#one eyeland

[sitting-on-me-bum]

Black-billed mountain toucan

By Marcello Galleano, Albisola Superiore Sv, Italy

World’s Top Wildlife Photographers of 2023

Curated by One Eyeland

#marcello galleano #photographer #albisola superiore sv #italy #black-billed mountain toucan #toucan #bird photography #world's top wildlife photographers of 2023 #one eyeland #nature

[sheltiechicago]

Awarded Gold | Jan Bavor

One Eyeland Photography Awards

#jan bavor #photographer #castle #fog #one eyeland photography awards

[scoutbot]

i turned demo into a creature

#felix noises #look at my art boy #tf2 creature au #demo tf2 #demoman tf2 #tf2 demo #tf2 demoman #tavish degroot #|| #the bit on the top of his head is a bony dome surrounded by horns similar to a pachycephalosaurus #and the lump on the bottom is a pouch for his eye to go into when he needs to eat drink or vomit up wads of explosive goo #he can talk without moving it though #creature!demo can stand and locomote comfortably on both two and four legs #also hes the only one of the creature mercs that can properly fly #in case its not clear the thing on the end of his tail is eyelander

[guillotine-drop]

How the mercs did their top surgeries

Soldier: got two rocket launchers, tied a rocket to each tit, and let ‘em rip

Demoman: did that sick ass move he does with the eyelander and sliced those puppies clean off in one swing

Scout: unfortunate foul ball accident at a Red Sox game that saw a 112mph fastball take them clean off while he was in the stands eating a hotdog

Pyro: sometimes they’re there, sometimes they’re not, just don’t worry about it too much and STOP FUCKING UNZIPPING AND REZIPPING THEIR SUIT

Spy: went to a clinic in Switzerland and spent his recovery time in the Alps in a fancy cabin with scout’s mother

Medic: did his own, decided he wanted them, gave himself new ones, decided he didn’t want them, did his own, decided he wanted them, gave himself new ones, deci

Heavy: never did his, man’s got his Big Naturals au naturel

Sniper: The Koala Incident

Engineer: swapped his for mechanical tatas with turret nipples, regularly torments spy by making him look at them, HAS shot scout in the ass with them

Bonus

Hale: there isn’t a man or machine on this planet that can take his rack save for himself, and he refuses to do it on the basis that they’re good for Mann Co. Advertising

Merasmus: Dark Ambient Swag

#yeah dude #tf2 #team fortress 2 #soldier tf2 #demoman tf2 #scout tf2 #spy tf2 #pyro tf2 #heavy tf2 #medic tf2 #sniper tf2 #engineer tf2 #saxton hale #Merasmus

[prettyboypistol]

How mercs would react after having a wet dream

TF2 Mercs' Wet Dreams! ||TF2 x M!Reader|| +18 obviously

Scout

He imagines you shirtless and on his bed all cheesy porno style, you coax him over and pull him to the bed, kissing over his chest and murmuring about just how badly you need him.

He loves dreaming about you riding him and sucking him off, especially when you suffocate him in your chest and hold him close.

He has a recurring dream of you breathing heavily, panting out "Scout, Scout! Scout!" as you jerk yourself off as you ride.

Cums in his sleep and jerks off in the morning, sneaking away to wash the sheets early that morning.

Soldier

Solly is inspecting your dress code and orders you to attention for the formal inspection.

"Private! Will you do anything for your country?" "Sir, Yessir!" "No matter the cost, will you defend this base?!" "Sir, Yessir!" His voice a little quieter, yet slightly commanding as he leans into you. "Then show your major just how much you need his lead."

God, he loves imagining you in formal military dress as you kneel before him, praising his battle tactics and mouth full of dick.

Doesn't cum in his sleep, but it's a 70-30 shot that he'll grunt your name into his pillow as he ruts against his mattress.

Pyro

They imagine you as an angel, dawned in gloarious robes and with a halo and wings. Pyro isn't worthy- not a monster like them that can barely stay sane- yet you invite them forward and kiss their mask's forehead as you hike up your robe to expose yourself. "It's alright darling, you can touch me."

Secretly, Pyro wants to deflower you. They know you're probably not a virgin, but the idea of spoiling your virginity is so hot to them. The first one to touch your body, the first one to ruin you.

