#originally wrote this line about my own parents but oh well. me & buck have this in common
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voices
summary: when your soulmate sings, you can hear it.
pairings: au!bucky barnes x fem!reader, thor x steve
warnings: swearing, alcohol
a/n: it’s currently midnight and if you know me then you know i HATE revising my work. i wrote this in one sitting and i cannot be bothered to revise this. don’t be mean pls
bucky’s soulmate was always singing. always. he liked to think that she did it on purpose, to entertain him. he absolutely loved listening to her singing. he never listened to music because of her. he didn’t want to listen to something that wasn’t her. she made music into something special to him. he wanted to keep the songs that she sang to him a secret. he didn’t want to hear them on the radio. he learned new songs from her, all the time. but, sometimes her constant singing was inconvenient.
he was out getting coffee with one of his friends, sam. they were chatting when she started singing. bucky held up a finger and pointed to his ear. “she’s singing,” he whispered.
“it’s been too much, i’ve been on the side, and i’m waiting.”
“man, she’s always singing,” sam rolled his eyes.
“i swear she has the most beautiful voice i’ve ever heard. plus, i love this song,” the brunette responded, twirling his hair around his finger as he softly sang along.
“i’ve got a little time, maybe all night, if i’m patient.”
“you know what? maybe i’ll sing to my soulmate,” sam scoffed, and began singing. he crossed his arms over his chest as he sang some random pop song.
“what’s on your mind? i can never read you.”
the distant smile didn’t leave bucky’s face as he closed his eyes. he savored her voice. she faltered slightly when he began singing back to her, but continued on. he had his moments of singing, but they had never sung together before. it was a common thing between soulmates to do duets.
“i always leave you crying when we fight, but i don’t mean to.”
sometimes, soulmates dreamt of each other. he yearned to see her in his dreams. he knew that they didn’t have the connection that others had. one of his friends, natasha and her soulmate were always singing to each other. they developed their soulmate bond and she dreamt of her soulmate.
“no, love don’t come easy. especially when you’re loving me.”
bucky was itching to meet her. he had been waiting his whole life. he was ready. he already felt such immense love towards her just by hearing her singing. he melted on the inside every time she started up.
“it’s never enough for the both of us, so sorry. couldn’t have known it would ever be this hard.”
if he didn’t hear her sing at least once a day, he would panic. it was quite unusual, but he understood that sometimes she would get busy, or maybe she was feeling sick, or maybe sad. none of those thoughts were able to reassure him. in those rare cases, he would sing to her.
“we had it all but we lost and that’s our fault.”
he hoped that she liked his singing, and that it comforted her. throughout his childhood, his parents would always listen to frank sinatra, so that’s what he would sing to her. when he was done, she would sing back a few lines of the chorus to let him know she was there but not wanting to sing, or a whole song.
“i should be here waiting for you to answer my call. but i’m never giving up on what, i’ve been focusing on putting me first.”
his parents were soulmates and they would always sing frank sinatra to each other. he liked that he shared something so special to his parents, with his own soulmate. she didn’t know it, of course, but he still found it heartwarming.
“still could never see you with somebody else. i can’t even live with being by myself. that’s the part of me that really needs your help.”
“is she done yet?” sam questioned.
“no, hush,” bucky replied.
“lately, i haven’t been doing very well. that’s the difference between heaven and hell.”
“aren’t you singing to your girl?” bucky stopped his quiet singing to quickly ask his friend.
“i feel heaven when you’re here with me. i feel hell every time you leave.”
“she started singing, ‘shut up,’ to me,” sam grumbled. bucky let out a deep belly laugh.
“but i need to get you off of my back. i gotta get you off of my back.”
he had heard her giggle once. he believed it to be a mistake of the soulmate bond. he had also heard stories where the bond mistook laughter for music. her laugh sounded like little bells ringing. he knew that he shouldn’t love someone that he didn’t know, but he couldn’t help it. she was already so perfect.
“wished that we would never take it this far. here we are, going back and forth.”
some people had romantic relationships before they met their soulmate. bucky didn’t understand this. there’s one person specifically made for every person on the planet, why can’t they just wait to meet them? those flimsy relationships will be worth nothing to how someone feels when they’re with their soulmate.
“i hoped we would never make it this far. but now, i gotta find my worth.”
he truly wanted nothing more than to meet her. he wanted to feel complete. like a whole person. his parents had both said that when they were with each other, they felt at peace with themselves. he desired that with all of his being.
“she’s done,” bucky smiled. “i can’t wait to meet her. and i can’t wait for you to hear her singing.”
“don’t get ahead of yourself, barnes.”
-
if he didn’t know that the voice in his head was his soulmate, bucky would’ve wholeheartedly believed that his childhood best friend, steve, was his soulmate. there was no one who understood him quite like steve. they had been through everything together. but, alas, the voice in bucky’s head was feminine, and steve had met his soulmate, thor, in high school. it was steve and thor who dragged him out of the house on a friday night that was just like all the others. lately, all of his days seemed to bleed into one. he could feel himself edging towards a downward spiral. his friends could feel it, too.
“the only problem is i see you in colors that don’t exist,” she began singing while thor was speaking to bucky. he zoned out for a moment as she continued.
“in colors that don’t even exist, girl. i see the future in your eyes. i see my past and all my sins. i swear to god, i see god when you’re touching on my skin.”
“bucky? you there?” thor raised an eyebrow. he lifted his beer up to his mouth.
“sorry, she was singing to me,” he sheepishly apologized.
“it’s okay. i used to have to lay down every time steve sang to me,” thor gazed lovingly at his soulmate who was making conversation with the bartender.
“that bad, huh?” bucky joked. “where are we, anyway?” he asked, looking around. she began humming in his ear, and he tried his hardest to pay attention to the blond man in front of him.
“it’s a new karaoke bar! steve heard about it from his coworkers, i believe,” he replied. he stroked his beard before asking, “have you been to one before?”
bucky innocently shook his head, brown locks swaying back and forth. “i’ve seen them in movies, though.”
“you’ll have so much fun! we should do a duet,” thor insisted. “no, a trio.”
“i don’t know about that,” bucky laughed nervously.
just then, steve came over, handing bucky a beer. he gave thor a kiss and said, “what’re you lot talking about?”
“bucky agreed to doing a group performance!” thor exclaimed.
“actually-” the man in question began, but was cut off by his best friend.
“fuck yeah! what’s the game plan?” steve’s childish smile reminded bucky so much of their upbringing together, that he let himself get roped into the singing triad. he nursed his beer as his friends argued over a song. he ended up ordering two shoes of vodka and threw them back to accelerate his getting drunk process.
“thanks for joining us today, buck,” steve beamed. “i know that sometimes it’s hard for you to reach out when you need us, but we’re always here for you. i’m with you ‘til the end of the line, pal,” he put his hand on his shoulder.
bucky opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a shout from the stage. “hello new york!” a small brunette lady was the owner of the voice. she was clearly intoxicated as was her giggling friend, standing next to her. he was immediately transfixed by her friend. her lips were painted red and curved into the prettiest smile he’d ever seen. she wore a silk powder blue top which she tied in a knot at the top of her flattering black jeans. the top buttons of her blouse were undone, revealing her collarbones and allowing her to show off some layered necklaces. she teetered in a pair of forest green heeled boots, excitedly bouncing from one foot to another. “i am jane foster, and this is y/n y/l/n!” the original lady yelled into her microphone.
“hi, i’m y/n,” she smiled and waved, laughing. her word were slightly slurring together. bucky repeated her name to himself, under his breath.
“and we are,” jane began by herself but was joined by y/n for the last word, “*NSYNC!” the beginning chords of it’s gonna be me were being played.
“you might have been hurt, babe. that ain’t no lie!” jane sang very loudly. their group of friends near the stage cheered. y/n blew them a kiss before stumbling and regaining her balance and collapsing into giggles as jane continued through the song. “you’ve seen them all come and go, oh. i remember you told me that it made you believe in no man, no cry. maybe that’s why…”
y/n began singing with jane for the chorus and the minute he heard her voice, he got goosebumps. his soulmate sang right along in his head. “every little thing i do never seems enough for you. you don’t want to lose it again. but i’m not like them. baby, when you finally get to love somebody. guess what? it’s gonna be me.”
“wait a fucking minute,” he said to himself, his eyebrows drawing together.
she began her solo, “you’ve got no choice, babe. but to move on, and you know, there ain’t no time to waste. you’re just too blind to see but in the end, you know it’s gonna be me. you can’t deny so just tell me why.”
they went into the chorus for the second time and bucky jumped out of his seat and screamed into steve’s face. “that’s my fucking soulmate!” and pointed at the stage.
“are you serious?” steve gaped.
“yes!”
“justin or jc?”
“jc!”
“it’s our turn next!” thor yelled, grabbing both of their hands and pulling them through the bar to the side of the stage.
“that’s my soulmate,” bucky whispered as she took her bows and staggered off the other side of the stage before he was pushed onto it and handed a microphone. he held onto the microphone like he would die if he let go.
“how are we feeling!” steve howled. thor talked to whoever was in charge of the music on the side before jumping up. “we are steve,” the said man placed his hand on his chest before pointing to his best friend, who was looking quite like a deer in the headlights, “bucky!” he finally gestured to his soulmate, “and thor!” the music started up and the crowd screamed in recognition.
“i can’t stop this feeling deep inside of me. girl, you just don’t realize what you do to me,” steve and thor sang together. steve looked at bucky encouragingly, wrapping his arms around his shoulder as he shakily began singing, looking straight into the crowd and at her. “when you hold me, in your arms so tight. you let me know everything’s alright. i’m hooked on a feeling.”
she was chatting to one of her friends but when he started singing, she whipped her head to the stage, her eyes wide and her lips parted. they made eye contact for the first time and electricity passed between them. he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. he kept singing, just letting his mouth move. he didn’t know if he was singing the right thing, but by the look of joy on steve’s face, he knew he was doing something right. he let his gaze fall away from her before it flickered back. he drank her right up.
when their song was completed, they linked hands and bowed in front of the crowd. bucky practically jumped off of the stage at the first opportunity he got. she had rushed up him, grasping his arm. “did you hear me?” she asked.
“i can’t hear you, it’s too loud!” he yelled back.
she pulled him away from the stage, to the bar, before repeating her question. “did you hear me?” he nodded his head. he returned the question and she nodded back. “are you my soulmate?” her voice was so quiet that he wasn’t entirely sure if he heard her.
