#not that I don't love Metallica

[metalhoops]

Does the Steddie fandom know about the horror-themed revamp of the song Jessie’s girl, ‘Jessie’s Girl 2′ by the Rock / Metal band Coheed and Cambria featuring the actual Rick Springfield? Because I’d like to call it to everyone's collective attention. This is the type of song I’d imagine a rockstar Eddie dedicating to Steve.

Exhibit A: These Lyrics 

It sure seems strange he put up no fight When she broke his heart that fateful night Jessie played sincere, he sure seemed cool What I hadn't known was I was his fool We're married now, house, job, three kids Dreaming of what life could have been Stranded on the if's and maybe's Had I left that monster in the 80's

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #st4 #stranger things 4 #steddie playlist #steddie song #rockstar eddie munson #before anyone says anything #I know it's hard #to put Coheed and Cambria in one #box as far as genre goes #I genuinely love #all types of metal music #and feel like I could give more modern/ not 80s metal #recs if you wanted them #not that I don't love Metallica #judas priest etc. #but sometimes I'd like to think outside the box a bit #for example #Eddie would absolutely love #dream theater #it's like a metal head and a theatre kid's wet dream #anyway that's my ramble in the tags #steddie music

[bubacorn]

hc: Vessel is bad at receiving compliments and being told that he is loved (hug inspired by this one, @ghxstly-death put it into words perfectly. thank you, Eden!🫂)

Thinking about Vessel who can't accept compliments, not because he doesn't believe them (that too), but because he'd heard them so many times in the past related to small, unimpressive things. Not 'I'm proud of you', just 'You did good', an automatic response to any and all achievements. He did good. He didn't know what 'good' meant, but apparently, he did that. He has no idea what was good about what he did, so he continues to push himself, to not be a disappointment. If he does good, then that should be enough, right?

He tries for great, for excellent, for something more, but he always gets 'good', unrelated to the effort and time he put into something. He knows he shouldn't wish for more specific compliments, or anything else, really. He should be grateful to be regarded. Everyone around him is so busy, they can't possibly have time to listen to him talk about how in reality, he has no idea what he's doing. How things sometimes just click but he can't tell if what he did is actually worth anything or it was just pure luck. How he doubts himself at every step but learned to hide it, because he has to be good. And good means coping and dealing with things by himself and quietly, because then he will be told that he did good and who wouldn't want to be good?

Vessel who hears 'I love you' for the first time (said with actual love behind it for the very first time) in a really long time from II. He wouldn't tell the other that, but it's clear from the surprise and the hopeful longing in Vessel's eyes. His friend told him he loves him and he doesn't know what to do with that, so he hesitantly steps to him and begins to lift his arms in question. II's heart squeezes at his shyness, after all, the other has spent months alone in the manor, so it's understandable that he would have grown unaccustomed to touch. But then II has to pull Vessel against him, because the man sort of hovers his arms around his frame as if he doesn't know how to approach a hug. Like he isn't sure what is expected of him and what is too much.

Vessel is surprised when II squeezes around his torso, when he brings one arm around his shoulder and the other to his neck, trying to bring Vessel down towards him, like he wants to protect and shelter him. That's strange, but Vessel finds that his arms want to stay wrapped loosely around II a bit longer and just as he starts to pull away, II again says "I love you, Vessel", and Vessel's brain freezes. II squeezes him tighter and Vessel feels so warm and strangely loose (he's afraid he will unravel if he stays too close for too long) and small even though he towers over his friend. His friend who is now holding him and who apparently loves him.

The only thing in his mind stumbles from his tongue in the form of a quiet "Why?". He didn't do anything exceptional. He was showing II an arrangement and said he wasn't sure if it was any good, letting his fingers dance over the keys, feeling like he was stumbling through music. He felt like it captured that familiar insecurity, and he liked it and hoped II would like it, too. Even if it didn't make it into a song. Then II said he did like it, that it feels like Vessel is unsure but it gives the melody a unique flavor, and that Vessel was great for translating that feeling into music.

"'Why?' ?" II's answering question is filled with such disbelief that Vessel wants to hide. He said something inappropriate, something secret that had previously only been dwelling in his mind, in a dark corner, and now he feels exposed. Why did he even open his mouth? Not good. Definitely bad.

