#okay well i had a whole tag ramble but tumblr Fucking Deleted it all

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ayyyy ok here's some extra Laughingstock Sillies from the past week or so. it aint much but its honest work

(human!Barnaby's design is partycoffin's - from their pokemon au! he's beautiful....)

#ALSO THAT ONE LINE FROM THE BARNABY-JULIE AUDIO HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD #'howdys a pretty funny fella too' AAAAAGH BITING RIPPING TEARING #im so normal about laughingstock. obviously #for the first listen of all the audios i turned That Side of my brain off #but the re-listens?? ohhhh babey i was devouring those nonexistent crumbs #the air tastes so good..... #scribble salad #laughingstock #okay well i had a whole tag ramble but tumblr Fucking Deleted it all #so! thats gone forever! im gonna go clean to work off the resulting aggression #damn they were Good tags too... smfh.... #anyway anyway thats probably the only human au scribble ill post #cause its the only one thats come out Decently and the only one im Confident Enough In To Share #so yeah! unless i miraculously scribble another Decent one uh... its improbable yall will get anymore human!wh.... #i think im gonna experiment with how i draw people #cause at present i am Not satisfied!

[illicitlimerence-writes]

close friends | t. holland

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader word count: 3.1k warnings: some language, some angst if u squint. otherwise it's just fluff and tom being tom. didn't proofread this. a/n: so tumblr decided to be a little bitch and deleted this t w i c e. so i had to write this t h r e e times. this came up in my head after i got like three notifications that tom posted something on his ig story, and then it turned out he deleted them. as always, english isn't my first language so i'm sorry if this gets confusing bye. also, i was listening to cardigan by taylor swift as i wrote this.

my masterlist

so we all know tom sucks at instagram. that's a surprise to literally no one. no matter how many times you tried to teach him he still doesn't get it, and it was only a matter of time before he finally posted something he shouldn't have.

it was just one of those days, you missed him like hell. he was away filming the third spiderman, and you had to stay behind because of work.

naturally, you relied on face time and texts to survive and fill the void he left behind. you loved talking to him, listening as he rambled on and on about his adventures on set. a love-struck look on your face as you tried your hardest to stay awake despite the urge to close your eyes.

eventually, sleep took over you, and you drifted off with the sound of his voice lulling you to sleep. he stopped talking abruptly when he didn't hear your soft chuckling in reply to the story he was telling.

instead, he saw your sleeping figure, long steady breaths moving your chest up and down. and he cursed himself for making you stay up so late for him. he took one last look at you, taking a screenshot of your sleeping form.

he quickly hung up the video call and opened instagram instead, uploading the screenshot to his story,

'missing my favorite girl, thank you so much for everything you do for me. x @yourusername'

the next morning you woke up to the sound of your phone buzzing. at first, thought someone had died as one notification after another filled your screen. most of them came from instagram, so you opened that app first.

thousands upon thousands of mentions, tags and new followers. you frowned, and suddenly a text from your friend popped up at the top of your screen.

'omg just saw his story. so happy for u both'

who's story? what was going on?

you refreshed your timeline, and tom's icon appeared, a colorful circle around it. an odd feeling sank in your stomach. you tapped his icon and suddenly your screen was full of... you.

a picture of you, sleeping. tom's smiling form in a small rectangle on the bottom right corner.

oh god. you read the words he wrote, over and over again. your heart pounding in your chest, and a sudden wave of fear ran through your body. but then you read his words once more, and all you could feel was love. pure, unconditional affection.

sure, your families and closest friends knew about you, but you hadn't talked about making your relationship public yet, but there was nothing you could do now.

you sighed, leaning back on your pillows. a small chuckle left your throat.

you grabbed your phone once again, quickly facetiming tom. you knew he had an early call today, and you hoped you could catch him while he was still in his hotel.

it ran once, twice, and then you saw him, hair all over the place, bare chest. hands rubbing sleep off of his face.

"mornin', darling." he said, his raspy morning voice making you smile.

"hi, baby. did i wake you?" you asked, sitting up and crossing your legs.

"yeah but it's fine, princess. i did keep you up last night so it's only fair."

"i'm sorry about falling asleep on you, that was a really nice picture you took last night," you lifted one eyebrow, and watched as he smiled at you sheepishly.

"i thought you looked really pretty, you always look pretty," he said, grabbing the water bottle on his nightstand and taking a swing.