“only if you don’t mind me singing frank sinatra all the time,” bucky responded.
her face broke into a smile and she threw her arms around his neck. he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight. he deeply inhaled, savoring every moment. when she pulled away, he gingerly placed his hand on her cheek, slowly moving it to thread his fingers through her hair. he dipped his head down and whispered, “is this okay?” his breath was hot on her lips. she nodded. his lips met hers and for a moment, the universe burned white-hot.
infinity tags:
@ssweet-empowerment ; @stardustandbucky ; @abuckyrogersworld ; @freightcarcap ; @c-a-v-a-l-r-y ; @coffeebooksandfandom ; @somethingmoreclever ; @2dreamcatcher8 ; @illegalportkey ; @fuckthatfeeling ; @xxashy999xx ; @buckybarneshairpullingkink ; @tuliptx ; @wwhitewwolff ; @thisismysecrethappyplace ; @appreciating-chase-brody ; @renanyx ; @maladaptive-ninja-returns ; @marvelrose ; @sophiealiice ; @dreamsfollowed99 ; @galacticstxrdust ; @fitzsimmons-is-forever ; @dumblani ; @i-padfootblack-things ;
#bucky barnes#sebastian stan#the winter soldier#bucky barnes x reader#sebastian stan x reader#the winter soldier x reader#thor x steve#thorsteve#thundershield#marvel#fanfiction#soulmate
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BnHA Smash!! 01 and 02: Smash!!Might is a Fucking Menace
okay, so. I have about a million other things I should be doing instead, including (1) responding to asks and/or finishing in-progress metas, (2) reading Vigilantes, and last but not least, (3) actually making a dent in the ever-increasing backlog of Actual Work That I Really Should Be Doing Instead.
so naturally I’m procrastinating by taking my first stab at reading BnHA’s cute 4-panel omake spinoff series, BnHA Smash!! IT JUST MAKES SENSE. look, I have exactly one thing I felt like actually doing and not procrastinating today, so I might as well do the thing. basically it’s my attention span’s world and I’m just living in it.
anyway! so apparently this series was scanlated by good ol’ Fallen Angels. that’s right; prepare yourselves for some very creative cursing, fellas. other background info for anyone who, like me, is unfamiliar with this spin-off: this series debuted on November 9, 2015, a little over a year after the original series. said original series was currently at chapter 66, meaning the Final Exam arc was just wrapping up.
so now that we’re all properly oriented, let me go over a few disclaimers real quick and then we’ll get started!
all comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.
I’m aware that not everyone may be familiar with Smash!! even if they’ve read/watched the original series, so I’ve tried to make this recap comprehensible even if you haven’t read the spin-off. that being said, it’s probably more enjoyable if you have, so you can either purchase the first volume from Viz here, or read the chapter online (I don’t want to link directly, but the spin-off is available on most of the usual sites. literally just google “read mha” and you’ll find some good options).
this readthrough contains a handful of sorta-kinda spoilers for the BnHA manga, although there are no direct spoilers. just an indirect reference to a joke in chapter 242, as well as a reference to a theory which as of now is in no way canon. but just to be on the safe side I’m posting a heads-up.
and I think that’s it! so here we go.
so we’re opening with a brief summary of the series. people have superpowers and shit’s nuts. you know the drill
there’s also a brief description of the way that the superhero economy works, complete with Mt. Lady’s employees unionizing and demanding better pay
...what
guys I keep staring at this and thinking that surely, SURELY it doesn’t say what I think it says. sidekick... what... manager??
you know what? Viz unfortunately doesn’t include this series as part of their subscription package (WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR, VIZ), but it does at least include a free preview of Smash, and I bet you that this, the first fucking page of the series, is a part of that preview. so... let’s see...
okay, see, this actually makes sense! so did the FA scanlating team collectively all have a fucking stroke?! just, what??
this is one of the reasons why I had difficulty reading Vigilantes too, tbh. those early chapter scans were, uh. but at least Vigilantes has a Viz scanlation too. I don’t want to spend 10 bucks just to read one volume of this, but we’ll see. anyways
so now there’s a strip about baby!Izuku watching his favorite clip of All Might saving one hundred people from a bus accident or whatever
lol Inko you should not have left your shrewdly calculating four-year-old son unattended omg
TWELVE MONTHS’ WORTH OF TEXTBOOKS HOW CAN THIS EAGER YOUNG MIND RESIST
and this is why you don’t leave your credit card info saved on the computer when you have kids. life lessons learned today
this is the first indicator we have ever had that baby!Izuku wasn’t perfect and was, in fact, capable of being a little shit and giving his mom plenty of gray hairs in his own special way. ngl, I fucking love it
also 12,800 yen is about $118 USD, which is honestly a really good deal for a year’s worth of textbooks. he got three boxes of books! I just googled the average cost of college textbooks, and the google article said the average student spends about $1200 a year. so this is a fucking steal tbh
OH MY GOD INKO HOW MANY TIMES MUST HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF BEFORE YOU LEARN
at least install a fucking adblocker ffs. you’re lucky quirk supplement ads are the worst of the ads he’s getting! PARENTAL CONTROLS
now we are cutting to a comic about baby!Izuku defending another boy from my problematic fave, as seen in page one of the original series!
lmaooo
I’m not clear on how much of this spin-off can actually be considered canon. my understanding is that it is Horikoshi-reviewed and approved, even though he doesn’t actually write it. but it’s obviously a humor series, so a lot of it is just going to be jokes. that being said, I think my approach is going to be “if it’s not completely ridiculous and doesn’t contradict the actual manga, go ahead and consider it canon”
(ETA: I might change this up after reading the first two chapters. most of these strips would have terrifying implications if they were actually canon sob.)
anyhoo, this actually does contradict the manga in that we saw this encounter play out very differently. but I kind of wish it was canon regardless because looool. these cocky preschoolers and their fucking Battle Tears
the next comic is Mt. Lady accidentally stepping on a guy’s face and the guy being way too fucking happy about it (read: having a fucking nosebleed and taking an upskirt shot). we’re just going to skip this entirely. this is another problem I was having with Vigilantes too. you know, for all my complaints about Mineta and such, BnHA as a whole is so much tamer than it could be, and I need to give Horikoshi credit for that. he mostly knows where to draw the line, and to his credit he’s also much, much better about this kind of thing than he was when he first started. maybe Mineta’s standings in the character poll results are helping to clue him in
anyway, I’ll mostly just skip past the iffy stuff because I don’t have patience for it and there’s still plenty of other stuff to cover. so on to the next strip
which features a bunch of reporters fawning over Mt. Lady’s flashy quirk while Kamui Woods laments in the shadows
and yet we know this kid will have a prominent rise within the next six months. it’s so strange to revisit the start of the series and see how much things have changed in such a short time
oh my god
no one who dresses up as a giant mushroom could possibly have good intentions. I. just
and look at the fucking disappointment in Deku’s eyes. KAMUI WOODS HE BELIEVED IN YOU!
now some strange man is coming up to Deku and is all HEY YOU, YOU’RE A HERO OTAKU, TELL ME WHAT TO BUY MY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. better not ask him unless you’re prepared to shell out $120 bucks for some fucking textbooks
hey, what!!
WE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SEE WHAT HE BOUGHT HIM? unless it’s the action figure the kid appears to be holding? but I’m just going to go ahead and assume Izuku recommended the number one best gift that any seven-year-old child would love, i.e. a giant sword
now it’s a sludge monster omake!
so Izuku is trudging home all depressed after CERTAIN INCIDENTS, and Sludgey is glooping his way out of a sewer towards him
oh no All Might
my biggest takeaway from this is the fact that the entire second half of chapter one takes place after All Might has emerged from a fucking sewer. I forgot all about that somehow. or maybe it never fully processed until just now. but omg. this entire chapter must have smelled so fucking bad. these poor kids
wow All Might
sure called that one wrong. ah well nobody’s perfect
looooool
lmao, Smash!!All Might appears to be quite a bit more vain than the original. wow dude
btw, friendly reminder (and I think this is something that was actually pointed out to me after one of the recaps; that’s one of my favorite things about doing these) that All Might, after saving Deku, actually read his notebook before signing it. super-fast, I guess, because he’s the best. but yeah, so he knew exactly how smart and observant Deku was, and how much he wanted to be a hero. his decision to pick him as his successor didn’t just come out of the blue; even before the “my body moved on its own” thing, there was a lot Deku had going in his favor. this is one of those little details of which BnHA has so many, and which I love
lmao what the fuck
ngl this version of the series would have been amazing in its own way. but yeah. so this is why we clearly can’t assume everything in Smash!! is canon lol. but I can already tell I am going to enjoy the shit out of this series
now we’re cutting to Deku running at Sludgey in order to save Kacchan, oh shit. the most dramatic part of chapter one. clearly no moment is sacred
sob what
I don’t understand this strip at all. is this supposed to be a serious moment inserted unexpectedly among this multitude of joke strips? or did I miss the punchline? heeeeelp
(ETA: okay so. my best guess is that All Might wrote all over Deku’s life-saving advice, and so the joke is that Deku no longer knows what to do when assaulting sludge men because HIS NOTES ARE RUINED. idk. what does 25 P mean??)
now All Might has Done The Thing and saved my boys, and now Mt. Lady is helping with the cleanup. scooping up all the bits of sludge and putting it in trash bags
oh my god
nope nevermind. nope. nope
-- shit. okay, you know what? this first chapter has been a real in-your-face reminder of the fact that the sludge monster was not made of cute sparkly 2018-trending-fad slime, but was in fact composed of RAW FUCKING SEWAGE. (ETA: to be clear, I’m pretty sure the joke in this strip is that she accidentally picked up dog-doo during her clean-up. but still, the fact that it was indistinguishable from the rest of the gunk speaks for itself.) I think I forced myself to gloss over this fact originally due to the nope factor. but just. Izuku and Katsuki were both choking to death on this shit?? and just, how the fuck did they make it out of this not traumatized
and also, like. All Might was straight up going to leave Izuku alone afterwards, just, “well enjoy your autograph, fine citizen” and blasting off out of there. and everyone fucking saw Katsuki almost suffocate to death later on, and after giving him a pat on the back they fucking let him go off on his own too? and you can’t even make the argument that this was Just Another Day In Quirk Society either, because more than a year later, Katsuki is still a bona fide fucking celebrity from the media coverage of his attack. it clearly was not something that happens every day. in conclusion, these kids are resilient as fuck, and thank god for that because people apparently just do not give a shit, holy christ
anyway. at least Mt. Lady had gloves
OH MY GOD
I FUCKING KNEW IT OH MY GOD. THE ROIDS. MUSCLES LIKE THAT DON’T JUST GROW ON TREES, I DON’T CARE HOW MANY LBS OF GARBAGE THIS KID HAULED OFF THE BEACH. THIS BOY BEEN HITTIN THE JUICE
Smash!!Might is so fucking shady omfg. probably sells cheap counterfeit electronics on Amazon
oh shit and that’s the end of the fucking chapter lol. that’s it?? that was only eight pages. fuck it, let’s read another. but first here’s Horikoshi’s note on the spin-off
so he really feels that Neda gets the spirit of the series and understands him. that’s very encouraging. the best spoofs and parodies are done out of love. I really think I’m going to enjoy this series
so! onward to chapter two
so here’s All Might dressed as Mr. 2 Bon Clay from One Piece, I guess??
