosplay. I dunno. Very mean-spirited “we’re fucking done with you, dude,” I like it.

Vinder’s so fucking hot. Sacha was so fucking cute in Jodie’s clothes, his short little Doctor haircut, the clip-on piercings, I couldn’t handle it.

The traitor Dalek bringing up the funniest fanwank loophole to justify its inexplicable radicalization lmao. Kaleds, Daleks, who’s truly the impure race? “Did we never rewrite that constitution?” I got way too fucking excited at the quiet nod to Davros. The ease with which the traitor was caught and exploited makes we wonder how often this actually happens within the race? Especially when’s executed by the deeper, nastier, clean commanders while clearly being a magma damaged worker, a grunt.

The TV Movie Body Swap™ verbatim, ho-lee shit, “Dress for the occasion” quip and everything. God. God. The War Games’ forced regeneration careening into it too. And then the Master Doctor, the Doctor Master, “Introducing Sacha Dhawan as the Doctor,” he just collapses under it? He’s even more sniveling and wet, piling on question marks and scarf and fanwank, blowing on Troughton’s recorder.

GOD!!!!! G O D. The robes far more like the TV Movie, the apocalyptic crossroads with telephone wire, Eight and Seven bickering. Ugh.

I’m so fucking glad I reconnected to the Davison era as hard as I did last year because Tegan and Five’s reunion HURT lmao. “Brave heart.” Loved how EU the implication of Seven and Ace “falling out” was?

Ian and Jo killed me. I like to think the empty chair at the meeting was for Sarah Jane.

#The Power of the Doctor #I've got more thoughts but here's a batch lmao

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caeruleums · 10 months

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open to: all.

plot: your muse has been indoctrinated into clovers c*lt feminist self help group. they’ve made it to the 10th (and final) stage in becoming their “truest” self, but it’s just them having clover go down on them/give them head lmao.

it all started with wanting to be the first female president when she was thirteen, and it was ending with her embezzling money from ‘devotees’ and feeling like a god. sometimes even she believed the shit she was spewing. it wasn’t often that someone could work their way up through each and every difficult “phase” of becoming an ultimate follower. and, with her ego and narcissistic tendencies, this was the biggest feat of all. she perfected her hair, made sure that her make up was completely smudge-proof before she walked into the penthouse suite where her staff brought the ‘chosen one’ up.

“you look lovely,” she offered, pristine white clothing with a hint of blue. something about purity, or whatever she was talking about. a robe of the same colour was pulled around her bare body, dismissing the staff before sliding onto her knees, hands on their thighs. “are you ready?” she questioned, looking up at them through her eyelashes, the first indication of what today was really about.

#indie rp #indie smut rp #indie bi rp #indie lesbian rp #txt. open #txt. clover honeycutt #cult tw

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padfootastic · 11 months

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hey, so i've seen you lean into the cold arrogant black heir version of sirius lately, and i agree to an extent, because he was pretty intimidating and arrogant and didn't really care much about the public other than his people, but that doesn't really mean that he's this stoic, serious guy either right? he's pretty funny, definitely a troublemaker, and way too charming to stay in trouble for long. but at the same time, people know he's dangerous and should not be messed with because under all the charm, there absolutely was an element of 'fuck with me and i'll kill you'. and i know this sounds super contradictory but that's the whole point about sirius' character. he's a walking talking contradiction. he's so beautifully complex that turning him into this heir version is contradicting his entire character. what do you think? i would love to see you elaborate on this.

also, what do you think his humour is like? i've always thought of it as super sarcastic and dry. he def has a dark sense of humour, and he's so so sharp witted. anyway sorry if my ask was too long, i can talk for hours and hours about sirius.

no!!! anon no ask is too long when it’s about sirius. i can do the same (i have, in fact, done the same) it’s so valid.

i don’t think it’s such a contradiction at all, actually! i personally see sirius as this: a guy with a lot of masks, partially bc it’s been trained into him & partially bc he’s had to be. and i think he defaults to this cold, arrogant one because it’s the one he’s had longest—but around the right people, it fully melts away. the marauders and lily, yes but especially james and harry. that’s why i keep mentioning the outsider pov of it, people getting shocked when they see the difference in his behaviour. it’s why i wrote the patronus fic lolol.

