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proceduralpassion · 1 year

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I posted 1,401 times in 2022

That's 1,400 more posts than 2021!

577 posts created (41%)

824 posts reblogged (59%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@passionatewrites

@drabbles-mc

@viktorhargreeves

@fighterkimburgess

@sextonsharpwinhalstead

I tagged 1,279 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#twd liveblog s3 - 181 posts

#mayans mc spoilers - 132 posts

#passionateasks - 121 posts

#chicago fire - 104 posts

#twd liveblog - 78 posts

#chicago med - 69 posts

#idwbu fic - 67 posts

#all american homecoming - 66 posts

#chicago pd - 55 posts

#mayans mc - 53 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#think about how much you could accomplish if you redirected all that outrage into something more productive than your little fave having

My Top Posts in 2022:

Tag 9 people I want to get to know better

Thanks @purple-dahlias ❤

Last song: Surprise- Chloe

Last show: Chicago Fire

Currently watching: Walking Dead

Currently reading: All of us Villains (it's aiightt but not my cup of tea; kinda like Hunger Games but with magic)

Tagging: @tallulahchanel @ginghampearlsnsweettea @tchallasbabymama @sheabuttahwrites @drabbles-mc @ingiee @jvstjewels @superhoeva @inyourbackpocketisbutterflies

82 notes - Posted June 17, 2022

GILLY MVP OF THE EPISODE

82 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

Ok, I had my reservations but I actually don't mind the Judd/Wyatt storyline? Like first, I'm so glad they didn't have Judd try to hide any of this from Grace (I mean Judd "I love my wife" Ryder would never but still). She was in the know from the get go and was the one who got Wyatt's contact info.

And who knows? Maybe Grace and Judd decide not to have any more children. And this show isn't gonna last forever or long enough for us to see Charlie in her teens (unless they do a time skip or two). So, this would still be a chance for us to see them parent an older kid while also seeing them raise a newborn, infant, toddler, and so forth. Surely, it's gonna be a helluva challenge learning how to parent for two different kids at different stages in their life while just being new parents in general.

Also very much want to point out and appreciate how they let Grace's emotions just be REAL. Like she said, she knew it wasn't "fair." She knew the feelings she was feeling were confusing. She knew that Judd having a child before they met and before they had Charlie doesn't take away from the family he has now. But it was still upsetting. To believe that you had given the love of your life his first child, only to just soon after, find out that that wasn't the case. And yes, it's kind of irrational when you look back on it, but it shouldn't and doesn't invalidate her feelings. It's a lot to process.

It just goes to speak on the strong foundation of their marriage for Grace to have no problem articulating/communicating her anger to him. It's why I have no doubt that this will not be a significant obstacle in their marriage. That and the fact that we see Judd ruminating over how best to navigate this whole situation without hurting anyone in the process. And of course, like the angel she is, Grace comes back in stride and makes sure that Judd knows that she's in this with him 100%. And her inviting Wyatt's mom for dinner so they can all talk was her taking the steps to show that she was on his team and that they would be on this journey together as a united front. ✨

90 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

I Don't Wanna Be Unfair | 01

A/N: Hi! Back on my bullshit with another fic. I'm not even particularly sure where this came from, but the inspiration hit and I just let it ride tbh. I've never written for SOA before so this is a first for me. Also, I'll make better graphics when I get the time lol.

Pairing: Jax Teller x OC (McKenzie Gilbert)

Summary/synopsis: Fresh off a broken engagement, McKenzie Gilbert has a one night stand with a random guy she never plans to see again. Soon after, their paths cross, which complicates several situations at hand.

Chapter warning(s): language, sexual content (yup in the first chapter)

WC: ~6.5K

“Want another one?”

McKenzie looked up and was met with pitying eyes from the bartender. He glanced down at her empty shot glass before peering back up at her, awaiting a response. She pondered for a moment as to whether another shot was a good idea, but ultimately decided fuck it before nodding her head.

Her second thoughts dissipated as she realized she wasn’t even particularly drunk. Not even all that tipsy. She’d been sitting here long enough that the alcohol previously consumed had already osmosed. Part of her was upset because it had been her every intention of getting plastered tonight, but then again, he wasn’t worth that. He wasn’t worth destroying her liver anymore than necessary.

The bartender, having a general sketch of most people’s mindsets and reasons for coming into bars, knew she was obviously not having a good time right now. He stood there for a moment and decided to put on his therapist hat, “You alright, chica? Anything else I can get you?”

Before she could answer, he had provided her with a glass of water and another shot.

“I’m good, thanks.” She replied. It took a lot of effort to gather a smile, but she gave him a small one, appreciating his thought to check in on her.

“Well… if you wanna talk about it, I’m a professional listener, too. Sort of a hidden skill as a bartender.”

“Thanks, but I’m not really in the talking mood right now. I’ll take one more shot though.” McKenzie kept her voice level, holding back the snark she wanted to release. He was just being nice and doing his job, but she really didn’t want to be bothered. Thankfully, he took the hint and walked away to tend to other customers after refilling her glass.

She kept the shot glass on the counter, not jumping to knock it back yet. She meant it, she wasn’t getting drunk tonight over him. Even if this wasn’t the life she imagined for herself as of now. Even though she no longer had any direction or destination in mind for where she would go from here.

Marriage wasn’t particularly something she envisioned for herself, but when the opportunity came, she said yes to the man who proposed to her. And she was excited. Excited at the prospect of being someone’s wife. Having a husband. Planning a wedding, a day of celebrating with everyone you love in one room. She thought she met someone who was worthy of sharing such a day with her. She just knew that man loved her. His words and the ring that used to rest on her left ring finger solidified that in her mind. And now everything she believed to be true was no longer so.

Only a couple of hours ago, she’d been happily engaged. Only a couple of hours ago, she proudly wore the round cut diamond ring that proclaimed to everyone that she was betrothed. And now, here she sat with all of that nothing more than a lost dream, a broken ending. All the promises and plans and wishes had gone down the drain, her forever ending going with it.

The only thing more potent than her heartbreak right now was the anger that arose every time she thought about how she had been dragged along for almost five years, with a man who never wanted any of the things she did.

Confusion was a top three contender. Because she wondered how she missed the signs. How she hadn’t figured out beforehand that he never wanted her to be his wife. How she could have possibly messed this up. They were nowhere near perfect, God knows, but she never felt like it was too much to the point that it couldn’t be fixed. That they couldn’t work through it together. Yes, she was incredibly stubborn, and yes, he could be particularly arrogant, but…. they were in love. And that should have been enough, right? Unless it wasn’t. Or unless he really didn’t love her. Which was so obviously the case, but how long had it been like that? How long had it been when he fell out of love with her? Was he ever?

Confusion rose in rank as to what she was feeling. More questions arose the longer she sat there, reflecting over her now broken engagement. Was this something he’d been thinking about for a long time? Or was it sudden, a split decision? She thought back to his behavior these past few months: he’d been coming home later (or sometimes not at all), he was more distant than usual, they were arguing more. The feeling that maybe he’d been seeking comfort in the arms of another woman floated through her mind more than once during this time, and she even gathered the courage to ask him straight up if he had. But he said no and so she believed him. He said “I love you” and so she believed him. Because if she didn’t, that would give credence to the little voice in the back of her head that told her that something was off.

And here she was in this random bar in the middle of nowhere, hating herself for not listening.

And with that, she picked up the shot and knocked it back. She deserved the burning sensation in the back of her throat. A punishment for her asininity. And also a distraction from her aching.

Tomorrow, she would have to go to the clubhouse and face him. She would have to keep her head high because she’d be damned if she let anyone see her fall apart. She also couldn’t give him the satisfaction. She’d walk in tomorrow and pretend that her heart hadn’t been ripped from its chest.

But for tonight, she didn’t want to think about any of that. Tonight needed to be a night for distraction and self-indulgence.

Because no matter how much she wished she would never see him again, she couldn’t do that. He was a part of her world and he wasn’t going anywhere. And she knew he wasn’t so she had no choice but to face it. And she would face it with as much gracefulness and strength she could muster because anything less was unacceptable to her.

But for tonight at least, she could abandon all of that. She purposefully avoided having drinks at the clubhouse bar, not wanting to encounter him or anyone else for the time being. That’s why she drove out on the skirts of town to find this place, a bar on neutral ground without any club affiliations. She also didn’t want to have a peek at him taking home another woman or better yet, simply taking a woman right there at the club. She couldn’t even stand the thought, quickly whishing the visual from her mind. And that was confirmation right there that she made the right decision, because she surely wouldn’t have been able to control her emotions had she seen it in real time, in person. Maybe their engagement hadn’t even stopped him from doing just that in the past, but either way, it was now moot. She didn’t want any part in witnessing the sight.

There were loud cheers down the bar that jolted McKenzie from her thoughts. She rolled her eyes when she found the source, seeing a bunch of frat guys on winter break, partake in a beer chugging contest. The time she spent in her head left her just now noticing that the bar had gotten more crowded. A basketball game played on the screen, a group of girlfriends were having a girl’s night out, and a few dates were canoodled together in booths. She would probably barely hear her own voice if she were to start speaking right now with all the buzz and liveliness around her. And she definitely didn’t hear the bar door opening or the sound of footsteps that stopped until they were right beside her.

She only noticed when the bartender reappeared to serve the new patron, “Hey, what can I get you, man?”

To her left, was an unfamiliar blonde, waiting at the counter. He had on a black hoodie with his hood on his head, though his gelled back blonde hair peeked a little outside of it. His face wore a laidback smirk on his face as he greeted the bartender. When the bartender turned his back to get him his drink though, the smirk on the blonde had faded some and a bit of weariness colored his features. It was only a few seconds and the careless demeanor returned as he was handed a glass of whiskey. He turned to leave his spot and glanced McKenzie's way as he backed up some. He flashed her a flirtatious smile and wink before he continued on his way, walking towards the back of the bar.

Over the next hour or so, she broke herself out of her mind and just sat and watched all around her. There weren’t a lot of moments where she could sit and just be. It was a privilege she didn’t get to indulge in a lot of the time. Between her job as a paramedic and being involved in what was technically a crime syndicate, relaxation wasn’t usually afforded to her. And so she sipped on her water and just observed. She didn’t want to invite attention to herself by looking at anyone too hard or too long, but her eyes couldn’t help but bounce back to that mystery blonde every so often.