“you know what’s funny? dressing a man in girl’s clothes LOL.” guys can we grow the fuck up. and also acknowledge that All Might can look good in anything, so this questionable gag wouldn’t have even landed anyway. you work that tutu All Might
lmao check out the past users of OFA here
All for One for All theory fucking confirmed lol. just look. that’s him in the back of the conga line. clearly
so Deku is all “hell yes why would I possibly say no??” but then
HIS LIMBS. lmao. sign here
in all seriousness, given the shit this kid has been through since the part of the series, All Might probably should have gotten him to sign a liability waiver of some sort. not that it would have stood, since Deku is underage! anyways Deku you totally have grounds to sue the shit out of the Symbol of Peace should you ever choose to do so. and the trend of Smash!!Might being shady af continues yes please give me more I love it
so now All Might is giving Deku his fitness plan which has a really elaborate name
given that this is Smash!!Might, I can’t help but wonder if this plan is in actuality some sort of MLM scheme. All Might are you trying to get Deku to do Herbalife
lol what in the fuck
the original series skipped right over a hell of a lot, it would seem. like the time Deku traveled to Arizona and fought coyotes in a poncho
I’m starting to suspect that Neda-sensei might be on some sort of substance. “let’s see what jokes can I make about chapter 2 of BnHA. I know, I’ll send the protagonist to a fictionalized version of the American Southwest in a sombrero, and then turn him into a 65-year-old oil tycoon.” naturally
lmao that’s really it, that’s the strip. moving right along. okay??
now Izuku is staring at the intimidating piles of Beach Trash and is all “I HAVE TO PICK ALL THIS SHIT UP?”
omg Deku no
somebody call Marie Kondo. Deku none of this is salvageable. not even to reuse in a color page photoshoot spread four years from now
OH SHIT
PROVED ME WRONG OH SNAP. SHOWED ME RIGHT WHERE I COULD PUT THOSE SASSY TAKES. MY BAD DEKU I’M SORRY
anyways I don’t know what Smash!!Might is so upset about. he probably wove some kind of clause into the contract Deku signed that allows him a percentage of the profits. unless Deku already spent it all on textbooks
what the fuck is this fucking series lmao
time for a round of “what is All Might casually crushing in this panel?” is it (a) a cardboard box, or (b) like, a mini-fridge or some fucking shit. IT COULD BE EITHER. IT MAKES EQUALLY AS MUCH SENSE EITHER WAY. “HEROES THESE DAYS ARE [FLEEEEEEX] OBSESSED WITH BEING FLASHY”
holy shit no wonder he ran away to the Sierra Nevada. it’s only a matter of time before this freak fucking kills someone
NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO KAMUI WOODS DRESSED LIKE A DAFFODIL, IN THE SAME FUCKING COMIC STRIP, BECAUSE REASONS
my jokes about the mangaka being high as a fucking kite when he wrote this are gradually becoming less jokes and more serious inquiries??
lol so he coincidentally just stumbled across All Might and Deku at this exact moment
AND IT WAS A FUCKING REFRIGERATOR OH MY FUCKING GOD
do you guys remember during the final exam when All Might beat the everloving shit out of Deku and Kacchan, and everyone was all “JESUS CHRIST WOULD YOU LEARN TO FUCKING HOLD BACK A LITTLE THEY ARE CHILDREN YOU MANIAC.” but now we can see plain as day that he was, in fact, holding back. anyways Smash!!Might is terrifying as shit and if this had been the main series I would have already pegged him as the final villain by this point
here he is now wearing an old-timey bathing suit but looking more like an escaped convict than anything else
this panel is actually canon. I’ve decided. this 100% definitely happened at some point. especially the swimsuit
now two bikini babes are walking up and they’re all “IS THAT ALL MIGHT??” with excited sparkly eyes because they don’t know that he’s actually a deranged con artist who crushes refrigerators like empty soda cans. this spin-off has truly opened my eyes
LOOK AT THIS SKEEVY FUCK. JUST LOOK
AND NOW HE’S RUNNING OFF AND LEAVING DEKU TO DROWN IN EXHAUSTION, SON OF A
“SUDDEN BUSINESS” KSJLDKF SMASH!!MIGHT IS A FUCKING MENACE TO SOCIETY AND ALSO DOES NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK. NOT ONE!! HE’S OUT THERE FUCKLESS, AND NO ONE IS SAFE
now Deku is approaching his mom all serious and says he wants to change up his diet
and she’s looking at the menu he prepared all impressed and thinking that she might join him. as long as it’s for your health, Inko. if this manga starts making jokes about your weight, I will beat it over the head with Deku’s textbooks
OMFG
THIS WENT IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION I WAS EXPECTING, AND THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I’VE EVER READ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. the whole fucking family is on the juice. and the fucking mangaka is on some special juice of his own oh my stars
now we’re cutting to Mt. Lady stomping on a car
thank fuck no one was actually in there. also does she not wear shoes
and also, it only just occurred to me that she must be another person with a special quirk costume, because her suit shrinks and expands along with her. Hagakure and Momo are really getting shafted by the costume design team here. they need to fire some people
anyway so Mt. Lady slipped on this carelessly placed vehicle and fell down and crushed an entire building whoops
bruh, you think you’re “ow.” let’s hope that building was empty too
and now she’s toppling another building just fucking because, I guess. and saying she can’t do urban areas
lmao and now the sidekick [CENSORED] manager from chapter one is back to guilt-trip her omg
I need this man to show up in every freaking chapter. please. respect my wishes
and now Izuku is standing on top of his collected pile of garbage screaming in victory
I only just realized that there’s still a big old Pile O’ Trash on this beach, though. someone needs to haul all of this junk away. or else get All Might and Mt. Lady to crush it all with a combined effort
oh shit here it comes y’all, the famous “eat my hair” scene. potential comedy gold right here omg
lol what the fuck
this man is a fucking billionaire and he’s out here clipping coupons and deleting pictures of his son in order to make room for them smdh
okay now we’re doing the hair scene
oh. oh no. I know where this is going sob please keep this comic rated PG for the children Neda
motherfucker they really --
Smash!!Might is a straight-up felon. this man has no fucking scruples. that’s okay Midoriya-shounen, if you don’t want to eat my hair we could just try some REDACTED, jesus christ I am going to need some bleach for my eyes after this
OR LET’S JUST STRAIGHT UP GO THERE WHY NOT
lmao sob. well, two chapters in and we’ve established that no territory is off-limits here. it’s a brave new world. wow
so that’s it! our introduction to BnHA Smash!! I enjoyed it a lot and I will definitely be reading more! I’m not sure what kind of schedule I’ll keep, but this is a really good procrastination manga thus far, so knowing me I might actually work my way through this relatively quickly. especially since the Manga At Large is on break this week. anyways my deepest apologies to the many people who have been requesting for me to start Vigilantes instead. I just need something lighter right now, and this is a good fit. one of these days I’ll get my shit together with the other two spinoffs as well.
#bnha smash!!#boku no hero academia#midoriya izuku#all might#midoriya inko#mt. lady#kamui woods#bnha smash!! 01#bnha smash!! 02#makeste reads bnha#the pile o' trash is a legit plothole though you guys#are we just supposed to pretend it magically vanished#they really drew deku standing shirtless on top of a heap of garbage#and in the very next panel declared that the beach was spotless??#so what is the truth#someone#answer me
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Finding The Collection || Rose & Pep
Who: Colleen Wayne & Rosy O’Connor
When: - Evening
Where: Colleen’s house
What: Rosy finds Colleen’s erotica collection and their relationship takes its next step
Triggers: pregnancy
Notes: this isn’t finished but it’s been sitting dead for a while
Colleen was in the kitchen, working on fixing something that could resemble a proper meal, while she left Rosy to make herself comfortable, get acquainted to the house. Not that she perhaps needed to, but Colleen knew Rosy's home, the least she could do was allow the same courtesy. Or that's what she was telling herself, anyway. It did occur to her that no one had been in her house and left to their own devices before, and that it was possible Rosy might find herself looking over her bookshelves, which she had a lot of. However, there was one in particular that contained what seemed to be an entire collection of erotica, written by the same author. They were author copies of the books written under her pen name, Elise Alder. It was a play on her middle and original last name, in a sense. She didn't see a point in throwing them out, nor did she want to leave them in a box, so she just put them out on a shelf like all the other books she owned. She tried not to think about what might happen in Rosy saw them.
Left to her own devices, Rosy was more than happy to explore Colleen's home. Part of it was curiosity about the woman she was sleeping with, part of it was the detective in her left over from her police days. It didn't surprise her to find shelves lined with books, "quite the bookworm, aren't you Peppy?" she muttered in amusement to herself before coming across a shelf of books that was unlike the others. She briefly wondered if she would be crossing a line by removing a book from it's place on the shelf but she was too intrigued by the titles on the spines and soon found herself with a book in her hands, reading the blurb on the back. "Kinky little bookworm," she mused before placing it back on the shelf amongst the others and choosing another. It seemed Colleen had quite the collection of erotica novels but what was really intriguing was that they were all by the same author.
Colleen finished up their meal, hoping it was worth eating. She wasn't the best cook and often found eating out or ordering in was easier. It was more a habit left over from her days as a grad student, when she'd been teaching all day and then had night classes and just didn't have the time or the energy needed to cook. However, she was trying to get better, to cook more often and make more complex things. Though that didn't always mean it ended up being worth eating.
Moving out of the kitchen she found Rosy in front of the book shelf with her work on it and if she was right, Rosy had one of her books in hand. "Find anything interesting?"
"I suppose that depends on your definition of interesting," Rosy teased as she turned to face Colleen, book still in her hand. She couldn't help but have a little fun, something about Colleen brought out the more relaxed side of her, the side that would tease and have it mean no harm as opposed to her usual snark and sarcasm aimed at throwing people off. "Now, you're gonna have to help me out here," she lifted the book, "because I can't for the life of my quite figure out where these fit in your curriculum."
Colleen rolled her eyes with a laugh, moving over to Rosy. Plucking the book from Rosy's hands she looked it over. It was one of the older titles she'd written. "Bold of you to assume I only read for work. Though, I don't read these." She returned the book to it's place on the shelf.
"If you think I really believe you only read for work, then I think you're not as smart as I originally thought you to be." She watched as Colleen returned the book to its place, "You don't read them?" Now this was interesting. "You keep them as awkward conversation pieces?"
Colleen laughed, shaking her head. "I didn't read for pleasure for years while I was actually in college. I think it took until I was actually a professor to start it up again, so..." She shrugged. "I get paid for them and don't like keeping boxes packed."