Pyro kneels and nuzzles your thighs in reverence as they touch you the way they desire. Their touches leave purple-black marks wherever they touch, actually staining you with sin. They feel so guilty about ruining an angel like you, but you're allowing them to!

Pyro does cum in their sleep, whimpering and writhing against their suit.

Demoman

Tavish's wet dreams start out like normal dreams- in a bar, drinking his heart out back in Scotland with his friends. Then he sees you from across the room. You give him a look that invites him over as you bite your bottom lip.

"Hey there sexy, you look like you could use some company." You flirt, petting Demoman's bicep. Tavish laughs and escorts you to the back of the bar, magically turned into a nicer bedroom as he lays you down.

It's a bit of a haze, but Tavish remembers thrusting into you and imagining how tight you mush be, he dreams about fingering you open with the hilt of eyelander if he's feeling a little fantasy-based rather than in the year of the lord 1971.

Sometimes he dreams of you fucking him, and those are the dreams that wake him up to stained sheets.

Heavy

In the cold russian nights, you knock on the door asking for a place to stay. Mikhail ushers you in and offers you a warm bath, which you graciously accept. Little do you know that there is a little hole in the wooden walls, where Heavy keeps an eye on you.

Mikhail touches himself to the sight of your naked back, as you seen to have the same idea in the bath, reveling in the now warm touches of your hands against your skin.

He hears you moan out his name as you masturbate, and that only fuels his fire more. He usually climaxes to a particularly loud and desperate begging from your lips.

Wakes up with a raging boner that he mostly will ignore, but will rarely take care of himself to the thought of you.

Engineer

You're kidnapped, tied up by the enemy- but you're naked and begging for someone to touch you! Engie is there to rescue you, but you look so handsome all vulnerable like that- you understand, don't you, darlin'?

Dell fucks you as you're tied up in the chair and mutters dirty things that make his sleeping body blush as he promises to fuck you in every way he can as he fucks you like a desperate man.

The feeling of your tightening around him and begging to let you cum, please don't call him daddy, he'll stain his sheets!

Is massively ashamed to touch himself when he's awake to thr thought of his coworker

Medic

You. On his operating table. Bound by the belts and struggling to escape as your dick is hard and tied with a little bow at the base. "To Medic" the gift tag says. Wouldn't it be rude to not use a gift?

He imagines you drunk on lust as he injects both you and himself with an aphrodesiac. Hazily, you two fuck on base instincts for hours as he shoves his cock deep into you over and over again, orgasm after orgasm until he was thoroughly used.

But you break your restraints, pin him against the table and fuck him from behind. It's your turn to use him like the cocksleeve he knows he is. Use him like a fleshlight, just as rough as you always imagine!

Doesn't cum in his sleep but jerks off into a test tube for research purposes later.

Spy

You and Spy are making out in his smoking room before you lay him down onto the couch, unbuttoning his suit and kissing all the skin you can reach as you undress him.

You finger him lazily with one hand, pouring him a glass of wine with the other. The glass is left on the side table as you suck hickeys into his thighs before you thrust into him.

It starts off slow- as it always does, you're always gentle at first- then you pick up the pace, drilling into him with reckless abandon as you chase your pleasure.

Spy sleepily jerks himself off from over his pyjama pants, more asleep than awake as he dreams of you absolutely wrecking him.

Sniper

He imagines you fucking yourself with your fingers in his Sniper Nest, holding his shirt close to you. You fuck yourself stupid as you moan out "Mundy, oh god, Mick- please fuck me!"

Mick loves watching, just like the creep he is. He loves the shame of watching someone through a sniper scope, even if he's not watching intimate moments like that. During missions, he likes to rub one out as he watches people do mundane things.

He fucks his fist in his sleep to the sight of you seducing him- the idea of you wanting him just as much as he wants you drives him insane.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #fanfiction #tf2 x reader #tf2 sniper #tf2 medic #tf2 spy #tf2 engineer #tf2 demoman #tf2 scout #tf2 heavy #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 scout x reader #tf2 soldier x reader #tf2 pyro x reader #tf2 demoman x reader #tf2 engineer x reader #tf2 heavy x reader #tf2 medic x reader #tf2 spy x reader #tf2 sniper x reader #tf2 smut #tf2 mercs x reader #tf2 mercs x male reader #tf2 mercs #tf2 headcannons #tf2 headcanons #tf2 x male reader #tf2 x you

[multifandomthoughts]

Mercs with a reader who’s like Mitsuri

Heavy

Heavy really appreciates you. He likes to cook, and when he does, he makes huge portions. So seeing that you eat a lot, it makes him happy. The last thing he would want is for you to go hungry.