See the full post

101 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I'll Be Seeing You

Pairing: Kevin Atwater x Fire!Reader (I hate writing Y/N so reader has a last name "Dubois" courtesy of @ginghampearlsnsweettea)

Inspiration: Kevin being Kevin (Also the "I'll be seeing you" thing between Peyton and Lucas from One Tree Hill), also the lack of Kev fics is simply blasphemous

Summary: Kev doesn't like you walking home by yourself

WC: ~1.3K Warning(s): unedited because I like my work a lil rough 'round the edges, slight sexual tension?

It felt like the night had been dragging on. You’d been having fun, sure, but you felt drained from all the energy spent dancing, talking, and drinking. It was also the end of the day, or more like, the early hours of a brand new day. The festivities celebrating Stella’s promotion were still going on, but you could feel the exhaustion wearing down in your bones. It took you a few seconds to even gather enough vigor to rise from the bar stool and begin making your goodbye rounds with everyone.

You caught Kevin’s eye as you began walking towards the door and so you made a quick detour to where he was sitting. The two of you had always been friendly with each other, whether it be during the times you interacted at work or whenever you ran into each other here at Molly’s. You saw him when he had first come in with Ruzek and Burgess, but now he was sitting all alone with Burgess gone for the night and Ruzek grabbing another drink at the bar.

“Heading home already?” He asked as he saw your crossbody around your frame.

“It’s one a.m.” you defended.

Kevin chuckled, “Didn’t take you for a girl scout, Dubois.”

He accepted the playful swat you gave him on his shoulder while feigning hurt.

“You called an Uber?”

“Nah, I only live down the street.”

Kevin frowned, “Sooo, you’re gonna walk?”

You shrugged, “Yeah, my feet ain’t broke. I always walk when I know I’m gonna be drinking here. No use in driving my car for like two blocks.”

Kevin shook his head in a playful admonishment, “You a first responder, you s’posed to know better.”

He downed the rest of his drink and stood up from his seat. You looked at his empty beer bottle and gave him a pointed glare. It, for sure, wasn’t the first drink he had had tonight. He caught the glare and put his hands up in defense, “What?”

“You a first responder, you s’posed to know better,” you threw back at him, “I know you don’t think I’m about to get in your car when you’ve probably had just as much tonight as I’ve had. And don’t even bring up our difference in size before I make Ruz come over here with a Breathalyzer.”

“Okay, okay, Miss Smarty. And what if I was about to offer to walk you home? Then what, huh?”

You couldn’t help but look away with a smirk at his retort, not realizing that’s where he was going with this. His close proximity to you didn’t help matters as your face warmed up.

“Ah ha! That’s what I thought.” He grabbed his jacket and put it on, “Let me go holla at Ruzek and I’ll take you home.”

You weren’t even given the chance to decline the kind offer before he was off saying goodnight to his partner. You gave a final wave and congratulatory air kiss to Stella before heading to wait towards the door. You heard Sylvie yell a “text me when you get home!” and you smiled and saluted in acknowledgement of the request.

A second later, Kevin had joined you and reached over your head to hold the door open for you to exit. He made a show of silently gesturing “after you” with his hands before following you out into the Chicago night air. He draped one of his shoulders around you and your cheeks warmed as you realized this was the first time that the two of you had touched in this manner. A shake of the hand here, a tap on the shoulder there, but never had either of you been in as close of an embrace as this. Maybe his meager drunkenness had caused him to be a little touchier than normal. And maybe your stupor had given you the comfort to lean into his arm. Either way, you both comfortably walked the path to your place with his arm still around you.

“Seriously, though, you shouldn’t be walking home by yourself. Especially while drunk.”

“Well, to be fair, I’m not always drunk. Sometimes, I’m working shifts and obviously I’m not drinking on the job.”

Even though you were part-owner and didn’t necessarily need the extra cash, sometimes you just enjoyed serving drinks around the establishment and having fun with everyone.

“Still, D.” He wrapped his arm tighter around you as he belabored his point. Your heart skipped at the motion to the point where you shivered a little at his touch. Taking the gesture as if you were cold, he wordlessly walked behind you and leaned both of his arms around you in the attempts of gathering warmth for you.

You grinned at the gesture and allowed your head to lean into his embrace as you two continued walking. The smell of his cologne doused your senses and you wondered if there was a better sensation than what you were currently experiencing.

“Thank you,” you finally said after several minutes of silence.

“For what?”

See the full post

134 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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lesbiansanemi · 1 year

Note

A, F, L, X, Z :3

A. Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don't have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed

Hehe, so obviously there is Renkaza. They are who most of my fanfiction is about these days. Something about them just scratches all the right pieces of my brain, I love them, and there is just so much to work with regarding them. They are my little meow meows

Also in demon slayer, my poly hell ship of Mitsuri/Shinobu/Obanai/Sanemi. I am definitely the only person on the face of the earth that ships the four of them, but there is just something so perfect and amusing about Mitsuri having her three partners, who are all only dating her and merely putting up with the other ones, and something about Mitsuri being so cute and sweet and kind with her three bastard partners standing behind her being goddamn assholes to everyone around them lmao

But I have also been think a lot about Denji and Power's friendship recently too. It's just... so perfect. They are perfect for each other in every way, and every time I see them interact it makes me smile

I am also very ALSDJFOANFEWO about Yuuji and Sukuna's relationship recently too (any variation of it) just because of how wonderfully fucked it is and all the different ways to explore it. There's just a lot of potential there, and I really love Yuuji and Sukuna

F. What's the longest you've ever been in a fandom?

Hmmm... I think the fandom I've consistently remained at least semi-active in for the longest would be Doctor Who? I tend to go in phases with it but I always circle back around to it. But I've loved the series ever since I was 12 so eight going on almost nine years for that one!

L. Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn't one of your faves.

Aki serves a wonderful place in the narrative and is interesting in regards to how he develops other characters! I might not really care much about him specifically, but his role in the story is irreplaceable and I can appreciate him for that

X. A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Corruption arcs, hands down. There's just something so... lovely about watching the slow moral decay of a character, seeing them become the very thing they swore to destroy, etc etc, it's... satisfying? But also cathartic in a way.

Also (somewhat) found family. I say somewhat because I tend to be picky with how it's handled, but if it's done right in the way I enjoy, I'll go feral for it every time

Z. Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!

I have been working a lot on my complete role reversal AU for demon slayer, and I genuinely think it's one of my all time favorite fics I've worked on. There's just something so fun and interesting about taking all the characters and switching sides with them, and figuring out not only how to make that make sense for them and keep the backstories similar, but also keeping them in character! Based on feedback I've gotten from readers, I think I'm doing a good job with that, and it's just a super fun and interesting thing to work on, especially the demon versions of the Hashira! I've got five out of nine of their backstories completely written out (Shinobu's, Mitsuri's, Obanai's, Tengen's, and Sanemi's) with Kyojuro's halfway finished and I am so excited to finally work on Gyomei's, Muichiro's, and Giyuu's, especially because the three of them are the Hashira I work with the least in fics, so I'm excited to play around with them

<3 <3 <3

#asks #kaz rambles #lee visits

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phoenix-rising-starbird-one · 1 year

Text

I posted 989 times in 2022

That's 232 more posts than 2021!

86 posts created (9%)

903 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@buckymilf

@musette22

@justarandomgirly

@chromium-siren

@dusted-souls

I tagged 386 of my posts in 2022

#writing - 62 posts

#x reader - 36 posts

#reader insert - 24 posts

#mine - 15 posts

#sigh - 13 posts

#shameless self promo - 11 posts

#lmao - 9 posts

#lol - 8 posts

#sebastian stan - 7 posts

#😏 - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#this man’s adonis belt is fucking ridiculous and i’m like looking respectfully cause that shit takes dedication to look like that as in

My Top Posts in 2022:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass it on to at least give other writers. Let's already the self love 💖

Thank you for this ask, Laralie. 💖💖💖

So I’ve done this before but it doesn’t hurt to give my other works some love.

1. Tesselate - A Stucky x fem!Reader one shot. This one started with the simple idea of what if reader can’t sleep after a botched mission and just went from there. Wrote this one at lightning speed and am really proud of how it came together, keeping Steve’s and Bucky’s traits and pasts in mind.

2. You with me? - A Poe Dameron x Reader story taking place in the Star Wars universe. Right now, it’s on hiatus and only written up to before the sequel trilogy. But it will be written within the sequel trilogy timeline. Fingers crossed inspiration hits me soon to finish this one.

3. You’ve got this! And we’ve got you! - A Stucky x friend!reader (platonic) one shot which I wrote days before I had started chemotherapy. I’d poured all my fears into this one. It’s not for everyone as it’s heavy on medical.

4. I Think We’re Alone Now - A modern AU, Firefighter/EMT!Bucky x plus-size!fem!Reader story. Currently only 2 chapters are posted but I hope to have the next one up soon. I went full steam into writing this and then I kind of crashed.

5. Bread, Salt, Wine and Tender Loving Care - A Bucky x friend!Reader medical drama one shot, written from my own experiences. It’s very heavy on angst. So be warned.

Honorable mention: The follow up to #5, which is Of Comfort Foods and Lightning Bugs and Midnight Dances. This one is Bucky x friend!Reader, Sam x Reader. It takes place two years after BSW&TLC.

Please head the warnings for these stories. Most are 18+. They, like my other ones, are all on AO3 and I’ve marked and tagged stories accordingly. Media consumption is the reader’s responsibility and if you’re unsure about the tags or warnings, skip my works.

12 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

Why is it so wrong when I say that I’m not an ambitious person? Like? I’m not lazy. I just don’t care for the never ending contest of always having to be the best. I don’t care about leaving a legacy or some mark in history. And I feel like that should be okay?

13 notes - Posted June 12, 2022

Just thoughts…

Sometimes, I sit here and wonder if my writings have inspired/influenced other writers.

I know that since I started back in 2015ish, there’ve been quite a few writers on here who have influenced my writing and who’ve inspired me to keep going. @oh-nostalgiaa @rinskiroo @whimsicalworldofme @chromium-siren @revisionaryhistory @plussizeappreciationfics @mycapt-ohcapt @drabblewithfrannybarnes @comfortcap @who-talks-first just to name a few.

When I say influenced, I mean that I’ve read some, if not all of their works, and in turn my story telling has expanded/ gotten better, from syntax to vocabulary to world building. Like never underestimate how much your writings have helped and still help me grow as a writer.