"That's fair enough," Rosy nodded, "I only just started reading something other than the newspaper myself." It was true, excluding the paperwork involved with work, she literally only ever had time to read the newspaper whilst sat in a car or on a plane. "So you write erotica?" Rosy mused out loud already knowing the answer, "I see you have a pen name, which is understandable, an upstanding professor such as yourself shouldn't be associated with such filth," she chuckled softly. "Which was your first?"
Colleen nodded as Rosy spoke. "Oh? Anything particular you've been reading?" Colleen loved knowing what people liked reading, even if it was just the paper or magazines. "I don't mind it, as a professor, but when I was writing it to help get through grad school, I really didn't want to be associated with it. Particularly because I was teaching middle school." She shrugged. It had started as a way to bolster her paycheck, as being a teacher really didn't pay well, but she'd loved doing it. "They should be in order of release, so..." She grabbed the first one on the shelf and nodded. "This one. I was like 22 and should not have been writing erotica."
Rosy suddenly felt a little shy, Colleen was a tenured professor at college asking her what she was reading and what she reading was not exactly intellectual property, "You're gonna laugh..." Why did she care so much what Colleen thought about what she was currently reading? "That makes more sense, really wouldn't look so good as a middle school teacher. A tenured college professor can get away with mature content." She watched as the first book left the shelf, "22, huh?" She reached for the book, "I look forward to reading it."
Seeing Rosy shy was a surprise to Colleen. "I read fanfiction on a regular basis, I have no room to talk." It was true. "But I wouldn't laugh anyway. I'd rather hear someone is reading magazines or fanfic or kids books, even. Than hear they're not reading at all. When I taught middle school, and even now I tell my students that as long as you're reading something consistently, I'm happy." Colleen smiled. "Exactly." And then it was her time to get shy. "You- what?"
"Ok," Rosy nodded, "but you're gonna think I'm that crazy mama but right now I'm reading George's Marvellous Medicine." Seriously? Why was she so shy about doing something that most people would associate as a cute motherly gesture? "I've been reading Roald Dahl stories to the boys." She almost laughed at Colleen's question, "I want to read your stories."
Colleen just listened to Rosy talk, a soft smile on her face. "Nothing wrong with a little Roald Dahl. I don't even have kids and I break out Roald Dahl every once in a while. It's about liking what you read more than anything. Some of my favorite books are young adult novels." She grinned. "Besides, I think it's sweet, that you read to them." Colleen felt herself blush and she couldn't look Rosy in the face. "Why? They're just cheap erotica novels, I write to make a quick buck. They're not..." Colleen was proud of her books, but she'd never come face to face with anyone who had read them or wanted to. It was better writing than her fanfics, as a general rule but it still wasn't her best writing.
"Roald Dahl was my favourite as a kid," Rosy admitted before laughing a little, "and we might live in America but my boys are gonna know more than Doctor fecking Seuss." She reached out her free hand and gently lifted Colleens face, "Cheap erotica novels or not, you're a published author so yeah, I want to read them."
Colleen laughed. "I didn't get introduced to Roald Dahl or any other children's authors until I was ten or eleven and there was something about being the oldest kid in that part of the library that was weird for me. But the librarians were really cool about it, helped me find stuff both I'd missed out on when I was younger and that was more age appropriate. It's where I picked up the notion that it was okay to just read, as long as I was." Colleen shrugged. The hand lifting her face had she biting her bottom lip. "Why?"
"Yeah but look at you now. You went from not knowing about authors until ten or eleven to teaching about authors," sure, she hadn't known Colleen that long but there was pride in her voice, she was proud of this woman who'd had a pretty shitty start. "Because you wrote them," she smiled softly, her thumb swiping gently across Colleen's cheek.
"I used to swear at people who made fun of me, but I'd swear in Italian so they couldn't understand me." She had learned so much more in the circus than most children did, but in a way that led to her not knowing a lot of regular things. Sure, she could speak three languages, throw knives, do aerial stunts, and even some levels of advanced math. But she didn't know books or written work. She'd learned to read with newspapers and flyers and written word that had been oral stories. "What's so special about that?"
"Those people were idiots and you proved that by swearing at them in another language," she smiled. Her head tilted to the side, a look of disbelief in her eyes, "You are."
"It was Ohio, what do you expect?" Colleen laughed a bit. "I think it's why I'm such a nerd. I dove into everything I could. I wanted to know everything I'd missed and my parents, especially, they were amazing. They rolled with every new interest, every new thing I wanted to try. They answered questions most people shrugged off. And when voice lessons and field hockey stuck, they paid for me to pursue those things. I got lucky." She wasn't sure why she felt the need to tell Rosy these things. They were simple things but things that normally didn't get talked about. "Me?"
"I don't think it would've mattered where it was, the world is full of idiots. Your parents sound pretty amazing and you're still a cute nerd," she chuckled. "I got a plane to come see you, so yeah...you."
"I guess, but Ohio, Lima in particular, is very backwards, especially back then." Colleen shrugged. "They are, they really are. I mean, I think we're all adopted, or most of us, at the very least. I never asked about Leroy and Leon, but all us girls are adopted." She blushed, tilting her head at Rosy's words. "Why me?"
"Then Lima, Ohio and it's ass backwards ways can go fuck itself because you're smarter than any of those idiots that made fun of you," she meant what she said. "Sometimes family just chooses you, mine chose me." A smile tugged at Rosy's lips, the way Colleen blushed would be her undoing at this rate. "Because I don't do feelings," she stated before she diverted her gaze, not because she was lying but because she was afraid of the reaction she would see, "but I have them for you."
"Shh, you're in it right now, it can hear you." Colleen teased. "That it does and we are all the luckier for it." She doesn't know what she's expecting to hear when Rosy starts speaking, much less when she pauses, looking away from her, but she can't help but smile. She uses a hand to make sure Rosy is looking at her. "I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized." She was quoting Romeo's line, the one after the line that had led Colleen to think Rosy was asking her out. It was the best response she had in the moment.
"Let them hear me, I'll kick their all their asses," Rosy laughed. She looks at Colleen with timid eyes, she had no knowing of how to deal with feelings or expressing them, not in the romantic sense but it seemed the Colleen knew how to steer them and she smiled as she leaned into the woman's touch. "I am no pilot, yet, wert thou as far As that vast shore wash’d with the farthest sea, I should adventure for such merchandise." It seemed such a fitting response because she really had no clue what she was doing but she had hopped on a plane just to be with Colleen at the first chance that was presented to her.
Colleen blushes heavily as Rosy quotes lines back at her, the meaning behind those words making her smile. She slips the hand on Rosy's face to the back of her neck, pulling her into a kiss. "We'll sail the sea together, my dear." She whispered against Rosy's lips. Colleen hadn't been in a relationship in so long but she was so ready and willing with Rosy. Sure, long distance was going to suck, but what was a half day drive one way? It was a drive she'd made for Rachel, would likely make for Rachel again. Making it for Rosy was nothing.
Rosy smiled into the kiss. They were actually going to do this. Different states, babies on the way and she hadn’t been in a relationship in almost twenty years but she’d never had feelings for someone the way she did with Colleen. “I have no idea how to do this,” she admitted quietly, “will you teach me?”
Colleen rested her forehead against Rosy's, smiling softly at her admission. "I might be a little rusty, but I can certainly try. And what we both don't know we'll figure out. Together." She kissed her again, wrapping her arms around Rosy's neck. "You think the boys will be okay with that?"
Rosy suddenly remembered that she still had the book in her hand and reached around Colleen to place it safely on a shelf so that she could wrap her arms around the woman. "Together," she nodded with a smile. The next question made her chuckle softly, "I'm gonna go with yes," she pressed a sweet kiss to the lips in front of her, "after all, Ciaran did kick for the first time when we met for lunch."
Colleen smiled, laughing a bit. "Is he the one that wanted peppermint, too?" She questioned, a hand tangling gently in Rosy's hair. "Or is his mom just using him to excuse her own wants?"
"Hey!" Rosy tried to look offended but the smile on her face was impossible to hide. "Peppermint has been a legit thing and it's your fault. After a couple of days the smell of peppermint had started to fade and Ciaran started to kick up a stink, I'm almost certain that boy thinks my kidney is his personal punching bag," she laughed.
Colleen chuckled. "Maybe you'll just have to take something with you that smells like me." Just about everything Colleen owned smelled like peppermint, hell even her home smelled like peppermint. "He's quite the trouble maker, isn't he?"
"I think your students would miss their professor if I did," Rosy teased. "He really is," she nodded, "but he's calmed down a lot since we got here so I think I might have to keep you around." Rosy ran her hand through Colleen's hair and just smiled, was she supposed to be this happy just standing with Colleen's arms around her? This was going to take some getting used to but she didn't mean one bit.
"I doubt that, but I would miss the pay check." Colleen smiled. "Has he really? Maybe he's like me, peppermint keeps him calm." She loved this, just being with Rosy. Her fingers worked through Rosy's hair, kissing her gently every so often.
"I imagine you'd miss teaching too," she smiled back. "Peppermint makes him happy," she admitted, "but I think it's you that makes him calm." Rosy kissed Colleen sweetly, before letting out a contented sigh, "I think I could let you do that forever," she chuckled softly, the fingers in her hair had soothed what was left of her anxieties, "I think I'm like Ciaran, you keep me calm."
"I would, yeah." Colleen loved her job, it was the one thing that had kept her from actually settling down with a family of her own yet. "Yeah, you think so?" She smiled at Rosy's words. "You don't get taken care of near enough. I'll have to fix that." And she had all intentions of doing so. Colleen had learned that Rosy rarely gave up control, let other people do things for her, and Colleen wanted to change that. She wanted to take care of her, do things for her, just because. "I'm glad I can do that for the both of you, just means he gets it from you."
"I know so," she replied feeling rather foolish about her wording, "they're both still doing their thing in there, Colman's mostly just chilling non-stop but whenever you're around, Cairan takes a page out of his brothers book." Rosy rest her forehead against Colleen's, "My family take of me," she knew it wasn't what Colleen meant but it was more of a preface to what followed, "I'm used to taking care of myself, no one has really wanted to take care of me like that." It was true, but Rosy had also never had a reason to let someone close enough to take care of her. "Next time I get told off for doing too much, I'm just gonna come see you," she chuckled softly, "looks like he gets something good from after all."
"I'm glad I can help, even if it's only a little." Colleen smiles. "I know they do and I figured as much. That's why I want to. You deserve someone who wants to take care of you." One of her hands moved to Rosy's belly. "And not because they think you can't but because they know you can but want to anyway." Colleen kissed her nose. "I can get behind that, though I think I'm biased." She giggled. "He will get that and so much more from you."
"I think you help more than anyone has in a long time," Rosy admitted softly. "I..." she pressed her lips to Colleen's, it made much more sense than saying thank you. This woman wanted to take care of her because she wanted to and that was something Rosy was going to spend a long time trying to wrap her head around but it was something she was willing to try. "What makes you think that?" Rosy asked with a chuckle. "God help us all!"
