#okay I've got an exam tomorrow and thursday and monday | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ckmstudies · 2 years

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Day 17/100

This week is going to be very long. It's only Monday but I can already tell. Today I got lunch with a friend and revised for Latin before class at one. I had my developmental psychology class at two and had a wonderful conversation with my professor afterward. Then I met a friend at the library (pictured above) to work on the practice questions for my accounting quiz that's due tomorrow before class. Then I had yet another very long social club meeting. These will be over after Sunday and then I can get some rest. The problem is that I have an advanced accounting exam Thursday and a Latin exam next Monday and I am quickly falling behind. I've already accepted that I'll probably not be doing too great on the quiz tomorrow but I still would like to make over an 80 on the exam on Thursday. But no matter what everything will be okay, hopefully :)

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bots-and-cons · 8 months

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So I've been having fun...

I've really not had the best week so I just wanna vent a bit. But first, a bit of an update on the state of the requests. I've got two requests left and I've already started writing the other one, so I'll get the last one done next Wednesday (23rd of August) at the latest. I'm planning on opening the requests on that same evening so maybe turn on your notifications for my blog so you don't miss it.

Requests will open on Wednesday, 23rd of August, there will be an announcement post when they open.

Venting below vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

So, I haven't been doing very well this last week. I have no idea what brought this on, but my week didn't start too well. I think my psychosis might be going into a more active episode for the first time in a long time, and it's pretty fucking scary tbh. I had a very strong, even if brief delusion on Monday evening to Tuesday about noon which was scary. I'm not gonna go into detail about it, because I don't think anyone wants to hear it and I don't particularly wanna talk about it.

On Tuesday I went with a friend to her entrance exam, because she needed some emotional support. She wouldn't have gone there at all if I hadn't gone with her, so I kinda felt like I had to go. She straight up told me she would have skipped it if she had to go alone. She got into school too, since it was like a really quick application process and the results came today. I'm happy for her, but the day reallly tired me out and in retrospect, I don't think it was a good idea for me to go.

On Wednesday my anxiety was so high I could barely function and I kept spacing out and going into a dissociative state constantly. Not fucking fun. I've barely slept since Monday, because I keep waking up because of anxiety dreams and for other unknow reasons.

Today (Thursday) was fine, I'm functioning semi-normally and the anxiety from yesterday is mostly gone. I even managed to call my school to sort some stuff out. I've signed up for the courses for this fall and now I just need to get my money situation under control.

I've got an appointment with my psych nurse tomorrow. I'm hoping she doesn't make me go to my psychiatrist because of the more frequent delusions and hallucinations. Since I'm still functioning mostly okay I doubt I'll have to, but we'll see. It might all just be caused by school starting and me stressing about it. I kinda doubt it though, because this has been going on for about a month now and I don't think I've been stressing about school for that long.

#ony speaks #psychosis #delusions #paranoia #hallucinations

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lilyharvord · 3 years

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So I could be completely wrong but I remember seeing an ask about a prompt where Mare gets pregnant during the war and she's having symptoms like morning sickness etc but she doesn't want to tell anyone cause she's not sure if she wants to keep the baby yet so she's like low key struggling. and Cal's being all protective af cause that's just the muffin he is and cause he secretly wants the baby etc etc. (I could be so wrong I just couldn't find it back in ur feed) and you said you could possibly write it. Is that something you're working on or should I let that one go haha. I love ur writing!!!! That prompt just gave me all the cute feels lol.

okay yes, I think there was an ask where I said I would do that. I can’t for the life of me find it either which means I didn’t tag it and it has now been lost to the abyss that is my page ): But for you darling, here is the order of fics currently on my TBDRNNL (to be done right now not later) pile:

1. Finish Chapter 11 of the Chain

2. Finish/Post the Office AU sexy times one shot (cause I got people climb up the wall of my inbox like horny little zombies demanding it)

3. For the love of God finish another chapter of Song of the Phoenix (my girl Coriane deserves so much better than what I’m doing for her ): )

4. Write the one shot for this Prompt

5. Finish 2 more parts of Top Secret Project 1 so I can post the first chapter

6. Outline Top Secret Project 2 so I can line that up after I finish TSP1. (: (it’s low key a fun one and I want it to be good which it why its currently marinating in its own plot juices)

#(*ask lily*)#(*shut up lily*)#okay I'm tagging this one #War Storm Pregnancy One shot #now I will be able to find it #red queen #glass sword #kings cage #war storm #broken thone #post broken throne #okay I've got an exam tomorrow and thursday and monday #but I will be hard at work trying to complete the next chapter of the chain #that way I can start getting to the rest of these

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lzaergstudies · 3 years

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Thursday 01/07/2021 🎵 listening to flare - Kensuke Ushio

Today is the first day of the @/myhoneststudyblr summer studying challenge! I'm gonna do a lil post every now and then during the summer to hopefully keep myself accountable. Time for today's prompt!! ooo!

What are your plans for this summer?