i actually think that he had a lot…issues with the ‘heir’ version of himself (and yes, that’s a fanon concept i’ve absorbed entirely bc i love) because of what it represents and he tries hard to break away from it at all times. he probably went through an entire phase of teenage rebellion where he was doing everything against his family’s teachings bc it felt good. but, i love it when people can’t run away from their nature as much as they want to, so i always end up giving him some traits that basically make him hate himself looking into the mirror lmao

as for his humor, oh for sure!! this one’s definitely canon—he has a dry, sarcastic humor. (funnily, this is where i see a lot of similarities b/w him and harry for some reason) i think it can tend towards self deprecating sometimes. he’s also—hm. u can see his class in his words, and i think that might be true of his humor as well tho idk how to explain that better lol i think he’s the kind of person who’s so good at passive aggressiveness that you’ll never realise he insulted u to ur face (we have a phrase for it here—kaat ke haath mein dedi; i think sirius would be ace at that). and going off that, i do think his humor was also based on…belittling? other people. or rather, at the expense of other people in that way popular kids do sometimes. like him w the rat in swm, i think. casually cruel. a little mean.

#sirius black #sometimes i feel like i’m mean to sirius #and then i remember he’s my comfort character actually so it’s all good #i can never be mean to james tbh he’s too…paavam #but sirius? such a good character to mess around with #but like—if you’ve read my dark sirius fic—it’s kind of based on this premise of sirius and the heir being two sides of the same coin #and how he struggles with it but end of the day if he NEEDS to it’s not hard for him to wear that mask #idk i wanna okay around w it more #bc i think that balance of like. ruthlessness and tenderness is so so based #and i think sirius would really mail that #nail*#but yes. massive agree that sirius is made up of so much nuance #it’s so funny bc he genuinely gets a good well rounded characterisation lol #it’s mostly coherent too i’d say #but then She had to go and ruin it all 😔😔#ugh anyway #come talk to me about sirius anytime anon! he’s my fav boy <3 #pen’s asks

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sarcasticassian · 1 year

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Steve and Eddie used to date on the dl in high school, they didn’t flaunt it around and Steve’s dickhead friends made it obvious they didn’t like Eddie at all but he had been pretty sure they were in love until one day Steve dumped him out of nowhere and a few weeks later he was dating Nancy Wheeler

(Steve’s dad had heard through the grapevine (Tommy) about him and Eddie, the ‘trailer trash’ and threatened some nasty stuff if Steve didn’t put a stop to it immediately and he was also a teenager so of course he didn’t really handle it that well when it came to talking to Eddie about it)

so as soon as Eddie graduates he skips town putting all his effort into becoming a rockstar with his band and Steve is left behind in Hawkins, he tries to put everything into dating Nancy but he’s still hung up on Eddie and Nancy can tell so when she starts hanging out with Jonathan and feelings come up she does what’s best for both her and Steve and they break up, the summer Steve finishes high school he meets Robin who changes his life and once she’s graduated they book it out of Hawkins to literally anywhere else

a couple years later the kids and Nancy are visiting Stobin wherever they live and the kids are excited about this local band performing so they get tickets and lo and behold it’s Eddie’s band, who’s lead vocalist is now Chrissy Cunningham from school, Steve is shocked and can’t take his eyes off Eddie the entire time but he hangs back not wanting Eddie to notice him but he does, right near the end of the set and he just looks so angry

Eddie is the one who got away for Steve but Steve is just a massive heartbreak for Eddie that he’s never quite got over, he sees Steve there and sees Nancy Wheeler appear next to him and wonders why Steve strung him along if he was never going to be good enough for him, it all comes pouring out of him to Chrissy after the show, they go out drinking and when they get back to their shared apartment they write a song about it, they record it for their new album and the label likes it so much it gets pushed as the lead single