Vessel is slumping against II a bit, like he doesn't know how to hold himself upright anymore, like he needs support. II must feel it, because he's still holding him, and it's been minutes and Vessel tries to squirm away, to save any dignity he might still possess, and II lets him slip out of the embrace, but his arms linger like he doesn't want to let go of his friend. His friend who just blurted out the worst response to a confession of gentle affection. Vessel looks so worried when he catches II's gaze and he immediately averts his eyes and takes a few small steps back, unconsciously gravitating towards his piano for protection, a sense of safety.

"You're my friend, Vessel," II tries approaching the man with soft words, "You're kind and considerate and a damn good musician," Vessel stops backing away when the back of his legs hit the edge of his piano bench, but he's still looking at the floor, "You pour your heart into writing and playing and it's amazing to see. You're committed, but patient and you help me every time I need. Even when I'm too embarrassed to ask," II tilts his head and steps a bit closer to try and catch Vessel's gaze, "I know you don't see it and I'm sorry that you can't because it's true. I would never lie to you about this, Ves. I love you, you're my best friend," Vessel presses his lips together, so II adds, "Not just because we live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. You're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm glad Sleep led me to you."

Vessel gives him a look that shows he tries really hard to believe him, and adds in such a low voice it's almost a whisper, "I love you, too," as if he's embarrassed to admit it. But it's not embarrassment, II realizes, it's disbelief, it's some sort of deep shame about needing someone else, of relying on anyone else but himself at all times. And it makes sense, considering Vessel's nature, but II could never put it all together, since large chunks of Vessel's past were unfamiliar to him. He could have guessed based on how the man acted, but he didn't want to assume anything. It felt disrespectful. Vessel would share if he wanted.

"And I'm really glad you found me," just a beat of silence, before he adds, in an even quieter tone, if that's possible, "And that you stayed," Vessel risks a bashful glance towards II, and sees him blink rapidly, shocked by the implication of the other's words, before he shakes himself and steps closer to Vessel. He searches his face for apprehension, but doesn't find any, so he gently puts his hands on Vessel's upper arms and sits him down on his bench. Before Vessel can react, II has his arms wrapped around him, one around his shoulder, and the other's hand cupping the back of his head and cradling it to his front.

"You're important to me, Ves. You're special and precious and I love you," II's fingers caress the man's shoulder and card through his hair, "I want you to know that I'm here for you any time, okay?" Vessel is still stunned and he's sure he's going catch on fire if he gets any warmer. II twists a lock of hair around his finger, "Okay?" Words form and die in Vessel's throat so he just nods, rapidly, almost hurriedly, and II lets out a small chuckle. "You're amazing, you know that?" he nuzzles into Vessel's hair for a moment to murmur, "And adorable," II sways with the man in his arms a little and Vessel is sure he will combust. His face is flaming against II's shirt and he tries to suppress the half grimace-half grin on his face and feels unreal. "C'mon. Tea break?" II smiles down at him and offers a hand. Vessel can stand on his own, but doesn't reject the offer. He likes the warmth of II's hand and he can always use the stability and the reminder of the other's presence. II soon replaces his hand with a mug of tea, but it's considerably colder to Vessel. The contrast is especially palpable when II brushes his knuckles against Vessel's as he's handing him his tea. The mug is warm, but II's skin is burning against his. But it's not bad. It's a good burn. It makes Vessel feel alive. Seen. Loved?

Vessel learns that he doesn't have to prove himself to other people to receive love. Love is not something that has to be earned in their home. Love is not a reward, not something that Vessel has to work for, then be disappointed that in the end, it isn't actually given to him. He tried being good in the past, being silent and keeping his head down and being a good kid, but the warmth and the unconditional love didn't come. He still tried, though, he always tried his best, but apparently that wasn't enough. Or there wasn't actually love at the end of that tunnel. It was just a play of light. But that would have been cruel and Vessel would like to think that people in his past weren't intentionally unkind to him (he won't admit the truth to himself for a while).