"thanks, i hope the whole world thinks so, too," you declared. leaning your chin on your fist, watching him expectantly.

he did not react like you had expected him to.

his breath hitched as he sipped his water, and suddenly all you could see was the cream-colored ceiling, as you heard him spitting out and coughing.

"tom! oh, my god! are you okay?" you asked, getting on your knees and holding your phone up to your face, "tommy?" you repeated when he finally stopped coughing, you could now hear his heavy breaths.

at last, you saw his curls appear from the bottom of the screen.

"wh-what did you just say?" his voice was rough, his chest heaving.

"are you okay?" you asked again.

"ye-yeah i'm fine. babe, what did you mean by 'the whole world'? did something happen?" he asked, frowning. you echoed his expression, watching him for a second.

“you posted a picture to your story,” you repeated, and he nodded.

“yeah, i posted it to my close friends, i-” he stopped mid-sentence, eyes growing comically wide. “oh shit, did i-” he caught himself off as he threw the phone to one side, you heard him fumbling around for his laptop and you snorted. “shit, baby, don’t tell me i posted it… fuck!” you couldn’t keep it in any longer, you broke out laughing.

“of course this is how the world finds out about us!” you continued giggling until your stomach hurt.

“fuck, princess i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to, i swear i- why are you laughing!?”

“tommy, tommy! it’s okay, baby, don’t worry. i’m not mad,” you stopped once you noticed his pouting. “it’s fine, my love, i don’t mind. sure it’s unexpected, and a little sudden but i wouldn’t have it any other way. i knew what i was getting into when we started dating,” you told him honestly, wishing you were there to give him a hug and kiss him all over.

“darling, i’m really, really sorry. i swear i thought i tapped the green button like you told me to” he continued his sulking, nervous eyes glancing back and forth from his laptop screen to you.

“i know, baby, i know this is not your forte, and i really appreciate the sweet gesture, honestly. i love you so much,” you told him as you bit your lip. folding your legs to your chest, wrapping one around them.

“god, i love you. i swear i’ll make it up to you,” he ran his hand through his hair, giving you a quick peek of his bare chest.

“i’ll hold you to it,” you chuckled, you glanced to the clock on your nightstand, sighing when you saw the time. “i’ve gotta go,” you said as you stood up and stretched. a wicked idea ran through you head. “i’ve got like five meetings today, so i’ll probably be busy most of the day. just in case i don’t reply or something,” you made up you lie quickly. grabbing your laptop and opening a new tab.

“oh, okay. i’ll be on set until like 1 am, so we’ll talk tomorrow?” he asked, eyes bright. you nodded, biting your lip.

“definitely. i love you,” you blew him a kiss. he smiled, and you felt your heart swelling.

“i love you, too. good luck today!” he said as you reluctantly hung up the call.

you immediately got to work, calling your assistant and telling her you were taking a few personal weeks, and to email you in case of emergencies. next, you texted harry, asking him to call you once tom was busy on set.

you waited for the page to load, and once you had bought your one-way ticket to atlanta you hurriedly threw some pre-planned outfits into two suitcases, just in case. your phone rang and harry’s face popped up on your screen. you quickly answered the call, and let him know of your out-of-the-blue plan. he agreed to meet you at the airport and drive you to set. and because of your recent and sudden rise to fame, he suggested you wear all black and a cap. you followed his advice, throwing on some sunglasses as well, as you had seen tom do many times before.

once you reached the airport and checked-in, you bought some coffee and breakfast, as well as some food for the flight. you opened instagram, seeing all the messages and comments. you had seen how the fans reacted when their favorite celebrities announced a relationship, and you knew to expect the meanest comments, and even death threats. for your own sake and peace of mind, you allowed yourself to scroll until you read three of those, and closed the app.

once the plane took off, you tried to catch some sleep, preparing for the inevitable jet lag, but your mind kept buzzing from one scenario to another. so you took out your book and tried to read some chapters, putting in your earbuds, music playing quietly.

when you finally, finally landed, you stretched your legs and grabbed your bags, putting on the cap and sunglasses again, you spotted a familiar head of wild curls. you quickly approached harry.

“what happened to all black and a cap to go unnoticed?” you asked as he took one of your bags in his hands.