He was curious one day, and wanted to see if you could lift Sasha. So he gave you permission to pick his gun up, with the caveat that you had to be extremely careful with her. Was pleasantly surprised and pleased to see that you could lift her with ease.

Compared to his serious and stoic demeanor, he loves how bubbly and happy you are! It really makes his heart flutter, even if he doesn’t outwardly show it.

He also loves how absolutely authentic you are to yourself. If anyone says anything negative about you, they’re going to find the end of his fists. Nobody hurts you and gets away with it, not on his watch.

Engineer

“Heavy load, coming through!” Is something you’re going to hear much more from him now that you’re around. With your permission and assistance, he can build bigger and heavier contraptions! He’s incredibly grateful, because even though he himself is strong, you’re much stronger than him.

Just like Heavy, it’s normal in his family to have big meals, so at first he wasn’t sure how you would react to him giving you so much food. But he’s incredibly joyful once he sees that you’ve finished your plate and asked for more! You’ll definitely fit in at the family barbecues.

When he’s having a bad day, it always makes him at least the little bit happier when you’re around. You’re so bubbly and sweet that he can’t possibly be upset much longer.

Has tried to arm wrestle you with his gunslinger before, just out of curiosity. He wanted to see how far your physical strength actually went. You lost obviously as you can’t out force a robot arm.

Medic

Is absolutely fascinated by how strong you are despite you not looking it. Definitely wants to do experiments on you to determine why this is the case. Is there something that makes you different than the others? Or is it just pure natural strength?

Observes you from a distance, just watching you interact with the others. Is probably the one least likely to call you a monster, he thinks you’re a perfect specimen.

Doesn’t say anything, but he thinks it’s very attractive when you lift very heavy things. It sends a shiver down his spine that he has to shake off. He might ask you to help him declutter his office sometime as it has some very large medical instruments that need removing.

Is also impressed about how much you can eat, and wonders if how much you eat correlates to how you were able to retain all that muscle mass. Not so discretely takes notes on you while eating.

Demoman

When he hears about how strong you are, he wants to see if you can wield the eyelander. When you can, he shows you the power of wielding both the eyelander and the chargin’ targe. He teaches you how to use them, because he figures that you have enough muscle mass to keep you safe.

When he gets a new barrel or box full of materials he asks if you can help him move it so he can get to work on making more of them. When you do, you happily talk to him all the way, helping to motivate him to work harder.

Because you can eat so much, he wonders if you can drink a lot as well. Challenges you to a drinking contest, and when you inevitably lose, he apologizes profusely. Is still incredibly impressed about how far you got though.

Though, he does tell you how cute you were while drunk. You thought you were bubbly sober? Take it to another level whole nother level. You were giggling, cracking jokes and cuddling up to him.

Pyro

They knew you were a fun person the first time they laid their eyes on you. This is another person who will relate to being called a monster and will not hesitate to torch whoever did it.

When they bake, they ask you to be their taste tester! They want to make sure everything is right, and if it takes a batch or two, that’s okay! Your voracious appetite won’t be ruined if you have a few cupcakes!

When they want to make a big bonfire outside (much to the chagrin of others.) They also ask you to help them find some large kindling so that they can have a big party!

Pyro also loves hugs, and you can often be seen either picking them up in a hug, or carrying them across your shoulder. They’re surprisingly light, even with the suit and it makes them incredibly happy that you pick them up.

Scout

Like Demoman, he is incredibly interested to see how much food you can eat. Challenges you to a food eating contest, but this time, he loses. He’s absolutely miserable after the fact, but thinks you’re so cool for eating that much food.

Scout loves running with you, and loves that you can actually keep up with him. You’re nimble and quick like him, and it causes him to want to keep doing his best.

Despite him being a bit ruder, and a bit more brash, you two are constantly chattering like birds, talking about basically everything, no matter how stupid the things coming out of his mouth may be.

You stand up for him when he gets attacked, because as much as he can be annoying he doesn’t deserve to be beaten up like a bully in high school

Soldier

Is suspicious of you at first. Your arms and legs are tiny, how could you possibly be as strong as you say they are? The rest of the mercs must have been just been nice to you. That is, until he sees you clock an enemy with just your strength during a battle.