II often tells Vessel that he's proud of him. For speaking up. For telling him when he's having a bad day. For asking for distance when he needs it and closeness when he feels like he will drift away. For admitting to messing up, when he falls back into bad habits of self-destruction and isolation. For doing a grocery run by himself even though he goes home almost shaking and has to spend the next hours under a blanket on the couch, because it was simply too much. For crying when he talks about memories that he tried his hardest to forget but he just can't. For asking for help and letting II help him, even though it's hard. It's really hard, and Vessel apologizes for it, for being fucked-up and broken and damaged goods. For wasting II's time and being a burden, a needy, greedy thing. Wretched. Minus human.

But II tells him he loves him and that he could never be a burden. That he will always be worth it, he always has been, and that he's sorry that people in Vessel's past couldn't see it. Couldn't see him for all that he is. For the friend who pays attention to little details so he can show his friend how much he values him. For the guy who bakes his friend a complicated cake for his birthday because he off-handedly told him he can't even remember what it tasted like, even though it used to be his favorite. For the amazing composer who can capture emotions one doesn't realize one has. For the hard-working, curious kid who thought that being obedient and not questioning authority was the way to earn praise and affection. For the little boy who thought something was wrong with him, that he did or didn't do something and that is why he couldn't feel loved. For the child who cried and cried, silent and under the cover of the night, hoping that no one would hear (and secretly hoping that somebody would and they would come and save him from the gaping emptiness that made its home in his chest, way too big and scary for a boy that little). For the boy and then the man who couldn't cry anymore but thought that that is more than alright, at least he can finally keep it all inside. For the partner who allowed himself to be vulnerable with someone he trusted. For the partner who made sure his other knew he was always welcome, even though his brain sometimes tried to tell him otherwise. For the partner who grew comfortable with expressing casual affection so much that terms like 'darling' became second nature to him (and for the way he blushed when II told him that). For the man who learned to accept that it's okay to admit to not being okay, to need someone, to want to not feel alone, to feel cherished, to have his feelings validated. For the man who can tell his partner anything and does, because he knows he can speak his mind and that there will be someone who listens.

II wanted to see Vessel. Vessel let him. Even before he showed the uglier and less than perfect parts of himself, II loved him all the same. It was never about being 'good' and silent and compliant. Vessel is good. Vessel is not good. He's amazing. He's perfect. He's wonderful. He's cherished. He's incredible. He's valued. He's seen. He's listened to. He's heard. He's finally, finally loved. Has been for longer than he dared to think. Will soon be by more people than he thought possible.

#Vessel was a gifted kid who tried to push through burnout and mental illness #waiting for someone to tell him they see and love him and are proud of him #and you can't change my mind #making myself sad first thing in the morning #what else is new #<- it's night since then but this still applies #yes i included a Metallica reference (almost two). fight me (please don't i have shrimp-like arms and get scared easily) #also #tumblr scared the crap out of me earlier #i posted this privately after it posted instead of saving it as a draft #and apparently it was visible #and i got so freaking scared cause this wasn't finished #so i apologize for deleting and reposting #but my heart stopped for a moment and i whispered like 10 'shitshitshit's at my computer #i should be reading for a class tomorrow #sleep token headcanons #buba writes

[duffyduffles]

IF I GET MARRIED I WILL PLAY NOVEMBER RAIN OR NOTHING ELSE MATTERS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

#guns n roses #gnr #November Rain #AND NOTHING LASTS FOREVER AND WE BOTH KNOW HEARTS CAN CHANGE #🗣️🗣️ #holy shit I love November rain #SIGHHHH I NEED A PARTNER WHO HAS MY MUSIC TASTE #duff mckagan #duff gnr #steven adler #Izzy Stradlin #Axl rose #slash #Saul Hudson #80s bands #rock #hard rock #metallica #james hetfield #lars ulrich #kirk hammett #robert trujillo #cliff burton #jason newsted #metal #heavy metal #TRUST I SEEK AND I FIND IN YOU #if you don't like these songs ISTG #if you don't we cannot be friends bro #YEAH YEAHHHH

[practically-an-x-man]

I need someone with video editing skills to take the metal-wing transformation scene from X-Men: Apocalypse and change the music from the Four Horsemen to Archangel by Amaranthe

#don't get me wrong the scene is iconic and i love the four horsemen in the background. my favorite metallica song #the reason i put kill 'em all on the back panel of my battle jacket even #but can you imagine how badass the scene would be with this song instead? literally made for him i swear #xmen apocalypse #xmen #warren worthington iii