17 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

This took an embarrassingly long time to assemble.

40 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This gif of Seb is one of my faves ever.

He does the interview, gets distracted as he spots his love either in the crowd or just standing to the side. He’s maybe a little stressed but as soon as he sees them, all that stress just lifts away and he’s visibly lighter and more relaxed.

137 notes - Posted June 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Neato…

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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arcaneglitch · 1 year

Text

I posted 11,118 times in 2022

That's 1,986 more posts than 2021!

292 posts created (3%)

10,826 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@roxygobyebye

@collapsingintojupiter

@tinkkles

@spartanlocke

@pineapplefishh

I tagged 8,049 of my posts in 2022

Only 28% of my posts had no tags

#oh i have to laugh - 896 posts

#destiny art - 775 posts

#video - 574 posts

#dsmp art - 535 posts

#mcyt - 524 posts

#dsmp - 513 posts

#current events - 485 posts

#psa - 414 posts

#destiny 2 - 369 posts

#fave - 240 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#i’m not saying the dems aren’t problematic but there’s a vast difference between them and the republicans who are actively harming ppl

My Top Posts in 2022:

I Nearly Got Art Scammed

Hey guys. I wanted to share this story with you as a precautionary tale for artists that take commissions. It's one of those things you think will never happen to you until it does

So here's how I was almost a victim of an art scam and what you can to prevent scams from getting the better of you

This one started on ArtStation, which makes sense as a target since it's primarily a portfolio site for artists rather than a typical social media. It began with a standard question about commissions.

Nothing out of the ordinary, right? I replied that I was and asked if she would like a link to my commission form. In hindsight, her response should have alerted me that something was off because she didn't ask for the form. Instead she offered to pay $300 for a drawing for her son's birthday (just over a month out).

Still, if you're an artist desperate for commissions, you might overlook any oddities. We corresponded a bit more, sorting out details about the piece. That's when she sent this:

See the full post

186 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

don't fuck with him, he has the power of glaives and anime on his side

186 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

Shiro-4, Bladedancer

190 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

I love that whenever shit goes down our Guardian is just There. Standing Nearby. Consistently In Proximity. We’re almost never directly involved in the drama but by the Traveler we’re Here for it

422 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

him

428 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #three of my most reblogged people are my mutuals <3 #overall not shocked at the outcome though #mix of destiny and mcyt? yeah sounds about right

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blackbird-brewster · 1 year

Note

for the fic ask thing. 2, 13, 27 for folled around

Thanks Anon!

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

Okay, I was actually surprised by this! Here are my top five additional tags: Tumblr Prompt (36) Fluff (35) Canon Queer Character of Colour (33) << LOVE YOU TARA LEWIS! Angst (22) Friends to Lovers (9) I did NOT think I had more fluff than angst tbrh! (This doesn't account for things tagged as both, so we're just gonna take this at face value). That really has been the biggest difference in my current writing vs my old stuff. When I first started writing Jemily, I was going through the worst years of my life and that was very clearly reflected in my writing. While now, I'm very contented in life and my writing is much more fluffy. (Even my heavy angst like [i can't be wrong (to be craving you)] is a lot different -- I didn't kill anyone in it!)

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

I think I have plenty of old stuff that's jealous love triangle dynamics (JJ/Emily & Will), but I'm too old for jealousy and honestly, I'm far too polyam to write that stuff now. I'll let everyone else write that and I'm just going to keep focusing on writing healthy polyam and open relationships, because we don't have enough fic exploring these type of relationships. I think for me, I'm just done with heternormativity and comhet tomfoolery in fic writing. Even though I exclusively write femslash, in the past I've still written fics that follow a heteronormative relationship. They get together, they move in together, they get engaged, they get married, they have kids, etc. Now I much more prefer to write stories where getting married and 'settling down' aren't the end goal. Because I'm a 35 year old nonbinary queer who doesn't want to ever be married again, nor am I ever having kids, and I want to write stuff that makes other people like me feel represented.

27. How long did it take to write [Fooled Around (and Fell in Love)]? Describe the process.

Fooled Around (Part 1) was a revamp of something I found in my archives that I'd written in 2015. It was basically a Jemily scene-for-scene remake of 'Imagine Me & You' (one of my fave films!). I had already written a few chapters for it but never finished it. I have no idea why the writing spirit returned to me after a seven year retirement, but when I found that in my archives I was struck with inspiration. While I started it by following some of my original ideas, the fic began taking on a life of it's own as soon as Tara was introduced around Ch 8. She was only meant to have a one-night stand with Emily, because this was still very much a Jemily end-game fic....but as soon as Tara/Emily happened, I scrapped my original plans. And that's how the polyamorous theme was born. Part one is 80,000 words... it was written in it's entirety in TEN days. Absolutely gobsmacked to this day. Part 1 originally had an epilogue that hinted at JJ/Emily/Tara forming a throuple (instead of Emily dating each woman individually), but before it was posted I said 'Well, now I want to know how that happened!' And Part 2 was born from that simple question: How did Tara and JJ end up dating each other as well? Part 2 is a bit longer (it was my longest fic to date before 'i can't be wrong', standing at 87,000 words. I wrote all of it in about two weeks. IDK what it is about this AU, but it sort of writes it's self. I let the characters steer the story and don't fret too much about planning, which makes it much easier to write. Currently, I already have 30k+ on Part 3 and it's still barely getting started. I'm really excited to see where this one goes!

Send Me [Fic Writer Asks]

#reply post #fic ask game #my writing #anon

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btsmosphere · 1 year

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2022 Writing Roundup

Tagged by @here4theheartbreak forever ago!! I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for a bit but only getting it up now because I just couldn’t come up with answers for some sections, but since I have some I wanted to post it anyway! It’s always nice to look back on the year😊

Fandom: bts

Total fics: 11

Total words: 43,143 note: I only included word counts of what I published because I am lazy :)) I have written some wips this year that have yet to see the light of day, but some of them have been going since 2021 and I cba to try and figure it all out

~Favourite Things~

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest. Why? This has got to be Still Waters Run Deep, written for the ghibli collab this year. It’s a only fic I really got my teeth into this year, while a lot of my other work was quite short. Not that that’s a bad thing, but Still Waters felt like much more a labour of love for the fact I pushed it longer than I intended, and it’s still something I enjoy reading!

Top 4 current WIPs - if anyone’s been paying attention to my blog, you’ll have heard a lot about certain wips, which still haven’t made it out and I’m sorry! Here they are:

Supercharged is the big one - and by big I mean it!! This is the longest thing I’ve ever written as it stands and it’s still not finished! Started in 2021 and still persevering, this is a Jungkook x reader enemies to lovers with superheroes, villains and all the trimmings! Highway to You drabbles (I’m grouping this into one here) - I have more in the works for my Highway to You universe (2 stories are already out), which I’m very excited for. It’s a Yoongi x reader mafia au, childhood friends to lovers and stuffed with my fave hurt/comfort Sunken Heart - another story that’s been kicking around since the dawn of time, demigod!Namjoon x royalty!reader mythology au set in atlantis. I promise I haven’t forgotten this one! Autumn drabbles - I had a great time writing 3 bullet fics for 3 hyungs this autumn, and I planned one for every member, so maybe you’ll see those this fall!

Favorite Line - I have a few lines that make me smile this year, but I’m gonna pick the most dramatic one haha: Lightning washed the nightmare in white. - from Still Waters Run Deep. I liked it when I wrote it, but I appreciated it even more when I was reading this part to my bf and he paused at that sentence to tell me how effective he thought it was!

~Question and Answer Time~

Top 2 Resolutions for 2023

Hmm, actually write? I’ve had big chunks away from writing in 2022 and while that’s okay, and breaks can be helpful, mostly these were not. I wanted to write, just never got down to it. When I took part in a november writing goal event, I loved it! just getting myself motivated without that is a challenge Start daydreaming again! In line with my first resolution, I think this is a way to get me motivated. I still daydream of course, but it has shifted to some other fandoms, and while I still love bts, I don’t have their stories on my mind all the time, even though they are stories I like. When I start dreaming up scenes, the need to write them follows, and it’s fun besides :)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than, or about what was expected? Why? I can’t say I really had any expectations, but I have to say less than what I expected. I had been tailing off but I thought I might naturally swing back up again in terms of writing, but alas.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? How was it? I haven’t really done anything on this blog that I couldn’t have predicted.. maybe the bullet fic series? I usually am a bit of a completionist but I found the bullet fics gave me some freedom when working from just a concept/aesthetic, as I did in my autumn drabbles. It was a refreshing change to write! Oh, and they were all in present tense? took a while to get used to and a while to switch back, but it fit the ~vibe~ in terms of other differences, I’ve written a few things behind the scenes for new fandoms, but that’s just for my personal enjoyment at the moment :)

What’s your most popular story with readers?

Heaven’s Open - 534 Number 45 - 178 Won’t Tell - 170 Ride or Die - 139 Still Waters Run Deep - 124 The Web part 6 - 121 Say it with Flour - 94 Autumn with Namjoon - 78 Autumn with Hobi - 58 Autumn with Jin - 36 Trade my Life - 10 (at time of writing, notes are probably a bit different as of posting date)

The magic of Jungkook wins out this year with 534 notes on Heaven’s Open!

What was your most productive days/day of the week/month, etc in terms of writing? October and November! In October I got inspired again by the season and I was buzzing to create again, I started with the seasonal drabbles and then in November I took part in the BTS Writers’ Club’s wrimo challenge, where I wrote something every day! I only posted one fic off the back of that but I wrote over 10k words that month, mostly behind the scenes with longer wips :))

~ Fics Written in 2022~

In chronological order of posting

The Web (part 6) - Jimin x reader You made it out of the web, mostly whole. But will you be able to overcome the damage done to you and your family?

Say it with Flour - Namjoon x reader This had always been a bad idea. You, notorious for kitchen disasters, attending a cooking class. Maybe it could be what you needed to fix your terrible cooking skills - or maybe you could meet someone who makes it so much worse!

Won’t Tell - Jin x reader You aren’t the only one sneaking out at night at hogwarts. In fact, it appears to be a popular pastime - shame it also happens to be extremely banned. Oh well, he won’t tell if you won’t…

Number 45 - Namjoon x reader The man at number 45 becomes the highlight of your shift… Five times you delivered something to Namjoon, and one time he gave something back to you!