From then on, considers you to be a real American soldier, perfect for the battlefield of life. Helps you find what weapons would be the best suited for you, since weight isn’t a problem.

Applauds you on your abilities in the battlefield, and sticks close to you. Nobody is better than him, and he just wants to make sure that you’re taking his war tips to heart.

When dinner time comes, he’s incredibly shocked at how much you eat, and is lowkey concerned that you’re overdoing it. You’re tiny, you don’t want to make yourself sick on the mission tomorrow!

Sniper

You work with him as somewhat of a bodyguard when he’s on high ground. He can view the area in front of him, while you make sure that nobody is sneaking up on him from behind. You’re strong enough to make sure nobody gets to his perch.

In the off time though, he likes having barbecues in the front of his vans. You’re incredibly fond of them, and the first time you have a barbecue with him, he realizes that he won’t have to worry about leftovers.

Whenever he needs help with his van, he requests your help. Whether it’s the inside or the outside, he knows that he can count on you. Usually it’s that the van needs a new tire or some new wiring, and you’re always willing to help.

Being someone who is tall and lanky but moderately strong, he relates to you. There’s one big difference between the two of you though, and that’s that he’s really quiet. Your chattering actually helps him feel more comfortable because it lets you control the conversation and allows him to say what he needs to say without having to speak up too much.

Spy

Just like Sniper, Spy enjoys listening to you talk. However, because Spy is a more realistic person, your positivity helps balance out the tone of your conversation. When he’s having a particularly bad day, just listening to you talk is helpful to ease your mind.

He definitely wants you to try some of his home cooked food, because while he noticed you eat a lot of food, you love everything that you eat. He just hopes that you aren’t put off by French portion sizes.

Quite likes how you are nimble and quick. Had you not be so talkative, he thinks you’d make quite a good spy. He does teach you how to be a bit more silent so you can sneak up on scout though.

Is confused why people would call you a monster, had they never seen someone so strong before? He likes it that way, so you don’t have to rely on him as much, and that makes him much more likely to help you on the rare occasion you do need it.

#tf2 #tf2 x reader #demoman x reader #sniper x reader #spy x reader #medic x reader #engineer x reader #soldier x reader #scout x reader #pyro x reader #heavy x reader #team fortress 2 #team fortress 2 x reader

[iaminsideyourwalls]

Fellow short fuse enjoyer… I see in your blog desc that you take requests… could I ask for any short fuse art from you in these trying times hands ? Or perhaps even just some of your thoughts on them?

I put beard on Engie because you don’t have the power to stop me.

We’ve learned that Demoman will instantly fall in love with anything that can talk. Engie has to compete for his attention with the following: -Eyelander -his own internal organs apparently -the PA system (not Helen) -an answering machine -Siri -one of those talking smoke alarms, which he sets off on purpose but they can be married under unicorn law

They only ever fight about fundamental laws of physics because Engie is open to new math and Demo is very “MATH is MATH!”

Engie can learn languages in a week so he becomes fluent in Scots Gaelic real quick as a gesture of commitment and accidentally ends up being able to speak more than Demoman can.

Demo is a very good kisser and Engie is Bad At It. It bothers him because he's not supposed to be Bad At anything. But he is good at picking Tavish up despite his size and carrying him around like a cat. They very sweet!!!

#God bless whoever invented the demonstrations man #Where do I find him *unfurls treasure map* where’s Scotland #What do you mean it doesn’t exist #What do you mean there’s a new Mexico #tf2 #tf2 fanart #tf2 art #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 comic #demoengie #short fuse #demoman #eyelander

[jevilowo]

More tf2 Headcanons!! Because I am insane

Scout is pretty good at speaking french and decent at irish gaelic

Soldier thinks himself as a role model to the young and impressionable Scout and Pyro. Scout disagrees but Pyro is happy enough being role modelled

Pyro eats cigarettes

Demo has definitely fucked Eyelander at some point. Somehow.

Heavy treats his guns like dolls. Tbh I think he'd have a good time at one of Pyro's tea parties with the guns

Engie wears cowboy boots with heels so he can feel tall

Medic was thrown out of medical school after a week so to get his licence he killed and stole the identity of his half brother. Then he lost that licence like three years later, max.