[vetornic]

I appreciate small things for example when 80s james would give you a ride to school on a summer morning because he just passed his driver's license and he's so happy that he may care for you in that way

#hes such a baby #i cant take it #wtf am i doing #im literally crying #you don't understand #i LOVE him #james hetfield #metallica #papa het

[liltingoddesss]

NO WAY!!

this is actually adorable..

this woman better know how lucky she is-

#james hetfield #metallica #A #Adriana #bro is in love #i just want him to be happy #and if she's good enough to make this adorable man happy #then i'm happy too #what a sweetheart #james #hetfield #papa het #i love him so much #i don't even get why people are hating on Adriana for no reason #just because of some stupid rumors that people spread on TWITTER #just let him be happy #bye

[namelessbutters-doodles]

What if I make oc for Ace? 🧐

#butters speaking #as much as I love kirk #I don't think he'll be a good fit however though maybe someday i'll do something for metallica #cause i'm going to put ace through some shit with someone in the good route of ntytd and Ace would need someone to lean on.... #or to fuck #cause oh boy #Ace is going to need it #and with a oc I can make them worse

[heavenknowsffs]

MISERY SHE NEEDS ME OH BUT I NEED HER MORE MISERY SHE LOVES ME OH BUT I LOVE HER MORE SHE KILLS ME OH BUT I END THIS WAR SHE FILLS BUT SHE'S NOT WHAT I'M LIVING FOR

#james is healing and so am i #and this one and screaming suicide and another one i don't remember which show that a lot #bc hes being destructive to himself and then changes to younknow ehat no i deserve love and peace and to heal #ah yes it's the one called too far gone #inamorata #metallica #72 seasons #this album just makes me feel things #i hear that song and immediatly had ideas to write one of my own #wish i had talent to compose tho

[slytherin-girly]

Some people have private chatted me and asked me to make a list of my 5 top favorite bands anddddd my favorite song from each of them!

Sooooooo...here they are!

(If you don't like what I listen to then please don't say anything about it, just move on)

Guns N' Roses 🥀

Sweet Child O Mine

Nirvana 😵

Drain You

Tx2 🖤

Trust no one

Metallica 🎫

Enter sandman

Def Leppard 🐆

Photograph

#Tx2 #guns n roses #nirvana #metallica #80s music #what i listen to #don't hate on me pls #def leppard #love you all #your local fanfic writer ❤ #draco's slytherin girl out #tx2

[soul-metal-blog]

Making Screaming Suicide

(I'll just be admiring every second of it)

Kirk: *carries a guitar in a case*

James and Rob:

James has the coolest cups

Best moment

He runs away from the scene of the crime so sweetly.

Rob feels this song on all levels

It's so beautiful and aesthetically pleasing.

🥺

Kirk and Lars:

-Cold

-FROM THIS, THE HAIR WILL DEVELOP STEEPLY!!!

#Incorrectdialogs

Little drumer boy

Haha Lars so cute photographs him

🥺🥺🥺🥺

In winter, my converse I feel the same way (So I wear metal boots)

I love shiny pants so much.

#metallica #screaming suicide #james hetfield #rob trujillo #kirk hammett #lars ulrich #I don't know how to add GIFs here but if I knew I would add a lot #i love it too much

[freyaswolf]

For years, I lived in bewildered befuddlement regarding the musical musings of Taylor Swift. I usually listen to rock or metal, so her brand of pop was not a part of my usual lineup. However, I gained lovely friends here on Tumblr who swear by our Lady TayTay, so I decided I should check out her stuff. But there was SO MUCH, I didn't even know where to start. Luckily, my dearest mutual and actual friend, @idontgettechnology , took pity on me and made me the most amazing playlist to get me started. She titled it Taylor Swift 101, with a description of "Class is is session bish".