“think about it, two kids wearing black, a cap and sunglasses? people would think we’re up to no good.” he gave you a tight hug, you’d missed him almost as much as you’d missed tom.

he caught you up on everything he and tom had been doing these past months, you shifted in your seat in excitement, the sleep that was slowly taking over you on the plane had now disappeared from your body.

in what was probably a 15 -but to you felt like five- minute drive, you got to the hotel to leave your bags and take a quick shower. harry left you alone in tom’s room, making his way to his own room next door. he said he’d order something for you to eat whilst you got ready to see tom.

you took the quickest shower ever known to humankind, and when you walked out of the bathroom after using tom’s shampoo and conditioner, -you’d missed his smell all over you. the few forgotten hoodies and shirts that were once drenched in the smell of his soap and cologne, were now very faint.- you wrapped a bathrobe around your body, rummaging through tom’s clothes until you found one of his shirts.

you pulled it close to your face, sighing at the familiar scent you’d missed so much. you got dressed quickly, grabbing your now fully-charged phone and the key to tom’s room that harry had left on a coffee table. you knocked on harry’s door and he let you in.

“i just texted tom, he says they’ve got like three hours left.” you sat next to him on the couch, the table in front of you filled with food waiting to be devoured.

“my poor baby, they overwork him,” you pouted, reaching for one of the plates.

“it was his idea, said he’ll do anything that helps finish filming sooner.” you stopped chewing your food.

“wait, really?” you asked in disbelief, you knew tom loved his job, and you found it odd that he wanted to cut his time on set short.

“yeah, it’s been rough for him. not having you around, i mean, after he spent months with you. he’s been pretty distracted lately. messing up lines, he’s been waking up late and missing early calls...” your heart sank at the words. you ate the rest of your food with a knot in your stomach, cursing yourself for not getting there sooner. soon enough, you were back in the car, your leg bouncing up and down. you fell asleep on your way to set, waking up when harry parked the car and nudged your shoulder.

you stepped out carefully, your head turning back every few steps you took, in fear that tom might catch you. once you reached the stage where tom was filming, you flashed the visitor badge harry had given you to the guard and he let you both in. you walked in as you leaned down, your forehead against harry’s back, shielding you from the curious stares. harry told you to hide behind a giant box where they kept some lights whilst he spoke to the director.

although the box was big and tall enough to cover you completely, you crouched down, straining your ears for nearing footsteps. you heard two sets of feet approaching, your heartbeat racing.

you were met with your accomplice, a friendly-looking man behind him. you stood up as they approached you.

“this the girl?” the man asked, and harry nodded, “nice to meetcha, i’m jon.” you shook his hand, “okay, so we’ve cleared tom’s schedule for one week, we’ll need him back fully recharged and ready to work like it’s his first day on set, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like, if it means he’ll work better if you’re here you can stay until we're done. i really don’t mind, i just need my guy back.” you blinked at his words, nodding slowly. “we’ve got a couple hours left tonight, i’m all up for some cheesy reunion, but it’ll have to be when we’re finished, i can barely keep him focused as it is.”

with that he left, and harry led you to tom’s trailer, where you caught some sleep while you waited. like that morning, you woke up to your phone buzzing. you reached for it, sleep leaving your body as you read the text.

‘just finished filming for the night, i’m exhausted. miss u, love you. x.’

all rational thoughts left your head, you opened the door to tom’s trailer and sprinted out of there until you reached the set. your eyes finally, finally met his figure, and tears filled your eyes.

your legs moved on their own accord, you mumbled apologies as you crashed into people, but you didn’t care. tom had his back to you, and even though he wasn’t wearing the spiderman costume, you’d recognize that ass anywhere.

“tom!” you called out, stopping a few feet away from him. you saw him whipping his head around, eyes scanning the sea of people. you made your way up to him, “tommy!” you repeated, and he finally turned around.

his mouth wide opened in disbelief, arms twitching, feet running towards you as you did the same. you crashed into each other, your legs wrapping around him, arms around his neck, fingers curling on his soft hair. his hands running all over your back, your hair. pulling you as close as humanly possible.

whispers of ‘i love you’, ‘god, i missed you’, ‘never leave me again’, and ‘i promise’ were exchanged. you tightened your hold on his hair, pulling back to look at him.

“hi,” you whispered, your nose brushing his.