Sniper is a chronical troller. He will say the most ridiculous shit for kicks and giggles and deny its falsehoods til his dying breath

Spy likes grilled cheeses, but only the way Scout's Ma does them

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 engineer #tf2 demoman #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 1, bracket two

Propaganda:

For Demoman:

Demo occasionally fights with a talking haunted sword called Eyelander who loves cutting heads off, they're also sort of frenemies, it's a really fun dynamic since Demo seems a lot more energetic when fighting with him.

First, although the main focus of the character is on bombs, he has a menagerie of various swords that are equipable items, with a Demoknight being a popular "subclass". He isn't canonically lgbtq+ but no one in tf2 is cishet and have you heard the voicelines.

For Andy:

she is master of weapons, and also just a queen in general. also also, she’s highkey the pinnacle of gay pining (girlfriend trapped in a cycle of death/rebirth at the bottom of the ocean, and andy spent centuries looking for her to rescue her)

Has been a sword (or more commonly a labrys, or improvised weapon) gay for thousands of years

She's an unknowably old immortal and unspeakably skilled in any/all forms of combat. She typically uses her signature axe but per the other characters, "she's forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn." Until recently, an unkillable gay (at least not permanently). She's bitter, she's badass, she's even bisexual. Peace and love on planet Earth.

Andromache is super tough, strong, and can beat anyone in a fight. She can also beat the bury the gays allegations as she can die but does not stay dead. She has been alive since est. 4700 BCE and has been protecting humanity with her blade skills for over 6000 years. She has been the leaders of various communities and worshiped as a goddess in several cultures. Andy is the founding member of the Old Guard, where she fights side-by-side with her life long love Quyuh (or Noriko as she is known in the comics, who is also a badass warrior and archer). Andy knows countless languages and is an expert in all weapons but her main weapon of choice is her labrys (a very lesbian blade weapon, so I hope it can be excused that it is not a sword). She has forgotten more ways to kill a man than any person/army will ever know in their lives. And yet even with this ferocious and tough skill-set, she is still so kindhearted, caring, passionate, selfless and protective of her found family and will do anything for them and for her love (even during the present complicated situation which i will not outline bc spoilers for The Old Guard). Please vote for Andy, she is a lesbian and wlw icon <3

#sword gays showdown #team fortress 2 #tf2 #demoman #andromache the scythian #tog #andromache of scythia #the old guard #tavish finnegan degroot #tf2 demoman

[aamy2100982]

I was reading the tf2 comic again, because I'm bored and this panel caught my attention

1.- Why do BLU and RED sell booze? How many businesses do they have?

2.- Why does Demoman drink BLU and RED booze and not any other type of alcohol, probably of better quality?

3.- Is the BLU booze better than the RED one? Because I'm seeing 6 BLU and 4 RED bottles.

4.- Boots n Bombs reference? (I'm delusional)

5.- SOUP CAN!! (I don't know if they're soup, I just like the meme of Demoman cooking a can of soup)

Preferably I'm curious as to why BLU and RED sell booze. Especially because by that time the companies are dissolved, who manages BLU and RED now?

oh, can Eyelander move? Like, by itself?

And behind Solly and Miss Pauling is the water fountain that Demo cut with Eyelander in the War comic

good detail (that tells us it's the same timeline, because sometimes there can be discrepancies in the tf2 timeline, but yes, the comics are tuned there)

AND watching WAR again, RED Demo and BLU Solly eat from the same brand of cans

I understand Soldier, but why is Demo eating canned food for the army?

#boots and bombs #tf2 blu team #tf2 red team #tf2 demoman #eyelander #tf2 #tf2 soldier #tf2 miss pauling #tf2 comic

[1-800-deactivatednearu]

[i.d.: a comic with the blu soldier and red demo interspersed with a tweet by kdadshiumi (@/hoshiumisexy). panel 1: demo, with the eyelander and a decapitated blu body spraying blood. soldier waves at him,and they both look delighted to see each other. it is captioned: "i had a roommate who was a blacksmith" panel 2 continues: "and he kept a sword under his bed" with soldier looking under a bed to see the eyelander. panel 3 is demo sitting up in bed, with soldier holding onto him, both in bedclothes. the bed is surrounded by circles of knives pointing towards the bed . captioned: "and just had knives lying around." panel 4 shows a picture of soldier and demo both looking alarmed by demo's off camera injury that is spurting blood into frame. captioned: "one time he got cut by his sword." soldier, with demo slung over his shoulder, is running. one of demo's feet is censored with the text "and we had to take him to the ER" written over it. they are now in red medic's office. demo's foot is patched up with duct tape. soldier holds onto the eyelander for emotional support. it's captioned: "and he was so smug because the doctor was like 'that was a really really sharp knife it cut so cleanly.'" /end i.d.]