Still Waters Run Deep - Taehyung x reader down at the riverbank is a boy whose eyes hold each swell of the waves, whose hair ruffles like the reeds. but the peaceful magic of the river may become your only sanctuary when wilder forces come into play

Heaven’s Open - Jungkook x reader it’s never a good time for the heavens to open, trapping you to wait out the storm. but your own piece of heaven is stuck right there with you - maybe the rainclouds will shed some light on the cold front that has formed between you and Jungkook

autumn with: hobi - “are you cold?” - college au ft. apple picking, chasing leaves, wearing each other’s clothes

autumn with: namjoon - “you kept this?” - established relationship ft. a carnival, getting lost in a good book, a kiss for good luck

autumn with: jin - “I hate you - I love you too” - childhood friends au ft. a graveyard, a thunderstorm and seokjin’s sweater paws

Ride or Die - Yoongi x reader yoongi isn’t sure when he became so accustomed to your ineffably cheery presence. until he sees that innocence crack, he hadn’t realised how far he would go to keep it there.

Trade my Life - Jin x reader once, you were just two children giggling in the corner of the dojang, trading equally in punches and hugs, everything a game. but that was long ago, and now that man stands day after day outside the door which separates your two worlds. is the throne really worth leaving the barrier unbroken?

#new year #me #my writing #2022 #2022 roundup #tag game

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d0d0-b0i · 2 years

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five years!!

#little nightmares #six #the lady #the janitor #the twin chefs #runaway kid #my art #there’s more but am tired #anyway HAPPY 5 YEARS!#damn i was 13 when this came out #one of my longest standing faves currently #this series has ruined me in the best way 👍🌈#i am awakened from my ln ruse

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lena-in-a-red-dress · 2 years

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Marry Me AU, Part 1

After having my celebrity au plot bunny yesterday, I went and bought Marry Me on prime just so I could supercorpify it. It was pretty charming. And while I could see either arrangement of characters re: who plays who (especially Kara vs Lena being the celebrity), I'm leaning towards Lena being the famous singer.

So, Lena is a performer at the peak of her career. She's on all the socials, basically lives her entire life on camera. She's incredibly popular and does astounding sales, but due to a family scandal within the music industry, she's never been so much as nominated for an award.

She's had a number of marriages already-- a brief 24hr speedrun to divorce with her best friend Jack, before they both realized they were very much too gay to handle a whole ass marriage to each other.

Her longest relationship has been with Veronica. It's duration was mostly a result of Lena trying to perpetually salvage their relationship despite not really being truly happy. This marriage ends when Veronica purposefully leaks a sex video. Even then, Lena had tried to fix things, until her friends staged an intervention and basically conked her over the head with the truth.

Her currently relationship is poised on the brink of a highly publicized marriage to Andrea Rojas, another singer who is a star in her own right (though is more popular in the latin/south america circles). They release a song together called Marry Me, along with an announcement that they will be exchanging vows onstage during a joint concert.

Meanwhile, Kara Danvers is an absolute beefcake of a teacher at a local school. She regularly cares for her niece Esme, as the girl's mothers both work late hours. One day, her coworker Nia has spare tickets to the nuptial concert of Lena Luthor and Andrea Rojas. She convinces Kara to bring Esme for a night out watching Esme's fave vocal artists perform and get hitched.

At the concert, Nia has a big sign saying Marry Me, which she soon passes off to Kara so she can facetime her boyfriend Brainy to show him the fun he's missing. What Kara doesn't know is that moments before Lena is set to come on stage to perform the concert's eponymous song (and marry the love of her life), the tabloids share a video of Andrea cheating on Lena with Lena's assistant, Eve.

She steps on stage still trying to process, while Andrea stays hidden, knowing she can't show her face. So Lena has to hold the audience's attention--in her wedding dress-- alone, even as her heart breaks in her chest. She gives a faltering, tearful speech, kind of communicating what happened, but kind of not.

"But you came here for a wedding," she tells the audience, but half to herself. She looks out across the audience, and sees Kara standing there with the Marry Me sign. She almost breaks down right there, when Kara offers a nervous, but supportive smile.

In an instant, Lena makes a decision that she really should have taken more time to think about.

"Yes," she says, eyes still locked on Kara. "Yes, I will marry you."

Kara is confused, having totally forgetten what her sign read. Her confusion only escalates when suddenly the live feed playing behind the stage shows her face instead of Lena's.

"Come up here, please."

With the entire crowd and her own friend and niece encouraging her towards the stage, Kara obliges, accepting a security guard's hand up onto the stage.

The next thing she knows, Kara is standing in front of the most beautiful woman she's ever seen, wearing the most beautiful gown she's ever seen, while a stranger starts to officiate the vows. But Kara can barely hear them. Her entire focus is encapsulated by the hurt she see's in Lena's eyes, the way the woman's throat works to keep herself from crying openly.

Kara would do anything to ease that hurt.

"And do you, uh, ma'am, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

It takes a long moment for Kara to realize the officiant is talking to her, which only clicks when she hears pre-teen Esme shout her name from the crowd.

"Come on, Aunt Kara!"

Kara's gaze flicks to the massive crowd beyond the stage, then back to the pop star whose hands she's holding.

"O-okay," she utters.

"Okay-- yeah, we'll take that! I now pronounce you wife and wife!"

The crowd erupts into applause. Kara turns towards the audience when Lena does, and gives a shy little wave that's met with a massive roar of approval. Soon, though, she and Lena are both ushered off stage, and Kara simply follows Lena as the star bustles through past the backstage area and into the corridors beyond, collecting her entourage as she goes.

Only one is expelled on sight.

"Lena! Lena, please let me explain--" A blonde woman is cut off from approaching Lena by a tall brunette who appears to be Lena's manager.

"Get her away from me," Lena chokes out, refusing to so much as look at the petite woman. But the next interception of the party she can't avoid.

Just around the first corner, their retinue all but collides with another.

All of a sudden, Lena is wrapped up in a pair of long arms, holding her close as she murmurs rapidfire Spanish in Lena's ear. Kara doesn't catch anything beyond "escuchame," which leads her to believe that the woman is in fact the person who caused the hurt she'd seen in Lena's eyes on stage, and that she is now whispering excuses.

Her hunch is proven right when Lena shoves away from the woman, who Kara now understands is Andrea Rojas. "Don't touch me," Lena seethes, her fluent spanish smooth despite her anger.

"You just married the first woman you laid eyes on?" Andrea fires back. "How could you--?"

"You don't get to ask me that," Lena snaps back, hiking up her skirts to march off in the opposite direction.

When Andrea grabs her arm roughly to spin Lena back around, the growing tension in both women causes Kara to step in.

With one deft move she twists Andrea's grip off of Lena's arm. She releases the woman's wrist as soon as contact is broken, then plants herself defensively in front of Lena.

"Let's keep our hands to ourselves," she says in English. Her hands are up in a placating gesture, but her tone brooks no argument.

Andrea looks her up and down with a sneer, before craning her neck to address Lena over Kara's shoulder.

"And who is this puta? You don't even know her name, do you?"

Lena is done. She turns away, giving her mamager a desperate look. "Get me out of here."

Kara makes to follow as the group starts to move, but watches Andrea closely to ensure she doesn't make another move to stop them.

"Lena! Come on!" The tall Latina calls, her voice ringing down the corridor. "You're making a fool of yourself!"

Lena freezes, and her entourage does as well. But it's Lena's manager who turns and stalks back towards Andrea, eyes blazing.

"No," the woman says. "You're the one who did that."

With that, the group starts moving again. Kara trails behind Lena, somehow absorbed into the circle of security around her. Cameras of the paparazzi flash as she helps a tearful Lena into a black SUV, then climbs in after her.

Once the door closes on them, the interior is quiet, providing a false sense of peace. They ride in silence for long minutes, as Kara wiped her damp palms on her pants and struggles to find something to say.

"I'm sorry this all happened to you," she finally settles on. She risks a glance at Lena's profile, and her heart breaks to see the artist isn't even quiet. She simply seems... resigned. "You didn't deserve that."

Lena scoffs. "How do you know what I deserve?"

"Well, there's the fact that no one deserves to be hurt the way she hurt you," Kara starts, "but there's also the fact that you just married a total stranger so you wouldn't disappoint your fans."

There's no response to that.

"I know we don't really know each other that well, but what you did tells me that you're a kind person."

Lena's eyebrows lift in a shrug, before her features settle into a somber expression.

"If only that were enough."

Eventually they pull into the parking garage of a tall skyscraper, and Kara watches as Lena slides awkwardly from her seat, a move hampered by her wide poofy dress.

"Hey." Kara leans towards the open door as Lena turns around to face her. She looks exhausted now, drained by the heartache and the events of the night. Kara offers what she hopes is a reassuring smile. "You going to be okay?"

Lena doesn't answer her question.

"Freddie will take you home."

But Kara isn't quite ready to say goodbye. "Wait," she calls, before Lena can turn away. She takes a deep breath. "I'm Kara."

Finally, the corners of Lena's mouth lifts an infinitesimal amount.

"Good night, Kara."

#supercorp #marry me au #yeah #i went there #hand in hand with the celebrity au #well... more like adjacent

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buckyownsmylife · 2 years

Text

I posted 5,317 times in 2021

1763 posts created (33%)

3554 posts reblogged (67%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.0 posts.

I added 3,235 tags in 2021

#eyre talks - 740 posts

#smut - 696 posts

#bucky barnes - 341 posts

#comment reblog - 278 posts

#eyre reads - 271 posts

#fave people - 197 posts

#updates - 187 posts

#tumblr family - 176 posts

#bucky barnes smut - 176 posts

#steve rogers - 173 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#my cousin whisperlullaby would be more than happy to welcome your messages if you want to continue sharing the love with someone else

My Top Posts in 2021

daddy issues - ransom drysdale smut series masterlist

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

STATUS: COMPLETED

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part VIII

Part IX

Part X

Part XI

Part XII

Part XIII

Part XIV

Part XV

Part XVI

Part XVII

Epilogue

~ drabbles ~

Warnings: pregnancy, smut, terrible family, family fights, self-doubt and inner struggles

A/N: another series that I’m still currently writing. I just really wanted to get some feedback so I can continue to be motivated to write this story, because I’m so excited about it, but writing can become such a lonely job most of the time. Hope you guys like it!