"I do?" Colleen wasn't sure how to take that but she kissed Rosy back. She smiles a little, laughing as Rosy speaks. "Because I get to see you and anything that means time with you is something I can get behind." Colleen giggled. "What's so wrong with him being like you, huh? You're pretty spectacular."
Rosy nodded a little shyly as she admitted, "I've not wanted anyone close to me like this." She smiled and shook her head, "How can you not see how cute you are?" She studied Colleen's face, taking in the woman's features, there was so much to her and Rosy couldn't wait to discover it all. "Spectacularly stubborn," she countered.
Colleen moved the hand from Rosy's stomach to wrap around her waist, pulling her just a little closer. "Like what?" There were so many things that could mean and Colleen wanted to know. "What did I do this time?" All of Colleen's self confidence resided in her intelligence. She was smart and passionate and a number of other things. Maybe she refused to see herself in certain lights because of people who tried to tear her down. But she also didn't take compliments well on a whole, far too skeptical for her own good she supposed. "Stubborn can be a good thing, y'know."
"Like they have the ability to hurt me but I'm trusting them not to," Rosy admitted, "like they terrify me but I want to know everything, like being scared shitless but feeling safe with their arms around me." There were so many feelings that Rosy was trying to comprehend and being able to voice them was difficult because they were things she hadn't felt and she just didn't know what to make of them herself. "I have to have a reason every time I find you cute?" Rosy teased before pressing a kiss to the tip of Colleen's nose. "I know it's going to take some getting used to, but I look at you and I see this cute little nerd with a beautiful soul who has no idea how sexy she is," she reached up an ran a hand through Colleen's hair, "but that's ok because I'll help you see it, over time." Rosy shrugged, "It depends on the situation. Stubborn can be a really good thing but it can also be a persons downfall."
Colleen didn't know how to respond, mouth agape at the admission. It was so honest and sweet and a lot to take in. Rosy was the kind of person who kept her heart under lock and key, whereas Colleen wasn't nearly as guarded. In a lot of ways she wore her heart on her sleeve. It was why she reacted poorly to people lying to her. She held Rosy closer, blushing at the kiss to her nose and the way Rosy spoke. "You're extraordinarily sweet, you know that?" She smiles at Rosy, chuckling a bit. "So you just have to teach him when it's okay to be stubborn and when he should let go, maybe let someone else take the lead."
"No," Rosy dipped her head and was thankfully that her skin tone made it difficult to see when she was blushing, which was exactly what she was doing right then. "I have a feeling that Colman will help with that," she chuckled back, "I don't know why but I just see Cairán being this little firecracker and Colman as more of an old soul, I mean they probably won't be anything like I think they might be but it's just a feeling I have. Whatever they're like, I can't wait to watch them take on the world together."
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Hellboy (2019), a review
First, some background.
Hellboy is the title of a comic series centered around the character of the same name. Its core concept is a subversion of the Lovecraft genre: a demon (summoned by Rasputin working with Nazis, for extra evil) destined to bring about the apocalypse who, having been raised by humans, instead travels the world killing other eldritch creatures and preventing dime-a-dozen Lovecraftian apocalypses. Though it's been handled by multiple artists and writers, there's a definitively unique art style and tone that stays constant. Hellboy is a combination of antihero tropes, preferring to shoot things first and ask questions later, although how much his impatience and irreverence may be masking considerable intelligence varies from writer to writer.
In 2004, Guillermo del Toro directed and co-wrote a big-screen adaptation starring Ron Perlman as well as other highly capable actors such as John Hurt and Doug Jones (the latter of who played a fishman who likes to read, and then 13 years later would play another fishman for del Toro). While not perhaps the most faithful adaptation, the 2004 movie got a lot right, and del Toro helmed a sequel in 2008. The movies came just before and after another del Toro classic, Pan's Labyrinth (2006), and the aesthetic and atmospheric similarities do suggest that del Toro was maybe going through a bit of a "fairies but horror" phase. Neither movie was received well at opening, but they've slowly risen in popularity as the comic adaptation genre picks up new converts who now return to these movies and enjoy them as the dark demonic superhero genre-flip that they are.
So now it's 2019, 15 years after del Toro's Hellboy, and with superhero and comic book movies raking in big bucks even on R ratings and nostalgia for del Toro's vision still present, the movie industry has tried to revive the franchise. Kind of.
What this means is that this new movie not only has to adapt one of the trickiest kinds of source material, with a highly stylized feel of its own, but also has to follow two movies made by one of the most incomparable creatives in Hollywood today. Like him or not, del Toro's work is neigh impossible to copy. It also has to recast the equally unique Perlman.
The short version is, it doesn't succeed. Probably no one could have. It has a number of deep flaws, some of which are common to comic adaptations but some not.
I'll start with the plot, because the overall plot is, I think, a strong example of why I had to go through all this background.
The new movie begins with Hellboy as an established character, both to the universe he's in and to the audience, and I liked that. Hellboy's in Tijuana looking for a fellow agent but the rescue is derailed because the agent's been turned into a monster and Hellboy has to kill him. This is classic Hellboy, where all other characters are inevitably killed by the darkness and only the indestructible demon is left to finish the job and move on to the next. Except that Hellboy gets SUPER depressed by the death of this agent, going on a drinking binge for possibly weeks? Unclear dialogue? Anyway, okay, so it's a younger Hellboy. Oh, also, the movie quickly establishes that Professor Broom - Hellboy's dad - is still alive in this movie, and still parental.
This was, to me, the first warning sign. The 2004 movie did the establishing-universe-coming-of-age story, killing off Broom as part of that. So we're resetting the universe, but also not bothering to frame this movie as re-establishing Hellboy's character, assuming that the audience will already be familiar with the basic premise. It wants the easy access of an origin story but also getting to take the shortcut of building off previous incarnations. What that means is that the movie opens with a flashback to Arthurian times to set up the antagonist, but ALSO has to incorporate the re-tread flashback re-establishing Hellboy's origin as a Rasputin/Nazi experiment. We get the awesome sense of worldbuilding with characters who refer to a shared history, but then that history is blatantly exposited or flashbacked. The coming of age narrative has to share screen time and space with a plot that only really works when it's not the first in a series, so plot elements pop up and then are discarded or timing isn't explained or consequences are unclear.
Nowhere is this more keenly felt than in the character of Alice: her introduction is fantastic, implying that years ago when Hellboy saved her as a child they established some sort of relationship that sets up a great sibling dynamic between the two. BUT then in order to explain how a secondary villain is relevant, there's an extended flashback to how he saved her, as a baby, with no indication of further association as she grew up, which completely invalidates the previous worldbuilding and implied relationships.
I don't know exactly where the blame for this falls specifically, but I think it's indicative that the director, Neil Marshall, has to now mostly helmed the kind of blood-filled horror flicks where the quality of the dismembered body props is more important than the quality of the plot. Whether it's his direction, or the direction of producers (there are so many listed in the credits I don't know who to research first) or other creative controllers, it's clear that this new movie is intended as horror first and foremost, a sentiment supported by the excessive screen time devoted to redshirt humans being dismembered with unnecessarily vivid brutality. This in turn brings with it the hallmarks of cheap horror: ignoring plot for the sake of blood and scares, spelling things out so the audience doesn't have to think and can just mindlessly consume, and generally mishandling pacing and tension because the ending is a foregone conclusion.
I understand WHY someone might get this idea from the del Toro movies, especially since I'm pretty sure the creative team also watched Pan's Labyrinth while putting together specific scenes. Unfortunately it's the most surface-level reading of the movies one could get, and it completely misses the point about what makes Hellboy an interesting character and property. They literally did not have his right hand DOING anything, which showcases how much they missed the point.
However.
Strip away the CGI gore and ham-fisted retreading (and cut the retelling of Broom's death, it would be effortless to replace that subplot), and there's actually a pretty awesome movie hiding underneath.
Someone on the writing staff knew what they were doing. The actors are almost all great. (Seeing Ian McShane as Broom here was weird, but I think that's partially because my feeds have been flooded with American Gods S2 trailers, so I had some strong "the fuck is Wednesday doing here" dissonance.) I love the lack of love triangle and instead the strong teambuilding with sibling-style chemistry with situational allies developing trust through necessity.
The main through-line of the plot is exactly what Hellboy should be: monsters, undead things coming back, an ancient evil threatening to engulf the world in darkness, and a determined attempt by the villain to appeal to Hellboy's demonic nature to draw him to her side. If the movie had been confident enough to position itself as a sequel to the del Toro films, rather than a reboot, the revelation of Hellboy's ancestry would have been a great development of his ironic destiny.
Just take the secret society set up in the first act. An old boy's club of British gentlemen who ritualistically hunt down undead giants on horseback with electrified lance/spears and mount their heads in a Victorian trophy room? This is the world of Hellboy, absolutely. Love it. Baba Yaga! Bleeding trees! Whatever the hell those throat-ghosts are! A fairy ripping out someone's tongue and putting it in their own mouth in order to speak with the person's voice! Hellboy! (Granted that last point was utterly terrible in the context of the plot, but I already ranted about that.)
The movie is pretty optimistic about setting up further sequels, and while I don't know if the box office and reviews will make a sequel happen, I would love for the seeds planted by the good movie underneath the bad one to be nurtured into an actually good Hellboy movie. It just desperately needs to be taken away from people who prioritize cheap horror and its tropes, and given back to people who understand that Hellboy is a fantasy superhero narrative within a Lovecraft setting, the way that del Toro did.
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The Ghost Of You {Chapter 1}
A/N: Hiya! so earlier today I wrote a post about a fic idea I had based on BuzzFeed unsolved Shane and Ryan but with a Human AU sanders sides, a few people responded so I decided to write it! [shameless MCR reference with the title as I think it kinda fits for maybe later chapters? I dunno.] xD
So this started out a prologue but it completely got away from me and I pretty much had to make it the first chapter xD please bear with me we are going to get into the ghost story in the next chapter! (that’s if people like this one at all) I’m sorry if this is crap I’m still rusty after many years of not writing anyways enough of my rambles I hope you enjoy this!
Warnings: I’m not sure, none yet, I guess someone talking about murder?
Words: 2120
Pairings: None (yet....) ;)
Tag List: @accio-hufflepuff-power , @just-an-anxious-ravenclaw-boy
Let me know if you would like to be tagged in future updates!
Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4
They were always told to never go near that house at the end of the street, their parents said that something very bad happened there years ago and even though it had laid abandoned, untouched for nearly a decade, rumours, stories flew around about that place, “it’s haunted” someone said “there was a horrible murder” others gossiped “ I once saw blood run down the walls” one person remarked, though none of this had been proven, all three teens were forbidden from going anywhere near it, not that it ever stopped them… well most of them.