I spent today working my way through it, and it was a revelation! I took notes, cause that's what you're supposed to do in class, so here are my highlights from the 56 song playlist. I know I'm missing out on years of lore regarding TSwift, but I'm eager to learn. After a few more listens I may even be ready for the 201 level of this class lol

Notes below the cut, to save your scrolling thumb 😜

Ok, here we go! (I'm pretty sure these are in the intended order, and mostly these are first impressions)

1. Fifteen: wow, this took me straight back to highschool!

2. Teardrops on my Guitar: yep, I'm already hooked

3. Fearless: UGH!!!!

4. Tied Together with a Smile: FUCK!

5. Whitehorse: Holy shit!

6. Cold as You: DAMN!!!

7. You Belong with Me: (SCREAMING) I'm officially invested!

8. Stay Beautiful: 😍😍😍

9. That's The Way I Loved You: FUUUUUUCK!!!

10. Come Back, Be Here: I'm dead over this one ☠️

11. Sparks Fly: EHRMEHGHERD!!!

12. All Too Well: DUUUUUDE!!! I think this is about Jake Gyllenhaal? Also, OOOUUUUUCCCHHH, I can feel her pain!

13. Dear John: EW! Girl, he's a toxic ass narcissist! Babygirl, you need to ditch those boys, get you a girlfriend instead. I volunteer as tribute, or I would if I wasn't too old and boring lol

14. I Almost Do: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

15. Enchanted: Oh the feels!!! Also, my personal head canon is that this is about Chris Evans 😜

16. Red: oh boy, have I been here!

17. Long Live: THIS IS SUCH A GREAT SONG! OH MY HEART!

18. Blank Space: HA! I love this song!

19. Out of the Woods: girl does not have normal relationships

20. How You Get the Girl: OOOOF! I mean come on, she's literally giving instructions!

21. Bad Blood: Fuck you song if ever I heard one! "You made this mess, you know that right?" Kinda vibes

22. Clean: (hand over heart in salute) I feel you sis!

23. Wonderland: Love this! Also, who is this green eyed boy she keeps mentioning?!

24. Look at What You Made Me Do: love this! "Fine, now I'm the bad guy" vibes 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

25. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! DUDE!!! LOVE THIS!!! 🤣

26. Gorgeous: Love this! UGH SHUT UP YOUR PRETTY FACE! Also about Chris Evans lol

27. Getaway Car: Damn, I've had a few of these, and yeah nothing good happens in a getaway car. Doomed! Lol

28. Dress: HOT!!!

29. New Years Day: Oh my heart!!!

30. The Man: FUCK YES!!!

31. The Archer: wow, exhausting/exhausted, this poor kid!

32. London Boy: FUCK. (This totally made me think of JQ) lol

33. Paper Rings: LOVE!!! ❤️❤️❤️

34. Cruel Summer: relatable lol

35. Cardigan: Sobbing 😭

36. Ivy: UGH! Made me cry!

37. Exile: FML. SOBBING. FR UGLY CRYING.

38. Champagne Problems: this girl needs a hug

39. Illicit Affairs: OUCH!

40. Coney Island: 🖤

41. Hoax: I am bereft. I feel like I just broke up with all of my exes at once.

42. Gold Rush: definitely about Chris Evans. Also the way I flirt, if you're too perfect, I avoid and ignore. And if I can't do that, I heckle.

43. Tis the Damn Season: FEEEEELS!!!

44. Mirrorball: she needs all of the hugs, and some real friends.

45. No Body, No Crime: I would absolutely hide bodies for her. I would die for her.

45. Betty: I have questions? Also, I 🖤 when she says fuck.

46: Evermore: I liked it, but I didn't have a definitive "note"

47. Antihero: HA!

48. Maroon: I really love it when she says fuck. It may be a new kink for me.

49. Lavender Haze: I really want her to get a girlfriend.

50. You're on Your Own Kid: SO GOOD!

51. Bejeweled: FUCK YES!!!

52. Mastermind: 😈😈😈 I've done this. This is me.

53. The Great War: bonded like war buddies lol

54. High Infidelity: Feels decidedly Hellcheery

55. Would've Could've Should've: DAAAAAMMMMNNN!!!!

56. Dear Reader: WOW

And I am SPENT! This was a rollercoaster of emotions, and I enjoyed the whole fucking time. I am now a ride or die T Swift fan. Dude, I had no idea. Thank you so much MJ for this guided tour, I had the best time today! 🥰

#my introduction to Taylor Swift #idontgettechnology #she loves me and she gives the best presents #taytay #tswift #taylor swift is amazing #and an angel #and we don't deserve her #i can't believe i just said that on the internet #i still also love Metallica though lol