#tf2 #my art #tf2 demoman #tf2 soldier #tf2 medic #blood tw #team fortress 2

[sitting-on-me-bum]

Portuguese Man-of-War

By Bert Soehn, Rotterdam, Germany

World’s Top Wildlife Photographers of 2023

Curated by One Eyeland

#bert soehn #photographer #rotterdam #germany #portuguese man-of-war #marine life #world's top wildlife photographers of 2023 #one eyeland #nature

[sheltiechicago]

Photographer of The Year – Architecture | Marcel Van Balken

One Eyeland Photography Awards

#marcel van balken #photographer #architecture #one eyeland photography awards #black & white photography

[presidentbungus]

“I think you should kill Scout,” comes hissing, turning whispers by his armchair, as soon as he plunks down, settling in and flipping through his book to find the page he left off on.

Tavish ignores the voice, but it continues, that little nudge on the weakest part of the barrier around his mind. “Jus’ slide my blade through all that mushy stuff between his ribs, wouldn’t that be nice? Hear him gurgle, watch my tip come out shining red on the other side—“

“Eyelander,” Tavish firmly announces, defiantly licking his finger to turn a page because he’s sure Eyelander can damn well see it even though she’s five feet away on the floor. “Can a man nae sit down five bloody seconds before ye have to go start with this shite?”

There’s the ghostly equivalent of a heaving sigh, that Tavish almost feels across the back of his neck. “You haven’t taken me out in so long, Tavvy.” Two coughs, and a pathetic, rasping gasp, and Tavish starts wondering where he could find a big hammer and, just theoretically, really go to town on a, in this hypothetical, long thin piece of metal that thinks it’s a lot funnier than it is. “I’m practically dying. I dunno how much longer I can go on like this.”

“I was cuttin’ heads with ye four hours ago, you dull, butterknife, ugly, hackit, numpty fuckin’ butterknife.”

“You said butterknife twice.”

Tavish harrumphs, and says no more.

“Please, Tavvy. It would be so fun. Don’t you love mindless bloodshed? It used to be your favorite. Just think how fun it’d be. Doesn’t even have to be Scout, you know. What about Engie? He keeps pissing you off. You know between you and me I saw Sniper using your toothbrush since he couldn’t find his and if you had to ask my opinion—“

“I’m nae gonna stab somebody—what if I gave you a burrito, would that shut ye big barmy mouth?”

“… I can compromise.”

Tavish breathes a sigh of relief—that leftover half a burrito in the kitchen fridge has been sounding pretty good for a while now, and he supposes this is two birds with one stone. “Why don’t ye just ask for the burrito? It’s gotta be easier.”

“Killing’s just a little tiny bit tastier. I’ve got a good head for business, I know what I’m doing.”

Tavish puts down his book—he already knew that was a lost endeavor before he started, to be honest, and he quickly leans over and wraps his fingers around the hilt—and he feels something snap in his head as something other than him pushes through that barrier around his mind, forcing its way into his limbs, filling his veins like antifreeze, and all of a sudden he’s standing up as somebody else starts working his muscles and tendons.

A deep breath and he fights his way back into control, movements becoming impulses as all of a sudden he’s thinking for two.

Never gets old, comes a voice that’s now in his head, snickers cascading down his spine. Don’t suppose I can convince you to slam your foot in the door a few times?

“You’re already pushing yer luck—"

And all of a sudden his leg kicks to the side, hard, and the front of his foot hits the corner of a dresser and he yelps as a bolt of pain fires up his legs and his head’s filled with whoops and hollers. WOAH MAMA! That was a good one!

Tavish hisses: “You’re goin’ fucking back."

Sorry I’m sorry look I’m being so good now. And just like that, the other presence moves to the back of his head, receding from his limbs.

“That’s what I thought.”