1306 notes • Posted 2021-01-05 00:16:56 GMT

If ur accepting could u write something soft about reader and Cris decor shopping and they find the kid sections and there just like 🥺😩coz both want kids

I thought about this long and hard and I can't stop imagining Chris and reader being best friends who have a baby shower to attend and going into a specialized shop sends them both into a baby fever

"Oh my God," you whisper, holding the tiniest little sock in your hand.

"Chris, look at this!"

And so he did

He didn't want to

He knew the second he focused his eyes on you in this environment

This store filled with babies and everything baby-related

He'd lose the last thread of control he was tightly holding onto, trying to salvage your friendship

Because Lord, did he want to be more than friends

"How can something be this freaking cute?" You asked, showing him the familiar pattern of the shield he held for years in his role as Captain America

And he didn't know if you were referring to the clothing item in your hand or yourself

But it was a close tie in his mind

He swallowed around a dry throat, trying not to focus too much on how badly he wanted to live this experience with you, the same one that had prompted your trip to the store

He hated how his cock hardened at something that was supposed to be innocent and sweet

But you were innocent and sweet and that's why he was sure you'd make the perfect mother

"Chris!" You clasped his wrist, stopping his exploration of onesies, trying to look for the perfect one to give as a gift to your pregnant friend in common

You were staring at a little girl, held by her mother, and she stared at you just as much

She was wearing a kid's costume of your character, and your heart melted at the sight

Chris groaned, not believing what was happening

"Would you take a picture with her?" The mother asked, and you immediately reached out to hold the kid

Chris thought he was going to die, hearing you speak childlike to the baby in your arms, rubbing your nose against hers, and making her giggle

He almost asked the mother for a copy of the photo but held back at the last second

"C'mon, we're gonna be late," he dragged you towards the counter, desperate to get out of the store

You were confused but followed along

You had a party to attend, after all, and you were eager to find out the sex of the baby at the big reveal your friend had planned

Chris was distracted throughout the party

He couldn't tear his eyes away from you

Imagining you with a round belly

You being the one about to welcome a kid into this world

And he realized he couldn't hold back his feelings any longer

Couldn't allow you to go ahead and live out his biggest dreams with some other man

So that evening, when he drove you home, he decided he was going to confess

But you interrupted his plans with a confession of your own

"I really want kids," you sighed, rolling your head to the side to look at him

"If we're both still single in five years, would you have one with me?"

He stopped breathing, unsure of what to say because five years seemed too far away

"I'd have one with you right now," he admitted, to which you giggled, thinking he was joking

"I don't think we're ready for a step that big in the middle of the biggest movie contract we've ever done, dummy."

Silence took over the car as you both thought over what you were discussing

"I mean... We might not be ready for a baby right now, but we sure as hell can practice for it."

You frowned, not understanding what he was implying.

"You wanna babysit?" You assumed, and it was only then that he turned to look you in the eyes.

"I wanna fuck you raw."

1390 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 00:22:13 GMT

Finding You - An A/B/O smut series masterlist

The one where you become a pack’s omega

When you end up being transformed into an omega without any understanding of what it entails, five Alphas find themselves responsible for your well-being. Guess it’s only expected you’d take care of them too, huh?

General warnings: smut, minor angst, multiple sex partners, brothers all having sex with the same person at the same time but no actual sexual relations between them, so I guess no incest?

Status: in progress

I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X

XI - XII - XIII - XIV - XV - XVI - XVII - XVIII - XIX - XX

XXI - XXII - XXIII - XXIV - XXV - XXVI - XXVII - XXVIII - XXIX - XXX

XXXI

A/N: I don’t do taglists so either bookmark this post or follow @buckyownsmylifefics and turn on notifications to know when a new chapter is posted.

This series is intended as a compilation of one-shots, which means that although I’ve written them in a specific order so they have more or less of an arc, it can be read out of order and you can skip whichever chapter you don’t want to read. That being said, I’ll add what are the specific kinks in each chapter so you can skip them if it’s something you’re not that into!

I’m adding a more detailed list of kinks under the keep reading so those who want to be surprised don’t need to be spoiled, but if you have any major triggers please give it a read, as your media consumption is your own responsibility.

Specific warnings: gangbang, poly!relationship, a/b/o dynamics, reverse harem?, shared omega, outdoor sex, size kink, knotting, housewife kink, innocence kink, sound kink, rimming, anal play, anal sex, triple penetration, free use, voyeurism, hate fucking, exhibitionism, orgy, uniform kink, primal play, humiliation kink, degradation kink, spanking, dacryphilia, praise kink, scenting, possessiveness, ruts, begging, edging, somnophilia, sensory deprivation, asphyxiation, hair-pulling, throatfucking, spitting kink, biting kink, deprivation, denial, toys, overstimulation, choking, breeding kink, cumplay, cum marking, creampie, unprotected sex, heats, nesting, lactation play.

1411 notes • Posted 2021-06-21 21:59:01 GMT

Worst Behavior - Chris Evans smut

The one where it was supposed to be a sex scene, but Chris fucked you for real - and he didn’t care that your boyfriend was watching

Warnings: infidelity (reader cheats on oc boyfriend with Chris), smut, exhibitionism, public sex, dirty talk, angst.

Word count: 1.7K

A/N: thank you to my ride or die, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog for looking this over and giving me her thoughts about it. Writing is such a better process with you to scream about it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

I was seething when I burst through her trailer’s door, so out of my mind that the sight of her raising a hand over her heart, clearly startled, didn’t make me feel even remotely guilty.

“So this is it, huh? We’re gonna film this one last scene, and then you’ll be back by his side, like you and I were nothing, like I never even mean anything to you.” Somewhere inside my troubled mind, a tiny, still emotionally sober part of me saw her wiping a stray tear after it immediately fell from her eye, clearly not wanting to show this sign of weakness in front of me.

But again, I was too out of it to care. I wanted her to hurt, I wanted her to feel the pain that I was feeling, after all she put me through. How could she expect me to leave this set like I was the same man that met her? She had fundamentally changed me, by showing me how to love and be loved, how it was possible to find in a single person the answer to all of my needs and desires for my future.

I couldn’t just go on pretending I didn’t know what I knew now. But that’s what she intended to do. She wanted to leave and keep living in the pretense that nothing had changed, that she was still in love with the man waiting for her on set.

I knew for a fact that wasn’t the case. I knew it because there was no way my feelings were one-sided, no way everything we had gone through had only mattered that much to me. I knew her, probably better than I knew myself. And I knew this was all just fear and anxiety, clouding her mind and stopping her from going after what she truly wanted.

Unfortunately, the only way I could process these emotions at the moment was through anger.

“Is that how you see me?” Her sweet voice surprised me, I didn’t expect her to actually respond to my hurt-filled accusations. “Do you think I’m that cruel, that I would just be able to… to leave and forget you like this?”

I huffed, too inside my own mind to relent now. Yes, this is how I saw her, at least at that moment. She was the cause of my hurt, because she was the object of my desires.

“You’re doing this out of your own free will,” I reminded her. “Don’t try to pretend you’re just some innocent little victim in all of this. You have our fate in your hands, and you’re deciding to let it all go to waste.”

At the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks, my decision to leave was made even before she ordered me out of her trailer. I couldn’t stand to see her cry, couldn’t deal with the knowledge that I was the cause for it.

So, once again, I turned that distress into anger.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The air was chilly on set, and the fact that I was practically naked under the robe didn’t help. Neither did the tension between Chris and I. I wanted to make things right, I wanted to reach over and run my hands over his shoulders, relax the muscles I’d come to know so well. But I couldn’t do that right now. Not with my boyfriend watching us.

So I resigned myself to fiddling with my fingers as we waited for the set to be ready. Since it was one of those artistic sex shots, it would be filmed from a distance and there wouldn’t be any lines or sounds that we had to make, just movements to simulate. Which meant that the few people that were allowed to stay on the set had to watch the whole thing unfold from afar, and we would be free to fake having sex while they filmed us.

I don’t think I realized this could very well be the last time I had Chris this close to me until I had his mouth on mine again. I could still feel the emotions from earlier that day right beneath the surface, boiling his blood as he buried his hand on my hair and devoured my lips like he’d done so many times before.

Good thing the scene called for desperation.

I kissed him back just as desperately, wanting to enjoy every second of this experience, even if it wasn’t exactly what I desired at that time. Chris always kissed me so well, guiding me to where he wanted, and in no time at all he had me sprawled on the bed, underneath his larger body. I couldn’t help but to moan lowly when his lips attached themselves to my jaw, and I felt his smirk against my skin.

I couldn’t blame him. The effect he had on me was incomparable. He had every right to be smug about the sounds he could pull from me, Lord knows I’d cried out his name enough times to permanently puncture my own ear drums.

And still, it didn’t seem like it would be enough. The more he touched me - even if it was under a blanket, for a scene - the clearer it became that it could never be enough. I still wanted him. I wanted him forever, in fact.

But just as the realization occurred to me, his thumb slipped over my covered clit, pressing on the little nub and making me jerk away in surprise. “Shhh…” He directed, making sure to cover my face with his bicep so the camera wouldn’t catch my shock. “Just relax so it doesn’t hurt.”

I didn’t understand what he meant until I felt him pulling the flimsy excuse of underwear aside. That’s when my cunt pulsed, just before he positioned his cock and easily slid right into my wetness.

The feeling of his thickness was too much, especially when I wasn’t expecting it. My mouth fell open in a silent gasp, and he moved his arm so the camera could see it, but also turned his head to the other side so they wouldn’t notice his lips moving as he murmured to me, “Careful, sweetheart. Can’t make any real sounds. Not like the ones I usually pull from you. Wouldn’t want your boyfriend to realize that we’re actually doing it, huh?”

Chris’ P.O.V.

My desire for her ran so deep, I could hear my blood pumping in my veins as I fucked her right in front of her boyfriend. Right in front of everyone from the filming crew, for the camera to see.

I took sick pleasure in knowing this moment would be eternalized for history. Everyone would see just how pretty she looks for me and only for me, and no one would ever know the truth.

No one would ever know the truth. That I had her, that she was mine, but only for a bit. That I got to hold her, and have her screaming my name, but I’d never get to hear it again. I’d never get to have her again.

I didn’t want to have to pretend that I forgot it. Like I didn’t know this other side of her, that we never shared these sexual experiences that felt much more intimate than anything I’d ever shared with anyone else before.