“Hurry up specs!” Roman roared after his bespectacled nerdy friend, who was dragging his feet behind him.
“I never agreed to this!” Logan called back from behind.
“Two against one!” Virgil retorted as Roman continued to drag him by the hand to the end of the street.
At sixteen the three friends had been inseparable since infant school, though they all had their differences they decided that’s what made them a great team, Roman Prince the dramatic, theatre geek, though the theatre thing was very recent, he was always up for a laugh and cared immensely about his two friends, Virgil Summers , the anxious yet sassy emo who was obsessed with anything of supernatural origin and Logan Fray the intelligent, calm collective cynic of the group, though some may argue he’s the one that keeps the other two in line a lot of the time, but somehow today was not one of those times, despite his protests to the other two, their minds had been made up.
It started with a game of truth or dare, that escalated into a bet and they had somehow ended up outside of the ‘haunted’ house at the end of the street. Dam Logan hated that game.
“Go on Hot topic! $20 says you can’t go into that house and stay in it for 5 minutes” Roman coaxed.
Virgil thought this had been a great idea and a great way to earn a quick buck but as he stood on the edge of the driveway and looked up at the house he was beginning to have second thoughts, despite it being derelict it looked pretty good from the outside, the inside, however… he stood there biting his lip, he wanted to do it really he did, ghosts and demons had always fascinated him and he had always wanted to communicate with one….despite his anxiety telling him it was a bad idea, weighing it all up in his head, he finally turned to Roman.
“If I die in there princey then I’m haunting the fuck out of you”
Roman grinned at him as Logan caught up to them “Virgil, this is a ridiculous idea, we need to end this experiment It’s not safe.”
“Says who?” Roman scoffed
“Everyone!” Logan argued as he looked positivity dumbfounded at Roman’s nonchalant attitude towards this, Virgil raised his eyebrow at him “you don’t believe in ghosts so why are you worried?”
Logan adjusted his glasses as he spoke “whilst it is true that I don’t believe…apparitions can exist, the house may otherwise need much repair work and therefore will not be safe to enter, under those circumstances, it could lead to injury and or other life-threatening scenarios”
Before Virgil could think about what he said, Roman interrupted “oh hush pocket protector he’ll be fine! double or nothing!” he held up two twenty-dollar bills and Virgil slowly grinned and pushed all his anxious thoughts to the back of his mind.
“you’re on!” he shook Roman’s hand before pushing his own into his pockets, pulling his purple plaid hoodie around himself even tighter and headed towards the front door of the house he inhaled deeply then placed his hand on the doorknob and pushed.
The door slowly creaked open as Virgil stood in the entrance hesitant, gradually stepping inside, making his way down a small hallway he was greeted with a rather dishevelled living room, dust covered the couch and a broken wooden coffee table lay on the ground, it looked like it had almost been split in two, a staircase stood by the living room and to the left of him stood a small kitchen with a stove which looked almost ancient by today’s standards, it’s off-white nearly brown colour stained the counters next to it as Virgil looked around, he thanked the heavens he wasn’t in full darkness as the windows despite them being encompassed with mould and dead flies still let some sunlight shine through, taking a few more strides further into the living room he made sure not touch anything, it was all gross anyway, looking around he felt…off.
“he-hello?” no answer. he glanced around again, it felt like someone was watching him and he swore he heard a low growl at one point, his heart had started racing but with excitement or fear he couldn’t tell anymore as he tried to control his breathing, bringing his hoodie up to his mouth as to not breath in a crapload of dust, he ran up the wooden staircase which luckily for him didn’t cave through thanks to his skinny ass, coming to the top of the stairs he found a bathroom and a bedroom.
Entering the bedroom, he found a double bed, a wooden wardrobe and a desk sitting in the corner, all once again covered with dust and god knows what else, looking down he could see the carpet in here had been torn, like there had been struggle of some kind, not wanting to think of the horrors this house had once bared within its walls Virgil carried onto the wardrobe opening it, there were mostly empty coat hangers save for two, on one hung a pink shirt with a yellow star in the middle, and the other hung a light blue polo shirt, his heart sunk at the thought of these two pieces of garments belonging to the people who lived here before…who had died here as well.
“those poor people” he muttered to himself, as sadness bubbled up inside him.
THUD
His heart skipped a beat as he stayed rooted to the spot, that…that sounded like it came from downstairs, slowly and quietly closing the wardrobe doors he silently creeped to the landing and sneaked down the stairs holding his breath.
“is there anyone here with me?” his voice was shaky as he spoke, trying not to freak out.
THUD
the wall banged next to him and he jumped a mile away from it, he heard that growl again, “uh I’m sorry for what happened to you! I-“
THUD
He jumped again as a thud was heard from the front door, the front door suddenly swung open making a bang into the wall opposite, Virgil screamed as he whirled around to see Roman laughing his ass off.
“oh my god that was great!” Roman howled as Virgil stormed up to him and punched him the arm.
“you fucking asshole!” he punched him again and shoved Roman out the door, as the sun hit his pale face, Roman continued giggling holding his knuckle in his mouth to stifle them, as Virgil paced the front lawn of the house.
“C’mon it was pretty funny!”
“I swear dude- just-“Virgil couldn’t get his words out, the more Roman tried to stifle his laughter the more annoyed he felt, who was he kidding? Did he really think he was close to seeing a ghost? Probably not.
“Virgil are you quite alright?” Logan enquired placing his hand on Virgil’s shoulder gently, exhaling Virgil looked at him and a small smile tugged at his lips, “I’ll be ok” he replied, “did anything happen in there?” his bespectacled friend asked, he thought for a moment before answering “nothing out of the ordinary” he answered as he looked at Roman and realised something, he smirked and made his way towards him.
“I did my time, cough up princey” he demanded as he held his hand out to him, Roman’s laughter ceased as he saw Virgil’s hand, he groaned “ohh fine! Worth it though!” he pulled out the two twenty dollars from his jean pocket and Virgil snatched them up, “thanks sir sing a lot”
He held out his hand once more, Roman grabbed it and was pulled to his feet.
“you’re such a jerk” Virgil remarked as Roman smirked at him “you love me really” he batted his eyes at him and was met with a small shove, “I get the front door crap but how did you do the other things?” he asked curiously.
“what other things?” Roman looked confused as he walked off before Virgil could react.
10 YEARS LATER
10 years had passed and the incident with the house was all but nearly forgotten by Roman and Logan though Virgil held on to that memory, the three men sailed through the rest of high school and eventually university together, Roman majoring in theatre and Film, Logan majoring in English literature and Virgil majoring in journalism.
After graduation they decided it would be best to move in together realising that rent would be a hell of a lot cheaper living together than on their own and eventually found a small apartment on the outskirts of LA, Virgil found a graduate job at a media company and started working on his own articles, mainly about the supernatural world, eventually he managed to get the other two jobs there too with Roman working in the video section and Logan working with Virgil with writing articles and scripts for videos.
“uh guys…” he caught both men’s attention as they turned to him from the each of there desks within there cubicles.
Logan raised an eyebrow at him “Is everything ok Virgil?”
He had to breach this carefully, “so uh my boss is letting me do my own project for an article and I said about something supernatural related I want to find evidence that ghosts and demons actually exist by filming them and I also may have said that you guys would help me” he winced and closed his eyes expecting rejection and sure enough.
“I can’t do that, I have other projects that need my attention and besides why did you tell him that we can help?” Logan removed his glasses rubbing the bridge of his nose.
“C’mon specs, sounds like an adventure, this could be the chance for some fun!” Roman mused as he walked by slapping Logan’s back, Logan fell forwards slightly with a gasp and glared at both of them.
Virgil sat down in the cubicle opposite him swinging on his chair slightly fidgeting with a stress ball “I don’t know, just thought it would be good, spirits and stuff, I love that kind of shit”
“yes, exactly you love that…stuff, not me, not rom-“
Roman gave an offended gasp “Hey, I may not be as into this supernatural stuff as you are Virgil but I’m not as skeptical as Logan here”
“then where do you stand?” Logan eyed him
“We get to fuck with demons… that sounds like a fun adventure to me” he grinned.
“Oh Jesus Christ…” Virgil let out under his breath, “no demon fucking princey!” he said sternly wagging his finger at him, Logan groaned and rolled his head over his chair he leaned forward as Virgil wheeled his chair over with his feet to Logan’s desk, Roman leaned on it and listened.
“okay, say hypothetically I do agree to this, why?”
“you would get to do all the boring stuff like the research!” Roman divulged.
Logan’s eyes lit up behind his glasses, then the light vanished.
“Falsehood. Research is not boring, but I am intrigued, continue.” he gestured his hand.
“well…you got me the believer, you the cynic-
Logan opened his mouth to say something, but Virgil continued
“And Roman the…in-between?” he asked himself, Roman grinned “I bring much needed comic relief to otherwise scary situations!”
“yep! That!” Virgil pointed at Roman and looked back at Logan with pleading eyes
“Look, buddy I know you’re like skeptical about all of this but at least open your mind a bit, who knows maybe you might see something that’ll change your view” Virgil encouraged, and Logan stared at him as a warm smile slowly came to his face.
“Awesome! We are so doing this!” Virgil said excitedly as he punched the air.
“Shall I get on with the research then?” Logan enquired as Virgil got back to his computer “Actually I got this one covered buddy” as Virgil placed a small stack of papers on Logan’s desk, picking them up he read “494 Skylar avenue? But that’s-“ Roman looked over Logan’s shoulders as his eyes grew wide, “our hometown!” he squealed as he finished Logan’s sentence for him.
“Yup, gather your things boys, we’re going home”
There you have it! first chapter! I hope you guys like it, please let me know what you think, I do have more story planned so please let me know if you’d like me to continue or not! ^_^ hope you all have a lovely day!
#Sanders sides#Thomas sanders#Human AU#buzzfeed unsolved#buzzfeed shane#buzzfeed ryan#Patton#Roman#Logan#Virgil#Ghosts#Demons#Ghost au#sanderssidesfic#ts fanfiction#paranormal
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Aaron and his Dad
Every day good people plan charity events for people with disabilities.
I’m not sure how I feel about this.
Wait! You are wondering how I can be an advocate for people with disabilities and not just jump up and down when two caring people are trying to raise funds for people with disabilities?
Let’s just say, “It’s complicated.”
My first fundraiser was when my youngest son Tommy was an infant and his brother, Aaron was 20 months old and still not sleeping through the night. Two hours a day, I would drive them across town to Stepping Stones Center for the Handicapped. Perfect time for me to volunteer to lead the fundraiser, eh?
What pushed me into action was there were about 30 babies with various disabilities in the program and no teacher. Sure there were amazing volunteers. But these children, who needed so much help, did not have a qualified teacher. I found that unacceptable. I could sleep in a couple of years.