“hey,” he replied, burying his face on your neck again, pressing small kisses anywhere he could reach. his hands settled on the back of your thighs as he spun you two. you giggled, sniffling as a few tears escaped your eyes.

you could not care less about the people around you, all you could think about was the boy wrapped all over you, your favorite boy. tom led you back to his trailer, where you finally untangled yourself from him. he settled you down and you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him close to you again.

you had been starved of his touch for so long, there was no way you were letting him go anytime soon.

after many kisses, touches, tears, promises and more kisses, you left for the hotel. harry had already left, getting a ride from another cast member to leave you two alone. at that moment you swore you’d make him godfather of your firstborn child.

as you waited for tom to step out of the shower -you would’ve joined him, but three showers in a day seemed kind of excessive-, you laid down on the bed, throwing the covers over your body, tom's scent engulfing you. you breathed in happily. you tapped on your phone, replying to some work emails when you received a text from harry.

‘i believe the ball is in your court. you’re welcome.’

next, you received a picture of you and tom. harry must’ve taken the picture when you and tom were too lost in each other to even notice anyone around you. in the picture, your legs are around tom, bodies pressed closed together, your noses touching as you stare lovingly into each other’s eyes. it was a beautiful picture. and the black and white filter harry had applied to it made it seem like one of those old pictures of wives reuniting with their spouses after the war.

you smiled, heart swelling with emotion as you contemplated your options. you hummed quietly, tapping the instagram logo and waiting for the app to load.

you quickly uploaded the picture harry sent you tagging both him and tom and adding a quick caption before you shut down your phone. you were drifting off to sleep when you felt familiar arms around you.

you leaned into tom’s touch, your back resting against his chest, legs tangling with his as he interlocked his fingers with your own.

“thank you so much for being here, my love. i love you,” tom whispered into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“i’ll be here whenever you need me. i’ll always come back to you.” you turned around, facing him. you kissed the corner of his lips, and he cupped your cheek, his lips meeting yours in a slow kiss, filled with emotion. your fingers played with his fingers as you moved to straddle his waist. “i love you,” you broke the kiss reluctantly. as much as you both wanted to make love that night, you’d made it your top priority that tom took his time off to rest as much as he could, and that included that first night.

you gave him one last kiss, going back to your previous position. the familiar and comfortable weight of his arms around you, the feeling of his lips on your neck, his chest rising and falling against your back, you couldn’t ask for anything better.

the peaceful environment you had created suddenly burst like a bubble as tom’s phone pinged over and over again. you heard him grunting, arms reluctantly leaving you.

tom chuckled, putting his phone on do-not-disturb and throwing it somewhere on the bed.

“you’re perfect for me, my favorite girl.” you smiled, leaning into his touch as he kissed you all over. sleep quickly taking over both of you.

tom swore his heart stopped when he’d seen the picture you posted. you’d never looked more beautiful than when you were staring up at him, your bottom lip between your teeth. the words you wrote as a caption were the last thing on his brain as he finally succumbed to sleep.

‘i said, “i bet you can’t keep this a secret for five months.” he said, “darling, i won’t make it past three.” @ tomholland2013 it’s been 10 months, who won?’

edit: i just saw henry cavill's ig post and omg what is my life. pls respect celebrities' privacy and relationships.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfic #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #marvel #mcu #avengers imagine

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her “washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #tumblr is legit my fucking life now #motivate me to deactivate this blog to leave the hellsite forever 2021 #trigger warning: suicide mention #tw: suicide mention

[sturdy-nerdy-stitchery]

This is going to be a personal post because I have a very very very very very very very very rough night last night. That resulted in two very bad anxiety attacks that left me shaking, hyperventilating, and crying.

Because an instagrammer with 12K followers (I think it was 15 at the time last night or I could have been mistaken) decided to drag me through the mud and tag me "@sturdynerdystitchery They have an Etsy shop don't shop there" All because I accidentally down voted on one of their stories that was talking about another Instagram And how they are a bad company because they make holsters.. for tazers... And those holsters could be supplied to police and thus used to harm people with police brutality.

no, when this particular story came up talking about that company, I'm new to Instagram. I had no idea there was a slider that you could vote with. I had no idea whatsoever... Well, and unattended phone... The slider got clicked and it got clicked in the downvote position...

And it was on pure accident! And I kid you not, as soon as I saw that they tagged me... I went to go check and all I saw was the words "Do not shop" plus my Instagram name... And then my phone died.