It was hard to pretend that I didn’t care underneath the mask of a character that cared too much, because I was that character. I loved this woman just like he did, and I wanted to show her just how much.

I’d looked for her in everyone I’d met before. Slept with so many women, went out on so many dates, and now here she was, clenching around my cock, reaching for my hand and still, she wasn’t mine.

How can you keep looking for the love of your life if you’ve already met them?

And even if there was emotion - and there was so much emotion, ours or of our characters, it didn’t matter anymore - this felt so dirty, dirtier than anything else we’d ever done before.

I’d had her in so many ways, and still, having her now, right in front of him, brought new feelings I never expected to feel. And I couldn’t suffer through them alone. I needed to make sure she’d acknowledged it too.

“He has no idea, you know,” I whispered, low enough so the only person who could hear was her. Her eyes met mine in surprise, but she kept in character, while I took advantage of my position to taunt her more. “No one has. No one knows you only look like this when you have my dick inside of you.”

A moan broke free from her, making me smile inwardly even though I couldn’t smirk like I wanted to. I let go of one of her hands to push a few strands of hair away from her face, so both the camera and I could get a good vision of her expression.

“You’re such a good girl for me, honey. He could never get you like this. Only I can do that.” The way she clawed at my back made it obvious that I was right. And still, the reality of our situation didn’t allow for me to feel any sort of pride in that.

I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to cum and have to pull out of her, let her go back to him and their life as I was left by myself. “I can’t let you go,” I admitted, and her eyes opened up to meet mine, a slight sparkle of understanding in them. “Not like this,” I continued. “Not ever.”

And still, my hips picked up the pace and brought us to that old familiar high, right when I came to terms with the fact that I’d have to leave her. “Baby,” I whispered, this time knowing the microphone would pick it up.

Our eyes connected once more, but this time, there was mostly pain, from my gaze and from hers. I stood there for as long as I could, thumbs brushing over her cheekbones, until the director’s voice freed us from the scene, and then I was forced to leave.

Before I did though, I had one last thing to say.

“I don’t want to have to miss you.”

One thing was certain. It would be impossible to remain professional during the press conference.

1633 notes • Posted 2021-03-04 09:55:14 GMT

Follow you - Chris Evans smut

The one where Chris becomes your roomate and finds out he has a domesticity kink... and more

Warnings: Smut, breeding kink, domesticity kink, friends to lovers, rommates au, pandemic mention, hair-pulling kink, daddy kink, cockwarming, kind of allusion to an age gap, but can be read as reader being into teasing chris

Word count: 4.1k

A/N: Thanks to @mollygetssherlockcoffee for reading this over and helping me make it better! You’re the sweetest person ever! this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them. Hope you guys like it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” I’d been trying to convince her to close her laptop for the last two hours, unfortunately without any luck. She just glanced at me before returning to her document, and I groaned as I left the living room in search of what I knew we needed.

“Close the laptop and I’ll give you a sip.” This time when she looked up, she found me holding a bottle of my most expensive whiskey, the one she’d been dying to try ever since she first got invited to my place.

It was a tense moment of evaluation while she took in my offer and her workload, her head turning from her computer to me and then back to the device again, and I found himself growing anxious because of how desperately I wanted her company that night.

“Please?” I tried to convince her, even going so far as to pout - which at least earned me a giggle. I considered it a win, especially with the way it made my chest warm up. “C’mon, we deserve it! After the week we had?”

She frowned when she thought back on the stresses we had confided in each other for the last couple of days, and I watched with glee when she slowly closed her laptop, prompting me to wave my arms around in victory. “We?” She teased, getting up to stand before me with her arms crossed in front of her body, making me laugh.

“Alright, so maybe just you.” I couldn’t really deny that my work “problems” paled in comparison to hers. “Listen, I’m only trying to help.” She narrowed her eyes at me, reaching out for the bottle and unscrewing it before taking the sip I’d promised.

“Shit, this really is good.” A smug smile took over my face as I wrapped my arms around her, walking us back to the couch before making us fall over it.

“Only the best for you, babe.” I watched her roll her eyes at the pet name, snickering at how it affected her. I knew it made her giddy and she hated it, it’s why I insisted on doing it - or so I told myself.

Something deep inside of me whispered differently, though. I tried to ignore it. She was my best friend and we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. No one knew when this pandemic would let up.

And lord knows that nothing positive had ever come out of my investments in romantic relationships. So every rational thought in my mind was begging me not to overcomplicate this. I couldn’t stand to lose her friendship, anyway. That’s why I had invited her to spend lockdown with me - my need to know she was okay, and be able to have her around whenever I needed to vent.

She was the only one outside my family who got my anxiety well enough to help me work through it when I was feeling bad, and she had even been able to prevent me from having panic attacks more than once.

I just couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone other than her. I simply hadn’t anticipated how fucking horny this period of forced sexual privation would make me, and I never expected her to become a willing victim to my needs.

But boy, once the liquor hit and she ended up over my lap, shivering as she rode my thigh without a care in the world, was I glad that she did.

“Is this what you like?” I asked, looking up at her with my mouth hanging open, unbelieving of how fucking sexy she looked as she used my body for her pleasure. I didn’t even care that my cock was straining against my jeans, begging me to move her on top of it. As long as I could keep enjoying the show, being a part of it, I was satisfied.

“I wanna learn it,” I pressed, moving my hands to hold her ass, squeezing it the way I’d always wanted to do but never allowed myself to dream about. “I wanna learn how to please you.” She made me feel something I hadn’t felt before, in any of my past relationships. There was attraction, of course, but there was also this deep, familiar feeling that made me feel at home. It made me feel safe, and with the help of alcohol, I was desperate to explore it.

“Ugh,” she groaned, letting her head fall back, drawing my attention to her breasts, the way they bounced in front of my eyes, unfortunately still covered. My mouth watered at the sight of it, wanting nothing much than to strip her bare and wrap my lips around one of her nipples.

“Don’t say stuff like that, Evans.” The comment threw me off, making me frown as I took a hold of the hair on the back of her head and yanked her to me, devouring her lips. They were soft - so much softer than I’d ever allowed myself to imagine.

“Why not?” I panted against her mouth once I was forced to separate from her taste of whiskey to search for some oxygen. She kept moving, her eyes hazy and glossed over, and it sent a pang of lust straight down my body when I realized it wasn’t completely due to the drinks we shared. There was also desire in there.

“You want to learn?” She asked, hands bunching up my shirt as she used her hold to grind against me faster. “Then fuck me, Chris.” She molded her body to mine, engulfing my lips once more as I laid her down on the couch, excited to have her underneath me - excited to see her naked body, explore it, get to know every little thing that made her tick.

I knew it would be a moment I’d forever remember, regardless of the amount of bourbon in my blood. I just never expected it to become something I was so eager to relive over and over and over again.

It was supposed to be a one time thing. When I woke up in the morning, I was ready to go back to being roommates. We were good at that. She was a morning person, by the time I woke up every morning, she already had breakfast ready for me, and then we’d go out to the backyard to let Dodger out together.

We’d sit and talk and then I’d go for a run - she’d have done her yoga already, while I was still asleep - I’d answer some e-mails, she’d work on her laptop by my side and the silence was just as comfortable as all of our late night conversations.

She’d sneak out to the kitchen and come back with a few sandwiches for our lunch, and then the rest of the day would go by with us doing whatever mundane task we had in mind, together even if we were doing separate things, and I didn’t feel suffocated.

I didn’t even run out of things to say. By the time dinner rolled around and I followed her back to the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes while she fixed us dinner - I wasn’t allowed to cook in my own stove, mostly because she was terrified of my food but hid it under the excuse of that one time when I started a fire - then we’d eat together, watch a movie together, talk until we fell asleep - always together.

I was shocked. It’d never been this way in any of my previous relationships. In fact, I was certain it was the reason why they had never worked. I’d given up on any realistic expectation of settling down precisely because of this: I just never expected to find anyone with whom a day-to-day life wouldn’t eventually grow boring.

It’d been three months and I still loved to wake up to her coffee. We still fell asleep every night side by side, too tired to move into different beds because we had laughed our asses off after skyping Scott.

And now that sex came into play in our relationship? I just knew there was no way I’d ever go back to being nothing but friends - or living in a place where she wasn’t the first person I saw when I woke up.

It sucked that it took a pandemic and a night of alcohol to make me realize that, but damn, was I grateful that I decided to open a bottle of whiskey that evening.

I kept waiting for the catch, the moment it would all go to shit, but it never came. Our lives resumed to how they used to be, only now I had this ongoing inner battle to not just bend her over the nearest piece of furniture when we were busy, and the ability to do exactly that whenever there was nothing else to do.

And for a while it was bliss. There wasn’t a nagging voice inside my head questioning this arrangement because it was theoretically perfect. I had a best friend, a roommate and a fuck buddy, all wrapped into one single person that I adored.

Life couldn’t possibly get better - until I realized that I wanted more. Talks of lockdown being over started and she had plans of going back to her place, of course, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.

I wanted to see my family too, but I wanted to take her with me. Introduce her to my mom, see her get along with my sisters. Witness how she’d be with my nephews and nieces - I knew how much she loved kids. And that’s when it hit me.

I’d given my heart to her. Somewhere between the morning coffees and afternoon runs, the nights where I’d rant about all of my silly problems and she actually listened to them - really listened, never making me feel bad about what could only be described as rich people problems.

All the innocent little gestures, and the not so innocent ones - when I discovered she was exactly the nasty slut I’d always dreamed of, the way she would randomly drop to her knees and suck me off, even while I was on the phone. Most times she didn’t even let me repay the favor. She just genuinely liked to blow me.

She also liked to play with me randomly, like when we were watching a movie and she mindlessly reached for my crotch, rubbing me until I got hard. It almost always ended in sex, and I just loved it.

I loved it, and I loved her, and the idea of her ever sharing this idyllic lifestyle with anyone else made me irrationally jealous.

And that’s how I knew it. I didn’t want to mess it up. But how could I not fuck this up?

Xxx

“Chris…” Her sweet voice called out to me, reaching my ears while I was hiding in my office, trying to get my thoughts in order so I wouldn’t just randomly blurt out what I was feeling for my best friend to my best friend.

To her credit, she didn’t try to force me to keep her company - but that only made me fall even deeper for her, leaving me a complete and utter mess while she went about her day as if nothing was wrong in the world.