Steve is still reeling from seeing his high school sweetheart? the one that got away? Steve’s biggest mistake ever? thriving and rocking the stage like he owns it, he deep dives into Eddie’s band’s music and self consciously wonders if any of the songs are about him, the angry, bitter ones maybe? he decides not to bum Robin out with all this, he’s told her vaguely about Eddie before, never mentioning names but she knows about his great heartache over this one guy and Steve considers telling her the whole story but she’s just started seeing this new girl and she’s in the honeymoon phase and Steve isn’t going to bring her down so when Robin asks if he will go to her new girlfriend’s band’s concert he agrees

which is a huge mistake because the girl Robin has been seeing is Chrissy Cunningham and once again Steve is stood looking up at Eddie on stage, Chrissy notices him and gestures to Eddie and they agree to play their new song (it’s basically sk8er boi lmao) and Chrissy makes direct eye contact with Steve when she gets to the part about Eddie being in love with someone new (which is a lie but Eddie didn’t want the song to sound pathetic) and Steve just turns around, shoving his way out of the crowd, feeling the tears coming and not being able to stop them, Robin has no idea what just happened but she runs after Steve and it all comes out as they sit in the street outside the concert venue

Robin is mad that Steve never told her just who his great love was but she thinks things can still turn around, Steve and Eddie just need to talk, obviously not right then because emotions are running high but the day after she calls up Chrissy whilst Steve is still asleep, they collate the stories each guy has told them and yup they definitely still have feelings and yup Chrissy and Robin can solve this so they manage to get Steve and Eddie in a locked room and through the door they encourage them to talk so with no other way out of this situation they do

and Eddie vows that day that he will make Mr Harrington’s life miserable if he ever gets in between him and Steve again

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steveddie #stranger things #stranger things 4 #I had sk8er boi on repeat earlier #and this spawned

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nerves-nebula · 1 year

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Leonardo reminds me of my mom and dad who both have Borderline Personality Disorder. He seems to have that severe fear of abandonment but also the “push and pull” tactics, like either caring for or hurting his brothers. BPD also has narcissistic tendencies and can use self harm or suicide either to escape a world they feel unloved and/or to prove that someone loves them. My mom does this. People with BPD are usually raised by narcissistic, emotionally neglectful, and emotionally abusive parents.

Does Leo have BPD or Reactive Attachment Disorder? Is there a condition or personality disorder that can describe his unique perspective? (It seems like a personality disorder of some sort, especially with him just not being able to recognize what was wrong with his own actions, and acting like a “good brother.”)

It should be noted that I have autism, so please do not to read into the tone of my writing. I am asking out of curiosity and I do not mean to be offensive if anything comes across subtly or otherwise.

considering that I might have BPD or reactive attachment disorder, yknow, i really can't say. i'm mostly writing him with the conclusions i think he would come to, given the circumstances. and that might be a personality disorder considering the way he was raised, but it's not really intentional on my part. that doesnt mean he DOESNT have it, just means idk if i can claim he has it without further research hahah.

might be telling on myself a bit that i keep writing characters with my experiences who then get diagnosed via tumblr with personality disorders lmao. im also going through a pretty rough "I cant trust anyone and i talk about my emotions I'll fall apart and die" phase rn so. like. is that part of a personality disorder? (<- this has been ongoing for months and will likely continue until the school year is over and i have the room to fall apart over the summer)

#nnstuff #ask #teenage mutant neglected turtles #asks are sweethearts #tmnt leo

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probablysimpledreams · 2 months

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Omg hello Cam nation life has been wild but I wanna be on here more LOL I have two fics in the works rn (one Cora<3 and one Asahi <3 I have really been on my large and scary looking but actually loser sweetheart man kick lately <333) so hopefully spring break brings me creative energy or refreshes me so post-spring break me gets a creative streak

more to come regarding that

ANYWAYS

I started this post off half an edible last night and now am having a margarita at the airport since my flight got delayed💀 and since life has been crazy so the self ship brain rot has been INSANE lately esp bc me and one of my besties rewatched a bunch of HQ!! lately so I've been thinking about Asahi and am about to share all these ideas<3 I'm putting in undercut feel free to interact or share any of your self ships