Last summer I did this same challenge but I didn't quite finish everything I had planned, so I'm continuing where I left off mostly. This is what I'm going to be doing: * Start a blog. I've been playing with the idea of doing this for a few years, and I think I'm finally ready! I'm currently writing a short story, which I want to publish on August 1st. * Publish a game. Last year I decided to start making a simple video game just to go through the entire development process from start to finish. I think I'm about halfway done! * Finish the game dev course I'm following. Another thing I started last summer, an online course about Unity 3D! I actually picked it back up today. * Decorate my room. This one is pretty vague, but basically I want to get to a point where my room is somewhat aesthetically pleasing. I have a few things in mind, but the biggest are probably plants (my beloved) and posters.

So that's what I'll be doing the next two months!! I do have other smaller things going on too; next Monday I have a resit exam (after that I'll be done with the semester!) and I was also thinking about possibly starting a webcomic. I'm not really all that confident in my drawing abilities just yet, but at the same time I'm thinking, I'm never going to be completely satisfied so I might as well start now. Anyways! That's something for future me to think about.

The next couple of days I'm going to focus more on preparing for my exam (which is about Galois theory). The first time didn't go so well due to my ✨𝒹𝑒𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑜𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓁 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓉𝑒✨, but I think I can get a good mark on this resit. Then I can hopefully TA it next year since it's actually a really interesting course. Speaking of, today I got an email about what course I'm going to be assisting next semester! and!!! it's exactly the one I was hoping for! So that's really neat, especially since I'm very much going to need the money to pay for therapy and stuff.

Okay! This post is getting way way way too long, so I'll be back tomorrow! I hope you have a magnificent evening filled with beautiful lil froggies

(look at that boye!!! hes saying he loves u and that u should take this moment to say something kind to yourself :) )

#studyblr #summer studying challenge

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recipeforselfdestruction13 · 2 years

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It's Not About the Dinner

I don't actually write & post on here. I keep a diary. But what was supposed to be a small rant to friends turned into a long diary entry.

TW: self-harm - I strike-throughed the entire paragraph if you want to skip it.

Instead of having dinner yesterday with my family for my birthday, my mother chose to push it for Sunday bc my Stepdad will be at a different bday party & she will be out bowling - something I only found out when she didn't come home by 6 PM.

I only saw her in the morning for 5 mins & she came home past midnight. When she came home I was in the shower, & when I got out she called me to blow the candle in this, rushed & indifferent tone. I tried to be more playful with my grandparents, desperately trying to delay that sinking feeling. Meanwhile, she was asking us if we knew this TikTok thing & proceeded to imitate it. Only smiles & laughter on her face.

She asked for the knife, cut the cake & took her piece. She didn't distribute the cake. Didn't ask who wanted some. It felt odd. Isn't it part of our informal culture to offer it to everyone first? I thought it was a sign of respect. It's small but when you're in that state everything is a reason to cry. She said the cake is good, have some. I declined, & her facial expression almost seemed upset.

We were discussing the dinner for the next day & she said we might have to cancel. My stepdad might not get home in time, & it's Sunday, football is on. My grandparents are getting the booster shot & she wanted to take the to Costco. She asked me if it's okay if we have it on Wednesday or Thursday.

What does it matter at this point? We can do it on any day I said. Whatever's convenient. My brother has an event tomorrow & I don't want him to rush, fine let's do it Wednesday.

But Wednesday means my brother has to rush from his dance workshop to the restaurant. Wednesday means he would have a long day bc he works before that workshop. Wednesday means my grandparents & I need to take the train. Wednesday means my grandparents will be out walking in the cold. Wednesday means huffing & puffing for my grandmother. Wednesday means stiff knees for my grandfather. Wednesday means she's rushing from work as well. Wednesday means Wednesday, not my birthday.

I tried to rush the whole thing so I can stay in my room. My brother asked me if I was okay. I said, "It is what it is." I've never seen his face look that sad. Of course, he's cried in front of me, but it's something else altogether to just be sad in front of me. He kept throwing ideas on how we can just do it tomorrow. He'll leave the party early - It's in NJ. We'll do it in the morning instead - it was almost 2 am. I asked him to stop & that it's just as well, I have a quiz on Monday & an exam on Tuesday. I should study. When he left he still looked sadder than me.

I was sad & ready to burst but thought, no not yet, my brother might check up on me & I don't want him to feel any worse. Genius that I am, I decided to put on a sheet mask, that way even if he sees my eyes are red, I can blame it on the mask.

It was a calm & quiet kind of crying. My body wasn't shaking & I didn't feel the need to gasp for air. There were only tears. Uncontrollable tears.

I went to the bathroom & a thought came to me, " Go get some alcohol pads. Go get some Band-Aids. No, not the tiny ones, get something a bit larger. Maybe get two." I went back to my room & took out a spare razor. Then I sat down on my bed. My brain was so quiet, with no voice to tell me to stop. Not a cell in my body wanted to stop me… I looked at my thighs & saw the remains of the scratches I did while I was in the shower. It was still bright red. I ended up not doing anything, not bc I didn't want to but bc I couldn't understand how to use a shaving razor for this.

The tears died down a bit. I was getting sleepy - I took three melatonin gummies - give me some credit that I only took three. The sheet mask was still on my face but I decided to lie down already & fall asleep like that.

I couldn't stop ruminating though. Then I remembered what my father said on the phone, " Maybe you can come here during your birthday someday so we can celebrate." The sheet mask remained wet the entire night.

#personal

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