“Yes?” I looked up to see her by the threshold, clearly reticent about invading my privacy. It made me smile, thinking back on all of the times my exes hadn’t been as understanding, even after I let them clearly know what I was needing.

“I made cupcakes, do you want me to bring you one?” The thought of her in the kitchen, baking a sweet treat just for me had my cock twitching in my pants. Biting my lips, I pushed away from my desk to finally get up and stretch my legs, taking advantage of the monitor to hide my hard-on.

“No, I’ll come eat them downstairs with you.” She smiled before leaving, and I soon trailed after her, walking into the kitchen to find the most delicious-looking little treats, just waiting to be devoured.

Much like her, I supposed.

I was reaching for one of them, already licking my lips in anticipation when something caught my eye, prompting me to raise my gaze and look at her again, but really look at her this time.

She was wearing an apron.

There was nothing inherently sexual about the damn thing, but the way she looked with it, going about her business in my kitchen like she owned the place… It just felt right, seeing her there.

And suddenly I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Y/N…” I started, leaving the cupcake back on the counter and brushing off the crumbs as I circled the kitchen island to go stand in front of her. She hummed before turning to meet me, smiling slightly to signal that she was listening to what I had to say.

But I didn’t know how to say it. So we just stood there, staring at each other until eventually her smile became a frown. “Chris, what’s going on?” I still couldn’t speak. Much to my absolute surprise though, she just sighed, wiping her hands on the apron while shaking her head, a knowing smile on her face.

“You’re stressed, aren’t you? You’ve been working so much, that’s why I thought the cupcakes would be a good idea,” she explained nodding towards the tray where her sweet treats laid. “They’re a reward and a break all wrapped in one delicious cake.”

The comment was like a punch to the stomach - or a scalding wave of desire rushing through my body, straight to my groin. The idea of her thinking about my needs and catering (quite literally) to them just did something to me, and I didn’t know how to explain it - I don’t think I understood it myself.

“But since they didn’t work…” she continued, blissfully unaware of the conundrum she had put me into. “I know something else that will definitely work.” And just like that, the woman dropped to her knees in front of me, reaching for my sweatpants before I could find a way to close the mouth that was hanging open.

“I guess I’ll grab a sweet treat for myself.” She looked so devious, small hand encircling my already pathetically engorged member, that all I could do was whisper an, “Oh, shit,” when she immediately wrapped her lips around it, starting to suck me off without any preamble.

My fingers were white as I held onto the counter behind me to keep myself up. She looked so good, staring up at me with her lips wrapped around my dick, I felt like I was about to blow already.

Why did she have to be such a fucking tease?

“Oh, God,” I moaned when she managed to engulf the entirety of my member inside her throat, the choking noises getting to my head. My hand instinctively laced with her hair, first to hold her lips close to my navel, then to pry her completely off of my member.

“What’s wrong?” She questioned once she was able to speak, surprise written all over her features while I was still staring down at her slightly teary face and trying to find my voice.

“I-I have a problem.” There. I said it. I had finally made some progress in my goal to let her know what was going through my head. Only instead of curiosity, what I got was a confused expression from the woman still holding my dick, her eyes darting from my own to the member throbbing between her fingers.

“No, you don’t!” It would have been funny if I wasn’t so fucking frustrated. Yanking her by the hair, I complained, “Not that kind of problem!” pulling her to the living room so I could throw her on the couch, trying to ignore her moans of pleasure in the process.

I’d figured out pretty early on that she had a pretty serious hair-pulling kink, and if my plans of sitting down and having a level-headed conversation were ever in motion, they surely went out of the window the second she pulled my body down to cover hers and adjusted my cock so it would easily fill her.

“Son of a…” I groaned, letting my head fall down against her chest as the little vixen gleefully giggled underneath me, legs wrapped around my torso as she tried to thrust up and tempt me to move.

“Just wait a second,” I managed to reason, but she just shook her head.

“Fuck away your problem, Chris. Use me. I want you to.” Motherfucker. I really couldn’t catch a break with her. Just as she started to make me move again, my hand instinctively wrapped around her neck, lightly squeezing it just enough to get her to shut up.

“I wanna start a family with you,” I finally spilled, looking deep into her eyes as I tried to ignore that I was still balls deep inside of her. Her eyes widened, and now her mouth was the one hanging open.

I couldn’t really relish in it because she looked absolutely delicious and she felt stupidly heavenly to my throbbing dick.

A few seconds went by without as much of a reaction from her and I was about to pull out - despite still being achingly hard - but her legs held me tighter, stopping my plans of leaving her tight haven.

“You know…” She started to speak, a little out of breath, catching my attention as I finally gathered the courage to look her in the eye again. “When I first met you, I thought you were the epitome of a fuckboy.”

The unexpected sentence had me snorting, and then I just couldn’t stop laughing. Finally pulling away from her, she fixed her hair when she sat up and I did the same, shaking my head slightly as I rubbed my eyes.

Our own relative nakedness - well… mine, she was wearing her usual dress with no underwear under the damn apron - didn’t affect anything when I pondered over her words, until I decided to break the silence.

“I mean… I think I was?” She chewed on her bottom lip as she took in my response, analyzing it, weighing its validity in that gorgeous head of hers. I was nervous, but she hadn’t blew me off yet. And quite honestly? I’d do anything for that little hope that was growing inside of me.

“What changed?” Was her question, so unexpected I couldn’t help but question, “Huh?”

“What made you change?” It wasn’t an unwelcome inquiry, especially when the response became clear to me, lighting up my brain and warming my chest, spreading all over my body until I had no choice but to voice it.

“I realized I could have a future with you.” My smile was vulnerable but honest, and in her eyes, I could see that she knew that. When she threw one leg over my lap, straddling my hips, I allowed myself to breathe deeply again, leaning on the soft cushion while taking a hold of her ass.

“So, how are we gonna do this?” She non-nonchalantly asked, slowly rubbing herself against my still half-hard member. I groaned when I realized the implication of her words, knowing that the meaning paired with the feeling of her wet lips dragging along my cock would get it back up in no time at all. “You wanna do me right now?”

The brashness of the question made my eyes light up, as weird as it may sound. In that moment, it became clear just how perfect for me she really was, giving me what I needed exactly in the way I didn’t know how to ask for it.

“See? This is why I’m in love with you.” She rolled her eyes at that, making me laugh. I’d anticipated the gesture, I knew it’d take her longer to say it, but it was alright. The fact that she was willing me to give me a child was more than enough proof of her feelings for me, if her entire behavior ever since she moved in wasn’t already.

“Shut up and fuck me, Evans.” Throwing her back against the couch, she yelped in surprise when I took off my shirt and slapped the inside of her thigh, assuming my usual position of hovering over her smaller frame.

“Spread your fucking legs, darling. I’m gonna fuck you real good.” The way she bit her lip as I slowly penetrated her again showed me just how excited the prospect got her, and as I started to make good on my promise, her moans told me just as much.

“Holy fuck,” she commented as I pounded her ruthlessly, weeks of frustration and the rush of anticipation getting the best of me, and I was glad for the feeling of her nails biting into my skin because otherwise, I’d probably run over the edge of not even caring about her own pleasure as I chased mine.

“You gonna cum inside of me, honey? Make me a mom? Finally fulfill your dream of becoming a daddy?” Her words detracted me from my task of sucking bruises on the skin that was now mine to bruise, mine. I threw my head back, yelling a, “fuck yes,” as my hips sped up, desperate to fill her up, but I was determined to get her to cum before me.

“Say it,” she ordered, small hand circling my throat as best as she could, a throwback to what I’d done only moments prior. It wasn’t enough to choke me, but it did catch my attention. “I wanna hear you say it.”

Tears escaped the corners of my eyes as I blinked, the intensity of the moment overwhelming in the best of ways. “God, you are such a fucking tease…” She chuckled underneath me, giving my throat a squeeze before she raised up on her elbows to kiss my jaw.

“Better get used to it… daddy.” And just like that, I realized that I had yet another kink I hadn’t known about before her. Or maybe it was just her, and I was obsessed with the damn woman, painfully turned on by every little thing that she did.

“I’m gonna cum deep inside your little pussy, sweetheart,” I finally gathered myself enough to do as she asked me to. “You’re gonna belong to me forever now. Give me kids, make me happy. How do you like that?”

The mischievous grin she gave me told me everything. “I love it.” I knew this was her way of saying what she couldn’t yet voice, and I’d take it. I’d take anything she gave me, any chance I got to love this wonderful woman.

We came together, both riding our highs in deep ecstasy. I moaned when I felt myself empty all of my seed inside of her, incredibly excited about the prospect of starting our future together right then.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I cradled her face in my hands as I struggled to catch my breath, but she turned it to the side and pressed a kiss to my palm and I was breathless all over again. It was such a simple action, why did it get to me so much?

“You’re not too bad yourself, Chris.” I didn’t want to part with her warmth, so I just adjusted us on the sofa in a way that kept me inside of her, sighing contently as I realized I’d never have to sleep away from her again.

“I’m gonna stay right here all night.” I adjusted myself so I was resting my face on her boobs, perfectly happy to do just so, but by the tone of her voice, I knew she had a teasing smile when she called me an, “Old man.”

“And here I was, thinking you’d be able to go again.” Warmth filled my chest at the realization of just how badly she wanted me - just as much as I wanted her too. I was so damn ecstatic. Not even her pokes at my age would be able to affect me.

“Oh, darling… better get ready,” I warned as I adjusted myself to hover over her again, taking notice of the excited glint in her eyes, the way she bit her lip as she stared back at me. “I’m never gonna get enough of you.”

The next morning, I added a new kink to the list of random bits of information that were driving me slowly insane as I felt the overwhelming need to bend the woman that I now got to call ‘mine’ over the nearest piece of furniture and rail her until I had cummed deep inside her pussy: seeing her in my shirt while cooking breakfast.

Yeah, I was going to live a happy life by her side.

1953 notes • Posted 2021-04-22 17:48:59 GMT

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papers4me · 3 years

Text

Fruits Basket, Se03, ep10 (part 1)

“ What to do? & how to do it? the answer & the method are so simple, so simple but difficult as hell. it was hard for me to get them, & that’s exactly why I treasure them/ makes them valuable”. kyo~ This is my favorite quote in all anime.