[30-3am]

well, i'm officially retiring! thank you for your time, it's been fun for the most part and i apologise to any new followers who were expecting new content from me. check out my ao3 as there's a possibility i may continue with barefoot and such but for now, i'm done. all my posts have been privated which leaves room for me come back if i so wish but as of right now, i don't see that happening. at a certain point, this blog got too much exposure for me to handle and with some people just being fucking mean and my own life going in a different direction, i don't find this fun anymore. i just wanna close this chapter of my life for now. if you wanna message me, dm's are still always open but i won't be posting. sorry if this disappoints anyone as i know so many of you have supported me for so long but i don't wanna do this anymore.

sorry for being melodramatic.

bye!!

#still love metallica obvi #i just really don't have an interest in rpf anymore #your girl has things to do

[hawleywilby]

#james hetfield #metallica #yes wah!!! #\m/ #don't know what it's from #but it's recent #and i love it #my set

[ambreiiigns]

i wanna be someone who listens to misfits full time again wtf is ghost

#i used to be so cool. i used to be my brother's inspirations and goals. now he sees me and cringes and he's right #hsnckajdja joking. but also no #i feel like i finished the main game (cool iconique music) and now i'm doing the silly but way funnier side quests (ghost) #i mean ghost is not a bad band by all means. but they are so silly. i for one cannot take them seriously. never could #i thot they'd sound like repugnant back in the day then i heard like ritual and dance macabre and pissed my pants at the contrast between #the sound and the look and the purpose of the contrast. i respect them and love them but God they are so funny #i don't know how to phrase this. i don't even know what point i'm trying to make #but i do miss the music i listened to in high school. i lost so many songs #<- cons of only listening to music by downloading it to my phone is that sometimes when changing phones or sd cards you mess up #bc you're stupid and useless w technology and lose 500000000 songs and the thought of having to find them again is #anxiety inducing so you kinda give up on listening to them ever again. lol #like i was listening to so much guns n roses... misfits.... iron maiden..... metallica.... tool.... idk just those cool person bands #and now i hardly ever hear them and i actually miss them a lot :( #thankfully my brother has been following my footsteps so far and he's currently in his pink floyd tool era so i'm re-living those days #thru him but. i just miss it. i need to download everything again someday #the only bitch who survived the changing phone & sd card purge was alice cooper. i went and downloaded everything again #i will NEVER give up on that old man he's my favorite music guy in the world #i also was just starting out w him when it happened tho so i didn't have a lot of catching back up to do but STILL. alice cooper forever #and ever 100 years alice cooper love that guy to death and hell #oh nay #ignore this. i've been feeling nostalgic

[marvins-linguinie]

i start writing a fic and everything is fine, i update it weekly, and then i start another one, and get so stressed out, then i drop both of them. in conclusion, I WANT TO WRITE A STEDDIE DADS FIC SO BAD BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN BECAUSE I'M ALREADY WRITING TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FICS

#but they're so cute #like imagine #two daughters #sharon because that's ozzy's wife #and another name i cant think of right now #and steve carrying a toddler on his shoulders #OH MY GOD #dyinggggg #eddie writing songs about his cute lil family #and the rest of cc is like 'youve gone soft' and eddie wont deny it #he's worked his entire life to create metal music #and of course he still loves metallica and ozzy etc. #but he loves his cute lil family more #should i write this? #someone tell mee #plus im probably going to end up dropping both of my fics that im currently working on because i don't like them that much #steddie dads #steddie fanfic #steddie #steve harrington #stranger things #eddie munson #they're dads #help help help

[iero]

The LGBT urge to buy a T-shirt for a band you don’t really listen to, but you want to buy anyway just because you think it’s cool... 

#personal #The band? Slayer. 😔 #Would make my dad proud if I did buy but I don't talk or like my dad LMAO but I know he did LOVE that band. #I make my dad by owning Metallica merch though and I just bought another Metallica shirt today just because it looked cool. #But I DO listen to Metallica. #Anyway why does Urban Outfitters have to make and own the coolest fucking vintage band T-shirts and then make the prices... that? #I have money saved but I'm trying to save for September trip and shows!