#tf2 #tf2 demoman #tf2 eyelander #bungus headcanons #I LOVE EYELANDER!!!!!! expect some posts here because i have some Thoughts about how she works #i don’t think this makes any sense but that’s ok. send me asks about eyelander btw

[owlespresso]

dogged pursuit. dr veritas ratio. p2 of ? but you don't need to read part 1 but if you want to it's here summary: you've been appointed as the bodyguard of one doctor veritas ratio after a failed attempt on his life. he's easy to get along with, so long as you learn when to plug your ears and focus on his washboard abs. tags. suggestive content, reader insert is a bit of a freak

“You’re up early,” you remark idly as you trudge down the stairs. Because it frankly is. The sun’s barely risen. Watery light washes in through the partly opened blinds. A brief glance out the window sees the narrowed streets mostly barren, only a few comers and goers. A woman jogs with her dog. A couple in floral shirts and sandals walks by, chatting leisurely.

Ratio stands in front of the stove, spatula in hand. 

“I wake up at six in the morning every day,” Veritas informs you. On the skillet, something that looks suspiciously like bacon and eggs sizzle. The egg is a little too brown to be an egg like you’re familiar with—the ones on your home planet have a bright blue yolk. “Waking up at a consistent time each morning ensures you sleep better every night. You should give it a try. It might fix that Rube Goldberg machine you call your circadian rhythm.”

“Hmm. I’ll have to do that, then,” you say, bending over the kitchen eyeland to peer at him. He’s wearing a white apron with pale blue gingham patterning. It is, most unfortunately, not the frilly kind like you might have hoped. The tie still cinches around that pretty waist, the pearlescent fabric of his robes bunching up where it’s fastened, strings pulled into a little bow. His robes end just above his knees. Like this, you can peer down at his calves. His ankles. 

Are you really getting off on this guy’s ankles? Shit. You kick off the island and sway around it, crossing your arms and leaning up against the counter, next to the stove. 

Here, you can admire the flex of his hands, the handsome curve of his nose. His dark lashes are thick, fanning over his cheek every time he blinks. “Any other advice you’re willing to give, Doc? I’m all ears.” 

Your fingers wiggle as you exaggeratedly reach over the pan, aiming to pinch a piece of bacon off the popping, hot surface. He swats you away with a scowl.

“I did not have to make enough for us both,” he reminds you, warning you. “The least you could do is wait.” 

“You’re so right, Doc. Patience breeds success and all that,” you nod factually, attempting to look as remorseful as possible for your attempted pilfering. 

He rolls his eyes, and motions over to the sink. Next to it, two mugs are sat. Steam steadily rises from each one. You blink over at them, and then look back to your long-suffering companion. It takes a moment for you to put two and two together, utterly unprepared for him to be so kind to you. 

“For me?” you ask, unable to keep the tender pitch out of your voice because—wow, shit, he really thought about you. He’s cooking for you. It’s a heady kind of feeling that fills you, then. This kind of domesticity is so often out of reach for a person who lives your kind of life—but the esteemed Doctor Veritas Ratio is wearing a cute little apron and laboring over the stove, for you (and himself, but he’s being nice enough to share, and that’s enough to get you going).

He lifts his head from his labors, looking at you with a gauging but otherwise indiscernible expression. 

“Yes,” he says, softest you’ve heard him all morning. “Drink your coffee and sit down.” He commands, but it sounds more like he’s griping at you. 

#veritas ratio x reader #dr ratio x reader #dr ratio/reader #hungering for hsr

[2frosty4you]

Hi! I wasn't sure if your doing requests right now so I'm so sorry if you aren't, feel free to ignore. I was wondering if you could write a fluffy headcanon list/mini story about how the mercs would react to a teen reader who's super shy and skittish gifting them trinkets they have made out of clay?

Hope this made sense! English is not my native language. Thank you so much.

-🎾

Mercs reacting to skittish teen!reader giving them clay trinkets [PLATONIC]

| All mercs & Skittish TEEN!reader | 945 words | masterlist | request-box |

AW saw this in my inbox and had to do it cause i also love making things out of clay <3

Ty for the request 🎾anon!!

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Scout:

He's never been close with you, since you're always hanging around engineer and heavy more.

He kinda notices how its like you avoid him, he just wants a friend

But if you were to walk up to him and shakily place a small clay trophy with a baseball bat peaking from inside of it he'd be elated.

I'd say he's jumping for joy, and is probably crying when you hand it to him because he had just lost the team the match few hours before.