How many times a domestic abuse victim was told just leave this abusive partner? report them? easy. just make a call. Report your abusive parents? tell someone. easy. Just speak up. It is true. It is easy but difficult as hell. To believe it is your right to fight. No, to believe you deserve to fight. to Live. This abuse is not a punishment you must endure. Hope is not dead. How simple yet so difficult to do that. ugh! my heart!

- Seeing Death vs Facing Death: ( The abuser who was stopped):

Abuse is a form of slow death. An actual intentional murder of an innocent soul. Abusers suck the life out of their victims & kyo’s biological dad is the poster monster for that. His appearance:

thin deathly demeanor, lack of nourishment, excessive drinking, lack of desire get out of the abyss, wide eyes, tiny pupils, manic laughter. shaky body movement. pathetic outlook at things.

heavy breathing, lack of logic & distorted facts, blurry speech, bizarre mentality, toxic behavior, tendency to hurt, injure, both physically & verbally.

inability to grasp reality, desire for inflecting pain on others, finding joy in that as it justifies his entire toxic mentality.

Fear of being hurt like he hurt others & being paranoid since he KNOWS he should receive punishment.

Kyo stood watching this man spit, rage, shake, scream. The man from his past, the authoritative figure in his early tender years, the person who must always be right: a parent. Facing his dad, Kyo’s entire gradual change was fantastic:

Kyo went from feeling utter fear from this man, hatred towards him, grief at the loss of a father & a mother, to force himself to stand his ground & not leave” easy but difficult as hell“ , to talk ” easy but difficult as hell“ , to announce that isnt gonna die ” easy but difficult as hell“ to say I’m loved & I want to to be with someone ” easy but difficult as hell”

to then realize the source of his mom’s misery isnt him after all, but this jerk! & not crumble at this realization ” easy but difficult as hell“ to grief over his mom’s tragic life & still announce again that he’s anit throwing his life away ” easy but difficult as hell“ to still look at his dad with pity rather than immense hate & anger ” easy but difficult as hell“ to remove his hand & leave him behind in the past while he moves forward ” easy but difficult as hell“ to say “ i’ll come visit again, cuz I anit afraid of you anymore, I’m not running, but I’ll try to extend a hand if you wanna do the same one day. It is your choice to be the abuser who must be stopped or the one who is atoned! you can choose, dad! We heard his choice as kyo was leaving, didn’t we? locking himself in an eternal cage that he made for himself. After all, he is the monster in his own story by his own choice.

-Seeing death (1): Kyo watching his mom’s suicide is a traumatic experience especially considering she chose such a graphic way to exist this world. Kyo once said to tohru “ mom went flying”, he now said“ mom threw her life away” very graphic ways to explain her death both literally & figuratively. This alone coupled with his father accusing him, resulted in a 4 year old screaming” I’mma yuki & kill myself, this would make you happy, dad”. This explains kyo’s 2 meetings with yuki as kids“ I hate you” at the sohma estate, the 2nd meeting “ I hate you” at the street. Mimicking the toxic behavior of the dad. Why didn’t kyo mimic kazuma? cuz trauma doesn't work like that. Kids can live safely for time then one traumatic experience shatter their self-worth into an endless cycle of self-hurt, low self worth & anger issues or withdrawal. The writing that set kyo/yuki against each other is perfect.

-Seeing death (2): Kyo watching kyoko’s death hammers all the insecurities of child kyo deep down into teenage kyo. Kyoko too, went flying, blood everywhere. too much pain happening again, crashing hope & killing his fighting spirit over & over. Be with tohru? why? to kill her, too?

-Seeing death (3): Kyo watching tohru’s injured body. Yup. You caused this. not by pushing her or failing to catch her. No. but by hurting her with harsh words. by forcing her away from you.

-Facing death (1): Kyo facing his dad, the symbol of deadly-abuse. To stand & announce to live is huge. -Facing death (2): refuse death: being caged till death, -Facing death (3): To say, I wanna be loved & love someone, life is not just being outside, heck! kyo was outside for 17 years! life is abt being with those who give it meaning! -Facing death (4): To not demand others to die as a punishment. Walking away from his dad without igniting the cycle of revenge & hate. ahhhhhhhhhh~~~ Chef’s kiss!

-Seeing eye to eye: ( I don’t need to be you, but I appreciate you):

Kyo & yuki toxic relationship has been ongoing since their birth. The moment kyo’s dad was dismayed that he got the cat of all zodiac & the moment yuki’s mom was delighted she got the rat of all zodiacs. From that moment it became: look how lucky the rat parents? You shamed me? Look how pitiful that cat? eww! stay away from his filth. The explosive nature of kyo’s tragic fate tainted him with the blood of his mom & the daggers of his father’s hateful words, while the nature of yuki’s sheltered & locked fate tainted him with fear & isolation. They meet & both carry out the feelings of rejection & hate all while envying the other. The toxic nature of their relationship consist of fights & condensing words. Tohru connected both. Through her, they became civil. Even talking abt perverted shigure. Now that she is hurt, they are lost without her. Their lives are empty.

Yuki’s “ kyo has his own pain & reasons” (to not see tohru) is my fave line! even better than all the epic lines after they confess their feelings. cuz this like happened before they connect. it shows that, I see his pain, I get he has his reasons. But whatever issues he have shouldn’t hurt tohru. this is when yuki interferes in kyo’s choices. For tohru. This is also when kyo really allows him to. For tohru. Had tohru nor be part of the fight, kyo wouldn’t even engage in it & yuki wouldn’t initiate it.

-“I wanted to be you!” : Kyo said it first. I loved this so much! Cuz kyo said I hate you first! it is so fulfilling that the truth is now out. From kyo first. Cuz really... that hate was all toxic inheritance from a toxic father & a toxic system.

- “Why do you have to say it firs!” Yuki was mad, cuz he was struggling with it for the longest time. to be kyo. He even mused on how kyo interacted with ppl in school, got himself his own mini kyo. lol. studied how kyo filled tohru’s world just by existing. yuki can't do that for tohru. he looked for someone whom he could do that for! yuki/machi scene at her house paralleled kyo/tohru scene at her room when she was sick (se01, e023) & when they eating the somen together (se02, e02), yuki/machi chalk scene paralleled kyo/tohru scene at the beach where he coaxed tohru to tell her mom’s story (se02, e07). Yuki really was having a hard time finding his true self & accepting it without needing to learn from kyo. It is hard to say “ i admired you” after being rejected by you! so kyo saying it first helped yuki say his after. Also, both boys were hella shocked they admire each other. Like both were deeply shocked! stupid boys! XD

Side Notes:

Kyo’s confrontation with his dad is furuba’s most powerful scene & most well-written one! From the fear of facing him, to talking to him with low voice, to physically stopping him, to the exposed last piece of locked memory abt the mother, to the freedom gained by walking forward! Heck, even how it was weaved psychologically to perfectly mimic children’s self-defense mechanisms & children copying their parents theme. The realistic depiction of abusers both in their most powerfully menacing moment & in their weakest cowardly moment. Top-tier writing! Hands down my fave furuba scene! Can’t ask for better! Can’t even imagine better! genius- writing Takaya-san!

The boys had a necessary fight & confrontation & the yuki’s entire speech was valid & perfect speech. However, as usual, I’m not a fan of how violence is depicted in furuba. I was actually “warned/ ordered” by an anon to not “ sh*t” on the boys fight scene. I don’t know why someone who’d read my reviews would think i’d have anything but love for both boys. I criticize the writing not the characters. Also, furuba fans have always been good to me, I state my opinion frankly & they talk to me! “ talk!”. You don’t have to throw virtual fists over different perspectives on fiction. Talking kindly does magic, also having different opinions is natural & normal for humans.

I love yuki so much, he’s one of my top faves in furuba & I get why the boys would quarrel & throw fists. I get the history between them, the current state of mind, their emotions & mentality & I get it’s fiction & drama that needs its “ OMG” moment. However, I cringe when I see violence used as a bonding moment in fiction in general. That’s just me. I wish the fight was done in a more artistic style without showing that scene where yuki corned kyo & punched him in full view of the screen. (again not hating on yuki nor the fact that they needed to fight). I’m jus saying I didn't need to see a one-sided beat up from a character I love to another one I love. That’s just me again~ feel free to enjoy this moment to its fullest. It’s fiction & I’m not judging anyone at all, nor hating anyone from real life or fiction <3<3<3.

Yuki’s last piece of character development is in my part 2 review! Along with machi. Also, yuki’s Japanese VA was awesome!!

Also, let yuki have deep various facial expressions!!!! ugh! In the fight scene they did yuki so dirty with his hair covering his eyes all the time! then followed by low quality shots of him breathing! Why?! The voice acting sold the entire excellent emotional rage more than the animation! Yuki can look pretty even when mad, heck! screw looking pretty! just give him deep facial expressions to mach his feelings! boy was hella mad like he never was his entire life! always forced to wear a mask or be diplomatic! now he’s screaming his lungs out, you hide his face??? really?? Sigh~ the anime always do this wit yuki, replace facial expressions with hair on eyes or having his eyes without light. I wanna see them expressive eyebrows so bad!!!

Another powerful VA performance was both kyo’s dad VAs! both the Japanese (with his excessive breathing) & the English VA (with his range). They sold the mad abusive character! they gave me chills!

Also, I sound like a broken record, but kyo’s both VAs did phenomenon in the dad’s scene & tohru’s scene. Honestly, I only watch the dub to hear Jerry! I learned his name & would watch the dub for him!

Akito, Arisa, Kureno in part 2 of my review as well.

Shigure/yuki returning home scene is call back to ep1. Ok, everybody loves a call back scene & the full circle thingy. but C’mon! you dont have to copy everything! the walk, the scenery, its purpose, dialogue & all! The anime really took advantage of kyo being missing. XD

Tohru’s dress/top color matches the color of kyo’s old hat (The hat). symbolic of him finding her? As if he did find her when they were children? cool. I love this detail. But i do NOT love this color on tohru at all !! lol. it is so dull on her. The dress style/ design mimics her same dress in se01, ep26 as she was talking to kazuma & kyo fought him. Their first intimate moment after nearly loosing the other. Heck! tohru was even hurt on her hand as well. but the color was a nice pastel yellow. It suited tohru. The hat’s bluish-greenish color matches tohru’s own pajama at home!!!! & kureno’s hospital pajama! T_T... why couldn't the hat be red!!!! a color that both represent kyo & yuki! both were compared to red before~ oh well~~ minor issue~

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #happy paper #final season #part 1

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