And by the time I plugged in my phone and rebooted it, they had already blocked me so I couldn't even message them to explain what happened and that I dow voted on one of their posts on accident and not because I disagreed with the post.

I finally found them through Facebook and messaged them there. (Which now... And hindsight. I wish I had just waited and not message them on Facebook)

And then on my personal page for Facebook... I made a post about how the whole situation... And how someone with tens of thousands of followers just told the world not to shop at the sturdy nerdy stitchery... And that it was giving me a really massive anxiety attack for a solid 20 minutes.

But! My friends got my back commenting "what's their Instagram!" and one of them messaged the instagrammer to explain the situation and explain that it was an accident. The Instagram lady then messaged me to apologize that I got caught in the crosshairs, They deleted the post they had my name in it, and they would be happy to feature me on one of their stories.

This is where I put my foot in my mouth and I should have just stopped while I was ahead. I should have just said thank you for the spotlight but no thank you. I was already still feeling the anxiety symptoms from earlier and when I have anxiety, sometimes I tend to ramble when I shouldn't. And I rambled. I got on my soapbox and I merely explained that thanks but no thanks to being featured on the spotlight... But that I was reading through some of the stories again because I was legit curious on which one had accidentally got a down vote... And just the content of the particular story and the few that followed... And the way it was presented... didn't sit right with me. I never ever once specified what exactly did not sit right with me. I just said it didn't sit right with me, and they assumed what it was that didn't sit right with me. Which by the way was clearly off the mark but I'm not even going to bother explain to them the thing that didn't sit right with me.

There's more to it than that and I took screenshots... But pretty much, it wasn't the topics that were being discussed when we were chatting back and forth, it was the way that she was discussing those topics with me. The wording that was used. It made me feel uncomfortable again and it triggered a second anxiety attack. Especially when I feared that they would screenshot it and share it to their stories like they did with a few other people when they put them on blast.

I was having such an awful anxiety attack that at 12:30 a.m., I'm calling my husband who is out of town for work so that I could video chat with him because talking with him would make me feel better. And it did.

There is permission from the first mentioned the company... To drag them through the mud because they don't care anymore especially after this Instagramer called them a racist company...

And I'm debating if I should care considering that for at least a good hour and a half, they told the world not to shop at my store. All because I accidentally clicked a button wrong.

It was not a very fun experience and I'm hoping that when I told them that the direction the conversation was going was causing my anxiety to rise again... They take that to heart and they don't do anything further. Because I don't want to get dragged through the mud either. I am just a small cottage business and I don't need my reputation ruined just because a narcissist decided to spin the story as narcissists always do... And make it about them and how they are the victim.

Hell, I even apologized if my words hurt them. I even apologized that I went on my soapbox. I explained that I was still having anxiety issues from the affirmation tag that I caught way too late because my phone died. I explained that sometimes my anxiety makes me ramble and I shouldn't. That's no excuse I know... And I hope they understand that I was merely giving a reason.

I told them that I am sorry that my words hurt you but on the other side of the coin could they admit that their words are hurting me? They pretty much equated it to saying that they have a right to express their words however they want... Which to me means that they don't care if their words are coming across hurtful. They feel upset and therefore they are entitled to spewing hurtful words.

My soon to be 4-year-old watches Daniel tiger a lot and one of the things in an episode that they say is "It's okay to feel angry but it's not okay to hurt someone" And I totally validate their feelings. They had every right to feel upset or uncomfortable when I got on my soapbox and I shouldn't have. I even reread my soapbox to make sure that I didn't say anything mean and all I said was that certain parts of the story i was reading just didn't sit right with me. And that it didn't sit right with me that because of an accidental button click, I get an Instagram tag and a mention saying not to shop at my store. All because I accidentally clicked the button that correlated to a disagree.

I also said "It doesn't sit right with me" Because what they did in another story was "putting someone on blast like that? And calling them the b word whether or not they deserved it?"