Would shove it into the other mercs faces, pointing at it laughing that they're not cool enough to have gotten a trophy.

Keeps it on his window sill next to a photo of him and his ma.

Soldier:

(Skittish kid vs Loud USA citizen who would win)

Jokes, but soldier wouldn't get along too well with you if you're always hiding away from him and keeping lengths away.

But when you and pyro were hanging out, you had found clay heavy had brought you and were just laying on the floor of pyro's room making little clay figures.

And you had made this poor looking eagle, with a misshapen American flag on it.

And when you offered it to soldier he was ecstatic, and by ecstatic I mean holding it up to the sky laughing in pride.

Even if the eagle looks like a fat dove he loves it, (USA! USA! USA!)

Keeps it in one of his pockets

Pyro:

Pyro gets along with you, they're a tad strange but easy to hang around

Since pyro loves to do crafts I expect them to already have made many things for you.

But when you gift them a clay Balloonicorn they cry

cradling it in their hands and sobbing.

They'd place it down carefully and then hug you, like bone crushing type hug.

Would try and make something for you as well

Engineer:

He's like your dad, and through your shyness you've stuck to him.

He's an engineer (duh) so he's probably made some things to just make your life easier

He lets you stay in his workshop if the rest of the team overwhelm you.

One day he came back from a losing battle he looked down at his work desk to see a small shotty looking sentry figure, clearly made out of clay and handpainted. A little poorly, as it looked like it was constantly painted over and fixed up.

But he loves it, keeps it on a newly built shelf so it doesn't get damaged.

He's a proud father

Heavy:

You hand him a small Sasha made out of clay and he doesn't know what to do.

He'll chuckle and pat you on the back, thanking you saying you did a great job.

You already were about to nervously dart away when he didn't respond for a while.

He keeps it safe, making sure no one touches it. Like it was the real Sasha.

Second proud father

Demoman:

Stopped drinking too much when you came to the base, to make you feel a bit more comfortable.

He doesn't let you in his workspace because he doesn't want you to get hurt by any explosives or harsh chemicals. (heavy would kill him if that happened)

You make him this small eyelander out of clay, it wasn't the right colour and its a little misshapen but its the thought that counts.

If the eyelander mentions anything wrong with it, he's locking it away again

Sniper:

He doesn't like kids, doesn't matter if you're a teen, scout is enough to make him feel like he's 30+ (even if sniper is the youngest merc)

You are shy, and like to hang around outside under some trees to get away from scout

And near there is where he likes to practice his aiming, and where his perch is

Few weeks later, he comes up to his perch to go on lookout, and at the bottom of the ladder is an owl figure.

He'd be confused, but could see you peaking from around a tree.

Keeps it in his van, on the dashboard stuck down with superglue.

Medic:

He's a little too unhinged for you

But you like his birds so you hang around just to watch them/hang out with them.

He'd show you each bird, joyful when he can show off his pets and second in command.

Medic would be holding like 3+ small dove clay trinkets which you placed into his hands and skidded off, cooing at them as he would show them all to the actual birds.

Archimedes would try to eat one

Shows them to heavy with pride

Keeps them in his office, constantly batting Archimedes away while he tries to eat them.

Spy:

He doesn't like you

And you never see him so its hard if you're going to make anything for him

He doesn't like teenagers, and with your skittish nature you're always already across the room when someone other than Heavy, Engineer or Demoman is trying to talk with you.

When he notices the other mercs with these clay trinkets he snobbishly dismisses it, saying the maker clearly was a child.

And when he gets into his smoker room there is a little clay trinket on his mantel place, a spy crab.

Wouldn't admit it to anyone but it's stayed there since it was put there and he cannot fathom to remove it.

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✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ If you see any typos pls tell me! If you wanna be tagged when i post next do tell me!

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Tag List: @therobloxmafia Posted 31.05.2024

#↪⋆2frosty4you #↪⋆GhostyFrost #↪⋆GhostyHcs #↪⋆Requests #↪⋆Platonic #↪⋆GhostyWrites #↪⋆GhostySFW #↪⋆Tf2 #↪⋆🎾anon #↪⋆🎾 #tf2 #team fortress 2 #fem reader #teen reader #platonic #hcs #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 spy #spy tf2 #medic tf2 #tf2 demoman #tf2 sniper #tf2 medic #tf2 pyro #tf2 soldier #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #team fortress two #headcanons