We def met in class like some elective literature course. Our majors are so different with me being in anthropology and him in fashion school we both would pick some random historical literature class just to do something different and get out of our own departments. It would take at least half the semester for us to star talking though. I am notorious for a little classroom crush so I fell in love on sight, constantly talked about him to my friends, constantly had my friends asking if I had talked to him yet, stalked his Instagram to learn about him, etc. And though Asahi has a better grip on his anxiety when in college, he's still prone to anxious habits and after how people saw him in high school as "scary" he is not one to put himself out there. So he ends up having a lil classroom crush on me as the days go by and as I speak out more in class. I love a good chance to talk which I think he'd admire and it would make him fall for me. Half way through the semester I would finally make the move by asking him to be my partner on the newest assignment for the class. We'd both just be standing there like "holy fuck this hot person is talking to me" but not realize that the other is thinking it too LMAO. But you know as time went on and we got closer (being project partners meant the BEST reason to get his number see I be PLANNING) and I finally worked up the courage to ask him on a date and he said yes<33

Once finally in a relationship I feel like we'd have to opposite of a honeymoon phase. The first few months would be very awkward and we both overthink to the max so we'd be very scared of upsetting the other. After some time thought we'd finally have a nerve wracking yet honest conversation to actually establish boundaries, what we need, etc and like never have a relationship problem again. And that's when we both realize how much words of affirmations are both our love languages so we get comfortable being sappy<33 like we’re SO that couple saying cutesy shit 24/7 and leaving lil notes for each other on the mirror or in each other’s backpacks etc!! And we’re both not really PDA people so it balances perfectly😝

We have the same music taste for SURE like we both love some indie, mountain music I’m talking Briston Maroney, Noah Kahan, Backseat Lovers, etc we are both men with anxiety so this genre speaks to us🙏 However, Asahi does not understand the Lana hype but still supports me LOL sometimes I just have to cosplay a woman in a toxic relationship on the west coast (all things I’m just not💀) and he’s learned to let me have my fun after some reassurance that I just like the music and don’t actually think of him as bad (he’s too precious pls)

We are SO interested in each other’s line of work like I’m always excited over his sketches and pieces he’s making!!! And I’m always asking him a million questions about the process and all he does!! And on the same coin he’s always so fascinated with my research my main focus is on Pacific Archaeology so I always give him TedTalks™️ on everything he loves it!! I also intern at a museum so he’s always asking me questions about it. And a lot of what I’ve been lately at the museum is fashion history, so I love to tell him all about it!!

We compliment each other perfectly bc I’m very bubbly and outgoing!! So I’m very much a conversationalist and sometimes people think bc of that and my size that they can walk all over me. This is where Asahi’s natural intimation comes into play once mfs see him they KNOW not to fuck around. And on the other side, due to my extroverted nature I can easily jump into a conversation Asahi is actively trying to step away from without being rude. I feel like he gets quickly drained from strangers but I can talk to anyone for hours so I step him. This also is helpful bc I easily can make reservations and really any other scenario where he’s feeling too shy to directly say what he’s thinking/needs. I also am not afraid to fight for refunds and shit so he’s happy to let me take the wheel LOL

I just know we’d both get along with one another friends SO well😝 on that note Suga and I are so stoner buddies (you can’t tell me college suga didn’t smoke). Asahi would rarely smoke but when he does he just goes lol nonverbal and gets cuddly. Which honestly works good bc I just get happy and yap once again that perfect balance💗‼️

Most of our dates are just chill dates. We watch a LOT of TV together between anime and cooking shows and documentaries we just love a good lay in bed watching TV time. When we go out, it’s to museums and cafes!! We try and go to a cutey local coffee shop at least once a week just to get out. Sometimes it turns into homework dates or reading dates but mostly we just sit and talk and enjoy the fact there’s no rush. I currently have a coffee sticker book so he makes sure I always get a sticker when at new places🥺 I always switch up what I get but Asahi always gets a cappuccino and we usually split a lil pastry (usually I can talk him into buying multiple to try tho hehe)

I keep him updated on all the stupid TikTok drama bc I get disgustedly invested and that app can make me so mad so I go on RANTS about people being stupid it just always makes him laugh he thinks I’m just the most lovely thing all fired up even if it’s over something so unreal. I’m also OBSESSED with that Bistro Huddy tiktok series that is literally just one guy idk it’s SO good I make him watch it with me all the time LOL

Overall we are in love love🥰😝🥰

#self ship o’clock #god he’s perfect I’m going crazy #I wanna bite his arm #asahi azumane #self ship #self ship content #haikyuu #haikyuu self ship #self ship headcanons

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