That's pretty much it. on three points I just explained that it didn't sit right with me. And therefore thank you but no thank you for putting me on the spotlight because I don't feel comfortable being in the spotlight when there are certain things that just don't sit well with me. And if those particular words upset them, I apologized. They had every right to feel upset or uncomfortable by what I said, even if I said it plainly, politely, respectfully... how they interpret that message is up to them and I can't control that. And if they interpreted it in a negative way and it hurt them... I own up to that. However, they did not own up to the reverse. They felt that because they had a right to be upset, that gave them the right to take the discussion in a way that was upsetting to me. Rather than take it in a way that was more adult, and amicable. Just because they were hurt and upset, they felt that it was within their right to hurt back. Because what do they say, hurt people hurt people?

There is more that I'm not explaining and I just don't feel like getting into that right now. I'm just trying to explain this as plainly as possible... I am trying to explain it in a way that validates how they felt but also validates how I felt.

So... I just don't know. Do I drag them through the mud because they were pretty much being a big meanie to a custom prop maker on Instagram as well as being not so nice in their wording when they were chatting with me?

Oh, not only that... But then they went and gave my friend the second degree. The friend who actually messaged them to say "hey... She down voted on accident". And that she was pretty much a racist by proxy of me.

They have 12,000 followers on Instagram. My Instagram only has 84 followers. (@sturdynerdystitchery If anyone wants to go give me a follow even though I don't post as much as I should).

Whoever, I have almost 2,000 followers on Tumblr... And it's not as big of a reach as they have, even though a lot of us suspect that their followers are bought... But at least this is a platform where I can express my feelings on the issue and possibly get word out to a not so nice instagrammer who could have handled the situation a lot more respectfully and amicably.

So, to my followers who made it this far...What do I do? Should I share their Instagram name and drag them through the mud because the first company just said "fuck it. they're calling us a racist company now so go ahead and drag them through the mud" Or should I leave this instagrammer out of it so I can take the high road? I mean... If you message me... And we keep a private I can share their information... As long as it doesn't come back to me that I was the one who's shared their name all over the place.

I just really don't want it to come back to me and to get negative feedback from this instagrammer. I really don't need her to put me on blast or anything because that's just going to trigger my anxiety all over again. I am still mad at what they did, and how they handle the situation... And I'm still filled with a rage... But I really don't want any more anxiety attacks.

I'm hoping that in the hour and a half before they removed the post with my name in it... I didn't take a huge hit to my little business and I'm hoping they don't share any screenshots and put me on blast...

#drama #anxiety #anxiety attack #instagram

[geek-gem]

Riverdale Season 2 First Episode

So it just turned 9:02 pm it was 9:01 just....okay premieres I just but really I wanna talk about this episode.

Really I don't talk much of the show I keep it to myself. In fact thinking should I talk about this. Even during watching the episode I had thought should I start making posts. I talk about OK KO on Fridays and other things.

Basically I enjoy the show yet I feel like mainly the people I follow are not interested in the show. Despite I seriously enjoy the show. I enjoyed the first season and wanted to see that 2nd season. Which even meant I won't play some Resistance Fall Of Man tonight.

Their will be spoilers mentioned here. So be warned and luckly I saw theirs a tag for that too. But wondering if theirs one that isn't just with rd now talking about the episode.

I seriously liked that. Including let's get this out of the way and be weird.

FRED ANDREW LIVES PEOPLE HE LIVES! Seriously just I was worried and seeing a post of the meme guess who just got murdered. Also it having the rd spoilers tag I was seriously worried and hoping or just I like Fred Andrews. Seriously I was worried or just the final episode from season 1. I was invested and just didn't want him to die. There I got wasn't focused but seriously yes.

Yet their is a murder. Including lots of shit set up for this season. Also laughed a bit a few times as well.

Basically the big mystery seems to be more Archie related or just some shit. Seeing the next preview wait okay I just need to wait and see. But also all the other shit going.

I'll just ramble sorry.

Seriously fucked up dream stuff where Fred Andrews thinks of such as a graduation party, leaving the trailer with Archie saying some dead family members are waiting, Archie going to ask Veronica to marry him, and a wedding. With all of those mentions and references suggesting Fred Andrews is gonna die oh God damn it. But it's okay it's fine but damn, they did that shit.

Also me going pfft and find it funny at the idea Cheryl is basically lying about what happened at her house that burnt down which she burnt down. Including threatening her mother and suggesting her mother may have been in the barn when her father committed suicide.

Okay I'm sorry but do hospital rooms have cameras yet honestly I have thought her mom is horrible. Yet I can see it this thing crashing down and everyone finds out and even more shit hits the fan.