Community Fundraisers
The local shopping center was having their annual charity craft show. At the organizational meeting, I gave my impassioned speech, and the other charities in the show chose us as the “designated charity”. For the next month all the parents, grandparents, friends and neighbors of the “Tiny Tots Program” made craft items for our booth. We raised about $3,000 which was then matched by the shopping center organization and an official “teacher” was hired.
Special Fundraisers
After that, there were the fundraisers for The Mother’s of Special Children, the Arc (formerly known as the Association for Retarded Children), TASH (formerly known as The Association for People with Severe Handicaps) and on and on.
I met other mothers and we had many good times, but I started asking why we had to have charity drives to fund important services other children in the community took for granted.
Regular Inclusive Fundraisers
After our court case and Aaron was finally allowed to go to public school, I got involved in the regular school PTO fundraisers. There were spaghetti dinners, White Elephant sales, Dances, Raffles, Magic Shows, Motorcycle Rides, Bake Sales and saving boxtops, cans… It goes on and on.
I learned about inclusion and realized we didn’t need a “special track team” we only needed an extra support person to help Aaron participate in the regular school track team events with typical junior high kids.
“Disability World” Fundraisers
This led to more committees, grant writing, working for levies for the County Board of Developmental Disabilities as well as the regular local school district.
Other parents got to have jobs and earn money to help their families. I got to be the only non-paid person at numerous committee meetings.
Now, we did some great things that wouldn’t have happened without the volunteer parents. We began after-school clubs and a summer school program so our children would have something to do and not lose all the skills they gained during the school year. We started four non-profit groups and incorporated. Yes, indeedy, sleep would have to wait.
But it never ends.
It is my feeling many of these organizations spend their energy ensuring their own paying jobs and giving lip service to the support of people they are supposed to be serving.
Autism Speaks, March of Dimes, Easter Seals … are currently under fire because one of their main reasons for existence is to raise money to wipe out autism and developmental disabilities. They want a cure for the future and spend much of their funds on sending Medical Doctors to conferences and conducting research.
But what about the people with disabilities who are here now? These professionals, who make good salaries, have their way paid to conferences. Parents, who volunteer, not only pay our own way–we are supposed to donate to send the doctors? Plus, many of their executive directors make big bucks. When I learned what some of the executives of these charities were making–that was it.
When it is all about charity, then it is all about the person who is giving the money. When it is about a person’s life and rights, it is about the person with the disabilities.
There are some large organizations who understand this, but most don’t. Here’s a post on my experience outside my grocery story.
Everyone wants to help babies and young children
I know Aaron’s quality of life was more interesting because of my leadership and volunteer work. But now he is an adult, and there are even fewer opportunities. Babies are cute and helpless and of course, we want to help. But the majority of our lives we are adults. That’s 20 years as a young person and maybe 50–60 years as an adult.
So, I don’t do much volunteering for charitable organizations anymore.
I spend every moment of my life working directly with Aaron, his peers and the caregivers on the front lines. The ones who make little more than minimum wage. The people who take Aaron to the bathroom, cut up his food, take him into the community and clean up his messes. The people who celebrate Aaron’s diversity and think he’s a pretty neat guy. There is no tax write-off, no non-profit. Just people who care and need resources.
Segregated Charity–charity gone wrong
I don’t believe in onetime events like, “People with Disabilities Come to Church Sunday” where the church rents a ramp for the weekend (I couldn’t make this up). I don’t believe in Special Olympic Golf Fundraisers when they won’t let Aaron even ride in the golf cart (“Oh, honey we just raise money for these poor children, we don’t actually want them on the course.”–couldn’t make that up either.) I don’t want Girl Scouts showing up at my door saying they want to play with my child because it is Lent and they have to do penance and they believe in the “hidden Christ” (someday I’ll share the details on that one.)
Rights–not Pity
As Joe Shapiro wrote in his classic book, “NO PITY.” People with disabilities don’t want to be the object of other’s charity. People with disabilities have needs, but they are citizens with rights. They don’t want the handicapped parking place because you have pity on them. They want the handicapped parking place because as a citizen and consumer, they need the extra wide space so they can get out of their car.
And, as an American, I’m proud our country recognizes that right to equal access. I’m proud of each curb cut and each wider door with no steps.
If we really want to help people with disabilities–don’t give them your dimes. Instead, make room in your lives and give your love..and your friendship. That is the best gift and, I believe, closer to the Biblical definition of “charity.”
As I said, this is complicated.
Thoughts?
What are your experiences with charity models? With helping people with disabilities? What does it feel like when you are the giver? When you are the receiver? When do you feel pity? Charitable?
Original post by Mary E. Ulrich on ClimbingEveryMountain
What are Charity and Love? was originally published in It's Your Turn on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
by Mary Ulrich via It's Your Turn - Medium #itsyourturn #altMBA #SethGodin #quotes #inspiration #stories #change #transformation #writers #writing #self #shipping #personaldevelopment #growth #education #marketing #entrepreneurship #leadership #personaldev #wellness #medium #blogging #quoteoftheday #inspirationoftheday
#ItsYourTurn#It's Your Turn#IYT#altMBA#Seth Godin#Inspiration#Stories#Change#Transformation#Blog#Medi
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“Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” - My review
(***WARNING!!! May contain positive opinions!!!!)
I walked into this movie feeling two separate emotions: 1) I was prepared to despise it and whatever downgrade that came along with it. And 2) I still wanted to approach this with as much of an open mind as I could and give it a chance. Apart from the recasting controversy, the surge of downvotes on the film’s trailers on YouTube that surely make A Christmas Story 2 blush (yes, that actually exists), and the scathing reviews it has received on Rotten Tomatoes, you must ask yourself a few questions…does it really warrant the critical thrashing it’s being given? Does it deserve to be shunned away from the rest of the franchise? Is it worth my time just to check it out and see what all the hate is about? Is this just a shameless cash grab to make a quick buck for Fox? Well, let’s dive in and find the answers to these harrowing questions, shall we?
This latest installment in the Wimpy Kid films follows protagonist Greg Heffley (now portrayed by Jason Drucker) and his family getting ready to embark on a family road trip for his grandmother’s 90th birthday. But after a ballpit mishap forever brands Greg as an internet meme known as “Diaper Hands”, our hero decides to use this family trip to his advantage. His plan is to reroute the van GPS to a video game convention so he can meet his favorite YouTuber, an obnoxious, catchphrase-spewing gamer named Mac Digby, and appear in his next video with the hopes that everyone will eventually forget the “Diaper Hands” incident. As the Heffleys hit the road, numerous hijinks ensue, including: another vacationing family with a crazy bearded patriarch who has it out for Greg, faulty car engines, dive-bombing pigeons who have an insatiable hunger for Cheese Puffs, disgusting roach motels, a technology ban that the mother Susan (now played by Alicia Silverstone) reinforces with an iron fist, a baby pig, and several other road movie inconveniences.
Seeing as how multiple DOAWK fans, or at least the ones I’ve come across in my life, can attest to the fact that The Long Haul is one of the weaker books in the series, the fact that they chose to adapt this book for the screen was baffling at best. To pad out the runtime, the screenwriters (one of the them being Jeff Kinney himself) borrow elements from the other books to make everything balance out and have a “cohesive narrative”. For me, the better part of the movie is the last half because that’s where the story gets you hooked and it keeps your interest in just what will happen to these characters on the rest of their journey. It’s the only portion of the film where they feel like they’re a real family and it delivers some heartwarming moments that actually got an “awwww” out of me! The first half is more plodding and meandering, confused on whether or not it should give the characters something funny to say or do and is where a solid chunk of the expected gross-out humor and groaner jokes are, playing out like a Disney Channel recut of the 2015 Vacation reboot/sequel. Be warned, easily disgusted…there’s a barf scene that will literally make you thank the sweet lord that this DOAWK movie was not released in 3D. That doesn’t mean there are ZERO laughs to be found. The comedy is present but is executed awkwardly at times, isn’t exactly up to par with the original movies, and is more scattered and sporadic. You just have to really keep focused to find the particularly humorous moments. Plus, four words: Psycho shower scene homage.
While many fans will disagree, the replacement cast doesn’t really bother me as much as I thought they would (except for a certain rock music-loving older brother in the family but we’ll get to him in a minute). Jason Drucker is aware he’s got some pretty big shoes to fill in taking over the role of Greg but you have to give this kid credit where credit is due. He’s got a bit of a young Zachary Gordon flair reminiscent of Greg in the first DOAWK movie but still manages to make this interpretation of the character something all his own. As for the parents, they aren’t too bad, either. They’re no Rachael Harris and Steve Zahn, but their acting abilities appear to be on both ends of the spectrum. Tom Everett Scott, playing dad Frank Heffley, looks slightly ashamed to be a part of the project but he toughs it out the best he can like a champ, and Alicia Silverstone on the other hand seems like she genuinely had a blast on the set and just enjoyed every second of being there. Bottom line, the brand new cast DOES pale in comparison to the original but they’re decent replacements and don’t half-ass their performances on screen. They were a pleasant surprise.
But then you got Rodrick, played by Charlie Wright. After the trailers were first released, the recasting of Rodrick was what pushed Wimpy Kid fans over the edge. “#NotMyRodrick” was a hashtag that blew up all over social media, resulting in countless upon countless internet memes and edits. I will admit, a lot of those memes are really hilarious. But one would put themselves in denial and figure, “Maybe they’re saving all the funny Rodrick scenes for when the movie comes out but now we’re just saddled with the unfunny material”. But putting the controversy aside, does Charlie Wright do the character any justice? Um…they got that Rodrick is in a band called Löded Diper and likes rock music. That’s really about it. Now, in the books and movies, he obviously isn’t the brightest bulb in the tanning bed but he was still fun. Devon Bostick was clearly going to be a tough act to follow because he brought likability to a character we’re supposed to hate. Plus, he was the original emo dreamboat in many a pre-teen/teen girl’s eye. Wright, however, either over exaggerates his lines or is way too laid back. And even then, he doesn’t really seem to take the role all that seriously and is basically winging it. Out of everyone in the film, they wrote him the laziest by dumbing him down to Patrick Star levels (oh yeah...PATRICK STAR LEVELS!!!) He confuses a hotel safe for a microwave *insert immediate facepalm here*, he literally has the line “We’ve got a pet pig, now that means we’ll get bacon every morning” *insert double facepalm*, eats nine sticks of deep-fried butter only to go on a ride at the country fair and declare “I could totally go for another stick of butter” after PUKING IT ALL UP on said ride, and plenty more but if i list everything, we’ll be here all night. The only “A” for effort he gets is for a freak-out scene near the end of the film and it’s one of the few parts that got me to laugh but I dare not give it away here!
I’m decidedly half-and-half so far, but what are the other elements of The Long Haul that need no nitpicking? The music score and the soundtrack are a lot of fun, the color palette and atmosphere pops off the screen and you feel like you’ve been transported back into the world of Greg Heffley again, and the final scene does get your heart in bizarrely sweet way. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a sucker for that kind of stuff.