Then also Jughead this moment telling Pops to lighten up which was funny. Including being an awesome friend and Pops helping too bringing food to the hospital.

Also everyone supporting Archie, Reggie who's played by the new actor and he seems nice, cool Reggie not being a douche like...I don't watch Black Nerd Comedy these days or seen the rest of his Riverdale videos. Including the Pussycats are supportive too and others. Even Cheryl despite how shit went down meh well Archie saved her life. Also the Jason thing but still.

Now Archie just have everyone support him even Veronica and...this shower scene meh. Yet also like Jughead says he's determined to protect his dad nice. Including his mom is gonna be there as his dad heals.

But also seeing one of the promotions I think Archie had a gun. Honestly seeing how the episode ended and how the next ones seems like it's gonna be. It's gonna get more crazy like usual.

Then we also have Veronica's dad being back and her mom tired of her daughter's shit. With Veronica still taking a stand and I'm worried. Yet I just wanna knows what happens next. Including she thinks her mom hired someone to kill Archie's dad which makes it more crazy.

Also Jughead asking if their could be any serpents who might want to hurt Archie's dad and it worsens when some beat this guy and other shit. Decided to put this in his dad's own trailer.

I'm trying to remember. Basically well their is the ending. But I wanted to mention some of the major things. Basically like the crazy stuff.

Well think I'll mention it. So we see Grundy again and she's still making out with younger students. Then the same guy who shoots Archie's dad finds her and kills her.

Honestly I'm gonna be honest I'm saying that again. Really the episode she left I did get emotional yet over time I realized. Including just being part of the Safe Loud House which just gets me thinking of this. It's seriously disgusting about the whole student and teacher affair thing and I remember seeing some fans agree and she didn't change her ways. Yet thinking about it God damn...that was brutal well to me it was. Even if I had this mindset is this guy gonna kill her because she's a pedo but the next episode doesn't suggest that. But interesting they brought back for that....okay just...I don't wanna justify her relationship with Archie she had the time. But I feel like damn did she need to die. Yet it's part of the story and it's seems like it's gonna go with this story of people close to Archie are targets. This is just what I'm getting from the next preview unless something happens. Because shit like that happened in the first season.

Also yeah anyone oh head be nice but anyone who likes Jughead theirs some moments cute I suppose. I do like the ship almost left don't. But I'm not the biggest fan like some people are no offense.

But mainly I feel like wanting to get this done and thinking of it depends. I might wanna make the next ones shorter. Because I feel like I don't wanna make big posts about this crap no offense. Yet since I talked about the episode really it's my choice. It might happen it's just a week later next Wednesday so no trouble.

Yeah theirs some nice Archie X Veronica moments including some positive stuff, support Archie, take care of him make sure he feels better. Honestly I expect or just feel like the story he's gonna try to murder the man who tried to kill his dad later the season. With everyone going DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT ARCHIE KENS!

I'm just trying to think and remember. But really I enjoyed it oh yeah talking about episodes. Including reblogs I'm just hoping people don't mind. Yet honestly because of some ticks I sometimes reblog a certain post a few more times to feel okay and delete the earlier reblogs so no one expects that their were more but honestly their were lol okay to smile.

Now I remember all this shit going on I'm just thinking during the episode or some shit. Seriously and it's very off topic let's just have an invasion or just a terrorist attack, or just mainly keep thinking this have the Helghast out of fucking nowhere, from the Killzone series and the Chimera from the Resistance series. Yes both and shit....just seriously I'm surprised just... really I guessed stuff might be more crazy gonna say like a bombing. Honestly big shit I feel like would be expected of this show.

I'm sorry yet...I think with all this drama and these secrets I'm surprised or maybe the writers or they are reading this and other stuff of doing some very fucked up stuff being like you know what this shit isn't enough let's add someone bombing a building. Seriously I'm sorry but I wanted to say how I feel of what shit they would pull.

Anyway this was a good first episode of season 2. Wanna see the next episode.

Got tags down and missed the back arrow yeah their was a commerical I think before the episode aired. Have MTV1 on and looked Catfish The TV Show back on 9:44 pm missed post pressed edit button.

Yet seriously good episode and wanna fuck it check out Tumblr for Riverdale after this and yeah it's when typing on this phone 9:45 pm

#riverdale #riverdale season 2 #riverdale spoilers #rd spoilers