My overall thoughts in general?
PROS: Most of the cast is alright, Jason Drucker is a passable Greg Heffley (I think Zachary Gordon would be very proud of him), the soundtrack, the last half is better than the first half because of its heart, only three laugh-out-loud scenes, and its aesthetic certainly feels like a DOAWK film.
CONS: Majority of the comedy comes off as confused and unsure, Charlie Wright as Rodrick (seriously, man, what did they do to your character?), the gross-out humor is too much, most of the jokes fall flat, the first half could’ve been written better, and it somehow feels much longer than the past films but yet it has the shortest runtime out of them all (90 minutes).
FINAL THOUGHTS: I can most definitely understand why critics are tearing this movie apart and why fans would do the same, too. Personally, I’m glad I at least sat down and gave The Long Haul a chance. Is it as great as the original movies? No. But for what it is, it could’ve been waaay worse! Would this have fared better by going direct-to-DVD, done as an animated special for Cartoon Network, or as a Netflix Original Movie rather than be released theatrically? Yes. Is it the trainwreck we all anticipated it’d be? Not really. It’s bad but not horrendous. Am I gonna watch it multiple times like I have with the past films? Nah, one viewing is good enough for me. While it is an unnecessary installment, The Long Haul is harmless and if you watch it only to find yourself loving it, then that’s awesome; it doesn’t make you an idiot or a bad person. It means that at the very least, you were able to find more to love in it than I could. So, if I had to give this a letter grade, let’s make it a “C” or “C-”.
#diary of a wimpy kid#doawk#the long haul#greg heffley#review#me#mine#rodrick heffley#jeff kinney#susan heffley#frank heffley#manny heffley#rowley jefferson#don't hate me everybody#i wanted to give this movie a proper review#dog days#rodrick rules#movie review
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Report of a trip to Japan, September 2016, Buck-Tick related parts
Conversations with Japanese fans, BT cafe, Climax Together 3rd. I know it’s very late. I just want to post something and practice my English. My memories could be wrong.
Osaka, Yousukou Ramen
That small restaurant The Mortal members have been to in 2015. It’s hidden deeply in the streets of Umeda, difficult to find even with the help of Google Map, it was smaller than I thought it to be, there were only about 10 seats, and I wouldn’t say it was very clean inside.
The Ramen was very delicious, I was satisfied with its taste, but one bowl was not enough to fill my stomach at 3pm. Due to nervousness, I didn’t say Acchan-chan’s name.
(On that morning, I had much trouble finding a store called Umeda Loft, then the next day I had much trouble finding the live house Umeda Club Quattro, I guess the Feng Shui of that place does not suit my birth time.)
Tokyo, a hotel
I talked to the staffs of the hotel I lived in. One 20 or 30-something staff knew BT, when another staff who looked around the same age as him asked “What’s that?”, he answered “Old Visual Kei”, then praised my taste in music, “very good, very good. It’s rare (to see girls like me coming to Japan for bands like BT, I guess that’s his meaning)”
Tower Records Kinshicho
The Tower Records famous for a whole shelf of BT stuffs. It’s one the 4th floor (or maybe 3th or 5th I don’t quite remember) of a shopping center which is not faraway from the JR line station. If you want to buy BT’s CDs in Tokyo, I suggest you either go there or Tower Records Shibuya.
At the shrine of Morioka Ken, the boards had not been as full as they were in Cayce’s photos.
Sadly I didn’t have enough money to buy everything, I already bought many records in Osaka and Kyoto, so I only bought Mona Lisa Overdrive, Sabbat, Minus(-)’s D and the only one Togawa Jun album there (in the J-pop section).
Tower Records Cafe in Harajuku
On September 10th, I went to the Tower Records Cafe. I know there would be many people since the next day we shall Climax Together, but I didn’t realize I had to wait for two hours out on the street, but thank for the line of ladies dressed in black I didn’t get lost, okay several gentlemen were there, too, there were 40+ year old ladies in Visual Kei style outfits, 30-something ladies with elegant make up, in normal clothes, there were also JKs younger than me and 30-year-old men who looked just like any Japanese salarymen.
I talked to the nice looking lady behind me. She asked about the official translation of Buck-Tick in Chinese, it’s “花火師”, which means “pyrotechnist, it made her laugh so hard, and no, we rarely use that name.
I introduced her to Tumblr. She laughed again when I searched “Buck-Tick” on Tumblr, photos came out were Acchan, Acchan, and Acchan, “Nothing but Acchan!” Then she introduced Tumblr to her friends on LINE as a place to find many beautiful Acchan pictures.
She started another topic: “Do your parents love Japanese music, too?”
“My mom is Sakamoto Ryuichi-san’s fan.”
“She likes YMO?”
“She hates YMO.”
“Oh, then does she like Buck-Tick?”
“Not really, the only BT songs she likes are Jupiter, Dress and Flame.”
“Anyway,” she said, “I’m glad BT’s songs are liked by Sakamoto-san’s fan.”
It seems Sakamoto Ryuichi and YMO are one rank higher in dignity than all those rock bands.
When I finally got into the Cafe, it’s long past lunch time, I was very hungry. Climax Together 1992 was played on the screen, I felt very difficult to eat my pasta which was not spicy at all despite what was written on their websites while the man I love was singing about despair, pain, madness and desire to die.
Later, friends reported that they waited for 4 whole hours outside the cafe on September 12th, so I’m the lucky one!
Bar Teranga in Ebisu
It’s the bar Imai mentioned in his blog, owned by his wife’s sister Akane, who is also an indie musician. It’s hidden in the streets of Ebisu, on the third floor of a building, with only one tiny signboard outside.
I went there for the evil purpose of examining whether she looked as cute as she was in photos, or it’s photoshop’s doing (I’m not evil enough to think about meeting or stalking BT members, I swear), but I didn’t see her, that night only the male staff Takizawa Ryo was there, he is an indie musician, in 2012, some fans got extremely angry (I’m not sure why) after they found that the BT charity bags were sold at his concerts...but it has already passed, Imai has explained in his blog, Cayce has posted on her blog, so I’ll stop here.
The bar was small, gothic style, there was a wall full of Jrockers’ signatures, including all members of BT, Aki from Sid, Motokatsu, someone from D’erlanger, someone from Merry, Sakurai Ao maybe, and so on, I said “someone” and “maybe” because I couldn’t decipher their signatures which were all so artistically written. Only Shirosaki Jin, the big fanboy and former NO.1 host wrote readable kanjis. I heard there was also one written by Die, of dir en grey, but failed to find it. Aside from signatures, they also used Jrock magazines and BT tour goods as decoration, you can find BT stuffs even in the toilet. The Sakurai Drops box is surprisingly small.
There were three customers when I entered the door, all about 40 years old, two ladies, one gentlemen. I sat down, ordered curry rice and beer in English, the two ladies said “Oh, foreigner?” Then, one of them said:
“But why this bar... Bakuchiku fan?”
“...Yes.” I answered.
They gave me a very warm welcome by screaming and shouting.
“Do you speak Japanese?”
“Only a little.”
“Yokohama Arena?” She tried to speak very slow.
“Yes, but my seat is terrible.”
“Whoo, you come to Japan for a concert!”
“Uh...I came for sightseeing.”
“But your main purpose is the concert, isn’t it?”
And yes.
We talked about BT, Visual Kei and Jpop. “It’s amazing that Japanese music has influence on other countries’ people.” they said. Later, they began talking about baseball, Johnny’s idol groups, and the coming Visual Japan Summit (finally I remember that name).
The curry rice was nice. One of the ladies drank so much High-ball but her face didn’t change a bit, I envy people like her.
I left before all three of them, “Good night! See you tomorrow in Yokohama.” The Japanese fans said.
(Small information:
There is a bar in Minatoku, Tokyo, owned by NAO (BY-SEXUAL) and BT’s former manager Kojima, the name is “Azabu Kyuuban”, or “Azabu NO.9” in English. Many Jrockers had been there, including members of BT, Glay, Plastic Tree, Golden Bomber, Kishidan, Nocturnal Bloodlust and so on. Some BT fans love to go there after the Budoukan show, so if you want to go there that day, too, remember to pre-order.)
Yokohama Arena
There are big “横浜アリーナ” and “Yokohama Arena” words written above an exit of the station, you can follow the ladies in black as well.
I arrived at Yokohama Arena at about 12:30 pm, there was a long, long goods line in the rain, even there were many staffs selling the goods and they were quick, I think I still waited for more than 1.5 hours outside, and when I finally got into the venue, I found there were still many people waiting in front of me. Aku no Hana 2015 remix was played, when Kiss Me Good-bye was over, National Media Boys came, so they must played it for more than once, friends who came later than me reported they heard another album there. I heard almost one Aku no Hana inside the venue, than my turn of buying goods finally came.
It was reported by Japanese fans if you came at 3 pm, you did not need to wait, so I guess at concerts if you don’t want the most popular goods such as Sakurai Drops or Acchan eye masks, it will be better if you don’t come very early.
After buying the goods, same with many fans, I walked to a nearby shopping center, spent two hours there. One oddity was that, when I went to the toilet in the shopping center, everyone waited there was BT fans, I can tell they were fans because all of them wore either BT T-shirts, or typical bangya clothes such as black lace dress and black high heel boots, one of them wore a Mr. Matsumoto guitar print scarf, that famous one with red hearts.
Then back to the venue, people had already lined up for entering. Passersby looked at us curiously.
Since everyone has already watched the WOWOW video, I’d better not say too much about the concert itself, so just a few things:
1. Chandeliers were beautiful.
2. Beside me was a middle aged man, he cried during Jupiter.
3. People clapped their hands during the intro of Dokudanjo, it’s a bit hard to learn.
4. I didn’t realize Imai played Passing Mountain then, feel ashamed.
5. Imai’s guitar was so loud (noisy) that I could barely hear Acchan talking, and it was because Imai’s guitar, not my poor Japanese, Japanese fans have reported same problem.
6. I think you already know that, but the spoken words in Dress are “早く、行かなくちゃ” (I have to go, now).
7. Acchan said: “It must be difficult to see from there, I’m sorry”, then turned the stage light to the stage side and 2nd floor seats, fans who were lit up all waved their hands, screamed in happiness to him. He is a very gentle person indeed.
This year I plan to visit Japan again.
I will go to Fujioka, Gunma to see Imai Shouten. But before that I need to learn more Japanese.
Oh, actually this Gunma-chan (with serious bear) is not the first Gunma-chan.
The original Gunma-chan is this:
#buck-tick#atsushi sakurai#sakurai atsushi#acchan#imai hisashi#hisashi imai#live report#does it count as a live report?#gunma-chan#tower records#ramen#J-rock related bars
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